#My fucked up frog wife

[fuzzyspiderpawz]

Shoutout to my weird fucked up frog wife

spoilers!!!!!!!

Heket my beloved they could never make me hate you

[birdy-reblog]

Get corrupted by humanity idiot

[2-dsimp]

Imagine a fem reader who was like Tiana from the princess and the frog at the beginning of the movie where she just came back from work and collapsed on her bed and slept for all of two seconds before her alarm went off and started getting ready for work. I wanna see Nokka's reaction to that.

『Featuring your yandere husband asserting his dominance as the only breadwinner』

————;—————

Nokka: “The fuck are you doing getting dressed this early in the morning? Where the hell do you think you’re going wife?”

The gym junkie had just came back from the 24 hour fitness center. To find you looking like a zombie that was haphazardly getting ready to go to work. And he knew damn well that he’d made it clear to you that under no circumstances were you to even have a job. Much less even look at the job listings on the internet.

Nokka was your provider so you’d better come up with a good godamned reason. As to why you even had an alarm set to the time a corporate slave was supposed to go to work.

Y/n: “Uh this is my alarm to do the dishes…?“

Your husband gave you the bombastic side eye at your blatant lies before he casually dropped his weight bags on the floor. And strode towards you saying nothing as he immediately ripped off your working clothes.

Using his immense strength which sent the buttons of your blouse flying like bullets. Alongside your working skirt, once you were stripped half naked. just the way he likes Your husband then pushed you onto the bed and rolled you up like an eggroll. Once he was done he stood up and admired his craftsmanship of tying down his wife from ever escaping the duties of being his precious stay at home wife.

[peggyao3]

Pt. 11 - Shaving

A/N: Feyd would be obsessed with a fluffy gf, change my mind :3

TAGS: she/her AFAB FMC, FMC has pubic hair, wife!reader, condescending Feyd

WORD COUNT: 300

"What the fuck are you doing?"

Feyd-Rautha finds his new bride perched over the bathtub, one foot raised on its slippery edge, a metal tool in her hand. Half of the pretty curls at the apex of her thighs are gone, the other half is covered in foam.

Immediately, she cowers down, hiding herself behind the wall of the tub, knees even drawn up to her chest to cover her breasts, as if he hadn't seen and groped them the night before and the one before that, just like the rest of her sweet, pliant body.

"Just shaving?" She glares at him wide-eyed, shocked at his aggressive entrance and the way he prowls, dark eyes flitting to the slow trickle of water, foam and hair that vanishes down the drain. A muscle twitches at his jaw and his eyes snap back up to her face.

"Never do that again."

"But why n—"

"I said never do that again, wife!"

Her fingers release the razor at once and it clatters to the tub floor with a discordant clang. Everyone knows her husband does things way worse than raising his voice, but for her, it is enough to make her shudder. Tears even prick at her eyes because she did nothing wrong and yet he reprimands her like a child.

"How long until it grows back?" Her husband's full lips are puckered into an indignant pout, his eyes glinting with rage.

"I thought I was a Lady Harkonnen now," she tries to defend herself with a small voice. "So shouldn't I look like one?"

"I decide what my Lady Harkonnen looks like." Feyd-Rautha rolls his shoulders and leans dangerously close. A long, hard exhale flares his nostrils as he pinches her chin between battle-calloused fingers. "Not your House, not mine, not you. Only I decide."

FEYD TAG LIST

@nostalgichoya, @forgedfromthestars, @sweetiee-o, @missbingu, @minedofmoria

@sebastianswallows, @charmingballoon, @flower-frog, @welliah, @aoi-targaryen

@coastalcowgirl35, @esolean, @szapizzapanda, @tatertooted, @sunny747

@ughdontbeboring

[discopaddock]

ALL ABOUT THAT NOSE - DANIEL RICCIARDO

PAIRING: dad!daniel ricciardo x fem!mum!reader

WORDS: 1,9k+

GENRE: fluff

WARNINGS: baby's crying, max and lando being silly boys

Daniel Ricciardo was like a good wine - if he was getting older, he was looking better.

That was something that Y/N L/N knew too well. She had known Daniel since she was 16 years old.

The woman remembered too well the moment when they met. It was summer break before girl's second class in high school when the L/N family was in Perth to meet the wealthy aunt.

“Oh my, I'm so sorry” the young girl gasped, when she collided with a taller boy. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know if she was going to cry or she was just going to throw up, because she had gotten into a fight with her father, then ran away from aunt's house without phone and got lost in Perth.

“It's okay, no need to worry" was said in a cheerful voice. “I'm Daniel, by the way” a black haired boy said with a large smile on his face.

“My name is Y/N” “Then, it's a pleasure to meet you, Y/N” he spoke, making L/N cry. “Why? What? No crying! Stop crying, please!” Daniel started calming her down due to the fact he had no idea what to do. “There's no need to cry, Y/N” he told her slowly but she started to cry even worse. “What happened?” he asked finally, after getting her to sit on a bench.

“I got lost,” she answered with a tiny voice. Daniel felt sorry for the girl.

“You're not from here, are you?” the boy questioned while getting a seat next to her. “No, I'm from Canberra actually” she said, making Ricciardo raise his eyebrow.

“From Canberra? Are you related to Mrs. Elodie Fanning?”

“Um, yes. She's my aunt” she told him, trying to wipe her tears.

“Great then! I live in a house next to her! I'll walk you there, Y/N” he announced, getting up from the bench.

“Thank you” she said and the boy only smiled at her. Next he trip over shoe laces and almost fell down.

“Ow, sorry, miss Y/N” he laughed and walked her home.

And after that day, they stayed in touch. For the rest of their lives.

Y/N was his biggest fan and supporter. She supported him in his rights and wrongs.

Daniel was also her biggest supporter and fan. He was for her every time, when she got a new role in some film or theatre play, same as her - she was trying her best to be at his every race or just watch them on TV.

It was pretty hard for her, because she wasn't so wealthy, her parents neither, but when aunt Eloide heard about her relationship with Ricciardo, she gave her some money for travelling.

And they were here, in the car on their way to the hospital.

“I know you can stand it for just a moment, love,” the man said, looking at his wife, who was holding her belly, where was the cause of her pain.

“Daniel, faster, because I'm about to give birth to him in this car, for fucks sake” she said and Ricciardo only pressed the gas pedal even harder. this car.

“We're here, little frog” he announced after two minutes, and quickly got out of his newest Ferrari.

“Don't call me like that!” she screamed.

He helped his beautiful woman get out of the car, and then walked her to the reception, where the nurses gave her a wheelchair and took her to the operating room, leaving Daniel alone.

“First kid?” asked one of the nurses, while the one was helping Y/N to breathe. “Yes, my husband is freaking out,” the woman answered. “He says all the time that Otto must have had my nose, because mine looks better than his. I'm hoping that it will be true either”

The nurses laughed, and then Y/N felt another cramp. They started to appear an hour ago, and then they were systematic, appearing every two minutes.

After ten hours of painful labour, Daniel could finally meet with his exhausted wife and sleepy son.

“You did so amazing, baby,” he said to the woman, before kissing her forehead. “I couldn't be more proud of you my love” Daniel added, watching her feeding the newborn baby.

“Thanks, Dan. He's like two hours old and yet he has your Ric Energy” she said with a tiny voice, making the man laugh.

“He's a Ricciardo, isn't he?”

“He is, definitely”

“He's such a beautiful boy,” said Anna, Y/N's mother, looking at her smiling grandson.

“He's my son, of course he's beautiful,” Daniel joked, making everyone in the living room laugh.

“It's mostly because he has got my nose, not his” was said by the actress, which made Ricciardo roll his brown eyes. “Don't even do that again, Daniel. It was you who wanted him to have my nose” she added and then took a seat on her husband's lap.

First time when Y/N and Daniel had shown up at the paddock was totally different than all the previous times, even if the woman had shown there with a pregnant belly.

“Where's the kid?” was said by Lando and Max and it was the first thing that the couple heard, when they entered the Red Bull's hospitality.

“At home, he's four weeks old, what did you expect?” Daniel asked with raised eyebrows.

“We wanted to meet him! Everyone wanted it!” Max answered, making the couple laugh. “It's not our fault, that you don't want anyone in your house since he was born”

“And that's why none of you is his godfather” Ricciardo said, making his friends go away.

“Don't talk to us ever again!” was screamed by Lando, which made Y/N laugh. “It's about you too, Y/N!” Max added.

“I love them,” the woman started, when they took seats on the couch in Daniel's room. “but they are more like our kids. I wouldn't let none of them to be Otto's godfather” “Me either, love”

“So who is the godfather?” Verstappen asked, while his and Norris' heads were sticking out of the door.

“Timothée” Dan said shortly and after that both drivers entered the room. “What?!” Lando and Max were shocked.

“What what? He's a nice guy after all, not like you two” Dan joked. He was laughing at his friends. They were cute actually.

“What about godmother? Who is she?”

