#MY BOY CAL IS ALL GROWN UP

[waterdeeping]

STAR WARS JEDI: SURVIVOR ↳ What a delight to see one of your kind in action after all these years.

[flammabel]

Skills

Can we agree at just how 🔥 this is? My boy's got some skills.

[anakin-skywalker-always]

Fluffy 🌸 with Clone Wars Anakin please? 🥺🥺 with maybe Ahsoka and Obi-Wan shipping them?

The Long Game

Pairing: Clone Wars Era!Anakin x Jedi!Knight Reader 

Requested: Yes | No

Warnings: Nothing too bad, but due to the nature of the Clone Wars obviously there is potential mentions of death/loss/wounds etc. I am Australian and therefore swear words aren’t worth a warning for me, but I shall place a warning here regardless. As always, let me know if you think there should be something listed here. 

Words: 1.5k - sorry its very short, I'm hoping a part 2 will be requested <3

Author’s Notes: ahhhhh! Thank you for the request @darthgloris I hope this is okay I had a brief idea and I ran with it, hope its still fluffy enough for you! 🥰 This was requested via my Emoji Request Prompts

Anakin was nothing if not arrogant, egotistical and, surprisingly talented to boot. As a youngling he excelled, as a Padawan learner he saved Senator and friend Padmé Amidala’s life more than once. Now, as General Skywalker, Anakin felt like he had grown into himself, grown into his power. It felt limitless, he was limitless. Anakin often had dreams of spreading himself thin, extending his power across the galaxy like a blanket, keeping everyone and everything safe.

He thought highly of himself, it wasn’t a secret. And, he didn’t think it was particularly a problem. He was the Chosen One, was he not? If anyone in the Jedi Temple was allowed to peacock a bit, it was him. 

Well, that’s how Anakin rationalised it to himself anyway. Besides, Anakin did not like playing the long game. What was the point when he could sieze everything he wanted now? 

Regardless, he had a sharp learning curve when it came to his own Padawan learner, Ashoka Tano. The snippy young girl challenged him more than most. He saw so much of himself in her, the power, the strength, the raw talent. Frustratingly, Anakin saw his faults in her too. Occasionally, the arrogance being something that Anakin couldn’t ignore. Like right now for example. 

“Please Kestis the only reason you were moved from youngling to Padawan,” Ashoka paused, pointing her spoon at her young red-headed friend. “Is because the council wanted to try and mellow out your Master with the responsibility of a child.” 

Anakin cringed as the young boy - Cal Kestis - pouted at the breakfast table. Anakin could sense Obi-wan’s displeasure from beside him, he saw his old master holding his tongue, allowing Anakin to take the floor in order to berate his Padawan. 

Unfortunately, she had a point. And, embarrassingly enough, Ashoka’s argument came straight from the kitchen, so they say. Well, his mother, Shmi, used to say. Anakin remembered expressing the same frustration only a few weeks prior. Jedi Knight, Jedi Master, Council member and friend, Y/N L/N, was unable to join Anakin and Ashoka on a crucial mission in the outer rim, due to the passover of her new, young apprentice: Cal Kestis. It perhaps wasn’t the most fair or patient thing for Anakin to do, but he blamed the boy and focused all of his frustration on the twelve-year-old. 

Fuck it, Anakin thought. He had to admit to himself, he was a little jealous of the boy. He could not help but want to be the center of your attention, at all times. Which isn’t a very Jedi thing to want. But Anakin wanted more. He always did. He always felt distracted, like he was slipping away from his mental fortitude the more he thought of you. You were playing some kind of long game with him, and he didn’t like it, the guessing, the pining - it all kept him up at night more than the war had. 

Anakin supposed he was ought to be worried about it, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. He pined after you, and all he wanted was for you to maybe, even consider him more than a work colleague. 

“Ahsoka.” Anakin said sternly, as he pushed his Jedi mandated food around his Jedi mandated plate with his Jedi mandated fork, not bothering to look up at his young charge. “Watch your snippy mouth.” 

“She’s not wrong, Master.” Meekly, Cal Kestis mirrored General Skywalker across the table. Anakin felt for the young boy then. Anakin looked up, finally taking in the boy. With his fiery hair and splattering of freckles across his face, he seemed inherently sad, with his lips held tight in a line. Anakin couldn’t help but remember the same expression on his own face as he made his way around Watto’s junkyard. 

“Do you not like your Master, young Kestis?” Obi-wan sensed Anakin’s mind was far, far away, the anxiety rolling off him in thick waves. 

Cal looked up, quickly, at the two Jedi knights in front of him. He felt like he was in shock, as if the air had been torn from his lungs. Of all the questions he expected to be asked, that was not one of them. 

“No!” Cal defended, adamantly. “No! Well yes!” The young Padawan could feel the heat rise to his pale face, heating the back of his neck. General Kenobi quirked an eyebrow at the boy, urging him to continue. Kestis sighed, gathering his thoughts once more. He was embarrassed. “I am afraid I am too attached to Master L/N.” He started. Anakin felt his lip twitch, fighting a smile at the honesty from the young learner. Cal continued, “I don’t want to let her down, but my lightsaber skills are not where she wants them to be, I need more training but I am afraid to ask.” 

From the corner of his eye Anakin watched as Obi-wan opened his mouth. He knew what his old master would say: Just ask, Padawan. That is what the master is there for, to teach. But Anakin knew what it felt like to want more. 

“I would be happy to provide you with additional combat training, Padawan Cal Kestis.” Anakin leant back in his chair, both hands happily resting behind his head, left ankle at home on his right knee, lips comfortably in a smirk. 

Long game it was. 

Your eyes scanned the meals room in the Temple for your Padawan learner. You knew that you could use the force to locate him, if you wanted. But, your relationship with Cal was still so new, and somehow that felt like encroaching on the young boy’s privacy. 

Besides, there was another presence in the large dining hall that almost overwhelmed you. Anakin Skywalker. 

Arrogant, talented, intelligent, calculated, The Chosen One, handsome, flirtatious. You weren’t sure where you stood with Anakin. You longed to call him friend, but you were ultimately convinced he saw you little more as a colleague. 

Despite all that though, he was a hard man to escape at the best of times. And now, since Cal and Anakin’s Padwan, Ahsoka Tano, were friends, you knew that Anakin would always be around. 

You couldn’t help the schoolgirl flutter that it striked into you. It was exciting, you supposed, to finally have something a bit easy on the eye about constantly. It certainly made the war a little easier, to do missions with Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker. 

Eventually, Cal’s beautiful bright hair shone like a beacon for you. You began to weave your way across the room. You couldn’t help to admit that you’ve become attached to him, you deeply cared for him, his wellbeing. As much as you loved the Jedi, you often thought of Cal playing, running free with kids his own age. Not becoming a soldier on the front lines of an intergalactic war. Perhaps that was why you slacked on Cal’s training. You simply wanted him to be loved, to be happy, to be a child. 

All of the fondness you held so tightly quickly got packed away once you realised who Cal was sat with. Approaching the breakfast table you clocked Anakin’s relaxed figure. The effortlessly beautiful set of his lips, the way that his eyelashes curled upwards, you were convinced his demeanour was larger than life. And, maybe, perhaps, you let your eyes wander for a beat longer than what was socially acceptable. 

Gently you placed your hand on Cal’s shoulder, perhaps it was because you were his Master, or maybe it was something deeper, something maternal, but you always felt more at ease when you had him close. With a slight bow of your head, you opened:

“Morning to you Master Kenobi, Ahsoka.” You took a moment to lick your lips, your whole mouth had gone dry, but you tried desperately to save yourself from Anakin’s piercing gaze. “General Skywalker.” The rest greeted you verbally, but Anakin said nothing, just a simple tilt of his head. You held Anakin’s gaze, his blue eyes held something else in them, you felt like he was playing some kind of game. You didn’t mind game, but only if you knew the rules, and Anakin was one to make up the play as he went along. You felt Cal clear his throat, his body lurching under your hand.

