#Making not being something the center of one's self

[kat2107]

I heartily disagree.

Humans DO need some kind of spirituality in their lives. We've seen this over and over throughout the ages, starting with Neanderthal burials.

Sacred wells, deposits, the house burning horizon, ritual killings, the veneration of Roman Emperors. And so on.

Which form that spirituality takes, though, is as personal and multi-faceted as there are people.

Atheism can take spiritual forms, where there non-belief in any form of higher being becomes a dogma and a way to feel connected to a higher conscience of more enlightened people.

Politics can because some kind of spirituality with political rallies taking the place of religious, sometimes ecstatic experiences, not unlike ecstatic pilgrimages in the middle ages.

Same with belief in certain political issues.

Gambling is inherently spiritual, believing in luck and that good things have to happen at some point.

Wishing wells. Talking to plants, cars, the universe - is that really so different than leaving little offerings to a spirit of a grove or a tree or a well in Roman times?

I daresay that even the veneration we heap on some sports or TV stars borders on spiritual veneration, sometimes.

Believing in aliens definitely is.

Throwing rice at weddings.

The list is endless.

Humans are inherently spiritual beings, but which form that takes is completely up to each person. But spirituality is, in the end, nothing but the need to communicate with the natural surroundings, in a way that makes the overwhelming accessible.

And yes, it can be community. Community and rituals are a big part of it, though they can exist outside of spirituality.

Rituals are also a way to define society and socially acceptable behaviour (and can be as a small as a secret handshake between friends). Shaking hands is a ritual - we are confirming our mutual understanding of this social norm and thus our common base of communication.

Some sociologist probably has some other thoughts on this. I'm just a small archaologist who has seen a lot of weird shit that has absolutely nothing to do with Christianity.

Not sure if it's healthy. Better be a Satanist. Being something is always better than making not being something the center of one's world view, in my opinion.

Saying hello is a ritual. Christmas is a ritual. Spitting over a stage performers shoulder. Getting a tattoo with a significant date can be a ritual and so on.

A ritual doesn't have to be spiritual. And being spiritual doesn't have to be ritual, though it often is.

“humans need spirituality/religion in their life to some degree” [BUZZER SOUND] wrong, anecdotal, vaguely christian (atheists are lost souls who need saving and whos atheism damns them to a life of meaninglessness and therefore crime and vice).

[tswwwit]

Are Portal Au Dipper and Bill going to "marry" eventually or are they going to be stuck at the boyfriend phase forever? Not that it makes that big of a difference but it's still interesting to know. If they do marry, is it an accident or on purpose?

They might! It's totally possible for them both to be perfectly happy being long-term boyfriends.

But if a marriage thing happens, it's gonna be on purpose.

And it would have to be Bill who proposes.

Dipper, as a human, would think of it first - socialization and all - but he wouldn't mention a Really Big Step forward that, in his mind, isn't something demons do. He's still on shaky ground when it comes to the whole 'does he really like me though' thing! As far as he knows, Bill could be confused by the very concept! Or disgusted, or disinterested, laugh at him for being such an idiot. Or worse, do it just to placate Dipper. Not because he wanted to. Just to shut his human up. No matter how interesting the idea sounds, it's clearly off the table.

Catch this man giving longing glances at the rings on someone else's hand, and telling himself he doesn't want that. He can't want that. He's got a great thing going. Everything's better than he imagined already, he should - Just be happy with what he has, damn it.

