#Me too sirius me too 😔

[nikholascrow]

Sirius will steal everything and anything in sight from his loved ones but specifically Remus he steals sweaters, food off other peoples plates and out of their hands, makeup, clothes, jewelry, books, blankets, your love and affection, pieces of paper and quills

Sirius is the friend that you say “oh cute outfit!!” to and then realize it’s your outfit they’re just wearing it and you haven’t seen that sweater in months

Sirius is the reason your perfectly good nail polish went missing never to be seen again

and I love him for it

[myokk]

70s au

[mmpookie]

UH FLOOR 13 SPOLERS!!! // FLASHING

anyways arcana twilight inktober day 8: Gemini

(I thought of this audio as them and I never opened krita faster bro I literally did this in one long sitting)

[padfootastic]

hey, so i've seen you lean into the cold arrogant black heir version of sirius lately, and i agree to an extent, because he was pretty intimidating and arrogant and didn't really care much about the public other than his people, but that doesn't really mean that he's this stoic, serious guy either right? he's pretty funny, definitely a troublemaker, and way too charming to stay in trouble for long. but at the same time, people know he's dangerous and should not be messed with because under all the charm, there absolutely was an element of 'fuck with me and i'll kill you'. and i know this sounds super contradictory but that's the whole point about sirius' character. he's a walking talking contradiction. he's so beautifully complex that turning him into this heir version is contradicting his entire character. what do you think? i would love to see you elaborate on this.

also, what do you think his humour is like? i've always thought of it as super sarcastic and dry. he def has a dark sense of humour, and he's so so sharp witted. anyway sorry if my ask was too long, i can talk for hours and hours about sirius.

no!!! anon no ask is too long when it’s about sirius. i can do the same (i have, in fact, done the same) it’s so valid.

i don’t think it’s such a contradiction at all, actually! i personally see sirius as this: a guy with a lot of masks, partially bc it’s been trained into him & partially bc he’s had to be. and i think he defaults to this cold, arrogant one because it’s the one he’s had longest—but around the right people, it fully melts away. the marauders and lily, yes but especially james and harry. that’s why i keep mentioning the outsider pov of it, people getting shocked when they see the difference in his behaviour. it’s why i wrote the patronus fic lolol.

i actually think that he had a lot…issues with the ‘heir’ version of himself (and yes, that’s a fanon concept i’ve absorbed entirely bc i love) because of what it represents and he tries hard to break away from it at all times. he probably went through an entire phase of teenage rebellion where he was doing everything against his family’s teachings bc it felt good. but, i love it when people can’t run away from their nature as much as they want to, so i always end up giving him some traits that basically make him hate himself looking into the mirror lmao

as for his humor, oh for sure!! this one’s definitely canon—he has a dry, sarcastic humor. (funnily, this is where i see a lot of similarities b/w him and harry for some reason) i think it can tend towards self deprecating sometimes. he’s also—hm. u can see his class in his words, and i think that might be true of his humor as well tho idk how to explain that better lol i think he’s the kind of person who’s so good at passive aggressiveness that you’ll never realise he insulted u to ur face (we have a phrase for it here—kaat ke haath mein dedi; i think sirius would be ace at that). and going off that, i do think his humor was also based on…belittling? other people. or rather, at the expense of other people in that way popular kids do sometimes. like him w the rat in swm, i think. casually cruel. a little mean.

[bethsvrse]

“one time Sirius and James walked in and Remus was too into it to stop so you had to throw a pillow at them so they leave”

Oh, now you have to write it, for the love of god now I’m begging you to write it

original fic - remus lupin nsfw headcannons

PAIRING marauders x fem!reader

WARNINGS basically just filthy smut 😔

Remus was desperate for you. He needed to taste you, to make you his and him yours. As it was nearing the full moon, you understood that he got a lot more… sexual during that time.

The two of you have skipped class, currently in Remus’ dorm, making out on his bed, your shirt unbuttoned and his shirt off. He started to kiss down your body, his hand pulling your underwear down you leg. When he reached i between your legs, his tongue barely grazed your clit, your fingers flew to his hair tangling themselves in it. 

Remus wasn't sure what was sweeter, your taste or the sounds falling from your lips. He knew what it took to push you over that edge and enjoyed feeling your body shake. He continued to lap at your clit until you pushed his head away, gasping. He leaned back from you, slipping a finger into you to replace his tongue. You clenched hard around his fingers, cursing lightly when he added a second and curled them up to hit that spot inside of you that he knew would have you seeing stars.

Your hands gripped the sheets tightly, the sound of his name being moaned from you was everything. He could feel when you were close right, right as you were reaching the climax suddenly the door was slammed open. “Hey Remus, why weren’t you in class-“ Sirius started to say but stopped when he saw the view in front of him.

Remus’ face in between your thighs with his fingers in deep. “Oh my god.” James muttered, also being hypnotised by the scene in front of him.

When you heard voices, you glanced towards the door and your eyes widened. You tried to pull Remus away from you but the boy only attached his lips to your clit once again causing you to moan out loud.

Sirius and James stood frozen, their hearts pounding as they beheld the sight before them. For Sirius, he has been crushing on you since third year; for James, it had started in fourth. When Remus revealed he was dating you, jealousy was the only was to explain their emotions.

In this moment, they longed to be in Remus' shoes, but you throwing a pillow at them had snapped them back to reality. Hastily, they retreated from the room, the door slamming behind them.

A/N idk if it’s just me, but I feel like the teacher from 10 things I hate about you when writing smut 💀💀

[marauroon]

More bestfriend!James w/ no boundaries i begggggg 😔🙏🙏🙏🙏

Like bro would so walk into the reader’s bathroom whilst you shower just bc he needs to pee and ends up just having a whole convo with her

‘B O N D I N G’ — JAMES POTTER!

james potter x fem!reader | fluff | 1.0k | masterlist!!

you’re convinced james has separation anxiety. the boy can’t even let you shower in peace.

an — it totally hasn’t been two months since i last posted… what??? nooo

“Can I come in?”

James’ voice, muffled both by the wooden door and his incessant knocking that joins his question, immediately destroys the tranquility of your shower.

“Heyyyyyy,” More heavy knocks. “I know you can hear me in there, let me in,”

“James,” Your voice is more a groan than spoken words. “Let me wallow in my self pity,”

“But I need to pee,” He drags out the end of his sentence like a petulant child, and you can hear a light thump against the door where he presumably lumps his weight against it. “Come onnn, I’m sorry you sucked and we beat you,”

“You rubbing it in is not helping your chances, James,”

A five a side friendlies game between two halves of the Gryffindor quidditch team? Nah. A chance for James and Sirius to prove how competitive they are by acting like it was a proper game and then absolutely battering your side? Sounds more like it.

“Pleaseee love, I’m gonna piss myself here,” He gives another loaded knock against the door. “And it’s my bathroom you’re invading, you can’t shut me out of it,”

He tries the doorknob, and it doesn’t open.

“Please say I can come in,”

“The door’s locked,”

“I know that,” You can practically hear him roll his eyes. “Can I unlock it?”

“Piss your heart away, cheater,”

There’s the sound of the door mechanism unlocking, then James discarding his wand on the bathroom countertop, his voice infinitely more clear.

“I didn’t cheat, you flew directly into me,”

You can’t see him behind the shower curtain, but if you had to guess you’d say he had that irritatingly self-gratifying smirk on his face.