Finally, you broke the contact with Anakin, ruffiling Cal’s hair, and placing his braid behind his ear. “If you’d excusae us, my Padawan and I have much to do.” 

Anakin waited for at least 30 seconds for you and your Padawan to start walking away before he turned in his chair to follow you out with his eyes. 

Ahsoka watched as her usually oh-so-clever and suave and calculating Master watch Cal Kestis and his Master leave the dining hall like a Lothal Cat waiting for its owner to return. She couldn’t help but smile, Anakin’s pining was hilarious, and Master L/N was a good choice. She turned to share a look with Master Kenobi, and to Ahsoka’s delight he was chuckling softly to himself, coving his smile with his hand, playing it off as if he was simply stroking his beard. 

Ahsoka knew Anakin thought he was playing some kind of long game, but it was going to be a painfully long pining. Not if she was going to have anything to do with it.

------

P.S This is a side account, my main is @mayhemories, so I will be answering any comments with that account but rest assured it is still me :) <3

Much love, El. 

[breakfastteatime]

Today's Fallen Order request is 'Small' for @foolinapril

Jaro would not say he forgets how small children are. It is simply that he so rarely encounters them that he has no need to recollect how tiny both they and their furnishings are. He has had apprentices before, certainly, but never one so young and therefore so small. Tiny, actually, would be more accurate. This youngling, Cal Kestis, is quite literally pocket-sized. Given what the Council has asked Jaro to take Cal into, he may very well place the child in a pocket to keep him safe.

The boy says goodbye to his clanmates, accepts a few clumsy hugs, waves one final time, and joins Jaro. His lightsaber swings on his hip, the hilt nearly as long as his leg. He has a tiny carryall that likely only carries a few changes of clothes. Jedi, after all, do not have possessions. That’s alright. They will need to stop by the quartermaster to pick up the necessary supplies a growing Padawan will require.

And Cal must grow. Fast.

The boy stares up (and up) at Jaro, gamely trying to mask the tears shimmering in his eyes. “I’m ready, Master Tapal.” His voice is so small it sounds like the squeak of the Temple mice.

Nodding, Jaro leads the way out of the youngling dorms. Cal’s footsteps pitter patter rapidly behind him, and Jaro remembers he must slow his pace for such a small pair of legs. He should review standard Human growth patterns. He knows enough to recognise Cal will be small for some time yet, and even fully grown, he will be significantly shorter than Jaro.

It is early morning and the Temple’s corridors are quieter than ever. So many Jedi are absent, called into service for the GAR. Jaro and Cal will only evade that fate for a few short months as they adjust to their new partnership.

They reach their shared quarters. Jaro opens the door and shows Cal in. They enter his chambers. Cal looks around wide-eyed. Jaro took care to requisition new furniture to avoid the likelihood of triggering Cal’s psychometry. A desk, a chair, and a rather tall cabin bed. Cal’s clan master, Petra Entola, told him Cal liked high places.

Yes, they have much to do in these few short months.

“Do you like it, Padawan?”

“Yes, Master,” Cal says, placing his bag upon the floor. “I’ve never had my own room before.” And then he shrugs. “Not that I remember anyway. I like it.”

There is, however, a slight buzz of confusion in the air.

“You are certain?”

“Uh huh!”

He sounds cheery enough. Jaro gives Cal a brief tour (there isn’t much to see beyond a common living space, a small kitchen, a refresher that must seem very large to Cal, and Jaro’s own room. They leave again shortly after the tour to gather supplies from the quartermaster, stop in the mess hall for breakfast, and then take a walk around the Room of a Thousand Fountains. After lunch, they meditate together and Jaro allows the boy to burn off some nervous energy in the dojo. As expected, Cal warms up as the day goes on and finds lots of questions to ask, all of which Jaro is happy to answer.

By the end of the long day, Cal yawns and drags his feet all the way back to their quarters. He is surprisingly efficient in the refresher, and is soon clad in pyjamas, rubbing his eyes, and off to bed.

Jaro has just made himself some tea when he hears a rather distinct crash. Rushing to his Padawan’s room, he finds Cal safely on his bed…

His desk, however, has tipped over and hit the floor face first.

“What happened?”

“Oh, I didn’t see a ladder so I figured this was a challenge!” Cal says brightly.

“A challenge?”

“Yeah – how to get into bed. So, I stood on the desk and jumped, except the desk kinda… fell.”

Suddenly, the morning’s brief hint of confusion makes perfect sense.

“Tomorrow, we will find a ladder,” Jaro says.

[mama-qwerty]

The Convention

Takes place in my Knuckles MacPherson au.

Something something, Cal is out of town for a convention, leaving Knux behind for Wade to look after. Something something, Knux and Wade decide with their shared brain cell to head out on a road trip and end up at the place where Callie’s convention is taking place. Not wanting to get caught, they’ve been trying to avoid her and keep a low profile, which, let’s face it, is impossible with these two.

