#My goodest child.

[heavensbled]

I'm only on Chapter 5...maybe 6? So it's gonna be slow going for me to finish Rebirth but I'm not rushin' it! No spoilers on this blog though, and I'm kinda shyin' away from being online until I've completed it just in case I get spoiled for something.

Safe to say this cause we all know it's in OG but I'm on my way out of Costa Del Sol tomorrow. I need to see more of my son. I need to know they don't do him dirty. I need to know he survives this... Hell, I'm 17 hours in and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN HIM AGAIN. Granted like six of those hours are like four sidequests I'm bad at this don't judge me.

[didee-anne]

Today was a pretty great day. I woke up with Ror when he got up for work and chatted with him for a bit before he left. Since it was early I went back to sleep for another couple hours before getting up and showering and getting ready for the day. I used the blowout brush on my hair which I don’t do often even though I always love how it looks when I do. Met my oldest daughter for our monthly coffee date at our favorite coffee house and caught up with her. We have a little book we update every month with what the two of us were up to individually and as a family and we look back through all the pictures we’ve taken over the last month. I really enjoy it and I’m hoping that by building the habit now while she’s still at home that maybe we can keep it up when she moves out in a couple years. After Jen left I stayed at the coffee shop until it closed and helped get stuff ready to go into the Christmas boxes assembly-line style. My friend’s goal was to raise enough funds to ship 75 boxes by holding a raffle. Long story short we stuffed 164 boxes this afternoon!!! She was giddy and I loved getting to contribute to that!! After I left Lofty I met my girlfriend Kelly for a workout and dinner. We were originally planning on sushi but had a change of plans and went to a pub instead. I’d never been and it was delicious. It was so good to catch up. Now I’m home and Oso is snuggled up with me and Sammie just got herento hang out for a bit!

[gwiazdowe]

Post Inquisitorious Cirz spends the rest of his years regaining the love for the world that he had as a child. I think there is nothing more beautiful than him falling in love with the galaxy twice. Even if the galaxy has became progressively uglier

[uhhhhmanda]

I LOVE GRAY!!!!

[me-in-my-autumnsweater]

dog nicknames are always like “goodest boi” or “sweetie pie” or “lil floofy” but here is a list of things i call my fish on a regular basis:

- My Son

- old sport

- sport

- little guy

- sir

- child of divorce

EDIT: thanks for all the love on this, Holden died in February but every time i get notified for this it makes me happy to know how appreciated he is.

[raayllum]

I've thought about Terry and Rayla parallels before ("I think too much, get confused about the right thing to do" / "says I think too much about everything" / elves supporting their mages / Rayla leaving as love vs Terry refusing to leave as love / lovingly watching your partner sleep, etc etc). Even the way they can sometimes enable Callum and Claudia's actions.

This is more true, of course, in Terry's case than Rayla's, but in a similar vein that their bonds of love are unbreakable (look at Rayla and Runaan) and that it would take a LOT for Rayla to ever even consider maybe that Callum could make a Seriously Bad Decision (she got straight up told he had a heart full of darkness and went "you're the best/goodest person I know" + the idea of Callum being controlled by Aaravos in a bad way being unfathomable to her in S4).

However what I want to talk about today is their attitudes towards dark magic.

Part of why Terry loves Claudia, I think, is that he doesn't see anything 'wrong' with dark magic. He's seen her do "a lot of awful things, dark magic things" but dark magic to him is also useful and fine and has a tingly aftertaste. It's not a hangup for him with Viren or Claudia; all he see is that she has a Good Reason, and that's all he needs, because there's no moral wedge in the way to begin with.

That doesn't mean he has zero discomfort with dark magic ("You think if dark magic did this to someone, they might not do it") or Claudia's actions ("The way you treated that Moonshadow elf, it was just cruel" / "Please, Claudia, you don't have to do this, it's trapped, you won").

But even Sir Sparklepuff's murder gets couched under "had a good reason" because it did bring Viren back, which Terry happily joyously celebrated when it happened. With all that in mind, Terry has always reminded me of Ethari — you fell in love with someone who engages in "dark work, bloody work" (Lost Child) and you knew what it would involve, and love them regardless. That's not a choice or mindset that's easily broken, but it does lead to Terry's lack of assertiveness fucking him up in ways that Claudia's passivity can too ("Please Terry, tell me what to do" / "[to Aaravos] Tell me what to do").

Terry's lack of moral qualms with dark magic is clearest to me in 6x04 in some ways, because of this exchange with Claudia:

C: All I see is parts, for spells. T: But...? C: But it's so adorable!

His but being an 'okay but WHY is this a problem for you now?' not 'yeah Sounds Concerning (and like a red flag) jc'. Claudia says she's all messed up inside, but Terry (for whatever reason) can't fully conceptualize what she means. This also leads to him not truly understanding what it is and what it's doing to his partner (probably because he met her when she was already more than mid-spiral) because if Terry fully understood how it was hurting her...

Don't you think he'd tell her to stop?

Meanwhile, even though Rayla does have moral qualms with dark magic, she doesn't focus on any of them in her argument with Callum just an episode earlier. Instead, it's all about him and the risk it poses to him and his emotions.

But most importantly because it makes you more vulnerable to the thing you're most afraid of.

Not "well Aaravos could control you and that'd be bad for everyone else / the world" but that it scares him, it hurts him, it puts him in danger. Granted, she still switches to the greater good concern later both for mitigating the harm Callum might do ("If you ever have to choose between me or the greater good, do the right thing: make the sacrifice") and on her own end ("Yes. I promise [to kill you]" + "taught me to never break my promises") but that's not her primary concern, at least not in my head.

And it's precisely because of those reasons that Rayla tells him very overtly what to do, both in regards to sacrificing her and in regards to saving him:

Rayla has unbreakable bonds of love, too, nor are her moral qualms about dark magic why she's making this point. It's because her main drive has always been to protect Callum, not even necessarily to help him, and therefore his safety is at the top of her list, so if something hurts or puts him in danger, she's going to tell him to knock it off. (And that includes saving her, but anyway.) Their mutual assertiveness with one another is one of the reasons why Rayla and Callum work, and one of the reasons Terry and Claudia were going to crash and burn, because Callum is likewise Rayla's anchor, and Terry and Claudia didn't realize they needed to be each other's until it was too late

I risked losing the best thing I ever had: you.

[eldritchcircus]

Part one of the Beach Episode! It’s taking me longer to color than I realized because frankly I thought I’d have more time before hitting 50% lol!!! Now it’s at almost 60!!! I do need to think of some new reasons to draw Grim in his Sad Frog pose but for hitting 60% and 70% I’m gonna draw him experiencing something nice :3

Also wow comic artists are so smart?? Because how do you figure out where to make the boxes? If I had to draw the same detailed background multiple times from a variety of angles I’d lose my mind????

http://kck.st/3Sdfelb

TODAY'S THE DAY!!!!!! BEHOLD... CLOWN EGG DELIGHTS

[igotlovestruck]

mr lover [ ben chilwell ]

— right where you left lover girl sequel, this takes place two years later!

[ ��𝗔𝗜𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 ] — ben chilwell x singer!reader . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ 🫂 °.   *

[ 𝗗𝗘𝗧𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗦 & 𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 ] — romance, mentions pregnancy, google translated french . ⊹ ✶ ㄔ ℹ️ °.   *

࣪˖ 💭 .. 𝗘𝗬𝗔’𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗘𝗦 ⌕ clearing my drafts again 😵‍💫 if you ask me, i’m obsessed with singer!reader fics lol

this work is purely fictional. names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. © httpsuniverse, 2023. do not steal, repost in other platforms, translate and/or claim this work as your own.

benchilwell

liked by masonmount, yourusername, reecejames and others

benchilwell family time

view all 592 comments

user am i reading this right ?? ‘family’ time ??

