#My day job really sucks the life out of me
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fromthestacks · 2 days ago
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I’ve been sitting with this for a couple days because I want to respond (hopefully) thoughtfully. And on the one hand, it’s a really good point and I can see how all the “I hate men” stuff could wear on the guys who AREN’T, you know, raging assholes. But on the other hand, my forty years of lived experience is pushing back on that. Long-winded rant under the cut.
I have a fair amount of men in my life by choice- family, friends, boyfriend. The ones I choose to spend time with are, by and large, really good guys. They’ve also heard more than their fair share of my own “I hate men” rants, and to their credit they’ve never been upset about it. They know I don’t mean them because my words and actions back it up, and they understand where I’m coming from because they hear the stories accompanying said rants and generally agree with my assessment.
All this to say, as much as I sympathize with the good guys who have to listen to the “I hate men” rants, I also very much don’t, because they have arguably more power to help shift that narrative than I do. The shitty men of the world do not care that people think they’re shitty, they are not changed by reason or logic. Men who, for example, sexually harass women don’t (generally) hear the many, many stories from women’s perspectives and have a lightbulb moment where they realize how wrong they’ve been. They will likely never be Ebenezer Scrooge throwing open the windows to wish the town poors a merry Christmas. But maybe, just maybe, if enough of the good guys start speaking up to call them on their behavior, that might have even a small effect on them.
“It shouldn’t be our responsibility” well no shit, grown adults shouldn’t need to be spoon fed basic human decency, but here we are. Women telling men how much we hate being catcalled doesn’t seem to be fucking working, so if the good guys aren’t willing to try telling them, then I’m out of ideas that aren’t along the lines of Goodbye Earl.
One last thing, this is getting away from me. I work a public service job, and it involves a fair amount of face time with people needing help finding things and using stuff like printers. I’m always polite and reasonably friendly, but it’s never anything beyond professionally kind. Even at that, it’s more than half of my interactions with men that leave me feeling uncomfortable. I’ve had men try to take my hand, I’ve had men ask if I’m single thirty seconds into me walking to their computer to help, I’ve had men stand right behind my chair while I’m looking something up. “Why don’t you just say something to them?” Because I’m not trying to get assaulted or shouted at, I’m trying to make it to the end of my shift and go home. It’s extremely well documented that a lot of men don’t handle rejection well, which ends with a lot of women getting assaulted or worse. And the thing about THAT is, you never know which men are gonna be the ones to lose their cool. So you just hedge your bets and tread carefully with everyone in case.
SO. What this very long-winded rant is saying, is that a lot of women encounter a lot of shitty men, and it sucks absolute donkey dick to deal with. If the good guys out there want to stop hearing about how terrible men are, they need to step the fuck up and help, because women are exhausted. The other, smaller, part that they might not like is that it’s not our job to constantly reassure them that I don’t include them when I say “I hate men”. If I’m spending time with you, and trusting you with these stories or complaining or whatever, then go ahead and take it on faith that I don’t mean you.
Maybe I’m alone in feeling this way, I don’t know. Just needed to get this out there.
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I couldn't have said it better myself.
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smartkookiee · 19 hours ago
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How to Lose A Guy in 30 Days! || Ch.3 — jjk.
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❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。 ❥pairing: Jungkook x Reader (she/her, afab) ❥genre/rating: strangers to lovers, 18+ ❥chapter warnings/tags: software engineer!Jungkook, writer!Reader, fluff, 2000 rom com vibes, making out, flirting. drinking, swearing, crying, sweet pining Jungkook, Jungkooks past comes up (boooooo), ex situationship thingsss, its a sweet chapter and they make out and I love it, legit the easiest chapter I have written so far ❥word-count: 10.7k ❥Series Masterlist Previous Chapter ||❥|| Next chapter fic is cross posted to ao3 - send an ask or comment on post to be added to the tag list. ❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。❀。• *₊°。 ❀°。
Day 3
“And you really believe this guy is going to work for this?” Yoongi said, looking over your notes and layout of the entire plan you had.
“Absolutely sir.” You nod. 
It was the Tuesday following you and Jungkook’s date. You two had gotten some dinner and then you went home. You tried not to let that text ruin your mood but it did bring you down for the meal. You and Jungkook just talked more about what you do and things you liked. Just easy conversation and sharing social media, small things that you could mask your disappointment with and give cheerful and in depth answers too. 
That text sucked to see. It sucked to see that he made this promise to be serious but he was just playing you.To be fair, you didn’t know him. It was your first date and he didn’t owe you anything. It would just make this easier. 
"Already past the first date. You’re jumping in head first," Yoongi mused, scratching his chin thoughtfully. "So, what’s next?"
"The plan is to keep things moving. I only have thirty days, so I wanted to start strong. The first date was just to break the ice. Now, I'm aiming to stay in touch throughout the weeks—get more annoying to make sure I stay on his radar." 
Yoongi chuckled. "And what does annoying entail in this case?"
You grinned, feeling a mischievous spark. "I was thinking some things like being a little too clingy. Getting a bit too personal too soon. Social media stalking, maybe even acting overly sensitive to anything he says about 'dating' or 'us.' Just... trying to inch my way into his daily life, so he can’t quite shake me off. Then next week I will take things to the next step."
Yoongi nodded in approval. "I like it. Thorough and unexpected, just what we want. Let’s round back around next week and check-in. We’ll go over your progress and adjust as needed. You’re off to a good start."
You gave him a grateful nod. "Thank you, sir."
With a wave of his hand, “Now go write, be amazing.” Yoongi dismissed you, and you returned to your desk, your mind already spinning with ideas. You were ready to dive into this full force, but there was one small snag, a small but persistent worry. You’d sent Jungkook a quick text yesterday, just a light “good morning” and a note about enjoying the date, but there hadn’t been a reply yet.
It wasn’t a big deal but already not responding to a text after a whole day was not sitting well with you.
Settling yourself down into your chair, that small disappointment from seeing that text on Jungkook's phone was still nagging at you. Your friends had warned you not to get attached, to keep things light, but you’d ignored them. They called this from a million miles away and you, like an idiot, let your guard down like always. 
Well, not this time. This was just a job. No more emotional slip-ups. 
“Damn it, I’m a writer,” you muttered under your breath. “This is just research. He’s just a random guy.”
With renewed determination, you opened your laptop, fingers flying across the keyboard as you drafted the first section of your article. Reliving the details of your first date, you kept it light and short because this wasn’t about how the first date went great, it’ll be about everything that happens now. You had your plan ready for action.
You were finally hitting a flow, words forming exactly as you wanted, when you heard footsteps stop just outside your cubicle. 
“Special delivery!” Ann, one of the front-desk clerks, appeared with a bright smile, holding a small bouquet. "Someone’s got an admirer!"
She set down a small bouquet of sunflowers. The choice of flower surprised you most of all, you loved sunflowers. They were tied together with a with a purple ribbon and card attached to the end. Opening it, “A little bit of sun for a rainy first date. Thank you for listening to my fish facts. JK.” 
“Aww, that’s so sweet,” Ann cooed, lingering a moment to admire the flowers. She shot you a grin before heading back to the front, and you tried to keep your reaction composed.
You couldn't help but feel that small spark of joy, despite yourself, as you read the card. The sunflowers, your favorite, were unexpected and so charming. Tied with a cute ribbon that added a touch of thoughtfulness. You’d never been given flowers by anyone other than your parents and that one college boyfriend. Yet here they were, sent to your office, just for you.
If this had been any other situation, you’d probably be blushing and grinning like an idiot, falling head over heels way too fast. But the reminder of what you knew—what he was likely doing, the kind of guy he really was—kept you grounded. 
As you stared at the bouquet, lost in thought, the telltale squeak of a chair wheeling over caught your attention.
“Wow someone’s special.” Ronnie rolled right next to you. “Are those from who I think they are from?” 
 "Looks like it," You replied casually, flashing her the card. "Just… a little thank you gift."
Ronnie waggled her eyebrows. "Oh, just a thank you gift? The guy sent you your favorite flowers, after only one date. You sure you aren’t already planning your future house decor with him?"
Rolling your eyes, you turned back to your laptop, brushing off the teasing. "Maybe," But the flicker of disappointment crept back in. "If he hadn't got that text on our date. Then maybe this would be a sweet gesture. There's no way I'm getting attached to someone who’s probably chatting up another girl at the same time."
Ronnie gave you a skeptical look. "You still haven’t told me what it said, just that you went from mildly hopeful to permanently sour about him. Especially after you begged me and Jin to let you pick another guy before the date even ended."
You sighed, leaning back in your chair. "It was… friendly, if you know what I mean."
“Oh, friendly friendly?” she echoed, her voice heavy with implication. She winced sympathetically. "I’m sorry."
You shook your head, swiveling to face her. "No, no. We’re not doing the whole pity party thing. No look at Y/N she got fooled by another asshole again. This is work.  I knew what I was signing up for with this guy, and it’s why I chose him. I can handle it."
Ronnie raised her brows. "Yeah, sure. You sound totally fine."
“I am fine,” you insisted, forcing a smile. “It’s all part of the assignment, right? A totally detached, unbiased observation. Think of me as an objective researcher.”
“Okay Dr. Detachment. How are you going to respond to these?” Ronnie glanced down to the flowers and then back up to you. 
You opened your mouth to answer but paused, glancing at the flowers. You already knew what you wanted to do, but still… you weren’t quite sure how to play it yet. 
Meanwhile, across town, Jungkook was still buzzing from his own bold move. He and Hoseok were walking down the street on their lunch break, and Hoseok eyed him suspiciously. Jungkook filled him on the details with a little too much spring in his step, never the way Hoseok had ever seen Jungkook act after a date. 
“So… the date went that well, huh?” Hoseok finally asked, giving Jungkook a smirk. “You’re practically skipping.”
“Hey, I am not,” Jungkook grumbled, trying to keep his voice casual as he filled Hoseok in on the date. It had gone smoother than he’d expected, and he couldn’t ignore that spark of excitement. 
Jungkook had done a little social media stalking when he spent the day with his parents yesterday. You used a sunflower in your bio and in a lot of your posts, so he took a guess that they may have been your favorite flower. It did take him a little tracking down though, since sunflowers were going out of season. 
