#My impulsive thoughts told me to do this 😭

[roxanneslosteyes]

This is why you need to take away my tablet... 😞

I want to deeply apologise for the cuphead and that's not my neighbor fandom for this creation... 😭

[xx-your-new-obsession-xx]

Jfc could this day get any more idiotic 🤦🏻‍♀️🙈

[secriden]

*cracks knuckles* Okay lets talk about the elephant in the room: Style going to the support group for those who've suffered loss and telling what appears to be a fake story about losing his pet dog.

I'm going to point out a few things that I think provide a framework for Style's actions here. Not because I think it excuses what he did, but because I think a nuanced read is what the character deserves.

Point 1: An irresistible opportunity

The subs put the "Support Group for Loss" on the image in the notebook, but I'm not sure there's anything to suggest that Style would've known that was what this image represents until he showed up and saw the sign on top of the door.

In episode 2, Bison says, "He plans everything down from years, months, weeks to days" and then tells Kant:

So Style is literally just going to addresses/locations at given days and times, potentially not knowing what to expect. And as much as Fadel is certainly attending this meeting as a response to having that heartbreaking flashback (😭), this is also something he attends regularly and has planned to attend way in advance. So Style has no reason to think Fadel is attending this meeting because of a recent resurfacing of his pain.

What we, the audience, and what the characters know are very different things.

Now, should Style have turned his cute ass right around once he realised what this meeting was? Of course he should. But that wouldn't have been true to Style's character. We've been told by his best friend that he is "crazy" and been shown repeatedly that he lives right up to that description.

Style is impulsive. He's all base instinct and he acts on his desires without thought or contemplation. And by this point he is desperate for a deeper connection with Fadel. He's fascinated, captivated by the mystery that is Fadel and this is an excellent opportunity to finally see behind the wall Fadel so carefully maintains.

When Style sees the sign above the door, Style looks at the notebook (which, again, shows nothing but people sitting in a circle with the words RISE UP) like he's just realising what it means. He then gets this amused, almost rueful look on his face (like he's thinking "am I really going to do this?") before it shifts to determination and he walks through the door.

(My soul for the ability to once again gif something because FUCK Dunk is doing SO MUCH in this show!!)

To Style, this is just too good of an opportunity to give up.

Because let's be real, Fadel is so clearly lying and hiding something:

Fadel is shady as FUCK. He is simultaneously actually a really good cook (Style finally tries his burger so he knows, now), and also has the skills to work at a strip host club, and also can take on 3 guys in a fight, and also can break a man's arm with his thighs. Can you honestly blame Style for losing his mind just a little bit about wanting to get his hands on something, anything, to figure this man out?

Style is being absolutely consistent in his persistence to understand Fadel. This isn't about the car or about finally 'winning' the fight (thank you @airenyah for giving such a detailed framework to understand what Style's been doing until this point) anymore. This is about Style wanting to know Fadel himself.

Point 2: The potential implications of the setting

Now, what might give us a bit of insight as to why Style is this way? I have a theory (albeit one that could prove to be very wrong, but hear me out). I think this whole entire show is set in what could potentially be quite a small town/suburb.

There's a few things that make this theory plausible:

(1) Fadel and Bison are in hiding after Bison blew their previous cover. They're probably on the run from some section of the authorities and so it makes sense to settle in a quiet/out of the way place.

(2) Style seems to be really familiar with the people in the area. Like he grew up there and its the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone is in everyone else's business.

(3) Style is clearly the darling of the market aunties and uncles.

Style just lost her a sale and potentially a loyal customer, and she's still rooting for him? In episode 2, when Style asks the uncle to let him borrow his cart, it takes nothing but his word for the uncle to give Style his entire cart of produce for his ridiculous scheme.

Style is so clearly someone they all know well and have great affection for, and a very plausible explanation for this is that they all watched him grow up and the entire market (town/village) is fond of him.

And honestly?? Yeah, we see the way Style is actually quite sweet in that careless, guileless, thoughtless way. He goes the extra mile to fix his mistake with Fadel by replacing his car parts for free in episode 1. He helps out by taking orders in episode 2 without being asked and takes it seriously. In episode 3, he tries to drive more business to Fadel's store (bless him, he so clearly does NOT understand how restaurants work, but he MEANS well!!), and can we all acknowledge that it works?? He understands how to appeal to potential customers in the area because he knows the people there. It's not (entirely) his fault that Fadel wasn't remotely prepared for an actual rush crowd and Bison was off getting kinky with Kant and not doing his (fake) job. He is so clear about not judging Fadel's host job and tries his hardest to help him (to absolutely NO effect, but still) when the 3 guys gang up on Fadel.

Style is so loved and more importantly so very loveable.

Point 3: What this could mean for Style's character

So, potentially, Style is someone who grew up in a small town, who has been well loved, potentially spoiled and coddled, but also very much kept within the confines of the narrow viewpoint that a quiet, country town places on you.

It's in the way his dad scolds him as if he was still a child when he's at least in his mid to late 20s. It's in the way Style was so mad at Fadel for scolding him ("thanks for the lecture, dad"), like that hit a sore point for Style. It's in the way no one in the market takes him seriously; they're fond, but he's still a kid in their eyes. It's in the way he has an abundance of free time like he doesn't REALLY need to work at his dad's shop. It's in the way he sees Fadel beat 3 guys up with ease, starts wondering if Fadel is an assassin or a hitman, and is completely unfazed like he doesn't quite have a handle on reality.

It's in the way his best friend is a man who has no qualms about lying to him and putting his life in danger, and how Style seems to have no other friends or people (aside from his dad) in his life.

@wuxian-vs-wangji made a comment to me about Style being desperate for a meaningful connection, and I think she hit the nail on the head. Because along comes Fadel, a mysterious stranger with a suspiciously versatile set of skills who is also very hot and keeps giving Style these wonderfully complex reactions? Who sometimes wants nothing to do with Style, but at other times seems to be at war within himself about desperately wanting him? Who treats Style with anything but apathy?

This is catnip to Style; he never had any hope of resisting this.

Breaking news: Style is a complex and imperfect character...

Here's the thing, though: he was never going to try. The show has been incredibly upfront about who Style is as a person. Regardless of whether I'm correct about why he is this way (ie. that he is very much the product of the environment that didn't know how to handle a kid with Style's personality), episode 3 shouldn't have surprised anyone about Style. He's been incredibly consistent and true to himself.

He wants Fadel and he's "crazy" enough to go all in, no holds barred about it, and the Support Group was the biggest doorway to finally discovering something REAL about Fadel.

And its not just about sex or to prove his superiority anymore. Because if it was just that, then Style would have reacted very differently to their first time.

In this scene, Style is pleased and evidently enjoying himself, but he isn't exuberant. He isn't overcome with joy. If anything, he was more happy and excited when Fadel let him help out in the diner (I mentioned this in the tags in this post too) than he was when Fadel is literally fucking him. He lets Fadel set the pace; barely moves to touch Fadel except to hold him close. Almost like he doesn't want to accidentally mess this up, like he's worried he'll take too much, so he'll take what Fadel gives him and no more (please appreciate @braceletofteeth's amazing tags on this post). For a character that has been so aggressively on the offensive, this is shocking until you realise that sleeping with Fadel - while it's a step in the right direction - isn't Style's end goal anymore.

And he makes that abundantly clear in this episode:

Does Style even fully realise the weight of this desire? I doubt it. But I do believe that Style is in earnest. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings, but he also doesn't really care to either. All he knows is that he wants Fadel, wants his attention and his passion and his focus and his heart.

...but Style is also kind of, sort of, perfect.

Because he's exactly, precisely, breathtakingly exactly what Fadel needs.

Because Fadel is hurt and broken and bleeding inside. Because Fadel is barely holding it all together for Bison's sake, but has already given up hope for any true happiness for himself. Because Fadel can't trust anyone or anything in his life, when he's been used and used and used by the family who should've loved and cared and protected him.

