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trashlie · 2 years ago

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ILY FP 210, 211, 212

WOOOOOOOF I’ve been holding off on writing this post, because I wanted to wait for this whole “episode” to fully come out. Quimchee revealed they were all meant to happen in one episode, but SO MUCH was happening in the episode that it was too long to do as the one. I... kind of wish I hadn’t waited because now there is SO MUCH for me to cover, so I’m going to do my best to keep this organized and coherent.

No lie, these go up there in my top episodes, especially 212. I have a feeling I might have some different feelings than others on this one...? We’ll see, I’m keen to hear how all of you are thinking and feeling about it. To me, these episodes really encapsulate a good 80% of the plot that we’ve been dealing with, and there’s some good reveals in here that have been a LONG time coming. I think everything is set up now for the time skip to come, and especially after all the events that transpired this arc (remember how this all started out so many moons ago with Nol going to the company Christmas party? That feels like it was years ago to what is happening now!) I am BEYOND excited to see what the time skips have in store for us!

Anyway, before I start spoiling things, let’s get into it!

Well and truly, I love this arc! It’s really capture so much of the story this bigger story has centered on - the relationship between Nol and Kousuke. This isn’t the root of the story, of course, but it’s a significant portion of what we’ve come to read for, I think, and I cannot tell you how much I love seeing the characters verbally acknowledge things they’ve swept under a rug.

212 felt especially raw to me - Kousuke’s confessions are tragic in the way of too little too late, and the realization that Nol was never against him, that he was always on the same side, that they could have been an incredible team may come to haunt him. That acknowledgement of his that nobody really liked him - no one else but the one person he had demeaned and devalued until he was truly nobody - really hit me like a sucker punch. I truly thought these were truths Kousuke wouldn’t be able to reach until he lost more, like his job or his sense of self, but I guess we can argue that he’s lost a lot of his sense of self; from the moment he punched Nol, it’s clear that he’s dissociating. That also serves to tell us how important this moment is for Kousuke, what it means to him, what Nol means to him.

Now, I’ll be upright honest with you guys, because I think this is where the difference of opinions will come in. I really enjoy stories with this kind of element of hatred and care so intricately interlaced in family or friends. There’s something about this sense of care being overwritten by jealousy so scathing it mutates into resentment and hatred and loathing. The way these two feelings battle out, the way ugly emotions are so strong they come to eclipse any hope for warmth. Idk it’s intriguing to me, it creates a compelling story.

And in Kousuke’s case, it is! A running theory has been that Kousuke treats Shinae the way he does because he is, subconsciously, treating her how he wishes he’d treated Nol. As the story went on and Kousuke’s ugliness started to come out more and more and his paranoia began to consume him, I think it was probably difficult for many to find credence in this theory - that there was no way Kousuke could have cared about Nol and transferred it to Shinae when he treated Nol how he did but I’m still here for the theory. It’s just that Kousuke’s ugliness was so strong, overwhelming, it eclipsed anything else.

Now I’m not saying I think Kousuke loves Nol or thinks of him as a brother, but rather I think deep down, he understood they were connected. As a child, Nol was the only person who didn’t treat Kousuke like an object - like a puppet or rich vending machine or influence to be gained. But how could Kousuke allow himself to think so favorably of Nol when he was so deeply rooted in jealousy?

This is what I find especially intriguing about their dynamic. Something I talk about a lot is that Nol and Kousuke are both the products of abuse - Kousuke is the way he is due to neglect and manipulation, and in turn he took that out on Nol. I’ve seen people say Kousuke doesn’t make sense to them, but he DOES and this episode really drove that home and confirmed a lot of things I’d felt.

Kousuke’s treatment of Nol all stems from Rand and his affair. Let’s look at it from Kousuke’s perspective. He has a father who is never around, and when he is he’s busy and always puts his career first. He rarely joins them for family time, there’s a rift between him and his wife. All young Kousuke wants is for his father to spend time with him, to be around, to notice him. His mother tells him things - if he’s a good boy Father will pay attention; if he wants his father’s attention he needs to be just like him; if he wants Father to care to notice he must be exactly like him. But his mother also says other thing - that there’s someone else, money is being wired to someone. At school people murmur similar things.

All he wants is his father’s approval, his father’s pride, his father’s attention, his father’s time. He must not be good enough, yet. He must not matter, yet. He’ll make sure he does, though. He’ll do exactly what his mother says, he’ll buckle down just like she tells him, he’ll make sure to become the perfect son that his father can be proud of.

So you can understand, then, why the discovery that the murmurs are true, that there’s another family, would shatter him the way it did, why it remains a point of breaking for him even as an adult, why he never really reconciles his father’s affair. How is it that the man who has no time for him or their family, had enough time to create a second family? Why was he so undeserving of his time? Why was he so undeserving of his attention?

And it rooted deep inside him, right in the core of his foundation. This other boy who describes his father as someone who couldn’t possibly be the same man as his father - a funny man, a kind man. That is not the father Kousuke knows, so why does this other child know him? (Never mind that this child has also never met that version of his father.) It all stems from that: a craving for something he’s never received.

Kousuke’s whole speech about how there was only one kind, sweet, generous, funny person in his life was the very person he attacked and tore down hit me HARD. His admission of fear, that he ACTUALLY ADMITTED TO BEING SCARED, that he’ll never be good enough for Rand, that nothing he would ever do would make him worthy of his attention actually hurt. This is the kind of thing I’ve been wanting Kousuke to acknowledge and embrace, because it’s the one thing that has been fueling and propelling him. He doesn’t do this job because he’s passionate about it - he does it because he’s still vying for love and attention. He didn’t forsake his childhood because he was above it - he literally sacrificed it for his father. Regardless of what you think about Kousuke now, it has to be acknowledged that he, too, has suffered. And let’s not pretend that Yui truly believed that Kousuke could win Rand’s affection this way - it still feels like it was a game for her, a manipulation to turn him into someone she could use to get her way, a puppet if you will. It’s fucking sad to think that he gave up everything because he was so determined to earn his father’s love, that his love and attention was believed to be so conditional he had to make himself worthy of it.

“I hate you for making me aware this person exists. And I hate your face being a constant reminder of it.”

So many times, Kousuke has berated Nol for his playful, joking behavior, for seeming so lax and carefree. I’d always thought it was jealousy that he didn’t have that kind of life, that he wasn’t allowed it - and that probably is still a part of it - but now we know that when Yeonggi laughed and played around, he was a vision of a version of Rand Kousuke had never known, a spitting image of a man Kousuke didn’t even know could exist.

And as Nol points out, it was all for naught. All of Kousuke’s jealousy and his fear, tearing down Nol so that he could instead get to know that version of Rand. All of it was for naught, because who knows if that man even exists? It seems like only one person ever knew her, and who’s to know if she didn’t make him up. Kousuke has spent his entire life - sacrificed his childhood, accelerated himself through school, forsook any fun or leisure - on a quest for a man who probably doesn’t exist, for something he’ll never achieve. He spent his whole life tearing down someone innocent trying to get to something he’ll never have.

I really thought it would take for Kousuke to lose it all, to stumble in his career before he’d realize it, but here he is.

But on the other side of that, we have Nol. Nol, who also lost - and lost more than Kousuke did. Nol who was isolated and alienated, Nol who tried time and time again to reach out and create a connection, and was refused every time. Nol who suffered under Kousuke and Yui’s watch over and over. Nol, who despite it all, still tried to treat Kousuke well, still tried to give him a chance, still tried to reach out to him at his most desperate.

I think that really illustrates something important: an understanding that there is a reason for Kousuke’s behavior and his paranoia, where it comes from, but that reason doesn’t justify. I can acknowledge both that Kousuke absolutely is the product of his environment and that he has been an asshole about it lol. Idk I can admit that my intrigue in his has grown a LOT.

These episodes have just tapped into something so deep that I love about this series - that our experiences heavily color our interpersonal relationships, as well as our relationships with our own selves. Nol notes that he, too, suffered, he, too, lost, he has been alone and alienated and despite it all he still tried, and he still attempted to be a good person, in contrast to Kousuke who let his suffering turn him into an asshole. It was kind of a hard-to-read moment, because Nol spoke the truth, and as much as I feel for Kousuke, Nol is right. Because he never attempted to deal with those ugly feelings, because he never chose to face them, because he instead wore them as armor, it became his identity, he became an asshole through those experiences. Had there ever been a moment that he could have met Nol in the middle, that he could have put aside his jealousy, that he could have turned off his Rand blinders, he could have seen what Nol was able to see earlier and more clearly. And isn’t that sad? They could have been a great team, they could have had each others’ back in a world where no one else did, they could have been there for each other, but Kousuke couldn’t cross that line.

Again, I fully acknowledge that Kousuke is the way he is because of those experiences. I acknowledge that this is the wake up call he needed, that he was forced to finally reckon with the truth.

But I also worry what will come of Kousuke as a result of Rand’s arrival. Is he going to backpedal? Is this going to short-circuit something and push him to double down, or is it going to free him?

Kousuke has spent his entire life trying to earn Rand’s favor, to earn his attention. Everything he has done has been an angle to get closer to his father. Like, when you break it all down, that’s the sad, basic truth. He was a child who so desperately wanted his father’s attention that his life became about that. And here comes Rand, showing up when it looks like Kousuke is running away. Rand who never had time for him, Rand who didn’t shower him with warmth and affection.

Rand who showed up and wailed “My son” in response to Nol.

That whole scene honestly hurts me. Nol is hurt, Rand is anguished and horrified, and Kousuke? Kousuke finally witnessing his father show a fatherly side - and it wasn’t for him. And not only that but Rand might not even believe that Kousuke was trying to get help, that he attempted to get Nol up but couldn’t. And does it even matter when the truth is that Kousuke DID cause this? I can’t imagine it was his intention - I don’t think his mind went “punch Nol and he’ll fall over the railing” as much as Nol tried to leave and Kousuke reacted on that. But the point still stands: even if it wasn’t his intention, this is still ultimately his fault. Nol goaded him on and played a part, but Kousuke was the hand that acted.

I fear that this will ruin what little relationship Kousuke has with Rand - and it’s a fear because it means Kousuke could swing in two wholly opposite directions. Does he double-down and return to the side of his mother, the only family member who has made him feel like someone’s child? I don’t think he’s at the point where he can extricate himself from the family, as good as it would be. And I worry that if that’s the case, will he double back down on his treatment and resentment of Nol? For this one moment, he saw that they were equals, that they both had a broken, shitty relationship with Rand. And then Rand showed up, showing that paternal side Kousuke has longed for.

As much as I WANT Kousuke to hold on to that moment, I don’t know that he can. I think the cracks have formed and I think his fragile reality is crumbling faster, but I fear he’ll retreat back into the “comfort” of the world he knows.

Here’s the thing about Kousuke: on some level he knows. He knows that Yui isn’t great, he knows that she has done awful things, he knows that Nol did no wrong, he knows that Rand will probably never change. But these are such uncomfortable truths and he has spent his life propped up by a false reality. This was pointed out by AugmentedElle on reddit, but look at the difference in Kousuke’s flashbacks. Look at the memory in 210 vs 212. The flashback in 210 is the strongest, most vibrant memory we’ve yet seen. Ordinarily they’re in some kind of grey scale, or at least muted colors, sometimes with spot color like in Shinae’s. In Nol and Kousuke’s flashbacks thus far, we’ve seen those muted colors or alterations - Nessa’s face appearing scribbled out in Kousuke’s memories, just as in 212. The use of color suggests that the memory in 210 is, quite possibly, fabricated. It starts out with Kousuke dazed, unable to remember what just happened, and Yui comes in and tells him he won’t have to see that boy for a long time. It feels like something happened - that perhaps Kousuke did something (the huffing that parallels his huffing after he punches Nol in the current story) and blocked it out or whited out and Yui came in and gave him an iteration of the story. It’s the strongest memory because it didn’t come from him - because it was filled in and colored in by someone else. The whole time we’ve thought Nol had perhaps been pushed to the bring, that Kousuke instigated a fight and Nol snapped, but maybe it was never Nol. Maybe the whole time Kousuke has associated Nol with danger and violence - because he was wired to think that way. That whatever happened and lead to that moment was so traumatic he doesn’t have the real memory, and instead carries a fabrication.