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yourusername my babyyy my babyyy

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benchilwell 🙄

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, masonmount, cmpulisic and others

yourusername look at me, i am the favourite hooman now.

view all 826 comments

user not y/n quoting from captain phillips 😭

benchilwell once i get back home, i will take my title back

yourusername NONSENSE! you cannot dethrone the current favourite hooman

user y/n saying hooman instead of human 😭 that’s so dog momma of her

yourusername i birthed this child

benchilwell huh

yourusername huh

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yourusername if he fits, he sits

user agreed 🤝

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user she literally loves any kind of animal 😭 she adopted a ferret when she was a kid

yourusername omg !! mr fuzzy wuzzy was my childhood pet 🥹 maybe i should adopt another ferret

benchilwell what? no way

yourusername heheheheheheheeh

benchilwell

liked by masonmount, yourusername, judebellingham and others

benchilwell home is where the heart is.

view all 289 comments

yourusername but god i love the english

benchilwell you know i love a london boy

yourusername 🫣🫣

user ben at this point, you really are the extra hooman

benchilwell i cant blame him

yourusername i told you i birthed this dog

benchilwell 😂

yourprivate

liked by masonspriv, reecespriv, mikaspriv and 23 others

yourprivate hehe oops

view all comments

mikaspriv what the fuck is this how i find out ?!?!?!!

yourprivate heheheheheheheeheh

mikaspriv IM PACKING MY BAGS AND HOPPING ON THE NEXT PLANE

benspriv little chilly 🔜

masonspriv i never wouldve known if i hadnt opened this account

reecespriv me too mate

christiansprivme three

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yourpriv what

benspriv what

yourusername and benchilwell

liked by masonmount, chelseafc, england, madders and 8,826,937 others

yourusername we’re getting him a human in a few months ���

view all 399,826 comments

benchilwell babe i thought we already agreed what the caption will be

yourusername mines funnier

benchilwell 🙄

masonmount who thought that covering his eyes would be cute

yourusername mine. do you have any problem with that? 😀

masonmount i don’t maam, it’s a great idea, very very cute!

user this is the cutest announcement 😭

user as a fellow dog mummy, i approve of this post!

weratedogs 100/10 for being such a good boy and will be the goodest big brother!

user as a y/n fan since debut, i feel OLD (we’re the same age)

yourusername omg since debut album?!?!?! 😳 we have to meet like RIGHT NOW

user y/n went from writing how she’s stuck in the past, to loving herself and loving a new person 🥹 now she’s probably gonna write something about her baby ... just thinking about it rn makes me emotional

— ❤️ by yourusername

england congratulations benchilwell and yourusername! 🤍

chelseafc shall we make a onesie for baby chilwell?

yourusername omg YES PLEASE

benchilwell 🤦🏻‍♂️

yourusername JUST IMAGINE HOW CUTE OUR BABY WILL BE ON THAT ONESIE

benchilwell

liked by prodbymika, masonmount, madders, england and others

benchilwell eleanor chilwell is here 🩷👨🏻‍🍼 you did good mama, i’m proud and grateful to you, yourusername. i love you both

comments on this post have been limited.

yourusername thank you dada, we love you too 🩷

yourusername

liked by benchilwell, charles_leclerc and 3,826,929 others

yourusername the happiest i’ve ever been 🩷 merci pour tout mon benji. je t'aime toi et eleanor de tout mon coeur. (thank you for everything, my benji. i love you and eleanor with all my heart)

view all 150,729 comments

benchilwell 🩷🩷

user several chapters missed but i’m glad to see you so happy y/n 🥹

user i was surprised when they announced she was pregnant, bit i was more surprised to know that they’re married now 😭

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user AAA y/n 🥺

user literally went from being dog parents to real parents 🥺🩷

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ─────────────────

yourusername and benchilwell

2,836,729 likes

yourusername darling, don’t you ever grow up... just stay this little. happy birthday my sweet eleanor🩷 mama (with the help of dada) wrote a song for you baby, me and dada loves you sooo much. never grow up out now ✨

view all 238,861 comments

benchilwell growing up too fast, my ellie bear 🥲

user ellie bear... 😭 bens such a girl dad

user stopp im emo im not even a parent

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user milks expensive, im too young to be a mum

user my daily mantra every time i see ben or y/n post eleanor

user they have a little ballerina 🥺

user 4 years old already? 😭 time really flew by omg

yourusername i know right 🥺

user y/n and her happy ending 🥺 CURRENTLY TAKING A BATH WITH MY TOASTER RN

[johnwickb1tsch]

Sympathy for the Devil ~ Part 18

A Donaka Mark x housekeeper!Reader fic, based on @discoscoob 's concept & bot! An unlikely flirtation turns into a dark obsession... Warnings: Donaka Mark is a bad man with a soft spot for you. dark romance, possessive behavior, nonconsensual voyeurism, red flag red flag girl!🔺, psychological games, power imbalance, eventual dubcon/nsfw/involuntary captivity. all chapters

Eighteen. 十八

Maybe because Donaka watches you streaming how-to videos over the limited access iPad he gives you, a yoga teacher starts coming every other day to the house for an hour session.  

You cannot help but think the gesture is self-serving, keeping you limber for his own gratification, but it gives you something to do while he’s gone. 

It also helps calm you, in the moments when you are sorely tempted to break every expensive antique ceramic he has in the house, starting with the extremely rare pale green Ru Ware vases.

He’s kept his word, not letting you outside the compound since your little escape attempt. On top of the cameras, you feel his security team watching you at all times when he’s out–from a distance, but it’s still unnerving. You’re doing your best to be the goodest of girls–but it’s driving you crazy inside.

You’ve tried to write, but the words do not come easily anymore. Partly because you know he would read them later, and partly?

You feel too overwhelmed to even begin to make sense of this in the shape of words. 

You read instead, spending a great deal of your time in the library. You sprawl in the comfy chairs, but your favored pose is laying on your belly with a book on the floor like you did when you were a child. Partly because it’s comfortable and partly, it gives you the ridiculous psychological illusion of hiding. You are laying like this behind the table when you hear the door open, and recognize just by the confident footfalls who has entered your little sanctum. 

You cannot keep your heart from pounding double-time–depending on his mood, it could be good to see him back from work this early, or very bad.  

“Are my chairs not satisfactory?” he asks, the corner of his mouth pulled just slightly. “Do you require a pillow fort?”

You roll onto your side to look up at him, shrugging. “You’re home early.” It wasn’t even lunchtime yet. 

“I thought you might like to try out my new toy with me.” 

Your initial reaction to this statement is dread. 

The look on your face must tickle his funny bone. He throws back his head and laughs like a real Bond villain. “Not that kind of toy, y/n. Get up.”

You push to your feet, gingerly closing the book you’d been reading. He tilts his head to peruse the cover. “Tai Chi Theory? Forgot I even had that one.”

“It’s kind of interesting,” you play off, reluctant to tip your hand. In fact, you find it very interesting, especially after watching that young man Tiger Chen. You wonder how long you’d have to study, before you could get to pushing hands, the martial side of Tai Chi. 

You feel the weight of his gaze on you, and as usual, suspect you’re not fooling him one bit. He looks you up and down; you’re still in yoga pants and a tank top. “Go put on one of your new dresses,” he tells you. “Casual is fine.” 

His idea of casual and yours differ by vast degrees. 

This is when it sinks in for you: he is taking you out of the house? He watches your face light up like a lightbulb, and his smile widens slightly. “Tik tok, bunny,” he tells you, glancing at the Rolex upon his wrist. 

With a final glance at him you set your book on the table for later, and rocket out of the room. 

A large section of Donaka’s closet has been filled with clothes–for you. Nothing you had any hand in picking out, of course, although you hate to admit…more of them hit the mark than don’t. In your rush you settle on a sleeveless floral Carolina Herrera shirt dress with an A line skirt, and semi-sensible platform wedge sandals by Dior. It’s something you would almost select on your own–minus the three grand price tag.

Jesus H Christ on a cracker. 

Nervous, because you have no idea what he has in mind, you find yourself fidgeting in the closet mirror with a deer-in-the-headlights look. This does not improve for you, when you see him filling the doorway, his arms up on the jambs.   

“I knew that would look nice on you.”

His approval should not make you feel all warm inside, but…oh. His dark eyes in the mirror could start a fire, and you take a shaking breath. 

