#My impulsive thoughts told me to do this 😭

[roxanneslosteyes]

This is why you need to take away my tablet... 😞

I want to deeply apologise for the cuphead and that's not my neighbor fandom for this creation... 😭

[mylove-thresher]

the girl corner

[carbonfiction]

impulse stress baking would be appreciated by either Matt or Frank, but reader is not safe if it's being done at late hours, in which they will be railed or fucked into exhaustion.

Matt has his S/O's scent and touch ingrained into his routine and mind, defecting is not an option he needs his cuddles (and yes he will be mean about it, teasing reader for wanting to work so hard on baking when they could work on making him feel good)

Frank just worries for their sleep schedule (which is accurate pls I can't sleep normally) but also can appreciate their baking yet will at first gently try to coax them back to bed, only to just rail them over the counter if they insist they can't sleep due to a sudden burst of energy.

But it all ends with their girl cuddled up in their arms fast asleep from exhaustion yet satisfied, and their baking can wait til the morning.

Oh my god please!! I loved every second of this one!! As someone who does have bouts of doing this (and had to be banned from the kitchen past a certain time when i was younger bc of it😭😭) this one got me. Biiiiiiig time.. I mean omg sleep scheduling with Frank and Matt when god?! When!!!

Like you cannot tell me they wouldn't immediately be looking help you and if sex helps get you all fuzzy and tired?? Fellas are not going to complain.. Whatever their baby needs <3 Also fun fact you guys, i have an oldman logan draft i never finished surrounding a similar concept and hik eating reader out on the kitchen table..😭 But without futher yappin!! Heres some thoughts! <3

Midnight munchies w Frank and Matt!

Warnings?; mentions of smut, doggy and riding, unprotected sex (its hot but in this economy??) fairrrrly fluffy although Matt is a lil mean in a sexy way.. Master list

I can see Frank standing against the doorframe, arms crossed over his bare chest with a sleepy scowl tugging his lips. Large figure just watching the way to try (and fail) to potter around the kitchen quietly. On the counter sits a glass bowl, edges covered in flour and two large baking sheets. On one sits small balls of, what frank guesses is chocolate chip cookie dough- one of his favorites- while the other rests bare in preparation. Frank swipes a hand across his face, tired and slightly irritated as he sighs, padding closer. "What're you.. Christ sweetheart again?"

You grin cheekily at the sight of him, at the broad expanse of him shirtless, scared chest on full display as his sweats sit low on his hips. A slightly dough covered hand coming up in a wave. "'S okay, m' just making cookies frank!"

You're gleeful in tone, too gleeful for 3:30am Frank thinks. This little habit of yours growing out of control. Infact, it makes him worry a little. "Yeah? S' just cookies?" he asks, rounding the counter to tower behind you. "Then why cant they wait until tomorrow.."

"Cause i wanna do it now..." you hum, trying to grab at the scoop besides the bowl. Franks large hand stopping the move in your tracks. Your shoudlers drop just a fraction, almost in anticipation as you sigh. The sound a little frustrated despite your usual enjoyment of the task at hand. "Besides.. Got too much energy to sleep frankie"

"Too much energy, that right?" he grumbles with a nod, head dropping down against your shoudler, tilted just slightly until you can feel the puffs of his breath on your neck. "My girls feelin all restless again.. So why didn't ya wake me like i told you last time, stead of this?"

You sigh, still trying to persevere with the trapped scoop. "Looked too comfortable.. Besides, you need the rest Frankie.. "

"Oh im the one needing the rest, sure." He huffs, breath puffing against your skin in a way that makes it prickle. A smile twitching at your lips at the feeling, his free arm coming to wrap around your middle, pulling your frame against the warmth of him. "what'd you say we get rid of that energy hm, fussy girl?" that hand squeezes your waist at the same moment his lips kiss that spot just below your ear.

Frank feels you shiver, smirking almost knowing against your skin, your tells far to obvious to him by now. "Gonna let your frankie take care of it? Get that restlessness gone?"

Its no more than ten minutes before frank does infact get that restlessness gone. The cookie dough abandoned into the fridge and sweats pushed beneath his knees. Thick cock bullying into your gummy walls in controlled rocks of his hips that make you sob quietly.

Your fingers, clean of the dough thanks to franks mouth, grasping the counter tight as your legs tremble beneath your weight, hardly holding you up. Panties and sleepwear looped around one ankle as you shuffle slightly, making frank chuckle. "Gettin all shakey now, You close sweetheart? Gonna be a good girl and cum on that cock f'me?" voice rough as his arm tugs you back against his chest; holding you up and not giving you an escape to the pleasure that blooms in your core.

Its not long before he's luring you into an orgasm, ached against his chest as his fingers draw figure eights to your poor clit. "Yeah, yeah there it is, you give it to me sweetheart" Bouncing you back against him until the heat of his own release paints your insides, your head drooping forward tiredly.

"There we go.. I know.. I know sweetheart" he rumbles, making quick work of tucking himself back into his sweats as he softens. Hands coming back to your hips to tug your underwear and sleep bottoms back up.

Fuzzy headed and pumped full as you let him spin you round, picking your frame up until your still shakey legs wrap weakly on his hips and hes carrying you down the hall. "lets get you back to bed, All tired out now huh?"

Its fair to say you sleep better than you have in a while after that, cookies abandoned until the afternoon after a morning spent content in Franks arms. Perhaps next time you'll take his advice and let him help..

And with our dear dear Matthew? Well, how dare you interrupt his cuddle time..

"Now Sweetpea.." Matt tuts, making you startle as you turn to him stood against the far counter, unable to hide the smirk that graces his lips at the kick up of your heartbeat. "What did we talk about?"

"Matty! You gasp, flour covered hand over your chest. "You scared me."

He makes no moves, arms still crossed. "Asked you a question baby.."

You sigh, head angled down slightly as you shuffle quietly on your feet, voice a little guilty. "You Uh.. Said i wasnt to.. To bake in the middle of the night.."

"Mhmm.. Thats right." Matt nods, stepping closer to trap you against the counter. Your back pressing into the cool marble."So you wanna let me know why I've woken up to your side of the bed cold.. House smellin of sugar and cinnamon?"

"Cause.. " you start defeated; thoroughly caught as two of his fingers tilt your jaw up. A smug expression on his face at the way you melt into the touch slightly. "Cause i was baking.. In the middle of the night.. Again."

He hums, other hand making its away up your arm. "I know.. And you know i cant sleep comfortably without you.. So what're we going to do about that hm?"

"goin to.. To let me finish up.. N ill come back to bed?.." you try a little mischievously and matt cant deny it amuses him. Defiant and cheeky, thats you alright.

Except, it doesnt amuse him enough. Doesnt make him huff out the usual laugh you love. Instead his stance remains stoic, unbreaking. Too tired and unwilling to let you play your game- this messy kitchen situation is breaking into his nightly cuddle time and Matthew Murdock does not play about that with you.

