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modecaisnow · 4 years ago

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Fitness Roommates

**This story contains topics suitable for 18 YEARS OR OLDER! Read at your own digression. This story contains themes of realistic(ish) weight gain (ie. 150 pounds – 800), mentions of challenges being overweight. This story is 3360 words, and 6 pages long, was gonna be part 1+2. This was a story I had saved for a bit. ENJOY!**

[This story follows Tyler and Zach, a dynamic duo of health and fitness. Zach, a bodybuilder with all the know how of exercise, and Tyler, a healthy and fit nutritionist, have teamed up and opened a business together. However, their business has gotten slow and not as many people are getting memberships anymore. As a marketing experiment, Tyler agrees to pack on some weight with the ultimate plan to lose it all following their dieting and exercise plan. But, it turns out gaining weight is a little more enjoyable than Tyler expected.]

Zach and Tyler have been friends for years. They first met in their freshman year of college, and Zach and Tyler were both fitness buffs. Their bodies were toned with dense muscles, but Zach was much larger. Zachary studied Athletic Training and Tyler studied Nutrition over the years. After 4 years of college, they decided to open a gym together and become business partners. Zach would help train people and show them how to exercise, and Tyler would teach them about nutrition. However, a couple of years later things have changed. Zach walked into the living room of their apartment. His face was akin to a greek god – high cheekbones, square jawline, and a strong nose. He was a tall, tan-skinned, with a body covered in rippling muscles. From his thick neck and massive traps to his softball-sized calves, which everyone used to tease him and call them ‘steers’, Zach was the personified ideal of fitness. His broad shoulders and flared out lats created the classic ‘V’ shape all bodybuilders aspired to get. His arms were absolutely massive, with cannonball-sized biceps, horseshoe triceps, and forearms that were as large as a normal man’s biceps. Zach’s torso and legs were just as impressive. His barrel chest must’ve been 60 inches and was covered in brown hairs. Beneath his meaty pillows that were his pecs was a wall of abs that looked like bricks. A dark trail of hairs led down his carved abs and into his boxers, which were being stretched from both ends. Zach was blessed with large junk in the front and a lot of junk in the trunk. His bubble butt was made of pure steel and bounced along everywhere he walked. Further down were two thick quads with equally powerful hamstrings. Bellow the knees were the most well defined and muscular looking calves anyone has ever seen. Tyler, on the other hand, was not nearly as much of a ‘greek god’ as Zach. He was very toned, but also on the skinny side. His face was square with a pointed chin and a sloped nose. His hair was cut short, and he didn’t have much facial hair. Being a nutritionist, he knew all the ins and outs of healthy eating and dieting. He was part of the reason why Zach looks the way he looks. He kept Zach on his meal plan. Tyler has helped countless gym-goers reach their goals faster and easier with the help of his dieting plans. Tyler looked up at Zach. He stood in his boxers in front of the TV, blocking his view of it. Zach crossed his arms, causing his large slabs of chest meat to squeeze together. Tyler grabbed the remote and turned the TV off. “Is everything okay, man?” Tyler asked. “We have to talk about business.” “What’s up?” “It’s been slow recently-“ “-Yeah-“ “-and I have an idea,” Zach sat down on the brown, cloth couch next to Tyler. Zach widened his eyes and tried to look innocent. “Well, …what’s the idea?” “Well, bro, what if we have an experiment where one of us puts on some weight, and then we both work together to try and get that person back to a healthy weight?” “That might be good, but it might take too long. We need people to join now, not after months of gaining and months of losing weight.” “Well, with our expertise, we’ll be able to lose the weight pretty quickly,” Zach snickered. “Also, I’m sure you know of some quick weight gain techniques.” “I mean…I guess,” We both sat there quietly for a moment. Zach continued to stare deeply into Tyler's eyes. “So…do you want me to put on the weight?” Tyler hesitantly ask. “…Do you mind?” “I mean…I guess…” Zach jumped up. His face brightened up and he fist pumped into the air. The two immediately started to plan out how this would work, and Tyler got to work researching foods and gaining techniques. He started planning out a grocery list filled with unhealthy fats, carbs, protein, sugars, as well as a plan for minimal movement for himself. Zach started to create exercise plans so when Tyler finishes putting on the weight they’ll be all set to take off the pounds. Before starting it all, Tyler stepped up on the scale to take the initial weight. He was 154 pounds. At first, gaining was an awkward feeling. Tyler’s flat abs slowly started to look more and more like a gut. He was continuously shoveling food into his mouth, even while at work. It made it difficult to work with new patients, given that their nutritionist was eating junk food, and had a little bit of a belly while trying to give tips on staying healthy. After explaining the experiment to every single patient, they all seemed to understand. After the first week of constant binging, eating even while Tyler was stuffed in order to expand his tank of a gut, he had managed to pack on 15 pounds. His flat wall of abs had officially become a rounded, flabby belly. When he sat down, it would flop over the waistband of his pants. Tyler’s hips were stretching his pants to their max. The waistband would dig into his hips, and his thighs actually ripped the seams of one of his favorite pair of pants. And still, Tyler continued to gain weight. He added more meals into his daily diet and doubled the serving sizes. Tyler added two snacks between meals, as well as a “weight gain” shake between snacking. All this food, along with his restricted movement, helped him gain weight exponentially. Tyler’s face was looking rounder and fuller. His arms were softer and would stretch the sleeves of his tightening shirts. The once toned chest started to sag down over his belly, which was spilling down lower and lower towards his crotch. Even his pubic area was softer – a layer of fat was forming and starting to creep towards his junk. Everything about Tyler was getting flabbier. This continued for weeks. Tyler had to expand his entire wardrobe. One day, when he went to sit down, his shorts gave in and ripped all the way down his ass cheeks. From that day on, Tyler only wore stretchy pants – no more khakis, or dress pants, just the stretchy kind. His shirts also went from XL to XXL, and then just as quickly to XXXL. Tyler was officially 330 pounds. His chest continued to sag lower and lower as his belly continued to get larger and larger. Tyler had patients who were as large and some who were much, much larger, and they used to tell him what it was like to be big. However, now he lived it. The sagging breasts slid and rolled over his belly, which seemed to weigh him down. As Tyler walked, he needed to lean back a little bit so his substantial belly wouldn’t pull him down to the ground. Even sitting in chairs, which now had to not have armrests so his hips could fit, he needed to slouch and lean back so his belly could spill over his lap. It was quite the feeling. After a while, Tyler started to like it. It felt nice to be big, but he didn’t feel big enough yet. Zach asked him if he was ready to start their little experiment. Tyler told him that he wasn’t ready, and Tyler asked for a couple more weeks – business picked up anyway since it was about a month away from New Years. Tyler continued shoveling fattening treats into his mouth. Serving sizes became even larger, he went from 6 meals a day to 9, and he started doubling the size of the gainer shakes. This was to help break out of his weight plateau. His arms started to feel even heavier, and Tyler’s thighs always brushed against each other. His feet also started to get fatter, to the point where he needed to purchase ‘wide-fit’ shoes. At night, he would slouch on the sofa, which started to feel slightly smaller, and he would balance a 60ounce cup of soda on the crest of his soft belly, and slurp it down. All while lazily watching whatever was on TV. After chugging the entire soda, Tyler would rub his belly to help with all the bubbles. His blubber was warm and malleable. He could no longer see his belly button, or feet as a matter of fact, but Tyler could still poke a finger in the deepening cave that was his belly button. When he waddled onto the scale, it showed he was about 423 pounds. Eating only got easier and easier as the holidays came. Zach and Tyler usually went their separate ways to see their respective families, since Zach’s are out west, and Tyler’s are up north, but this season they had decided to just relax and focus on the experiment. Tyler continued to bloat up and shovel food into his face, and now that holiday cookies were out and on sale, he made it his goal to eat at least 3 boxes of cookies a day. Zach would tease him and say that Tyler surpassed ‘Santa-size,’ and Tyler laughed along with him. Deep down, he was excited to see how far he could push this. Tyler’s neck had officially disappeared into the fat on his shoulders and chins after a couple days of gorging. Actually, his chins were now flopping onto the crest of his flabby chest. Tyler’s moobs hung down, almost as far down as his elbows – not quite, but close. His fat arms started to feel very heavy. Despite always being hungry, after hours of grabbing for food, it started to feel like an arm workout. When sitting down, he would have to spread his legs far apart to give his substantial belly room to flop down. On the topic of his belly, a fold had started to form above his belly button, creating the double-belly look. Tyler’s belly was getting hard to contain in shirts, so instead, he started to get even larger pants to pull the waistband over it. Speaking of, Tyler’s pant sizes went up a lot faster than his shirt sizes did. He needed extra stretchy, 6XL pants in order to try to contain his growing belly. The fat over his junk also grew, making it hard to reach down there, as well as use the bathroom. However, he figured out how to manage in both areas. Tyler started to just sit on the toilet when he needed to pee, and just reach around and push his fat pad down towards the toilet bowl. Tyler also started to sleep on his side at night, it was much more comfortable, and whenever he’d need to shift his belly, Tyler could just dig a finger in his belly button like a hook, and shift it manually. After the holidays went, Tyler stepped on the scale for the first time in a few weeks. He was officially 546 pounds. Zach was proud and impressed. He asked Tyler when he would want to start buying healthy foods and start training. Tyler told him to instead buy a larger scale. Zach looked a little concerned at first, but Tyler explained that in order for them to make a bigger impact, they would need a bigger test subject. Zach eventually agreed and continued to go along with everything. He even did buy a larger scale, one that went up to 850 pounds. At this point, food became really expensive for them to afford on their own. In order to eat a meal every hour, on the hour, the two needed to dip into their company’s profit. It would be fine since it would all work out in the end. Thanks to their excellent accounting skills, Tyler was able to eat as much as he wanted, when he wanted. Tyler truly blew up in size after this. Walking became really difficult…well, if you can call it walking. It was more like a waddle. Tyler mostly spent time sitting on the couch, eating, watching TV, with the occasional trip to the fridge, or to the front door to great the delivery boy. After a while, Zach mentioned it would be best that he didn’t walk too far, so he moved the fridge into the living room, and anything else that was needed, he would get for Tyler. Tyler rarely went to the gym anymore to meet patients in person. Instead, Zach set up an online messaging system for him to reach out to their “premium” customers. That way they wouldn’t be able to be turned off by what a huge blob of lard Tyler was becoming. His ass cheeks started to take up a considerable amount of space not only on the poor little couch but in his bed as well. Tyler was just about as wide as his full-sized mattress, so Zach thought it was best to buy him a larger one. Zach was about to buy a larger sofa too but figured that he didn’t need to since he never really sat on it. Zach was rarely in the living room anyway, unless it was to drop off Tyler’s next heap of food. He was always working or working out. Shirts and pants both struggled to contain all of Tyler. Folds and rolls of flab started to ripple and slide over one another as he walked, hiccupped, or burped. His breasts had become so large that a pillow of flab had connected his moobs to the wings of back flab. This gave Tyler’s arms more support, which made it less work to shovel food into his fattening face since all he needed to do was just bend his elbow. Tyler’s cheeks were very fat and flopped down his face and onto his shoulder flab. Sweat almost constantly dripped down from his brow, and he was almost always out of breath. When Tyler finally stepped on the scale, he was up to 623 pounds. He still shoved on…well, he still shoveled more food in. At this rate, he was just eating one large, nonstop buffet of food a day. Tyler was always ordering pizzas, Chinese takeout, donuts, and delivery from every fast food joint in a 10-mile radius using those new food delivery apps on his phone. Tyler continued to gorge, slurp, and chomp down food for a few more weeks. As it got closer to the end of January, he had officially changed his wardrobe to 12XL shirts, and God only knows how many X’s for his XL sweat pant shorts. It was interesting to wear them because, with each day he grew fatter and fatter, one could see the ends of the drawstrings slowly disappear, as they were pulled deeper into the expanding stretchy waistband. As Tyler’s stomach grew so did his fupa. It became impossible for him to reach even close to his fat pad anymore. Whenever Tyler used the bathroom, it came to the point where he would have to just sit and pray that it went in. His old technique of digging into that deep belly button to shift his mound of a gut had officially been rendered impossible. Tyler couldn’t reach down that far anymore. Tyler sat on the ever-shrinking couch, with his ass cheeks spilling outward on both sides and behind him by a foot, and shoved more food into his deep mouth. His moobs had officially started to hang lower than his elbows, which were now a series of folds of flab. Tyler’s arms were incredibly flabby and even when he raised them over his head, some of the fat would still be weighing down against his torso. That massive belly of his hung down, past his knees as he leaned back. Tyler’s fat feet didn’t fit in normal shoes anymore, and Zach had to measure them to get custom made ones. Tyler was a mound of flab, and he loved every soft, wobbly inch of it. When Zach finally brought the large scale into the living room, Tyler placed his feet down and rose up off the couch. He was officially 710 pounds, and he was not quite done yet though. Tyler had one more goal he wanted to reach– to officially take up all the space on the couch. Zach, after trying to convince him that enough was enough, finally caved in and agreed to help Tyler gain even more weight. To do so, Zach raised the price of their gym membership. He told people it was for “marketing purposes,” and most people thought it was a good idea. Little did they know, it was to stuff Tyler’s fat face with food. It only took a couple weeks before he met that goal. It was hard to increase the frequency of Tyler’s feedings, so instead, he increased the amount he stuffed in at one time. Since his cheeks had bloated up, Tyler found there was more room in his mouth to hold food. As a result, he ate multiple pizza slices at once, instead of one at a time. He also would dump food in by the containers. This included containers of french fries, chicken nuggets, candy, Twinkies, devil dogs, breadsticks, bowls of pasta, you name it – Tyler just dumped it in. It must’ve been the sight to see. His downstairs neighbors hated it though. They had started to leave complaints about an “elephant” walking around, making their ceiling rattle. Tyler used that as more fuel to his fire. He continued to stomp around his apartment like the whale of a man he was, in order to get to his next source of food. The ground would groan and the couch would creak with every little shift of motion. Tyler’s folds and rolls of flab rippled and jiggled as he chewed, burped, hiccupped, scratched, pretty much any type of movement caused him to undulate like a waterbed. Tyler’s arms were extremely heavy and tremendously difficult to move. However, his insatiable desire to eat and feast gave him all the strength Tyler needed. As his hips started to finally touch the armrests of the couch, he called out for Zach. Zach was thrilled. Not only for Tyler, but also for the publicity this would get the two of them and their business. Tyler couldn’t help but smile and think about how much larger he could get. To celebrate, Zach went all out and hired caterers for the evening. That night, Tyler went all in on the food. The caterers pulled in carts, and tables of food, and set them up all around Tyler. They all circled around him, and he would eat from whichever one was in front of his fat mountain range of a body. As Tyler finished off one table, they wheeled the emptied table away, and immediately wheeled in the next one. He just ate and ate and ate all evening, until there was absolutely nothing left. Tyler probably could’ve eaten a little bit more, but his arms were incredibly tired. As the caterers all funneled out of their place, Tyler’s stomach gurgled and growled for more. He rubbed and pat his fat sides with his hands sending tiny ripples reverberating through his gelatinous form. Tyler leaned forward and moaned as he felt his heavy love handles slide against the armrests of the couch. His folds all glided against each other, and the two massive ass cheeks seemed to rise up out of the deep crater they formed in the cushions. He was massive. Zach quickly grabbed the massive scale and placed it right under Tyler’s fat feet. His massive thighs made it hard to keep his feet close enough to stand on the scale. Zach grabbed Tyler’s fat fingers and pulled him up onto his feet. Tyler’s bulky flab slid off of the couch and flopped downward. As he stood up, the scale buzzed. “What…does it…say?” Tyler huffed, out of breath from standing. “It says ‘Error.’ Damn…” Zach muttered and smiled. “What’s the…weight limit?” He wiped the sweat from his brow. “850 Pounds.” Tyler was massive…and he loved it… -THE END-

