#Johnny Bennett

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Choir: ♪ Holy infant So tender and mild ♪

John: Wait, who describes an infant as mild?

Ted: Yeah, I'm more hung up on tender.

John: Yeah, somebody's eating this baby.

Priest: It's important that we remember just why we celebrate Christmas. We observe the holiest of all days to rejoice in the glory of the birth of Jesus Christ, born not from the seed of man but from divine origin. Never before or since have we, God's children, been blessed by such a miracle.

Ted: Excuse me. Yeah, over here. Hi. Ted, local bear. You're talking about a guy who came alive out of nowhere, right?

Priest: Yes.

Ted: Yeah, me.

Priest: I'm sorry?

Ted: I'm just saying, he's not the only one.

Priest: I don't think that's the same thing.

Ted: Well, you said, never before or since. But… You know, this guy.

Priest: The birth of Christ was a heavenly miracle.

Ted: I mean, what do you call this? I mean, I don't see any Pound Puppies or Monchhichis walking around.

Priest: Christ's birth was clearly ordained by God, marked by the star of Bethlehem, a miraculous beacon from the heavens.

John: There was a star there. Ted: There was a star, right?

John: Yeah, no, it was a shooting star.

Ted: I had a star. John: Yeah.

Priest: Jesus had a divine purpose. God sent him to us to spread the word that He loves us.

Ted (recorded voice): "I love you."

Ted: Your move, Friar Tuck.

Priest: I just want to finish the sermon.

Ted: I'm just saying, I might be Jesus. Might. I'm not saying for sure. I'm just saying it's a possibility. I might be Jesus.

Priest: That is incredibly disrespectful.

Ted: Says the guy eating babies.

-

John: OK, we can't read this whole thing.

Ted: Well, if we're gonna figure out if I'm actually Jesus, we at least got to skim it.

John: I have never seen pages so thin.

Ted: I know. It's like Kleenex with boring stories on it.

John: You know, I was thinking. How do we know that Dennis isn't Jesus?

Ted: Johnny, Jesus walked on water, all right? Walked! That means he had feet, not wheels.

John: Yeah, that makes sense.

Ted: Oh, wait, hang on. Stop right there. Look, look, look. Matthew 21:31, "Truly I say to you, the tax collectors and prostitutes go into the kingdom of heaven before you." Look at that. Jesus hangs out with hookers.

John: Yeah, and he says there's hookers in heaven too. He sounds a lot like you.

Ted: Oh, yeah, heaven is probably mostly hookers.

John: Wait, so you're paying for sex in heaven?

Ted: You're not paying them for sex. You're paying them to fly away.

John: Oh. Let's see. "And behold, I come quickly, and my reward is with me to give"…

Ted: What was that first part?

John: "Behold, I come quickly."

Ted: Jesus said that?

John: Yeah.

Ted: Yeah, that's not the kind of thing I'd start with "behold." What else? Well, look, look, look. Right there. Right there. John the apostle. Jesus had an apostle named John.

John: Holy shit. Those were, like, his buddies, right?

Ted: Yeah, yeah, there was Sleepy, Sneezy, Dopey, Johnny, Blitzen, and Larry, Darryl, and Darryl. There's no doubt anymore. I'm the Lord Jesus Christ.

Ted: Holy shit. Does this mean you have, like, powers and stuff?

Ted: Yeah, but I probably got to learn how to use them. Flip to the spells.

John: OK, spells, spells, spells. Ted: Spells, spells, spells.

Ted: Wonder what my alignment is.

John: Chaotic good.

Ted: Ah, yeah, yeah. Good, but, like, you know, I might fuck around a little bit.

John: Yeah.

Ted: Shit, we supposed to have dice?

-

Ted: OK, what do you say we try one of them spells, huh? Water into wine, here we go. "Meka leka hi, meka hiney ho. Meka leka hi, meka chiney ho." All right, try it.

John: Still water.

Ted: Fuck! Oh, you know what? It's 'cause we don't have the wand.