“Oh, we don't know yet” Mrs. Ricciardo said, shrugging. “We'll tell you both, when we find an ideal person, don't worry” she announced and sent them kisses, which also did Daniel. “Now bye bye, you both are needed. Bye!” Ricciardo led them out the door and again sat near to his wife. In next three hours he gave an interview, that melted everyone's heart.

“Thank you, Y/N, for these amazing fifteen years that you spent with me. Thank you for your support and that you had never despaired in me. And then thank you for our son, who you just gave birth to a month ago, I couldn't be more proud of anyone in this world than you. I also wanted to thank you for saying yes to me twelve years ago. I loved you then, I love you right now, and I will love until my death. Thank you for everything” Daniel ended his monologue and started looking for his beloved wife, who was crying because of his words.

“I love you endlessly, Dan,” she whispered, when they hugged. “And I love you, dolly” he replied with his biggest and prettiest smile on face. “You're crying again” he laughed, starting wiping the tears. “Just like on the first day, right?” she joked. “Yep, just like then” he said, kissing her nose after. “I want to see all of these photos that they took. We should have one of them at home” the woman said quietly to his ear, making his smile even bigger. “Yes, we definitely should”

liked by pierregasly, danielricciardo and 450,273 others

f1 “(...) I loved you then, I love you right now, and I will love until my death. Thank you for everything”

That's just a short piece of @ danielricciardo's monologue. Watch it all on formula1.com.

4517 comments

charles_leclerc My favourite couple on the grid!❤️

↑ charles_lecat omg charles this is soo cute!!!!

yourusername and i love him endlessly since i was sixteen and i will love him till death do us part.

↑ danielricciardo 🥲❤️

↑ danandyn @yourusermane ur both were made for each other 🥺🥺🥺

lewishamilton and I still remember this little danny who was asking everybody on the paddock if they had met his beautiful girlfriend in 2011

↑ f1wags NO WAY HE DID THAT

↑ dr3love omg hes too much😭😭😭

tchalamet my beloved parents idc

↑ tchalametdaily WELL HELLO THERE T

↑ liochalamet cant believe ur commenting on f1 post timo

landonorris I LOVE THEM WITH MY WHOLE HEART 💓 💓💓

↑ carlossainz55 Honestly same Lando😊

maxverstappen1 My favourite couple in the world, both deserve all the best ❤️‍🩹

↑ ilovef1 one time max speaking facts

sebastianvettel Ahh my favourite people, deserve the best!💝

First time the Ricciardo family showed up at the paddock was during the Austin Grand Prix. Of course Daniel was dressed as a cowboy. He just loved that GP.

Even though he wasn't participating that year.

Otto was looking everywhere from his stroller. He was looking at his papa, who was wearing a big, unknown hat and smiling.

Little guy was only three months old and was not ready yet to see his father dressed like that, so he started to cry.

“No, no, no, sweetie, no crying” Y/N started, pulling her son from the stroller. She hugged him and told her husband to take off his cowboy hat. “You will dress as a cowboy for Halloween instead” she announced cradling the baby in her arms.

Otto finally stopped crying, when all of them went to Daniel's room and Y/N fed him.

“We will stay here, okay Dan?” she asked, looking at the man, who was singing his son lullaby, so he could fall asleep easier. “Everything for him” he whispered, putting the sleeping boy to his stroller. “Give me a kiss” he said walking to his wife. She stood up and when he was In Front of her, she placed a kiss on his lips. “I'm so lucky that I have you. If I didn't meet you, I wouldn't be me” he announced holding her in a thigh hug.

“I'm hearing Lando's coming” she said after a while, hearing Brit's footsteps. And yeah, she was so right, because like thirty seconds later a curly haired guy entered the room. He had rosy cheeks and a huge smile on his face.

“There's my favourite boy! And his parents” he said and hugged Y/N. “It's amazing to see you. You look so good and healthy, oh my!” Lando announced, making the woman blush because of the hormones. “And you look the same as last week” he said to Daniel, who only rolled his eyes.

He finally stepped in front of the boy and started to cry.

“He- Oh- He's so pretty” Lando said with his shaky voice and tears on his face. “I can't believe that Daniel is one of the creators of this miracle,” Norris said. “The little one is too perfect”

“Oh, Landon, don't cry” Y/N hugged the younger one and rubbed his back. “We know that he is the prettiest baby on the globe, we do. It's because he has my nose, not Daniel's”

“Hey!” Ricciardo delicately slapped his wife's back.

It was always about the nose.

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 1,012,567 others

danielricciardo 3 months of having you on the world little one. 3 best months of my life❤️

tagged: yourusername

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masterlist

[missladym1981]

Ok let’s try this again shall we? Marcus Pike kept getting cut out of my damn photo but I finally got him to stay . Again, sorry. Here once again is the damn ledger.

Top row from left to right

1. King Lear- Edmund

2. Lobby Hero- Jeff

3. Much Ado About Nothing- Don John

4. Maple and Vine - Roger

5. Sand- Ahmed

6. Hamlet- Horatio

7. Trolius and Cressida- Thersites

8. Lorenzaccio-Piero Strozzi

9. Orphans - Phillip

10. Graceland - Juan Badillo

11. Nikita- Liam

12. Red Window- Jay Castillo

13. The Sixth Gun- Special Agent Ortega

14. CSI - Kyle Hartley

15. Old Comedy from Aristophanes Frogs- Diony

16. Body of Proof - Zach Goffman

Second row Left to Right

17. The Mentalist - Marcus Pike

18. Burn Notice : the fall of Sam Ace- Comendante Veracruz

19. Wonder Woman - Ed Indelicato

20. Law and Order SVU- Special Agent Greer

21. Charlie’s Angels- Fredrick Mercer

22. Brothers and Sisters - Zach Wellison

23. Lights Out- Assyrian

24. The Good Wife - Nathan Landry

25. Law and Order- Tito Cabassa

26. Without a Trace- Kyle Wilson

27. Law and Order CI- Reggie Luckman

28. NYPD Blue- Shane “ Dio “ Morrisey

29. Touched by an Angel - Ricky Hauck

30. undressed- Greg

31. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Eddie

‘Third row Left to Right

32. TWMT- Javi Gutierrez

33. If Beal Street Could Talk- Pietro Alvarez

34. The Great Wall - Pedro Tovar

35. We Can Be Heros - Marcus Moreno

36. WW84- Maxwell Lord

37. Bloodsucking Bastards- Max Phillips

38. Kingsman : The Golden Circle- Agent Whiskey

39. The Equalizer- Dave York

40. Prospect- Ezra

41. Triple Frontier- Frankie Morales

‘Row 4 left to right

42. The Bubble- Dieter Bravo

43. House Comes With A Bird - Nico

44. Strange Way of Life- Silva

45. Freaky Tales- Clint

46. Drive-Away Dolls- Santos

47. The Uninvited- Lucien Flores

48. The Mandalorian - Din Djarin

49.Game of Thrones- Oberyn Mother Fuckin Martell

Final row of epicnessssssss left to right

50. The Materialist- TBA

51. Narcos- Javier Peña

52. The Last of Us- Joel Miller

53. Gladiator lol- General Marcus Acacius

54. Merge Mansion- Tim Rockford

55. SNL- Mr. Ben

56. Fantastic Four- Reed Richards

57. The Wild Robot- Fink

58. Housebroken- Claude

Sorry again for the fuck up. Sometimes shit happens but they are fixed now. Thank you have a good night

[fategoflatass]

I used to be so against the slow burn trope. Not because I thought it was shit; it's just, I usually don't have the patience to wait whatever-amount-superior-to-three damn chapters for my dear ship to finally be able to look at each other without blushing and/or hold hands. Thus why you often times see me reading oneshots or fics with the "Established Relationship" tag on them.

So you can imagine just how surprised—or maybe not, maybe I just didn't think enough about it—I was when I realized my newest fixation's main pairing is—canonically—the embodiment of slow burn. Because holy shit they're taking their time.

Nothing against how Kusuriya develops its love story—quite the opposite, actually. The relationship between Jinshi and Maomao, two characters that are written as beautifully as their romance, is a rather realistic approach as to how the same or a similar dynamic would developed in real life. In such a complicated situation, with such complex feelings about emotions—both external and their own—and attachment, makes sense that it takes so long for the relationship to finally sail.

The problem is, I didn't know I was signing with the Devil the moment I decided to pick up the light novel. Ten volumes and nothing has happened. Nothing.

And you can say that technically things have happened, because they have. I mean, Jinshi is just so desperate for Maomao to give him the time of day, you know what I mean? And even that isn't enough anymore and thus he has committed some of the craziest shit I've seen in any romance. Which okay, I don't usually read these type of romances but still.

What I mean by "nothing" is just, their relationship hasn't changed status. I could also say that it seems to go nowhere, but that'd be lying. Since, you know, it has changed quite a lot—just not in the way my impatient ass wanted it to. Because he can be as honest with his feelings as he pleases, and those around them might be heavely conscious of the tension and thus constantly tease those lovebirds (as they should), but babygirl's not helping, you know?