"Oh good try.. Real good try sweetpea.." he coos, leaning down to kiss your forehead with something much more tender than his tone of voice. Grip on your shoulder tightening just enough to allow him to push your frame around to the couch. "But No.. No were gonna get you tired out instead. Use up all that energy in a different way.. "

And much like Frank, Matt uses up that energy quickly.

Cinnamon and sugar still hanging in the air as it mixes with the scent of sex. The honey sweet of your arousal coating his lap, your thighs, slick and shiney. The sloppy sounds from your gooey cunt sending that extra spark of embarrassment down your spine.

"Mhm there you go, that's it sweetie." matt grins, hands on your waist as he helps bounce you down on him. Plush thighs bracketing his hips as you ride him desperately. "Fucking yourself on my cock like a good girl. Feels so good doesnt it?"

Your heartbeat pounds erratically in both matts ears and your own, sweat clinging to your skin from the enthusiasm. "Matt- matty please.."

"Please what sweetpea? What'd you want me to do?" he smirks, a low chuckle sounding out at the way you shiver in his hold. He can feel the tight clenches of your cunt, feel the ripple of your walls as they quiver around him. Your close, so fucking close, but your finally getting tired. Exhaustion slowing your pace considerably.

"Oh.. Oh i get it.." Matt murmers, dropping back against the couch cushions slightly. His hips jut out a little further, feet flat on the floor as he runs a hand up your spine until it rests against the back of your neck and pushes. Scruffing you just slightly, like a misbehaved animal. "My baby's gettin sleepy now huh? Needs me to do all the work.."

You dont have time to think, let alone respond before his cock punches deep and fast. Your squeals muffled against the juncture of his neck as you little but take it. Tears brewing in your eyes as they flutter and roll. "G-gon..gonna cum, oh fuck Matty!"

Matt just grins, hand pushing your head further into his skin as you squeak and squeal, body going lax in his grip as your orgasm crests. "Yeah. Yeah you do it. Just gotta cum alright? Cum on that cock like a big brave girl, then we'll getcha to bed.."

That night you hardly remember even ending up in bed, the last thing you recall being Matt pounding inside of you so quick it was dizzying. Wearing you out so perfectly that it keeps you held in his arms past the pestering blair of your usual alarm. Cinnamon gone from the air now as your half finished dough still sits on the counter abandoned. Your soft, past out snores drawing a smug smile back to Matts lips.

[dark-alice-lilith]

Kiss prompt for bucktommy, please:

29: as a promise

Took me a minute but here you go!! You get the honor of having my 100th 911 fic!!🥳

Also, me not realizing until posting that I named it the same name as your bday gift to me.😭

Also on AO3

“If I asked you to marry me, what would you say?”

Buck heard Tommy suck in a breath behind him, his body going rigid. They were curled up in bed, Tommy pressed against his back, arm wrapped loosely around Buck’s waist. The seconds ticked by and Buck could feel his anxiety rising. It was an impulsive ask, especially as they were floating in this inbetween where they weren’t quite back together.

“Evan,” Tommy finally says, his voice quiet and sad.

Buck gave a heavy sigh and pulled himself away from Tommy, sitting up against the headboard, his knees against his chest. He didn’t look at Tommy. “I know that we haven’t defined this thing between us, but you keep ending up here. We rarely sleep alone anymore. We’re always together.”

Slowly, Tommy sat up next to Buck, mirroring his pose. “We’re grieving.”

“I think it’s more than that,” Buck said, looking over at Tommy to see him looking back. He looked cautious but not ready to bolt. “We want to be together, Tommy. I want to be with you.”

“Evan, why are you bringing up marriage? Even if we had made this official between us, it would still be too soon.”

“Because I can still see myself having a future with you,” Buck answered. “Because I’m in love with you. Because I loved you this whole time and I should have told you before.”

He watched as Tommy’s eyes widened, surprise clear on his face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before he looked away, staring at a spot on the wall.

“Tommy,” Buck said after a few minutes of silence. “Do you love me?”

Tommy took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I knew within a month of us dating that I was in love with you.”

“Then we both left things unsaid, but we tried to hit that reset button that night we hooked up,” Buck said. “And I know I lashed out, but Tommy, you could never be just sex to me. It was never just sex between us.”

Tommy looked his way again, tears shining in his eyes. “Evan, I’m not ready.”

“You weren’t ready because you thought I was in love with my best friend.” Tommy made a quiet wounded sound. “You really still think that, don’t you?” Tommy nodded with a guilty look on his face. Buck frowned. “He’s not the one I ran to for comfort. He’s not the one I want next to me, holding me. He’s not the one I let see me breakdown. It’s you, Tommy. You’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

Buck scooted a little closer and brought his hand up to gently cup Tommy’s cheek. He felt Tommy push into the touch. “I don’t know how to convince you that you’re it for me, but I promise you that you are.”

Tommy’s eyes were full of emotions as Buck leaned in. He stopped a couple inches away from Tommy’s lips, giving the man the chance to back away. When he didn’t, Buck pressed his lips to Tommy’s in a soft kiss.

After a second, he felt Tommy’s hand slide up his arm and wrap around the back of his neck as he kissed back.

They hadn’t kissed since the night of their hookup, besides a couple of comforting kisses Tommy would press to his temple when he was breaking down.

When their lips parted, Buck pressed his forehead against Tommy’s feeling his heart beat fast.

“Tommy, if I asked you to marry me, what would you say?”

“Yes.”

[leonw4nter]

trying to come up with something to write for leon and my mind conjured up this beauty... i remember someone from somewhere asking what job would leon do if he wasn't a cop + caught up in the raccoon city incident... and my first thought was him being an ASMRtist 😭 i discarded the idea though coz he would not be tapping on things near a microphone for a living... but boy do i think he'd look great doing that :3 walk with me now :3

so let's say pre-RE2 leon decides to do something on the side to pay for expenses and a friend (rebecca maybe) recommends doing youtube and he's like "eh..." coz number one: he's batshit at games and number two: he doesn't know how to edit and then she brings up asmr-- now this makes him think. he's watched asmr before: stuff to help him sleep, to help him focus while studying, or if he's sick and wants to listen to something soothing. he's got a mic lying around, an impulsive purchase when he was in that one phase of his life where he wanted to do lowkey thirst traps while playing a basic song on his guitar (he only knows how to play his favorite parts in songs). never got around to using it daily or post the thirst traps he made, he didn't like the way his voice sounded.

he considers the idea and tries it out. he makes an alternate google account to start his youtube channel on and makes a name (highly likely its something like [Insert adjectives synonymous to calm]ASMR. since he doesn't want people around campus or people who know him to recognize him online, he decided to film showing only his neck down. he does simple editing like cutting out parts then posts it with some title like "ASMR for guaranteed relaxation". after doing it for quite some time, he's got a following that's not too big but pretty impressive for him and he actually likes it. he gets the courage to show his channel to rebecca with the promise that she keeps it secret and she giggles because the comments are just

"raw, next question."

