#Many cool things I COULD do but would require me to be some degree of self employed or business owner

[dumbbullet]

The Big Scary has improved drastically which means it's time for What The Fuck Are You Doing With Your Life to resume

[greenerteacups]

do you have any thoughts on luna and harry as a potential couple post-canon? i was reading your post on harry/ginny and i really loved your perspective on it, especially when you said your vision for harry post war was basically just lots and lots of big dogs (i LOVE that mental image and i agree it would be SO good for him!!) but i was wondering if you'd consider luna and harry to be a good match for each other? personally i have a sort of soft spot for the pairing because of how fond harry is of her in canon, and i think if anyone was going to understand and be unfazed by all the difficult trauma responses and long healing process he's going to be dealing with for years after the war, luna seems like a good fit :)

My love for Harry as a character is kind of unusual to me, considering I go pearl-diving for ships when I read things, and I fall in love with dynamics as a conduit to falling in love with characters. That said, I don't really ship him with anybody. I just genuinely adore That Weird Little Dude. Same with Ron; I'm just as pleased to see them with a range of people, because (A) I believe they're good partners and can have great relationships with many people (Ron Weasley get behind me they could never make me hate you Ron Weasley), but also (B) I don't see either of their canon relationships as Definitive. Some characters I ship together because I sincerely believe they are (non-deterministic) soulmates, in that they bring out parts of each other that make them the freshest, happiest, most interesting versions of themselves. With other characters, I'll look at a couple and go: "Huh. Could work!" and smack my giant rubber [APPROVED] stamp on it, then get back to work on my blorbos.

Luna and Harry are one of those couples for me. As I mentioned in that other post, I think Harry's primary requirement in a partner is someone who can treat him normally, i.e. will be generally chill about the Became Wizard Jesus Twice situation. Which is a big ask. Luna is uniquely capable of doing that because Luna is not normal at all, and so treats all things, extraordinary and ordinary both, as uniformly dazzling and delightful. I believe this is why Harry enjoys her so much in their friendship, because he gets to feel valued and treasured without feeling unusual or othered — a hard line to toe, and one even Ron and Hermione occasionally trip up on. He seems to like hanging out with her a great deal, and I think it says something sweet that he asks her to the Slug Club party instead of any of the girls in Gryffindor from his year, whom he'd ostensibly know better.

Luna is a bit of a cipher to me, I admit. We know she's the daughter of an eccentric and probably traumatized single father, raised without a mother; deeply lonely, because of how she's been ostracized for her beliefs and hobbies, and the victim of some degree of bullying for it; and yet full of a passionate, almost effortless wonder and joie de vivre. She's also intensely loving (cf. painting her friends' faces on her bedroom ceiling) and very hard to embarrass. She likes Harry for understandable reasons; they share most of those qualities (Harry's more sensitive to others' opinions, understandably so), and the only point where they diverge is their actual hobbies and interests. Harry seems pretty fond of her nonsense, and I bet she could sell him on crumple-horned snorkacks given some time — maybe if Hermione took a vacation to Switzerland and left them alone together.

In general, what I find sweet about the idea of these two is they're so chill. These are two people whose chief ambition is to hang out, enjoy their hobbies, and see some cool magical shit. Date night is so fucking easy for these two. Plus, Harry is a hothead a lot of the time, and Luna just... vibes. Literally never bothered. Insane levels of not fussed at all times. Very helpful for Harry, who has a bad tendency to bottle up his feelings and then blow up at the first person to sneeze at him. Conversely, I'd hope that Harry would age into the kind of genial, confident dude who would be able to rock up with a function where people were talking shit about Luna and be like :) My wife? You mean my wise and beautiful wife? Surely you are not talking about my wise and beautiful wife. :) instead of doing what he'd do from age 15-17, which is get mad and stomp around sulking. Which, again: teenager. Orphan. Non-stop trauma gauntlet from age 2-18. Excuses are made. But still. Would think it best if Luna's husband were not perhaps so keenly sensitive to gossip, for Luna's sake.

Anyway, these are just some dissembled thoughts. There's also something in there about Harry, boy under the staircase, falling in love with the magical world and ending up the Most Magical person, i.e., the person who took believing in magic to such an extreme that she imagines magic that doesn't exist yet. And Luna ends up with the one person who's inarguably stranger than she is.

[my-hobby-is-finding-the-source]

Do you think it's possible that the general habit of users to openly shame those who repost art generally discourages people from sharing their sources of the art they find, as it gives away that they're "reposting" it, or is it just simple carelessness that is responsible for people not sourcing the art they reshare or repurpose? Also, do you feel it's fine to share art you found elsewhere, so long as you link back to the source?

I have to say that personally I feel that copies and derivatives are an inevitability with any creative work, especially on the internet (something the current state of copyright law simply refuses to accomodate), and it's counterproductive in my opinion to shame those who take this action, regardless of how one feels about it. I appreciate seeing that there's someone dedicated to the more helpful action of pointing out the sources. Reparative rather than punitive, y'know. is good

(also sorry for going anon, I would not like to be flayed alive for this...)

but yeah good work!~

In writing this I may have meandered a bit, so I'll apologize in advance.

I'm not really fond of sharing or posting artworks without a link—or pointer of any kind—to their authors, regardless of the degree of modification performed. But I also don't think scolding those that don't care as much is very productive. There might be a conflict of perspectives.

As is so often the case, I'm limited to my perspective, so my opinion may be a bit off the mark, but I feel that different communities place a different worth on the source—the knowledge about who made the thing.

In the places I often pass through when looking for sources, like on Reddit and Pinterest, I feel like there's an unstated, obvious notion that you're not expected to care about the source. Things are shared for the content they carry, and content is all they are.

There are also communities where the meaning of the source might be different. You may hear the question "what anime is this from?" more often that "who made this?". There's some deference shown to the subject of the thing, not as much for its origins.

When it comes to sharing art, I'm interested in more than the image itself—the pure value of the pixels on the screen. If I'm moved to show a drawing to someone, it is out of some amount of love for both the subject, the work, and the author, all together.

The subject—be it an anime I think is cool, or a character I'm fond of—is usually what draws me to the work. But it is the work that will captivate me, that will draw my attention and my admiration, that will ensnare me and nurture inside of me the need to share. And that interaction, all that emotion, could not have existed in the absence of an author.

And the experience of the work does not end when I stop looking at it—there's an insatiability, the greed to see more stuff, stuff that's just as good, that will make will feel the same things, but different this time. Not all art will do this to you—in fact, most won't—buy to try and explain or convey the experience to other people with not as much as mention the author? That's just silly.

Which brings me to your other question: is it fine to share art, so long as you link back to the source?

That's not a question I can answer alone. Again, from my perspective, sharing art also involves the author of that art, their thoughts over their own work ought to be part of this consideration. Although, I do admit, that usually requires some interpretation.

Many artists will place warnings in their accounts disallowing the reposting—or reproduction—of their works, but the precise meaning of that is left open. Usually, native actions like retweets or reblogs are understood to not be reposting, but most if not all ways to share content across platforms can be considered reposting—even if only mechanically.

If what makes the retweet acceptable is the implicit link back to the source, then wouldn't posting the image with a link under it also be acceptable?

In the and, that's just an assumption I made alone, maybe clouded by an eagerness to share, but also considering the supposed feelings of the people that make the stuff I care about.

That are many other points to consider, like the impact for those that make art for a living, or also where does this all go when someone's creation is made through the transformation of someone else's art, but I think I have stretched this too much. Hopefully you can at least get a bit of a grasp of my standing on these matters.

[cryptid-writing]

[Diary of Acedia]

Warnings: There's no need for warnings. Except slight mention of murder.

Info: Just a little something I wrote for my spidersona. It's kinda like a look into myself, but through the lens of Acedia.

