#Me when someone asks me about Foals: :D

[iero]

HI! I heard foals live when they were touring with paramore and was wondering if you had any recs of where to start listening to them, i liked the overall vibe but couldn't understand any of the words during the concert haha

Hi anon! Firstly, very jealous that you saw them open up for Paramore. I was supposed to see them in Minnesota on that tour (and then specially Foals in Chicago for their Lolla aftershow following that) and my entire plans fell through... Still one of my biggest regrets there... Anyway! I'm happy you're willing to give them a try!

I answered a previous ask with some recs right here if you want to start there! That anon said they listened to Total Life Forever already, but if you want any TLF recs, I'd personally recommend After Glow, Wear & Tear (technically a B-side on this album, but I'm including it, it's one of their best) and/or Spanish Sahara (which I'm sure is one of the ones you heard live, if you remember it)!

If you want any more recs, let me know! They're such an underrated band and I'm happy people are asking me about them. :)

[picusviridis]

helloooo you rbd the "ask me about my ocs" post from me so i am here to ask you abt them (even if you said youre not good at answering them. 😔🤝😔)

i would like to know... anything! about ur ocs :] but i know from experience vauge questions r hard to answer so maybe some trivia? like, howd you choose their names or designs. thatd be cool doesnt have to be the sol ones either !! or i think ur sol ones are also repurposed ones? so their original forms would be cool too. either way i would find it interesting :D

you are so nice to me

AND YOU KNOW ACTUALLY? NAMES & DESIGNS I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF JUST NOW "OH THEY AREN'T THAT INTERESTING" THEN I REMEMBERED NO? THEY BOTH HAVE NAME-AND-DESIGN STORIES? that I find funny anyway........

also i realise how long this is IM PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE.

the readmore fucking MOVED?

& ONLY cassius was repurposed . though like before SoL he was . essentially nothing . rotting in my beloveds toyhouse-folder w TWO images (NOW HE'S GOT THE MOST IN MY TH AT... 40...) because I didnt know what to do with him (and it's like... i don't wanna move him out D:) & then i made him in SoL and i think a neuron fired or something idk what happend . the moment I drew him w short hair it all went downhill i think . Anyway, so original cassius, he's named after (coughs) Cassius by Foals . I SAY THIS EVERY OTHER DAY I FEEL "LISTEN TO CASSIUS BY FOALS" (LINKED, THIS TIME.) BUT HE CAME ABOUT COS I SAW A TEMPT6T VIDEO WITH UHH

SOMEONE AS THE GEN 4 GUITARIST. AND FOR DAYS I WAS IN A STATE OF LIKE... ILLNESS? "I NEED TO NAME SOME OC CASSIUS" (....) "I WANNA MAKE THAT GUY AN OC" (....) oh mon dieu now there's a blonde guy in my brain . what the fuck . what the hell? who let him in dude dude dude dude what the hell . tangent but he even was in a band. at first. cos of course he was . a band, fun fact, based on AN OLD POKEMON BAND I HAD . WHICH I HADN'T TOUCHED IN YEARS . BUT cassius was based (i say based loosely) on a shiny minccinno/cincinno named "S I N" so that's fun & the bassist (i.e.) the only other one i . sketched (half-finished?) . i wanna say "oh haha he looks like alfie but with glasses on" but he doesn't . not at all ??? he would have had the same colour hair though. so that's like... the exact same character then

see. him? i wanted to put him here he hasn't seen the light of day in months . ok . where was i . oh yeah this was dropped pretty quickly cos i didnt know what to do with them LOL. now long-haired cassius has been repurposed AGAIN to be cassius' older brother in........the loathingverse! which is cool :-)

& even like i tried so hard to make him fit with the song back when but it NEVER worked and then he gets LOATHING'D AND NOW HE FITS? what the hell man

.

also alfie. alfie oh my god alfie can i say? can i start? do not look at me strangely for this but

this was who he was based on. alfie from fucking blue y . i dont know how i found him nor why i wanted to make a character named alfie because of it but i did AND i needed a name for my achievement hunter (which i portmanteaued, horribly, into his last name) save file(s). So alfie achivunter it was.......... and AND THIS IS WHY HE'S LIKE. THE "DOG GUY". and thats why he looked like THIS at one point :

but i was making his ref & i was like. dear lord this looks atrocious . so im pretty sure i colourpicked from like . ron inside job or something (i distinctly remember being like "this sucks" "what if i made him look like ron instead" & i did) instead and now he looks NORMAL except NOW HE LOOKS LIKE CONNOR SCP CONTAINMENT AND RON INSIDE JOB???? like okay i feel mental every time i say this but like come ON . COME ON?

the Exact Same Man. ok???? i feel like a detective gone mental pointing to a board with red threads and photos like DON'T YOU SEE? IT'S ALL CONNECTED!!! THEY LOOK THE FUCKING SAME!!!!!!! THESE THREE LOOK EXACTLY THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh and fun fact alfie is short for alfred he really cannot win . have i said this before? i probably have

& one last thing I guess

these little dots beneath the eyes . it basically means he's got a little evil in him OR really, IMPOSSIBLE TO GET FORESHADOWING. unless you .... know...... the cosmosdex??? yeah. i thought itd fit AND right beneath ALL OF MY OTHER INSANITY. WITH AN ACTUAL LITTLE TRIVIA POINT? HUUUUM. OKAY?

[nei-ning]

Dream from last night.

I was in a car with my sis and her best friend. We drove past one yellow wooden house. Tiny and old. It’s chimney had collapsed and smoke was rising from somewhere. We stopped and I hopped out and smelled smoke, announcing it out loud so that sis’ best friend could call fire fighters.

I myself rushed on the yard, noticing that the smoke was coming from the ground. There had been something which had exploded and was still smoking with small flames. I started to toss snow on the flames when small fire/oil bomb exploded a bit further away. I yelled my sis and her friend to stay away since there were hidden bombs.

I next noticed thin black body inside the grass by my side, then some spots of red. I soon realized it was Shadow the Hedgehog and he was badly hurt. Don’t know WHAT he was doing there, but I picked him up, noticing his left leg was gone. It had either burned off or exploded. I carried him bit further away, yelling we need ambulance too since there’s someone injured. I started to take care of him when a woman, maybe even sis’ bestie, came to me. She said he needs to be put down but I said there’s no reason to. He will recover and I will take him to live with me, take care of him. She then looked at me asking: “How about your children? How they will react on his missing leg?” She was honestly more or less displeased with the idea of kids seeing a person missing a leg.

I told her - a lie - that my kids would be fine since ever since they were small, I had shown them pics of cats missing first 1 toe, then 2 toes, 3 toes, whole paw, part of the leg, whole leg etc. A lie was that I had no kids :’D I don’t know why I had lied about that to her earlier at some point. But she seemed to believe this.

I then ended up in my old neighbor’s kitchen back in my hometown with sis. The husband was home with his 2 oldest child. We all sat around the table in the kitchen as he talked to us. At first all was okay but then he started to tell us which things are most important in life. When he said “education”, he gave me a weird but short glare. I instantly got pissed since, yes, I have no education in this life (not after being bullied for 5 years by kids, teacher and headmaster of the school). I stood up, saying with slight angry voice:

“Of course you looked at ME when you said education!”

He started to talk but I didn’t let him. I talked over him over and over again until I managed to shut him up. I said with anger:

“If I have food in my fridge, it’s nothing away from you! You still have food in your fridge! If I have money in my wallet, it’s nothing away from you since you still have money in your own wallet! That what I have or get is never nothing away from someone else!”

I think I ranted a bit more until we came in my old home’s living room. He was already sitting on the black leather couch as I sat on the chair, huffing with arms crossed over my chest. He asked:

“What would you like to do in life as a job if you could?”

“Take care of horses.” I said, but soon continued: “But I can’t do even that without education because apparently you are NOT capable of doing such job with 10+ years of experience. It means nothing. Hell, I know how to take care of horses!”

My dream ended here but I will explain my real life experience about horses below.

And that is all true. My father, back in the days, got himself a stallion foal (and he still has this stallion, 25 years later). He was 1 year old when we got him. At first he was solely my father’s responsibility but as an animal lover and as a child who enjoyed physical activities, I was always with him, watching how he took care of the stallion. Slowly dad started to give me tasks. “Feed him at 4pm with these. Keep checking he has water constantly during the hot summer days etc.” simple stuff like that because he knew I could do them. But eventually, when he noticed I was able to handle the stallion if / when he escaped from the fence etc. he left him completely in my care.

I think he also lost his interest on him more or less because our stallion was very afraid about his ears. No human or nothing not-living couldn’t touch them without him freaking out so bad! He had some temper too but he wasn’t bad stallion because, hey, he could had been worse.

So, then for over years and years, it was I who took care of him. Around the clock, summer or winter. Father, at times, fed him around 5am before he went to work but most of the time that was my job. Not only I took care of the stallion, but when father agreed to take working horse mare from his sister (who couldn’t handle the mare with any of her family members), yup, it was I who started to take care of her too. Not that I minded since I loved her! She was big and strong! I always had wanted a big horse someday in my life!

She, like our stallion, had her faults, and I had days when I felt really pissed about taking care of them constantly all by myself. I never minded about HELPING father take care of them but leaving them COMPLETELY on ME... With that I was not okay with.

But still, I mostly have good memories and experiences. I took care of them both for years and years before we sold our house and we all moved in different places to live. Dad naturally took the horses. The mare, sadly, passed last year because of old age. She was over 30.

I got a little lost about the topic but in all seriousness: NO matter HOW MUCH experience you have in Finland about things, like I have about taking care of horses, YOU CAN’T GET A JOB, not even as a waitress, if you DON’T HAVE EDUCATION. But there’s another twist. You also CAN’T GET a job if you have TOO GOOD EDUCATION / if you have study TOO MUCH! Seriously, there has been cases in the news and on social media where people have said:

“I was in a job interview and after I showed my CV to the person who interviewed me, they said I am too educated and therefor not suitable for the job! I was not hired even that I was perfect for the job!”

“I have sent over 500 job applications in each month and I never get a reply! Or if I do, it’s always something such as: “Thank you for your interested towards us but sadly you were not chosen.” I’ve education and I’m good at my job but none of that doesn’t seem to matter.”

etc.

[starjane312]

Kit Tanthalos x OC

Big Masterlist

Masterlist

Chapter 6

We arrive at the Mothers’ gate. It’s empty.

B: Where is everyone ?

I get off Moon.

Ja: Armory’s untouched. If they fled, they went in a Hurry.

K: Guys.

I look at Kit. She points her finger at the Wall next to us. Something is written in blood.

Ka: They’d never abandon their Post.

J: Guys.

K: Look at this.

She steps away from the wall and the others look at it.

G: We stand at the threshold …

We both look at him and he stops.

J: Keep going.

G: We peer into the Void. We bear witness  to his Glory. The Eternal One, the healer of Worlds.

The ground starts shaking.

G: As he stirs from his Deathless Slumber deep below the Surface. The Harbinger of the Wyrm will come.

The ground starts shaking progressively worse. The Horses start to Panic, and I wrap my Arms around Kit. When the shaking stops. I calm Moon and we keep riding. Through the Fog and over the Grass fields. About an hour later we see Dove walking.

K: Unbelievable.

Ja: You gotta admire her Persistence.

K: No she’s gonna get herself killed.

J: HEY ! 

We ride to her and stop.

K: What did I say ?

D: You’re not the Boss of me Princess. Not out here.

B: I like her. I think we should keep her.

K: Nobody asked you, Boorman !

D: Shut up, Boorman !

Ka: Enough. We don’t have time for your Bickering. Aryk doesn’t have Time. I don’t Care if you like each other. We’re all in this together now. And out here, in the World beyond. If you’re not Vigilant at each moment. I swear you will not survive.

Just as he finished speaking, he gets shot by an Arrow and falls of his Horse. Men on Horses with Skull Masks come riding towards us.

B: Bone Reavers ! RIDE !

Kit helps Dove on her Horse.

J: Let’s Go Moon.

Moon Rides as fast as he can behind Kit. They Start shooting arrows at us. If Kit and dove wouldn’t have leaned back they would have been shot. We Ride directly to a Cliff.

Ja: BOORMAN !

J: WHAT ARE YOU DOING ?

He is shouting something and His horse jumps off the Cliff into the Water and our Horses do the same. As soon as we land I look at Kit.

J: Are you Ok ?

She nods. Moon nudges my Side. I stroke his fur.

J: I’m fine.

K:That was Incredible. How’d you get him to … I’ve never seen Horses do that. What does Hsu-Gala mean ?

B: It’s an Ancient Angorian word. It means stop.

We all look at him.

J: I beg your pardon ?

He nods. From now on we walk. I walk next to Boorman while Moon walks in front of us.

B: Uh, Jane ? Your Horse ?

J: What’s with him ? 

B: He’s walking away.

J: He’s not.

B: You let him walk free ? 

J: Yes.

B: And he comes back ?

I nod my head.

B: I don’t believe you.

J: MOON HERE.

Moon comes to me and walks next to me.

B: Wow.

J: I’ve had him since he was a Foal. He chose me and I raised him.

Boorman nods.

K: I wanted to say uh, I’m Sorry … about the way I behaved. It was … I was very Childish and …

G: No, it's ok. I, I can understand not wantin’ to Marry someone that you barely know. I wasn’t happy about it either.

K: You weren’t ?

G: I mean you're a very pretty person. But uh I just think you should be in love with someone, before you commit to spending the rest of your life with them, right ?

Boorman looks at me and I just shake my head.

K: What about our responsibility to unite the realm ?

G: One day you and I are gonna be in charge.  And when that day comes, we don’t have to do things the way our Parents did. I’ll find someone I love and you have Jane. I mean I get why she hates me.

I sigh. 

J: Hated you. You're kinda useful with your understanding of different languages and stuff. Doesn’t mean we’re friends.

We arrive at a Broken and destroyed Village. I bind Moon next to Eclipse and look at Boorman.

K: Are you sure this is the same Village my Mother was talking about ?

B: It’s the only Village in the Valley.

Ja: Where did everybody go ?

I look around and go to stand next to Kit.

?: Oh Daikinis. Terrific. Just what I need.

I look at the Nelwyn man.

Ja: What happened here ?

?: Plenty. And if you’re not Careful it will Happen to you too.

K: We’re looking for a Sorcerer, Willow.

?: Congratulations. You found him.

When I look at him he doesn’t look like a Sorcerer.

B: You’re Willow ?

?: Yep that's me. Willow. But I’m out of the Sorcery Business now. I’ve retired. So, jog on.

Kit's getting frustrated. I take her hand.

K: My name is Kit Tanthalos. My Mother is Sorsha. She send me here to come find you. She told me that once long ago you stood together against the Forces of Evil and Defeated Them. The world needs you again. It needs your Magic.

Another Voice speaks up.

?: It’s Okay. She is who she Claims to be.

?: How do you know ?

?: I read her Mind. 

Another man who definitely looks like a sorcerer come out of a Hut.

W: Kidding. Had you though didn’t ? I didn’t read your mind. It's just you remind me of your mother.

K: My Brother Aryk was taken by …

W: The Gales.

J: The what ?

W: Your Brother's Alive. A prisoner of the Withered Crone. Who dwells in the Immemorial City, that lies beyond the Shattered Sea. The four who came to Tir Asleen are her Servants.

B: I’m Sorry did you say Beyond the Shattered Sea ?

Willow nods.

B: Okay.

J: What ?

Kit definitely can't do that, that is way too dangerous.

B: I’ve Travelled all across the world and met some real Magical Marvin’s. But I never met anyone who crossed the Shattered sea. That’s where all the Maps end.

W: And that's where we must go. Beyond the edge of our World into the unknown. It’s the only way to … To …

He stops Speaking and walks to Dove. We look at her. He lifts up one of her sleeves and lays his hand on it and starts chanting something. When he lifts his hand a Mark appears.

W: You shouldn't be here but it’s so good to see you, Elora.

K: Did he just say … 

I nod.

D: No, you’ve made a mistake. That’s not… I’m not … I’m Nobody.

W: You are Elora Danan, Last blood of Kymeria, future Empress, High Priestess, Semprum Sorceress of the Nine Realms, and the world’s last, best hope against the Evil coming to destroy us all.

E: What ?

[ellipuukangas]

Going through my timeline from 2019 before I got contacted by Ferly to draw Dark Song for SSO. The year before I had started riding and drawing horses again, after a 15 year break. And it was the best decision I could’ve made.

I don’t talk about this often, but there was a gap of around 2 years when I didn’t draw much at all. The reason for this was relentless harassing and bullying that I was subject to both online and irl. It was in 2009 when I moved to UK and stopped drawing completely because of it.

I picked it up again in 2011 and worked hard in the hopes someone would notice. All my applications for any sort of grants, sponsors, agents and affiliation programs got either rejected or ignored. It was demoralising. I had an on off relationship with art and I hated doing Tistow at times and at times I felt mad for picking it up from where I left off.

2018 I started riding again.

It started with Wizard. A Welsh D gelding that I went to see and who week later got sold. The whole thing fell flat. But I kept trying. I found other horses and made friends to help them with theirs. The same thing happened with my art, I kept trying. Horses helped.

There were Tink and Dolly, there was Manny and Sunny. Lots of foals.

There was Jack and his horses in Tistow. Then there was Gracie. I loaned her for two years and she was the closest I came to owning a horse.

The whole time I worked on odd jobs, indie comic projects (that I loved and still do), a horrendous IT job and trying to push Tistow out there at the same time, desperately hoping someone would hire me to work on comics for them long term and trying to pay my bills at the same time. Then in 2019, I got a message from Ferly asking me if I’d like to work on a project for Star Stable. I went to meet the team in December the same year and I’ve not been happier since.