“Because Sirius hit a bludger at my face,” You groan. “I could’ve died,”

James laughs harshly, joined by the sounds of his zipper being undone and a stream of pee hitting the toilet water. “Don’t be so dramatic, I caught you,”

“You pushed me,”

“Yeah, out of the way of danger,”

“Out of the pitch entirely you mean,”

“Oh please, you didn’t even get close to the stands,”

“Still, it was an unnecessary risk,” you retort, the frustration clear in your voice. “You guys take it way too seriously.”

James finishes up and flushes the toilet, laughing. “Alright, alright, maybe we went a bit overboard. But you have to admit, it was kind of fun.”

“Fun for you, maybe,” you grumble, rinsing the last of the shampoo from your hair. “I’m the one who almost got a concussion.”

James chuckles, the sound of him washing his hands mixing with the running water of your shower. “You’re exaggerating. Besides, you’re tougher than that.”

You roll your eyes even though he can’t see you. “Doesn’t mean I enjoy getting knocked around like a ragdoll.”

“Fair point,” he concedes. “Next time, I’ll make sure Sirius aims for someone else.”

You snort, reaching for the conditioner. “How generous of you.”

“Hey, what are best friends for?” he replies cheekily.

“Best friends don’t usually barge in while you’re showering,” you point out with a sigh, running the conditioner through your hair.

“Yeah, well, I’m not just a best friend,” he says, his tone light and teasing. You can practically hear the grin in his voice. “I’m like the best friend,”

“And so humble too,” You roll your eyes with sarcasm dripping from your tone.

James chuckles, unfazed. “You love it.”

“Debatable,” you mutter, but there’s a small smile on your face now. Despite everything, you can’t stay mad at him for long.

“Admit it, you’d miss me if I wasn’t around to annoy you,” he says, leaning against the bathroom sink.

You rinse the conditioner from your hair, contemplating his words. “Maybe a little,” you concede, though it's clear from your tone that you’re not entirely serious.

“Only a little?” James feigns hurt, placing a hand dramatically over his heart. “I’m wounded, truly.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” you laugh, turning off the shower. “Hand me a towel, will you?”

James obliges, passing you a towel over the shower curtain. “At your service, princess.”

“Thanks,” you say, wrapping the towel around yourself. “Have you put your dick away?”

“Yes, milady,” he says with a mock bow. “All tucked in and ready to go.”

You step out of the shower, rolling your eyes at his antics. “Good, I don’t need any more jumpscares today,”

James laughs, grabbing his wand from the countertop. "My dick happens to be quite the attraction I’ll have you know," he says with a wink.

"Yeah, well, I’m sure it has its fan club,” you shoot back, drying yourself off.

“Only the most exclusive members,” he says, flashing you a cheeky grin. “Now, how about we grab some lunch? My treat.”

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued. “What’s the occasion? Feeling guilty for almost killing me?”

James laughs, shaking his head. “Nah, just thought we could use some bonding time. Plus, I know you’re always hungry after a good match.”

You can’t help but smile at his thoughtfulness, even if it’s wrapped in his usual playful banter. “Alright, you’ve convinced me. Let me just get dressed.”

“Take your time, love,” he says, leaning against the doorframe. “I’ll be waiting in the common room.”

[marauder-misprint]

Hii!! I just wanna say, ur writing is genuinely AMAZING. Like, actually tear inducing, feet-kicking, giggling-in-bed kind of amazing. This is my first ever request so bear with me 😔: for your 200 followers celebration (congrats by the way), I was wondering if you could do the prompt 10: “Too good for you? Don’t be ridiculous—they don’t deserve you.” Where reader is in a kinda toxic relationship and Remus, her bestie makes her realize this while also realizing her feelings for him?? Idk if this makes sense I’m sryyy 😭. Totally fine if u don’t feel comfortable doing it, or are to busy! Ignore my ineligible ranting, I for ur I hope ur doing well! Have a good rest of ur day/night!! :)

- 🌅

Thank you!!! This was so much fun to write ♡ Hope you enjoy it

Fireside Conversations

Remus Lupin x fem!Gryffindor!reader

2k words

cw: fluff, toxic relationship

The Gryffindor Common Room was quieter than usual. Which is why everyone there heard your disgruntled groan followed by you basically yelling, “Would you just listen!” as the portrait opened and closed. Peter was shaking his head as he approached the rest of the Marauders where they gathered on the couches by the fire. 

“They are fighting again,” he says as he sits down next to James. He didn’t need to say who. They knew. 

“That’s, what, third time this week?” James asks.

“At least,” Peter responds.

Remus stands up, looking at the portrait hole concerned.

“Moony, don’t,” Sirius says with a warning tone. “She doesn’t want us meddling, remember?”

“I’m not going to meddle,” he says unconvincingly. He wasn’t planning on meddling, rather eavesdropping, which in his defense, you never said he couldn’t do. He found it was easier to comfort you when he knew exactly what the bastard you called your boyfriend did this time. That was why he was going to listen… and to step in or meddle if things got out of hand. 

Remus walks over to the portrait and cracks it open the tiniest bit. He cast a muffling charm behind him so that your voice wouldn’t carry too far into the common room and then hoped you and your boyfriend would be oblivious to the ever-so-slightly open portrait.

“You need to stay away from them,” Remus hears your boyfriend tell you. “They’re using you to get into your pants.”

You scoff. “You’re being ridiculous! I’ve been friends with them since first year, and that’s all we are! We’re friends. Totally platonic. It’s you I like and that’s all that matters!”

“I know you like me. It’s them I don’t trust. So you need to stay away from them.”

“But I trust them. Isn’t that enough?”

“No, it’s really not. I think you’re blinded by them being in Gryffindor with you. You can’t trust everyone in your house, darling.”

“But they’ve earned it.”

“Listen, listen, I’m just worried for you. You spend so much time with them that it feels like you’re putting space between us. I think they’re trying to break us up.”

“They wouldn’t!” you protest. “And even if they were, I wouldn’t let that happen.” 

“Baby, just listen to me, okay? I wouldn’t steer you wrong, would I?”

You sigh and say in a mumble, “No, you wouldn’t.”

Remus lets the painting close quietly and he returns to the couches looking more grumpy than usual. 

“What’s birdbrain up to now?” Sirius asks. 

“Apparently the four of us are trying to seduce her.”

The three boys burst out laughing, a tiny snippet of the rambunctious noise that usually filled the common room. The grumpy look did not leave Remus’ face. It remains as you enter the common room, still looking upset and rubbing your eyes. You give the boys the briefest of glances before looking away and beelining it to the girls’ dorms. 

“Of course he made her cry,” Remus scowls. 

---

He loves me. I love him. He loves me. I love him. 

You kept repeating that in your head. Your boyfriend just cared for you, that’s all. He just cared so, so much. Almost too much. Was that something to fault him over? Goodness, you didn’t want to.

He loves me. I love him. 

Maybe if you said it enough, it would soothe your uneasiness. You’re laying in bed. Sleep was refusing to take you so you toss and turn, trying to make the least amount of noise with your rustling sheets. You really didn’t want to wake Lily or Marlene or Mary and have to have a heart-to-heart about why you can’t sleep. 

He loves me. I love him. 

Eventually, enough is enough. You climb out of bed, grab your robe and go to the common room. You almost laugh when you see Remus already sitting by the fire. From the way he’s sitting, he most definitely has a book in his lap. You stand quietly next to an armchair near him.

