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g-xix · 5 months ago

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☁️💢Gone, Gone / iloveyou | ChrisMD

Highschool AU ChrisMD x Reader! fluff & angst Summary: Sharing the sadness that comes with your best friend, first love, absolute world, leaving you <3 (tw: mildly cringe if u dont deep it) Wordcount: 1.8k

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The familiar blonde tumbled onto the grassy spot besides you, joining you in lying flat on the tall hill, letting the lush green grass tickle the back of his neck - breathing in the crisp Spring-nearly-Summer air that dried the fixture-sweat off of the back of his neck, orange-y sunset panorama painting his pale skin a gorgeous tan that he'd undeniably develop as the summer rolled in.

His chest heaved, up and away from the earth, his lungs filling with swathes of delicious air - still warm from the sunny day - and yet refreshing and grounding with it's cooler, nightly undertones.

He could help but let his head lazily roll to the side, eyes brushing over your features - the way your lips slightly parted, hands folded over your stomach peacefully - eyes glittering in the golden sunset hues.

"How'd your game go?" As if the silent melody of the peaceful evening wasn't enough, your mellifluous voice was metaphoric music to Chris' ears.

"Great," He breathed, lying back and enjoying the peace. "Scored a last minute, won the game."

"What a hero you are." You smiled, your sarcasm earning a playful bump. "Good for you, keep it up and Mourinho will be on your doorstep in no time."

That earned a snort from Chris, making your little heart bloom at moments like these.

As end-of-year exam stresses faded away and days stretched out as Summer approached, days filled with laze and autonomy clouded your vision, and provoked urges of doing absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing with your favourite person, though.

Your hand was lifted slightly, before it was blanketed underneath Chris' warm palm, his digits threading through yours and painting a smile on your lips as your own fingers held his - the thumb that oh so gently ran over the velvety back of your hand bringing delicate butterflies stirring in your stomach.

It made your heart ache knowing your childhood best friend, love interest, eye-candy boy was leaving next Summer though.

To great London. To pursue that YouTube career, his footballing goals - heck, he could even follow the biology route in University if he really wanted. He'd made it so clear he was rearing to go, nothing was holding his excitement back, and it made all energy in your body sink when you were reminded he'd be leaving. But you couldn't tell that to him - hold him back. No, you'd silently let him know that you were already mourning his loss even whilst he was still here - but you'd never verbally made any statements. You weren't gonna hold your starboy back.

"We're gonna spend this Summer together, right?" You let your gaze turn to meet Chris' soothing blue eyes, the mere sight of them already applying soft kisses over the pain you felt filling your chest.

"What, like last Summer - and the Summer before that - and the one before that?" He questioned mockingly. "Yeah, obviously."

You scoffed at his humour, letting your head turn away again, not feeling quite as soothed by his words and instead feeling that angst within your chest multiply, dragging the feather light carelessness that Summer should've brought, transforming it into a heavy sinking feeling.

"C'mon, I'm just playing around - sorry, love," He squeezed your hand, picking up on your melancholic mentality and displaying his guilt within the apologetic tone. "...You know, I always say I can't wait to go to London - and I really am - but every so often I get some... second thought..."

That made your head roll back around, tucking your hair behind your face and cushioning your cheekbone by slipping a hand between your face and the rough, stubble-y grass that licked your skin.

"What do you mean, I was sold that you were counting down the days before you were off."

"Well, I mean, don't get my wrong I am, but..." Chris sucked in a deep breath, breaking eye contact as he confided. "I'm just scared and, well, it's kind of pathetic really..."

You watched him trail off, shutting his own eyes as he himself shut himself off, isolating those thoughts he'd hate to let out and let manifest. You couldn't bare seeing that confident, boisterous loud-mouth shut up though. Especially not from self-consciousness.

"No, go on," Your hands had separated slightly, but yours crawled back into his, connecting him back to yourself and squeezing his hand as a gesture of presence. "Better to share it than to let it bottle up..."

"...It's... It's just..." Chris let out a deep sigh. It reminded you of the age of you two. That you weren't young teens, able to just mess around and be weird because you were still going to change and had your whole teenhood ahead of you. No, you were grown - able to make decisions for yourself now. And Chris already looked worn down from that autonomy, tired of those choices that could no longer be decided with the help of a omniscient-seeming parent. "I think the only reason I don't really want to go is because... I can't bare to leave you."

That brought a heart pang different to the pain you'd felt all those times you mourned the date Chris would leave to live in London.