And I get it, Maomao's not the best at expressing and understanding herself, and she's also way too busy worrying about going as unnoticed as possible (she should give up on that one already, tbh) while keeping her head where it should be. But like, I can't help feeling frustrated over it like ‼‼

GIRL, FUCK THE RULES. TAKE THAT PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN AND RUNAWAY SOMEWHERE NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY YOU. YOU THEN CARRY THAT BITCH BRIDESTYLE TO THE CLOSEST CHURCH AND MAKE HIM YOUR WIFE. PROCEED TO FROG AROUND, EXPERIMENT WITH YOUR UTERUS AS MUCH AS YOU'D LIKE, AND THEN TEACH THE PRODUCTS OF YOUR PRACTICES AS YOUR OWN GUINEA PIG THE WAYS OF HERBAL MEDICINE. AS EASY AS THAT.

But she won't. She'll take her sweet ass time being in denial about both Jinshi's and her own feelings, then maybe she'll proceed to analize herself and find out that maybe, just maybe, that affection that she'd been feeling for that loser became something else. Did said affection also become something more complicated? Absolutely. Does she know how to deal with it? Hell no, but fuck it. If I learned something from school is that you always leave the hardest parts for later.

Now you see why I was so against reading slow burn?

And you wanna know the worst part? I loved it—I loved every second of it, every word, every page. Every scene that seemed to help the relationship advance, only for Maomao to say nope and leave like she owns the place, which at this point she fucking might.

It feels like I, as the reader, am in the middle of a heatwave and some sadistic bastard won't stop teasing me with ice cream—they put it in front of my face, close enough that I can smell the cold. Then take a spoon and eat little by little while staring directly to my eyes. At times they seem to show mercy and feed me a spoon, only for it to be a rather small quantity of serving—serving that tastes so damn good at first, only for it to have such a bitter aftertaste. But if I gotta have something in common with Jinshi is that I'll never be able to beat the masochist allegations, so I'll wait patiently for the next spoon and its corresponding and seemingly enless teasing from that faceless being.

So yeah, I'm still against it, only that now I understand the appeal—even if I have yet to find out about the whereabouts of my sanity while still mananing with the little I've left.

[mothiir]

sorry to be that rehash that droid de suggondeez plotline (I REFUSE TO CORRECTLY SPELL FRENCH) with big e stealing a wife but could we pretttty ppLEAAAASE get some more mothiir? i am obsessed with the eldritch inhuman but human behaviour you write him with. it makes me want to chew on him while simultaneously wanting to beat him with a brick out of hatred. i have so many ideas. but ill take anything you offer up fr ill live off the scraps like a feral dog, its just that the the whole david and goliath vibe is TASTYYYY. please dignify my complete insanity for just an intsy winsy second because all i can imagine is how utterly FUCKED the stolenwife!reader's pov is. you try fight back a little too much? oh haha, ur so cute, but keep biting or scratching him and he'll sicc one of the custodes (or a few) to really try you out. let you be so overstimulated youre begging for something in you, and oh boy big e'll sooo do that dont worry. or maybe humble you by keeping you basically half bare like yeah not so cocky now LMFAO IM SO SORRY I NEVER GIVE PROMPTS SO BRAZENLY LIKE THIS BC IM A COWARD FULL OF SHAMEEE UR SO MUCH BRAVER THAN MEEE (thank you sm if you do or dont run with anything i spat out just then)

first of all, never apologise for requesting stuff and also i totally respect your disrespect of the French language. as an englishwoman i am contractually obligated to hate those frog-eating bastards (disclaimer: this is satire pls don’t cancel me). secondly i absolutely love your description of my interpretation of big e because it is also exactly how i feel about him. beat him with brick, pat hair, back to brick. I know i have moved away from that content but I still wave my emperor fucker flag and am always taking requests for him

i promise there will be actual coherent fic soon, but for now here is a bullet pointed list of the sort of things that guilliwife experiences (if there is one in particular you want a full fix of let me know):

the Emperor steals you, and does not think to tell Guilliman — why would he? He fucks you, enjoys it tremendously, then has to go and do some important Master of Mankind warp fuckery that means you spend about a fortnight in some random rooms with no one to talk to but the Custodes. And they barely talk! You never work out if they are bodyguards or prison guards, since you can’t imagine that you are important enough to warrant guarding, but you also don’t think that there is much effort needed to stop you escaping. Where would you even go?

It would be so much easier if he was always a selfish monster in bed — but he isn’t. Worse: he eats pussy exactly how you think a man with millennia of practice would. He likes bringing you to the very edge of orgasm and just stopping, pillowing his cheek on your stomach and watching as you whine and cry, partly with guilt and partly with sheer frustration. You end up begging him to fuck you, stumbling out every title you can think of — lord, emperor, sire, master — but his patience is limitless, and he can keep going for hours, until you’re completely insensible, promising every depraved thing if he will just stop teasing and put it in you

You belong to him. No one else is allowed to touch you — apart from valdor, one of his oldest friends and dearest allies. And captain Kytan. And a few other custodes. Sometimes at the same time. They’re extensions of his most absolutely not divine will — they can partake in the same luxuries he allows himself, otherwise what kind of a leader would he be? He likes seeing his best soldiers happy, especially when it’s because valdor is balls deep in your arse, while he enjoys the sweet warm stretch of your throat. You jostle and whimper between them, so full that you can barely breathe, and afterwards the emperor watches as valdor thumbs open your cheeks, just to watch your holes struggle to close up around the shape of his cock. Still, valdor can’t linger too long - there is already a line

He will cum inside you so much you swear your stomach bulges a little from it all. You have nightmares about popping like a balloon

eventually word reaches the Emperor that Guilliman is looking to speak to him as a matter of urgency — he is currently buried deep in your throat, enjoying the cute little gluck-gluck-gluck noises your gag reflex makes as you try to fit him all the way into your tight gullet. He does not ask you to stop this before answering the vox from a distraught Roboute, who is blathering about his fiancée going missing? The Emperor chuckles a little to himself, patting your hair — ah, having a woman to be wed and a woman in his bed, Roboute is far more like his father than first thought — wait. Ah. Singular woman. Singular. Shit.

[targetslovelyworld]

Stampy’s Lovely World Dashboard simulator

🍪 randomwordotd Follow

Random word of the day: Frogs!!!

( 56 notes )

🎄 hollyjollypolly Follow

Only 342 days until Christmas!

🥔 bubblingconcoction Follow

Halloween is better

🎄 hollyjollypolly Follow

I disagree with that personally.

🥔 bubblingconcoction Follow

You can’t disagree with me I’m right

🦫 sillybillybeaver Follow

This your house?

🎄 hollyjollypolly Follow

WHAT

🧜‍♀️ lovelovepetalz Follow

Oomfies fighting on the tl again

#its funny though #reblog # // not flowers

( 85 notes )

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

Who put Stampy Cat in charge of the weather I feel like I’m going to get heat stroke just stepping outside

🧸 longshot-btg Follow

its not that serious bro

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

It hasn’t rained in 4 years what the fuck do you mean its not that serious

🧸 longshot-btg Follow

that sounds like a you problem

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

When I get my hands on those dogs I will exile you

#its gonna happen #his dogs WILL be mine #just you wait and see

( 5,937 notes )

🥧 pumpkinmunchkin Follow

new hit the target plan leak hes going to steal the dogs by taping a photo of stampy cat onto his head with the hopes that the helpers wont catch on

#he would be stupid enough to try to pull this off

( 428 notes )

💿 giraffeconstructionsite Follow

i think i botched the recipe this potion isnt kicking in

💿 giraffeconstructionsite Follow

( 25,173 notes )

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

Nobody decided that Stampy should get to rule over everyone. The fact that so many of you people are complacent in his regime is sickening to me.

☃️ christmasmiracle12242012 Follow

im henry i am a snow golem and i like snowball fights and playing in the snow :D

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

?

#what

( 7 notes )

🍪 randomwordotd Follow

Random word of the day… BERRY

( 93 notes )

🐱 mr-stampy-cat Follow

Making a cake with my favorite helpers! Such a lovely morning.

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

Your days are numbered.

🐱 mr-stampy-cat Follow

Not much of a threat coming from you, Mr. “I spent thirteen years consistently failing to take one guy’s dogs and now I’m salty about it”

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

Not much of an insult coming from you, Mr. “I don’t let anyone else speak except for me because I’m self-obsessed and don’t care what others have to say in the slightest”

🦫 sillybillybeaver Follow

This is why your wife left you.

🏹 freeing-this-world Follow

Go fuck yourself

#imagine being so desperate to win an argument that you drop the veeva card #that should be an indicator that your argument fucking sucks #bringing up a lads divorce as a gotcha moment #how typical of a brainwashed helper

( 109 notes )

🌆 is-veeva-dash-dead-yet Follow

No.

🥔 bubblingconcoction Follow

Go to hell William

🌆 is-veeva-dash-dead-yet Follow

Who is this “William” you speak of? I am very clearly is-veeva-dash-dead-yet

🥔 bubblingconcoction Follow

Two can play at that game.

🎇 is-william-beaver-dead-yet Follow

No.