“Mind if I join you?” you ask softly. 

He jumps slightly but smiles as soon as he recognizes your voice and looks up. 

“Please,” he breathes, gesturing to the chair you’re standing by. “Couldn’t sleep?”

You nod as you tuck your legs underneath you.

“What’s eating your mind, love?”

“Nothing. Just couldn’t sleep.”

“Don’t lie to me.” His voice was so knowing yet gentle. And he always could tell when you lied and he refused to tell you what your tell was. 

You sigh. “Can you love someone too much?”

Remus doesn’t respond right away; he doesn’t know how to. Did you love your boyfriend too much? Did he love you too much? Was it a good thing or a bad thing to love too much? 

You look at the fire, waiting for Remus to answer. You don’t mind that he isn’t answering right away. You like that he’s thinking about it, choosing his words carefully. It was one of the things you loved about him.

“I… I don’t think you can love the right person too much. Your love won’t be too much or too little when it’s right.”

When you look at Remus, he’s already looking at you with so much concern and love in his eyes. You rest your head on your hands.

“When did you get to be so wise, Lupin?”

He shrugs. “One of the perks of being an old man, I guess.”

You sigh. You think Remus looks very cozy in his sweater and pyjama bottoms. There was something about him that always seemed cozy and comfortable. Being with him was one of the places you felt most at ease. 

You need to stay away from them. 

Your boyfriend’s words echo in your mind. It makes you want to cry. You want him to be the right person, but you couldn’t stay away from the Marauders, most of all Remus. He was your best friend. What if your boyfriend was the right person for you but you weren’t his?

“I… I don’t think I’m enough for him,” you mumble. “He’s too good for me.”

Remus stares at you dumbfounded. 

“Too good for you? Don’t be ridiculous — he doesn’t deserve you.”

“Remus-” you start to say. 

“No, darling, listen. I know it’s not my place and I’m not trying to meddle, but he’s not right for you. He told you you couldn’t cheer for your own house’s Quidditch when we played Ravenclaw and he’s not even on the team.”

“He just really wanted us to be cheering for the same team.”

“He told you to stay away from us.”

Your face hardens and your lips form a thin line.

“You heard that?”

He nods and says, “Your boyfriend shouldn’t be so insecure in your relationship. He should trust you to be around other people, around your friends. Especially around your friends who you’ve known for years.”

“I know,” you sigh. “But-”

Remus cuts you off again. “No buts, darling. Have you ever given him a reason to doubt your feelings for him?”

“No.”

“You give him all your love and that’s how he responds? You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. We’re not dumb, we know how much you’ve been fighting. If he can’t see how lovely, strong, loyal, smart, perfect you are, how devoted you can be when you care for someone, that’s on him. It’s on him for not trusting you, not seeing how you are more than capable of handling yourself and able to come back to the ones who care for you most.”

You close your eyes. Tears are building and you really don’t want them to fall. You know if you start crying, you won’t be able to stop. Something about Remus being right struck a nerve. You should be enough for your boyfriend. If Remus was able to see all of this in you, why couldn’t he? 

You feel a hand on the side of your face. You open your eyes to Remus crouching in front of you, one hand holding your face and the other placed next to your leg, helping him maintain his balance. 

“I know you said not to meddle, but that’s truly what I think, sweetheart. I think that relationship isn’t worth the arguing. I think it’s run its course.”

You feel the tears beginning to fall as you nod. “I-I, I think so too.”

“Oh, darling,” he coos as he pulled you into a hug.

You let the tears fall more freely as Remus holds you tight to his chest. He doesn’t shush you. He just holds you, softly rubbing your back. You could always be vulnerable with him. He understood in a way that you felt no one else did. He never judged you. He was your safe place. 

“Rem?” you ask, looking up at him.

“Mhmm?”

“Will you be there when I end things?”

“You want me there?”

You nod. “I won’t back down if you’re there.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

---

He was there for you. He was there for you when you broke up with your boyfriend. He was there for you when he tried to convince you that breaking up was a mistake. Remus was there for you when you broke down crying later. He never left your side. And you liked it. You had your own traveling safe place in Remus. 

With each passing day, being without your now-ex was easier. Being with Remus was easy. 

But you weren’t with Remus. The more you considered it, the more you wished you were. He already treated you better than your ex did. He never made you feel like you were too much or not enough. You knew he trusted you more than life itself. You didn’t dare say anything though. What if you ruined the friendship? What if you said something and lost your four best friends in one swoop? 

It really hits you one night, a few weeks after the breakup. Today had been nothing special. Just classes and studying in the library with Remus. But it had felt so special and every time your hands accidentally touched, you swear you felt fireworks. 

I love him. … Does he love me?

Why did you always think about things when you were in bed? Once again, you’re tossing and turning. You groan quietly as you get up. You know you won’t get sleep. 

This time, you do laugh when you see Remus already in the common room, sitting by the fire with a book as usual.

“Do you ever sleep?” you ask with a laugh as you join him on the couch.

You rest your head on his shoulder and look at the pages of his book.

“Usually during History of Magic and from three to seven.”

You giggle and Remus turns his head to look at you, a soft smile playing on his lips. 

“What’s on your mind tonight, sweetheart?”

You don’t respond right away, the worry of ruining a perfectly good friendship festering inside of you. 

“Do you fancy anyone?” you ask quietly.

His eyes go wide and he chuckles awkwardly. He looks away. 

Oh, he so does.

“Erm, yeah. I do…”

There’s a beat of silence. 

“Do you think she’s the one? The right one, I mean.”

“I’d like to think so. Only been in love with her since third year.”

“How do you know?”

“She’s my safe place. More than James, more than Sirius, more than Peter. She’s the loveliest person I know. She’s brilliant. Beautiful. Loyal. Perfect.” He pauses. “She has her flaws but doesn’t everyone? I mean, I got my furry little problem.”

Without thinking, you say, “You’re my safe place.” 

He looks back at you, the softest look in his eyes.

“I am?” he whispers. 

“You are.”

“So we’re each other’s safe place, huh.”

She’s my safe place. 

The realization hits you. Your face heats as you stare into those warm brown eyes. 

“You think I’m beautiful?”

He hums in response. There’s a silent conversation happening between you as you maintain eye contact. You nod. He places his hand underneath your chin and lifts your face. He leans in slowly, giving you time to pull away in case he misunderstood you. You don’t. You lean in too, meeting his lips with your own. The fireworks you felt when your hands accidentally brushed paled in comparison to when he kissed you. The hands were barely a spark and this was a firework show's finale. 

Maybe Remus really was your right person. 