It's not much, but I like it.

-----

There is a term within Japan for what I am. Or at least what I feel I relate to in some way, to some degree. 'Hikikomori.' I’ve never gone to the same extremes as ‘true’ hikikomori go through. Literally shutting themselves up in their rooms, their apartments, living in filth and letting themselves go to waste. I could never bring myself to reach that. That part.. disgusts and frightens me. Yet, I can still relate. I make the efforts to tend to myself as much as I can. I’ve dealt with depression, anxiety, and can feel my mental health deteriorate if I neglect myself for one day too many.

It’s a horrible feeling.

Life is.. terrifying. I would like for my life to change.. but I know it never will. Maybe.. just maybe.. little by little.. I could reach that dream of mine.. to find a better life. One that would require me to change out of myself. My true self.

And that's not something I want.

There's fantasies, daydreams of one wishing to be someone they are not, the polar opposite of who they are. Sometimes I may think of that for myself, but it never feels right.

It never felt like I was imagining myself.

..I decided to move. Around 24 I made the decision. Around 26 I made it. Flying to New York to meet with a friend who started work there. I found an apartment and started to live there. Over time I slowly decorated the place with things I found and bought with what money I've saved up from what I earned from the job I was lucky to find for myself. Something quiet and with little interaction with others.

I was never good and never have been good when it comes to socializing. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells.. I feel alien among my own kind. Among the couple of friends I have, that I am lucky to have. Finding a sort of peace in solitude away from society.. it is unbearably lonely, however. I.. I want company. At least one other person to share this life of mine with.. someone to keep me company.. The company of another is genuinely.. comforting.

A year and a half go by.. and something happened.

Something.. changed.

Suddenly.. I found myself gifted. Able to perform acts I had fantasized about since I was little, thinking it would be cool or fun if I could walk on walls or crawl on ceilings. Without knowing what had occurred I likened my abilities to that of a sloth. An animal I liked the most.. I have a small collection of sloth things. They make me happy. They’re cute and friendly looking.. Just how I wish to be.

The weather grew colder.. I wore that outfit a bit more to stay warm.. Little did I know I’d unintentionally wind up being a hero in a way. Stopping some petty crime.. I had to find a mask or two to hide my face for a couple of weeks. I don't really know how most heroes do it. I felt silly, to be honest.

About a month later I found a man barely still alive. I was so afraid and so nervous. I rushed him to get help.. and I couldn’t help but check in on him. I worried so much. I.. didn’t meet in person with him, though. It wasn’t until a month later that we made a proper encounter.. after he nearly tried to kill his boss and then me. He apologized and thanked me for snapping him out of it. He introduced himself as Otto Octavius and I, Acedia, in return.

As further thanks, he later on helped to develop a proper outfit for me. I tried to decline, but he insisted.. I really appreciate it. The costume and his help. He aided me in my efforts to help others, starting when his business partner tried again to murder his boss then me for interfering. I hadn’t known at the time how horrible Otto’s boss was.

Not too long after, I and Otto’s friend, Adrian, had reconciled.. I think of him like a grandfather to me now. He’s done so much for me to make up for what he had done. I never really knew how much my life would change, although I still feel, even today, as though it hadn’t really changed at all.

In the following months so so much happened. I.. I was able to help so many people.. Maybe not entirely to have helped prevent what happened to them, but I was still able to help them in some way and that’s really all I could ask for. I even made some new friends.. Sure we may fight sometimes, but usually it works out. And even some friends who weren’t from here.. That was a wild experience.

Heck, I even met someone who would end up being my second partner, Quentin Beck. He seemed to really hate me at first.. I remember having a horrible experience chasing him in a warehouse.. It was such a terrifying experience, yet.. he, for some reason, helped me out of there.. After some time, he showed to really like me. I’m really thankful I met him, even if we didn’t have very good encounters at first. He’s been so wonderful. Him and Otto.. I’ve.. I really can’t believe I am in such a place in my life to be blessed with two incredible men.. without them I have no idea where I would be today.

..More months passed and I managed to help take down Norman Osborn.. Wilson Fisk, the Kingpin.. and that leads me to where I currently stand today. Writing this.

I’ve been through so much, I’m in a far happier place. I’ve made so many mistakes along the way, so many stupid, stupid mistakes, but I’ve learned a lot, too. I’ve.. also grown a lot. Not in height, but as a person. I’m still myself, though. Still afraid of social interaction, still afraid to open up and let myself be really known, still shy and unable to really speak up for myself.. but I’ve grown, nonetheless.

I couldn’t be happier and more thankful to be alive and to be where I am today. Although it’s still all so terrifying, I don’t think I would want to give up this life, the friends and family, that I’ve found.

My name is Acedia, The Cryptid Crawler of New York, and I’m happy to be me.

[open-hearth-rpg]

Engagement & Flashbacks: Great RPG Mechanics #RPGMechanics: Week Three

I have sat through hundreds of in-game planning sessions. There’s an objective, maybe specific, maybe general, maybe- god forbid- we’re discussing which objective we want to approach. These can be wonderful and interesting moments to explore character and role play to show what your PC values. They can be. But those are exceptions rather than the rule. I look back at the hours sunk into those which ended up in painful, circular, player-tension exacerbating, and time-consuming bad meetings.

My particular pet peeve from this is the player who listens and waits until someone has proposed a line of action and then says they don’t like it. They point out corner-case problems and wild possibilities which *could* make things collapse. But when pressed for fix suggestions or alternatives, they shrug their shoulders. I loathe them. I’ve seen many of them. Playing them at the ttrpg table made me that much more ready to flip out when people did this in actual work meetings in the real world.

Don’t get me wrong– I love it when a plan comes together. There’s few things more satisfying as a GM than to watch the players consider a problem, develop a solution, and reveal how their individual talents can save the day. But setting a planning session into motion is like lighting a stick of dynamite. Sometimes the players come together and manage to extinguish that fuse. More times the dynamite goes off and blows a hole in the session.

So that has long been an established problem that GMs have worked through, usually by degrees of heavy-handed riding the whip.

Blades in the Dark provided another solution and one, honestly, which completely changed my approach to this at every table I run. You have a job, a score, an objective. You can keep choosing that tight by filing down the number of options. Once you know generally what you want to do, you define the kind task and what’s your key element. Then we go to the engagement roll.

That roll is based on the challenge of the situation, the resources and information you have, and preparation (but only in the loosest sense). Good stuff gives you more dice, bad stuff takes away dice. You roll a pool of d6s and check the result. If the highest die is a six, we start the scene on the job with your characters in control. They’ve gotten past the easy layers and are in the more challenging part, but in a good spot. On a 4-5 it's more a mixed bag– you start out with some things at risk. You have to overcome a standard challenge right away. On a 1-3 we drop you in the shit. You’re in but things have gone wrong and the situation’s desperate.

But it's the other half of the system which completes this and makes things brilliant. Players can flashback to preparations they’ve made. They can improvise these on the fly. They can cost stress and require a test, but that’s dependent on how wild or impactful that prep is. Combining that with the flexible loadout system makes the players feel OK about rolling into a situation without having spent an hour working out all the possibilities.

And at least at my tables, the secret is that flashbacks don’t get done that often. Sometimes PCs will get jammed in a corner or a player will have a particularly clever concept. But Flashbacks IMHO provide a mental cushion for risk-adverse players. It’s the GM saying, “let’s get to playing, I’m not going to screw you over, and you’ll have the chance to pull cool stuff out.” And it works– and I promise you I use it in just about every game I run. We still do meetings and planning discussions, but I know I can wrap it up and move it to the play if that begins to look like it is going to blow up.