[leo-artista]

There are some things I've been thinking about in regards to Stan and Ford and their relationship with guilt that I don't really know how to express so I'm just gonna ramble about it here bc I need to get this out of my head somehow

Okay, so, Stan's one defining trait is that he feels guilty All The Time about a lot of stuff, and it's kinda what motivates most of his actions. The whole reason he spent 30 years working on the portal is because he felt guilty about accidentaly shoving Ford into it, and you could even argue that it's what leads him to sacrifice himself in the finale (which is actually very depressing if you think about it for too long)

Meanwhile Ford is... a bit more complicated. He does feel guilty, especially about being the reason the portal was made. But I think he also tries to shove guilt and other feelings aside in pursuit of what he thinks is more important- achieving his goals, studying anomalies, stopping Bill, etc, and therefore he doesn't really leave a lot of space to actually feel or process it, and I think it's the reason he can come across as egotistical and uncaring a lot of times

So because of this, I like to think that after weirdmageddon happens and they reconcile, there's a bit of a role reversal between them- Stanley's more at peace with his mistakes now that he's been forgiven, and he's not feeling as much self-guilt as he did before (although it still hasn't gone away completely), but now the one who's forced to come to terms with his guilt for his actions that directly or indirectly hurt other people is Ford since he didn't do that before, because he was more focused on other things and wasn't very self aware. And maybe he struggles with it, trying to make up for not being the best brother/friend he could have been to the people he cares about, thinking of how many chances he had to change and be better but chose not to because he was too self centered- and I think if it came to that, it would be Stanley who would help keep him grounded and prevent his self-blaming from spiraling out of control, because he knows better than anyone the kind of road that line of thinking leads to

Idk man I just like imagining how they would cope with shit like that- Ford making an effort to be more sensible and empathetic to other people's feelings and trying harder to show how much he cares, Stanley learning to not beat himself for his own mistakes after seeing his brother do the same thing and helping Ford understand that not everything was his fault and that circumstances also played a part in how everything turned out- idk I just feel like it would be something interesting to explore

[proshippers-against-censorship]

This is long and Idk how to put this, but antis seem to have this strange... obsession with fictional characters they can pretend are kids. They put this idea of innocence on a pedestal because they need to "white knight" them. But if they try that with kids and teens they'll be treated as weird and told to stay away from them or the kids/teens will act against their expectations, making them realize they're REAL and have their own personalities and wants that won't align with theirs and break the antis' delusions. But with characters they can make them helpless, force them to be helpless and more importantly, keep them that way, making them need antis to protect them. Antis can be their heroes and get praise and admiration from them. And they can force them to always be in danger, always need them. That's why they couldn't care less about people, even kids, but are so gung-ho about characters. And why they're only focused on sexual things. People are sadly used to violence these days, and the religious idea of "sex being a sin" is also commonplace imo, and these characters are used physical danger so they can save themselves. But sex is a "bad thing" and something they can pretend the characters aren't used to even if they're high schoolers, so antis can swoop in, saving them from a "traumatic experience" earning the characters' worship for however long they want. Being an anti is an ego thing, it's not about being a good person or about morals, it's purely and inherently a self-centered idea created solely to allow the person to feel special. Since most antis are teens, Idk if they're scared because they realized how uncaring the world can be and took the idea that you have to make your own meaning too far in the wrong direction, or, as the cynic in me believes, they grew up on social media which made them develop main character syndrome and have a severe lack of empathy for anyone but themselves. If all this makes sense. Idk, I'm just spit-balling because I don't understand how being an anti is the hot new trend among the youth even though proshipping is the standard and how things have always worked, and the world didn't end, murderers and pedos didn't increase in numbers, because again, the proshipping stance is how it's always been but antis are suddenly trying to create a problem where there's never been one and keep trying to force reality to conform to their fantasies. I just don't understand how people could look at the world and then genuinely believe the world works the opposite of how it actually does, like flat earthers. And Idk why so many kids would fall for this nonsense and why antis are so commonplace nowadays. Imo, antis just...really need therapy cause it feels like they have this debilitating NEED to be a modern fairy tale hero you know?

I sometimes wonder if being an anti is a final, desperate bid for control after a lot of them realize that life isn't exactly something that can be controlled to the extent they want it to be.

[angstics]

I always thought black parade is about a horrible person who feels sorry for himself. He’s hurt people over his honor (being a soldier and all that) but I don’t see the fascism. He’s self centered and he doesn’t care if we feel sorry/happy for him but I genuinely don’t understand how that ties into fascism. I haven’t watched cabaret and maybe that’s why but to my understanding cabaret is directly affected by war but the patient isn’t. At least not when he’s in the hospital.