I got to draw Dark Song, I’ve been given the opportunity to work with writers on short comics, I’ve been able to even write my own and draw horses and comics as my dayjob. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I’ve gone from an anxious, miserable, depressed mess to a much more confident, happy, hopeful mess.

I’ve heard some folk say they think I -got- lucky in landing such a fantastic opportunity, that I don’t deserve it or that my work isn’t good enough, not interesting enough. I’ve heard it all before and it used to shatter my confidence completely.

Put it this way, I missed the first messages from Ferly because my email address got borked and nearly missed out on working for SSO at all. Huge thank you to them for reaching out to me via a different channel much later to try again.

The really unfair thing about this industry is, some of it still comes down to luck. It took me nearly 10 years to get to the point where I am now. It’s hard, it’s demoralising, it’s heartbreaking. But it also lifts your spirits and spurs you on to continue.

Anger is also an excellent tool to harness when things feel particularly hard.

But don’t take it out on other people. Pick up a pen and draw or write.

Harness your fury, make your own luck. You’ll get there.

[igonecrazy]

I WATCHED 6 AND 7!!!!! IDEK WHERE TO START AKSJAKAKAKA-

- okay episode 6 first aksjakakaka THEY FINALLY MET!!! IT TOOK THEM SIX EPISODES TO MEET!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭

- And then Will tries to kill Hannibal. And Hannibal tries to kill Will :((( Typical but I’m tired of their dumbassery aksjakkaka

- I want to punch Mason in the face he’s a fucking slimeball omg

- ALANA AND MARGOT 💖💜💙!!!!!!!!!! DAMN!!!!!!! Me likey!!!! 😍😍😍😍

- ok fuck episode 7 was so hard to watch 😭😭😭 hanniboo 😭😭😭

- I thought nothing could top the dude inside the foal and then Mason did this :/ 🤢🤢🤢

- HANNIBAL PEGGED MASON!??!!!! (Also side note if anything thinks Hannibal is straight despite him canonically knowing what stimutaling a prostate does imma seriously throw hands 😤)

- MASON DEAD!!! :D :D 🥳🥳🥳

- Hannibal surrendered :o

- He literally said he’d always be found with Will I’m emo now 😭😭😭😭

I TOLD YOU THEY WERE SPECIAL RIIIIGHT!!!!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳

Their time apart sucked for us as much as it sucked for them 😭😭😭

No! You can't! You shouldn't have tried you dumbfucks!! He says this and then like a survival challenge whore puts them to the test!! (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

Also..Will and Hannibal invented romance in these two episode 😭😭😭🖤🖤🖤 their own brand of fucked up I hate him I will kill him the first chance I get but I will also kill anyone else who tries to kill him pls don't hurt him he's mine but also take him the fuck away from me I can't stand his stoopid face! romance!! 😭🖤 I love it!

This whole scene and the whole bunch of dialogues here just......ah! Staph! It hurts! Also! The boi looks at his long lost (8 months!) boo who gutted him like this and people still think Will doesn't absolutely love him 🤭🤭

And then Hannibal was like you drew knife on me you're going into the soup!😔 🤣🤣🤣

Mason is a slimy pig 🔨😑 who got what he absolutely deserved!!

But am still grateful for him chaining Hannibal so we could have the satisfaction of him getting unleashed 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

And yessss!! Margot and Alana!! Damn! When they first met and flirted I was like it'd be cool if they got together but I didn't let myself hope that they would and then they did and I was smacked in the face with that whatever the fuck was that sex scene which took me a few seconds to even decipher what I was seeing 🤣🤣🤣🤣 anyway!! Murder Wives..the deadly couple but with braincells and .........(I'll mention the rest later 🤭)

With a cattle prod!!!! (I dunno........no I know shoot!) 🤣🤣🤣

Nobody....well I hope nobody thinks Hannibal Lecter is straight ☺️ he is pansexual and a disaster when in love coz his braincells retire 🤦🏻‍♀️ hence it took him so long to tell Will how he felt about him! Crushing fear of vulnerability for someone who's into murder and staging and cannibalism 🤦🏻‍♀️

THAT FUCKING BREAK UP!! THE SOFT SWEET SURROUNDING LULLING ME AND HANNIBAL IN WITH A FALSE HOPE TOWARDS OUR OBJECT OF DESIRE WHO'S SAT THERE LOOKING LIKE A SLEEPY BANGED UP SIREN! AND THEN IN THAT FUCKING SOFT WHISPER HE BREAKS UP!!!!! AFTER WE SAVED HIM!!!!!! THAT WHORE!! (not that I blame Will Graham for it..it adds into Will's bigger narrative of trying to get away from Hannibal..which is why he keeps saying shitty things like "You don't know who's side am on" to Pazzi "a part of me will always want to run away with him" to Jack not refuting Alana in Hannibal's kitchen when she asks if he could still be friends with Hannibal who's friendship is "blackmail elevated to the level of love" this time he tries to push Hannibal away putting the responsibility of putting distance between them on Hannibal..he doesn't call the FBI or anything and when Jack shows up he's like he's gone Jack.. But his plan of putting distance woked a lil too well and Hannibal was like fuck you am going to jail because you said you won't miss me! Hannibal is Will Graham's biggest stray who is bitey won't behave but also would not fucking leave him alone..IN Short what am saying is that Will Graham never wanted Hannibal to surrender or get caught he just wanted to be left alone coz he was tired of their game which neither of them could win and he was still not willing to accept the darkness in him..)

A special mention to Chiyoh my beloved for being the coolest and sweetest 🥺🖤

A lil Mads and Hugh from the blooper reel ☺️☺️☺️☺️

[pressedinthepages]

Soft Light

Fandom: The Witcher

Pairing: Ciri & Eskel (Platonic/Familial), Geralt/Eskel

Rating: T

Masterlist

a/n: @sometimesiwrite​ requested more uncle!eskel, so here ya go love!

(There is a link on my page where you can be added to my taglist :D)

Warnings: mild language, fluff, first kisses,

Ciri confides in Eskel about her very first kiss.

    Eskel arrived at Kaer Morhen earlier than anticipated this year, still a few weeks off before the frost took hold. He was greeted by Vesemir being followed around by a bunch of young piglets, who had apparently fallen quite smitten with the Master of the keep.

    “So…” Eskel had smirked, “Guess we’re not gonna be eating any pork this winter?”

    Vesemir scowled, looking down at the four little babies around his ankles. “No. If you get to keep the damn goat, I get my pigs.”

    “Fair enough, good luck convincing Lambert though.”

    Vesemir hummed before leaving Eskel to brush down Scorpion, and Eskel could hear the contented snuffling sounds of happy piglets weaving between Vesemir’s feet. Li’l Bleater butted against his shin before settling in a bundle of blankets in the corner of the stables, hunkering down for a nap.

    A few days passed and Eskel found himself in the library, rebinding a few of the various tomes that have worn down with age. It was a peaceful task that Eskel always enjoyed, tamping down the leather, wrapping and knotting the thick twine neatly down the spine. He had just about finished the first stack of books when a sudden whooshing sound came from his left, followed by a gust of air and a violent shake of his medallion. 

    In a flash of blue light, Ciri appeared in the library, falling directly on her ass with a loud “oof.” Eskel sighed with a smile at the sight of his youngest family member, setting aside the book in his hands. 

    “Your aim is getting better, young Swallow,” Eskel said, standing up from his chair by the fire, “But your dismount still needs some work.”

    “Uncle Eskel!” Ciri sprung up from the floor and darted into his arms, catching him in a wild embrace. Gods, she’s growing up so fast, Eskel thought as he hugged her tightly before letting her go. Ciri is just about twenty now, having joined Geralt on the Path for a few months before venturing out on her own. Little did she know that the White Wolf had been tracking her the whole time, but what she didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.

    The two of them sat back down in front of the fire while Ciri told him a few of her stories from the past year, including how she took down a slyzard by teleporting onto its back before it took flight. 

    “Ciri,” Eskel admonished, “that was incredibly dangerous!” Eskel was silently impressed, however, incredibly proud of the young woman in front of him. 

        Ciri scoffed, taking a sip from her tankard of wine. “Oh please, like you all haven’t done worse.”

    Eskel nodded, taking a drink of his own. “Sure, but you know what I always tell you. ‘Do as I say, not as I do.’”

    Ciri hummed, and they fell into a companionable silence for a few moments. The crackling of the fire was the only accompaniment to their rest, and Eskel noted the sun setting outside of the window. 

    As Eskel made to stand up Ciri coughed, looking a bit comfortable. “Uncle Eskel, can I talk to you about something before Geralt gets here?”

    Oh, fuck. Eskel sighed with a nod, standing to grab the copy of the Beastiary that used to have a flask of wine. About a year ago Eskel had traded it out for White Gull, knowing it would come in handy someday. And apparently, today was that day.

    He sat back down, crossing his legs beneath him as he regarded the young woman. Her bright green eyes were nervous, and she was fidgety where she was stretched out before the fire. Eskel took a sip of the spirit, letting the warmth of the liquor burn down his throat and settle in his stomach. 

    “So, I found myself in Skellige for a while over the summer,” Ciri started, picking at another loose thread. Eskel smiled, nodding along. 

    “And I met this girl there, her name is Sala…” Eskel hummed as she spoke, listening to her voice grow smaller and smaller with each word.

    “She is so special, Eskel. She made me laugh all the time, and everything just felt so right and warm when I was with her, and-”

    “And then?” Eskel murmured, listening intently.

    “And then she kissed me...we were up on a cliff, looking at the stars, and she just leaned over and kissed me,” Ciri said, smiling a bit at the memory. “I-no one has ever-”

    “That was the first time someone kissed you?” Eskel asked, a genuine grin on his cheeks. 

    Ciri nodded, closing her eyes as she continued. “Her lips were so soft, and she tasted like cider and fire, and I really, really liked it. I like her, and I miss her already.”

    Eskel stood, crossing to the spot where the bookbinding material was. He grabbed an empty bit of parchment and a quill before returning to Ciri, passing her the items as he sat back down. “Write her a letter. Or a bunch of letters. Gods know, between Yennefer’s familiar and her portals and such we should be able to figure out a way for the two of you to keep in touch. You need to keep people like that in your life, Ciri. Don’t let them fall away.”

    Ciri looked down at the paper in her hands, looking all the world like the little girl that Geralt had first carried through the gates all those years ago. Then she looked up at Eskel before throwing herself into his arms.

    “Thank you, Uncle Eskel. I mean it.”

    “I know, little one. And don’t worry, I won’t tell Geralt. But you should.” Eskel replied, feeling her heart speed up where it lay in her chest. “Don’t panic, he’ll be supportive of you no matter what. You know him, he loves you more than the sun loves the moon.”

    Ciri nodded before breaking the embrace, offering a small smile as she scooped up her papers and sped off to her room. Eskel sighed as the sun set fully below the horizon, wondering idly just how long it will take until Geralt would arrive. He knew the feeling well, that first fleeting glimpse of what love was like, and how it could wrap you up and make you dizzy with the blink of an eye. 

Eskel thought back to his own first kiss, deep in the dormitories of Kaer Morhen, Geralt tucked to his side, their lips pressing together with all of the nervousness of a newborn foal taking her first steps. And he knew how that love could fizzle out from neglect, years of the Path beating the both of them down and making them unrecognizable to their former selves. Eskel also knew how that same love could be rekindled with kindness and trust, letting themselves accept each other in ways that they had never been allowed. 

Fuck, he missed Geralt.

[danganronpa-killing-justice]

The Teacher of a Society

————

When Mrs. Nomondai's message had reached the other students, almost all of them started to get out of their seats to begin their first assignment. To be honest, I'm not too sure if I can talk to the other students yet. They all look busy with themselves anyways..heh.

Ok, I'm just lying to myself. I'm not ready to talk to any of them yet. My nerves are to high. Maybe I can just start with the teacher? I do need to properly thank her after all.

With that revelation, I got out of my seat and headed to were my teacher was located behind her desk. She was still holding Sumami in her arms, kinda like a child with their favorite stuffed animal.

When she noticed that someone was by her desk, she quickly looked up and smiled in my direction. By the look on her face, I don't think she was expecting people to come talk to her so soon already.

"Oh! Hi there Nikonomu! Did you wanna talk about something or did you want to see Sumami?" She said while getting out of her chair.

"Oh, I actually wanted to talk to you if that's ok? And maybe after I can talk to Sumami too if that's ok as well." I really hope I'm not interrupting her time, but she did say it was ok to talk to her.

When she heard my remark, she smiled softly while she put down Sumami gently on the ground. "Of course Nikonomu! Ask away! I can't promise I'll answer all of them though. Any questions about my social security number and my life savings will be shut down immediately."

"What? No! I don't want to know about that stuff..." I don't even know my own social security number. Why would I want to know hers? "I kinda just wanted to ask some simple questions and stuff.."

My teacher started snickering at my discomfort, almost as if she knew that I would get uncomfortable. "That ok Nikonomu. I'm just messing with ya, mostly. What is it that you really wanted to know?"

Oh shoot. Now I don't remember what I was going to say. I need to think of something quick so this conversation can get somewhere. Oh wait! I know. "Um.. just a simple question but, how do you know my name? My teachers at my old school didn't even know it."

Mrs. Nomondai's face kinda looked angry for a second, but it was quickly hidden with a knowing smile. "It is kinda simple actually! I just looked you guys up in the school files. I wanted to get an idea about you all before I actually get to know you all, you know what I'm saying?"

My head nodded along to what she was saying. "Yeah, I think do." That's actually really thoughtful to actually want to get to know your students. Hopefully the other teachers had the same idea.

Hm. Now to ask another question. Now that I think about it, did she even reveal her Ultimate to us yet? Was she just really forgetful or was it something that she was ashamed of. Like how it was for me..

"D-Do you mind telling me what your Ultimate is? It's ok if you are uncomfortable telling me it though, since you didn't tell us at the beginning of class.

My teacher just stood there for a minute before violently smacking her hand to her forehead. It took me back for a second but it seemed as if nobody else noticed her abrupt action.

"I knew I was forgetting something damn it!" She grumbled at herself for cursing before she slipped into a more contained demeanor. "I mean uh- let me rephrase that."

Getting into a more confident pose, Mrs Nomondai struck out her hand in order for me to shake it.

"I know you already know my name, but let's start out this year with a more proper introduction! My name is Nototsū Nomondai! And I am the Ultimate Pain Resistor!"

Ultimate Pain Resistor? That kinda explains her more rough looking appearance. Her entire body looked like it was covered face to toe with scars and burns. Self inflicted maybe? I will wait to ask about that, too personal.

Moving on from her skin, she had pale teal hair that was in four different braids that connected to the buns in her hair. One of the braids, the biggest braid, held most of her hair in place while the other three were on the sides of her head and one was on top. Although she was a bit older, she certainly didn't look like it, just a bit weathered I guess-

"Uh kid, you gonna shake my hand or what?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry!" I quickly shook her hand in embarrassment. I should've probably done that in the first place before zoning out too much.

"So, um, you can't feel any pain at all?"

My teacher shook her head. "Nope! Nothing at all. You can stab me, burn me, slap me, and I still wouldn't feel nothing! I'm good at being a human shield essentially."

"Oh w-ow..." That's really disturbing, maybe I can find a more lighter topic to talk about.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a black wedding band glitter on her finger. Marriage sounds like a good topic to talk about. "Not to sound intrusive, but uh, who are you married too?" I had said.

The mood of my teacher had immediately skyrocketed in a pure untamable expression. In just one glance you could tell that she adored her significant other.

"You're not being intrusive at all Nikonomu! I love talking about my wife!" She started to reach for her pocket in a speed that I would've never thought was humanly possible. In her grasp was a purple wallet that you could tell she held dear. When she had opened it, the folds had undone themselves to reveal several photos of herself and her family.

Before talking any further, she sucked in a large breath as if she was preparing to talk for an hour or even more. She continued by pointing eagerly at the first photo. "This is Kura! She is the one I'm married too. We have been together for about fifteen years!"

She then pointed to a lower picture of two teenagers giving the finger at the camera. Actually, in further inspection, one of the kids put up their pointer finger instead. They looked like they even struggled to do that as well.

"That is Tokadora and that is Kiseki! They are my two daughters and they are both 14 year old." When she was done showing off her family, she carefully put back her wallet in her pocket. Her actions kinda reminded me of the dads I have seen on tv when they gloated about their kids to others.

"So.. does your wife also work here also well?" I said in response. She nodded her head before speaking directly.

"She works in the School's Detective Agency and is one of the Child Care Teacher's. She likes to care for people so it kinda fits." She said while answering my question.

More stuff I didn't know about..? "Wait, this school has its own detective agency?"

She nodded once again. "Yes it does! The school has other sections to it as well, but those will all be explained at the entrance ceremony we will be having soon." When she had said that, she checked her watch to see what time it was. "We still have time before that happens, so I wouldn't worry about rushing to talk to your other classmates."

Oh shoot. She figured me out. "H-How did you know I was stalling.." When I had said that, she looked at me with a face that almost told me that she didn't think I was serious.

She let out a sigh before continuing. "Kid, nobody talks to their teacher directly after they say that you can freely talk to others. Students don't normally like to talk to their teachers in a friendly conversation you know? It's most likely to only know what their homework is or what is happening next in the day."

Wow. She was blunt. "I'm sorry.. I'm just nervous about taking to the other students. I'm not used to this kinda environment.. It's too new to me I guess."

Seeing my mood damper, she put a supportive hand on my shoulder. "Hey hey, I'm just playing with ya a bit. It's ok that you're talking to me first. If you are using me to help make yourself less nervous, then I have done my job right! Which is unusual for me I guess but hey, I gotta start somewhere right!"