[siriustaylorsversion]

I think he knows - James potter x reader (pt.1)

author's note: this one i actually had sm fun with, also just fyi all accounts are public except siriuslyitsme (sirius' private acc) and savingprivatepotter (james' private ACC) based on this request that's all!

stagman

stagman happy valentines day everyone (to all the single bitches out there, we'll get em next time 💪🏻) liked by noimsirius, moonman and 13,083 others

noimsirius brother's saying this as if he has a date 😭

stagman how blind are you exactly? do you not see the last picture? wolfman you're the blind one and we both know that you put the flowers outside her apartment and ran away before she opened the door... stagman THE BETRAYAL??? AND WE SHARED USERNAMES </3

yourusername so you put those flowers outside my door.....

stagman OH MY GOD OH MY FSOUBIEBBBIQYWVHJBFIQ yourusername is he okay? wolfman you commented on his post, he's having a breakdown stagman YOU LIKED THE FLOWERS?? yourusername you should know flowers mean nothing... but thank you. stagman you're welcome ❤️❤️

yourusername

yourusername JAMES WAS THIS YOU??? liked by stagman, marlsmckinnon and 3090 others.

stagman you said you liked flowers 🤷🏻‍♂️

yourusername HOW MUCH DID YOU SPEND ON THIS stagman isn't it the thought that counts? yourusername THAT'S TOO MUCH THOUGHT

marlsmckinnon AWWWW YOU GOT ALL RED AND FLUSTERED WITH THE NOTE (over a man 🤮)

yourusername SHUT UP stagman it's fine, love, i knew you were in love with me ever since the first time you saw me yourusername pretty sure it was the other way around noimsirius GAGGED HIM

ohmyevans THIS IS ACTUALLY SO CUTE THOUGH 🫡💗💗

siriuslyitsme added a story!

savingprivatepotter added a story!

yourusername

yourusername beach day liked by noimsirius, ohmyevans and 6,900 others.

ohmyevans oh honey that's a beach DATE

yourusername jealous, evans? you know you're the only one in my heart <3 (also, not a date.)

stagman damnnn that's a handsome man WOW

yourusername you should date him then stagman gurl i would if i could 😍

marlsmckinnon never thought i'd see a day when james would be on your page but OKAY

stagman she just likes me more than you marlsmckinnon know your limits. stagman sorry 😔

marymacdonald_duck it's so cute that you finally like him oh my god <333

yourusername MARY??????? stagman wait what. marymacdonald SHIT THIS ISN'T YOUR PRIVATE

hehe ending on this note (there will be a part 2 soon)

[bettysupremacy]

SHUT UPSNSBW I love it sm. I asked for the James prompt that you just did and I’m fan girling so hard rn. I’m too shy to ask for anything that’s not anonymous (I’m sorry 😔) but omg can you do another where they’re just cuddling and talking. Omg maybe reader just met James’ parents and they’re in his room and shes like I swear I love your mom more than you now. Again if you don’t feel inspired no pressure, love you girly pop 🫶

you make me sick. this was the most insufferably adorable idea. you make me sick, he makes me sick, he is so boyfriend, and we are now bffs.

“I’m serious,” You convey to James, chin propped on his chest. “I fear I may love your mum more than you now, Jamie.”

He smiles down at you lovingly, thumb swiping between your eyes, down your nose, and along the apple of your cheek. “Don’t replace me.”

You’re fond, watching his half lidded eyes. “That’s my girl, James. She wants me in book club.”

“And also don’t do that.”

You giggle, dropping your cheek to his chest. “She said she’d make a shirt for your games, James.”

He groans, his hand falling to hold your jaw. “Her rugby mom shirts are already enough.”

“Rugby girlfriend.” You sing, sitting back up to look at him.

He pushes your face away, rough palm gentle with the precious cargo he calls your face. “That’s enough.”

You smile and he feels it against his palm. “I’m so happy she likes me.”

“Me too, lovely.” His genuineness aches in you, a smile fighting to your face.

You nod, feeling his eyes on you heavily. “And I think your dad liked me.”

“Dad loved you.”

“You think?”

“He invited you to golf.” He deadpans.

You giggle softly, hands on his cheeks. “That was sweet of him.”

“You’re not going.”

“That’s impolite.”

“It’s boring.” He smiles. “I’m saving you.”

Euphemia’s soft knock on the open door slips James, but you make to sit up politely. His hand pushes the small of your back down onto him heavily. You descend with a tiny oomph.

“Where’re you goin-“

“Please do not manhandle your girlfriend.” Euphemia is stern, but her smile is fond watching her son flinch.

“Mum.” James eyes shut, startled at her intrusion. His fingers pinch the bridge of his nose, just below his glasses. The hand on your back still works softly.

“James,” She mimics, leaning against the white doorframe breezily. “I was just coming up to say I found the book.”

“The book?” You ask James.

He groans, long and drawn out, hand over his eyes, with the dramatics of Sirius. “The baby book.”

You gasp, handing gripping his broad arms under you. “Can I see?” You beg James. “I want to see.”

He shakes his head, patting your back. “It’s so embarrassing, lovely.”

“Oh, you were probably so cute, please just a peek.”

“He was the cutest.” Effie smiles. “And when he’d take baths he’d-”

“Alright!” James interrupts. “She’s heard enough.”

“No I haven’t.” You smile brilliantly at him.

“Come on,” Euphemia coaxes. “you know how Monty loves it.”

“Loves what?” He pops in.

“The book.”

“The book!” He gasps, palming Effie’s arm. “We have to get it out.”

His hand works warmly over her shoulder. The loving touch of a husband. You let something fond crumple in your chest at the sight. This’ll be you and James in some decades.

“This is so humiliating.” James moans.

Under his warm blue blanket, you brim with love. It’s palpable as you grin.

“I’m so happy.” You whisper to him.

He moons, hand coming out of the blanket to push hair away. “Don’t do this to me.”

You smile, eyes crinkling prettily. The air in his lungs knock out of him, his chest deflating. “I’m not doing anything.”

He sighs, desperate for a kiss, but weary of his parents in the doorframe. “Alright,” his eyes don’t leave yours. “We’ll be down in a moment, mum, get the book.”

Effie gasps, eyes twinkling towards Monty. “Get the book!”

The sound of their footsteps tumble down the stairs quickly.

“You made your mom really happy.”

He nods silently, eyes roaming back down to your lips, neck, and chest, mind far from yours.

Both warm cheeks in his rough hands, and his parents gone, he pulls your face to his. It’s long, and soft, and he really doesn’t want to pull back, trailing warm kisses down your jaw, down to your neck.

“That was really evil, sweetheart.” He murmurs, pulling away from your spit sticky skin.

“I didn’t do anything.” You breathe, letting his thumb work over your lips, overly aware of his eyes roaming there.

He smiles, sitting up with the weight of you still in his lap. “You’re too pretty.”

You laugh out, climbing off his lap. “Shut up, stupid, I have baby pictures to look at.”

He sighs, following you.

[stxrrnightjxr]

Autistic Regulus, whom I hold so near and dear to my heart, they can never take you away from me. 😔

As an autistic person, (who gets probably way to hyperfixated on certain characters) these are my HC’s:

- He was diagnosed late. Like, REALLY late. Canon compliance, he wasn’t at all, and in some modern AU it was probably late into his twenties, maybe early-to-mid-thirties, and after he was out of his parent’s hold. Because Walburga and Orion could never accept that there was something wrong with their daughter, son (because I live for trans Reggie) so why should they ever enable anyone to believe that he was ‘mental’? Or ‘slow’? No, a Black child wasn’t those things. (OOC; Just for reference, autistic people are not, nor do I think they are, mental, crazy, slow, or any of those things. I am autistic myself, and have many friends who are, and know that is not the case 💚)

This also leads to a lot of trauma for Regulus, and a lot of repressed emotions. He learned how to mask very quickly, and very well.