And that is essentially the basis of Kousuke’s entire life. Regardless of intent, Yui does manipulate Kousuke. She says things knowing full-well the effect they’ll have. Consider that moment with Nol and Nessa vs Yui in Kousuke’s flashback in 212. He watches Nessa blow raspberries on Nol’s cheek, a warm and silly exchange full of so much love and care - and then he looks up at Yui, who wears her maternal mask, shadows falling eerie over her face. Doesn’t it feel so much like she set this up? Doesn’t it feel like she knew Nessa and Nol would be around? She fills his head with things like “the only way to get your father’s attention is to be just like him” and “we’re not like other families we’re so special” and “isn’t it just so wonderful that rand at least has enough time to eat with us”? That’s not vouching for Rand - that’s passive aggression towards Rand and creating an idea of who Rand is - that Rand unwittingly lives up to. Despite speaking of the affair in front Kousuke, she turns and tells him that “Your father values us too much, he would never do such a thing” - a blatant lie that only plays into that feeling Kousuke wears that he’s been cheated, that there exists a version of his father that has been denied to him. Nessa tells Nol that Rand was a kind, sweet, generous, funny man. Yui tells Kousuke that Rand is anything but funny and he has no time for jokes. Maybe both are true, but Nol’s unintentionally makes a point about how Yui speaks of Kousuke’s father, vs how Yui spoke of Nol’s father. Why would a parent speak ill of the other parent -- if not to make the child see them that way.

(She also tells him there’s nothing she hates more than people who don’t take things seriously, and well, look at how Kousuke came out.)

There’s a fragile cognitive dissonance between what Kousuke knows to be true - that is, the reality that has been shaped by his experiences and Yui’s manipulation - vs actual reality, and we’ve seen this a number of times when various events threaten that tentative balance. Kousuke at the club, angry and paranoid, is aware of what people really think of him. Deep down he knows people don’t see him as great, as an honorable gentleman. Deep down he knows he’s a selfish, judgmental asshole, but it doesn’t fit the fabricated reality he believes in, so it only comes out in his paranoia. He knows that Nol is like him, that he didn’t have the love Kousuke coveted, that he tried to get by quietly, but Kousuke’s fear and paranoia still thought of him as the boy who had earned the love that Kousuke couldn’t, and that made him a threat. He knows what kind of person Yui is and has tried to draw boundaries, but he’s still told her things about Nol that she could act on, because he knows what she is capable of. When people or events fracture that reality, he struggles and lashes out, because he needs that reality to keep it together, but it’s crumbling fast.

Between the phone call with Rand and the moment that Rand shows up on the scene - what is the state of Kousuke’s reality? Is it crumbling? Is he trying to stuff the crumbling rocks back into the foundation? Will he retreat to his mother, the only one who can keep the tint of his rose colored glasses or will he be forced to face reality for what it really is? I wish it would be the latter, but I just don’t know if he’s ready for it yet. I don’t know if he can face that which he’s run from this whole time just yet.

As for Nol, woooooooof. What a fucking NIGHT. To think - THIS IS HIS GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. On the one hand, I think, maybe this can give him some kind of peace. He’s finally gotten a piece of Kousuke’s mind, he finally knows how Kousuke sees him, what he thinks of him, and what motivated him all these years. Maybe with this knowledge, Nol will be able to walk away in peace. He doesn’t have to wonder anymore. He knows where he stands - and where he’s always stood - and I think he’s made it clear that he’s drawn his line. He is done, he is finished, with all of them. If Kousuke can find his way to the other side of the line, then good for him, but Nol has no intention of trying to bring him over anymore.

I do think there’s a lot of room for them to reconcile in the future - when Nol’s raw anger has maybe ebbed, when Kousuke has found himself and learned to stand on his own ground, rather than prop himself up by his fabricated reality. But they are far from there. I’ve said before that I had a feeling maybe we’ll see the three main characters reunite in the time skip as adults after having gone separate ways, and that feeling still lingers. Nol has made it clear that he still wants to get away - and frankly I think he needs to. I wish he’d say so much to his friends, I wish he’d tell them where they stand. I feel so bad for Shinae, who went through so much grief and angst and really put herself out there to bring him back, to get her closure - and then when she had it and was ready to let him go, he insisted on staying. For him to turn around and leave like that again, after everything she told him, after the ways she opened up to herself, god that must hurt a lot. I guess on the one hand, she got the closure she wanted but.... it wasn’t even that long ago that Nol was making jabs at Kousuke for abandoning his friends, and there he goes doing it a SECOND time.

There’s a piece I’d love to give more time and thought to - that maybe all along, on a deep, subconscious level, Kousuke feared Nol leaving and that’s why he’s always acted when Nol was on the leave. If Nol leaves he’ll be truly alone. If Nol goes, there is truly no one left who ever liked him, who ever saw any value in him. This post is already long enough, so I’ll try to spit that out later this week, if I can. I think it’s not a coincidence that Kousuke punched Nol as he was leaving, that he didn’t bring himself to do it when Nol promised he’d leave, just as he let Yui know Nol was planning to leave. Maybe he doesn’t recognize it yet, but I think Kousuke is terrified of being left alone and Nol escaping without him.

Like I said, more on that later, but it’s an important point that I think ties in really well with this relationship Kousuke has towards Nol. It’s complicated, fucked up, toxic, and messy, and it needs a LOT of untangling by professional help. But I do think these last episodes really set something up for Nol and Kousuke’s future - as much as there is so much resentment and anger between them, there’s a mutual sense of longing, of needing each other to fill a void: for Nol, he sought out a brother in Kousuke, a companion against the adults in their lives; for Kousuke, that knowledge that Nol, too, had suffered that neglect, and was the only person who had ever truly liked him. I think one day when that anger has died, when they’ve made peace and hopefully worked on themselves, when Kousuke has freed himself, I think there’s a chance they will be able to reconcile. Like I said, maybe they’ll never be family to each other; there’s so much damage there, it’s really possible that can never be undone. But I think at some point, at least, they will see themselves on the same side, rather than each other.

#I Love Yoo #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Brainrot #Nol #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlainn #Kousuke Hirahara #Rand #Yui Hirahara #one day I'll replace my Rand tag with his full name but I can never remember it #lol as you can see this is v v heavy on the brothers and their relationship with each other #i want to maybe do a post later where i point out little individual bits i've enjoyed in these episodes or little details that stuck out to #I REALLY want to write more about their dynamic as brothers but woooof we'll see if i wind up finding the time to write everything i want ;A #i just feel SO STRONGLY about this current arc it's EVERYTHING i've been waiting for and i just have so many thoughts that are all over the #place and it's sooooo had to wrangle them into one place!!!!!!!!!#(I think this is why I like when people send asks - it helps me concentrate on one point lol)#Basically I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about the content quimchee is feeding us the insight into Kousuke i have been DESPERATE #for this part of Rand the continued hints to Yui and Kousuke's relationship #and yknow even if you don't like a character (at least for me personally) i can often still find empathy #and man i feel for Kousuke in this one #all these truths he's finally releasing all these fears he's facing and one that literally materializes in front of him????#holy shit that's gotta hurt ouchies for EVERYONE #CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS ALL ON NOL'S BIRTHDAY?!#CAN YOU BELIEVE HIS LAST NIGHT BEFORE PRISON HIS FUCKING BIRTHDAY IS GOING DOWN LIKE THIS?!#jesus CHRIST #ILY Commentary

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simseri · 3 years ago

Photo

The very first custom content I’ve ever made! I recolored the Elysium rug into pastel, patterned colors, that I think would work well in like a children's room? Or bathroom??

- Base Game Compatible (base game mesh)

- 211 kb

- 8 Swatches

Terms of Use: Please do not credit this as your own. Re-shares are allowed but must include credit to me and a link to my tumblr post of the content.

Download: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1m2QNM_kP21SB_3F6CPsZY2EoD2ZyQqLW/view?usp=sharing

#sims 4 #sims 4 custom content #sims 4 cc #sims 4 recolor #sims4 recolors #sims 4 cc recolors #sims 4 furniture #sims 4 cc carpet #sims 4 rugs #thesims4 #the sims 4 cc #sims 4 mm cc #sims 4 alpha cc

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valentinerose529 · 2 years ago

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About Me

Hello there, stranger! Welcome to my blog.

I’d love to curl up in a blanket fort and write fun little stories about fun little characters, but unfortunately life insists otherwise and so I must suffer through writer’s block and cold coffee.

~⊱──────ˏˋ ❀ ˊˎ──────⊰~

Basics:

I go by Val or Valentine!

she/her pronouns unless something else is funnier

I’m an adult but idc how old you are to interact

astonishingly scatterbrained

American

rural mountain girl, sometimes I talk about homesteading

fiction writer and occasional poet

artist, sometimes

roleplayer and beginner TTRPGer

#val rambles is what I tag my own posts with, so I can keep track of the posts that are mine and what’s just a scrapbook of all the cool posts I’ve seen

#my fanfiction and #my writing are for, you guessed it, my works!

#CWWRD is the existing tag for my Merlin fanfic WIP, Caught in the Wagon-Wheel Ruts of Destiny. It's currently on hold as I have hit yet another writing block. I'll get back to it once I toss a rug over this glaring plot hole...

~⊱──────ˏˋ ❀ ˊˎ──────⊰~

Social Media: - Instagram @ ValentineRose529 (mostly for art, barely active) - Archive of Our Own @ ValentineRose529 - Amino Communities + Books And Writing Amino: my profile here (short stories and poetry) + Oc’s Universe Amino: my profile here (character-central writing and art)

If you find anything of mine on a platform that isn’t one of these, it has been plagiarized! Thank you. If you post anything of mine to Pinterest, at least be decent enough to properly link it to me.

~⊱──────ˏˋ ❀ ˊˎ──────⊰~

My published fanworks: (found on AO3)

BBC Merlin:

Athazagoraphobia: a Season 1 divergence. Arthur finds out about Merlin's magic, but he isn't the only one. After Merlin's execution, his ghost stubbornly haunts the Pendragon siblings, refusing to be laid to rest until he sees Arthur on the throne.

Did She Ever Have Such a Thing As Free Will? A canon prequel. A short exploration of Queen Igraine's character and the events leading to Arthur's birth.

Gravity Falls:

Piedmont Anomaly #211: Six months after the infamous summer in Gravity Falls, Dipper rediscovers his video camera and his investigations of "anomalies."

The Seven Deadly Sins | Nanatsu no Taizai:

What's Left of Brotherhood: a post-canon story about Meliodas and Estarossa, trying to work through their feelings of false family and remaining civil for Elizabeth's sake.

(Ongoing) To Wander Lost and Loving: pre-canon. Meliodas vows to avoid Elizabeth for an entire reincarnation's lifespan, only to reuinite with her—and quite a few faces from his past—as she tries to solve a mysterious dark plague ravaging the Holy Knights of the Kingdom of Tintagel.

Kabaneri of the Iron Fortress | Koutetsujou no Kabaneri:

Don't Leave Me to Drown: a fansequel to (AO3) @ Mosstar's merfolk AU. After her brother Ikoma is killed by mermaids, Hatsune is left behind on the surface to continue living with all these painful memories.

And of course, more to come eventually!!

#about me #introduction #intro #intro post #intro blog #pinned #val rambles #my writing #CWWRD

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ladyartemesia · 5 years ago

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▨ Hands-On Learning ▨

•Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Friends-to-Lovers • College (Grad School) AU

Summary: You have - most inconveniently - become obsessed with your dissertation partner’s hands. In an effort to relieve some stress about it, you begin sending texts to your best friend detailing - explicitly - what you want those hands to do to you.

