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armpirate · 9 months ago

Text

Indelible memories || Choi San

Bf experience

pairing: Idol!Choi San x fem!reader

w.c.: 7.1k

Warnings: fluff, angst, smut, vanilla sex, musical tantric sex, masturbation (female and male receiving), protected sex, teasing, dirty talk. (Minors DNI! Refrain from reading if you're not +18, and ignore if you don't like this type of content).

Summary: It's your last week in Seoul, and your boyfriend has assured you you will remember every bit you spend together until you leave.

Aprox. time of reading: 30 minutes

MASTERLIST

I used a scene from a book by Megan Maxwell to inspire the smut. So, if it rings a bell for you, you already know why!

Boyfriend experience

Wednesday

The weight of your boyfriend's head on your shoulder made you quickly turn to him, finding him with his eyes half closed as he fought with his life to keep them open. He quickly made the attempt to sit straight, but his head didn't take long to start falling to the side softly as his eyes slowly closed at the same time, just to suddenly open when he was aware of how his body was leaning to the front a bit faster the deeper he fell asleep.

He was trying his best to stay awake, only because you wanted to watch that movie with him.

"Babe, let's go to sleep" you tried to convince him for the third time that night.

"Why? I'm awake" San insisted, making an effort to show off how he wasn't tired, although his puffy eyelids and the small marked circles underneath his eyes made it obvious enough for you. "Let's keep watching the movie".

You knew where all that stubbornness was coming from. And you also knew there would be no way to get San to change his mind after he convinced himself he'd be able to stay awake, although he hadn't been able to sleep properly for the past two days. He finally had a few days to get some rest, as his schedules cleared up a bit after coming and going to different places, but he kept pushing himself to the edge.

After you had gone forward with the promotion, San promised you he'd spend that last week with you as if nothing else mattered. In any other circumstance, he'd just agree with you on meeting on a different day if he felt his body wasn't going to handle it, but those last days he didn't care about it. He'd even crawl to your place if that meant he'd get to be with you as much as possible.

He just didn't want to regret not spending as much time as he could once you were gone.

His arm wrapped around you, changing the position of your bodies so you'd be lying on his side, while he leaned his body a bit more onto the armrest, to get his head to find some support in the palm of his hand.

That position was the killing shot for him. After fifteen minutes, you managed to look at him over his shoulder, finding him completely knocked out. His arm was stretched over the armrest, and his head had fallen over his bicep, his eyes were closed and his lips slightly parted as he finally allowed his body to get that well-deserved sleep.

"Love, let's go to sleep" you insisted again.

You didn't want to wake him up, but you also didn't want him to sleep in such an uncomfortable position.

"Stay here" he mumbled. "I don't want you to go".

You'd have thought he was awake, but the way his words sounded sloppy while being dragged with his tongue, and how he licked his lips to moisten them to proceed to close his mouth and keep sleeping, told you he was indeed asleep.

Hearing those words from him only made sense if he was asleep. And that, somehow, hurted you even more, because he hated the idea of you leaving as much as you did, but he still put on a facade, hiding his feelings so you wouldn't feel discouraged to do it. It made your heart ache to think that he believed he had to hold it in for you.

That night you curled up to him tighter than ever, not wanting to let go of him and everything that he meant for you.

Thursday

His hand was squeezing yours as you walked down the street. San picked you up at home, changing your plans last minute because he came up with a surprise out of nowhere, which he tried to avoid telling you about so he wouldn't ruin it. And you could tell he had most definitely avoided giving in to your interrogation tactics by avoiding speaking at all, with the only exception of telling you to hurry up or follow him.

Until he stopped in front of a closed establishment. You didn't know why you were there. The inside was dark, you could barely see further than what the lights of the street allowed you to.

"We shouldn't be doing this" you tried to stop him, holding onto his sleeve when he pulled the door open.

With everything that was going on in your lives, the last thing you needed was to have him involved in a scandal after breaking into someone else's establishment.

Your grip on the sleeve of his sweater got tighter when he stepped inside, waiting for you to do the same "If someone catches us..."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course, but..." before you could go on to point out the several reasons why you shouldn't be taking a step inside, San threw the most convincing tone you could've ever heard with those three words.

"Then follow me" he gently got rid of your grip, moving his right arm only so he could offer his left hand for you to hold it.