“Is this ok?” you ask, turning, smoothing your skirt. 

“Perfect.” 

This is when you really notice that he is wearing a khaki colored suit, with a white oxford button down, and it’s such a change from his usual grays and blacks that it almost makes your head spin. It makes him seem…less sinister, somehow, and so dapper your chest aches. 

“Where are we going?” you ask, sidling closer. 

“Nowhere, if you keep looking at me like that,” he answers with a half smile and that smoldering look that makes you weak in the knees. 

The devil shouldn’t be allowed to wear white. It’s entirely too becoming. It makes you forget too much. 

Feeling bold, maybe even a little giddy with the thought of going out, you wrap your arms around his lean torso under his jacket, tilting your head towards his. When his lips touch yours gently it feels like spring rain, like parts of you that were near death inside perk up and sigh, and you know you shouldn’t let yourself feel this way…but it’s too late. Too late by half. 

“Come on, y/n,” he says, taking your hand and tugging you to follow him.

***

You do not really know what you’re looking at, at first, when he leads you out to the circle driveway.

It’s a sports car, of course, its perfect porcelain white paint gleaming like a pearl in the sun, with brushed aluminum trim and crimson accents in the wheels. You can see hints of red leather interior peeking through the tinted windows. 

“Well?” he asks impatiently when you are quiet for too long.

“It’s gorgeous,” you admit, meaning it too.

He grins down at you in a moment of what you believe is pure, unadulterated happiness. “That’s worth 2 million dollars, I suppose.”

You almost trip, and might have bit it if he wasn’t already holding on to you. “What?”

The ‘Just kidding’ does not come. He opens the passenger side door for you with a gallant little wave. “My lady.”

You, however, pause at the door. “Donaka, I’m afraid to even touch this thing.” He was ready to spank you over just tearing a button off a shirt.

He leans on the door, smirking down at you. “Baby, do you know what the mark of true, untouchable, fuck you wealth is?”

You blink in answer. “Umm…no?”

“It’s the fact that we could destroy this thing today, and I could buy another one tomorrow just like it. And there were only 58 ever made.”

You let out a slow breath. You know he is not actually so cavalier with his expensive possessions. And the thought of having that much money to burn…it’s just obscene. Like he can read the transcript of your hesitance, he urges you further.

“Come on, bunny. Let’s have some fun.”

You look at the luxurious blood red leather inside the car. “Should I take my shoes off?”

“Honey, you can put your feet on the dash if you want.” 

It feels like…he actually means it, and it’s hard to reconcile this carefree mood of his with the forbidding man you knew before. Maybe you’re the fool…but you want to believe this side of him is real. You want to believe…that you’re safe. You bite your lip, and he can see your trepidations evaporating with the rising sun. In the end, the chance to go outside the compound is too much temptation to resist. “Okay.”

“Mmm. That’s my girl.”

Hearing those words from his lips should not cross the wires in your brain the way they do. You settle down into the sculpted seat, and he closes the door gently after you. 

You notice something sitting in the floorboard at your feet. As he’s getting in you realize it's a handbag, white leather, red lining. It’s almost cute, that it matches his car. There’s a brightly printed silk scarf inside, as well as sunglasses, hand lotion, and organic lip balm. It’s funny that you didn’t even think to bring a bag, because you have no money or identification to put in it. He’s thought of everything, it seems. 

It’s all damn near sweet, is what it is, and as ever you feel the conflict of rabid want and utmost trepidation with this man. 

He starts the car, and the deep, primal rumble of the motor is like the warning grumble of a jungle cat, low and menacing. How fitting, for the man behind the wheel. 

“You’re going to want that for your hair,” he tells you, nodding at the scarf. 

“Oh?” 

He touches a button, and what you thought was a solid tinted black top slides back with seamless precision, folding somehow into the boot. 

“Holy shit.”

He laughs at your surprise, enjoying your mystification. “They told me this car can go from 0 to 100 kilometers in 2.7 seconds. Should we try it out?”

“Uh…that sounds terrifying,” you answer glibly, folding the scarf in half. Your insides lurch a little when you see Hermès printed in the corner. Then you have a heart-stopping inkling about the bag too. Gold hardware and a decorative lock, and in small gold script, there it is. $30,000 sitting at your feet, minimum. 

Don’t panic. Stay calm.

You can’t help but think that if you had that kind of money to throw around, you would give it to Mei for her sister, and not spend it on a Birkin, or a special edition supercar, or a designer dress that you were pretty sure you could find a lookalike of at Target.

He’s watching these thoughts play across your face with a small smile. You’re sure he knows the gist of them, if not the exact translation. You realize he was right, when he told you so unfalteringly that he knows you better than anyone. 

Fine, you think, trying to put some steel in your spine. Bitching about the price of these gifts to indulge your guilt will get you nothing in the end. You decide that you are going to enjoy your day, so that he enjoys his day, and then you are going to ask him again about Mei tomorrow. Honey over vinegar. 

Flow bitch flow.  

As if on cue, the wound on the inside of your thigh aches as you shift in your seat. It’s not infected, but it’s taking a long time to heal. He lets you wash it, but no ointment is allowed. He wants it to scar–and he’s going to get his wish, the manipulative bastard. 

You look around the interior of the car, admiring the undulating white leather dragon detail sewn into the upholstery between your seats. “This is way cooler than the Lamborghini,” you affirm, winning the smug pleasure you sought. 

“I thought it might appeal to you.”

“Um…what is it?” You don't recognize the stylized logo on the dash. 

He smirks at you, as though for some reason it pleases him that you don’t know. 

“This is a Bugatti Veyron, sweetheart.”

You think you’ve heard of that…in a Lana del Rey song.

Then, like he can’t help himself, he adds, “Year of the Dragon edition.” He lifts his eyebrows as he says this, and it hits you like a shovel–he’s being cute. He seems to get so much enjoyment out of giving you the specs–it’s ridiculously endearing, even if he is mansplaining.

“I see. Well…I shouldn’t like it, but I’m afraid I do,” you begrudgingly admit.

This admission makes him laugh out loud. “I don’t think you realize it yet, but you have expensive taste.” 

You shrug, even while it eats at you inside. “I think you mean I have good taste,” you counter, tracing his long fingers lightly where his hand rests on the console between you. He opens his paw in invitation, and you lace your fingers with his. As his grasp closes upon your smaller hand you can’t help but feel like you have sealed something between the two of you. His heavy gaze upon you only reinforces this impression. 

The corner of his mouth ticks up, as though he senses your trepidation deep down. He doesn’t taunt you though, simply stepping on the gas. The car roars, and you are racing off into the warm embrace of a beautiful South China day.

***

As you drive the winding roads of Hong Kong island, the lush landscape on either side and the glittering blue sea stretching off into the distance, you think you finally understand Donaka Mark’s predilection for high-performing sports cars. These roads are made for such machines, or vice versa, the low slung car hugging the curves with ease. Donaka is a good driver, despite the speed, and you strangely find yourself relaxing for the first time in you don’t know how long, enjoying the ride. This man doesn’t have a death wish. He’s not going to do anything stupid, so you sit back and revel in the breeze, riding the wind with your hand out the window like you used to when you were a child. 

Out the corner of your eye you realize he’s watching you with a small smile, and for once he doesn’t look sinister or conniving. He looks content, and you didn’t have to sacrifice any of your mental or physical wellbeing to get him there.

Miracles happen every day.  

He also looks unfairly handsome behind the wheel of this speed machine, and you can’t help but sigh to yourself. You suppose you could certainly be doing worse with your time. 

“Where are we going?” you ask, curious, but in no hurry. 

“On a little adventure. Have you seen the south end of Tai Tam Road yet?” 

You shake your head. Anytime you took the bus to the Central district from Shek O you just went north. “I haven’t seen any of that part of the island,” you admit. You’d wanted to check out the beaches, but just never got around to it. There was a lot in Hong Kong you had wanted to do, before the necessity arose to try to get the hell out of Dodge. 

“Then today’s your lucky day.” 

