#Madden Overdrive

[majesty-madness]

On My Mind - Levi Ackerman x reader (nsfw)

Summary: She didn’t know why, but the only thing she could think of was how good he made her feel. 

Word Count: 4400+

Warnings: smut, 18+, MINORS DNI, female reader, missionary, rough sex, being bent over a desk, begging, overstimulation, fingering, handjob, crying, multiple orgasms, creampies, cursing, dirty talk, sweet sweet aftercare, several 'I love yous' thrown in for good measure

a/n: I have no idea where this even came from and also I didn't expect it to be so freaking long, but whatever. Not proofread. 

Main Masterlist

Commissions are open!

All day. All fucking day her thoughts have been on nothing but him. 

Y/N didn’t know what came over her today, but from the moment she woke up all the way to now, nearing midnight, Y/N could think of nothing except the idea of Levi pounding her into next week. 

She didn’t know if it was because despite his short height, he possessed maddening strength or the intensity behind his eyes no matter what he was speaking about, or maybe the way he’d carefully touch her hand whenever he passed by her, maybe it was a collective of all those things. 

Whatever it was, it caused her hormones to sky rocket and the only thing on her mind was the sensation of Levi splitting her open. 

Like a good girl, she waited until their shift was over, late into the night when everyone was well into dreamland. As soon as the night arrived, Y/N rushed to Levi’s office. She attempted to keep her steps collected and quiet, but the vivid memory of how Levi stretched her out she began to speed walk down the corridor. 

Her heart thundered in her chest, she felt herself become flustered before she even reached Levi’s office and the moment she did the heat rushed to her core. 

However, she didn’t want to reveal her intentions just yet so she took a quick breath to stabilize her rapid heartbeat before knocking. 

A muffled ‘come in’ sounded out and she did exactly that. 

The second her eyes came into contact with Levi’s figure, she sucked in an aroused gasp. Y/N had no idea why she was reacting this way as normally she was rather tame but the mere sight of him was causing her body to go into overdrive.

Levi hadn’t bothered to glance up yet as he finished writing on some random document to which Y/N took the opportunity to lock the door behind her. It was only after Y/N took a couple of steps towards his desk that he finally looked up. 

His expression went from the usual pensive face to a much softer one, causing the heat to now burn in her gut. And if she looked hard enough, there were the beginnings of a smile forming on his lips. 

“Hi.” Was all he said.

Y/N flashed him a smile, trying desperately not to squirm in her spot. “Hi.” 

Levi looked back down to the documents in his hand, a heavy sigh leaving his mouth as he did. 

The sound caused Y/N to suddenly become worried, and the scourging heat that wracked her body was quickly waning. 

“Are you okay, love?” Y/N asked, a clear tone of concern. It was only then that she realized that Levi could be under an enormous amount of stress, and sex might be the last thing on his mind. So despite her desire to jump his bones, if he truly didn’t feel well, she was not going to force herself on him. 

She would be able to put her lust aside for his well being. 

However, he nodded. “I’m fine, there’s just so many documents to look over though at least they're not an urgent priority.” 

Y/N breathed out relieved by his answer and Levi sharply noticed. “What’s that sigh for?” 

She waved her hand at him, lightly brushing off the question. “Oh nothing, I’m glad that you’re alright.” 

Levi shook his head then moved his eyes to look back down to the paper in front of him. There were a few moments of silence as Y/N contemplated how she should go about this. Perhaps she could play with him a little. 

Carefully, Y/N made her way over to his desk, placing her hands on top of the wooden surface with a kind of seductive elegance she didn’t know she had. It was a subtle move, however Levi knew that this wasn't her usual behavior as his eyes flicked up to meet her’s. 

“Levi, baby, can I tell you something?” 

He didn’t say anything but instead nodded, urging her to speak. 

“I’ve been thinking about you all day.”

Levi raised a brow inquisitively at the undertone of that statement. “Is that so?”

Y/N nodded, briefly biting her lip then letting it go. “I missed you so much today too.” 

He leaned back in his chair, gently placing his pen down onto the table while his eyes took in her figure. “We see each other every day.”

“Oh I know, but I still miss you.” Y/N answered seemingly timid as though she were embarrassed to say it out loud but the chuckle she let out said otherwise. 

She pushed herself off the desk, leaving one hand to lightly trace the edge. “I miss your voice, your dark eyes, the slight smile whenever we see each other…” It was then that Levi noted her slowly walking around the side of the desk to meet him behind it. 

“I miss the way you hold me in the mornings, the way you nudge my leg when we eat together in the mess hall, the way you kiss me when you think no ones around…”

Now she was only a few inches away from him, hand still resting on top of the desk near the pen that Levi has previously been using. 

“I miss the way you make me feel, how gently you touch me when you patch me up after getting hurt, how you go out of your way to help me when it’s that time of the month, even how you reassure me…” 

Then she leaned forward, cupping his cheek with one hand while the other laid against his shoulder. She watched his eyes widen a bit curiously with his mouth opening a little. “But more importantly…”

Instead of going straight for his lips, she ignored them and hovered her lips near his ear; voice hushed and laced with desire. 

“I miss the way I feel when you’re inside me.” 

His face changed completely, morphing into stunned arousal, his mouth gaping open at her choice of words. But it didn’t stop there.

“God, the way you stretch me out makes me fucking shake. It’s so addicting.” Y/N kissed the part of his jaw that meets his ear, feeling Levi’s entire body jump from the intimate contact as well as the hand that now rested on her waist.

“You always know how to find those parts of me that I Just. Can’t. Reach.” She punctuated each word with kiss after kiss to his jaw, savoring in the slightest hitch in his breath. The hand resting on her waist began to tighten up all while twisting the fabric of her uniform in between his fingers. 

The hand that had rested on his shoulder, traced downward, firmly pressing against the rippling muscles under his shirt, going down and down until hovering over his most sensitive area. Y/N groped the bulge beneath his pants, savoring the hiss of breath leaving his mouth. 

“Does that feel good?” Y/N teased, giving him another squeeze. He shut his eyes briefly as the pleasure rushed through him but soon opened them again to glare at Y/N. 

She could tell already that he was going to make her eat those words later but for now, she would enjoy this in full. Keeping her hand pressed against his growing erection, she moved her head to kiss along the other side of Levi’s jaw until she met his chin. Y/N pulled herself back just enough, lips barely grazing together, their hot breath mingling as she fiddled with his belt buckle. 

It made the familiar light clinking sound as Y/N pulled the tale of the buckle from the metal loop, busying herself with the button. As soon as it came undone, Y/N finally pressed her lips heatedly into his. 

It was hot, near feverish as their mouths moved in tandem. When one would pull away the tiniest bit, they were swiftly chased by the other in a desperate attempt to stay connected. As Levi took the opportunity to bring her into his lap to straddle him, Y/N slipped her hand under the hem of his underwear, feeling the burning skin of his length. 

Levi ripped himself away from her sinful lips to lean back into his chair, both hands caressing the thick flesh of Y/N’s behind while she tugged him out of his uniform pants. The cold air hitting the scourging hot skin caused him to let out a light gasp before Y/N began to carefully stroke him.

“Y/N…”

His soft moans made Y/N unwittingly whimper in return, turned on by the simple fact that she was pleasuring him and he had hardly touched her yet.

“Oh Levi, you sound so pretty like this.” She continued her ministrations, hand wrapping around him tightly. 

Levi couldn’t help but to close his eyes as he let himself succumb to Y/N’s touch, thighs clenching with every stroke and puffs of heavy air leaving his lungs. For a moment, Levi thought he could get lost in the pleasure entirely that was until he felt the warmth of Y/N palm caress his cheek.

“Levi, sweetheart, look at me.” Y/N whispered, voice soft and smooth like honey. 

He did as she asked, begrudgingly opening his steel gray eyes to peer up at her. While he had thoughts of getting back at her for her teasing, when he did finally look at her, he admired the shining gleam in her own eyes and the slight biting of her lips. 

Although she had teased him, taking control over him and his body, it was obvious how much this was affecting her too. 

“Unbutton your shirt for me.” 

His eyes narrowed, a sort of pride bubbling up inside him to not let her have her way, however, that feeling quickly disappeared when Y/N dragged her thumb over his leaking tip causing his body to jolt with ecstasy. 

“Please?” 

Levi made a light tsk sound before reaching up with shaky fingers to carefully remove his cravat and undo the button up shirt. On several of the buttons, Levi had to find the strength to steady himself as Y/N never stopped moving her hand, constantly pumping his hardening length. The precum slicking up his skin, making wet noises between the two of them leaving him to imagine the sound of finally pushing inside her. 

Upon reaching the last button, Y/N took the opportunity to push the fabric aside to admire his muscular torso. She got a feel of them earlier, but now she could touch them in full. And that’s exactly what Y/N did. 

She gently dragged her fingers across his collarbone, then down his firm chest, and down to his abs again, taking her time in tracing every line of his body. Then Y/N leaned forward, beginning to suck the skin of his collar and briefly his chest. 

He suddenly let out a desperate whimper, signaling that with the contact of Y/N’s lips on his skin and still playing with him, he was reaching his limit. Y/N pumped faster, to match the pace of his hips jutting slightly upward to quicken his oncoming climax. 

With only a couple of more pumps of Y/N’s hand, Levi’s orgasm crashed over him, the sound of a whine diverting into a growl as white ropes of his release splattered onto his bare abs. 

Y/N stopped all movement, allowing Levi to simply bask in the afterglow and catch his breath. 

“I love the sounds you make when you cum, Levi. So pretty.” Y/N praised, leaning to capture his lips once more, then pulled away to place delicate kisses against his reddened cheeks. 

Levi stared off into nothingness, mind grappling to regain his composure, chest heaving up and down to supply his lungs with air.

His gaze drifted back to Y/N instead of the plain wood of the wall behind her, taking in her flushed expression, blown out pupils, and eyes swimming with unadulterated love. No woman had ever looked at him the way she did, like he’d hung the stars in the sky, like he was her whole world. Perhaps he was, because if he was sure of anything she had definitely become his. 

However, as sweet as the expression on her face was, Levi didn’t forget that she teased him earlier and though it hadn’t been too bad, he really wanted to get back at her for that. 

Without warning, he grasped a handful of her hair at the base of her skull, not enough to hurt but enough to force her mere millimeters from his mouth.

“Now you unbutton your shirt.” He demanded, watching her bite her bottom lip. 

She did as she was told, and quickly began to unbutton her own shirt like he’d done moments before. At the same time, Levi got to work on her belt unlacing from the buckle with precision and promptly dipped his fingers past her underwear. The second he did, he came into contact with her most intimate place, feeling the wetness of her arousal. 

“Levi..” She mewled, hand reaching up to grip his forearm. 

Levi circled her clit a few times with his thumb, copying her movements from earlier by kissing at her exposed collar before pushing two fingers inside her. Y/N gasped at the sudden intrusion but tried to thrust her hips into his hand for more friction at the same time he began to curl them against her sweet spot. 

“My, my, you really did miss me. I’ve barely even touched you and you’re already grinding into me.” Levi cooed, leaning into Y/n’s ear causing her whole body to quiver. 

“Please Levi, I want-” 

He kissed her neck, “What do you want, sweetheart?”

She bit her lip once more, attempting to formulate some coherent words to tell him exactly what she was thinking. “I want you to- mhm! M-make me cum.” 

As soon as the words danced off her tongue, Levi felt her walls tighten around his fingers the longer he pushed his fingers in and out, curling them at the same time. “Say it one more time.”

Y/N moaned, gripping his arm harder as he stroked her faster. “I want you to make me cum!”

“Good girl.” He smirked, immediately picking up the pace. While continuing his motions, he dipped his head down to capture one of Y/N’s nipples into his mouth and sucked lavishly  at the delicate bud. 

“Oh Levi..” Y/N whimpered, feeling the tension of her orgasm pulling tighter and tighter, right on the cusp of release; the sensation of Levi’s fingers thrusting into her wet hole and the smoothness of his tongue lapping at her nipples almost too much. 

For a split second she wondered if it was humanly possible to feel that way, a state of near complete euphoria. 

She didn’t get to wander about it much longer when Levi gave a particularly forceful thrust of his fingers against her spot causing her to quickly fall over the edge. “Oh fuck, Levi!”

Her walls tightened and gushed around his thick digits, her hips instinctually grinding down into his palm.

He didn’t remove his mouth from her chest, opting to suck bruises into her flesh, his groans of mutual pleasure vibrating into her clavicle as she came down from her natural high. Though unlike Y/N, Levi didn’t allow time for her to catch her breath, instead he picked Y/N up off his lap, forcing her to stand on her weak legs before whipping her around to bend her over his desk; pushing aside the countless papers that littered it. 

Y/N’s arms were pinned beneath her body, legs spread around as Levi reached around to unbutton her pants and pull them down over her ass. He basked in the sight of her glistening entrance, watching her essence drip down her thighs and soaking her underwear. 

“You made such a mess.” Levi growled, his sultry tone playing on the edge of danger with the promise of further bliss. 

Y/N tilted her head back as far as it could go to stare up at her lover, “Only because you make me feel so good.” 

He smirked devilishly at that. “Oh is that so?” 

She watched as he raised a hand to carefully pump himself a few times, taking a step ever closer, the heat of him seeping out onto her exposed entrance. After a few more pumps, he grasped his tip and agonizingly dragged it from her hole down to her clit, then back up, repeating this motion several times making Y/N squirm in her position. 

“You make it sound like I’m the one who started all this, when in fact you-” Levi pants, pushing just barely past her entrance making Y/N keen at the sensation. “are the one who teased me, and made me make a mess.” With that, he fully plunged himself inside her cunt in one swift motion, both gasping at the feeling of him sinking down into her. 

Levi gave Y/N a few seconds of adjustment but quickly began a brutal pace, the sound of skin on skin reverberating off the walls of the small office while their moans harmonized in sync with the other. 

He grabbed a hold of Y/N’s hips, pulling her into him as he snapped his own forward to meet in a forceful collision of intimacy. On one particular thrust, Y/N felt his tip prod at her cervix and she cried out.

Upon her wordless plea, Levi repeated his previous motion knowing exactly where she wanted it and proving that he hit that spot again when she gave another loud whine. So he kept going, pushing harder and faster until he could feel her already beginning to tighten around him, sucking him back in with every movement. 

And before she could say anything, she felt the hotness of euphoria erupt from her gut and spread through her limbs, setting every nerve blissfully on fire. Fuck, she was seeing stars, to the point where as the pleasure rose within her, the glistening of tears blurred her vision. 

Levi pressed himself fully into her back side, taking extra care to still his movements as he could also sense the rapid approach of his own orgasm. He was close, but he wanted Y/N facing him, looking him in the eyes as they both reached their end. As much as he wanted to give in, as much his body burned, he fought to hold it back. 

He took great pains to pull out slowly because any more friction than that would definitely make him explode right then and there especially as Y/N’s insides throb around his aching member. 

Once freed, Levi much more tenderly than before picked Y/N from the desk and turned her around to face him, his hands resting around her waist. His eyes flicked up to her’s, noticing the tears within them. He leaned forward to place a gentle kiss to her cheek, feeling the warmth of her face seep into his lips. 

“Are you okay?” He quietly asked. 

Y/N nodded, “Yes, my love. I’m okay.” 

Levi wordlessly kissed her a few more times then let his hands drift up to pull her uniform jacket from her shoulders, letting it fall haphazardly to the floor. Y/N’s hands reached up to do the same, pushing his jacket from him to let it lay beside her own. Levi’s hand kneaded the skin of her ass once more, fully capturing her lips then moved his hands under her thighs and lifted her off her feet. 

Y/N cupped his face while Levi placed her back on top of the desk, slowly guiding her to lay down, their lips forced apart once her back lay flat. He chased after her by placing a kiss to her stomach, leading a trail down to her hip bone, loving the way her legs jerked as he did so and traveled even further downward. His hands lifted up to grasp ahold of her pants and underwear, pulling them off methodically and leaving her legs bare before him; the surface of flesh illuminated by the soft, orange, candlelight. 

He settled himself between her legs, grabbing them to wrap them around his waist allowing little to no space as Levi finally sunk back inside her aching hole. 

“Shit!” Levi hissed, the warmth of her inner walls overwhelming him in all the best ways. If he was honest with himself, he could’ve cum right then. 

“Oh god, you feel so good.” Y/N moaned out once he was fully sheathed inside her. “Please, move…”

Even though the beginnings of his release were approaching quickly, Levi was determined to make her cum first. Without any more delay, he gave a few slow thrusts, pulling all the way out then slamming back in. Each move, causing Y/N’s entire being to shake as she wailed in tantalizing fervor. 

He repeated the motion several more times, soon switching to more eager thrusts. Ones that sank deeper with every drive of his hips. 

“This is what I waited for all d-day, you filling me up completely.” Y/N professed, eyes rolling back as Levi’s cock assaulted her insides. 

“All day huh?” Levi huffed breathlessly, eyes locking onto the point where they were joined together. “You really were needy for me today. Just couldn’t wait for me to fuck you, fill you with my cum?”

Y/N nodded weakly, too dazed in the ridges of his length massaging the walls of her cunt. 

The sparks of previous orgasm reignited, prickling at his nerve endings, and rapidly spreading an addictive heat over his whole being. “Damn it…” 

Levi brought his hand between the two of them to press his finger onto her clit, beginning to rub it in a circular pattern. She convulsed under him, whines bordering on sobs scratching away at her throat, and he felt her clench tightly around him which caused his hips to stutter in their movements.

“Levi! I’m so close!” 

“I know, me too. Fuck!” 

Y/N lifted her legs up, hooking them on top of each other to trap him against her. “Please, Levi, cum inside me.”

He growled, the sound coming from deep within while he ravenously continued rubbing at her clit; thrusts hungry and impatient to reach the edge and finally, Y/N tightened unbearably around him, her mouth hanging open in a silent moan. 

Levi bucked into her a few more times before he inevitably reached that threshold, his cum spilling out in white ropes and filling her to the brim. 

The hot sensation of his essence soaking her insides made her mewl in delight, a barely noticeable smile working its way to her lips. “I love you, Levi.” 

He looked up at her face, seeing her tired eyes and satisfied smile. The sight made his heart flutter. “I love you too, Y/N.”

They took a moment to catch their breath, the sounds of their panting intertwining in the air while the sound of the crickets became apparent once their nightly activity came to a cease.

“Let’s get to bed, it’s late.” Y/N suggested while bringing her hand up to softly caress his forearm. 

He nodded. “Right, good idea.” 

With that, Levi pulled out, both making a low groan at the loss of warmth, but soon Levi brought Y/N up and picked her up in his arms, carrying her to the bedroom behind another door just a few feet from his desk. Once they were in the bedroom, Levi grabbed his handkerchief from his pocket to wipe away the mess he made between Y/N’s legs and then proceeded to wipe himself off. 