Even in that dim space, and only lightened up by the street lamps, you were able to see the way his eyes shined as he offered his hand to you, and it took you less than a second to hold it.

After he closed the main door behind you, and started walking among the darkness, only guided by some shadows on the floor, you were expecting for the alarm to blast at any point. All that nervousness was left behind after he crossed another door, leading up to a completely lightened up room, where there was an old lady sitting at one side of the table positioned in the middle of the room.

She quickly stood up and bowed to you two, getting the same greeting as an answer, although yours was a hesitant move, still unsure of what you were doing there, and why that lady with a brown apron seemed to be waiting for you.

"You've always wanted to do this" he started explaining, picking up one of the aprons hanging on the backrest of one of the chairs. "But for obvious reasons we couldn't" he sighed, stepping in front of you, "I managed to find a way to do it... Well, actually, Yunho did" his voice sound so soft as he explained himself, carefully moving around you to place the apron over your clothes. "Her daughter is a fan".

"What did you promise her?" you asked in a whisper.

"Free tickets for the concert, in exchange of keeping it hush hush from her daughter and sns" San answered in the same tone. "And maybe ten photocards signed by Hongjoong, but we'll worry about that another day".

The whole process of creating couple rings right from the start was something new and fun, but there was something so meaningful about it. Because it wasn't only the objects, it was how San pouted whenever he missed something, or the way the tip of your tongue stuck out when you were focused on engraving your initials together on the inside, or your laughs when San gasped when the old lady used the blowtorch to give shape to San's ring, or the way you exchanged looks whenever you had the chance. It was all of you and your feelings in those rings.

"This is so you don't forget who you belong to" he mentioned with a serious look, lifting your done ring in the air.

"As if I was thinking about that" you challenged him, letting him place the ring on your ring finger. "You'll be hearing more from me in Seattle than now".

"I hope so" he nodded, handing his ring to you so you'd put it on him the same way he did to you. Your thumb gently caressed his finger, letting out a sad smile take over your face.

There was something you wanted to ask, but you didn't dare to question out loud until you finally left the store with your new rings.

"Do you really want me to go?" the question came out so suddenly, and so out of nowhere after a few minutes, that it took San by surprise, not sure of why you were asking that.

"Is that a tricky question?" his eyes squinted

He left in the morning before you could even talk with him about what he mumbled in his sleep, and he dragged you out of home so fast that you barely had time to talk until you arrived at that shop.

"You've said what I wanted to hear, or what you think I want to hear ever since I told you. But I want to know what you really think, and what you really want. If you don't want me to leave, I can give up on..."

"Give up? Hey" his eyebrows were slightly furrowed at even the idea of you rejecting that opportunity for him. "You think it'd make me happy to see you turn down that offer because I said so? If we weren't together, you'd be thrilled for that promotion and you wouldn't have thought about it twice" your lips were pressed together when he described that reality. "Of course I don't want you to leave. I'd be tied at your hip if I could. But I also understand I can't push you back. You've always been supportive, and molding to my schedules and my life. And it's about time I do the same for you. I've always said you're my main priority, and your happiness takes part in that" his eyes were fixed on yours, although a few times they always ended up moving somewhere else in the street. "This will be a phase, to make us stronger" he assured you, cupping your cheeks, "We should take it as a long ass tour. We'll be back to each other before we can even think about it. Until that time comes, let's just enjoy this week together, hmm?".

Your arms wrapped around his body like that was the only place you wanted to be glued to, hiding your face on his chest while he completely covered your body in a big hug

Friday

You didn't think there was something weird with the way your boyfriend was dressed, with those unusual black baggy pants and oversized t-shirt, with his head being completely covered by a bucket hat and some random drawings covering his arms -until the edge of his sleeve- with black ink.

"Are those tattoos?" you finally asked in the car, moving your fingers over his skin to try to check what they were.

"Don't do that. It tickles" he moved his arm slightly, smiling before he answered. "They're fake. One of the stylists had it for a video performance, but we never ended up using it, so I asked him and he gave it to me to use today".

"Now that we're on it: aren't you supposed to be rehearsing right now?" your eyes squinted as you interrogated him.

San just shrugged, nodding at the same time he let you know he just didn't care "It's your last week. Yesterday I already spent way too much time outside, and I even fell asleep on Wednesday. The boys understood, so it should be alright" a low sigh announced the continuation of his explanation "It'll be just five days".