I feel like this is something Mcr is starting to build rather than something that has always been there? Can you explain a bit more? I feel really stupid and I love art so not understanding it hurts. I read your posts btw but yeah I don’t get it? Maybe I am stupid after all

this isnt related to intelligence at all, i dont think im reading any like Secret Messages behind black parade. everyone has their own reading of what bp means. a lot of the ideas i post are incomplete and only really make sense in my head because it caters to MY thoughts, MY experiences, MY enjoyment. i felt so jubilant about identifying the fascist imagery because i feel like it's an Underrated (not hidden) part of the black parade. but it mostly does so through APPROPRIATION and EXPRESSIONISM.

appropriation is what i mean by black parade co-opting the concept of cabaret: ignoring the world's troubles via entertainment leading to destruction inside the soul and outside in the world. cabaret is about fascism, black parade is about depression. the narrator is inside his mind, his entertaining space, self centered and self flagellating, to the detriment of his own life. by Alluding to a story about fascism, i like reading that theme into black parade as well. Expressionism is a recent development in my conception of black parade. i thought bp was APOLITICAL until i realized that the personal theme could symbolize a wider critique, the way german expressionism was a reflection of troubled, decaying society.

there are also some elements of fascistic theme within the text, but theyre milder than the overwhelming themes of self-hatred, memory etc. these elements include the overwhelming presence of war and retribution (mother war, mama, welcome, teenagers, sleep). the portraits by chris anthony read very dark to me, these military-straight, brooding, rigid characters. the destruction in the streets of the welcome music video. all elements that speak to an unnamed destructive force that must be squashed, or a need for a leader that can be a savior. the "black parade" as an army that welcomes you to valhallah. there's more to say im sure, i just havent thought about it outside the personal perspective much.

your ideas can co-exist with my ideas. there is no one true reading. this is just what i like thinking about!!

[velvetvexations]

It's also seventeen years old! Like, hello!

Radical feminism says we should be upset about which demographic latched onto a children's toy first.

I'm genuinely so upset for younger, impressionable transfems being hit with this messaging.

Love you, anon. <3

Cannot believe some transfems are wildly misjudging how easy it is for transmascs to do something on the assumption they're oppressed less. I'm so shocked.

You're a cool dude, anon! If you ever wanna DM me you can. <3

so glad this person has me blocked lmao there's a good chance whatever this is could be bad enough it puts me right into the grave

If a transmasc fell of a boat TRFs would say he'd grow gills.

They interpret shit so maliciously anyway you have to question how much of a difference it'd make.

It's always important to remember that as tempting as it is to see one side as Good and the other Bad, it's more like Order and Chaos in Shin Megami Tensei or the works of Michael Moorcock; both suck and which one sucks the most depends on which one has unrestrained power. One must self-actualize into the conclusion that you gotta forge your own path without prior tradition dictating your response to every situation.

There are gender crit people of all gender identities. Some manage to find frameworks where they see being trans as not incompatible with being Radfem Classics, one way or another. Personally though I use "transradfem" to mean radfems who center trans women and "TIRF" to mean the gender crit kind.

[moonesaiky]

Good morning!! Anon coward here back with more ✨️ haha

You've mentioned Ford and Stanley being "fatherly" in their own ways, and before that Will takes a more "motherly" role. Basically the ask is details, and what are the twin's attitude towards all this? 👀

Hello again lovely Anom! 🌺 As a reward for being so kind and bringing such nice questions for me to answer, here's a bouquet of flowers!

This is a fun question, but first let's explain more about why Will is such a “motherly” figure:

I study psychology, and the concept of mother is much more complex for theorists than just “a woman who gives birth to a baby”. What makes me love the concept of the “breast” is how anyone can be a mother figure if given: Food, warmth and support, and that's what Will did, he looked after the Twins babies.