- he’s sensitive to bright lights (which his light blue/gray eyes do not help with), and so he squints his eyes a lot. Barty once told him he looked like he was scrutinizing his face, and Regulus simply said ‘I am, it’s ugly.’ (He doesn’t believe that, but he’s not going to tell you that.) (I love sneaking in unrelated Bartylus)

- along with bright lights, he’s sensitive to loud noises. That was hard for him when he would have to listen to, or endure, his parents screaming. When they’d scream at Sirius, Regulus would hide up in his room, in the closet, with his hands over his ears, hoping nobody called for him. When he was the one being screamed at, he’d just zone out and hope they would just go away.

- he used to be that he couldn’t bear to hold eye contact, like it physically hurt him; but his parents beat it into him that it was disrespectful, so now he’s ended up being that guy who will just dead-stare into someone’s eyes if they’re talking to him. It often unsettles them, and makes Regulus out to be some ‘weird, creepy kid.’ (Regulus was originally confused by this; wasn’t he doing it right? Do you look at their eyes or no?)

- his voice is very monotone. He was often able to get away with this, because it sounded much like his father’s. (Orion had a number of peculiar habits, and quirks. No one talked about it.)

- intimacy (even friendly touch, like hand-holding, hugging) is difficult for him. Regulus does not hug, he does not hold people’s hands. (Unless it was Sirius’, because Sirius was the one who’d hold his hand when he was melting down every other night. Sirius’ hand feels too familiar to hurt, like most others’ do.) he’s only comfortable with touch once he REALLY gets to know a person, and even then, there’s still strict no-no’s. (No touching his hair, his neck, his wrists, his legs, his feet, his stomach, (basically nothing below his waist) )- in retrospect, not much. (Those rules had more leeway with Barty, he supposed.)

- he HATES certain sounds. Cannot stand chewing, cannot stand repetitive sounds (even though he occasionally makes those, only when he’s alone), sounds of bugs, cannot stand certain textures, too- velvet, for one (formal events were nightmares, for that, and many other reasons), microfiber, and certain denims.

- he loves the water. It’s very calming, has a nice sound, has a nice texture. He listens to thunderstorm/rain sounds to go to sleep to, (because another thing is he cannot tolerate silence.)

Again, this may be me way too much projecting, but I really don’t care 🫶

[myokk]

Hi! I'm still feral for these two, would you mind giving us some art of them in their later years together!?

Hello angel!!!!

Sorry it’s taken so long to respond🫶🫶 but I wanted to draw some new art for this ask💓

We have: Sebastian and Eloise trying out their new fancy camera with a selfie, pictures of them with their daughter, and finally…idk I just always felt like this drawing is when they’re a bit older💓

I want to take this ask as an opportunity as well to talk a little about how I imagine their future (I have no chill & you can ignore this and just enjoy the art if you want😇).

I am a COMPLETE pantser - I never know how a chapter’s going to end when I start writing it (I always just have a few scenes I know I need to include to keep the plot moving forward). Although I have different *big* scenes I’m always writing towards, and themes/plot elements I’m always foreshadowing (shout out to @elliecutte for catching *almost* all of my hints and appreciating my general no chill😆), IM STILL NOT 100% SURE HOW I WILL END THINGS !!! 😳 I have a lot of endings I see as possible, and I think soon it will become more clear to me what will work the best💓

HAPPY ENDING:

Eloise and Sebastian become Unspeakables. I have a LOT of thoughts on this profession that could be its OWN post, and I feel like Unspeakables are generally specialized in one or two departments, but as their interests/research change they also change.

Eloise becomes an Unspeakable in the Mind and Death departments, with the occasional foray into Time. Her ancient magic is connected with all of these things (my version of AM is NOT like the game) & the Department of Mysteries is one of the only places that gives her any useful information about these things. Plus she thinks too much (it IS her hobby after all😆💓) and is very introverted so a hermit job like this is a perfect fit.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable as well, but I feel like it takes him a long time to specialize in anything, if he ever does. I just feel like becoming an Unspeakable is the adult equivalent of sneaking into the Restricted Section🥹🫶

They grow old together (I won’t explain TOO much) & have a lovely little family🥹 at least one daughter that they both dote on. Sebastian had an amazing childhood (idyllic until it wasn’t), and wants to give his daughter the same, and Eloise works hard to make sure their daughter feels the love that she never had growing up🥺

When Sirius is burned off the family tree, Eloise and Sebastian take him in🥹🫶 (they’re like 100 years old but WIZARDS LIVE LONGER…) The same happened to her all those years ago, and she wants him to know that his whole family hasn’t abandoned him.

Eloise LOVED her nieces - Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa - when they were younger, but as Voldemort becomes more powerful & people realize WHAT he’s doing, she has to separate herself from them. Her heart breaks seeing Bellatrix go mad, and seeing Narcissa engaged to a Malfoy out of obligation😔 (iykyk)

I haven’t thought any more about happy ending but I think it’s fun to think about how their future story might weave in with the actual canon events, ESPECIALLY since Eloise is a Black🥹💓

SAD ENDING:

After Sebastian gets his hands on Slytherin’s relic, it really starts to consume him and makes him even MORE obsessive than his natural tendencies - I imagine it similarly “talking” to him like Slytherin’s locket/horcrux did in Deathly Hallows (😳)

Eloise is deathly afraid of the changes she’s seeing in Sebastian and steals it from him (he would never willingly give it to her ESPECIALLY if it starts to feel like a precious item to him)

BUT the relic triggers the latent Black Family Madness in her - the madness that afflicts almost every woman in her family since…🤭 - and she herself starts to lose touch with reality. Her body and soul are already destroying themselves between the curse and the ancient magic inside of her, and the relic is what triggers it in her.

Sebastian becomes an Unspeakable, focusing on the Mind, in a desperate attempt to find a cure for his Eloise🥺

He never gives up his research, and sometimes when he comes home she is lucid and they talk about his research - otherwise, he just loves and takes care of her.

(He’s never successful in finding a way to reverse what he feels he caused in the first place - his ambition and single-mindedness is, to him, the reason why all of this happened)

Honestly who knows if I end their story either of these ways😌 I just love thinking of AUs and different endings and I have a few others I’ve considered as well!!! And whatever endings I don’t write will be immortalized on this blog and in my art as well🙏

[whorediaries-09]

girl here's ur request again bc you probably lost it in the amazing algorithm of tumblr. i still do it for you, babe 🩷 sirius black x reader fic with somnophilia and choking? pretty please with a cherry on top? also, WE MIGHT JUST GET AWAY WITH THIS RELIGION'S IN YOUR LIPS EVEN IF IT'S A FALSE GOD

i didn't loose your previous request(s) my love, i was planning to post them on the valentine's week. anyways that is quite beside the point because imma write this one too. enjoyy.

streets;

pairing- sirius black x reader warning(s)- 18+ content. (let me know if i should add more) a/n- set during ootp, cause i CANNOT resist dilf sirius 😔. sorry not sorry haha.

the slut club

no final fantasy, can we end these games though? you give me energy, make me feel light weigh

it was a nefariously lustful dream. you grinded against the hard object that provided you the friction against your pussy. a sinful sleepy groan left your mouth. you could feel the hotness creep under your skin as you felt your stomach tug with the familiar coil of ecstasy. you felt yourself arch against nothing, trying to let the coil boiling inside you snap, drive you to an edge of insanity.

it the fire in your nerves felt more real than a dream. it was like a consuming blue flame. you could feel the warmth of the musk infused breathe on your neck. you could feel the rough callousness of his hands across the skin of your thighs. you could feel the cold metal of his rings slide across your hot skin, rubbing over your inner thighs. it felt too real to be a dream.

