flameaurasphere

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1521

Her words were honey, but her tone had no sweetness.

[flameaurasphere]

I'm a stellar social work university graduate who failed to become a social worker.

So what if I attained the highest scores in my tutorial group for my social work assignments and examinations? My piquant ability to critically analyse cases, apply social work theories holistically, and display highly logical yet reflective thinking within constrained periods does not matter in the eyes of social service organisations.

So what if I performed consistently well and graduated top 10% of the cohort with Second Upper Class Honours (in a school where virtually nobody obtains First Class Honours)? My ocean-deep dedication and passion for the subject, my unwavering determination to produce quality work every time, and my resilience to overcome all adversity do not matter in the eyes of social service organisations.

So what if I did a social work internship at the most established social service organisation (graded "A") and wrote a research piece for them (graded "A-")? My sparkling credentials, positive testimonies, and desired competence do not matter in the eyes of social service organisations. Wait, is the social work value of "Competence" no longer valuable?

So what if I told them my goal was to become a social work professor? Have we stopped advocating for the professionalisation of social work—for recognition and compensation that social workers rightfully deserve, and more effective services for the betterment of society? One of Biestek's 7 Principles of Social Work is "Non-judgemental Attitude", but I saw you judging me for my lack of work experience as a fresh graduate and selecting other candidates due to favouritism. You preach empowerment, yet you diminish the dreams of those who seek to elevate the profession and contribute to its academic growth. It's ironic, isn't it? In a field that prides itself on inclusion and diversity of thought, my aspirations are reduced to a lack of experience rather than the knowledge, vision, and commitment I bring to the table. If we are to uplift our clients, shouldn’t we also uplift those within our own ranks—especially those trying to pave the way for a stronger, more informed future of social work?

Saleebey's Strengths Perspective speaks about seeing the potential and hope in the direst of clients, but your rejection speaks about your inability to see the potential in a passionate, driven individual eager to make a difference in the field. This rejection doesn’t just say no to me—it says no to the potential ripple effect of every student I could one day mentor, every research project that could advance the field, and every policy change I could influence. Competence is not just built through experience; it's fostered through a commitment to learning, reflection, and growth. If we truly believe in empowering the vulnerable, we must also empower those who seek to lead the profession into its next chapter.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1513

Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain I leave my heart open, but it stays right here empty for days She told me in the mornin' she don't feel the same about us in her bones It seems to me that when I die, these words will be written on my stone

And I'll be gone, gone tonight The ground beneath my feet is open wide The way that I've been holding on too tight With nothing in between

The story of my life, I take her home I drive all night to keep her warm And time is frozen The story of my life, I give her hope I spend her love until she's broke inside The story of my life

[flameaurasphere]

What does each track on Conan Gray's latest album "Found Heaven" sound like:

"Found Heaven" - Cutting Crew

"Never Ending Song" - Bleachers

"Fainted Love" - The Midnight

"Lonely Dancers" - David Bowie

"Alley Rose" - Queen

"The Final Fight" - Whitney Houston / Wet Wet Wet

"Miss You" - Enrique Iglesias

"Bourgeoisieses" - ??? help

"Forever With Me" - Foreigner / Chicago / Air Supply

"Eye Of The Night" - Bon Jovi / Michael Jackson

"Boys & Girls" - Robyn (shoutout to David Bowie iykyk)

"Killing Me" - ABBA

"Winner" - Journey

I'm not sure where Elton John and A-ha fit in this.

[flameaurasphere]

Why I Chose Social Work

[Long overdue draft]

Recently, I graduated from polytechnic with a Diploma in Mass Media Management. I promptly applied for university and was offered an undergraduate study in Social Work (which I accepted). Many people (well, mostly my peers) have posed me this question, “Why Social Work?”, and often follow up with “Why not continue media/communications/business?”

It’s personally a tough question to answer. There isn’t a specific event/reason that defined my decision; no way I could respond succinctly.