Empathy flooded your body, this sort of soothing - and yet sinking - sensation that you'd been so blind basking in your own self-pity, that you'd completely forgotten how Chris would be feeling. He was just like you - still developing that late-teen-going-adult freedom and learning to cope with that - learning to cope with the fact that he still felt like a child but had to pretend to fulfil a role of being mature and grown.

No, the heart of him wept just as much as yours at the prospect of growing up and leaving his childhood home, his childhood Isle, and his childhood best friend - which unbeknown to you - was the hardest part for him.

"Oh, Chris..." You felt succumbed by the overwhelming urges, and acted on them - turning to wrap your arm over his body, fingers clutching at the football shirt's jersey material which bunched together on the other side of his body, letting your head fall onto his chest - your inhalation allowing you to drink in that same scent he'd sworn by ever since year eight.

Some peppermint, maybe lavender, some sort of wood-y smell... You felt your body fill with some sort of melancholic peace as your head filled with Chris' smell - his own arm wrapping around your side, sliding down your back until it comfortably sat around the lower area, against your exposed skin.

"Chris, you know..." It broke your heart, being between that rock and hard place - of course you didn't want to tell him to go. You'd never be ready to let him go, and have it your way he'd be by your side forever. But couldn't let yourself be the reason Chris never prospered and kept himself tied to this island where opportunities just didn't come knocking like they could in London. "Go, Chris. I'm not going to hold you back regardless of how much I..."

You didn't feel the lump growing in your throat until it was there, build up of confession and raw emotion that blocked your throat and clogged your words. You couldn't finish your sentence because of it though. Because you weren't going to let Chris hear you choke over your words when you wanted to let him shine, without holding him back yourself.

"You what?" Chris questioned, and you would almost hear a pleading tone within his voice, just wanting to hear what he knew you were going to say.

Your eyes had been closed. In trembling nerves, you'd blocked all vision from the world around you. Slowly, now, you opened your eyes to look up at Chris - noticing that he was already looking down at you bittersweetly - his skin paler, milky and almost pallid looking as the healthy golden sunset had departed to introduce it's wan moon sister.

Your eyes followed the source, looking up to the sky and finding the crescent in the sky - a sliver of it's full greatness and yet still the brightest in the inky abyss above. The stars were beautiful - little burning pinpricks of gleaming white which illuminated the void with their distant galaxies.

"Love you." You finished your sentence. Eyes finding the heart-throbbing constellation of Andromeda and Perseus in the sky as the words tumbled from your mouth.

"Please," Chris' voice was quiet as ever, barely audible and thickened with emotion as he heard those sacred words from your mouth for the first ever time. "Look at me and tell me..."

He was like a child. Inconsolable and needy, scared and alone - seeking you for solace. And who were you to deny it from him?

Your eyes turned from the stars in the sky, looking down and capturing the stars beheld in Chris' pupils, watery eyes reflecting every beautiful pinprick within the sky above.

"I love you"

Your lips trembled as you said it, but Chris' hand met your cheek so tenderly, fingers tracing over your jaw whilst his thumb pad caressed your cheek - you could almost feel all that weight and pressure built up in your head evaporating into his hand - your cheek lying and confiding against his hand, letting those fingers guide your face closer to his - sitting himself up by leaning back on his forearm - separating that gap between you and letting your lips find his.

It was affirming - having his lips silencing yours - promising everything would be alright without even saying a word. That most careful, tender, delicate kiss as though anything harder would shatter the either of you, his lips slowly eclipsing yours and melting into your touch.

"Iloveyou, Iloveyou, Jesus fucking Christ- I can't stop saying it- I love you-"

Chris' breaths were shaky, speech broken with hands tremoring as they pushed your hair behind your shoulder, lips barely parted from yours and still kissing yours with each broken word.

Maybe it was because he felt that cold, droplet slide down your cheek - his cheek only millimetres away as it was. Maybe that's what triggered him. Because he couldn't help himself in that moment - whispering those three words rolling through his mind like a mantra as he pressed his lips to yours frenziedly, kissing you like there wasn't a second he could miss without having his lips against yours.

And you poignantly kissed back - feeling a tear trailing down his own cheek, wet lashes brushing your own cheeks as he wrapped his arms around your waist, in some feeble, desperate way of protecting his forever, and praying he'd never truly have to say goodbye.

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Little bit angsty! Little bit deep! Kinda the feels considering ik skl's ending really soon n sm people are leaving, including all the ppl I care about and even those who ik I dislike, but i'm still gna b kinda sad to see them for the last time </3

Alsoooo did smth a lil different by creating a remix of those 2 songs for reading - how do we feel about that? Is that sth you'd perchance wanna see more often? Pls lmk in comments or in my inbox, love u lots!!

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