He reminded himself to wash it as soon as he got up in the morning. 

“Can I wear one of your shirts tonight?” Y/N sweetly asked, already removing what little of her uniform that had remained on.

“Like you wear anything else when we go to sleep.” Levi pointedly stated but handed her one of his shirts anyway. 

She giggled then slipped the shirt over her head, hugging the collar toward her nose to smell his scent had lingered on the fabric. She hummed happily, pulling back the blanket of the bed and shimmed comfortably under it. 

Once Levi blew out the lantern nearby, and dressed down, leaving himself in nothing but his underwear, he joined Y/N under the blanket, wrapping his arm around her back and pulling her into his chest. The moonlight shining a bit through the curtains of the room provided just enough light to be able to see her eyes staring adoringly up at him. 

“I love you.” She said suddenly. 

He scoffed, though dipped his head down to kiss her forehead. “You already said that.”

She snuggled closer into him, her arms wrapping around him as well. “I’m saying it again. I love you.”

This time he actually laughed. “I love you too, you know that.”

“I know.” She tucked her head to lay on his chest, savoring the feeling of having him so close. 

“Now go to sleep, we need to get up early.” Levi half-heartedly demanded, sensing his own exhaustion setting in. He glance over to see that Y/N reaching the cusp of sleep, her breathing starting to steady out and her body relaxing under his touch. 

With one final kiss to her hair, Levi too let himself drift off.

[vivalabunbun]

On the complexities of relationships and words

Summary: For two people that love to read, words seem like a complex. 

Word Count: 13k (yeah... this is slow burn, might want to get a drink and snack)

Tags: Alhaitham x Fem!Reader, Slow Burn, Smut(r18+), NSFW, MDNI, Fluff, Angst kind heavy?, Modern AU, Omegaverse AU, A/B/O relationships, slow fic, marriage, arranged pairing, dubcon, themes about not liking yourself, TW: gender dysphoria (you don’t like your secondary gender), TW: Very vague and brief mentions to possible past domestic trauma, Jealous!alhaitham, slight yandere!alhaitham, mutual pining, miscommunication, breeding, biting, ruts, Alpha!alhaitham, Beta!reader. You agreed to the pairing due to tax benefits. A lot of references to literature. 

Authors note: This is my first attempt at slow burn and yeah... I got carried away. I want to explore how slow alhaitham would open up and how love can come from the mind instead of the heart. Enjoy.

Side Note: here is a little dabble 

Love, an emotion that sets the heart on fire. An all-consuming emotion that feels as if one was falling off a cliff while also being embraced tight by the treads of fate. The emotion that’s only separated by a thin line from madness. Or at least, that is how it’s been described to you through books and movies. 

With love being the inspiration for so many poets, artists, and heroes throughout all of history, it comes as no surprise that you found yourself curious about it. It started out innocently, you would listen to the latest romantic ballads from the wandering travelers along the streets of Sumeru. In the nation of wisdom, books were plentiful yet you found your teenage self buying certain novels from Inazuma. Then came the films from Fontaine which you’d spend a week’s worth of pocket money on. 

What first began from your childish curiosity became a hidden infatuation. You wanted to feel those emotions described in those songs, books, and movies. So you began your journey to seek it out. Your first relationship filled you with a certain rush, an excitement to finally experience a scene from those novels you loved… but you were only left with disappointment. 

Kisses felt bland, holding hands felt awkward after too long, and eye contact uncomfortable. There were no lingering thoughts that kept you up at night, no pink haze of pinning, nor a spark that set your chest ablaze. The breakup didn’t come as a surprise, and even so, it didn’t leave you with those gut-wrenching heartbroken sobs into the pillow as you’ve seen in the movies. Just disappointment. 

Perhaps it's because you were basing your expectations on relationships you can never experience. Those songs, those books, those movies? They were all about the bond felt between Alphas and Omegas. 

The maddening ruts and needy heat that left your cheeks flushed when you read about them. The touching gestures of scenting, the descriptions of the additive aroma of their beloved, their fated mate. The marking that proclaimed to the world their undying love. You’ll never experience that… since you’ve presented as a Beta. 

The worker ants of society, the largest class sandwiched between Alphas and Omegas, the extras in their movies. The category of society that can neither produce nor reciprocate pheromones, the population that lived in mediocrity in the eyes of romantics. 

Of course, love was possible for Betas, after all in a population that makes up the majority, there will always be the few that find ‘true love’. But that’s an advanced scholarly topic up for debate, with the societal consensus being that it’s the lowest tier of love. All pairings with Betas belonged in this tier. 

Alpha-Alpha, Omega-Omega, and at the very top of the tier list of ‘true love’ was the Alpha-Omega pairing. After all, love scientifically is created by chemical bonds in the brain with oxytocin, the love hormone. Pheromones kicked the production of oxytocin into overdrive, creating an addiction that makes a person long for their lovers every hour of the day. The chemicals that create the fire of romance you once wished upon shooting stars for. 

Thankfully with time, as you matured into an adult you resigned yourself to your fate. You found solstice in your one advantage as a Beta over any Alpha or Omega: True independence. Free from the chains that are primal desires brought on by pheromones, your head was clear, decisions not dependent on the fever that was love. 

You had given up on searching for love, hey, if you set the bar on the ground then there was less risk of being let down. So that’s why you agreed to your parents’ suggestion of an arranged pairing. To be matched to a life partner by a matchmaker.

--

“Eh? Isn’t that practice kinda outdated?” Dehya questioned. 

“Don’t the city folk use the akasha system, using genetics for compatibility or something?” Your Alpha friend carefully tucked away her compact mirror. 

“Actually, I think that’s really romantic! The traditional way matches you by personality and lifestyle compatibility.” Nilou grasped your hands, wishing you luck. 

“I agree, old fashioned doesn’t mean it's ineffective. It’s still very much practiced in Aaru Village.” Candace sent a slight side-eye to your other Alpha friend across the table. 

--

Perhaps your Alpha and Omega friends were trying to cheer you on, but frankly, they didn’t need to. The next day when you met with the older woman, you went through the process with a sense of boredom. When answering the matchmaker's question, you stated you just wanted a life partner that was honest, loyal, and respected your individuality. 

Next, the matchmaker asked about your interests, you recalled all the literature you used to consume during your obsession with love, and embarrassed by your fruitless past endeavors you answered books.  

“What kind of life do you seek, my dear?” Her wrinkly hands intertwined as she leaned on the table. 

“A peaceful, quiet life.” 

And that was it. She wrote down your responses with a bejeweled quill pen, handwriting beautiful and neat as if she were penning down a poem for you. You were free to go home. Walking down the streets of Sumeru, the dusk birds singing to their lovers, you didn’t even wonder about the Beta she was going to pair you with. You had a full day of work tomorrow, what you really wanted was a full night's rest. 

--

So a month later, you couldn’t hide the bewilderment on your face as you stood in front of a tall Alpha, the partner the matchmaker had deemed a good fit. From his piercing teal orange eyes to his sliver hair to his towering physique, everything about him was the picture-perfect definition of an Alpha. 

‘Alhaitham’ was his name, and you must admit it fit him quite well. His face remained unchanged even after his mesmerizing eyes passed over your form quickly. You couldn’t read the lack of expression on his face, was it disinterest? Indifference? Boredom? 

A part of you wanted to take your parents to the side and whisper in their ears that the matchmaker was a quack. Who in their right mind matches an Alpha with a Beta? Before you could do so, the matchmaker lead your parents out of the room, giving the two of you some privacy to get acclimated. A heavy silence hung in the air as your bodies stood a respectable distance apart, deciding to break the silence you first stated the obvious. 

“I’m not an Omega.” 

“I’m aware.” His deep voice sent a small shiver down your spine. Even his voice was beautiful. 

“I don’t have any pheromone, meaning I can’t bond.” You glanced up at him. 

“I never listed it as a requirement.” 

His answers only seemed to confuse you further, perhaps he didn’t think this through all the way. Sure, the matchmaker revealed that both of you wanted peaceful lives, liked books, and believed firmly in one’s individuality. But there was a massive sumpter beast in the room as the saying goes. 

“Aren’t you worried about… that time of the year…”  

For the first time, his eyes met yours, you quickly shifted your eyes away. 

“Are you referring to ruts? Medicine has advanced quite a bit, there are now inhibitors that can regulate pheromones and ruts. Not that you would know, of course.” He huffed out. 

You couldn’t stop your eyebrow from twitching in annoyance. Ah, he’s also got that Alpha ego. You were still confused, from the look on your face he quickly deduced it as well. 

“I dislike disruptions to my life. Primal desires are just disruptions. To put it bluntly, you as a Beta don’t release pheromones nor go into bouts of unsuppressed lust. Significantly reducing the risk of interrupting my time. You value individuality and are very independent, you’re very unlikely to bother me with trivial matters. All these factors add up to a peaceful, quiet life. Simple isn’t it?” 

When he laid out all the reasons so clearly on the table, it’s hard to not note the truth, Alhaitham is a weird Alpha. Perhaps that’s why his grandmother enlisted the help of a matchmaker in her will. 

After that day, you took home a folder full of documentation on him. Under the golden light of your desk lamp, you sorted through the information in front of you. He had no criminal record, he owns his own house close to the city, and he held a stable job with a very attractive salary. 

You ponder the decision for about a week, weighing the pros and cons. Marriages in Sumeru are often encouraged with sizable tax deductions, more money in your own pocket. Employees with spouses have an easier time requesting paid time off, more money in your pocket and less work. He lacked any familial attachments, meaning no in-laws to deal with. One extra point for being very easy on the eyes too. 

You ultimately signed your name on the marriage documents at the city hall, right next to his emulate penmanship. Right there under the fluorescent lights of the government office, the two of you recited your vows. The only other people in the room were your parents and the clerk filing the paperwork.

Within the next few months, you’ve carried the boxes filled with your belongings from your cramped apartment into his spacious house. Your old light novels and romantic collection of poems are now placed on a bookshelf adjacent to his. Bright and artistic covers contrasting against bland academic journals. Of course, there was no honeymoon, no break from your regular work schedules. There was no reason to. 

--

In the first year of your marriage, you viewed him with suspicious eyes. You valued loyalty in a life partner and even though he stated he dislike pheromones and primal urges, he was still an Alpha with such natural responses. Yet, you observed that he came home every day at 5:30 pm on the dot, not a single hair out of place nor a single crease on the collar of his button-downs. 

You found him to be a decent housemate, calm, quiet, and respectful of your space. Chores were divided equally between the two of you, making the shared living space organized and dust free. Of course, he was only human thus he also had some flaws. 

Sometimes your foot would knock against a stack of books he had left on the floor near the numerous bookshelves throughout the house. Or how you noticed your shampoo and conditioner bottles emptying at an alarming rate, does he not know how expensive haircare is? 

Alhaitham deemed you a good fit for a life partner. You weren’t disruptive nor dependent on him in any aspect. You spent your own money responsibly, a diligent person who followed a set work routine without needing any reminders. 

You would alternate responsibilities for dinner, but he found your food more flavorful. You threw together ingredients with no regard for measurements, only going off what felt right, compared to his style of calculating the precise amount a ‘pinch’ was. 

Of course, it’s expected that you’ve got some quirks that made him tsk internally. It was small insignificant things. Like how sometimes he would find strands of your hair left in the shower drain. Or how you often tuck his books back into the nearest shelf, not caring about if the genres matched or not. 

“I commend your artistry. However, a mural made from your hair on the shower wall is unnecessary.” 

“You’ve got shorter hair than me, how are you using double the product?”        

“It’s all due to your perception, I’m not using any more product than you.”

“Oh?~ Then I guess the hair on the wall is all just your perception too.”

When living with another person there will always be bumps that needed to be smoothed out. But overall, life was peaceful and quiet just how the two of you liked it. 

--

Alhaitham was Alhaitham, and you were you. Two independent individuals only connected by paper and law. Perhaps the only couple-like aspect of your relationship was sharing the same bed. Of course, this was done only out of necessity. 

The only other room in the house with a bed was the guest room, even so, there was still an imbalance. The mattress was much smaller and firm when compared to the grand bed in the master bedroom. 

He didn’t snore and neither did you, you didn’t toss and turn in your sleep and neither did he. With two separate blankets, he deemed that sharing a bed with you wouldn’t cause any disturbance to his sleep. You two had more than enough money to afford another bed, but just the thought of rearranging the furniture to accommodate it was too bothersome for the both of you. There was more than enough room on the bed for two bodies to sleep without ever touching. 

No loud passionate fights nor lingering glances and maddening touches. Just the calm lull of normalcy. But you were satisfied. 

By your second year with him, you’ve gotten acquainted with the nuances in his manner of speech. In particular, his sarcastic quips that you’d return with vivacity. 

“Mmm, I appreciate the attempt. But I’d rather my books be sorted by subject rather than by instinct.” 

“There’s faster ways to collect my life insurance than by getting me to trip over a book, Haitham.” 

During this year, the two of you also began to use more familiar terms to address each other. Instead of your name, he’d simply call you wife, and you shortened his name. Husband and ‘Haitham’ had the same amount of letters anyways. 

When the date of your courthouse wedding came around, nothing happened. 

No flowers, no shiny gifts of jewels, not even a sweet dessert. After all, he found it silly to spend so much effort on a singular day instead of placing that enthusiasm into every regular day of life.

Birthdays shared the same sentiment, you’d be invited out by your group of friends to a celebration planned by Nilou, while Alhaitham would stay at home with his books. 

--

“Happy birthday.” You placed a cup of freshly brewed coffee down in front of him. 

“Thank you.” Besides your statement, there was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“Hopefully I’m one year closer to collecting your pension.” 

  Alhaitham has to admit he does enjoy your sardonic humor, but you’d never be able to tell just by looking at him. He took a sip of his coffee, by year two you finally learned how not to scald the coffee grounds when doing a pour-over.

Life continued on, and the two of you were still like parallel lines traveling in the same direction side by side and separately. 

It’s now the third year of your marriage. You were currently busy in the kitchen, Alhaitham had just informed you earlier there’d be guests coming over tonight. Fortunately, it’s a Friday which meant you had a half day at work. Quickly purchasing ingredients from street vendors on your way back. 

He never had any guests over before, so you assumed that these guests must be important people from work. 

You even made sure not to use spices that were too fragrant, just in case any of the guests were extremely sensitive to smells, as Alhaitham had informed you they were all Alphas. Tachin was a rather simple but delicious dish to make. You also picked fresh ingredients that would make a very quick and satisfying salad. 

Your husband didn’t particularly like soup, but he doesn’t have the right to be picky when you’re the one rushing to cook enough food for five people, so minty bean soup will be on the table. He had a collection of wines in a separate room, you’ll leave the wine selection up to him. 

Just as you finished setting the plates and dishes on the table the chime of the doorbell went off. Wiping off your hands and taking off your apron, doing a quick once-over in the hallway mirror before answering the door. 

“O-oh… You’re a… Beta…” 

The blond Alpha in front of you had a look of bewilderment across his handsome features. Rudy eyes peering down at you in astonishment as you maintained a polite face. 

“Oof-” 

An elbow was jabbed into the blond’s side as a shorter dark-haired man signaled for him to shut up. 

“Thank you for having us over for dinner.” His friendly face gave you a smile. 

“Welcome.” You invited all the men in. 

  The bewildered blond at the door’s name was Kaveh, the dark-haired man was Tighnari, and the white-haired man with the intense gaze was Cyno. 

You familiarized yourself with their names, and from time to time you felt their eyes passing glances over at you as they made small talk. Alhaitham was currently picking out a few bottles of wine. 

“So, you’re actually his wife… Ah! Of course, it’s no fault of yours. I’m just shocked he’s actually married, I thought he was bluffing when he said he had a wife. There were no signs… Ugh! Great, I owe drinks now.” Kaveh sighed, face in his hands. 

“Alhaitham doesn’t want others knowing too much about him. But the proof is right in front of our eyes.” Cyno leaned his elbows on the table. 

Ah, it makes sense that people at his work wouldn’t know about you. There weren’t even rings to distinguish the relationship. Usually, relationships nowadays were sensed through the presence of pheromones on the bodies of lovers. However, you were a Beta with no pheromones to cling onto his person. There’s not the slightest chance he ever talked about you. The two of you were also never seen in public together, so in the eyes of many Alhaitham is still a bachelor. There was a slight churn in your stomach, was the soup upsetting it?

“Gossiping about me while sitting in my house and right in front of my wife?” 

Alhaitham’s deep voice mysteriously made the knot in your stomach go away, or maybe it was the way he referred to you, ‘my wife’. He placed the bottles of wine and glasses on the table. 

“It’s nothing major. We’re just surprised someone is willing enough to stand your arrogance.” Kaveh crossed his arms. 

“Unwed people should not have any comments on other’s relationships.” 

“Hey! Why you-”

“Huh…” You pondered out loud. 

The attention of the men in the room was all on you now. 

“Oh, pardon my interruption. I guess I’m just in awe that my husband has friends.” 

In an instant laughter ripped through the air. 

“Bwahahaha! Alhaitham, I like your wife already! Ahahaha!” Kaveh was laughing so hard tears were forming in his eyes. 

Tighnari had one hand gripping the table and the other covering his mouth as he tried desperately to suppress his snickers, ultimately unsuccessfully.  

“Well, I’m not sure if friends is the ‘correct’ term.” Cyno’s voice was steady, but you could see the small shakes of his shoulders. 

“I’m beginning to wonder if inviting guests to the house was the right decision.” 

--

Still, the dinner continued and the drinks started to pour. After your statement from earlier, the atmosphere at the table became more lighthearted aided by the help of alcohol. 

“So, what’s the occasion?” You asked as you took a sip out of your glass. 

“Huh? Alhaitham! How did you not tell your wife about your promotion?” Kaveh nearly spat out his wine. 

 “There’s no reason to dampen her mood with bad tidings.” 

“Bad?!-” You wondered if the blond’s voice could shatter the glass in your hands. 

“Keeping your cards close to your chest, even from your wife.” Cyno side-eyed your husband. 

“Not at all. Not that the unwed head lawyer would need to know.” 

“Tsk.” The tan Alpha crossed his arms. 

“Now, now just because he didn’t tell his wife doesn’t mean Alhaitham’s a bad husband.” Tighnari tried to dispel the tension while also landing a subtle jab. 

“Mmm, congratulations, Haitham.” You swirled your wine. 

“Thank you.” Your husband replied. 

The three Alphas looked at each other, eyes sending silent messages. They must find your marriage to the ashen-hair Alpha strange. Alpha-Beta pairings were already against convention, but it seems like the two of you matched each other's pace. Two weird people found each other. 