#maleweightgain #weightgain #muscleguy #SSBHM

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lambourngb · 4 years ago

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he’s got a smart mouth but a good heart - Michael Guerin

It’s Day 2, celebrating characters, and much to my own surprise, at the end of season 2, Michael Guerin decided to move into my brain and take up residence. Obviously I still love Alex Manes (He lives first and foremost in my brain since 1x08), but there was something about how Michael buried his own pain about his mother to help everyone in season two that rang pretty true to my own life right now. I didn’t always like what he was doing in season 2 but I understood it.

Anyway, when I find a story that celebrates how complicated he is, I cheer and rejoice- so here’s a few of the stories that I have gone back to again and again.

Truck stop knives and other assessors of childhood @angsty-aliens (13,200) I can’t lie, I love a good trope story, and I especially love a good sci-fi trope story, so this story hits all of my buttons. It takes our two science nerds, Liz and Michael, mucking around, and accidentally creating a version of Michael- but not just any version, but the child who hitchhiked to Fosters ranch, completely over humans and desperate to find his family. The kid who was feral from neglect and abuse... he was the cutest thing and the most mortifying thing that ever happened to Michael to be displayed and shown. This story takes the de-aged trope and turns it on its head, and oh yeah, there’s a sweet backdrop to Michael and Alex getting together.

Implicit Memories of You by @ninswhimsy (3464) - So this is an amnesia story canon-divergent story set after 2x11 basically, where they use the mind erasing drug on Michael. I know, I’m reccing this about Michael characterization, but it’s so solidly him after all the memories are stripped away and he’s acting on instincts, locked in a room to torture Alex with before death. There’s so much going on in so few words, something that Nin is a master at, especially the ephemeral remembrances of his mother that Michael has- oof right in the feels.

Maybe this time (he’ll stay) by @hannah-writes (7700) This is a sequel to one of my favorite stories I recced last year, dealing in alternative timelines where in one world, Michael is lost and alone and has pushed Alex away, and in another world where Alex came home from Iraq in a flagged draped coffin. It answers the question, what about Mikey? Where’s his happy ending? The confirmation of the multiverse means there’s an Alex out there who needs him- and through trial and error, Michael finds him. The world building in both stories is top notch, because for every action, there’s a reaction and reason shaping Michael.

Constant as the northern star by celzmccelz (53,000) - don’t know the tumblr here - This is an Mpreg, and it starts solidly after 1x13 and goes AU from there. But what if in the 100 mile drive home from Caulfield, Michael and Alex share a grief-induced moment of insanity where they fall back into their oldest language- sex for comfort, and then Michael does everything he does in the finale, including turning toward Maria, what if there was a souvenir? Despite the trope of mpreg, this is just how I see Michael, deeply in love with Alex but unable to trust that Alex feels the same depth in return. The friendships in here are also top-notch, from Kyle being a baby-doctor, to Isobel having her own Max-related spiral unable to let go of her brother only to refocus on Michael, to Liz fucking off with Rosa for the first half of the story because she’s caught up in her own grief (which turned out to be canon!). And there’s a whole plot here! With Jesse Manes being the worst.

Leave the light on by @sabrinachill (36,900) - Confession time- I love fake dating as a trope, I know, shocked right? But I especially love it with RNM because Malex are exes by 1x03. Mattie nailed the dynamic of pining and the assumption of unrequited love so well in this story. Although the POV switches here a bit between chapters, (and Alex is fabulous) what I really really loved was how she wrote Michael, in love but convinced that he’s messed up too much for Alex. Aware of his faults but not in a sullen way, but an acknowledgment that he was in a bad place and Alex hasn’t always been the best remedy him in the past. It was a very mature take on the “give me another chance” trope in Malex reunion stories, where both sides had a share of blame. The plot was suspenseful and tight (how do people do that???) with a climax that honestly shocked me! I really enjoyed rereading it while I prepped my rec-sets, and I won’t be surprised if this story isn’t mentioned by everyone doing ‘Creators Week’. It’s worthy of all the love.

Temporary wounds by @prouvaireafterdark (7800) - How many times can I rec this story? Hopefully you’re not bored by my adoration of this Lynne. So even though it’s set post-season 1 with the assumption that Michael/Maria will fizzle out while Alex/Forrest date- it’s actually perfectly set for season 3 (an author who is psychic??). As a rule, I hate jealousy as a trope, but this story has the only type of jealousy I want to see on screen- where Michael wonders what was missing inside of him that Alex didn’t want to be public during their long affair (even with the acknowledgment that Alex was too scared before)- like that type of sad pining is my catnip!

The first who ever did by nostalijinks (33,000) post season 1, but really it also stands pretty well after season 2. There was an interview during season 1 I think that talked about how all Michael really wanted was to be a hero to Alex (the way he stepped in front of Jesse as a kid) but he thinks he failed at it since Alex enlisted. That failure soured him in ways but he never stops trying, for Alex. This is a really well done 5 times plus 1 story, with an overreaching arc of reconciliation between Alex and Michael, starting as teenagers, then as adults while Michael is with Maria, then as friends, real friends, trying to support Alex as Alex dates. The whole emotional journey of maturity that Michael takes here is so well done, where there’s no real villains in the friend group. I just love it. I wish the author had written 100 more like this one, but as a standalone work it’s epic.

The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger by @iwontbeyourmedicine (25,000) Ly has a very large body of work, that you could spend days paging through on AO3 or tumblr, but this one hits two of my kinks hard- the amnesia story line and true love conquers all. So three fandoms ago I was huge into Steve/Bucky, that iconic moment in Cap 2 where Bucky breaks through the brainwashing has never left me. This story takes my love for that moment, and makes it Malex. Alex gets programmed by his family and set loose on his friends, on the aliens and it’s a shitshow bloodbath since he’s really fucking good at kicking ass. Michael is caught between keeping everyone safe and trying not to hurt Alex, and the tension is just top-notch. I love how it’s not an immediate fix either, the way they circle each other in the aftermath, wanting to come home, but home would be a totally new step for both of them. Just chef’s kiss good at joining action, angst, and romance together.