Perhaps you should have checked the number a bit more carefully.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. MINORS PROHIBITED. I DO NOT CONSENT TO ANY INTERACTIONS WITH PERSONS UNDER THE AGE OF 18. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Word Count: 5300

Rating and Warnings: (Explicit/18+) for mature themes, innuendo, and explicit sexual content • unprotected sex • nipple play • use of restraints • there are mirrors • tit slapping...Um. Let me know if I miss something?

Author’s Note: I wrote this in response to my EVER nsfw prompt which was simply “Jungkook’s hands.” I hope you like it!

At one point the reader mentions “Fort Knox” which is one of the most secure facilities in the USA.

This is bad.

“Do you think she’ll actually go through and count all of our sources-”

This is really bad.

“I only have seventeen, but I looked over documents from the medieval period-”

His fingers plowed through those long chocolate locks in frustration and your eyes literally crossed.

This is nuclear winter bad.

“- not many people have written about this specific style of iconography and the last scholar to contribute meaningfully to the field-”

Jungkook absently reached for his pencil and your pulse scattered in panic.

No. Dear sweet heaven please not the pencil -

He twirled it deftly over his knuckles, flicking his wrist casually so it cracked with a sharp little pop.

You clenched. Hard.

“WATER!”

Papers slid in all directions as you abruptly shot out of your seat. Jungkook’s startled gaze darted up to yours.

“A-...are you ok?”

“Yes. Uh yeah. I’m just...thirsty.”

These were the truest words you had ever spoken.

Your sweet, kind, doe-eyed project partner smiled, blissfully unaware of all the ways you were defiling him in your head.

“Kitchen is right around the corner. Help yourself.”

“Mmmhmm,” you squeaked.

A few moments later - in the relative privacy of Jeon Jungkook’s kitchen, you pressed your forehead against his fancy steel fridge and groaned.

Woman, you’re a disgrace.

It wasn’t always like this. You can still remember a time (3 weeks ago) when you were a normal person and not one good knuckle crack away from being an exhibitionist.

School had been a priority for years. You came from a modest family with a modest income, and that meant you needed to work for every opportunity - academically and financially.

So you did.

You worked all the way through undergrad and the first year of a Master’s degree in Museum Studies with few breaks and even fewer encounters with the opposite sex.

And you were fine with that. You had goals - dreams. Sure, you were a tad lonely and routinely stressed, but your friends were amazing and you found yourself oddly ...

Content.

Until Jeon Jungkook wrapped his glorious hands around the proverbial rug and yanked it right out from under you.

At first glance, he posed no true threat. Yes he was gorgeous (you were not legally blind), and well-built, and overwhelmingly polite, but you were no untried novice. If Calculus 211 with Park Jimin hadn’t broken you, then nothing would.

Or so you thought.

Maybe it was his habit of wearing baggy sleeves that hung loosely over his limbs till only the barest hint of fingertips were visible, but your initial impression of the newest addition to your graduate cohort was unmemorable. Your seasoned brain automatically filtered out anything about him that could be a distraction and then blissfully went about its business... totally unaware that there was a torpedo in the water.

No, it wasn’t until Dr. Kim announced dissertation partners that you discovered your fatal error.

“--you’ll be working with Jeon Jungkook.”

The two of you turned to each other across the small lecture hall and exchanged friendly nods. After seminar dismissed, your new partner made his way to your desk.

“Here. Let me give you my number. Text me your availability and I can reserve time in the artifacts lab for us.”

Then it happened.

Jeon Jungkook rolled up his sleeves and your brain unlearned 24 years of human speech.

Holy poo on toast dear GAWD-

His hands were obscene. NSFW. Basically pornographic.

Long fingers with a gentle flair at each knuckle - nicely rounded nails - wide palms - with a hint of bones and veins over the back-

“Um... hello?”

-cleverly inked designs wove up the wrist on the right side -

“...Unless you’re not comfortable-”

-and rings - one on the pinky - both index fingers - oof and the thumb-

“... I mean you don’t have to give me your number-”

-were those chain bracelets?! Who was this man? Who were you? What was your name? How deep could those fingers slide into your-

Why is he walking away?

“Oh sh- WAIT! Jungkook-”

It had only gone downhill from there really.

His hands were just a gateway drug to the rest of him.

Every detail you’d effortlessly ignored was suddenly streaming through your consciousness in high definition.

His smell (something mouthwateringly masculine with a hint of vanilla), his hair (soft brown curls that hung romantically over his eyes), that chest (broad, firm, lickable)-

The man was a full course meal.

And you were starving.

Your libido - too long imprisoned by the shackles of academic excellence - had gone completely feral.

You managed (miraculously) to smooth over the initial malfunction (where you drooled over his hands instead of giving him your number) and establish some sort of work schedule, but in reality, meetings with your dissertation partner quickly turned into a daily exercise in uncontrollable thirst.

Measures needed to be taken.

You were not going to let Jeon Jungkook and his glorious paws destroy years of hard work and self-imposed almost celibacy.

“You need an outlet.”

Jungyeon’s voice interrupted another x-rated day dream you were having about Jungkook slapping your thighs in a public park.

“What kind of outlet?” you sighed mournfully, glaring at your thighs and their notable lack of a Jungkook handprint.

Her words swam about in your head a moment before you processed them fully and wrinkled your nose.

“Please tell me you’re not about to suggest some sweaty liaison with an unwashed townie from the local bar-”

Jungyeon rolled her eyes and flicked you right in the forehead.

“No princess, because I’m not the side character in a 90’s teen movie.”

“Noted,” you mumbled.

“I’m thinking more of a creative outlet. Like... writing.”

“You want me to start composing horny prose?”

“It’s called smut - but whatever. Your dirty little secret could potentially bring much joy to the world - my world specifically.”

“I am... totally lost.”

“Instead of trolling tumblr for hours looking for fantasy fuel - I’ll just use your fantasies as fuel. Text them to me as they come. It’ll be like a dirty subscription service.”

“You’re insane.”

“I’m a genius.”

Jungyeon’s lack of both boundaries and tact aside, she was - in fact - literally a genius (she had the papers and everything) as well as your best friend of 6 years. All it took was one solid stretch from Jungkook during your next brainstorming session and you were scrambling into the bathroom to fire off your first round.

Me: I want Jeon Jungkook to wrap his hands around the back of my neck, press my face into into this table and edge me till I’m screaming-

Jungyeon: I am definitely a genius. Feel better?

Me:... you know what. A little.

And thus began several weeks of what you affectionately referred to as “Kookie porn.”

Some were rather graphic:

Me: I want Jeon Jungkook to rip my sopping panties off and grind my naked clit onto that thigh until his jeans are wet with my cum.

Others were more philosophical in nature:

Me: If I die before licking sweat off Jeon Jungkook’s abs, did I ever really live?

And some were oddly specific:

Me: I want to run my tongue over every vein in Jeon Jungkook’s hands and forearms while he licks whipped cream off my tits.

Jungyeon was living her best life and would wait with unconcealed glee for your meetings so she could “have some more Kookies.”

The texts, however, were but a band-aid on a bullet wound. They weren’t enough. Every time he smiled, or looked at you with that soft sparkly expression, or said something extremely intelligent (because of course he’s intelligent) the insistent throbbing in your lady bits would intensify till you were forced to seek immediate relief (like when you had to subtly grind a table leg in the artifacts lab yesterday after Jungkook used the bottom of his shirt to wipe off a water bottle and nearly murdered you with a flash of his cut lines.)

But the worst part. The absolute worst part was the sneaking suspicion that your fixation was not simply sexual. The more you genuinely enjoyed him as a person, the less effective your lurid texts became...

And now here you were - hiding in his kitchen with wet cotton sticking uncomfortably between your legs and no relief in sight.

Grumbling irritably, you fished out your phone and prepared to serve Jungyeon a steamy Kookie fresh from your oven of debauchery.

Me: I want Jeon Jungkook to tie me to his dining room chair. I want him to rip my shirt in half, slap my tits and suck my nipples till I scream-

The fantasy in your head crystallized at an alarming rate. Your fingers could barely keep up with the filth you were imagining.

Me: I want him to hike my skirt up and flick my clit through my soaked panties till there are literally tears streaming down my cheeks.

Me: I want to watch as he sinks those fingers into my pussy. I want him to bend me back and work them in my cunt till I can’t remember my own name.

Me: I want him to split me in half with his cock and smack my ass till I can’t sit down. I wanna see every place that man’s hands have been on my skin.

Your body was aching. Tormented. The texts that had once been a pressure valve were now actively ramping up the pressure. Whimpering in frustration, you smashed the send button and jammed the phone back in your pocket - ready to once again face the source of your misery when-

da-ding

The entire bottom dropped directly out of your reality.

You knew that sound.

It was the sound you heard each time you collected a coin in Super Mario. More importantly -

It was your sound.

The sound Jungkook had programmed into his phone as your text alert when he discovered you were a die hard Nintendo nerd.

And now...

It was the sound of your universe imploding.

With shaking hands you drew your phone out to confirm the terrible truth that deep down you had already acknowledged.

You hadn’t texted Jungyeon.

You had texted Jungkook.

For a moment - an impossibly brief moment - you entertained the idea that he would simply ignore the message and continue on with his search for sources on 11th century iconography-

But no.

A faint but excruciatingly clear gasp carried into the kitchen.

It was the gasp of a man who has just discovered that his dissertation partner wants him to “split her in half with his cock.”

Run. Run away now. Change your name. Move to Madagascar.

Your eyes darted frantically over your surroundings - searching desperately for a means of escape.

Why does this man live in Fort Knox?!

There was one window in the entire room - directly above the sink. There’s no question of whether you’re willing to climb over the sink to get out of here. Of course you are. You would vault a shark if it meant freedom from Jungkook’s maximum security kitchen.

You had one foot in the sink (the other dangled precariously in mid-air) and were just about to crawl out into your very own version of the Shawshank Redemption when two large hands wrapped around your waist and hauled you back with embarrassingly little effort.

It took a moment for you to realize that Jungkook had neatly thrown you over his shoulder like a sack of flour. Your brain filled with white noise. You wondered - absently- if you could master astral projection between here and wherever he planned to drop you.

Probably not.

An indignant squeak slipped out when your rear hit the dining room chair, but your eyes remained glued to your knees, unable to meet the gaze of the innocent soul you had no doubt traumatized.

For one breathless instant everything was oddly suspended... Then - a single finger pressed firmly beneath your jaw, bringing you face to face with Jeon Jungkook at last.

“I must say...” he drawled thoughtfully, letting his gaze drift over you with lazy intent, “This comes as somewhat of a surprise given your... history.”

He was close. Too close. Close enough that his scent - that familiar mix of sunshine and vanilla - was making your mouth water.

And he definitely wasn’t traumatized.

Or innocent.

You gulped.

In fact, the man before you looked like a sex-drenched rock star; just raw charisma wrapped in tats and solid muscle.

“O-oh?”

Jungkook grinned.

“Stuttering? That’s cute coming from the woman who wants me to-” (he made a show of pulling out his phone to check) “split her in half with my cock.”

And there it is.

“I obviously didn’t mean to send ... that - to you.”

“Oh - I knew that even before I caught you climbing out my window,” he chuckled, “speaking of which-”

His arms unfolded and your eyes bulged near out of their sockets.

A jump rope - the one you knew was hanging on the wall near the kitchen when you first walked in earlier - was now wrapped loosely around his wrist. You barely had time to process that he must have grabbed it somewhere between receiving your text and yanking you out of the sink when-

“Are you - are you tying me up?!”

“You seem surprised,” Jungkook whispered softly against your ear (causing you to shiver embarrassingly). “That was the request you submitted - was it not?”

“Besides,” he leaned back to inspect his handiwork, “we can’t have you trying to jump out another window. This is really for your own safety.”

You opened your mouth to say something - actual words - but all that came out was a squeaky sort of wheeze-

Jungkook continued to regard you in smug amusement.