--

After dinner was finished and you bid goodbye to the guests at the front door. 

“Be grateful you stone-faced brat… Your wife’s got... too good to be stuck with your stale…” 

The two shorter men carrying the blabbering blond off your front steps. 

“He’s quite the lightweight.” You briefly mentioned while over the sink.

 “I’m just grateful there’s still wine left. Go rest, I’ll get the dishes.” His larger frame takes up the space at the sink, silently encouraging you to move away. 

So you left clean-up duty to him, a fair trade for making you cook a feast so out of the blue. As you stood under the warm water pouring over your body in the shower, your mind began to replay the conversations over dinner. They made you realize just how little you actually knew about your own husband despite living under the same roof for three going on four years now. 

Once he stepped foot outside of your shared space he was practically a stranger. What was his job like? Who were his friends? What were his favorite places? Hell, even in your house, he was still a stranger. What books is he reading now? When does he find time to work out? What does he do when you leave the house? This realization made you shiver, as you turned the knob to increase the temperature of the water.

 It wouldn’t hurt to try and get to know him a little better. 

One Sunday morning, you walked into the living room greeted by the sight of him reading one of your old light novels. Seeing his large hand hold the bright book, decorated with a pair of lovers embracing, while his eyes studied the text like his academic papers was almost comical… If only you didn’t wish to sink through the floor in humiliation. He must’ve lost interest in his own books, or maybe he’d gone through his whole collection. 

Either way, to prevent such an occurrence from happening again, you began to pick up some books for your husband on your way home. 

‘Metaphysics’, ‘Epistemology’, ‘Quantum Mechanics’: those seemed like topics that’d interest him, you reasoned as you stood in line to purchase them. Your eyes caught sight of a certain book, ‘le rouge et le noir’, on a whim you decided to add it to the stack of heavy books. Not for your husband, but rather for yourself. 

That night you handed the books over to him as he was about to go to his favorite reading spot on the couch. 

“What’s this for?” He stared at the stack of thick books in your hands. 

“Just passed by a bookstore and figured you might need something new to read.” You gestured for him to take them. 

“You didn’t have to go out of your way to gift this to me. Thank you, I shall read them.” His low voice indifferent as always, finally taking the weight out of your hands. 

You proceeded to move over to the smaller sofa in the living room and plopped down. Pulling out the book you had purchased earlier, you glanced up at him eyes questioning why he was staring. Alhaitham cracked open one of the academic journals you gifted him and averted his teal gaze. 

This was a break from your normal routine, but you felt like it’d be a nice change to get back into reading. It also gives you the opportunity to learn more about Alhaitham by spending more time in his presence. But more importantly, it would allow you to keep an eye on your husband to ensure he doesn’t go snooping through your bookshelf again. Maybe you should just donate them, but no library in Sumeru would ever accept them.

Soon that break from routine became the norm. Every night after the kitchen table was cleared, dishes cleaned, and bodies freshly towel dried you and Alhaitham will sit adjacent to each other enjoying quiet reading time. The soft light from the tall floor lamps and soft flicks of turning pages adding to the ambiance of the room. 

From time to time, you can hear the sound of him writing some sentences down on a notepad. So he likes to take notes on the books he reads. You learned something new. 

Another new fact you gained from your observations of your husband was that he reads fast, really fast. He had already finished all three books before you were even halfway done with yours. You had to act fast lest his teal eyes begin to wander towards your bookshelf again. So, you found yourself back at the bookstore once more. Picking up any thick academic journals on topics ranging from ancient ruins to the newest peer-reviewed breakthroughs.

Maybe you should also pick up some notepads and sticky notes, you saw how thin the pad had gotten last night. It just so happened that the romance section was right by the shelves of stationeries. The book from Fontaine you had bought on a whim was in your opinion more psychological than romantic. However, the romantic elements present seems to have reignited your interest in the romance genre. 

Oh well, you were grown enough now to not be so easily swooned by poetic descriptions of love. You picked the first book whose description piqued your interest and added it to the basket. 

One of the first lessons taught to the children of Sumeru was to be cautious when putting out campfires. If not killed correctly, the unseen smoke can make fallen leaves catch fire. A small flame grows into a hellish blaze that consumes whole acres of forest. 

--

   “Thank you very much. Again, this isn’t necessary.” Alhaitham still took the books out of your hands. 

The small notepad on top of the stack caught his attention, his teal eyes looked into yours with a questioning glance. 

“Your notepad’s running out, and there was a sale.” 

“I see.” 

From time to time during your quiet reading session, you would glance up, a part of you hoping to see Alhaitham use the new stationery you’ve just bought him. A frown tugged at your lips when you saw he had set it to the side in favor of his old, thinning notepad. Maybe the color isn’t to his liking. 

You continue to buy stationeries for him. Any fancy notepads or post-its that caught your eye at a store, every time you give them to him, he would thank you. Then proceed to never use them. Perhaps, the ones you got were too fancy? He seemed to like simple and practical items. Next time you got plainer ones, just simple squares of plain paper, he still left them untouched. 

Maybe, you needed to find higher-quality ones. But if he didn’t like them then why does he keep accepting them? Should you try your luck with pens instead, he does go through quite a few. Ah, the sentiment from the very first time you met him still rang true to this day. Alhaitham is a weird Alpha. 

He was an enigma to you. 

You were an enigma to him. 

Alhaitham wasn’t sure when it started, but his mind grew curious about you. Perhaps it’s because he read through his collection of books, or maybe because things at work have been dull lately. Thus, he deduced it was only logical that you started to pique this interest in a bored mind. You lived in the same house and slept in the same bed. With you constantly being in close proximity, of course, he will want to learn more about you after more than three years together. 

One of the best ways to start studying you would be to start with your bookshelf. Alhaitham vaguely remembers you saying that you were interested in books, yet in all these years in the same space he hasn’t ever seen you touch your own shelf. What a pity, he could’ve used the extra space for his own books. Running a finger along the row of books, stopping on a random one he made his decision. 

--

Your taste in literature is, how should he put it, very different from his own preferences. The descriptions of the actions taken by the Alpha main character and his Omega lover were idiotic, to say the least. The lengthy declarations of the love and affection they held for each other, and the sentences riddled with exaggerations and rhetoric. The romance between the characters was the priority of the novel, thus the plot suffered greatly from it. 

In his opinion, the book was a mess. Yet, he didn’t once feel as if he had wasted his time. Alhaitham discovered a new side to you, is this the type of novel that interests you even as a Beta? The soft taps of your feet suddenly paused as it rounded the corner into the living room. Alhaitham looked up to see a tense look on your face as you stared at the novel currently in his hands. 

No words were exchanged between the two of you as you continued to stare, looking at the book then back at him. It was only for a minute at most, yet it felt a lot longer before you turned on your heels without so much as a word. It was brief, but Alhaitham thinks he saw the tips of your ears flush. Oh, did he stumble upon a guilty pleasure of yours? 

His actions must have been the cause of this deviation from routine, Alhaitham concluded while staring at the stack of books presented to him. Even on birthdays and holidays, gifts weren’t regularly exchanged between the two of you, so this was certainly a surprise. You were looking at him with eyes urging him to take the heavy books from your hands. He couldn’t refuse the offer. 

What came next was even more of a surprise, you sat on the usually empty sofa and pulled out a book of your own. The cover was different from the ones lining your bookshelf, the colors were much simpler, he also notes that the book comes from Fontaine. You were quiet and focused on your own novel, it didn’t cause any disruptions to his sacred reading time so he didn’t say anything about it. 

Soon your curled form on the sofa became a regular sight to see. Every now and then you’d readjust your position, trying to find a comfortable way to hold your book while also relaxing. Alhaitham subconsciously scribbles down brief notes on the book he holds in his other hand. Yet this time when he looked down, he had recorded this small detail about you on the paper. He felt your eyes glancing over as he swiftly crossed out what he had just written. 

A few days later you gifted him more books along with a new notepad. Now there's an unequal exchange happening. You have now gifted him many items, and he has yet to give you anything in return besides a simple ‘thanks’. What should he give you? Alhaitham pondered the question for a bit. 

He realizes that he doesn’t have a firm grasp on your likes and dislikes. Should he try books? No, he’s not familiar enough with your taste in literature to confidently gift a book you’d enjoy. If there was something that you liked, you’d just buy it right then and there with no hesitation with your own money. He thought about it a bit longer. 

When you came home from a particularly tiring day of work you’d often have a small take-out bag in your hands. The frown on your face would melt away the moment you pulled the padisarah pudding from the bag. Alhaitham opened his eyes, he has found the gift to give you. But from which cafe did you get that dessert? 

--

“Oh?” You looked at the padisarah pudding currently on the kitchen table. 

“It’s for you.” Alhaitham didn’t look up from his book. 

“Thank you. Actually, I have something for you as well.” You began to dig through your bag. 

Alhaitham glanced up to see you present him a new notepad and a stack of stick notes, the green paper embossed with gold detailing. He hasn’t even touched the first notepad you had gifted with a pen, and here you were giving him another. Now the current gift balance is even more off. 

You took your first spoonful of the pudding, his teal eyes secretly peeking at your expression as you processed the flavor. You furrowed your brow slightly holding the spoon in your mouth, then shrugged your shoulder as you took another bite. Your face didn’t light up like when you ate the ones you bought. 

Tsk, this means Alhaitham bought it from the wrong store. He knows he could simply just ask you which place made your favorite pudding. However, he finds the opportunity for experimentation in front of him more interesting. He wonders what faces you’ll give for each variation of the dessert. 

He gained more knowledge about you, you have a sweet tooth. He already guessed from your fondness for a certain dessert, but those were a treat for once in a while. You liked fruits, often snacking on them when you were bored on your phone, or as a late-night snack when reading. 

“Mmmh.” You looked down at the zaytun peach in your hand. 

“Is something the matter?” He asked, placing his cup of coffee down. 

“Which vendor did you get this peach from?” You looked over at him. 

“Why? Is there something wrong with the quality?”

“No, I like it. It’s got the right amount of firmness and sweetness.” You took another bite. 

Alhaitham made sure to only get zaytun peaches from that specific vendor. 

--

Currently, the head secretary was facing a small dilemma. On his desk he has amassed quite a collection of stationeries. All in part thanks to you, he took some of the notepads and sticky notes to his office, your gifting habits slowed when it looked like he was using them. The ashen-haired man could not pinpoint where this sudden obsession of giving him stationeries came from. 

Although, he has to admit it is quite amusing to watch the expression on your face as you watched his every time you handed over a new office item. It reminds him of a cat presenting its owner with shiny objects it had found, waiting for its human to react. But the current gift exchange ratio is still off. 

  His teal eyes scanned the report that had been placed on his desk earlier in the morning, there were a lot of important details between the lines on the pages. He should list down the details on a note before passing it on to the CEO. A hand reached towards the pile of post-its on his desk, courtesy of you, before it stopped. 

‘It would be too much of a waste to use good quality paper for such a tedious task.’ He reasons as he used one of the subpar post-its provided by the office. 

Dropping the report off at the CEO’s desk before he headed out for his lunch break. Walking to his favorite cafe, a familiar flash of color caught his eyes, a florist was selling potted pardisarahs. You did always seem to admire the colorful flowers that decorated the top of the dessert. 

He stood there on the street contemplating the plant. Padisarahs are fickle flowers, needing a specific blend of soil and precisely measured amounts of water. Too much sun and the fragile petals will burn, too little and the vibrancy of its leaves fade. He concluded that he didn’t want to bestow such a hassle on you. 

Returning from his lunch break to his office, Alhaitham was greeted by a great violation of his personal space. Covering his desk were stacks of new proposals and applications, those weren’t out of the ordinary. But the colorful squares plastered all over each new proposal were:

Please approve these proposals secretary Alhaitham! They are very important! ASAP

Here are the calculations of the research funds for next year, take a look at them - T

Alhaitham you better approve my application this time, the project is already delayed and I filed this paperwork twice! If you have any respect for your senior then approve this as soon as possible! - K

Head secretary, these are the new amendments to company policies. The legal team is awaiting your approval before we proceed with the implementation. - C

 They used the stationeries that you had gifted him to write nonsense. They had the gall to ask him for favors after they touched his desk without permission and wasted such pretty paper. 

Every proposals on his desk got thrown in the trash without so much as a glance. Nothing got approved, next time they should carefully consult his listed work hours outside the office. 

He didn’t think he’d have to make a sign that said ‘do not touch the items on my desk’ to a workplace of grown adults, but he was very much contemplating it now.  

Later that night, his annoyance from earlier in the day melted away once he cracked open the new book gifted to him. Your form comfortably wrapped in a light quilt as you cradled yours. The minutes turned into hours, the silence comfortable like the heat from a fireplace. A soft snap echoed through the room, your hand moving towards your face from the corner of his eye.

“Is something the matter?”

“Mm? Oh, no. The ending was just sad.” You wiped a tear from your other eye.

He learned something new about himself today, he didn’t like seeing you cry. 

You really should’ve known better. Like Icarus, you’ve flown too close to the sun. The glue binding the wings of maturity and sanity you’ve crafted started to melt and fall apart, causing you to plunge down. Falling back into the obsession of ‘love’. What started as just one book, turned into two, turned into four. Now your once sparsely populated shelves were crowded with new romance titles of all sorts. 

--

 “You’re rather late today.” Alhaitham’s voice made you freeze in place. 

Why did the living room have to be so close to the front door, maybe you should’ve snuck back in through the back door. Sneaking back into your own house, did you revert back to a teenager while in your fourth year of marriage? 

“Sorry ‘bout that, I got caught up with friends.” 

That was a blatant lie, your poor friends were dragged into your mess all because you couldn’t be honest. You weren’t in their company, no, you were in the theaters watching a film alone. But how could you ever admit to him that as the Alpha and Omega lovers danced on the screen, you pictured your faces over theirs? 

Alhaitham acknowledged your explanation with a small hum, never looking up from his book. Good, because you were certain if he did, he would’ve seen right through your lie. 

Was your handsome husband the spark that rekindled your obsession? Or was it the stories you’ve been consuming that made your heart thump harder in his presence? 

You weren’t sure which was which, but you couldn’t deny the truth you’ve buried. You were in love with Alhaitham. It was an undeniable fact. From the beginning, you’ve always liked him. His quiet demeanor, his baritone voice, and his teal-orange eyes. But now you were in love with them, every aspect of him. You hated how helpless it made you feel. 

But you secretly liked how good it felt. After years of dormancy, you finally felt it, the rush described to you in those stories. That can’t sleep love, that delicious burn of pining, the itch in your chest as you laid in bed next to him. Two quilts defining the unseen boundaries of personal space, you longed to creep over it but you lacked the courage. 

What does he smell like? The same shower and laundry products were shared between the two of you. But that is not what you meant. What did his pheromones smell like? Was it a cool fresh scent, cool like the minty streaks hidden through his ashen hair? Or was it deep and woodsy? Maybe he smells like the pages of an old library book. 

You used to pity your Omega classmates, for you knew the stigma and inconveniences they will face in their lives. However, right now you envied them to the point of nausea. They knew what Alhaitham’s scent was, but you don’t. Why did you have to be a Beta? 

The demon known as insecurity you thought you’ve left behind was actually lurking in your shadow the whole time. 

Maybe you should check yourself into the Bimarstan, the fever of love feels as if it’s melting your brain. His gaze felt piercing now, his accidental skinships seared your skin. You had no one to blame but yourself, Alhaitham is not at fault, you were the one who fell into the fire as he sat in his place on the couch unaware. Even after four years you still couldn’t be honest with your own husband.

Feelings were never discussed because he believed you had a mutual understanding that this was for convenience. 

You can’t tell him you wanted more. How can you tell him you wanted more? There’s already a wall four years in the making, too great to overcome.   

‘I need to rein myself in’ Alhaitham thought as his eyes followed your figure through the crowd below. It was a slow Friday at work so he decided to walk away from his desk, arriving at an overpass that looked over the streets of Sumeru. Something compelled him to look below, and under the golden sun there you were, and by your side was another Alpha. 

Dehya is her name, a good friend of yours that you introduced once before leaving for a birthday celebration. A good friend who had the privilege to ruffle your hair and loop an arm around your shoulders as she ushers you into one of the many stalls filled with glittering trinkets. 

His hand tightened its grip on the railing, why did she have privileges he was denied? Alhaitham felt he was stalking his own wife. Idiotic really. 

Skinship was not commonplace between you, an unseen glass wall defining the boundaries of your personal space. Whenever his skin met yours, you’d flinch and pull away as if you were burned. He always just apologize and the two of you would move on without another word. Hell, even if his eyes lingered on you for too long you’d tense up. 

It’s been happening more often now, is it because his eyes started wandering more towards your figure or how his hand itched to hold yours?  

Were you scarred by a past relationship? Were your flinches the remnants of a darker period in your life before him? His jaw clenched. By pulling a few strings he had pulled up more files of your past, to satisfy his mind’s hungry, but there was nothing. It only made his curiosity hunger more, or was it something else? Alhaitham wanted answers to why you hated his touches and stares, yet wanted to be in his presence and give him gifts. 

There was only one conclusion he could come up with: you liked your personal space. And he will respect it, but why did your friends not have to?

There was now a knot in his stomach as if a beast was clawing at it, maybe he should call off work and head to the Bimarstan. He disappeared from the overpass. 

–

“Haitham.” He heard your soft pounds on the door. 

“Leave some hot water for me.” He could envision the pout on your lips, and that’s what brought him over the edge. 

Watching with shameless eyes as the evidence of his guilt washed down the shower drain, running water masking his pants. 

If he can’t touch you, that doesn’t mean he can’t think about you; words spoken like a true creep he silently chastised. Alhaitham doesn’t care to admit how long he’s been doing this, perhaps his primal urges weren’t as controlled as he believed. 

It’s strange really, you’re a Beta yet you make him have these urges.

You don’t produce any pheromones to cling onto his body. But by using the same shower products as you, it serves the same purpose of scenting no? A foolish voice Alhaitham pushed from the back of his mind, taking another pump of your body wash. Maybe he should check the dosage of his inhibitors. 

–

The only opportunity he got to observe you closely was when you were asleep. ‘You’re quite the heavy sleeper’, he notes as his eyes traced over the subtle curves of your cheeks, the contours of your nose, and the softness of your lips. 

It’s accepted wisdom that Omegas were the most beautiful people. The top A-list singers and actors being Omegas only solidified the belief. However, Alhaitham’s confident your existence could challenge that very notion. 

If it weren’t for your distinct lack of a scent, any Alpha could’ve mistaken you for an Omega. Even his guests were taken aback by how your appearance didn’t match your status as a Beta. 

