#Loud Night
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Choir: ♪ Holy infant So tender and mild ♪
John: Wait, who describes an infant as mild?
Ted: Yeah, I'm more hung up on tender.
John: Yeah, somebody's eating this baby.
Priest: It's important that we remember just why we celebrate Christmas. We observe the holiest of all days to rejoice in the glory of the birth of Jesus Christ, born not from the seed of man but from divine origin. Never before or since have we, God's children, been blessed by such a miracle.
Ted: Excuse me. Yeah, over here. Hi. Ted, local bear. You're talking about a guy who came alive out of nowhere, right?
Priest: Yes.
Ted: Yeah, me.
Priest: I'm sorry?
Ted: I'm just saying, he's not the only one.
Priest: I don't think that's the same thing.
Ted: Well, you said, never before or since. But… You know, this guy.
Priest: The birth of Christ was a heavenly miracle.
Ted: I mean, what do you call this? I mean, I don't see any Pound Puppies or Monchhichis walking around.
Priest: Christ's birth was clearly ordained by God, marked by the star of Bethlehem, a miraculous beacon from the heavens.
John: There was a star there. Ted: There was a star, right?
John: Yeah, no, it was a shooting star.
Ted: I had a star. John: Yeah.
Priest: Jesus had a divine purpose. God sent him to us to spread the word that He loves us.
Ted (recorded voice): "I love you."
Ted: Your move, Friar Tuck.
Priest: I just want to finish the sermon.
Ted: I'm just saying, I might be Jesus. Might. I'm not saying for sure. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I might be Jesus.
Priest: That is incredibly disrespectful.
Ted: Says the guy eating babies.
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John: OK, we can't read this whole thing.
Ted: Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least got to skim it.
John: I have never seen pages so thin.
Ted: I know. It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.
John: You know, I was thinking. How do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?
Ted: Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right? Walked! That means he had feet, not wheels.
John: Yeah, that makes sense.
Ted: Oh, wait, hang on. Stop right there. Look, look, look. Matthew 21:31, "Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you." Look at that. Jesus hangs out with hookers.
John: Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven too. He sounds a lot like you.
Ted: Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.
John: Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?
Ted: You're not paying them for sex. You're paying them to fly away.
John: Oh. Let's see. "And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give"…
Ted: What was that first part?
John: "Behold, I come quickly."
Ted: Jesus said that?
John: Yeah.
Ted: Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with "behold." What else? Well, look, look, look. Right there. Right there. John the apostle. Jesus had an apostle named John.
John: Holy shit. Those were, like, his buddies, right?
Ted: Yeah, yeah, there was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. There's no doubt anymore. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.
Ted: Holy shit. Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?
Ted: Yeah, but I probably got to learn how to use them. Flip to the spells.
John: OK, spells, spells, spells. Ted: Spells, spells, spells.
Ted: Wonder what my alignment is.
John: Chaotic good.
Ted: Ah, yeah, yeah. Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.
John: Yeah.
Ted: Shit, we supposed to have dice?
-
Ted: OK, what do you say we try one of them spells, huh? Water into wine, here we go. "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho. Meka leka hi, meka chiney ho." All right, try it.
John: Still water.
Ted: Fuck! Oh, you know what? It's 'cause we don't have the wand.
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Blaire: Shit. I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to share a house with somebody who treats me like I have some fucking disease Guess there's no chance he's gonna apologize.
Ted: You know, if I can offer a bit of Christly wisdom, Blaire? You're smarter than he is, so you might have to go talk to him.
Blaire: Oh, fuck that. I am not extending an olive branch to somebody who's against basic equality.
John: Well, that's the thing, Blaire. I don't think he's really even against anything. Think he just didn't want to look stupid in front of his truck.
Blaire: Listen to yourself!
John: OK, then don't do it for Dad. Do it for Mom. Look, she's really bummed out right now, and it's all just 'cause Christmas is messed up. Look, I know it's gonna suck, but…
Ted: But it's like I say in the Book of Romulans: turn the other cheek. Do unto others. Say it, don't spray it. I'll have what she's having.
Blaire: You're an idiot.
Ted: Oh, what do we say to that, Apostle?
John: Four hell points.
Ted: Four hell points.
Blaire: What the fuck is a hell point?
Ted: It's how I determine which of my children, who I love, will be tortured forever.
Blaire: Oh, God. Ugh, all right, all right, I'll… I'll talk to him.
-
Ted: Well, I Jesus-ed the shit out of that one.
Blaire: You? You didn't do anything.
Ted: Eh, I worked in mysterious ways.
Sarah: How?
Ted: Where there was only one set of footprints, that's where I carried you.
Blaire: You watched 18 hours of TV yesterday. You barely moved.
Ted: When it most appears I'm not Jesus, that's when you need faith.
Sarah: Ted, you do know what happened to Jesus, right?