“You know you’re somewhat of a legend on campus... They call you the unbreachable babe-”

You rolled your eyes.

“And they wonder why I won’t sleep with them.”

“-the pristine princess-”

“Points for alliteration.”

“-the white whale-”

“Someone called me a WHALE?!”

Jungkook snorted.

“It’s a Moby Dick reference.”

“Everything is a dick reference with men,” you muttered, wiggling against the jump rope. “You know you can’t just go around tying women to chairs against their-”

“Against their will?” he finished with a devilish grin. Slowly he lowered himself down in front of you till you were eye to eye.

“I suppose it’s a good thing I have your written permission right here then.”

His breath teased across your lips a moment before he moved his mouth to the shell of your ear and wrapped his arm across the back of your shoulders - bringing the phone to you “Why not read it for me, hmm?”

“I - no I can’t I-” your words stumbled as he scraped his teeth over your earlobe.

“Do it,” he growled.

The rough timbre of his command shot a hot spark of pleasure to your already drenched core. You could not remember ever being so exquisitely on edge.

“I ... want Jeon Jungkook to-” your breath caught as the heat of his free hand crept over your torso, “to tie me to his dining room chair-”

“Check,” he whispered, letting the words brush along your neck. “Go on.”

“I want him to rip-“ his fingers slid further up your chest, “oh gawd” - your breaths were coming in faster - every word stuttered out like a broken whimper - “rip my shirt in half, s-slap my tits and -”

Jungkook fisted one sinful hand in the material of your collar and yanked. Buttons flew in all directions as the cool air flooded over your skin.

“You drive me absolutely crazy,” he muttered, letting his eyes linger on the black lace bra you’d thrown on because all the others were dirty. “But you don’t look past your books, and every guy you’ve ever shot down in cold blood knows it.”

His hands - sweet fiery heavens - his hands came up to palm your breasts and you moaned aloud - arching forward shamelessly. Your dignity was long gone at this point and you had no desire to retrieve it now.

Jeon Jungkook finally had his hands on your tits and you weren’t going to miss a single second of it.

“Please-” you whimpered. His long fingers kneaded into the soft mounds with perfect pressure- - you could feel the weight of his rings through the lace.

“I never thought I’d get to do this,” his thumb brushed roughly over your peak and you jerked against the rope with an involuntary whine.

“You have no idea what you do to me, woman,” he sighed heavily - letting the heat of his breath tease the lace on your nipple a moment before he mouthed over it with the wet heat of his tongue, “but I have so many ideas about what I’m going to do to you.”

Your back bowed up until the rope pulled taunt against the chair - the ache in your center swelled uncontrollably.

It had been so long. You were so sensitive - too sensitive.

“J-Jungkook I - Ah! Oh my go-”

He switched to the other breast without warning and unleashed the same exquisite torment until you were grinding your thighs together.

“Frustrated?”

You shot him a look that was half desperate, half incensed and he raised a single eyebrow.

Jeon Jungkook knew a challenge when he saw one.

His teeth closed over your cloth covered peak for the briefest instant - sending a sharp spike of pleasure-tinged pain directly to your clit.

You screamed - the throbbing in your cunt became nearly unbearable as you clenched reflexively around nothing.

“You sound so pretty, sweetness,” he praised gently - letting his lips soothe the abused tip. “Let me give you what you want...”

His fingers curled over the edge of your cups and tugged hard until you spilled out over the top.

Wow.

Jungkook felt his heart contract painfully in his chest.

He studied works of art - masterpieces - for a living - but looking at you - tied to his chair with the soft, bare swells of your breasts presented to him like Christmas morning - he would swear he’d never seen anything so beautiful in all his life

You weren’t just sexy - you were smart, fiery, driven. He had never wanted a woman so badly - not just your body - but you. He’d never been possessive, but just the thought of you stirred something downright uncivilized within him. He wanted you in his clothes. In his bed. Covered in his touch.

He fought it every day - raged against it while you sat in seminar taking notes in your cute little nerd outfits like a living breathing librarian wet dream.

When Professor Kim paired you together it was the best and worst moment of his life. It kicked off three solid weeks of increasingly more desperate attempts to hide his persistent arousal anytime you were within 5 feet of him... There were several very close calls - like the time he randomly yanked his gym bag onto his lap in the middle of the library for no apparent reason. But you gave no indication of recognizing his bizarre behavior. (In fact you had zoned out completely because you were watching his hands fiddle with the zipper on the bag - so much so that you spilled your water bottle down the front of your white t-shirt which led to Jungkook disappearing - gym bag and all - into the restroom for a few minutes.)

He knew it was hopeless.

His new friends were all too eager to tell him of the many men who - even with completely honorable intentions - had tried and failed miserably.

And yet...here you were. Mewling for his touch like a needy little princess.

He respected your boundaries. You made it clear you weren’t interested in dating - in anything of that nature for the foreseeable future, so he never flirted, never asked you for coffee, never reached for your hand across the table the way he ached to more often than not…

But the moment he read your text, everything changed.

You wanted him (and pretty desperately too, if your depraved fantasies were any indication). Jungkook could feel the familiar hardness building below his waist, but he brushed any thought of immediate relief to the side.

He might never get another shot at this. He had to make it count.

Stretching forward, he cupped the generous curves of your breasts - testing their weight in his grasp. His gaze devoured you greedily and you could feel yourself blooming under his focused heat. There were no thoughts beyond this second - this moment - and the desperate - all consuming desire for more. More of this - more of his touch - more of his attention. You needed it - craved it till you were whining breathlessly - pushing up into him like a purring cat when-

Smack.

You hissed in mindless pleasure as his palm connected sharply with your tits.

“Is this what you wanted, sweetness?”

Smack.

Your mouth shot open but no sound - save your soft, strangled gasps - emerged. He used just the right amount of force to send you reeling. Your sopping panties flooded anew with each exquisite impact.

Smack.

“You want me to mark these perfect tits?”

Smack.

A primitive growl rumbled deep in his chest as he watched them bounce - mesmerized.

Suddenly his hands were soothing the sore red flesh with tender strokes. His mouth hovered over your hardened peaks - teasing his lips against them and stirring up tiny delicious sparks of heat in the pit of your stomach.

“I must have pictured you like this a thousand times,” he whispered, “and still nothing ever came close.”

His eyes darted up to meet yours as he flicked out his tongue to wet the swollen tip of your nipple. Your throbbing inner walls fluttered in helpless anticipation as he drew it entirely into his mouth. The obscene visual of Jeon Jungkook suckling one breast while his sinful hands cupped and stimulated the other was lifted directly from your most pervasive fantasies.

Your body bowed against the restraints again as waves of delicious sensation jolted over you.

He was relentless - showering each side with near worshipful attention while your cunt clenched desperately around nothing.

“Jungkook,” you sobbed, “please I-”

All at once he surged forward - gently soothing the sides of your jaw with his thumb. His forehead rested intimately against yours - almost - but not quite- touching your mouth to his.

“What now, sweetness?”

The words whispered teasingly across your lips sending shivers over your arms and into your chest from that one tentative point of contact

You were completely sunk for this man and he was determined to prove it.

“What is it you want?” he coaxed. His voice was soft - indulgent. You were entirely in his power, but he had offered you this one last reprieve.

You knew what the consequences would be if you answered.

“I- I need your hands.”

He grinned.

“Where do you need them, hmm?” His fingers brushed lightly over your knees.

“Higher-”

He slid them up a inch or two further.

“Jungkook!”

“Tell me,” he whispered against your neck, “tell me where you want my hands.”

“Please...please put your hands... on my pussy.”

“Such a good girl for me.”

You couldn’t resist the warmth of his praise. It curled through you like liquid sunshine, washing away the last threads of your resistance.

Some things were more important - even than school.

His fingers traced the sodden outline of your slit and you moaned- pressing forward desperately toward relief.

“Already so wet,” he marveled. “Is this all for me?”

You nodded frantically and Jungkook delivered a harsh flick directly to your clit. The shock of pleasure had you reeling back so hard that the chair scraped across the floor.

“I can’t hear you, sweetness.”

“You-” you sobbed incoherently, “its all for you - please-”

Jungkook rewarded you with a radiant smile and you’d swear you were twice as wet now,

“Then you won’t mind if I have a taste?” he chuckled.

Deep, open-mouthed kisses suddenly spread over your core - directly through your panties. The sensation was so foreign and unspeakably lewd that your hips began to shake from the intensity of it. Large hands wrapped around your calves, forcing you to endure his leisurely pleasuring until the emptiness in your cunt became truly unbearable.

“Ah! Gawd - I can’t - I-” Tears burned at the corner of your eyes. Jungkook gave your ruined panties one last indulgent lick before yanking them off entirely.

The anticipation of what was coming next was slowly killing you - but if this was going to happen - there was one thing you desperately needed.

“My skirt - take my skirt off I want-”

Jungkook drew back, tilting his head expectantly. “Oh?”

You felt your cheeks begin to heat, but at this point - nothing would come between you and the realization of your ultimate daydream. Not when you were already tied up with your legs open and your tits out.

“I want to see your hands. When you...I want to see them in me.”

You could tell the moment Jungkook put all the pieces together. A strange light of realization sparked in his eyes as his gaze shifted between his hands, your face and then back to his hands again.

I want to see every place that man’s hands have been on my body.

“Well, well, well,” he snorted softly - then his palms smacked down on your thighs and the sting made you yelp guiltily. “Anything for you, sweetness.”

There was such a playfulness to his dominant aura. He had your body at his mercy, but there was unconcealed affection there.

Affection for you.

The realization set your heart fluttering along with your cunt and Jungkook's gaze immediately snapped back to the glistening core. Your skirt pooled messily around your ankles now and the picture you presented was markedly erotic.

“Look at this pretty pink pussy, sweetness,” he hummed, running one ringed thumb over your swollen labia - carefully avoiding your needy clit. You were just about to literally die when one lone index finger slid into your drenched channel - all the way up to the knuckle.

It’s been so long since anything but your own inadequate digits have been inside you this way. The foreign feel of him, combined with the erotic visual of his veiny hand pressed lewdly to your center, hit your nervous system like a shot of pure adrenaline.

“Your tiny cunt is so tight,” he hissed, slowly pistoning his finger in and out of your core.

He added a second finger and you whimpered at the stretch. “How will you take my cock if you’re this tight, sweetness? When your greedy little hole can barely handle two of my fingers?”

You couldn’t look away, the sight of those fingers disappearing inside of you only to reappear covered in your slick was hypnotic. The crude sound of your wetness clapping against his hand with every thrust was completely debauched. You could hear his tempo increase as well as see it and your body writhed helplessly, mewling erratically as the sensation continued to build. You were hurtling toward the edge and he knew it.

His free hand clamped around the back of your neck keeping your gaze focused on the place where he breached you. “You want to cum on my fingers, baby?” His thumb (finally) flicked your clit and you jolted hard.

“Yes - yes please-” you gasped.

His lips closed over your throbbing nub the same moment the two fingers in your sopping cunt curled up to press that spot. Lurid squeals tore from you as your body thrashed in an attempt to absorb pleasure that sharp and acute.

“Jung-jungkook-ah!”

You were wailing his name. He offered no escape from the escalating spikes of sensation - suckling your clit and pounding into your cunt without mercy all the way up until the moment you shattered.

Your mouth flew open in a silent scream as wave after wave of exquisite release poured through your body. Jungkook whispered filthy praises against your spasming pussy as he gently worked you through the height of it - licking away the messy flood of your cum like nectar from the sweetest source.

Then he was kissing you - slamming his lips onto yours like a man with nothing to lose and everything to win. He kissed you with unrestrained adoration and you opened to him eagerly - drunk in a haze of your own pleasure with a heady mix of your essence and a flavor distinctly his own heating up between your mouths. You could kiss him forever. You never wanted to stop.

“I swear-” he murmured when your lips broke away to taste his razor-sharp jawline, “there were days I thought I would die if I couldn’t have you.”