Into the palm of your hand by @haloud (5900) hal is a treasured friend, so I am admitting some bias here, but we both enjoy talking about how wonderful and sad Michael is and how desperately we enjoy poking at that softness and then wrapping him up with love again... so this story was written pre-shamegate (and if you know what that means, I’m sorry) but it matches my head canon of what the history of hiding does to someone. The internalization of believing maybe there’s a reason behind the hiding that has nothing to do with homophobic townies. Alex has an ex boyfriend come to town, and he doesn’t tell Michael. And omg the journey hal takes us on with Michael’s spiral and Brave Little Toaster act was so wonderful and painful and real. The communication between these two was top notch as they worked through a road bump from the past, and let’s face it, once we get our malex back, these things are going to happen, and it will either tear them apart or bring them closer together- I prefer to believe it will be closer together.

There is beauty in a failure by @jule1122 (2400) There’s been a few Greg and Michael stories to pop up on my radar after 2x10, and this one was one of my favorites. This is a Greg who pulls no punches in exposing his brother’s past to Michael, but also gives Michael the space to work through what he wants. It’s an AU from 2x12, that allowed Michael to break up with Maria for basically the same reasons that Maria used on him in 2x13. The way Michael is able to what he wants and communicate it Alex in the end- so good! We can only hope to see something similar in season 3.

I don’t know what to think (but I think of supernovas) by @queersirius (3900) This story is a delight from start to finish- I mean frustrated cursing turns the console on into a hologram who then takes the most pleasing form to Michael’s eyes? SIGN ME UP for those shenanigans. I fucking loved how Isobel saw it first too. And then the comedy of Alex discovering it? And what happens afterwards? Oh it’s so delicious. Now of course, full disclosure, this light-hearted romp through the feels also inspired me to think up a much much sadder version of Michael building an AI for companionship considering how isolated he ended up being at the end of Season 2 and we all know Michael needs friends, badly.

Innuendo by the Roswell anon (6000) written for @bisexualalienblast the roswell anon is my favorite treasure in this fandom, I could pretty much list all of their stories as examples of some very fine Michael Guerin characterization. This one was one of my favorite post-season 1 fix-it fics though, because it has some of the most real 28-30 year old guy dialogue I’ve come across- from the crude jokes, to the sharply self-deprecating observations- this is Alex and Michael stripped down, all edges but what’s left is fatigue and love. The resolution at the end, where Alex observes that yes, Michael has tried the last 10 years but this is their first chance to try together- to pull in the same direction? It just lays me flat on the ground with how true that is to canon.

Whenever You Want to Begin, Begin by @foramomentonly (3200) - this is a sequel, and the first story is dynamite- don’t get me wrong- but it moves from the hopeful side of an ending to legit Happily-Ever-After here, and I devoured every word. First of all, having Michael turn to photography as a way of self-improvement is fucking genius. Photographers are always at the center of every happy event, but never the focus, and that screams Michael to me, the way he lives on the outskirts of the 9-5 job and literal outskirts of town in his trailer. The other thing is photographers are revealed by their work, and that’s also something I head-canon with Michael just in the mundane- he’s good with his hands, he wants to leave a car better than he found. Anyway, this story is gorgeously written, moves a bit like a really good bottle of wine- heavy but soft, as you watch Michael become Alex’s friend, and even more importantly, Alex becomes Michael’s friend. Fantastic- I’ve read it about four times now since it was published.

#rnmcreate2020 #malex fic #malex fic rec #MALEX FEELS #michael guerin #alex manes #fandom positivity #worship our great authors in this fandom #will this show up in the tags?#probably not with my luck

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forestwater87 · 4 years ago

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Every episode of Camp Camp ranked: A very (non)objective list

It's well past the time of year when Season 5 of Camp Camp would've dropped. I fully understand and support it not coming out; the crew's health and safety are much more important than a comfort show.

However . . . man, would it be nice to have some comfort right now.

So I'm reliving the entire series! I've been known to share with the world a whole bunch of Spicy Hot Takes, but I've never really sat down and talked about my feelings about the show as a whole.

And what's the best way to do that? Well, just ask Jenny Nicholson: a numbered list! That is, here's the series ranked from worst episode to best, because I want to get the negativity out of the way early and focus on everything I love (and because people enjoy complaining, so let’s frontload all that).

The takes will be hot. The feelings will be intense. The post, I'm assuming, will be largely unread.

Let's do it!

Oh and duh, there are spoilers. I tried to keep it pretty chill, but you’ll want to have watched the whole show or just not care about spoilers before going forward.

Also slashes in the middle of “naughty words” are meant to prevent this from being kept out of the main tags. Who knows if it’ll work? I don’t.

60. Who Peed the Lake? (Season 4, epis/sode 3)

Ah, good ol' Pi/ss Lake (or as @hopefullypessimistic84 calls it because she's funnier than any of us will ever be, “Pis/s Fe/tish Dot Com”). Terrible, one of the few I’d consider nigh unwatchable. I actually kind of love this episode for being such great shorthand for "the absolute worst one."

Who signed off on an entire episode centered around Sherlock Holmes meets a bad om/o joke? Give me names and addresses: I just want to talk.

59. Reigny Day (Season 1, episode 6)

And nobody was surprised.

I'll admit I'm more willing to defend this episode than many people, but it's not . . . like, good. It seemed okay when there were only 11 other episodes to compare it to, but now that there have been so many bangers, this comes across as extremely weak.

And let’s just say the Na/zi jokes hit a lot differently in 2020 than they did in the summer of 2016.

I’m overall happy with the direction the showrunners have moved Dolph’s character in, and I can’t totally blame them for using a kind of humor that was fairly common in the pre-Trump era, but yikes, this has aged like milk. And it wasn’t even very funny at the time, so it aged like milk that was already pretty bad to begin with.

58. Squirrel Camp (Season 4, episode 10)

This is a dumb one.

Not much else to say; it’s just kinda stupid and lame.

57. Fashion Victims (Season 4, episode 13)

I love Sasha, but this is filler. Which isn’t in itself a bad thing -- I have a couple episodes near the top that could reasonably be called filler, and a valid argument could easily be made that “filler episodes” don’t actually exist in a show with no plot -- but as much as I adore the Flower Scouts and enjoy the handful of good moments we get in this episode . . . who cares? Does anyone really give a sh/it about anything that happens here? Does anyone get their life from this one?

I didn’t think so.

56. Foreign Exchange Campers (Season 3, episode 3)

I know, I know, your Russian waifu came from this episode. Why do you think it’s so low on this list?

Okay, for real: this is . . . fine. It’s fine. It’s fine? I’m not mad at it, it just feels tonally incongruous and not very memorable beyond the fact that the fandom got really weird and kinda gross about Vera. But the episode itself? There’s some cute stuff with Neil and Nikki being jealous, but for the most part it’s a big hunk of white bread with some super mild white cheese that’s kinda soggy from sitting in a bag for too long and getting all condensation-y.

That is to say: it’s fine.

ETA: Space Kid does say “fu/ck.” I can’t decide if that’s a point in the episode’s favor or against it.

This is the last of what I’d call the “bad” episodes. Everything after this ranges from mediocre to mind-blowingly amazing. But whatever our failing tier of Camp Camp episodes is, it stops right about here.

Onto the good stuff!

55. Night of the Living Ill (Season 2 Halloween episode)

I keep switching this with “Eggs Benefits,” which probably means they should be tied. But whatever, this is my list and I am in charge and I’ve finally decided, after like 5 changes, that I like this one a little bit less.

It’s a fun Romero parody with nothing I’d call bad. Really this one’s only so low on the list because I think it’s kinda icky, and looking at those green snotty faces makes me queasy. If you think this is a bad reason to put it near the bottom of the list, then make your own post.

54. Cameron Campbell Can't Handle the Truth Serum (Season 4, episode 11)

I . . . don’t remember this at all. I initially had it a bit higher because I tend to love things with Campbell in them, but then I realized that nothing about this episode stuck in my brain even a little bit.

Oh, this is the “Dolph has autism” episode that made everyone either extremely happy or really mad? Okay. I guess that’s the most remarkable thing about it. Neato.

Cam, I love you, but this was just not the best use of your sleazy charm.

53. Eggs Benefits (Season 2, episode 9)

This is one of those episodes with enough cute moments and good ideas to save it from being totally unmemorable, and I mostly enjoy rewatching. Platypus being a mom is a fabulous idea, and pairing the campers the way they did was mostly really interesting and fun.

The Preston-Nurf stuff takes it down several pretty significant notches, though. It’s what the kids would call problematic, and while I normally enjoy how the show doesn’t skew away from darker themes and jokes, it didn’t really fit either of their characters and just . . . isn’t fun to watch. It’s not especially funny, it’s not especially tragic, it’s just uncomfortable.

52. Camp Campbell Wants YOU! (Season 1, episode 0)

Honestly, this would be a lot higher if it was a full-length episode. It’s funny.

The next 5 or so episodes fall under the “cute but not very memorable” umbrella:

51. Nikki's Last Day on Earth (Season 3, episode 4)

I love the ensemble episodes, so this was always going to score higher than any of the single-character “meh” eps. I didn’t see the twist coming, though I know a lot of other fans did. Textbook example of “cute but not very memorable” -- the Platonic ideal of that concept.

50. The Candy Kingpin (Season 3, episode 9)

A clever idea that plays on Max’s worst characteristics and then calls him out for them, while also giving Dolph some much-needed character development. Unfortunately, I don’t feel like it really picks up until the last third of the episode, leaving the rest just kind of sitting there.

49. Campfire Tales (Season 4, episode 13)

Who doesn’t love campfire stories?

That’s all I got. They’re campfire stories.

ETA: OH SH/IT THIS ONE HAS THAT REALLY SCARY STORY! Where David’s all like . . . Slenderman’d. Fu/ck, I didn’t remember that until I was writing out my thoughts for #35 or so. That definitely elevates it, but I’m too tired to try and re-decide where this should go, so just tie it with “New Adventure!”

48. New Adventure! (Season 4, episode 4)

New trio! Focusing on these 3 was a definite risk, and I think it really paid off. While the “plot” itself isn’t anything special, there are a handful of really great side gags (hi, Dirty Kevin!!!!) and it’s fun to see these three interact. They all get some nice character beats. It’s a good time.

47. Something Fishy (Season 3, episode 8)

This might’ve hit me harder if I’d actually seen The Shape of Water, but the send-up works fine without having more than the seen-the-trailer level of understanding. Gwen dresses pretty, which I love; Max sucks, which I also love. What drags this one down is mostly feeling like the surreal aspects of the comedy go a bit too far into the “what the fu/ck am I looking at?” territory without really . . . making an actual joke beyond “look! Wacky!"