You think that might be true in more ways than one. At the juncture he turns left, heading south, and you are happily quiet as you take in the views of the lush mountains along the winding road. You roar over the narrow two lane of the dam of the reservoir, and you close your eyes for a moment, enjoying the cooler air. It’s all so stunning, and over-the-top as it is, this is a pretty epic way to take it all in. 

Donaka catches you smiling to yourself, and squeezes your hand in his. 

“Was it difficult, getting used to driving on the left?” you ask. 

“Who says I had to get used to it?” he counters with a little smile. 

“I guess I just assumed you’re American,” you admit, mostly from the way he talks. “You’re too evil to be Canadian.” 

This makes him laugh out loud, delighted. “You might be surprised, darling.” 

He gives you nothing, and you wonder if he encourages the mystery because he left a life behind as a wanted man, or simply because he enjoys the cloak and dagger of it. You realize that you’ve kind of invented this persona of wickedness for him from gut instinct and what little clues you’ve gathered, but you know nothing for certain. Donaka might be a perfectly upstanding businessman–as upstanding as any multi-millionaire ever can be. Mightn’t he???

You just can’t bring yourself to believe it.

“So…how did you come to live in China?”

He tilts his head, looking over at you with amusement. “Are we playing twenty-questions today?” 

“Just trying to get to know you better.” 

“Why?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. It’s not like we’re living together now or anything…” It’s the most politic way you can think of, to describe kidnapping, forced cohabitation, and temporary insanity brought on by the most thrilling quasi-consentual sex of your life.

His lips twist as you think he’s trying to suppress a grin. Instead he presses a surprisingly tender kiss to your fingers, and drives in silence for at least a kilometer before answering, “I came to China a long time ago, to find my father.” 

Sensing the weight of this admission, you hesitate to go forward. But there is that burning curiosity in the back of your brain; you so badly want to know. “Did you find him?”  

“Eventually.” You wait for elaboration, but the silence stretches on. You realize this is not a happy subject for him, and you congratulate yourself on your talent for always pinpointing the exact wrong thing to say to ruin a beautiful day. This is why you prefer writing conversations down to having them in real time. You always, inevitably, unfailingly, fuck up. 

“I’m sorry,” you sigh, sinking into your seat, looking out over the stunning landscape rolling before you and feeling incredibly stupid. Once again, it seems, you’ve forgotten your place. Mistresses don’t ask these things, do they? You’re supposed to be pretty and fuckable and entertaining, and don’t forget your role on the odd days when it feels like you might mean more than that to him. 

“Don’t be,” he forgives you with a grace that absolutely surprises you. “I appreciate that you want to know me, y/n. But there are things you don’t want to know. Do you understand?”

“Yes and no,” you admit cautiously. “Are these things I don’t want to know, or things you don’t want me to know?” 

He smiles ruefully at that. “Both.”

Maybe you already knew that, deep down. You try to tell yourself that it doesn’t matter. That you’re not staying any longer than you have to, no matter what he says to scare you, or beguile you, and no matter how it seems that he’s being sweet because it has to be a manipulative lie. That someday you’re going to get your opportunity, and you’re going to bounce. And most important of all: you are not falling in love with this man. You’re telling yourself all of this…but the foremost part of your brain, whatever is responsible for what you are doing now, in this moment–isn’t paying one bit of attention. It likes this handsome monster of a man beside you, in his beautiful suit, with his wicked fast car. It likes where you are right now, and it’s telling your longterm survival instincts to fuck the fuck off. 

His thumb strokes yours gently on the center console between you, back and forth as he thinks. “I haven’t had an easy life, y/n,” he finally admits. “I learned early on that if you want anything worth having, you have to take it, because no one will hand it to you.” It’s possible that you hold your breath at hearing this, thinking about the way he up and took you. “Not that he meant to, but the one good thing my father taught me, was the lengths the rich will go to, to protect their wealth. I’ve made a career capitalizing on that, and it’s gone well for me.” 

You suppose you can’t argue with that. 

Vague as his admission was, it does explain certain things about Donaka Mark to you. It almost startles you, when he flashes that smile that is so much like a tiger showing its fangs. “And now I know you will pick apart every little syllable I’ve just said, trying to get the most information you can out of it.” 

It’s so spot on that you look away, embarrassed by how ridiculous you are, and how well he knows it too. But he squeezes your hand, calling your attention back to him. He doesn’t say anything more, but the warm way he looks at you…it should be illegal. You’re not sure you’ll ever be free, when he turns the full power of that smoldering gaze upon you. 

Inexplicably flushed, you look at the road ahead. There’s a straight away coming up, the azure sea beyond glittering like a blanket of brilliant cut diamonds. “I thought you said this car was fast?” you challenge, and even though you know he knows you’re changing the subject, he rises to your challenge with a smirk, and a roar of the engine as the Bugatti rockets forward down the highway. 

You laugh with unfettered joy as he passes a slower car, slicing back into your lane with a foot to spare in front of an oncoming truck, and you decide that maybe the both of you have gone a little mad amidst this thing that has grown between you, taken hold of your sanity like a strangler vine. 

all chapters.

____________________

*the car is a Bugatti Veyron, Wei Long Grand Sport 2012 Year of the Dragon edition. You can google it if you want more specs. I’m not big into cars or anything but I thought it was pretty frickin’ cool. 😂

The route they take on Hong Kong island: (I love maps I'm sorry 😆)

[octopotto]

General Yandere! Silver Headcanons (TWST)

OCTO NOTE: SILVER DIDN'T COME HOME SO HERE'S HOW I'M COPING 😭😭

Late headcanons for the birthday boy!

Warnings: NOT PROOF-READ, the grammar here is a warning itself, Yandere behaviour, soft yandere, obsession, OOC madness, unhealthy behaviours, Lilia is an enabler, this is like a week late lol

**WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR TWISTED WONDERLAND

REMINDER: Yandere behaviour of any kind is unhealthy behaviour. It should not be something to seek out in real life. If you are experiencing any sort of inappropriate behaviour, please contact help/seek out help.

**The reader will ALWAYS be Gender-Neutral! 

———————————-••———————————

- Soft

- So soft

- Like the softest

- And the goodest of boys

- Like why is he even going to NRC??

- Probably only attends NRC because of Malleus and Lilia like he legit does not fit in lmaoo

- Out of all of the TWST guys, he’s probably the most tamed and humane yandere out of all of them (which makes sense tbh).

- You guys could’ve met in many ways due to what the MC has to go through (thanks to a certain deadbeat crow).

- Silvers reaction to you at first could end up two ways:

One: After asking you if you’ve seen Malleus anywhere, he just moves on with his duties. This would be a slow-type of process. He would also lean towards the oblivious side when it comes to his feelings for you.

Two: it’s love at first sight. 

- Going off the 2nd reason mentioned, since Silver is mostly likely the descendant/based on Aurora and Prince Phillip, he could technically fit into the ‘Disney-Princess stereotype’: where the princess would fall in love with a person who is kind to them. 

- Regardless of either scenario mentioned, Silver is not the type to act on his feelings right away. He’s self-aware about how he feels about you, but wouldn’t be the type of person to go up to you and say “It’s meant to be!” Or “You’re my prince/ss! And we’re going to live happily ever after! UwU *sunshine and rainbows* *singing birds*”

- Silver knows that he likes you so he would seek out your company in order to get to know you better. Whether it be for lunch, studying, or just talking to you, he will make sure to spend time with you when he can. 

- He’s just going to end up sleeping on your shoulder anyways lol.

- Sliver: *Literally almost collapsing on the ground while hanging out together* 😌😪😴😴

- You: *Wanting to wake him up but not having the heart to after seeing how peaceful he looks* 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

- Silver is also the type to use old-fashioned ways to win you over. 

- Advice from his ever so-loving and caring father Lilia of course—

- Flowers sent by his little bird friends with a note containing romantic poems, tried greeting you with a little kiss on your hand, holding the door for you even if you you’re not even near the door yet (awkward loving eye contact while you’re speed walking to the door)

- You get the idea

- Speaking of Lilia, I 100% believe that he would enable Silver to act on his yandere tendencies (whether it’s on purpose or not).