The fact that Will didn't exactly want to take care of the Twins in the beginning, being forced to because Ford didn't want to do manual labor, and Stanley was afraid of doing something wrong, so, GREAT IDEA, let's leave the 8-month-old babies to an INTERDIMENSIONAL DEMON.

In a way, it worked…. Will ended up getting attached to the twins and really seeing them as offspring

So, unlike the general idea of Reverse Falls, the twins actually really respect Will because they really see him as a “mother”, even though he's still seen as a butler. It's complicated, and that comes now from Ford.

Ford was always there, not in an affectionate way, but he was always there at Will's side watching and managing what Will did. He was more active when the twins started talking and walking, following them around and judging them, teaching them words and how to act, and as Ford is an ignorant and arrogant, the twins kind of copied that. But when the twins treated Will the way Ford did, he got angry and threw a serious tantrum (he's a terrible person).

Despite everything, Ford was always admired by the twins, always following him around and trying to please him, like a little competition between brothers to be the favorite son. And Ford only encouraged that rivalry, embittered by his relationship with Stanley.

Speaking of Stanley, let's find out more about him!

Stanley is much more of an “uncle-father” than a “father” per se, since he wasn't there when they were babies. He's like the fun responsible one but still a lot a father figure. When Mason and Mabel entered pre-adolescence Ford and Will left them to deal with the portal and plans, and Stanley decided to pull them into the Tent to help with the work and well, they have a lot of fun doing it, so it's closer to the twins.

But the Twins already had their personalities formed, Mabel being a mini Ford, arrogant, greedy and self-centered, but still able to be sweet and enjoy fun things like sequins and sewing.

Mason, on the other hand, had more of Will's personality, being stubborn, not liking the public very much and being more sentimental. He regulates the risky situations that Mabel gets herself into. But he's still a curious and fair-minded boy, who just wants to be something bigger.

Together with Stanley's apprenticeship, they've become quite manipulative and con artists, although they've also learned more about being friendly and sociable. In other words, I've taken great care in this family relationship of the Gleefuls so that it fits in with what they've seen and learned/taught, I hope you like it!

[doublel27]

Respectfully, because I feel the criticism of wealth is important: Home did do that. Multiple times.

One of the key parts of healing most of the ghost’s wounds was uncovering how they died and healing their hurts. Giving respect to the construction worker who died. Finding out the truth about the wig and punishing the manager. Fulfilling the rider’s last delivery to the woman he loved. And with each round, Home’s demeanor became more respectful and less callous. The contrast of the very fake mediums for the construction worker to Home and Peach sitting very quietly as they deliver the crispy pork house from the rider to make sure his message of love and community was received.

But they didn’t stop just with the dead.

They didn’t sell the magician’s house. They made sure he was able to stay in his home where he was happy with his daughter, regardless of him not having the money. Home and Kan put that house into a trust for him, so he never had to leave.

Home saved Chef’s restaurant for Peach to eventually take over because that’s what Chef would have wanted and is likely to have been her plan had things not gone the way they did. Part of what Home owed to Peach is the three years of misunderstanding and missed opportunities that largely stem from the hit and run. He makes up for this through the uncovering of the truth of Chef’s death, the chef’s table and eventually opening their own restaurant. It’s also why he encouraged Peach to go to Chaing Mai even if he didn’t want him to go.

When confronted with the development, Jan’s betrayal, and the broken promises to Kan’s community, Home spent the entire back 1/3 of the story trying to fix that and nearly got murdered by his family twice for it. They hunted down the contract that proved his family had fucked over the community, twice, as well as uncovered his aunt’s crimes, Uncle Somkid’s crimes and Lawyer Yai’s crimes. And in the end they did change the tenancy laws of the development to get the community back in there. They had an entire montage of it.