"he looks like he whimpers"

"i knew you'd check the comments like a good boy"

"you should join a band called 'being my husband'"

and she shows them to leon and he's just SHOCKED. like majority of his audience are women that are thirsting over him and are asking for WHIMPER AUDIOS 😭😭 [me]. he's flustered and flattered over it, surprised that the reception to this experimental little thing is positive then he posts a video celebrating some milestone like 1.5K subscribers and the comments are flooded with "OIL UP AT 2K" or "pls make a video where you call us good girl" and he's just floored with everyone's lack of decorum at his comments section but he's thankful that he's well-supported.

OH AND THE DAY HE DOES THOSE BODY TAPPING ASMR VIDS WILL BE WORLD-ENDING. like he opts to wear a t-shirt instead of his usual sweatshirts or hoodies and the comments are either about wanting to bite his bicep, gooning, or "i told my parents about us" OR "reject me so i can move on already". might even see an edit of him on YT shorts idk...

okie dokie that's it :D 👍i want asmrtist leon kennedy send tweet

pompompurin dividers by animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[m4rst0ns]

Hiii this is my first time doing a request and i noticed that you are willing to write for eagle flies 😭(i luv him so much but there isn't much written about him💔) so maybe a fluff with him and a fem reader who's from the van der linde gang, maybe like he love her but she's thinks all his way of him showing his love is just him being nice (she likes him too but is a bit shy around him) or you can do whatever you like idk i just need something that has eagle flies in it 👉👈

THROUGH DEEDS, NOT WORDS.

Pairing: Eagle Flies x fem!reader

Warnings: this is my first fic in a while that I’ve posted, please be nice! If you are willing, give criticism!! blood, stitches?, I don’t know a lot of stuff abt medical things so bear with me, knife/sharp object, fluff, probably errors somewhere even tho I proofread like a million times, lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: I hope this is what you were looking for!! I tried my best 🥲 Eagle Flies is so underrated!

It all started when you had went with Charles to visit Rains Fall and the Wapiti people. As you both rode along, Charles explained the small altercation between them and the U.S. Army. A few people had gotten hurt—nothing huge— but Charles insisted on helping. You both arrived after, getting to work immediately. You patched up a few people before he walked in.

Eagle Flies, the son of the chief. He stood tall, his sharp gaze meeting Charles’ with a nod before settling on you. “Eagle Flies, you should let her check your arm.” Charles speaks up, not looking up from the woman whose face he was currently cleaning.

You looked away from his face to his arm, only just noticing gash along his forearm. His skin was torn, along with the sleeve of his shirt, dried blood sticking to his tan skin. “I’m capable,” he said dismissively, but Charles just huffed, leaving the tent when he had finished up with all of his ‘patients’. You glanced at Eagle Flies’ arm once more before meeting his gaze, still on you.

“You probably should let me look at that.” Eagle Flies hesitated before sitting in front you with a huff, rolling up his sleeve. The cut wasn’t too deep, though he probably needed a stitch or two. You reached for your supplies to mend the wound. Your fingers brushed against his skin as you cleaned it, and you swore you felt him tense.

You two didn’t say much after that. In fact, you two didn’t say anything after that. You both sat there in silence, though not entirely awkward. You ended up not stitching the wound—it had looked worse than you thought when it was covered with blood—but told him to go easy on it, or you would have to.

You dressed the young man’s arm precisely, making sure it would hold. He got up and offered a small ‘thank you’ as he exited the tent. You and Charles headed back to camp as the sun began to set later that day. Charles appreciated the help from you. And little did you know, Eagle Flies did too.

⇝⇝⇝

A week had passed since you visited the Wapiti camp, but the thought of you lingered longer than Eagle Flies cared to admit. The way you looked so rugged, yet so beautiful. You, a wanted outlaw, yet you cared for him so softly when you didn’t need to—it captivated him.

When you arrived once again, the Wapiti camp was much calmer. The evening sun settled just above the camp with golden light, the heat of it made you sweat slightly. You had agreed to help an elder prepare medicinal herbs because she was quite busy. You worked at the task—grinding herbs, mixing—when Eagle Flies walked over. “Let me help you with that,” he offered.

You accepted the offer, slightly annoyed that your alone time was disturbed, but glad for his help nonetheless. You hadn’t exactly warmed up to him yet, despite how you had cared for him just a week ago. You had heard from Charles he was quite hotheaded, impulsive, and almost always searching for fights. This was merely the first of many times he would come to your aid, though, despite your initial reluctance.

⇝⇝⇝

You spent as much time as you could in the Wapiti camp, it was calming, a distraction from the dangers of the life you led. You liked the people there, especially a specific someone. Eagle Flies had been oh so helpful to you all this time, and it was having an effect on you. He plagued your mind, but not that you were complaining. He was nice to think about, nice to talk to, and particularly nice to look at. Though, his kindness wasn’t just directed at you, he cared for all of his people the same way he did you.

You knew your feelings were not reciprocated, though you had hope, even if it wasn’t much. Would he even consider dating outside of his tribe, let alone an outlaw like you?

You were helping prepare food for Pearson, not that you really wanted to—you’d much rather be out there with Arthur or Charles. You were cutting up vegetables when you heard footsteps padding against the grass behind you. You didn’t even have to turn around to know whose they were.

“Cutting vegetables? How thrill-seeking.” Eagle Flies teased. The two of you had talked a few days before about how you only took the thrill-seeking jobs, drawn to the adrenaline and the challenge. Sitting still and playing the role of a maid was never an option for you. You rolled your eyes and glanced at him—just a second too long. A sharp sting pulled you back as the knife slipped, nicking your finger. Blood welled up, dripping onto the blade.

You hissed and clutched your hand. Eagle Flies moved swiftly, carefully wrapping a cloth—where it came from, you had no idea—around your finger. You tried to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat when his hand brushed against yours. He would do this for anyone, but you liked to believe you were different.

You sat on your cot with Eagle Flies in front of you on a rickety stool that creaked with every slight movement. You glanced up at him from your lap as he worked on your finger gently. He was focused, his brows slightly furrowed as he tended to the small wound with practiced hands. You hoped he wouldn’t notice how sweaty your palms became and the effect he had on you. Your heart pounded against your rib cage.

He looked up at you after tending to your finger, and for a fleeting moment, you felt as if your heart stopped right then and there. His eyes filled with something that you thought resembled admiration, or maybe you were just being hopeful. “Thank you,” you said quietly. “You don’t have to thank me,” he replied in the same subdued tone, a stark contrast to his usual impulsive, hotheaded nature.

“You’ve cared for my people like they’re your own, me included. I’ve always admired you for that,” he began softly after a brief silence between you, his voice low but steady, as if carrying the weight of unsaid words. “I’ve watched you, always putting others above yourself. You never ask for anything in return. And… well, I—I’ve never known anyone like you. So stern and headstrong, yet so kind and willing.” His gaze flickered to the ground for a moment, before finding your eyes once more. He took a deep breath.

“Truth is, I’ve come to care about you. A lot. More than I ever expected. I’ve tried to ignore it, but I can’t anymore.” He cupped your cheek softly in his hand and you looked at him, surprised. You swallowed hard at his confession. His touch was warm, grounding. “I—I don’t know what to say. I thought you were just being nice.” Eagle Flies chuckled, shaking his head at your words.