As he stopped the car, it made sense for you why he suddenly changed the way he dressed, or why he added those fake tattoos over his body. He wanted to be with you out in the open.

"I mean, it's a bit more effort than those celebs who think it's all done with a cap and shades" you pulled from the visor of his hat, making him whine and move your hands away.

"I also have a mask, so when I take off the hat in the attraction, they won't see my full face" he explained.

"Wouldn't that drag more attention on you?"

"That's why I'm using the tattoos" he explained as if it were obvious. "If someone thinks I'm famous, they'll check the tattoos and move on".

"It's concerning how much you've thought about this".

You were teasing him, and he knew it by the funny smile you had on your face before you started walking to the entrance. San moved fast though, intertwining your fingers together, holding your hand like he was going to do for the rest of the day.

Saturday

Another gasp came out with some splash from the water as you sank his arm into the sink filled with warm water. After his idea of disguising as someone else in the theme park turned out well, or so you thought, San found the rest of the morning trying to get rid of the fake tattoos with no luck.

"What the hell is this tattoo made of?" you kept rubbing the sponge on his skin. "I bet a real tattoo would be easier to erase than this".

"Today is the party, I can't show up like this" he complained.

"What party?" you suddenly stopped after what he said, looking up to him.

His eyes momentarily went big, quickly avoiding yours and concentrating back in his arm. "Party? What party?".

"You said today is the party" the emphasis on each word fell on San's back like a heavy bag.

He ruined the surprise, after he had told everyone to keep it quiet for you.

"I organized a party for you" he sighed, almost moving his arms out of the sink, but being kept from doing it by your hand holding tight on his upper arm. "I wanted you to take a good memory to Seattle, I invited some of our friends, the boys, even my parents are going to come... I told everyone not to tell you".

You could tell how disappointed he was at himself for ruining the surprise so easily, after all the effort he had put in it and keeping it a secret since he started preparing it.

"I'll pretend I'm surprised for you" you assured him, standing on your tiptoes to kiss his cheek. "Now we really need to get rid of this".

Sunday

You were used to San spoiling you, but so much and so many days in a row? It felt like you were in paradise. You had been telling him constantly he didn't need to do all of that, you tried to assure him it was enough with just having him around, especially after how tired he probably was after the previous night's party.

Yet there he was. Whenever you needed something, he brought it to you. Whenever you were hungry, he prepared something for you. And whenever you wanted to do something, he'd agree without a single trail of doubt.

"I can't enjoy it" your head shook, as your eyebrows furrowed and your lips grimaced when you won the game.

"You literally humiliated me. I've never had such a bad time playing Monopoly".

"How do I know you didn't let me win?"

"Are you kidding?" he pointed to the board, "I even bought the blue ones, but you didn't fall on them a single time. We should've stopped playing after I gave you two of my properties" teasingly, he threw the fake money.

"What can I say? I'm good with business".

Your smile made him forget about everything he was complaining about, feeling happy and in the right place just by seeing those wrinkles in the corners of your eyes as your lips curved up with pride. Whatever happened, however that new experience turned out, he was sure he'd do everything in his hand to keep you smiling that way. Thinking about having to see that smile through a screen was something that killed him the few months he left for a concert, but it always made him feel better to know he'd see it in person after a short while, but now you both were entering that difficult phase where neither of you knew when would be the next time you'll be together like that, without worrying about taking a flight back home, because you two were in the same place together.

You had started picking up all the pieces to put them inside the box when he said: "Are you good at dancing, too?".

"You know I'm not" you chuckled, resting your hands at the edge of the small table.

San seemed to ignore your answer, because he got up from the floor either way and reached his hand to you, waiting for you to take it. You were still as confused, but it didn't stop you from taking his hand and standing in front of him, allowing him to guide you to one side of the living room.

"So suddenly?" you asked when his hand moved to your waist.

It wasn't like that was one thing out of the ordinary. Your boyfriend was a hopeless romantic, and whatever idea that could make him feel like he was in a movie, he'd do it without thinking about it twice. And you always followed along, feeling full with those small gestures, because there wasn't anything more meaningful than those bright eyes looking down at you as if you were the most important in the world, while he guided your body with gentle moves.

Your cheek rested over your hand on his shoulder, while your nose rubbed a few times against his neck, trying to memorize his smell as well as you could.