Ultimately, the curse was their greed and their isolationist ways. Every member of that family, including Home at the beginning, was more focused on themselves than being in actual community with each other. His aunt was full of greed, even killing her maid and binding her in chains, evoking literal slave imagery, to fulfill her aims. She stole and bribed “for the family” but it was really for her own pockets. Uncle Somkid was so focused on the money he couldn’t see what his father was actually saying or see any of the love and joy his father found in him. I think it’s very telling the only child we see Gramps gift things to without being given something first is Somkid. And he gifts something Somkid values, a place to save money. Gramps isn’t innocent here. He was so focused with the ways he felt it important to connect and how he found joy in his relationship with Somkid, that he missed that Somkid wasn’t getting any of his messages of love. Ultimately the family was so isolated and self-centered they didn’t actually see each other. They were not in community and actively worked against community, including the one Home built with his friends. They undervalued it so much, Somkid and Yai underestimate our ghost hunting crew.

Home’s journey was to learn something the wealthy often ignore: the value and purpose of being in community with others. It’s in building his relationships with Peach, Pangpang and Kan that he learns to give without taking. He risks his life in order to bring justice in the face of his family’s crimes. He takes the deserved vitriol of Kan’s community without any complaint or argument and promises them to repair the harm, and does in the end. When the family points out this will be their undoing, Home welcomes the change. He doesn’t stop Peach from moving to Chaing Mai even if he wants to, because Peach’s dreams are more important to him. It is no surprise that the people they helped in earlier episodes were brought back to support taking down Uncle Somkid and on the board in their new restaurant. They participate in community.

It may not have been in all the ways that people wanted or not centered in the way that people might have liked. And I think that’s fair. We don’t explicitly know what he does with the money, aside from a few anecdotes as well as starting a business with Peach to help people find peace in their grief. The questions about is it enough or is there more he could have done are also important.

I also think it’s necessary to examine why there are so many stories that center the wealthy and their journey, because Home uncovering the meaning of his name made him the main character who had the most to learn and grow from (peach’s journey was mostly resolved in the first half). And I think objecting to that is fair, but that’s also how the story is written. And if you don’t like the story centering a wealthy character who needs to learn how to be in community with others, you shouldn’t watch.

I feel like Jack and Joker is doing a really interesting job of telling a very different side of this story right now that has wealthy characters learning to be in community but also centers the struggles of poor people who are being exploited.

But to say Home did not work to repair the wounds his family made through greed, or give back financially I feel is not textually accurate.

Why is the curse on the rich people never that they made shitty choices and chose to hurt people with their money and use of resources and always that they hate each other too much and don't give enough money to other rich people?

I mean, I suppose the curse is that frankly the grandfather sucked at being a parent and making his child feel loved but that's a shitty curse and it's not even the real curse. Sigh.

The real curse is that these shows are so determined to make the rich boys pitiful that they forget to do the part of the story where they give back to the places they hurt or help the people their money keeps hurting because if they admit the money is what's hurting people then you have to face what that means for the wealthy as well as the poor.

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

ngl it always annoys me how they make a running gag out of guda being traumatized by Halloween bc like. What’s the trauma. A kind of weird girl sings loud and is a bit wacky and some wacky stuff happens? Oh no, and you have to get one of your 15 loyal friends to help you out? How terrible, truly you need to spend the next 10 minutes of intro shivering and shaking over how deeply and uniquely horrific it was. Btw you don’t ever really remember those dead civilians you saw get slaughtered from camelot that’s the job of the people who killed them to feel guilt abt even though the versions who did it are confirmed to be fully different from the ones we see in other events <3

[tempestmothstorm]

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

Yeah this is just straight up canon. But i have more thoughts though. So.

Like if you look into her dialogue is like abundantly clear that she’s just suicidal. It’s different from someone like Sayori who’s actively suicidal because she feels she is worse than everyone else, or Yuri who I don’t know is suicidal but has self harming tendencies she takes too far in act 2, or Natsuki who isn’t at all and is like “wtf are you guys ok”. The answer is no btw.

Monika’s whole outlook on it is that she has a lot of passive suicidal ideation that she pushes aside because she has to be the best. Her issue isn’t centered around her specifically being bad but instead a feeling of pointlessness with existing and the fact that the act existing itself puts burden on the world.