There was a pang in his chest. If he felt those urges when looking at you, then it’s guaranteed that others, specifically other Alphas, have felt it as well. But why? He trusted you to stay true to your convictions of loyalty and integrity… He wasn’t so sure about others though. Even with the inhibitors coursing through his system, he couldn’t seem to push down that annoying hand clawing at his back. 

You stirred, huddling into your blanket more, snapping his attention back. ‘Oh, you must be cold again’. The houses in Sumeru were designed to keep hot air out, so when a northern cold front blew in, you definitely felt it. 

Quietly getting up, Alhaitham pulled the spare quilt out of the closet, gently layering it over your curled form. The knit between your brows disappeared as a pleased expression overtook your face. Were you having a pleasant dream? Was he ever included? Subconsciously his hand began to reach for your face, only to freeze. 

‘Personal space’ he reminds himself as he strolls out of the bedroom. 

It makes no sense to him, you’re a Beta. In fact, the reason why he married you in the first place was because he believed your lack of pheromones and lack of heats won’t disrupt his peaceful life. The matchmaker had called him her biggest challenge, persevering only because of a promise made to his late grandma. 

So, how were you still corrupting his thoughts like this? 

He should read to calm his mind before he attempts to join you back in bed. Thoughts running laps in his head, analyzing then overanalyzing every last explanation he could come up with. 

Alhaitham’s greedy hands made their way over to your bookshelf, perhaps he could sedate a bit of his curiosity as well. Pulling the Fontainian novel that marked the start of a tradition. 

Under the golden glow of a lamp he flipped through the pages, it seems that your taste in literature has matured. Teal eyes skimming past a paragraph before going back to do a double take. 

‘Love born in the brain is more spirited, doubtless, than true love, but it has only flashes of enthusiasm; it knows itself too well, it criticizes itself incessantly; so far from banishing thought, it is itself reared only upon a structure of thought.’

He reached an epiphany. 

It looks like you’ve been careless recently. Too distracted by the task of masking your infatuation of your husband from your husband, and maintaining your independent mask to realize that Alhaitham had once again finished all his books. 

The novel right in front of you, moved from its place on your shelf, was proof of that. 

‘It’s a good book’

Your husband’s neat handwriting was present on the small mint post-it plastered on the front cover. It was a simple gesture yet it made your heart flutter as if you had won the achievement of a lifetime. You finally got Alhaitham to use one of the many stationeries gifted to him. 

Carefully peeling the paper off the cover, then folding it to tuck it away in your pocket. 

“At least it’s not another light novel this time.” You affirmed, sticking the book back into its spot. 

--

“The mahamatra have announced a total recall of the inhibitors distributed during the past three months, with reports-”

You were lost in your own little world, contemplating just which books haven’t you bought for your husband yet. Tuning out the sounds of the bookstore playlist and TV as your eyes scanned the titles of the thick books in front of you. 

Would he like Sci-Fi? Sure it’s not academic but maybe it’ll have nuggets of information in there that’d catch his interest. 

--

The weight of the books made your bag strap dig into your shoulder, seeing the house in the distance, you picked up your pace for the home stretch. Tomorrow marks the start of a four-day public holiday, and after the crunch time your boss put you through to tie up loose ends. You needed it. 

Turning the keys in the knob you entered your peaceful little safe haven. 

Only to immediately feel the heaviness in the air. 

Your husband should be home by now, yet the spot on the couch remained empty. His shoes were placed at the door, albeit messily. Kicking off yours as you placed the bag on the coffee table, you navigated your way through the halls. 

The atmosphere was quiet, but not the comforting silence you’ve experienced for the last five years. 

“Haitham?” You called out, about to turn the corner into the master bedroom. 

His black button-down and slacks were thrown all over the floor, a large lump was currently huddled under your blankets on your side of the bed. ‘Oh, he must be napping’. 

Two years in, Alhaitham slept shirtless again like he did before you came. Never before were you grateful that your job made you get up at ungodly 8 am, but having an extra 30 minutes to look at his godly body as he slept made mornings bearable. 

Still, the air didn’t feel right and even if he was messy sometimes, your husband never just threw his clothes on the ground when the laundry basket was right in the corner. His breathing also seemed labored. 

“Haitham, are you sick?” Reaching a hand into the cocoon of blankets, feeling for his temperature. 

A sharp inhale was heard as his breathing stilled, his skin was burning. You moved onto a different patch of skin to confirm it. He must have a fever. 

“You’re burning! I’ll get medicine and water, don’t move.” Your hand quickly retracted. 

Just as your back was turned towards him, like a monster from beneath the blankets a pair of arms entrapped you.

“H-haitham?” His touch was searing you. 

“W-woah?!” 

In an instant, you were pinned under Alhaitham’s towering form, the soft sheets cushioning your body. The place where he once curled was twisted and balmy. Your eyes shoot up at him as he hovered above, your body stiffened. A scarlet haze offset the brilliant teal hue you’ve grown so infatuated with, a sense of impending danger ran down your neck. 

He doesn’t have a fever, he’s in a rut. 

Your thoughts were running wild, bouncing around in your skull as his labored breathing above continued. In all five years, you’ve never seen Alhaitham go into a rut, he was always diligent with his inhibitors. You’ve never been around an Alpha in rut, after all, you were never the one to trigger it. 

It’s embarrassing really, you had no idea what to do, all your experience with ruts came from those steamy light novels. 

“H-haitham, let me up, I’ll get your inhibitors...” You tried to tug your wrists from his grasp. 

Big mistake. His grip tightened as he buried his face into the side of your neck, a low rumble was felt from his chest. Alhaitham had his nose right up against your neck, taking deep inhales as if he was trying to detect something. 

You shivered as your body temperature shot up, you’ve never been this close to him, the brushes of his ashen locks against your neck made your legs rub together. 

“Hey…” You moved your neck away, the sensation was almost overwhelming. 

“Stay still.” A baritone voice vibrated against you. 

On command your body stilled, muscles refusing to move as Alhaitham continued his search. His breath was against your ear, tickling it as he took deep inhales of your hair. A low groan was heard as if he was frustrated with something.  

“Not enough.” 

“Huh?-” 

The sound your blouse getting torn off your body resonated through the air. Even will a layer of clothing gone, your body felt hotter. Just as you began to process the loss of your favorite blouse, another rip rang in your ears. Your skirt was now gone as well. You were so vulnerable under his touches. 

Dragging his nose down from your neck, over your covered breasts, then along your belly. His hands now gripped your thighs as he shifts down to part them effortlessly, eyes focused on your covered cunt. 

Your mind was groggy, reactions dulled, why was the room so hot? Suddenly you felt his nose against your cunt, taking long whiffs of the slick that was beginning to wet the fabric of your panties. That was enough to spark action from you. 

“H-hey!” Your hands pushed against his messy locks as your thighs tried to preserve your dignity.  

“Ah!” You couldn’t stop the moan that escaped your mouth. 

In protest of your attempt to shut him out of heaven, Alhaitham bit into the soft flesh of your thigh. Hazy eyes looking straight into yours, warning you to not do it again. His intense gaze made something deep in your cunt pulse. 

Sharp teeth released soft skin as his attention was back on the honeypot in front of him. Your panties offered as much resistance as wet paper against his swift tug, the fabric now on the floor in pieces. 

Your cunt twitched with each hot breath that hit against its wet lips. With the thin barrier gone, Alhaitham can now freely bury his nose against your honeypot, tingles ran up his spine as the sweet musk of your slick sent his olfactory system into chaos. His throat felt parched as if he had just trekked the desert, he needed a taste. 

“Ah! Ahhh,” your back arched as his hot tongue lapped against your cunt. 

Alhaitham was slurping up your slick like a depraved beast, wet muscles sliding up the whole length of your slit, occasionally dipping into the contracting hole. Your whole body shook when the smoothness of his tongue ran across your clit, toes curling in the air.

 The shower head couldn’t bring out this level of pleasure. The fantasies you envisioned during your long showers couldn’t compare to the scene happening right now. His ministration continued, each stroke of his tongue sending blinding waves of pleasure. 

His hips were angrily rutting against the sheets, erection rubbing against the fabric impatiently. But he had to taste you more, his mind hazy as it craved nothing more than your taste. It was his first taste, but he was already addicted. Your legs tensed up in his grip as a loud whine left your lips, your body shaking as a sudden rush of slick was welcomed onto his awaiting tongue. 

Your sensitive body tried to flinch away as he continued to lap against your swollen lips and clit but his iron grip on your legs didn’t let you budge an inch. Eyes rolled back as the sweet torture continued. 

Your body convulsed, did you just cum again? Two orgasms sapped you of all strength, everything fell limp as your moans continued to fill the room. Your mind too foggy to even process the feeling of embarrassment. It felt so good, yet it was torturing, your cunt was sobbing for something else. 

As if taking mercy on your desperation, or maybe his desperation had reached its limit, Alhaitham pulled away. Teary eyes followed his motion, watching as he aligned his length with your greed.

You’ve seen him walk out of the shower in just a towel, how did he hide this behind a puny towel? 

Your cunt’s eagerness blocked any hesitation from reaching your brain as his length dragged itself against your soaked lips. The pillow behind your head was not enough, you needed something more solid to hold onto, to ground the last shred of your sanity. 

Shaky hands released the plush pillows, outstretched towards Alhaitham’s immense frame. A growl ripped through his chest as he dove into your arms at the same time as his length thrusted fully inside you.  

“OH!” Your fingers left deep stretches along his shoulder blades. 

His pants and soft growls vibrated against your neck as your eyes rolled back again, the fullness you’d been craving has been fulfilled. The stretch burned in all the right ways as your walls clung onto his member, thick and hard. Soft legs locked around a solid torso, your body pressed against his as his frame pinned yours to the bed. Just as you were adjusting to feeling of his length inside, his hips began moving. 

They were merciless, slapping against your hips and ass as the force made your whole body bounce. His length punishes your walls as it pulled out to just the tip only to be slammed back in at full strength. You clung to his muscular body for dear life, breasts bouncing out of their home in your bra. 

Nonsense was spilling out of your mouth as your brain malfunctioned from the blinding flashes of pleasure. The slick slaps of your cunt eagerly welcoming his every move and the headboard of the bed knocking against the wall complimented each other. 

Alhaitham’s pants were growing heavier, growls deeper as his tongue began to trace up and down your neck. The sensation along with his thick tip bullying your poor sweet spot pushed you over the edge for the third time. Walls clamping down to milk him as your legs squeezed him, the pleasure was toeing the edge of pain, much like how your brain was on the verge of madness. 

Nothing interrupted the pistoning of his hips as he fucked you through your orgasm, heavy balls slapping against your swollen lips. 

As the high was beginning to wear off, his pace became impossibly fast, the solid wood headboard now banging against the poor wall. Your bodies rocking together on the bed, he buried his face deeper into your neck. His teeth danced along your shoulder as your moans sang in his ears. He wanted to hear more of it. 

Alhaitham’s hips slammed against yours one final time before they stilled, teeth digging into your shoulder to suppress a moan, burying his length deep inside your cunt as his thick seed spilled. 

Your greed drank all of it up gratefully as your shoulder stung. 

Your chest was raising and falling fast, lungs trying to hog all the air that it could hold. Heart pounding hard in your ears. Tears and drool wet your face as your head fell weakly to the side on the soft pillow. You were completely spent as your arms didn’t even have the strength to hold onto him. Limbs limp and nerves fried. 

Above you Alhaitham continued to pant into your shoulder, length still buried inside. 

After a couple more harsh pants and deep breaths, you felt him stir, pushing against the bed to unpin you from his frame. 

“Ah-hh ahh~” You felt your walls clench once more around his length as he pulled out, a thick string of mixed slick connected his tip to your hole. 

Your body longed for rest as you turned onto your stomach, face pressed against the pillow, still panting heavily as your eyes closed. 

Two large hands grasped firmly onto your hips, startling your consciousness back as you looked over your shoulder. 

Alhaitham still had that scarlet haze in his eyes as he lifted your hips up, watching as more mixed fluids began to tickle out of your abused hole. Your eyes shifted down and you gulped, he was still erect. 

You were quite foolish to believe that one round was enough to satisfy an Alpha in rut. However, if it weren’t for his firm grasp on your hips, your body would’ve collapsed back into the sheets. 

A loud whine left your throat, vocalizing your exhaustion to him. It’s been a long time since you got any action, the two of you didn’t even consummate on the wedding night, it was spent packing your stuff. 

You tried to shift your hips out of his grip but he only held on tighter, earning another whine. 

Soft kisses were pressed against your back as if he was trying to soothe you. It was pathetic how weak you were to them, instantly melting against the pillow. Maybe you can last one more round you thought as his length rubbed against your slit again. 

Thanks to the extra prep and lubrication from the last round your walls were much more accustomed to the stretch as Alhaitham entered once more. His beginning thrusts were much more slowed and controlled than before as you moaned softly into the pillow. 

This couldn’t last sadly, as his lust overtook him again and his hips once again slammed into you, forcing a choked moan from you. Using his hands, he held your body up as he pulled all the way out until the tip then cruelly forced it all back into you. 

You wanted to beg him to rest, but you also wanted to beg for more. Your sloppy cunt accepted all his punishing movements with gratitude as the wet walls thanked his length with kiss-like contractions. 

Your eyes were rolled to the back of your head, mind absolutely blank, the pleasure must’ve melted your brain. All you could do was grip the tear-soaked pillow and let out moan after moan, the poor wall still getting beaten by the movement of the headboard. Tension building up once more in you. 

 Somewhere along the lines, you felt his teeth graze against your nape as his thrust picked up the pace once more, a sign that he was close to finishing. He was panting against the back of your neck as if he was searching for something. With a particularly harsh snap of his hips, he bites deeply into your nape as he releases a fresh batch of seed. 

“Why?”

You felt the frustrated growls against your skin as he bites again at a different angle. The pleasureful pain seems to have jump started your brain for just a second. 

‘Oh, he’s trying to bond.’ You felt Alhaitham’s soft locks brush against your shoulders as he continued his fruitless search. 

You were once reminded that you were just a Beta, unable to form a bond. He could bite your neck as many times as he wanted. His teeth can pierce the flesh until the skin was raw, but it would be all for naught. He’ll never get that satisfaction. You don’t have the glands to be bitten, to be marked, to be bonded with. 

You weren’t an Omega. There was now a heavy knot in your chest. 

–

You weren’t even sure what day it was, all you can recall is the hazy cycle of intense lust followed by a lull before the next round. During the lull, you did your damnedest to keep yourself and him hydrated, often having to lure him into the kitchen for some much-needed water and quick snacks. 

The air of the house was thick with the musk of sweat and desire, very nerve of yours fried from pleasure. 

Once again your body was pinned under his, legs thrown over his shoulders as his hips desperately snapped against yours. 

Every article of clothing has long since been removed, allowing your breasts to bounce along with every thrust. By now you were certain the shape of him was pounded into your cunt. The soaked sheets below clutched in your hands as if to ground you from floating up to cloud nine. 

The harsh pants and low growls above you increased in frequency in time with his thrusts. He must be close again. 

Fortunately, you’ve noticed that the breaks between each round have been getting longer and longer. A sign that the rut was ending. If you survive this you’ll bring offers to the sanctuary of surasthana to thank the archons for their blessing. Maybe after the feeling returns back to your legs of course. 

Suddenly your face was pushed into the side of his neck, the scent of sweat now stronger. 

“Bite.” His rugged voice commanded. 

Ah… he wanted you to mark him. With clumsy teeth, you felt around the smooth muscles. You can’t sense where his glands were so you just bit down at random along his neck. It was useless, you knew it, but still...

Alhaitham pushed himself eagerly against your teeth, encouraging you to bite harder with a growl. You obliged. 

His teeth ran along your raw neck, already covered in his bites and hickeys, searching for one last spot. Your jaw clamped down harder as his teeth sank into your neck one last time. Hips stilling as one final wave flooded into you, it was hard to tell when one orgasm ended and another began. 

Your hands found purchase around his back again, holding him close as you panted against his neck. Against yours a frustrated growl vibrated once more, his muddled mind confused as to why no bond has formed. 

“Why?”

There was that cold pierce of pain again. 

The large hand on the back of your head held your nose close against his searing skin. It could’ve just been your fried nerves, but as the darkness overtook your vision, you could’ve sworn there was a warm and opulent scent of wood and books.

 If you were reborn, in the next life could you recognize his scent?

Your eyes opened up to blinding sunlight. Your body ached as if it had been through hell and back, bones threatening to turn into dust at any second. The large bed messy and only occupied by one body. Shifting your sight away from the stinging light, his empty pillow came into view. 

You weren’t sure what came over you, but even as your muscles screamed you pressed your nose into the cold pillow and inhaled. Nothing. Just sweat and disappointment. 

Just what were you hoping for? That a few nights of passion would birth a miracle? That you’d somehow turn into something you couldn’t be? In the end, you were still you. Those novels must’ve rotted your common sense, stupid. 

Bitter tears fell onto the pillow, you didn’t have the strength to hold back the sobs as they wrecked through your body. 

Yes, you were stupid. So stupid from the very start to believe that this could work. That maybe after a few more years, maybe at the seven-year mark, he could fall in love with you as well. 

The dream of his tender eyes looking into yours with love crumbled right there in front of you. 

 A cup clanged onto the desk in the room as footsteps quickly made their way to your side, a blurred figure knelt down. 

“Is your body hurting anywhere? I’ll take you to the Bimarstan.” Alhaitham gently sat your covered figure up, trying to see the extent of the situation. 

Your small hands pushed against his solid frame, his motion stilled as you refused to allow him to see your face. 

However, Alhaitham knows he didn’t have the right to. Not only did he invade your sacred personal space, but he did so like a wild beast. Not allowing your body to rest or replenish itself as he trapped you to the bed for almost four days. He deduced that you must be hurting, that you must be scared of him now, and that must be the reason behind your tears. 

Guilt was suffocating him. Those stupid urges, that stupid rut. His stupid hands refusing to let you go.

Throughout your whole marriage, you had put on the mask of independence, someone who did not need to lean on a husband for comfort. Yet here you were, bawling out your eyes in front of him like a child. Your façade has been cracked, tears soaking into his pillow and snot trickling down under his unwavering gaze. 

What was the look on his face right now? You couldn’t see through the mirage of tears blurring your sight, not that you had the courage to face him. Was it disappointment? Right now as he observed your vulnerable figure, did he feel lied to after all these years? Like he had just discovered the defects in a product? 

The freezing water of self-loathing, doubt, and insecurity filled you like a boat whose haul had been pierced by the jagged edges of an iceberg. You were drowning, your limbs kicking and thrashing with all their might trying to resurface. 

For a brief moment, your face bobbed above the crashing waves.

“Let's get a divorce.” 

Those were the only words you managed to choke out in the space between your sobs before your head disappeared under the murky waters once more. 