Hence, today, I'm taking the time & effort to answer this pressing query once and for all. For easy reading, I’ve broken this into several segments. This is the (complete) story of why I chose Social Work:

1. I Wanted To Be A Nurse (or so I thought)

7-year-old me saw nursing as an honourable career. To serve and heal people when even their own kin cannot is so noble, so meaningful, so privileged. But 12-year-old me began to think otherwise when I started frequenting the hospital because of my father and grandmother’s hospitalisation. I didn’t want to wash some old stranger’s buttocks. I didn’t want to hear “Missy” hollered relentlessly. I didn’t wanna face death every other day. But I still wanted to serve and help though. I supposed social work was a good compromise.

2. Guilt-ridden

Sometimes, I feel that my family circumstances had inadvertently led to this. One part of it was my father’s demise. 12-year-old me was immature, distracted, and did not care for my father as much as I should have. I was swept with grief and guilt when he passed away. As I had failed to alleviate my father’s psychosocial emotional needs in this lifetime, I should at least do it for others, so he did not die in vain.

3. Media Projects (this is the reason I shared during my Social Work interview)

During my last semester in my diploma course, I produced a short film for HBO Asia Competition themed ‘Invisible Stories’.

Story From The Slum is a mini-documentary unravelling the story of an elderly resident in Jalan Kukoh — deemed one of the poorest estates in Singapore. Through conversations with the residents and founder of GOLD Ministry (a community support group), I realised there is a deeper issue outweighing the financial struggle. Hence, this heartfelt film sheds light on the real 'invisible' problem in this misunderstood neighbourhood.

This meaningful, intimate experience kindled my newfound desire to make a social impact. Before embarking on my polytechnic journey, I had self-loathed in my lack of drive. Now, I want to change the public perception of fundamental topics and issues.

4. Struggle With Self-Esteem and Mental Issues

I think this is self-explanatory. Humans are strange; we’d help others who are in the same/similar predicament as us, but not before we help ourselves. 

5. A Change Of Mind

I consider myself fickle-minded and was never dead set on one career goal. I have friends who knew they wanted to be a policewoman, an aerospace engineer, a businessman for many years - heck, ever since they developed the ability to imagine. That’s not me. I wanted to be a journalist for the local English newspaper, but this COVID-19 pandemic has got me thinking about other prospects. 

6. A Change Of Heart (Religion)

When I need to review my purpose in life and personal morals, I turn to my religion, Buddhism. It has taught me to do good (aka social work). And you cannot go wrong with accumulating good karma... Right? Right...?

7. I Didn’t Choose Social Work; Social Work Chose Me

Long story short, I did not make the cut to the top universities in my country (aka the big three) no matter how many appeal letters I scribbled, so I could not continue my education in media/comms/business. This crazy, little university that is unheard of in my community decided to take me in. I don’t know what the Director-General of Social Welfare at the Ministry of Social and Family Development saw in me, but thank you for choosing me and changing my fate.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1377

I’m erasing myself from the narrative Let future historians wonder how Eliza Reacted when you broke her heart You have torn it all apart I am watching it

Burn Watching it burn

The world has no right to my heart The world has no place in our bed They don’t get to know what I said I’m burning the memories Burning the letters that might have redeemed you You forfeit all rights to my heart You forfeit the place in our bed You sleep in your office instead With only the memories Of when you were mine

I hope that you burn

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1368

Eliza, I don't have a dollar to my name An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame All I have is my honour, a tolerance for pain A couple of college credits and my top-notch brain

Insane, your family brings out a different side of me Peggy confides in me Angelica tried to take a bite of me No stress, my love for you was never in doubt We'll get a little place in Harlem and we'll figure it out

I've been livin' without a family since I was a child My father left, my mother died, I grew up buckwild But I'll never forget my mother's face, that was real As long as I'm alive, Eliza, swear to god you'll never feel so

I do, I do, I do, I do Eliza, I do, I do, I do, I do (helpless) I never felt so (helpless) Yeah, yeah Down for the count and I'm drownin' in 'em (I'm down for a count and I'm...)