“So that’s what you think this is? That I go rushing after everyone, making sure they’re okay and fetching things for them?” He leaned in slightly. “Tell me, have you seen me spend hours, upon hours, trying to find someone else’s lost horse? Have you seen me lose sleep over whether Paytah ate today?” His hand lingered against your cheek, his touch warm. You placed your hand on his, your palm to the back of his.

“I help my people because it’s right,” his face softened, the teasing tone no longer evident in his voice. “But you? You are different. Or have you really not noticed?” You look at him before you grinned and crossed your arms.

“So what you’re saying is I get special treatment? I think I can get used to that.” You teased. Eagle Flies rolled his eyes and placed his lips on yours, effectively shutting you up.

His kiss left you breathless, the tension between you melting away instantly. The world around you fades, and you deepen the kiss. Whatever frustration lingered before was forgotten, replaced by the steady beat of his heart against yours. In that moment, nothing else mattered.

[sharkboywrites]

Haayyy >__0 if your rqs are open I'd looove to see another floyd x male reader fic... I would love to see some hurt/comfort stuff around floyd's bpd getting in the way of him finally having a meaningful relationship, n the reader comforting him about it. If you could somehow imply that the reader is trans. and autistic. that would be cool !! but it is opt. ^_^

floyd bpd is a major hc of mine and I hardly see anyone actually pointing it out or writing about it ... that stuff's gotta be done!! he's bpdtastic!! and no one gaf 😭😭😭!!!!!

Tough Times

Bpd Floyd x Trans autistic reader

A/N: Hii! So to be completely honest I don’t really know everything about bpd, although I suspect I may have it but that’s unrelated, but I’ll try my best to write it. Please correct me if I get anything wrong! Also I’ll try to fit in the reader’s own traits but I might have a bit of trouble with it

Trans reader, autistic reader, Floyd had bpd

Floyd was hard to deal with for most people

Most people thought he was too crazy, too quick to change his emotions, and was completely unpredictable and dangerous.

You weren’t most people though.

While Floyd did have his quirks, you still love him, the two of you were practically inseparable. Like seriously, it started to become odd to see one of you without the other.

Although, while you two still loved each other, sometimes it would be hard. Each episode either of you had would cause a problem in your relationship, whether it be your dysphoria or meltdowns, or Floyd’s sudden mood changes and impulsive behavior.

It hurt Floyd more than he’d ever wanted to let you know.

He really hated the way he acted, the way it caused problems between the two of you, the way he would get you into trouble along with him whenever he was impulsive.

Having these feelings just made things worse for him. The more he tried to shove it down, the worse his mood swings would get. One moment he’d be clinging to you like if he’d die if he let you go, and the next he’d be avoiding you like the plague, doing stuff that would get him into trouble.

It worried you. You knew something was wrong with the way he was acting, but you weren’t sure how to address it with him right.

During the next time he was with you, you decided it would be the best time to try and talk to him about it. You sat him down in your dorm room and gently caressed his hand as you told him what you felt was wrong.

His emotions were everywhere. One moments he was upset and crying, the next angry and yelling, mostly at himself, but in the end he was able to tell you what was wrong.

You held him closely, assuring him that even though he had these problems, you were always there for him. You weren’t going to leave him over this, that the two of you could always talk it out, just like the way you did during your own episodes.

For the next few days you made sure to shower him in affection, staying by his side almost all day, giving him treats, and reinforcing how much you love him. Your actions were reassuring to him, and while he still had some complicated feelings, you were helping to make him feel much better.

Sometimes things may be hard between the two of you, you both have your problems, but at the end of the day you both love each other, and both of you will always do your best to not let that get in the way.

[reorientation]

zyn anon. sorry again for the long ass updates I shall stop unless I get pregnant lmao.

speaking of, have more faith in me 😭 Ive been playing it mostly safe. kinda. I don't have to stop smoking and i dont want to 😒 and all this is mostly reversible unless he gets me pregnant, so I'm a lil more cautious. and im not pregnant i checked a few days ago, not because of a pregnancy scare but just paranoia lol im definitely a dumb whore tho. we've discovered he has a breeding kink. LMAO. lol. im so fucked

anyway so, as it turns out I was right about lacking self control.

he went on a camping trip for a few days, and i was really pent uppp and so was he lol. and when i came over to his place, almost immediately horny brain took over. we just started kissing on the couch, and took it to his room. thankfully his roommates still on holiday. i got so desperate and pathetic, i begged him to fuck me even though no iud yet. he was definitely enthusiastic lol. he only took his pants off enough to take his cock out. he also ripped my panties 😒 he went to grab a condom from the night stand,

he was like "gotta play it safe now aha" and i was like

"no. go bare. 🗿"

he didn't even question it, i was so wet and i felt how easily his cock slid on me before entering.

he only ever went raw a handful of times even before my failed vow of celibacy. since he thought it was dumb for me to get plan B even if he swore he didn't cum at all in me. other than that one time. he'd tell me when he's close, and immediately pull out to finish on me.

but this time it was so primal, being skin to skin and that bare and close was insane. he had a hand on my hip, and he'd basically pull me back down on his cock but fuck lol it just felt so strong. we stopped at one point, i was still all the way on his cock and on top of his lap but no riding. is that cockwarming?

idk but I want to do it again. i felt his dick like. move inside of me during that. all we did was make out but it was way too hot.

anyway, he pushed me on my back and told me he was close, as predicted, I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me.

i told him to get me pregnant 😭

i wasn't thinking properly and I got scared immediately after saying it. i was worried it was gonna put him out of the mood but it did the opposite 😭😭 he asked smth like "oh, you wanna have my kids?" and omfg he kept mumbling about it. telling me to take it all deep, telling me hes gonna get me pregnant.

i came so hard, and only with penetration. it was such a weird feeling, and before i could become rational and tell him its just a prank. pull out. it was over, he came in me while mumbling about knocking me up 😭😭 i was short circuiting lol. and it was different than last time. it felt more shakey, and he kept doing these small thrusts after I think most of his cum was already pressed deep, and then he just settled all in me. he was soft by the time he pulled out, i was way too hazed out ngl

he came a lot. some started to drip down when he pulled out, and i felt him finger it back in me.

he said he didnt nut the whole trip, and was saving his cum for me. he knew id be too horny and impulsive to make good decisions. 😒.

as it turns out, he has a big thing for breeding, but was scared to tell me incase i took it a bad way.

im terrified of having a partner who gets off on the idea of getting me pregnant but I can't stay away.

i complained that id have to wake up so early to run out and get plan B, and buying it will be expensive.

so he told me to just not get it then. and I'm like .. well .. I'm not on any birth control and im full of cum .. like maybe risking it be a bad idea. ironically, like you had once suggested, he suggested I leave it up to chance.