His whole body froze as he processed your words. Alhaitham had already deduced why you wanted to end this relationship, he had hurt and scarred you. Yet, like a child, he still wanted to clamber for more answers. 

“Why?” He said through clenched teeth, you couldn’t see it but his hands had a slight shake. 

“We’re not satisfied, Alhaitham. I-it’s not working, I-i can’t satisfy your requirements. I-i can’t make you happy, I-i can’t make you love… me.” Hiccups breaking up your sentences.

That was it, you spilled out all your secrets. Your lungs and throat hurting as if you just pushed salt water out of them. 

Alhaitham’s hands were balled up so tightly his nails broke the skin on his palms. 

So, you weren’t happy. He couldn’t make you happy. He felt as if he had dropped down to the tier of a fool. A fool who didn’t know how to make those bitter tears of yours stop. 

He released you. 

You felt his presence disappear from your side. The touch of warmth he provides was now gone as coldness fully engulfs your whole being. The tears just wouldn’t stop. Is this what those heartbroken sobs actually felt like? Why did you ever think this was something to be desired? You truly were an idiot. 

You weren’t sure how long had passed, a few seconds or a few minutes, but his presence returned back to your side. He looked as if he had something in his hands. Were they divorce papers? Ah, Alhaitham was a man who always had a plan for everything. Did he have a premonition that this marriage was doomed from the start? How long has he had them?

Alhaitham didn’t feel like he had the right to touch you. However, he needed to do something to make you look at him. Please, just look at him. His large hands tenderly grasped yours as if they were made from glass. You still hid your face from him.

“I won’t bind you to a life that brings you unhappiness. But.. You have to tell me” His voice wasn’t as steady as he wanted it. 

“If you want strolls through the market, tell me. If you want to be woken up with sweet whispers, tell me. If you want to hold hands across a date night table, then tell me. You have to tell me what will make you happy.” He wasn’t sure if those were your unfulfilled desires or his.

You could only tighten your grip on his hands as you sobbed harder. 

Your statement from before was incorrect. Alhaitham is also at fault for this pain you were going through. If there was one feeling that was just as addictive as love, it would be hope. Please, please don’t give false hope. 

“I-i’ll disrupt your-r life…” You managed to choke out.

His thumb gently stroke the back of your knuckles.

“How could you ever disrupt something you’re a part of?” 

Your hesitant eyes finally met his teal gaze, his eyes soft as opposed to their usual stonewall stare. With the walls down, you were given a glimpse into the whirling emotions behind them. Endearment, sincerity, and hurt danced along the green-blue irises. 

“As for your last reason, here. I should’ve just given this to you directly.” His hands let go of yours, picking up the item he had brought.

He handed over the book you had placed back on your bookshelf a few days earlier, the one he had left his note on. So, he didn’t have divorce papers prepared? Your trembling hands accepted it, and through your teary eyes, you finally noticed the torn-out green and gold note contrasting between the cream pages. 

Tenderly, you unfolded the piece of paper retrieved from the book. Quickly blinking to clear your eyes from excess tears. In the neat script of Alhaitham’s handwriting: 

 ‘Love born in the heart as opposed to Love born in the brain:

 When one loves at first sight or goes looking for love, then one is essentially just attracted to someone for the sake of being with someone. Not looking objectively at any warning signs or relationship flaws one has with someone. If there are any issues, the bias of infatuation blinds you to them. 

So that's loving with the heart, based solely on carefree addictive emotion, even though it feels stronger and more enthusiastic on the surface. 

Love from the brain is more logical and objective. You take the time to understand a person, seeing them for them with unbiased eyes. You understand them thoroughly and can maturely and objectively work through the turbulence of life together. Individuals who set aside precious time to manually repair creaks, maintaining the structural integrity of a home that shelters their affections. 

With the diligence of a conservator preserving ancient scripts on papyrus that should have been disintegrated long ago. 

The latter rather than the former describes the bond forged between my wife and I.’ 

Your grip crumpled the side of the paper.

“What does this mean?” Hesitation in your voice as tears blurred your vision of his teal eyes. 

“I love you.” He confessed. Three words have been overdue for years.

‘Don’t be filled with false hope’ Your mind echoed.

 “I’m not an Omega…”

“That’s not a requirement for love.”

That was it. It was as if you’ve been waiting all this time for him to say those words. The words of affirmation you didn’t know you needed. The key to free you from the cage of insecurity you’ve built for yourself. 

Your feet now touched the warm sandy bottom as air rushed back into your lungs.

  It looks like you’ve figured it out. Regardless of what definition of love has been pushed by external forces, these feelings he holds for you are objectively pure and true love. His hands tenderly took yours away from its grip on the paper. If you wanted him to, Alhaitham will spend the rest of his life proving it to you. He’ll conduct every experiment and collect all the data points to present to you. 

How silly, a red thread spun by two pairs of hands, created through undying trust, respect, and admiration had already tied the two of you in a bond. The love you were trying so hard for had always been right in front of you for five years.

The blanket draped behind your head resembled a wedding veil as the fabric folded and gathered around your trembling body. ‘Beautiful’ He thought. 

The room was a mess, sheets and clothes strewn all across the floor. The musk of lust still hung heavy in the air, the residue of sweat and other fluids still clinging to skin. Your hair was all over the place, tears still pouring from your eyes, his hair was no better. But in this moment, there was nothing more Alhaitham wanted to do than this: 

“Will you take me, Alhaitham, as your lawfully married husband? To love me through sickness and health, through poverty and wealth, and through sun and rain?” 

Sobs were still wracking through your body, words unable to form in your mouth but you were nodding your head enthusiastically. Your hands felt small firmly holding onto his larger ones. 

“I, Alhaitham, will take you as my lawfully married wife. I will love you through sickness and health, through poverty and wealth, and through sun and rain… I do.” 

It was a silly sight to behold, but in this moment as he finally sees a smile break out on your face, it means the world to him. 

There’s a saying from a well-known poet from Fontaine it goes as follows:

‘Love is being stupid together.’ 

And clearly, the two of you have been very stupid. Oh so stupidly in love.  

Fin~

Authors note:

The long quote was taken from Stendhal’s The Red and The Black

The last quote is from Paul Valery

Also communication is v important to any relationship, people can’t read minds Alhaitham. If you made it this far, thank you and hope you enjoyed!

DON’T PLAGIARIZE, TRANSLATE, OR REPOST MY WORKS ON DIFFERENT PLATFORMS. 

[lullabyes22-blog]

Snippet - Fusion - Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

Jinx, no...

tw: gore, disturbing imagery

Forward but Never Forget/XOXO

"That will be the least of our problems if the Void eats her!"

"Not eat. Fuse."

"What?"

At the same time, Vi breathes, "Sweet fucking Janna."

The two men's stares flick her way. As one, they refocus on Jinx.

She has stirred. Her hands, clasped over her nape, unfold. A tiny sigh, like a child sated with sugar, escapes her. Then her head turns, and something bruise-dark peeks at them from between the nebulous blue veil of her hair.

"You came," she whispers.

The blackness of her eyes is absolute.

Vi's heart forgets to beat. Her lungs forget to breathe. In a matter of bells, her sister has gone from a mystifying enigma, to a maddening brat, to a halfway recognizable girl, to—to this. A changeling saturated in darkness.

"Jinx," Vi says, barely recognizing her own voice. "It's me. It's Vi. I'm here."

"I know," Jinx purrs. "I've been waiting."

She uncoils from her pose. It is the slow, sinuous movement of a cobra rising. When she stands, her body is a cobra's too: all lithe muscle and supple grace. She is bare from waist-up; just a pair of shorts and knee-high boots. The rest of her is all curves and angles. Her clavicles and hipbones jut like axeblades; her ribs flex like fingers against the skin.

It is the body of a girl on the cusp of womanhood—the body Vi herself once had.

It is also the body of an ancient deity: carved from marble and imbued with primordial hate. There is something luminous about her nudity. Every exposed inch gleams, iridescent, as if dusted with stars. Adrenalized sweat, Vi realizes. Her sister is drenched in it. Even from the distance, Vi can see the rapid pulse beating in her neck. Her pulse is in overdrive; she's jacked up on more than adrenaline. Something dark and primal is riding her, and it is ravenous.

It is the Hex-gem.

It nestles, equidistant, between her breasts. Not on a pendant, but embedded in a bloody starburst right into living flesh. The ragged edges of muscle ringing the wound have a crystalized gleam, like the crusty redness of a steak from the deepfreezer. No blood pulses from the hole. That's how Vi understands it's not a wound at all.

It is a fusion. A melding of meat and magic.

The Void is taking root inside Jinx's body. And it's using the gem as its vector.

"Jinx," Vi says, throat a knot. "What the fuck have you done?"

[argisthebulwark]

All Emotion Dripped Away

summary: skyrim men and their red flags <3 gn reader, no gendered terms or y/n used. feat: Brynjolf, Miraak, Vilkas, Farkas, Cicero, Mercer warnings: some unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Brynjolf's inability to commit is maddening. The worst part is that you understand exactly what led to him acting this way - losing Karliah and Gallus at such a young age, Mercer effectively ruining every positive moment they've shared, thinking that he's lost you. You can understand his aversion to committing himself to another person but the knowledge doesn't make it any easier to handle. "Must we put a label on it?" He groans, dragging your chair closer to his. He leans closer, lips only a few inches away - he knows exactly what he's doing. It's his most common maneuver - kiss you until you can hardly think, distracting you from anything deeper. "It's difficult to think with you so close." You breathe, attempting to resist his charm. "Aye, as you've said." "Don't you want more?" You ask, allowing his fingers to creep under your armor. "Why ruin a good thing?" His kiss is full of heat, a promise for more to come if you're willing to forget this conversation.

At first, Miraak's protectiveness was sweet. He accompanied you on missions far from home and fought at your side. Losing Mora's power had only caused him to become more focused on retaining the skills he had. Over time, it grew. You noticed him tagging along on shorter trips, soon finding that even a quick visit to a nearby village for supplies was a two person job. You'd faced dragons and giants, climbed High Hrothgar and aided in the resolution of a Civil War - yet it seemed you couldn't be trusted to walk a few miles from home. "I don't want to risk you, my love." He insists, falling into step at your side. "What if you were harmed? What if you're hurt and no one is there to aid you?" You don't like this almost childish way he seems to view you - once he'd doted on you, though now it almost seems as if he doesn't trust you to walk without some grievous injury befalling you. He's coddling you.

As an outsider, Vilkas had always appeared confident, headstrong, willing to tackle any problem. He's strong and intelligent and well spoken, of course he can handle things. As a partner, you've been surprised by his avoidance. When you were a recruit he had no trouble voicing your many faults, even as his Harbinger he's been critical - but not his partner. Those problems remain firmly within his own mind. You know he bottles them up, stewing on these emotions until he talks himself out of being upset, rationalizing everything. "If you don't tell me what it is you need, I cannot give it to you." You've pleaded with him, desperate to make this work. "I love you more than I can say - please, all I need is for you to talk to me." "There is nothing to talk about."

Farkas' recklessness had saved your ass on many occasions, but as his spouse it left you a nervous wreck. He'd often laugh off your worries before leaving for days, unable to communicate due to clearing out some bandit camp. His lack of self preservation reduced you to a mess of nerves, trying to work through it but unable to stop your eyes from wandering each time a door opened. "It's not a big deal." Farkas pouts, kneeling before you. His armor's all strapped into place and a pack of supplies hangs over one shoulder - he's about to leave again. Your heart kicks into overdrive, fingers shaking when they clasp the sides of his face. "I always come back safe, dear." He reminds you, that easy grin on his face. "Do you not trust me out there without you?" "I'd feel quite a bit better if I were at your side." You admit, staring pointedly at the sword slung across his back. "We do work well together." He agrees, a kiss planted on your cheek before he stands. "But you're the Harbinger, you have more important duties." Of course you did - your duties included paperwork and worrying, both of which were beginning to wear on your nerves.

You can't fault poor Cicero for his inexperience - he spent far too many years alone, no one but the Night Mother to keep him company. Isolation had changed him, left him lacking the knowledge many others took for granted. Of course you love him, you'd fallen head over heels for the fool and never looked back, but your relationship didn't come without it's own trials. He'd never learned the common things to do in a relationship; little things many couples did like dates were nonexistent and he had no clue how a normal relationship was paced. Falling for each other was easy, why hold back? Why not go all the way? It didn't help that his relationship with the other assassins was strained at best - some were friendly, others shut him out entirely. You were the only one he could turn to, the only one willing to share a meal and a laugh with your beloved Keeper. "Listener, will you teach poor Cicero how to love you?" He coos, gently combing the hair away from your face. Your first instinct is to refuse, to tell him that it's too much - but the peaceful smile melts your heart. "I want to love you the right way."

Often, you find yourself what Mercer likes more - being with you or keeping secrets from you. He omits things that don't even matter which only heightens your anxiety on the topic; if he's willing to lie about something as trivial as who went on what job or which client he's meeting with, what else could he be hiding from you? You tell yourself that it's nothing, just a survival trait he's picked up over the decades of leading the Thieves Guild, but it's impossible to ignore. He doesn't seem to enjoy the jealousy it incites within you but you can't quite puzzle out what he gets from it. In the end, it's easier to accept that he merely enjoys keeping secrets. Only the gods knew how long it had been since he'd last opened up to anyone and you were afraid that prying would make him snap shut the little window you've carved out in his heart.

[dronebiscuitbat]

Oil is Thicker Then Blood (Part 50)

Frustratingly, even after a week, there was no more sign of Doll. Even with V scouting through the vents more then once and dropping by the Russian’s old, now charred apartment.

There was also the matter of Guy.

He was fine. He'd run off seconds after the bite occurred to go get it looked at, the medical staff had simply wrapped in up to stop the oozing. They'd also told him to “Keep his fingers away from heavy machinery.” Not believing him when informed that a toddler had broken the casing on his fingers, not a hydraulic press.

Thankfully, he seemed to now be avoiding the Doorman family like the plague, if he caught a whiff of N he would make excuses to quickly leave the area, which N was absolutely not complaining about, the less interaction he had with the creep the better.

Right now though, N had been placed on patrol near his own apartment, Hal, and a few other officers that he didn't know the names of, were doing the same, it wasn't only for Doll, there were teams assigned to each section of the bunker. Hal had just assigned him closer to home.

Which he was thankful for, it quelled his worries whenever he went past his own door and saw it shut and secure, sometimes he could hear Uzi moving around inside, and it always made him smile.

He'd always been protective of Uzi, literally since the day they met. Minus the first few hours, He'd always known, almost innately, that she was smaller and more fragile then him just due to their model differences.

But now, ever since they'd “taken that next step” it was like that feeling was put into overdrive, if he was too far away from her, it was almost painful, and his worry got so bad he was irritable, grumbling at small inconveniences he'd normally just wave off with a smile and a laugh.

It was maddening.

But, there was very little he could do until they found Doll. And that was looking increasingly less likely considering that between V and the entire WDF police force, they should have found something!

Even if that was more scraps of cloth, oil trails, blood trails. Heck, even little bits of leftovers from her meals since she had to eat eventually. But nothing. Which meant one of two things.

One, that peice of cloth was old, and Doll hadn't been in the bunker anytime recently.

Or Two, she knew she was being hunted and was deliberately covering her tracks.

Considering the freshness of the blood on the rag when he'd found it, the second was far more likely.

A voice came through over shortrange, slightly garbled due to distance, but not enough to not hear.

“Anything?”

It was one of the officers that N didn't know the names of, he'd probably have to ask them eventually, but for now, all he did was respond.

“Negative.”

This job, the patrolling part at least, was very similar to his last job in a lot of ways. Getting orders over shortrange was nothing new to him, and neither was a lot of the police jargon that broke through the usual chatter. Though, that chatter was new. J and V were usually quiet aside from the occasional update, the workers though, they were more talkative.

The difference though, is that he was actually helping people. He hadn't done a lot yet, mostly just descacalating some irritated workers in a disagreement and the occasional petty theft. But even so, it felt good, there wasn't any guilt associated with watching over people, and even better he felt like he was earning his keep, both the apartment and the oil provided from the nursery. Which had the bonus of cooling him down way more efficiently then oil taken from the dead, as it was brand new, and golden.

Speaking of…

He took a swig of his container as he turned a corner, his audio receptors tuned on high so that he could hear even the smallest noise that came from the vents or otherwise.

“Get off me!”

The voice was masculine, and muffled between it's distance and multiple steel walls in the way. Still, N turned his attention towards it, whoever it was sounded distressed.

He made his way through the halls towards where he thought the voice originated, going left, then right. Entering a section of the bunker that was entirely empty… mostly.

There was a young man, extremely young, 16 at best, with purple eyelights and black hair tied in a man bun, he had aviator goggles perched on his head. A black leather jacket with like 15 pockets and a white undershirt.

“Dammit Chloe, get off!”

“Awww, come on Nico… this wouldn't be the first time~” Chloe was pinning him to the wall, holding one of his hands above him, she was leaned into him, trailing a finger up along his chest. Despite this, he wasn't blushing, he almost looked fearful.

“Fuck off!” He shouted, his voice cracking and ruining whatever intimidation he could have had, Chloe giggled.

“That's not what you said last time~” She slunk a hand under his shirt and out of view, but the way he flinched and the pathetic groan that escaped him let N know exactly where she'd touched him.

“I-I didn't know you were older then me! This is w-wrong!” The poor boys voice was trembling, and he looked like he was about to break down at any moment, N decided that he'd had enough of this.

“Hey! What's going on here?!” He shouted, making both drones jump. Chloe immediately released the boy, and he let out a breath of relief, until he saw who exactly was bearing down on them.

“Uh-! you? You're part of the WDF now?” Chloe's voice came out surprised and wary, she took a few steps back from N as she looked him up and down.

Then her face turned flirtatious again.

“That badge looks good on you~”

“Knock it off. You're my age, this kid's like 16, not cool Chloe.” N said firmly, his tail held far far away from grabbing distance, his posture defensive, though he felt more safe now with his position.

Chloe seemed to get a little nervous, eyes darting over to the teen still pressed up against the wall, she smiled warily.

“Oh! Well… we weren't doing anything… right Nico?” She gestured to him, and his violet eyelights suddenly went hollow, he looked at her, then back at N, before he looked at the floor.

“Yeah, whatever, we weren't doing anything.” He mumbled, putting his hands in his pockets and letting some of his raven hair fall over his eye.

N sighed, looking over at Chloe, who had the words biggest innocent smile he'd ever seen. He didn't believe her, he'd heard and seen enough to pick up that she wasn't innocent, but if the kid wasn't admitting it, there was a good chance he'd deny it if he brought them into headquarters too.

“Then move along. Neither of you should be in this hallway anyway.” He didn't like it, but the best thing he could do for this kid at the moment was to get Chloe away from him.