🦫 sillybillybeaver Follow

Wow! Unprovoked, Veeva!

🎇 is-william-beaver-dead-yet Follow

If I have my way I’ll be posting the word yes tomorrow

#and nobody will miss you

( 323,791 notes )

[miyuuuki]

How about a fic where male reader goes out with they're husband to a sanrio store

✦ SANRIO ~ ♡ !

PAIRING: M!OC/M!READER

SYNOPSIS: your rich husband lets you spend money on your favorite thing, Sanrio.

A/N: Oc name is Osoro Rio!

“Hun, why are we going to the mall at 10 in the morning..?” Osoro asked tiredly.

“They’re having a sale! All Sanrio being 30% off! I can’t miss out!” you said excitedly, dragging him too the mall.

“Hun… the store doesn’t open till 12…” Osoro said.

“Oh..” you said, stilling at the realization.

“Oh well, I can spend money on other things in the mall!” You said happily, dragging him once more much to his dismay.

“Ooh, they have boba! Let’s go get some!” You said excitedly seeing a boba stand, running towards it.

“Hun, calm down you’re dragging me like a ragdoll…” Osoro tried saying, but you ignored already ordering two, memorizing his order.

“Seriously, a clothing shop? Hun, you have like a thousand outfits at home..” Osoro said looking around.

“So? Thrifting is fun, and better clothes then those designer companies. Barely know anything about fashion.” You argued back and eventually grumbling.

Osoro turned his head, before being appalled at the sight. You had your shopping cart already was 1/3 full.

You’ve been here for three minutes.

“Hun, you don’t think you’re getting a bit too much..?” He asked, still appalled.

“Nope.”

“I’m paying for all of this aren’t I..?”

“Mhm!” You confirmed.

“You’re also carrying everything!”

“Oh come on, (N/N)!”

“H-hun, a-are ya d-d-done?” Osoro shakily asked eyeing your cart, which was FULL. Full as in all the clothes were spilling out.

You looked around, before nodding.

“Guess I am, let’s go check out.” you mumbled.

The total was $987.87.

When you went to checkout, it was 11:20. Now it’s 11:56.

“Hun.. it’s 11:56.” Osoro mumbled, barely being able to hold on all the bags.

“The sales gonna start soon!” You gasped in excitement running away, leaving Osoro in the dust.

“Hun- wait for me..!” Osoro yelled after you.

“I’m just gonna drop everything to the car and come back..” Osoro sighed as he walked towards the exit.

Walking into the store, he realized how big it was. He turned his head and saw a depressed cashier, that was on the verge of passing out.

“Dang he looks rough..” Osoro mumbled, before walking ahead into the sanriotopia.

“Hmm… Sanrio nails, bags, supplies, ooh rings!” Osoro exclaimed.

Osoro took one that he deemed would fit you. He turned his head to look for you before seeing the same employee being yelled at by a Karen.

“My daughter wants that bag with the green frog on it! Tell that man to give it back!”

“Ma’am, I can’t do that. He got it first, just because your daughter wants it doesn’t mean he has to give it up…” the worker spoke tiredly.

“He is an adult! Where’s your manager!? I’d like to speak to them, and young man, where’s your wife!? As you’re clearly married, with that ring on you!” She yelled, causing ruckus.

Osoro turned his head to see the young man being YOU..?

“Ma’am, get out or I’m calling security.” The worker said sternly.

“Where’s your manager!?”

“He’s up my ass, I’m the only one who showed at work today. And I’m not taking bullshit, get the fuck out.” He said tiredly before kicking that woman and her kid out. Literally.

“And this green frogs name is Kerropi, and I have a husband too, get it right!” you yelled out at her.

Osoro sighs before walking up behind his husband, and kneeling on one knee.

“(N/N), will you marry me?” Osoro spoke with puppy eyes with the Sanrio ring in his hands, surprising you who turned around just in time.

“Osoro��� we’re already married.” You mumbled, reminding him as you showed him your ring finger.

“So? We can still marry again!” Osoro grumbled not moving from his position.

“Fine, only cause the ring is cute and that everyones looking at us. Now get up!” You ushered him off the floor.

“Are you done, hun?” He asked you, peering down at your cart.

“No, I heard there’s onesies we should get matching ones!” You said, dragging Osoro once again.

“I don’t know how I can be taller then you, yet you still manage to pull me with you..”

“I’m just built different, Oso.”

“You’re hello kitty, I’m dear Daniel.” You decided giving him the onesies.

“Why am I hello kitty..?” Osoro asked, he was a man! No way was he gonna be-

“Because you act like a bitch boy sometimes.” You replied, not skipping a beat.

osoro sulked in silence.

“Oso, I’m just joking!” You chimed, already feeling him sulking.

“Ooh, oso they have hello kitty picture frames!” You suddenly yelled in excitement and awe.

“Are you gonna hello kittyify our house..?” Osoro asked starring at the frames.

“Mhm… you can’t do shit about it either.” You answered.

Osoro chuckled before patting your head.

Once you guys were finally done, you guys checked out. The same cashier being there.

He had prominent eyebags and looked gloomy, I mean I don’t blame him, imagine being the only one working at a store as big as a food court?

He had black curly hair, and looked like he could blow a bullet through the next persons head.

“Your total is $104.25… will you be using cash or credit? We don’t take debit.” He asked bluntly.

“Credit.” Osoro replied giving him his card.

“Okay thank you, bye. Come back never please.” The worker said slumping on the desk, falling asleep as soon as his head touched it.

“Jeez, a hundred bucks on hello kitty stuff??” Osoro asked, holding your bags.

“Mhm, now hold still so I can flaunt you and my stuff too my friends!” You said pulling your phone out.

two fics in one day, eat up my children!!

TAGLIST:

@call-me-nev @furotage @peedyharkyonut @nickey-diano

[fuzzyspiderpawz]

I absolutely LOVE seeing art of Heket being this brutal yet gorgeous ethereal goddess of famine and hunger swathed in jewelry and fine silk because while I love cunty girlboss Heket (especially @awful-little-goose’s depiction of her) THIS is Heket to me:

she’s a gross fucked up frog with a very short temper that eats people and her temple according to Kallamar is the grossest I imagine her being loud and rude and quite frankly…. A grouch! 👀

she’s my gross disgusting wife and I love her❤️

[bisonaari]

Käärijä Summer Camp report

I don't really come here anymore and I don't think I'll be back anytime soon, but I still wanted to make a post about this! It's probably gonna be pretty long hahaha

Last time I travelled with my husband, but this time with the amount of things to do and people to meet, he preferred staying at home and took care of our little balcony garden <3 Thanks to him we now have a full ass jungle on our balcony lol

My flights were really uneventful. My first flight to europe was so empty that I had a full row to myself so I could have some good sleep time (albeit a bit uncomfy lol, plane seats are so hard), but that was it.

When I got to Helsinki, I was welcomed by a bunch of GOOFS omg

@mitamicah @j-restlessgeek @teal-skull @katinkulta @clovermoonspell and her friend from Norway were all there, Micah and Susanna arriving a bit earlier than me. We all went to the place I was going to share with Missy, Susanna and @kaarijalist for the next two days.

Those people. Are the best. I fucking love them so much you have no idea. Everyone I'll tag in this post is an absolute cutie that I love but I'LL SAY IT EVERYTIME Skull gave me my birthday present in advance and I just BWAAAAAHH that was so sweet ;A; It was a Jukka autograph that they got for me back in Böle (now framed in my living room ehehehe) and a custom bracelet for me, inspired by my kääryle tattoo ;A; I loved it so ridiculously much it was ADORABLE

I learnt later that day that I wouldn't be able to meet @likearainbowinthedark until much later in my trip and it was a bit sad, I really missed them ;A; Friendship at first sight during february, and now I have to wait MORE to see their face again??? UNFAIR!! And also I had made little crochet frogs for them and their wife ohoho I couldn't wait to give them to their new owners <3

We also met with @formulalakana and @carpblu at a cafe during the afternoon! I was a bit burnt out by the whole you know… flying 12 hours thingie, so I ended up going back to our place but it was still lovely meeting with them they are amazing people!!

The day after that was the actual Summer Camp meet up day!! We all met at the mural together with many people already tagged here, but also @jaarijani @smimon @icbimakb and @tuherrus !! I can't believe that we just started to talk on tumblr and we were all there???? In person??? In front of that stupid Käärijä mural, exchanging bracelets and laughing together? That was just amazing

After a group picture, it was raining too much to have a proper picnic, so we went to the Tikkurila library to actually have some time to hangout and share snacks and gifts from our countries, and draw on each other's clothes and notebooks hahaha. A really, really lovely time with everyone, I'm so happy it went so well. On one side of the room was the Summer Camp flag that Skull had made, and to me it was perfect.

I also was sitting next to icbimakb and I had some time to nerd out to them because they're my fav artist of all time and they let me look at their sketchbook and it was an honor and I don't think that my eyes will ever recover from looking at so much beautiful art. @shirtlessradfahrer arrived at about that time as well.