Hoseok grinned, giving Jungkook an approving nod. “So… flowers and a corny note? You’re going for gold.”
“Exactly,” Jungkook replied, a proud glint in his eyes. “I’m hoping she liked it. She’s into romantic movies and such so I thought it would be a good gesture.” Plus it was a perfect opening note since sending flowers is another classic romantic movie troup. “She should have gotten them by now.” He checked his phone yet again, his screen still frustratingly blank.
Hoseok raised an eyebrow to him, “Does it bother you that she’s not immediately giving you all of her attention.” 
Jungkook snorted, “No.” He paused but the silence between them hung a little too long for Hoseok to be convinced, “Okay maybe a little.” 
Hoseok let out a laugh, shaking his head with an amused grin. "Wow. Didn’t know you were secretly a heartthrob under all that cool indifference. Who are you, and what did you do with Jungkook?"
“Shut up,” Jungkook muttered, fighting a smile as he looked away. “I’m just… giving this a real shot.”
“And you’re stressing out over whether she liked your flowers or not,” Hoseok added, raising an eyebrow. “Must be a real first for you.”
Jungkook shrugged, feeling his cheeks heat up. “I just thought I’d make an effort, alright? ” He glanced at his phone again, his thumb hovering over the screen before he stuffed it back into his pocket.
“Why do I feel like the grand romantic gesture wasn’t entirely about the bet?” Hoseok chuckled, giving him a playful nudge.
“It’s not because I’m actually dating her remember?” Jungkook replied, a little too quickly, then caught himself. 
“You know,” Hoseok said, tilting his head, “there’s no law that says you can’t text her first, right? Might even make you seem… interested.”
Jungkook scoffed, his gaze glued to the sidewalk. “I don’t want to look desperate.”
“Dude, come on. Desperate is sending $50 sunflowers in November,” Hoseok replied, laughing as Jungkook scowled.
Jungkook sighed, but a faint smile tugged at his lips. “I just really enjoyed spending time with her. It’s different.”
“So shoot her a text, lover boy,” Hoseok urged, hit Jungkook lightly on the back of the head. “All the smooth moves in the world won’t matter if she doesn’t know you’re into her.”
Jungkook’s phone buzzed just as Hoseok delivered his advice, catching him off guard. He glanced down and saw your name on the screen. His eyes lit up, and a grin broke across his face—so wide and boyish that it almost unnerved Hoseok.
“Speak of the devil,” Jungkook muttered, barely containing his excitement.
“Well answer it.” He shoves his shoulder.
 Jungkook fumbles with his phone and steps off to the side to answer, “You’ve reached Sunflowers on the Go. How may I be of service?” 
You humm on the other end of the line in amusement, “So it’s the strangest thing. I got this delivery of sunflowers here on my desk but I don’t remember placing an order.” 
“Hmm, strange indeed,” Jungkook replied, grinning. “Turns out we only deliver to Composure magazine. No one else.”
What Jungkook wasn't aware of is you had him on speaker phone so Ronnie was also able to hear him. She brought her hand to her face at his cheesy responses. You also shook your head at absurdity. 
“Oh, is that so?” you teased. “Well, there was a little card attached… signed by someone named ‘JK.’”
“Yep, that’s the guy. Don’t know him personally, but he seems pretty cool,” Jungkook said, leaning into the joke. Looking over at Hoseok who was drawing hearts in the air around Jungkook, Jungkook just rolled his eyes.
“Hmmm, I don’t know anyone named ‘JK’. Guess I’ll just have to throw these away then.” You play with the ribbon in your fingers.
“Whoa, whoa, hey! That’s mean!” He protested, laughing. You laughed as well at his protest.
“Okay but seriously how did you know these were my favorite?” You touch one of the petals, sunflowers were definitely out of season so he had to go to some work to find really fresh ones. “Or was it just a lucky guess?”
“I may or may not have noticed a pattern on your socials.” His tone was sheepish and you just shook your head.
“Ah, so you were stalking me.” You nod, you notice Ronnie roll on over back to her desk. Coming back with her phone in hand. She was typing frantically.
“Maybe a little bit.” Jungkook let a beat pass, “I guess more importantly do you like them?” 
“They are very beautiful. Especially for this time of year.” You sigh, the gesture really was sweet. Might be fast for Jungkook to send flowers this early on but still sweet.
Jungkook let out a sigh he han’t realized he had even been holding in, “I do have to confess something. I was hoping this would make an opening for me to invite you to dinner.” He shifted from side to side, “Well I would be making dinner.”
“Inviting me over? Wow, bold move. So soon.” You smile, Ronnie giving you a knowing look and you brushing her off. “Would I have to do anything?”
“I will take care of it all, I need to or ove I can make a mean carbonara,” Hoseok gave Jungkook a look like he had no idea he had any cooking skill. “How about tonight?”
“I have plans tonight.” Which wasn’t a lie, you were going to work on some writing tonight. “How about Thursday?” 
“Perfect. You’re gonna be impressed, I already know it.” Jungkook chewed on his bottom lip. 
“I’m sure I will.” 
With some goodbyes you both hung up the phone. You could suddenly feel your heart racing in your chest and you mentally scolded yourself. You needed to remember none of this was long term. Which Ronnie was taking the lead in reminding you about.
“For someone who claims to be totally normal about all of this, you sure are smitten.” She crossed her arms and eyebrow raised observing you, “He totally knew these would work on you.” 
“I am totally normal about all of this. This is perfect, we are going on a second date and I get to start implementing my plan. Everything is on track.” You say but ash is looking back to her phone, “What are you looking at?”
“I’m trying to find his instagram.” She continued typing, not looking back up to you. 
“Oh he doesn’t have one.” You remembered from dinner on Sunday. It wasn’t abnormal for someone to not have one but Ronnie was surprised. 
“Boo, how am I supposed to dig up dirt on him?” Ash slumped down into her chair. You had actually done a little digging of your own the evening before though. 
“Pretty sure that’s my job and I already did. He has twitter but he doesn’t post often. He keeps a pretty low presence online so I wasn’t able to learn much that way.” You sigh, it was actually a little refreshing although it did leave you guessing. Makes it tough to be intrusive in the next steps of your plan. “By the way, can you cry on command?”
Ronnie raises an eyebrow at your request, “I don’t but I think we both know who might.” 
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Day 5
Thursday arrived, you and Jungkook spent the entire day texting back and forth just talking about whatever came to your minds. You found any excuse to ask him any random question. Send him random things you genuinely thought were funny. He also had something funny to say back or respond with. So you just let that be it, just texting and talking as much as possible. 
Jungkook had spent the night before doing a practice carbonara. Watching some guy on youtube walking him through the steps. It turned out pretty good but he knew he could make a better one tonight. He got really nice ingredients that hopefully would push it over the edge. He really wanted to make a good first impression with his cooking. He had no issue inviting you over so soon after knowing you, he felt really comfortable with you already. 
He hoped it wasn’t too forward, but you didn’t seem to mind. 
He had a bottle of mid tier white wine in his fridge and he also got a red because he wasn’t sure what you would prefer. He also wasn't sure what would pair better with a carbonara. Jungkook dressed his table up all nice, it was nothing special but a candle classes it up a little bit. Classic romantic things. It felt somewhat awkward and made him cringe but also no one else was around to see his effort but you, and you would appreciate it. 
Or at least he hoped you would. 
He then heard a knock from his front door. He thought it was a little early for you to be here but he didn’t mind, he still was making the food and he could pour you a glass while you waited. He trotted to his door, a wide grin on his face as he swung the door open with some gusto, only to have his features fall. 
“Channel?”Jungkook's face twisted into a confused but unamused expression, as she brushed past him into the apartment. “Please, come on in.” He said, his voice clearly sarcastic.
Channel looked like she was dressed for a night out and not for a very cold November evening at that. She had her hair curled and bouncy like it usually was, and the highest heel she could comfortably wear, clicking her way around Jungkook's apartment.
“I want my scarf back,” She had her arms crossed, strolling into the apartment with ease. She had been here enough times to know where everything was. “and since you won’t respond to my calls, here I am in person.”
“Okay, you couldn’t have texted me about this?” Jungkook let his front door close and followed after her through his apartment, as she tried to look under things and around furniture. 
She laughed bitterly, “Last I checked, you’ve been avoiding my texts as well.” She continued her hunt around his space. Jungkook getting a little peeved since he spent a good amount of time trying to make his space look good for your arrival. Your arrival which would be really soon and this was not a good look for a guy as you clocked as ‘unserious’.
"I kind of have a life, you know? I can’t answer every text you send.” Jungkook kept his eyes peeled for the scarf, more than ready for this encounter to end.
“Yeah, right.” Channel’s voice dripped with disbelief as she followed him further into the apartment, her arms crossed. “I could tell Hoseok was covering for you.” She paused mid-sentence, catching sight of the dining table set for two, a soft candle flickering in the center. Her expression turned suspicious. “And… what is that?”
Jungkook looked back to the table and then back to her, acting like it’s always looked like that. “Nothing, now where is that scarf?”
“Your place is so… spotless,” she murmured, her eyes scanning every corner of his living room, taking in the lit lamps, the neatly arranged coffee table, and the faint smell of food coming from the kitchen. “Setting a mood, are we?”
“I mean, I clean often. I’m not a slob,” he replied defensively, trying to wave off her assumptions, though he could see she was putting it all together, one detail at a time.
Channel sniffs the air for a moment and then stalks over to the kitchen, “You’re cooking? You don’t cook.”
“Whenever he hung out, cooking really wasn’t a part of the schedule.” He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck, aware that he was pushing her buttons. “I cook all the time.” 
“Oh, I see,” She replied, her tone flat but her eyes flashing. She tilted her head, a cruel smile tugging at her lips. “So, who is she, then?” 
Jungkook sighed, not fighting her anymore, “no one, and she is coming over soon, let’s find your scarf so you can leave.” 
But Channel didn’t budge, her eyes narrowing as she crossed her arms tighter. 
“Oh no, no, no. You’re not brushing this off like that. Nice napkins, a candle? You set a damn table, Jungkook. What is this, some kind of date?” Her voice grew sharper with each word, anger and betrayal clear in her expression.
“That’s not really your business is it?” Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck, he needed to get her out of here. 