I did take plan B after. twice lol. im still really anxious, but incredibly horny and I didn't know both could exist at once

he's arrogant now too. ill go over after work and when we're about to fuck, ill ask him to wrap it. and he's like "nah, don't feel like it tonight". he also threw out his condoms. but even if i bring my own he doesn't use them 😒

my birthcontrol method was to start riding him when he's about to get close, and pull off before he's about to cum. but he caught on and now just grinds me down on him as he's cumming

i told him about my detrans kink and he leans heavyy in it. or he probably is just an actual straight man. he reminds me daily that he can't believe i ever thought i was a boy. he doesnt even say it in a kinky way like he just means it. lol :/

im pretty much always thinking about it. everytime he finishes in me, im stuck dripping his cum for two days, and im still paranoid that ill be carrying more than just his cum from this blip up lol. and also, you taught me more about post nut clarity right. he told me to risk it maybe half an hour after he came. surely hed have post nut clarity and not actually want a baby, right?its weird to feel fear and horny at the same time.

(Previously)

have more faith in me 😭

-

I told him to cum in me. he asked if I was sure and not only did i beg him to cum in me. i told him to get me pregnant 😭

Oh, I certainly have faith in you, Anon. I know you're going to do just what you're supposed to. 🖤

Come on, sweetheart. Do you really expect to make it out of this without him putting a baby in you? You begged for him to knock you up, took a week's worth of his cum in your unprotected pussy, and then just lay there blissed out and hazy while he made sure every drop ended up inside you.

Sure, you took Plan B afterwards. But now he knows what kind of girl you are, and that you won't stop him from keeping you full of his cum. Sooner or later, you'll be ovulating, and you'll conceive for him.

And that makes you dripping wet, doesn't it? Knowing that your straight boyfriend, who never thought of you as anything except a girl, is doing his damnedest to give you a baby bump. That you already came off T for him, and now you're taking his load in your fertile pussy whenever he tells you to.

When the day of your IUD appointment comes, I hope he just holds you down and fucks his cum into you, instead of letting you go. Clearly, he'd be justified: you can't possibly claim to be a reliable source on what you really want.

You thought you wanted to be a boy, but you eagerly turned back into a girl the minute a straight man got his cock into you. You thought you wanted to be safe, and then you begged for him to knock you up. Hell, you thought Zyns were worth whoring yourself out for, and you don't even like them. Why should he think that not wanting to have his babies is the one way you really know your mind?

[astropookie]

astro observations that i founded in my notes

*birth chart placements

star dream

taurus moon: they’re so CALM and so comforting. my histrionic energy 🤪 at first didn’t understand but just accept it. Sometimes I have the urge to smack them or shake their shoulders so they can “wake up”. They seem high, in a way they seem to accept things as how they come -but I really doubt it- (it’ll resonate more on the ones with mercury 12H at pisces degree) -I only know them for like 2 weeks-. THEY LOOK SO FUCKING COMFORTABLE OR CALM. When they’re panicking they don’t rise their voice BUT I’ve seen another taurus moon with a lot of cancer and Leo placements that’s the total opposite - I wanted to point it out bc it surprised me how tf they look so in tune with everything but at the same time their expression say otherwise-. UPDATE: she left. And that makes me wanna point out another thing. (she also has a pisces rising) —->

Pisces risings ALWAYS -idk how to bring this up- make their actions seem irresponsable or the situations they go trough are really unexpected. The other day, out of nowhere, a friend disappeared and told me she wasn’t going to stay. She didn’t specified anything. Too suden. They act or -I want to believe- their life makes them take decisions that can seem irresponsable, impulsive or egoist. I knew her for fourth weeks and then she disappeared, not specifying what was the situation. Everyone was asking me what happened and she left me the weight? the responsibility of telling everyone something I couldn’t tell (bc she told me it was a secret and I didn’t told them exactly). My ex best friend is a pisces rising and he always made decisions that affected not only him but their loved ones in a devastating way. He always passed the barrier of limits only bc he wanted and he could. He knew how much weight the situations held and even knowing that he minimized them. I’m not saying every pisces rising is like that. BC THEYRE NOT. Don’t generalize or take my observation as a way of justifying others actions. It’s complex. That’s based on what I observed, it’s completely subjective. So pls don’t take advantage of this and benefit yourself to hate on others. UPDATE: She changed careers, to major in communication to medicine. THAT’S A WHOLE CHANGE. SHE JUST TOLD ME. (with majority of air elements)

I’ve noticed that pisces risings are always questioning if they look good physically. They ask “Do I look good?” and if you say yes, they’ll be like “What do you mean that I look good? Specify. Do I look good meh or do I look good good?”

If you order an Aquarius and Capricorn prominent person, they will not do what you ordered them. They don’t like to be told what to do, to not be able to process and question that order and simply bc you’re telling them what to do, you’re demanding them. They only can do THAT -order people-, if you’re not informed 🙄

oN tHE otHeR hAnD, if you order a Sagittarius prominent person to do something they will not do it but not bc they’re mad at you, like the case of Saturn rulers. No, they’ll not do it. They’ll joke about it and ignore it bc they don’t feel free, to not be allowed or able to choose and the most important thing: bc they can.

The life of people with Venus 7H turns around relationships, romantic relationships? A really lovely friend I have always suffer bc he gives too much of his energy on relationships, friendships, every type/aspect. He came out of his almost 2 years relationship -he was very mature about it, also he was really broken when it happened obviously but he knew how to overcome it and im proud of him 😭-, now, time have passed but not too much -I’m not judging him. I didn’t thought about it till now, 3-2 months😟🤪😚- and he already told me he is starting to like someone and that he kissed her and I’m proud of him BUT HOW TF YOU LIKE SOMEONE SO EASILY AND START SOMETHING WITH SOMEONE IN A ROMANTIC PURE WAY. IM LITERALLY SAYING ROMANTIC BC HES REALLY LOYAL, ALWAYS THINKING TOO MUCH ABOUT THEIR PARTNER/LOVED ONES ETC. I FUCKING BLOCK ALL MY FEELINGS LIKE HOW DO YOU ENTER A SOMETHING SMOOTHLY WITHOUT KILLING YOURSELF THINKING THAT YOU CANT HAVE CONTROL OF THE SITUATION OR AAAAAAA

I think I know why my friend with scorpio moon don’t like my other friend with moon and mercury 12H. Scorpio always likes to control the situation, what’s happening, to know everything and to everyone to know nothing but what they want others to know -except for their loved ones?no-. 12H is synonym of “hidden”, they always hide something…-traumatic- that a scorpio may find it often uncomfortable. Why? They don’t know what’s happening easily, they know the other is hiding something. They can’t control it. They have to make an effort. They don’t like when people on purpose hide something. Scorpio moons are intuitive ASF. They don’t like your fake smile. My scorpio moon friend told me “I don’t like her. She hides something” and yes, my mercury/moon 12H friend does. She is always smiling and daydreaming, she’s not direct. She told me about her past situations that were certainly traumatic, there were a lot of changes in her life and my scorpio moon friend knows she hides THAT something.

—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•—•

❀ Based on my personal experience and what I’ve analyzed in my surroundings.

❀ English is not my first language.

❀ I’m not a profesional astrologer.

Thank youu. baibaiii🫣🫶🏼💋

Do not copy. Please give me credits.