She’s also the type to make jokes about it, which I think is telling about her attitude about death, especially when compared to the others where the idea of dying is still terrifying and scary and something to hide. Meanwhile Monika acts casually as if people’s lives actually don’t matter. We all know her “left her hanging joke” and her general nonchalance with the other girls’ deaths, but the secret poem “A Joke” is probably written by Monika too, and the punchline is another reference to sayori’s death. The special poem about cutting is also by Monika, which shows that she would self harm if it weren’t for her needing to be the ‘responsible one’, and that she’d only do it again if she killed herself. She writes it as if it was a quirky relatable diary entry and not something deeply concerning, which in of itself is also deeply concerning.

There’s also the iiiiiiiiiiii.txt file that has her say that it would be “really easy to kill (herself) right now”. Reasonably the easiest way to do it would be to delete herself. While her constantly reminding the player how easy it would be to delete her is supposed to be a hint on what to do next, it does say something about her when she constantly fixates on it, almost as if she’d thought about it. Like a lot. She thinks about suicide and mental illness just as much too. Also a lot. And existential philosophy a lot. And death too. Again. A lot.

Her friends aside, she clearly just thinks about these things on her own, which implies some real bad things about her mental health considering literally everything else we know about her. Like it’s pretty obvious she’s not ok base game. And yet she doesn’t go through, in fact actively avoiding getting deleted because she still wants to see you. Because you are her only hope.

While her attachment to the player has like a dozen factors influencing it, I think a lot of it is also connected to her more suicidal ideas. She does emphasize that you “saved her” a lot in act 3 and while it mean saving her from her reality, knowing some of the other talks, it also could have saved her from giving up entirely.

Not to get too repetitive about how her life sucks, but like she really has no reason to exist in her eyes post epiphany. Nothing outside the literature club exists, there’s no past or future, everything is fake and has no consequence on the real world, and worst of all she’s completely alone with whatever connections she could have being fake. I think this one quote from her “introverts” talk basically sums up her situation:

"You know, I really do think you literally saved my life by being here with me, [player]."

"I can't imagine having been able to keep myself mentally stable, knowing that nothing here is real."

"I think I would have just deleted myself if you didn't show up."

"Sorry, i don't mean to sound dramatic or anything."

"Ahaha!"

"But I'm sure you understand yourself after spending so much time in the club."

"I mean, if you were forced to abandon everything in your life and spend your eternity with a few game characters..."

"...You'd probably find some way of killing yourself, wouldn't you?"

But yeah something something the connections you have with others gives life meaning and when the relationships she did have turned out to be false, she reached out to you, whose love could be real and whose existence as a real person is the only thing that could give her life meaning.

Another Monika talk that’s relevant would be the “No reason to be alive” talk. I’m not posting the entire thing here because it’s too long but the entire thing is pretty relevant. In it she talks about how living is pointless because you probably aren’t special and your existence alone takes up dozens of resources that isn’t worth wasting.

This highlights two factors that I think influence her thought process. One is that she feels like existence is worthless and likely won’t affect society at large, and with the whole being a video game thing the connection is obvious. The other is that she worries about how much of a burden she is on society. She wants to earn her right to exist in this world. When her reality doesn’t exist, this specific framework doesn’t seem that relevant, but when it comes to being a burden to others this ends up becoming a lot more alarming (and also creates another Sayori parallel yayyyyyyy)

Notably she mentions the key to happiness is to live selfishly and just look out for yourself and your friends. This can’t really apply in her own reality when she can’t see her friends as sentient, but when it comes to you, she can deliver just fine. She says she want to “live (her) life desperately striving to pay back (her) lifetime's worth of consumption” and with her own reality being pointless, paying back the people around her (you) is the next best thing.

But what if she failed to

"Of course, even if I fail to do that..."

"I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."

"So much for being a good person, right?"

Sure thing buddy.

Another thing i want to mention is that it’s implied that these thoughts aren’t new. Like with some of these talks it’s ambiguous whether these ideas came pre or post epiphany. With her whole nihilistic thinking in base game contrasting side stories, it wouldn’t be that surprising if her thoughts got a whole lot more cynical over time. But she does seem to talk as if she’s thought about them for a while, while the epiphany was apparently recent in her memory.