Channel let out a bitter laugh, shaking her head. “Not my business? You know what’s funny? All this time, I thought maybe we were building toward something real. And now, I see you’re doing that with someone else?” She scoffed, her face hardening. “What you just didn’t want this with me?”
Her words hung in the air, clear betrayal laced them. Him and Channel only had a sexual relationship, it’s what they agreed upon from the start. Sometime in there Channel developed some feelings for him and after a few months asked if they could take this more seriously. Jungkook wasn’t ready for that kind of step so they ended it all together. So now this all looks really bad. 
Except, he thought, it’s none of her business if he did change his mind. He never lied to her, and he was always very clear that he did not want a relationship. He really didn’t, and this thing with you, although a part of a bet, was something he was dipping his toes into. 
“Channel, that’s not it,” Jungkook said, sighing. “I never lied to you. I really didn’t want a relationship.” He hesitated, then finally admitted, “But I met someone, and…we’re trying things out and it’s brand new. So please leave.”
Channel’s face twisted in anger, her voice rising as she spat, “Oh, I get it.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder, looking around his place with fresh resentment. “I bet you’ll dump her as soon as you’ve slept together a few more times. Because that’s what you do, Jungkook.”
He clenched his fists, frustrated but trying to stay calm. “You know, I’ve had enough of this,.” he said quietly, finally spotting the scarf stuffed into a seat cushion. He pulled it out, tossing it to her.
She caught it and threw it around her neck with a sneer. “So what is it about her, huh? What makes her so ‘special’ that suddenly you’re willing to commit?” She shot him a glare, stepping closer. “Maybe I should stick around and meet this one-of-a-kind woman. See what all the fuss is about.”
“No,” Jungkook said firmly, guiding her toward the door. “You’re leaving, now.”
She jerked away from his touch, folding her arms defiantly. “What? Is she coming soon?” Her eyes gleamed with spite. “You don’t want her to know what you’re really like?”
Jungkook let out a slow breath, gathering his patience. “No. I think she would be an adult and actually talk with me about it,” he replied, surprising himself with the honesty in his voice. “And whatever she finds out—that’s for me to tell her and her to decide. So, goodnight, Channel.”
She stared at him, anger simmering as she pulled open the door, glancing back with an icy glare. “Screw you, Jungkook.” With that, she stormed out, letting the door slam behind her.
At the same time she opened the door you were stepping out of the elevator and onto Jungkook’s floor. You spotted a girl storming down the hallway after yelling inside a doorway, as she passed you muttering a quick “Excuse me” without a second glance. You had an uneasy feeling about her, especially as she walked away from the very apartment number Jungkook had given you. You double-checked, confirming the number on your phone with the one she had just exited, and the sinking feeling intensified.
“Jesus Jungkook. At least have some class and spread out your dates so we don’t bump into each other in the hall.” You whisper under your breath, but you still had to go through with this as if you didn’t immediately feel a sense of dread. 
You took a steadying breath, willing yourself to ignore the uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. After all, you were here now, and nothing had technically happened to prove your suspicions. So you pushed them down, knocked on the door, and tried to keep your expression neutral, reminding yourself you were maybe a minute early—nothing too crazy.
The door opened after a brief pause, and Jungkook’s face shifted from guarded to bright relief when he saw you standing there. His lips curled into a wide, easy smile, like he was genuinely glad to see you. His hair was a little tousled, his shirt a snug, tucked into jeans that fit him perfectly, emphasizing his lean frame. He looked relaxed, casually put together, which was somehow infuriatingly charming.
“Hey,” he greeted, his voice warm, stepping aside so you could enter. “Come on in.”
“Hi,” you replied, acting as if nothing felt off. 
You stepped past him, letting your eyes flick around the apartment, taking in the details—the tidy coffee table, a low hum of music playing through the room. He had a nice living room set up around a TV on the wall, the dining setup with an actual candle in the center. He’d put thought into this, that much was obvious. You couldn’t deny it was sweet, even if it left you slightly off-balance, considering what you’d walked past in the hallway moments ago.
“Okay now looking at it now, the candle maybe was a little cheesy.” Jungkook cringed at himself looking at the little set up. You shake your head and wave him off. 
“No, I think it's adorable. You even got a scentless one so it doesn’t cover the smell of the food.” You take a seat at the table, “I’m prepared to be wow’d like you promised me.” 
“I unfortunately got a little bit delayed so I am not quite done yet.” Jungkook was shuffling his way back into the kitchen, “But make yourself at home.”
“Okay.” You smile as he rounds his way back into his kitchen, he watches you get back up and walk around his living space. Almost like he was waiting for approval. Luckily Channel hadn’t trashed the place. 
You took note of all of the little things he chose to have on display, some books, a few polaroid cameras and some polaroid's on the walls, as well as a record collection that lined the side of the living room on some shelves. You thumbed through some of them to see what was available. Impressed with some of his picks, some similar to your own. His place wasn’t terribly big. Classic little bachelor pad. You had noticed he had chosen to keep what you could only assume was his bedroom door closed. 
It was something Jungkook thought way too hard about, if he left it open was it like saying he wanted to sleep with you tonight? Would it be way too forward? Or was closing it just as weird? Was closing it like telling you that he didn’t really want you in his space? He went back and forth and then opted to close it to maybe say he wasn’t expecting anything to happen, although he wouldn’t mind if it did. 
You on the other hand didn’t barely give it a thought other than noticing it. You picked up one of his polaroid cameras and brought it with you. You round your way back to his kitchen and stand off to the side watching him work. He was pretty zoned in on what he was doing, everything was really smelling great. You usually found it pretty hot if a guy could cook well. 
Jungkook took an opportunity to try some of his work and you took a photo right at the moment he took a bite, his eyes widened right at the moment he realized he'd been caught.
The picture came out and you set it down to develop. 
“I’m sure that will be super cute.” You laugh, setting down his camera as well. He laughs and you look over his shoulder to see how close he is to being done.
“Coming to inspect my work?” Jungkook glances to his side, seeing you peering over his shoulder to see what he was doing. He was almost done cooking. 
“Maybe.” You tease, “I’m a sucker for people who can cook. I’m just… okay at it.” 
“Well,” Jungkook stops what he is doing and reaches for a drawer next to him pulling out a fork and twirling some of the noodles onto it. Then holding the fork out to you. “I’m ready for your final score.”
You paused. Debating if you should eat the food off the fork or if you should take the fork. Would it send the wrong message if you ate off it? Or was that exactly what he was doing? The fork wasn’t very close to your mouth but not crazy far. You decided to just take the fork from him and take the bite. 
It ended up being really good carbonara. 
“Oh my god.” You smile chewing, “it’s really fucking good. Ten out of ten.” 
Jungkook did a small fist pump to himself, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth hiding a smile. “I’ll admit, I did a practice run yesterday and it was just okay but I’m glad this one is good.” Jungkook then taking a bite of it himself with another fork. Jungkook upon tasting his own food smacking his own forehead and leaning back. 
Causing you to laugh at his dramatic reaction. 
You glanced at the polaroid on the counter picking it up to see if it had developed yet, it wasn’t fully done but you could see mostly what the picture would look like. You showed it to Jungkook and he smiled, “Ten out of ten picture. Best one of me yet.” 
You looked at it and he did look like a deer caught in the headlights but it was funny, you set it down. 
“I’ll admit I’m wowed, to be fair I’ve only had carbonara like one other time.” You lean against one of his kitchen counters watching him as he plates the pasta for the two of you.
“I’ll still take the high praise. Now, should we do a white or a red wine?” 
“Hmm, a red works better with this I think.” You nod. 
Jungkook tells you where you can find his bottle opener and some glasses. You managed to get the cork screw into the cork but seem to be lacking the ability to actually pull the cork out of the bottle. Jungkook finds some amusement in watching your struggle but you persist. You’ve opened plenty of wine bottles in the past, this shouldn’t be difficult. 
“Having some trouble?” Jungkook watched you try and fail to pull the cork out a third time.
“Absolutely not. The cork and I are just having a disagreement.” You shake off your hand a few times and then get a better grip on the screw pulling upward as best you can. With some pathetic struggle, you really swear you can feel the cork moving. You let out a sigh as you let it go again. 
“May I?” 
“I swear I’m not that weak.” This honestly was just embarrassing at this point, so much so you have to face away from Jungkook at your next attempt. 
You make one final grip on the corkscrew and twist and tug, finally the corkscrew and cork pop free. Not before your hand comes straight, hard and fast, into your own face.
“Oh shit,” Jungkook’s face changes as he sees you basically punch your own face. “Are you okay?” 
You did dizzy yourself slightly but you set the bottle down. Feeling your face, hoping you hadn’t broken your nose although it certainly would be bruised or sore at least, “Okay maybe I should never open wine ever again.” 
Your nose than began to pulse with pain, this definitely wasn’t a part of your plan for sure. you covered it with one of your hands but Jungkook pulled it away. “Here let me look at it.”
“Please tell me it’s not bleeding.” You groan, and Jungkook places his hands on both of your cheeks looking at it. You match his face and he looks genuinely concerned. 
“Well, I’m not a doctor but you’re still pretty cute.” He then smiles and rubs one of his thumbs on your cheek. “That’s my professional assessment anyways.”
“Okay, but it still really hurts,” You say, letting your own hands rest on his wrists. 
“Hey, it’s probably just a bit sore—no blood, no bruise.” He gently tilts your head from side to side in a silly, exaggerated inspection that makes you giggle. 
It’s quiet between you both for a moment, Jungkook still holding your face. He just looks over your face for a moment, your nose was red but it was probably going to be okay. He had hurt his own nose a few times to know if it was broken. 
Jungkook’s hands still on your cheeks, eyes meeting as he studies your face. It’s easy to get lost in the warmth of his gaze and how close he is. A little too easy. For a second, you find yourself softening, tempted by the thought of leaning in and just letting yourself enjoy this. But then, just in time, you snap back to reality, realizing you can use this little mishap to your advantage. This damage to your nose might have actually opened up a window for what you had been working yourself up too.
You pull your face away from Jungkook and shake your head, breathing in a heavy breath. Jungkook looked a little confused but then after a moment you were crying. You were crying? 
“Hey,” he placed a hand on your shoulder, “I was just teasing you.” 
