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wen-kexing-apologist · 1 year

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I Am Perfectly Normal About Step by Step Episode 7

Sighs.

Dear readers, I do not have time for this. I have trainings to make, I have shows to catch up on, I have practice to go to. But alas

Here I am

Once again

Overanalyzing the fuck out of the body language in my silly little gay Thai shows.

Because the BODY LANGUAGE in this episode??????????? HELLO?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!

GOD! Jeng and Pat’s interactions are putting worms in my brain. ALRIGHT, LET’S BEGIN

First off:

Jeng

When Jaab calls Jeng to accuse him of secretly dating Pat, Jeng immediately starts closing himself off, because he may not currently be secretly dating Pat, but Jeng is head over heels obsessed with Pat already and is trying to hide his feelings, from his brother and from himself by placing his arm across his chest and slouching to hide himself a little better. But of course, he is incapable of truly hiding his feelings for Pat because his whole apartment is BLUE which is Pat’s color.

And Jeng is nervous, like he knows that he has feelings for Pat, and now he knows that his feelings are obvious enough to his baby brother who is friends with his crush and if his brother knows, then who else knows? Jeng is constantly moving in this scene, he is folding and then unfolding his arms, he is turning forward and then backward, he is pacing!!

When Jeng gets the news from Jaab that Pat is dating someone, his back is turned to the camera. He is facing Pat’s color, but he is in the final stages of trying to hide his feelings by giving the audience nothing but the nervous scratching of his neck to read.

Until he sinks under the weight of the news that Pat is taken, at which point he sits down on his desk and then his nervous energy is transferred to his fingers, which are fidgeting as he considers whether or not to ask Jaab “Who is Pat seeing?”

Edit: peace, love, and my firstborn to @respectthepetty who has granted me a gif of Mr. Fidget

But he freezes, only shifting the grip he has on his phone while he waits for Jaab’s answer. After Jaab replies Jeng is constantly moving some part of his body: his arm, and then his torso as he takes a deep breath, and then his head as he looks down.

Jeng, Pat, Put Round One:

It does not take long for Jeng to figure out who the secret boyfriend is, because Jeng is totally platonically interested in Pat’s life, Jeng is in fact ~completely normal~ about this man. Jeng certainly would never see Put’s wallet, after already having one subtle “he’d not interested in you anymore” at the aquarium with Put, and immediately put the pieces together.

gif from @earthpirapat

Nor would he spend his work hours sulking because he sees Put and Pat flirting with each other...

gif from @earthpirapat

And he 100% most definitely would not need to be physically pulled away from Pat by his brother, because seeing Pat and Put together has made Jeng forget all workplace decorum, and Jeng, who has been unaware of how far over the line he has actually crossed with Pat over the last few episode, is now no longer capable of hiding his intentions while in a workplace setting.

Especially not when he is wearing a light blue button up shirt, because he’s trying to be neutral but his feelings for Pat are still seeping through.

This is less a body language note, and more a body placement note, but Pat is positionally closer to Jeng than he is to Put in this scene.

Put and Pat

With the flirting we get between Put and Pat during the interview, we can see how they might work together as a couple. There is some illusion at least of playfulness and familiarity, they are feeling strongly enough towards each other that they aren’t capable of being 100% professional during that shoot (and neither is Jeng) because he’s too busy looking like a kicked puppy.

But when we return to Pat’s home, where he and Put are sharing a meal, suddenly the vibe is very different.

The lighting is dark and white and cold, with a hint of warmth from the lamp in the corner behind Pat, Pat who spends the first part of the meal smiley and trying to engage Put in conversation. But Put is too busy on his phone to pay much attention. In fact, for the entire time that Put and Pat are eating together they do not make eye contact. Only after Pat says that he is full and tries to leave the table, does Put meet his eye.

This is starkly different than when Pat and Jeng are in the kitchen together:

gif from @smittenskitten

Here the lighting is bright and warm, golden and more natural in feeling, and Jeng and Pat dedicate too much time to eye contact. Drawn to one another, rather than trying to pick up a connection that was lost years ago.

The incompatibility continues when Pat has his breakdown on the commercial set. We saw in the earlier dinner scene that Pat is sensitive and that Put, like Jeng, is capable of hurting Pat’s feelings. However, Put only comforts Pat when he himself has made an inappropriate/slightly mean comment about the noodles Pat made, knowing that he fucked up. When the going gets tough, and Pat succumbs to intentional external aggression from Chris’ mom, only Chot reaches out to comfort Pat.

Put won’t even look Pat in the eye.

Pat runs off to have a #hotgirlmeltdown behind a trailer and Jeng shows up. And this is where I start to go feral, because the HANDS the BODY LANGUAGE the way Jeng is constantly trying to keep himself in check. The way he starts to reach out to take Pat’s wrist, and then immediately pulls his arm back, because he knows that is not an appropriate touch between a boss and an employee. Between Yutaka’s split second reach for Minoru’s hand and Jeng’s split second reach for Pat’s hand I am being personally victimized by the gay yearning of fictional Asian men.

gif by @pharawee

Jeng looks at Pat approximately a thousand times, trying to figure out what to do, his body making all these little movements like he keeps considering whether or not he should touch Pat, if he can comfort Pat, how he can comfort Pat.