- I mean cmon, if you were in Lilia’s shoes wouldn’t you want your own child to be happy with the one they love the most?

- Even if it’s illegal but who’s asking?

- He’s probably just doing this for the wedding that he totally did not plan in advance whaa—??

- Also, Silver probably doesn’t develop any yandere tendencies until the middle of y’all’s relationship tbh.

- If he does develop yandere tendencies before or early in the process, it’s most likely due to Lilia’s influence.

- Like I mentioned before, Silver is most likely the best— if not the BEST— yandere to end up with based on his overall personality.

- I know that yandere tendencies can lead characters to act ooc but for Silver, the stereotypical yandere is too extreme for his type of person. 

- DOES NOT EXCUSE THE BEHAVIOURS OR ACTS.

- Again, very soft and gentle 

- Would treat you with soft caresses and kisses, especially when cuddling.

- Would never use brutal force or inflict any sort of harm on you unless it’s by accident.

- Silver can’t and won’t harm you as it would put your life in jeopardy (doesn’t matter what it is).

- Daily naps always

- If you’re sleeping, he’s sleeping

- If he’s sleeping, you’re sleeping (or just lying there)

- Silver just can’t help but sleep in your presence. It’s not that you’re boring no way, you just give off this peaceful aura that enormously makes him sleepy.

- Basically when you’re around he has the best naps in the world.

- He rather sleeps in your dorm than his own just because of you. He’s probably seen the evolution of Ramshackle depending on when he acted on his feelings.

- Lilia just hanging upside down on a nearby branch, watching y’all from the distance and cooing how cute you guys are: 🥰🥰🙃🙃🥰🥰

- If there’s ever a joint class between the 1st and 2nd years, the teachers always make sure that you two are apart.

- Much to Lilia’s dismay if he hears about this.

- Because when you’re around, Silver ain’t getting nothing done. Not when your soft shoulder is the best pillow he has ever laid his head on. 

- Besides your lap ofc—

- Also, a good listener!

- If you have a problem or you need to rant to someone, Silver is your guy.

- He doesn’t mind at all (he really likes your voice, happy or pissed off).

- Just don’t tell him specific details or else something might happen (and it won’t be pretty).

- He adores quality time as well as physical contact with you. Holding hands, sleeping next to each other, etc. 

- He loves it when you play with his hair. He would intentionally lay his head down on your lap so you have easier access to his hair.

- Remember when Vil braided Silver's bangs back for the Fairy Gala Remix event?

- If you can do that, Silver will always go to you to do his hair. 

- He would definitely let you experiment with his hair as well. 

- Ponytails, pigtails, a little bun, he’ll love it all if it’s done by you.

- He would even let you dye his hair as well if you wanted.

- Hell, if you mentioned that you find long hair attractive, Rapunzel better watch out, she’s now competing with a sleepy-simp.

- If we’re going to dive into spoiler territory, it’s most likely won’t change the story lol.

- For Book 7, even if Malleus gives Silver his happily ever after with you, he still wouldn’t be happy.

- Silver might be ecstatic that you reciprocated his feelings, but he would rather have this in the real world instead.

- Not in a toxic dream world that Malleus made up due to overblot.

- Hell, I don’t even believe that dream would come true because Yuu is in another place entirely due to Malleus influence.

- Which motivates Silver to fix this problem even more.

- So happy to find you alright.

- Overall, Silver is just a huge simp for you. 

- Not really violent unless necessary.

- Very loving and caring

- Will do everything in his power to make you happy.

- Best boi no debates

- TLDR: Silver’s a bottom lol

———————————-••———————————

OCTO NOTES: Okay I know this wasn’t really yandere but I feel that it would be too OOC for Silver. 

Anyways! Thanks for reading <33 This is the first time that I wrote for Silver. 

Also THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE 14 LIKES ON MY CLOUD STRIFE HEADCANONS!!❤️❤️ I LEGIT SCREAMED WHEN I SAW 1 LIKE LOL

I’ll work on part 2 of his headcanons soon don’t worry! Again thank you all so much!!

Heres the Cloud Strife headcanons if you're curious: Yandere! Cloud Strife HC's (Platonic)

[falconfeather23435]

Aaaaaaa I love it!! Raking leaves & playing in the piles was a huge part of my childhood, this was wonderful! Thank you so much, & congrats on 500!!

If you’re still taking asks for the 500 followers event, could I suggest topaz with Fives in autumn? Maybe something to do with playing around in fallen leaves, but I leave the rest to your imagination!! Go as wild as you’d like :)

Colors of Fall

Summary: When the leaves start to fall from the trees, you know that it’s going to fall on you to clean them up. A chore you’ve hated since childhood. Luckily, Fives is more than happy to keep you company.

Pairing: ARC Trooper Fives x GN!Reader

Prompt: Topaz - Affectionate Love

Word Count: 579

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: I'm not so sure about this one, but I hope you like it anyway! I, personally, always hated having to deal with the leaves in the fall, but that's because I have a thing about my hands getting dirty.

“You have no idea how much I appreciate this,” You say with a small smile as you lean a pair of rakes against the siding of your house, “I hate having to do this.”

Fives grins at you as he kicks some leaves around, sending them flying. “It’s not a problem, beautiful. I’m happy to help. I’m a helper.”

“So I see,” You joke as the leaves settle around him, and on him, “I’m guessing you’ve never done this before?”

“You guessed right.”

“So, basically, we’re going to rake the leaves into a pile, and then put them into bags to be sent to a compost heap.” You explain as you hand him a rake.

“Alright…why? What’s wrong with just leaving them?”

You open your mouth to reply, and then hesitate, “I don’t know. But if I don’t do it then my dad will find out and I’ll get yelled at, so-”

“You do realize that you’re an adult, right? If he yells at you, you can just hang up.” He glances at you, and then laughs at the look on your face, “Let me guess, your dad still sees you as a ten year old?”

You fling a handful of leaves at him, “Maybe.”

He flings a handful of leaves right back at you, “So that’s a yes then. Man must hate that you have a boyfriend.”

Your face heats and you avert your eyes.

“Cyare,” Fives drags the nickname out, “Your family does know that you have a boyfriend, right?”

Your face heats even more, “They don’t not know.”

He looks, ridiculously, thrilled by that fact as he drops the rake and sweeps you into a tight hug, spinning you around. “Cyare, am I your dirty little secret?”

“You’re hardly little,” You scoff, “And I’m not keeping you a secret, I just…don’t want to deal with all of the questions.” You yelp when Fives falls backwards into the massive pile of leaves from the front yard, sending leaves sending orange and red and yellow flying around your.

“What kinda questions?” Fives asks as he gets comfortable in the pile of leaves, his arms snug around your waist.

You huff out a breath, though there’s a grin on your lips, “You know. How did you meet him? How long have you been dating? Are you planning on marrying him?”

He sits up, with you settled on his lap, “Ah, those questions.”

“Yeah.”

“Easy answers, really.” He grabs a massive handful of leaves and pours them over your head, causing you to sputter and laugh.

“W-what are you doing?”

“Hold on, I gotta get you covered in leaves.”

“Why?” You ask with a laugh as you push a leaf out of your face.

“So we can take a picture, obviously. What better way to announce that you have a boyfriend than with a picture of us covered in leaves and you breathless with laughter.”

You grin at him and press your hands against his cheeks, “I love you, you ridiculous man.”

“I know,” He looks smug about it, so you drop some leaves on his head, pulling laughter from him. “I love you too.” He finally says.

He pulls you in and presses his lips against yours, and you sigh into the kiss as you lean into him. “We really do need to clean all this up.” You murmur against his lips.

“In a minute.” He replies as he tightly squeezes your hips, “We can enjoy this for now.”

[crimsonbastard]

My thoughts on Episode 4:

Aegon finally snapping after realising that everyone only sees him as nothing more than a puppet king was satisfying. The desperate need to prove himself, to his mother, his brother and the council by going to war himself, to show that he's good at something was so good to see. However I'm still bummed out that he wasn't actually part of the plan. Him leading his army head on as Cole gives that rallying speech was one of my favourite moments in the book. Too bad that it was changed to him appearing unannounced prompting Cole to give that last minute impromptu speech.