Even though she is a bit blunt, and probably foaled mouthed, she does do a good job at comforting people. "R-Right! I guess I'm just not to good at taking jokes as what they are."

After I had said that. She took her hand off of my head to cross her arms. "It's ok if you don't realize that some words are intended as jokes, but is important that you say something if they do affect you! I wouldn't want to hurt your feelings. You are my student after all!"

When had she finished talking, she put her hand onto of my head to ruffle my hair. To be honest, it felt nice considering nobody has done that to me before until today. "Yeah, I try to say something if that happens.." If I'm being even more honest with myself, I probably wouldn't say anything. I'm not the type to speak out for myself.

She probably realized what I said was a lie, but she didn't comment on it. "Good! Like I said, I wouldn't want to offend ya on accident."

Taking her eyes off me, she drew her attention to her phone sitting on her desk. "Well, it's probably time I'd cut this conversation short. After you mentioned my wife, I thought that I probably should go check on her. Right now she is babysitting all of the kids because the Child Care is under construction."

"And by all of the the kids, you mean just your own right..?" I asked.

Her face had lost all of her color when I had said that. "By all of the kids, I mean ALL of the staff kids."

"O-Oh...." Jesus, that sounds almost impossible. No, correction, it probably is. Poor Mrs. Kura. I hope that she still has her head after this.

This conversation kinda has been everywhere. It makes me think that I'm forgetting something..

Oh wait! I think I remember. "Mrs. Nomondai! Before you go talk, I forgot to tell you thank you for helping me out earlier. I was kinda getting suffocated by the others..."

"No problem Nikonomu. I'm going to try talk to Kura now, but if you need anything else, please don't hesitate to get me!" She paused to look at her phone for a second.

"I can tell that you're still hesitant to go to the other students, so why don't you go talk to Sumami like you originally said? I'm not too sure if I can get a hold of Makoto in time for the ceremony, so it's probably best for you to get to know what Helpami's are, and you can get to know each other so you're not too scared of them anymore." She said while finishing her thoughts.

That doesn't sound like a terrible idea. "Ok then! Thank you for your time again. I hope you can get a hold of your wife as well."

"Me too.." And with that, she had officially ended our conversation. I guess it is time to talk to Sumami. Hopefully after him I can finally talk to the others as well....

[taekemeaway]

info: kim seokjin/reader, teen, college au genre: fluff, romance, soft angst | word ct: 5k warnings: mentions of past self harm and suicidal thoughts summary: she was a force of nature, one determined to teach seokjin a thing or two about living. whether he liked it or not.

note: the song that i reference at the end of the fic is spanish sahara by foals

There was nothing unusual about Kim Seokjin, he was perfectly normal. He woke up every morning at the same time. He always read the paper while he ate a well-balanced breakfast. He was never late to class. Everything was routine, everything had its place. That’s how he liked it, that’s how he wanted it to stay. He had plans to marry someone his parents approved of, buy a house with a yard, have two kids, maybe a dog, and be perfectly happy. And that’s what made him perhaps the most ordinary person anyone had ever met and would ever meet.

So why, of all people, did she change everything?

He met her at the very beginning of the semester when she took the seat next to him, and he slowly learned that she was his exact opposite in every way thinkable. While he prided himself in his perfect attendance, she would often barrel into class 15 to 20 minutes late, usually hungover. During a lecture nothing could tear his steely eyed focus away from the professor, and she would most likely be asleep next to him. He studied endlessly to ace every exam, she counted herself lucky if she got a C-. They didn’t speak much, or ever, but Seokjin slowly developed feelings for her regardless.

There was everything unusual about her, and that’s probably why he found himself so attracted to the enigma sitting next to him. They never spoke, so Seokjin was always curious what caused the bags under her eyes. Wondered to himself why she needed to sleep through class. What did she do with her life? Where did she go? Why is it that whenever she walked by, he was suddenly reminded of car rides and warm summers? Why did her smile radiate with a warmth he didn’t just see, he could feel tingling on his skin? These were thoughts that often tumbled through his overactive mind, more often than he cared to admit.

Despite his obvious and crippling attraction, he never pursued her. For the duration of the spring semester, Seokjin admired her from afar, but that was the extent of their relationship. If one could call it that. He had to think about his grades, his internship, the blood drive he was volunteering for, he didn’t have time for a relationship. Platonic or otherwise. She was just a thought, nothing more, a wistful dream for someone less ambitious than he was.

How unfortunate it was for him that he was completely ordinary, and she was extraordinary. You don’t will a tornado away, the tornado will do whatever it pleases. And so would she, as Seokjin would soon find out.

“Hey.”

No response.

“Hey.”

Still no response.

“Hey, Earth to Kim Seokjin.”

Finally, Seokjin tore himself away from his notes long enough to acknowledge whoever was talking to him. He was almost stunned to learn that it wasn’t one of his classmates asking for help with their homework, or a student he tutored on the weekend, but it was her. Her, of all people. She was standing right in front of him, her arms crossed over her middle and playful smirk teasing her lips. He opened his mouth to respond and found that he couldn’t. He was absolutely tongue-tied and all she said was hello.

“It is Jin, right?” She asked, quirking a brow at him. “We sit next to each other in Advanced Chem?”

Clearing his throat, he nodded. “Y-yes. That’s me, can I—can I help you with something?”

She pursed her lips briefly before cracking a smile. “No, not quite. But I can help you.”

“Wait—what?” Seokjin hesitated in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

The grin that twitched at her lips was both frightening and exciting. “I’m talking about teaching you some real life lessons. Learning about what’s important in life.”

“I already know what’s important.” He rebutted, trying to ignore how beautiful she was by rambling. “Good grades, great job, happy life.”

Sighing, she shook her head. “It’s sad because you honestly think that’s true. You need more help than I realized.”

Seokjin still had a hard time comprehending anything coming out of her mouth. “Can you rewind for half a second? Maybe slow down a little, add some detail, at least to start.”

She put her hands on her hips and laughed. “We’re going on an adventure, Kim Seokjin. Whether you like it or not.”

“Wait—we’re what?” Seokjin exasperated in disbelief. “You’re joking, right? We don’t even know each other, not to mention that I have class later!”

“I’m going to teach you that there’s more to life than grades and hoity toity professors.” She grinned. “C’mon, Jin, it’ll be fun. What’s a little bit of fun gonna hurt?”

He honestly couldn’t believe what she was saying. “What would it hurt? My perfect attendance record, for one. There’s an extra bonus in my Abnormal Psych class, less than three absences and you get an extra five points on the final exam!”

“And how many classes have you missed so far?” She challenged.

Feeling a light blush dust across his cheeks, he cast his glance elsewhere. “N-none. But that doesn’t mean I can just skip whenever I feel like! I might miss something important!”

Without warning, she grabbed his textbook and started backing away from the table, a mischievous smirk on her face. “That’s it, you need this more than I thought. So if you ever want to see your precious book ever again, you’ll follow me.”

“Wha—” Seokjin stammered, gathering up all his things as quickly as he could. “What do you think you’re doing!”

She was already halfway to the doors. “I already told you, I’m going to show you that there’s more to life than studying and exams, a whole lot more. And, you might not believe it, but you’re going to have a ton of fun doing it!”

Chewing on his lower lip, Seokjin weighed his options. He could simply ignore her, go back to studying for his English exam, pretend like she didn’t exist and get another textbook later. That way he’d make it to class without much of a fuss. The rational part of him liked that idea, he didn’t need to skip class to indulge some classmate he barely knew.

The other option, the one that he didn’t want to think about, was that he could follow her. He could hear her out, let her teach him these so called “lessons” and have his first absence in Abnormal Psych. Why did he even consider that option? Why was the mere thought of finally getting a glimpse into her mysterious world so enticing? The rational part of him screamed in defiance, he couldn’t skip class, that was absurd. But he’d already made up his mind whether he liked it or not.

“Hey, wait up!” He called after her, slinging his bag over his shoulder and jogging towards the exit.

She was still there, a smug grin toying at her lips. “See? Now was that so hard?”

“Just a little.” He muttered. “Where are you taking me, anyway?”

“That’s part of the adventure.” She snickered playfully. “But—I would go change, if I were you. We might be getting a little messy.”

Seokjin looked down at his blazer and his slacks. “So—what should I wear?”

“Jeans?” She offered. “T-shirt? You do know what those are, right?”

A deep blush creeped across his cheeks. “Of course I do… doesn’t mean that I own any, though.”

Looking at him in disbelief, a honest laugh bubbled past her lips. “Alright, let’s head to my car then. Two birds, one stone. My ex left a duffel full of clothes in my trunk. They’ll probably fit you.”

“Are they clean?” He asked, only slightly disgusted.

Still laughing, she beckoned him to follow. “That’s part of the adventure, the allure of the unknown.”

“I don’t think I like the sound of this adventure of yours.” He muttered underneath his breath.

“It’s our big adventure, Jin.” She grinned back at him. “And you’re going to love it.”

As she stepped out into the hallway, Seokjin did his best to ignore how much he loved those words coming out of her mouth. He quietly followed after her, trying to hide the fact that he was blushing like crazy. She was honestly a whirlwind, one he’d been watching from afar for who knows how long. The second she decided it was time to intervene in his life, he knew that nothing would be the same.

“So, Kim Seokjin.” She started with a smile. “Is this really the first time you’ve ever skipped class?”

He nodded proudly. “Of course! I’m at the top of my class and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“You do realize that skipping one class isn’t going to tank your GPA, right? It won’t even put a dent in it.” She teased. “What do you do when you’re sick?”

“I come to class anyway.” He explained hesitantly, he had never realized how ridiculous he sounded. “I mean—what if I miss something? I don’t want to get behind.”

“I’m going to bet,” She began as they exited the building, “that you’ve read every single textbook you own at least five times. You’ve probably got each syllabus tattooed right on your ass. There’s no way that you’d ever miss out on anything.”

Seokjin’s mouth fluttered open and shut in embarrassment. “I—I resent that!”

“So it’s true! I knew it!” She laughed. “Damn, Jin, you need to get out more often!”

“I’m planning to graduate with honors.” He tried to defend himself. “I need to do well so I can get into a good graduate school.”

Pulling out her cars keys, she stifled a chuckle. “You’ve already hit the doing well aspect right on the head. You’re just basically beating your poor 4.0 GPA like a dead horse at this point.”

“4.2…” He grumbled.

She rolled her eyes. “See? What’d I tell you? You’ve more than earned a day off, you got to live a little!”

“I mean—” He hesitated. “I guess—I guess one day won’t kill me.”

“That’s the spirit, Jin.” She patted him on the back, coming to a stop at the bed of a rusted old pickup truck. “And, who knows, maybe you’ll even like living a little dangerously.”

“D-dangerous?” Seokjin stammered. “What exactly are you dragging me into!”

She cast a devious wink in his direction before pulling the duffel from the back of the pickup. “Wouldn’t you like to know, Mr Perfect Attendance 4.2 GPA Kim Seokjin. Now hurry up and put something on to make you look a little bit less like a librarian.”

Seokjin never imagined that he would be intimidated by a bag of clothes, but as it was dropped at his feet he swallowed nervously. Carefully, he kneeled down and unzipped it, raising his nose at the aroma wafting from its contents. As she chuckled at his expense, he very gently pilfered through the bag. Eventually he settled for whatever looked cleanest, a pair of jeans and a standard black t-shirt. Disappearing behind her truck, he pulled on the new clothes and honestly felt— surprisingly comfy.

“Here’s some shoes too.” She instructed, handing him a battered old pair of converse once he was done. “Don’t want to get your rich kid kicks dirty.”

Eyeing his loafers, he pointed to the sneakers with a disgusted grimace. “That’s not sanitary.”

“Sanitary is overrated.” She rolled her eyes. “Just put them on, you’ll be fine I promise. My ex didn’t have anything contagious anyway.”

Just when this couldn’t get any worse.

With trepidation he toed off his shoes and pulled on the second-hand converse, doing his best not to think about whoever had worn them before. After tying them tight he stood up and dusted off his new clothes, fully expecting her to laugh at his odd appearance. Never, in all his life, did he imagine himself wearing something so—casual.

“You’re a whole new man today, Jin.” She whistled. “Gotta say, relaxed looks good on you.”

Blushing, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, whatever you say. Are we going to get going, or what?”

“What’s your rush?” She asked honestly, throwing Jin’s clothes and their bags into the cab. “You do realize half of the fun of an adventure is the journey, not the destination?”

“You got that from a fortune cookie.” Seokjin smirked.

Her jaw dropped at his sassy remark. “Damn, Jin. New threads, new man! I’m kind of digging this!”

“Shut up.” He muttered, opening the passenger side door and slipping inside. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Snickering, she got behind the wheel and put the keys in the ignition. “I’ve never met someone who was this desperate to get away from me. Besides my exes, of course.”

Trying to ignore the fact that the truck wasn’t starting, Seokjin eyed her suspiciously. “Do you take a lot of people on adventures?”

“Usually I only take friends, but being friends with me is an adventure of its own right.” She smiled easily. “You’re sort of the exception this time around, Jin. You’re a special case.”

“Well don’t I feel special.” He muttered, drowned out by the revving of the engine.

“So, Kim Seokjin.” She started with her arm resting out the window. “Where’s the one place in the whole world you’ve always wanted to go?”

Seokjin sort of eyed her in confusion. “I thought I didn’t have a say in this little endeavor of yours?”

Chuckling, she hooked up her phone to the aux cord and searched for a song. “If that was really the case, wouldn’t this just be a repeat of some college class? Wouldn’t that make me some dictator professor? Where you have no say in the what you learn, in what you do, just blindly following along. Doing as you’re told, when you’re told to do it, always at the mercy of someone else? I’m not that cruel. The adventure isn’t optional, but it’s up to you where we go.”

He was honestly caught off guard, not just by his sudden power over the situation, but also by how real her words were. Never, in all his days, did he think of school like that. He knew that he had a set of rules to follow, be on time, do your work, study long and hard, do well on the test. That was the formula he had followed for years. Never once did he question it. Never once did he bother to ask himself what he wanted to do. He had become accustomed to being a mindless sheep, and he didn’t like that realization one bit.

“The beach.” He stated plainly. “I want to go to the beach.”

Smirking, she threw the truck in gear. “Not a bad choice. The beach it is!”

The smile that creased his face as he watched the wind toss her hair in every direction was nothing short of blissful. For the first time in his life, there wasn’t a crushing weight on his shoulders. Due dates, study sessions, all of those things were put aside, forgotten, because they didn’t matter. Not for the moment at least. He was sure that the feeling would pass, that the pressure of excelling well past what was expected of him would come back with a vengeance. In light of that thought, he would enjoy it. He would enjoy this small freedom.

As they drove out of the city, Seokjin gazed out the window in amazement. he never left campus much, opting to stay in and cram rather than go out with friends. In all honesty, he couldn’t even remember the last time someone invited him out. He assumed, or at least he hoped, that everyone was just giving him the space he needed. He didn’t want to think about the possibility that his few friends had forgotten about him entirely.

“What’s your story anyway?” She asked suddenly. “Why are you such a busybody?”

He glanced at her, bewildered. “What do you mean?”

“I mean,” She began to elaborate, “why do you put this stupid amount of pressure on yourself to be absolutely perfect? It can’t be because you get off on only getting three hours of sleep a night.”

Seokjin chuckled quietly. “No, not quite. I’ve wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. That requires a certain degree of dedication.”

“Dedication I can understand.” She levelled with him, looking over her shoulder and signalling to turn. “But what you’ve got going on, it’s borderline obsession. You’ve got to realize that your behavior isn’t what one would call “healthy”, y’know?”

“I mean—” He started to explain himself. “I don’t really see anything wrong with it? I get good grades, what’s the big deal?”

A bitter laugh escaped her lips. “There’s your problem right there. You don’t know anything else besides your own little academic world. Even the most dedicated students I know, they still have something else going for them besides their grades. Maybe it’s just some cooking vlogs that they like to keep up with, but at least it’s something. What else do you do, Jin? Besides study and tutor and make flashcards all day?”

“I volunteer in my spare time.” He responded immediately. “It looks good for—for graduate school.”

“What else?” She instantly persisted. “What do you do that’s for you?”

“I—” He stammered, unable to think of anything. “I—I’m not sure…”

Running a hand through her hair, she sighed. “Are you starting to see what I’m getting at? You don’t do a single thing for yourself. Everything you do is for your precious future. After a while that starts to eat away at you, you need some sort of outlet before you lose your mind.”

“I—” He continued, slightly appalled. “I’ve never thought of it like that. I—I always thought that—that my grades were enough.”

“There’s more to life than tests and grades.” She reminded him. “I swear I’m not just talking out my ass.”

Swallowing nervously, Seokjin looked out the window. “So you’re saying to give up on all of that?”

“No way.” She responded with a shake of her head. “One, because I know that would be fucking impossible for you to completely reroute your brain. Two, I’ve got no business in telling you how to live your life. I’m just trying to open up your eyes a little, to show you what else is out there. What you choose to do with this information is completely up to you.”

He nodded in agreement, finally finding sense to her madness. It felt good to finally have some insight into this endeavor he found himself thrown into. The one thing he couldn’t quite wrap his head around, was why she cared so much? She was a force of nature, someone who lived by her own rules and did as she pleased. What was it about him that made her reach out? As nice as she seemed, it couldn’t have just been out of the kindness of her heart. It was a question he was determined to answer.

“What about you?” He suddenly asked as the sun began to set. “What’s your deal?”

She snickered into her hand. “Geez, took you long enough, I’ve been waiting for the last hour for you to ask. You don’t hide your thoughts very well, Jinnie.”