And Pat leaves him no choice, Pat and Jeng are hidden behind a trailer away from the eyes of the rest of the office, and Pat is too distraught to be thinking about appropriate workplace decorum, and instead seeks comfort from a person who he has feelings for, who has made him feel valued, and supported, and listened to in a way that no one else really has.

gif from @pharawee

And again, the body language, especially from Man is exquisite here. Jeng is stiff, he doesn’t initially relax into the hug, again his brain catches up to his heart, and he starts to reach out to complete the hug, to touch Pat’s shoulder or arm, and again he stops himself. Jeng’s initial response to this hug is handled in such a way that someone walking by would not read the encounter as romantic. The first few moments of this hug are truly just Pat needing comfort, and his boss being the only person around.

But as Pat continues to cry, Jeng gives in. He finally touches Pat and the second that he completes the hug, the second that his hand makes contact with Pat’s arm, it’s over. There is no more plausible deniability. This is an extremely unprofessional hug, this is a “oh no the boy I like is sad and I must comfort him” hug. Because Jeng makes contact with Pat’s arm and then leans his head down to rest his chin on Pat’s head.

gif from @pharawee

And it does not leave until Pat finally calms down and breaks the hug.

So, here’s the thing, it’s not entirely Put’s fault. Like, when Put is being attentive to Pat it seems to go well (the tickling scene from earlier) but his priority is work, and his priority has always been work. Put can’t be seen getting too comfortable with people, on set Put can’t really engage in the behaviors a boyfriend would, Put is still at the will of his manager. But Put left Pat last time in part to pursue a career, and those same things that pulled them apart last time have not gone away.

Whether Pat realizes it at the moment (and I don’t think he does) getting back together with Put is a last ditch, desperate attempt to try to channel his feelings for Jeng somewhere else. At one point he used to love Put, at one point he and Put seemed to really work together, he can have fun with Put, he and Put know each other, Put is more comfortable with his sexuality now. It could be easy, it could be easy to forget his feelings for Jeng, it could be easy to find the feelings he once had for Put.

But…

And to Put’s credit, he is extremely forgiving and patient, he says they can take it slow. The whole time they were interspersing teasing with kissing with talking Put and Pat are constantly touching each other, stroking their thumb along a shoulder, running their fingers through each other’s hair. They are comforting touches, they are familiar touches. They are touches that Pat can’t get from Jeng.

But it doesn’t feel the same, and they both know it, and where Put seems willing to give it time, I think there is a part of him that knows this is not going to work out. Pat is too in love with Jeng. I want to shout out the post by @chicademartinica because it analyzes the use of barriers as a way of showing that Put is trapped outside of Pat’s world.

So Pat goes to the party, and he drinks and he drinks, and he drinks, and he drinks because it is easier to get drunk and forget that he can’t ignore his feelings for Jeng, and so that he could, as @shortpplfedup so aptly identified in conversation, have some deniability.

Pat goes to the party and before long he is sitting next to Jeng. Because Pat is also not able to control himself as much as he should. To my mind, Pat is his usual amount of light hearted tease with Jeng, making digs at his breakdown, trying to rope Jeng in to singing karaoke with him, etc. but Jeng, who is at least a glass of wine in, if not more, is uh…much much much more obvious then he usually is.

Listen, I know what you are all going to say when you read the next sentence, but you know what I mean. Man is a physicality beast. He is an expert in knowing where and how to place macro and micro expressions. He knows when Jeng is supposed to read awkward and stiff, he knows when Jeng is supposed to read comfortable and relaxed. I am struck, watching this couch scene, by how many times Jeng looks out the corner of his eye in Pat’s direction without ever turning his head to face him, when Pat leans in to suggest they sing karaoke together.

When he turns to face Pat, he is only able to keep his eyes on him for a second at a time, he keeps turning his head almost 180* in the opposite direction every few seconds, changing his body position, smiling, Jeng literally cannot help himself. He’s already had to rein himself in once, almost making a comment about Pat that would not have been work appropriate.

Pat gets drunker, Pat in fact gets obviously drunker, but we aren’t really certain where Jeng lies in his inebriation levels. Which is fun because that means we get to decide if he is looking at Pat and saying “I will still be there” SO SINCERELY because he is also buzzed/tipsy/drunk and therefore no longer fast enough to stop his mouth. Or if he is deciding to be bold because he knows that Pat and Put are together and he wants to show Pat he is interested. Or if he thinks that Pat will have a repeat of last time, and blackout and not remember everything that Jeng has said.

