#My dearest Amane

[variouspolltournaments]

Propaganda

Marlana: Alana and Margot are beautiful badass manipulative women. They meet because Alana is Margot's twin brother Mason's psychiatrist, and also Alana is trying to help Mason capture Hannibal so they can torture him. Along the way, Alana and Margot start sleeping together behind the scenes (has to be behind the scenes from Mason because he's family head and a huge homophobe but it is onscreen) and fall in love, and eventually Alana and Margot develop a plot to steal Mason's money, have a Verger heir (I'll spare you the gritty details but let's just say the Verger DNA comes from Mason, not Margot 💀), get married, (and bonus they do end up killing Mason) and live happily ever after as a badass wlw couple with their son (at least until they have to go into hiding a couple years later for Alana's safety when Hannibal breaks out of prison)

[hanako-san]

My precious Moon!💞💞💞

[faceless-es]

Thoughts On Milgram Characters

(This is pretty lighthearted and doesn’t go too deep into them as characters, just silly thoughts that pop into my head)

Haruka - I kin this man. Ever since I saw Weakness and was hit by a fucking bus of relating to later being hit by a fucking train from All-Knowing and All-Agony. (If you all are curious I wrote an entire note on all the lyrics and how I relate when I first watched it and basically trauma dumping, may show it if demanded) Besides kinning him I feel a lot of empathy and attachment for him. Do I condone his actions? Hell nah, but I just want him to have therapy and love. I rest my case.

Es - I love them. (I don’t know if I kin them or if they’ve just taken over my very being but-) There’s never been a snarky 15 year old in fiction I have adored more. I love their personality. The sudden changes in their personality with the bell and such leads me to be very curious about them, and also deeply concerned. Their lack of memory does the same. I worry for their future. I worry for them. The theories don’t help. Don’t hurt them, please. I want to take them and carry them away. Also, they are very much gender. Their voice is also very gender.

Fuuta — Our silly little gamer boy. I love him. He’s cocky, but he also is remorseful. He’s reflective and realizes his actions were not just. He’s smart. He calls shit out. He has good intentions. He’s snarky, fiery, but kind and passionate and willing to learn. He’s very reasonable, like if I were a prisoner in MILGRAM I wish I would be like him. His actions make so much sense and I applaud him for it. He doesn’t deserve this shit. He’s been wronged. I love him, a lot. Everything about him. I want him to have happiness. I also love his voice.

Kazui — Our dearest gay(?) man. I love him. (I say that a lot, don’t I?) I want him to take me under his wing. I love him. He’s so fatherly. He’s so fucked up. He’s the dearest. I’d love to talk to him and help him accept himself. I’d also recommend therapy. Our dear man, he’s so attractive too. But that’s besides the point, he’s also just so goofy. I love him. He deserves to live a good life and be loved for who he is.

Shidou — Our lovely doctor. I feel like he’s very misunderstood in the community, so many people say he’s an organ harvester, when he would just ask families to pull the plug and donate organs to other patients. He’s often painted out to be some crazy mastermind, I may just be dumb but I don’t see that to be the case at all. I think he’s lovely. He may be a bit of a mystery but I still love him. He doesn’t seem to be an ill-intentioned person at all. He also deserves therapy. I’d love to help him. Poor guy.

Yuno — I love her a lot. I love her personality, no matter if it’s “cold” or not. I completely stand by her. She deserves the world. I feel she needs therapy. She’s amazing and I love her sassiness and bluntness. The way she calls shit out as it is. She’s great.

Mikoto — Oh, dearest! This man, I love him. I love him more and more each day. Every theory I read about him leads me to have more and more empathy for him. God, I worry a lot for him. I hate how much he’s sexualized. I hate how he can be misunderstood or demonized. He doesn’t deserve any of it. I want to take him far, far away from it all. He needs therapy. I want him to be okay. I fear for him. I want to give him a big hug, and tell him it’s okay. God, I love him and his complexities as a character.

Mahiru — Oh, dearest. She had such hopes and happiness all shatter. Poor girl. She needs therapy, for sure. I feel bad for her. She clearly didn’t know what she was doing was wrong. I really hope she will be okay. She doesn’t deserve such pain.

Amane — She may be a bit of a brat, but I’ve grown to care for her more the more I learn. Poor girl has been traumatized so badly, I feel so bad for her. I do not agree with the way she uses her religion, but what can you expect? She was raised in a cult, it’s all she’s known. This poor girl, I want to hold her close. She needs therapy. She’s 12 for gods sake. I wish she didn’t have to go through all this. I hope she will break free from the cult. I still am angered by how low her vote has been, seems many people dislike her. I get that her personality is not great, but you have to take into account her circumstances.

Muu — Ah, our manipulative rich girl. I can’t say I like her, since that’d be a lie, although her songs are absolute bops. Yet, I don’t despise her, I just very much dislike her personality. She’s manipulative and self centered, perhaps partly due to her upbringing. She was likely a bully herself too. Not good vibes from her. Does she deserve to be thrown into some torture chamber prison for that? No, of course not. Also, Muu, stay away from Haruka. I’m warning you.

Kotoko — Ah, the savior complex vigilante. If you couldn’t tell by that, I don’t like her much. In fact, her self righteousness gets on my nerves a tad. She judges anyone and everyone freely based solely on her beliefs, yet she always is in the right somehow? Don’t like it. Although, the way she is a parallel to us the audience is genius. Really makes you think, huh? I’ll give her that, she makes me think. I wish she’d get off of her high horse though. I can sense there’s some deep insecurity in her, perhaps that’s why she does this. She is interesting, and could become a better person with work perhaps.

I hope no one is offended by this, these are just some thoughts that popped into my head when thinking of them. It’s pretty lighthearted. I mean no disrespect, all the characters are morally grey! I just have my own biases and therefor like some more than others. Thanks for reading it you did!

[oboetemasuka]

Kicked out

An "Order of Attack" side story.

Part of a writing trade with @good-beanswrites.

Chapter 14 ends on a cliffhanger and doesn't explore the fallout. The next time you see Fuuta and Amane, they're doing better.

But what happened in between those chapters?

(cw: suicidal thoughts, cult mentality)

Amane curled herself up tightly under the blankets. It caused a terrible strain on her ribs, but she deserved it. Now she understood how the cat felt. She might even understand how Fuuta felt.

She thought that just because she could overcome her own trials, he could too. It hadn't dawned on her how much worse he had it. Fighting to breathe, too pained to move… Oh, how could she take it for granted? Just a few months of (relative) freedom, and now she thought everyone was on a brighter road. If she had to be stuck like this every day, trapped in the dark under Kirisaki Shidou's constant watch, wondering if Kotoko was going to return, would she too wish for the pain to go away permanently?

She should apologize to Fuuta. Tell him she was so caught up in her own world that she didn't consider other people's suffering. But she couldn't. The day she left, Shidou had closed the proverbial (and literal) door behind her. When she had returned the next day, he gave her a stern lecture.

"I will not allow you to see Kajiyama-kun again after all the harm you've caused him. You've proven time and time again that you can't be trusted around him. Sabotaging your healthcare is one thing, but inciting him to do the same? He is in a very vulnerable mental state right now. I will not have you pose a danger to him."

Was this how the good doctor would finally take her seriously? As a danger. A liability. If she would just stay out of the way, then Fuuta might finally-

Light filtered in through the blanket. The sound of quietly approaching footsteps echoed through the room.

"Amane-chan…" Of course. Who else would come to visit but Mahiru? "Do you need help?"

In response, Amane let out an animalistic growl, which was apparently considered an affirmative. A blinding light poured into her eyes as the blanket was lifted off her face.

"Amane-chan! Can you even breathe-"

Amane uncurled herself painfully, but she also accepted Mahiru's help this time. Anything to not have her running off to that doctor again. But she couldn't meet her eyes.

"You don't have to answer..." As if she would take silence for an answer. "But I'm really worried. You haven't run off like this since…"

Since the day Amane was discharged from the doctor's care. She never wanted to relive the helplessness and fear of being attacked, and yet she was doing that all over again. All she had to do was cry into Mahiru's shoulder, and the scene would be complete.