Eventually, Cal’s bored and decides to call and check in on her boys.

~~~

Wade’s eyes went wide as he stared at his phone screen. The picture he’d set for Callie’s number stared at him, a smiling redhead dropping one eye in a wink.

“Do not answer it,” Knuckles said, his eyes flicking from the screen to Wade. “She will know.”

“She’s not gonna know,” Wade said, but his chest tightened all the same. “How’s she gonna know?”

“She always knows.”

“Just relax, I’ll handle it.” He thumbed the green icon and brought the phone to his ear. “Hey, Cal!” His voice was too loud, too chipper. Knuckles groaned, facepalming. Wade swallowed. “H-how goes the convention?”

There was a beat of silence, and when Callie responded, a hint of suspicion edged her tone.

“Fine . . . is everything okay?”

“Okay? Sure is! Why wouldn’t things be okay? Psshh. I mean, I’m a grown man, right? I can watch over a kid for a few days while you’re out of town, right? Yeah, no problem! No problems at all! Don’t you worry!”

Sweat was starting to trickle down his back, and Knuckles peeked at him from behind his large mitt.

Shockingly, Callie wasn’t convinced. “Where’s Knuckles? Is he alright?”

Wade flicked his eyes to the echidna next to him. “Oh he’s fine! Never better! In fact, he’s right here, why don’t you talk to him?”

Knuckles’ eyes went wide and he shook his head, waving his hands back and forth in a “No, NO!” kinda way. Wade tapped the mute icon as he handed the phone to the teen.

“Just tell her everything’s fine!” Wade hissed in a loud whisper. “If she doesn’t hear from you she’ll think you’re lying dead in a ditch somewhere!”

“Have you lost your mind??” Knuckles responded in an equal tone. “I cannot talk to her, she will know something’s wrong!”

“Just keep it vague! We’re at your house watching a movie or something!”

Wade thrust the phone into Knuckles’ hand, and unmuted it before the echidna could respond. He gave the man a little snarl, before lifting it to his ear. “Hello.”

“Knux? Everything okay? Wade sounds pretty suspicious right now.”

Knuckles swallowed hard. “Everything is fine. We are . . .” He flicked his eyes up to Wade, who nodded and gave a thumbs up. “. . . watching a movie.”

“Oh? Whatcha watchin’?”

The echidna’s eyes went wide, and he looked around himself in a panic. Lying was not Knuckles’ strongest ability, and at this moment every movie he’d ever seen vanished from his mind. He looked at the booths surrounding them, advertising publishing companies and the various best-sellers they’d produced. His eyes landed on the nearest title, and he blurted it out in a too-loud voice.

“50 Shades of Gray!”

“WHAT?!”

Wade lunged for the phone, pulling it away so he could talk into the mic. “HA! He’s kidding, we’re not watching that, that’s ridiculous, I would never, ever show him anything like that, right Knux?” The echidna glared at him. “Seriously, Cal, we’re not watching that. I swear.”

Silence answered him, and the two stared at the seconds ticking away on the screen as the call continued.

“Hmm.” That simple hum just oozed suspicion. “What’s the weather like there?”

“It’s sunny!/raining!” Wade and Knuckles replied, their voices piling up. They both gasped, looking at each other as they each bit their lip.

More silence. “Hmm. 50 Shades of Gray, huh?”

Knuckles’ eyes went to the booth again, and a realization struck. He reached down and crushed Wade’s phone in his fist, bringing a cry from the deputy.

“HEY!”

“She is hunting us!” the echidna hissed, head on a swivel as he looked in all directions around them. “She knows we are here, and when she catches us, she will have our heads!”

“Oh,” Wade said, turning to scan their surroundings. “Oh, crap.”

“This is your fault!” Knuckles said, jabbing an angry fist toward him.

Wade gaped at him. “MY fault?? It was your idea to come here!”

“I am a child! You are the adult who is responsible for me! You should have denied my idea!”

“Oh, now you’re a ‘child’ who needs an adult and not the most dangerous warrior in the galaxy who needs no supervision??”

“It is a complicated duality, and I am still trying to work my way through it!”

“Hello, boys.”

They both gave a little shriek at the voice and jumped back, assuming defensive poses as their eyes went wide and hearts raced. Callie gave a little smirk, flicking her eyes back and forth between them.

“Who’s gonna explain?”

The two slowly relaxed, and exchanged a glance. They both briefly considered telling the truth, before throwing each other under the bus instead.

“IT WAS HIS IDEA!” they both yelled, pointing at the other. Upon realizing the blame had been flung straight back on their own head, they gasped, turning to each other and starting to argue.

Callie listened to them for a moment, the smirk changing to a smile as she rolled her eyes.

“Guys. GUYS!” They quieted and turned to her, identical looks of guilt on their faces. “If you wanted to come, you could have just asked.”

The shock they displayed was almost comical.

“You . . . you’re not mad?” Wade asked, doubt in his voice and face. “I mean, really? You’re not just acting all cool and calm because we’re in public and are going to hand us our butts when we’re alone?”

She shook her head. “Not mad. A little surprised you’d want to come all the way here for a publishing convention. They’re not exactly a whirlwind of excitement.”

“We were concerned,” Knuckles said as he stepped forward. “When you called that first night you were away, you sounded sad.”

Her smile softened. “I was just missing home. This is my first trip away since you came to me. The first trip I had someone to miss.” She looked at Wade. “And I kinda missed my Bear, too.”

Wade smiled. “Awww. No one’s ever missed me before.”

“It is our duty to protect you, and keep you safe,” Knuckles said, holding a fist to his chest. “We came to watch over you, and be here if you needed us.”

“Oh, my sweet ki’kone,” she said, going to a knee before him. She gave his muzzle a little caress, bringing a smile to his lips. “I would never turn down a chance to spend time with you.”

Behind him, Wade coughed into his fist. Loudly. Twice.

Callie cast him a raised eyebrow and little smirk. “Yes Wade, you too.”

The deputy smiled. “Heh, just making sure. So you’re really not mad?”

She shook her head, returning to her feet. “Nope. In fact, I’m glad you’re here. You can help keep me entertained. C’mon. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Yes!” Knuckles cried, lifting his arms in the air. “I have missed our shared feasts.”

“It’s only been like two days, Knux.”

“A day spent without those you love can feel like a lifetime,” the teen said, moving to walk next to her. “I have spent enough days alone. Come, Me’na. Let us find a meal fit for our reunion.”

“Oh, he’s good,” Wade muttered as they headed for the door. “The echidna’s got smooth lines.”

“Right? Kid can make anyone swoon.”

“It is a gift.”

Callie and Wade gave a little snicker as the three of them walked out, intent on finding a place to fill their bellies, and enjoy their time together.

[kcalsforhim]

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺ tues 29th oct 2024 - past midnight

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

the way that i had everything already edited and prepared and i still forgot to write my entry ? shame on meeee !

i didn’t do much in the day but during the nighttime this night i pretty much stayed up all night redoing my room… i redid a shelffff my deskkkk ordered a new chair and made some plans for wall decorations. i’ve been working hard to make my room a genuine more comfortable and more safe space to be in and live in and i think it���s finally amounting to something… when i go to college next week someone has to remind me to print posters 😖

i also got fucking high this day i just remembered i smoked this entire thing close to my house and went back inside and then i did some diabolical ass shit whoooops … it’s fine i’m grown im old enough to

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

no step goal

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

contains : tiny burger patty, 1 sausage, a small bowl of mashed potato, brussel sprouts, and zucchini slabs…

also : a rice cake with some chocolate spread

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

cal goal : 500 (i think…)

spent : 509

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

this food i remember being very good. i was sceptical on the zucchini at first cause it looked kinda brown but apon cutting it open i was affirmed it was fine it was green ! so its fine. it was very good and so were the brussel sprouts as normal… i always like eating those !

i was originally planning to only have the burger patty but mother said i looked a bit sickly and that i should have a bit more food… that’s also why i have potato mash. the fucking rice cake was all me being a fat piggy tho can’t even deny that one…

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

here is some photos i took this day… my hand is finally looking a little nice im starting to think… ^^ i can be like a boy that shows his hand on snapchat HAHAHAHA

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other inspiring photos.. the first two are just so fucking goals infact i really want to get an outfit like pic one and i really want a cute lace bra just so that i can not fill it up and look so tiny in it… the third one is just pure inspiration and shows me there’s still hope for me…

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

this song is actually so cute i can’t even lie i think it’s even new but don’t quote me on that ! there’s a bunch of animation trends with this song on tiktok it’s so adorable LOL

ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ

[kuroneko1815]

The Handkerchief