Because it's going to take nothing short of this kind of unwavering, unshakable, uncomplicated determination to give Fadel even a chance of healing and opening his heart to love again.

[leonw4nter]

trying to come up with something to write for leon and my mind conjured up this beauty... i remember someone from somewhere asking what job would leon do if he wasn't a cop + caught up in the raccoon city incident... and my first thought was him being an ASMRtist 😭 i discarded the idea though coz he would not be tapping on things near a microphone for a living... but boy do i think he'd look great doing that :3 walk with me now :3

so let's say pre-RE2 leon decides to do something on the side to pay for expenses and a friend (rebecca maybe) recommends doing youtube and he's like "eh..." coz number one: he's batshit at games and number two: he doesn't know how to edit and then she brings up asmr-- now this makes him think. he's watched asmr before: stuff to help him sleep, to help him focus while studying, or if he's sick and wants to listen to something soothing. he's got a mic lying around, an impulsive purchase when he was in that one phase of his life where he wanted to do lowkey thirst traps while playing a basic song on his guitar (he only knows how to play his favorite parts in songs). never got around to using it daily or post the thirst traps he made, he didn't like the way his voice sounded.

he considers the idea and tries it out. he makes an alternate google account to start his youtube channel on and makes a name (highly likely its something like [Insert adjectives synonymous to calm]ASMR. since he doesn't want people around campus or people who know him to recognize him online, he decided to film showing only his neck down. he does simple editing like cutting out parts then posts it with some title like "ASMR for guaranteed relaxation". after doing it for quite some time, he's got a following that's not too big but pretty impressive for him and he actually likes it. he gets the courage to show his channel to rebecca with the promise that she keeps it secret and she giggles because the comments are just

"raw, next question."

"he looks like he whimpers"

"i knew you'd check the comments like a good boy"

"you should join a band called 'being my husband'"

and she shows them to leon and he's just SHOCKED. like majority of his audience are women that are thirsting over him and are asking for WHIMPER AUDIOS 😭😭 [me]. he's flustered and flattered over it, surprised that the reception to this experimental little thing is positive then he posts a video celebrating some milestone like 1.5K subscribers and the comments are flooded with "OIL UP AT 2K" or "pls make a video where you call us good girl" and he's just floored with everyone's lack of decorum at his comments section but he's thankful that he's well-supported.

OH AND THE DAY HE DOES THOSE BODY TAPPING ASMR VIDS WILL BE WORLD-ENDING. like he opts to wear a t-shirt instead of his usual sweatshirts or hoodies and the comments are either about wanting to bite his bicep, gooning, or "i told my parents about us" OR "reject me so i can move on already". might even see an edit of him on YT shorts idk...

okie dokie that's it :D 👍i want asmrtist leon kennedy send tweet

pompompurin dividers by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[sharkboywrites]

Haayyy >__0 if your rqs are open I'd looove to see another floyd x male reader fic... I would love to see some hurt/comfort stuff around floyd's bpd getting in the way of him finally having a meaningful relationship, n the reader comforting him about it. If you could somehow imply that the reader is trans. and autistic. that would be cool !! but it is opt. ^_^

floyd bpd is a major hc of mine and I hardly see anyone actually pointing it out or writing about it ... that stuff's gotta be done!! he's bpdtastic!! and no one gaf 😭😭😭!!!!!

Tough Times

Bpd Floyd x Trans autistic reader

A/N: Hii! So to be completely honest I don’t really know everything about bpd, although I suspect I may have it but that’s unrelated, but I’ll try my best to write it. Please correct me if I get anything wrong! Also I’ll try to fit in the reader’s own traits but I might have a bit of trouble with it

Trans reader, autistic reader, Floyd had bpd

Floyd was hard to deal with for most people

Most people thought he was too crazy, too quick to change his emotions, and was completely unpredictable and dangerous.

You weren’t most people though.

While Floyd did have his quirks, you still love him, the two of you were practically inseparable. Like seriously, it started to become odd to see one of you without the other.

Although, while you two still loved each other, sometimes it would be hard. Each episode either of you had would cause a problem in your relationship, whether it be your dysphoria or meltdowns, or Floyd’s sudden mood changes and impulsive behavior.

It hurt Floyd more than he’d ever wanted to let you know.

He really hated the way he acted, the way it caused problems between the two of you, the way he would get you into trouble along with him whenever he was impulsive.

Having these feelings just made things worse for him. The more he tried to shove it down, the worse his mood swings would get. One moment he’d be clinging to you like if he’d die if he let you go, and the next he’d be avoiding you like the plague, doing stuff that would get him into trouble.

It worried you. You knew something was wrong with the way he was acting, but you weren’t sure how to address it with him right.

During the next time he was with you, you decided it would be the best time to try and talk to him about it. You sat him down in your dorm room and gently caressed his hand as you told him what you felt was wrong.

His emotions were everywhere. One moments he was upset and crying, the next angry and yelling, mostly at himself, but in the end he was able to tell you what was wrong.

You held him closely, assuring him that even though he had these problems, you were always there for him. You weren’t going to leave him over this, that the two of you could always talk it out, just like the way you did during your own episodes.

For the next few days you made sure to shower him in affection, staying by his side almost all day, giving him treats, and reinforcing how much you love him. Your actions were reassuring to him, and while he still had some complicated feelings, you were helping to make him feel much better.

Sometimes things may be hard between the two of you, you both have your problems, but at the end of the day you both love each other, and both of you will always do your best to not let that get in the way.

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry again for the long ass updates I shall stop unless I get pregnant lmao.

speaking of, have more faith in me 😭 Ive been playing it mostly safe. kinda. I don't have to stop smoking and i dont want to 😒 and all this is mostly reversible unless he gets me pregnant, so I'm a lil more cautious. and im not pregnant i checked a few days ago, not because of a pregnancy scare but just paranoia lol im definitely a dumb whore tho. we've discovered he has a breeding kink. LMAO. lol. im so fucked

anyway so, as it turns out I was right about lacking self control.

he went on a camping trip for a few days, and i was really pent uppp and so was he lol. and when i came over to his place, almost immediately horny brain took over. we just started kissing on the couch, and took it to his room. thankfully his roommates still on holiday. i got so desperate and pathetic, i begged him to fuck me even though no iud yet. he was definitely enthusiastic lol. he only took his pants off enough to take his cock out. he also ripped my panties 😒 he went to grab a condom from the night stand,

he was like "gotta play it safe now aha" and i was like

"no. go bare. 🗿"

he didn't even question it, i was so wet and i felt how easily his cock slid on me before entering.

he only ever went raw a handful of times even before my failed vow of celibacy. since he thought it was dumb for me to get plan B even if he swore he didn't cum at all in me. other than that one time. he'd tell me when he's close, and immediately pull out to finish on me.

but this time it was so primal, being skin to skin and that bare and close was insane. he had a hand on my hip, and he'd basically pull me back down on his cock but fuck lol it just felt so strong. we stopped at one point, i was still all the way on his cock and on top of his lap but no riding. is that cockwarming?

idk but I want to do it again. i felt his dick like. move inside of me during that. all we did was make out but it was way too hot.

anyway, he pushed me on my back and told me he was close, as predicted, I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me.

i told him to get me pregnant 😭

i wasn't thinking properly and I got scared immediately after saying it. i was worried it was gonna put him out of the mood but it did the opposite 😭😭 he asked smth like "oh, you wanna have my kids?" and omfg he kept mumbling about it. telling me to take it all deep, telling me hes gonna get me pregnant.

i came so hard, and only with penetration. it was such a weird feeling, and before i could become rational and tell him its just a prank. pull out. it was over, he came in me while mumbling about knocking me up 😭😭 i was short circuiting lol. and it was different than last time. it felt more shakey, and he kept doing these small thrusts after I think most of his cum was already pressed deep, and then he just settled all in me. he was soft by the time he pulled out, i was way too hazed out ngl

he came a lot. some started to drip down when he pulled out, and i felt him finger it back in me.

he said he didnt nut the whole trip, and was saving his cum for me. he knew id be too horny and impulsive to make good decisions. 😒.

as it turns out, he has a big thing for breeding, but was scared to tell me incase i took it a bad way.

im terrified of having a partner who gets off on the idea of getting me pregnant but I can't stay away.

i complained that id have to wake up so early to run out and get plan B, and buying it will be expensive.

so he told me to just not get it then. and I'm like .. well .. I'm not on any birth control and im full of cum .. like maybe risking it be a bad idea. ironically, like you had once suggested, he suggested I leave it up to chance.