She would not put that final piece in place.

So they just sat in silence. Amane fought not to fall over.

Sister dearest was certainly waiting for an answer.

Amane wasn't going to give her one.

So they continued to sit in silence. Amane's head was spinning as she recovered from the pain of curling up.

…

"Why? Why do you always come over? Why do you keep trying to push your values on me and get me to live how you would? My end goal is the same either way, so why bother-"

It was like staring in a mirror. Wide eye(s), mouth slightly agape, perfectly matched.

It wasn't like Amane to snap like that. It was like she was airing someone else's grievances. This…

"This is about Fuuta-kun, isn't it?"

Amane kept her head down. "All I wanted… was to inspire him to live a more virtuous life. I should have realized…" She found herself crashing onto Mahiru's shoulder.

"Oh…" Mahiru carefully wrapped her arms around Amane. "You couldn't have known. Too many things were in play. I talked to him too. Shidou-san kept watch around the clock. Fuuta-kun hasn't been in…" She tapped her fingers, trying and failing to find the words.

"And what do you mean about Kirisaki Shidou?"

"So much has happened to get to this point. If he's making you feel like the blame is all yours, I'll have a word with him."

Tempting. Amane straightened her back and her expression. "Please do."

Mahiru stood up and gave Amane a pat on the head. "I promise you'll be able to visit again in no time."

[gwaedhannen]

End of Year Fic Recs

Recommend up to 5 series or multi-chapter fics from 2023 that everyone should read (multi-year WIPs count, if the last update was in 2023).

Recommend up to 5 single chapter fics/one-shots (long or short) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Recommend up to 5 fics NOT from 2023 that everyone should read (oldies but goodies).

Recommend up to 5 of your own fics (completed or WIP) from 2023 that everyone should read.

Open tag courtesy of @grey-gazania. No-pressure tagging everyone here and anyone else who wants to participate.

All Tolkien stuff. Mind the tags on AO3. Nothing Explicit but some Mature.

5 series/multichapter fics:

1. sir, take it easy by @exercise-of-trust (Maglor, Finrod, Celegorm, Maglor/Maglor's Wife)

“I thought you were adamant that no music was bad. And what would do you suggest, that we go back to Ráincë’s parallels in fifth, or Ambalincë’s discant exercises in fourth? Those were old before either of us were born, and you know it.” “I am not saying it is bad. I am saying that to me it sounds like all the fiends of Morgoth, but worse, because the fiends of Morgoth were not taking a clausula I wrote for my parents’ anniversary and mangling it. However, as its inclusion in this anthology shows, there are other people who like it, and while I do not understand it, I am not about to give up my Neldor or my Palecéva because the wind of scholarly opinion has blown against them from time to time.”

2. Spun by Grace by SpaceWall (Galadriel, Lúthien, Maeglin)

“Did you see them? The kinslayers who took your Nana? Who tried to take you?” “Ada says I did, but I don’t remember them. I don’t remember anything, except Nana screaming.” “Did your Ada say anything after? Aside from telling you to hide and stay safe.” The child nodded, bravely, and said in as clear a voice as he could manage. “He said they took Nana because she was bad. He said she was a kinslayer like them, and I had kinslayer blood in me, and they’d take me too if I wasn’t good.”

3. An Oral History of Dying in the Dagor Bragollach by Beleriand Death Trip (too many characters to list)

Please note that all participants were recently rehoused, but not extremely recently (this is regarded as unethical in our field). They have all had the opportunity to reflect on historical events after their death, both during their stay in the Halls and after being rehoused. We do not regard this as “contamination” of their recollection for our purposes, but rather as part of the normal process of narrative formation.

4. Foresight by @aotearoa20 (Fëanor and sons)

“He’s so small,” he said, not softly, “Such a beautiful baby.” “I know. He’s mine.” Fëanáro glared, he dared not do anything else. “You should appreciate it while it lasts,” when he smiled and the scar on his lip twisted strangely, “He’ll not be either for long.”

5. The Hazards of Love by @aipilosse (Finrod/Amarië, Anairë, Findis, Elwing)

Excerpt from The Empty House by Vatharwë Lelyindë held herself straight and tall, undaunted by Helluinon’s greater height. “You, my Lord, are free to live as you would, but others bear chains you cannot see. You speak of oaths and bonds, and yet you must see that when an oath comes in conflict, it is yours that is always the greater, and the other party must always acquiesce. So it is with me, so was it with your mother, your younger brother, and even your dearest friend!

5 single-chapter fics/one-shots:

Raised by Wolves by @warrioreowynofrohan (Elrond, Elros, Gil-Galad, Maglor, Maedhros)

“I hate him, and I do not hate him. Or, I do not hate him for cruelties. I hate him for kindnesses.”

2. The Hope of Love: Eärendil and Elwing as Symbols of Romance in Popular Culture by @imakemywings (Elwing/Eärendil)

Capping off these mesmerizing performances is Elwing’s final speech to the Teleri of Aman, a moment so fascinating that it has become the basis of many other dramatic confrontations throughout popular media. Almost anyone will recognize the line “I plead my hope,” or even its more extended version “Oh ye of foreign shores, I plead my hope. Let my home not be crushed ‘neath the boot of Bauglir,” even with no familiarity with the film. The passion of Torthoriel’s performance here has brought many a moviegoer to tears and captures a moment few had before bothered with—Elwing’s part in gaining the aid of Aman.

3. the bones of small contention by @quixoticanarchy (Celegorm, Oromë)

“You see, evil haunts a hungry man. If he eats his fill, he is called immoral; if he refuses, he will starve honorably. But free is the man who realizes that there is no satiety to be had, and equally there is no reward waiting in starvation. If my end shall be evil regardless, then my deeds matter not. I may eat as I please, and in that transgression, I find some shadow of liberation. A kind of laughter, almost - a light and wild feeling, like the moment after releasing an arrow, or the moment after the plunge off a cliff. You would not understand.”

4. all the daughters of my father's house (and all the brothers too) by Chestnut_pod (Fin-Galad)

These are the things ladies are, in the songs that are told of Finduilas and Niënor, her mirror: Love. Beauty. Laughter. Inconstance. Haunting. Sorrow. Screaming. Silence. In fact, the tales are not told of them. They are merely there. Many songs are written of Gil-Galad. Centuries after his death, Hobbit-children learn to sing of him.

5. Fire From The Ashes by @herenortherenearnorfar (Nienna, a Balrog)

“There is a terrible pain to conciousness,” Nienna acknowledges. She has not yet let go. “I just want to be an instrument.” Coals glow bright for a moment in the wind and then fade. “I was made to remake worlds, not feel this guilt.”

5 oldies but goodies (fair warning these are all liable to make you cry):

1. The legacy of a failure by from_the_wood (Frodo, Merry's Granddaughter, Merry, Pippin, Sam)

That's the thing with despair: it wants to erase everything, all of you, all that had been, or could have been - kind word, memory, hope for the future - but it cannot do so. It cannot. It should not.

2. An Oral History of the End of Innocence by @ceescedasticity (House of Olwë, Galadriel)

I think Hawser Road probably had the highest proportion of… Noldor swung their swords at a moving group and hit Noldor. Lindar shot arrows into crowds and hit Lindar. Noldor tried to ride down Lindar and also rode down Noldor. Lindar trying to get away trampled Lindar. Torches everywhere — I have never been so grateful the city is mostly stone, but wagons set on fire, sheds and stalls and barrels set on fire, there were some wooden additions… Panicked horses. Panicked cows, of all things, who brings cows when you're fleeing the gods to fight another god. There was so much screaming.

3. The One With All The Birds by @clothonono (Elwing/Eärendil, Elrond, Nerdanel, Sons of Fëanor)

What was her desire? "I desire my father, given back to me again," she said. "And my mother, and my brothers too. And my people, and my home, and all the years of my children's lives. Can the Lords of the West grant me this?" No one answered. Everyone knew the answer. "Equally I might desire that my enemy be punished. Let him go to the Halls of Mandos, whence none escape. Let me know that he is prisoned, so that I may gladly walk free." Is this your desire? "No," said Elwing. "I already told you my desire. Let justice be done. There is no vengeance that will satisfy me; there is no redress that can restore to me my father, my mother, my brothers, my home, and my children. There is nothing I want that he or you can give to me."