“Yeah. I'm leaving.” Chloe sauntered off, flashing Nico a look as she left, he seemed to gulp at it, before she was gone and it left the two remaining drones in the hall, looking awkward.

“Thanks…” Nico mumbled, not quite looking at the man in front of him, he kicked his feet as he started to walk away. But N stopped him, hand resting on the younger drones shoulder.

“Where you headed? I can walk you.”

“I-I don't need…” Nico trailed off, huffing a bit to himself before looking back on at N, N felt something tug at his core, those eyelights were strangly familiar, and not just because they reminded him of Uzi.

“Just home… if you don't mind.”

N nodded, following the drone through the halls until they entered familiar territory, where Uzi was clearly just leaving with Tera held in her arm, Nico stopped suddenly, looking at the both of them.

“Hey Zi, where you heading?” N asked his girlfriend, who smiled at his voice and turned to him, Tera did too, looking over at him and shouting “Papa!”

“Dad asked me to head over to the WDF office for something, he wouldn't say what even after I grilled him…” She ended it irritability, like perhaps she'd shared a few choice words with her father.

“That's weird… you think he would have told me when I saw him this morning…”

Uzi turned while he was talking to glance over at the drone who'd stopped, purple met purple, and suddenly the teen drone looked both terrified and guilty.

“Haven't I seen you before?” She asked him and he startled back, looking like he'd just been put on the spotlight.

“Uh… I don't-I don't think so.”

“Hi!”

Uzi looked over at Tera, who not only had said her third new word at a record setting pace, but was leaning off her mother to smile happily at the teenaged drone in front of them.

Nico looked taken aback, before something bittersweet took over his face, like he was both extremely happy and extremely sad.

“Hi there, buddy.” The way he said it was muted, but he did add a little wave in, which made Tera smile and lift her arms up to be held, which took Uzi off guard and had her pulling her away.

“Tera no! We don't ask strangers to pick us up.” Uzi scolded, and Nico gave a half smile in return, rubbing his neck in nervousness.

“I'll meet you at the office? I said I'd escort this young man home.” N smiled down happily, swooping down and giving her a nice big wet kiss on the mouth. She squeaked, and pushed him away, embarrassed.

“Not in front of people!”

“You did it in front of all our freinds?”

Uzi grumbled, hitting him in the arm gently.

“Not the same thing!”

N laughed before turning to face Nico, only to find the young boy had disappeared, and a quick look around the hallways confirmed that he was nowhere nearby.

“Huh.”

Next ->

[cherubmm]

🍎𖤓 ⇢ ˗ˏˋ EMBRACE࿐���

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ━━━━FEATURING: DREAM.sans

⊱.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ━━━━CONTENT WARNING: Yandere in general. Soft yandere. Unhealthy attachment. Obsessive thoughts. Invasion of privacy. Delusional mindset. Both dubious and nonconsensual touches are implied. Breaking in. Unwanted advances. Stalking. One-sided love. OCC. Not-proofread

⊱.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ━━━━PROMPT BY : oozgin

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: Gotta love me some stereotypical himno!dream. I like him being so oblivious It's almost painful.

"What happened to you…?"

The words danced through Dream’s mind as he hovered anxiously above you, his fleshless lips parting in a shaky whisper he hadn’t meant to say aloud. His usually bright golden pinprick—radiating with warmth and hope—was now sharp and shrunken, darting over your body as if searching for answers in every shadow of the room. His expression twisted, a patchwork of emotions he shouldn't be feeling right now. Panic. Confusion. Fear. Sadness...

And yet the sight of you, body lay sprawled across the floor, face damp with sweat, skin flushed, as your breath grows shallow was enough to gauge the other reactions from the guardian. You looked... wrong. So wrong. The neutral energy you usually had, even in your annoyance with him, was gone. Your body was shaking, but you felt burning hot.

His mind spun into overdrive, heart pounding as a thousand thoughts buzzed like angry hornets. 'Did somebody attack you? Was there a fight? No, no, there couldn’t have been, right? But… you were shaking so badly… Your skin was burning hot.' He stared at you helplessly. 'Was this—had someone poured boiling water on you?' His mind kept slipping back into these terrible, frantic conclusions, trying to make sense of something that simply didn’t fit.

'Star, did someone actually do that?' His thoughts spiraled. Panic pulsed through him, sharp and jagged. His fingers, which had barely touched your forehead moments ago, recoiled violently as if they had been burned by your heat. What was happening? What is wrong with you?

...

It's not that you hated Dream or anything— No, that really wasn’t it, 'Hate' was simply... blunt heavy to describe him. He was... fine, to some degree but his constant optimism, his endless positivity—Star, it was irritating, albeit a little unsettling. If you were being honest, it almost feels like dealing with an overenthusiastic puppy that couldn’t stop following you around and for some reason you-couldn't-nor-bother-to- figure-out-yourself, this bonehead decide to be overly attached to you like an overgrown barnacle, stuck to your side no matter how much you tried to shake him off. It was starting to feel less endearing and more like a prison of sugar-coated concern.

You stared down at one in your hand, barely registering the words as your eyes skimmed over the lines. You didn’t need to read it; you already knew what it said. It was the same as all the others—polite inquiries about your wellbeing, accompanied by those damned golden roses and cute little trinkets.

How have you been doing?

Did you eat already?

What hours did you sleep?

Are you okay?

Take care of yourself.

Let me know if you need something!

And many, many, many more. God, it was all maddening. What were you, some damsel in distress? The letters only continue to pile up, taking too much space in your room.... Seriously, what's wrong with this guy? You didn’t even know how or when he’d become so attached, and yet here he was. You rubbed your temples as a dull migraine started to throb at the back of your head. Great, just great. This fever was only making things worse. But you couldn’t afford to just sit around and be sick. money was money, and bills weren’t going to pay themselves.

...

Dream’s hands hovered uselessly over your trembling body, his thoughts spiraling further into panic. His first instinct was to help you, and for him, help meant positivity. You needed more positivity, right? You weren’t giving off any of your usual energy! So, of course, Dream did what Dream always does—he tried to channel some of his magic into you, thinking that maybe, just maybe, a little positivity would make things better.

But the moment his magic touched you, your body convulsed, your temperature skyrocketed. You gasped, your breath coming in ragged, labored gulps, as though your lungs were fighting for air.

He recoiled once more, eyes wide in disbelief. Why wasn’t it working? Why couldn’t he feel any positive energy coming from you? His emotions swirled in confusion. "No, no, no... Why isn't it helping? Am I doing it wrong?"

'Goddamnit, DREAM!!!', Your fevered brain managed the bitter thought through the haze of heat. If you had the strength, you would've been screaming your lungs out at him—for barging into your home, for touching you without permission, and for making everything worse. But right now, you could barely muster the energy to lift your arm, let alone yell.

“Wha… wha… what are you doing?” you croaked, your voice raspy and barely audible.

Dream's face brightened slightly at the sound of your voice, but it quickly faltered when you struggled to speak. “I’m helping!” he blurted, as if that explained everything. “You need more positivity—”

“No,” you rasped, cutting him off, though your voice came out barely more than a whisper. “Stop… making it worse… do something useful!”

Dream blinked, clearly baffled. Useful? Wasn't what he's doing already considered more than useful???

"Just... get... water... idiot."

After several more frustrating minutes of trying to get him to understand that no, you weren’t dying, and no, his positivity wasn’t going to fix your fever, Dream finally managed to grasp the basics of what he needed to do. Water. Towels. medicine. Rest.

...

Now you were lying in bed, drenched in sweat, a wet towel resting on your forehead. A box of tissues sat nearby, stacked in neat little piles, ready for when you needed them.

And Dream… Dream refuse to leave. He was glued to your bedside like some creepy nursemaid, a gentle yet nervous smile plastered on his face as if he was waiting for you to ask for something, anything, just so he could spring into action.

"How horrible," you muttered under your breath, glaring at him out of the corner of your eye.

Dream’s smile wavered slightly. "I’m doing my best to take care of you!" His voice was cheery, but there was an underlying nervousness to it.

You rolled your eyes. "Damn, right. You're doing a verrry good job at caring..." Dream’s unwavering presence was like a weight you couldn’t shake off. Sure, it was kind of nice to have someone taking care of you, but this skeleton? Dream was another level, possibly thresholding obsessive. You could feel his eyes on you constantly, watching your every move, as if you were a fragile thing that could break at any moment.

“Don’t worry! I’ll take care of everything,” He added, misinterpreting your silence as gratitude. He sat a little straighter, eyes gleaming with pride as if he had just saved the day

"You stared at him deadpan, your head pounding. What’s up with this guy??? “Fuckin' hell,” you muttered to yourself, turning your head slightly to hide your annoyance. Dream’s presence was more of a curse than a blessing, and you could only hope this fever passed quickly—before you completely lost your mind.

Ⓒ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐮𝐛𝐦𝐦 ──── 10/14/24 Navigation | Masterlist

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive (Daily updates!)

As part of the COVID-19 International Research Team, researchers at the Johns Hopkins Kimmel Cancer Center, Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, the University of Pittsburgh and Weill Cornell Medicine discovered a novel cause of cytokine storm -; the extreme inflammatory response associated with increased risk of death in COVID-19 infection.

Their findings were reported Nov. 27 in the online issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

In an intensive genomic search for causes of cytokine storm, the research team used autopsy samples obtained from 40 patients who died from COVID-19. They performed genome analysis on samples taken from multiple sites, including the lung, heart, liver, kidney, lymph nodes in the chest that initially filter the virus, and the nasal cavity where the virus enters the body.

They zeroed in on some 50 upregulated immune genes in the samples obtained from nasal swabs and followed through in the genomics for the autopsy tissues.

Stephen Baylin, M.D., Virginia and D.K. Ludwig Professor for Cancer Research and co-senior author, and first author Michael Topper, Ph.D., Evelyn Grollman Glick Scholar and instructor in oncology, were

familiar with many of the genes as part of the inflammasome, a protein signaling network they helped define that is activated to rid the body of virus or bacteria-infected cells.

"Some of the same genes involved in overactivation of the inflammasome appear to be key immune gene regulators of the hyperinflammatory process that leads to a new view of how these subsequently activate the "cytokine storm syndrome" and severely damage multiple tissues, says Topper.

The genes should turn on and off, Baylin explains, but when they stay on, it results in cytokine storm, the very severe inflammation that can be lethal to patients with COVID.

Essentially, immune genes in the nasal cavity, where the virus enters, send signals downstream through a system called renin-angiotensin-aldosterone system (RAAS) to initiate cytokine storm.

RAAS, a hormone system that normally turns on and off to help regulate blood pressure, body fluids and electrolytes, is the spark that pushes the immune response into overdrive, the researchers found, compromising the infection-fighting function of lymph nodes and causing severe damage to the lungs, kidneys, heart, liver and other organs.

The researchers also believe their findings may have implications for long COVID, a chronic condition following COVID-19 infection that is characterized by a wide range of symptoms, including fever, fatigue, coughing, chest pain, heart palpitations, headaches, joint and muscle pain, gastrointestinal issues and more. This is a focus of ongoing research, Topper and Baylin say.

In addition to Baylin and Topper, other researchers participating in the investigation are co-first author Joseph W. Guarnieri and co-corresponding authors with Baylin: Afshin Behesti (leader of COVIRT) and Douglas C. Wallace, Simon Pollett, Deanne Taylor, Eve Syrkin Wurtele, Robert E. Schwartz, Christopher E. Mason, Jeffrey A. Haltom, Amy Chadburn, Henry Cope, Justin Frere, Julia An, Alain Borczuk, Saloni Sinha, JangKeun Kim, Jiwoon Park, Daniel Butler, Cem Meydan, Jonathan Foox, Yaron Bram, Stephanie A. Richard, Nusrat J. Epsi, Brian Agan, Josh G. Chenoweth, Mark P. Simons, David Tribble, Timothy Burgess, Clifton Dalgard, Mark T. Heise, Nathaniel J. Moorman, Victoria K. Baxter, Emily A. Madden, Sharon A. Taft-Benz, Elizabeth J. Anderson, Wes A. Sanders, Rebekah J. Dickmander, Katherine Beigel, Gabrielle A. Widjaja, Kevin A. Janssen, Timothy Lie, Deborah G. Murdock, Alessia Angelin, Yentli E. Soto Albrecht, Arnold Z. Olali, Zimu Cen, Joseph Dybas, Waldemar Priebe, Mark R. Emmett, Sonja M. Best, Maya Kelsey Johnson, Nidia S. Trovao, Kevin B. Clark, Victoria Zaksas, Robert Meller, Peter Grabham, Jonathan C. Schisler, and Pedro M. Moraes-Vieira.

This researach was supported by the Division of Intramural Research, NIAID, NIH grant to Sonja Best, and DOD W81XWH-21-1-0128 grant awarded to Douglas Wallace, the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Grant INV-046722 awarded to Douglas Wallace, Adelson Medical Research Foundation, Hodson Scholar Foundation, Glick scholar awards and Samuel Waxman Research Foundation awarded to Stephen Baylin from the Defense Health Program (HU00012020067 and HU00012120103), the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease (HU00011920111), and the USU RESPONSE award (HU00012020070).

Source: Johns Hopkins Medicine

Journal reference: Topper, M. J., et al. (2024). Lethal COVID-19 associates with RAAS-induced inflammation for multiple organ damage including mediastinal lymph nodes. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2401968121.

Study link: www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.2401968121

[jonnysinsectcatalogue]

Eastern Yellowjacket - Vespula maculifrons 

Talk about a blast from the past with these images! In this blog's earlier days, video posts were uploaded to the blog that showcased these hungry Wasps who were dining on freshly caught insect meat. At the time, I was quite happy to feature these examples of insect behavior, but something was brought to my attention as a result of those video being uploaded to YouTube. A helpful watcher left a comment inquiring as to what exactly the Wasp was eating and that a better angle would help. They were absolutely correct! While I had no further videos to share from that day, I did have these images. And so, I hope these pictures can provide a better view of the Wasps' feast on the carcass of a freshly molted Dog-Day Cicada. The head was missing, leading me to believe that the Cicada was decapitated from above, near its exuvia, leading to the head and body landing in two different locations. Genuinely, it was the perfect time to strike since the freshly molted imago hadn't had time to sclerotize and solidify itself. Cicada landed on its back, causing the legs (the ones that haven't yet been harvested) to point up or to the side.

The primary feeding documented in these pictures is the carving up of thorax's innards and biting of the exposed abdomen as the Eastern Yellowjackets dive in for a bite! The Cicada's 4 wings - which weren't even given the change to unfold and inflate - appear in their wavy forms with a faded white-to-green color accentuated by the deep-green of the wing's primary vein. It sounds cruel, but this is the way of things, and Wasps need to nourish their nest's larvae so that they in turn are nourished. Although many Vespula Wasps are often feared due to their ability to painfully bite and sting, their persistence, their attraction to humans (and their food), and their warning stripes (of course), it's always worth remembering that these insects have an important part to play within their ecosystem beyond annoying humans out in the wilderness and stinging for seemingly no reason. The many Yellowjackets of North America are experts at managing pest insect populations to feed the larvae within their nest. Furthermore, they provide valuable assistance as generalist flower pollinators alongside other flying insects. The problems come in when their aggression or feeding instincts surge into overdrive as a result of a nest defense or the seasons changing. Even I'm afraid of Yellowjackets and their propensity to swarm, but that more I learn about them, the less there is to fear. Having that said, it can be absolutely maddening to accidentally stumble on a ground nest and face the wrath of the colony!

Pictures were taken on July 29, 2018 with a Samsung Galaxy S4. And of course, as the striped workers take what they can carry for the nest, numerous Pavement Ants arrive to collect their fill too. Although many times smaller than this Wasp specie, a Yellowjacket would do well to avoid Pavement Ants given how suddenly they can climb, swarm and pinch apart matter with their mandibles!

[paragonrobits]

its suddenly occured to me that as soon as Simon Petrikov makes an official return as feeling like a member of the main AT cast in his own right, Jake is no longer present. It's still unclear how much of it is Jake having retired prior to his death, or if he was already dead by the events of Obsidian, but it feels like Simon has taken up the role Jake originally occupies.

Essentially when you look at Simon's events in Obsidian and the apparent role he seems to have among the bigger Finn-PB-Marceline-Simon party and group dynamic, he shares a LOT of surprisingly similar traits with Jake:

EXPERIENCED PARTY MEMBER: Jake isn't the oldest member of the group by any stretch, but the other characters TREAT him like he is; he's generally considered to have the most life experience, and he is often treated as being the wisest one. How much of this is objectively true is up for debate and a question for how much of it is just character viewpoints coming in, but Simon definitely has the most life experience. It's arguably one of his more defining traits, since having so much of it against his will is one aspect of the crown. Simon is also a pretty dang smart and emotionally intelligent person, though he doesn't acknowledge it.

THE DAD GUY: In the sense of 'being an older guy that the other characters talk to for advice and reassurance that can be relied upon to solve problems'. Jake isn't precisely a father to Finn in particular by any means, but he IS an older brother who can sometimes come off as having raised Finn, and he is definitely a dad. (Admittedly only for... well, a day because the Pups age weird, and it clearly bothers him, but it still counts.) As for Simon, him being a Dad is probably the thing that most hammered down his characterization and redefined him to such a colossal extent that Simon Petrikov overnight went from being the tragic origin of the Ice King to 'HOLY FUCKING SHIT HE WAS MARCELINE'S REAL DAD!!!!!', with all the implications of his character since. Simon is a dad, and his role as a dad underpins so much of what he seems to value and want more than anything else.

HYPER COMPETENT IN SPECIFIC FIELDS THAT FEEL MORE MUNDANE THAN THE OTHERS: Finn hits things and does Dungeon Adventure stuff. Princess Bubblegum is practically a text book mad scientist alight with the maddening light of GENIUS ITSELF. Marceline, interestingly, comes off very heavily as a parallel to Finn and Jake as a combo package, but the thing that characterizes Jake and by extension Simon for this argument is that they don't do the fancy stuff the other characters do. Jake hits stuff with his magic powers, but in practice he's a pretty blunt force person who doesn't do much of anything outside that, and Simon is notable in that he comes off as being kind of a useless weenie who THINKS he's a useless weenie... until the call of danger comes, and he abruptly shifts into overdrive and almost effortlessly solves the problems he faces without hesitation or any self preservation. In Obsidian he arranges a big calvary team completely on his own, off screen and without prompting, and in Fionna And Cake we see more of this. Simon THINKS he's useless while Jake doesn't care, but both of them are startlingly hyper competent in the narrow field of 'its kinda boring compared to the others but they do it'.