It is harder to tell on Jeng than on Pat, but I am pretty sure that Jeng’s cheeks are at least a little flushed, and let’s be real

gif from @junghaesin

This man is under the influence. Of what? Alcohol? Love? Doesn’t matter, Jeng has gone full Heart Eyes, Motherfucker at the work function. Rest in peace to everyone, and especially Chot who is going to have to deal with their stupid, sorry, gay asses.

Pat continues to drink, and then, OOP:

gif from @smittenskitten

Jeng has an excuse to take Pat’s wrist, plausible deniability “I was trying to stop him from drinking more” but honey, that hand stays on the wrist for way longer than #justcoworkers should touch.

And then Pat chugs the rest of it, and Jeng tries to stop him, and he freezes and for just a second, Pat’s wrist once again passes across Jeng’s fingertips. This time, just brushing together as Pat moves his glass back to the table.

gif from @smittenskitten

Moving on to my absolute favorite part of the entire episode. THE SHIRT SCENE. Yes, I know this scene is probably more accurately referred to as The Grass Jelly scene or the Drunken Hallway Conversation scene but I DO NOT CARE. I DON’T CARE WHAT IS MORE ACCURATE, I DON’T CARE WHAT IS MORE APPROPRIATE, ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THIS:

gif from @earthpirapat

“Mr. Jeng can make grass jelly” Pat says, drunkenly, as he tugs at Jeng’s shirt with enough unsteady force to knock them both back into the wall. You can see the top of this man’s boxers. Does Jeng seem bothered by it? No. Does Jeng seem angry about it? No. Does Jeng try to switch drunken men to support when Pat starts being overly familiar with his tank top? No.

What does he do?

HE. LOOKS. DOWN.

He does not protest. Pat’s faculties are gone and all that is left is Pat’s affection for Jeng. He wants to eat grass jelly because that is a food he associates with Jeng. (Let’s be real here, Pat doesn’t want to eat grass jelly, Pat wants to eat Jeng). Pat plays with Jeng’s shirt because he can’t help but touch Jeng.

To be completely honest with you, whatever the implications of the grass jelly are, whatever the implications of Jeng just watching this happen, dead fucking silent, I don’t care. I care about how comfortable and familiar it is, and they aren’t even together yet. I don’t care how much sexual tension is acting as an undercurrent to that interaction, I simply think this is so goddamn fucking cute!

As for the rest of the drunk man shuffle, the benefit of having a Certified Tol Boi like Man, is that Jeng can hold Pat’s hand and cup his chest without it inherently coming off as inappropriate to outsiders, because he is so tall that only Pat’s wrist is really the only thing that can sit somewhere on Jeng’s shoulder that Jeng can grab. Jeng simply must hold Pat’s wrist and/or hand, and he’s slipping more towards Pat’s hand. Convenient.

This is less a body language analysis and more a “in case you didn’t notice because I did not notice at first and @shortpplfedup had to tell me” JENG TAKES OFF PAT’S SHOES.

Between this and the t-shirt grab, my brain just wants to spin and spin and spin towards all the domesticity they could have if they were allowed to be a couple right now.

And now, dear readers, I am coming to a close. If you have gotten this far, again I marvel because, holy shit this is literally so long, and for what?

So I will end with this, Jeng is a goner, and we’re heading towards the break in the dam. Jeng and Pat have tried to keep their feelings for each other at bay. Jeng has tried to be professional about this, Pat has explicitly made an effort Not To Date His Boss. They have failed. Pat failed the moment he stopped kissing Put, and he failed again the moment he grabbed Jeng’s shirt. (and also a bunch more times, see: eating together before he knew who Jeng was, see: furniture shopping, see: putting on the chef’s hat, see: watching fireworks together). Jeng has been failing the entire goddamn time. God he tried so hard in the beginning, when he learned Pat was going to be his employee, he pulled back initially, he gave critiques, he did not play favorites, but it did not take long for Jeng to come up with more and more excuses for why something was work appropriate. “Oh you won’t have time to go home before the gala, just shower at my place”, “Oh, I’m only available on Sunday for a meeting, just come to my place”, “Oh, I didn’t know where you lived so I let you sleep at my place,”, “Oh, the rooms weren’t booked properly, why don’t you share my place?”

But where are we at the end of Episode 7?

Jeng is, in the light of day, with his employees milling about the room, looking Pat in the face and saying that the video of him drunk is, and I quote “pretty cute.” which means, by extension, Jeng is calling drunk!Pat “pretty cute”, which means that, by extension, Jeng is calling Pat “pretty cute”. Narak indeed, Jeng, narak indeed. So, all caution has been thrown to the wind, Jeng is over trying to be professional, it’s time to officially enter Jeng’s “I Lost Focus and Had A Consensual Workplace Relationship” Era.

#step by step #step by step the series #patjeng #jengpat #pat x jeng #jeng x pat #dee hup house #thai bl #man trisanu #ben bunyapol #up poompat #bruce sirikorn #people better read this post it took me four hours to write #there was a w-k-a before the shirt tug and there was a w-k-a after the shirt tug #and they are not the same person

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