4. To Love What Is Mortal by @astridbecks (Lúthien/Thuringwethil)

Splintering pain as she was torn apart, yet as she parted beneath the hands of Lúthien there was a curious want mingled with the agony – strip me of this darkness, lay bare my soul, remake me – break me – and she had known pain before, had always known pain, but this was new and different and somehow right. (hurt me, because I deserve it. break me and make me as clean as you.)

5. woman into bird by @arrivisting (Elwing/Eärendil, Idril, Tuor, Elrond, Elros)

This is the best gift parents doomed to die can give their half-elven children, after all: to spare them the sight of their ends.

5 of mine from 2023:

1. Kill the Flame (Galadriel, the whole 3rd Finwean generation)

For Angrod, laughing at everything and everyone. You were an ass but you were our ass. You taught me patience, however little you meant to! For Aegnor, firebrand of our family. You saved me when the cold of the Ice tore into my heart. From you, I learned when to burn, and when to smoulder. For Finrod, dearest brother. What can I say? What words would suffice? Your ring’s bearer is worthy of his ancestors. I miss you. I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you.

2. The Myth Hanging Heavy Over You (Elrond & Elwing)

He sends radiant wings, dark hair streaked with silver, a queen’s pride, laughter among the waves, lembas, handkerchiefs. He receives home, with such ardentness that he weeps for a week.

3. Sorrow Beyond Words, Collected Testimony of the War of Wrath (Finarfin, Lalwen)

The Valar said that he could no longer twist elves into orcs even by the time of his first imprisonment, but from the conditions there, from the bodies we pulled out…I don’t think he cared. Every torture, every debasement, every abomination against the Eruchîn that could be imagined. For each we thought might survive if we got them to the surface, there were five who wouldn’t, and ten corpses.

4. Shall we look at the moon, my little loon? (Aerin, Aerin's mother)

Aerin stands in her mother’s dress before the looking glass, eyes unseeing. Hitheth adorns her with the jewelry which will be her dowry, the only riches of her house, the last gift of the elves who vanished into the mists as if they never were.

5. Still-untitled "What if Fëanor took the Helcaraxë" AU (Círdan, Thingol (for now))

It's still Y.T. 1497. Morgoth hasn't had centuries to innovate his siege technology, but Círdan's cities also haven't been rebuilt with Noldor walls. The Grey Annals says Fëanáro's host arrives some seven solar years after Melian raises the Girdle. (Yes if we go by the usual "1 tree year = 9.582 solar years" then it could've been upwards of 25 solar years since the Darkening in 1495 before the landing at Losgar.) (I hate Tolkien's timelines sometimes.)

[sotwk]

Hi, it took me sometimes to decide to write this ask because I didn’t want to bother you. Then I realised that if an author has requests open is because they like the input so here I am: I saw you write also Celebrian and Elrond they are one of my favourite couples, so I thought to try.

If I’m not mistaken you’ve set the death of the Elvenqueen after the attack on Celebrian (first time I read that my heart shattered), so I would like to know if you haven’t said already what was Thranduil and Maereth’s reaction to what happened or if Celebrian sensing the darkness that would arrive in ME asked her dear friend to accompany her to Aman or whatever you have in mind about their friendship, really. And if you are willing I would also love a little ff about their family.

I loved Cel appearance in your ff: sins of our fathers and how you set the premise of that.

Of course take your time, no pressure at all and even if you can’t don’t worry!

Lady Celebrían in the SotWK AU: the Elvenqueen's dearest friend

I love Celebrían too!!! She is my favorite female canon character in Lord of the Rings--at least the way I envision her in my mind, since we are actually not given a lot of specifics about the Lady of Imladris.

My admiration for sweet, gentle Celebrían factored in greatly in my decision to develop her as a significant supporting character in the SotWK AU:

Not only is she one of Maereth's most beloved friends, but they are blood-relations. Maereth's father Eärondir (oc) is the son of Círdan the Shipwright and Eäriel (oc). Eäriel is the daughter of one of the sons of Olwë, and therefore a first cousin of Galadriel's. This means Celebrían is Maereth's paternal second cousin, once removed. (They are also related through the line of Finwë, but that's a whole other calculation!)

As you read in "Sins of Our Fathers", Celebrían and Maereth were friends even before Maereth met Thranduil. Celebrían was one of Maereth's main confidants through the centuries she struggled with the decision of whether or not to accept Thranduil's affections. Let's just say, if maids of honor were a thing in Elvish weddings, Celebrían would be Maereth's, no contest.

Furthermore, Celebrían is closely related to Itarildë (oc), the eventual wife of Prince Mirion Thranduilion. Itarildë's mother, Nimeithel (oc), is the younger sister of Nimloth (Elwing's mother), daughter of Galathil (brother of Celeborn). This means Celebrían is Itarildë's maternal first cousin, once removed.

Confusingly complex family trees aside, I am just trying to drive home the point that Celebrían means a great deal to the Royal Family of Greenwood. Sure, Elrond and Thranduil eventually become great friends, but the love began with and was always strongest between their wives.

One funny SotWK HC is that while Thranduil and Elrond had serious discussions about betrothing their children to each other (Arwen with any Thranduilion of her choosing) in order to further bond their families, Maereth and Celebrían opposed this, insisting that all their children should have full freedom in choosing their partners.

SotWK Fancast: Connie Nielsen as Lady Celebrían; Jennifer Connelly as Elvenqueen Maereth

Now finally, to address your real question, Anon: How did Maereth and Thranduil react to the attack on Celebrían, and her eventual passing to Aman?

 The attack on Celebrían occurred in T.A. 2509, when things were starting to get really dire in Mirkwood. The Watchful Peace that Mirion had won through his death ended, and the Necromancer was rising again in greater force.

Itarildë’s mother, Nimeithel, was traveling with Celebrían through the Redhorn Pass, and died trying to defend her cousin from the Orcs. Witnessing this added to Celebrían's grief and torment.

As soon as they received word of her capture, Thranduil sent Gelir and Itarildë with a group of soldiers to help recover her. This was ultimately unnecessary since Elladan and Elrohir recovered their mother on their own, but it was a significant gesture from the Elvenking, whose military resources were already strained from Mirkwood's own battles against Dol Guldur.

When Celebrían was taken home to Imladris to be healed by Elrond, Maereth immediately traveled from Mirkwood to be with her. She also brought her son Arvellas, the best healer in their realm, to lend whatever aid he could. (Again unnecessary, but a sign that their family would spare no expense to help the Lady of Imladris.)

Maereth stayed with Celebrían in Imladris the whole time she struggled with her recovery. Although Maereth at first tried to plead with her friend to remain in Middle-earth, the loss of Mirion and her other family members (both her parents, all her siblings) allowed her to understand Celebrían's desire for peace and rest in the Blessed Realm.

I don't believe Celebrían tried to ask Maereth to come with her, especially when she could not convince her own family to do so. But Celebrían's words about the growing darkness affected Maereth greatly, and although she never spoke of it to Thranduil, it made her foresee that her own doom would be coming soon.

Not only did Maereth support Celebrían's decision to leave, but she accompanied her to the Grey Havens (remember that Círdan is her grandfather!) and was there to give her a last goodbye before she sailed.

They truly were bosom friends to the very end, and when Maereth died and was released from the Halls, Celebrían was most certainly there to welcome her.

Thank you Anon, for the opportunity to discuss my Celebrían headcanons! I promise she will make many more appearances in SotWK fanfics, especially when I start writing Elrond x Celebrían stories! <3

Bonus: My Celebrían fancast alongside Hugo Weaving's Elrond. (I think Connie Nielsen is stunning, and is a great match for Hugo!)