Okay, am I the only one who thought Penelope might have been slightly jealous when Callisto brought up the fact that the handkerchief was from another woman? It seemed to me like Callisto might have been angling for one from her. (And I’m disregarding the translation that says it was given before the hunt. Because what I remembered reading originally was before the war).

There’s a symbolism of accepting and keeping a woman’s hanky which means that you accept and reciprocate her feelings.

Callisto: I’ll give it to the Princess and maybe she’ll give me one as an indirect love confession.

Penelope, a bit jealous: Here, wash it up and give it back to her if you don’t want it.

Callisto: The Princess is cold but I love it.

(Callisto likes the chase)

It could be that the handkerchief was really Callisto’s and he was giving it to her, just hoping for an exchange as well because then she’d be obligated to keep it to wash it and she could conveniently forget it and give him a new one.

Meaning that they reciprocate each other’s feelings and want a relationship. But he also wasn’t sure how it’d be taken so he tells her it’s from another woman to gauge her reaction.

Because Callisto at 12 or 13 receiving a hanky and holding on to it without it getting soiled or stained, or just plain ruined while he was at war for almost ten years is nearly impossible unless he left it at his palace. In that case, how’d he even remember something like that? Like this man, I think also has a case of subjective memory… He purposefully forgot that he nearly killed her at the maze.

-

-

If you’ve read this far… welcome to the hidden side plot from the past.

Penelope at the age of seven was an independent child who had grown up practical and pragmatic but loved deeply by her family. Penelope was there with her mother and the caravan and runs into an older child who was about eleven or twelve. He was a pretty boy with hair like gold and eyes like the rubies the wealthier merchants traded.

She was unknowing of his real identity, of the Crown Prince that now holds her hands and takes in the streets of the capital, the narrow corridors of the slums that she’s taken to showing him around. He’s a wealthy child, she can tell immediately from the make of his clothes. The merchant in her can easily see that. The poor commoner child that she was felt some slight envy at the obvious luxuries he had. But more than that… he looked the very definition of rich and she loved looking at rich people. Especially when they were like this boy who was like a living jewelry. Gold and rubies.

She shows him the life of a commoner, of the children she’s learned to play with. And teaches him what it’s like, let’s him experience what her life is like. She calls him Cal and he calls her Penny.

Mother calls for her and she pulls him along, laughing happily. (She doesn’t know that the boy looks enraptured at the child with dark pink hair who laughs so freely). Mother pats her head and bends down to kiss her and give her a hug, inquiring over her health before turning to Cal who she introduces immediately.

Mother smiles at him and pats him as well. Gives him a small kiss on the forehead and a hug. “Any friend of my daughter is a friend of mine as well.”

The caravan, her family, all laughingly echo that. And they give him a place at their table. Invite some of the others as well and share a simple meal. Cal watches all this with a wistful longing smile, listening to their tales and happy teasing. (He nods to himself, resolute. He marches off to war soon and he knows what he needs to fight for now. It’s this tangible thing, this one happy family. This warm girl who smiles and laughs freely.)

When the sun dips low, Cal says goodbye. Penelope is used to this. Never has friends that she gets to keep, is used to hellos and goodbyes and reunions and distances but somehow she thinks it’s different with Cal, as if he’s found the answer to some question that’s been in his mind for so long. She wonders what it was but knows better to ask so she wishes him well.

She has nothing to give but a simple handkerchief. It’s not to the quality that he’s no doubt used to but it’s the best thing she has, it’s clean and new. Grandma had made it for her. Had woven it herself and created the patterns on it. She presses it to his hands.

“For you.” She says. “To remember today.”

He’s silent, looking at it with a frown but he nods.

“Have a good life, Cal. And be safe.”

The golden boy walks away into the distance and she returns to her family.

-

-

Callisto walks no more than twenty steps into the alley he’d turned into when he stops. Porter appears silent like a shadow along with three other men, his guards who’d been shadowing him from a distance. He knows they’d been following him since he snuck out but he just… he needed this moment.

Needed to understand the heart of the Empire, of this place that he was being sacrificed for. Needed to see why he was being sent off to fight in a war. Why he needed to bloody his hands, his mind, his heart; why he needed to taint his very soul.

But he’s found that answer. He wants to do it for her. This innocent little girl who welcomed him without another thought.

“Are you done, Your Highness?” Porter asked. Not commenting on the handkerchief he holds in his hands. Staring at the delicate fabric.

“Yes, let’s return to the palace now.”

If the Empire had more children, more families like that one… he wanted to protect them. He remembered the spike of jealousy at the way her family had so easily shown affection. At the open love her mother showered her with. His forehead feels warm from where the woman had given him a motherly kiss.

His heart has been closed for awhile now, after his mother’s death. After, the remarriage. After the assassination. But for a moment… even if he felt like an outsider as he ate that simple fare, he felt that he wanted to belong. Felt as though the food was the most delicious he’d ever eaten.

-

-

Callisto marches off to war not too long after that. He brings the handkerchief with him, cherishes it and keeps it practically pristine. Holds on to it only when his hands are clean. Washes it gently by hand when it gets even a single speck of dirt. Uses it to remind him of that one day when he got to act as a normal child with her; uses it to remind him of the innocence he wants to protect.

-

-

Time has dulled their memories of one another. Callisto no longer remembers her name or what she looks like. All he has is the simple handkerchief made of common cotton to remember her by. And the ghost of her laughter ringing in his ears, the feeling he felt when he held her hand and the warmth that spread through him when she looked him in the eyes bravely and gave him that sunshine smile.

-

-

Penelope’s memories are warped through all that she’s suffered from. The abuse has her lock those happy days away, knows that she’d shatter if she remembered them. The regressions don’t help. Now all she remembers is pain, humiliation, and death. Her soul cracks and shatters, forming anew in another world before she’s returned to this world.

-

-

Even after the war, even after the jaded, brutal thing that he becomes. He still keeps the handkerchief with him. He never offers it to anyone.

At least he didn’t. And then Penelope Eckhart came into the picture and he finds himself offering the handkerchief to her. Feels right to do it, even when she dirties it with soot and gives it back to him with an annoyed face.

He tucks it back into his pocket determined to wash it when he got back to the palace.

-

-

After all is said and done, Penelope finds the handkerchief again among his possessions. He doesn’t try to justify it. But she merely raises a brow. Penelope now remembers the child she’d been.

Touches the handkerchief and feels the fabric. There’s one feature to it that she knows deeply. A minuscule P is embroider there.

“I didn’t know you’d kept it all these years. I’m glad you remembered that day even after all these years, Cal.” She said.

His eyes snap up to her and he laughs, feels as though fate had been telling him where his heart and future lay all along with that handkerchief. “I’m glad I got to meet you again, my beloved Penny.” He pulls her in for a kiss.

[i-merani]

Adam hating his father for the way he treated him and his brother, for pitting them against each other. Adam hating his father for being a liar, for being a phony, for sending him to the army, even though it should have been Charles because Charles would have been a good soldier because he was always a good soldier and his father hated him because he himself could never be what his son was or could have been - Cyrus taking away Charles' future because he himself couldn't have it. Adam loving his brother even though he was not kind and even though he was afraid and Charles loving Adam even though he could not be kind and even though he could only be violent. Charles loving Adam even though he was painfully aware that his father loved his brother more, Charles always waiting for Adam and Adam always trying to get away because they both reminded each other of their father but Charles loved his father even though he hated him and Adam hated his father even though he loved him. And now they are grown up and they are strangers and Adam does not love his father but says "I believe in my father" and Charles loves his father but now he sees what Adam saw when he was a kid - their father is a liar. He is not a god and they both realized it too late but Charles loves him still and he loved Adam and Adam loves no one.

And now Adam has his own kids and his boys adore him and he doesn't know what it means to adore a father and Adam becoming his father and his sons becoming him and his brother. And Cal loving his brother even though he is not kind and Aron fearing his brother even though he loves him and Cal craving for love the way his uncle did and Adam, just like his father, abandoning him… the "monsters" craving love but its all wrong and the "angels" receiving love and its all wrong!

[twogundogonesighthound]