“Have me, then,” you breathed, scraping your teeth over the tender flesh of his neck. “Take me, now.”

The logistics of how you ended up in his room were mostly unclear (there was a lot of tugging and untying and yanking of shirts over heads…)

However, most significant aspect of the whole transition was the moment you discovered that the massive closet next to Jungkook’s bed had mirrored doors.

Watching yourself bounce up and down on his massive cock was downright mesmerizing.

The scene before you played out complete with lewd slaps to accompany the visual as he thrust up into your dripping pussy with relentless vigor. One large tattooed hand wrapped around your rib cage while the other gripped into one of your tits.

Honestly, you could not help but wonder at his strength and stamina as he used your body like his own personal cock sleeve. You’d never once been dicked down so thoroughly - so pleasurably - in the entire scope of your experience, because - if you had - there is no way you could have gone a day - let alone years - without it.

Gawd you missed this. You missed him. He’d never been inside of you before this moment, but you still missed the feel of him all your life right up till now.

“How is this pussy still so tight?” he grunted - shifting his position a bit so he could pound into your g-spot from a different angle.

“Jungkook,” you whimpered - unable to process anything beyond the delicious sensations rocketing out from your swollen cunt with every thrust.

“I know you can cum again, sweetness” he coaxed.

The hand on your breast dropped down abruptly to smack your clit right above where he entered you and your broken sobs of ecstasy nearly drowned out his next words.

“That’s right. Cum all over my cock.”

Searing pleasure tore through you in response to his command. His head shot back with a guttural groan as you clamped down on him.

“Where can I—?” he gasped - wrapping both hands around your ribs as his rhythm became wildly erratic. He was so close he could barely see straight.

“Cum inside me - Jung -Jungkook - want you to fill ahh - fill me up-”

You were your stomach before you could fully process how you got there. The sight of him behind you in the mirror, pounding into your core while his arms and chest rippled obscenely was downright enthralling.

I’m never having sex without a mirror ever again.

“I’ll never get enough of this perfect little cunt, sweetness. Please -” he begged - the first and only time all night, “- tell me I’m yours. Tell me this isn't the last time I’ll touch you.”

Strange warmth flooded your chest.

“You’re mine, Jungkook-” a sharp twist of pleasure had you crying out again. “Only mine.”

His thrusts became more erratic as his body lowered closer to yours, bringing his chest flush against your back while his lips brushed your ear.

“And who does this pussy belong to?” he growled possessively.

“You - It belongs to you!”

White hot cum bathed your inner walls as he came with a strangled shout. His arms gathered you close while he rode out the waves of his release.

The minutes that followed passed in a blur of tender kisses and soft moans...

There was something so alluring about him gently cleaning and caring for your body in the haze of afterglow.

“You know what this means, sweetness,” he whispered, pressing his forehead intimately to yours.

“What does it mean?”

You were already drawing him into another kiss.

“It means all those dirty texts better come directly to me now.”

Ask My Muse: Have a question for the characters in this work? Send it to my ask box and hear their side of the story.

Endnote: This fic took so much out of me... I have never written anything like this before. Feedback is really the only reward for endeavors of this nature and I promise I treasure every word... Please share and talk to me?

Masterlist: I got more where that came from…

#jeon jungkook #jungkook smut #jeon jungkook smut #ficswithluv #btswriterscorner #bts smut #bts #jeon jungguk #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook scenarios #my writing #lady artemesia #anon prompt #anon request

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martassimsbookcc · 4 years ago

Photo

•Click on pictures for better quality•

Credits: @jools-simming - Original post here

Requested by Anon

• .package • base game compatible • collection file included • • 𝔻𝕆𝕎ℕ𝕃𝕆𝔸𝔻 • Ads free as always at my website!

•Info about polycount, buy category and price § under the cut•

- Angler Lamp: HLOD 856 verts | 740 faces - MLOD 785 verts | 645 faces Found under Table lamps - 130§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Carved Console: HLOD 811 verts | 807 faces - MLOD 782 verts | 772 faces Found under Misc surfaces - 750§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Explorers Books: HLOD 209 verts | 153 faces - MLOD 176 verts | 120 faces Found under Misc decor - 50§ Not recolorable - 3 presets

- Fisherman's Hooks A: HLOD 1120 verts | 1382 faces - MLOD 1040 verts | 1226 faces Found under Misc decor - 150§ Recolorable - 2 channels

- Fisherman's Hooks B: HLOD 676 verts | 787 faces - MLOD 638 verts | 709 faces Found under Misc decor - 150§ Recolorable - 2 channels

- Grandfather's Chair: HLOD 442 verts | 406 faces - MLOD 405 verts | 354 faces Found under Living chairs - 500§ Recolorable - 2 channels

- Lighthouse Lantern: HLOD 336 verts | 282 faces - MLOD 296 verts | 222 faces Found under Table lamps - 50§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Maritime Rug: HLOD 4 verts | 2 faces - MLOD 4 verts | 2 faces Found under Rugs - 300§ Not recolorable - 25 presets

- Old Timey Tea Cup: HLOD 207 verts | 282 faces - MLOD 186 verts | 240 faces Found under Misc decor - 15§ Recolorable - 3 channels

- Old Timey Tea Set: HLOD 480 verts | 634 faces - MLOD 439 verts | 552 faces Found under Misc decor - 175§ Recolorable - 3 channels

- Reading Glasses: HLOD 428 verts | 618 faces - MLOD 391 verts | 548 faces Found under Misc decor - 15§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Remembrance Stand Medium: HLOD 524 verts | 450 faces - MLOD 480 verts | 399 faces Found under End tables - 75§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Remembrance Stand Short: HLOD 524 verts | 450 faces - MLOD 489 faces - MLOD 450 verts | * faces Found under End tables - 75§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Remembrance Stand Tall: HLOD 524 verts | 450 faces - MLOD 477 faces - MLOD 396 verts | * faces Found under End tables - 75§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Seafaring Frame: HLOD 44 verts | 24 faces - MLOD 43 verts | 23 faces Found under Paintings and posters - 100§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Starfish Cushion: HLOD 211 verts | 416 faces - MLOD 168 verts | 330 faces Found under Misc decor - 15§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Weathered Oar Large: HLOD 70 verts | 52 faces - MLOD 62 verts | 42 faces Found under Misc decor - 10§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Weathered Oar Small: HLOD 70 verts | 52 faces - MLOD 64 verts | 44 faces Found under Misc decor - 10§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Wild Potted Plant: HLOD 558 verts | 480 faces - MLOD 502 verts | 419 faces Found under Plants - 15§ Recolorable - 1 channel

- Wooden Shark: HLOD 395 verts | 562 faces - MLOD 336 verts | 466 faces Found under Sculptures - 150§ Recolorable - 3 channels

#thesims3 #sims3 #ts3cc #s3cc #4to3 #s4tos3 #joolssimming #themed

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missanthropicprinciple · 4 years ago

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A Tale of Elio and My Fixation with Lovable Androids

TL;DR Feel free to scroll past this unless you’re keen to read my ramblings about androids, Neoclassical art, children’s lit, and bad science fiction movies.

Since the late 1990s one of my favourite books has been A Tale of Time City (1989) by Diana Wynne Jones. It’s a mildly confusing story but engaging, with memorable characters, including the android Elio, pictured above - my own fan art from a few years ago. Studio Ghibli really needs to make this film if no one does a live-action version, seeing as they brought Jones’ novel Howl’s Moving Castle to life. Here’s a scan of my favourite edition with mesmerizing cover art by Richard Bober.

This book inspired me so much I’ve done research on it. I wasn’t in a class in grad school that allowed me to write about it so I took it on as a casual independent project in 2019. Two days after my dad died of cancer I was scheduled to present my paper on Elio from ATOTC. Needless to say I was not able to finish writing the essay. I told the department coordinator I would likely not attend but I would let him know. He was seriously surprised that I showed up. I must have looked like a ghost - wearing a nice top, skirt, tights, and short heels. I was still in total shock but I thought I might as well press on. My paper’s working tile remains as it was: Elio: Android Autonomy and the Personification of the Sun God. I presented a long bullet point list of working ideas and research done up until that point. My work is still on the broad side because it’s an intersection of young adult fiction, Neoclassic art, and android autonomy; I have some narrowing to do. Here are my main arguments thus far:

Firstly, the android character Elio’s physical characteristics and personality are inspired by Helios, the Hellenistic Greek god and personification of the sun. Apparently, Elio is a Spanish name meaning sun and also an Italian given name referring to the element helium, originally derived from the Greek name of the sun-god Helios.

Secondly, Elio and Helios share more than an etymological connection and the comparison of Elio to Helios can be articulated in two distinct ways: the aesthetic comparison, and that Elio possesses some of the qualities Helios is known for. Jones’ work repeatedly associates Elio with sunlight and golden hues, aspects which are exemplified in the 1765 Neoclassical painting Helios as the Personification of Midday by Anton Raphael Mengs. (I vaguely remember translating a couple passages from a large art book written in German when I was studying Neoclassical art.)

This work is considered an unusual depiction of Helios. Mengs uses a motif of the glowing arrow which is interpreted by François-Xavier Fabre as a symbol of the midday heat and the sun's rays which penetrate and give light to the earth. The representation of the sun in this way is considered unusual for the 18th century because it goes against Classical and Baroque iconography which portrays Helios riding a chariot. Ironically, Jones references this. Elio proclaims his fondness for films, particularly the chariot race from Ben Hur. Elio, like Mengs’ depiction of Helios, lacks a chariot but retains his beauty and powers.

As for Elio possessing some of the qualities of Helios, the god is often referred to as “all seeing” or “Zeus’s eye.” Similarly, Elio has the ability to anticipate problems and see what humans do not, but not because he’s a god, but because he’s a servant. However, this is where his self governing comes into play when he uses his observations to take action beyond any directives he has been given. His physical strength, like Helios, exceeds that of humans. Elio himself says, “my utmost is more than twice that of a born-human” (Jones, 211).

Thirdly, Elio’s self awareness allows him to use both his powers of observation and superior physical strength independent from humans. He does not always wait to be told how to use his power; he wields it. Not only does he play a part equal to that of humans in Jones’ plot, he specifically controls the fates of certain human characters. For example, he doesn’t always utilize his speed when he’s at the beck and call of his master, Sempitern. He makes choices not to fully comply with the demands made of him.

My fourth point, which I can’t quite articulate well, is that the most significant dynamic of this comparison is the body of Elio and how his physicality interacts with his autonomy. Elio acts as an individual who contributes to a wider mythology just as Helios does. Yet, while Elio is superior to humans in many ways, his quasi-humanity allows him to act in ways which align with Helios’ qualities.

For example, Elio makes personal choices and exhibits emotions not necessary for him, as an android, to function. He confesses a desire to harm another android out of annoyance where a passionate opinion would not be expected from an android. This human failing is indicative of the same autonomy which allows him to act as Helios does. Elio has been constructed as a superhuman body in terms of his abilities, however, the human qualities which contribute to his Helios-like powers undermine his intended purpose.

Ultimately, Elio ascends the usefulness of his “owned” body by acting independently from the humans who utilize him. His human qualities make him vulnerable and therefore he loses some of his godlike powers. Elio, while only an assistant to his human owners, utilizes his own physical and mental powers to maintain his autonomy. Conversely, his god-like qualities make Elio more human rather than affirming his android identity.

This is a very complex subject and I don’t really know where I’m going with it and have possibly made some suppositional errors. TL;DR: What I do know is that Elio presents a paradox: being idealized for his abilities allows him to be autonomous while being autonomous disrupts the servitude of his body.

I am in the process of determining what lens I will use to analyze Elio’s experience and functionality of being an android. I’m thinking about using Alan Turning’s 1950 work Computing Machinery and Intelligence. I’m still navigating the literary theory aspect, or indeed philosophical aspect, of this area of study.

This brings me to something I came across later that relates to Elio and ATOTC.