Why is David at the opera with a bird? Why??

46. City Survival (Season 3, episode 11)

Literally do not remember a single thing about this episode except David getting mugged and being called a “homeless twi/nk.” That should probably rank it lower on the list, but David being a fluttery mother hen saves it for me -- as does the fact that it leads directly into one of my favorite episodes, and the single best story arc of the series.

Next set of episodes is what I’m going to arbitrarily call “okay! but like the good kind of okay, not the bad kind.”

45. Bonjour Bonquisha (Season 2, episode 7)

Max and Sasha masterminding a scheme is really fun; their dynamic is great (though it won’t be fully realized until Season 4), and heartbroken David is so tragically cute it actually makes my heart explode out of my chest.

Also I can’t resist a good “3 kids in a trench coat” gag.

44. Anti-Social Network (Season 2, episode 2)

Neil is very relatable and I don’t have much else to say about this one. It’s fun to see an episode that more heavily focuses on our nerdy science boy, and Max and Neil teaming up to save Nikki was really charming and sweet and set my Makkiel ship out to sea.

43. A Camp Camp Christmas, or Whatever (Season 2 holiday episode)

Why does this episode have a musical number? It’s not good.

Okay, that was mean. This is fun and cute and Gwen wears a pretty purple sweatshirt and Space Kid gives her a present and it’s really sweet. But that musical number is an instant fast-forward for me, sorry.

42. Preston Goodplay's Good Play (Season 4, episode 7)

We get some Preston character development! Awesome!

It’s done in a really trippy and surreal way that totally fits his character and heightens the drama of the episode! Awesome!

David has an apparently-tragic history of being a French mime! Not a good call!

Next tier: Some good sh/it! (Tbh, these could all be put in just about any order; they might as well be one massive tie.)

41. Cookin' Cookies (Season 2, episode 11)

I love the Flower Scouts. I love Dirty Kevin. I love the idea of accidentally starting a dru/g empire. Another weird, borderline experimental one focusing on side characters, and I think it works better than “New Adventure!” because the scale of the melodrama is just so over-the-top.

The fact that this is in the bottom 20 but I have nothing but good things to say about it illustrates how dang good this show is. It’s only getting better from here, folks!

40. Romeo & Juliet II: Love Resurrected (Season 1, episode 7)

Preston is a terrible playwright. This makes sense, because he’s like 11, but he’s the kind of hilariously bad I wish I’d been as a preteen, because his play is absolutely bonkers. Max fucking with David is great, Tabii vs. Bonquisha is great, Bonquisha in general is a giant amazonian goddess and I want to be swept up into her giant arms. Neil is . . . a robot, for some reason?

So much fun!

39. Camp Cool Kidz (Season 1, episode 4)

I don’t love Ered’s characterization in this one, but there are a lot of wacky hijinks in this episode that I think make it really enjoyable. Max’s wide-eyed revolutionary naïveté is a fun change from his usual dour pessimism, and Nikki’s loyalty to Ered is both very gay and very charming. Plus we get to learn a bit more about how the camp operates (and fails to operate), and it’s a nice way to better establish the campsite as its own setting.

(Definitely think “Cool” should’ve been spelled with a K though. But whatever, I don’t write for the show.)

38. Scout's Dishonor (Season 1, episode 3)

The birth of Neeancy! The introduction of the Flower and Wood Scouts! Neil saying “cu/nt” -- one of the first and only truly shocking uses of profanity in the entire show! ZUKO!

I don’t know if my fondness for this one is rooted mostly in nostalgia or if it was actually really fun, but I enjoyed the he/ll out of it. Not as highly-rated as some other episodes mostly because it doesn’t really do anything, character or story-wise, but not every episode needs to be a massive game-changer that drowns us in feels. Sometimes it’s enough to have a fun romp, and this is very that.

37. Ered Gets Her Cool Back (Season 3, episode 2)

Awww, Ered. I have a soft spot for her, because I love the archetype of a spoiled bit/ch clearly still figuring out how to be a person and have friends. You really get the sense of her as a teenager trying to sort her shi/t out in this episode, which I would love to see more of. Her interactions with Nerris are top-tier, and I like that it’s a continuation of how her character’s been softening since Season 1 into this kind of big-sister figure.

Also, all the female campers in this show are lesbians. I do not make the rules.

36. Attack of the Nurfs (Season 4, episode 2)

I feel like this is a pretty underrated episode. But then again, I feel like Nurf is a pretty underrated character, so maybe that’s just my own personal bias.

I really enjoyed all the different iterations of Nurf, and I think Blaine did a killer job giving each one its own personality and life. It’s a fun episode that plays hard with cartoon physics (a 3D printer printing people! I love it!) and has a surprisingly moving ending.

At least, that’s what I think. Most other people seem to find this one pretty forgettable. Again: make your own da/mn list. I liked it.

35. Mascot (Season 1, episode 2)

This entire episode is memorable for so many things, but a few of my favorites:

David is established as kind of a di/ck.

Platypus arrives and kicks all the as/s.

Quartermaster is the best.

Nerris, Harrison, and Space Kid all get little moments to show off how cute they are.

Neil and Nikki bonding.

This:

34. Quest to Sleepy Peak Peak (Season 2, episode 3)

I love watching Nerris and Harrison bicker, and Neil and Nikki fit really well into their group. It reminds me of being a kid, and of playing Dungeons & Dragons (as an adult, because I’m so cool), and of summer . . . which is a really good thing for this show. There are a lot of funny one-liners, and it’s just a good dang time.

33. Quartermaster Appreciation Day (Season 2, episode 6)

I don’t think this one is all that well-loved, but I thought it was funny. There are literally zero important plot or character moments, but it made me laugh a lot, and that’s all I need a Camp Camp episode to do.

I love QM, and the more we learn about him, the more confused and disturbed we end up being. What a fu/cking champion.

32. Arrival of the Torso Takers (Season 3 Halloween episode)

I lowkey hated this one when it came out, because I knew the Daniel stans were going to be exhausting. And they kind of were? But looking back, it’s a great way to reintroduce this motherfu/cker. He’s a lot scarier than he was the last time around -- but also less competent, which is a great way to kick him in the proverbial ba/lls -- and while I wish it had a lot more Gwen in it, it’s a clever and creative Halloween episode.

31. Operation: Charlie Tango Foxtrot (Season 3, episode 10)

Charlie . . . Tango . . . Foxtrot . . . CTF . . . OH! Capture the Flag! I never got that before. Oh, that’s neat. I love this show.

Listen, every time the writers decide to take a risk and do something bizarre and creative, I’m going to be here for it at least a little bit. An entire episode told from the POV of the Woodscouts, explaining how hard they failed in all directions? A great gag where everyone in Petrol’s story talks in grunts? The return of Jermy Fartz?! Fantastic.

30. Panicked Room (Season 4, episode 16)

Listen. I’m a sucker for my trash grandpa; anything Campbell-centric is probably going to be pretty good (except #54), because he’s just one of the most consistently funny and engaging characters. Good times are had whenever this terrible man is on the screen, and giving him a romantic backstory? A tragic romantic backstory full of mistakes and emotional damage?? One where he waited 17 YEARS for the love of his life???

We have no choice but to stan.

29. Party Pooper (Season 4, episode 15)

I’m so predictable. If you put Gwen in something, I will be happy. If you make an entire episode about how Gwen is under-appreciated and overworked and just trying to do her best despite the circumstances, I will dedicate my firstborn child to you.

Anyway, this episode is really sweet, and I liked the unexpected direction the writers took her relationship with her dad. He seems like a nice guy, they seem like they have a nice relationship, and . . . well, an episode about how hard it is to be an adult millennial hit pretty hard. Plus this was just a really pretty episode -- and not just because Gwen was in so much of it! Seriously, that night sky was a thing of beauty.

Also if you say a fuc/king word about Max and that godda/mn dog I will choke you out with your own intestines. Few things are more hilariously, annoyingly ironic than the fact that the entire fandom ignored and failed to appreciate Gwen . . . in the episode all about how everyone ignores and fails to appreciate Gwen.

28. Culture Day (Season 3 holiday episode)

Now, would it be arrogant to point out that I had the idea for a Culture/Heritage Day back in September 2018? Yes, especially since I don’t think the writers ever read fanfiction and it has literally nothing to do with this episode. Will that stop me? He/ll no it will not! I am a creature of ego! Read my stuff!

Anyway, this is a really fun look at Neil’s background, personality, and relationships. Max looking out for him is just . . . oh my god, I cannot, I’ve written like 30 of these and my brain is starting to melt, but these two are so cute. I love arrogant Neil, and I love protective Max, and I love QM and Gwen fuc/king over the Flower Scouts to save the day. Everything about this episode is lovely.

27. Cameron Campbell the Camp Campbell Camper (Season 3, episode 7)

This should not be ranked so high (even if these are all essentially tied). This is a dumb episode based on a really, really dumb premise.

But . . . I don’t know what to tell you. “Samboy Kidwell,” Max realizing he and Campbell are disturbingly similar and not liking what his future could look like, David’s “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed” face . . . this episode happens to hit all of my favorite things. It had a really good balance of heavy-handed moralizing and goofs, it was part of the most graceful lead-up into a finale the show has ever had, and I’m just all about it.

Excellent job, Samboy. Count Olaf would be proud of your disguise.

There ends the “some good sh/it” tier. We’re starting to get into the really excellent stuff now!

26. Parents' Day (Season 2, episode 12)

I know. You want this to be higher. I hear you.

Honestly I’m kind of shocked it’s this high; it’s my least favorite of the season finales so far, and I had to push past a lot of prejudice to actually rank this where I think it deserves to be, as opposed to somewhere in the like mid-40s. Mostly because it gave fuel to the raging inferno of “Max has terrible parents and David should adopt him” headcanons, which I’ve detailed my problems with extensively in the past (in a post that, statistically speaking, none of you have read).

But, trying to be objective: is this episode actually any good?

Well . . . yeah, it really is.

So much work was put into giving each of the campers families that make sense with their characters and bounce absurdly well off of them, ranging from wholesome and adorable (Nerris’s family) to quietly tragic (Harrison’s parents), and they’re all designed so well; they’re fun to look at and fun to watch interact with the kids and each other. (The only exception is Dolph’s dad, who is both kinda lame and misattributes the cause of the weird Na/zi thing because it did not come from Germany, I assure you. But things with Dolph are always a little off, and I don’t really know how you would give him a backstory that actually works with the character, so they were caught between a rock and a hard place there.)

The drama of David having to choose between the man he considers his father and the camp he considers his home is really touching, and him and Gwen choosing to take a sad camper out to get pizza instead of covering for their boss’s a/ss is such a beautiful moment for both of them that I can’t really blame the fandom for losing their mind over it. Campbell’s arrest leading into the arcs of the next two seasons was great as well, and the finale left us all with this weird sense of foreboding because we didn’t know what was going to happen next; it was the only finale that actually ended on something close to a cliffhanger, while still being satisfying enough to keep us all from melting down.