(This is wyrddogs) What GPS system did you buy? I just bought a Garmin A 120 collar for the child (he’s a real man now!), but I’m lucky that my roommate is letting me borrow her handheld. Those things are expensive!

Oh boy are they ever. I threw up a little when I put my credit card info in! I went with the Garmin 200i and TT 15X collars. I wanted tracking and training capabilities, which is why I went with what I went with. I’ve only used the system on 3 walks so far but it was worth every penny spent - I feel SO much better having them offleash. As long as it holds up for like, at least 5 years, it will have been absolutely worth it. An added bonus is that I also love being able to see how far we all went. On our last walk, humans went ~5 miles and Darcy went over 9!

But yes, I felt like once cal grew (or perhaps ungrew? Ejected?) his brain, it was time. Grown men need their every footstep tracked, just in case they have a thought of their own (dangerous). And if you ever are in the market for a handheld, keep an eye out for sales…I got like 300$ off the whole system by buying on sale.

[whumpy-writings]

Helpless

Febuwhump 2024 Day 1

The Dhampir Files Masterlist

CW: Non-con drugging, abusive parents (whumpees are adults), carewhumpers, reference to murder of parents

"You're an old man now, ya know that?" Cal leaned against the doorframe, smirking. Renn rolled his eyes.

"You're older than me."

"Exactly. Welcome to the old man club, where our favorite activity is napping and complaining loudly about the weather." Cal crossed the room and ruffled Renn's hair. Renn slapped his hand away playfully.

"But seriously, Renn. Happy Birthday."

"Thanks," Renn said. "I honestly can't believe I'm twenty. Part of me didn't think we'd live this long."

Cal sighed. "Wow, way to bring down the mood." He wrapped Renn in a hug. Renn closed his eyes and squeezed his brother back. They were dhampirs, half human and half vampire. They weren't supposed to exist. If the authorities ever discovered them, they would be executed. There had been several close calls over the years, but they had so far evaded detection.

"Boys! Dinner is ready," Silvie called from downstairs. She was the human housekeeper who had taken care of them for the past few years. Ever since things with their vampire parents had gone sour.

The two boys tromped downstairs. Renn breathed in the scent of rosemary roasted chicken. It was his favorite meal.

"It's smells delicious in here." Renn pulled out his chair and settled in, Cal in the chair across from him.

"I would hope so. I've been slaving away at the stove all day. There's mushroom soup, rosemary chicken, mashed potatoes, and a lemon cake for dessert." Silvie put a dish of butter on the table, removed her apron, and sat down.

Renn's mouth watered at the feast. He started to fill his plate. "Thank you, Silvie. Everything looks amazing."

"Anything for you, Renn. Happy birthday."

They talked and laughed as they ate. Renn drank the cup of blood Silvie had provided for him to wash down his dinner.

Silvie brought out the cake and she and Cal fussed over how best to arrange the twenty candles on top.

"Well make a wish," Cal said.

Renn stared at the flickering flames, contemplating. Then he blew out the candles. I wish for twenty more years just like this.

The cake was, of course, heavenly. Renn leaned back in his chair. "I pronounce this birthday feast a success." He got to his feet and started to gather the dirty dishes.

"Hey, I got those," Cal said as he swatted Renn's hand away. Renn let his brother have the dishes. Cal was at the sink when Renn noticed Silvie crying.

"What's wrong?" Renn pulled out a chair next to her, his brow pinched in concern. She looked at her lap and sniffled into a handkerchief.

"Oh, nothing. You boys are just both so grown up." Sylvie looked at him with a sad expression. "It feels like it went by so fast." She stroked his cheek. "I'll miss you."

"What do you mean?" Renn asked. "I'm not going anywhere."

Sylvie's eyes widened. "I mean . . . I'll miss the little boy you used to be."

Renn couldn't suppress his snort. "Really? I think I single-handedly gave you at least three-quarters of your grays."

Sylvie laughed. "You weren't that bad. I only got half from you, the other half came from your brother."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Cal called from the sink. "I'm an angel."

"What about that time you brought an entire bucket of frogs into the house?" Renn asked.

Cal spun around. "It was freezing outside! I was trying to save them."

Sylvie chuckled. "I swear my heart almost gave out when I woke up to a frog on my pillow."

The rest of the evening passed quietly. Renn changed into his nightclothes and climbed into bed. It was early spring and he left the window cracked open to get the cool night breeze. The only sounds were the chirping of the crickets and the wind whooshing through the leaves. Renn, Cal, and Sylvie lived in a little house out in the country, far away from prying eyes. It hadn't always been that way. Renn shook off the memory. They were here now, that's what mattered. He was just about to put his candle out when there was a knock at his door.

"Come in."

Sylvie came in, a candle in one hand and a cup in the other.

"I brought you some tea," she said as she set the candle on the table. "I know how much you like the chamomile."

Renn sat up in bed and took the teacup. "Thanks. Does it have-"

"Yes, I put in two dollops of honey."

Renn grinned. "You're the best, Sylvie."

Renn took a sip of the tea. He sighed at the sweetness. Sylvie sat down on the edge of his bed.

"I love you, Renn. Please always remember that."

Renn's forehead creased. "I love you too. Are you alright? You've seemed sad today." He took another sip of his tea. He could feel a headache coming on.

"You've always been such a sweet boy. I asked them for more time, but they said it had to be now."

"Wh-what are you talking about?" Renn asked. His vision blurred and his head pounded. He suddenly was so, so tired. Sylvie took the cup from him as he fell back against the pillows.

"I'm sorry," Sylvie said. Renn's eyes widened. She had drugged him. But why? He tried to move away from her but his limbs were as heavy as lead. Sylvie shifted his head into her lap. "Don't fight it. It's no use. Just relax, Renn." Renn's eyes drifted shut. He forced them open. He had to get away. He had to warn Cal. He attempted to yell but all that came out was a strangled sob. He was going to die. He had always thought he would burn to death. That someday the authorities would discover him and Cal and have them burned at the stake for being monstrosities. He had never thought it would be like this. Drugged by the woman who he loved as if she was his own mother.

"It's okay honey, it's okay," Sylvie soothed as she ran a hand through his hair. "You're just going to sleep for a little bit." Renn wanted to pull away from her, but he was completely helpless. The last thing he saw before the darkness claimed him was the tear sliding down Sylvie's face.

Renn floated in the darkness for what felt like eternity.

"He's more sensitive than Callum," a voice said. "She should have given him a smaller dose."

"She had no way of knowing that," another voice said. "He'll be fine. It'll just take a little longer to get through his system."

Renn whimpered. His head pounded and he had never felt so sore in his life. He blinked his eyes open. The light burned and he snapped them shut again with a groan.

"Ah, you're awake!"

"W-" Renn coughed. His tongue felt thick and a bout of dizziness washed over him. He tried again. "W-where am I?"

"You're home, my beautiful boy. You're finally home." That voice. Renn knew that voice. With enormous effort, he opened his eyes.

"Mother?"

"Yes baby, I'm here." She looked just like he remembered. Long black hair pulled back into a sensible bun, a no-nonsense gray dress, eyes that sparkled with what he had once thought was love. He knew better now.

"You had Sylvie drug me," he said.

His father spoke up. "I'm sorry about that, it must have been unpleasant. But you never would have come home otherwise."

"Of course not!" Renn yelled. His heart pounded and he was hit by the instinct to flee. He had never wanted to see them again. Not after he had seen them murder his human mother and Cal's human father in cold blood. "You killed them. You killed our parents right in front of us."

Father sighed. "For what it's worth, we didn't intend for you and Callum to see that. The only reason we eliminated them was to protect you two."

Renn let out a deep breath. "Why am I here? Where's Cal?" He tested his limbs and found he could barely move a finger.

"Callum's downstairs. We've already spoken with him," Mother said. "As for why you're here, you'll be helping us to push the boundaries of modern science. You and Callum are the first dhampirs to make it to maturity in generations. We know next to nothing on dhampir anatomy and physiology, so we'll be studying you two."

Renn's throat went dry. "You're going to dissect us?"

Father had the audacity to laugh. "Oh no, of course not. We're much more interested in how your bodies work than what they look like on the inside." That wasn't very reassuring.

"You're too special to waste on something as unrefined as dissection," Mother pitched in. Renn closed his eyes as tears burned. "You must be exhausted. Let's take you downstairs."

Renn couldn't fight back as his father picked him up and carried him to his fate.

Taglist: @dragonqueenslayer6 @whumpsday

[trippygalaxy]

Ok, soooo, talking things ig.

My oc was kinda just a character I made up and eventually shoehorned into botw, and he's Time/Twilight's descendant. His family survived the Calamity, only to die in resulting monster attacks over the years, till he was the only one left at a young age. No one would/could help him because they were also trying to deal with their own losses and struggles, leaving him to fend for himself.