A bit later we were joined by @follivora @wednesdayday @king-krisu and @khihi !! They didn't stay long but it was fun to finally meet after seeing them on tumblr for such a long time !! Some of us went to queuing, the rest of us stayed to clean up and we went to the venue a bit later <3

The Backas gig was one of the greatest moments of my life. Seriously. Everything went SO WELL??? Missy, Susanna and I headed out to the vip area for the pre show meal, and the food was amazing seriously. I wish I could have eaten about 3000 more of those fucking potatoes they were INCREDIBLE. We were looking at people running for barricade with tenderness hahaha, like "Look at our children <3 So much energy". Then suddenly, Missy spotted him. The Häärijä. Chatting to people next to the merch booth. She had to stop eating immediately because she had gifts to give him, and there might not be any other occasion to do so. I also handed her the fanzines because I'm a bit too shy and I don't have anything to say to Häärijä hahaha.

Part of my Backas report in a previous post ! I'll just focus on the untold parts here

At the venue it was time to meet @hyviihommi and @omppupiiras and also @blatantlyhidden and @because-its-eurovision !!! And wait also @tmrwds and @taidotonheiluja and some more people that I don't know the url of but I know are fellow tumblr users!!

I can't say how much I loved this gig. Hugo was really great, he looks so much like jere when he was younger hahaha. Käärijä was in SUCH a great mood, he was smiling so much and having the time of his life being on stage that day I don't think I'll ever recover. It felt so good being there and having an artist in front of us who was having a blast. I was dancing with Skull and Missy (my immediate neighbours hahaha), looking at Micah and Carpblu having a blast in front of us, enjoying the music that I had been listening for more than a year now with other people who also loved the same music. It was such an experience I will never forget this. We also got Paidaton riehuja!! I did remove my shirt hahaha. If I wasn't wearing a mesh shirt and a bra I would have gone full tits out hahaha, but it was too much of a hassle. But it was SO FUN being able to take part in this!!!

I don't usually listen to It's Crazy It's Party, but live?? It's seriously top 10 of the greatest moments of my life. Seeing everyone around me going fucking insane was incredible and I wish I could go back to those moments.

After the show, we stayed around a bit to chat more. We took another group picture, who is absolutely perfect and I will cherish forever.

Our little group went back to our appartment by taxi and we missed the occasion to say taksit on jo pihalla I'm very disappointed smh

We were already losing our minds because of how well the meetup and the gig went and everyone getting to see their blorbos and have pictures and chats with them, when Missy looked at her phone and SCREAMED because Häärijä had made a story with the fanzine holy shit. You don't know how fucking proud I was. I think I looked at it for 5 hours straight hahaha. He doesn't know how a video that probably took him 5 minutes to film and post made every artist's day it was INCREDIBLE.

(this is a terrible selfie but whatever HAHAHA)

On thursday, it was matching tattoos time!! I am now the proud owner of a pineapple tattoo, matching with Missy, Jay, Cass and Micah. I am ridiculously happy to have it. I feel like we really are a weird family and I found my people. I love it so, so much.

Got to meet with @pianist-chan that day as well!! We all had a lovely picnic together as a group in a park, then one song at a karaoke bar! Micah and I didn't vibe with the bar so after a huge peak of anxiety we all decided to leave hahaha. It was lovely hanging out with everyone anyway so whatever hahaha.

Friday was the Allas gig!! I met up with the gang in the morning to go eat breakfast together, and we ended up getting @hika-chachachan at the same time after we both discovered that we're not the only french fan here HAHAHA. Sorry for everyone with us, we spoke in french most of the meal time because it was fun not having to speak in english for a short time hahaha. Later that day, we took a picture making the JUL sign, the only correct pose for cringe french people uWu

Then I went back to my hostel for a nice nap, got some food with Kat and then finally joined the queue one hour before doors. (I got to see @izpira-se-zlato and @n3ongold3n there! And also I could hug Bec again 💚) We got a pretty nice spot so I'm not disappointed! Although this time Jukka didn't notice me but it's fine I can't win everytime hahaha. The gig was also a lot of fun, nothing much to say here! I didn't realize at that time that it was my last time of this trip seeing Elsa, and I only fully realized it after she left :' ( I would have hugged you a lot harder hahaha

Saturday, Benjamin Peltonen and Erika Vikman gig with the kcord gang!! Before that I went to eat lunch with Cass!! It was sad saying bye, but I really had a fun time with them ;A; <3

I was super late for the gig and arrived after doors because that one guy in my hostel didn't realize that THERE IS ONLY ONE TUMBLE DRYER FOR THE ENTIRE HOSTEL DON'T LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AFTER THEY'RE DONE. URGH. He told me he just went to take a shower because it was taking too long WATCH YOUR GODDAMN CLOTHES MY DUDE I was so annoyed hahaha

Another session of meeting up with new people! This time I got to chat with @labda-kesho @beesgobzzzing and @dragon0blood and some more people I don't know the url of!! Anyway we had a great time! Benjamin looks like an angel, and Erika is…… you know how Erika is I don't need to tell yall HAHAHA. Everything would have been perfect without the extremely drunk girls around us spilling their drinks everywhere and literally falling on people. They had to be escorted out during Erika's part because they were way too annoying for everyone.

On sunday I FINALLY MET WITH EKO YIPPIE IT WAS TIME. I went to visit them in Espoo and ended up staying chatting with them for like 5 hours big oops hahaha we get along so well it felt like 10 minutes ;A; It was also my first time taking the bus by myself in Finland like a big girl!!! For the tram Elsa helped me so I could take it alone after she showed me how to, but the bus to another city?? That was a first one my mother is very proud

Monday, I went to Suomenlinna! When I lived in France 20 years ago, I lived right next to the ocean in a coastal city. Then we moved inland in Canada and you don't know how much I miss the ocean every single day. It's the #1 thing I miss about living in France, so I HAD to go to Suomenlinna. First of all, being on a boat again was so great, I really had missed that. It reminded me of the ferries I used to go on to travelfrom my dad's place to my grandma's place. Great times hahaha. Then I just wandered around for three hours, minding my own business and avoiding people hahaha. I sat next to the sea listening to the waves for hours. And it was the BEST. I think it cured me of 28 mental illnesses I didn't know I had.

On tuesday, I met with Eko once again but in Helsinki this time! We went to get tea together and chatted for another couple of hours HAHAHA. Teemaa in Helsinki is a lovely tea shop and you should definitely go!! I also went to the Skywheel on my way back I just HAD to yknow, Käärijä tourism

After I got back to the hostel, it was packing time to leave Helsinki for other horizons.

PART 2: OUTSIDE OF THE CIRCLE

My next stop was Oulu! So I headed out to the train station on wednesday morning to go on a 6 hours journey hahaha. At least it was a direct train, and the guy next to me was only here from Tampere to Seinäjoki, so I still had quite a lot of space for myself.

Once in Oulu, I was staying with @theplantbish and her partner. I cannot say how much I love her. There are not enough words to express this. The other people I immediately fell in love with I had already met them prior, so no surprises here! (Yall know who you are hahaha) But it was our first time meeting and it was like we already knew each other from 25 years ago. We went from total strangers to great friends in about 5 seconds, and then it took two days to have heartfelt late night conversations crying in each other's arms lol. Anyway this whole paragraph is a love letter to Plant you are amazing and I love you. I can't believe that in two weeks we got to talking on a daily basis hahaha.

Anyway, we also met with @gaysontoast because we went to pick them at the airport and WOW what a tornado of bubbliness <3 They were absolutely wonderful to have as a roommate!! (and they sleep like the dead hahaha)

In the afternoon it was my first time meeting with @submariini and @ravensofskyhold as well! I'm scared that I will run out of available tag spaces like you can only tag 50 people per post lemme count a sec ok we're at 33 still good (but absolutely ridiculous that I got to meet 33 people from tumblr in the same week??? what happened to not meeting strangers from the internet lol) but anyway all lovely people!!

The day after, it was finally time for Suomipop!! In the morning we went to pick @punanenmarli from the train station! Plant and her got back to Plant's place walking hand in hand and it was the fucking cutest shit I had ever seen ;A;

We then met at suomipop for Bess! HOLY SHIT IS THAT WOMAN GORGEOUS??? HOW DARE SHE??? WHEN SHE EMPTIED THE WATER BOTTLE ON HER HEAD I JUST

anyway I was completely normal about this show. Hm. So normal. Even during the french part in Lähtee käsist��. So. Normal.

The others wanted to go see Kuumaa during the evening and I would have loved to as well, but it was raining, I was drenched and cold and miserable and instead just headed back to Plant's place where I was soooo normal about Bess.

On friday, it was my birthday, yippie!!! The clowns from kcord (NOT PEJORATIVE IT'S THEIR NAME OK) got me a card that they all signed and I loved it so much a a a a a a ;A;

We wanted front row for the Käärijä gig later in the evening, so we were there at doors and immediately went front row, which meant that we also got to listen to Viivi and Yö ! Tbh, I really liked Yö, I understand why they're a legendary band hahaha.