I did take plan B after. twice lol. im still really anxious, but incredibly horny and I didn't know both could exist at once

he's arrogant now too. ill go over after work and when we're about to fuck, ill ask him to wrap it. and he's like "nah, don't feel like it tonight". he also threw out his condoms. but even if i bring my own he doesn't use them 😒

my birthcontrol method was to start riding him when he's about to get close, and pull off before he's about to cum. but he caught on and now just grinds me down on him as he's cumming

i told him about my detrans kink and he leans heavyy in it. or he probably is just an actual straight man. he reminds me daily that he can't believe i ever thought i was a boy. he doesnt even say it in a kinky way like he just means it. lol :/

im pretty much always thinking about it. everytime he finishes in me, im stuck dripping his cum for two days, and im still paranoid that ill be carrying more than just his cum from this blip up lol. and also, you taught me more about post nut clarity right. he told me to risk it maybe half an hour after he came. surely hed have post nut clarity and not actually want a baby, right?its weird to feel fear and horny at the same time.

(Previously)

have more faith in me 😭

-

I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me. i told him to get me pregnant 😭

Oh, I certainly have faith in you, Anon. I know you're going to do just what you're supposed to. 🖤

Come on, sweetheart. Do you really expect to make it out of this without him putting a baby in you? You begged for him to knock you up, took a week's worth of his cum in your unprotected pussy, and then just lay there blissed out and hazy while he made sure every drop ended up inside you.

Sure, you took Plan B afterwards. But now he knows what kind of girl you are, and that you won't stop him from keeping you full of his cum. Sooner or later, you'll be ovulating, and you'll conceive for him.

And that makes you dripping wet, doesn't it? Knowing that your straight boyfriend, who never thought of you as anything except a girl, is doing his damnedest to give you a baby bump. That you already came off T for him, and now you're taking his load in your fertile pussy whenever he tells you to.

When the day of your IUD appointment comes, I hope he just holds you down and fucks his cum into you, instead of letting you go. Clearly, he'd be justified: you can't possibly claim to be a reliable source on what you really want.

You thought you wanted to be a boy, but you eagerly turned back into a girl the minute a straight man got his cock into you. You thought you wanted to be safe, and then you begged for him to knock you up. Hell, you thought Zyns were worth whoring yourself out for, and you don't even like them. Why should he think that not wanting to have his babies is the one way you really know your mind?

[astropookie]

astro observations that i founded in my notes

*birth chart placements

star dream

taurus moon: they’re so CALM and so comforting. my histrionic energy 🤪 at first didn’t understand but just accept it. Sometimes I have the urge to smack them or shake their shoulders so they can “wake up”. They seem high, in a way they seem to accept things as how they come -but I really doubt it- (it’ll resonate more on the ones with mercury 12H at pisces degree) -I only know them for like 2 weeks-. THEY LOOK SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE OR CALM. When they’re panicking they don’t rise their voice BUT I’ve seen another taurus moon with a lot of cancer and Leo placements that’s the total opposite - I wanted to point it out bc it surprised me how tf they look so in tune with everything but at the same time their expression say otherwise-. UPDATE: she left. And that makes me wanna point out another thing. (she also has a pisces rising) —->

Pisces risings ALWAYS -idk how to bring this up- make their actions seem irresponsable or the situations they go trough are really unexpected. The other day, out of nowhere, a friend disappeared and told me she wasn’t going to stay. She didn’t specified anything. Too suden. They act or -I want to believe- their life makes them take decisions that can seem irresponsable, impulsive or egoist. I knew her for fourth weeks and then she disappeared, not specifying what was the situation. Everyone was asking me what happened and she left me the weight? the responsibility of telling everyone something I couldn’t tell (bc she told me it was a secret and I didn’t told them exactly). My ex best friend is a pisces rising and he always made decisions that affected not only him but their loved ones in a devastating way. He always passed the barrier of limits only bc he wanted and he could. He knew how much weight the situations held and even knowing that he minimized them. I’m not saying every pisces rising is like that. BC THEYRE NOT. Don’t generalize or take my observation as a way of justifying others actions. It’s complex. That’s based on what I observed, it’s completely subjective. So pls don’t take advantage of this and benefit yourself to hate on others. UPDATE: She changed careers, to major in communication to medicine. THAT’S A WHOLE CHANGE. SHE JUST TOLD ME. (with majority of air elements)

I’ve noticed that pisces risings are always questioning if they look good physically. They ask “Do I look good?” and if you say yes, they’ll be like “What do you mean that I look good? Specify. Do I look good meh or do I look good good?”

If you order an Aquarius and Capricorn prominent person, they will not do what you ordered them. They don’t like to be told what to do, to not be able to process and question that order and simply bc you’re telling them what to do, you’re demanding them. They only can do THAT -order people-, if you’re not informed 🙄

oN tHE otHeR hAnD, if you order a Sagittarius prominent person to do something they will not do it but not bc they’re mad at you, like the case of Saturn rulers. No, they’ll not do it. They’ll joke about it and ignore it bc they don’t feel free, to not be allowed or able to choose and the most important thing: bc they can.

The life of people with Venus 7H turns around relationships, romantic relationships? A really lovely friend I have always suffer bc he gives too much of his energy on relationships, friendships, every type/aspect. He came out of his almost 2 years relationship -he was very mature about it, also he was really broken when it happened obviously but he knew how to overcome it and im proud of him 😭-, now, time have passed but not too much -I’m not judging him. I didn’t thought about it till now, 3-2 months😟🤪😚- and he already told me he is starting to like someone and that he kissed her and I’m proud of him BUT HOW TF YOU LIKE SOMEONE SO EASILY AND START SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE IN A ROMANTIC PURE WAY. IM LITERALLY SAYING ROMANTIC BC HES REALLY LOYAL, ALWAYS THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT THEIR PARTNER/LOVED ONES ETC. I FUCKING BLOCK ALL MY FEELINGS LIKE HOW DO YOU ENTER A SOMETHING SMOOTHLY WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF THINKING THAT YOU CANT HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION OR AAAAAAA

I think I know why my friend with scorpio moon don’t like my other friend with moon and mercury 12H. Scorpio always likes to control the situation, what’s happening, to know everything and to everyone to know nothing but what they want others to know -except for their loved ones?no-. 12H is synonym of “hidden”, they always hide something…-traumatic- that a scorpio may find it often uncomfortable. Why? They don’t know what’s happening easily, they know the other is hiding something. They can’t control it. They have to make an effort. They don’t like when people on purpose hide something. Scorpio moons are intuitive ASF. They don’t like your fake smile. My scorpio moon friend told me “I don’t like her. She hides something” and yes, my mercury/moon 12H friend does. She is always smiling and daydreaming, she’s not direct. She told me about her past situations that were certainly traumatic, there were a lot of changes in her life and my scorpio moon friend knows she hides THAT something.

—��—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[m3ntally-unstable]

can you write a drew starkey x fem!reader imagine where drew has a crush on the reader and he has for a while, but he doesn't think the reader likes him back until one day he like drunk confesses or just impulsively tells her? <3

A/N : Yes I will try (I’ve never written before) I’m sorry I’m so late on this I’m just so nervous to write stuff 😭😭

I love you..