Side-note: Blades isn’t the first game to lean on flashbacks as a key element. I think that would be Leverage, which is an amazing ground-breaking game by a dynamite team of designers. It uses that to model the reveals of the TV shows it's based on. There may be others, but that’s the one I remember.

[auncyen]

So like I'd pretty much decided to give up on WGU because of this course and here's an example why:

the PA asks for 'non-technical requirements'. what is non-technical is not explained in the text. Googling it gets various answers. I try asking the course instructor what it means.

"Non-technical requirements are those that are not part of the service or product itself. Examples of these are milestones, how many services or products are to be delivered, deployment schedules, training constraints, regulatory compliance."

cool! this was along the line of some of the results I found; it's a little more intuitive to me if I think of it as "business requirements", but either phrase could benefit from some explanation.

I get stuck on the PA for other reasons. Recently I check in because you'll get automatically booted for non-activity and I'd kind of like the chance to pass the course just in case I have some kind of surge of motivation in the second half of August (unlikely, but like by the time I was convinced 'this isn't working' I couldn't get a refund on tuition anyway, so why close the door early?). The course instructor has e-mailed me again and gives me tips based on other students' feedback, one of them being the confusion about 'non-technical requirements'.

"Another way of thinking of non-technical versus technical requirements is to think of technical versus soft skills. Non-technical include skills like communication, leadership, decision making, training, time management, cooperation, adaptability, organization, creativity,  etc."

...Cool! Uhm. Yes, this is also among the results I was finding before. But it's rather different from the answer you gave me the first time. In terms of "if I tried writing my paper based on this explanation the result would be different, especially because I would still be baffled on what the non-technical requirement for a data storage solution could be."

And it's just. First, if you have realized this wording is very confusing to students who aren't already experienced with this kind of project, why haven't you just updated the project requirements. Why is this buried in the e-mails for people who already got stuck. Second YOUR ANSWER IS NOT EVEN CONSISTENT AND SEEMS TO BE WORSE THE SECOND TIME AROUND???

Like I feel WGU works very well for people who already know what they need to learn. Or people confident about fake it til you make it. But like...that doesn't work for me, I need to have some degree of confidence in what I'm doing and that doesn't work when the course instructor won't instruct clearly. Like that was the thing about 'why don't I just bs through this to eventually get the degree a few years down' it's like 'yeah degrees are only going to lead to higher pay if you are also CONFIDENT in your ability to do the jobs you're applying for and if I have to muddle my way through classes with unclear projects and slapdash material that is not going to happen for me.'

[elsewherewitch]

Hi dear! I hope you're having a wonderful day. I'd like to know if I did the right thing by not attending college this semester? Thank you! -KK

Hello Anon/KK! That’s a pretty tough question, but I’ll try my best to answer it via tarot.

I used The Wild Unknown Pocket Animal Spirit deck by Kim Krans. This deck is advice heavy & focuses on negativity to inspire positivity.

Here is your 1-Card Tarot Reading:

Card #1: The Dragon

First things first, this is my first major arcana/Spirit card from this deck, which means this is a major/intense answer lol! Also this card is the front of this entire deck, so it’s pretty iconic on its own. You’ll see the deck pack in the photo of the card above. This one is gonna be longer than most bc the card is super cool and I’m empathetic to your question.

This card is the opposite of introspection which is what you are struggling with. It sees out while you are looking for answers within to cope. Look at your situation from an outside perspective. Was it necessary for you to not attend if you explained it to a stranger or a close friend? Was it integral to you mental health, well being, personal development, growth?

The Dragon sees potential in even the darkest circumstances. Find the good and hold onto it. Don’t focus on self soothing, instead focus on what you can do to improve. This should light a fire inside you, and let your inner dragon out.

Ultimately, this card cannot answer this question. Only you can. Look outside yourself and think objectively with reason. What’s done is done. What do you need to do to move on and improve? Tarot cannot tell you if it was right, but it can push you to your next step.

And as a college grad let me give you some advice: i understand what you’re feeling. I felt like the world was ending one semester because I failed a class twice that was required for my major. But guess what? I should have taken a step back, I should have asked for help, and I should have, would have, could have! There were so many things I should have done, but I didn’t, and I still survived. College isn’t for everyone and as a current business owner (that I did without a degree all through college and continue to enjoy even today!) I can tell you the degree changed nothing. It’s up to you what you spend your energy, money, and time on. We all carve our own paths and each choice can change its course. Don’t get caught up on the past. Focus on the future, because you will survive and eventually you will thrive.

I hope you enjoyed your reading. Please let me know if it was accurate or resonated with you💜 Many blessings! ~Elsewhere🌚

[boxinthewild]

I'm beginning my horrendously long foray into the /idgames archive tonight (just for doom2 maps rn), and the first map I decided to play was one BADTRIP1.wad. I have little to no idea who made this map seeing as I was stupid enough to mass extract all of the wads from their respective categorizations and plop them all in one folder and deleting their text files (unbelievably stupid). Horrendous shotgun audio replacement and confusing puzzle designs await me in this honestly quite forgettable and annoying, 90's era map.

This may have been a wonderful doomcute-esque bar when this map came out (date unknown because the wad itself is confusingly dated for January 1st of 1980), but even so, I really do think this is just a sloppy job. Speaking of the date when this map came out, I am under the assumption that the person who had made this wad probably either forgot to set their clock after the CMOS battery died in their computer, or never cared in the first place. I believe this map was made in the ensuing months after Doom 2's original release but whose to say for certain, I'm way too lazy to check and finding the zip it was located in inside of the massive archive makes me want to look for it even less.

Even though this map does have the occasional (dare i say) good(?) combat encounter, i do think this really is a weird showing of classic 90's mapping tropes, weird secrets that may or may not be required to progress the level/not marked secrets, horrendous audio replacements for weapons and/or enemy noises, seizure inducing flashing sector lights, and really really confusing map design round out this trifecta of potentially unfavorable map qualities, I can't help but enjoy the weird out of touch charm of this map.

I lied, I am really annoyed with this combat encounter in particular. Extremely heavy use of the zombie sergeant almost to a ridiculous degree. If I would have to tell you one thing i hate in doom maps, it would be the needlessly heavy use of a hitscan enemy in a combat encounter, to the point where the hitscanners are the most oppressive enemy in the area.

2 Mancubi who are either stuck or have been placed on a weird linedef that they cant see me really make this encounter the kind of needlessly difficult and unfun time it is.

The trap that springs when grabbing the plasma gun is a couple of monster closets that hold 2 Revenants and at the very least 2 floating meatballs. (edit: its 4 flying meatballs)

I went into one of the rooms on the side of that rather large combat encounter and happened across a maze. A shotgunner maze. A shotgunner maze with quite a few of the hallways having flashing lights strobing at different intervals. I didn't think my enjoyment of this map could have been lowered any further at this point in my playthrough. The flashing lights got so bad that I pretty much had to use the lightamp toggle cheat so my head didn't hurt more than it already did.

Oh great, the tower in the middle of the area was actually progression, i could have never seen that coming.

This Archvile/Pinky encounter room looks cool at least.

I am very rapidly losing interest at this point and i finally just got the yellow key so i can at the LEAST get to the exit section.

It leads into a slightly annoying fodder trap.

Which then leads into whatever the fuck this is beyond the door?

At this point my patience has become thin enough to move through an airlock seal.

The exit switch.

I really really do think there are some interesting design choices in the map, I really really do, but there are just so many glaring issues with the encounters that I cant in good conscious recommend this to anyone. My interest pretty much ran out by the last couple of rooms and it really really shows with my lack of thoughts on the map by the end.