-

Blaire: Shit. I mean, how the fuck am I supposed to share a house with somebody who treats me like I have some fucking disease Guess there's no chance he's gonna apologize.

Ted: You know, if I can offer a bit of Christly wisdom, Blaire? You're smarter than he is, so you might have to go talk to him.

Blaire: Oh, fuck that. I am not extending an olive branch to somebody who's against basic equality.

John: Well, that's the thing, Blaire. I don't think he's really even against anything. Think he just didn't want to look stupid in front of his truck.

Blaire: Listen to yourself!

John: OK, then don't do it for Dad. Do it for Mom. Look, she's really bummed out right now, and it's all just 'cause Christmas is messed up. Look, I know it's gonna suck, but…

Ted: But it's like I say in the Book of Romulans: turn the other cheek. Do unto others. Say it, don't spray it. I'll have what she's having.

Blaire: You're an idiot.

Ted: Oh, what do we say to that, Apostle?

John: Four hell points.

Ted: Four hell points.

Blaire: What the fuck is a hell point?

Ted: It's how I determine which of my children, who I love, will be tortured forever.

Blaire: Oh, God. Ugh, all right, all right, I'll… I'll talk to him.

-

Ted: Well, I Jesus-ed the shit out of that one.

Blaire: You? You didn't do anything.

Ted: Eh, I worked in mysterious ways.

Sarah: How?

Ted: Where there was only one set of footprints, that's where I carried you.

Blaire: You watched 18 hours of TV yesterday. You barely moved.

Ted: When it most appears I'm not Jesus, that's when you need faith.

Sarah: Ted, you do know what happened to Jesus, right?

Ted: Yeah, he gave back the Gobstopper, and they gave him the chocolate factory. I mean, I think that's what happened. I'm reading, like, two books at once.

Sarah: They nailed him to the cross and crucified him for our sins.

Ted: Wait, what?

Susan: It was so nice of him to let them do that for us, wasn't it?

Ted: They killed him?

Sarah: Yeah.

Ted: Oh, shit. Yeah, fuck that. I'm out. Wait, maybe I'm Buddha. Buddha was lazy, right?

[your-mommy-ems]

my fave couples [pt1?]

[re-upload sorry about the double tags] IF I HEAR ONE BAD THING ABOUT THIS IM GOING TO CRACK IT- i spent wayyy to much time on this to be able to deal with negativity (i lowkey think its a bit too fast but no shh its perfect and thats final) also new watermark hehe

@nqds, @xo-zozo, @reminiscentreader, @lxvebelle, @sophiesonlinediary

[stereax]

...night."

[cadenreigns]

Jeff Bennett Signature piece

[ratatatastic]

you know i didnt think i needed stolie benny and matthew with their arms all over each other singing and swaying along to music as they sip on beers but shame on me i shouldve known i needed it

WPLG Local 10 | 6.25.24 (x)

[haveyouseenthisseries-poll]

[gameofthunder66]

'The Sweetest Thing' (2002) film

-watched 5/4/2024- 2 stars- on Amazon Prime

26% Rotten Tomatoes

[animatejournal]

Johnny Bravo Director: John McIntyre | Studio: Hanna-Barbera | USA, 1997

[gifs-of-puppets]

RIP Tony Bennett

[mikyapixie]

🎊🥳🎂🎈🎁🎊

[tkachuktkaching]

Throwback to Christmas 2016 when Matthew Tkachuk, Johnny Gaudreau & Sam Bennett met some penguins for a Christmas sweater promo for Calgary merch & none of them look to sure about the penguin's intentions.