MORAL AMBIGUITY: This is probably the most potentially contentious one, but bear with me. Jake has an established history as a thief and general Dude Doing Crimes, and its not particularly clear if he stopped because he regretted it or just because he became more responsible for Finn. He doesn't SEEM like he regrets it in the slightest, either. Throughout the series it's a running theme that while Jake is generally wiser he's also way more prone to saying messed up stuff or suggesting iffy things for comedic purpose or just on a whim; taken seriously, it can feel like Jake is straight up Chaotic Neutral without much interest in the ethics he does, just about caring about specific people and not much else besides that.

Now let's look at Simon. The current fandom vibe is 'academic weenie with a bubble butt that screams in danger a lot', and this IS technically true, but its not the whole story. Ice King WAS a villain, and genuinely the most recurring threat throughout the series, and while that was part of the crown, the other wearers show it doesn't come out of nowhere. The potential to be Ice King, the callous and destructive brute force, is part of Simon in a whole 'there's two people in the mirror, the one you see and the one you DON'T want to see' kind of way. But during the course of Fionna And Cake we see Simon abducting someone he hates to use them as a magical battery and when they die from it he's more upset about losing his chance and not that someone DIED, when he watches a parallel version of himself wither away he brushes it off as 'oh they were a bad Simon'. It's not implausible Simon did some... STUFF back in the days of the post-war world to ensure he and more importantly Marceline survived. He has a history of revealing that underneath his weenie exterior, he's a solid mass of cold metal that's like biting on tin foil.

All in all, it feels that as Jake has implicitly left the narrative, Simon has been neatly dropped into fulfilling roughly the same role Jake originally did to the rest of the group, or at least that Jake's general narrative purpose of 'does more wacky things for giggles' has been generally split between Finn and Marceline, while Simon has taken on some of his Experienced Family Member and Moral Ambiguity bits.

[tamurilofrivendell]

Beauty and the Beast | Chapter 16

Previous Chapters [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15] Read on AO3 [x]

Pairing: Thranduil/Fem. Reader Summary: A Beauty and the Beast inspired tale with Thranduil the Elvenking and a human reader from a nearby village Taglist: @captainchrisstan​, @rebleforkicks​, @yjrevolution​, @majahu​, @honey-wine​​, @accio-boys​, @achromaticerebus​, @solomonssimp​, @tired-ass-show-girl​​, @dreamlessnight​, @daddy-long-legolas​,

The walk down the hall from the library was one of the longest of your life as you tried to figure out whether or not the King had some ulterior motive. Was he lulling you into a false sense of security? Though you couldn’t come to any reason why he would need to do that other than the fact that you had built up such an image of him in your head that everything about him seemed to trigger your paranoia. It was maddening but you focused on keeping yourself upright as you trailed along beside him in the direction of your room.

“How many in your village can read?” Thranduil asked after a long silence, turning just slightly so he could look at you.

It took you off guard as you glanced up at him, eyebrows raised in question. “Uh.” You shook your head, grasping for words. “Not many.” You admitted, shrugging.

“But you can.” It was not a question. Thranduil knew lots about most, if not all, of the villages surrounding Mirkwood and yours in particular was quite a small, poor one. Not many people prioritised learning to read and write and he was quite intriged to find that you were different.

Nodding, you clasped your hands in front of you, looking around at the architecture of this place once more, unable to help yourself. The magnificence of it still overwhelmed you. “Yes. My father taught me... when I was small.” Your expression fell slightly at the thought of your father. You missed him. A lot.

Thranduil sighed when you mentioned your father and you took it negatively, turning to look at him with a frown. “My father is a good man.” You said firmly.

“I said nothing to the contrary.” Thranduil replied, waving a dismissive hand, keeping his voice steady.

“You did not need to!” Your feet stilled as you stopped walking. You stood half-glaring up at him as you watched him turn around, irritation clear in his eyes, but you found that you didn’t care. You loved your father, he was all you had and you were all he had. Legolas had told you he had not been in his right mind when he had stumbled upon this kingdom and you believed him. Your father was not at fault - he would never hurt anybody, not intentionally. “How can you be so cold?”

“That is not how you address your King, Girl.” Thranduil’s voice had dropped considerably, a clear warning laced through his tone like ice.

Now, this was the King you recognised. “I have a name, you know.”

Another silence fell over you both. You could have heard a pin drop in that hallway as Thranduil stared you down and you stared back, not wanting to give in to him. You had never met anyone more frustrating or more confusing in your entire life. How did he switch so rapidly from mean to kind and back again. Was it all false? A lie? It seemed very possible.

Thranduil’s face was as blank as a blank sheet of parchment but his mind was working on overdrive. He was faced with the fact that you were being outrageously disrespectful, to a king no less. You, his prisoner who he had allowed to roam freely in his kingdom. He was also faced with the fact that he understood where it was coming from and the fact that he had been trying to be nicer. He had been determined to, in his own way, make some sort of amends - show gratitude for what you had done after the encounter with the orcs in the forest. So why were you making it so difficult?!

“You are right.” Thranduil said after another moment of pure silence, surprising you. Your frown disappeared and you stared at him in disbelief, having been anticipating an argument or for him to grab your arm like he’d done after finding you in the West Wing. Thranduil said your name then and you blinked, not having believed that he had actually even known it. “I apologise.” And with that, he turned and continued down the hall towards the room you were staying in.

You stood there for a second longer than necessary, staring dumbly at the waterfall of his hair that ran down his back, and then you forced yourself to move. Walking after him, you found the anger had gone out of you. Instead of glaring at him, you eyed him curiously as you both travelled across a walkway.

Finally coming to your room, you held in a sigh of relief, reaching for the door handle so you could let yourself in. Though your previous irritation at the Elvenking had lessened after his apology... apology! You could hardly believe the words had actually left his mouth. You turned to look at him once you’d stepped through the doorway, to bid him goodnight, and found him studying you.

Thranduil couldn’t deny that he was curious. To himself, at any rate, if anyone were to ask him outright he would act as if it was the most ridiculous notion in Middle Earth. He had been full of frustration and derision when his son had decided to take you under his wing like a little mortal pet but he couldn’t quite shake that there was something... he couldn’t put his finger on it but he quite wanted to figure out what was bothering him so much.

“Meet me here after lunch on the morrow.” He said, before you could shut the door in his face. “I wish to show you something.”

Then, once more, he left you standing there, staring after him in confusion and surprise as he turned and swept away.

Hours later, your father opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the pain in the back of his head. It was no longer dark, he could see the sky above him clearly as he rolled over and pulled himself upright into a sitting position. It appeared to be morning. Frowning, he looked around, slowly coming to terms with his new surroundings. The grass beneath him, the trees at his back. The last thing he remembered was being in the very forest that he was waking beside just now.

What happened?

He stood and turned briefly, peering through the treeline but he couldn’t see anything. Where had Vermund and Oeric gone? They had been with him, had they not? It came back to him in flashes. The arrows - elves, one of which he had recognised as the one he had attacked when he had been captured and imprisoned. Then what? Then... blackness. But the elves had been in his line of vision - the blow had come from Vermund, from behind him, right across the back of his head. Rendering him unconscious.

He turned away, full of anger, and started off over the field, realising he recognised the way to the village from here. He had not been able to retrieve you, his mission failing, but he would get more help and he would return. He would rescue you.

Two pairs of eyes watched his retreat from up in a nearby tree.

Tauriel shook her head sadly as she watched the man go. At least he was okay but she had been worried for a while there that the blow to the head would prove to be too much. It had all happened so fast. She and Legolas had gone off in search of the voices they had heard in the woods, coming across the three men. Legolas recognised one as your father and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what he was doing back in these woods. Coming for you. Probably trying to ‘save’ you and Legolas would have reassured him that you were being cared for if it had not all kicked off quite so quickly.

The larger of the other two men had started swinging, but not at Legolas. He had struck your poor father over the head and pushed him directly into Tauriel, knocking her off balance as he took her by surprise. Neither of the two had expected the men to attack one of their own. He had drawn his sword and fought his way back, using the smaller man as a shield. Legolas had wanted to go after them but he had been torn when he realised that your father was actually unconscious. He’d let them go, something he did not plan on telling his father, and turned to help Tauriel.

The two of them had helped him as best they could, Tauriel using a little athelas on his head wound, though unfortunately he would be left with a headache.

“He will come back.” Tauriel said, jumping down from the tree and readying herself for the journey back to the camp they had left.

“I know.” Legolas shrugged, sighing as he followed her. “He is reckless. He will not make it through the forest alone.” And from the looks of it, he did not have many true allies that he could rally together and bring with him. Legolas worried he would get himself killed and you would be heartbroken. “Come, Tauriel. This detour has added an extra day on to our return journey.”

“He is just scared for his only daughter.” Tauriel said, walking ahead through the trees, so ready to be home after the gruelling patrol. She could not wait to be able to properly bathe.

As tired as you had been back in the library, you still found yourself unable to sleep for a good few hours, tossing and turning as the time ticked by. You had never been so confused and frustrated in your entire life. It was the Elvenking’s doing, of course, you weren’t foolish enough not to realise that, but you just simply could not figure him out. One moment he was terrifying you, practically to tears. The next he was acting... you didn’t even know what to call it. Nice. Kind. He even apologised. He said the words I apologise... out loud. To your face!

You tried not to think about it but you were a little anxious about tomorrow. Scratch that, you were a lot anxious about tomorrow. Why did he want to see you after lunch? What was he going to show you? The last thing you were in the mood for was another argument but, truthfully, despite the ups and downs of his emotions you were kind of... excited about it. Maybe excited was the wrong word, you didn’t know. You were something about it and that would be as much as you would touch upon that for now.

Rolling onto your side, you squeezed your eyes shut and willed yourself off to sleep, doing your very best not to think about Thranduil’s arms around you as he prevented you from falling on your face in the library that evening.

[realian]

my biggest issue with the X ost is the flight theme is great but it doesnt fucking loop :(

ugh the flight theme... yeah let's actually go ahead and outline the problems with the soundtrack because it's driving me crazy:

the way the main battle theme has lyrics that go "hello? is this thing on? am I all alone? is anyone there? I need a bigger gun. help if you can. please wake me up. not to sound cliche, but this world SUCKS" this is fine actually. leave it it's hilarious.

the mixing is dire. most of the time you can ignore it but in scenes (and these tend to be important, emotional scenes) where the background music has vocals, you can barely hear what the characters are saying. in battle, if the music has vocals you can barely hear the voice lines.

the boss theme No.Ex01 (my personal favorite in the game) rivals Godsibb and Zanza the Divine but it doesn't play until Chapter 7, like 40 hours into the game, and as stated above, the mixing is a problem.

in the endgame and for superbosses, the only song you're every going to hear in battle is Wir Fliegen. this includes battles where No.Ex01 plays. tbh I tend to avoid using overdrive at all in major boss battles so the music won't stop.

the fucking flight theme... whether or not it's actually an okay song is lost on my because every time I press R2 it starts over. you can't even just jump in your Skell anymore once you get the flight module. okay, maybe this is a problem with the controls and not the soundtrack, but the theme still shouldn't start over ever single time you land. also most of the time you're not in the air without combat long enough for even thirty seconds of the song to play, so it makes the fact that it's starting over every single time you take flight even more maddening. best part of playing the game in Cemu? you can turn the flight theme off.

when it comes to songs with German lyrics, the vocal performance is as great and dramatic and hammy as it needs to be, but the English vocals leave something to be desired. I'm not saying the singing isn't good - it is. I'm saying that it doesn't carry the game like themes like Small Two of Pieces or Beyond the Sky did.

the city themes. this is actually probably the main problem and the primary reason the soundtrack got the criticism it did. compared to the rest of the soundtrack, the city themes sound like absolute ass. they sound like public domain songs. they sound LAZY. don't think they sound all that bad? they play the entire time you're in the city. when you're exploring the area. when you're picking up missions. when you're talking to NPCs. when you're equipping your characters. when you're equipping your Skell. when you're buying stuff. when you're selling your loot (which takes a long time).

it's such a shame these problems overshadow the music in the game, and that the music's reputation precedes it, because 95% of the music is absolutely fucking fantastic.

[cdragons]

MCU Eternals Romantic!Ikaris X Reader & Platonic!Druig X Reader AU Idea (AKA my ADHD/Neurodivergent brain is whipping my butt)

Ok so, I'm just going to spare y'all the misery and brain spiral I put both @valeskafics & @its-actually-minicika through, and give the most recent one. This is a really long post as it will go into a lot of detail about the character's personality and her interactions with other characters. Please read through it, and if you hate the idea. Don't be a jerk! Just move on, and ignore this post! But if this is something that you think would be interesting to read: like it and/or let me know in the comments, or send it to a friend you think will find this idea interesting!

So it goes without saying that the MCU Eternals' fandom has unanimously agreed that Druig is best boi/edgelord, and I have no disagreements with that. Hell I basically live on Tumblr's 'druig x reader' tag. BUT I too thirst after Ikaris (AKA Not-Mother's-Favorite)...look, it's Richard Madden, I'm only human.

If you are one of the maybe 10 followers I have, you will know that I am already writing 2 other fics (a Robb Stark x Yi Tish!OC, and an Ikaris X Water Elemental!Reader). But if you read this post's title...you will see that my ADHD brain refuses to listen to reason...and since starting to write fanfiction...it has only gone into overdrive. You will also know that I love drawing inspiration from mythology...and dragons but that's another discussion.

BACK TO THE POINT! So I have seen a lot of Nature Eternal!Reader x Druig fics, and I love all of them. But I read @spacetalbot's Druig x Reader x Ikaris fic where the reader is basically Persephone, AND @winterlves's Ikaris x reader fic where the reader is Thor and Loki's sister who controls nature. Needless to say...I became obsessed.

Basically, I wanted to explore the idea of an Eternal!Reader whose powers are like Persephone (Chlorokinesis, Geokinesis, Fertility Manipulation, etc.). And while Druig is like Hades, he serves more as this reader's overprotective older brother/guardian. Instead, her main love interest in this idea will be Ikaris.

Druig and Hades actually share a good amount of similarities to each other. Both are mostly disliked/not popular amongst the Pantheon/Eternals and humanity, both are secluded to their own domain/community, both are much more somber compared to their family members, and the list can go on. But the reason I wanted to use Ikaris as the main love interest is mostly to due with his attitude towards humanity and how he interacts with them. While life goes on for everyone else, it just sort of "stops" for him. He doesn't really make any effort to connect with them outside of being with Sersi, and when he leaves her, we don't see any further attempts. And this is where Persephone!Eternal kind of comes in.

Now, unlike my other Oc's/Reader fics, I actively plan on writing this reader to show neurotypical symptoms. For example, she will show signs of having trouble emotionally connecting/socially interacting with others. Her mind will wander in meetings and need a nudge to focus back. She might unintentionally put off someone by how she phrases her question/response. She will prefer to study the differing flora and fauna in the places they visit than interact with people. While she does hold some love and affection towards them, she knows that it's not her the humans love, but rather what she can provide for them. This last part is kind of what lays the foundation to Ikaris' and the Reader's connection.

One scene I intend to write that really shows how Persephone!Eternal's mind works is how she interacts with Phastos when he describes the steam engine to Ajak. Personally, I headcanon that Druig likes to be around when Phastos is inventing something, but more just to be his annoying little brother. Persephone!Reader is not at all tech-savvy, but it's how Phastos' thinks of his ideas that fascinates her. What materials would be needed to build it? Does the materials need to be first sourced by humans? Is the conversion of high pressure to low pressure like when an area with a lot of water flowing into an area with low amount of water? If I decide to write Ikaris seeing this, it will make him notice how Persephone!Reader's mind definitely works differently than his. As normally, he wouldn't question Phastos, just accept it and move on. But he would notice how you are the only one to really connect with him by how you don't outwardly mock him like Kingo or Sprite, and by being the only Eternal to act genuinely interested despite not technologically inclined.

Another scene would be how Persephone!Reader was supposed to be attending a feast for the harvest, and so Ajak sends Ikaris to look for her. He finds her in a secluded area of a forest, and with a cow and her calf. He is confused and so Reader explains that she noticed that the cow had been eating much more lately and been much more tired and unable to work. She overheard the humans wanting to kill it, but then she noticed that the cow was in fact pregnant. So while the feast was busy, she snuck away and made an area so that the cow could safely give birth in peace. Ikaris would notice that Persephone!Reader is smiling and much more at peace alone, than in a crowded area with tons of laughter and noise. You are worried that Ajak will find out and make you not see the animals anymore, but Ikaris promises you that he will keep your secret, and that he will just tell her that you weren't feeling well. This furthers your connection.

Another one is where there had been a big dispute amongst the humans, and some people are severely hurt. Druig and Ikaris get into a fight about it since it was under Ikaris' order that Druig not engage. Ikaris is impassive and stern and Druig calls him a coward. Persephone!Reader is seeing the fight and asks Ikaris why he wouldn't let Druig stop it, if he can do it, why not let him? Ikaris retorts stating that it isn't their place to settle their disputes, to which Reader states that he should care about the humans, and not be so cruel. Ikaris gets angry and tells reader that it is not his job to justify his reasonings to Druig or anyone else, much less her. So he storms away. A few hours pass, and Ikaris hasn't been seen by anyone, not even Ajak or Sersi. Reader finds him in a hidden area and notices that his face is very tired looking. Reader realizes that she has made a big misjudgement on her part in saying that Ikaris doesn't care, and is very careful in saying she is sorry. Ikaris is still upset and tells her to go away. But Reader just stands there and doesn't move, refusing to leave him alone. She eventually gives him a hug stating that she was wrong and she was sorry, and that she should have known better. This comforts him a lot as he allows the hug. Reader also makes him a wreath of flowers of her appreciation of him as her leader, but mostly as her friend.

I got a ton of scenes planned, so like and/or comment of what you think!

If you are still waiting for my Robb Stark x OC fic! The 3rd chapter will be out soon!

Edit: I reblogged this post to add on some headcanons of an additional Eternal!Reader who is Hecate. Check out the reboot part in Notes to see it!

[seansilv25]

So that Partner Showcase and Indie World, huh?