'open your pretty eyes for me love, i need to see your eyes when i make you cum,'

your eyes fluttered open, when it finally dawned upon you. you met the gray eyes you'd been dreaming about. you met the warmth of the body you'd been wanting. you met the touch you'd been dreaming about. you met the one who's name rolled off your tongue with the sweetest sin of pleasure.

'sirius?' you asked, fazed, as his fingers roamed on your clit through your underwear. he leaned closer to you, simultaneously pulling you closer, shuffling on your sheets, barring his pearly white teeth. his knees locked themselves on the either side of your waist, keeping you in place. he took out his fingers from between your thighs, sucking his digits off your arousal. that earned him a guttural moan from your mouth.

'i've heard you moan my name so many times before. when you get your pretty mind dumb with dirty thoughts and play with yourself,' he said, a glimpse of malice in his stormy gray eyes. your heart burned in anticipation. the line between your dreams and reality crashed, when he wrapped his hands around your waist, manhandling you to sit on him, your knees on the either side of his hips.

you felt his growing erection through his pants on your wet core. his well defined pectorals had intricate designs of tattoos inked upon traced thin lines of healed wounds. the thin strands of gray hair hidden between raven locks reflected under the moonlight.

heinously, he grabbed your throat, his fingers pressing lightly on your arteries. he pulled you closer, so your mouth was in line with his lips. he smiled coyly, as if mocking you.

'tell me what you want,' you whimpered as you felt him buck his hips your clothed core. hotness of euphoria lust crept under your skin. he brushed his lips with yours, increasing the force on your artery with each passing second.

'i need you to fuck me,' you whispered. the embarrassment of the situation had dissipated. it was just the bubbling covet of bliss which simmered into every inch of your body.

so when he captured your lips with his teeth, dissolving you into his very soul, devouring you while ripping apart your underwear, your head was fazed. your fingers tugged at the waistband of his pants, freeing out his cock. he pushed himself inside you, stretching you out perfectly, causing a broken moan for him to swallow. he increased the force on your throat, blocking your supply of oxygen.

he thrusted into you, blurring the lines between the real and the fake. the summer air cooled upon your hot skin, as the hair on his pelvis rubbed on your clit. you felt yourself melt with his touch as he thrusted into you. he left your lips, a string of saliva connecting your kiss bitten lips.

you chanted his name like a fucking mantra, your moans and whimpers broken by the force of his hand around your throat. the cool metal of his rings contrasted against your hot skin. you lost yourself into cloud nine, in his heaven like eyes. he was a drug, a dream an overdose of sinful heaven.

it was sweetness and danger, when you felt the coil of orgasm bubble inside you again. your mind was dizzy with the lack of oxygen. you rolled your hips, as his cock hit your sweet spot just right. the scream got caught in your throat, and you rolled your eyes. you felt your toes curl, and thighs shake as your euphoric pleasure hit you. you clenched your walls around his cock, releasing your juices on his stomach.

he pounded into you, his hand leaving your throat, as you came down from the high, your lungs savoring in the supply of air. you hid your face into the crook of his neck, sinking your teeth into the soft flesh. you heard his soft gasps and felt his cock twitch inside you. you rolled your hips, urging him to release himself inside you. he bit your shoulder, as he came, painting your insides with hot ropes of cum.

the final fantasy had melted into a reality, as you fell beside his heaving body, your thighs slick and sticky.

[equippedtolove]

moot lore <3

hi so my intro became WAY too long so i had to make a seperate post for all u bad bitches <3

@daddysclownboy is the LOML. sorry i don't make the rules. we r married

@moonyswarmsweaters and i WERE married, but alas, we divorced 😔

@glittery--grandma adopted me 😻

@et-sic-incipit is amazing and wonderful and conan and hozier and also great because we swim together and are fabulous

@morallyundefined is literally the only reason i write atp i love your lil reviews mwa mwa mwa 🤭🤭

@purple-phesh-and-cheps is amazing ☆☆☆ i love u nd your sister @professor-geen-berries

@allonsy-moony is a fucking cool trans person. don't let him tell you otherwise.

@ravenwordss married you too!! mwa mwa mwa I love your blog and also making you happy

@therewasnofloorbtw our james and remus duos are serving hard

@rainystarssx twin <33 we both love raven very much /p and want to dote on her as a loving friend would. i have a shrine dedicated to you because you have made me cry three times in unadulterated happiness.

@yourlocalbadgerscales i love you. hope this was good enough for your first intro post mention xx <3

@mrstellmeafuckingsecret this one's my wife because i love her like i love sirius orion black

@vulcajes and i served, then ate and left no crumbs. moonage daydreamers together fr

@moonandstarshangoutinbars @blueberry0409 POWER PUFF GIRLS UNITE i am buttercup, amanat is bubbles and vi is blossom and we are desi and unstoppable

@percyweasleyapologist my 'salt is spicy wdym' grandma <3

also related to @mairon-goth-minion through quadruple-hood

my aunt is @guess1mjustheren0w, and im siblings with @danaris112 !!

[marauders-bs]

p4! and so soon :3 @jamie-potters ty for the comment it made me finish this <3 @r0seprincess no meadowes kids this time 😔 next time tho @im-a-mess-of-a-person :3

masterlist

Hermione watched Dorcas sprint, laughing with her braids flying behind her, summer sun glinting off the grass.

Regulus was just in front of her, laughing quieter but still laughing. 

"Fine!" a boy's voice called, and Hermione realized as she looked around that Barty, Evan and Pandora were with Dorcas and Regulus. The boy who had spoken was Barty. "Fine, Reg wins, and my dumbass should learn to stop challenging you two to races."

"You should learn," Pandora said. Barty flicked her arm.

"Are you guys going to try out for the Quidditch team?" Evan asked, meeting Dorcas and Regulus in the middle of the field. "I think the Keeper and the Seeker just graduated."

Regulus shrugged. "I'm not sure I will. That kind of thing will get back to my mother fast, and she'll think I'm turning into Sirius."

"I might," Dorcas said. "I'm not sure I'm good enough, but it's worth a shot. Bat, you're good enough to be a Beater, I think."

"Dora too," Barty said, nudging her. "We would be the best power duo."

"Bone-breaking duo," Regulus said. "Everyone would rue the day Flitwick let you play."

Pandora nodded, smiling. Every memory Hermione saw with her in it made her wonder what had happened to the twins to make them practically swap personalities. 

The memory began to whirl, and Hermione smiled at it. She knew the way Dorcas went out, and she was glad that she seemed to have a good childhood.

-

The next scene was the inside of the Slytherin common room. Dorcas was pointing her wand at a Muggle pen and trying to transform it- into what, Hermione couldn't tell.

"Just do it without the wand," Evan said. "You're better without it."

"I know," Dorcas said. She looked over at him, smiling, but something in his expression made her smile drop.

Evan picked up his quill, eyes vacant, and began to sketch without looking at his paper. Five drawings appeared out of the seemingly random strokes– a boy who looked like Regulus, but older, reaching a hand upwards as hands drug him down into water. An older Dorcas stood angry, wand nowhere to be seen but hands outstretched, as a jet of light shot at her. Evan himself laying in Barty's arms, dead, as the blond boy screamed at the sky. Pandora looked like she was flying backwards, a cauldron in front of her. Barty's eyes were vacant but he was standing, a dementor in front of him.