You wave your hands in a frantic show, your voice cracking just a little. “No, no, it’s not you. It’s just….” You let out a little sob. “I’m just so clumsy! And you made this beautiful dinner, and I’ve totally ruined it!”
Jungkook looks utterly bewildered now, glancing around as if the answer to your sudden breakdown might be hiding in his kitchen cabinets. “Really, I promise, you didn’t mess anything up. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, almost nervously.
“Ugh, I can't believe this. I’m totally ruining the mood.” You wipe your tears away. 
It was a good little performance. One that was planned.
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The evening before.
Day 04
“The art of crying on command.” Here you were again. Ronnie sitting next to you. Jin pacing back and forth with his notepad once again. Unfortunately for you, Jin was the person to have expertise on this subject being an acting teacher. 
“Okay I already regret this.” You try to stand up but Ronnie pulls you back down onto Jin’s couch. 
“This will help you!” Ronnie protested and leaned on you once you were settled back in. “This can be a part of your over dramatic persona you use.” 
“Exactly! It gives you another tool in the toolbox for the charade you signed up for!” Jin pointed at you with his pen and waving it around. 
“Fine, continue.” You wave for him to go on and Jin grins. 
“Thank you! Now, there are three main techniques for crying on command,” he begins, pacing dramatically. “Some people can just…do it. They snap their fingers and—bam! Tears.” He snaps his fingers for effect. “Others need to go to a sad memory. Something personal and emotional, something that really tugs at the heartstrings. And then, of course, some people have to resort to…ahem, creative methods. Pepper in the sinuses, maybe a little poke to the eye…”
“Let’s please avoid self-injury,” you interrupt dryly, giving him a look.
“Fair enough. Let’s start with the basics and see if you’re a natural,” Jin says, jotting a note on his pad. “Close your eyes, focus, and let’s see if you can will the tears into existence.”
You sit up straight, trying your best to summon tears on command, forcing your eyes to feel…sad? Your face contorts into what you hope is a tearful expression, but as you blink, nothing happens. Your eyes are as dry as ever.
“Nothing?” Jin sighs and makes a dramatic strike-through on his notepad, looking deeply disappointed.
“Yeah, sorry,” You mutter. “Nothing.”
“Okay,” Jin strikes something out on his notepad and you roll your eyes at his dramatics. “Cannot cry on command. So let’s try a memory, or is there a movie scene you can’t think about because it gets you teared up?” 
You sit and think, you have some sad memories from your childhood that you bring to the front of your mind. Reminiscing on them, although some things are sad or bittersweet, nothing tear jerking. 
“Dry.” Ronnie leans over and looks closely in your eyes, so much so you have to shove her face away from you. 
“Dry.” Jin repeats and writes on his notepad. 
“Maybe try going to the dark place?” Ronnie snaps and looks at you. “You always get really teary eyed when you think about dying alone.”
“Okay rude.” You sigh, it wasn’t untrue. Whenever you came back from dates that were unsuccessful or you wasted your time on someone who just wanted something casual you found yourself going to, what you and Ronnie have deemed, the dark place. “I don’t like thinking about that.” 
“It’s for science!” Ronnie cheers, throwing her arms up like it's supposed to make it more fun or something. 
You groan, sinking deeper into the couch.  “I don’t know if this is such a great idea, honestly. When I start spiraling about my love life, it’s not exactly…mild.” You look down, already feeling a little prick of sadness starting to stir.
Jin comes and squats in front of you, “Well then just go to the edge of it and don’t think about the whole picture. What about dying alone usually gets you crying?” 
You think for a second, and finally, the words come out quietly. “I guess… I cry when I start thinking that maybe I won’t ever find someone who’s…just right for me.”
Ronnie lets out a soft “aww” and nudges you gently.
You let yourself feel it for a moment—the uncertainty, the nagging doubt that, maybe, you’ll keep hitting dead ends. And with that, you feel a familiar, bittersweet ache starting to well up.
Jin nods approvingly, seeing a slight glimmer in your eyes. “Excellent,” he says, jotting down, potential crying trigger identified.
The vulnerability hangs in the air, and you let yourself lean into it a little. Lately, it felt harder and harder to keep going on dates, to believe that love might work out someday. You always seemed to be either too much or not enough—loving too deeply, too slowly, too intensely. It left you feeling drained, to the point where dating felt less like romance and more like a chore.
But with Jungkook, for once, you’d felt...hopeful. Like there was someone who genuinely wanted to share a moment, who put effort into making sure you had a good time. As unintentional as it was, you’d started to feel a little spark, considering the circumstances of your forced meeting. But as soon as you’d started to believe it, you reminded yourself it was all part of the act. You couldn’t let yourself actually believe it. You got your hopes up again, and they were ripped out from under you… again. 
So you had slowly felt as time went on, you were losing sight of finding the one. 
Then without even realizing it, you had a few stray tears fall from your eyes. 
“Boom!” Jin erupted and sprang to his feet, “We have tears!”
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You gripped onto that feeling you let it force a few more tears out of your eyes. Unfortunately you did not avoid the personal injury part of the tears. So this was going really well for you. 
You take a shaky breath, letting a few more tears roll down, making sure the sniffle that follows sounds especially pitiful. “Maybe I should just go home,” you say, voice wavering. “This along with my day… it’s all just been too much. You probably think I’m completely insane.”
You manage to start walking toward the door. Jungkook then panics for a moment, how did we go from laughing at you injuring your nose to crying and saying you’re going home? He felt like he had jumped three steps or something. You start toward the front door but Jungkook stepped around you, stopping you. 
“Wait what?” Jungkook looked confused, “How did we get here? I don’t want you to leave.”
You sniff even louder, adding just the right amount of snotty dramatics. “No, I should. You barely know me, and here I am—an emotional wreck in your kitchen. It’s… it’s too much.”
“And? You just hit yourself in the nose really hard. I would be a little embarrassed and want to leave too.” Jungkook places a hand on your arm, trying to comfort you. “Besides isn't the whole point of going on dates to get to know each other better?”
“I guess.” You wipe your face again, “I don’t know… I didn’t mean to just… fall apart like this.”
Jungkook sighs a little relieved, that could have spiraled further. “And just so you know, I don’t think you’re crazy at all.”
“Well it’s still early, haven’t had a chance to go full blown crazy yet.” Which gets a laugh out of both you and Jungkook. 
“Well I can deal with that I think.” He gives you a small, reassuring smile. “Besides, food is still good. Wine is still out and last I checked a bruised nose doesn’t stop you from eating.” 
“Wait, is it actually bruising?” You reflexively go up to touch it, definitely tender to the touch and jungkook chuckles a little. 
“I’m teasing. It’s only a little red.” He takes your hand pulls you back into his apartment, with a little reluctance from you. “Stay, at least for a little while. I’m not going to let you walk out of here feeling like this.”
You blink up at him, playing up a hint of uncertainty, but inside, you’re genuinely a little taken aback. “You really mean that?”
“Of course I do.” He tilts his head to the side trying to meet your eyes, that had been darting everywhere else out of real embarrassment. “Look, I don’t care if you cry, I’m the biggest cry baby I know!”
You manage a small, hesitant smile, as if he’s starting to get through to you. “I find that hard to believe.” 
Jungkook scoffs, feigning insult. “Oh, don’t underestimate me. Those ‘lost puppy finds his way home’ commercials? I’m done. I’m over here pretending there’s dust in my eyes.”
You laugh again, shaking your head. “Okay, maybe I believe you… just a little.”
“There we go!” He looks genuinely pleased, his expression softening as he sees you relax. “So, if I’m willing to admit my crybaby tendencies, it’s only fair you stick around for dinner, right?” He tucks his bottom lip into his mouth in anticipation of your answer. 
“Alright, I’ll stay.” You say it with an air of nonchalance, trying to mask the small spark of mischief hidden behind your agreement. It earns you a relieved, borderline triumphant smile from Jungkook.
“Phew! You’re sparing me from a whole night of wondering if my cooking scared you off for good.” He grins, his dramatic sigh punctuating his relief.
“Oh, please,” you say, rolling your eyes, feeling the perfect opening for a light jab. “If anything, the food is what convinced me to stay.”
Jungkook then serves dinner for the both of you. You both fall into easy conversation as you eat, he really did do a great job with the food. He was very considerate of making sure you needed anything else or pouring more wine when you wanted it. As well as making you laugh at almost every single turn. You really do get it why he got girls to go home with him so easily, between this and your first date the amount of confidence and charm that exudes from him is palpable in the air. 
Jungkook would never show it but his lack of practice with dating has actually made this date and your last the most nervous he as been in a while. Jungkook’s mind is racing, carefully cataloging every response you make, every laugh, every nod. He wants—needs—this to go well, not just because he’d prefer to win $300 rather than lose it, but because, in his gut, he actually likes seeing you here, across from him. He catches himself wondering if he’s oversharing when he starts a story, or if he’s going on too long when he recounts his last trip. When you laugh at one of his stupid jokes, he relaxes a bit, but he still can’t quite shake that uncertainty. 
You decided no more theatrics for the evening and let this play out naturally, how you would play out any other evening. Anything else would tip him off that maybe you were doing this on purpose. 
After a while the two of you had moved into the living room, you had been flipping through his records again, you didn’t take a chance to look at them all earlier. He had a decent collection for sure so you got a good sense of the type of music he liked. You both had a few glasses of wine now and so the conversation had turned more and more flirtatious. 
Noting the variety of music—jazz, a little classic rock, some alternative stuff. “You’ve got a good taste,” you say, glancing back at him. “This one,” you pull a record out with a slight smirk, “definitely says something about you.”
“Oh yeah?” He grins, leaning on the side of his couch as he watches you move around his shelves. “And what exactly does it say?”
You tilt your head, pretending to give it serious thought. “That you’re trying really hard to be cool. Just edgy enough.”
He laughs, though you notice he flushes slightly, brushing off your joke with a casual shrug. “Hey, everyone needs a little mystery. Or at least…a halfway-decent record collection.”
“Is that what you’re hiding?” you tease. “A mysterious vinyl collection? Or is it just your immense amount of fish facts?”