He lived alone when one day a very feral and amnesiac Link stumbled across his home in the woods. For whatever reason, Elias certainly didn't know why, this feral child and his wolf companion stick around, and he ends up befriending Link and teaching him basics of human interaction.

Eventually, after Ganon is killed, Elias goes back to the plateau and restores his family's ranch (lon lon ranch) and becomes a popular resting spot for Link and eventually Zelda as well, and he sees them as younger siblings after losing his own.

THE BEAR comes in because Elias had a habit of caring for wild things (*stares at Wild*) and ended up accidently having a bear cub imprinting on him after its mother died.

In the setting of LU, if the boys ever visit, he LIES LIKE THE WIND to avoid any awkwardness between Time, Twilight, and himself. Why? He's awkward as fuck.

There's more, but that's a basic rundown.

The bear's name is Big Mama, btw. It's started as a joke, calling her little mama as a baby, but now she's massive and brings her cubs to see "grandpa" all the time, and the grown cubs come back to visit even after leaving to fend for themselves.

Love big mama, big mama is my heart and soul and i would DIE for big mama!!! Big girl and her little cubs— i would either be terrified or start bawling on the spot out of cuteness overload

ALSO ELIAS IS SUCH A GOOD NAME!!!! Love love love it so much omfg

That tragedy of surviving the ‘end of the world’ only to die because of the after shocks is so HEART BREAKING AND TRAGGIIC AND POETIC AND I LOVE IT SO MUCH BUT ALSO UGHHHHHHH POOR KID!!!!!

Iabdjsnjsdj thank you cal <3

[starsscarmyceiling]

We’re more ghosts than people sounds interesting af 👀

Okay AH again sorry this is a couple days late, but my work has been CRAZED, but I still wanted to get to this!!! Thanks for asking girl 🥰

AGAIN, if you have seen this prompt post that I wrote out, this was another one that had origins in what I wrote out in the AU section...

"Sorry I am on some Red Dead Redemption shit but I simply cannot help myself but to shove all of my favorite things together alright. Cal is apart of some kind of roaming squad (IF you chose a band of outlaws I wouldn’t be opposed), and they are in this one town for a bit. He starts to go to a general store where a Russian aunt and niece run it, and a lot of people just assume Merrin doesn’t even speak any English and dismiss her a lot of the time. But maybe he’s seen her at one of the saloons or tending to one of her horses and thinks that there’s more to her than what she is presenting to the world (and lol she is prettyyyy 😍) He goes into the store with Greez one day, and he ends up asking Merrin something, and Greez is like lol why do you bother she isn’t going to answer you. Cal is like pssssh this girl is trolling all of you I just know it. Merrin looks at him like he’s grown a second head, and then Asajj comes out and starts to put on the charm and Merrin just yeets right out of there. Perhaps Cal was wrong. Maybe she didn’t understand him, but that doesn’t mean that he wouldn’t want to get to know her. So he just continues to go to the store anyway and keeps talking to her all the time (We all know the boy can ramble let’s go). Maybe he even runs into her at other parts of town, or even on the outskirts where she’s taken her horse out, and he happens upon her while he’s on his. She does some target practice with a pistol and he’s impressed. He wished he at least knew her name. There’s a Russian woman in their group, and Cal asks her about a few Russian phrases, to which she complies, but then asks why. Cal is all SUPER red and is just like LOL NO REASON K THX BYEEEE! Cal goes into the shop, tries out a phrase or two, attempts a hello and asks her how she is doing. He feels like he is making a fool of himself, but then he swears out of the corner of his eye he sees her smirk. He asks her name in Russian, and she sighs…so Cal assumes he’s asked her wrong he clearly couldn’t remember it right and looks at the ground. “Merrin,” she says. His heart races. Asajj comes out and interrupts them OF COURSE. The gang wants to move on soon, but Cal isn’t ready to let go. It seems silly because practically every interaction they’ve had have been one sided conversations, but he still goes to the store nonetheless and tells her they are going to be leaving. She looks at him poignantly, and he still just doesn’t know if she’s pretending or really doesn’t understand. He dips his cowboy hat to her and tells her it was nice meetin’ ya milady dasvidaniya. Merrin shouldn’t be disappointed in the American man who came into her shop all the time to annoy her, really it doesn’t matter. How could it? He was really just a nuisance more than anything else, that Calvin ‘Cal’ Kestis. But, he was truly the only person that she could recall in what feels like a lifetime that looked her in her eyes, talked to her like a person, even if it was at annoying constancy. And GD he even learned some Russian just for her…but she tries to just forget about that handsome, redheaded cowboy all the same. Merrin is tasked to travel to a few towns over to pick up a delivery for the store, and after the long journey wherein she is going to have to spend the night anyway, so she decides to go to one of the saloons. She rolls her eyes as she sips at her whiskey because more than one man has approached her and thought she was a hooker. A brawl breaks out and she rolls her eyes harder. Stupid men. All of them were just children.

But then this man comes in the middle of it and tries to break it up. His voice sounds familiar, but she thinks he’s hearing things. She tries to tune it out, but notices he gets punched anyway, and his hat flies off. Yeah, no there was no denying that red hair. She wants to leave, but she can’t; she’s stuck on her stool. Once the fight finally ceases, Cal is with that small man he came into the store with sometimes as he retrieves his hat. He talks with the short man, and she thinks he’s going to leave, and he is just going to be lost to her again, but then he seems to stay for another drink, probably wanting to nurse that black eye he’s no doubt going to get. He sits at one of the stools and downs a drink. Oh lordt should she go up to him now? After everything she’s lost, it seemed ridiculous to do such a thing, but she finds her feet moving of her own volition. Oh GOD what is she even going to say. “That is quite the punch you took,” she says, sitting down next to him, “I probably have something in my supplies that could help with that.” Cal whips his head to her and quickly voices her name, which she was certain he was going to forget. And he seemed most certainly shocked that yes she does indeed know English and has this whole time. There’s smiles all around as he offers to buy her a drink and she accepts. But she also has to make fun of how terrible his Russian was."

So then there was this one fine morning on the Merrical server where @myfaenwy posted this photo shoot of Cam that was so very rude of him, actually...I mean...look at this slut wtf

(affectionate, obviously haha we love him)

I then liked begged @myfaenwy to write the prompt that I wrote out, but then...I just posed the idea of writing with her (something neither of us have done), and much to my delight...she was down.

Unfortunately, we've both been pretty busy with other WIPs, so we have not actually started writing, but we've been talking about this like since before JS! We are wanting to follow a lot of my prompt. And since both of us are also big fans of Red Dead Redemption 2, it will also be pretty RDR coded (which is the inspiration behind the title)...

We've had a drunken brainstorming session LOL that also involved:

Greez running a saloon, obvs. Cere is the bitch who runs everything as the wealthy widow. Aunt and niece duo Ventress and Merrin as Russian immigrants that run the general store in town, also obvs. Cal's gotta horse named Beauregarde Deaugustine the First, and I mean...look at fucking Koboh...it's all right there!!!

Basically, this fic is just kind of begging to be written! We are soooo very excited to start writing it and be able to show it to y'all!!!

YEEHAWWW!!

Y'all think Merrin will want to save a horse, ride a cowboy?😏🤠

[carahhhhx]

why can’t i hold you in the street-calfreezy

Cal and Kiara have been ‘talking’ for nearly a year now, the two had met through Faith a mutual friend of the two. Kiara had grown up with Faith the two being bes friends since a young age and during Faith and Ethan’s baby shower the two met and soon a situationship was formed. Cal seemed happy with the current situation he thought Kiara felt the same little did he know it was really starting to confuse the girl which is why she decided it was finally time to drop her second album in hopes of boy finally taking the hint.

@kiaramay-go stream my new album pretty please🥰

comments

@faithkelly-i love love love you

^i love love love love you baby 🩷

@behzinga-proud of you little k

^thanks eth💙

@w2s-SHE FINALLY DROPS IT

^hush child

@ksi-AYO hella proud k

@freyaknightingale-proud of you babe 🤍

@taliamar- collaboration next !!

^please

@calfreezy-aye well done lass proud

@miniminter- congratulations!!

@zerekaa- proudest big brother kia i’m so grateful to call you my sister, you never fail to make me proud ❤️

^taliamar-hes crying as am i

^kiaramay - i love you both so so much

@tjizzle-so proud of you kiara💚

@vikstar123- ellie is crying.

“i’m so proud of you kia” faith told me pulling me into a hug “now let me hear it” she shouted “fine fine okay” i told her pulling up the first song “this is stay” i told her before pressing play “wow” she said after it finished playing “that’s all you get to hear faithy dear” i told her “i’m going to stream that on the drive home” she told me tearing up “i’m so so proud of you” she told me again “faith please don’t cry i’ll cry” i told her “i can’t help it i’m so proud of you, my baby sister finally dropping her second album and it’s about a boy” she replied “right get out of her before i sob” i told her pushing her towards the door before hugging her “i’m going i love you kiara “ she told me “i love you to faith give my love to olive” i told her before closing the door.