Aemond speaking High Valyrian and regaining some ground over his brother after that brothel incident. We've seen Team Black saying that Alicent's children aren't true Targaryens. Well we can put that claim to rest after seeing Aemond practically take his brother down a peg in High Valyrian. Something even Jace Could not master.

The Alicent Plan B scene. Honestly, after years of being used as a broodmare, I understand why Alicent resorted to using moon tea. Although she has a consensual sexual relationship with Cole where she gets to regain some semblance of that autonomy that she couldn't get because of Viserys, getting pregnant again and going through another painful, life threatening child birth is simply a big "no" for her. Irrespective of her finally being able to explore her sexuality, bearing a child again is still something very traumatic for her that she still closely associates to Viserys and the neglect she was dealt whilst she was at her most vulnerable.

The Criston Cole glazing. I love how almost every council member of Team Black acknowledges Criston as a force to be reckoned with, which he is. It sheds light on the fact that he's more than some brute who acts on Alicent's Whims. He's an experienced Commander and he truly shines when he finally gets to be in his element. I've seen several reactors begurdingly admit that Cole's strategy was sound, despite clearly hating him and it was so satisfying.

Jacaereys and Baela taking Rhaenyra's stead whilst she was away and doing their best in putting out the fires in the Council Room was a delight to see. Jace being eager to join the battle and help his mother save her crown was refreshing and we got a good character moment from him.

The Rhaenys and Alyn scene was.....meh considering the fact that she was harsher in the books. I was expecting her to lash out at Corlys with her barbs but again, she was just mum about it, it feels like the writers forgot to give her some agency when it comes to how she acts around her Husband. And the fact that people are comparing her to Catelyn Stark and tearing the latter down is annoying. Can y'all stop with the Catelyn Hate? It's been decades.

Rooks Rest was amazing in the beggining. We've got Gwayne's inexperienced ass doubting Criston at every step until he gets silenced. The plan was perfect with Cole and Aemond using Vaghar as a trump card in case any of Team Black's dragons come knocking. But that is where my appreciation for that battle ends. We've Sunfyre being absolutely butchered all though he puts up a decent fight in the books. Where the fuck is Rhaenys charging at both Aemond and Aegon with a glad cry? Where is Rhaenys having a "dragon rider's" death that Team Black likes to harp about. The Aemond scene where he blasts at both rider's was dumb and pointless, a cheap attempt at creating some conflict between the brothers when we had the Brothel scene just the episode before. This would've been a wonderful opportunity for them to show how despite hating eachother's guts the brothers will still die for eachother. But alas, I guess only Team Black can have good familial relationships.

Sunfyre being the goodest boy xD

[ozzgin]

I see all the cat posts on your blog from followers and raise you my floppy eared good boy. <3 He just turned 10 in July, his name's Tony. :3

Awwww, what a fresh looking fellow. Is he one of those sausage dogs? I'm a sucker for dachshunds. During the pandemic we'd been looking into adopting a child-biting sausage senior from the shelter, but someone grabbed the goodies before us.

And you named him Tony, too! "I'm Tony Montana! You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!", he professes with a polite bark. The goodest of boys, back in town for good boy business. Heh.

Thank you for sharing his long majesty with us.

[amhrosina]

Frank Castle x Reader Instagram AU

MASTERLIST // JOIN MY TAGLIST

(a/n: this is something new that i’m trying and it won’t be replacing my fics at all i just wanted to try something new!!! if it flops then oh well lol i didn’t mean for this to be so dog-centric but there’s a LOT of pictures of jon with his dogs, please enjoy and if you have requests for more instagram au’s please send them!!!)

Liked by frankcastle, karen_page, nelson.foggy, and 742 others

yourusername love my family <3 (photo taken by yours truly!)

View all 49 comments

frankcastle We love you more sweetheart.

yourusername ❤️❤️❤️

nelson.foggy i love love!

matthewmurdock You literally gagged and said 'gross' when this picture first showed up on your phone.

yourusername foggy!!

nelson.foggy i didn't realize i was best friends with a snitch, matt.

karen_page this is such a great photo of them! how did you get him to sit so still?

yourusername frank or max? neither of them likes to cooperate.

billsrusso fucker’s old

yourusername i hope you’re talking about frank and not my darling child

billsrusso of course dear

frankcastle Fuck y’all🖕🏼

Liked by yourusername, david.micro, curtisss, karen_page, and 58 others

frankcastle This dog’s always in my face about somethin’

View all 11 comments

yourusername he’s asking for more treats (which you should give him because he’s the goodest boy)

frankcastle You already gave him two today!

yourusername three, but who’s counting???

david.micro he’s trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty

curtisss big love!

Liked by frankcastle, imnotdaredevil, nelson.foggy, and 698 others

yourusername save a horse ride a cowboy ammiright???

View all 36 comments

frankcastle I can’t believe you used THAT caption🤦🏻‍♂️

yourusername i knew you’d love it😇

matthewmurdock right!

matthewmurdock oh shit, wrong account

imnotdaredevil right!

yourusername NOT THE FINSTA MATT💀

frankcastle What the fuck is a finsta?

Liked by yourusername, billsrusso, matthewmurdock, and 68 others

frankcastle putting in work with my favorite alter boy @ matthewmurdock

View all 17 comments

yourusername shit, baby!😮‍💨

frankcastle 😏

matthewmurdock i can’t tell if this is an insult or not

frankcastle it is

yourusername it’s not

nelson.foggy clearly my invitation was lost in the mail

billsrusso hell yeah brother!

frankcastle Come by when you want to get some real work done, brother💪🏼

- - -

yourusername added to their story

- - -

frankcastle added to their story

------------

Tag List (I did make a section in my tag list request form for Instagram AUs if you want to update your form!!):

@xleiaorgana @mukbee @dilfs5678 @kokoterainonago666 @blackwidownat2814 @callsign-mama @minervadashwood @emiemiemiii @h4rrys @messymissy @mylifeispainandiloveit @mossexe @fightmilk @spikedhe4rt @fictional-hooman @merleisapartygod @babyslyth @legocity2 @quackson03 @certifiedhunter @deliciousfestsalad @dumb-fawkin-bitch @americaarse @thatgirljayy @hiyabyeyababy @theesexystallion @scoliobean @myguiltypleasures21 @dnxgma @evyiione @gpenguin666 @desert-fern @day-dreaming-goddess @rayray787 @ginnysculture @ryebreadsworld @laaundromat @alexxavicry @hallecarey1 @km-ffluv @chiaraxtargaryen @trulylavandedarling @D0wnbad @lilyevans1 @22carolina08 @definitelynotsugar @casualchaoticdevil @peachy-flxwr @nashja @xshewayout @blep--bloop @kpopgirlbtssvt @aynsleywalker @queenofthenoobs

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Captain Holt Plots (B99): RIP Andre Braugher

Andre Braugher 1962-2023

So as if this year hadn't piled enough death on me.. yesterday Andre Braugher of Brooklyn 99 fame died. Braugher was a comedic genius, great at drama and it's sad to see him go just as his career was having one hell of a second act.

Figuring out how to honor Andre.. was tough. I didn't have time for a full review of some of his best episodes, a story arc or the normal things i'd do, and a list of just Holt's best moments wouldn't really portray the characters depth. Don't get me wrong there's a LOT of hilarious little holt moments from "Hot damn!" to "Bam had it both ways" but it just didn't do the character justice. Holt was a character funny for his stoicism, his outburst of emotion clashing with that, and his chemistry with just about everyone on cast.

So I found a comprimise, something small I could do before my two bigger reviews this week, but something that still pays full service to what a great character Raymond Holt was... and how much of it was Braugher's amazing comedic timing and great dramatic talent. Ray MIGHT of existed without Captain Holt, but he wouldn't of been such a JOY to watch every time if it weren't for Braugher.