Plus, it’s funny. Carl and Candy are really funny and the idea of Neil and Nikki’s parents boning is funny in a horrible way. The joke about Quartersister is funny. It’s a good episode.

Should this be higher? Maybe, but I can’t bring myself to put it above the rest of these episodes. Again: make your own list.

25. Mind Freakers (Season 1, episode 10)

The episode that launched a thousand ships. Assuming those ships are all Harrison/Neil, anyway.

It’s hard to talk about these Season 1 episodes because they feel so classic. Like, what is there to say? You’ve all seen it a couple dozen times; I’ve seen it a couple dozen times. Harrison is a di/ck, Neil is possibly an even bigger di/ck, and magic may or may not be real. (Though spoilers for literally every season: yes, magic is definitely real.) It’s so much fun watching these two smug as/sholes snipe at each other in an almost literal playground hair-pulling way that could very easily be read as flirtation.

And the fandom did most certainly read it that way, at least for a little while.

24. Gwen Gets a Job (Season 2, episode 8)

It’s Gwen. What, was I supposed to not put it this high?

This was the first Gwen-centric episode, and it absolutely slaps. She’s pushed to the breaking point and responds by being a cold-hearted BAMF, and it got her some pretty significant hate from fans but I don’t give a fu/ck, I loved it. We got to see her all dolled up, and then we got to see her all disheveled, and both of those looks were gorgeous. David gives her a tiny fragment of the love and validation she deserves (I don’t know if this is when gwenvid started taking off -- I think it wasn’t really until “Parents’ Day,” or even Season 3 -- but I ate that s/hit up).

Also, again: job hunting post-2008. It’s a bad time, y’all. Camp Camp gets it.

23. Follow the Leader (Season 4, episode 6)

Yeah, I was kind of surprised at how high this landed, too. I guess I’m just a sucker for unlikely companionships, and these three have a great chemistry. The combination of competitiveness, sass, and reluctant admiration make their interactions a lot of fun. Their motivation of doing petty errands for Campbell for the sake of getting at the Box of Illegal Contraband is a great framework too, with high enough stakes to justify all sorts of wacky shenanigans without causing actual anxiety.

I want to see these characters forced to spend more time together. Please, RT, make that happen.

22. Escape from Camp Campbell (Season 1, episode 1)

In terms of numbers, this feels so low, but considering everything from about #45 on is ranked as at least decent, this is actually a pretty high rating. There are 21 episodes I’d call better than this, but these decisions were all pretty painful.

This introduces us to everyone! The main trio, the counselors, Mr. Campbell; we get a snapshot of the major personalities running around the camp, the major points of conflict (Max vs. David, primarily), the major building blocks of future episodes, setting, and relationships . . .

Again, I don’t know how much of my love for this episode is nostalgia -- there’s a lot of squeeing at familiar faces and gags; this is the first time David gets hit by a bus!!! -- but it was a fun and funny introduction to a series that’s ended up being so important to me, and I’m so grateful this wonderful, quirky little show with its wonderful and quirky little premiere.

Of all the episodes, I really can’t look at this one objectively. It’s too important.

21. The Fun-Raiser (Season 3, episode 1)

David and Gwen scheming is my ki/nk. They very rarely scheme together, but every single time their teamwork makes the dream work (or, more frequently, makes the dream fail horribly and have disastrous consequences) my soul flies out of my body and takes to the stars, where I write another 500 first chapters to gwenvid fanfics I’ll probably never finish.

This is a great follow-up to “Parents’ Day,” where we immediately see the consequences of the previous season finale and what happens when the one adult in the camp disappears. Mr. Campbell was a terrible adult, true, but at least he was smart enough not to steal QM’s hook. Like . . . whose plan was this? It was so bad. These two are hilariously incompetent sometimes -- often when their bad ideas are feeding off of each other, actually, a la this and “Space Camp Was a Hoax” -- and watching them frantically try and keep all their balls in the air is so great.

The ending is satisfying, too; a bit graphic, in keeping with a show that tends to keep the violence limited to periodic spurts of bloodshed 1-2 times a season and mostly pretty mild the rest of the time, but between Max stepping up and fixing everything while still being his shi/tty self to our dear dumba/ss counselors getting their dumb as/ses handed to them (deservedly so, if we’re being honest) . . . it’s such a great note to begin a new season on.

20. Journey to Spooky Island (Season 1, episode 5)

A classic.

We get to meet our spooky boy Jasper, we get to watch the comedy trio play off each other and continue to sketch out the general contours of their friendship, and we get to see the Quartermaster with a big purple dil/do for a hand. What’s not to love?

19. The Butterfinger Effect (Season 4, episode 17)

CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES! GET YOUR CONTROVERSIAL HOT TAKES HERE!

I’ve already gone into some pretty intense detail about why I think this one is actually really good and carries the theme of embracing change that everything about Season 4 was centered around, but none of y’all read that so here it is in short: this episode is super funny, almost all of the campers’ transformations work really well as extensions of their characters while still being strange and surprising, and the fact that Nurf creates all of these problems by trying to solve them is deliciously fun to watch in a karmic sort of way.

Or maybe it’s just because any Nurf-centric episode is going to rank pretty highly for me. That is also possible.

18. Space Camp Was a Hoax (Season 2, episode 10)

Our camp counselors being bad people: it’s my drug of choice.

We get Space Kid tripping balls in what might be one of the funniest sequences in the show, the entire camp coming together to try and pull off the stupidest, most impossible task (and kinda maybe almost nailing it???), and once again the fun of watching Gwen and David scramble to keep from getting caught in their boss’s shit/ty lies is so great. And Lindsay’s voice acting is absolutely killer, even more so than usual.

17. Jermy Fartz (Season 2, episode 4)

I get the sense this might be a somewhat controversial one.

I’ve written before about why I think this episode is a lot of fun, but it mostly boils down to two things: watching the campers try (and fail) to be nice to the most bully-able person on the entire planet, and the essential likeableness of Jermy.

No, really.

I think a lot of people were put off by Jermy’s general grossness, because . . . my god is he disgusting, but he’s also polite and good-natured, and seems totally self aware of how difficult he is to be around, without letting it make him depressed. He’s cheerful in a weirdly downbeat way that’s impossible to understand until you see him in action. He’s so matter-of-fact about his own awfulness in a way that I found entirely endearing. I don’t think I’d want him at my camp, either, but get that kid to a good dermatologist and gastroenterologist, teach him some basic hygiene and social skills, and you’ll have quite a little gentleman there.

I do however find it hilarious that apparently David got the type of tree wrong when making fun of Jermy. Not only is that a great moment for reveling in David being an as/shole, but he didn’t even have the right wood. F/ucking idiot. I love him so much.

These last ones are my favorites! (Well, duh, that’s how this whole ranking thing works.) Maybe not perfect, but just really good and with limitless rewatch value.

16. St. Campbell's Day (Season 4 holiday episode)

They Grinch’d Camp Camp. Those brilliant bast/ards, they really pulled it off.

Ignoring the fact that David is truly frightening-looking for most of the episode, this is a great bookend to Season 4, following up on the theme established in the first episode about how David is a flawed and selfish human being despite trying his best not to be.

This is another one I was surprised to find so high on the list, but the more I thought about it the more I realizes how good it is. David being a jerk is always one of my favorite storylines, and the fact that the trouble comes from him trusting Mr. Campbell too little instead of too much is a nice twist on the usual formula. Gwen coming to help him out despite a blistering hangover gave me aggressive shipping feels, yes, obviously.

Between a lot of really funny little gags like QM’s failed satanic ritual and the genuinely touching moral about the importance of spending time with the people you love, it’s just a really lovely episode that gets just the right amount of maudlin for the holiday season.

15. Jasper Dies at the End (Season 2, episode 5)

I kept switching this and “Dial M for Jasper”; it was a really difficult decision to make, figuring out where these two belonged. I think in the end, while the John Dies at the End reference was very, very good, this one loses me a little bit by being told from David’s perspective. Now, normally the more David is in an episode the more I’ll be likely to love it (see my #1 for proof of that), but his blinders when it comes to the camp and Mr. Campbell result in a really funny story, but one without the same emotional heft as hearing about what happened from Jasper’s point of view.

That doesn’t mean it’s not perfect for what it needs to be: each Jasper episode builds on the previous ones, and having the same intensity of “Dial M for Jasper,” where we learn how he died and how his relationship with David fell apart, would be weird and heavy at this point. In Season 1 we just found out he’s a ghost (and eagle-eyed viewers realized he’d been a camper with David); in Season 2 we find out how David views their friendship and time at camp; and in Season 3 we get Jasper’s perspective. It’s an absolutely wonderful raising of the stakes (for lack of a better term), but the one that packs more of an emotional punch is going to rank a bit higher than the one that’s mostly just for laughs.

That being said: there are plenty of laughs in this one. Everyone -- Griffin, Miles, Travis, the animators -- nailed this one, and it gets funnier every time I watch it.

14. Camporee (Season 1, episode 11)

AKA the episode where Forest realized she was in love with Gwen.

What a great idea for an episode, seriously. Every coming-of-age story has a talent show or a competition or a big game -- something where the kiddos can show off their improved skills and teamwork to beat their bullies or whatever. And this show has both kinds of bullies: the popular girly girls and the violent muscleheads. What a great moment to pull everyone together and show how friendship can help us accomplish anything!

Except . . . of course that’s not what happens. Of course they’re absolute garbage, and of course teamwork isn’t the answer. Gwen is the perfect foil for David here, being the anti-teamwork, anti-Camp-Campbell adult who can perfectly and effortlessly undermine David’s relentless optimism. David wants so badly for his campers to live in the same coming-of-age summer movie he did as a child, and their staunch refusal to do that leads to a really heartbreaking closer to the episode, as well as lead into the next one. Everything about this, from the challenges to the setup to Gwen shouting “we are winning this FUC/KING trophy!” is just gold.

13. David Gets Hard (Season 1, episode 9)

We have David. We have Nurf. We have Gwen. We have Max trying to be helpful in the shi/ttiest way possible.

We have all the makings of a da/mn good episode. And they deliver. Not a very emotionally intense or moving one, but so, so funny.

12. Dial M for Jasper (Season 3, episode 5)

This isn’t the fate any of us expected for Jasper, and it’s not the fate of a lot of people wanted. But godda/mn it, it worked. The constant bait-and-switch the episode keeps playing with, where you keep waiting for something really dramatic and tragic to happen . . . and then the reality is that Jasper died because Mr. Campbell was stupid and careless, and it was all just a horribly sad accident.