Blushing, he pressed his lips together. “Well—can you blame me? I have no idea what to think about you. You’re just some girl in my class who’s always late, always exhausted, and you’re always smiling like you’ve got a secret—”

“You’ve really been paying attention to me, huh?” She asked, clearly amused. “I didn’t realize I was so interesting.”

“Of course you did.” He rolled his eyes in embarrassment. “You enjoy stringing people along like this.”

“That’s what we’re calling it?” She quirked her brow at him. “I thought we were calling it our little adventure.”

Doing his best to ignore his rapidly increased heartrate, he cleared his throat. “Well—besides that. Seems like this is a regular occurrence for you.”

“Actually—” She hesitated, pursing her lips. “Would you be surprised to hear that it’s not?”

Jin’s jaw almost dropped. “Yeah, I would.”

She smirked at him. “Like I said, Jin, you’re a special case. Usually I’m on my own, driving to who knows where, trying to see as much as I’m able before I’m stuck working a job I can’t stand. Sometimes I bring a friend along, but those adventures are closer to road trips than anything else. This time I just thought that maybe you needed one of these adventures almost as much as I do.”

Wait—what? He thought, caught off guard by her painfully honest statement. What did she mean by that? “As much as I do”?

“Holy shit!” She suddenly exclaimed, reaching for the volume dial. “I absolutely love this song!”

Momentarily stunned, he simply watched as she turned up the music and leaned back in her seat. A carefree smile creased her face, and he could’ve sworn that she closed her eyes. Not wanting to think about it, he opted to do as she did, to just sit back and listen. It seemed like the best option, it would at least help distract him from his overactive mind.

So I walked into the haze And a million dirty ways Now I see you lying there Like a lie low losing air

Black rocks and shoreline sand Still dead summer I cannot bear And I wipe the sand off my arms The Spanish Sahara, the place that you’d wanna Leave the horror here

Forget the horror here Forget the horror here Leave it all down here It’s future rust and it’s future dust

Seokjin had never heard that song before in his life, and yet—somehow he knew that it captured who she was exactly. What little he knew about her was clearly etched deeply in those lyrics. She absorbed the music as she drove, lightly drumming her fingers on the steering wheel, humming quietly to herself. There was a sense of relaxation exuding off of her, but also of pure melancholy. Like hearing about her life hurt her more than she wanted to admit.

Now the waves, they drag you down Carry you to broken ground Now I find you in the sand Wipe you clean with dirty hands

So goddamn this boiling space The Spanish Sahara, the place that you’d wanna Leave the horror here

Forget the horror here Forget the horror here Leave it all down here It’s future rust and then it’s future dust

I’m the fury in your head I’m the fury in your bed I’m the ghost in the back of your head Cause I am—

Sneaking sparing glances at her, he watched as a stray tear streaked her face. Still smiling, she kept driving into the sunset, she kept driving away from whatever was still causing her such pain. And as much as he wanted to ask, he couldn’t bring himself to open his mouth. She needed something beyond words, something that Seokjin couldn’t give her. No matter how much he wanted to ease her suffering.

Choir of furies in your head

“Have you ever heard a song that just—”

Choir of furies in your bed

“Made you wonder—”

Choir of furies in your head

“What you were doing?”

Choir of furies in your bed

“And not only that, it—”

Choir of furies in your head

“Answered all of the questions—”

Choir of furies in your bed

“You couldn’t think to ask?”

I’m the ghost in the back of your head

While he tried not to, he couldn’t help but look at her in awe. She had just—opened up a part of herself to him and he couldn’t think of a solid reason why she would? Not only were they not really friends, they barely knew each other at all. And yet—he felt closer to her than anyone he could think of. Just some girl from his Advanced Chem class. Some strange girl who dragged him on an adventure that was already turning into the journey of a lifetime.

“Cat got your tongue?” She suddenly asked, tossing him a playful smirk. “You’ve been pretty quiet for a while now.”

“I just—” He stammered as he tried to drudge up an excuse. “I really liked the song.”

She flashed a brilliants grin. “It’s a good one, isn’t it?”

“Y-yeah.” He hesitated, offering a shaky smile. “It was really—”

“And here we are!” She interrupted, pointing out the windshield. “You wanted the beach, Kim Seokjin, and so you shall have it.”

Following her gesture, he saw the crashing waves illuminated by the dim light of the rapidly disappearing sun in the distance. Slowly, she pulled off on a bumpy side road, completely missing the WELCOME sign half a mile ahead. He had a brief moment where he thought to question her, but thought better of it. She seemed to know where she was going, and at this point Seokjin didn’t care where they were. He just wanted to be with her.

“This is my little secret path.” She informed him. “I come down here all the time.”

Nodding, he took hold of the grip handle. “Am I shocked that you have some dangerous way to get to the beach when there was a perfectly safe turn off just a few more feet down the road?”

An honest laugh bubbled past her lips. “By your tone I’m gonna guess no!”

Seokjin laughed alongside her, feeling surprisingly at ease despite their situation. Eventually the road evened out as it turned to sand and she eased off the gas. When they finally came to a stop and she put the truck in park, Seokjin quickly hopped out of the cab and landed softly in the sand. Then, he tugged off his shoes and tossed them into the back, wanting to enjoy the feeling of the sand sifting through his toes.

“Home sweet home.” She offered with a sigh. “There’s no place like it.”

As she pulled a blanket from the back and tossed it over her shoulder, they both started towards the water. Even with nightfall quickly approaching, Seokjin could still make out a handful of gulls resting atop the waves. As he ventured closer, he caught a faint scent of burning wood and roasted marshmallows. It reminded him of the times he used to visit the beach with his family, before math camp and summer internships took over his life.

“Let’s get a fire started, yeah?” She suggested. “It’s going to get real cold real quick if we’re not careful.”

“Good idea.” He smiled affectionately.

Tossing the blanket onto the ground, she looked at him with disbelief. “You seem different, Mr Kim Seokjin. Could it be my sporadic adventure is more therapeutic than you previously thought?”

“I plead the fifth.” He winked, turning and scouring the beach for driftwood.

Behind him, she laughed. “Holy crap! Who are you and what did you do with the stuck up nerd I kidnapped?”

“Stuck up?” He questioned in a hurt tone. “I think that’s a little harsh!”

“You were wearing a blazer with elbow pads!” She countered. “You are the most uppity nerd I have ever met in my entire life!”

As they continued to joke around, they gathered armfuls of wood for a fire. While she kneeled down beside the pile and began to arrange the pit, Seokjin went to find some kindling. Picking up stray twigs and old paper cups, he watched her from a distance. He couldn’t find the words to describe this woman who decided to intrude on his life and change everything forever. She was almost otherworldly, people like her just didn’t exist.

Even so, he still had reservations. He still wondered why? Why, of all people, did she pick him? There were other people just as absorbed in their studies as he was, what made him so special? Was it just proximity? Because he was closest? Or because she felt he needed it most? Whatever her reasons were, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to fathom them on his own. He’d have to ask her.

Returning with the kindling, he kneeled down beside her. “I assume you have a lighter?”

“Of course I do.” She smirked. “What did you think I was? An upstanding citizen or something?”

Rolling his eyes, he helped arrange the logs. “Now that is a thought that never once crossed my mind.”

Reaching for some more wood, his fingers grazed against her open palm. And just as he felt his heart skip a beat, he noticed something odd. A couple of pale pink lines were peeking out from the cuff of her shirt. Before he could fully register what they could possibly be from, she pulled her hand from his and tugged her sleeve down over her hand with a laugh.

“What’re you trying to do, Jin?” She teased him. “Hold my hand?”

“Would that be so bad?” He answered immediately without pausing to think.

For the first time, she was at the disadvantage. “S-Seokjin! What the holy hell happened to you!”

“I don’t really know.” He shrugged, a light pink blush dusting across his cheeks. “Maybe you have more power than you originally though.”

Laughing, she flicked her lighter and started the fire. “That must be it. It’s the only logical explanation.”

He glanced at her, a warmth emanating from him that he didn’t understand. She just—she made him feel so many different things all at once. And each time she smiled his way he could feel his brain slowly turning to mush. He had heard his friends talk about feeling something similar, but nothing Seokjin had previously seen came anywhere close to how he felt when he was with her.

“I—” He started, gathering the blanket and sitting on the edge of it. “I really—I want to thank you for dragging me out here tonight.”

Chuckling, she sat down beside him. “Remind me to give you back your textbook before I forget.”

Seokjin shrugged. “Honestly—you can keep it. I don’t really want it anymore.”

Her amusement slowly dissipated until a calm smile stood in its place. “You’ve really come a long way, Jin. And to think it only took you skipping class just once. You should’ve tried this a long time ago.”

“I wouldn’t have even dared if you hadn’t stolen my textbook.” He smirked. “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you?”

“Why did I steal your textbook?” She asked in confusion. “We’ve been over this, I had to get you into my truck somehow.”

He shook his head. “No, I know why you took my textbook, but why did you? Why did you seek me out? I’m no one special, just some guy you’ve been sitting next to all semester, nothing about that changed. So why pick me?”

“Well—” She chewed on her lip hesitantly. “Why not? You were obviously an easy mark.”

He lowered her a knowing look. “You’re going to have to try harder than that. I’ve kept quiet for most of the afternoon, but I’ve been paying attention. I know that you don’t do anything without a reason. I’m just having a hard time figuring out what that reason is.”

As she pulled her knees into her chest, she gazed into the flames. “Was I that obvious?”

“No, not really.” He returned. “I’m just observant is all. Every time you tried to convince me that my life could be so much more, it felt—it felt personal.”

A pained look briefly crossed her face. “I’ve got to hand it to you, Kim Seokjin, you really are a special case.”

Just as he opened his mouth to ask what she meant, she slowly rolled up her sleeves. Those pale pink lines he had noticed before, she had at least a dozen of them crawling halfway up her arm. Each one she etched into her skin in desperation, defeat, and despair. The sight alone was enough to break his heart.

“You might find this hard to believe,” She started in a whisper, “but I used to be just like you. Obsessed with grades, exams, studying, the whole nine yards. I used to stay up until all hours making flashcards, I would blow off my friends to call my professors. During my first year at university, I took enough college credits for me to have gotten an associate’s degree. One time I got a B+ on a Sociology paper and I didn’t leave my room for a week. What I did wasn’t healthy, but I didn’t figure that out until it was too late.”

Seokjin watched her as she gently thumbed the scars over her wrist, resisting the urge to reach out and comfort her. Learning the truth, the truth he had been so desperate to hear, it devastated him. He had never imagined that her story would be a direct reflection on his own. He didn’t realize that by looking at her, he could’ve easily been looking at his future. And that terrified him.

“Do you understand now why I’ve been so invested in this?” She chuckled weakly. “I just—I see you, and I see myself. I see myself back when I still thought that school was the most important thing in the whole world. When I truly believed that my future was going to be determined by a handful of numbers and letters, not by my own actions.

“Back then I—I didn’t have dreams. I had goals, I had milestones, maybe even aspirations, but not dreams. I realize now how much that was eating me up inside. There’s a huge difference between doing something because you want to, and doing something because you feel you have to. I couldn’t tell the two apart, not until it was almost too late.”

She paused a moment, tears welling up in her eyes. Unconsciously, he wrapped an arm around her, pulling her in close to him. For a moment, they didn’t move, they didn’t even speak, he just gazed into the flames as she sobbed freely into his chest. He thought about everything that she said, everything that she wanted to teach him, and everything that she shared with him. It was so impossible to think, but in just the few short hours that they knew each other, she had changed his life in ways he had never thought imaginable.

She set him free from chains he didn’t even know existed.

“I’m seriously hoping that I managed to teach you something today.” She laughed quietly, wiping away her tears.

Smiling, he naturally took her hands in his. “Don’t worry, you taught me plenty.”

[swanimagines]

A Strong Heart

Request: We can’t forget fierce Elizabeth Swann, now can we? Again, Will doesn’t exist or they’re friends. Elizabeth is a pirate king and knows she looks somewhat androgynous, but she’s still baffled when a pretty girl (a farmers daughter with strong shoulders and a curvy body) starts flirting with her. She doesn’t dare hope and tries to brush the girl off, telling her she’s a woman. Imagine her surprise when the girl shyly looks around and assures Elizabeth she’s well aware.

Fandom: Pirates of the Caribbean, Elizabeth Swann x fem!reader

Warnings: Drunken people, Elizabeth OOC? My friend - the same one again - assured she isn’t OOC though XD

A/N: I made some adjustments to make your request stand out more, because else this would have been suuuuper short one. Your requests have magic within them because I always manage to make the idea further that you tell.

Now I’ve filled the hi anon’s last request from their big dump and I’m gonna miss doing these, these were genius ideas for underrated characters and they were super enjoyable to write! I wish I had ideas like you have. So feel free to dump requests to me again anytime!!

(I also didn’t find any gif where Elizabeth has that “man-look”, sorry D:)

Word count: 1,067

—

The bar at the downtown had a merry feeling all around, glasses were clinging, men were drinking, singing and fighting, and courtesans were sitting on pirate men’s lap, giggling as the men squeezed their waists just a little bit tighter and slurred something - apparently dirty - to them.

“Yo-ho-yo-ho, the pirate’s life for me…” a bunch of drunken men at the farthest table was singing with their whole heart and you chuckled at the sight.

“Y/N, what are you doing here this late?” a voice from behind you asked with a surprised tone and you spun around to meet the bartender’s eyes.

“Benny, hey. My papa just wanted to thank you for sending the medicine so quickly, it saved Sunny’s life.” you smiled at Benny whose eyes lit up.

“That’s great! So she’s eating and…?”

“Yeah, she’s eating and can take care of her foal already, we’re just keeping her apart from the other horses so we can be sure about her recovering.” you smiled at Benny and dug a couple of dirty coins from the bottom of your pockets. “It’s not much, but-”

“No, no, Y/N. You and your family need that money way more than I do. Look at this place, mate, I’m thriving and rolling in money in no time.” Benny chuckled as he gestured around his noisy and messy bar which was occupied by pirates. You took a long look around the place before you shrugged and stuffed the coins back to your pockets.

“Well… alright then. But Benny - thank you so much again. You’re a lifesaver.” You smiled brightly at the man who chuckled again, before he waved to you as a sign you should leave.

It’s not that he doesn’t like talking with you, but being the only girl in the bar full of pirates made matters different. So you waved at him too and turned to leave the bar.

“Hey pretty lady, where are ya goingggg…” you felt someone grab your arm and head on your shoulder, his nose taking in your scents. “Ya smell so goood… whaddya say, would ya spend a night with me, old… Nookie?”

“Uh… sorry ‘Nookie’ but I’m going home.” you huffed, pushing the man’s head off your shoulder and proceeding to walk away, but the man quickly stopped you.

“Don’t be like that pretty… everyone doesn’t have a pretty girl like ya by their side…”

“Keep your filthy hands off me, you dirty dog!” you screamed at the man before pushing him onto the mud.

“Nocks! How many times you’ve been told to behave around women?” someone shouted from the bar’s direction and the man scrambled to his feet and clumsily bowed and almost tripped over by doing so.

“Yes, captain, I’m sorry, captain, I’m sorry, lady-”

“Leave your sorry’s to another time and go to clean our ship’s deck, you’ve got some company there so no complaining! Move it!”

You heard the man sigh but eventually, he walked the best as he could towards the docks. You turned your head to your savior and grinned upon seeing her. You had seen her in the posters and sometimes speaking to her crewmen around the docks, but you never dared to go to talk to her in broad daylight. Now it was night, the streets were dim and you could talk to her in peace, without the fear someone could see you.

“Well well, isn’t it the infamous “pirate king”. I’ve heard lots of things about you, pirate king. You’re quite impressive.”

Elizabeth was baffled for a moment, not expecting you to start talking to her, she had expected you to run away when you had realized she was a pirate king who had become quite famous around the Caribbean. She, in fact, had had her eyes on you for quite a while now but never got a chance of talking to you - and her chances would be minimal because women loving each other was considered a bigger shame than loving a pirate and that’s why most women who had fallen in love with other women just acted like they’re happy with their husbands. You loving a woman pirate would set you in serious danger - your family in danger, in fact, since you weren’t rich or part of the high social standing - in which case such actions could easily be wiped away for a pile of cash and forced marriage.

Elizabeth had just stared at you with disbelief for a moment and seeing her all baffled from you talking to her got you to grin wider.

“I rarely see a wanted poster where the convict is as handsome as you.” You scratched the side of your nose before taking a step closer. “Or actually, I never see one.”

Elizabeth pursed her lips, unsure of what to do. She wanted to flirt back - hell, she wanted to kiss you right then and there. And there you were flirting with her, but she was quite sure you thought of her as a man. So she took a tiny step closer to you and prepared herself to whisper the words she didn’t want to whisper. It would be so easy to just let you fall in love with her and hope you wouldn’t abandon her upon learning she’s a woman, but it would not be what’s the right thing to do.

“I’m a woman.” she whispered to you and your grin fell, just as she had expected. She offered you a sad, apologetic smile and was ready to walk away, but you grabbed her hand before she could.

You were blushing hard, taking a quick glance around you and whispered back, a shy smile forming on your face.

“Do you really think I don’t know that?”

Elizabeth stared at you blankly, thinking you were making fun of her at first, but her expression softened soon as she let herself to finally to take a good look on your face and she just knew that you spoke the truth from your heart.

You knew most people wouldn’t approve but it was your heart, your strong heart that had always led you to things which felt right - and you knew your family would be supporting to anything your heart desired. Even if it set you into danger.

And if it someday meant fleeing your home with someone you loved, so shall it be.