“Well, you’ll have to stick around to find out.” The words slip out before he can stop them, and he immediately kicks himself. It feels too... eager, a bit too close to something genuine. But he manages to recover, putting on a self-assured smile. “Not everyone gets to see my hidden jazz albums.”
You laugh, setting the record back and looking at him with a raised brow. “Guess I’ll have to consider myself lucky, then.” Finding a spot back on the couch with him. 
Jungkook shifted in his spot so his body was completely facing you now. With the alcohol having set in, his eyes were a little droopy and he was smiling but he looked boyish. He found the more he was learning about you the more he felt fine with telling you things about himself. 
“You look tired.” You poke his forehead. “Maybe I really should go.” 
“It’s barely even late.” Jungkook takes your hand, lacing your fingers with his. “I’m not tired at all.” 
“Your eyes tell a different story.” You laugh, leaning your head against the back of his couch. 
“Well what else are they saying?” He smirks, finding any reason to get a compliment from you. 
You stare at them for a minute, you were trying to come up with something clever. “Well if I am translating this right… I can’t handle my wine.”
You laugh and Jungkook rolls his eyes, “Wow how did you know?” 
“I have a thing for reading people.” You shrug. “What do mine say?”
He leans in really close looking between them. “Wow this guy is so hot and charming I really want to kiss him again,” Jungkook then gasps dramatically leaning away. “That’s scandalous, Y/N.”
“Shut up.” You laugh and get up from the couch trying to leave, Jungkook's hand pulling you back to standing in front of him. “You’re really full of yourself.”
“I’d like to think just a healthy amount.” He grins, Jungkook then places one of his hands on the back of your thigh. The warmth of his hand sends a shiver up your spine, but you do your best to keep your cool, not letting him see just how much his touch is affecting you.
You scoff with a half smile, “We’ll see about that.” 
Jungkooks grin widens sitting forward on his couch, both of his hands finding their way to your hips. Tracing small circles with his thumbs, making it impossible for you to think. The way he looks at you—intense, unflinching, like he’s trying to figure you out—has you second-guessing your plans  all over again, just for a second. This is what makes this hard, because the way he looks at you makes you believe every single word.
Many guys before have looked at you like this and you always fall for it, you always let yourself go for it. 
It’s a little difficult to remember that right now though, your mind clouded by the wine. 
You glance down to his lap for a moment then back up to his eyes that haven’t left yours. “Can I?” 
Jungkook just nods, allowing you to take your place on his lap. Lifting your legs to either side of his hips. Jungkook really was not intending for this night to go this way but he wasn’t complaining if it had. He found you incredibly hot and would do whatever you wanted. His hands stayed planted on your hips as you found what felt comfortable. 
“You’re pretty.” He smiles boyishly, he really did find you gorgeous and would tell you again and again if it wouldn’t be weird. The compliment makes you blush and hum. 
“You’re pretty too.” You lace your arms around his neck. Both of your faces coming so close together now. Breathes intermingling for a moment, asking the same question. “You were right though.” 
“About what?”
“I do want to kiss you again.” You catch the slight hitch in Jungkook's breath at your words, the way his fingers tighten on your hips, grounding you even as your heart races. His eyes flicker from your mouth to your eyes, searching your face as though he’s almost afraid this moment might slip away.
“I’m not one to protest.” Jungkook swallows for a moment, before you took no time to close the distance between you. Pressing your lips against his soft but certain. Jungkook immediately responds tilting his head to deepen it. One of Jungkook's hands sliding up your back to bring you closer to him. The moment makes you forget everything else, as you slide your tongue into his mouth. 
For a moment, you allow yourself to sink into it, into the surprising tenderness of his touch, the quiet intensity of his kiss. You move your hands to cup his face, relishing in how warm you are now. You felt your whole entire body heat up, and small wetness in between your legs. Oh this was not good, you cannot sleep with him this soon. 
Oh he probably knew exactly what he was doing though.
He would know exactly where to touch you and exactly how to make you moan and you had very little issues with wanting to let him do that. It would be so worth it, it would be so good. Except it cannot go past this, for your sanity at least. You needed to cut this off somehow, expect you kind of lead the night here. His tongue in your mouth was making it incredibly difficult to be logical. You could feel him probably already getting a semi and you really could not stop thinking about grinding on him. 
You needed to stop though. Because this is a great opportunity to drive in that wedge between the two of you. One more way to mess this situation ship up, but not ruin it completely.
As you pull away from him, leaving his lap, you mutter, “Okay… Goodnight.” You force yourself to stand, feigning nonchalance as you gather your things, even though every cell in your body is screaming at you to turn back around. Jungkook is left blinking at you, visibly caught off guard, his hands awkwardly suspended in the air where your hips just were. He clears his throat, collecting himself as he scrambles to follow you.
Clearing his throat. “Hey… um woah… was that not good or whatever?” 
You pick up some of your stuff into you arm, “It was it was good. It was great.” 
Oh god it was great, he was a really good kisser and your whole body was screaming at you to go back but you fought through. 
Jungkook was confused by your answer and shook his head, as he continued to follow you, “Did… did I misread something? Because I was getting a vibe.”
You glance over your shoulder and manage to flash a casual smile. “No, you didn’t misread anything. I just… don’t usually sleep with someone on the second date. Kind of a rule.” You bite your lip, keeping the truth of it hidden.
“Oh.” Jungkook nods, a look of relief mixed with mild confusion crossing his face as he adjusts his shirt. “Right, totally. Cool cool cool. That’s more than okay and Makes sense, makes sense… you should have said something.”
“It’s a bit of a mood killer to say ‘hey, by the way, you’re not getting any,’ don’t you think?” You raise an eyebrow, suppressing a grin.
You gather your things, amused by his honesty, and start toward the door. Jungkook trails behind you, letting out a small puff of air as he stares at the floor. Then, after a beat, he glances up with a sly grin. “So… just out of curiosity, not trying to be weird or anything, but what date number are we talking here? Fourth, fifth…?”
You can’t help but laugh at his question, knowing full well he has no idea you’re just messing with him. “Higher.”
He frowns, looking genuinely curious now. “Sixth?”
“Nope.”
“Seventh?” He leans in closer, eyes narrowed like he’s reading the answer off your face.
“Higher.”
“Okay, when do you usually?” 
You cross your arms, “Twelfth.” 
Jungkook’s face barely changes, but you can see his jaw tighten just a little as he processes this. “Twelve… dates,” he repeats slowly, nodding as if he’s mentally mapping it out. “I mean, sure. That’s totally reasonable. Not a problem.”
“Really?” you ask, surprised at his lack of pushback.
Yeah.” He shrugs, putting on a confident smile. “Guess I just have to plan ten more killer dates.”
“Uh huh. I’ll believe it when I see them.” Jungkook then opens the front door for you. 
“You're going to keep me on my toes aren’t you?” He watches you slowly step out the door with a wide grin on your face. He finds it cute and playful, he could tell you liked the chase. 
“Goodnight Jungkook.” You say in a sing song voice, giving him a flirtatious wave as you walk up the hallway to his elevator. 
Before you could get too far Jungkook decided to leave with just one last thing. Trotting up the hallway so he could catch you, taking your wrist and stopping you. “One last thing.” 
Jungkook places a hand on your cheek and then kisses you. It surprises you but you welcome him, its one of those kisses that is so passionate and it makes your knees want to buckle out from under you in response. He uses just a little bit of  tongue to send a shiver through your whole body, his hand warm against your cheek as he continues to kiss you just long enough to make you lose track of the hallway, the elevator, and everything else. 
When he finally pulls back, his eyes are twinkling with that trademark cockiness, but there’s something softer underneath, something that makes your heart do an unwelcome little flip. He grins, his hand lingering on your cheek for just a moment longer before letting go. “Goodnight.”
He goes back into his apartment as you retreat to the elevator. As you ride down, you let out a shaky breath, trying to process what just happened, and trying even harder to remind yourself why you’re supposed to be making him miserable. But as your lips still tingle from his kiss, you’re the one who is being thrown off balance now. This was continuing to prove to be difficult.
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Day 6
Jungkook is floating on air as he gets through his next work day. So much so Hoseok has taken notice of Jungkook's change in attitude. Really his whole attitude had been different all week. Not that he was particularly grumpy before or even usually in a bad mood, but he was in a good mood. 
It was Friday night, and the familiar hum of the weekend buzzed in the air as Jimin and Taehyung once again convinced Jungkook and Hoseok to come out for a night of fun. Jungkook had been hesitant, his thoughts lingering on you. He’d been so busy lately, and while the dates had been great, there was something about tonight that made him want to see what plans you had before fully committing to the night out. But eventually, he decided he should just go—time with his friends, after all, was good too. Plus, there was that whole bet to think about, and he had a chance to subtly show Jimin and Taehyung how smoothly things were going with you.
When Jungkook and Hoseok arrived at the booth, they were greeted with their usual boisterous energy. Taehyung raised his glass, grinning widely. “Look who it is!” he said, motioning to the empty seats. As they sat down, the drinks flowed easily, and the conversation began to buzz.
However, Jimin and Taehyung had something else on their minds—Jungkook’s unusually good mood. While their conversation about random topics picked up, they were both trying to pinpoint exactly what had changed in him.
“So,” Jimin leaned forward, his voice a bit more teasing than usual, “what’s going on with you tonight? You’ve been, like, way too chill. It’s freaking me out.”
Jungkook paused for a moment, a little taken aback by the sudden observation. “What do you mean?”
Jimin gestured at him with a mock-serious face, “You're usually the one trying to take the night to the next level. Trying to make things more interesting. Tonight, you're just sitting here, all calm, looking like you’re, I don’t know, at peace or something?”
Taehyung chuckled at the thought, leaning in with a grin. “Yeah, what happened to the Jungkook who was out here doing whatever it took to keep things fun and exciting? You usually make sure the whole night has a direction. Right now, you’re, like... engaged in our conversation about cyber-security. That’s... not you.”
Jungkook raised an eyebrow, trying to play it cool, but he could feel the pressure mounting. He knew his friends had caught on to something, but they didn’t know why he was acting different. “I’m just… having a good day,” he said, his voice light and casual. “Nothing wrong with that, right?”
Hoseok snorted next to him and Jungkook gave him a side eye. 