Yo, my live is gon' be fine 'cause Eliza's in it (helpless) I look into your eyes, and the sky's the limit, I'm (helpless) Down for the count, and I'm drownin' in 'em

In New York, you can be a new man

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1304

Do you wonder about me like how I wonder about you?

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1304

Happy Birthday, Sean. You're turning 25 on the 25th of March.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1279

Bad was the blood of the song in the cab On your first trip to LA You ate at my favorite spot for dinner Bold was the waitress on our three year trip Getting lunch down by the lakes She said I looked like an American singer

Time, mystical time Cuttin' me open, then healin' me fine Were there clues I didn't see? And isn't it just so pretty to think All along there was some Invisible string Tying you to me?

A string that pulled me Out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire Chains around my demons, wool to brave the seasons One single thread of gold tied me to you

[flameaurasphere]

"Miserere mei, Deus” by Gregorio Allegri

Gregorio Allegri (c. 1582-1652) was a late Renaissance composer, best remembered for his ‘Miserere’ for two choirs. Allegri began singing in San Luigi dei Francesi before joining the Sistine Choir in 1629. Renaissance music was built upon plainchants, and is characterised by polyphony, imitation, motets, superimpositions, and overlapping cadences that convey flow, expressiveness, and devotion. ‘Miserere’ exemplifies Renaissance polyphony—one choir of five voices sings a fauxbourdon of a plainchant for the Tonus peregrinus, while the other choir of four voices supplies with elaborations and cadenzas, forming a 9-part polyphony.

Sistine Codex of 1661

‘Miserere’ is an acapella performed exclusively during Holy Week in the Sistine Chapel for ages. The church forbade it from being transcribed, so while the original 1661 codex might not reflect the true composition, it reveals the secret ornamentation practice of the olden Sistine Chapel Choir.

The Sistine Chapel Choir is a permanent choir in the chapel that never sings with instrument accompaniments. In this historical recording, a group of voices sings the plainchant, and then a second group of voices responds with elaboration. This repeats four times, as Allegri intended. The two choirs are distinct—even without video, one could picture that the second choir is singing far away at another end of a massive room. While I appreciated the contrast as it dynamised the plainchant, the upper voices in the second choir had drowned out the lower voices, resulting in an “airiness”. Nonetheless, the voices were well-blended and captured the essence of Renaissance music—the melodies flowed smoothly with no fixed tempo, and the music was expressive, whereby the soft tenor solos sounded pleading, but the choir in tutti sounded haunting. ‘Miserere’ means "Have mercy on me, O God" in Latin; fittingly, the acoustics of the chapel allowed their voices to echo, amplifying their devotion to God.

King’s College Choir 1963

The world-famous Choir of King’s College, Cambridge sings in the King’s College Chapel. This is one of the first modern recordings, conducted by David Willcocks and featured soloist Roy Goodman. It differs vastly from the original—during the 19th century, ‘Miserere’ was incorrectly transcribed, transposing the solo choir up a fourth.

Although sung in English, this version still preserved the smooth melodies and distribution of rubato in the original 1661 codex. However, it is more textured, dynamic, and exciting. The articulation of words is clearer; the tenors used a higher vocal placement to produce a more lightweight sound; the basses were audibly growing louder and softer, shaping a slow push-and-pull melody; the boy sopranos pierced through with their resonance and agility in the ornamented lines. Nevertheless, the pièce de resistance is boy treble Goodman’s breath-taking high notes during the second half of the four-voice falsobordone. Though his entry was a little shaky, the transition to the “top C” note was slick and precise, with a slight crescendo and close-to-none sliding. It is astonishing how Goodman sustained those notes—four times—without sounding strained; his pure and aethereal voice quality cannot be replicated by a female soprano. The high notes are my favourite part in contemporary ‘Miserere’, and I have yet to hear one as moving as Goodman

Ofra Harnoy

Ofra Harnoy is a widely celebrated classical cellist with over 40 solo albums. This recording is part of her ‘Back to Bach��� album, filled with Baroque favourites. Harnoy’s vision was to design a large cello ensemble by herself. To attain that effect, she harnessed the power of technology to overdub and produce multi-tracks.