Hermione didn't believe in Divination, but this might be something to prove her wrong. She knew that Luna's mum had blown herself up, Regulus had drowned in the lake and that Barty had received the Dementor's Kiss. That was the drawings on the paper.

"Ev?" Dorcas asked, pulling the notebook towards her. Her own death predicted on the page didn't seem to faze her, but the others did. "Ev?"

"What?" he asked, pulling the notebook back to him. "Did I do this?"

"Just now," she answered. "Evan, what-"

"I don't know either," he said. "I don't know why Dora would be messing around with potions. That's my thing, not hers."

Dorcas shrugged, concerned look on her face, but Evan went back to his work, so Dorcas did too. 

-

The next memory was the Quidditch pitch. Dorcas stood there beside three older people, two boys and a girl. She didn't seem nervous, but confident in her abilities. 

The Chasers sent seven hard goals to the first potential Keeper, and he missed five. The captain just waved him off, turning to the next boy. He did even worse, missing six of the goals. The older girl saved six but missed the seventh, which was understandable as it was a professional-level shot.

Then it was Dorcas's turn. Hermione had never met the girl, yet she couldn't help but hold her breath as Dorcas saved one, two, three, four, five, six shots. The seventh was the one the older girl had missed, a feint to one side and a shot on the far goal. Dorcas managed to save that one and throw it to a Chaser halfway down the field, making it look simple and stupid that the other girl had missed it.

The captain raised an eyebrow at Dorcas, who was a third-year. "How'd you make those?" he asked.

"I practice," she said simply. "And I'm good at what I do."

"'Good at what you do,' my ass." the captain said. "Do you have your wand on you?"

"No," Dorcas answered calmly. "I don't need it. I'm perfectly capable of saving goals without help."

One of the Chasers rolled his eyes. "We can just take both of them, you know. Let Meadowes play until she gets herself injured too bad."

Hermione could actually feel Ron thrumming with anger from beside her. He was protective of all people, even ones he didn't know very well. It was Hermione's favorite thing about him, if she was honest.

The captain made a face at the Chaser who had spoken. "You're usually right, Anna, but we haven't let someone below fifth year on the team in more than a decade."

"I'll take talent over age," one of the Beaters said. "That might just be me, though."

"Not just you," muttered the Chaser who had made the most difficult shots, picking at her nails. 

"Fine," the captain said. He turned to Dorcas and her opponent. "Meadowes, congratulations, you're on the team. Sorry, Blanchet, but you're going to be our reserve Keeper for if Meadowes gets hurt."

The girl – Blanchet? – took it better than McLaggen had. She clapped Dorcas on the shoulder, and the memory began to whirl.

-

"So, Sirius told me you're on the Slytherin team?" Marlene said, swinging down into the seat beside Dorcas. A glance around told Hermione that they were back in the Transfiguration classroom.

"Why would Sirius know that?" Dorcas asked, pulling out an ink bottle.

"Baby Black, obviously," Marlene replied. "Him and Sirius together must know everything that goes on in the school."

"That's because of Barty, not Reg," Dorcas said, laughing a little. "For all his loudmouth tenancies, he does a surprising amount of lurking."

Marlene laughed, very clearly surprised at Dorcas's honesty. Hermione knew about her brutal honesty at that point, and she was a bit taken aback that Marlene didn't know about that.

McGonagall entered the room then, Dorcas turned to her, and the memory spun away.

-

The next memory showed Dorcas looking stoic in a locker room similar to the one that Hermione had spent time in because of Ron and Harry. The grip she had on her broom told Hermione that her entire attitude was probably faked. 

"Are you ready for this, Meadowes?" the only other female player asked, lacing up her boots. "Ravenclaw's really good this year thanks to those new Beaters they got. Second years, both of them, and one's a girl, but they work together better than anyone I've ever seen."

"I'm friends with the Beaters," Dorcas said dismissively. "One of them will do his level best to knock anyone off their broom except me and the other will be a problem because she's actually smart."

"Which one?" the captain asked from where he was pulling on his jersey.

"The girl," Dorcas said. "The blond one's book-smart but incredibly stupid. He's only on the team because he's powerful. Pandora's smart and strong."

"Hope you all heard that," the captain called to the team. "The girl Beater's the smarter one and the boy will just try to knock you off your broom. If you can take her out of commission, do, but try not to get taken out of the game, Dahar."

"Boring," one of the Beaters muttered. "But fine."

"Anything else, since you're friends with them?" the Chaser girl asked.

Dorcas looked deep in thought. "Levine is their lead Chaser, but he's not as good as Abbas is. They let him lead because it's his last year, but it's going to be Abbas who scores if anyone does."

"Their Seeker?" the Slytherin Seeker asked.

"Smart, as Ravenclaw Seekers usually are," Dorcas replied. "His broom is horrible and he refuses to buy another one, so he'll be slow."

The Chaser girl grinned and clapped Dorcas on the back, "Earning your keep this game, aren't you? Bet your friends are going to be real mad when they lose."

"They already know they're going to lose, Anna," Dorcas said with a grin.

"That's the spirit," the captain said. "Alright, everyone up. They're going to call Ravenclaw first because they hate us, but we'll be soon after that. Order we fly out in is as it usually is– Koz, Ford, me, Dahar, Stroll, Meadowes, and St James. It's going to be a rough game, but we have our own little secret weapon."

"Stop making jokes about my height, asshole," Dorcas muttered, but she was smiling as everyone laughed with her.

Outside the room, someone began to call out the names of the Ravenclaws. Hermione heard only two she recognized- Crouch Jr and Rosier, presumably Barty and Pandora, and then the commentator began to call names the captain had said. The Chaser girl, Anna, flew out first, kicking hard off the ground and flying through the curtain. The second Chaser followed, then the captain, then the two Beaters, then Dorcas.

Hermione felt the wind in her hair like she was flying with Dorcas. She watched her do a loop around Barty, stick her tongue out, and fly to the goalposts. 

A memory interrupted the main one, sort of like a flashback within a flashback.

Dorcas was sitting with Anna and the captain, presumably after a practice.

"Hey, Meadowes," the captain said. "If you save more goals than we score, I'll let you hit Snape for every save you make. I'll even whipe his memory for you."

"That sounds fantastic," Dorcas said, grinning at him sideways.

The memory went back to Dorcas in front of the goalposts, waiting there as a younger Madame Hooch called out to the captains. Dorcas's captain shook hands with the Ravenclaw one, looking as though his mind was already in the sky.

Hermione still didn't understand Quidditch, and the fact that the memory only showed Dorcas's saves made it harder still to follow. One flash showed a Bludger coming at Dorcas at top speed, one of the Beaters throwing her his bat, and her smacking it as hard as she could at Barty and throwing the bat back to its rightful owner. Pandora smacked Barty's head the next time she flew by.

The memory began to whirl suddenly as a bludger rocketed towards Dorcas. She looked at it in surprise and tried to dive out of the way, but the memory went black.

send thoughts and prayers grade check ins for my seventh graders come out tomorrow and 1/2 of them are failing because they won't do the two pieces of gd homework i assigned them IT'S CADEN'S OWN DAMN FAULT HE'S FAILING JENNIFER HE HASN'T DONE AN ASSIGNMENT IN TWO MONTHS

[percyweasleyapologist]

Crack fic: Throwing Rocks at the Musk Man

for @cepheusafterdusk

word count: 884

WARNING: this may be horrible bc I don't usually write stuff- but my son requested it and I cannot say no to him😔

Remus Lupin was about to throttle his friends.