“You definitely would have gotten someone’s number by now but your eyes have been glued on us or on your phone this whole time.” Taehyung added on, which was usually true but Jungkook was glued to his phone. Hoping maybe he would see another text from you, secretly. Casually, in a totally normal way. 
“So what gives?” Jimin pokes Jungkook in the arm. 
“It’s nothing.” Jungkook shrugged and took a sip of his drink. 
Hoseok rolled his eyes, “It’s Y/N. The girl you set him up with for this stupid bet.” 
“Oh.” It all clicked into place for the both of them but it was still weird, “She totally see through your act yet?” 
Jungkook was caught off guard, the question cutting deeper than he expected. He shifted in his seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. “Actually,” he began, his voice softening, “no. We had a really nice date last night. There is nothing to see through, I’ve been completely genuine.”
“Oh, really?” Jimin raised a skeptical eyebrow, a grin tugging at his lips.
Hoseok, who had been mostly observing, finally chimed in with a sigh. “He’s been in such a good mood about it all day, I’ve actually been avoiding him.”
Jungkook shot him a glare, nudging his arm. “So that’s why you were dodging me earlier?”
Hoseok shrugged, chuckling. “Sorry, man, I just couldn’t listen to you go on about Y/N again today.”
Jungkook rolled his eyes, glancing back at Jimin and Taehyung. “You guys are acting like it’s such a big deal. It’s just… going well.”
Taehyung raised a skeptical brow, his tone a bit annoyed. “So, you’re hitting it off?”
Jungkook smirked, raising his glass. “I don’t kiss and tell.”
That earned a laugh from Jimin and Taehyung. “Yeah, right.” Jimin scoffed, shaking his head.
“All I’m saying,” Jungkook replied, his smirk widening, “is you two better get your wallets ready. In 24 days, you’re going to owe me big time.”
With a final grin, Jungkook set his glass down and excused himself, heading off to the bathroom. As soon as he was out of earshot, Jimin leaned closer to Hoseok, lowering his voice. “Okay, is it actually going well, or is he just messing with us?”
Hoseok took a sip of his drink, letting the suspense hang in the air for a moment before answering. “All I’ll say is… he sent flowers.”
Jimin’s jaw dropped, and Taehyung’s eyes widened. “Flowers?” They exchanged looks of disbelief, struggling to picture Jungkook—who hadn’t done more than text after a night out for years—sending flowers.
“What kind?” Taehyung asked, still dubious. “If they were just roses, it might’ve been for show.”
Hoseok gave an exasperated look. “Sunflowers. They’re her favorite.”
Jimin blinked in disbelief, his jaw still halfway dropped as he processed Hoseok's words. “Sunflowers?” he repeated, as if the specific flower choice made it even more surreal. “You’re telling me Jungkook not only sent flowers but remembered her favorite kind?”
Hoseok nodded, his expression one of mild amusement. “It’s like he’s on some kind of mission. Didn’t even blink when he mentioned it either—used it as his way to get the second date they had this week.”
Taehyung shook his head, laughing under his breath. “I don’t know who this new Jungkook is, but he’s full of surprises. Sunflowers? That’s not just impressive; that’s borderline romantic.”
“Borderline?” Jimin laughed, still trying to wrap his head around it. “He’s gone full-on romance novel, and for someone he’s been seeing for, what, a week? This has to be the longest he’s been interested in anyone, like, ever.”
Taehyung let out a low whistle, chewing on his lip as he processed the surprising information. “Damn. This is serious.”
“Yeah,” Hoseok said with a small smile, finding some pride in a changed Jungkook. “So he’s not wrong when he says you guys are going to owe him. He’s actually putting in the effort.”
Jimin and Taehyung exchanged a look, stunned but slightly impressed. Watching Jungkook send flowers, remember favorites, and put his best foot forward was new—and honestly? They both knew they might just end up eating their own words. Which made them think, was there a way for them to slow this down, make it come to a halt?
It wasn’t an insane amount of money for either of them to lose, but it was much more entertaining to see Jungkook lose. Was there something they could do to mess this up but in a non asshole way?
If they didn’t, Jungkook was going to win the bet, but it had already become much more a bet at this point for him.
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bigfan-fanfic · 2 days ago
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A Real Puzzler (Male!Reader x Leon Kennedy)
@alexanderstarhero Request for Leon taking care of random citizen who is great at puzzle.
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"I was supposed to accept an award today."
Leon laughs, and you laugh with him, the sound tinged with just a hint of hysteria.
"Oh yeah? What was the award for?"
You can't help but giggle. "Raccoon City Puzzle Champion."
You both roar with laughter.
"Guess what?" Leon smirks.
"What?"
"Today's my first day on the job with RCPD!"
After a really bad rainy day spent with a cute police officer - which you can't even really appreciate due to the weird monsters and zombies all around here - you two found a moment to rest in a safe room and simply breathed and talked, leading to you laughing about the way today should have been wildly mundane.
With him shooting and you using your experience to handle the increasingly obtuse puzzles, the two of you make a pretty great team.
You finally recover enough to breathe and lean against him.
Automatically, he puts an arm around you.
"I never got the chance to thank you for... you know. Saving my life."
He looks at you. "You don't have to thank me for that."
"But-"
"You've gotten us out of just as many scrapes."
"What, with those riddles?"
"Look, with you focused on that, it lets me be more aware of enemies. We're the perfect team, you and me."
"Still, I kinda think you'd be able to do all this without me, and the reverse isn't true."
Leon raises an eyebrow. "Well, having two people do this together just makes it all go faster. And something tells me if we can get to the bottom of this as quickly as we can, we might save a lot of lives."
You smile at him. "I'm okay with that."
He laughs. "Just okay? Maybe I could sweeten the pot?"
"What?"
"We get out of here before sunrise, I take you out on a date."
You blink several times, and slowly smile. "What about if after?"
"Then you take me out."
"Deal."
He squeezes you against his side. "That huge guy sucks. I think he'd have pummeled my ass into the ground if you weren't so quick on the puzzle."
"Yeah. He SUCKS."
Boom.
"Oh, shit, do you think he heard us?"
"Let's get out of here..."
Much later...
"What is with this town and puzzles?"
"I... actually don't have an answer for that." you mumble, as you hold a strangely shaped statuette in front of a spotlight in order to match an odd-shaped indentation in the landscape painting ahead.
"You haven't ever found it weird?"
The whole wall slides aside to reveal a secret passage downward. "What do you mean?"
"That this place is just loaded with weird secret passages and environmental puzzles?"
"I guess I've never thought about it. It's just... we like our puzzles. I was gonna get to have my picture in City Hall with Mr. Raccoon!"
Leon freezes in the middle of the staircase. "Mr. Raccoon?"
You sigh, face heating up as you realize you're going to have to explain your city's odd mascot that its citizens are so appreciative of.
Well, at least it's better than thinking about the current situation.
Although a date with your dashing companion is ever tempting to be distracted by...
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leavemurph · 5 hours ago
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sometimes i get so upset thinking what if hotch wants to come back cuz like jack’s in college and he’s home all the time, he’d need something to do?? and the fact that the writers still didn’t use this one excuse to bring him back to emily is just… ugh.
a few comments here and there about his life while he was gone, laughing with old friends who are still friends no matter what, teasing him cuz he tries to call his son and gets constantly ignored with the “dad, please, i’m busy”. then jj’s like, oh yeah, i get it, teenagers gonna be teenagers, and emily’s kinda feeling left out? but it’s cool. it’s just that time’s passing and she doesn’t have that for herself, which is strange, since she always thought she would. but then again, time sucks, this job takes so much, and yeah, maybe it’s too late.
no kids, nope, well, she’s busy. really busy. this thought keeps looping in her head, and a few situations end up making her rethink it, over and over—did i do this on purpose? did i avoid making any decisions that could’ve taken me down that path because, deep down, i felt like i didn’t deserve it?
hotch finds her in her office, asks if she’s okay because she seems so distracted all the time. of course, she doesn’t say anything, she’s not big on venting, but she does ask him if he ever thought about what it’d be like if they’d made it differently all those years ago.
he’s… confused at first, mostly because he’s not sure if this is her way of allowing them to talk about all the stuff they never said, couldn’t say, or were too scared to. so he asks, what do you mean? emily’s tired of dancing around it, they’re older now, more mature, there’s not much left to lose, so she just says, “you knew how i felt about you. that’s fine. i know how you felt about me.” hotch gives her a small smile, and she gets it. she really gets it. “i can’t believe i even considered going with you. like, a part of me really wanted to, so badly. i talked to you about work every day, told you things you didn’t even want to hear, didn’t care. and i kept hoping, hoping that one day you’d ask me to, or even just… i don’t know, say you missed me. my god, i would’ve dropped everything, run off into witness protection. with you. with jack.”
“emily.” hotch looks genuinely surprised, and maybe it’s because she’s holding back tears. “you had all these things here, things you built for yourself. look at you now.”
“right,” she mutters, waving it off with a comment about their previous case, because why get into that now? it’s a waste of time.
aaand…
they kiss for the first time on new year’s, in their natural habitat—at work, of course. everyone but emily is ready to party, but at midnight, hotch brings her a glass of champagne while she’s scribbling reports. she looks up and says, “are you guys going out? i’m gonna have to pass this time, i’m so busy,”
and he laughs because, “you sound like me ten years ago,” while gently coaxing her out of her chair. she tries not to freak out, laughing nervously, rolling her neck to release the tension from hours of sitting and staring at fine print. hotch brushes her hair back, studying her face, and she lets out a deep sigh, touching her tongue to the corner of her mouth. “a little nervous?” he asks, a smile tugging at his lips. “still the same tell, huh? some things never change.”
“i really can’t go with you guys,” she insists, eying his lips, almost on the edge of feeling butterflies for the first time in over a decade.
“heard you the first time. so i’ll be your first new year’s kiss, and then i’ll get out of your hair.” okay, butterflies all the way down to her toes. she barely nods, just a slight movement, before he leans in and kisses her. it’s the best kiss she’s ever had, hands down. my god, she can’t stop thinking about it.
he literally left her to do her job and went out partying with the others. he’s learned to live more than she has over these years, and honestly, it’s not bad. it’s not terrible. it’s nice.
their relationship grows through little moments scattered throughout the season—tender touches, good morning kisses, emily jumping out of bed late, the looks they share. they talk about the moments they’ve lived, the times they wanted to say something and didn’t, or do something and held back. “do you remember that time we…?”
the first time emily faces any life-threatening situation, hotch’s immediate reaction when he sees her getting her cheek stitched up is: “that was really brave of you to do.”