[2020animalfarm-fanfictionsg2]

Mollie - The perspective of a “dumb mare”

By Ju Soter, Ju Foragi and Bia Onishi from 9°D

Synopsis

Mollie, the white mare, was known for her tendency to laziness and lack of will to do anything useful in her life, having left Animal Farm little after the revolution started, because she couldn’t (or didn’t want to) handle the work that was mandatory during the pigs’ reign. But what if, beneath all her laziness and arrogance, there laid a side of her none of those who lived closest to her knew? What if that side blinded her to a point where she didn’t notice that her apparently perfect life in Foxwood wasn't so perfect after all?

Fanfic

She remembered it all. “Mollie, you had one single job and weren’t even able to do it!”, he yelled at her. “I'm sorry but I'm exhausted, I've been working non stop all week! Why are my efforts never enough for you, dad?”, she whispered back, frightened of what he might do, hoping for her father’s comprehension. “I want no excuses, Mollie”, he shouted, “You think you’re different from us, but you’re all the same! We are all destined for nothing greater than farm work, so quit daydreaming and get to work!”. The other foals had all been hiding behind the door Mollie’s father had blasted open and wouldn’t even think of missing the chance to make fun of her: “Well, would you look at the little princess, finally getting what she deserves for her laziness! You’ll see, you dumb little girl, your whole holier-than-thou attitude is going to catch up with you someday! You’d better start working and avoid a beatin’, Mollie”. They didn’t and would never know of it, but after her bullies left, the little mare cried as if there were no tomorrow. 

Ever since she was a young mare, Mollie had been pressured by her father's expectations of what she should be. She tried to work hard, and she did, but whenever she stopped even for a second, everyone came after her for being lazy and insufficient. “And maybe they were right”, she thought, because she’d been terrorized to the point where she eventually grew tired of trying to prove herself, finally succumbing and turning into the person everyone thought she was. Truly, she wasn't the mare who she had once been, and now all that was left from her past were the memories of her father’s threats and the other foals’ teasing. Yes, she remembered it all; the shouts of “Mollie!”, “Hey, c’mon Mollie, get up, time for work!”, shouts that were all too real and vivid.

"Hey you, the white mare", that voice certainly wasn't one she remembered, and she was suddenly awakened from her trance. "Are you OK? It looks like you've just seen a ghost." The sweet voice came from a man at the other side of the fence, in Foxwood. She quickly realized he was one of the workers from Foxwood, the farm on the other side of the fence she walked alongside. "Yes, I'm okay, just thinking. I don’t suppose I should be speaking to you, my leaders aren’t big fans of humans", she said suspiciously. “Well, those leaders of yours don’t seem to be half as lovable as you! They’re the pigs, right? From what I've heard they aren't really big fans of any of the other animals either" he said jokingly. "Oh, why thank you, though I really shouldn’t be accepting compliments from your kind. But whatever did you mean by such comments on the pigs? They’d kill you on the spot if they heard anything of the sort.” she claimed. "From what I've heard, the pigs have a lot of privileges over there, and make the animals work full-force 24/7. You know, the pigs don't really seem to care about the other animals or the farm, only about themselves.", he said, and paused for a bit.

Then, he added: "Things are pretty different here on Foxwood. We farmhands care so much for each and every animal that helps us, they truly are our saving grace. We're like a big family, see?" Those words really caught on to Mollie. Family. That's what she'd wanted for a long time, but had never had. "A family, really?", she asked, quite enthused by the notion. "Yeah! We all love and help each other so much... In fact, I have a feeling the other animals would love to meet you and would even consider welcoming you to the gang!" he said, quite convincingly. “Well...” she pondered, “No! I would never, could never betray my friends.” “Your friends, eh? Then why don’t I see any of them around helping you out, when you’re clearly going through a rough one?”, to which she replied with “Well, they’re all quite busy with building the windmill and such.” “Interesting...well, here on Foxwood we never make excuses when it comes to helping out our fellow worker and friend, I guess we really do live in two pretty different worlds.” “Indeed...”, Mollie whispered under her breath. “I should be gone by now, but talking to you is so wonderful, it seems I lost track of time!” “I-I wish I could say the same.” said Mollie, desperately trying to cover up her deep desire for a life such as the one the farmhand described. 

They said their goodbyes, and each went to their side: Mollie left in agony amidst the feeling of having committed betrayal and longing for a life she knew she’d never had;  the man left satisfied, assured that he had been able to find his boss a reasonable replacement for the late Mary, a mare who’d died after not receiving the medical attention she needed, all because they hadn’t the money to pay for both the medicine and the new X5600 tractors, released but a few weeks ago.

Mollie stopped for a bit and stared longingly at Foxwood: would she dare leave her old life behind, abandon everyone and everything she had ever known? She felt someone touch her back and she realized it was Clover, the closest thing she had ever had to a mother. "Mollie, what are you doing? You've been walking by the fence all day while we've been working", Clover told her. "I guess dad was right.." Mollie told herself, blushing desperately, ashamed of what she dreamt of. "What?" "Nothing! Just… I'll be back to work in a minute, I promise". Little did Clover know that alongside a revival of her darker memories, dreams of life outside of Animal Farm flourished through Mollie’s mind: yes, she had been glad at first, when the animals had finally gained power over their own workforce, a bit scared of the changes that would come, yet happy for her comrades and eager for the future. 

She thought the animals would be nicer to her, more understanding, but she was clearly wrong, even though she would never admit she was aware of it: they were more judgmental than ever. “Tell me, already! What’s got you so riled up, Mollie? Did it have anything to do with that man from Foxwood you were talking to?” "W-what? I wasn't talking to anyone..." Mollie replied, scared of what the pigs might do if they found out she was talking to a human. "Oh c'mon Mollie, don't lie. Look me in the eyes and tell me you weren't talking to anyone" "I-I….", Mollie tried to force an answer out her mouth, but nothing came out - the pressure was too much and she suddenly found herself running away from Clover as fast as she could. The pressure was too much, she didn't know what to do, she only knew she had to be alone right now.

Desperate, Mollie ran back to the stables, she laid down in her “room”, upon the comforting stack of hay that was her resting place, trying to calm herself down. “Breathe in, breathe out; breathe in, breathe out” she’d repeat to herself, as if the mantra had the capability of setting everything right once more. She sat there on her own, pondering on her embarrassing run in with Clover, until all of a sudden Boxer walked in. Seeing his exhausted expression, his whole body drenched in sweat from all his hard work at the windmill construction site, she felt more embarrassed than she thought she ever would feel in her entire lifetime: she knew, deep down, that she should’ve been out there helping, yet told herself it had been okay not to do so, that she was not deserving of such tiring labor. 

"Hey, Mollie, the animals just finished working for the day, we made a lot of progress on the windmill building. Where were you?" he said, and it was too much to bare. The feeling of despair came back, the feeling of being insufficient, undeserving, less than, and suddenly her mind went back to that conversation with Pilkington’s farmhand. He'd been so kind and understanding, and had made her feel more accepted than she'd ever been around Animal Farm: she just wanted to be treated like she meant something, like she wasn’t just a light headed horse. She knew exactly what she had to do. Without even attempting to answer Boxer, Mollie ran off once more, this time to the fence the two farms shared. 

She glanced back at Animal Farm one last time: this was the place where she’d been born and raises, home to the only people, the only places and the only things she’d ever known; the others had never paid her much attention, but to her they were family. Her heart broke into little pieces when she realized they wouldn’t even care to look for her, wouldn’t worry for her well-being at all. “If anything, they’ll be glad I left, no more ‘stupid Mollie’ to weigh them down” she thought to herself, bursting into silent tears. She looked forward. “I’ve no time for hanging on to the past, I am certain my new friends will care for me, as I will surely care for them”, she told herself as she contemplated what she was about to do. She knew she’d miss her old life and Animal Farm, yet this was clearly her only hope. She jumped over the fence. Nobody noticed.

"Hello? Is anybody there?" she looked around through the dark, unable to believe she'd had the guts to do what she’d just done. She walked a bit further and then caught sight of an ill-illuminated barn. She made her way up to it and it was then that she saw them. All of Foxwood’s animals and humans were all gathered there, almost as if they’d been expecting her. They had prepared a big and (from Mollie’s perspective) luscious party for her arrival, with apples, sugar cubes and all. They all had smiles on their faces, and there it was. Finally, Mollie had gotten that safe and warm feeling she'd craved for all her life - she’d found her family. She didn't know the animals and people there yet, but she already felt like she belonged. "Welcome, beautiful! We've been waiting for you!" the farmhand who she'd spoken to earlier said. "We're so excited to finally meet you! Did you like what we prepared for you? I hope you enjoy!" a horse told her with a smile on his face. "Wow, I’m at a loss for words! This is incredible, I hardly deserve it!". Mollie felt the tears welling up in her eyes. "I've been dreaming my whole life of having a family, of feeling safe, of feeling like I'm worth something.", she blurted out as she broke down, sobbing. "Of course you are! You're worth so much! Come here" and then the other horse hugged her, the other people and animals later  joining in. At long last, Mollie felt she was home.

That night, Mollie danced and chatted with all the rest ‘till midnight. She was then taken to the stables and introduced to her new room, where she had a great night's sleep. The following days went like a sweet summer breeze: all the animals were so pleasant! They understood that Mollie wasn’t too keen on work and left her to rest. After all, leaving Animal Farm, they all said, “had been an amazing feat achieved by none before Mollie” and she deserved to take the time to digest what would be a huge change in her life. 

Two weeks had gone by since she'd joined the other animals on the farm, and she couldn't be happier. She was treated so well and felt like she was forming a lot of bonds with the others, having even begun working to be able to spend more time with her new companions. On a particular day, she’d been working on the plantations, when she bumped on another horse, a very tall and rough-shaped one at that. He dropped all the dozens of apples he’d been carrying to the farm, and when she looked up to his face, it was red with anger. "I can't believe you" the horse suddenly stopped in his tracks. Mollie felt him looking beyond her, and saw the anger in his face suddenly being replaced by staggering fear. "I mean, uhm, it's ok, no worries Mollie, talk to you later!"blurted out and ran off. When Mollie looked behind her she found out what had gotten the horse into such a fret: there stood Mr. Pilkington, with a barely visible smirk on his face. The event was odd, to say the least, but Mollie didn't think much of it.

The next few days, nothing out of the ordinary happened, everybody treated her as well as they had since the very start, so that bizarre encounter quickly slipped out of her thoughts. Until, one day, it all went wrong. The farmhand, the one who had first talked to her all those weeks ago, called on her to accompany him on a sort of mission: they had to travel a long distance on foot to grab some fresh lemons and oranges for a very special dinner Pilkington was going to hold for other farm owners from the region and their families. The two had been walking for a while now, and Mollie began to feel hungry - the journey was indeed long and arduous. "Hey, can we go back? I'm really hungry.", Mollie asked. "What, we've only been walking for 5 minutes! Just wait a bit longer" the farmhand replied. "Please! I'm tired and starving, my legs are already giving up on me, let's just do this another time", she said with a small chuckle. "Mollie...", said the man under his breath, already growing impatient, of which the mare wasn’t aware. "Please, c'mon, please!" she started nudging his back with her nose, reiterating her pleas, again and again. 

The farmhand was trying to maintain his peace, but, after a hundred or few more pleas and hours and hours of whining, abruptly turned around. "ENOUGH! I can't take it anymore, all you do is complain all god damn day. I tried to tell Pilkington you wouldn't be a good replacement for Mary, but he didn't listen to me...", he yelled, stopping himself abruptly, having realized he had said more than he should’ve. "What?", she asked, barely above a whisper, her voice breaking. "Oh yeah, you heard me! We had another mare, Mary, but she died and we had to replace her. Pilkington saw you walking by the fence, and realized how sad and lonely you are and knew you'd be dumb enough to come! You think you're some kind of princess, but you need to wake up, Mollie. You think you’re different from us, destined for higher things, deserving of pampering and love and comfort, but you’re all the same!”. 

The farmhand’s figure was suddenly replaced by her father’s, the man who’d died alongside the person she’d always dreamt of being, alongside her dreams and ambitions. Disappeared into darkness, never to be seen again lest in Mollie’s dreams and memories. Her breaths became heavy, and she felt like she was falling again. Her body fell to the ground and she just cried, for the terrible past she’d known, for her terrifying present and her unpredictable future. She cried for her father, Animal Farm, for everything. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Mollie forgive me! I didn't mean it", yet Mollie wasn't truly dumb. She knew he'd meant every word he said, knew she should stand up to him, defend herself and her own dignity. She knew that she deserved better. But she didn't. She just looked up, nodded, swallowed up her tears and her fears, and continued working, because now Mollie knew. She would never be happy. Would never achieve her dreams, no matter where she was, what she did.Of course she still dreamt of that perfect life, of the family she’d never have, the love she’d never receive, but that didn't matter. In Foxwood, at least they pretended she wasn't worthless, and even if it meant never being truly loved or valued, never knowing real happiness, it would have to be enough.

[ltleflrt]

Ltleflrt’s Writing Year in Review

Once again I felt like I could do more this year, so this is the theme for the decade.  But I got SO MUCH DONE too!  And more than I did last year, so I’m happy to see an improvement :D

Total 2019 Word Count: 215,491 Total 2019 Kudos: 7,581 Total 2019 Hits: 63,620

My 2019 Fics:

Dreaming in Digital: 173,818 words (44,142 from 2019)

When Dean finds a deactivated sex bot, he knows it’s his lucky day.

Set in a Cyberpunk world where global warming and climate change has driven most of the human population into domed cities, Sam and Dean hunt rogue tech and science experiments gone wrong in the shadows, protecting the lives of those the government doesn't care about anymore. On a trip to the dump to scavenge for valuables Dean finds Castiel, an Angel Industries sex bot, which is worth his weight in credits. But when he turns the sex bot on, he learns that Castiel is sentient.

Artificial Intelligence is illegal, and for good reason, but Cas doesn't put off dangerous vibes. That doesn't stop Sam from researching his creators while Dean's off making friends with the android. If there's someone out there creating a robot army unconstrained by the 3 rules of robotics, Sam's going to make sure the operation is shut down for good.

Castiel just wants to exist. He wants to read and work in the Winchester's greenhouse and have movie nights with Dean. But he also wants to understand. Himself. His unexpected reaction to Dean. What it it means to feel.

I started this fic in February 2018, and finished it in April 2019.  As of this post, it is the longest thing I’ve ever written.  And definitely the hardest thing I’ve ever written.  You know that saying about blood, sweat, and tears?  So true. (the blood was from a cat scratch when Kitty Cas tried to jump in my lap while I was writing and I got clawed, but it counts!)  I am proud of the results, even if I got tired of it and cut out a bunch of stuff I wanted to do.  2020 goal is some timestamps!

Where The Heart Lives: 12,876 words

Home is where the heart is, but it's nice to have a cozy little love nest too.

A collection of related short ficlets without a plot. Just small glimpses of Dean and Castiel being happy and in love.

This was a 30 day art challenge called Cottagetober, that I turned into writing prompts and added a 31st day since it was an October thing and I wanted a ficlet for every day.  Writing these fluffy snippets every day made me very happy, and I think I might do something similar in 2020 if I can find a list that sparks joy.

Reunited: 2,681 words

Castiel has changed a lot in the 10 years since he was a shy bookworm in High School. But it seems like few of his previous schoolmates have grown up much, if the revival of the rumor mill as soon as he walked in is any indication.

Dean Winchester certainly grew up, though. And he seems far more interested in Castiel than the rumors.

Written as a prompt from  @melilovesmakeup-blog, this little fic spawned much joy, and inspired a prequel from @bendingsignpost, which is honestly so dang flattering.  I love this little universe, and I’m heckin’ glad I randomly decided to take prompts.

Cloud Nine: 2,254 words

“Hey, angel.” Dean’s voice is warm with love and pride, and it makes Castiel squirm in his bindings. “You think you can take more?”

I love finding new ways to write non-traditional a/b/o!  One day I was driving around, and thought you know what I need?  Dom!Omega!Dean and sub!Alpha!Cas.  Not a lot of it out there yet, so had to write it myself.  And I really want to revisit this and write a prequel.  I Have Ideas!

The Git (you) Up: 1,323 words

Dean's been crushing on his new neighbor across the street from afar. When he gets an invitation to a neighborhood BBQ, he's finally going to meet the hottie. Now if only he can get the courage to talk to him.

I saw a ridiculously cute video on the internet and I was inspired!

Burning For You: 1,998 words 

Due to their busy schedules, Sam and Eileen hire a wedding planner. As Best Man, Dean steps in to help as much as he can. The fact that Castiel is gorgeous and immune to the dangers of Dean's touch is a bonus.

Another prompt!  I do prompts like never, but I’m so glad I did and got this one.  I had an immediate, and visceral need to write this fic as soon as I saw the ask, so thank you very much @alessariel!  This prompt was for both of us! :D

To Build A Bower: 633 words

Dean decorates his home to attract a mate.

Look.  Look.  I just really fuckin’ love bower birds okay?  Okay.  Thanks for the prompt @zarauthforsaken!

Special Delivery:  2,012 words

Castiel accidentally gets a package meant for his sexy neighbor.

Another prompt! From @queenandthree <3 

Fun story about this fic, the premise was originally going to be used in Satin and Sawdust, but got discarded.  I’m thrilled I found a reason to use it in a short story!

Work Life Balance: 2,227 words

As leader of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse, one of Dean's duties is to balance Order with Entropy, and enforce the will of the Fates. When Castiel's nature as the demigod of War urges him to destroy more than he should, he seeks out Dean's council.

A prompt from @kazshero!  I have had Four Horsemen headcanons for years, and could never come up with a story for it until I got this prompt.  Super grateful for it!  Death!Dean is my jam :D

The Menagerie: 1,452 words

Baby the Pegasus is giving birth to her first foal. Dean and Castiel are there to help her through it.