For more Thranduil/Mirkwood headcanons: SotWK HC Masterlist

Elves HC Tag List: @a-world-of-whimsy-5 @achromaticerebus @acornsandoaktrees @aduialel @asianbutnotjapanese @auttumnsayshi @blueberryrock @conversacomsmaug @elan-ho-detto-elan-15 @entishramblings @freshalmondpandadonut @fizzyxcustard @friendofthefellowshipsnerdblog @glassgulls @heilith @heranintomyknife23times @ladyweaslette @laneynoir @lathalea @lemonivall @LiliDurin @quickslvxrr @ratsys @scyllas-revenge @spacecluster@stormchaser819 @talkdifferently6 @tamryniel @tamurilofrivendell

Other useful links:

Introduction to SotWK

Fanfiction Masterlist

Fanfiction Request Guidelines

[actual-bill-potts]

There had been a terrible snapping, wrenching sound; then some sort of - fight, accompanied by the sounds of rending flesh and snapping teeth; then those awful green eyes had gone out, and all was silent.

In the dark, something warm and wet touched Beren’s leg. It spread, filling his nostrils with the scent of iron as it did so, and he realized that it was blood.

He could not see.

"Nóm?" he whispered in the darkness; then, louder, "Nóm!"

Do not be dead, please do not be dead, he chanted within his thought. Or maybe he was saying it aloud, it was difficult to be sure -

There was a sound. A faint gurgling whistle. He had heard it often enough -

From the dying.

It came again.

"Nóm, please," he begged again. "Answer me."

Finally, from the dark, a voice. "Beren?"

"Nóm! Are you alright?"

Silence. Another wheezing breath. Then the voice again, a hint of a laugh. "I have been - better."

"What - what is wrong? Where are you? I can - try to help -" Beren broke off. What could he do, even if he could reach the king?

Another pause.

"I am - cold," Finrod said. "Can you -"

Silence.

"Can I…?" Beren prompted. Do not die, do not leave me in the dark alone, please -

There was a shifting sound in the dark, skin against stone. A fresh wave of warmth washed against Beren’s leg. Then an indrawn hiss, as of pain.

"I - cannot reach you," said Nóm. He sounded near tears. "Always - reaching out my hand. But I could never - cross the chasm."

It was useless to wrench against his chains, but Beren tried anyway; then he stretched his abused muscles, his stiffened back, toward the sounds he had heard. There was more blood. So much blood. Warmth all around. But Finrod was unreachable.

"I am sorry," said Beren. He could not think what else to say. "I am so sorry. So sorry."

"Do not - be sorry," said Nóm from the dark. "I go only to - rest. My long rest, in the - timeless halls beyond the seas and mountains of Aman."

His voice was gentle.

"Will you come back?" asked Beren, as if he were a little child.

Another hiss of breath. "It will be long ere I am seen among the - the Noldor again."

"But you can - can come back to us. To me," said Beren. He could not weep; he had not the water. "Or - I can come to you."

A hitch of breath. It could have been a sob. "Ah - please, Beren, dearest son of my heart. I - would if I could. Balan - had hope. That we -"

He broke off. A breath. A second breath. Rasping and uneven.

"That we - would meet again. Someday. But - it may be that - that we shall not meet a second time in death or life."

"Do not leave me," said Beren. His eyes remained dry; yet he was weeping.

"I - would not, an I could change it. But the - fates of our - kindreds are - apart."

"Nóm, please," said Beren. His throat was dry. Finrod’s breaths were so faint and so terrible. "Nóm, but a little further, and you can reach me. I can try -"

What could he try?

He could at least offer warmth. Elves healed quickly, or so he was told.

They did not die quickly. This he knew intimately.

Another shifting sound. A dull thump, another wave of blood. A hacking cough. It went on and on. Then the hitching breaths Beren had heard too often, that meant Finrod was weeping.

Beren made nonsense soothing sounds. "It will be alright," he said. "Nóm, it will be alright, hush. A little more, and you can rest."

Finally the breaths evened out again. In - a catch - out.

"Beren," said Finrod. Then again, "Beren. You live?"

"I live," said Beren.

"It is so cold," said Finrod.

"I know," said Beren. "I know. I am sorry."

"Do not - sorry. I wanted - to dance at your wedding."

Beren could not speak.

"You will have a - a wedding, won’t you?" said Finrod. "A - lovely one. Declare - your love for all to see."

"We will have a wedding," said Beren. He knew it was a lie; but it did not feel like one, there in the dark.

"A wedding," said Finrod. "Would have - danced with Lúthien. Sewn for you a - marriage tunic. With my own hands. In the manner of - a father."

"I am grateful," said Beren. "We would have welcomed you with joy."

Breath. Pause. Breath.

Pause.

Pause.

"Nóm," said Beren. "Don’t - please - please -"

Farewell, said a voice that was and was not the voice of Finrod. A little breeze lifted Beren’s hair away from his eyes.

Then there were no more breaths.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

Amane T1 Cover - Positive Parade

Been a while, but we're back to covers! Time for the specialest girl ever, Amane and Positive Parade! I miss her sounding as happy as she does in this song, man. At least she seemed to be having fun in parts of Purge March too, but that was a different kinda fun. Anyways, let's go!

CW Cults and indoctrination, child abuse

Positive Parade is possibly the one covered song in Trial 1 with no explicit references to romance or sex, which in my eyes is a win for Amane, common best character w.

What also makes this song stand out is just how happy it is! It actually is an extremely optimistic and uplifting song, where the singer encourages someone else to follow their dreams and remain positive in the face of adversity.

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all? On these never-ending nights, let's talk while dancing with the stars Even when times are tough, the light is always by our sides “We can’t stop” You’ll turn out okay! Because you'll find your smile fits you perfectly

(I'm using this translation because the translation in the Milgram wiki has very odd wording at times, so I think it kinda confuses the meaning a bit)

The 'never-ending nights' I believe represent the struggles of life, which at times feel endless. But the singer suggest to talk while 'dancing with the stars', while engaging with the light in the darkness. "Even when times are tough, the light [of the stars] is always by our sides." Optimism! Happiness!

There is the "is this a good feeling? or is it no good after all?" line which seems like it could imply some lurking horror, but there's a few ways to read that. I actually think the singer is asking if the person being sung to is happy with what they're doing, or if they should stop and move on to something else, which is similar to this line:

This isn’t enough, not yet I need to make sure I don’t mess up the words I want to say “I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard" "I’ll be right here” So you won't be discouraged by what comes tomorrow, if we could laugh together again... That's why you gotta stop those "what'll happen if"s!

The singer wants the other to make sure not to push themselves too hard, and reassures them they can rely on the singer.

The important part there is that the singer wants to be relied on. Not in like a dangerous way necessarily, just a "I'm your friend and I want to help you when you're down" kinda way. At least that's the vibe I get.

Heeeey, aren't you straight up bawling your eyes out? It's not normal for you to pretend that everything's fine. Even though you've got things you want to say Where's that sadness you've been shouldering? Come on, one day it'll just overflow "I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore, please help me" You don't want to imagine it, You don't want to hear it, do you? So before it comes to that, rely on me!

You know, I've seen people say that some people think this song is about toxic positivity, but to me it doesn't really look like it. The singer's literally telling the other that if they hide their pain, it's gonna overflow and that's bad. That's, like, the opposite of toxic positivity. And "you" don't want to hear yourself saying "I can't do it anymore, please help me", right? Just rely on the singer now before it gets too bad!

I guess you could say that sounds like a savior complex, which is definitely a way to read the song:

If someone tells you you're wrong, Even when you're not wrong at all I won't support anything that denies you You can take the opportunity to hold me close and you can share the burden of your worries with me You say it's embarrasing, but I'm embarrased too, you know! Don't laugh and say this isn't like me, It's my answer to meeting you. Rely on me, rely on me, please

Yeah, the "rely on me, rely on me, please" certainly feels a bit too desperate.

However, I still feel it can be read more charitably. Listen, this song was written as a theme song for a collaboration with a theme park named Yomiuri Land (Source, it's in Japanese but Google translate gives you the idea). There doesn't need to be a hidden horror here. While again, it's perfectly fine if you read it as a savior complex or something else, I personally see it as completely innocent positivity.

The line about both of them being embarrased by what's going on is very sweet. No big meaning there, I just like it.