SPOILERS AHEAD

The closest depiction of an android that I’ve seen to Elio other than Data is from a terrible and somewhat forgotten science fiction film from 1989. “Byron”, (played by pre-Jurassic Park-fame Bob Peck) the android in the painfully awful film Slipstream comes very close to Elio in terms of tone, attitude, and characterization. Despite the embarrassingly bad script and dialogue, Peck does a bang-up job, seemingly acting in a wonderful film running parallel to the absolute trash his co-stars were apparently “acting” in. Yes, I rewatched this film just to write this analysis. (The secondhand embarrassment is off the charts and I had it playing at a low volume most of the time Byron was not on the screen.)

When you first see Byron he’s acting out autonomy but you’re not aware he’s an android. The audience is told he’s an escaped fugitive, a murderer, and that’s all we know for over half the film. Yet there are several clues. When you first see him he’s running over rugged terrain in a suit which was kind of a big hint but nothing makes sense in this film so I just thought that it was a weird costume choice. Then he’s literally shot with a grappling hook. He doesn’t seem to be in pain even though he’s shocked by it, and then is pulled down by a bounty hunter named Tasker (Mark Hamill) and hits the ground from a great height and doesn’t die. He just quotes what I think is John Gillespie Magee, Jr.’s "High Flight”: “I have slipped the surly bonds of Earth….and touched the face of God.” Next time you see him, he’s in handcuffs, looking super depressed, and apparently not bleeding out from the now absent grapple hook that’s gone through his forearm.

He eventually quotes Lord Byron to cryptically indicate his name which is lost on Bill Paxton’s character, Matt. “Byron” essentially means cowshed. It’s ironic because Byron the android is in many ways a receptacle of knowledge. Matt even says sarcastically, “Well aren’t you a walking storeroom of information,” and Byron responds cheerfully, “Yes.”

Byron breaks out of his handcuffs saying they’d “become rather superfluous.” You think he’s just showing off but once you know he’s an android you know he’s just honest all the time. He then heals a blind child and paraphrases Psalm 127:3. Matt says, “I didn’t know you were a healer.” Apparently Byron can perform cataract surgery in less than five minutes. Along their journey together (Bill is set on collecting the bounty on Byron’s head before Tasker can catch up) they camp out. Byron sleeps with his eyes open. (Even if he is an android wouldn’t his eyes need to be “cleaned” in the same way humans need to close our eyes and blink?) Matt wakes up to find Byron seemingly strangling him. “I was feeling your carotid pulse,” he explains. “I was just checking for arrhythmia and episodes of ventricular tachycardia.” At this point you realize he’s not so much a spiritual healer as a doctor who philosophizes a lot.

Byron’s miraculous behavior and pontificating is called into question by a nomadic spiritual community which has been torn apart by an attack on their village. As he lays dying, Ben Kingsley’s character calls Byron a “false prophet” but his faith in this stranger is somewhat restored when he says, “all that will be left of me is bits of gold in the sand. You have a soul, do not abandon it in death.”

Another character says, “The stranger is no mortal man.” Therefore it is clear that Byron likely isn’t human. We don’t find out he’s an android until 46 minutes into the film. Once that’s cleared up, other concepts arise in the script. While not well executed, they are really interesting; emotion both positive and negative, free will, perfection, A.I. slavery, and murder are all addressed throughout the second half of the film. Byron says he doesn’t understand “hate” in context of his “master” to whom he was nurse, brother, father, mentor, and friend, but he admits he was more of a slave than anything else.

The character Ariel takes an interest in him for a variety of reasons, especially romantically. In one very evocative moment we see Byron in a museum exhibit, a false garden of Eden, full of fake vegetation and taxidermies, full body mounts. So we’ve got an android having an Adam experience. Whether or not he experiences “original sin” with Ariel or if he’s “fully functional” is never acknowledged. Although one woman says, “Amanda slept with a robot?!” (who the f**k is Amanda?!) and a man says to another sitting next to him, “I hear they’re rather mechanical in the saddle.”

Byron is less concerned with consummation and more excited about love, sleep, and dreaming. When he is with Ariel he doesn’t quite know how to act in terms of sexual play and then apologizes: “I’m not accustomed to being loved.” We see him closing his eyes when he’s cuddled up with Ariel; the next day he is certainly very pleased that he fell asleep with his eyes closed and had a dream.

In terms of his servitude and autonomy they did not spend an adequate portion of the exposition on it. Matt has a change of heart and says instead of collecting the bounty, he’ll set him free as it’s briefly revealed that Byron killed his “master” upon the man’s request. Naturally, this brings up a lot of confusing feelings for Byron. “Is this what it’s like to be human? I don’t think I’m up to it,” he says. “Can I be trusted with human feelings?” And in a way he cannot. Ariel is brutally shot by Tasker.

Byron is angered over Ariel’s death and follows the bounty hunter to his ship. Instead of taking him in to collect a reward, Tasker tries to run him down with the glider plane. Byron manages to get himself caught in the engine and starts to strangle his assailant. Tasker quotes “touched the face of god” which brings Byron to his senses and he stops killing Luke Skywalker Tasker and tries to save the plane. It looks like he’s going to hot-wire it but then uses the wires like reins (chariot imagery???). They crash into the side of a mountain slope. Tasker dies but Byron survives. Apparently he’s basically indestructible and somewhat godlike. “I’m too dangerous to be human,” Byron tells Matt. In the end, he goes off in search of the place he’d been dreaming about.

Although in terms of physical appearance the two androids are vastly different, they have so much in common. Here are some basic concepts.

Character: Both are stoic, formal, intelligent, honest

Indestructible: Byron is injured with a grappling hook, takes a major fall of about 20 or 30 feet without a scratch: he is somewhat godlike or slave-like, meant to withstand destruction and pain. Elio is less indestructible but easily repaired.

Healer: Byron has the skills to heal people with basic surgery. Elio doesn’t take his own injuries seriously and experiences pain for the first time (Jones, 218-9).

Both think they deserve to be punished: Elio states this quite clearly (Jones, 276) and Byron says the same thing about himself with resigned passivity.

Complex relationship with “human emotions”: Both come to terms with violence, anger, and love.

Autonomy: At the end of the film Byron goes off on his own to look for a promised land. Elio decides his own fate by deciding to accompany the children of the story, stating that Vivian is a “particular favorite” of his (278).

Dreaming and stories: Byron is searching for a place, “where I think I belong,” he says, which is a place he often thinks and dreams about. Dreaming is considered to be a human attribute, a non-essential bi-product to consciousness. Elio enjoys stories and old films (Jones, 180), similarly “human” in nature.

(Peck, seen here waiting for Bill Paxton to learn how to act. Sorry, I’m salty.)

Disclaimer: This is a work in progress! This project is an intersection of niche subjects that interest no one but myself.

Anyway, my point is (yes, I did have a point...or rather several) was that if anyone should adapt A Tale of Time City, Byron from Slipstream is the best example of how Elio should be portrayed in terms of characterization. I feel that Slipstream should have been centered around Byron. The film was kind of like, just about the “we’re both fighting over the bounty of this fugitive” sorta thing. It would have made more sense to focus on Byron as he is arguably the most interesting character and represents many of the conflicts within the story. I would like to combine my research on ATOTC and Slipstream one day. In any case, this is a good start.

Works Cited (WIP)

Jones, Diana W. A Tale of Time City: Knopf, 1987. Print. Perkowitz, Sidney. Digital People: From Bionic Humans to Androids. Washington, D.C: Joseph Henry Press, 2004. Print.

Roettgen, Steffi, and Anton R. Mengs. Anton Raphael Mengs: 1728-1779 Part 2. München: Hirmer, 1999. Print.

Turing, A. M. “Computing Machinery and Intelligence.” Mind, vol. 59, no. 236, 1950, pp. 433–460. JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/2251299. Wilson, Eric. The Melancholy Android: On the Psychology of Sacred Machines. Albany: State University of New York Press, 2006. Print

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yossarian-lives · 4 years ago

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Please check out some of my new mods for Enderal: Forgotten Stories.

I found some creature mods with open permissions that looked great as some replacers for Enderal, so please check out my revamp of the pus beetle and glacier hound here

https://www.nexusmods.com/enderal/mods/211

I’ve also updated Unique Enderal Uniques and, made a beautiful rug replacer, and added a replacer for the starling bow for you archers out there!

https://www.nexusmods.com/enderal/mods/185

https://www.nexusmods.com/enderal/mods/209

https://www.nexusmods.com/enderal/mods/208

#enderal #Enderal: Forgotten Stories #enderal modding #enderal mods #enderal forgotten stories #Skyrim #skyrim mods #vyn #vynblr #sureai

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minicmanor · 5 years ago

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i was tagged by @gh0stshrimp

nickname: em/jude

zodiac: aquarius/pisces

height: 5’6”

house: slytherin

last thing i googled: all anch villagers

song stuck in my head: no shame- 5sos

followers/following: followers 768, following 2198

amount of sleep: 2-12

lucky number: 211

dream job: cosmetologist

wearing: my moms shirt and marvel underwear

fave song: lover of mine 5sos

instruments: bass, guitar, flute, xylo

random facts: been to japan, can wiggle my eyes, i have 14 piercings, 9 tats

fave animal sounds: owl, cat purring

aesthetic: midnight drives with windows down and music blaring, selfies with s/o, witchy shit, plants, dark wood, rag rugs, clean chopped hair cuts, drinking tea outside during thunderstorms, driving around the entirety of lake tahoe

i tag @madradsalad @oracleomen

#tag game

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a-reading-journal · 6 years ago

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‘You’ll say it’s just one Boar,’ I continued. ‘But what about the deluge of butchered meat that falls on our cities day by day like never-ending, apocalyptic rain? This rain heralds slaughter, disease, collective madness, the obfuscation and contamination of the Mind. For no human heart is capable of bearing so much pain. The whole, complex human psyche has evolved to prevent Man from understanding what he is really seeing. To stop the truth from reaching him by wrapping it in illusion, in idle chatter. The world is a prison full of suffering, so constructed that in order to survive one must inflict pain on others. Do you hear me?’ ‘What sort of world is this? Someone’s body is made into shoes, into meatballs, sausages, a bedside rug, someone’s bones are boiled to make broth... Shoes, sofas, a shoulder bag made of someone’s belly, keeping warm with someone else’s fur, eating someone’s body, cutting it into bits and frying it in oil... Can it really be true? Is this nightmare really happening? This mass killing, cruel, impassive, automatic, without any pangs of conscience, without the slightest pause for thought, though plenty of thought is applied to ingenious philosophies and theologies. What sort of a world is this, where killing and pain are the norm? What on earth is wrong with us?’ 114

After the rain Sirius had appeared, and the shaft of the Plough had risen... I wondered whether the stars can see us. And if they can, what might they think of us? Do they really know our future? Do they feel sorry for us? For being stuck in the present time, with no chance to move? But it also crossed my mind that in spite of all, in spite of our fragility and ignorance, we have an incredible advantage over the stars - it is for us that time works, giving us a major opportunity to transform the suffering, aching world into a happy and peaceful one. It’s the stars that are imprisoned in their own power, and they cannot really help us. They merely design the nets, and on cosmic looms they weave the warp thread that we must complete with our own weft.’ 211

‘You know what, sometimes it seems to me we’re living in a world that we fabricate for ourselves. We decide what’s good and what isn’t, we draw maps of meanings for ourselves... And then we spend our whole lives struggling with what we have invented for ourselves. The problem is that each of us has our own version of it so people find it hard to understand each other.’ 223

#drive your plow over the bones of the dead #olga tokarczuk

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schuylering · 8 years ago

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Angelica and Slavery

I’ll admit, at the risk of scaring people off, that this post is pretty massive. But I think it’s important information--or else I wouldn’t have written it up--and I think it’s information that shouldn’t just be swept under the rug.

To break it down a bit, my major points are:

Angelica was surrounded from birth by enslaved people she was in a position of power over.