A prompt fill for @nickelkeep!  An excuse to turn Baby into a pegasus!  FLUFF! <3

A Trip To The Beach: 734 words

Camp Counselors Dean and Cas take the kids on a field trip to the beach.

Yes, this was definitely based on a conversation I had with @jupiterjames.  When I got the prompt from my bestie, I *had* to make it about us lol

Quoth the... Wait that's not a Raven: 930 words

Dean, Castiel, and Sam are paranormal investigators. Tonight's haunted spot is a Pet Store.

A prompt from @purgatory-jar!  And to be honest, I may revisit this idea with something longer someday.  Writing TFW as paranormal investigators is too much fun to pass up :D

Hunter's Caress: 142,229 words (WIP)

Castiel Jameson won't rest until the outlaw who murdered his brother faces justice, and Dean Winchester is the only man alive who can help him track the villain down. Some say Winchester is a cold-blooded killer himself; others say he'd been wronged his whole life. All Castiel knows is that the desire glinting in Dean's green eyes is even more dangerous than he is. Castiel fights to keep his mind on business, but during the long nights on the trail with the dangerously handsome hunter he finds himself dreaming of yielding to Dean's illicit kisses and losing himself in lawless passion.

Dean Winchester is about to hang when Castiel saves his neck with his crazy plan. But dying might be better than spending day and night playing nursemaid to such an infuriating city slicker. He appreciates the stubborn detective's desire for justice, but he'd appreciate Cas a lot more if he'd stop being a lawman long enough to just be a man. He certainly has all the right equipment. Dean aches to run his fingers through Castiel's dark hair, yearns to know how Castiel's golden skin will feel against him. And before the coming of the next dawn, Dean vows to teach him the pleasures and sweet rewards of a Hunter's Caress.

I’ve had this idea since the first year I started writing Destiel fic, and it’s been sitting in my WIP folder since 2014.  I don’t want to be done writing Destiel, but I’ve been struggling with my writing for about 2 years now, and I’m afraid it will only get worse when the show ends and the fandom starts to slow down without new content.  I figure if I don’t do this story now, it’ll never get done.  And that’s unacceptable, because this has been on my mind for far too long to let it never see the light of day.  Of all of my stories, this one is the most For Myself thing I’ve ever written.  And based on the way it’s going, it’s probably going to overtake Dreaming in Digital as my longest fic by the time it’s done lol

[nightshade-zoe]

AWAE 3x06 Commentary

Matthew’s Radish ❤️❤️

Anne has a cold and she’s baking a cake. . .uh oh (for context in the books she tries to bake a cake for the minister’s wife at tea but she puts liniment flavoring instead of vanilla because of a cold).

Wow her hair is so glossy and the loose braids are 😘

Is Matthew going to have a heart attack ....oh no

Holy **** that radish is huge

She smashed the vanilla and yes they’re definitely going the book storyline.

No Anne please ask someone to smell the bottle 😣

I live for Bash sass.

Okay so I’m like a little bit whiplashed here. Last episode we saw Gilbert just suggesting winnie visit. How have they been communicating? Have they been on that many tea dates? It seems like they only saw each other four or five times after their first “date”. But I guess it’s been two months since then.

“But your mother wasn’t skittish” I’m dead.

No he hasn’t settled on Winnie. Does this mean Bash knows about Anne? She’s “easy to be with” okay I guess it makes sense Gilbert is stressed about constantly feeling things for Anne.

“Fond enough to marry her?” Bash literally slipped that in because Gilbert was talking about marriage last week.

“Winifred doesn’t have such expectations” dude you’re meeting her parents in the 1890s of course she does.

Gilbert you literally were considering marriage last week.

Josie doesn’t want to create a scandal yet her mother seems to be pushing her to it??

Anne crying over Mary my heart it can’t ❤️❤️❤️

Poor Anne is so flustered because she wants to not look like a mess in front of her crush. So relatable.

Gilbert, do you see any onions???

It’s interesting they showed this scene between Gilbert and Matthew when we barely have their interactions. Gilbert is denying it’s a special occasion when we’ve just seen him freaking out about his appearance.

The framing of Anne by the window is gorgeous. Also this episode seems designed the humiliate Anne every way possible.

Why is she sneaking out to go to Diana’s??

She’s going to confess to Diana isn’t she. This seems like really fast development for Anne who has recently been like I am the Bride of Adventure.

Yikes Minnie May overhearing this and finding Jerry’s gift.

I think it’s interesting and important (because even though I’m sure this episode will be painful) Anne’s crush is very much romanticized and infatuated. While I’m unsure about her realizing her feelings this early, the comparison to Mr. Darcy, the reference to novels seems in character even if the fact it’s Gilbert is sudden.

Can someone make a gif set of all the Cuthberts straightening up in front of a mirror.

Wow Anne really jumped to daisies. I definitely feel like they’re trying to do the whole dramatic teenager I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH HIM angst rather than set up her real love for him yet.

THE FOAL IS SO CUTE ❤️

Dellie and Bash ❤️ also oh my goodness he was knitting yellow socks for her.

Noooo Gilbert don’t belittle yourself. You’re an orphan and are incredible. Anne’s an orphan and she is too.

“can’t cook”.

How has Anne recovered from her cold this fast also?

They’re definitely going up in the hot air balloon.

Subtle reminder Ka’kwet is still in hell and we need to get her out.

There’s a stiltswalker. I literally wrote that into my fanfic.

I’m so scared about this cake but at least it will look beautiful.

Wow Rachel not making me mad for once ❤️

What is this ear pulling Matthew?

Also omg the white grub reference I can’t get over the throwback.

The fortuneteller and the smoke haha. I feel like this Anne would have more sense than to believe in fortune telling though?? I agree the daisy was more helpful but this is clearly just meant to amplify Anne’s infatuation.

It’s interesting that they spent so much time on how the fortune teller is clearly a fraud.

Diana please pay attention to and comfort Anne.

Aghhh I clowned myself I was right Diana was leaving because of something related to Jerry’s family but also they made Anne look this devastated over Winnie.

Also ugh it’s such a trope to have her see Gilbert help Winnie when she stumbles.

But also the handkerchief book signaling Derry thing was so well done.

The Rachel/Stacy development has been interesting also wow the shooting.

It’s interesting we have Prissy who is super feminist and advanced, Billy who’s a sexist pig, and Jane who is still figuring things out.

Wait so Mrs. Barry and Winnie are the only two people I’ve seen with parasols. I’m guessing it’s a status symbol? Something only rich people carry?

I hope Minnie May has her own storyline. She does reappear in a later episode.

DIANA A QUEEN I LOVE I SCREAMED. THEY KISSED.

But I feel like we definitely will see some sort of rift/problem given how fast this has been accelerating.

Also the musical theme for them (which also played during the scene by Diana’s house where Jerry quotes Frankenstein) is so so beautiful

No, Anne don’t go back to the fortuneteller.

Why is Gilbert so condescending about Queens? Also he’s not admitting that the Sorbonne is a dream because of money. Instead it’s the impression he thinks he won’t get in.

I’m learning so much about Winifred’s dad and yet I still know nothing about her. I hate when characters are so one dimensional.

“Can we PLEASE just enjoy the day” paralleling Gilbert earlier saying he’s just going to try and enjoy the day

What is this ear pulling thing we have now seen Matthew, Jack, Thomas Lynde, and Nigel Rose do.

Why do Gilbert and Mr. Rose pronounce Sorbonne so differently?

Couple points on Winnie. She seems to represent the part of Gilbert that was never content with the small town life and now also the part of him that is tired of fighting with Anne. So she really has been boiled down to whether he will choose an easy life with connections but no fire or Anne who makes his life incredibly complicated but extremely lovely.

Also it was interesting that they again paralleled Winnie stumbling with Josie stumbling earlier this season. (Post episode addendum her Mr. Bones scene weirdly foreshadowed Josie’s situation)

I swear Gilbert just visibly hesitated to introduce them to Bash. Also they really are making them out to be the perfect family which rings the alarm bells that either they are not or all they’re meant to do is be a foil for Gilbert’s current life/affections.

Okay it seems really extreme to have Anne call Gilbert her true love. Like I get they are trying to emulate teenagers but Anne is not like this and we already did this with Ruby.

“I want to believe you that it was true that someone could look at me that way. I never even dared to hope before” this hurts so much because we have seen how much Gilbert adores Anne. But also it hurts because Anne has just been able to accept family love and shes been told her whole life no one will ever want her. I’m crying.

But also I think it’s very important that this is a very idealized crush and is definitely emulating teenage fancies and the real realization from Anne will be much different.

I love all the eye/I puns and how this fortune teller goes against herself and decides to comfort Anne because Anne is just endearing like that. I think we’re supposed to simultaneously feel Anne’s pain while also being amused at the melodrama

Oh no they’re really doing this with the cakes.

Your schoolmate Gilbert? Really??? At least say she’s a friend.

I know they’re trying to make Winnie seem really nice but it’s strange she asks how Anne spells her name. It’s like it’s meant to add more weight to the visual way in which we see Anne comparing herself to Winnie.

Bash is so amused by the Winifred Anne meeting. I guess it’s also important Gilbert has told Bash about Winnie but still keeps his feelings for Anne a secret (even though they aren’t)

This cake thing bothers me so much. There was no need to take a relatively funny book scene, humiliate Anne in front of a large group of people and add to the already massive embarrassment she feels by having Gilbert and Winifred both be there. This episode just really was out to get Anne

Hmm so I think it’s definitely telling that Gilbert’s automatic instinct was to run after Anne to comfort her and he definitely looks upset when she runs off but I also don’t think he was super helpful. He clearly doesn’t get why she’s upset and also Mary would’ve been more likely to run after Anne and console her. I miss Mary.

Anne no ❤️ she’s hiding under the exhibit she was looking at with such wonder earlier.

Really? They couldn’t even let Matthew win. This is an adorable adorable scene between them though.

Matthew, Marilla how do neither of you realize Anne is upset because Gilbert is walking around with a super high class, beautiful girl.

The music when they get into the balloon is the same as Anne visiting Ka’kwet the first time + Gilbert taking the flower + Derry walking home the first time = new adventures?

Marilla on point “we are literally going to hell in a hand basket” “before I die, fly”

Yes Anne embracing her uniqueness ❤️

This is the most beautiful and joyous scene this episode and the music is excellent (ive definitely heard it’s before but I don’t remember which episodes). Well it plays when Marilla and Rachel head off to the oculist and Marilla tells Anne not to get into trouble

It’s beautiful seeing how Matthew and Marilla have grown due to Anne. This balloon ride is like symbolic of their relationship.

Passing over the first part of the dance scene which is clearly just an inverted love triangle from the last episode . .though Gilbert does look over at Anne after the dance ends...he also looks uncomfortable in certain shots with Winnie

I guess also “Seems like you’ve done this before” “I can’t hear you” parallels the first tea scene a bit.

I’m frustrated Ruby is basically the exact same just with a different boy who I guess at least shows interest in her

Also Anne dancing with Charlie >.<

It’s really effective that the scene with Billy and Josie is outside in the dark compared to the bright barn but also that you can hear the dance music and it seems garish and grotesque. Also FUCK BILLY ANDREWS.

Props to Anne for noticing something is off :-/

They do a good job portraying how rumors are spread fast and also twisted because it goes to people saying they saw billy and Josie

Hit him Anne HIT HIM . . .okay I guess I’m satisfied with yelling. Also I would like to point out everyone else looks shocked and confused.

I guess I understand why the other girls don’t get it given their different experiences but SIGHS. Also Diana constantly freaking out about Jerry when no one knows what she’s talking about

No Gilbert this is important

Okay but Anne’s references. Whose CABBAGE IS BIGGER. You don’t need a CRYSTAL BALL. Clearly salty about the fortuneteller and Matthew’s loss.

Oof she’s clearly jealous but also angry for her friend and I get that Gilbert doesn’t like being yelled at but also for him to just shake his head as if this is a normal Anne tantrum

Peep Gilbert looking back at Anne twice

Moody the mediator. I like the effect of everyone’s voices blurring together and fading

YES ANNE ACTIVIST WRITING but also im so scared about the potential backlash. I really hope they treat this story carefully because I’m so worried about Josie and Anne now and so so mad at Billy

[hbostolemysoul]

Band of Brothers fluff alphabet: Babe (only the Nuns call me Edward) Heffron

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Babe had heard about the female medic of Easy company before he was assigned to the company, hell all the replacements had. A few of the guys had joked about how you were probably some brutish looking broad that must have passed as a dude for the brass to let you in.

But by gods were they horribly wrong. You were anything but brutish. Hell, if that was what brutish looked like then Babe had a new type.

Babe thinks everything about you is beautiful, but the thing he likes most is when you smile. It’s a rare occurrence, but he swears his heart skips when he see’s the subtle curl of your lips. He figures the lack of smiling comes with being a medic, Roe and Spina don’t seem to smile too much either. Babe had recruited Julian in his mission to make you smile. Their attempts were usually met with a steely glare as you patched one of the two up after they did something stupid. It took a long while, but over time their bickering wore you down. Not enough to get a full-on smile, but that slight quirk your mouth made was more than worth it.

Heffron had flown mostly under your radar the first week or so he was there, not that you ignored them or anything, as a medic it was always important to be aware of the men in your company (after all the replacements usually had full med kit’s 😉).

You didn’t really notice Babe specifically until Guarnere had taken him under his wing. It was both kind of cute, and strangely out of character for ‘Wild Bill’. When you took a minute to actually ‘take in’ Heffron, he reminded you of a baby deer. Bright-eyed, gangly, and so eager to be accepted. He had a thick Philly accent, which you surmised, it why Bill took to him so fast. Listening to them laugh together was kind of entertaining. All the Philly guys had strange laughs. You decided that out of all of them Heffron’s laugh was your favourite.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Babies are one of the last things on Babe’s mind during the war. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t want them, but he still has a bit of growing up to do. Which is something you are more than aware of. Try as he might to seem like a big manly man, he still has moments where he is this lost kid in the middle of a giant war.

It takes you two a few years of being in the states before the topic of kids becomes a bit more than a conversation. Old Gonorrhea already had a few kids, and he and Babe were still ridiculously close, which meant you two often ended up babysitting. It was during one such night of trying to keep the Guarnere children from killing themselves that it just kind of hit him. The three oldest had been launching themselves off various tall surfaces and onto Babes back, you stood in the doorway holding the youngest. It honestly took his breath away. You had somehow managed to get the little one to doze off (a miracle in its own right) the baby’s head was resting against your shoulder, a lock of your soft hair clutched in their tiny fist. You just smiled tiredly at him.

It was a strange moment for Babe. You two often joked that being around Bill’s kids was kind of like being around living birth control. But for whatever reason, he decided that he wanted to have this with you someday, someday sooner than he initially expected.

He brought it up seemingly out of the blue while you were driving home. His face flushed almost as red as his hair, you just quirked an eyebrow at him as an amused smile made its way onto your lips. He of course started to babble in typical Heffron fashion,

“Course our kids ain’t gonna be leaping off furniture like they’re jumpin’ into damned Europe…and we ain’t gonna have five of them…wait, do you want five? We can have five if you wa…” you just laugh and place your hand over his,

“Five is a bit much, why don’t we start with one and see how that goes?”,

He just stares at you, mouth agape before nodding,

“Y-yeah…one, one sounds good…for now! I mean if you want more we can have mor-“,

You quickly pull him into a kiss, laughing a bit you just roll your eyes.

You two end of having a little girl, temperament about as fiery as her fathers hair. It's funny listening to him grumble to her about the state of her diapers, but she puts him in his place, giving just as good as she gets. You can’t imagine what its going to be like once she has actual words to throw back. Listening to them squawk at each other is pretty comical.

You both made Bill her godfather, and as much as he grumbled about having “another god damn kid to look after. Jesus Frannie just kill me”, Bill adores her. They have this special bond, you have a feeling that he is the person she is going to call when she gets into trouble. And knowing “Old Gonorrhea” he is going to be there to bail her out every time.

Fast foreword 17 years to Bill and Babe trying to get your inebriated daughter into your house at three am without you noticing.

“Christ Bill, shoulda never let you talk me into this”,

“Ahh quit your bitchin’ and take her arm. Only so much movin’ a man with one leg can do”

“Oh don’t pull that one leg crap with me, you know wh-“,

SURPRISE you were waiting to flick the lights on the moment they all stumbled into the kitchen. Their wide eyes and guilty expressions brought you back to the shenanigans they used to get into back in England. It was almost enough for you to let it slide…key word being almost.

Your daughter just grinned up at you,

“Hiiii mommm” she giggled, you just sighed,

“Hi baby, lets get you to bed”, you took hold of your daughter and steered her into her room.

Bill and Babe visibly deflated, sharing victorious grins with each other, which quickly came to an end when a slipper (yours) was aggressively, and accurately thrown at Babes head. Much to Bill’s surprise a small teddy bear came fling at him next, your youngest glaring out of her bedroom door. Bill made a note not to mess with the Heffron women after midnight…  

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Heffron has no concept of personal space while asleep. He could fall asleep on the other end of the bed while upside down, and he would still find his way half on top of you before the morning. You thought you would be more annoyed by it, but its kind of endearing. Well until you daughter is old enough to climb into bed with you two. With her and Babe in bed there is no escape, you have learned to make sure to use the washroom right before climbing into bed for the night, because once they are both asleep there is no moving until morning.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Babe was still a kid when he left home, so a lot of his favourite places were too “immature”, or so he thought. He took you out to nice places, dancing and to the movies. It was nice, but one night on your way home you passed by a park close to home. Babe had mentioned that he used to play there with his siblings when he was younger. You took his hand and led him into the park, taking a seat on one of the swings you just looked at him expectantly and gestured towards the swing next to yours. That became your place.