Drew starky x fem!Reader

Warnings:- drinking,use of y/n , drew being drunk most of the time, some insta posts (tell me if I’m missing anything.)

__________________________________________

having a well-known acting career and appearing in TV series such as Vampire Diaries, Stranger Things, and Ginny and Georgia, I've had my fair share of romantic relationships and crushes on coworkers.

I have had both positive and negative emotions from every person I have dated. Nonetheless I still have a lot of my partners as friends, though.

When I got casted on outerbanks, I was already working on a project which required all of my time in another state in a whole ,leading to me having to decline the role.

After finishing said project , and sulking over not excepting the offer i got a call from my agent telling me that I was getting handed a role,a really good one .No audition needed. As the love interest of a rich playboy (wonder who that is).

———//———//———//———//———//———//—

“What exactly is the show again?…” I asked annoyed that I was being disturbed from my beauty sleep.

“Firstly I never told you aaand secondly it’s for.. outerbanks!”

What.

The show I declined? The show that made me regret doing my previous project instead of it? The show where my college crush- AHEM. right where was I

“Hellooo? You there y/n?..”

“Uhhh yeah sorry. You can call back and say yes”

“I already did. I was just telling you”

“Wow oka-“

——————————————————————-

Originally I believed that when I joined the cast of the outerbanks drew starkey would forget about me, but judging off of the happy smile on his face when he saw me or how his eyes softened when I talked about something I was interested in told me otherwise. I was finally gonna tell him. Tell him I l-

Actually I just shouldn’t go! Yeah. Why face the embarrassment of drew not feeling same! Yeah that’s smar-

Ting!

Madisyn bby

Girl, we need to go shopping for

Dresses ASAP . It’s already 3

And the party IS AT 9

You

Woah woah ok I’ll

Meet you out in 5😭

Madisyn bby

That’s what I thought

You

Yeah yeah 😒

Madisyn bby

GET READY!!

Read 12:45

__________________________________________

“Ok , red or black?” I asked with hesitation on the choices i had just tried on. “Definitely black girl, you look so hot” madisyn replied “maybe match it with some green?” Elaine said “that would look so good” Maddie added with a wink towards Elaine.

“Hey hey what’s up with the winking” I asked panicked “oh you know just Drew’s favourite colour..” madisyn mumbled out. I felt my eye twitching at the three of them I felt the heat rise up to my cheeks

“god you guys” I blushed and ran into the changing room soon hearing the laughter of the 3 girls.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed girlie pop” Elaine teased “easy for you to say your already dating someone ” I whined

———————————————————————Elameeeee

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elameeeee had too much fun shopping with my girls for season wrap party

Y/nuser I will find you.

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As soon as I walked into the venue of the party the only that came to mind was my insecurities. Would Drew ever like someone like me? Someone who isn’t as pretty as his ex’s?

Instead of overthinking maybe I should just drink it away .yeah that sounds goo-

“Y/N!”

God what is with people and interrupting me today?! I turned around and looked around not seeing anyone who seemed to be calling my name

“Over here!” I turned a bit to the right and saw

Drew.

Oh my. No no no. I’m not ready yet I was still in the middle of overthinking.

He came running up to me with the cutest grin on his face “hey.” He said out of breath “hi Drew” I responded while looking down because I could feel the blood rushing up.

“You- uh you look beautiful ” he stuttered out after actually taking a good look at my dress. If I wasn’t blushing earlier I sure am now.

“You don’t look half-bad yourself starkey” I giggled out trying to regain my confidence.

I couldn’t help but notice the small blush spread across his face after hearing my comment. God that’s so embarrassing, why did I even say that.

“DREW MY MAN!” I hear non other than Rudy come up. Rudy was nice , I saw him as my best friend, like a brother, Rudy and I were two pods in a pea, me and him grew up together in Atlanta and only moved apart because of high school, we still often texted and chatted but it never felt the same as being with him in person

“RUDY!” I squealed

“Y/n!” He rushed into my arms and pulled me into his into his tight embrace “oh my god , I missed you so much”

He chuckled “I missed you too n/n” he pulled back “look at you, miss hell on wheels”

“You guys know eachother?” Drew asked “yeah, me and Rudy grew up together” I responded Rudy agreeing with me “oh okay..”

“So um let’s head inside?”

———————————————————————

It was currently 1:25 am and observing how everyone was almost knocked out , except for jd and me obviously, who else was going to take care of them?

“I’ll order a Uber for Rudy and Elaine , you should stay with drew,the girls and me , it’s not a problem” JD offered

“Yeah That’d be great , thank you jd” he nodded

Now , the biggest challenge of all, getting them back to the apartment. Sigh, why am I even here.

“Drew come on , let’s go”

“Ughnnn, no I don’t wanna” he wrapped his arms around my waist and stared into my eyes

“Drew-” he put his head into the crook of my neck. God I can feel his breath. It’s okay , just get him back to the apartment and done

“Y/n Come on let’s go!” JD honked from the car

“Come on drew” I practically dragged him out, but what surprised me that he didn’t let go. “Drew let go”

“Nghhhh” he somehow just cuddled in deeper to me

This is going to be a long night.

———————————————————————

Having to drag this 80kg man down a hallway into a bed is like doing bodybuilding.

“Come on Drew go to bed”

“Don’t leaveeeee” he whined

I sighed out of frustration, “okay cmon big boy let’s go to bed” I stepped into bed and stayed on my side of the bed, not wanting it to be awkward.

He tried wrapping his arms around me “heyyy, come closer”

“Drew what has gotten into you” I mumbled, as he wrapped his arms around my waist and stuffed his head into the crook of my neck like earlier today

“You know drew im so gonna make fun o-”

“Do you and Rudy have something going on” he spoke clearly for the first time that night.

WHAT?!

“What are you on about drew.” He still waited for a response “no!” He sighed like he was holding his breath and leaned back into my shoulder.

“I love you” his voice came muffled but , I knew what he said, if it wasn’t so dark , he would’ve seen how red I’d become just from that one comment

“Drew come on your drunk-”

He lifted his head “I mean it.”

Oh my god. Is the world spinning? I can’t breathe!. Okay , no calm, he’s drunk he doesn’t mean it. Your okay yea-

Suddenly I felt lips on mine, it took me a moment to realise what was happening and I kissed back. no this is wrong, I pulled away

“Drew we can’t do this.. not again”

“Y/n , I know you feel it, please.”

I paused thinking of what to say , hearing him plead with his puppy eyes under the moonlight was intoxicating

“Drew your drunk, I won’t do anything, until I know you mean it”

Drew didn’t respond, he slowly made a Noice of confirmation and understood where I was coming from and put his head back down to its original position.

I knew he wasn’t sleeping but it was peaceful knowing we were just lying there. I felt my eyes get heavy but before I let slumber take me I said

“Hey drew..”

“Hmm”

“Tell me that again tomorrow”

I felt him smile against my neck and muzzle into me more

“Ofcourse”

———————————————————————-

The next morning , i woke up with Drew still having his arms wrapped around me and a particular instagram post that made me actually realised what was happening

Rudeth

Liked by madisynBaileybabe and 286492962 others

Rudeth saves this wiles you can people , before y/n wakes up and kills me #y/drew

@y/nuser and @drewstarkey

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Not proofread

[starryriize]

— ✧ • ˳೫˚ part of my valentine event!

೫ pairing: bf!wonbin and gf!reader

೫ summary: you and wonbin spend the entire night making pizzas

೫ genre/word count: really fluffy and cute! 761 words!

೫ author’s notes: stop i love this sm 😭 this is peak love to me fr :(( making food esp pizza >>>> (why do i feel like i could’ve made this so much better fr)

The smell of rosemary and thyme mixed with the aroma of fresh dough filled the entire kitchen,  reminding you of your childhood in your grandma’s home. The idea of making pizza was your boyfriend’s, so he called your dad to ask for his iconic family recipe. He’d given Wonbin the list of ingredients, emphasizing over the phone that he could not forget the most important ingredient: love. “I once made pizza without love and it tasted terrible! So, don’t forget it!” Your dad’s enthusiastic voice echoed in Wonbin’s mind. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, he thought to himself. 