However, between the two shows, Plant came back to our group and told me that Jukka. Sorsa. Was. Hanging out. In the VIP section. Which we didn't have access to lol. So we ended up just watching him from afar, when I noticed that he and his friends were leaving the VIP section and crossing the festival area. I told it to Plant who asked me if I wanted to go see him but I was like naaaah I'm shy. So she asked if I wanted her to come with me and I immediately said yes HAHAHA. We went over his little group and when we arrived at about 10 feet from him we waved, and he immediately came to us to have a chat WHAT A MAN I LOVE HIM. I was so fucking awkward (leading to this great interaction… me: "I just wanted to say hi!" Jukka: "well… hi" AAAAAAA IT WAS SO AWKWARD LOL). He noticed the earrings I made out of the guitar plecs he gave me and reached for them sir excuse me do you want me dead hahaha. I didn't say much after that but we still got a picture together that Plant took for me ILYSM

I met with Kat, Lou and their friend just before the Käärijä show and it was amazing as usual. This man knows how to perform hahaha. WE ALSO HAD THIS WEIRD MID-SPEECH SHIT TALK??? JERE WH A T???

After Käärijä, we headed up towards the other stage to Kaija Koo. I was on my phone for I don't remember what, and Plant poked me to tell me "are you on your phone? how often in your life are you gonna see Kaija Koo live??" and she was so fucking right omg. I put my phone back in my pocket and it was absolutely great, got to hold hands with Plant while dancing, seriously amazing. One of my best birthdays ever if not THE best.

We had a meal at Hesburger after everything hahaha (I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS HESBURGER), and in the not quite night of Oulu, to me everything felt so, so right.

Saturday, I got to see Kat and Lou again for souvenir shopping! I GOT THE FUCKING BEST MAGNET IT SAYS PASKA MAGNEETTI AND I'M FUCKING CRYING NO ONE AT HOME WILL GET THE REFERENCE BUT I DO AND THAT'S WHAT MATTERS LOL

I said bye to Kat after that but it's so ridiculous we live in the same country LOL I should visit Toronto at some point

At Suomipop, we got to see first Portion Boys and they were so full of energy what a show!!! Nothing can stop them, not the heat, not the wheelchair, NOTHING.

Smitten, Omega and I got to dip our feet in the water at the suomipop beach and it was so needed the sun was HOT that day. The fact that we weren't allowed more than our feet in the water was a tragedy though smh

After that, it was time to my beloved ARTTU WISKARI, I got into his stuff just before flying for Finland so I was delighted he was going to be at Suomipop!! Ed came with me to see him what a gentleman lol (seriously tho I really, really appreciate it!!)

Last suomipop show for me was Elastinen! While watching him I could only think that this was the most shark looking man I had ever seen HAHAHA.

After Elastinen, the group went to see Apulanta, while I went back to Plant's appartment to pack my suitcase, sadly.

On sunday, it was time to take the train again. Plant took me to the train station and we ended up crying so much hahaha I was a mess in the train. But if it hurt so much, it's because it was equally fun, and I can't wait to see her again.

I was headed to Tampere, then Turku! Skull escorted me to my Airbnb they're so lovely ;A; We talked together for about 6 hours lol before I had to leave to do some laundry. While my clothes were in the washing machine, we explored the k-market to find some Pirkka merch but it was all gone, so I just got a lovely @windows95man shirt hahaha. COME BACK TO TUMBLR TEEMU YOU BELONG WITH US

The day after I met with Skull again to buy some Posankka merch! Posankka…… my beloved…… the most beautiful pigduck of Finland <3 I got a reflector, in true finnish fashion hahaha. We then headed up to Luostarinmäki, an open air museum on finnish craftsmanship from the past. It was ridiculously interesting and we spent 3 hours where we only got to half of the museum LOL, we're nerds. Too bad…… I'll have to come back to Turku……… so sad

In the evening we watched TRAFIK and some more Powerwolf music videos, what a great evening holy shit

Interestingly enough, on tuesday I met up with… Skull again lol, they joined me in the park in the afternoon, we stayed here for 2 hours until we left to go to a student bar to get a lovely hot chocolate <3 It was absolutely delicious!

Wednesday, last day in Finland. I met up with, you have guessed, Skull again lmao. We headed to Vantaa (because I had a plane to take r i p).

Skull and I then headed to Arttu Wiskari's Allas gig. We were quite lucky as the rain had just stopped (btw Kallo I still have the rain poncho I stole from you lol it's in Canada now sorry).

We had so, so much fun. The gig was just really fun and light hearted, everyone knew the lyrics, and it was the best ending for an amazing trip. Nothing like dancing with your friend on good music!!

I hugged Skull and cried in the train. Familiar scene, lol. Me sobbing in trains in Finland. I love you so much Kallo.

There are no words left in my heart to express how loved I felt during these 17 days. I will be back. I promise. I can't bear to not go back when I left pieces of my soul with dear friends. Take care of them please, I'll be back to put some more of my soul in them. I love you. So very much. You made my life really bright for a short time, and knowing how good it can be to be alive I want to feel this again.

To all of you, who are my soulmates, my siblings, my loved ones, my beloved: thank you.

[tootiecakes234]

@queenpiranhadon thank you so much for adding me to this writing event😇 it’s my very first one and I’m so glad to be apart of working with all these amazing people.

Syn: Kento’s wife finds out he’s been hit by a curse and turned into a frog. Only true love’s kiss can cure him.

I hope this story does the idea in my head justice.

This is supposed to be romance/comedy I guess… Enjoy😘😘

*also my longest story to date

It’s been months since you’ve been back to the home where you’d grown up. It’s gotten harder and harder to find the time between teaching your students and exercising curses.

But you and your husband always made time every year to make sure you got back during Mardi Gras.

See you came from New Orleans, Louisiana and you left home your last year of high school to attend jujutsu high. It was the top school for learning to use your cursed technique so you’d jumped on the opportunity when it presented itself.

This led to you meeting your husband, Nanami Kento and also one of the amazing friends you’d made Satoru Gojo.

Mentioning Gojo now because to Kento’s dismay, he’d weaseled his way into this trip. His entire reason for going, being the if he didn’t get to try the beignets from New Orleans, he would simply pass away.

Kento questioned everyday, how he’d managed to fall in love with Satoru’s best friend. It was the only hesitation he had when it came to dating you in the beginning because he knew he would be stuck with Gojo for life… And here he was in the cab with you guys on the way to your dad’s restaurant.

“ have I mentioned how much I love America. There’s a sweet shop on every corner we’ve passed. I’m gonna go into a diabetic shock.”, Satoru said from the left side of you.

Under his breath you heard Kento mutter, “Sounds good to me” and you elbowed him softly.

The two of them had been bickering since you’d met up at the airport in Japan. You weren’t gonna make it the whole trip without at least a few headaches.

“So it’s the first day of Mardi Gras and I know the restaurants gonna be super busy so what are you guys going to do to keep yourselves entertained while I’m working in the kitchen with my dad?” You asked them.

“Well I figured we would have lunch at the restaurant first and go from there. At some point, I have to go and take care of that curse that I promised Yaga I would look into.” Kento states.

Of course Satoru interrupts, “ I don’t know why you took that on. I told the higher-ups that this is my vacation and it’s going to be curse fucking free.”

“Yes well not all of us are the chosen one and can just tell our superiors no when they ask for something. Besides, it’s only a level two curse. It shouldn’t take me very long to handle.”

“ OK well Kento, just remembered to be extra careful. The curses of New Orleans are conniving. They’re not particularly hard to exercise, but they can get you in some sticky situations. Trust me, I know.” You informed him once more.

There weren’t many curses around here but the ones that were always tried to slip a trick on people before killing them.

“ I promise to be safe, my love” and he pressed a kiss against your temple.

“And Nanami, you know if you run into any trouble your Senpai will be there to help you. I’m just a call away.” And you would hear the cheekiness lingering in his voice.

“ for the love of God” Kento groaned.

Fortunately, for him, you were pulling up to the restaurant now. the restaurant happened to also be connected to a place where your mom and dad stayed the restaurant downstairs and their house being upstairs.

You got to your child home and you guys unloaded the car and were immediately tackled by your mom and dad.

After you guys got inside and settled, it was already time for lunch prep to get started.

“ since you guys will be the first ones here you get the best seat in the house, which is in the middle so you’re far enough from the stage to have conversation but close enough to really hear the band that’ll be playing.” You told them as you came downstairs.

“ I think I would prefer to sit right next to the band as to make sure no conversation is had actually” Nanami said on you guys reached the first floor.

“Awwwwww, Ken, don’t act like. You’re hurting my feelings” Satoru whine as he drooped his arm over Kento’s shoulder.

You grabbed Gojo by his ear and sat him down in a chair.

“Stop riling him up or I’m not making beignets for you. Do you understand??” You ask with your eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Yes ma’am” he pouts but stays quiet.

Everything is smooth for a while as you set up for lunch, start cooking, and eventually start letting guests inside.

The place was packed before an hour had even passed so Satoru and Kento were forced to give up there seats and skeedadle. Kento to handle the curse he agreed to exorcise and Satoru to try every sweet he could find in a 5 mile radius.