E = Everything (You are my __ (e.g. my life, my world…))

“You are the most intimidating, beautiful woman I have ever met…Wait that sounds bad, I don’t mean intimidating in a bad way, like you are scary sometimes, but I love you for it…wait that sounds worse, oh man I never know when to shut my dumb mouth…”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

He was like a puppy in love when he first saw you. Following you around everywhere, it was both cute and annoying. Over time that puppy crush of his turned into something more. Everything became a bit more real for him after Julian died. Doc had been checking up on him more frequently, and so had you. It started with you just stopping and asking how he was, leaving chocolate for him. It was always worse when he was alone, being the observant individual you were, you brought it up to Doc. The both of you had started to spend your nights with Babe whenever possible. Doc had come to relieve you one night, only to find you and Heffron curled up together asleep, and an annoyed Bill rolling his eyes and huffing about “puppy love, Christ”. Roe and Bill just looked at the two of you, something softening in both their eyes. Doc always managed to be ‘busy’ when if came to baby-sitting Heffron after that.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Baby deer. Unsure little foal, so eager to please and do things right but he is wobbly and unsure of himself. If he ever hurts you it is accidental, and chances are he hurt himself too. The amount of times he has accidentally slammed his forehead into yours while trying to kiss you is kind of embarrassing.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

He didn’t get to do it much during the war, its not that you weren’t willing. It just seemed like every time an opportunity came up someone would start hollering for a medic shortly after.

Once you two are back stateside he holds your hand every opportunity he gets. Fingers always intertwined with yours.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He was head over heels for you immediately.

You thought he was this awkward, yet cute kid from Philly.

Somehow that kid turned into the man that stole your heart.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

Yes, but he is usually subtle about it…at first. Babe loves you, a lot. He also trusts you. There some sleaze bags around though, and he is not afraid to speak up if they can’t take a hint.

That all being said Lord help any man who looks at you or Frannie while you four are out together…it’s a good thing you know how to patch up busted noses and bruised knuckles.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He did. Well…kind of.

You had been in the medical tent with Roe, taking inventory of your long overdue resupply. Roe saw him enter and shot you a knowing look before making himself scarce. You rolled your eyes and shot a tight-lipped smile at Heffron. Taking his helmet off he started to fiddle with it as he asked you if you needed help with anything. As fate would have it you needed help rolling the bandages Roe had oh so conveniently abandoned.

The two of you worked alongside each other in silence. It was a comfortable silence though. After the task was done you looked up and thanked him, he just nodded and went to make his way out of the tent. He changed his mind half way there and doubled back, pulled you forward into what you guessed was supposed to be a kiss. Instead of lips meeting, his forehead crashed into yours.

“Oh man, oh shit, are you okay?” poor Babe looked absolutely mortified.

You just laughed and shook your head, you tried looking up at him, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes. With a gentle sigh, you grabbed his collar and pulled him down until his lips were almost touching yours,

“Why don’t we try that again?”, your smile was teasing, but your eyes were gentle.

He just nodded and let you lead.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

You do. It was near the end of the war and Babe was trying to ask you if you would come home with him to meet is family. Or at least that is what you think the poor guy was trying to say. He went off on this panic induced tangent, and while it was entertaining you decided to put him out of his misery. Placing a finger against his lips he quickly shut up, swallowing nervously.

“I would very much like to meet the people who raised the man that I love”, he smiled and quickly began rambling about how he was worried you wouldn’t want to come home with him, until his brain finally processed what you said in its entirety.

“Wait, you love me?” the goofy, love sick grin on his face made the moment all the more special.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

In Babes mind every single memory he has shared with you is a blessing, and he hasn’t taken a single moment for granted. Although there was something particularly special about the way you seemed to glow as you walked down the aisle.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Yes, on his way home he will sometimes stop at one of the various stands to pick up your favourite chocolate bar. You two with share it as you curl up on the couch at the end of the day, swapping stories.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

You are like sunlight, and yes he is aware that isn’t a specific colour. But its true, in his eyes you are the sun.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

You call him Babe…even if you resisted at first (Medics don’t use nicknames damnit)

He calls you Baby, seems cliché but it just came naturally. You don’t really mind.

Bill on the other hand had a FIELD DAY making fun of him “Babe and Baby HEH”.

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

He has this old prison key that his dad used when he worked in the jails. It doesn’t open anything; the cell locks were changed over a decade ago. But sometimes when he is feeling anxious he will just sit down and fiddle with it while he talks with you.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Darts. When you two first moved in together you rigged up this janky dart board in your living room. Its how you two spent the time when you were a bit strapped for cash while you waited for you backpay from the war to come in.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

He just likes to hold you. Being home, and so close to Julian’s family is really hard for Babe at times. In these moments you know not to push him, he always talks when he is ready, you just make sure that he knows you are there for him.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Babe is kind of like Luz in the respect that he can literally talk about anything. Some of the tangents he goes on are pretty entertaining.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

He likes it when you read to him, or talk, or sing, or anything where he can hear your voice. Something about it helps to soothe him.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Oh man he wears his wedding band like a fucking war medal. He is beyond proud that he gets to come home to you every single day, and his isn’t afraid to show it.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

He proposes in the park where you two often find yourselves at night. He had this big speech planned out, and as he pulls the box out of his pocket the ring falls out and into the sand. You both spend the next 10 minutes digging around until you find it. Smiling up at him you hand the ring back, he looks crushed. You try to hide your laugh,

“Ask me again Babe”,

and he does.

Your wedding is a fairly large event. With Guarnere as his best man you should have figured everyone you ever met would be at your wedding, including a majority of Easy.

(Talbert caught the bouquet. He looked mortified. It was awesome.)

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Favourite Record – Fall out Boy

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Oh yes. He had the proposal all planned out, and much like his first time trying to kiss you, things went to shit. But hey, you said yes…so it wasn’t so bad after all.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Your children were adamant about getting a turtle. Babe hates reptile’s, but he sucked it up for your children. Turns out the turtle is an asshole who always hides in the corner of his tank, you and Babe refer to it as “Dike” under your breath.

*I. Had. Way. Too. Much. Fun. Writing. This*

**ALSO while doing some research on Babe I found out that Guarnere was actually the godfather of his daughter**

***Also Also, these keep getting longer and longer. I don’t know how to stop. Send help pls.***

[heartcravings]

50 Questions Tag!

@jongin-be-my-jagi​ tagged me for this a while ago, but I took my sweet time to answer. Here is my secret intel if you want to know me a little bit more!! Check hers as well, she’s an amazing writer and friend. 1. What takes up too much of your time? Tumblr, my stupid procrastination prone brain and my thesis. 

2. What makes your day better? Friends and loved ones, music and these absolute dorks (Channie especially) 

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I hopped on the mat today in the early hours of the morning, rain on my window and the neighbours cat peeking at me from his window across the street.

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? Wonderland, bacause it’s “curiouser and curiouser!”

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.  Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'

5. Are you good at giving advice? I think so. Not so good at following my own advice though.  I do always consider where the other is standing and if I don’t know how to proceed then I’ll just be honest and say I can’t help. But i’ll always listen with my heart. 

 6. Do you have any mental illnesses? Not diagnosed. I do think i might be going through something now. 

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? No, but i have a recurring nightmare: the world is made of black and white paper thin layers. I am a paper thin person walking along a street surrounded by paper thin buildings. I walk for a long time, looking up at the white sky. Until the street ends, there is no more building and i fall into the abyss of a blank page.  I have had this dream since the age of 8 or 9 years old. Fear of not being good enough, you say?! Ding, ding, ding!! We got a winner in the back!  8. What musician inspired you the most? I get inspired by music all the time!! One of my all time favourite songs is Spanish Sahara by Foals. Its sublime!

So I’d say I’m mainly inspired by these artists: Queen, Arctic Monkeys, Foals, Radiohead, Bowie, Daughter, Bob Dylan, Beirut, Yeah yeah yeahs, Arcade Fire, The National, Joy Division, Blur, Warpaint, Gorillaz, Sufjan Stevens, Bon Iver, Chet Baker, The Cure, Courtney Barnett, The Maccabees, Car Seat Headrest, Florence + The Machine, Editors, Kasabian, Crystal Fighters, Death Cab for a cutie, The Doors, Efterklang, Explosions in the Sky, Franz Ferdinand, The Horrors, James Blake, José Gonzalez, Los Campesinos!,  Metronomy, Nick Cave, Nina Simone, Patrick Watson,  Phoenix, Sharon Van Etten, The Shins, Simon & Garfunkel, The Smiths, St.Vincent, The Strokes, Toro y Moi, tricot, Tune-Yards, TV on the radio, Unknown Mortal Orchestra, The Vaccines, Vampire Weekend, The Velvet Underground, The War on Drugs, Wild Beasts and Yo La Tengo.

And the electro, pop and hip-hop groves of my heart: EXO, 2NE1, Janelle Monáe, Big Bang, Kris Wu,LCD soundsystem, SBTRKT, Childish Gambino, Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar and Daft Punk. 

And special mentions to the portuguese ones (learning from yixing and promoting when i can :P): Capicua, Joana Espadinha, The Legendary Tigerman, Linda Martini, Mayra Andrade, Noiserv, Ornatos Violeta, Paus, Samuel Uria, You Can’t Win Charlie Brown and The Silence 4. I know, tldr right? Sorry folks! 9. Have you ever fallen in love? Yes I have. I have mistaken a crush for love too. But i have definitely been very deeply in love. A wrecked kintsugi heart over here people! 10. What’s your dream date? I don’t think I have one. I’d love to do something unique with that someone special, something special for the two of us. It could be as simple as riding the subway while sharing earphones & listening to our playlist or walking the dogs out! Idk, I’m easy to please. But right now it would have to be with this handsome man :D pretty please?!

11. What do others notice about you? I am very kind and warm hearted, so I think that’s what people first notice when meeting me. Although I maintain good eye contact, I am also timid and will be quieter if there are very energetic people in the group. When alone, I usually take the first step and try to meet people, but only if i really must.  12. What’s an annoying habit you have? It’s really hard for me to ask for help. I also like to tell detailed descriptions of everything... Couldn’t you tell? 13. Do you still talk to your first love? I’ll text him on his birthday and he does the same to me. We met when we were 10 years old and that childhood friendship remains. But regarding my one and truly deep relationship, no we do not talk, unless we randomly meet.

14. How many exes do you have? I have three exes. The first love who was just an idealized crush on my childhood friend: we dated for 2 weeks during summer break xD Then my first real boyfriend, we met in my first year at university, dated for quite some time, he really loved me and made me love myself a little more. Finally the one i loved too much. I mended his wounds and made him love himself as much as I did. I always say all the love we feel makes our hearts grow bigger. I do not regret loving any of them, I am me now due to them and I would not change it if I could. 15. How many songs are in your playlist? I have way too many playlists for each and every mood... But my favourite songs list on spotify has about 1500 songs! uwu!  16. What instruments can you play? Triangles and flute?! I had mandatory music classes in school... so in reality I can’t really play a instrument...

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? Probably my cat, Sushi. With a second close of my doodles and sketches. 

18. Where would you like to go before you die? EVERY WHERE!!! But I really want to go to Japan and Scotland and Iceland and South Korea and New Zealand and i’ll shut up. 19. What’s your zodiac? Capricorn. 20. Do you relate to it? Sort of.

21. What is happiness to you? You know when it’s really cold outside in the winter and you manage to find a sheltered place where no wind can hit you and you still get to feel the warm rays of the winter suns on your skin? You hear the birds outside and you are contempt in that moment, at peace. That is happiness to me.   22. Are you going through anything right now? Yes, I am a bit lost. Trying to finish my thesis and trying to find what I want to do after. It’s liberating but also pretty scary. 23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? It’s a series of small decisions really. It started with going for a phd with the same people i worked in my msc. Should have gone to a different place. Then deciding to come home after a traumatic loss in the family. Should have kept my life going but I stalled it then. (I don’t regret helping my loved ones though).

24. What’s your favourite store? Probably Wishtrend for beauty stuff. Other than that I don’t have any favourite brands/stores. 25. (HALFWAY!) What’s your opinion on abortion? I think everyone is free to decide what they want or need to do. I couldn’t possible judge. If I would it? Probably not.

27. Do you have a favourite album? I don’t think so, I have favourite tunes for different moods and moments in my life. But if threatened with my life, I’d maybe say Total Life Forever from Foals.

28. What do you want for your birthday? It’s such a long time until my birthday comes! But maybe a real EXO ot9 reunion as a goodbye to Minseok?

29. What is most people’s first impression of you? Friendly and easy to open up to, i think.

30. What age do you seem according to most people? In real life, people usually think I am way younger than I am.  31. Where do you keep your phone when you’re sleeping? In the crook of my bed, between the mattress and the bed frame.

32. What word do you say the most? No idea really! 33. What’s the oldest age you’d date? 40s? I don’t think too much about age actually. 

34. What’s the youngest age you’d date? 20s? Again not very important to me. Love is love, whomever, whenever and wherever <3

35. What job / career do most people say would suit you? I don’t know! People always say i don’t totally fit in anything... so there’s that. If you have an idea please let me know! 36. What’s your favourite music genre? Go back to question 8. I listen to everything! :D 37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? I’d like to live around the world, every few months a different place and get to know different cultures.

38. What is your current favourite song? I’ve been obsessed with RM’s intro/teaser song, Map of the Soul: Persona. (I’m not even a bts fan, but this music and lyrics just touched me a lot.)

39. How long have you had this blog for? I think for about 6 years? It’s my personal space, where I dump all my obsessions.  

40. What are you excited for? I’m visiting some friends in Granada in a couple of weeks. Yay, tapas!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? Normally I am a better listener. But there are a few people to whom i open like a book. Either words flow right out of me without even thinking or they see throw me. Those truly are my people.

42. What is the last productive thing you did? Prepped meals and cleaned the kitchen. Open the folder and file of my thesis. Read the latest chapter I wrote.  43. What do you want for Christmas? Well, just like for my birthday, there is still such a long time to it! But let’s say i want to have already finish this part of my life and want to find my next adventure.

44. What class do you get the best grades in? No more exams! Ehehe! But I used to have good grades at everything. Physical Education was my lowest mark i think.

45. On a scale of 1-10 how do you feel right now? Right now, a 4? I have a headache.

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Smiling? :D I want to be happy in my own skin. To feel contempt in my life, doing something that gives me a sense of purpose and having time to share and enjoy with my friends and family. 47. When did you get your first heartbreak? Oh my kintsugi heart has been broken quiet a lot. By friends and lovers and even by myself. I keep patching it up with gold dreams though.  48. At what age do you wanna be married? I will only want to be married if i find the one. So until then I guess. 

49. What career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to be an astronaut and a ballerina. Preferably both!

50. What do you crave right now? Just sitting somewhere and listening to Yeol play the guitar.

Well i finished it! :D I’ll tag @thedeviousdo @ohsenhun @hongseok and @paepsi. I’d love to read yours! Feel free to dismiss it though, it is quite a lot.  Lots of love everyone!! <3 <3 <3