She owned slaves herself throughout her adult life, at least five of whom we have a record of, and two we have the names of: Ben, whom she owned at some point in her early married life and possible came from her father’s estate, and Sarah, whom Hamilton bought for her upon her return from Europe and whom she freed, under duress, two years later.

Hamilton definitely bought slaves for the Churches; he also, almost certainly, bought them for himself and his household.

Overall, given her race and class, and pulling from a very scant documentary record, it seems that she held common and thus very racist ideas about black people throughout her life.

The Schuyler household would have had a number of enslaved people working in the house, not to mention those working on Philip Schuyler’s farms, and as the eldest daughter Angelica would have most likely been taught by Catherine Schuyler how to run a household that included and in large part depended on enslaved people to keep it running. The Humphreys biography of Catherine Schuyler notes that “For every department of the household there was a slave allotted. They hoed, drilled, shod horses, made cider, raised hemp and tobacco, looked after the horses and the garden, made and mended the shoes, spun, wove, made nets, canoes, attended to the fishing, carpentering. . . .” (38). Slavery was an integral part of life for wealthy white New York residents like the Schuylers.

Humphreys also notes that “each boy had his [enslaved] boy, and each girl her [enslaved] maid who was given to her on her marriage” (38). It seems possible that Angelica, along with her siblings, may have had an enslaved girl designated as her personal maid when she was growing up. Because she eloped, it’s unclear whether she retained this enslaved woman or any other property, human or otherwise, when she got married: she certainly wouldn’t have had a dowry in the same way she would have if she’d gotten married with her father’s permission.

The first direct reference to a slave that Angelica herself owned is to an enslaved man named Ben, in a letter from Hamilton to John Chaloner in late 1784. In a rather roundabout communication, Hamilton tells Chaloner that Angelica had written to Peggy asking that Ben be returned to her after she had "sold him for a term of years” to William Jackson. Jackson had been a officer in the Revolutionary War (during which, incidentally, he served as John Laurens’s secretary when he went to France) and later a business agent for Robert Morris in England. However, by the time Hamilton wrote to Chaloner, Jackson was living in Philadelphia, while Angelica was in Europe, which would have made sending Ben to her somewhat difficult.

It ended up not being an issue: Chaloner replied to Hamilton telling him that “Major Jackson declines parting with Ben.” He does, however, note that Jackson “says when Mrs Church returns he will let her have him should she request it but will not part with him to any body else.” It’s uncertain if Angelica took him up on this or not, though census records (discussed below) and the length of time before she returned to american--it would be another thirteen years before she moved back permanently--make me think she didn’t. Regardless, it’s interesting that Hamilton specifically says that Ben had “formerly belong[ed] to Mrs. Carter,” and that “she is very desirous of having him back again” (emphasis mine)--under the law of the day, of course, anything--or in this case anyone--that Angelica owned would have been legally owned by her husband, and it seems more likely that JBC would have carried out any business deals. Additionally, if the enslaved person in question was a woman, I could see how she might be considered Angelica’s personal servant and thus “hers,” but as it is I wonder if Ben was possibly one of the Schuyler family slaves that Angelica then took with her into her marriage. Lacking any information about Ben outside of his name and who he was owned by, I can’t give a very educated guess on this front, but it seems possible.

The next reference to enslaved people Angelica owned is five years later, in the receipt Hamilton received for paying Angelica’s return fare to England, after her visit to America in 1789. The receipt makes reference to “three Servants” that traveled with Angelica; while it’s possible they were in fact servants (paid labor), slaves were often referred to as “servants” to obscure the nature of their enslavement, and it’s quite possible that’s what was going on here. It’s unclear who these “Servants” would have been--presumably they were with Angelica for her entire journey, which would indicate that the Churches owned a number of slaves in England (Angelica presumably wouldn’t take all or even the majority of their slaves on her trip, which would put the number of enslaved people the Churches owned over six).

It should be noted that slavery was outlawed in France when the Churches were there, and in fact any slaves brought into France at the time were legally considered free. This was in practice much more complicated than it was on paper, of course, and French people, as well as people visiting France--most notably, of course, Thomas Jefferson--still owned slaves while living there. In England, however, slavery was legal, and would continue to be until 1833, and so the Churches may well have owned slaves in England while they were there.

In 1796 we come to perhaps the most controversial document in this post: the entry in Hamilton’s cash book under March 23, 1796, for “2 Negro servants purchased by [Philip Schuyler] for me.” This refers presumably to a letter Philip Schuyler had sent Hamilton seven months before, telling Hamilton that “The Negro boy & woman are engaged for you” (Chernow 210-211). Though Chernow allows some room for doubt, he ends up stating fairly unequivocally that this purchase of these two people was for the Churches (581). However, it seems extremely unlikely that Hamilton would have PS buy slaves for the Churches before he even began tracking down property for them--as Chernow points out helpfully, however unintentionally so, Hamilton didn’t even start looking for houses for them until late 1795 (581).

The next entry in Hamilton’s cash book noting his purchase of slaves--this time specifically for the Churches--references “a negro Woman & Child.” When Hamilton drew up a bill for JBC on his and Angelica’s return from England, he only listed the price of the “Negro Woman,” not the child. However, he charged JBC the same price as he’d noted in his cash book ($225 equaled £90 according to the exchange rate--2.5--that Hamilton used throughout the bill, compared to the corresponding cash book notations listed in the footnotes). I’m not sure what to make of that--Hamilton could’ve just omitted mention of the child with the understanding that he (if it was the same boy listed in the 1795/6 entry) was also included, which seems to make the most sense. He also could have died, and as he didn’t add any “value” the price wasn’t adjusted (enslaved people weren’t considered children for very long--I believe Annette Gordon-Reed says they would have been under twelve--so to be listed as a child he would have to have been pretty young). Alternately, Hamilton could’ve kept the child, though the steady price makes that seem peculiar (to contradict my above point, if Hamilton had wanted to keep him that would’ve meant he did have value such to lower the price listed on JBC’s bill).

It’s possible that the woman and child mentioned in Hamilton’s cash book are the same two people mentioned in Hamilton’s transaction with Philip Schuyler nearly two years before (because Hamilton’s cash book notation for the 1795/6 transaction lists himself as the debtor to PS and the notation for the 1797 transaction lists JBC as the debtor to Hamilton, its double notation wouldn’t mean it was double-counted in his cash book). There’s a slight discrepancy in cost--Hamilton owed PS $250 while he notes that JBC only owes him $225--it isn’t enough that it couldn’t be explained away by Hamilton paying PS a little extra for his trouble or by him giving his in-laws a discount. However, 1795 does seem extremely early for Hamilton to be buying things-- or in this case people--in preparation for the Churches’ return. He didn’t start buying them real estate until early 1796. There are indications that he started looking around for them in early to mid-1795, which would be in line with his purchase of the enslaved woman and boy from PS, but that still doesn’t answer the question of why he would’ve bought them so early, as people, unlike real estate, cannot just be left alone for two years. Either they were still housed at PS’s until the Churches returned in May 1797, they were kept at Hamilton’s house, or they split time between the two houses. (Both the entry in Hamilton’s bill to JBC and the 1797 cash book entry are dated May 29, a week after the Churches arrived in New York, which would eliminate the odd time-gap if we assumed they’re not the same two people.)

What would seem to argue most persuasively that these two pairs of women and children were not the same--and that only the second pair was purchased for the Churches--is that two years later, an enslaved woman named Sarah is mentioned in the minutes of the New York Manumission Society as being owned by JBC. The record notes that “she was brought here from the state of Maryland about six years since by a John Salmon who sold him to John B. Church, A Hamilton was agent for Church in the business.” (There’s no way to link directly to the page, but it’s page 842, under vol. 7.) To me this makes her somewhat irrefutably the “Negro Woman” mentioned in the 1797 bill and the corresponding woman mentioned in Hamilton’s cash book. I don’t know what happened to the child: that they aren’t mentioned in the bill I can account to oversight but it seems almost certain to me that if they were still living as an enslaved person in the Churches’ household they would’ve been mentioned. Either they died, they were sold by the Churches to someone else in the intervening two years, they were freed by the Churches (without Sarah, who was very potentially their mother), or in fact they had never been enslaved by the Churches, and had either died, been sold separately, or kept by the Hamiltons.

I can be fairly confident the child would’ve been mentioned in the Manumission Society records if they were still in 1799 enslaved by the Churches because, in addition, the census data for 1800 lists the Church household as not owning any slaves. While it should be noted that this census record contains a number of oddities and thus should potentially be taken with a grain of salt, its documentation that the Churches owned no slaves in 1800 is extremely interesting, because, since we know from the Manumission Society records that the Churches had freed Sarah by the very next meeting of the Society (p. 843 of the records), it would appear that Sarah was the only slave the Churches owned by 1799. This makes more certain that the elusive child was no longer enslaved by them, but also further weakens the argument that the 1795/6 cash book notations for the enslaved woman and boy were purchased for the Churches.

It is always possible, of course, that these two slaves were in fact bought for the Churches, that Hamilton billed JBC for them in a document that has since been lost, and that they were both subsequently sold or freed--or they both died--some time between 1797 and 1799/1800. People are strange and often illogical and thus history is often strange and illogical, and just because a scenario seems to make less sense than another doesn’t mean it should be automatically discounted. That said, this scenario--that Hamilton bought two enslaved people from his father-in-law two years before his sister- and brother-in-law returned from Europe, in order to hand them over to his in-laws once they eventually made it to America--seems illogical to the point of being improbable. That Hamilton bought them from PS makes it seem even less probable--even if Hamilton had selected this woman and boy for the Churches to keep as slaves on their return, why wouldn’t they have simply stayed in Albany, awaiting the Churches’ arrival to be bought directly by JBC and brought to New York? Hamilton seems to have been engaged as the Churches’ go-between for the very practical reason that he was in New York (or at least the U.S.) and thus was better able to carry out business deals here, but that surely wouldn’t have extended to Angelica’s own father. (There was also evidently some concern over whether non-citizens could own property, but this seemed to extend only to real estate.)

By 1810, the Churches had acquired another enslaved person, according to the census record. I have no knowledge what this slave’s name was, whether they were male or female, or what happened to them when Angelica died and JBC moved back to England.

There isn’t much direct indication of what Angelica thought of black people or of slavery: I’m inclined to think, given the time, her race, her upbringing, and her participation in the slave system, that it probably wasn’t great. The one time she does mention black people in her correspondence is to mention the “terrors...of Negro plots” in reference to a rumor, which she evidently didn’t question, that enslaved people had been settling fires to various American cities in late 1796. (The fires really happened; that they were set by slaves was probably racist fearmongering.) Even people outspoken about the immorality of slavery were usually pretty racist: given that she appears to have had no moral qualms about the issue, I’m guessing that her views were equally racist, if not more so.

And that’s what I’ve got. If you’ve made it to the end of this massive post I applaud and appreciate you. If you know of any info that I’ve missed let me know: I’m sure I’ve missed something, and I always want to know more.

#angelica schuyler #john b church #alexander hamilton #history #research tag

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whereareroo · 4 years ago

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211 TRAITORS

WF THOUGHTS (6/1/21).

I hope you had a good Memorial Day.

I sincerely hope that a certain group of 211 Americans had a miserable day. They should have spent the day hanging their heads in shame.

The 211 Americans are the members of Congress who voted to block the formation of an Independent Commission to investigate the terrorism that took place at the Capitol on January 6th. The group includes 35 U.S. Senators. Because of the arcane Senate Rules, 35 Senators were able to block the Commission even though 54 Senators voted in favor of the Commission.

Since the Revolutionary War, and including that war, approximately 1,300,000 Americans have died on the battlefield. The Revolutionary War was fought to bring democracy to America. Most of the other wars were fought to protect democracy here and abroad.

The 1,300,000 dead military members did not die to protect the political power of a single political leader. They did not die to protect the power of a single political party. They died to protect American ideals. They died to protect American values.