So I picked my 12 faviorite plots starring Captain Holt. Husband, Captain, Robot. Meeep Morp.

12. VINDICATTTTITOOOOOONNNN (Episode: Monster in the Closet)

Look a lot of this subplot making it here is this moment, from the fist pump to just how Braugher plays the word like an instrument, but the plot itself is comedy gold: Rosa Diaz, bisexual icon, is having a rush wedding to absentee boyfriend and human disaster Adrian Pimento, who returned after months in hiding the way anyone having a normal one does: by hiding in a child's closet.

Naturally this wedding didn't end up happening.. but it did bring us one of Holt's best running gags: his love of balloon arches. It's something that makes perfect character sense: he's a perfectionist, he loves art, and it's just weird enough to still be funny while not so weird you can't understand why Holt would be doing this. Holt pettily popping the ballons when crticized and going into a creative tailspin over minor critcisims is just gold and the payoff, him getting his VINDIIIICAAAATTTIOOOONNNNNN is both sweet.. and purespun gold from the highest of heavens.

11. The Disco Strangler Returns (He Said She Said) One of the serious episodes of the series, dealing with Amy and Jake tackling a sexual harassment case and Amy revealing her own assault, was paired with one of the series silliest, funnest b-plots.

This one COULD be here just on the strength of "And you'll here it again" but has way more to offer as Holt chases down his former nemesis the Disco Strangler after he seemingly dies, convinced he's alive while Terry and Boyle are convinced he just can't accept his enemey's death. Turns out their wrong though as the Strangler is alive, worked his groovy voodoo on a way younger woman and has one of the funniest scenes in the show as Holt TRIES to have a big action hero final talk with his nemisis.. only for the man to be largely deaf. It's a gag that shoudln't work but Baugher's commitment to the bit carries it, as does the reality of the strangler being so old and feeble hitting Raymond about his own mortality.

10. The Heists (Various Episodes)

Yeah this one's a bit of a cheat as it was hard to pick just one Heist Plot: After the first two their largely ensemble pieces. But it'd also be criminal to ignore just how SERIOUS Holt takes the annual halloween heists, from training his dog for them, to calling a fake replacement for Cheddar (the goodest of boys) "This bitch?", the Heists brought out the pettiest, hammiest parts of holt and the best of Braugher's comedey from threatning to slit his two protege's "from head to anus and wear them as a jacket", to his flight of the valkyries entrance, Holt was always a delight.

9. Pie (Two Turkey's) The shows final thanksgiving gave us it's best thanksgiving plot, and a nice spotlight on Holt's relationship with his Husband , kevin. Holt's queerness was baked into the character, being why it took him so long to climb the latter and why Kevin takes ab it to warm up to his new coworkers, as most of Ray's past coworkers were racist, homophobic or both. Holt and Kevin were just as weirdly stoic, with Mark Evan Jackson having great chemistry with Braugher.

The couple also just had their own weird things such as getting a special pie every year to get a pie for thanksgiving and finding the hours spent in dead silence on the trip deeply romantic.

Said pie is also what sets off the plot as it goes missing and Holt blames the presicnt and goes into full petty holt mode, one of the best kinds of holt. HOlt isn't the only star here as near constant fuckups and wallpaper Hitchcock and Scully prove useful for once as Holt investigates Rosa, Terry and Boyle. We get great moments from the three too as Boyle calls his own son "a basic bitch" and Rosa reveals an embarassing minons t-shirt as she rebonds with her family post jailtime.

Holt interogating everyone and going full ham would be enough to land it here.. but what elevates it to this slot is the ending: Holt finds out the culprit was Kevin, who hates the pie but would miss the drive. HOlt suggests simply.. taking the drive for fun and Kevin is super horny for that. It's adorable, sweet and a great capper to one of the shows best subplots.

8. Let's Never Talk About Anything (Stakeout)

This is a quick one as it's mostly on the comedy but it's a scenario that's both deeply, deeply funny, and involves one of the shows best duos: Rosa, the stoic bicon herself, and Holt. Both being stoic queer persons, they naturally get along great. And of course it's natural Rosa ends up the one in a very awkward situation through almost no fault of her own: Holt brings his cardboard standee of a human being Nephew named Marcus, whose staying with him for some reason never elaborated upon because Marcus is here for one thing: to date rosa and have one of the best awkward morning afters EVER: He tries to sneak rosa out.. only for Holt and Kevin to naturally both be up, and his using her full name and mild confusion are just.. great. The wrap up, that Rosa and Holt are both FINE not talking about this or anything ever, is great. The followup plot with the two forced into a dinner is fine, but this first interaction and the two being on the same stoic page is gold.

7. Apparently That's a Trigger For Me (The Box)

This is another one that has a strong moment couched in, but really the Box is just a very strong episode, a tense 22 minutes as Jake and Holt team up to try and get a confession out of a local dentist played by sexiest man alive Sterling K Brown, who does great getting under their skin, including with said doctor bit as Docterates are a bit of a trigger for Holt. the episodes fantastic chess match between our faviorite duo and Brown is just fun to watch and it's only this low because Jake gets the big finale. But Holt's oh damns are still vital. As is his over the top reservation cancelation. God bless this man. I miss you andre.

6. They never actually said No (Full Boyle)

Like, really, ALL of these there's a classic gag couched in here as Holt explains how he formed his black gay and lesbian police orginzation: he pitched it to his fellow entirely white and certainly straight cops who laughed their asses off.. then went ahead and got the funds since they were too busy being jackassses to say no. Dark, hilarious, and perfectly showing just how much shit holt's been through trying to get here.

And that background helps shape this plot which while not laugh FREE is mostly anchored on the good Captain's character journey: when a younger officer plans to challenge holt for predsency, Holt, as you'd expect digs in and refuses. He's not at full ham yet, but he's still fully willing to fight tooth and nail for this, that after all he had to go just to make this group, brian wouldn't understand

It's Gina of all characters who points out that's why he made the group. So younger officers wouldn't have to go through that. Brian has new ideas to genuinely improve and open up the doors for more queer black officers, and Holt recognizes that and steps aside.. though if he screws up he will impeach him. He's happy for him but he will impeach him.

5. I've Glanced At His Work Satchel (The Honeypot)

This episode's a-plot is just one long hilaroius bit of holt deadpanning as he gets a new assitant to replace Gina.. only to find the guy flirting with him. Having his tie slightly ajar and inviting him to a barrel museum counts as flirting in Holt's book. Turns out Gordon is a spy for our heroes latest nemisiss, corrupt comissioner kelly, and this brings this plot to ahead as finding out, and getting evidence hw as actively spying on them finally gets rid of the old bastard. It's a nice payoff.. but it's really here because Holt declaring a barrel museum an erotically charged atmosphere is classic deadpan holt. If you want premium deadpan holt, this is your episode.

4. Terry Come Here and Dangle Me Off the Edge of this Building (Bad Beat)

This episode is one of my faviorites, having both a lot of rich character stuff for holt.. and a lot of funny deadpan for holt.

This ep reawakens something that's mostly come up previously as a joke: holt had a serious gambling addiction in his past and when Jake and Terry come to him for help with a poker case, Holt's forced to join in as the two have obvious tells.

Holt's relapse is a nice mix of hilaroius and deeply troubling: he's betting on childrenj's gymnastics (No jayla don't drop the baton!) runs up to the roof when the pagent's cut off and as seen above wants Terry to dangle him over a roof.. Braugher does a hell of a job threading a very narrow needle here: Hotl's antics are funny, but still jarring enough to be worrying.. .and the laughter stop when Jake pulls the one card he has... he'll tell kevin, an idea alone that DEVISTATES holt as he can't put kevin through that again.

Unfortunately it's not THAT easy as Holt goes rogue.. then nearly gets captured, having to use improper grammar and admitting he needs help. Ther'es no easy answers here and while granted Holt's addiction never comes up again.. it's a sign addiction dosen't go away easily and everyone needs help.

3. The System (Moo Moo) Props to Brooklyn 99 as depsite being a cop show, it pointed out many a problem in the NYPD and police in general long before George Floyd made it too loud to ignore for us white dumbasses.