[starryriize]

— ✧ • ˳೫˚ part of my valentine event!

೫ pairing: bf!wonbin and gf!reader

೫ summary: you and wonbin spend the entire night making pizzas

೫ genre/word count: really fluffy and cute! 761 words!

೫ author’s notes: stop i love this sm 😭 this is peak love to me fr :(( making food esp pizza >>>> (why do i feel like i could’ve made this so much better fr)

The smell of rosemary and thyme mixed with the aroma of fresh dough filled the entire kitchen,  reminding you of your childhood in your grandma’s home. The idea of making pizza was your boyfriend’s, so he called your dad to ask for his iconic family recipe. He’d given Wonbin the list of ingredients, emphasizing over the phone that he could not forget the most important ingredient: love. “I once made pizza without love and it tasted terrible! So, don’t forget it!” Your dad’s enthusiastic voice echoed in Wonbin’s mind. Perfect for Valentine’s Day, he thought to himself. 

“Y/n! Could you get the flour too, please?” You poke your head out from the pantry, hands filled with various herbs, spices, and of course, tomato sauce. You laugh, putting the ingredients on the countertop. "Sure, love." Flashing a smile at you, he thanks you, carefully adding the flour in. He gestures for you to come next to him, holding his dough-covered hand out for you to grab. You giggle, taking his hand, eyes flicking upward at his face. Removing his hand from yours, he wraps both his arms around your waist, lightly lifting you to sit atop the counter. After placing you down, he goes back to the dough, kneading it lightly.

Turning to look at the dough, you notice the marinara sauce jar is open. So, impulsively, you reach down, dipping your finger in the sauce and wiping it on your lips. "Look honey, do you like my new lipstick?" You wiggle your eyebrows at him, excitedly pointing at your lips. Wonbin lets go of the dough ball, turning to look at you. Throwing his head back in laughter, he leans over, staring at you intently. His eyes flick from your eyes to your marinara sauce-covered lips, resisting the urge to kiss the sauce off of you.

"Yes. It's a pretty red on you." Wonbin softly whispers, leaning in and giving in to his urge to kiss you. It was a soft kiss, like something out of a movie scene. It was in this moment, as he pulled away, that he knew. You were his future. Smiling, he says, “I need to finish the pizza, love. The dough has to prove for an hour or so.” You feel the heat on your cheeks rising as a small smile grows on your face.

Atop the countertop, you had the opportunity to admire your boyfriend as he focused on slicing mozzarella cheese. Taking a small piece, you bring it up to his mouth. Knowing what you wanted, he opened his mouth, letting you feed him tiny pieces of the cheese on the cutting board. “Mmphm-,” he paused, chewing before continuing, “you do realize that I have to use these for the pizza, right love?” You giggle mischievously, flashing a threatening smirk at him. You knew you didn’t look threatening, not with the flour all over you and the residue of dough on your face and shirt.

“You’re not scary, y/n.” He rolls his eyes, pressing a soft kiss on the crown of your head before turning to the dough, carefully removing it from the proving bowl. It smelled amazing, just like how your dad told him. He must’ve made it with love, you think quietly to yourself.

Grabbing two rolling pins, he divides the dough into equal portions, handing you a portion to make into your own heart pizza. “Could you pass me some oil, please?” He nods, momentarily pausing, rolling out his pizza to pass you the oil. He watches in admiration and pure love as you spread oil on the pan itself as well as the bottom of the pizza dough. Taking your hands, you carefully shape the edges and creases, forming it into a medium sized heart.

“I love you.” He whispers out, surprised by how soft his voice sounded even though it was just the two of you in your shared apartment. You giggle, sighing softly, replying, “I love you more.” He smiles, continuing to make his dough look more heart shaped, quietly spreading the sauce and adding some shredded cheese. You put the mozzarella that you’d previously been feeding to your boyfriend, onto your own pizza.

Handing the pizza to your boyfriend, you can watch eagerly as he puts them both in the oven, asking for a 45 minute timer from Siri. The two of you shared more kisses and soft laughter that night as you enjoyed the pizzas you’d both made with love. Your dad was right. Pizza does taste better when it’s made with love.

[radioactive-earthshine]

Hi!! In Impulse (1995) #1 Bart has to write a biography for school and I can’t for the life of me decipher all of the words because I can’t read the handwriting! Do u know what is written? Can u help a gal out?

^ ^

>•<

(I tried to make a cat emoticon😭)

The boy writes in cursive, I guess they don't teach how to write that anymore, which is ironic because my 5th grade teacher in 1999 told all of us we would never amount to anything if we couldn't write in cursive and the whole world revolved around cursive, then the second I was in middle school our teachers snarled if they saw ANY hand written paper they would give us an immediate F and everything had to be typed 🙃

ANYWAY. Here are the pages, and the translation.

Oh.

My name is Bart. I hope my spelling's okay.

I just learned to write this morning...

I'm not from around here. Big time.

I come from a thousand years in the future, and though my story is full of people I don't know, this is how it was told to me.

I'm the grandson of a man named Barry Allen, a 20th century hero who had super speed.

Just before he died, Granpa Barry and his wife, Iris, moved to the 30th century and started a family.

Eventually, their kids died too ... but not before I came along.

Apparently, I was born with Grandpa's speed -- and a mega-metaloblism metabolism.

It was whacked. They say I was aging at hyper-speed. At two, I looked twelve.

I'd still be two in the head if the scientists hadn't plugged it with virtual reality.

So my world was unusual. Who could tell? All I knew was that I made the rules (and learned whatever I needed to feel kinda kind of normal).

Other than that, I don't remember much about it...

...except the day it went away.

They tell me I would've died of old age -- literally -- waiting for Earthgov to fix my problem.

But Grandma Iris never gave up on me. She took me away...

... and brought me back to this century so her nephew Wally --

-- you call him The Flash --

-- could show me how to control my speed.

Some teacher.

He gave me some whoop about tempering my power...

...so I could stop the aging...

...run wherever I wanted...

...and even vibrate through solid objects.

I probably could have been more grateful.

But Wally played me like a

a

like whatever you guys play in this era...

All the time I helped him fight to keep Kobra from taking over Keystone, Wally thought he was gonna going to die. So he groomed me to be Flash Mark IV.

And then he went and didn't die.

Which meant nobody knew what to do with me.

I wanted to stay with Iris. She's the only one who ever really

But that didn't work out.

So instead, Wally used his connections to set me up with personal creds

identity papers...

...and shipped me off to live with... get this... Max Mercury. Yes. The old hero-guy who helped us beat Kobra.

I'm still wondering what I did to deserve that.

The man is one weird flavor, Wally keeps calling him the zen master of speed...

...but I never see him run!

He spends his time watching me, like he expects me to develop into something!

And he never answers my questions... not directly, anyway! It's like he's not human! And let's talk about smug! He

/end

Hope this helps!