@behzinga @faithkelly @zerekaa @freyaknightingale @taliamar @w2s @ksi @georgeclarky have tagged you in a story

brain freeze 🤍

congratulations on the album but i have to ask did you write it about me ?

kiki

penny finally dropped then

brain freeze🤍

im sorry kiara i really am i thought you were okay with how we were going. I’m so stupid for not realising sooner i’m sorry it took a whole album for me to realise how you felt, i really am sorry.

kiki

thank you for being my muse.

brain freeze🤍

be mine please.

kiki

only took you a year.

@kiaramay- thank you for being my muse 🤍

-comments off-

[not-this-guy]

Once again, picking at your brain for your thoughts

What’re your reasons/ideas behind your top hc’s for Bro

i'm brain dead right now after a full shift so let me give you the long short list and a more general explanation of my general fascination with this guy

the basis of my takes and hcs on bro stem from approaching him and viewing him as a person who is flawed and wrong and misguided, but a person and not a generic one faced boogeyman. he is an abuser, he has a lack of boundaries and he has violent tendencies, but i don't look at it in a vacuum because unlike dave who's only ever seen what bro allowed him to see, we can look at him as a whole.

i picked him up a couple years ago in a group roleplay server, mainly as a "i don't trust anyone else to write him/haha wouldn't it be funny if" and since then he's been living rent free in my head - but he's out grown what canon gave us.

and the fundamentals of that are:

0 | SPITE, DISGUST AND FRUSTRATION: he is a fascinating character in his own right, but goddamn is he polarising and one prone to settle in the extremes of fandom perception to the point that people have to fucking tag him as a trigger warning nowadays, which makes people unwilling to interact and engage in more nuanced discussions of him out of avoidance of being harassed which is understandable. however this kind of left him as a character to the wolves, and now a lot of his more recent works and his entire tag in general in whatever site you use has been trashed by incestuous pedophiles - which makes people even less wiling to interact with the concepts brought up in his character. and honestly fuck that. i'm willing to endure dealing w their bullshit directly n i'm willing to call these people what they are (groomers sharing csa material for personal gratification and desensitisation) and i'm not giving them free reign of bro's tag anymore. these freaks should be rightfully shunned and mocked and judged where ever they go because they're too deep in self-denial to ever change.

I | EXTRAPOLATION: with alpha dirk's introduction we were left with a question, how could this kid end up like his beta session self? what could possibly drive the dirk we grow to like and see multiple facets of become this shell of a man? and boy do i love assuming and explaining shit away for people who are barely characters in their own right. free reign to do whatever i want baby.

II | BRAIN DAMAGE: the answer to that question is to chip away at the soul and to scramble a man's sense of reality. i haven't really been in the headspace for it but id love to one day fully explore the horrors of Bro and Lil Cal's codependency for those 30 some years. with that as a base (but not an excuse) i started to slowly piece him back together, and working with the 'undesirables' of mental illness. he is an unmedicafed paranoid schizophrenic with hoarding tendencies who was diagnosed with aspergers as a child... and then punished for it, being effectively abandoned by the system to fates whims and blamed for never having his needs met. his one solid connection at any point in time was lil cal. but instead of villanizing him for having these traits... i see him as someone who was trying to help, but was misguided by his closest confidant and blinded by his over controlling paranoid nature and compulsory need to one up people. everything bro did, he did to help dave... he just never stopped to think about if he was going about it the right way, because he saw dave as an extension of himself and thus of course thought his behaviour was appropriate, because he is acting as who he wished he had when he himself was a kid.

III | PROJECTING AND RELATABILITY: damn he just like me fr. aka on top of all of that, i've grown to attach some of my own traits onto him and vice versa as a means of coping with my own backstory and as a backwards way of acknowledging that my feelings are valid... by allowing bro strider of all people to also go through them and changing myself to have compassion for him.

there's more but look i forgot and m done eating my cold burger.

[mitz-prompts]

prompt: cal, adam, and will were triplets

canon-typical content warnings for The Path

to be fair this isn't really a prompt so much as a fully formed idea in my head.

will, adam, and cal were all brenda's children (bear with me) but they were taken away from her because the father thought she was a bad mother (like in canon in The Path)

the father joins Meyerism, can't afford to support the children himself. goes to steve meyer for guidance.

steve, who i am taking many liberties with here because i barely know the guy, comes up with a divinely inspired reason that "the three boys must be separated as a test of faith. one to be raised by a poor man, one to be raised by a rich man, and one to be raised by us, and taught the way of our movement. and when they are grown, we will see which of them is prepared for the garden" or, look, some bullshit like that.

so will is raised by a boat mechanic, and adam is raised by his father, and cal is raised by steve. and none of them know about each other.

brenda probably tries to tell cal the truth on her deathbed but we all know how well that worked out (for those who don't - cal refused to see her, and therefore missed the message that she's sorry for letting him be abused by steve meyer for years. and sarah, who was supposed to pass the message along, chose to exclude that part because she believed brenda was lying.)

and steve dies too, before he has the chance to say final words to Cal, i guess.

SO. no one knows. until Hannibal fucking Lecter sees Cal Roberts on the news and is like. "mmm, let's put a pin in this whole season 2 arc and the tension and the lying, because Will, holy shit, you have a doppleganger and this is way more interesting than whatever the fuck we were supposed to be dancing around right now"

AND WILL WATCHES THE CLIP. of cal roberts arguing with professor neill. (aka cal defending meyerism on live television, despite the fact that he's currently in the midst of recovering his suppressed memories about meyerism's founder Steve sexually abusing him for a decade of his childhood)

Will watches the clip and he can tell, immediately, that Cal Roberts is a fucking mess. A basket case. Suffering and lying and paying lip service to something he's afraid that he still believes in despite everything.

Will watches this clip, with all his empathy sensors activated, and Will says, "Absolutely the fuck not. nope. not opening that can of worms."

hannibal tries to reason with him, because hannibal is completely flummoxed that Will doesn't want to drop everything and go with Hannibal to meet his long lost twin.

But Will says no. Because his life is already fucked enough and he doesn't want to open this door. He can't accept it. This isn't his kind of crazy.

anyway, Will lasts for about 48 hours before caving because he feels Cal Roberts' anguish in his chest and he can't sleep. what else is new.

anyway so hannigram go on a road trip, abandoning S2B entirely

and blah blah blah, confronting Cal, getting into the cult, tracking down steve's journals and doing detective work together. they find out about Adam.

and then, i don't know. codependent brotherly love endgame. save cal from himself, save will because he's always at his best when he's concerned with the welfare of others. and will gets to see hannibal in action as a selfless psychiatrist for once instead of the manipulative bastard he's always been around Will

and i think hannibal would be really really good with cal and adam, that's all

if he wanted to be (which in this case i think he does? because he likes seeing will around them, giving will a family in a new and unconventional way.) (edited)

and uhhh. it doesn't hurt that hannibal is like "oh, there's three of you now? :3c"

[skinzchoerim]

instinct pt.1 and instinct pt.2 stOryline analysis

I've spent a lot of time in the past year thinking about these two albums. I found it curious that the first three songs mention women, skinz says gender doesn't matter and the rest of the songs are gender neutral while the MVs are gay. Since today is instinct pt.2's first anniversary and it's an album that changed my life, here's the story I've come up with (based purely on the lyrics and descriptions, not the MVs).

We can safely assume that the bOy wearing cOmme des garçOns, our main character in this series, is meant to be bisexual. From what I've gathered, it's common for bisexual people to realise their attraction to the opposite gender first (since it's already expected and easier to explore) and get the full picture of their sexuality later. libidO is about exploration and experimentation, and I always thought the line "girl, I just wanna know" was referring to exactly that - experimenting and starting with the "safer" option first, but still being aware of your blooming queerness in the back of your mind, accepting and understanding your libido as a whole through this first experience.