Business was booming from lunch onward. You didn’t have a break between prepping, cooking and serving orders in the gaps between servers.

Satoru was still missing in action and all you could hope is that he didn’t walk into a voodoo shop trying to get sweets and walk out hexed.

On the other hand, Kento hadn’t tried to contact you either, but you didn’t have much time to think about it or check in right before the dinner rush.

You tried calling him and ended up talking to voicemail, so you decided to text him. You just sent a quick message asking if he was OK and when he’d be back.

Around two hours later, Gojo came sauntering in looking like a kid who was let loose in a candy shop with a credit card. He had all types of to go bags and shopping bags hanging off of him.

He went up to drop everything off before he slid into the kitchen to see you. 

“ you haven’t heard from him since he left earlier”, he asked and you could hear the concern in his voice which only made you feel worse.

“ no and it started to make me nervous. I can’t just walk out and leave my dad to finish his dinner shift by himself.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine. I’ll use my six eyes to go see if I can find him. I’ll be back quick New Orleans minute” and the accent was so offensive you almost smacked the shit out of him.

“Just go.”

By the time Gojo got back, the dinner crowd had left, the restaurant was closed and you and your dad were in the back cleaning up.

He came in with no Nanami next to him, but both his hands hiding behind his back and a cheeky smile on his face.

“ where the hell is Kento! you’ve been gone for two hours and you mean to tell me you didn’t come back with him??” You started shouting at him.

You excused yourself from your parents ear shot while grabbing him by the ear again, and dragged him behind you.

“Ouch, ouch, ouch.” That really fucking hurts.

“ where the hell have you been? Where is my husband??!”

Satoru is rubbing his ear when he speaks, “ well I’ve got good news and bad news. Good news is I found Kinto, bad news is…” and he pulls his hand from behind his back. “ This is your husband.”

You immediately screamed because this asshole pulled a slimy, disgusting frog from behind his back!

“Satoru have you lost your mind again??? Have the sweets eaten a whole into your peanut sized brain!!! Get that thing out of here RIGHT NOW!!”

But before Gojo could speak…. The frog did.

“My love, i’m afraid this is the one time that Gojo is not joking around. It’s me.”

That voice was definitely Kento’s but there was no way. Absolutely now way.

“ I think she’s gonna pass out. Y/N are you gonna pass out?” Satoru said well balancing the frog in one hand and reaching out the other to catch your trembling form.

“Sweetheart maybe you should sit down. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

That was Kento alright. Always the worrying, doting husband.

“ it was the curse, wasn’t it? Kento I told you that the curse is here were different. How did you manage to let this happen? You’re a frog!” Your hands were rubbing circles at your temple and you were pacing back and forth.

“You were 100% right, but it was more than one curse and I was caught off guard.”

“ yeah he couldn’t exercise them in his frog form so I had to do it when I got there and let me tell you those things look even more insane the ones in Japan. I did manage to get some information out of them before I killed them though.”

“What kind of information?” You groaned. You had such a killer headache right now it felt like your head would pound for the rest of your life.

“ good news first or bad news first” he asked you with small smile playing at your lips.

The death glare you gave him would’ve cut through his infinity if he had it on.

“ OK so good news first, um, you can fix him!” He says.

“Oh thank god!” You say on an exhale.

“He hasn’t said the bad news yet, baby” Kento chirps up.

“Yeaaaa… bad news is the only way to break. The curse is with true loves kiss”

“No” the word flew out of your mouth so quickly. “No why in hell am I kissing a frog.”

“ my love…”

“Do not “my love” me Kento. There’s no way! You’re SLIMY AND GREEN!” And you’re in full blown hysterics now.

You hear a chuckle from Gojo but he quickly shuts his mouth.

“ darling, I know this is a bad time to bring this up but… I do recall a certain asking on more than ONE occasion, if her husband would love her if she were a worm, a fish, and a plethora of other little creature. And said husband said yes to all of those.”

The calmness in his voice at that moment had never made you more irritated.

“ those were hypotheticals! You can’t throw that back in my face now.” You whine again because you don’t know what else to do.

Gojo decided now to speak up again, “ I may have also forgotten to mention that if the curse isn’t broken by midnight, your darling husband will stay in this form until his dying day”

“Turn off the infinity Satoru! Turn it off now!”

“So you can MURDER ME!?!? I think not!”

“Just give me one swing at the pretty face. You’ll only have 3 eyes when I’m done with you cuz I’m taking out half your power with one punch!” You shout.

Satoru keeps his infinity up, places Kento on a table, and starts walking away from your murderous being.

“ well I’ll take that as my cut to leave. I’ll let you lovebird sort this out amongst yourselves. Umm quick heads up midnight strikes in about six minutes do what you want with that goodbye!” And he’s out the door.

“Baby.” Your husband says in that soft soothing tone of his. “ I love you and I will continue to love you even if you leave me in this state as a green slimy frog, but I would truly prefer if we just did a quick little kiss and got this over with.”

“I cannot believe this! I should leave you like this you know. I told you several times not to take on this assignment.” You mewl.

“I know. I deserve this, I truly do.”

“I’m about to miss a frog. Me, (your full name) am about to kiss a fucking frog!”

“It’ll be quick love, just a quick peck. Close your eyes and it’ll be over before you know it.”

“I think I’m gonna bath.”

“Please wait until after the kiss. I don’t want you to throw up on me, I’m already slimy.”

“Why would you say that now??” You ask him with your eyes stretched.

“Sorry, bad timing.”

“Ughhhhhh. Fuck, fine. Count me down.”

You start jumping in place preparing your self.

“3”…. You start leaning in, “2” inching closer and trying to to keep your gag reflex in order, “1” you slam your eyes shut, pucker your lips and connect them to the amphibians.

Before you know it, Kento is again standing in front of you, but there is a flash blinding you from seeing his face.

“Wow, that is true love. Y/N you just kissed a frog.” When the flash dies down you see Gojo with his phone held up to you two. He was recording the whole thing.

“Oh that does it. You’re dying here satoru! Don’t run. Why are you running you piece of shit, get back here!!” And you spend the rest of the night trying to rip your best friend head off his body.

By the time you get back home, you’d managed to destroy Gojo’s phone and any evidence any of it ever happened.

“Are you ok my sweetheart? You’ve had an extremely trying day.” Kento asks as you both get into bed.

“No. I want to go to sleep and forget the last 24 hours happened.

“I completely understand. Get some sleep sweet girl.” And he tried to lean in and press a kiss to your lips.

Your hand stop him dead in his tracks.

“Too soon Kento, too soon.” And you turn your body away from him and try to fall to sleep. You hear him chuckle behind you and snuggle up to your back.

tags : @queenpiranhadon, @cashmoneyyysstuff, @tootiecakes234, @starieq, @sweetienans, @seonne, @lovelyiida, @lady-ashfade, @4evapika, @angels-fantasy, @2melamoo2 - check out their storybook event fics too!

[peggyao3]

Pt. 13 - (Pseudo) Pregnancy

A/N: The only trope yee aunt Peggy will never ever write is actual pregnancy… Meanwhile cannibalism, dune-typical incest, non-con, no problem, but pregnancy is just too close to irl body horror for me, but luckily I can make up anything in the world of fiction and beat the trope into a shape of my liking 😂😌 thank you @nocturn-warrior for the spark of inspiration to pick this prompt hehe 🤭

Can be seen as part of the Night Crawler universe, I think <3

TAGS: she/her AFAB FMC, breeding kink, descriptions of pregnancy symptoms without an actual child growing in there, FMC is thin enough to see a distension of the womb, squirting, dub-con

WORD COUNT: 450

"You're whining so much today," Feyd-Rautha groans, situated warm and hard between her spread thighs.

"Yes," she grates out through clenched teeth, pushing against her husband's round shoulders with no real fight aside from the nails that scrape over his velvety skin. "I'm too full and you damn well, a-ahhh, k-know it!" 

A hard jab of his cock has made a splash of wetness spatter against his hard abdomen and she burns up with shame, feeling the wet glide of skin against her already distended belly.

"Too full, sweetling?" Her insatiable husband grins black and wide, slowing his thrusts and canting his pelvis against the spot that causes her nerves to jitter and more essence to drip past the root of his cock. "I think there's room for a few more of my whelps in your warm, little womb."

Her channel spasms around his obscene girth upon that and he taunts her with laughter. His sweet wife is rotten and can't help the twitching of her needy cunt at the thought of being bred round and full by her virile husband.

All of this is just play. The na-Baron doesn't like the idea of sharing the attention of his treasured toy with a bawling, nagging, vomiting offspring. She can all but pray that it remains this way. Forced into marriage and this play of pretend, she won't allow him to force her into anything else, or their marriage will end in a bloodbath.

"Mmmh, just be still, my darling. Your husband knows what's best for you." Feyd-Rautha picks up speed, stuffing himself into her slick hole despite her indignant whines about the change of tempo. "If you don't wanna keep still, I might just strap you in next time, put you in a harness like a broodmare and stuff you so full that my seed drips down your legs."