I thought Harnoy’s work was innovative—the mixing and mastering were done so well that with eyes closed, her arrangement did seem like a grand cello ensemble. The tempo was a bit slower than the original 1661 codex and King’s College Choir 1963 recording, but that allowed the strings to ring longer, hence extending the crescendos and decrescendos. Additionally, the lower parts are more discernible than in the previous recordings. The rich bass and use of vibrato dramatised the music, creating a hauntingly beautiful and poignant experience. The high notes did not overpower, unlike in the King’s College Choir 1963 version, hence highlighting the polyphony.

One might think that Harnoy made her cello sing, but I felt that she transformed ‘Miserere’ into a cello piece. My only critique is that all the verses should have been recorded, to demonstrate how each verse differs in the embellishments—for example, the appoggiaturas sung by the higher sections.

Montechait

Montechait is a YouTuber who does piano cover videos and arrangements. He played on a Studiologic SL88 Studio keyboard, then produced and edited the audio using Pianoteq and Cubase software. 

The pitches were not the most precise in the original 1661 codex and King’s College 1963 recordings. Hence, the pitch-perfect keyboard demonstrated how the melodies could sit with one another to deliver chords that assert gloom. I enjoyed that the ending verse was in forte, emphasising the volume of a 9-part polyphony. But this performance lacked expressiveness, which is quintessential to Renaissance music. Despite Pianoteq being one of the greatest virtual instruments that simulate the playability of an acoustic instrument, the recording had a largely manufactured sound. Furthermore, the piano is limited in the expressive shaping of notes as it does not offer dynamic nuance or vibrato.

I learnt that every performer has a unique story to tell in ‘Miserere’—whether it is of worship by the Sistine Codex of 1661, of tradition by the King’s College Choir, of beauty by Ofra Harnoy’s soul-stirring cello, or melancholy by Montechait’s solemn keyboard. In my opinion, the key change from G minor to C minor—due to scribal error—echoes the famous saying: “There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.” ~Bob Ross.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1154

If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track I'll be the moon that shines on your path The sun may blind our eyes, I'll pray the skies above for snow to fall on the Sahara If that's the only place where you can leave your doubts I'll hold you up and be your way out And if we burn away, I'll pray the skies above for snow to fall on the Sahara

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1136

I remember you were so scared of getting Covid and passing it to your grandmother.

I just tested positive for Covid.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1092

We were always terminal, Denial while we danced in the ebb and flow, Never knew when we would let it go.

The conversation's getting cold, We talk about the future while I feel alone. All we do is compromise, why?

Long months long flights, Just to Hold on, hold tight Meet me at the terminal. We were always terminal, Long months long flights, Just to Hold on, hold tight We were always terminal.

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1051

Now if you never shoot, you'll never know And if you never eat, you'll never grow You've got a pretty kind of dirty face And when she's leaving your home She's begging you to stay, stay Stay, stay, stay

I'll give you one more time We'll give you one more fight Said one more line There'll be a riot, cause I know you

Well now that you've got your gun It's much harder now the police have come And I'll shoot him if it's what you ask But if you just take off your mask

You'd find out everything's gone wrong Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, babe, you look so cool

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1043

I got way too much time to be this hurt Somebody help, it's getting worse What do you do with a broken heart? Once the light fades, everything is dark Way too much whiskey in my blood I feel my body giving up Can I hold on for another night? What do I do with all this time? Yeah

I drive circles under street lights Nothing seems to clear my mind I can't forget Get this out my head So I drive, chasing Malibu nights Nothing seems to heal my mind I can't forget (Get this out my head, so) I drive, chasing Malibu nights

[flameaurasphere]

Post Break-up Diary 2.0: Day 1007

Woke up to reality And found the future not so bright I dreamt the impossible That maybe things could work out right

I thought it was you Who would do me no wrong

But now you've given me, given me Nothing but shattered dreams, shattered dreams Feel like I could run away, run away From this empty heart