Next is yOu can tOuch it if yOu can't feel it. In libidO, he wasn’t acting on his desires yet, it was all an internal monologue about things he feels and wishes to take further. The longer he didn’t act on it, the stronger and more uncontrollable it became. After accepting his libido as an internal thing, in instinct he explores it further, no longer questioning and thinking, but acting on it with another person. I really like the line "Why the hell were you drawn to my wandering?" because it highlights that this is just the beginning of his journey of self discovery. He found someone he's attracted to and he doesn't question that, but he's also aware in the back of his mind that it's not the end, he's still lost and has more questions than answers. For now, though, he chooses to focus on this moment and this person.

Another line I find interesting is "I don't want your love tonight because it hurts." A lot of OOO's pre-instinct era songs' messages give me the impression that in order to have a full, satisfying, healthy relationship, the subject needs to grow up, understand and accept himself. Even in relationships with women, he can't just suppress and not think about his queerness, because in the long run, it'll become poison to the relationship. It's a vital part of his nature and not exploring it at all is doing himself injustice and stopping his growth as a person. I'm not here to say whether this is true or not, but it makes sense to me with some of their songs.

Moving onto byredO - since it's his first relationship and "the emotion of love of the boy, who is yet to become a grown-up, is quite impulsive and fickle", it turns unhealthy and obsessive. The interesting this is, hOly week is the previous track, not the next like one might expect. It's because he's been slowly turning away from god and he turns his worship elsewhere, letting his desires consume him. He doesn’t see his lover for the person she is, only focusing on the physical aspect of their relationship and putting it above anything else, her scent his new god.

tear Of gOd is repentance for following his impulses. He feels the promised paradise slipping away as he realises he can no longer reach it, both because of how he acted in the relationship and because of the constant awareness of his attraction to men. He begs for forgiveness and tries to feel closer to god again, but it's not the same anymore. His indulgence in pleasure already put distance between his faith and himself, and going back just causes him to feel more guilty, so he takes a different approach.

I called it yOu but it was actually me is a curious phrase that's been torturing me since I first saw it. The description says:

Confession is a word with both a religious and secular meaning, and the “low-lying voice” always makes me imagine him on his knees in a church. However, the phrase itself is very "call me by your name"-esque, which relates to the idea of being two halves of a whole, seeing yourself reflected in another person and seeing them in yourself. It's not physical, but emotional and intellectual. So, perhaps, after confessing his sins and not getting a response, he comes to the conclusion that people are closer to him than god. He used to believe he was created in god's image, but “i called it you but it was actually me” indicates a realization of inherent connection between god’s creations, people finding their reflections in each other instead. The boy stops seeing other people as separate from himself and starts looking into their shared humanity, hence, under the_ comes next.

"Emotion beneath innate nature" suggests more focus on the inner feelings, letting go of the fear that love will hurt and opening up to an emotional connection. For all that I know, instinct pt.2 makes no mention of the boy, but it's safe to assume he's still our POV character. In this album, I'll refer to his lover as "he", because although all the songs are gender neutral and the idea of the album is that gender doesn't matter, there's an implied "maleness" in suit dance and gaslighting (with Nine and Kyubin's lines responding to each other) and it makes sense within the larger narrative.

The songs on instinct pt.2 all correspond with a song on pt.1. skinz, like libidO, is an internal monologue of acceptance. He understands that gender doesn't matter to him and he should stop looking only skin-deep. He now knows that in order for a relationship to work, he needs to look beneath the physical and see the person inside. It's desperate and slightly aggressive because he's still young and impulsive, and there's this whole new side of him he's been suppressing that's just waiting to get out.

I haven’t read the book this title comes from, but from what I’ve seen other lyOns say, la nausee relates to the idea of individual choices and how they create a person. The description shows that there's someone new in his life that he’s beginning to have feelings for.

suit dance is, in a way, encouraging someone to come to the same conclusions he did. It focuses on physical aspects and wanting the other to act on his instincts, but there's also an element of helping him find identity and freedom in it (“time to cut loose yourself”, "focus a bit more on yourself"). It explores similar ideas as instinct, following someone with his eyes and wanting to be close to them so they can both act on their desires.

Now, the line "What do your eyes in the mirror want?" makes me think of “I called it you but it was actually me”. I'm a bit confused by who is who exactly in this song, it might be a translation issue, but it's hard to tell apart the "me" and "you" sometimes. They seem to blend together and I think it's part of the idea. They're both wearing suits and admiring themselves in the mirror, but also see a reflection of themselves when looking at each other.

gaslighting, just like byredO, is deeply toxic as he gets addicted to his lover and wants to be controlled. In a way, it's kind of religious as it shows a deep and unhealthy devotion one should not have towards another human being as it also reduces their humanity. He still feels the need to put someone on the pedestal, which, although not from the boy's story, goes back to angel. Growing up religious made him feel that there needs to be someone above him, someone more holy than him he can answer to, and once he steps away from religion, he fills the god-shaped hole (sorry, I find that phrase hilarious) with other people.

snapchat honestly baffles me a little, but the description says:

Perhaps the idea is that they're realising the instability of their relationship, that they're continually missing each other and they don't know how to communicate properly. All they have is small moments that become good memories, but even they disappear without a trace.

ultimate bliss is a rejection of all that was influenced by religion in the boy's life. He still dreams of paradise, but this time he wants to build one for himself and his lover. He's ready to let go of the ideas he'd been brought up believing in and there's catharsis in leaving it all behind. He accepts the things he's done wrong and doesn't blame himself for them, doesn't apologise to god anymore.

"Are we being punished, or are we dreaming" confuses me a bit. Dreaming in general is used a lot in OOO's songs, it's a pleasant state and an escape from reality, which, if you indulge in too much, stunts your growth. I think in this case, it means that it's hard to tell whether this love they have is good or bad. He's conflicted because it's both painful and pleasurable, and religious people really like to force black and white thinking. The boy is just beginning to learn that some things are morally neutral, not everything that hurts is punishment, not everything that feels good is a beautiful dream.

"Would you come with me?" means that it's not just him, but his lover as well who has to let go of these things. If we interpret this song and gaslighting as being about the same person, perhaps the lover's religious upbringing also made him feel that he needs to be more controlling. Since their relationship is forbidden, he needed to feel like there's some aspect of it that's up to him in the face of the great unknown and placed himself as the god. As a side note, my grandparents were once reading me something about god filling people with light if they put their trust in him and I was reminded of this line in gaslighting:

If we see it like that, ultimate bliss would then show that there's still hope for the two of them if they get rid of all these messed up ideas and stop feeling like there needs to be a higher power involved in their relationship. Neither of them is god and neither is the follower, they're both Adam and Eve who made their choice to bite the forbidden fruit and leave.

As a sort of epilogue/glue to the next project, there's undergrOund idOl #0 with the description:

It reminds me of the description under be free:

Both of these are about overcoming hardship as long as they can rely on each other. It also reminds me of angel and Mill's line "to me you are faith, sometimes hope", while in skinz he had the line "belief is toxic to me" (and the word used for belief in Korean also refers to belief in god). This just reiterates that they're letting go of the idea that they need to put someone on a pedestal.

And lastly, we have re-bidO. I'm not sure if it means that if he were exploring his sexuality again, he wouldn't make the same mistakes? It's normal to look back on your journey and wish you'd done things differently, but these words imply a lot of regret. Maybe he's not fully content with where he ended up, maybe he's imagining a version of his life which is better, easier. Maybe it shows that his journey isn't over just because the album has ended and he still has a lot of guilt, so he's back to square one - accepting the natural parts of himself. It's a bittersweet ending and that makes it feel more real. The road was rocky and just like at the end there's catharsis, there's also reflection.