4/10

source port used: prboom-plus -complevel 2 iwad: doom2 res: 1920x1080 with 4:3 aspect ratio cause i'm weird

[doodlegirl1998]

I'm thinking about the powers of MHA and how trying to explain it with science is not as cool as people initially thought. Why? "Well for a eye to shot laser on command it would require to do X and Y which could result in the person being blind before before reaching 20"

Scott Summer from the Xmen deals with a similar dilemma and in some alt universes he does lose his sight in some capacity, but in the main line...aside from some bizarre retcons as his eyes being portals, it is a power it doesnt need much explanation.

He can shoot things with his eye laser, pretty simple.

In mha? Not so much. Bc aside Dabi, Aoyama and Izu...no one has issues with their quirks hurting them. No one is curious about it and....the powers presented on the characters are there just for a gag.

In the provencial license second chance, Shoto and Camie sees lil kids, my dude, there a kid who has a canon in his mouth. How science can explain that?

Izu can analyse the quirks but he does in a way that is still linked to fantasy. No one in the real world will ever have a cannon mouth(forever bitter Hori made Izu analysing quirks as a "har har isnt that guy spooky?! Hoe funny")

I think it boils down to two things.

1) NO ONE IS INTERESTED IN THEIR OWN QUIRK "OH I CAN FLY? MEH WHATEVER "

2)Hori has no thought behind any of the powers and it is only there for a cool shot and never again.

That's my take.

Hi @mikeellee 👋,

Here's the thing. I love the idea of these powers being grounded in realism to a degree - I feel like there's a lot of good plot points and realism to be explored in a universe like MHA.

Izuku having to use his smarts to figure out how to not break his bones with OFA as well as OFA being his only power? - An interesting plot point! And a good way to show off Izuku's smarts too when he works out what to do with OFA.

The consequences of quirk marriages - having a power very ill suited to their body through Dabi? - An interesting plot point! Because if superpowers came into our universe you bet narcissistic, Power hungry assholes like Endeavor would have marriages like this.

A power ill-suited for their body like Aoyama? Could tie into the quirk singularity theory that Hori brought up now and again if he didnt make Aoyama a previously quirkless person who got his quirk from AFO!

The problem is, as you said, these issues coincide with people seemingly having a lack of interest about their power. Which doesn't make sense actually. Because I can imagine there should be tonnes of people, like Izuku, gagging to study quirks!

Think of how many Scientists, Doctors and Authors we have in our universe - the concept of quirks is essentially science fiction and magic made life. I know I, if I were in MHA, would be just like Izuku thinking about how cool this all is and wanting to help people with their quirk powers. Especially if there were people like Izuku, Dabi and Aoyama out there needing help with their quirks.

To answer your two concluding points -

1) the attitude of "MEH whatever" that people in MHA have to their quirks. Doesn't make sense to me on a fundamental level because, sure while some would take that attitude, there should be more like Izu (and AFO) interested in quirks out there.

2) Hori doesn't seem to think through the quirks he gives his characters anymore, let alone explore them or give them any limitations which is also why Izuku isn't allowed to care for it anymore either. It can make MHA feel infuriating at times.

[peaky-shelby]

TW: r word coming from a r* survivor. I want to share my experience with the r word so you all that there are many ways somebody could r word.

It’s so frustrating when people say that they cant believe handsome athletes would r*pe women when they have all the options in the world and just sleep with them. I think people only have this idea of r*pe which is a man very violently r* a woman physically. It’s not always like that. Some r words even look like regualr sex without context. I used to be an escort to fund my college tuition. The job is pretty simple: I look pretty and I accompany men (usually foreign business men) into social events. Sex is not a requirement but it is definitely an option. There were times when I willingly had sex with my clients. I consented to them because I found them attractive and I wanted to have sex with them. No violation. It’s cool. I get laid with a man I find very attractive. He does not pay me for it. He paid me for the escort service but not the sex. I make sure I let him know this.

Anyways, I had this bad experience with a rich son of a business man. The father used to be my client and he was very nice to me. He was a divorcee and wanted to have a nice lady beside him while he attended his fraternity’s reunion. No sex happened. The poor guy was just lonely because his wife divorced him and wanted to have a female company. It was great. Had a great time. No sex. No uncomfortable moments. It was nice.

Now, since he enjoyed my company, he thought he’d recommend me to his son. Son is a wall street man. Not very rich yet but still rich. There was an event in the Hamptons and he thought his son could use my social skills to help him network. Being an escort requires a lot of social skills you know. I am very good at conversations. My job is not just to look pretty beside my client but also make him look interesting. So back to the son. I met him and he is very handsome. Very attractive. I was very attracted to him and immediately I knew that I would sleep with him if he asked me to or make a move on me. I knew it right away. So the event happened and I did my job and it was all good. The son was very happy with me and we actually had fun. We went back to his hotel. And he hit on me. And like I said, I was very attracted to him and so I willingly had gave me consent. I wanted to have sex with him and so we did. HOWEVER, in the middle of the sex he started acting weird. He wanted to do all kind of things I did not feel comfortable. He wanted to choke me with his belt. I said no. I said that would terrify me. He wanted to tie me up. Again I said no and I told him that I am scared. He did not listen. At this point, it was r*pe. So we were having sex one minute and then he was r wording me the next. I was able to fight back and ran away. I went to the police but then quickly realized how the situation looked and I just knew there was no way they were going to believe me. But i wanted evidence so I went to the ER and asked for a rape kit. They did and they were obligated by law to call the police. Rape kit was positive. There were bruising inside me because he was so rough. I knew that the report wouldnt go far. I just knew it it was not going to progressed. But I was determined to make the guy pay. So I called his father. I send him a copy of my rape kit report. I told him what happened.

As expected, the case did not go far. But the father contacted me and apologized to me and said he believed me. He then cut off his business deal with his son as punishment and kicked him out of his penthouse. I know it’s not the justice I deserved but it’s something. And the father paid for my therapy and also my medical degree which I’m on my third year now. We do not communicate. He just set me a fund. I had some sort if justice but other victims do not. The father couldnt give help me get the justice I deserved but he helped me heal and achieve my dreams so I can be more than just a r*pe victim. But the other r*pe survivors? They dont get justice or any compensation or help. Just utter humiliation and betrayal

I share this story because I want people (men esp) to understand that there is not ONE scenario of r word. No, it’s not always like the movies. R word happens in the middle of sex. R word happens in marriages. R word happens without even the victim and the aggressor understanding that it’s r word. It’s about CONSENT. CONSENT is not a golden ticket to everything. Consent is not decided and given once. Consent is something a person can give and take back depending on the situation they find themselves in. One can agree to sex and then take it back when they do not feel doing it anymore. You can yes and then say no. Consent is not a sales transaction, it is a communication.

So if you find yourself wondering why a guy as handsome and successful like Hakimi would commit r word when he can just sleep with any girl, remember we do not know what happened in that situation. The girl might have gone to his place knowing they were gonna have sex. The girl might have agreed to hooking up with him. BUT something happened that made her withdraw her consent. Something happened that made what was supposed to be sex, r word.

Men need to understand this. Once a woman says “no,” that means all the other “yesses” before the “nos” do not matter anymore. It’s the NO that matters.

TW: r*pe //

Thank you so much for trusting me and my blog with this story. Thank you for letting me share it and people to read and possibly see the issue differently if they have the stomach to read it.

Not posting this after you spilled your heart to me felt wrong.

If you ever wanna talk private my inbox is open for you. You're so strong for talking about this publicly. I genuinely admire you for your strength and am very proud for the things you've accomplished afterwards.

You're a warrior, don't ever let anyone take that away from you.

[skayafair]

Is Cassius suited to be a leader?

I wonder whose bright idea at Vincula it was to make Cassius the leader.

Don't get me wrong, they're my (and I'm pretty sure everyone else's) favourite character, it's impossible not to like them. But what I ADORE is them having some very real shortcomings, and these shortcomings aren't very compatible with leadership.