It’s anticlimactic, but in a way that suits the series, both as a comedic counterpoint to all the hype throughout the episode and as a way to establish that Cameron Campbell is a bad man first and foremost through selfishness and laziness, not Daniel-esque sinister evil. Jasper’s death was totally avoidable and totally Campbell’s fault, and while that’s sad, it also adds a weird sort of lightness to the episode. David didn’t do something terrible to kill his best friend, Jasper didn’t kill himself, and without having actively chosen to murder a child (well, not this time), the door remains open for fans accepting Campbell’s later pseudo-redemption. It was just an accident, and Jasper was “haunting” David to tell him that he was sorry for how their friendship ended. That’s really sweet, actually.

I think it’s the best way this reveal could’ve gone, and I’m so impressed with how they pulled it all off.

11. Into Town (Season 1, episode 8)

This might actually be the only flawless episode in the entire show. I mean, I call a lot of them flawless, and I mean that on an emotional level -- “I love this so much I cannot see anything wrong with it” -- but this one is a masterpiece of storytelling. All the technical jumbo I’m bad at, like planting and payoff and tension and all of that, is just perfect.

I feel like this is the kind of claim that needs to be backed up with a long-as/s essay full of citations and video clips and references to, like, Joseph Campbell or something, but this is my 49th entry in the list so I am not going to be doing that. Besides, I don’t think my English degree qualifies me to critique film/animation; I don’t even entirely know half the terms I’ve used to compliment this episode. Someone else please explain why this is such a good one.

10. The Quarter-Moon Convergence (Season 4, episode 5)

I’ve mentioned in other entries that the weird, surreal humor sometimes doesn’t work; it feels too much like being odd for its own sake, and sometimes gets so distracted in being surreal that it forgets to include anything funny or meaningful.

This . . . is not one of those.

Putting Harrison and QM together is a stroke of genius; the two of them are literally the most magical beings in the entire show, and using them as the conveyance for this great Lovecraftian horror-comedy was such a good idea. I don’t know if we’ll ever see these two interact in another episode -- honestly, this felt a bit like lightning in a bottle, and I have a hard time imagining what could possibly bring them together again -- but if this is the only episode we get, it is such a fantastic one.

Harrison makes a really good everyman, despite his powers; he’s just the right amount of confident and insecure to pull off that wide-eyed apprentice to QM’s grizzled wise mentor. (The fact that QM is objectively a terrible mentor is beside the point.) I still don’t entirely know what the two of them accomplished, but it feels baffling and momentous, with the perfect amount of gravity to make things extremely tense all the way through to the end.

Also, I guess God is an octopus? That’s kinda cool. I like octopuses.

9. Camp Corp. (Season 3, episode 12)

Another unpopular opinion? Oh ho ho, I am so contrary! I am Not Like Other Fans! I am the Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, refusing to have the same opinions of all you prepz.

I know this wasn’t the most well-loved episode, but I think it did a really great job tying together story threads woven throughout Season 3: Max’s selfishness leading to him hurting other people, his growing realization that he cares about his friends and the camp itself, the parallels between him and Mr. Campbell (and the fact that they both get this redemption moment in the finale).

This is the most Max-centric season, focusing on his flaws and character growth, and they pulled it off in a really organic way that felt faithful to his character, touching without being too maudlin. The fact that his feelings about the camp are echoed in Gwen, Neil and Nikki, the other campers, and even Mr. Campbell drives home how important the camp -- and David -- are to this strange little family.

Each season, Max reluctantly becomes a better person, without changing the fundamental core of who he is. That’s a really hard putt for the writers and Michael, and I’m blown away every finale by how they so consistently nail it.

8. Time Crapsules (Season 4, episode 18)

Gwen-centric? Check.

Max learning how to be a better person while still being the bratty kid we know and love? Check.

Looks at one of the most under-appreciated character dynamics in the entire show (i.e., Max and Gwen)? Checkity check-check-check.

I don’t really have much to say about this one, which I should: it was considered a pretty serious letdown to a lot of fans, and I’m not sure how to explain why I loved it so much.

Comparing Max from “The Order of the Sparrow” to Max from this episode is wild. It’s not like 2 different characters: they’re still very obviously the same cynical, self-absorbed 10-year-old trying to survive summer camp. But he’s become a more considerate friend and decent version of that kid, and it’s great to watch. The moment where he and Gwen go too far and immediately regret snapping at each other is still painful (on my god, the VAs in this show, they’re so talented), Nikki and Neil both get nice subplots about how they’re also growing up, and the ending is fuc/king hilarious, perfectly breaking the tension from Campbell’s speech, which is both beautifully done and important to hear, especially if you’re in a period of uncomfortable transition (like, say, in your late 20s, or living through about 5 different national and global catastrophes).

And okay, I found that speech on the wiki for this episode and it made me deeply emotional, so here:

Here's the thing: you've got to take your failures and make something out of them. Take Camp Campbell for instance: a lot of poor decisions went into making this place what it is today. Sure, somewhere along the line it maybe strayed from its path, not living up to the camp it wanted to be. At some point, the camp realized that the camp would never reach the end of its path until it was ready or until it gave up. So, if the camp wanted to keep embezzling money and dealing with foreign powers, so be it! But, at some point, it didn't anymore. I never saw this coming, but I'm starting to think this camp is the best it's ever been.

If this is the last episode of Camp Camp we ever get -- and for at least a little while, it looks like it’s going to be -- I can’t think of a sweeter, funnier, and more lovely bittersweet note for this show to go out on.

7. The Lake Lilac Summer Social (Season 3, episode 6)

And again: No one was surprised.

This is the longest non-finale episode of the show, and it uses that time perfectly. Rather than having some big emotional moments and character arcs -- which are great, don’t get me wrong -- the writers use the extended time to build a series of shenanigans as complicated as Gwen’s matchmaking web, and watching her try to set up a series of dominos (with David, for once, being the responsible, level-headed one) is almost as satisfying as the catastrophic results.

Neil and Snake steal this episode, even from someone as in love with Gwen as I am, and for an episode that’s largely about making fun of shippers, there hasn’t been one that launched nearly as many ships as this. Neil/Snake? Tabii/Erin? Max/Nikki? GWENVID?! It’s all here, and I am here for it.

It was also fun to get a traditional episode setup in a very non-traditional show. I assume this means the beach and/or hot springs episode is forthcoming. (No, Pis/s Lake doesn’t count. Obviously it doesn’t count.)

6. Keep the Change (Season 4, episode 1)

Again, this is an episode I’ve said a lot about in the past -- and I was pretty uncharitable toward Season 3, which in retrospect was very unse/xy of me -- but I stand by a lot of my opinions then: this is a fu/cking great episode.

David is an as/shole, Max is an as/shole, Campbell is an as/shole. No one escapes the as/sholery. David schemes, Max catches him in the scheme, Campbell gets drunk and kind of gay . . . I’m 54 entries into this list and I don’t have much to say anymore: it’s just really good and fun and I love it.

5. Camp Loser Says What? (Season 4, episode 9)

This is another one I kind of hated when it came out, and again for fandom-related and personal-grudge reasons.

Fu/cking Daniel. That motherfu/cker. He shows up for 12 minutes and Tumblr bursts into flames. Every single time.

However, it’s really hard not to love this one. Daniel-as-Trump is a clever but subtle -- I mean, for this show’s definition of subtle -- allegory, and it’s amazing how much this slimy freak and the Woodscouts slot into it. David is a bise/xual disaster with the absolute worst taste in men, Dirty Kevin and Daniel are onscreen together for all of 2.5 seconds and the kevdan shippers lost their minds, and Xemug looks like Megamind for some weird reason.

My only minor complaint is that the ending is a bit anticlimactic, but it plays on Daniel’s stupidity and the value of teamwork, so it’s a very small nitpick in an episode that mostly works like gangbusters.

4. Cult Camp (Season 2, episode 1)

Duh. There’s a really good song and we’re introduced to a charismatic, sinister, and totally dumba/ss villain. What’s not to like?

I don’t think I even need to say anything about this episode. Season 2 started off the summer by throwing a lit firecracker directly at the viewer’s face, and ignoring the fact that we as a fandom proceeded to eat each other, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the episode’s wild energy.

And dude, that song. Fabulous. Fu/ck Daniel, but thank god he’s around to be such a prickly little pri/ck.

Now for the top 3: Literally perfect, wouldn’t change a single solitary thing.

3. After Hours (Season 4, episode 8)

I’m not sure anyone loved this episode as much as me. But this is my list, and I will put this up at the top if I want to and you cannot stop me.

It’s much easier in a lot of ways to talk about the episodes I hated than the ones I love this much. What do I say besides “literally everything about this fills me with joy and my life is better because it exists”? I don’t know. The counselors are my favorite characters, and between Gwen and QM having the weirdest bonding experience, Gwen getting to meet up with people who care about her silly fanfiction, Mr. Campbell being the trash grandpa of my dreams, David getting in way over his head . . . it’s the episode I always wanted, and they made it work so well.

Also, I just discovered that “Gwen Isn’t Your Mother So Stop Asking Her to Rinse Your Dishes” is an actual song and I am overwhelmed with delight. Here, I’m embedding it as well as linking because it’s so good:

youtube

God. This show. What the fu/ck even is up with this amazing, weird-as/s show.

2. The Order of the Sparrow (Season 1, episode 12)

Duh.

The entire first season is a great time (except “Reigny Day”), but it’s a pretty low-stakes kind of great time. There isn’t much in terms of emotional depth until the very end of “Camporee,” despite some hints at darker themes in one-off jokes and quick asides, so this episode comes a bit out of left field, tonally speaking.

But that’s not a bug, it’s a feature; if the show had been this overtly emotional from the outset, this finale wouldn’t hit as hard, and the rest of the season wouldn’t be as funny.

This manages to serve as a capstone to the conflict of the first season, building on episodes like “Into Town” and “Escape from Camp Campbell” in a way that feels totally natural for both David and Max’s characters while revealing new sides of them. It works because it’s so unexpected, but it doesn’t come across as incongruous with their personalities. It’s the first and only time David swears in all 4 seasons, and that line -- I don’t even need to say it, you know exactly what I’m talking about -- still gives me chills.

Also, Gwen sings the camp theme song. Impossible not to cherish.

1. The Forest (Season 4, episode 12)

I’m not sure if this one is a surprise or not. It might be the obvious first place, or it might be a bit of an oddball for some people.

I had a really hard time choosing between this and “The Order of the Sparrow”; I switched their places half a dozen times, and the difference in quality between the two is razor-thin. I think part of that is because it accomplishes a lot of what “Order of the Sparrow” does: puts David in a situation where he’s pushed to his absolute emotional and physical capacity, crushes every shred of hope he has left, and sees what he’s actually made of when you strip everything away. It’s much more dramatic this time around, but it’s the same basic concept.

And just like in the Season 1 finale, what we see is a man who’s determined to do good even when he isn’t rewarded for it, even when he’s actively punished for it. Who wants to love nature, and life, and make the world a better place -- despite his faults, his selfishness and thoughtlessness and anger, David proves that he is fundamentally kind. He’s not nearly as deludedly optimistic as he seems; he just refuses to stop trying.

Because somebody fuc/king has to.