“Y/n! Could you get the flour too, please?” You poke your head out from the pantry, hands filled with various herbs, spices, and of course, tomato sauce. You laugh, putting the ingredients on the countertop. "Sure, love." Flashing a smile at you, he thanks you, carefully adding the flour in. He gestures for you to come next to him, holding his dough-covered hand out for you to grab. You giggle, taking his hand, eyes flicking upward at his face. Removing his hand from yours, he wraps both his arms around your waist, lightly lifting you to sit atop the counter. After placing you down, he goes back to the dough, kneading it lightly.

Turning to look at the dough, you notice the marinara sauce jar is open. So, impulsively, you reach down, dipping your finger in the sauce and wiping it on your lips. "Look honey, do you like my new lipstick?" You wiggle your eyebrows at him, excitedly pointing at your lips. Wonbin lets go of the dough ball, turning to look at you. Throwing his head back in laughter, he leans over, staring at you intently. His eyes flick from your eyes to your marinara sauce-covered lips, resisting the urge to kiss the sauce off of you.

"Yes. It's a pretty red on you." Wonbin softly whispers, leaning in and giving in to his urge to kiss you. It was a soft kiss, like something out of a movie scene. It was in this moment, as he pulled away, that he knew. You were his future. Smiling, he says, “I need to finish the pizza, love. The dough has to prove for an hour or so.” You feel the heat on your cheeks rising as a small smile grows on your face.

Atop the countertop, you had the opportunity to admire your boyfriend as he focused on slicing mozzarella cheese. Taking a small piece, you bring it up to his mouth. Knowing what you wanted, he opened his mouth, letting you feed him tiny pieces of the cheese on the cutting board. “Mmphm-,” he paused, chewing before continuing, “you do realize that I have to use these for the pizza, right love?” You giggle mischievously, flashing a threatening smirk at him. You knew you didn’t look threatening, not with the flour all over you and the residue of dough on your face and shirt.

“You’re not scary, y/n.” He rolls his eyes, pressing a soft kiss on the crown of your head before turning to the dough, carefully removing it from the proving bowl. It smelled amazing, just like how your dad told him. He must’ve made it with love, you think quietly to yourself.

Grabbing two rolling pins, he divides the dough into equal portions, handing you a portion to make into your own heart pizza. “Could you pass me some oil, please?” He nods, momentarily pausing, rolling out his pizza to pass you the oil. He watches in admiration and pure love as you spread oil on the pan itself as well as the bottom of the pizza dough. Taking your hands, you carefully shape the edges and creases, forming it into a medium sized heart.

“I love you.” He whispers out, surprised by how soft his voice sounded even though it was just the two of you in your shared apartment. You giggle, sighing softly, replying, “I love you more.” He smiles, continuing to make his dough look more heart shaped, quietly spreading the sauce and adding some shredded cheese. You put the mozzarella that you’d previously been feeding to your boyfriend, onto your own pizza.

Handing the pizza to your boyfriend, you can watch eagerly as he puts them both in the oven, asking for a 45 minute timer from Siri. The two of you shared more kisses and soft laughter that night as you enjoyed the pizzas you’d both made with love. Your dad was right. Pizza does taste better when it’s made with love.

[somewhereinneptune]

Astrology Observations II

Note : these are based on experiences and personal observations. Observations mentioned may not accurately apply to everyone 🩷

🫀Someone's life path number could be the number which is strongly tied to that person's signature sign in their chart, either being the number of the house that originally rules their signature sign or a characteristic that is tied with that signature sign.

Examples: My signature sign is Aquarius and I'm a life path number 9 , life Path 9 is associated with being the humanitarian and serving the collective

My mother is a life path 3 and her signature sign is Gemini , which is originally ruled by the 3rd house. My brother is a life path 6 and his signature sign is Virgo, which is Virgo’s house. I also read about life path 4 being strategists and I've known someone who's signature sign is Capricorn which corresponds with such energy

🫀Unpopular opinion but if I had to switch the signs elements, I'd put Scorpio as a fire sign and Aquarius as a water sign. With Scorpio it's probably because it was originally ruled by Mars, Scorpio always gives me such a fire energy compared to Pisces and Cancer. Not exactly Scorpio sun but dominating Scorpio energy in the chart, i think it's also the intensity they ooze and the level of confidence and also self- assertion, they have such a commanding presence which gives me fire energy too

As for Aquarius, despite having the characteristics of being quite distant at times or having difficulty with opening up, it's usually for how intense they are, it's a form of protection. I've made the mistake in the past of seeing aquas as detached until they actually unfolded which shocked me, the amount of depth and intensity of emotions they hold is a 360 and I've observed the same in my chart. It might be due to them being a fixed sign,but definitely that depth doesn't give the air sign vibe. Another reason is how they tend to be more introverted or reserved compared to Gemini and Libra, it gives me that water energy too

🫀Chiron in first is such a difficult placement in my opinion. It either puts you in a constant self - conscious state or you project your trauma on every situation and blur reality from there

🫀Uranus and Neptune in third 🤝 mental illness. That's it, that's the post

🫀Pets and the 6th house man….Aries / Taurus on the cusp is a cuddly adorable pet but one that will literally not do what you say no matter what, also energetic asf and has attitude esp when you say no to them- oh and very reckless, will do things that will have you question your life choices and have a heart attack on the spot because they were curious about something like jump off a high desk and not care or run into something that would harm them, literally no brain cells just impulse

🫀The degree of the planet could indicate the age that planet unlocks for you , and weird thought but hear me out : that degree could stretch up until it's time for the next planet to unlock

Example : I have Jupiter at 24 and I'm turning 25 this May . Yes I've been in my Jupiter theme and actually it seems it's only going to properly expand even more. Now the only planet left for me is Saturn at 29, and I have the theory i’d be living the Jupiter theme until I turn 29 or untill I officially start my Saturn return

I  also have most planets at 5 too like Uranus , and Venus and Neptune at 1 : i was literally the calm kid that has a crush each time she gets (and sometimes is front about it without shame 😭😭 literally one time in second grade my crush's tummy was in pain and the teacher asked who knows their house to help them go home and i stood and said MEEEE in front of everyone and kept asking to be the one to take them home til i got yelled at 💀) i also had 4687357766 anime crushes as a kid and for Uranus , was the type to get mad and throw things on the ground when told no (I threw my tea mug once cause i didn't wanna go to school and slapped my kindergarten teacher cause she didn't let me go home with mom when i saw her visiting the principal 😭😭😭)

🫀Saturn in Aries 🤝 almost dying of cringe and shame at the thought of acting child - like and doing goofy stuff/ having fun

🫀 this is popular but Leo placements and secretly checking your own posts and stories and giggling at them lmao

[soahbee]

Girls, I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to know what happened, I haven't been able to sleep for days because of all this.😫

So today after school I didn't go home straight away, but I wrote him a message asking where he is and I want to talk to him a bit. I wrote just in time, because he replied that he was leaving now, but we could meet in the yard. I quickly ran out into the yard where I saw him, he was smoking and leaning against the wall, it seemed that he was going to his car because he had his bag and a lot of papers.

So out of a sudden impulse, since I had been waiting so long for us to talk, I ran to him and without even thinking, I just opened my mouth: "I feel like I'm not important." - I told him honestly while trying to catch my breath (bc I had been running so far) lol YEAHHH girls…I told him this without any hesitation. ???!! WTF WHY

And R (I think) expected everything but this, because he looked at me with such big eyes and then started to laugh softly and put down his cigarette. Ofc I got upset bc I thought he wasn't taking me seriously and I told him: "this isn't funny! are you mad at me?" 😭😭 After that, my eyes widened when he came closer to me and raised his hand. "Do you see this?" - he asked and pointed to the bracelet that I had given him... "If you weren't important to me, I wouldn't be wearing this gift." - he said, ruffled my hair and pinched my face again. (i died)

After that, he told me that he had a lot to do and that he had to go now because he was already late. The events happened as fast as always, so I just nodded and he said goodbye.