So the singer either does or doesn't have a savior complex; at least they find quite a bit of happiness in helping others. If you're wondering about Miku shedding a tear in the artwork, it's probably a tear of joy from "dancing with the stars." In my personal opinion, there is no hidden horror in this song, it's just a really nice optimism anthem! The only way this would be horrifying at all is if it were being sung by, like, an abused cult victim or something.

... Oh.

Yeah this is where we acknowledge that, even though the original song may not be hiding anything too horrifying, it's being covered by Amane fucking Momose. And nothing this girl does ever fails to make us sad.

So, Amane here has the same "I want to make other people happy" attitude that we see in Magic.

[Magic] Only if, only if, only if I could be a good girl I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile Forever, forever together would be a dream

She's even called something akin to "Happiness Support Sister" in the credits. Amane wants everyone to be happy, that's ultimately her goal in everything she does. The thing is that the concept of "happiness" has been so horrendously twisted by her cult that a lot of the time it shows in a very... uh... concerning way.

Timeline 23/01/17 Amane: Happy birthday.Mahiru-san. How is your body feeling? Mahiru: ……ah, Amane-chan. Thank you. Yeah, I’m fine. Now I can move around if I use a wheelchair…… It’s all thanks to Shidou-san looking after me…… Amane: I’ll give you one warning. The two of you are dabbling in something tabooed. If you continue to go against the way of nature like this, you’ll just bring an early death upon yourself. Think hard about this. Mahiru: Amane-chan……? Are you really Amane-chan……?

Like, technically speaking, Amane is trying to make sure Mahiru stays happy. As in, not dead. She does something similar with Fuuta. Notably, she's only shown herself really hostile towards Shidou, who she dislikes for reasons even beyond the whole medicine thing. Long story.

But since this is Trial 1, she's likely not really speaking to anyone in the prison. So, who is Amane talking to? The most straightforward answer is that she's talking to her abusers, more specifically her mother probably. Because they are the "everyone" she's talking about in Magic; Amane thinks that if she can make them happy, she'll stop being punished and thus she'll be happy too.

Of course, this paints the entire song in a horribly grim light. Because now the singer's pleas to be relied on are Amane asking her abusers what she needs to do to make them happy.

You can take the opportunity to hold me close and you can share the burden of your worries with me You say it's embarrasing, but I'm embarrased too, you know!

The "burden" here may very well be the things Amane does """wrong""", so Amane might be asking what she needs to change.

Heeeey, aren't you straight up bawling your eyes out? It's not normal for you to pretend that everything's fine. Even though you've got things you want to say Where's that sadness you've been shouldering? Come on, one day it'll just overflow "I'm sorry, I can't do it anymore, please help me" You don't want to imagine it, You don't want to hear it, do you? So before it comes to that, rely on me!

Question: What do you think happens when "it overflows"? When Amane's abusers are frustrated at something? Not Amane, just anything in general. How do you think that goes? In a lot of cases, chid abusers will find any excuse to """justify""" hurting their child when they're frustrated by literally anything. That means it's very possible Amane now tries to make sure her abusers are happy all the time, because it's the only way she can think of to avoid being hurt.

This isn’t enough, not yet I need to make sure I don’t mess up the words I want to say “I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard" "I’ll be right here” So you won't be discouraged by what comes tomorrow, if we could laugh together again... That's why you gotta stop those "what'll happen if"s!

"I need to make sure I don't mess up the words I want to say" sure reads a lot more sinisterly when "messing up the words" could end up with Amane being seriously hurt.

Yeah like that.

If someone tells you you're wrong, Even when you're not wrong at all I won't support anything that denies you

And this definitely reads like something she'd say about the cult. She won't support anything that denies the cult or their doctrines, you don't have to worry about that! Please don't hurt her.

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all? On these never-ending nights, let's talk while dancing with the stars Even when times are tough, the light is always by our sides “We can’t stop” You’ll turn out okay! Because you'll find your smile fits you perfectly

The chorus is a bit strange with this reading, since what the "dearest dreams" are is very debatable. It's possible it's just general positivity without referring to anything in particular, but if it is something specific, my best guess would be "following the cult's doctrines and going to [heaven or equivalent]". Apart from that, again, the other stuff is kinda sinister under this reading. "Yeah, focus on the good stuff! Don't worry about the sad things! Please don't get mad! Please please please don't get mad and hurt me!"

But the thing about "chasing the dream" being following the cult's beliefs makes the "we can't stop" line really mortifying. Originally that's just "we shouldn't let our doubts stop us in our dreams!" but now it's "we can't stop following the doctrines because horrible horribe things will happen if we do!"

[The Purge March] If you become a bad girl, monsters will come out This is the magic that stops that from happening

And wanna know a """fun""" little detail? I haven't been paying much attention to differences between the og songs and the covers, but Amane gets special treatment.

I invite you to listen to the "we can't stop" line from around 2:18 - 2:19 minutes into the song both in the original and in Amane's cover. In the Miku version, that's sung pretty much the same as every other time. However, in the Amane cover, it's sung in a noticeably different way. It's hard to describe, because it sounds a mix of exhausted, resigned, depressed, something like that. Think of it like this: if the rest of the song sounds like Amane is singing with her Trial 1 sprite, this one line is sung like her Trial 2 sprite. So:

Stuff your heart full with all your dearest dreams! Go for broke on all the things you wanna do! “We can’t stop” Is this a good feeling? Or is it no good after all?

Or translated for Amane:

"Follow your dreams of being a great follower and going to heaven!"

"Do all the things God tells you you should want to do!"

"We can't stop, can we? Even if it hurts, even if we are unhappy, we have to keep following that dream. Because horrible things will happen if we don't. And even if we try to change, then what was it all for? What did you hurt me for? There has to be a reason. Please tell me my suffering isn't meaningless. God will save us in the end if we keep doing this, right? That's the only thing I have left to hope for. We can't stop"

"Ehem- Doesn't it feel good?"

Or maybe I just like Amane angst a bit too much.

Anyways, that's the main takeaway from Positive Parade in my opinion. There is another way to read it, though, which I think is equally interesting. Mainly, that she might be singing it to herself, right before killing her mother. The "dreams" would be killing the mom, with the one more sinister "we can't stop" being there because it's a somewhat sinister dream. The "light in the dark" is a future without abuse I guess? The whole "rely on me" thing does come off as a bit weird, unless you go the "council of Amane" route and/or read it with the idea Amane has DID and then it just sounds like an alter, which would be something. "I won't support anything that denies you" and her mom did deny her... the issue there is that Amane also denies herself a lot of "vulgar" pleasures because Gozake ordainment. I don't think it works perfectly because of things like "I forbid you from pushing yourself too hard", but it's still a valid way to read the cover!

Anyways, hope you're not crying too hard! Take care!

[aorelemos]

First attempt at 'fanfic' (hananene)

since this is like my first post ever and also I dont use tumblr... like, ever i thought a good way to get myself introduced to this platform would be to show off a little bit of writing i did, tbh its not very good and also like *very* unfinished but I'm kinda just putting this on here so i can get it out of my system, also i doubt any of my friends would be interested in it (also since its very unclear the kind of idea i was going for was like.. idk nene gets sent into an alternate universe where Amane is in her position)

Im gonna copy paste it below this bit of text ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yashiro skipped down the halls of the Old School Building on a mission, she absolutely could not wait to tell Hanako about her little adventure - turned misadventure- turned real life fantasy, a fantasy which obviously involved her dearest Teru Minamoto and how he’d chivalrously stopped her from tripping down the stairs due to her untied shoelaces, however he’d tripped himself and that's wher-

wait. We're saving this for Hanako.

As Nene continued humming a lovey-dovey tune, she’d made it to the bathroom. And despite being in such an old and honestly kind of creepy building, this bathroom had quite the atmosphere (probably in part thanks to her amazing and feminine cleaning skills) The light that seeped in from those stained glass windows always helped to add a kind of warmth to the somehow pleasant bathroom, She didn’t know how to explain how it felt, only that it always gave her a comforting feeling.