For example in the “Dying” talk:

“It's something I used to think about pretty often..."

And in the “No reason to be alive” talk

"But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking."

Uh yeah these ideas aren’t new.

Of course it was probably taken to an extreme post epiphany and thinking about existential topics is normal. By itself it’s probably not some secret sign of mental illness, or at least not anything severe. (Sure she talks about a lot of stuff like mental health issues but it doesn’t really reflect on her, it just shows she can understand others perspective. Like she can talk about the introvert experience without being an introvert. Idk she’s just very empathetic and reflects a lot on the world. Makes her epiphany a lot more ironic though. So.)

But her post epiphany persona was very much built on preexisting ideas she had before that. It might not be that serious, but the fact that it’s there at all is concerning knowing what we do. The implications that come if this is all true is facilitating tbh and it honestly makes the side stories more interesting too. Like her whole “i have to be the best” attitude is probably connected to all her worries about being a burden or worthless.

And her whole thing in trust becomes a lot more layered too. The standard she holds for herself are not carried over to Sayori, who she sees as deserving of life just by being herself. She doesn’t want to be a burden or distract from Sayori’s problems, because her own true self isn’t good enough. Sayori is reassured that her existence is valuable and that she isn’t being a burden, something that goes against Monika’s entire act 3 talk yet is some she believes wholeheartedly.

This is also contrasted by base game where she straight up jokes about her death because death barely matters to her either. In base game, Sayori doesn’t matter, she isn’t special or even sentient, just a pile of code that gets in the way of Monika’s plans to reach the player. In base game Sayori is worthless and a burden, where Monika’s worldview has extended to everyone else. Yet in side stories she doesn’t think that, her standards only applies to herself because she loves her friends, they are what give her life meaning. Of course they deserve to live. They don’t need to prove their worth.

She’s a hypocrite because she values her friends more than anything. Again, the Sayori parallels are obvious from this angle, she has these exact same thoughts, with the only difference being that base game Monika projects her fears of worthlessness onto everything else while sides stories has her a lot more similar to Sayori.

Now the difference between side stories Monika and base game is really just how far their ideals reach, because normally Monika is like ok mentally , while in base game she’s suicidal along with everything else. Forget her saying she’s too selfish to do it cause it’s heavily implied she does do it in other universes.

Speaking of which I never hear people mention the MES emails in this cause a singular line puts into perspective how influential the player’s presence is on Monika and just how bad her mental health is. She is the MES’ guinea pig that everyone wants to see suffer (actually I don’t know how common knowledge this is I just got here and mostly stick to tumblr so idk)

So with the Side Stories MES email i think with all the lore drops we sorta forgot some of the more self explanatory info, including the fact that they have multiple VMs of ddlc and that there were “3 or 4 of them created and then destroyed by Monika”

While most people conclude this is just a reference to base game i think a lot of people dismiss that fact that these aren’t the game VMs, these VMs have no access to a player. Yknow. The player she relies on that supposedly saved her life.

Yeah i think she just deletes everything including her in apparently 4 separate universes. She kills her self in 4 universes.

She deletes everything in act 3 too but specifically because they get in her way between you, and the only reason she doesn’t delete herself there is that she still wants to see you. When the idea of reaching you is crushed, she gives in. By act 4 she ends up like all the other VMs, deleting everything knowing she can’t have you, can’t have reality. I mean the only thing keeping her going is the dream of reaching reality and finding real connections to people, and the idea that her existence will forever be meaningless probably pushed her to the extreme.

The player is the only real person who can give her life meaning and value, and in a world where the rest are seemingly fake, you’re also the only human connection she has. Again, the things that keep her going is her life being valuable in some way and the people around her. Post epiphany she only has you to care for with everyone else being thrown to the wayside without consideration of their own wellbeing.