Honestly, I'm a little relieved that there's no problem between the two of us, but I feel that it's no coincidence that he's been "neglecting" me so far... but it's okay now.

so maybe i don't need to worry?

[pumpkinbxtch]

MY LAST REQUEST 😭 I feel so bad requesting right away AGAIN but I loved your response so much I want more. I CRAVE more of it PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP MAKE A PT2 DO ANYTHING WITH THE PART 2 SLIGHTLY ANGSTY AND FLUFFY PLSPLS 😭🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️ TYSM AGAIN LIKE YOURE LITERALLY THE BEST ur single handily fueling my obsession rn this will be my last one for a while TRUST unless you say otherwise, I don’t wanna overwhelm you ❤️💔

• ° . ☆ “Free coupons, take one and cry all afternoon ” II

— apollo x mortal!reader

part i

summary: part ii, you need to read it, the link is above. run, go warnings: none a/n: really forgive me, haha. I wanted to do something very nice but, well, you'll read what I did. I don't know, forgive me 😔 I couldn't control myself HAHA Still I hope you enjoy it.

Lester was about to throw up the burger, or well, the two bites he had taken. No misunderstanding, it was good.

But you continued to check that they were well taken care of; Giving him pretty smiles and walking near him with that lavender smell of yours. Shit, he wanted to be close to you.

They were too many of you, so they had to join several tables and, among the place that was about to explode, they stood out.

A very lively table, Apollo assumed.

Percy played with his soda making swirls telepathically, Leo put his hand in and undid it, it was funny until the son of Poseidon realized that the drink was disgustingly tampered with. He didn't take a sip again. The other boys laughed.

The girls were talking and laughing and pushing each other, including Meg.

Nico picked at Percy's fries and sipped on Will's soda. Living his best life, Apollo thought.

He liked the idea of being with them and being able to take care of them (even though they beat them to the times they had saved his ass) he could now return the favor.

Oh, if only you could see it. You would be happy. You told him in almost all your lives that he was guilty of being self-centered.

Apollo found himself struggling with the thoughts of him, you weren't dead. You were in front of him.

You passed the door to the counter, holding a tray in each hand. That image flashed in his mind, transporting him back to when you used to walk around with two vases on your shoulders, dancing among the people. Some chains hanging from your neck and the jewelry clashed. You have always been beautiful. Whatever way you came back to him; Boy, girl, you were always beautiful.

— LESTER! —He jumped out of the seat and collided with Jason's shoulder.

— All good?

No, he wanted to be with you.

— The girl over there is talking to you, — Will said with a worried look for his father.

He looked up and spotted you behind the cash register. He made his way towards you without hesitation.

—Mr. Lester, I see that you didn't wait two seconds to use those coupons.— You said with a smile on your lips. Some strands of hair were sticking out from under the cap you were wearing.

—We were hungry.

Idiot, couldn't he think of a better line?

You let out a laugh, and he leaned slightly on the bar, his stomach wouldn't leave him alone.

You leaned over the bar, closing the distance between you. The boy smelled like sunshine and some kind of sweet scent, totally pleasing to your sense of smell. Strangely, you wanted to be even closer to him, like a little impulse to be with him alone, to hug him. Were you attracted to him? But it seemed like a joke, they had only met by chance. You cleared your throat.

— Everything's alright there? — You pointed with your eyes to the table where the rest of his friends and sister were. Although this one had nothing in common with him.

You looked at him. The blonde curls mixed with the black ones making a particular blend, you wondered if it was something genetic and his blue eyes, you had seen them. You were sure.

He touched your shoulder excessively softly, as if he was afraid of breaking you.

— Excuse me?

You let out a laugh and straightened up. Again he was a little further away and you didn't like the feeling.

—I didn't hear you, sorry. Did you say?

Lester smiled.

— It's all good. If we make too much noise, we can leave.

You denied without thinking, almost as an act of desperation. You and he chatted a little more, and you told him to sit down so he could finish his meal.

Walked into the kitchen and cursed under your breath. It was inevitable, he would have to leave at some point. What if you asked for his number? The thought made you bite your lip, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

You felt stupid. Would you look like that in front of him?

You gave him the coupons you had collected to go out with your friends for half a month, just for the sake of it? You never talked to strangers on the street, but Lester didn't seem like a stranger to you.

Apollo returned to the table and ate a chip without much enthusiasm.

Rachel glanced at Piper.

— Any problem? — Frank said drinking soda from the straw.

The god shook his head and sighed. He felt useless, helpless because he wanted to be with you, but he couldn't find a way. Maybe he could ask you for your number. Yeah! Or not?

— I think it's better that you eat. —Rachel said. As if she could guess his thoughts. Or maybe yes? He looked up and took the burger in her hands, after examining it, he handed it to the son of Hades. Nico ate it almost in an instant. And he got up again to go with you.

— Excuse me!

— Tell me — A waiter served him. Apollo felt stupid, so he ended up ordering ice cream.

He returned with the cone in his hand and a pout on his mouth.

Piper hid her giggle behind the paper menu.

The thoughts of asking for his number also didn't leave you alone, but every time you tried to approach him, something simply interrupted you.

You quickened your pace towards him. You cursed the fact that Lester's back was turned, and an arm stopped your path.

— Miss…

Again. You ended up in the kitchen, mumbling and grimacing.

Apollo also couldn't find you at any time that you could speak. He slammed his hand on the table and bumped his forehead against the plastic surface. It seemed like a joke!

Rachel shook her head slightly and stroked her head.

—Hey, Apollo.

He denied rubbing his face on the table.

Everyone wanted to ask, but the redhead put a finger on her lips.

— Apollo

— It's not Apollo, it's Lester

She understood, things weren't going well, but it was inevitable. Rachel got down to Apollo's level.

— Try it one more time, if you hate this, try it as many times as necessary. But know that you tried everything.

The god's blue eyes peered through his hair, and stood up with a sigh.

Everyone at the table pretended not to have heard, they played dumb talking about the weather.

And he tried again.

and he failed again.

You didn't feel any different, you felt like everything had been so easy until you got it into your head that you needed to be with him. You looked through the delivery window and noticed that his table was almost empty, you had worked in food chains for so long to know that they were about to leave the place. Your soul felt a despair that at the same time seemed meaningless to you.

You looked for a pen and paper, a sheet they use for receipt notes.

You wrote your number and a note: call me!, and you doodled a heart. Inexplicably, you also drew a sun. If you couldn't get close, someone else could.

—Brenda!

Your coworker stopped her pace and raised her chin. She just had a tray in her hand, perfect. You walked over to her quickly.

— Deliver this to table seven.

She nodded.

Apollo was already feeling hopeless, he drank Piper's drink and talked to her friends. During the conversation, your coworker handed the note on a small tray. Rachel looked at the paper and waited for Apollo to take it.

He did, and while he was laughing about something Frank had told him, he crumpled it up and threw the ball of paper into the metal trash can.

The redhead didn't say anything, she knew what was happening. She knew that even if she went to the boat and gave the paper to her friend, it would be something else.

The food was finished, and the rest had been pleasant.

Then everyone rose from their chairs.

Apollo looked again at the same window through which you had been spying on him, until at that same moment it was your turn to throw out the trash.

And that's how things ended.

Apollo walked away from the place, and you didn't see him leave. Both felt their spirits on the ground, their stomachs full of anxiety. It was strange, it was fleeting. But when things didn't have to happen, it was that simple. They just wouldn't happen.

At least, not in this life of yours.

Every chance with Apollo would wither, corrode, perish. It didn't matter how much they tried or struggled.

It was not going to work. At that moment, you were destined to meet but not to stay together, not even for a full day.