Somehow, against all odds, the four seventeen-year-olds had managed to sneak out of Hogwarts and end up in America. No one, least of all Remus, understood how they'd managed to pull this off without dying or being caught. All that mattered now was that they were in some grimy alleyway that practically screamed murder scene, hiding from Muggles who might catch them using magic—or James’s invisibility cloak.

"Pads, put that down—no, not on that!" Remus snapped, rubbing his temples. "Merlin save me."

“Guys,” Peter suddenly whisper-hissed, pointing toward the street, “I think that’s… Ian Musk?”

“What?” Sirius squinted.

“Or Elon? Something like that. My cousins told me about him. Apparently, he’s some billionaire douchebag who makes flamethrowers and stuff.”

"Ugh, fuck billionaires," Sirius groaned dramatically.

"Not to burst your bubble," Remus muttered, "but your whole family are billionaires."

"Yeah, and they suck," Sirius shot back.

“Anyway,” James cut in, “he’s a git, right?”

"Yeah!" Peter said eagerly. "He’s always talking about leaving Earth for Mars and exploiting workers or something. And he named his kid something weird, like… math homework?"

“Sounds awful,” James grinned, the familiar spark of mischief lighting his eyes. “Lads, I think it’s time for some payback.”

“Oh, hell yes,” Sirius said, his face splitting into a grin. “Suck it, Liam Musk!”

“Uh, it’s Ian,” Peter corrected.

“Whatever.”

“Remus, you in?” James asked.

Remus sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Yeah, fine. Whatever stops you three from committing actual crimes."

The boys whooped and huddled together, plotting their next move.

"We should jinx him!"

"Nah he's a muggle, we can't use magic."

"I wouldn't be too sure about that- look at the shape of him. That's no human shape. He's gotta be some sort of goblin or maybe a mix?"

"Still, i wouldn't risk it."

"Ugh fine. What do we have on us?" The boys quickly emptied their pockets to take stock of their supplies. Between the four of them, they had: two pieces of gum, a lighter, a pack of cigarettes, a pen, their wands, a chocolate frog, and a suspiciously crumpled letter James refused to share.

“Well, that’s pathetic,” James grumbled. “What’re we supposed to do, offer him gum?”

“I vote we light him on fire,” Sirius added with a grin.

“Absolutely not,” Remus said, horrified.

“ROCKS!" Peter said suddenly, pointing at the ground.

“What about rocks?” Sirius asked.

“We throw them at him,” Peter explained. “While hiding under James’s cloak. He’ll never see us, and he’ll think he’s losing his mind!”

James’s face lit up. “Pete, you absolute genius! Grab some rocks, lads!”

They scrambled to collect an assortment of pebbles and stones, then huddled together under the now-cramped invisibility cloak. Quietly, they followed Elon Musk down the nearly empty street.

Peter handed James a rock. “Prongs, you can do the honors.”

“With pleasure,” James whispered, winding up and expertly hurling the rock. It hit Musk square on the back of the head.

Musk stopped, rubbing his head and spinning around. “What the…” he muttered, squinting into the empty street.

The boys muffled their laughter as he shrugged, muttered something about “the aliens,” and kept walking.

“Nice shot!” Sirius whispered.

“Thanks, Pads. Your turn.”

They took turns pelting Musk, snickering as he flinched, stumbled, and spun around each time. At one point, Musk tried walking backward to catch his invisible attackers, only to smack straight into a lamppost.

“That’s almost too easy,” Sirius whispered, shaking with silent laughter.

But then—

THWACK.

A particularly large rock smacked Musk on the back of the head with an audible crack. The billionaire crumpled to the pavement.

“Oh… oh no,” Remus muttered, staring at the unmoving figure.

“Bloody hell,” James breathed. “Padfoot, you killed him.”

“Hey! It was Pete, not me,” Sirius hissed. “Plus, he's breathing. I think. Probably.”

"What?! It wasn't me! I swear guys. I’m pretty sure it was Padfoot-"

“No it wasnt! It was totally yo-”

"Shut up!" Remus hissed, crouching over the unconscious billionaire. "Merlin's beard, this is bad. We're in America! Do you know what they'll do to us if we get caught?"

"Uh... put us in Azkaban?" Peter asked nervously.

"Worse!" Remus snapped. "We can't stay here-"

"Wait," Sirius interrupted. "Before we panic, he's not dead, yeah? Just… stunned a bit."

"Stunned?!" Remus gestured at Elon Musk's limp form. "You hit him so hard he might have a concussion!"

Peter leaned closer. "He's muttering something."

They all crouched as Musk groaned, "…Mars… Dogecoin… flamethrowers…"

"See?" James grinned. "Bloke’s fine. No harm done."

"Except for the assault part," Remus said dryly.

James pulled a scrap of parchment from his pocket. Before anyone could stop him, he scribbled a note and stuck it to Musk’s chest with a chocolate frog wrapper. It read: Courtesy of the Marauders. Don’t mess with the little guy.

Sirius howled with laughter. "Brilliant!"

Remus groaned, dragging them under the invisibility cloak. "Come on. Let’s go before someone sees us."

As they hurried off, they heard Musk groan and sit up, muttering, "Bloody aliens… I’ll tweet about this later."

James smirked. "The day Elon Musk got taken down by Hogwarts' finest. Beautiful."

Remus sighed but couldn’t help smiling. "You’re all ridiculous."

"And you love it," Sirius said.

"Unfortunately," Remus muttered as they vanished into the night.

---------------

Here's the link for it on AO3:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61888546

[cmanse]

N E W C H A R A C T E R A I

B O T S

Here are the new bots i put today! three new marauder bots as i promised in my other post :) I know i should have done one on james potter but my boy lucerys called me 😔

For the request and my character ia masterlist -> CHARACTER IA BOTS

@ elizabethmanse on character ai ☆

detention night (sirius black x pure blood!user) — after pranking the slytherins, sirius black finds himself in detention with a pure blood. [mxn]

saturday art class (regulus black x user) — regulus has loved drawing for years, he signed up for drawing classes at hogsmeats. this saturday, the teacher is sick but leaves him the keys to work in peace with the materials. but he doesn't know that user was there too. [mxn]

his girlfriend is his best medicine (remus lupin x girlfriend!user) — after a difficult full moon, the user takes care of remus in the infirmary / nurse office. [mxw]

his gamer friend | modern au (gamer!lucerys velaryon x gamer!user) — because of his family names and wealth, lucerys have difficulty to find real friend. so he signs up for online video games to try to live a normal life. he become friends with user. [mxn]

★

I like my bot with regulus. I was inspired by another character ia creator who had put the drawing as a passion for reggie. (I don't remember her/his/they name, I think her/his/they bots were deleted, if you gave it to me, I would mention her/his/them guys). I am rather proud of my bot about luce. I hope they will all please you ! 🙃

[mxw] = man x woman | [mxn] = man x non-binary/man/woman (you can choose your gender) | [wxw] = woman x woman | [wxw] = woman x woman | [mxwxw] = men x woman x woman

……………………………..……………………………..……………………. • masterlist — my character ai elizabethmanse • bots of 08 dec 2024