"Did you improve your dancing skills?" he teased you, speaking before you could remind him of the pain he was trying to leave aside. "You haven't stepped on me yet".

"Is that an invitation for me to do it?".

San simply smiled, leaning over to link your lips together as you kept turning slowly on your feet. There was no music, but it was the best dance he had done in a long time.

Monday

"Three kids" he quickly said, finishing his map.

At that time, you were regretting ever teaching him that random game a few weeks back when you were bored. Every few seconds, he'd break the silence and lift his head to look at you over the folds of your t-shirt, momentarily freeing you from the weight of it on your chest.

"Three kids... Are you insane?" you took the notebook away from him.

Where there should be the three crushes' names, he had put: dog, cat, other. Looking below, you could see how excitedly he had encircled the number three, related to the number of kids he would have, and even lower, he had written three different professions: singer, writer, personal trainer.

"Why did you even include writer? You don't ever let anyone read your poems"

"Now I'm an idol, nobody should be allowed to read them"

And he did really mean it. Nobody, not even you, had ever read one of his poems.

"And personal trainer?" you chuckled.

"I didn't know what else to put there" he excused himself. "It was the first to go, luckily. It isn't meant to happen".

"Hey, in the location you didn't even write real places: Y/n's heart, my heart, anywhere... This is cheesy even for me" San snatched the notebook from your hands, giving it another read.

"I didn't want to put a real place" he shrugged. "Wherever it is, it's not important. What matters is that we're together" his tone quickly changed as he focused on another part of the game. "We'll get married in five years, right after I return from military service. Hmm, here it says it'll be in winter, but we could ignore it and get married in spring".

"Yeah, that sounds better" you nodded, playing along. "Hmm, I've always thought of getting married out in the open, with a cute dress with my shoulders exposed. I can't do that in winter".

"Why don't you do it and see what turns out?".

You'd have liked to pretend you didn't want to do it, but just the idea of planning your future together sounded exciting and tempting itself. It was a conversation you had a few times already, although it never seemed as serious as that evening.

It almost sounded like a promise between you two.

The smile on your face couldn't be hidden as you quickly sat up, starting to write all those details in a whole new sheet.

Tuesday

"I don't get why we're doing this" he complained, surrounding the bed with deep steps until he was standing on the side opposite to yours.

"Because you said you wanted us to remember this night for a long time" you giggled, quoting him a few minutes back when he was kissing you while you were on top of him. "And we will" you assured him.

"Yes, I'll remember this as the night my girlfriend..."

"Are you complaining?" you warned him, lifting your index in his direction, "Because you said you'd do everything I wanted to do on our last night". A click of tongue confirmed you were starting to get annoyed "Don't you trust me?"

"I do" by the way his lips opened again right after, you were sure he was about to speak, but you interrupted him before he could.

"Then choose three songs. The sexiest songs you can come up with" he sighed, finally giving in and picking his phone out of his pocket to look for the songs that could fit the mood you wanted to build.

He just couldn't resist you whenever you came up with an idea, it was so special whenever you confessed what you wanted to do. It showed how deep the trust was between you two, how your relationship was so safe in every aspect, that he only wanted to build it stronger. So San chose those three songs carefully, scrolling through his general playlist until he found them.

When he turned to you again, your lip was trapped under your upper teeth, and your gaze was eager for more than just him. San left his phone over the nightstand, following your guidance before you told him to get naked together, where you were standing in that moment, working on your respective clothings until you were completely naked in front of one another, with a distance that seemed like kilometers.

The hairs in your body raised as he scanned your naked body among the darkness, delicately looking at you from head to where the edge of the bed allowed him to see. And you did the same, making him feel suddenly nervous and exposed for the first time in those almost two years of relationship.

Under your guidance, he sat in the middle of the bed, following your movements while you crawled over the mattress to where he was, only moving away from him to pick up the phone.

"We can't speak and we can't touch each other while the first song plays" you warned him.

"What do you mean I can't touch you?" he whined as you joined him in the middle of the bed, placing your legs around his waist.

"You can't" you firmly shook your head. "If you do, I'll replay the song. When the second one starts, we'll be able to touch each other, kiss and speak. And, with the third one, everything will be allowed. Got it?".

Aware that you were waiting for him to answer, he nodded "Got it".