After basking in the light of the soon-to-be-setting sun through the panes, she turned to the last stall furthest from the door and knocked, “Hanako~ You in there? Oh my, I’ve just had the *best* day of my life to ever happen ever!...so far. Anyways! Minamoto, he- Oh wait, no, you should guess! (it was really quite romantic!)” Nene gleefully and excitedly spoke, almost shouted to the door, not making any room for even a breath of air, however, Nene got no response. “Hanako? Hanako, are you seriously ignoring me?” Nene whined, looking around the room to see where her silly friend had gotten to, continuing to ask for him. It had only been minutes and yet Nene had gotten sick of her no-show friend. As she turned, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.

Weird.

Something felt, different. nothing in particular had changed in the warm and not so smelly room and yet, she didn’t feel that same comfort she normally did... “Not my problem” Nene being Nene, brushed it off. However, she did wonder “where is this boy?” It wasn’t like she *cared* y’know, she just wanted to tell someone about her absolutely strikingly romantic experience she’d had and that someone happened to be Hanako, she still wanted to ask why he wasn’t in his usual spot, it wasn’t like she *didn’t* care, she wanted to make sure he was alright, yknow?

 After a moment of stalling she’d made up her mind, if he wasn’t in here, she was going to find him no matter how long it’d take.

Taking one last glimpse of the room to make sure he hadn’t been trying to pull a silly prank by hiding from her (which he had not) she strode out the doorway, Yashiro began to skip through the old school building on a mission… She really, really, really couldn’t wait to blab on about her close encounter with Minamoto because wow! Somehow he’d managed to look even more handsome today than any other-

Yashiro paused in her tracks, she’d spotted a familiar face standing before her in the hall, she knew he’d spotted her too. Yashiro noticed his peculiar choice in clothing (why was he wearing the current school uniform?) however she dismissed it and opened her mouth to greet him-

 “Hanako-Chan! Why- no, How are you wearing that?”

The young black haired boy exclaimed to her, not dismissing her current uniform. Yashiro paused in her tracks, feeling somewhat offended “Ha- Hanako- kun, were you calling me a- a-?” she looked down at the new leggings she’d bought just that day, she knew they made her legs look big! the expression on her face was one of shock and heartbreak ‘I KNEW PEOPLE WERE GOING TO CALL ME A DAIKON AGAIN I SHOULDNT HAVE EVER WORN THESE NEW LEGGINGS! I SWEAR IM GOING TO RIP THESE RIGHT OFF RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW... UGH … AND OF COURSE *HE* HAD TO BE THE ONE TO BRING IT UP, OF COURSE IT WAS HANA-. wait. Did hanako call me… 

 “Hanako-Chan?”

 Nene asked aloud once she stopped her mind from wondering about her legs and instead, she inspected the boy before her, Well, It definitely looked like Hanako, with his bright and curious eyes, “Uh, yes, H-Hanako-Chan are you feeling okay?” not listening to him, she continued to glare. Soft black hair and a devilish smile, that was still the same however he also looked… different, Yashiro could hear footsteps coming closer but that didn’t matter, what was it that made him seem so different- Oh gosh! He looked- He looked alive! “Hanako-chan are you? Are you uh-” Nene also couldn’t ignore that he looked… much taller and much more… well, handsome. Nene felt her ears flush at that last thought and slapped her hands to her face ‘I can’t get distracted here, there's clearly something wrong’ she thought.

Nene noticed that she and the young man infront of her had been quiet for too long. Hm? When had he gotten that clos- “AHHHHHH!” Nene shrieked as she felt the boy grab and move her into a stairwell, she felt as his fingers trailed down her arms and his hands gently yet forcefully fondle her face, ‘this has surely got to be  one of the worst cases of grabby-hands Hanako has treated me with yet!’ she thought, feeling the temperature of her face rise as the now very handsome (despite only being a few inches taller now) hanako traced her arms, neck and face. As she noticed her own heated cheeks, she then noticed his, for a supposedly dead-man.. He had very rosy cheeks.. And why were his hands so warm? As Hanako’s hands stopped trailing over her upper body, she convinced herself to look at him, two bright warm eyes met her back.

“Are you alive?” they asked eachother in sync. 

[lotr-bitches]

Silm Epistolary Week, Entry #3: A set of letters (Family/Loyalty)

A set of letters between Finwë and Ñolofinwë during the Exile to Formenos (Y.T. 1486).

My dear son, Ñolofinwë,

I do, in truth, desire to return to Tirion. There is, of course, my work there that I miss, but most of all, I miss you and your siblings, yonya. However, there is something to be said for standing by your elder brother. I vehemently disagree with the manner in which the weregild was conducted, as you yourself agreed.

In this matter, I must show solidarity with Fëanáro. The Valar as a governing body have overstepped my authority. I, alone, have jurisdiction over the Noldor. The Valar are simply meant to be our shepherds, guiding us along Eru's path. In this matter of the weregild for your brother's slight against you, I must display my rejection of their ruling.

I know it seems that I am choosing him over all of you, and over your mother. It seems that I am picking favorites, as you say. I wish to clarify this matter. I have not traveled to Formenos and gone into self-imposed exile because I love Fëanáro more; I have gone because there was a slight against my own honor and my own authority. Yonya, yourself and your sisters and brother are the dearest treasures of my heart. I do hope that you were aware of that already, but in the case that you were not: you are so very loved. I will never choose one of my children over any other.

I am certain that you are conducting yourself wonderfully in my place. You have always had such a talent with the people. Is the infrastructure initiative regarding the roads in the eastern most district still going forward? I should like to hear news of it! If you necessitate any assistance, I am at your disposal.

I love you very much. Say hello to your siblings and your mother for me.

Love,

Atar

Atto,

I am doing alright, but I miss you terribly.

As far as the infrastructure initiative, it is, in fact, going forward. It has passed through the inner council with little issue. As such, the pavers have been dispatched and the work will begin tomorrow. I am attending the first hour to supervise.

As far as the remaining content in your previous letter, I understand. I was angry at first. The weight of the responsibilities of acting in your place was heavy and I was unsure if I would be up to the task. I felt betrayed as well. Throughout my childhood, I always felt that Fëanáro had more time with you, and that meant that you loved him more. In this way, I felt that you had chosen him over the rest of us; that we were simply not as important.

I understand your motivations now. I, too, was unhappy with the way the weregild was conducted. The Valar should not have usurped your authority. Additionally, I wished to take the incident as cause to attempt to mend things with Náro; instead, I fear he will now believe that I have done exactly as he feared I would do and usurped his place as heir. Could you reassure him that I am simply doing as you asked? I can imagine his consternation at the whole ordeal.

I would like to send Náro a letter in the hopes that he will deign to read it. As much as he dislikes me (read: hates), I hope that we can find some common ground as we grow older. Will you ensure that he, at the very least, reads it?

How is life in Formenos? Is it as idyllic and peaceful as you hoped?

Send my love to Nerdanel and my nephews. I love you.

Love,

Ñolofinwë

Note From the Compiler: This is a different look at the motivations behind High King Finwë's move to Formenos. The weregild was an active part of Noldorin and Vanyarin society in Aman (it was not practiced by the Teleri). The weregild is typically a monetary recompense although it can take the form of service to the community or service in the household of the person offended or hurt by the actions of the perpetrator. The Noldor did not practice 'death for death' as part of the weregild as at this time, there was no such thing as murder. 'Death for death' was introduced by Turgon in Gondolin with the execution of Ëol following Lady Aredhel's unjust murder.

[starspray]

Sunwarmed

My @whiteoliphaunt fic, for @gwaedhannen--I hope you like it!

Rating: G Characters: Finrod/Amarie Summary:

The more he thought about it the more he realized he was not quite missing the Tirion of his childhood, but Nargothrond at its height. His own city, that he’d planned and helped to build with his own two hands, where his friends among the dwarves had visited so often, and where he had earned his favorite epessë. No one in Valinor called him Felagund.

Also on AO3

.

It was very quiet in Tirion. The War of Wrath was ended and the armies returned, alongside many others, but still: most who had departed Tirion when darkness fell had not returned. Many now slept in Mandos; many more had refused the Valar ’s call and remained in Middle-earth with its wide open lands now filled with opportunity and possibility and and safety.

Finrod would have been lying if he said he did not envy them.