So of course in act 4, where her connect to you is severed and she is suddenly aware of the harm she’s caused, she’s the lowest she’s ever been. Her reason for living is to be there for her friends and somehow pay back reality for how much she’s taken. And yet she let her friends die and let herself use them for her own selfish gain. She failed them, and has therefore become someone she see as not deserving of life. And with her last hope of the player rejecting her reach, she has no reason to keep going. So in the Easter egg where the player tries to bring her file back after deletion, she refuses to follow. She doesn’t deserve to intrude on their happy ending. She doesn’t deserve to come back.

And she doesn’t.

In future games she’ll probably return though, and with all the secret files and her motivations in the normal ending, I feel like it’s going to be for redemption by finally being there for her club.

She sticks around because no matter how much guilt she feels about just existing, she still wants to be there for her friends. Because while a lot of the act 3 dialogue was not meant to be something people agree with, there was one thing that I feel like is good if you look at it in the right way. Maybe people can’t pay back for the lifetime of consumption they’ve done just by living, but people can pay back and be worth existing just by looking out for their friends and those closest to them. Even if there can be doubts about life and existence as a whole, it doesn’t matter in the end when there’s joy to be found in the people you care about. Even if you make mistakes or hurt them, you can still find a way to make it up to them, to still deserve happiness in the end. The one thing that makes life worth it is the bonds you form with others. Because the people around you are what give life meaning.

She can’t let go and she can’t give up because she still has people she loves and wants to protect. So she’ll keep living for the people she loves. That’s all she needs to do in this world to make it worth living.

I hope she succeeds.

(Side note i took a lot of the Monika talk examples from this post. I did have my own ideas even before i read the doc and I already knew about this stuff anyways i just don’t wanna scroll through the entire wiki again to see all the Monika talks and this is pretty comprehensive. The extra imput is also useful so yeah)(anyways thanks for reading this really long tumblr essay. Good job and drink water ;D)

i would like to bring up that monika has probably considered deleting herself before

like staring at a high cliffside and getting the urge to jump

[sirenemale]

Maybe I'm just desensitized from dealing with like cptsd probably ocd neurotic soup unchecked for my whole life and finding ways to just phase out the chatter of it but seeing ppl here talk abt moral ocd and stuff in a way where they refuse to be reminded of racism or anything is baffling to me. Like I don't get how that's helpful for you, instead of separating thoughts and morals from yourself and your actions you're just going oh no my religious ocd is triggered when ppl talk about me having privilege or benefitting from systemic oppression so therefore I'm never going to interact with marginalized people who talk about it ect ect ect. Or proship ppl being like it's too hard to take a stance against incest and age gap ships so they're just no holds bars for it now. Like again maybe I'm being mean, being online is hard I do think the way ppl talk is especially triggering for ocd and the whole born good born bad self flaggelation for forgiveness stuff never be wrong takes especially eat at me but they are symptoms ultimately and letting it box you out from ways you can actually genuienly improve as a person feels wildly unhelpful to me. Sitting with guilt and understanding what is real harm thats been done by you and actual bad things you believed and what is the brain chatter is crucial.

[yuukei-yikes]

i just think everyone should be in love with takane because she’s so kind and awesome and it drives me crazy that no one ever recognizes it except for haruka which is why he’s the only one who she loves back <3 srry for going crazy abt it it’s In My Brain

[stunfiskz]

ugh i feel so self conscious and paranoid bc of something that happened if sasha doesn’t win tonight i’m actually gonna stab my self or something i swear

[lycorid]

It’s kind of wild looking at jobs near me.

They all require years of experience and expect you to have things that aren’t even used on the job (drivers license for a job that doesn’t require any form of driving) but they all pay like garbage.

The pay is low enough that you wouldn’t even be able to afford one of the low income housing apartments because they require you to make 3x the rent.

[arolesbianism]

I love drawing Aris as sif so much she's so cutsies. It almost makes up for the horrors of having to draw her as sif. Almost.

[jewishbarbies]

born to live my life in peace forced to see tiktoks making the mom from hereditary a feminist example of female rage