After he nodded for one last time, you finally clicked on the play button. Just a second later, a slow and sensual bhangra melody filled the room, covering your heavy breathing. You had to hold back from speaking out loud and congratulating him for picking such a good song. Ride it by Jay Sean would've been in your list if you had been in charge of it.

Touchin' and teasin' me, tellin' me no

The second your eyes met, you could see the way he was trying to hold his breath, piling up every effort to keep his hands away from you. You knew your boyfriend for long enough to know that he was going to speak before he emitted a sound.

"You look beautiful tonight".

"Babe" you whined. "We can't speak, remember?".

"I know. But I needed to tell you".

"Then tell me through your eyes" both of your fingers pointed at your eyes, to later point at his. "Let's focus on each other, hmm? Look at every detail, let your head imagine and your body feel".

Twisting his lips again, he nodded. And while it seemed like he had it all under control, his voice suddenly sounded over the music again "Will I be able to tell you through my eyes?".

"Babe, you have the most expressive eyes I've ever seen in my life. You'll be able to" you assured him. "Let's try it again".

San closed his eyes, trying to focus and gain some control back, after suddenly feeling so nervous under your gaze. It was such an intimate moment, that he didn't really know how to deal with it silently. He felt so exposed, yet so connected to you when your eyes met, that he felt tickles in his body when you gave him a tiny sided smile to let him know you were feeling the same way. He wasn't touching you, but you could feel the warmth of his body almost coating yours, his forearms were on each side of your ankles, but it felt like they were searing your skin.

Your eyes, and the lyrics of that song, were the only way you had to communicate everything you wanted to do to each other right in that moment. He was craving your voice, and hearing you whimper with every touch of his fingertips on your soft skin, while you were dying to cover his lips with yours, finding them more tempting than ever before.

You wanted to feel each other, you wanted to hear each other, you wanted to lose control together... But the last minute of the song kept you from doing so, almost feeling like there was a chain keeping your hands away from each other as you battled your deeper wants.

The seductive sound of a trumpet marked the ending of the first phase, and the beginning of the second one. You recognised the song almost instantly, moving closer to him to wrap your arms around his neck. Chase Atlantic was never his cup of tea, but he still chose Slow Down for that moment.

"I thought you said you didn't like this song" you teased him, sinking your fingers slowly in his hair.

"I don't, but it reminds me of you" he confessed, finally moving his fingers over your calves, "and how pretty you looked while I fucked you in the backseat of my car".

Just hearing those words coming out of him made your core throb with need, and the images replaying in your head made it feel so vivid that you could almost feel every inch of his dick rubbing against your walls and making you curl your toes inside the sneakers you wore that night. That song started playing when you two moved to the back, and he started pounding into you from behind after you had teased him on his lap.

"Did I?" you purred against his lips. "You always look so hot when you show how bigger and stronger you are, maybe that had a lot to do with how I looked" your lips traced his marked jaw, slightly sticking out the tip of your tongue.

He gulped so loud that you could hear and feel the moment the spit went down his throat when your lips met the freckles of his neck. You knew how sensitive that spot had always been for him.

For a second, he had you under his charm, you were under his control by how quick he was using the dirty talk to make you weaker, but you clapped back quite fast, making him suddenly nervous by how soft and seductive your voice sounded at the same time.

He remembered how insecure and lost you were on your first times, and how slowly you became the woman you were then: fierce, sexy, free... And what made him twitch between your bodies was thinking that he was the only one that saw that change.

You kissed him first, sucking his lower lip so delicately that he thought his whole body paralyzed with the way you trapped him. But your head quickly moved back before he could make the kiss go deeper.

He tried once, twice... always with the same result. Until he hooked your jaw in his fingers with a growl, moving your face to him to link your lips together just the way he wanted to have you. His tongue moved first, sneaking through your lips to make you gasp when it twirled around yours.

The first song had made you so sensitive and needy for his touch that the slight rub of his tongue on yours had you clenching around nothing, and grinding your hips against his hard-on for some friction.

"Babe, I thought you said I should take it easy" he broke the kiss to tease you for your own desperation. "You need me so bad?".

"Uh-hum" you licked your lips, cleaning all the remains of your mixed spits on them. "I need to feel you stretching me out as good as you know" you purred against his lips, but he only smirked in response.

He had insisted on saving up all the energy for your last night together, to make it more special for the both of you. And just for that same reason, you came up with the idea of doing tantric sex to start the night -after reading it on a book-, but it only ended up with you being victim of your own torture.