In all honesty, this one kinda just went by me. Somewhat due to the lack of interesting stuff in it, but mostly due to you-probably-know-what. But nevertheless, let's cover this double whammy of a presentation

Balatro: Friends of Jimbo; DISTRACTION DANCE MUSIC HEARD. BEING THOROUGHLY DISTRACTED Neva; I swear I've seen this kind of game in like five different forms yet they all look the same. They're like Fromsoft games Moth Kubit; Corporately cute, I suppose Coffee Talk Tokyo; I don't drink coffee, so I can't really get the hype Sea of Stars; This just looks like the same kind of basic JRPG that you would see in any given anime when they need a "video game" to fill time PowerWash Simulator: Shrek DLC; someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA WASH ME! Morsels; Why does this look like Cuphead plus Little Nightmares to me? Date Everything; Anyone else remember Chairem Anime? Or at least skipped to Sofaden? Peglin; Isn't this the kind of game that's best suited for mobile? Wobbly Life; So Human Fall Flat but free roam? Pico Park 2; If there's one thing Grian taught me, its that this game is far more toxic than the Indie World guys are making it out to be Shovel Knight: Shovel of Hope DX; You're telling me there's still stuff to add for Shovel Knight on Switch? I thought that was all burnt through Europa; Kinda getting BOTW vibes, NGL Cuisineer; ...So is it a roguelike but Overcooked or something? On Your Tail; Wonder how much furry you-know-what has been uploaded to you-know-where already? Metal Slug Tactics; So did SNK sell off Metal Slug or something? How does this count as Indie then? The Plucky Squire; ...Honestly I got nothin' for this one Pizza Tower; Y'ALL READY TO GET FUNKY?!

Tetris Forever; You guys think there are actually 99 Tetrises by this point? Star Overdrive; Why is this giving me Marvel vibes? Goat Simulator 3; It's Goat Sim. What else can I say? Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky the 1st; Basic-looking RPG. I got nothing Star Wars Hunters; Is this Star Wars Overwatch or something? ...okay S.T.A.L.K.E.R.; What is this, "I Can't Believe It's Not COD"? Worms Armageddon; Alright, where's my Holy Hand Grenade? Disney Dreamlight Valley; What was new within this that wasn't here the last time? The Patrick Star Game; Is this a goat sim-like game? No, this is Patrick Fitness Boxing 3; I imagine if you made this into a VR game, it would become the new Wiimote-into-TV Capcom Fighting Collection 2; Power Stone & co rise from the grave (Except the one Capcom fighting game series that's all about things rising from graves) MVC Fighting Collection; Break out the Mango Sentinels and find where your curly mustaches at, because mid-September is MAHVEL TIME, BAYBEE! Atelier Yumia; Honestly this looks like a poor mans Xenoblade to me Suikoden I&II; When will these sprite on 3d rpgs END?! Dragon Quest III HD-2D; (read above) Castlevania Dominus; Huh... neat Civilization VII; Let's just hope that Ghandi is as far away from this one as possible this time round Tales of Graces f; Wait, there's more to Tales of than just Lloyd and Yuri? Wow MySims: Cozy Bundle; Miis plus Sims make this, apparently FNAF: Help Wanted 2; har har har-har har har har-har har-har FNAF: Security Breach - Ruin; Dude, even the trailer was kind slow in framerate. That's how you know that this game has it rough Epic Mickey: Rebrushed; Unless I'm mistaken, I think that was actually the first time we've gotten a look at Tomorrow City. Every other location in the Wasteland was shown off before, but not here Tales of the Shire; Neat Just Dance 2025; Just Dance must have found the Fountain of Youth with how little dying its doing Funko Fusion; This just looks like a lesser Lego Dimensions, to be honest EA Sports FC 25; Dude, who even cares about EA Sports games? (Outside of our goat and savior Madden 08) Lego Horizons Adventures; I just want to know if and/or when the next Tt Lego game will be Rune Factory: Guardians of Azuma; In all honestly, the whole "Japanese" aesthetic has been far overplayed to me. It's completely lost any luster in my eyes Yakuza Kiwami; FOUND YOU ON SWITCH, KIRYU-CHAN!!!

All in all, kind of uneventful. But at least not in terms of the rest of today, because SONIC 3 TRAILER, LETS GOOOOOOOO!!!

[blackjackkent]

So the battle against Anders is off to a good start.

Holy shit. Paladins, man. O.O

But we got them in the end. A pitched battle, full of blood and rage - and at the head of it, Karlach, maul swinging, full of the desperate fury of a trapped animal.

As the last of them falls, she comes to a halt over Anders' body and stares down at him, shoulders heaving, the maul fallen to her side, loosely gripped in one hand.

Cautiously, Hector approaches - the heat that always exudes from her is intense now, pulling the skin on his cheeks and forehead.

And he realizes she is crying, her breath turning into shuddering, shaky sobs, the tears sizzling on her cheeks and evaporating into the shimmering air.

"Fuck them," she gasps out. "Fuck Zariel. I won't go back. I'm *never* going back!" She rounds towards Hector, eyes wide and frantic. "And if any of mummy's little friends want to pick up where the others left off...they'll find nothing but a pile of ash!"

Her voice rises to a yelp of fury and fear. The heat grows even more intense. He raises a hand, reaches out cautiously towards her, feeling rather as he did trying to calm the owlbear, maddened with pain, in that cave out on the roads. "Zariel won't get near you again," he says softly, trying to soothe her agitation, to bring her out of the bloodrage that the battle drove her into. "We'll make sure of that."

She nods vaguely; it's clear she's only half-listening, caught up in her own whirl of thoughts. A slightly crazed smile touches her lips.

"That's right," she answers, her breath coming in shaky hiccups now, the bright glow in her chest pulsing erratically. "She won't. She can't. She couldn't even lay a finger...ahahaha...ahahahahAHAHA!"

The laughter is touched with hysteria, and he can hear under it all the grief from the wounds Anders' words opened in her before she killed him.

She whirls away, slams her maul into a nearby crate, smashing it into pieces, and fire bursts around her lighting into the shattered wood. Gale yelps as a bit of the flame catches the edge of his robes and surges over his arms.

Karlach hardly notices. She is in a frenzy now, all the bottled up tension finding a release valve in destroying every crate, barrel, and box in the place. With every step, she leaves a trail of ash and flame. The heat in the place is tremendous; Hector squeezes his eyes shut against it.

And then...as quick as the storm came, it's over. Karlach comes to a halt, and the flames and heat around her begin to fade, and she sags as all the rage goes out of her, leaving only the grief and the exhaustion.

She sinks down to her knees on the stone floor, staring down at the maul in her hands. "That ought to do it..." she mutters shakily.

Cautiously Hector approaches her again, kneels at her side. The heat is down to a manageable level, like sitting close to the fire at camp. Flame dances along her skin, but the rhythm of the glow in her chest has steadied.

"Felt good letting off a little steam after facing off with this ignots," she mutters. A pause, then she looks around, noticing the patches of still-burning ash, and Gale looking somewhat miffed as he pats out the singed edges of his robes. "Granted," she adds somewhat sheepishly. "The fire lasted a little longer than it should."

He has a thousand questions he wants to ask, but none of them seem appropriate for this moment. "How could you withstand the heat?" he finally asks softly. Even now it seems as if she should be falling to ash before him...

She thumps a hand against her chest, and the sound has a slightly metallic ring under her skin.

"Hear that?" she says matter-of-factly. "Infernal engine for a heart. Lets me burn as hot as the Hells." She frowns, glancing down at the glow still pulsing, silhouetting her ribcage. "Seems to be running in overdrive since I left Avernus." Then, indomitable, another grin peeks through, and she shakes her head. "Won't be seeing my mechanic any time soon, so I'll just make the most of the extra heat. Just..." She hesitates, and her eyes flick to the burned place on his arm where she grabbed him briefly during Wyll's torture. "Don't get too close, 'til I've found a way to calm it down."

Hector stares at her. This...certainly answers some questions he had, but it does so by opening up a whole new set. "How...the hells did you get an infernal engine for a heart?" he asks, somewhat faintly.

She closes her eyes and puffs out a heavy breath. "High pain tolerance," she says bitterly. "And a dynamic duo of truly shitty bosses. But..." She trails off, smiles at him again, but he can see the effort behind the switch this time. "It's a bit early in the game to be getting into tragic backstories. Let's save the scar-show for later, after we've worked up an appetite for tragedy."

To be honest, it seems pretty salient to Hector right now, but he doesn't push her. After the show she just put on, giving her some space seems like the right call.

"Meanwhile, I'll need to find someone who can tune up my engine sooner rather than later. Believe me when I say this thing is *hot*."

Hector can't believe how matter-of-factly she speaks of it. If it is even a tenth as hot within her chest as it feels in the open air around her, how is she not constantly howling with agony? He can't help a wave of admiration - and sympathy - for the level of self-control and stoicism that must be going into her every waking moment. He isn't at all sure how to articulate it to her, but perhaps the respect shows in his eyes.

"The first time I faced down those paladins," she goes on thoughtfully, "they let slip there was an infernal mechanic in the area. A tiefling. He might be able to stabilize things - if I can find him."

Hector glances at Gale and Shadowheart, sees them both key in on this as well. They too have registered the misery the thing must be causing her - and this seems like a possible lead to helping her with it. It is, perhaps, indicative of how much Karlach's good humor has already impressed itself upon them that the idea of not devoting time to this doesn't even seem to occur.

"There are some tieflings holed up in a druid's grove nearby," Hector points out. "We might look there."

The flash of gratitude and eagerness that leaps onto Karlach's face at this news feels like repayment for all the trials of the past hour. "Sounds like a good lead. Hopefully, our guy will be among them. A tune-up would do this old tub a world of good."

[florestalio]

PUPPY ANTICS 2.0 — s.jy

in which, you start ovulating in the middle of the night — something that your puppy catches on to even before you did.

GENRE— pwp (barely any plot), hybrid au

WARNINGS— MDNI, dubcon, reader is ovulating, jake's hybrid-like attributes consist of a tail and ears, along with a hightened sense of smell and a lot more strength than a normal person, unprotected sex (don't!), doggy, clit pinching, scenting, let me know if i missed any!

WORDCOUNT— 1k

NOTE— this is because because some people (cough cough, @senascoooop ) were mad at me because i didn't write the full smut.

part 1 (yes, you need to read it first)

You let out a loud gasp, but didn’t have anytime to react otherwise, feeling his cock poking at your wet entrance. Your eyes widened, as you tried to stop him. You tried to push his hands away — a useless move on your part. He was strong, much stronger than humans.

You had no other option but to let it happen.

JAKE LET OUT A LOUD GROAN, as he rubbed his angry red tip on your dripping folds, collecting your wetness. He whispered in your ear. “You don’t actually want me to stop, do you? If you did, you wouldn’t have worn these sorry excuses of clothes to bed, would you? You wanted this, wanted me to come and take you in the middle of the night, didn’t you?”

You couldn’t speak, the overstimulation from your previous orgasm sending your brain into overdrive, his words barely registering. Each time his cock rubbed across your folds a mixture of pain and pleasure shot up your spine, your cloudy brain starting to register only the pleasure. It hurt, but it hurt so good.

He tapped his mushroom tip on your clit, sending jolts of pleasure up your spine, causing you to flinch. He spoke in a mocking tone, making it clear that he was taunting you. “Fuck princess, don’t jump like that. Almost made me think you didn’t want this.”

He didn't let you answer, — not that you could, given how overstimulated you were — pushing his mushroom tip in. The tip itself stretched you out, your bottom lip pulled in between your teeth, as you let choked back a whimper. You unconsciously rocked your hips back, trying to get him to fuck you properly.

He let out an amused chuckle, slowly pushing himself inside. Your eyes rolled back, his cock hitting every single spot, dragging across your walls deliciously. The slow pace of him pushing inside you had your back arching, ripping out a broken mewl. He felt so, so good inside you. 

Even if everything about it was wrong, it just felt so fucking right.

He filled you up to the brim, and then some more. He just kept going and going and going. Finally, he stopped, fully sheathed in your, the veins on his cock pulsing inside you at a rapid pace. You clenched around him, trying to make him move. You needed it, desperately needed it.

The abundant slick you were producing had made the glide way too fucking easy, your pussy clamped around him like a vice. You were a temptation that he could never even think of resisting, let alone attempt to.

His grip on your hips was tight, tight enough to leave bruises, as he pulled himself almost completely out, before slamming right back in — somehow managing to fit another non-existent inch inside of you. You had to stifle your cries, as he set a ruthless pace, one that left you dizzy — not just because of how well he was hitting all the right spots, but also because of the force with which he was hitting them.

But biting down on your fist could only take you so far, before he shoved your hand away from your mouth. Without stopping his brutal pace, he leaned closer to your ear, whispering in it. “C’mon baby, don’t muffle your pretty noises. Let me hear you sing, yea? Need to hear how good I make you feel.”

His words somehow managed to bring out a fresh wave of slickness out of you, dripping down his length, past his balls. It was maddening, the loud sounds of squelching between your bodies, Jake’s grunting, and your moans. All of it combined into a white noise in your ears, leaving your brain hazy. You could barely think, let alone form a coherent sentence. The slightly unaffected part of your brain screamed ‘slow down!’, while the other half screamed at him to go faster. Whether you said either of those out loud, you wouldn’t know, since he was too busy trying to hit your g-spot.

He lifted your hips upwards slightly, pushing down on your back to make you arch better. The new angle had you letting out shuddering noises of pleasure, your eyes rolling into the back of your head, making you see stars. Yep, he had definitely found the spot.

He pounded into you at a faster, more desperate pace, muttering furiously in your ear, trying to force an orgasm out of you again — not that he needed to do much convincing.

“C’mon baby, squeeze my cock harder, show me that you like this.”

“Yea princess, you like that? Like when I bully my cock harder into your sensitive little cunt?”

“Fucking hell angel, pussy feels so good — gonna cum on my cock, yea? S’fucking close, aren’t you?”

He pinched your clit harshly, before rubbing circles around it at a maddening pace, occasionally flicking it. That was your last straw. Your eyes rolled back into your head, your mouth open in a silent scream, as your cunt squeezed around his length harshly, spasming as you coated it in your release. He kept fucking you through your orgasm, a white ring forming at the base of his cock.

His own followed not too long after, your pussy milking him for all he was worth, as he spurted load after load of hot cum inside you, veins on its sides pulsing wildly. He pulled his softening length out, despite it giving a last weak twitch inside you.

He flipped you over, carefully laying your exhausted body down, collapsing next to you. As if a switch had flipped inside him, he returned to his normal puppy boy nature, snuggling up to you, his nose dragging across your neck, scenting you — despite his scent having fully engulfed you after the rough dicking down he gave you.

Your mind swam in and out of consciousness, exhausted from your previous activities, feeling him occasionally lick your neck. You could discuss what had just transpired this night later on, the next morning perhaps — but right now, all you needed was some good sleep.

[oceanicxeyes]

His actions pause when Emerson explains in detail what happened. Walter remains silent to hear what comes out of his lips, studying the myriad of emotions that appear on Emerson’s face as he relates what came to happen. Some dude tried to rob him and put a knife to his throat. He didn’t want to give his equipment so they fought. It was self-defense… just like Walter had presumed it would be. There was not a single bad bone on Emerson’s body, so in no way in Hell would be murder someone in cold blood. But he understood the concern. He had killed a man. There was no doubt in Walter’s mind that doing something like that shook someone to their very core. Self-defense or not.

And when Emerson began to beg for to believe him – for him to trust what he was saying – he could see the tears rolling down the other man’s face. That broke Walter’s heart. He never liked to see anyone in pain, no matter if it was emotional or physical. He was wired that way. Seeing someone suffering just kicked his protective side into overdrive. Even more so when he knew the person who was suffering. When he could tell not just by the rolling tears but the cracking voice just how BADLY Emerson was taking this. And he was all alone. He didn’t have anyone that would just hold him and say it was ok. He was carrying that burden all by himself. It must be such a maddening sensation. To feel that weight down on his shoulders. To probably look at himself in the mirror and not recognize the person he saw. And he endured that… ALONE.

“Hush…” Walter’s fingers moved as gently as a feather over Emerson’s cheeks, cleaning away the tears that rolled down his eyes. Once he had done that, he reached to caress Emerson’s chin, forcing the other man to look at him. To see him. “You did what you had to do.” That may sound like a callous thing to say but the bartender wasn’t done. “If you didn’t fight back, you’d be the one DEAD, Emerson. I would be rather upset if that was the ending scenario.” His hand cupped the other man’s face, a thumb brushing over his cheek in the kindest and most supportive of ways. “You deserve kindness, Emerson. What happened will not change my view of you. If anything…” He pulled his hand back, attention returning to the other bruised hand on Emerson’s lap. “You did what you had to do. You cannot feel guilty for wanting to live, Emerson. If that was the case, we would all be drowning in sorrow because no one wants to die.”

He was disinfecting the wound again, blowing cold air over the deep cuts before once more, wrapping the bandage as gently as he could. “You may perceive it as a crime. As you doing something wrong. But it was self-defense, like you said. You cannot be held accountable for wanting to live.” Did Emerson go to the cops? Were they aware of this? “Have you talked to the cops? I can go with you if you want. You DON’T need to go through this alone. In fact, I WON’T let you go through this alone.” No one deserved to go through those motions without support. Without someone by their side. Let alone Emerson. “You’ll be staying with me from now on. At least, until the dust clears. I’m not letting you be out there by yourself, Emerson.”

"huh ... oh yea, they are but they'll do. i'm comfy in your clothes." emerson didn't realize that walter was talking. he was focused on figuring out where he'd go next if his friend kicked him out or worst, take him to the police. he had already been of course, but he disappeared after they told him not to. just in case the had other questions. he knew he should've went to a local hotel, but instead he went to walter's because he realized he couldn't be alone. he didn't think about the consequences of finally spilling the truth to walter would bring. he knew that he didn't want to drag the other into his mess. le sigh, here they were. "... thank you for ordering the food." he tries to smile, but it only comes out as a pained filled frown. he did enjoy pineapple on pizza, but he wasn't going to complain while his friend was being so nice. if he said he liked pineapple on pizza he might truly be kicked out.

fuck. shit. just like that, his spilling of his one true dark secret brought them into a silence that was hardly expected. he had thought yelling would come first before silence. he was wrong. emery tries to look away from walter, but finds himself looking back. he wishes he could read minds so that he could listen to walter's thoughts on what emery had told him. emerson finds himself taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. he stops staring at walter and only looks at the ground. his head hangs down, chin resting against his chest. he's waiting for walter to say something, anything.

he was about to beg walter to say something, anything. but he didn't have to since his friend finally spoke. the cool air of walter’s breath causes he to hiss slightly from the stinging. “he ambushed me. he put the knife to my throat and demanded that i give him my equipment.” he realizes that killing someone over his music was a dumb reason to. it is what it is. “when i refused to do what he wanted, he punched me in the face.” his eyes focus on the gaze being placed on his hands. he grunts slightly at he pain but remains still. “i … I didn’t want to stab him or kill him. he left me no choice.”

“yes it was self-defense. he was attacking me first. i was trying to keep him taking my equipment. i swear it was.” there’s a pause as tears start to swell his eyes once more. “please you have to believe me. i promise it was an accident. I didn’t mean to kill him. please believe me.” he nearly begs, finally feeling his tears fall down his face. his gaze falls onto his hands before moving to look at his friend. “see … this is why I don’t deserve your kindness.”