And how cruel because there was so much he wanted to show you.

But not now, but until 100 years later.

[tikosblogg]

I've been in an angsty mood lately so I need something with Noah being a jerk and a cheater instead of typical fluffy and sweet. Please rip my heart out lol.

Summary: request. Noah ripping your heart out 🥲

Warning: mentions of sex, cheating.

A/N: hope this is what you wanted, this hurt to write 😭😭😭

The day felt like it had slipped through my fingers, dragging along with it a curious weight that plucked at my heart. For three years, my life had been intertwined with Noah's; his warm presence had become the horizon I could always return to. We laughed, we fought, and we loved fiercely, or at least we used to. Lately, clouds had gathered in the sky of our relationship, casting shadows that I couldn't ignore.

"Are you okay? You’ve been awfully quiet," I asked him an hour earlier while we bickered half-heartedly over dinner. His fork stalled above his plate, and he offered a flicker of a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. I frowned. Something was off. The love we had always shared felt like it was fading. Gone were the days of impulsive kisses and the clothes that found themselves ripped off in a heat of the moment. Instead, we had settled into an unnerving routine.

"You know I’m just tired," Noah replied, shrugging it off, but the words land like dull thuds. He had always been my rock, yet I was slowly sinking, and he was miles above the surface. The last two weeks had been particularly devoid of intimacy, not that I was counting (though it certainly felt like I was). My thoughts spiraled as I tried to piece together what had changed.

When my friend Sarah suggested a girls' night, I was hesitant. Could a night away from the murky waters of my relationship reinvigorate me? Reluctantly, I decided it would do me good. Maybe it was time to step away and gain clarity.

I threw on a casual sundress, put on light makeup, and glanced in the mirror. Even with the flutter of doubt in my chest, I forced a smile. Maybe some time apart would do us all some good. I told Noah I was leaving, and to my surprise, he perked up, a brightness returning to his features that made me raise an eyebrow. “Have fun baby” he chimed, perhaps a little too eagerly.

As I made my way to Sarah's house, I tried to shake off the settling apprehension sinking into my stomach. The evening started off light and filled with chatter, laughter. But as the clock creeped toward ten, it became evident that Sarah had a much lower tolerance than I did; her laughter faded into giggles and then to incoherent mumblings as she slumped into a cacophony of drunken joy.

Deciding it was time to head home rather than wait for her to pass out completely, I gathered my belongings while providing her with promises of checking in on her later. My heart carried a heaviness as I walked back to my car, fingering the smooth metal of my phone nervously as I started the engine. If my evening had gone as planned, I would still be sharing stories and sneaking whispers at two a.m. Instead, I was headed into the uncertain quietness of my home.

The unfamiliar car parked awry in the driveway sent an immediate chill down my spine, twisting dread around my heart. My mind raced. A friend? Maybe? Surely Noah wouldn’t invite someone over without telling me. As I unlocked the door, an eerie silence invaded the house, wrecking my thoughts and heart alike.

“Hey, Noah?” I called out tentatively, my voice shaky. Silence remained, a waiting void, until I caught the faint sound of laughter wafting up the staircase. My heart dropped.

Every step up the stairs felt like walking into a surreal nightmare, the increasing volume of their voices echoing off the walls. When I pushed the door to our bedroom open, the sight that greeted me felt like the world collapsing around me.

There was Noah—my Noah, the man who promised to love me forever with a blonde woman straddling his bare hips. My breath hitched in my throat as I stood frozen, my heart racing in disbelief. "That’s it, baby, you’re so perfect,” I heard him say through clenched teeth. I swallowed hard, fighting the nausea rising in my throat.

And then something broke inside me. Adrenaline rushed through my veins, fueling my rage and sorrow, and I slapped the door wide open. Their bodies bolted apart, and Noah’s eyes widened in shock, horror mixing with the pale glow of the room. “I—I’m so sorry!” he stammered, desperately scrambling for words as he covered himself.

I stood there, a visceral anger spilling over my disbelief. “It meant nothing,” he pleaded. “Can you just let me explain?”

I couldn't hear him. My breath quickened, and it felt as if the weight of the world pressed down on my chest as I dove into the rawness of the situation. The reality of who I once thought he was shattered in front of me. With trembling hands, I turned to my closet, mind swirling as I yanked my suitcase from the shelf. “You don’t get to explain this,” I snapped, desperation clawing at me, pulling me into a dark pit where love once flourished. As I threw clothes into the bag, he stepped closer, determination etched on his face.

“Please, just listen to me,” he said, reaching out to pull my clothes from my arms, a frantic look taking over him. He was pacing back and forth like a caged animal, searching for words that would never suffice.

“Fuck you, Noah! There’s nothing you can say or do to fix this! You fucked up!” My voice trembled with anger as tears began to fall unbidden down my cheeks. I watched him shake his head, voice breaking. “Whatever… I was miserable half the time with you anyway,” he spat defiantly.

It was my turn to be shocked, but all I could manage was a laugh—bitter and hollow. As I zipped up my suitcase, I pulled his house key from my chain and tossed it onto the floor.

The blonde woman sat silently on the couch, a ghostly figure in my emotional battlefield. My gaze flickered to her before I gritted my teeth and looked back at Noah, anger rising in my chest like a storm. “You can fucking have him!” I sneered, my heart a vivid bruise that felt raw and exposed.

With every ounce of strength I had left, I turned on my heel, stretching my neck to glance back one last time at the man I thought I would grow old with. “I hope she was worth it,” I shot at him, each word a dagger that struck a nerve. My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces, yet part of me reveled in the release. As I stepped out into the night, I found both fear and freedom coursing through me.

I was at a crossroads. The life I’d built had crumbled, but it left behind a strange sense of possibility—maybe this was the moment I would learn to spread my wings again and fly high above the wreckage he left behind.

[requiemism]

maybe its just because jinx is bpd (or, at least, HEAVILY coded as such) and i have a mood disorder but i truly cannot help but be bewildered by the lack of understanding and empathy towards her character both in the show and in the fandom. shes essentially a broken, manipulated, desperate child- even if shes "grown" now, shes so severely traumatized i sincerely doubt her brain developed properly and she certainly didnt and doesnt have the help required to become a well adjusted stable individual. i dont say this to take away her agency or infantilize her- her actions ARE her choice, and she DOES understand what she is doing. however, despite this, a majority of what shes done has NEVER been in a moment of rational thinking. she only did what she did as powder due to desperation; she threw the bag in the water because she was cornered, she accidentally caused the deaths she did because she didnt understand the tech she had and she was desperate to save her family. everything she does after as jinx is largely due to silcos manipulation, being severely disordered, traumatized, and abandoned, and literally every single person in her life telling her all shes good for is destruction and causing pain. she spends almost her ENTIRE life being told by EVERYONE but the person actively manipulating her that she is incompetent, annoying, destructive and batshit. OBVIOUSLY SHES NOT GOING TO BE NORMAL. OBVIOUSLY SHES GOING TO LOSE IT WHEN THE O N E PERSON SHE HAS LEFT FUCKING DIES BECAUSE SHE ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIM DURING A PTSD DRIVEN BREAKDOWN CAUSED BY HER GODDAMN SISTER. O B V I O U S L Y SHES GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND IMPULSIVE IN HER MANIC, BROKEN STATE. because now, she has nothing left. she has nothing to lose. shes a jinx, and she ruins everything that she touches, and maybe, just maybe, she can use that to honor her fathers lifelong goal. obviously this goes horribly and backfires on everyone, putting a target on the entire undercitys back, but she ABSOLUTELY wasnt thinking about that when she bombed the goddamn capitol mid breakdown. in season 2, after making this impulsive (and frankly idiotic but thats neither here nor there) decision she lays low, avoiding causing any damage unless necessary (although it IS overkill whenever she does harm people, thats what shes been taught is normal. she literally grew up in the undercity where people are murdered and mugged on a daily basis.) and using every opportunity to scourge her own existence. she VERY clearly hates herself for what shes done, and she certainly doesnt seem to be proud of any of it. i think this is best displayed in the discussion she has with isha when they first meet. when vi and the enforcer squad come after her, shes literally minding her business, making a GIFT for the woman who has repeatedly hurt her because "it was something (she) could fix." she cant even shoot vi when shes actively gassing her, literally CRYING at the thought. the only reason she actively begins attempting to kill her and caitlyn is because THEY'RE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING, and once again she very clearly cant bring herself to do so to vi. even in s1, during the tea party scene, its pretty evident that she doesnt intend to kill vi in my opinion? to make matters worse, when vi tries to kill HER, she practically BEGS her to do it.