Your breathing instantly cut when two of his fingers moved over your clit, slowly and gently rubbing in eight-shapes traces. San had to control himself from surrendering to you after he met your folds, finding them completely soaked in your arousal.

"The song hasn't finished yet. Don't try to tempt me" almost covering your body, he leaned over you to whisper in your ear. "This was your idea".

Your breathing was faster, and your hips seemed to find a way to move by themselves, lifting every single time against his digits. You were so trapped when he kissed you again, that you didn't know when your fingers hooked around his wrist and moved his fingers down your pussy.

"What do you want?" he hissed against your lips, dedicating you one of those filthy looks that just made you want to do all the nasty things that came up to mind.

"Finger me" your voice sounded weak, but your petition was so determined that it almost sounded like you were begging.

A sigh escaped your lips as you felt two of his fingers pushing inside your entrance, getting deeper until he was knuckles deep in you.

He never went too fast, his finger never curled in your insides to reach that glorious spot, he just kept you there hanging as his digits pounded in and out of you so slowly that you were sure he was just trying to drive you crazy.

But two could play that game.

Millimeters away from his lips, you spit on your hand to guide it to his hard shaft, while your other hand pushed him to your lips by his nape. He groaned during the kiss while your fingers moved over his dick, coating it with the saliva before you wrapped them around it and started moving your fingers up and down, barely adding any pressure.

That kiss turned so hungry, so savage, that you both knew it was only a declaration of how much you both needed each other at that point of the game. While neither of you wanted to give in first, you were almost praying the other surrendered and took the next step before the song ended.

The pop-rock R&B music stopped, letting a slower indie rock song start. You both looked at each other knowing exactly what it meant: the start of the third phase.

"New rule: we can't touch each other until..."

You didn't let him finish, pushing his body onto the mattress to straddle his body with one leg on each side of his hips. But San was faster, holding your body and making the two of you roll so he was on top between your legs.

"I don't want to wait anymore" you whispered, attempting to pout when you saw the tease in his eyes.

"Neither do I" he confessed, giving you a sweet smile.

San moved away from you only to pick a condom from the nightstand on his right, separating your bodies while standing on his knee to wrap himself with the latex. With another kiss, he completely covered your body, molding himself in between your thighs, with one hand cupping one of your cheeks while the other directed himself to your entrance.

Your nails dived on the skin of his shoulders as he stretched you out, slowly moving forward inch by inch until your hips were connected to one another. He stopped there, taking his time to admire every detail in your face as he rubbed his nose on yours.

While your legs were tangled together, you moved your foot up through his calf, at the same time your fingertips traced his spine from his lower back to his shoulders.

"San" you called him, having his eyes falling on yours with so much dedication that you felt your heart crumpling in your chest ", I'm yours".

It sounded like a promise.

And that was exactly what it was. You were assuring him that whatever happened, how far you were from each other, you'd remain his, just like he'd remain yours.

He leaned over you after saying that, linking your lips together before his hips started rocking against yours, steadily making your lower back hit the mattress every few thrusts. One of his hands never left your cheek, but the other wandered over your curves and in between your bodies, reaching your swollen button to get that first moan from you.

There was nothing more addictive than losing all types of control of your body because of San.

Your knees were at the level of his waist, while your heels digged on his lower back as his pounds got a little faster with the passing of time.

"Harder, babe" you moaned with a shaky voice.

Just like you asked, his thrusts went against your pelvis with a bigger impact, making your whole body bounce and emit that loud clap that echoed through the room and almost sounded over your voice.

San quickly moved your hands away from his face and his shoulders, holding you by your wrists to put them over your head. He only enclosed his fingers around your small joints for a few seconds, caressing your exposed palms with his digits until he was able to hold your hands, intertwining yours fingers together, closing his fist so tight to assure you that he wouldn't ever let you go. He linked your lips together again, drinking up all of your moans.

Succumbing to pleasure, feeling that knot in your stomach tightening with every move of his hips, and every rub of his pelvis against your clit, you tried to fight that outer force that made your back arch and your head move back, because you wanted to keep kissing him while he drove you to your orgasm. Curling your fingers a bit, you went from holding his hand to digging your nails on his knuckles, slowly losing every control that was remaining in your system.