The leader should keep their cool at any situation, stay level-headed about any problem (at least on the outside), and they DON'T act on impulse of jump straight into danger. It's just irresponsible - the leader is the decision-maker for the whole team, the one who plans and solves issus. If the team loses its head - who's gonna do all the work?

Ok, they have Greg to get them out of trouble. I think I need an art with Cass wearing "I get myself into trouble" shirt and Greg wearing "I'm getting everyone's asses out of trouble" one… hm. But still! Well, let's start from the beginning. First of all, it became clear to me in season 1 that Vincula, probably, didn't really have all that much budget and the Breach was a little experimental side-project of theirs, so they couldn't go for some super pro scientists. I mean Lizzie is… err alright, but Alyx sounds VERY young? And a physicist looks like a really important role for exploring new worlds?.. Plus, super pro scientists would have most likely rejected the proposal since they all treasure their lives pretty much, thanks a lot, and have their own research going. They are used to sitting at the tables for that, mostly, or ok, being in the wild, but with as many safety precoutions as possible. I mean, look at Silas. Classic and understandable. So Vincula needed not only people with paranormal experience, but also some desperate poor unfortunate souls who'd be ready to risk anything - to have a chance to escape, to prove something to themselves, just earn enough money to live happily for some years maybe… or naive, young ones who'd be happy to go through danger if it means something bright and great on the other side. In any case, they needed people who could take the risk, this had to be the main requirement.

Well, THIS one Cassus meets to an exessive degree.

Then, they are active, hate stalling - which is good for Vincula, the team should have the drive and someone to provide it. They are also overflowing with responsibility for others, and I LOVE how this is starting to play out by the end of season 2, I'll expand on this later. So Cass will make sure the team doesn't lose anyone as much as it's humanly possible, good. They also keep their physical form in check, which is important if you want to send someone to an expedition. And last but not least, they are a biologist - sounds logical for a biotech company to appoint a biologist as the head of the team, especially if they are SO ready to dive head-first into anything just to see and learn and study and are brimming with enthusiasm.

Oh, and did I mention Cassius (and, therefore, the whole team) should be easy to manipulate since Vincula has a lever over them?

Looks good!

Except nearly every point of this list is a double-edged sword.

First of all, the responsibility. Oh yes, Cass is filled with it to the brink, no doubts here. The problem is, it doesn't extend to their own safety, only for the others. Which can easily lead to the team losing their head, both literally and figuratively, in the middle of the mission. It's a good thing, I guess, that Cass doesn't do much actual planning. They were right back in the worm cave when they told Silas they don't have a plan because no one knows what's coming at them anyway. And Vincula gives the team some guidelines on what to do. So what role does Cassius play here at all?..

To me it looks like they are the inspiration for the breachers, said driving force, someone to push forward. Little did Vincula know Cass is just as good at pushing back and not moving an inch forward if they decide so...

Anyway, this CAN actually work, with one condition. There has to be TWO heads. One embodying the ideals, the driving force, inspiring others to follow them, the charismatic one. Cass checks all the boxes. And the other one - cautios, calculating, level-headed, not constricted by black-and-white thinking, the planner, because even in the most unknown conditions there should be SOME course of action prepared. The grey cardinal, so to say. And... this place is vacant in breachers team. Ok HAS been vacant up until later in S2. Which is why they were unbalanced for a looong time. I'm surprised they've lost only one member before getting to Breach 4. Greg tries his best to be the voice of reason and Silas warnes agains the worst possible outcomes but they are often batted away. Cassius doesn't take them as seriously as they should, and this results in casualties.

But anyway, back to the safety responsibility not being extended to Cassius themselves. To me this screams some really serius issues which are bound to backfire, and in a potentially highly dangerous unpredictable environment I'd want my people to be as mentally stable as possible. Alright, to be fair this can probably be only said about Greg and J out of the whole team. Maybe Alyx, I'm not so sure about her, being succeptible to all the hallucinations. And it DOES backfire mutiple times! Cass constantly charges right into action which results into them being hurt. This can't be good for the team's spirit. Cassius glues them together, and it's a very important role. If they are lost, the team will fall apart. Cassius seems to not realize this, and this is a fatal flaw for a leader in my eyes.

This one also leads to another thing - they are hot-headed and impulsive. It's the dark side of their drive: they hate to sit still and want to move forward, but this can lead to carelessness. The breachers had to make effort to convince them to listen to Lizzie when she spotted the acid Nessie and they didn't know it was there yet. What if the team didn't manage? And after they did, OF COURSE Cass had to volunteer to get the water. Because they see themself as totally disposable, meaning nothing. Goes very well with their sort of self-centeredness and coarseness in social situations, yep. Damn I love how this character is built because it all makes so much sense and fits so well together! *_*

So, we already established that lack of self-preservation a.k.a. responsibility for their own safety, especially paired with their hot temper, takes from Cass' ability to be a good leader.

Being very driven also showed its dark side.

Next, the lever thing. Cass complies so far, but they aren't the one to be obedient, and they are getting closer and closer to the breaking point when all the threats won't matter if they put the team and other worlds safety on the line. Vincula and Yanus seemed to miss the fact that Cass will give themselves up in a blink of an eye if it means others will be safe and sound. Which also means don't back this person into a corner. At best they will stand their ground like a rock, at worst they'll start biting back, and this will hurt. That, or do something stupid that will undermine the whole mission and will take some budget to cover the losses at the very least.

Right, about "something stupid". Cass is emotional. They are the beating living heart of the team, but also impulsive and hot-headed, as I mentioned. And they CAN let their emotions take the better of them. Not in any case, they have to be exposed to a considerable pressure for that, but one can't break the heart and expect it to keep pumping the blood for the whole body to keep moving. Also, partly due to their iself-worth issues, they aren't really that well-versed in social situations which creates conflicts. Cass is charismatic and seems to be able to pull even a tree into a friendly conversation if they want to, but this just barely saves them as the glue of the team. Others correct them from time to time, and Cass is already pretty self-conscious about themselves being not very sensitive to others. It's not a bad thing on its own but not very fitting for a leader, is it?

Now, let's follow this emotional thread back to the responsibility. I mentioned that Cassius is overflowing with it, and it's actually not very good. First of all, they grew too attached to the team, so they won't be able to make some cold-blooded decisions which may be necessary in dangerous environment. Ok, the team likes to think for themselves so they just decide collectively. Good.

But - and this is my favourite thing that picked up the most in the end of season 2 - Cassius doesn't manage to bear the weight of this responsibility because of how attached they are to everyone and their perfectionism in this department. The responsibility has already transformed into a full-blown anxiety, dragging Cass down and feeding to their other insecurities. Cassius is breaking underneath it all. They took up this job and role - and they don't really manage. They are still going to carry on with it bacause of the responsibility and their strong principles, but they are already crumbling down. And starting to make fatal mistakes.

I didn't listen to S3 yet and I'm VERY curious how they are going to handle the loss of Greg. It's good Silas is being taken seriously now and sort of co-regulates with Cass, helping to manage their emotions, cooling them down when necessary and supporting at their lowest - they both are gradually coming to that co-leadership model, mutually growing personality-wise, and I really like how slowly and naturally it was being established throughout the seasons, - but for the sake of Cass' own mental well-being I wish it happened earlier. By the look of it this loss is going to hit hard. Hope I won't be disappointed.

This last point - losing the battle in being the leader who keeps everyine safe, like an Atlas holding the sky, - is my favourite developement of the whole season, I think, because I don't see it all that often, but it's INTERESTING. Come on! True, I don't consume THAT much media, but I'd say it's not too little either, and this kind of character developement is rare. Because it means you'd have to let your best piece break and then what? Leave them? Restore? Set them up to the darker path? Turn into a villain? So many possibilities! But it's a risk, because what if the audience won't like losing their favourite? At least that's how I see the reasoning.