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

DOTW 12 Full

Waking too a steady and rhythmic beeping, Eren groggily groaned at the world. He felt like absolute fucking shit. A cool hand came down to rest on his forehead "Eren? Sweet heart?" "W-water..." "Here honey. Let me help you" A straw was pressed to his lips, Eren taking a deep sip. His mouth felt all furry and gross. Letting straw fall from between his lips, he blinked at Hanji, trying to clear the sleep from his eyes "What happened?" "You had a bad heat and collapsed, do you remember?" He remembered fucking up and throwing himself at Levi... with everything that happened with Marco and Jean, he'd hit meltdown and climbed into Levi's lap. Ruining everything they'd built up between them. Hurting the alpha and losing his virginity in the process. Levi had been so kind and soft. So sweet and it'd felt amazing at the time. Until he woke up and realised what he'd done to the man. He liked Levi. But he'd stupidly ruined it all. Fresh tears rolled down his face "I remember my birthday and coming home" "Oh sweetie. Shhh... its not all that bad" "I... hurt Levi" Starting to sob in earnest, Hanji climbed up into bed with him. Rolling him up to her, she crooned softly "He was so nice to me... w-what h-have I d-done?" "Hey... out of everyone in the world you could have slept with, you chose an alpha that really cares about you" "I've n-never done an-anything like before... and n-now I've r-ruined everything" "You haven't ruined everything. I promise you that. Levi was beside himself worried about you. I promise you, he really cares about you. Eren, have you never had sex before?" "N-no" He was far too miserable to be embarrassed "Z-Zeke s-said it was dirty and wrong" "It's not dirty and wrong. What about your heats? You've touched yourself before? You know you can't help but feel the need too" "I... I don't... it's wrong" Hanji let out a small sigh "Ok. Ok, I understand. You didn't do anything wrong. You're ok. Just a little bit of dehydration and exhaustion. We gave you a sedative so you'd sleep through it all. But I imagine you feel a bit gross?" Now that she mentioned is, he did. Hanji was probably laying in a pool of slick "Yeah..." "Alright. How about we get you unhooked? Then you can take a shower in the staff showers. It's much nicer in there, and I've got my stuff in my locker" "Am... am I allowed?" "Of course you are. No one's going to say no to me. Also, Mike's on, and even if you don't remember him, he knows all about the precious omega I'm lucky enough to have living with me" "I'm not precious. I'm a... I'm bad" "No, honey" "I am. I hurt Levi. I didn't save my mum from my dad! Zeke left me... I'm bad" "Sweetheart, this is just your after heat blues talking. You're not bad. You're beautiful and kind. A hot shower and some chocolate will make everything seem much better" With legs as shaky as a new born foal, Hanji helped him into the staff locker room. Supplying him with a soap and change of clothes, he figured he must have been in hospital for a little while. Either that, or Hanji was scarily prepared "I'm just going to let Moblit know you're awake. He's been worried about you. The showers are just in there. Take as long as you need" "Thank you..." "It's ok. No ones going to interrupt you, and everything will be ok" * Coming out of his rut, Levi couldn't stop thinking of what had happened with Eren. Moblit had looked ready to deck him, carrying the omega up to his room while Hanji supported him up to the bathroom. Showering only made him feel worse. He wanted to revel in Eren's scent, his omegas scent... but after what he'd done... Hanji had called Erwin, sitting him down, bundling him in a blanket and forcing him to drink a god awful cup of tea. Erwin not asking questions as he was driven back home, where his rut kicked in. Filled with self loathing, he didn't want to face the world. His sheets and bed were a filthy disgusting mess. He didn't want to fucking move, but the crust across his skin was driving him crazy. It felt revolting to be laying there in a mess of his own making. Hauling himself from his bed, he staggered into his bathroom. The effects of his rut meant his shower took normal than longer. The bliss from release washed away just as fast as the mess he'd made down the shower floor. He hated being an alpha for this very reason, and having been through yet another rut, it was definitely time to see about being put onto stronger suppressants. A bitter laugh fell from his cracked lips. Eren was supposed to be on suppressants. They hadn't fucking done anything for the kid, but at least he'd been given a contraceptive shot, so nothing would grow from his monumental fuck up. Closing his eyes, he could almost feel the omega moving against him. The warmth and softness of his form as he rode him... the way he called his name and begged for more. The brat probably didn't remember a fucking thing. Fleeing the bathroom, he towelled himself dry, before dressing in loose sweats and an old T-shirt. The roughness of the fabric grating against his overly sensitive skin. Ruts fucking sucked. Despite his lack of hunger, he knew he had to eat, and had to feed Titan. Feeding Titan came first. The fat tom cat was waiting by his bowl, looking up at Levi as if concerned for his humans health. At least someone still wanted to talk to him. Hanji, Moblit, Erwin and Eren would all probably want nothing to do with him. With his lunch, or breakfast, or maybe even dinner made, Levi collapsed down on his sofa. He should have left Eren at the fucking hospital for Hanji to pick up. Picking up his cup of tea, he stared down at the dark liquid. His life had been so simple before Eren came along with his... no. Eren couldn't help it. He was scared. He was hurting. His body betrayed him due to how distraught the whole mess had left him. As the door to his apartment creaked, he couldn't bring himself to look up. The chain had been across, all his friends knew how to get it off, but only one had the stink that Erwin did "Hey, Levi" Sighing, he placed his cup back down. Of course Erwin fucking knew when he'd come out of his rut. The man knew way too fucking much about him. Closing the door softly behind him, his friend walked over and sank down next to him "Hanji, I'm going to put you on speaker phone" Levi's eyes widened. An uncomfortable feeling forming in the base of his stomach. He'd only heard from her once since this all started, and that was to let him know she had to take Eren to hospital "Hey Levi, it's Hanji" He didn't know what he supposed to say "I just wanted to let you know Eren woke up earlier. He was dehydrated, but he's going to be just fine" "Hanji, Levi's a bit out of it" "Levi, I know you're taking this hard but I have something I need to tell you. Eren remembers everything" Fuck... he didn't want the omega not to, but part of him had hoped he wouldn't... that way... maybe... "He's ok. His post heat has hit him pretty hard, but he remembers and he's really upset. He's worried you're going to hate him and that he's hurt you. You two are so alike. He likes you so much, and now he's terrified he's ruined everything between you. We talked a little, and you need to know, he wanted to have sex with you. But he was scared because Zeke has drummed it into his head that it's wrong and dirty. He doesn't even touch himself during his heat because of it. He's been denying his urges, which is probably part of the reason his heats are so erratic. He wanted it, and he wanted you" "He... he was in heat" "Levi, we talked about it at the hospital and then again during the drive home. He told me himself that you're the only alpha he's ever had the feelings for. Please, I know you're hurting and blaming yourself. And I know no matter what I say, you're going to keep on blaming yourself. Just... just don't give up on him because of this. Don't give up on being with him over this. You both like each other, and you might have gone about things a little backwards, but he likes you. You've been able to get through to him when Moblit and I haven't" He'd heard enough. He didn't want Hanji trying to make him feel better, and even if Eren did forgive him, it only proved how broken the brat really was. He'd taken the omega's virginity. Eren who deserved at least a bed with clean sheets and somewhere safe. Not just a hard fuck in the front of his Range Rover. Reaching out, he ended the call. He couldn't deal with this shit. He wanted to fucking scream. "Levi?" "Not now Erwin" "You need to talk to someone" Levi gave a small laugh "About how I violated an omega?" "You know..." "I know what? He's a fucking abuse victim. He was fucking punched in the face not even half an hour before I fucked him. This. I didn't fucking want to get involved with him because I knew he wasn't fucking ready. Zeke's so far into his fucking head, he's trying to suppress his own dynamic... yet I still fucked him. I knotted him without even thinking. If Hanji hadn't organised for his contraceptive shot, I could have got him pregnant. He can't even look after himself. How's he supposed to... no. I can't do this. You need to go" "Levi, you're not to blame" "I fucked him!" "And from Hanji said, Eren feels the exact same way you do! He has feelings for you! He feels like he forced himself on you and that he's hurt you! He might have gone into heat, but he chose to like you before that" "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about" "Don't I?" "He fucking passed out in my arms. He was emotionally exhausted!" "And you know what. Even after knotting him, you didn't force your mark on him. You cleaned him up. You took him home. You admitted what happened and you put him first. You're not a bad person for sleeping with the people you like, and the person who gave his consent. Eren is so stubborn and hot headed. If he hadn't wanted it, he would have found a way to stop you. Hanji told me about his lucid heats. He can function during them. He even used to go to work while in heat. So stop throwing yourself this fucking pity party and go talk to him properly" "Like he's even going to want to see me" "Right now, you're probably the only person he actually wants to see" "Why? I hurt him" "For fucks sake. I'd forgotten how rotten you got after a rut. You know what. There's no point even trying to talk to you when you're like this. I thought we left all this self destructive bullshit in the past. I've done what Hanji asked. Made sure you didn't die or do anything stupid. Now grow a pair and sort this shit out, before you end up hurting him even more" Storming from his apartment, Erwin slammed the door hard enough to scare Titan. The cat flying through the living area and into his bedroom. Even if Eren forgave him. He didn't know how to forgive himself. He... he liked him so fucking much... a feeling he didn't even understand to begin with... where did they go from here? Eren liked him... he liked Eren... they were definitely sexually compatible, but Eren needed time and space to heal... * Hanji had taken time off work to help him with his post heat depression. Most of the time they cuddled on the sofa, binging bad movies and napping together. He didn't feel great, not when Levi was on his mind constantly. Hanji had said she'd talked to Levi, and explained his feelings to him. He still felt guilty. He'd given into his depression and given into his feelings for Levi. He'd acted ever bit the selfish omega he was and let Levi kiss away his worries. Now the alpha wasn't talking to him, or Hanji, or Moblit. He knew Hanji had tried to ring him a couple of times, with no reply. His own phone had been flooded with messages from Marco, apologising for Jean's behaviour and assuring him he was alright. His friend had an allergy to cherries and hadn't realised they were in the fruit cocktails he'd started their night with. Even if Marco said it was his fault for not thinking to ask, he still felt responsible for what happened. His phone was sitting on the coffee table, glaring at him and demanding his attention, while Hanji was cuddling into him as she snored. It would be so easy to let himself fall asleep. It would be easy to spend another day ignoring reality... but... Levi was suffering and he was the one caused it. Plying Hanji off him, the woman grumbled but didn't wake. Slipping from his spot, he grabbed his phone and headed up to his room. Sitting cross legged on his bed, he took a few breaths as he mentally prepared his speech. He could just say "hey, how are you?", because that seemed not enough. He couldn't beg Levi to forgive him. He couldn't ask him out... he was too fucking scared to do that. And having sex had made him realise he really wasn't ready for it. It still felt like he was betraying Zeke... even if it'd felt right being intimate with Levi. He just... he wanted to hear his voice. Throwing his phone, he snatched it up again before he lost his courage. Scrolling through his contacts, he pulled up Levi's name, realising this was first time he'd ever actually called the alpha... he didn't even call Marco. Hanji and Moblit was it... pressing the device to his ear, his heart was racing at it rang... and rang... and rang... he was right. Levi didn't want to know him. He'd hurt him too badly and the man had abandoned him. Listening to Levi's prerecorded voice message, he let out a shaky breath "Um... Levi... it's me. Uh, Eren. I um... I'm sorry. I really like you. And I don't, um, regret what we did... I just, regret I hurt you. You... mean a lot to me and I've never done anything like that before, but I think the reason it happened was because it's you. I'm sorry. I like you. I like you so much... but I'm so fucked up. I don't blame you for hating me... I'm so sorry" His shaky breathing turned into sobbing. Ending the call, he threw it across his room. That was it. Levi wouldn't come back for him. Just like Zeke hadn't really been there on his birthday. His brother had forgotten all about him because he was too much trouble... and now he'd spelt with an alpha he wasn't even bonded with. Oh... Oh God... What if Zeke found out? Zeke would go after Levi. Levi wouldn't even know what he'd done wrong. Fuck... he couldn't tell Levi to watch out, because the alpha wasn't talking to him. Stumbling off his bed, he nearly broke his neck rushing down the stairs and face planting off them. The thud loud enough to wake Hanji "Eren?" Her voice was sleepy, pushing back the blankets she rose to her feet "Are you ok?" Gathering himself up, he shook his head "I forgot... I wasn't safe... Hanji, you need to call Levi. You need to make sure he's ok" Hanji frowned. Taking him by the arm, she lead him over to the sofa, where she pushed him. Sitting on the coffee table, Hanji took his hands in hers, checking for injuries "I'm sure he's alright" "No... Hanji, I wasn't thinking about Zeke" "Eren. I have no idea what you're talking about" "Zeke. If he thinks Levi did something, he'll go after him" "Oh honey..." "I know what you think, but Zeke is protective. He's had alphas hurt for getting close to me before. I can't let him hurt Levi because of me. Please. Please call him" "Eren, Zeke is gone. You haven't seen him since he left you in hospital" "I... I have. He told me I need to stay here. That means he knows I'm here. He knows about all of you. He can be dangerous when it comes to me. He's the one who put Bertholdt in hospital. Please..." "You've seen him?" "J-just once... he told me he'd come back when it was safe" "And you're not lying?" "No! Not about this. Please Hanji, he needs to be careful" "Levi can take care of himself. He's tough" "But Zeke has contacts and I can't tell him... Levi won't answer if it's from me" "You're really worried for him, aren't you?" "Yes" The word was said with so much force and conviction, Eren surprised himself. Yes. A million times yes "I think he'll be working, so I'll call Erwin. They should be together" The well of hope he felt at Hanji's words ebbed away when he realised that she was also calling Erwin because Levi probably wouldn't answer a call from her either. He'd ruined things between Levi and Hanji. Jean had been more right than he'd known. He was a jinx. He was bad luck and deserved to be left behind. Taking her phone out, Eren wiped at his eyes now his hands were free. He felt so nervous he was sure he would either vomit or pass out. Holding the device out, Hanji put it on speaker. The rings agonisingly repeating until Erwin answered "Hanji? What's up?" "Hey Erwin, I need a favour. Is Levi there with you?" "Yeah, we're on shift. Is everything ok?" The sigh of relief left him feeling deflated "Look. Eren's worried that Zeke is going to go after Levi. He also warned me that he's more than willing to hurt people, even those he's close to. Can you let know not to approach Zeke if he seems him?" "I've got you on speaker" "Thanks Erwin, he's really shaken by this and is worried about Levi's safety" "I'll keep an eye out while we're at work... but hasn't Zeke been gone for months" "Eren's seen him since he left him. Something he's only just decided to tell me about..." There was no mistaking that tone. He was definitely going to get it once Hanji got off the phone "He has?" "Yep. And of course, we have no idea where Zeke is. Both of you should stay safe and keep an eye out" "We will. Thanks Hanji, and thanks for letting us know, Eren" He didn't know what he needed thanking for. He'd done this to all of them. Ending the call, Hanji placed the phone down next to her "I think we need to have a little talk" Glumly, he nodded "You're going to make me tell, aren't you?" "Yeah, I'm sorry. But if people we love are in danger, I need to know what's going on" "And if I tell you... do you promise not to leave me" Climbing from the coffee table, Hanji wrapped her arms around him "Sweet heart. I am not going anywhere. Ok" "But do you promise?" "Pinky promise" Eren's lip trembled, if Zeke knew he told, he'd never forgive him... but if he didn't tell, then they could get hurt "What... what do you want to know?" "How did Zeke come into your life? You love and rely on him so much, so why are you scared of him?" Pulling his legs up, he rested his head on Hanji's shoulder "Please don't tell" It was more like, please don't tell Levi. He didn't want the alpha hating him even more "I won't" "He saved me" "I've heard you say that before" "Because he did... I ended up in a really bad home, who hurt me. That's how I got the scars on my ankles. They'd taken me to hospital and they didn't know what to do with me. I couldn't even talk, but Zeke came in one day. He didn't know he had a little brother until the authorities tracked him down and he became my legal guardian. He punished the people who hurt me, because the police didn't... he showed me photos of their bodies and promised he would always keep me safe... but we had to keep our heads down... we couldn't draw attention to ourselves. I didn't know anything. He taught me. He taught me to cook and clean. He stayed with me through all the nightmares and helped me learn to speak for myself again. He'd kiss me and hold me tight, and let me sleep with him when I was scared. Clean me up when I hurt myself during my heats. He trained me how to be normal and good. He showed me what to do and told me how I need to pay my way through life. A real adult doesn't not pay rent or for food or bills. All I had to do was be good. And I tried so hard to be good for him. A few months after we moved here, Reiner and Bertholdt moved in. They're both really scary... and could easily take Zeke... but he had something on them that kept them loyal. He made them get jobs at the club so I'd be safe to dance, because he knew how much I love it. Then... then I fucked it all up. I got drunk because I was feeling trapped and Zeke was gone. I climbed on the balcony rail because I wanted to fly. and when I jumped back down, I rolled my ankle... that's why Zeke took me to hospital. He was always there for me Hanji. He kept me safe from them. He killed to keep me safe. How could I betray him. I love him! I love him and he left me" Clutching at Hanji, he wailed. He didn't know if he'd told her enough, but he just couldn't tell her anymore about his past "He'd hurt alphas who took too much interest in me. He burnt down the club! I know it was him! He came and told me stay here and not cause trouble. But I did! And now Levi could get hurt!" "Shhh, ok. Ok honey, you've said enough. You're ok..." "I'm sorry!" "Shhhh. You're not responsible for Zeke's actions, and Zeke won't hurt Levi. Not if he loves you like you say he does" "I miss him. I knew what to do when I was with him. I don't know what to do anymore" "I know you don't. I know, but you told me and I'm still here" "You can't look into my past. If they find out... it's not safe. Promise me you won't!" "I told you before I wouldn't" "Please Hanji! I can't lose you! Not you or Moblit!" "We're fine. We're all fine... shhh" Crying himself out of tears, he fell asleep on the sofa. * Levi took Hanji's phone call with a grain of sand. His heart had momentarily raced over the fact Eren was so worried about him, but his anger at himself cut down the feelings blooming from the omega's words. After it, Erwin had spent the rest of their shift monitoring his every action. He knew Zeke was obsessed with Eren, but he'd honestly thought the alpha had abandoned him. The fact Eren said nothing about having seen his brother left him angered. He'd had so many opportunities, and to him it felt like he was throwing the fact Hanji and Moblit had taken him in, back in their faces. He didn't want to be angry at Eren, but how could he not be when the kid wouldn't tell them anything. Checking his phone after work, he sighed when he saw the missed call from Eren. It would be so easy to ignore it. Pretend he never got it, or that Erwin must have deleted it. He knew he that everything other than listening would be taking the cowards way out. Clicking the message, he raised the device to his ear "Um... Levi... it's me. Uh, Eren. I um... I'm sorry. I really like you. And I don't, um, regret what we did... I just, regret I hurt you. You... mean a lot to me and I've never done anything like that before, but I think the reason it happened was because it's you. I'm sorry. I like you. I like you so much... but I'm so fucked up. I don't blame you for hating me... I'm so sorry" The brat sounded to broken. His words fell between sobs as he voice crack with emotion. It must have taken Eren all the courage in the world to reach out and call him, and all because he was worried about him. Levi felt like an even bigger arsehole. This broken and pitiful creature had more courage than any of the alphas he knew, combined. Eren openly admitted he liked him. That he had wanted him. That he didn't regret having sex with him. That was convinced he hated him. The pit in his gut seemed to widen to a chasm. He didn't hate Eren. He was frustrated and annoyed and angry and probably a thousand other emotions when it came to him, but he didn't hate him. He couldn't hate him. The kid was brave and fiery, or broken and sobbing, his emotions like a yoyo, but even so, both sides were still Eren. And he liked him. Even knowing that he had no real idea what he'd be getting into if he took that next step and told him. He'd liked Eren from the very first time they'd met. When Eren had called him constipated and spat out horribly bad pick-up lines. But Hanji had said he'd been abused, and when he'd Zeke all over him, he'd known it to be true. Now the kid was free of his abusers, he wanted Eren to grow and rediscover himself. He was going to therapy, which was huge, and he hadn't wanted to do anything that would jeopardise that. Fuck. He needed to talk to him. He couldn't turn back time and undo what they'd done... but he could talk to him.