San felt it on the way your moans sounded more choked, and the way you clenched around him like you never wanted him to let go, and that only encouraged him to go a bit faster, keeping that same strength of his thrusts.

Your orgasm was stronger than you, having you break the kiss to let out the deepest breath and the loudest moan that could gift his ears. He still went on, fucking you through your high to reach his.

One thrust.

Two thrusts.

Three thrusts.

And he was gone.

You recognised those small whimpers, getting out one right after the other, until a low groan culminated it all as his thrusts got sloppier and his cock twitched inside you while he spilled himself inside the condom.

His forehead covered yours and his hands finally let go of yours to caress your forearms while your fingers cupped his cheeks.

"You have no idea how much you mean to me" he whispered, with the most sincere tone in his voice.

"I know" you nodded, trying to move his bangs away from his head, only to have them fall back to the same place right after. "I love you so much".

"I love you, too" his head was hidden in the curve of your neck, while your arms hugged him tight.

But you didn't want sadness to ruin the mood of the night, you didn't want that sensation of losing something to get to you until the time you actually had to leave. It was your last night, and you two needed to enjoy it.

"Hmm, what about a second round?".

"You want more?" he asked, raising his eyebrows surprised as he looked at you again.

"Always".

After saying that, you succeeded at making your body roll over the bed, getting on top of him to go on with a night that you didn't want to see the end of.

Wednesday

That day nothing felt like you were going to leave, like you were actually saying goodbye to all those things. San drove you to the airport, and you still didn't have the sensation that you'd be seeing that city for the last time in a long while.

You both woke up curled next to each other, you both cuddled like you always did in the mornings you weren't busy, you both had breakfast and joked around. Not even dragging those two big suitcases made you feel like you were leaving.

Until you arrived at the airport and reality hit you.

You could feel the way your hand was shaking despite having his almost covering it, and that knot in your throat was tying up as tight as possible with every step you took. You were so focused on your thoughts, that you didn't know when exactly those tears started rolling down your cheeks until you felt a salty taste from one of them in your mouth.

"Hey, hey" he stopped, placing himself in front of you and leaning over so your eyes could be at the same height and be able to look at one another under the visor of his cap. "We promised we wouldn't do this".

"I know" you managed to say. "It's just... I can't..." your head shook, letting him know you wouldn't be able to say another word before you broke out crying again.

The rhythm of his heart beating should've been peaceful enough to calm you down when he hugged you, other times it definitely worked. But that morning it only made you want to stick to him, because you knew it wouldn't be there as soon as you got on that plane.

In your almost two years of relationship you never had to consider having to let it go to each other's safe place, not even once. And even if you had a week to get ready for it, you ignored it, spending time together and making you treasure that comfortable place that your relationship was.

And now reality was hitting you two like a truck.

"We'll text each other constantly, we'll facetime every day, I'll go visit you every time I can, and you'll come to visit me whenever you have the chance" he tried to calm you down. "Remember what we said?" softly, he moved back just to be able to wipe your tears away "This will only make us stronger".

You really wanted to take that step, to go further in your career, but it was burning your chest to know that was the sacrifice you had to make to get it.

His words managed to comfort you, they helped calm you down, but it had the reverse effect on him.

You felt a drop falling over your shoulder, and when you looked up, you could see San trying to hold back those tears that were forming in the corners of his eyes. Your arms moved up to his shoulders, now adopting the position of the one who was comforting him to caress the strings of hair that escaped his cap.

"Time will also fly" you whispered with a shaky voice. "Who knows? Maybe I get the chance to come back sooner than what we think".

His arms wrapped around your waist, pulling a strong grip around your body when your lips kissed the curve of his neck, right where his freckles were.

"We said we wouldn't make a scene, and look at us" you chuckled.

San had been so used to seeing you whenever he came back from tour, to escaping anywhere with you whenever he had a gap in his schedule, that finally realizing all those small plans would be gone for a long while was aching more than he could've imagined.

You stayed there after calming down, holding hands, just enjoying the last few minutes together before it was time for you to go. San held you tight, hugging you tight one last time before you started going your separate ways. Although you stopped shortly after you started walking, turning on your tracks and running to your boyfriend to give him one last hug.

When you kissed again, you felt that salty taste on your lips again, but you didn't know if it belonged to your tears or his. You two tried to force a smile when you broke the kiss and stepped back, trying to encourage the other to be well despite feeling broken inside.

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