His cock jumps against her snug walls and he lets his head fall forward, drool on his lips when he empties himself with stuttering hips, forehead pressing against his wife's. She shivers when his eyes snap open, dark and yearning beneath blonde lashes.

With every rush of seed into her body, the artificially injected cocktail of enzymes that lies dormant in her blood induces a rush of amniotic fluid into her womb. The pressure makes her groan and whine and that's also how she knows it's not real, because it happens too fast. 

Feyd reaches one hand between their bodies, the one with the wedding band, and pats her belly, whispering with gravelled breath how pretty she looks, swollen with his heir and how well she carries his Harkonnen brood.

The effect lasts only a couple of days— But Feyd-Rautha fucks his wife more often than that.

FEYD TAG LIST

@nostalgichoya, @forgedfromthestars, @sweetiee-o, @missbingu, @minedofmoria

@sebastianswallows, @charmingballoon, @flower-frog, @welliah, @aoi-targaryen

@coastalcowgirl35, @esolean, @szapizzapanda, @tatertooted, @sunny747

@ughdontbeboring

[cowboyemeritus]

Day 18

Prompt: Monsterfucking

Pairing: Rain/Reader

Tags: monsterfucking, tentacles

Notes: Rain ghoul my beloved lake monster wife

Your foot slips on an algae covered rock and you curse, just barely catching yourself. Rain watches from the deepest part of the pond, only his head sticking out of the water. The light of the full moon reveals that his cheeks are dotted with tiny blue freckles that glow faintly. The rest of him is obscured under the water, preventing you from seeing him in is transformed state.

It’s simultaneously a disappointment and a relief.

“Are you scared?” From the glint in his eyes, which now have a yellowish aura to them, you can tell he asks more out morbid curiosity rather than genuine concern for your wellbeing.

It’s easier for everyone if you’re honest. “A little.” 

Rain chuckles. It’s a pleasant sound, like a babbling brook on a lazy summer afternoon. “Don’t be,” he says, a similarly freckled hand rising out of the water to beckon you in. His fingers are webbed now, too. “I promise I won’t let you drown. Or eat you.”

He’s always had such a way with words.

You scoot down onto another rock, now at the water’s edge. Dipping a toe in, you shiver, finding it a little too chilly for your liking. But there’s no turning back now. You’re determined to see this through. Bracing yourself, you slink down into the water. This time, when you plant your foot on another slimy rock, you slip for real and end up going under. Your muscles tense as the mammalian diving reflex kicks in, turning your stomach for a fraction of a second. Breaking the surface, you gasp, then let out an exasperated wail. Your naked skin is already covered in goosebumps, nipples pebbled from the cold.

“Fuck!” You have to start treading water, nearly sinking back down. Your teeth are chattering. “You do this in the winter, too?” Rain nods.

“Every full moon.”

You give him an incredulous look. “How do you not turn into a popsicle?” He shrugs.

“Ghoul shit, I guess.” You’re about to make a snarky comment about that when something brushes against your foot. You yelp, head whipping around frantically in search of it. In the low lighting, you can’t even see your feet beneath you.

“Are you sure there’s nothing in here?” Rain is trying his hardest not to laugh at you.

“Just you and me, babe. It was probably a plant, or something.” Seeing you’re unconvinced, he opens his arms. “Come here. I’ll protect you.” It’s better than having to fend for yourself. As quickly as you can, you swim over to him, the water growing colder the deeper you get. Anxiety prickles in your stomach, but is quickly wiped away when Rain wraps himself around you. His skin is like a frog’s, cold and slightly slimy, but you’re being held, and that’s what matters. He smiles down at you, eyes glowing and sharp teeth glinting in the moonlight. It’s an exquisite sight. Then he kisses you, and suddenly, you’re not so cold anymore. From there, your body begins to melt into his. Lured in by the siren song of his kiss, your lips part to allow his tongue, equally frigid, to explore your mouth. It’s him — it feels like him — but… also not. Familiar, but  completely alien.

Another something, solid and rubbery, grazes against your calf. Your eyes widen. “That was me.” Again, you feel it, this time against your thigh. “And so was that.” Another caresses your ass, running along the cleft. Rain smirks. “And that.” Before you can react, a tentacle wraps around your waist, then two more around your thighs, pulling them apart. Another shock of cold, this time against your throbbing core, tells you all you need to know about how you’re holding up. “Still scared?” Rain asks. Your eyes nearly roll back in your head when one of the appendages teases at your entrance, slick even under the water.

Holding back a moan, you shake your head.

[sanderssidesthehouse]

First of all, the reason it took me so long to put this out was bc I was trying to find good shots of their outfits and I simply couldn't except for Remus. Theoretically they all wear pants. I swear we've gotten good shots of them, I just can't find them anywhere so if anyone wants to help a guy out and send some my way, thanks in advance.

Look, is Logan hot? Yes. But it’s not because of the outfit. It’s because of the autism.

Just put him in a whole ass button up and some slacks and nice shoes, keep the tie, he doesn’t need a full suit, but if he’s trying to look professional, that’s literally what district managers and office workers wear, it would do. Now, if he did some character development and wanted to express his interests via clothing, we could throw in a lab coat or maybe a heavy duty apron. If he wanted to be more casual, you know he’s wearing a NASA bomber and star patterned converse but he also definitely put the stars and such on there himself. Space nerd has to have a favorite galaxy he could map out.

He’s not giving enough. He could be giving so much more. He’s Creativity and he is extra as hell, you’re telling me he couldn’t be MORE extravagant? Where are the furs? The cape? The crown? The DRAMA??? He’s playing a prince, but a prince can wear eyeliner. Where is it? Give him some gold highlighter, I want to be able to see him from the moon. A prince has got to slay, but what is he slaying? My spirits? With his current outfit, certainly. I’m mad because he can do better. He’s so boring to look at. Maybe it’s because he’s not just a prince, he’s specifically a Disney prince, but just because we’re pulling from a source material doesn’t mean we can’t spice it up, ok? Adaptation is allowed and encouraged to make improvements. But I’m also not really a Disney fan. You didn’t come here for unbiased facts anyway, you came her for my bad opinions.

I don’t think you can get any more Catholic guilt than that look so potential is met. Unfortunately the only thing he’s serving is church dad who cries himself to sleep next to his wife that he never has sex with because he’s gay but scared to admit it. She loves him but knows there’s something missing and resents him for it. They still have two and a half kids as is standard. Their picket fence is white. He’s living in suburban purgatory. He projects a little too much onto his dog. This is what he’s serving. I’m not eating it. Um, personality, yeah the fit pretty much sums him up. I hope at some point it doesn’t. I hope he gets better. Someone help him.

I know he’s on the cusp of proper development so he might get a new fit soon? Or not idk. I hope if he does it’s froggy. Give him one of those frog rain hats that would be cute af. He just wants to be silly, let him be silly, please for the love of everything, someone let him be silly.

I think we could have went harder into a subculture. Emo/punk and he doesn’t even paint his nails or wear a choker. What a fucking poser. The patches on the sweatshirt and holes in his T are good, though. He could also probably do with piercings and more make up. I do love that as a collective the fandom decided to have him keep the purple hair bc that really did him some good. I understand it's annoying to put chalk or wax in your hair every time to play him, but it would get him another point in the potential category. I just want him to look cool.

Serving- Dark sides know how to serve a look. If you’re going to be morally neutral/grey you have to make up for it by being hot. They don’t make the rules but the rules were definitely made for them.

Personality- I know exactly who he is by looking at him: A fucking dork. I love my dork ass wife.

Potential- There’s always room for improvement. Namely a yellow ribbon strip on the hat. I know in my heart of hearts that it’s there, but my eyes betray me.

idek if I’d say the cape is an improvement, I think they were right not to include it because it doesn’t really add anything to the way he’s been portrayed. Though I would love to see an occasion where he can play around with the cape because I love capes. I just feel like a variation of landsknecht would have served him well. Maybe paned slops. Pumpkin breeches. Do you see the vision? He just needs some slutty little booty shorts to amp up the bottom energy, and he already has the sleeve design to go with it.

Look, he’s not even my boy, but I’m going to defend Patton on this one. What else could we possibly do here? (I’m serious, please tell me, I want to hear about your Patton designs.) He’s just you’re emotionally repressed dad! Not MY emotionally repressed dad, for certain, mine wears Hawaiian shirts, Bermuda shorts, and crocs, but SOMEBODY’s emotionally repressed church dad. Probably. Maybe.

He’s not SUPPOSED to be all ‘it’s called fashion, sweaty’ because he’s just a guy! A very normal, boring guy! That’s part of his whole thing! He’s church dad! And his outfit shows it! Anyway, sorry Patton. I didn’t mean to expose you to this kind of outfit negativity. (This portion is mostly a joke. Idc if you think his outfit sucks. It does, that just happens to be in character which makes it technically not suck in my opinion.)

Maybe now that Janus has his hands on him Patton's fashion sense will improve. Light sides just don't do it like the dark sides.