[valyrfia]

I want to jump in on the charles tism conversation!!! As someone with autism, I generally find the ones with the allegations are typically the ones I relate to the most so I can see where they are coming from as I share a lot of behaviours and attitudes with them. However, this is more so restricted to those most commonly called autistic as I have seen every driver called various degrees of neurodivergent and yeah none of them are exactly typical but only a few of them would easily meet the criteria. I think more of them lean towards ADHD if anything. I don't personally find Charles to be particularly affected by the tism but I do very much see Lando being AuDHD with his chaos but also sensory concerns. Max and Oscar definitely more so leaning to autism but with Max there is cultural and upbringing elements which could have caused some of those signs. Lewis obviously has ADHD and that's 100% correct. George is interesting because there's such a difference between who he portrays himself as vs child him and that could be masking or it could just be growing up a bit awkward. If George is neurodivergent (autistic?), then Alex almost certainly is because it's easier to have strong friendships with other NDs but more ADHD leaning. I adore my ADHD bestie. And also have 1 single NT friend. I am going to stop there because this got completely off topic from the short message it was supposed to be so I won't analyse all the drivers for fun but I'm curious to hear more of your opinions on Charles (Max too but that's kind of a given on f1blr when autism comes up 😭).

Thanks for your input anon this is fascinating! Sticking my opinion below the cut so I don't feel guilty about rambling on

Charles: agree with him being only ADHD, he doesn't seem to struggle in social settings, and doesn't seem to have many sensory concerns. But he deals with negative spirals/racing thoughts probably one of the most out of anyone on the grid, he's messy and disorganised, and he's CONSTANTLY dopamine-seeking by being an adrenaline junkie or taking up a new hobby.

Max: as much as I'd like to blame the Dutch of it all, I think the autism is pretty apparent that even NTs catch onto it. He's very blunt/literal, has set phrases/preferences (his safe drink is G&T? discuss), is constantly filmed wincing and covering his ears in the garage, is a certified #loser in social situations/small talk, and is obviously (like all of them) hyperfocused on racing to the exclusion of all else.

Oscar: all the Nicole Piastri interviews are enough for me, his inability to express emotion normally yet obviously feeling deeply (the story she told on the red flags podcast about her falling off her bike and him being completely deadpan but then his heart monitor later revealed his heartrate had gone up to like 200 bpm or something ridiculous) , him telling his mum he wants to be a car when he grows up, the constant naps on a race weekend to avoid overwhelm. There's certainly a touch of the 'tism in my humble opinion.

Lando: so obviously audhd. The sensory issues/constant stimming, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, him falling asleep everywhere on race weekends (easy way to go non-verbal and recover from overwhelm....isn't it), his social and generalised anxiety that probably arises from constant masking, him constantly saying he "feels too much" and "cares too much". Very undiagnosed, very strongly AuDHD.

George: I'm leaning towards yes with him probably being the strongest at masking of them all. The powerpoints of it all.......he has a cadence some have said they find weird and off-putting, and him and Max are just ASD on ASD violence which makes perfect sense, actually.

Alex: maybe ADHD but honestly there's also a chance he's the token NT friend who has been around ND people for so long he prefers them.

[somewhereinneptune]

Astrology Observations II

Note : these are based on experiences and personal observations. Observations mentioned may not accurately apply to everyone 🩷

🫀Someone's life path number could be the number which is strongly tied to that person's signature sign in their chart, either being the number of the house that originally rules their signature sign or a characteristic that is tied with that signature sign.

Examples: My signature sign is Aquarius and I'm a life path number 9 , life Path 9 is associated with being the humanitarian and serving the collective

My mother is a life path 3 and her signature sign is Gemini , which is originally ruled by the 3rd house. My brother is a life path 6 and his signature sign is Virgo, which is Virgo’s house. I also read about life path 4 being strategists and I've known someone who's signature sign is Capricorn which corresponds with such energy

🫀Unpopular opinion but if I had to switch the signs elements, I'd put Scorpio as a fire sign and Aquarius as a water sign. With Scorpio it's probably because it was originally ruled by Mars, Scorpio always gives me such a fire energy compared to Pisces and Cancer. Not exactly Scorpio sun but dominating Scorpio energy in the chart, i think it's also the intensity they ooze and the level of confidence and also self- assertion, they have such a commanding presence which gives me fire energy too

As for Aquarius, despite having the characteristics of being quite distant at times or having difficulty with opening up, it's usually for how intense they are, it's a form of protection. I've made the mistake in the past of seeing aquas as detached until they actually unfolded which shocked me, the amount of depth and intensity of emotions they hold is a 360 and I've observed the same in my chart. It might be due to them being a fixed sign,but definitely that depth doesn't give the air sign vibe. Another reason is how they tend to be more introverted or reserved compared to Gemini and Libra, it gives me that water energy too

🫀Chiron in first is such a difficult placement in my opinion. It either puts you in a constant self - conscious state or you project your trauma on every situation and blur reality from there

🫀Uranus and Neptune in third 🤝 mental illness. That's it, that's the post

🫀Pets and the 6th house man….Aries / Taurus on the cusp is a cuddly adorable pet but one that will literally not do what you say no matter what, also energetic asf and has attitude esp when you say no to them- oh and very reckless, will do things that will have you question your life choices and have a heart attack on the spot because they were curious about something like jump off a high desk and not care or run into something that would harm them, literally no brain cells just impulse

🫀The degree of the planet could indicate the age that planet unlocks for you , and weird thought but hear me out : that degree could stretch up until it's time for the next planet to unlock

Example : I have Jupiter at 24 and I'm turning 25 this May . Yes I've been in my Jupiter theme and actually it seems it's only going to properly expand even more. Now the only planet left for me is Saturn at 29, and I have the theory i’d be living the Jupiter theme until I turn 29 or untill I officially start my Saturn return

I  also have most planets at 5 too like Uranus , and Venus and Neptune at 1 : i was literally the calm kid that has a crush each time she gets (and sometimes is front about it without shame 😭😭 literally one time in second grade my crush's tummy was in pain and the teacher asked who knows their house to help them go home and i stood and said MEEEE in front of everyone and kept asking to be the one to take them home til i got yelled at 💀) i also had 4687357766 anime crushes as a kid and for Uranus , was the type to get mad and throw things on the ground when told no (I threw my tea mug once cause i didn't wanna go to school and slapped my kindergarten teacher cause she didn't let me go home with mom when i saw her visiting the principal 😭😭😭)

🫀Saturn in Aries 🤝 almost dying of cringe and shame at the thought of acting child - like and doing goofy stuff/ having fun

🫀 this is popular but Leo placements and secretly checking your own posts and stories and giggling at them lmao

[soahbee]

Girls, I couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to know what happened, I haven't been able to sleep for days because of all this.😫

So today after school I didn't go home straight away, but I wrote him a message asking where he is and I want to talk to him a bit. I wrote just in time, because he replied that he was leaving now, but we could meet in the yard. I quickly ran out into the yard where I saw him, he was smoking and leaning against the wall, it seemed that he was going to his car because he had his bag and a lot of papers.