He sat atop the roof of the palace, looking out over the city. It was a spot he and his cousins had often retreated to when they were young—and even when they were grown, and the tension below grew too much. These tiles, or perhaps their predecessors, had borne witness to many afternoons of long and winding conversation, of tears and of laughter, hopes and dreams and teasing. Now there was no one to talk to; his cousins and brothers were all dead, and his sister had refused to come home. Finrod was not surprised, and he hoped that Galadriel found everything she wanted and more in Middle-earth—but he still missed her. It was lonely, being the only one left in Tirion.

Finrod sighed, and stretched out his legs, leaning back against the sun warmed stones of the wall. He missed too the bustle and noise of a full and thriving city—though the more he thought about it the more he realized he was not quite missing the Tirion of his childhood, but Nargothrond at its height. His own city, that he ’d planned and helped to build with his own two hands, where his friends among the dwarves had visited so often, and where he had earned his favorite epessë. No one in Valinor called him Felagund.

As he contemplated the horizon, both familiar and strange, the soft rustle of skirts heralded an unexpected companion. He turned and found, to his surprise, Amari ë emerging from the window—or trying to. The current fashions in Tirion ran to rather wide skirts, and she was having a bit of difficulty getting her layers of petticoats through the opening. “Thank you!” she said when he held out his hands to help her. “I thought I might find you up here.”

“Who else knows of this spot?” Finrod asked, amused. “I rather thought it was a secret between all my cousins.”

“Artanis told me about it once,” Amarië said breezily. “Very long ago, before all the troubles began.” She smoothed her deep green skirts as she settled on the tiles beside him, as though she had brought a small grassy hill up to the roof with her to serve as a cushion.

“She prefers Galadriel, these days,” Finrod said. “That is the name her husband gave her.”

Amari ë smiled, but there was a strange, almost wistful look in her eyes. “It is hard to imagine her married,” she said. “I never thought there was anyone in the world who could keep up with her.”

“Celeborn certainly can.”

They sat for a while in silence, looking out over the rolling green hills to the south, and the road snaking through the Calacirya in the east toward Alqualond ë and the glittering blue Sea. “What name do you prefer, these days?” Amarië asked suddenly. Finrod looked at her in surprise. “So many Exiles are returning with new names, but I cannot remember being told yours.”

He hesitated a moment before answering. “Finrod is the name I gave myself,” he said finally, “when we were rendering all our names into Sindarin. I had others, over the years…” Nóm was in many ways dearest to his heart, but it had no place in Aman. “Felagund, I was called. From Felakgundu, in the Dwarvish tongue. I had many friends among the Dwarves—they helped to delve and build my city Nargothrond. ”

“I have heard that name,” said Amarië, troubled. “In the songs they sing on Tol Eressëa. King Felagund who battled the Enemy’s lieutenant beneath his haunted tower.”

“Not his tower, but mine, stolen and overrun after the Bragollach,” said Finrod. “And, after, it was my tomb.” He smiled at Amarië, though she looked both shocked and horrified. “It’s all right! I won’t faint away to think or talk about my own death. And anyway, Sauron got his due. Lúthien came and sang the tower town to rubble. Better to have it so than for it to be of any use to the Enemy.”

“And now it is drowned, with all the rest of that land,” said Amarië softly.

Finrod sighed, letting his smile fade away. “Yes. With Nargothrond and Gondolin and Menegroth the magnificent…but there is much still of Middle-earth left, and new kingdoms are rising even as we speak.”

“Yes, and your sister will finally find herself a queen of some glorious realm,” Amarië said.

“Perhaps,” said Finrod.

“And what will you do, now that you are here again?” Amarië asked.

“I don’t know. I have been a king and a hero, and I don’t think I would like to be either one again.”

Silence fell between them again. Then Amari ë reached over and took Finrod’s hand in her own. The sunshine glinted on her golden hair and the golden beads woven into her braids, making her sparkle. “You have never been a husband,” she said, “though once I know you wished it.”

Finrod turned his hand to lace their fingers together. “Would you still have me, Amarië, after all this time?” he asked.

Her smile was lovelier in his eyes than all the jewels of Nargothrond and more wondrous than the greatest wonders of Middle-earth. “I would.”

[hanako-san]

Hanako Kun reboot - Visual release

[searchingforserendipity25]

bodies of water for melian perhaps?

Melian crosses the waters and the wild, always in escape. 

–

1.

A truth about the creature that would be called Melian: she was the last to flee. 

The one to linger the longest in Beleriand, straining against the edict of Manwë for retreat behind the mountains of the Pélori across the sea.

She was the last, for she had been among the first to sing shadows nto the groves and grass into the fields. Afterwards, in Amanyar, she pined as if beset with one of Melkor’s sicknesses; and her longing for the works of her creation was very strong. 

 

2.

Escape from Lórien was impossible. The only option was to take enough of Lórien into herself, and in the undoing of the self become indistinguishable from it. Then, swiftly, to change skins and selves again.

Free at last, she came as a skirting mist, as a cool wind, as a starlit breeze. Cloaked in many aspects, over land and shore and surf, skimming in disguise. As a gull – a white-bellied albatross, a swift and tireless kite.

 It was a mad joy, that flight. Irmo’s dominion was not meant to be a prison, but good intent, she knew already, would not stop lovely Aman from making a smothering torment out of its glory.

And Melian was counted perverse, among her people; restless beyond the sensible, now that the time for singing the continents into form and shape had passed, and Melkor’s influence has been limited.

 She had learned much from Yavanna, once. Too much, perhaps; and among most thing, to despise the sundering from the far places, Almaren and the lands around Almaren where so much careful, marvelous work was done by the spirits of the earth and the sky. 

She longed to create beyond the boundaries of her assigned tasks, and return; for only Melkor’s violence had brought her across the sea the first time, and always a knowledge of a great task left unfinished had kept her from loving Amanyar to completion.

I cannot be a bound thing, the starlight whispered over the waves. Uinen, who knew only liberty, aided her then; and of Melian’s coming to Beleriand none of the Valar knew, until well after she was away from their might, delighting in the songs of her own birds, the enchanting of dark seedlings into dark groves.

3.

Elwë was dead.

Flies nested in those jewels that were his eyes. Sweet rot clung to the silver ribbon of his hair; the solidity of him diminished moment to moment. Colour leached out of him, as a dyed rag too often washed by the rain.

Melian could not bear it. Melian could have bourne anything but the erasing of her beloved from the Song. Bold Elwë, her own dearest treasure, for whom she had taken flesh, and upheld boundaries, and learned to love the Children; he was gone from her reaches, spirit meandering in his haughty way through the paths of Námo, where not even Melian could reach.

 Too much tied to Arda's cycles of life and rebirth was she, and not even in the unmaking of her raiment and the shedding of the body that birthed her child could she relearn Irmo’s arts, and reach the unplaces where her husband wandered.

Still, there were deep shadows where dreams mingled with memory. Melian fled – westwards, towards her old prison. There she slept a long grieving dream, not to wake until something of Elwë found his way back to life - wandering, searching, his coming a wonder heralded by a hundred singing birds guiding him towards Melian, his voice rising over the fast-running waters, rousing her from her dreaming at last to joy.

------

Thank you @thalion71! This one has been languishing in my drafts for ages, finally got around to polishing and posting it.

[sxturn-to-mxrs]

dearest luna amans,

happiest birthday to one of my first friends on tumblr. to one of the most wonderful, creative person i have ever met. seriously, you have saved my life. you have always been there for me and i hope i've been a good friend to you. i literally love you so much. i hope all the love you've spread in here, comes back to you. i hope you get all the books you want and all the 'cool' stuff, all the happiness in the world.

happiest birthday @aylin-hijabi

here's a little something i wrote for you, it isn't enough for what you've done for me but i hope you like it

Moon child, you shine so bright Tell me, does the moon bless you everyday? Do they feel like warm kisses on foreheads? Or the comforting presence of a beloved friend? Moon child, you shine so bright Tell me, have you ever touched the moon Did she feel like honey; Warm and soft? Or do looks really decieve And she felt like molten iron; Scalding and hot? Moon child, you shine so bright Tell me, does the moon give you her darkness too? The darkness of the crimes committed under the moonlight Tell me, when you cry, does she comfort you? Moon child, you shine so bright I love you Has the moon ever told you that?

xoxo,

vivi

[josefavomjaaga]

I feel like I really need to get away from that Ridley Scott thing. So here’s another snippet from the memoirs of somebody who seems to not be featured in the movie: Soult.

