#My-Personal-Journey

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

[elodieunderglass]

changes and trends in horror-genre films are linked to the anxieties of the culture in its time and place. Vampires are the manifestation of grappling with sexuality; aliens, of foreign influence. Horror from the Cold War is about apathy and annihilation; classic Japanese horror is characterised by “nature’s revenge”; psychological horror plays with anxieties that absorbed its audience, like pregnancy/abortion, mental illness, femininity. Some horror presses on the bruise of being trapped in a situation with upsetting tasks to complete, especially ones that compromise you as a person - reflecting the horrors and anxieties of capitalism etc etc etc. Cosmic horror is slightly out of fashion because our culture is more comfortable with, even wistful for, “the unknown.” Monster horror now has to be aware of itself, as a contingent of people now live in the freedom and comfort of saying “I would willingly, gladly, even preferentially fuck that monster.” But I don’t know much about films or genres: that ground has been covered by cleverer people.

I don’t actually like horror or movies. What interests me at the moment is how horror of the 2020s has an element of perception and paying attention.

Multiple movies in one year discussed monsters that killed you if you perceived them. There are monsters you can’t look at; monsters that kill you instantly if you get their attention. Monsters where you have to be silent, look down, hold still: pray that they pass over you. M Zombies have changed from a hand-waved virus that covers extras in splashy gore, to insidious spores. A disaster film is called Don’t Look Up, a horror film is called Nope. Even trashy nun horror sets up strange premises of keeping your eyes fixed on something as the devil GETS you.

No idea if this is anything. (I haven’t seen any of these things because, unfortunately, I hate them.) Someone who understands better than me could say something clever here, and I hope they do.

But the thing I’m thinking about is what this will look like to the future, as the Victorian sex vampires and Cold War anxieties look to us. I think they’ll have a little sympathy, but they probably won’t. You poor little prey animals, the kids will say, you were awfully afraid of facing up to things, weren’t you?

[thesophistiicate]

pretty hobbies to try 🤍

cooking and baking

gardening

interior design

reading and writing

antique collecting (or collecting in general)

art (drawing, painting, etc)

photography and videography

sewing

embroidery

tea or wine tasting

calligraphy

learning (new music genre, an instrument, a language, art history, philosophy etc)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

With the end of season two comes a second redraw!

[Nov 2022] [June 2023] [June 2024]

[his-kiss-the-riot-starts]

web weave of processing heartbreak

[i-dont-talk-for-days-on-end]

It is tempting to think that Sherlock Holmes was so emotionally repressed and secretive and obviously not great at handling the feelings of others (making Watson believe him dead or dying several times) because his own author did not love him enough. Childhood trauma. Deep in his heart he knew that all the time ACD spent with him he'd rather write about dinosaurs, and that turns a man bitter. And looking at some adaptions I think this is still ongoing - some creators still do not love Sherlock Holmes. They want his name, but they don't want him. Pleeeaaase let Sherlock Holmes be with creators who love himmmmm pleeeeaaaaaase my poor silly little guyyyyyyy

[royaltea000]

POV they just told their da shixiong on you

[babacontainsmultitudes]

RIP Will Campos the only person who was murdered this episode.

[princema-k]

Detective Layton, Case 1: The Living Museum

Our story begins for our detective and her assistant at The Natural History Museum; reports are pouring in from visitors all over that the exhibits have come alive! Dinosaurs walking, artifacts randomly moving, and paintings blinking and melting before everyone's very eyes! Naturally, it's up to the Detective Layton and Emmy to solve the case once and for all. Can they solve the mystery of the Living Museum?!

(au info/flora | emmy)

(PLEASE IGNORE THE FACT I SPELLED MUSEUM WRONG IN THE PIC OK TAHNKS)

[smrvero]

Sorry Sonja. The login screen ruined you for me. (if you know you know)

[ninjahaku21art]

2024 art summary! This year has been incredible art wise, and I hope to continue to grow as an artist in 2025!!

[midnightmah07]

*passes out*

[reksink]

Beloved Residents of Dirtmouth (And Quirrel 👍)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Another year has passed, and with it the opportunity to reflect back on all that has happened. While my growth was not as dramatic as last year, I can still see lots of positive change.

I'll never have enough ways to say thank you for all the love and support you have given me this year. On to 2025!

(2023 summary here!)

[thesophistiicate]

how to build self worth: keep the promises you make to yourself. if you're not going to follow through, stop saying you'll do it. stop saying you're going to exercise daily if you aren't going to keep your word. either say, 'i'm going to do my best to exercise as much as i can, but i'm not at a place to be rigid about it yet' or hold yourself to it. if you do the latter but can't keep it up, there's no need to force it. just introduce compassion: 'i tried my best but it's not working for me right now and that's okay. moving forward i'll do what i can.'

you need to be able to trust yourself. when you constantly break promises to yourself you destroy your self worth. could you build a life with somebody you don't trust? somebody who never holds their word? who is full of big promises and nothing to show for it? ...yet this is what you do to yourself.

raise the standard, you deserve better. you need to keep your promises.

[mushyooms]

a space odyssey x the odyssey crossover sketchpage cause WHY NOT