[freekicks]

t-shirts i saw in harlan, kentucky, and the "justified" characters i would buy them for: a list

boyd crowder:

raylan givens (ironically):

ava crowder:

helen givens:

arlo givens:

johnny crowder:

dewey crowe:

mags bennett:

[your-mommy-ems]

my fave book boys [atm]

this will probs change in like two days when i read a new book but oh well. ALSO this took me sooo long to finish im not even joking

@nqds, @xo-zozo, @reminiscentreader, @lxvebelle

[betterskatethannever]

2023 best of

best parts

Cyrus Bennett - HUF FOREVER / Johnny's Vid / 7 Ball

Patrick Praman - Three Seasons / REAL pro

Miles Silvas - City to City

Donovan Piscopo - Pawnshop x Nike 'Old Soul'

Bobby de Keyzer - 2411-Q02 HD24 (HARD DREAM)

Mason Coletti - Viva Mexico / Back to My World

Nick Matthews - HUF FOREVER / AM Scramble 2022

Rowan Davis - Lad is Pro as

Leo Romero - SKATER

Alan Bell - ab

Evan Wasser - Sk8 Prodigy

Eddie Cernicky - Inferno

Oscar Candon - Giddy #13: Abseiling Down

Mason Silva - HUF FOREVER / Take a Lap

Joey O'Brien - Alien Workshop / Thunder

John Shanahan - DOUBLE UP / Double Down

Jahmir Brown - BETA BLOCKERS

Ryuhei Kitazume - Meet You There / LENZ III / Nike x Tightbooth

Akwasi - Sci-Fi Fantasy / TOTAL ACTUAL COMFORT

Hermann Stene - Lille Rotta

Conor Charleson - Slight Inclination

Antonio Durao - Johnny's Vid

Max Palmer - Johnny's Vid / "Spiked Off" / LIMO / Atlantic Drift

Ville Wester - What Now? / 7 Ball / BETA BLOCKERS

Jordan Trahan - Hurricane Party / STATIC VI

best full-lengths

HUF - FOREVER

Foundation - Whippersnappers

Nike - 7 Ball

Palace - BETA BLOCKERS

Scumco - STRIKING DISTANCE 2

VANS VIDEO by Flech

Quasi - SIMULATION

SK8MAFIA VIDEO 2023

Tightbooth - LENZ III

Static VI

WKND - JIT

Lakai - Bubble

Magenta - Just Cruise II

best breakout parts

Felipe Munhoz - Devaneios

Tobias Christoffersen - Bissemayn Canape

Ben St. Aubin - rendered

Johnny Cumaoglu - DON’T ASK ME WHEN

Jason Nam - Carousel / SIMULATION

Johnny Purcell - Nova Scotia

Justin Grzechowiak - STRIKING DISTANCE 2

Rio Morishige - LENZ III

Jedd Mckenzie - Indy Raw AMs

Morgan DT - Empire MISMATCH

best womxn+ parts

Tania Cruz - WHIPPERSNAPPERS

Leo Baker - Nike signature

Sam Narvaez - HUF FOREVER

Nicole Hause x Chloe Covell x Hayley Wilson - Gassed Up

Cata Diaz - Cachai

Keet Oldenbeuving - Don't Walk

Fabiana Delfino - Santa Cruz / Swamp Week / FAST AF

Vitoria Mendonca - Element pro

Arin Lester - Sci-Fi Fantasy

Jenn Soto - Thunder

best independents

SHOPAHOLICS: Abandoned Mall

Circle by Chase Walker

Brett Nichols - Pathways 2 / Broadway

Steve Mastorelli - DON’T ASK ME WHEN

Fritte Soderstrom - Jante 5:36

best promo

GX1000 - Viva Mexico

adidas - Abnormal Communication ep. 5 Paris

Limosine - AUSTIN TEXAS LIMO TRIP

Pawnshop x Nike - Old Soul

This is Not the New Sour Video

Bronze TV ep. 2 (8/17/23)

Samurai Safari II

AM Scramble 2022

Quentin Guthrie - Assets

HARDBODY x DANCER

youtube playlists: best of 2023 (100) great vids 2023 (485)

[vincent-marie]

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[ratatatastic]

Benny Cup Day | 8.16.24 (x)

special johnny mention!!!!