I can only think of two other examples with very similar qualities, character traits and positions being led a similar path - it's Arcane's Vi and Shiro from Voltron the Legendary Defender. They are both charismatic, glue/link everyone together, have this easy air around them - it's impossible not to feel good in their presence, same with Cass. Vi can also be pretty rough or crude at times. All are fighters. At the same time all three share the same leadership anxiety. They have big things to accomplish, people depending on them, either by their own miscalculated decision or by lack of other options, and don't really know how to approach this. Shiro didn't ask for a bunch of kids to lead into a full-blown war, he has a PTSD and ends up bringing quite a number of serious problems. Vi flings herself into the conflict between two city parts because her sister is in the center of it, but she drags a lot of people into it and makes a ton of mistakes. And so does Cass - they lead the breachers but clearly underestimated the risks and their own mental stamina. All three aren't going to give up, even when they really want to. All are broken by their decisions in various ways. This all is so raw and alive. I wish more creative teams explored this way of character developement.

And I'm looking forward to learning where Cass is headed, of course - now with those new losses and newfound strengths. Just... as soon as I pump up the courage because as much as I love it, heavy emotional stuff is, well, heavy.

By the way, I love how the podcast is structured - there are hints in the begining that start to make sense later, both Cassius' lines (mysterious so far, it's only clear they have amnesia and are talking to someone or somethig powerful? or, rather, influential?) and the backwards order of the worlds in the book Silas translates. So I think I'll just relisten to both seasons before I begin S3.

[violets-and-clawmarks]

All We Know Is Falling - Warriors AU Breakdown

Hey all! I wanted to take some time to go over my AU while I slowly but surely write out some of what’s going on with it, because it changes more than just the events around the characters.

Let’s start with the characters! I have changed up everyone to some degree, with Crowfeather and Nightcloud being the most obvious.

Leafpool: I think Leafpool is more similar to her book counterpart than Crowfeather, though her main reasons for leaving the clans are not just because of her crossclan relationship. She’s more like Firestar was when he decided to leave the clans, feeling like her life as a clan cat is less fulfilling than it would be if she could travel more and help more cats and other creatures.

Crowfeather: More different from his snappy book counterpart, Crowfeather’s personality is more built around feelings of inadequacy that spawned from the journey and the loss of Feathertail. Rather than just missing someone he loved, he feels like he was powerless to stop a tragedy from happening. Him jumping into the fray during the badger attack served as a way for him to redo the situation with the Sharptooth/Mountain Lion. The story will be focusing on his growth from that point.

Crowpool as a unit: These two are drawn to each other because of their mutual feelings of not belonging, and they confide in each other after Squirrelflight notices this similarity. They fall for each other after many moons together (something I want to write about) and their plans to run away were built around their belief that they would feel happier helping those outside of the clans since they felt like their places within them were flimsy at best.

Nightcloud: Also less snippy than her book counterpart, she’s similar to Crowfeather in not feeling welcome in her clan, though this is directly tied to the actions of the rebellion. She takes on some of what Crowfeather had, trying to do things to be more accepted by her clan but ultimately choosing to do things that she personally cares about. I’ll be showcasing this more when she finds and adopts this story’s Breezekit, going against her clan’s wishes for his sake.

Squirrelflight: This brings me to Squirrelflight, who’s biggest difference is who she lets into her life. I will be keeping her sassy, though possibly softer than in the books, and her affinity for going for the things she believes is right will tie her to Nightcloud who ends up doing the same thing. Brambleclaw will not be her mate in this, and Ashfur’s whereabouts are currently unknown. Because she no longer needs to hide the three, I’ll be working on what her arc will be.

Part of this is because I haven’t read the books in a long time, but another part is that the way I want this plot to go requires certain cats to have deep motivations than they had in the books.

Next is some minor setting changes to make writing it more comfortable for me personally.

Brackenfur is the Thunderclan deputy instead of Brambleclaw, which will be plot relevant as I develop things more. Otherwise I just feel like Brackenfur makes logical sense.

Medicine cats are now called healers.

The powers that the three prophecy cats have are not the same as before, and in addition, they manifest in the mothers first. I thought it’d be cool to have Leafpool have more of an active role in helping her clan as well as have the choice to leave be a choice she’s able to make.

On the topic of the three, I am still unsure of who will be part of the prophecy, but my current set up is that Lionblaze stays with his parents while Hollyleaf and Jayfeather come back to the clans.

That’s all I have so far! All of these details are subject to change, so if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to send them to me!

[elvenbeard]

5 Facts About Me

I was tagged by @gloryride thank you so much!! :D

I live and grew up in rural Germany

Always been here, in a tiny town (less than 1000 residents) and everyday really at this point I'm torn about wanting to leave or wanting to stay XD Job opportunities are scarce, the infrastructure sucks, it's an absolute pain in the ass to be this far out and away from bigger cities with so many more opportunities and services (be it something as silly as being able to order takeout or something as serious as finding queer-friendly medical professionals). On the other hand, it's very peaceful here. I'm surrounded by mountains, forests, lakes, I can see so many stars at night, it's amazing. Something in between would be cool, where I get nature but also a little more convenience (a supermarket in walking distance would be the dream, having to rely less on a car to get somewhere in general), but I haven't found that place yet.

I have a cat

Her name is Luna, and she is a feisty little menace and one of the sweetest and funniest cats I've ever known! She's been with me since late 2019, adopted from a shelter where she was notorious for getting into fights with other cats and staff apparently XD When I picked her up the first time she immediately snuggled up to me and gave me lots of kisses xD Could say it was love at first sight really. Also, I leash-trained her and we go on little outdoor adventures regularly (another reason why I'd like to remain living near a place where we can keep doing that).

Piercings!!

I have 7, 3 in my face, 4 in my ears altogether. And I want moooore, but I'm paralyzed by all the choices :D One I've wanted for a long time is a nose bridge one, and I think it would suit me, but it would also intensify my resting bitch face by 100% so, I'm a little on the fence still xD I might also be a little obsessed with the one my V has on his cheek, because that's one I'd never really seen on a real life person before. They do exist though, as dermal anchors/implants and I think I've also seen pics where they looked like done "regularly", kinda like eyebrow piercings, so more research and a consultation by a professional are required before I settle on anything XD

I studied Computer Science and Media

I never finished my course though, didn't get a degree, and I beat myself up for it for a long time. I quit in the first place because I was so burnt out and depressed and unhappy with everything to do with uni, it really almost killed my creative drive for good. Not only were we constantly told we'd only have a chance in jobs and fields after graduating that sounded absolutely dreadful to me, the faculty itself seemed to make it as hard as possible for us every step of the way to reach the end of the course (from "killer-exams" to get rid of the students only in it with "the wrong intentions", and a horribly disorganized administration that regularly just lost your grades and scores and tried to blame it on you). I'm someone who loves learning, and I loved learning what I did there. I have many amazing memories of people and projects we got to work on. But it's all overshadowed by the awful strucutures in place around it. I'd still like to study something some day, maybe to do with art or history or film or languages... but currently I'm kinda just happy existing and doing things at my own pace, without too much outside pressure to perform.

I work at a supermarket and am a registered freelance artist

I have a stable, permanent, part-time job at a supermarket (the wine and liquors department is all mine to manage basically, and I don't even drink XD but it's a lot of fun there really. Unless when something breaks...)

Money-wise, this job's just enough to not worry too much about life atm, but I wouldn't mind more xD It being part-time gives me a lot of free time I wouldn't have at most "regular" jobs, but rarely having a weekend sucks big time, especially when most of your friends work "regular" jobs.