I’ll admit, some of what puts this one in first place is that I’m a sucker for whump, and David really goes through the ringer. However, I also think it’s important to acknowledge the risk Joe Nicolosi took with writing this episode: it’s all centered around a single character, it’s darker and more viscerally bloody than any other episode in the show’s history, the art is focused on these grand sweeping backgrounds that must’ve taken forever to paint, and there’s very little talking in a show that runs 99% on clever dialogue. This could have so easily backfired -- and for some fans it did -- but it was brave and beautiful and breathtaking.

I’ve actually only watched this in full once. It’s really hard to get through; it’s just so intense and even disturbing. But if there’s one episode I'll remember for the rest of my life, even when I’m 80 years old and haven’t seen the show in years, it’ll be “The Forest.”

It’s funny how such a sharp departure from the format and style of the rest of the show somehow manages to perfectly capture the heart of it. Talk about a fuc/king achievement.

So what have we learned?

I don’t entirely know what the purpose of this whole exercise was. I think it was mostly to get myself a nice Camp Camp fix that came from something other than slogging through 20 different fanfic WIPs, and to remind myself of what a strange and fun ride the last 4 summers have been.

I also wanted to take a moment to acknowledge what Camp Camp means to me. This show has been hugely important to me on a personal level: I met two of my best friends through this fandom, and I’ve never been more connected to a community or readers than I have with CC. I know I bi/tch about this fandom a lot, but it’s a big extended internet family, and I’m so happy to be a part of it. Going through all these episodes, getting the chance to ramble about the things I liked and the things I didn’t, was a great way to reconnect with a series and community that I love.

So . . . what have we learned?

1. Season 4 was all over the place.

Some of this has to be due to the sheer volume of episodes, but when I sat down and organized everything into tiers:

There isn’t a single category Season 4 doesn’t have at least one episode in. I was surprised to see how high a lot of them ended up; it really was the best and worst of the show so far.

For the fun of it, I decided to give a number to each placement -- 60 points for the #1 episode, 59 for #2, etc. -- and see how each season broke down. Because that’s that kind of thing I think is worthwhile, apparently. And . . .

2. Seasons 1 and 4 are really good, actually.

Well, I don’t think anyone’s surprised to see how well Season 1 stacked up; it was amazing. But I was surprised to see how much I ended up enjoying Seasons 3 and 4, when if you’d asked me before this little project, I would’ve said they were the most underwhelming. Maybe I messed up the numbers a bit -- I’m no mathmagician -- but not only are they all really close, but Season 4 was one of my favorites.

3. This entire show is really good, actually.

One thing that really struck me when I put it all together visually is how most of the episodes sit in the “good,” ��really good,” or “amazing” categories. The amount of episodes that are memorable, fun, and/or emotionally resonant is crazy. I don’t now how many other tiny cult-hit web series can say the same, honestly, and all of the writers, animators, directors/producers/other people whose jobs I don’t really understand, and voice actors should be commended for their outstanding talent and hard work.

4. Thank you, Camp Camp.

It was a real pleasure to relive all of these episodes again and think about what they meant to me. It won’t be the last time I sit down and watch this show -- and it certainly won’t be the end of my being a shrieking fangirl over it -- but with this break, where we have to get through a blazing, extremely difficult summer without a new season to fawn over, it’s nice to stop and appreciate what a precious gem of a show this is.

I hope everyone involved with Rooster Teeth is taking a much-deserved rest and prioritizing their health and well-being. Thank you for creating something truly special, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

#campcamp #camp camp roosterteeth #thank you RT Animation for giving me my life these past 4 years #cc david #cc max #cc gwen #i'm not tagging all the characters #campcamp masterpost #i really hope this doesn't get hidden from the tags but #guys this was a super intense labor of love please check it out #but also reading it is also a super intense labor so i get it if you don't XD

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mud-on-the-turntable-blog · 5 years ago

Photo

Nana Grizol - Love It Love It (2008, Folk Punk / Indie Rock)

Hi! Nice to meet you! We are Max and Michayla, and this is the first post of our music review blog, Mud on the Turntable. The way our reviews work is one of us will recommend the other an album, and we both write some interesting things about the album separately. Read both of them, or just one of us if you like one of our particular writing styles, or neither if you don’t like either. Our first album is one Max suggested, Love It Love It by Nana Grizol. Enjoy!

Max + Michayla! xox

Michayla’s Review

Circles ‘Round the Moon

Feels like walking into your great-aunt’s yellow-walled kitchen at the break of day in the height of August. There is a hand-painted ceramic fruit bowl sitting on the counter full of oranges and grapefruit and limes. Your aunt is making pancakes and the scent of morning air, fresh cut grass, lavender, and clean sheets wafts in through the open windows while the warm morning sunlight pools onto the floors and cabinets and walls.

Colours: #f7f499/rgb(247, 244, 153), #ff693f/rgb(255, 105, 63), #68b233/rgb(104, 178, 51)

Tambourine - N - Thyme

Feels like floating suspended in deep aqua water, glittering fractals of light and swirls of infinitesimally small bubbles dancing around your body, framing you, frozen in a soft scream, watching the surface and the murk around you, but at peace with yourself, so beautifully suspended in fluid water. The smell of mossy dirt and powdered sugar on the tip of your tongue, neon lights shimmering in the distance, far, far away.

Colours: #0d7d99/rgb(13, 125, 153), #e20fbc/rgb(226, 15, 188), #c7f736/rgb(199, 247, 54)

Less Than the Air

Limoncello coloured with patches of red seeping through the page, like sun hitting your eyelashes while walking down an old dusty path, a long, hot sidewalk home, and walking through the front door of your house. Old maple floors lead into your living room, cream walls, pockmarked, covered in part by white linen curtains. You put on a record and dance barefoot in the living room. It feels like light, and the way it blurs your vision when it hits you like a camera lens. Tastes like fairy bread and rosemary.

Colours: #fff0a5/rgb(255, 240, 165), #d60000/rgb(214, 0, 0), #ad7c2d/rgb(173, 124, 45)

Motion in the Ocean

A soft blush pink set against ivory countertops. You find yourself getting ready for a party you never intended on going to, shell jewelry, drops of gold falling from your fingers like tears, the sky is darkening to indigo outside your window. Counting minutes on your fingers only to find you’ve run out far more times than it takes to eat the peaches your mother brought you late at night. Waking up tired and wishing for the sun, the taste of cold water and soft kisses, a memory of a dream.

Colours: #f2cbcb/rgb(242, 203, 203), #fcf6e3/rgb(252, 246, 227), #16074f/rgb(22, 7, 79)

Voices Echo Down Thee Halls

Stopping at a tiny diner along the highway, the vinyl seats are a pale minty-olive, you lean against the wall, faded highway signs and ancient greeting flash before your eyes, technicolour in the key of static radio waves, lying on the pavement, the sun beats down as you roll into the gravel, the dirt. Asphalt and car fumes, toasted tomato sandwiches and too much salt, wooden car panelling and the wrong colour of carpet.

Colours: #5faf56/rgb(95, 175, 86), #d1a877/rgb(209, 168, 119), #ef410b/rgb(239, 65, 11)

Stop and Smell Thee Roses

Like picking daisies in the overrun backyard of your childhood best friend’s house, dirty white picket fence set against mud and grass and a rain-heavy sky. Your laughter feels like home in her hands and you remember the sound of so many of you, running out the screen door, all strawberry-red-stained fingers and polaroid photos and charcoal smouldering in the fire pit, notes scribbled in pencil on loose-leaf paper, store-bought bread sticky on your teeth. The moment retakes you and you fall to your knees and smile and the first drops of rain hit your face.

Colours: #d8c302/rgb(216, 195, 2), #9598a0/rgb(149, 152, 160), #ffffff/rgb(255, 255, 255)

Tiny Rainbows

The rain clearing up and leaving sparkling puddles in the cracks in the pavement around your school, a warm september, you dive in and the droplets fall everywhere except your eyes, a rubber raincoat and not a single lie. Like falling down and finding yourself,a loving embrace after a cold winter day, fresh fruit on your lips, and the smell of coming home.

Colours: #05000f/rgb(5, 0, 15), #d3287b/rgb(211, 40, 123), #ff9011/rgb(255, 144, 17)

Everything You Ever Hoped or Worked For

Watching the sunset burn bright and melt down on another’s face, running away and finding joy in the places you’ve been. Crickets humming along to the beat of your footsteps and lulling you to sleep, to dream of stars and new beginnings at 2 in the afternoon. It tastes like bubblegum and sunshine, spilling down your chin from the back of your glass, bottle green, a telescope to where you’ll be, soon.

Colours: #65b277/rgb(101, 178, 119), #ff4e02/rgb(255, 78, 2), #abad53/rgb(171, 173, 83)

Broken Cityscapes

Washed out denim, sleeping with your jacket and shoes on, preaching holy words in the back alley to the birds, scattering seeds, soft and teardrop shaped, a touch of arange, rosy edges. Windchimes in the distance as they flock on the telephone wires and the words fade out, your hands dry and cracked but worth the smiles of the living, light seeping through the cracks in the clouds on a morning of second chances. The taste of cold tea chokes the back of your throat, garden carrots and lake water up your nose.

Colours: #9398c4/rgb(147, 152, 196), #e08247/rgb(224, 130, 71), #d9d4dbrgb(217, 212, 219)

The Idea That Everything Could Ever Possibly Be Said

Deep saturated garden greens not properly captured behind a grainy sepia photograph. Making notes on old graph paper, left on the desk in the unfinished attic, the trees tapping on the windows as the daylight pours into the room and into you, the exposed wooden beams house secrets and grocery lists, your mother told you to take out the trash, but that was five years ago today. You find comfort in eating cereal for lunch and all those things you would do as a child, now grown, now finding the light.

Colours: #543722/rgb(84, 55, 34), #0b5111/rgb(11, 81, 17), #e0e2b3/rgb(224, 226, 179)

Untitled Hidden Track

Screeching to a halt on a grid road just to see the stars, pen in spilled everywhere after your pen broke, you run and hide, the smell of acetone and burnt toast follows. It feels like shoving everything you wn off a desk and into your backpack and running, tears or blood or sweat running down your cheeks.

Colours: #0a0047/rgb(10, 0, 71), #f4fc58/rgb(244, 252, 88), #ff2b2b/rgb(255, 43, 43)

Overview

Overall, this album feels like falling into a pool of sunshine, and filling your lungs with it. Every song feels like another wave washing over you, the endings of each track hit like breaking the surface of the water for a gasp of air before going under again. If you needed a pick me up, try this one shot injection of good vibes, sunlight, and punchy musical citrus.

Anywho, congrats if you made it through that entire review! If you’re curious about how the songs translate into colours through my synesthesia, go on and copy/paste the colour codes into Google’s handy “colour picker” (just google it and then chuck the bits with a # into the top line of the colour picker) and it should work. I think. . .

Cheers!