Ted: Yeah, he gave back the Gobstopper, and they gave him the chocolate factory. I mean, I think that's what happened. I'm reading, like, two books at once.
Sarah: They nailed him to the cross and crucified him for our sins.
Ted: Wait, what?
Susan: It was so nice of him to let them do that for us, wasn't it?
Ted: They killed him?
Sarah: Yeah.
Ted: Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. I'm out. Wait, maybe I'm Buddha. Buddha was lazy, right?
#Ted#Seth Macfarlane#John Bennett#Johnny Bennett#Max Burkholder#christianity#jesus christ#Loud Night#LOL#funny#religion#religion is a mental illness
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I want an AU where after Jason gets brought back to life, he channels his inner rage and turmoil into the academics instead of murder
Talia has like infinite money and a crap ton of influence, so she can absolutely get Jason the best tutors and can easily get him into the most prestigious schools if Jason wanted to (she doesn't need to do that though because Jason's just smart enough to get into them on his own)
The major he chooses? Med.
Why? Because Bruce dropped out of med school.
Jason practically flies through all the secondary education that he needs to catch up on and is already en route to earning his bachelor's AND his master's.
And it'd be so incredibly funny if the way Bruce and Jason reunite in this AU was purely by coincidence.
Bruce (as Brucie Wayne) offers to show up as a guest lecturer at Hudson University (the school Dick attended but dropped out of so double points for Jason), maybe to talk about future career paths and job positions at WE idk
So as Bruce is just wandering around the campus, he randomly bumps into a student and immediately puts on the Brucie act and is all "Oh my, I'm SO sorry, I'm just a klutz haha" only to stop dead silent when he makes eye contact with a very alive, very grown Jason Todd, who also stops dead in his tracks, mouth agape, staring at Bruce like the world's about to end
And before Bruce can get his thoughts straight, Jason just bolts out of there like his life depends on it, and Bruce is just in shambles for the rest of the day.
It doesn't help that the person giving Bruce the tour is all like "Oh yeah, that's Jason, he's one of the heads on our student council haha, anyways, this way, Mr. Wayne." and Bruce is just stood there bluescreening.
----
Alternatively, it'd be kinda funny if this all happened AFTER the events of UTRH where after the final encounter with Bruce and Joker and the whole explosion, Jason's just like "yk what, maybe I'm just gonna turn over a new leaf and pursue a higher education"
So while Gotham's still reeling from the aftermath of Jason's near takeover as the top crime lord and Bruce is still painstakingly trying to figure out where his son went, the whole time Jason's just been chilling on a school campus and Bruce just so happens to bump into his son (who, last time they met, tried to kill Bruce and blew up the building they were all in) and Jason's just all normal-looking with his textbooks and nerdy glasses and Bruce doesn't know whether to scream or cry.
#Bruce not thinking and immediately grabbing student!Jason's arm#Jason (being the little shit he is): *screaming at the top of his lungs* THIS BILLIONAIRE IS TRYING TO KIDNAP ME#Bruce internally: ok yeah thats definitely my son#jason todd#bruce wayne#batdad#red hood#Bruce trying to corner Jason later that day: can we PLEASE talk?#jason: (being obnoxiously loud) WHY?? so you can induct me into your PYRAMID SCHEME? so you can trap me into your CAPITALISTIC businesses??#bruce panicking: jason please#Jason: WHO is Jason#Then he pulls a tire iron outta his bag and whacks Bruce with it before running away#just like old times lol#talia showing up one night during patrol and smugly showing off Jason's diplomas and acheivements#talia: he has my fake last name on all his certificates and records.#talia: im just SO proud of my son#bruce crying: please stop#batfamily#batfam#batman#dc#incorrect quotes#crack#fanatical posting
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coming out as a "Will snores obnoxiously loud" and "Nico breaths so quietly you can barely tell hes alive" truther
#LISTEN OKAY. WILL WORKS CRAZY HOURS. EXHAUSTS HIMSELF PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY#hes going to snore. really loud. as soon as he hits the pillow.#its not uncommon for even people who dont snore! that i know anyways.#happened to family members of mine who dont usually snore#also additionally nico sleeps like a corpse so it works out for both of them#i think personally nico is usually like 3/4's awake but once his body actually lets him rest? out. gone.#sleep deprived x also sleep deprived for different reasons#also on a different note (slightly) i feel like will just grabs nico sometime in the middle of the night like hes his teddy bear#nico is lets himself get dragged into wills arms because he too. is completely and utterly asleep#solangelo#nico di angelo#will solace#the sun and the star#rrverse#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson and the olympians#pjo
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Whole ass man in my kitchen slamming cabinets for attention.