I'm also registered as a freelance illustrator, and I'd love to get back into the swing of offering commissions again at some point, or building a small creative business somehow that would make the supermarket job obsolete in the end (just havent quite figured out what and how to pull that off, all attempts so far semi-successful XD). But yeh, that's like, the ultimate dream, really. Just making art and living off of it, and still having the time to follow my hobbies and go on adventures with my cat xD Don't need fame or riches, just want a comfortable, happy life bringing joy to others with what I do. And that joy-part, and feeling useful is what's lacking at my current dayjob. It's a job, it pays the bills, it can be fun and leaves a little bit of creativity here and there even... but it's not as fulfilling as I'd wish it to be.

I've seen a lot of people do this already, so I'm just gonna say: if you read this far and want to share some fun facts, consider yourself tagged to make your own 5 facts post! XD

[pammydawes]

Wow! Sry for the wait folks I’m at 4:31 hours left in Hell Bent and I have Thots

🛑!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!🛑🛑

It’s been so long that tbh I’m a little fuzzy on the details of where I left off but DANG…….that trip to hell???? Everything I hoped it would be!

I absolutely loved getting so many of the main team’s POVs, I’m hoping that on the return trip we can maybe get some more!! I am so curious abt the meaning of Babbitt rabbit being threaded through all their…..dreams? Visions? Experiences? Idk it’s hell man

The insight into Turner’s background left me feeling pretty broken. Cannot personally speak to the accuracy of Bardugo’s representation of the experience of a Black detective, but I thought it was moving.

Tripp’s backstory was intriguing! I actually know how to sail so the whole thing was pretty visceral to me, I wonder if Leigh has experience with boats bc the accuracy was impressive! Also Spencer can eat shit!

Whew….hellie’s POV. That was excellent. Just hearing how much she loved Alex already had me, but it’s rly the details of their relationship that I think Bardugo hits uk? Loved hearing abt Alex from the perspective of someone who loved her, because in NH darlington was predisposed not to care for her, and 90% of the other insight she hears comes from people who are underestimating her, judging her, or trying to kill her! So I’m glad that we got a glimpse of a diff perspective. Still hurt to re-live ground zero tho

In turner, Alex, and to some degree pammie’s cases, I can understand why they meet the criteria for murder, as justified as it was in some situations. It’s a little blurrier with Tripp, though, and I think an argument could be made that Pammie didn’t really murder her victim. So that leads me to think that maybe the murder requirement to get into hell is based more on a person’s own feelings of guilt or regret rather than some objective external judgement, which I think could have some interesting implications!

LOVE that darlington’s personal hell is trying to rebuild a ruined Black Elm, I feel like that illustrates both his love and hate for the house really well!! Nice nod to Sisyphus in Greek mythology also!

FINALLY some good wheelwalker content!!! Basically crumbs but I LOVE the imagery of Alex and the blue flames. I wonder why they’re blue?? Blue fire is supposed to be the hottest after white, right???

Anselm has rly done a magnificent job of disappointing me, which is somehow still very satisfying!! Honestly if he’s the next murder victim…….my condolences to his family ig

Love how everyone basically drags themselves out of hell completely distraught, having come so close to success only to fail, and Mercy is like great job team let’s get them in the next half!!

The demons………oof. Alex reuniting with Hellie was ROUGH man. Kind of cool how as the reader, Leigh put us in hellie’s head, which meant that when you start clocking that something’s off it’s not just like “next logical plot point”, it was like actually realizing something was wrong the same way Alex did. The hellie we got a glimpse of would NEVER say those things to alex!!! And we knew that not just bc Alex told us, but bc we actually got to read it and draw those conclusions ourselves.

I would bet my entire family that my prediction abt Lionel and the praetor is correct. They were 100% in love back in their school days and now demon Lionel is gonna kill the praetor via some gruesome/emotionally manipulative manner as literary comeuppance for his misogyny!

The talismans? Excellent. Superb. Dare I say, delightful. MORE COSMO EASTER EGGS. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I cannot wait to learn what that little guy’s deal is!!

The vampire’s visit…..uh oh. My theory is that Michelle is working for him, bc I feel like I remember her having a white umbrella at some point?? It’s a toss up whether she’s being coerced or doing it for her own benefit, I really couldn’t say. Maybe he’s turning her into a vampire?? And that’s how she’s connected to the murders???

I paused halfway through the return of Eitan, which I have mixed feelings abt tbh. I still keep feeling like his storyline is kinda tacked on needlessly, but I also do think he’s a fascinating character, so we’ll see how the rest of the convo goes. It’s also just like….Alex literally killed a room full of people that WERENT actively out to get her. What is the hold up here.

Love a good Lauren tidbit!! I’m curious to see how the rooming issue resolves. I would like for them to bring her into the fold somehow, but I also feel like the direction they’re going in is that Alex and Mercy are ultimately going to leave her out for her own protection, thereby alienating her and sacrificing their friendship. That’s definitely NOT my ideal outcome, though. Ideal would be Lauren getting to join them and get some character development. What can I say, I have a soft spot for the vinyl girlies bc…..I am one.

Now, to see what eitan has to say for himself! Next you hear from me will be, gasp……the end. I can’t believe it, I’ve been waiting for this book so long and idk if I’m ready for the next wait!!! Hhhhhnnnnng ok bye

[sweetevanwilliams]

i got my teacher to watch community and we had a really interesting conversation about it that left me super inspired. i havnt finished the show so any speculation or theories could be wrong but i wanted to write this down. 

she asked me first “how much of the show do you this is through abeds perspective” but my attempt to answer it wasnt productive so she asked me “what percentage of the show do you think is just references” and then asked me if i thought that there were so many references, not just from abed, because abed is the main storyteller and we are seeing the group through his perspective. i dont know if this is already a super big topic in the fandom cus i have watched zero video essays yet but she also brought up that her husband said maybe the cast is filled with famous actors because its a movie abed is making. i think thats just normal hollywood type BS but i like that thought nonetheless. abed is able to express his emotions and better comprehend others emotions though movies, so thats how hes able to explore the lives of the rest of the group in that way. even if the show isnt being made by abed, there are plenty of episodes from his perspective, whether its obvious or not. im wondering about Remedial Chaos Theory. is it a glimpse into other universes or is it abeds imagination. i REALLY hope im not just missing something here cus i was thinking about that a lot

she also thought it was interesting how close troy and abed were and wanted to understand their friendship more. i brought up Conventions of Space and Time and what Abeds “friend” said to him. i might not be remembering it exactly right but he said that neurotypical people couldnt understand them. and that troy and britta were gonna go off and live their lives without abed, because abed wouldnt change (hopefully im not getting that wrong). and then it seemed to me, like the message at the end of the episode was that abed needed troy to keep him somewhat grounded. and while i dont 100% believe every neurodivergent person NEEDS a neurotypical best friend (i dont have one and im doing so cool), i told my teacher about that factor in their relationship, and she basically said “do you reallyy think troy is neurotypical though?”. SO FAR it seems like the show wants you to think so. im not sure if i buy it. but i also told her about Horror Fiction in Seven Spooky Steps just cus its funny that the autistic character is the sane one compared to a group of neurotypicals

i also went on my rant about how there MUST be some story about troys family that i dont know about because i know quite a bit about jehovas witnesses and unless he is hiding his life from his family or they are hiding his life from their congregation, there is no way hes an “actual” jehovahs witness. there are PLENTY of things he says in these one off jokes that prove he must have moved away from his family and religion (good for him). the fact that he LIVES with abed and annie would get him disfellowshipped. his closeness with abed would be unacceptable. i also found it strange that he says multiple times that hes gonna be “the first in his family to graduate from community college, cus the rest of them graduated from real college” because going to college is heavily frowned upon in the johovahs witness community right?? thats the reason so many of them get jobs that dont require a degree.