1809 all around was not a good year for him. First the defeat and narrow escape in Portugal, featuring the roi Nicolas affair, then the conflicts with Ney and the retreat from Galicia that, as Soult claims to have already foreseen, opened the way for the British forces to go on the offensive and march into Spain. He tried to communicate his worries to King Joseph in Madrid. Which would cause him yet another heartbreak:

General Franceschi was on his way to Madrid to see the King, to whom he served as aide-de-camp. He took it upon himself to bring him my report and to develop it. But his excessive audacity caused him to neglect the necessary precautions on his way. On leaving Toro, he was kidnapped by a Spanish band and dragged from town to town as far as Cartagena, where he was thrown into a narrow prison. There he eventually died of yellow fever. Lord Wellington repeatedly made representations to the Spanish government to have the prisoner Franceschi exchanged. The Spaniards, knowing his valour and courage, were proud of their capture and always refused. But nothing can justify the cruelty with which they treated him. The army lost in him one of its bravest general officers, and myself my closest and dearest friend. He had been my first aide-de-camp. Since the beginning of his career, he had almost never left me. He had all my confidence, and his loss was a bitter sorrow for me.

It’s either Saint-Chamans or Petiet who relate how they at one point, after taking a Spanish town, discovered the prison cell in which Franceschi had been held. He had covered the walls with his drawings. According to Nicole Gotteri, Soult had these drawing copied. They would later hang in his house in Saint-Amans, as a memory of his friend.

[ladysternchen]

Headcanon explained/character study- Elu Thingol, part 5

Fine. So I’ve written myself into a corner with a project that I was once really really excited about- these headcanons. This is getting too much of a fic. It’s waffling. Like my current WIP is. Yay. But writers need to have their bad (really bad) phases, too, don’t they? But I’m still going to try for a  bit more momentum in here.

Now, I know that many people picture the meeting of Elwë and Melian as a bit of a ‘nick-the-elf’-move by Melian, something that she intended, an enchantment she placed upon him (the darker headcanons go towards making him her puppet after that encounter). 

I disagree to that. There is this one passage in the Silmarillion saying that they were hidden by an ‘enchantments of their own making’. Their own making. Their, not her. Now, I’m not saying Elwë had powers to match Melian’s, but I still think that something happened there to both of them, not only to Elwë.

They are the only couple of that kind, and so it’s hardly surprising that also their getting-to-know-each-other is somewhat unique. And they would certainly have got to know each other thoroughly while standing in that trance for two hundred years. More, even. They would likely go beyond getting to know each other, they would have got to feeling each other, and to become part of the other, of their past experiences, of their reasoning behind decisions, of their very essence. It was not Melian who somehow changed Elwë to her liking, (opposed to popular fandom opinion) but his becoming so very entangled in an Ainu’s self. He ‘appeared as he were a lord of the Maiar’ afterwards, after all. Now, Tolkien does not tell us what that means exactly, but I imagine those changes to be more internal than external.

Melian, on the other hand, learned the ways of the Children from an internal point of view. She experienced it, and so could make herself a being that could easily be mistaken as an elf, and would ever after remain an elf of sorts. 

They both became beings in between- Melian the Maia, yet also elf. Elwë the elf, yet touched so much by a Maia that he almost, almost became one himself. They both never again fitted into their people afterward, and I picture Elwë to be all too aware of this- he was one of the ambassadors, but had still not returned to Aman. He was lord of Moriquendi, yet was himself an elf of the light- though he would not fit among them, either. He was not elf, but most certainly no Maia. That made him unique, but also very vulnerable, fragile, one might say, a spirit in between the worlds. 

That ‘in-between’ accompanies his actions and his very being throughout times- he was Finwë’s dearest friend, and yet quite hostile to his sons and grandsons. He was lord of all Beleriand, yet the one least able to move freely within his realm, being confined instead to Doriath (not by Melian’s doings, but because she needed him so she could hold the Girdle, and he could not step outside it without risking to tear it asunder). He disliked Men, but nonetheless accepted Beren as his son-in-law whole-heartedly once he had proven himself. He almost succumbed to his grief when Lúthien first died, and yet later chose to foster Túrin, and love him as a son. That is bordering on deliberate self-harm, considering that he knew that he would lose Túrin to the same fate as Lúthien. He was the only one of the elven lords of the First Age who remained undefeated by Morgoth, and yet died such a mundane, self-induced death. Tolkien himself calls him the mightiest among the Eldar safe Fëanor, and yet we never see him display his strength.

(Funnily enough, this very ambivalent air stays with him also in his perception within fandom- he is about as close to the POV character the Silmarillion gets, and yet hardly anyone actually identifies with him- quite the opposite. Who has read the Silmarillion and not at least once rolled their eyes and muttered something along the lines of ‘oh, not you again?!’? 

And yet his legacy within the legendarium stands firmly, even many many millennia after his death- be it as Aragorn repeats -presumably unknowingly- the words of his forefather “I can choose but for myself, and all my people shall do likewise!”, or when Elrond chooses to follow in Elwë’s footsteps rather than Turgon’s, or really when Elrond sets Aragorn just as seemingly unachievable a task as Elu Thingol set Beren)

To headcanon-storytelling, though:

When Melian and Elwë came out of their trance, they knew each other better than any other elf would know their spouse. They became almost one. And yes, if read from a modern view, this sounds incredibly toxic, but we cannot read the love of Elves, and even less that of the Ainur, like human love. Those relationships are meant for eternity, though some of them go through long periods of separation. Others however do always stay close to each other, so there’s nothing wrong with Elwë and Melian being clingy. (Sorry, I’m aware I’m still not headcanon-storytelling, but I HAD to make that point.)

Elwë understood, when he woke from the trance, what had happened. He knew instantly that everything was changed, that he had abandoned his people, even if it was unintended. He did not know what to hope for, that all his family and friends had left without him or that they had lingered. 

He was totally overwhelmed to find that so many had forsaken Valinor for his sake, but also felt incredibly guilty, especially where Nowë/Círdan was concerned. (He did overcome that eventually, at least mostly). Melian felt the same, and together they made a promise to their people- that they would guard and guide them to the best of their ability. They may have robbed them of the chance to go on to Valinor, but they would do their best to make sure they did not miss out on anything.

The first year after their return was tough. Much had changed during their unintended honeymoon, language being only one example. Another was that Elmo was now a father, and Elwë needed a while to wrap his head around that fact. But most of all, Elwë himself had changed, and he felt those changes heavily. The most irksome of these changes were his vastly sharpened senses that made sensory overload not only common but painful, and the fact that he had to re-learn how to eat (and THAT was in truth something he never fully managed, but hid well enough). Not that he had ever been fond of eating, but after the journey, where he had lived off lembas, and his trance in Nan Elmoth where magic had kept him alive, he struggled more than ever. 

But there were more important changes to his person. Time would no longer pass for him, not just very slowly (or rapidly, depending on the situation) as it did to Elves in general, but not at all. Seasons would wash over him like they did over Arda- to him, that was no more than breathing in and out.  

(Yes yes yes, I AM proud that I finally explained to myself Tolkien’s cryptic “In Beleriand King Thingol upon his throne was as the lords of the Maiar, whose power is at rest, whose joy is as an air that they breathe in all their days, whose thought flows in a tide untroubled from the heights to the deeps.”)

All that came at a heavy cost. Unable to forget anything, unable to arm himself against stimuli (as mentioned before), he would get overwhelmed easily, especially when under pressure. During that first year, Melian, Elmo or Círdan would regularly find him shaking and curled up as much as possible, desperately trying to shield himself. It got better, though, as he got used to this new way of life, and by the time Elwë, Elu now, and Melian were crowned King and Queen and their realm of Eglador established, he had learned to manage life. More or less. 

(Author’s notes: Ha ha ha ha… speeding things up. LOL. No, not happening apparently)