#MissingHim

[petrifilm]

[losingmyhalo21]

Y Yo Aquí En Mi Cuarto Me Quede Dormida Escuchando Nuestro Playlist..

[jkpng]

ANT!!!! LOOK AT HIM!!!!!

WAHHHHHHH OMG I SAW THAT TODAY my fyp is absolutely full of envy jungkook edits rn

[invidiaesc]

Xiao!!!! 📚💕💕

[boysunberry]

tryign to gaslight myself into not missinghim

[natalib72]

#missinghim #arber xhekaj #xhekaj #habs

[annabanana2224]

Miss you a little already my bubba 🥺💗⚡.

#love #missinghim #words

[danpellysuicidewarrior]

#Petey #passed #away #at #14yrsold #rescue #at #9mths #old #missinghim #rainbowbridge🌈 #dog #adogslife #cars #loved #dad #pelly #adopt #adoption #alpha #love #unconditionallove #kisses #hugs  #dogsoftiktok #puppys #friends #puppy #dogs #furbabys #pets #lovedogs #trending #loyality #bestfriend #trendingdogs #trend ❤️

[tiedyetierra]

#missinghim

[dawnofrose]

Or so I was told…

[viktoriafulopsthoughts]

its depression time again, i can feel it...

lurking in the shadows,

with every breath i take,

fights for me to face him

but all i feel is hate.

used to think its over,

but it really isnt, ever.

he’s the one and only

that i will love forever.

was thinking ‘i will end it’,

once and twice a week:

when he pushed me away,

it made me lose all faith.

not in him, but me,

to be dependent on someone,

that barely touched my soul,

all he did was show me,

love does not mean it all,

cuz what is it that i lack,

that all others adore?

made me face the mirror

and talk to my shadow…

after all that time alone

i think i get it now:

it was not him i missed 

but that piece of mine:

the one i lost, when he walked away,

holding onto that lonely name,

the body and soul i gave away,

both of which will never be the same.

so foolish of me to trust another,

with a piece of my heart,

the most fragile of all,

but what is it if not trust,

to blindly offer your all,

in hopes of finding something,

that is always worth the fall.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 376

When I hold you, I remember that you are right for me You created tiny planets where you and I could be

Happy, in your galaxy I am happy, but is this reality?

When I want you, you are fire that I'm afraid to touch You are beauty and you take me to a place where I can be

Happy, in your galaxy I am happy, but I'm falling into your Gravity, in your galaxy I am happy, but is this my reality?

[dazykuro]

I'd fallen for someone I barely knew.

Is it possible?

[scarletwitchchant]

Today, I smell like you...

[tgu1994]

Ex #3 - Introduction

So though this is not in numerical order, I’m going to first introduce you to ex #3, of whom I’ll probably refer to as “Ex #3,” or “my French boyfriend.” If you know me, you’ll instantly know who this is. If you don’t, this is as much as you’ll ever know. 

We met in an online depression chat room. I was a moderator, he was a frequent user. We chatted for a while, we would PM one another out of main chat. I first saw him on a web-based video client where a lot of us from the chat would use video and voice to connect as well as the chat room. I fell in love pretty slowly at first, but then it just happened. I felt it very strongly, I was very attracted to how he looked, how he talked, the sound of his voice and laughter, his mannerisms. He always showed his emotions on his face, very powerfully so sometimes. It was important to me that we had transparency, and there it was. I first asked him out and was declined, I think he didn’t feel the same at first, nor did he want a long-distance relationship - he literally lives in France, and I’m on the east coast of the US. A few weeks later, he asked me out, and I said yes. Now those of you who have been in or are in a LDR know that is can be very difficult, very stressful - no matter if the distance is 100 miles or an entire ocean/country away. Not seeing your partner, holding their hand, eating popcorn, going on walks together - that takes away a lot of the relationship. But in turn you gain that intellectual intimacy, that closeness you only get from talking for hours and hours on end. 

We were only dating for a few short months when I convinced my mom to let him come visit for the month of Christmas into January. He got his passport, the money, his ticket, and flew here. I was so ecstatic to finally meet him, to be in his arms, I almost knocked him over. We had lasagna for dinner - it was a really good lasagna, he ate like three plates of it. The next few weeks were a whirlwind of emotions and things to do together. We started fighting a lot though, and I felt he was all over me all the time, and not in the way I wanted him to be. I went to my mom and said “I don’t think I want him to stay. We aren’t getting along. How can I talk to him about this?” She made up some story of how he should go home early, that he couldn’t stay. It really broke both of our hearts. I never knew saying goodbye to someone could hurt that bad, but it was devastating. I can’t remember what I did two days ago, but I can tell you that that was pretty much one of the worst evenings of my life. 

We continued to connect online between the chat room, Skype, and FB messenger. We would leave our computers on overnight so we could “sleep” together, and see one another once we were awake. We sent photos and videos to each other to try and stay in contact as much as possible. I regret sending him home early, I wonder now if we had worked through some of those problems I felt I had with him, would he now be living here with me in the US? Would we have a place together? Or would we have naturally fallen away from one another like we have now, and then he is stranded in a country where he has no family? I can’t be sure what the answer is, because I only know what’s happened so far between us. I miss those weeks we spent together, I think of them often - the good and the bad. 

Having an ex that is still your friend can be challenging in and of itself. We still have that intimacy to a point, and definitely the communication and transparency is even better now than when we were dating. But hearing him talk about his newest relationships, his ups and downs, his triumphs and fails - I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like if I was a closer part of his life, how I’d be able to support him more, have a better bond. I just have a lot of confusion over this relationship, though not as much as Ex #2 - that one is probably the most long-winded story of the three. 

As for the man from France - we still talk. You’ll hear more about him. He’s been there for me through a lot of hard things in my adult life so far. I appreciate what he’s done for me, but also harbor ill feelings in regards to things or conversations we had experienced together. It’s a very complicated situation in my head, and I don’t know if it’ll ever make any more sense.