[niwatorinikki]

Dear Lisa,

I am writing to you from a very expensive hotel in North Dublin. I am writing to you from the second of the two days per year in which I wear a tie. We are currently on a lunch break from an awards ceremony, and I am avoiding the food half out of my food allergies and half out of not wanting to explain my food allergies to a well-meaning waitress who won’t take no for an answer. Wheat, rice, oats, corn, barley, milk, nuts, potatoes, onions, garlic, peppers, chilli... I’m sure there are more than that, but even that is too many allergies for one guy. I can never name them all. They all react in varying degrees, and I have encountered one too many cocky chefs who think they can make something simple, only for it to backfire horribly. I just don’t bother trying anymore. 

EXCEPT when I was in Osaka recently. A friend of mine, half-American and half-Japanese, took me out to eat at a yakitori place. I was skeptical. I had heard this pitch before. Minimal ingredients, good ratings, etc, etc. As I always do, I was prepared to sit there, drink a coffee or a water, and accompany him while he enjoyed his meal. But it was something our mutual friend Stefania once said to me, which was that you can get yakitori with just salt as an option. Such simplicity! Who would have thought! I mean, yeah, okay, obviously the Japanese, but still. After watching the chef prepare another customer’s order over an open flame right at the restaurant counter, I decided to give it a go. When in Rome... 

And so this past month was the first time I ate in a restaurant in over 12 years. I mean a restaurant of any kind. Grilled chicken with salt. So good I could have cried right there. It’s hard to explain sometimes my relationship with food. Out of necessity, it has evolved into not really being about enjoyment for me. I eat chicken and carrots for probably 90 percent of my meals. People ask me if I get bored of it, if I get bored of always eating the same thing every day no matter where I am in the world or what I’m doing. The only thing I have thought to ask them in response is if they get bored of showering in the same bathroom all the time. Because that’s kind of how my brain has been rewired to think about food. My body tells me it needs something, I address that requirement, I move on. I know it is a source of great joy for many, but for me, eating is more of a daily task than it is a source of entertainment or enjoyability. 

And so right now I am perched at an empty reception desk in the dark and telling hotel staff that I’m in an online meeting anytime they walk past and look confused as to why suddenly a random guy who doesn’t work here is manning a desk in a closed part of the hotel. The rest of the company I work for, and the many hundreds in attendance for the awards, are in the event hall slurping down roasted butternut squash soup, or perhaps have even moved on to their main course whose details I didn’t catch. 

So I am rather thankful to have the ability to type away furiously at a screen right now as it provides a wonderful cover for my absence from the table during food service. ���You’ll have to excuse me, I have an online meeting…” and “Sorry, is it okay to sit here? Cool, thanks. It’s just that I have a meeting, you see, and I’m trying to find somewhere quiet…”

I can tell you that I am sorry to hear about your migraines. From one sufferer to the next, I feel you. Two complete days in Fukuoka were a write-off because of an ongoing migraine whose origin I couldn’t explain but whose fate I decided to simply accept. 

I wonder also about the in-line replies. I love this aspect too, and often fear that longer letters seem disjointed from the origin of the subject. It’s as though we are having five conversations at once, and I mean, this is true of our communication through social media too, but I wonder if there is some rule or formatting we could put in place for linking our responses better. Let me think on it for a while. I’m sure there’s something. But please don’t worry about overlooking something I’m saying. I talk too much, even for my own mind, so to know someone will simply move past certain things is actually rather freeing for me. 

For your three dedicated response periods per day, how does that work for you? Do you actually stick to it? We both know the rest of the world would find it impossible to accept such boundaries, but in a perfect scenario, do you respect them for yourself? I find that would be the hardest part for me. 

And it brings me on to the idea of the correct, or rather, polite time for responses. I know you have a husband (a seemingly wonderful a man whom I’ve never met but hope to someday) but your discussion of appropriate reply times left out one thing, which is something I struggle with a lot. Dating apps. There is literally no correct or standard time frame for which you should respond. It depends entirely on each individual person, which results in a lot of guesswork. Do I send long messages or multiple short ones? How fast is too fast? If I am busy and can’t respond for one day, does that mean that all chance of ever meeting has evaporated? 

Without trying to seem too cocky or arrogant, I would consider myself to be a person who is comfortable talking to women. I was 31 years old when I first experienced what it was like to go on dates. My first relationship from college lasted right through my twenties and then the first year of the pandemic took away year No. 30. Despite attending all-boys schools throughout my entire standard education, I had a lot of female friends through the years, and I think it just demystified the whole process. Don’t get me wrong, if I find someone beautiful, I can still be a mumbly-bumbling idiot, but at least I won’t commit some obnoxious faux pas that renders me unfit for society.

To answer one of your questions directly, no, I never had a penpal as a child. I think this is actually the closest I’ve ever come to such a thing. I have written letters to many people, but never in a prescribed formula which required a response in a back-and-forth fashion. It would have been nice. 

But I do recall the essay questions. That much I can relate to. Furiously scribbling away at the page, pressing hard on my pencil and not so much writing my words on a page as scratching them into the paper, the colour of the deposit left from the pencil merely a convenient byproduct for legibility. In my Leaving Certificate English exam (the final exam at the end of school in Ireland, before you begin college), I remember hand-writing 22 full pages in three hours. Plenty of scribbles I’m sure, but also just a value placed on volume. I know of at least one school in Dublin whose students were taught to learn off full creative writing essays word-for-word in order to best help them get through these exams without the need of thought for editing. 

And to write in Japanese, now that’s a weakness of mine you’ve fully exposed, often forgetful of even the shape of basic hiragana at times. I cannot fathom a composition in the language, at least not in the same way I would in English. There would be so much preoccupation with form to ever concentrate on actually writing something that was worth the time for a person to pass their eyes over. No, I’ll stick to the keypad and its trusty suggestions, thank you very much. 

To your last question, yes, there are a few photos which stand out in my mind; A salaryman in Kobe, gravestones in Kumamoto, Kagoshima backstreets. But I think the ones which I am most excited about are from a small town in Osaka called Imazato. It’s one of those in-between towns, not really close to anything, full of elderly folk and shuttered shopfronts. By chance, I stayed there in 2019. It was my first solo-holiday ever. It hadn’t intended to be that. In fact, two plane tickets were purchased -- the other as an anniversary present for the aforementioned ex-girlfriend who spanned my 20s -- but the relationship ended suddenly, and so I decided to go by myself. Shōgatsu in Imazato. I distinctly remember walking through the main street from Imazato Station at midnight and seeing people celebrating while thinking “2020... This will be a good year...”

Of course, wow, I was spectacularly wrong in just about every way except for the fact that in the space of one year, almost everything I was scared about happening in my life... it happened... and I was fine. The photos I took in that town formed the basis for my book, ‘Wide Awake In Imazato’, which doesn’t translate perfectly into Japanese, so it’s 「今里で冴えてる」in 日本語 which I guess is a bit closer to “Feeling clear in Imazato”. I don’t think separately either language communicates the idea correctly, but when combined, they do.

I had toyed with the idea of revisiting that town last year when I was in Osaka but ultimately decided against it. It couldn’t possibly be as charming as I remembered. I went back this year, three nights to close out the trip, and I mostly just spent my time rephotographing the things which I enjoyed seeing back the first time. I don’t know if the photos themselves are any good, but I believe they will have personal value. I’ve never had another home than Ireland. I don’t know if this is what that feels like. But I bet it’s pretty close. 

2023/12/04 - The hotel staff have accepted me as one of their own, and I will remain here among them until the next time a formal sit-down meal is required, when I will be forced once again to go on the run to avoid a simple conversation.