i understand that jinx is objectively NOT a good person!!! she has literally killed tens of maybe hundreds of people and yes, she did kill caitlyns mom (although very honestly i could care less about that ngl caitlyn is absolutely a good character but i dont like her as a person for reasons largely unrelated to jinx 😓). she literally builds bombs and guns and whatever the fuck for fun. she enjoys watching people be beaten and killed. but i think the absolute lack of any empathy or understanding towards her a lot of people exhibit is a little ridiculous and it infuriates me to no end 😭 thank you for coming to my autistic ted talk!!!!

[nightcolorz]

woahh okay first time i attempted to send this ask my tumblr glitched and deleted it. idk if it sent but ignore it if so i wanted to reword it anyway. (tw for sa discussions and sexual abuse/trauma)

either way ive been thinking a lot about the post you wrote about armand’s (or amadeo’s) hypersexuality in venice and i saw a very similar post on twitter, essentially saying armand was so confused and horny in venice and ended up going to bianca for solice (then feeling incredibly guilty about it) and then later harlech as he weaponised his sexuality as a form of revenge on marius “ignoring” him (eventually tragically leading to his death)

it just puts such a tragic image into my head of amadeo in bianca’s bedchamber, crying and crying after having sex with her because he doesn’t understand why he feels the way he does, why he desires sex so much after all he’s been through, and not realising it is a trauma response, a last ditch effort to keep himself alive by acclimatising to his environment of sexual abuse, and then it later killing him anyway.

Armand is so Sad. im so sad.

any other thoughts from you?

doooonttt worry lol ur previous ask didn’t send haha (I’m sorry stinky tumblr deleted it tho damn) but I LOVE this ask so thank u sm for resending it!!

omgg this makes me so sad holy shit 😭 I never made the connection that Amadeo’s hyper sexuality reaction to sa trauma led to his death but ugh, omg, ur so right that’s so tragic. It’s also specifically Marius abusing him that leads him to his death, bcus Armand feeling the massive loss of agency and control over his life and sexuality cuz of Marius causes him to get with harlech (someone he knows is dangerous) bcus he wants to make Marius angry and to distance himself from his perceived control by self destructing. Marius starts having Armand go to brothels against his will, Marius resents Armand for doing the thing he told him to and starts “ignoring him”, boom harlech boom death

the Bianca thing is so interesting, especially Armand’s guilt and perceived lack of control of his actions. It’s like, he is realizing that for reasons he can’t understand he isn’t able to control his sexual impulses and he is consumed by them in a way that dictates his behavior, which is scary as shit especially for someone who has been taught to be frightened of sexuality for his entire life. Armand seems to perceive himself being hyper sexual as akin to being like his abusers, where he seems to think that since he can’t control his sexual urges and makes poor decisions bcus of horniness hes akin to a rapist which 😰💔 that type of guilt is rlly common for sa victims who experience complicated reactions to trauma unfortunately. But ugh.

slight change of topic, but I always think about how hard and strange it must’ve been for Amadeo to go from 24/7 sex and sexual urges to sexless being thrown into catholic cult where u can’t bathe urself let alone fuck. Like that’s the kind of whiplash between two harmful extremes that makes someone into a person like Armand, lmao

[celestie0]

Idk if this is weird to ask but can you tell more about your situationship?😭 I’m curious since it inspired the story idkkk

nooo not weird at all haha, i had plans to share more ab it once i was done w kickoff but i dont really mind sharing a bit now (will literally always take up any chance to talk ab it it’s an impulse i cannot resist)

basically i met this guy like halfway through my freshman year of college at a frat event, it was a bit different from kickoff dynamic in that we started hooking up pretty soon after that, just a casual thing, but then the pandemic hit and so he went back home to live w his grandpa/family in new york (i live in cali) once campus shut down and stuff. obviously we couldn’t hook up anymore LMFAO but we still talked a lot and i think it was during this time of just talking to one another that i really started to catch massive feelings for him :”)

i went through some bad anxiety during covid, struggling a lot w my career and if i still wanted to pursue the things i thought i wanted (i think a lot of college students went through this w the pandooski) but he would always be there for me and would stay on facetime calls w me if i was struggling to study, he’d cheer me up w pics of his tibetan dogs lol, just reallyyy sweet ugh when we were long distance i rly saw a side of him i didn’t before and i think that’s what made me fall for him

i confessed to him first, similar to reader in kickoff, n told him we could do long distance until he moved back here. but then he hit me with the “i’m sorry, i can’t date you, i’ve got commitment issues”. in his case, he had a long-term girlfriend in high school for four years who he also was dating into college (before he met me), but he found out she had been cheating on him for a long time w not just one but multiple of his friends 😭 so..he said he has really bad trust issues, and that he really wanted to try to date me, but he just felt like he couldn’t

i was really hurt, obviously, but i think in hindsight maybe it was a responsible decision on his part to not throw me into a mess of a relationship w him, one he knew he wasn’t ready for. but at the time, i just thought that it was bc i wasn’t good enough to change his mind. anyways, he asked if we could still talk and be friends, and i said sure bc i didn’t really want to lose him. i figured i could just wait for him (and i told him that i would)

yeahhh well the waiting was way more fucking painful than i thought. he flew to cali once to visit me when flights were sort of resuming, which is just fucking insane because you’ll fly to see me but you won’t date me 😭, and i told him that it’d be the last time he ever sees me! and it was :”) maybe it was an impulsive decision by me, but idk. yknow when you get stuck in a limbo for what feels like forever that you make a decision just for the sake of making one (it was such a short amt of time in reality, but it felt like forever) he made a comment to me in our last conversation about how he really wished he didn’t have to be someone i had to wait on to change, and that really fuckin stuck w me lmao i cried so hard the drive home from the airport. i think all the “what-ifs” kinda sunk in at that moment

ch7 of kickoff was basically me trying to get inside the head of the guy from my situationship, and see what it’s like to have fears hold you back from wanting to experience something for yourself, something that could be beautiful if you would just give it a chance. i felt like if i wrote it from that angle, i’d have more understanding of my situationship (i dont have commitment issues myself, tbh i’ve never rlly understood the concept. like, i’ve been fucked over by ppl in my life too but i’m never one to punish the next person for it. dealing w my situationship was really hard because of this, i would get really frustrated, but writing ch7 from gojo’s character’s perspective made situationship guy’s feelings make more sense to me, i think, there was a sense of closure in that)

but anyways, i was in love w him for sure. like, possibly infatuated. there was a time where we got into a big argument about something and i think i legit i cried myself into a fever 💀 it was all so crazy and powerful, the feelings, i’ve been involved w n dated other guys since but of course none of it really compares. idk, i guess there are just some people that can make you feel that way, there’s really no use in understanding why.

this sounds so sappy, lmaoo i swear i truly am “over” him in that i hardly think of him that much anymore, n tbh i don’t think of him specifically all that much while i’m writing kickoff, but there are moments where i can’t help but bring those feelings into the story.

there’s a line in ch8, near the end of the bed scene, where reader has a thought like

“You feel so safe with him, and yet you also feel scared, because you like him so much that you would let him ruin you if he wanted to.”

yeah. that’s basically how i felt about him.