This episode is the main showcase of that: while the show had plenty of corrupt cops for our heroes to foil, Moo Moo shows the system ITSELF is broken and ther'es no easy answer to fix it.

The setup is simple, heartbreakingly common, and painful: Terry goes out at night in his nice neighborhood looking for one of his daughters "moo moo", her faviorite toy.. only to get accosted by a police officer, with only the fact he IS an officer making this end well.

Terry does try to handle this peacefully, inviting the guy to lunch, and trying to explain why racial profiling him like that was fucking awful. The officer dosen't listen, only thinks he was wrong because Terry is also a cop, and is generally a dick.

This leaves terry, who has a promotion on the table, with a fairly simple path: report the son of a bitch. Except .. HOlt dosne't send it in. Holt wants Terry to stay quiet, so Terry can get promoted. it's one of the oldest fights in a broken system: Should you make noise and take care of something horrible immdeitly, or stay quite and let harm go on so you can do more good later. The latter is clearly Holt's go to not out of corruption but out of survival: as a black gay cop, he had no real allies for the longest time, and thus had to simply keep his nose to the ground and work his way up to where he had real power. Terry on the other hand, argues, rightly that he dosen't want another man like him to go through this, one without a badger and that his career... simply isn't worth more innocnet black men being arrested falsely. There isn't an easy resolution with both acknowlding each others point: Holt supports terry and gets the guy fired, but Terry is passed over impliclty as a result and admits he could've impacted more change. Terry still did the right thing.. but it wasn't the easy thing. Police.. .simply aren't set up to properly police themselves and change is needed and it was noble of b99 to point that out without going over the top with it.

2. BOONNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEE (The Skyfire Cycle)

Okay look while this plot is good on it's own (I"m teaching father the math!) it's up this high ENTIRELY due to the Bone Scene. You've seen it, i've seeen it, it's the reason this plot goes from "pretty good" with Rosa seeing through holt's math problem to his marital issues and need to get laid, and Amy trying hard to impress her dads and acting lik ea grossed out child anytime holt's sex life comes up. This bit belongs to braugher.. but you NEED Beatriz and Fumero to set it up so perfectly and react so great to it.

Rosa being rosa just comes out and says "You just need to bone" and holt LOOOSES IT.

Every line from that moment is pure poetry from Braugher's mouth, from his squeaky "what'dyousay" to his shakesperean "hooooowww dare you detective diaz I AM YOUR SUPERIOR OFFICER." and of course his glorious shouts of BONE and BONNNNENEEEEE while he VIBRATES ON HIS DOORFRAME. His quick yups in the resolution are the cheery on top of the greatest comedy sundae ever conducted by man. Sports. This subplot hinges on one joke.. but when it's the series best joke, it's REALLY hard to argue. It's only not #1.. because our #1 is CRAMMED with jokes near this level.

Ding Dong The Wuntch Is Dead (Ding Dong)

Ding Dong is one of my faviorite episodes of B99. Even it's subplot's grown on me with Terry bending a quarter in mid air and the strawberry basket. But let's face it while the subplot is.. kay, it's the main event that makes it a classic and when I do the inevetible top 12 list, possibly for feburary, this episode is almost guarnateed a spot for damn good reason.

If your wondering why I haven't brought up Holt's legendary rivarly with Madeline Wuntch it's because while their all fucking gold, their teid into larger plots. And while this one kinda is, with Wuntch's death wrapping up Holt's time as a patrol officer, it's really just there to sned the character off and give us one of the funniest episodes in human history.

Everything about Holt's petty rivarly with Wuntch that makes it one of the best thigns in the show is on display here and the shock I had to the opening of ding dong was palpable: Holt's making his usual jabs, calling her a korean tolilet ghost (and having gone to korea just to find new monsters to call her).. before Terry, trying and failing to head this off drops the bomb: Wuntch is dead. Naturally Holt dosen't buy it, assuming we'd hear the children singing (all the childrne everywhere), and having to see her body for himself. Given their rivarly and what an elaborate scheme Wuntch left FOR her funeral, it's not hard to see why.

What follows is the very best of petty holt from the glory that is BAGEL, BAGEL, to his assumption ET is a monster because "he caused quite a comotion), Baugher is at his PEAK this episode comedically, handeling his Rival's death with joy and too many lines to count, with Amy's horror and Rosa's unabashed joy at his pettiness being perfect bounce off points.

Add in comedy legend Micheal Mcdonald as Wuntch's nephew playing her rival, a fake funeral and an attempted funmeral full of balloon arches and bright pastels and you have one of the greatest peices of televesion comedy ever. Rest in peace Andre.... your dearly missed.

[enchantedchocolatebars]

Kid Philip Week 2024 - Day 4 (Witch Hunter / Witch Hunter General)

A Weird Little Witch Hunter

Summary: A child on the playground who shares some of her peculiar characteristics is observed by Kid Luz.

Story inspired by these au fan arts here and here.

(DAY 4 OF KID PHILIP WEEK! HAVE THIS VERY ADORABLE AU STORY THAT I WROTE!)

Enjoy!

"Adiós, Mamá! I'm going off to play!" Little Luz Noceda beamed out brightly to her mother, wearing her favoritest lavender-colored witch hat as she made a beeline for the playground.

Camila, a young mother, gave her sweet seven-year-old a smile while sitting on a park bench.

"Okay, mija!" she responded back with a tiny giggle, waving her daughter off. "Have fun!"

"I will!" As Luz approached the playground, she noticed a group of children standing on the right side of the grass, whispering something to each other with frowns and crinkled noses, while occasionally taking glances at the play area.

"Is he still there?"

"What is he doing?"

"He is so gross."

"Yeah, and weird."

'Huh?' Luz contemplated in her mind, both confused and utterly curious about their conversation.

"I wonder who those kids could be talking about?" she asked herself before smiling.

"I'm going to go find out!"

Wending her way across the playground mulch, Little Luz began scanning her surroundings.

She seemed to be the only kid on the playground, or so she thought, until she reached the swing set.

Her face was lit up with a cheerful smile at what, or rather who, she saw shoveling mulch out of the ground with a red shovel.

"Oh, boy! A boy!"

The brunette child, who looked to be about Luz's age, lifted a heap of mulch and loaded it into his red bucket.

Both his plastic shovel and bucket matched the same color as his overalls.

Luz couldn't see his face because of the white skull mask he was wearing that obscured it.

'He must like Halloween as much as I do!' Luz squealed in her mind with pure excitement.

The boy was soon greeted with a wide smile that had two missing front teeth.

"Hi there! What are you doing?"

"I'm Philip Wittebane, Gravesfield's greatest Witch Hunter General!" the boy proclaimed with pride, lifting his shovel high in the air like a hero.

He spoke with an English accent.

He directed his shovel at the ground. "I'm in the process of preparing graves for the witches I killed."

"Dead witches?" Luz inquired, gazing down at the ground, seeing only her feet in the mulch. "Where? I don't see any."

"They're invisible," Philip stated.

"You're standing on one right now. Witches are really good at avoiding detection, but I always manage to find them."

'He should call himself the Witchfinder General then,' Luz thought to herself with a giggle.

"Can I help you dig graves? That sounds like a lot of fun! I'm Luz Noceda, Gravesfield's Goodest Witch!"

Philip shook his head. "You can't help me dig. You're a witch," he told her.

Despite Philip turning down her offer of help, Luz still had a cheerful smile on her face.

"Okay then!" she said, letting herself fall into the mulch and spreading her limbs out as if she were about to make a snow angel.

"You can just make a grave for me then, Witch Hunter General Philip!"

Philip let out a laugh. "Very well, then," he finally agreed, smiling under his mask as he began loading mulch onto Luz's leg.

"I really like your cool mask!" Luz complimented, returning his laugh.

"You do?" Philip asked softly while sliding his mask to the side and revealing his adorable face and shy smile.

"Thank you! I received it as a gift from my brother on my birthday!"

"You did? So cool! My witch hat was given to me by my dad on my birthday."

Looks like these soon-to-be friends already have something in common.