“hotch,” she winces, frowning through the pain as the stitch hurts. “really?”
“okay, what, are you out of your mind? didn’t you wait for backup?”
“that’s much better, thank you. and, no, it’d be too late.”
“almost died,” he crosses his arms, and emily is doing everything she can not to bite her nails. “i’m gonna need you to marry me. is that okay with you?”
and emily’s like, “what?”
“you heard me right. i want you, and i want to do this, all of it. you’ve always wanted kids, and you’ve been thinking about it, don’t lie to me, and it’s not too late. and we’re gonna do it, you and i. there’s surrogacy, adoption… we can—”
yeahh…. so.
gimme gimme.
bye.
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hvrtbroken · 2 days ago
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he lets out a breathless laugh , moving the hand that was entangled in her hair to cover his face for a second as he tries to remember how to breathe . when he closes his eyes , the visual of her sucking him off , mouth full , lips stretched , eyes wide . MOANS ELICITING FROM HER . she looked like she enjoyed it - him - his cock in her mouth . it makes his pulse jump . nico nods so fast and hard that he feels the room spin with it . she truly has no idea what she's done to him . IS DOING to him . the feeling of her mouth around him is par to nothing else he's ever felt in this life . it's a horrible thing to get addicted to , and so quickly , but star has that effect on him . her words almost make him feel baffled , because OF COURSE IT WAS GOOD , saying it was 'good ' is an understatement .
nico reopens his eyes so he can meet hers. " your mouth . your tongue . " he lets out , weakly . " that's the best blow job i've ever had in my life . " the breathless laugh leaves him again , chest heaving . slowly , he can feel himself returning to his body , his mind becoming more sane and not just running rampant with filthy , desiring thoughts . " i'm - i came in your mouth . " nico apologises , because he feels he should never ASSUME he can even if she didn't seem bothered by it ( she sucked it all up . his mind traitorously remembers the image ) . as she slides up nico's body , his arms automatically wrap around her , pulling her closer . she presses a soft kiss to his mouth and he can vaguely taste himself there . nico's eyes drink her in , mouth redder than usual , eyes dilated . he pulls her back to him and kisses her again , opens her mouth with his own and breathes in it . " i felt amazing . you make it amazing . " he murmurs against her mouth . " it makes me never want to leave this bed . " it's more than that , though . it's HER . not just what her mouth can do ( albeit , incredible things ) . he just likes being with her . he never even imagined he COULD be with her . his nose gently nudges against hers and he kisses her again , this time more slow and languid . he doesn't know what the time is . he doesn't even know what day it is anymore . he finds that he doesn't really care .
" let me . . . " he breathes it against her , hand sliding down between her legs . to her milky thighs . his fingers cup her , trace along that soft mound that he could bury his fingers , mouth , and cock against . " if you want ? " because he doesn't want to push her even though he's insatiable . he doesn't care that he just came . he doesn't care that they should lie down and GET SOME AIR . he'll drown between her legs if she lets him . his brain ticks and remembers the way star rubbed her thighs together , wantonly , as she sucked him off . SHE NEEDED FRICTION . he can give her that . his hand slides lower , gently pushing her legs apart . his gaze finds hers and looks at her with meaning , with care , with desire - all packaged up with a neat bow . THE SILENT QUESTION IS THERE because it always will be , no matter how many times they do this ( and he hopes its many many more ) . he leans in closer to her and presses kisses down her neck , knows his stubble will rub against her skin . he reaches the shell of her ear and his tongue gently moves around it , carving out the shape . his breath is hot as he talks : " want my mouth or my fingers ? " because whatever star wants ( WHENEVER SHE WANTS IT ) , he will give her . nico hasn't just dived in . he's hook link and sunk right against her .
it's funny how many things star has learned about herself just within this first hour of having sex with nico. it's a small realization she has when she moans again because he pulls on her hair, makes her shiver with a pleasure she's quickly enjoying more of. uses it to egg on her sloppy movements, to chase the bits of friction she can reach against the blanket between her legs. ( barely computes the hand he places against her heart, going rabbit-like in how it's beating. ) other things she's learned: she can cum very hard, she likes when he fucks her rough, and apparently she enjoys giving blowjobs. that the feeling of him jerking his hips up high, breaching deeper into her throat, is making her impossibly wet and needy. that when she gags softly around him, she's also clenching, wriggling her hips to chase any kind of relief.
her saliva that's coating him is viscous, slick and new to her, plus makes things easier too. she's bobbing her head quick around him, sucking hard and trying to remember how to breathe. would be curious about the newness of it if she wasn't buzzed from his cock and the way he's cursing out her name. feels like she's reached sainthood and become a demon at the same time because of how he's reacting to her. he's so loud, so reactive. so unlike his usual restricted movements that her eyes don't want to blink. she wants to drink every sound and reaction from him. is enjoying how he's tugging on her, pushing and pulling and bringing him deeper into her warmth that she doesn't realize he's cumming until the heat of his seed hits the back of her throat. her eyes widen — excited, surprised, needy — as she takes all of him. suctions her mouth to make sure none of it escapes as she swallows him down, feels his cock twitch and writhe in her mouth while he pushes her. byeol complies too, even if she needs to take deep breaths.
she pulls her mouth up from his length slowly, makes sure she's swallowed everything as she reaches his tip below letting his softening dick go with a pop of her mouth. can't even deny at this point that she liked that. liked his taste and how it overtook all her senses for a bit — clean with a little edge and somehow still pleasant. star is looking up at him eagerly, heart jumping giddily when he speaks again. "really?" it's slightly ridiculous how that statement pleases her. how she, with her limited and rusty skills, could make him feel so good that he's still reeling from it. that she had enough of an effect on him that he has been moaning out her name in unbridled ecstasy and relief. ( all of which she'll probably think to again and again, will probably rub herself raw to the memory. )
"was it good?" she asks a little clumsily, part of the words breathed softly as she crawls up from her position. his confession is enough, but she wants to hear him say more. praise her again and again, sate that selfish little thing in her chest that's come out to play in full force since her first orgasm. she lays on top of nico, revels in the heat that he's emanating. "did you feel good?" breathes the words onto his lips as her hands go up to run through his hair. kisses him tenderly, maybe even a little chaste, wants to let him pull her deeper if he desires. notices that in the moment too: that she likes when he pushes, when he takes what he wants from her. that he could do whatever to her, use her however he pleases, and she'd still say thank you. "you taste really nice."
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mystei · 3 months ago
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kj-munch · 2 months ago
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born to want to draw more hank forced to be employed full time
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stellewriites · 8 days ago
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really fucking grinds my gears how my dad knows just how to make me feel fucking guilty for putting up boundaries and saying no
#not even for a major thing!#barely setting a boundary even! just saying i don’t want to do smth!#asking me if i want to go for dinner one evening when he knows i work late most days and have said this for years - in fact said this exact#thing to him last week - so when i say no bc i finish late he just pushes and pushes#until im like this doesn’t work for me AND i hate eating out i dont want to go. just go with my brother that’s fine. and he’s suddenly#blunt as fuck in his messages leaving me on read or guilting me about the hours i work….. like get a fucking grip your over 50 bro#i try to be polite with it but he just gets in a fucking mood like please you are a Loser#i see you weekly (smth HE chose when i was a bairn) like im not making my job and life harder just bc you feel bad that you don’t see me#more often now#also i only hate eating out with him!! because it’s awkward!! i like to be in and out when i eat with friends and we’re all the same about#it bc we’re all very autistic lmaooo but with him he likes to chat and chat and chat which is fine but i don’t.. and he asks more personal#questions than when we’re just at his as if im gonna open up just bc we’re eating thai food 🙄🙄🙄🙄#like you Don’t get to know if im seeing anyone or if im queer or even if ive got fucking plans to go away with friends tbh#like deadbeat dads that try to emotionally manipulate their kids get minimal information actually !! 🤓☝️#stelle yaps#fuck sake#i knew he’d start doing this when my brother was back - he’s always played us off each other and he always gravitates towards whichever is#the ‘easiest’ child at the time which is my brother ever since i became an adult lmao#i just don’t tolerate his shit and i let him know it whereas e will play along#me and my dad are too similar in that we both know how to really cut deep in the other :/#it just all sucks#please please feel free to ignore#i just need to vent like hell bc he winds me up a treat so bad
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faithfromanewperspective · 3 days ago
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need a private tumblr to be an outlet for feelings had while activisming
#look. i know how to do things effectively i'm telling ya#but it's gonna take a whole bunch of ranting to get there first#and something inherent about activism that's actually effective is taking on care for other people's emotions#who are doubtless in much worse situations than me! but at the same time i have feelings and traumas that get triggered#and i have things i need to process and sort through in order to do my imperfect best. when you're in desperation you want more and i can't#blame you for that. but harm reduction also involves optimisation in a sense of how much harm i can personally reduce#and exposure to some things actually REDUCES that and i need to have somewhere to hold space for my emotions processing it#so i either decide fuck it and just post it here and know people are gonna get hurt from the insensitivity and there's no use explaining#unfortunately i have a suicidal ideation trigger at someone being in need and not being able to help them. maybe i can post about that?#somewhere in the limbo of this is not 'okay' per se but the best i can do is better than nothing. we all come together to stand up#against oppressors and shit. but there's emergency aid needed and it really does make me want to die very very quickly#which obviously i cannot get a job and actually help if I do. as in more than unemployment levels of generosity help#and while i can rattle on and on a bit about how our need for aid has the markings of capitalism (need for constant growth/supply)#it's not the fault of people trapped in that who don't have any other way out#sometimes i need to step back and find ways I CAN simplify my life in community to have more to be able to give when needed#because i can't do that for other people but i can for myself#and then i sound self righteous for doing it so i can be generous? so i can not feel helpless and want to die? there's no winning#i am the person who sees someone complain and thinks i immediately need to fix it for them. there's a good chance i will always be#and then i won't realise it but the empathy is the thing that's keeping me depressed and frozen but keeping me alive as well#and honestly i've lived like that for years. i don't have anything but my sometimes pitiful activism to like. enjoy life or whatever#and i do what i always do. one step in front of the other. pray for provision. choose between therapy and donation why am i so caught#up in that? problem solve. what are the needs and what are the other ways of solving them? share it to facebook? i don't know#i'll get there but i really need a job and i need to get a bit better so i can work. that day is gonna come it's just. the meantime sucks