So out of a sudden impulse, since I had been waiting so long for us to talk, I ran to him and without even thinking, I just opened my mouth: "I feel like I'm not important." - I told him honestly while trying to catch my breath (bc I had been running so far) lol YEAHHH girls…I told him this without any hesitation. ???!! WTF WHY

And R (I think) expected everything but this, because he looked at me with such big eyes and then started to laugh softly and put down his cigarette. Ofc I got upset bc I thought he wasn't taking me seriously and I told him: "this isn't funny! are you mad at me?" 😭😭 After that, my eyes widened when he came closer to me and raised his hand. "Do you see this?" - he asked and pointed to the bracelet that I had given him... "If you weren't important to me, I wouldn't be wearing this gift." - he said, ruffled my hair and pinched my face again. (i died)

After that, he told me that he had a lot to do and that he had to go now because he was already late. The events happened as fast as always, so I just nodded and he said goodbye.

Honestly, I'm a little relieved that there's no problem between the two of us, but I feel that it's no coincidence that he's been "neglecting" me so far... but it's okay now.

so maybe i don't need to worry?

[foreverdjh]

terrible influence tour | 04/02/2025

(sorry for the two month delay in posting this)

it happened again. can you believe i started this account desperately posting about how badly i wanted to meet dan, never thinking it possible, and now i’ve met him not once but twice?

tit glasgow was truly the best experience of my life that even three days (or … two months) on, i don’t want to accept that it’s over. it was very different from my wad experience as i actually made friends before tit (shoutout to the queephs) who i met on dan and phil twitter and have seen pretty regularly for the last few months.

i was determined to go all out on the tifit after not committing as much as i would’ve liked for wad, so after months of planning i was so happy with how my outfit came out - my we’re all doomed longsleeve, black denim skirt, leather jacket, and my docs with purple laces, complete with purple eye makeup, nails, and the most gorgeous patterned tights. i’ve never really put a whole outfit together for an event like this before but i had such a fun time doing it. i also bought the tour t-shirt and hoodie whilst i was there, along with my vip merch bag.

i met dan and phil with my best friend lucas and honestly our meet and greet couldn’t have gone better. everything was so much clearer than expected (shoutout to sarah for recording) and really accommodating. i had them sign the time i got locked out of my twitter account for calling dan a whore (during the interval at wad😭😭) and made him laugh, and also the birth certificates for our build-a-bear children, dip and pip. we brought dip and pip for the photos and dan and phil loved them so much!! dan called them his children and told us give them good lives. we got group photos and individual photos which i will be gatekeeping for now apart from that photo of dan because he’s just too pretty not to share. i actually remembered to give them their letters (and a late birthday card for phil) which i’d prepared, unlike last time when i completely forgot. i didn’t get the chance for them to write out the tattoos i had planned but it was honestly the perfect m&g. they’re both so sweet and take genuine interest in what you have to say. i couldn’t be happier.

the preshow was also amazing. i seem to find that impulse questions are the way to go as i panic-wrote “thoughts on our gropuchat being called the queefs?” (we were all at the show), and dan suggested that we rename it queephs with a ph. which of course i immediately did. i love him. and here’s our preshow photo which im actually visible in this time!!

the show was, of course, amazing. dan was absolutely born to be on stage, he’s so beautiful under those stage lights and you can really see that look of pure adoration in him that i’ve seen in so many other performers, myself included, so many times. it truly makes me theatre kid heart so happy.

i traded so many bracelets in the interval because i truly had made so many (too many) (like genuinely however many you’re imagining, it’s Worse).

no spoilers but it’s such a good show that i can’t to see again when the recording eventually comes out (lmao i wrote this so long ago). after the show it was back to the hotel with my friends for a hilarous games night, and wetherspoons the next day to conclude an unforgettable couple of days.

[requiemism]

maybe its just because jinx is bpd (or, at least, HEAVILY coded as such) and i have a mood disorder but i truly cannot help but be bewildered by the lack of understanding and empathy towards her character both in the show and in the fandom. shes essentially a broken, manipulated, desperate child- even if shes "grown" now, shes so severely traumatized i sincerely doubt her brain developed properly and she certainly didnt and doesnt have the help required to become a well adjusted stable individual. i dont say this to take away her agency or infantilize her- her actions ARE her choice, and she DOES understand what she is doing. however, despite this, a majority of what shes done has NEVER been in a moment of rational thinking. she only did what she did as powder due to desperation; she threw the bag in the water because she was cornered, she accidentally caused the deaths she did because she didnt understand the tech she had and she was desperate to save her family. everything she does after as jinx is largely due to silcos manipulation, being severely disordered, traumatized, and abandoned, and literally every single person in her life telling her all shes good for is destruction and causing pain. she spends almost her ENTIRE life being told by EVERYONE but the person actively manipulating her that she is incompetent, annoying, destructive and batshit. OBVIOUSLY SHES NOT GOING TO BE NORMAL. OBVIOUSLY SHES GOING TO LOSE IT WHEN THE O N E PERSON SHE HAS LEFT FUCKING DIES BECAUSE SHE ACCIDENTALLY SHOT HIM DURING A PTSD DRIVEN BREAKDOWN CAUSED BY HER GODDAMN SISTER. O B V I O U S L Y SHES GOING TO DO SOMETHING RASH AND IMPULSIVE IN HER MANIC, BROKEN STATE. because now, she has nothing left. she has nothing to lose. shes a jinx, and she ruins everything that she touches, and maybe, just maybe, she can use that to honor her fathers lifelong goal. obviously this goes horribly and backfires on everyone, putting a target on the entire undercitys back, but she ABSOLUTELY wasnt thinking about that when she bombed the goddamn capitol mid breakdown. in season 2, after making this impulsive (and frankly idiotic but thats neither here nor there) decision she lays low, avoiding causing any damage unless necessary (although it IS overkill whenever she does harm people, thats what shes been taught is normal. she literally grew up in the undercity where people are murdered and mugged on a daily basis.) and using every opportunity to scourge her own existence. she VERY clearly hates herself for what shes done, and she certainly doesnt seem to be proud of any of it. i think this is best displayed in the discussion she has with isha when they first meet. when vi and the enforcer squad come after her, shes literally minding her business, making a GIFT for the woman who has repeatedly hurt her because "it was something (she) could fix." she cant even shoot vi when shes actively gassing her, literally CRYING at the thought. the only reason she actively begins attempting to kill her and caitlyn is because THEY'RE DOING THE SAME DAMN THING, and once again she very clearly cant bring herself to do so to vi. even in s1, during the tea party scene, its pretty evident that she doesnt intend to kill vi in my opinion? to make matters worse, when vi tries to kill HER, she practically BEGS her to do it.

i understand that jinx is objectively NOT a good person!!! she has literally killed tens of maybe hundreds of people and yes, she did kill caitlyns mom (although very honestly i could care less about that ngl caitlyn is absolutely a good character but i dont like her as a person for reasons largely unrelated to jinx 😓). she literally builds bombs and guns and whatever the fuck for fun. she enjoys watching people be beaten and killed. but i think the absolute lack of any empathy or understanding towards her a lot of people exhibit is a little ridiculous and it infuriates me to no end 😭 thank you for coming to my autistic ted talk!!!!