The 211 unpatriotic Members of Congress are trying to pretend that the horrors of January 6th didn't happen. They're trying to sweep it under a rug. It's a coverup. They want to hide the truth. They don't want the public to know how the attacks were planned and organized. They don't want the public to know how the various terrorist groups coordinated with each other. They're running from the truth because they know that the truth will damage Donald Trump and the Republican Party. They don't care that the public is entitled to the truth, and that verifying the true story is essential for the protection of America. They're traitors.

By blocking an unbiased study of the January 6th attack, here's what the 211 traitors are effectively announcing:

1. They're announcing to the leaders of the terrorists that it's OK to engage in more terrorism. Some foot soldiers will be arrested, but the leaders will be protected. They won't be investigated. Their network won't be exposed.

2. They're also announcing to the head terrorists that violence is OK. You can even attack the Capitol and get away with it. Don't worry about violent attacks on more modest targets.

All of this is horrifying. Many of us hoped that the radical ideas associated with Trump would dissipate after his removal from office. We were wrong. Trump is gone, but at least 211 powerful Republicans are supporting radical attacks on our democratic institutions and the electoral process. These radicals are happy to use violence to achieve their goals.

My prediction is that we'll see more domestic terrorism surrounding the elections in 2022 and 2024. It's a battle of good versus evil. If the good people don't stand up and use their votes to stop the forces of evil, we're doomed. The terrorists will only stop if they see that they can't win elections with their tactics. If their tactics enable them to successfully win elections, we're doomed. America as we know it will be gone.

Our 1,300,000 fallen heroes deserve respect. They died to protect our democratic institutions and our democracy. They died to protect the right to vote. They'd be appalled by the fact that one of our political parties is willing to end democracy in a desperate grasp for political power. The 211 Members of Congress, part of the leadership of this dangerous group of terrorists, have no respect for our 1,300,000 fallen heroes. I truly hope that the 211 had a miserable Memorial Day. Don't you?

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zhangwaixiang-blog · 6 years ago

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Acer TravelMate B115 Laptop

Welcome to a Laptop Battery specialist of the Acer Laptop Battery

Acer’s TravelMate B115 laptop with battery such as Acer AC14B18K Battery, Acer AC14B3K Battery, Acer AC14B8K Battery, Acer KT.0040G.004 Battery, Acer E5-771 Battery, Acer ES1-711 Battery, Acer V3-371 Battery, Acer P236-M Battery, Acer AC14B13J Battery, Acer AC14B18J Battery, Acer ES1-111 Battery, Acer B115-M Battery features a 11.6-inch touch-screen display, measures to 11.5” x 8.3” x .83” (W x D x H; 292.1 mm x 211 mm x 21 mm), and runs Windows 8.1 in 64 bits. Breaking from tradition when it comes to smaller PC laptops, it makes no attempt to ape any other designs in the industry, unlike the Chromebook market, which are all aesthetic descendants of Apple’s MacBook Air, which costs $1,299 (about £1,129/AU$1,449. Lightweight, a mere 2.91 lbs (1.32 kg), the B115 comes with a roomy 500GB hard drive. It’s of a solid build, and while I wouldn’t call it rugged, it does feel built for the traveller.

The B115 is dramatically cheaper than our recently reviewed Lenovo Z40, a 14” model that costs $599. You can reason out that one is saving money on the B115 thanks to a lack of screen real estate. Comparing it with Acer’s laptop/tablet hybrid Aspire Switch 10, you’ll miss the Switch 10’s form factor, which was made for its touch screen.

Testing the battery life, the B115 scored 6 hours 19 minutes and 7 seconds on PCMark 8’s Home battery life test. The machine also lasted a good amount during standard usage. I reproducing a traveller’s routine, running the unit unplugged during business hours. It lasted from 9am to 12:15pm, then I put it to sleep for lunch, and then the battery lasted from 3 to 6:30pm, for a total of 6 & 3/4 hours, against their advertised 7. That testing included email, office software, and streaming music and video from YouTube and Netflix. The quality of said streaming video on Netflix was especially sharp, which earned Acer the “HD” qualifier they apply to the display.

In benchmark testing, the B115 scored a 1636 on the PCMark 8 Work Conventional test, including a video chat framerate of just fewer than 30 frames per second (FPS), which is definitely functional for work needs.

The biggest obstacle with the B115 is coming to it after having used anything better or larger. I could see being given this unit by a company looking out for its bottom line, but I could never see wanting to have this in my day to day life.

The B115 fits a full-sized keyboard in a small-form computer, but it just doesn’t feel right. In a week’s testing, I could not get used to this keyboard. While its keys don’t feel cheap, I had numerous instances of clicks not registering. Often times this wasn’t a problem with the keyboard or screen, but in fact with the speed & RAM of the computer. I’d click on an icon to load an app, and thanks to no feedback, I thought I didn’t register the click. Unfortunately, the process took so much time that when I’d click again, two instances of the desired effect would run.

I wanted to write this review entirely on the B115 unit, to replace my existing laptop with it for the duration of my testing. I took it through a series of tests and rigorous use, but I just could not stand using it for more than an hour at a time. It’s meant for a little usage here and there - editing a document, checking email, and anything else that isn’t completely hindered by its 11.6” screen. You get what you pay for, and it turns out $379 (about £243, AU$466) can only get you so far, even on Windows.

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mikebrackett · 6 years ago

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5 Ways to Incorporate the Art Deco Design Style in Your Home

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When I think of Art Deco, I think of the classic novel “The Great Gatsby.” I envision gleaming metal finishes, over-the-top artwork and extravagant furniture and décor.

It’s no wonder my mind jumps to this novel – “The Great Gatsby” took place in 1922, in an era called the Roaring 20s. Art Deco was the predominant decorative style in this age, extending in popularity through the 1930s.

It was mainly used as a classification of the visual arts, architecture and design, for both fashion and furniture. It’s a style that has a complicated definition but very distinct calling cards. In other words, you know it when you see it, but how do you define Art Deco?

Moreover, how can you incorporate this trend into your house? We have insights from experienced interior designers and professional decorators to help.

What Is Art Deco?

Between the World Wars, there was a feeling of optimism and progress that was subsequently reflected into artistic expression. Coupled with the advancement in technology and machinery, the Art Deco style was born and quickly spread to home furnishings.

Art Deco style is strategically eclectic. Contrary to a true eclectic design style, Art Deco purposefully chooses features that are embellished, opulent and over the top. It’s all about elevating the eccentric and luxurious through statement pieces.

It’s usually characterized by geometric patterns, bold colors and clean, polished metal. This posh and often erratic decorative style was abandoned shortly after World War II, as a more practical and functional style, modernism, came into play.

However, for those still enamored with the style of Art Deco, there are ways you can incorporate it into your home, with strategic decorating and minimal home updates.

How Can You Incorporate the Art Deco Style in Your Home?

If you have a modern home, adopting an Art Deco décor style may pose a challenge. After all, the features of this trend can look dated or out of place when styled incorrectly.

“Not every home today lends itself to a full-fledged Art Deco conversion,” explains Sara Cannon, designer at House Heroes Realty. “Fortunately, since Art Deco has always been a marriage of modern and classic, and pulls from many different styles, there’s no reason little touches can’t be brought in for a bit of glamour and grace.”

Cannon recommends starting small, adding touches of Art Deco in strategic places in your home, like painting a room with dark paint or adding a large, decorative mirror in your bedroom. She even recommends updating your molding and trims to look more elegant and decorative.

Similarly, Beverly Solomon, creative director at Beverly Solomon Design, recommends incorporating the simplest touches, like changing your bathroom tile to a geometric design or swapping your stairway railing for sleek aluminum.

“The best way to begin your planning is to do all the research you can,” instructs Solomon. “Look at all the books and online photos of Art Deco homes, buildings and décor for inspiration.”

Let’s take a look at how you can adopt these subtle changes into your home décor to achieve an Art Deco style.

Dramatic Walls

Art Deco design relies on the dramatic, and there’s nothing that makes a bold statement like dark interior paint. Not to mention, it’s a designer trick to make your room look larger. Try using colors like navy, dark green or black to really make an impact.

“Even small rooms can benefit from dark, rich wall color,” explains Cannon. “If you’re feeling extra brave, try patterned wallpaper in a large-scale print.”

Whether you go with a whole new paint job or a project with less commitment, like removeable wallpaper, Cannon suggests adding decorative gold accent pieces to your walls and in other details of the room in order to bring out the color of the walls. We’ll talk more about that next.

Polished Metals

One defining aspect of the 1920s was the sudden availability of metallic decorative pieces in home décor. So it’s no surprise that this polished look made its way into Art Deco style.

“The designers of that period were really excited about having access to mass-produced metallics, so we see a lot of reflective materials in their work,” says John Linden, lead interior and furniture designer at MirrorCoop.

Start with adding a large statement mirror and decorative gold light fixtures to your walls. You can also switch out your light switch covers, register covers and outlets with ornate metallic pieces to tie the room together, or you can simply add a large floor lamp.

Checkered Flooring

Like bold colored paint, the Art Deco style also involved boldly patterned flooring in areas like the kitchen and bathroom. Black and white tiles were especially popular, as the dramatic contrast between the white and black checkered tile created a statement.

“The simplest touches one can add to any room in your home are putting in large, bold black and white patterned floors,” says Solomon. “For bathrooms and kitchens, the smaller tiles in geometric patterns work wonders.”

If you’re not looking to update your home’s flooring any time soon, there are still ways you can incorporate this look into your home. Try adding checkered tile on your kitchen backsplash or subway tile to your shower interior.

Luxurious Fabrics

To elevate the look and feel of home décor, a designer in the Art Deco period would use lavish fabrics and materials to give the appearance of wealth and class. It was a way to add style as well as comfort to the home.

“Keep in mind that the goal of Art Deco designers was to make the industrial modern style more soft, livable and beautiful,” says Solomon. “They wanted to project a balance of modernism, sophistication, elegance and beauty.”

These days, you can achieve this look in a more affordable, accessible way. Try incorporating fabrics like velvet into your furniture pieces and curtains. Unlock your wild side by adding faux fur pillows and throws to your couches and accent chairs.

Eccentric Furniture

Obviously, the furniture found in most Art Deco style homes would have been considered the norm in 1920s America. Today, with minimalism and midcentury modern décor on the rise, it might look eccentric and over the top. However, there are subtle ways to add it to your home.

“Art Deco furniture is defined by streamlined shapes and early 20th-century furniture,” explains Linden. “[The furniture] should have very straight edges. If there are curves present, those curves are usually exaggerated but symmetrical.”

First, try incorporating the style in small details, like an ornate headboard for your master bedroom or a decorative coffee table in your living room. When done correctly, it should feel right at home in your room’s décor. Don’t forget the details! Linden suggests adding an animal print area rug to make a statement.

“Art Deco came about during a time when designers had access to all kinds of exotic printed fabrics, so it’s common to see animal print rugs and other eccentric patterns in their work,” explains Linden.

Filling a modern, industrial space with 20th-century décor could look forced and out of place, but the key to incorporating Art Deco style into your home is to take your time and start small. Swap out a few pieces at a time and look to designers for inspiration.

Art Deco Wallpaper – $38 – $96

Gold Decorative Mirror – $38

Gold Floor Lamp – $102

Velvet Curtains – $60 – $90

Wood Headboard – $327

Faux Fur Throw Pillow – $20

Cowhide Area Rug – $288 – $320

Velvet Tufted Ottoman – $60

Wood and Glass Coffee Table – $211

Porcelain Mosaic Tile – $6 per sq. ft.

“Art Deco doesn’t have to be all that literal,” reveals Cannon. “Today’s translation can mean taking the care to leave no corner of your home unadorned in some small way.”

Do you have any Art Deco details in your home? Share your style tips in the comments below!

The post 5 Ways to Incorporate the Art Deco Design Style in Your Home appeared first on ZING Blog by Quicken Loans.

from Updates About Loans https://www.quickenloans.com/blog/retro-decorating-home-art-deco-style

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