#I used to think my SO was just really loud in the kitchen at night#He thought it was me#IT WAS TOBIKO#CRIMINAL#tobiko#Cat#Catblr#siamese cat#Siamese#He doesn't go in the cabinets or do anything he just loves to SLAM
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I wish I could show my gfs reaction from last night when I was telling her about Neopets and got around to explaining the pound chat and pet adoption process. When I said “so you have to basically write an essay about why you want and deserve this pretend animal” she could not believe it. I wasn’t even really questioning it as anything weird as I’ve been steeped in UFA culture since I was ten. then I had to explain that I myself have also written these neopet applications and she fully short circuited. the only stronger reaction she had in our 45min neopet discussion was when I said “so you have pets, and then you have petpets which are pets for your pets, and you have petpetpets which are pets for your petpets” and she audibly screamed
#loud glowing#Neopets#two nights in a row now we have lost sleep because she made the mistake of asking about Neopets
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Five Nights at Freddy's, mid-credit scene (2023)
#i was so happy when cory got more screen time and also laughed wayy too loud at balloon boy terrorising more ppl#fnaf movie spoilers#fnaf#fnaf movie#five nights at freddy's#coryxkenshin#balloon boy#halloween#spooky season
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fnaf movie legit made me feel like i was 14 again discovering this new horror game markiplier was playing right as i was starting high school ;u;
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just thinking about that one concept of Charles telling Edwin they should get married so they have a claim on each others souls (so Hell can't have Edwin)
but early on in their friendship
Charles is all like hey so you know how you escaped hell and youre running from it bc it still owns your soul...... what if we got married so your soul technically belongs to me?? -- and mine is yours of course.
Edwin is just "... you want to marry me?"
"As best mates of course :))) I'll do anything to keep you safe."
and they lowkey forget about it till Hell nabs Edwin again. But this time Charles argues to the Night Nurse that actually Edwins soul belongs to him. And whips out their marriage certificate.
And shes like 😐 "I'm going to have to file this officially.... but technically your claim is stronger than Hells."
Hell had Edwins soul because of a technicality. But Charles has his soul because Edwin willingly gives himself to him.
#payneland#charles rowland#edwin payne#dbda#dead boy detectives#i love the fics where theyre platonically married before they even figure out their feelings!!!!#and i love the fics and posts where they decide to try marriage to keep edwin out of hell.#so combine!!!#night nurse loud sigh: technically bc of your vows and intent this is legally binding. and due to the hell assignment being a technicality#their claim is weaker.#2deadboys
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speak no evil, see no evil, hear... all evil???
@lilakwii i hope u enjoy this little gift since u like sun so much hehe :3
LDR belongs to @spadillelicious !
#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf dca#dca fandom#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf eclipse#dca eclipse#love death and rollerskates#pingdoobles#the three wise monkeys thing but make it... LDR???#except eclipse would probably make y/n hear all the evils#and blast glam metal obnoxiously loud while singing along#y/n sneak away when u can oh god#not planned but once i started drawing i literally couldnt stop myself muahahaha (i have be up early for work send help)#cw bright colors#cw eyestrain#bright colors#eyestrain#edit: just woke up and see every little mistake my sleepy brain didnt catch last night why would i do that#also yeah back on my LDR bullshit !!
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lmanburg tommy at the live show
#maige's posts#maige's photos#tommyinnit#dsmp#mcyt#im literally so proud of that first photo#anyways ctommy fans go nuts#the crowd screamed so loud when he revealed the coat i still have a headache from last night
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jane prentiss I would have saved you
#fuck man. I don't know why the hive chose me but it did. and I think it always had. the song is loud and beautiful and I am so very afraid.#tma#marina marvels at life#it's so good. im crazy. why did I listen at 2am on a school night.
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i can and shall obey.
#my art#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#william afton#michael afton#traditional art#oil painting#yeah. i’m quite happy wiTHERES AN ARMADILLO OUTSIDE MY WINDOW AND I NEARLY SHIT MYSELF theyre so loud. okay anyways.#very happy with this one#it’s a lil wack but we ball
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Just so everyone knows when I say why did I sing I’m a FAGGOT!!!! this is what I’m referencing
#link is the og video#another banger is why did I kill tankmen he’s the face of NEWGROUNDS!!!!#fnf#friday night funkin#loud#loud noise
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“You should be at the club.” No, I should be at the seaside for my health.
#leave me be#I need rest#not a night out too late with loud and drunk people#you should be at the club#disabilities#disability#spoonie#mental health#tflo
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overall the fnaf movie was a 10/10 experience! josh hutcherson should be in more movies where he can whimper
#nova getting a tiny wee bit unhinged on main...#look. ive ALWAYS had a thing for mike schmidt/michael afton#embarrassing? yeah...#josh hutcherson was BORNNNN to play him though!!!#when he was in pain and like whining my friend and i were SCREAMING so loud it was quite bad#fnaf#fnaf movie#five nights at freddys#mike schmidt#fuck five nights at FREDDYS he can stay five nights at my house...#until his dead brother comes back to life!
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Night City sunsets
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