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roombagreyjoy · 13 days ago
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*said with increasing distress, eyes blodshot and an empty mug in hand* you guys remember writing right????? you guys remember posting fic and publishing things and talking to editors about potential projects right???? you guys remember being creative in your creative jobs and not just rereading old work and having a panic attack over the time wasted over curating hyperspecific character playlists that you get mad about five minutes later right????? i'm not insane right????? creative block is normal even if it lasts for months right???? i haven't written a fic in YEARS but it's ok i'm ok i have to finish TWO original pieces for next week that I haven't even started but it'll probably be fineeeee I'm totally not being a complete and raving lunatic about it it's probably gonna be okay <3 yay <3
#AND I STILL HAVEN'T APPLIED FOR MY NEW SHOW IN THEATRES ?1!!!!???? AJAAGAGAHAHAHFGH#BABYGIRL I CAN BE DRY IN WAYS YOU CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE FOR PROJECTS THAT ARE ALREADY EVEN PLANNED OUT#the words just won't come out idk#ok so i attended one of the most prestigious universities in the country re: my field of expertise and carefully improved in my craft#just to go into a creative field and be an unemployed fuckhead who won't even write#i mean I am ALSO an academic that is very much true as well. but you don't really earn money from that either now do you#especially not in humanities#anyway. i need to go wash some dishes#it'll be fine probably i just need to lock tf in#it sucks being the one in the relationship that has no job no money no prospects and is already a burden to their parents#like literally they're being very nasty about it and like i know they care about me and stuff but they are very much. not supportive#it doesn't mean they're openly hating on it tbh i think they've given up on trying to disagree with my life choices and atp they just judge#when i'm not there. but evidently i find out anyway because of course i do#tbh won't complain about the lack of open support though like it's cool you disapprove of my relationship and my work and my life overall#ok rant over i'm big now. i'm an adult#ACTUALLY should i write a paper on disco elysium maybe that'd cheer me up. DON'T ask me how de is cheerful it isn't#my brain just works in mysterious ways#also gonna write an essay on my relationship with god. and get it published. probably gonna quote dostoievski a couple times as well. maybe#who give a fuck anymore man people these days can write ANYTHING. i love being alive in a world where printing is a thing. also computers#personal
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ialwaysknewyouwerepunk · 7 months ago
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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minhmynchi · 2 months ago
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(venting in the tags ignore this lol)
#minhmy.rambles#(i just need to shout this somewhere where my friends don't see so they don't worry too much about me)#but oh my god work just got worse for this week im already working every day but tomorrow (aka in six and a half hours)#i will start at 5am and end at 9pm aka a double shift bc my coworker tested positive and there's no one else that can work#just for tomorrow but the rest of the week ill be working 1-9#which i hate even though im used to it night shifts are just boringgggg and takes up a lot of my time#which i already have so little of#my mom said i should clean my closet and i was going to tomorrow bc i wanted to play grandfest today but now i cant do that#bc ill literally be at work all day lol#and god its just so hard its so so hard but it could be worse. it literally could be worse#i cant be here as much anymore bc im so busy and tired i just draw when i can and drop them all here and leave#and i miss writing a lot but i have even less time and even less motivation and the more i work the more awful i feel#and i don't want to worry anyone like . i just don't#but its so difficult for me it really is#theres so many things i want to do but i cant do any of it and im so tired im literally so tired#like im not gonna end my life kinda tired i have a lot to look forward to. but work just really sucks and i am Tired#and i Like my job its literally the easiest and ill never have something like this again#but urghghghh. urggfhhghgh. death pain and suffering#if i draw more sif and loop suffering lol. this is why. i need to get the emotions out somehow and i don't want to cry over it#i cant cry bc i need to work i just have to keep my head up i just have to keep at it i just have to be strong and not break#i can do it i can.. i know i can i've been through worse#its just. augh.#ok done. sorry i rly rly should sleep soon bc of my 16 hour shift tmrw lol its past 10:30pm already
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dwemers · 3 months ago
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I’m so excited I’m like literally shaking
#so I work at like seasonal job multiple stores and shit some more far out and in the boonies than others#and like before I was at my current job I managed this shitshow camp store#literally was so horrible but only bcs my boss sucked and pushed all his responsibilities to me while I still had to do MY JOB#like darkest time of my life trying to keep that store from falling apart until eventually I was like fuck this#transferee to a different property in a different state and like stalked this lady who would come help us and she hired me as her assistant#like truly amazing I love her so much my boss is the fucking best#but now at my property we have a camp store with no manager being run to the ground#so they asked me to go manage it…#and lLIKEEEE ITS IN THE HIGH CIUNTRY#SOOO NO SERVICE LIVING IN A TENT SHARED SHOWER DORMS#IM SO EXCITEDDD#and also I’ll be at 9k feet elevation SO ILL SEE STARSS!#im at 5thoussnd feet rn and it’s just not the same#my shitty store was at 7 thousand but the year before I lived at 8 thousand feet and the stars are so magical#but everyone else I work with feels bad I ‘have to’ go up there and run the store for a few weeks#I’m like literally MY PLEASURE#working in a camp store is literally summer camp vibes#and I’m such a retail girl boss they didn’t even brief me they were like you know how to open and close a store#AND I DONT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF INVOICESSS#that was my nightmare at the last place like they taught all the managers how to recieve and pay invoices but no one else really understood#sooo like a day before months end when invocies HAVE to be paid I’d get stacks from every store on property#and like just my store was already a lot to go through bcs we did groceries and gas and beer and retail merch#but lol I came to my current place and they have a whole office just for that lotta sweet lady’s in accounting I’m like damn??#they did me so dirty????#best part about being a warehouse girl with previous retail management experience is thissss#pray for me though I haven’t managed other humans in 2 years and they’re union employees so I just have to follow all the rules#love the union but I’m scared of breaking any labor laws since I’ve never managed humans in the state in living in#last state was horrible there was no lunch break laws
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seafoam-taide · 3 months ago
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You know I thought for awhile that I was just a rare type of person who sure, liked people well enough but was okay being alone didn't necessarily need anyone and NO. NO. NO. OH MY GOD . YOU GIANT DUMBASS. NO HAHAHA NOOO NOPE
#tide of consciousness#See what was confusing me is usually when people talk about life partner they mean romantically sexually#And also I have yet to meet someone who gets me in the way I want someone to get me <- I think <- good chance I have and squandered it#<- that may be the evil brain talking though#But anyway so I was misconstruing the fact that the people I know and like currently are not people I want to spend my life with#With the idea that there is no one and no chance I will ever want that#And also heteronormative allo society despite my best efforts Is in my brain#And I'm only just realizing how badly I would really like to find a person or maybe people who do make me feel like. I could want that#The idea that there could be someone out there that I would want to spend my time and space with forever is mind blowing#Because honestly and this is of course the mental illness but I have kind of been under the assumption that maybe I am just like. Weeell#Evil and broken and cruel and selfish and HAHA. you know. The usual#Because you know only recently I got my first taste of 'a person is actively choosing you and wants you over all things'#And then I fucked that up because that was my first time believing anyone could care about me and you know you always fuck that one up#And that sucked and is still in the process of sucking but it has also made me realize#That there is actually a way that I would want that. Maybe#Like in a way that worked. I'd really like to have a person like that maybe#And honestly that's a nightmare to have to realize#Because before it was like hey! I guess I just don't have to worry about that!#And now I'm like FUCK. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS#because special secret I've never actively tried to connect to people in my life ever#I don't know how you do that! I don't know how to actively form relationships!#I just wait for someone to grab me and pull me along! It's terrifying to think about trying to discover that#AT 20!#I know it's not unusual especially in this day and age in fact it's kind of an epidemic#But you're supposed to learn how to socialize when you're a little tiny baby!!! I don't want to figure this out now I can't even get a job!#Fucking shit that's a lot of words um#Every 6 months I remember that I'm deeply deeply deeply lonely and it's the worst and then I wilfully ignore it until I rediscover it again#Every day I discover a new layer to how utterly wretchedly self loathing my brain is and its the worst#Peeling back a layer of paint and surprise! You've subconsciously thought you were fine being alone because secretly you believe#That it is impossible for you to be anything but alone! Yay!
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lesbiansanemi · 6 months ago
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Bad day. Horrible awful terrible bad day
#there’s not even a reason. nothing bad has actually happened#it just FUCKING SUCKS#I want to walk into a lake and never come back#I want to take my brain out of my skull and throw it at a wall and watch it splatter#I know today sucks because I’m so tense and upset that my back HURTS so fucking bad#cuz when this happens I tense up and my back muscles decide to coil around my spine and squeeze like a starving snake#it’s spreading through my shoulders and even to my chest which is a first#I just 😭😭😭 I want to go home except home also sucks cuz roommate#and I know he’ll be out in a few days but that feels like forever#and I’m so tired and I’m so upset and I want to curl up in a ball and cry and hide from the world#but I’m working a 7 day stretch at my job#and I have to transfer the power and internet to my name sometime before Wednesday#and I’m so sick of takeout the idea of eating it makes me want to vomit but I can’t physically bring myself to cook while they’re there#and I just. ugh. UGH#I’m so sick of existing#why does my life only allow me small handfuls of months at a time#where I’m not living in some form of disaster and stressed to all hell and back and just wanting to lay down and die#what did I do so wrong. what have I done to deserve all this shit#in my short terrible miserable fucking life#whatever I’ll just go home and stare at the wall#and then go to bed and come to work and come to work and come to work there’s always going to work#I’m going to fucking scream I hate my brain#why can’t it just regulate itself in a normal way cuz that’s the thing I know I’m being insane and nothing is actually this bad#but man if it doesn’t fucking feel that way#and being aware I’m being batshit really doesn’t make it better actually I think it makes it worse#kaz rambles
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nametakensff · 4 months ago
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