Michayla Siwak

Max’s Review

Very rarely do I feel like I am the target audience of an album. However, whether this is actually true or not, Nana Grizol’s Love It Love It is certainly one that matches how I currently feel at this stage in my life.

All throughout this record, there is a sense of nostalgia and bittersweetness that I just couldn’t shake while listening to it. This emotional impact is noticeable from the very first song, “Circles ‘Round the Moon”. It represents a type of fantasy that I, and probably many other 18-year-old music fans who are scared of, yet excited about the intimidatingly massive world they’ve been thrust into, have quite often. Yes, the track tells a story of young relationships and figuring all those out, but it also describes leaving the big city for some place of solitude and simplicity in nature. It’s a beautiful thing really.

Musically, this feeling of homemade simplicity is reflected in every track. Far and away my favourite musical aspect of this album is the horns that will often come in and add to the pretty intense emotional impact this album has. The little imperfections and human-ness that is added by these wind arrangements serves as another tool to emphasize the feelings I’ve been writing about so far. Beautiful swells of trumpets cause your stomach to do little flips of excitement and emotion in songs like “The Idea That Everything Could Ever Possibly Be Said”. They add so much to the crescendos and dynamic changes throughout the album and are an indispensable part of the project as a whole. The songs all feel organic, like they’re being played by a group of friends in the background while you’re at some house party, stoned out of your mind and feeling insecure about the stupid shit you say in front of individuals of your preferred sex.

“Motion in the Ocean”, a huge highlight on the album for me both lyrically and musically, resonates with me more than almost anything else on this record. Lines like “It seems that we are clams inside our shells / Side by side on rocks we feel the tide as the sea contracts and swells” emphasize the feeling of powerlessness an 18-year-old Canadian who just failed his first year of university in a city of 2.463 million people (as of 2016) can feel sometimes. Yes, perhaps many of these lyrics are a tad on-the-nose and almost approaching cliché, but that adds to the beauty of it. Does this really make the messages and emotions conveyed by Love It Love It any less powerful or have any less meaning? These emotions and themes feel so genuine it’s hard to hate them, as much as the cold, cynical, pretentious arsehole in me wants to. What can I say? I can’t help but like and relate to this dumb little album. It’s great.

Yeah, sure. There’s lots of folky indie rock out there that will give you these kind of feels. I’m sure there are thousands of bands like this that try to do the same things. I can’t call this album revolutionary, or even especially fresh and different. No, the power in this album lies in its consistency and lovability. It fits very comfortably in a genre and mood that’s been done to death, but the playful, casual arrangements, lovably self-deprecating yet optimistic lyrics, and complete relatability to this young, confused college student make it pretty damn special in my books. Listen to it with some friends in the forest and let the stresses of post-adolescent mediocrity float away from you for a bit. At the very least, you’ll feel a helluva lot less alone after giving this a spin.

Perhaps this was a very fitting album for our first review in the gargantuan community of music reviewers. It’s pretty hard to recommend a better album for a couple of kids just starting their journey into a brand-new world who have no fucking clue what we’re doing. Anyway, I hope you enjoy our reviews.

Love,

Max Gilmour

Bandcamp

#music #2008 #punk #punk rock #folk punk #pop punk #music review #indie #indie music #love it love it #nana grizol

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fadedtoblue · 7 years ago

Text

Overall thoughts on Jessica Jones S2

So how about that S2 huh? I finished it Sunday night but found that I really needed to take some time to sit and try to destruct all of the emotions I had over it. A good conversation with a friend the other morning helped me get a better grasp on my feelings regarding this season. Specific thoughts below the cut...

Clearly this season has been a divisive one amongst the fans...mostly that it imploded a lot of things / characters who were well loved and didn’t live up to what it was in S1 -- to a certain extent that might be true. I’ll say that I understood what they were trying to do with this season but I don’t think they were able to bring it altogether with the execution. Nothing wrong with trying to do something different but when the final product doesn’t feel like the best outcome, it’s difficult to not be disappointed. Anyway, I’ll try to break down what I liked and didn’t like.

The good stuff:

Seeing these characters in this world again. Coming off of Defenders, I was most intrigued to see Jess, Trish, and Malcolm and well, if that’s what you’re looking for you get it in SPADES. Everyone plays a crucial part in season 2.

Character driven stories to the max. If you enjoy character driven stories, then you’re in luck, as this is essentially the majority of JJS2. Any of the good stuff that happens is purely on the character level -- whether’s it’s shading in more sides of Jessica’s personality and messy internal conflicts, or showing Trish’s steady and frustrating decline, or introducing new side characters to drive home the crux of each character’s central conflict...this is where the show really made sure to take their time. Everyone has their own moment to drive the narrative forward, though some are able to do it with more purpose than others.

Exploring new relationship dynamics. This will probably also end up being in the bad category lol, but generally speaking, I liked that they tried to show our primary characters in dynamics that felt different from last season. It made me feel like the world had continued moving, and the characters were growing, which was cool. And I realize I may be in the minority but I actually ended up liking Alisa and the surprise twist that she was Jessica’s mom actually worked for me?? I wasn’t sure what they were doing with her, as I found her to be frustratingly one-note when they first introduced her -- like, okay, she’s just going around killing people involved with IGH? What’s the point? But the reveal that she was actually Jessica’s mom made it all click for me. Sure, it still skirted the line a bit between drama and flat out soap opera but I think this was one of my favorite new dynamics. It was a hot mess in a lot of the moments, and it really shouldn’t have been one of the main drivers of conflict in this season, but I’m sympathetic to the messed up mother / daughter connection and seeing Jessica fall apart and not know what the hell to do about this woman.

Malcolm. Special shout out to Malcolm who was truly the MVP of this season. He also goes through his own shit but he is probably the one who manages to come out of it in better shape than he went in. It was sad that the trust was so broken by the end between him, Jess, and Trish, but I think he needed to mature beyond the naive idealist who idolizes Jessica and find his own footing.

The bad stuff:

Too much character focus, not enough of anything else. They threw a LOT our way for all of the characters. Jess dealing with her family’s deaths. Jess dealing with her trauma at IGH. Jess dealing with her relationships with Trish and Malcolm going down the shitter. Jess going apeshit on the competition and going on probation and to anger management. Jess dealing with her mom being alive and being a scary ass murderer. And oh wait, Jess also randomly kills a guard and has a dissociative episode where she imagines Kilgrave around every corner. And this is just Jess! It’s incredible that for all of the things I listed, which I think worked in that they contributed to Jessica’s gradual breakdown over the season, it really felt as if we were treading water most of the time narratively. Because every time something bad happened, or she made a bad decision, or whatever...nothing happened. Nothing got really resolved or truly broken until the end of the season. And the thing is, I 100% track with why Jessica keeps flip flopping around. I absolutely see that she’s barely hanging on and she literally can’t deal with it all and especially WHY she can’t deal with it. But it could have been more to the point and still driven us to larger, more important story details. This feeling of nothing happening also applied to Trish, who had a story line I appreciated on paper -- showing just how hard a person can spiral downward, especially someone who used to be an addict and now isn’t just dealing with street drugs, but ridiculous power-inducing shit -- but my god, this woman has this awful fall off the wagon, pretty much blows up her life, career, relationships, also nearly dies in her quest to gain powers from the mad doctor, but still manages to bounce back enough to snipe Alisa with a handgun from 50 feet and deal with zero consequences. I’m not going to list out every storyline for every character, but while these character building moments work to a point, the lack of balance and payoff make for difficult TV watching. Also Jeri’s storyline started out intriguing when there was still a connection to IGH but once that went out the window, it just felt like it should have been on another show altogether.

Too many plot contrivances. This was a point of conversation I had with my friend and like, nothing wrong with plot contrivances to create moments for our characters to DO something but I think a better written show could have created these moments more naturally. And maybe the problem was that some of these moments felt contrived because things were getting dragged out and it was hard to ignore the moments when they happened.

Bad overall plotting of the storylines. So the weird thing is that I pretty much got why everything happened the way it did. But literally every storyline could have been condensed by 2-3 episodes. It was as if this stubborn dedicated to driving the story purely by character also meant to the writers that they needed to slowly draw out each detail and reveal. No, not really. With each delaying tactic that kept us from getting to the next point in the story, it killed any momentum that was starting to build up. I have no expectations that JJ should be an action driven show, but if you’re going to go full tilt into the psychological slow burn, there has to be a balance somewhere. If it’s not going to be some overarching villain, then it should be a better mystery. You know?

Lack of payoff with IGH. Listen, I don’t know what’s up with TPTB and if there’s something preventing these creative teams from writing compelling shadow organizations or whatever, but we’re 0/2 now and that’s so majorly disappointing. To find out that IGH was ultimately just one somewhat well-intentioned dude who got a little carried away with human experimentation...really?! That was something that majorly deflated my sails as it could have been exactly the kind of grounded connective thread that could’ve being pulled across all four shows. This is where the separate but connected universe really bites these shows in the ass because obviously, they all exist in the same time and place and share characters but because they also need to stand as individual shows and be able to pursue their own creative agenda, the choices made by one show inevitably affect the others show that could’ve used IGH.

Random stuff:

As much as Tennant’s Kilgrave (and his crazy good screen presence) was missed, I think it was ultimately the right choice to keep him limited to an episode. My husband was griping about how they could have integrated Kilgrave’s over the shoulder taunting throughout the whole season instead of saving it for the end, but I disagreed. The way they set up his reappearance made a lot of narrative sense to me -- that her accidentally killing the guard, on top of the incredible stress she’s under to take care of everyone’s shit, is what makes her temporarily dissociate and conjure up this vision of Kilgrave. The shtick would have gotten old quickly if he’d be present the whole season, and it would have severely undercut her progress from last season, at least the aspect where she was able to face her abuser and take back her life. I guess you could have done some version of PTSD and that’s why he’s in her head, but I think it would have been a distraction.

Trish is an interesting pickle for me. I am not that emotionally invested in her as a character so for me, the shift in direction doesn’t devastate me as much as it seems to have done for a lot of people I know. And honestly, I think the point of her storyline was to make her this awful and unlikeable. There was already a kernel of the competition and jealousy that existed in her relationship with Jess, but her idealism and compassion for her sister usually won out. And I think it’s also worth noting that she was already pushing Jessica’s boundaries way too hard, even before she falls off the wagon, but obviously falling back into drugs exacerbated a lot of the things that were already lurking under the surface. Also, I don’t think I was even bothered by the fact she’s the one who killed Jessica’s mom, but as I briefly alluded to earlier, it really bugs me that she didn’t reap the full consequences of her season long arc, especially since she still gets to become Hellcat at the end. That being said, karma has a way of coming back and biting you in the ass. If Jeri had to reap the karma of her craptastic behavior of S1 this season, then I fully expect Trish to face it in S3. Ideally we’ll see her attempt to be the hero she’s always wanted to be and crash and burn in spectacular fashion. There’s a reason why our heroes are the heroes and while I don’t think it means Trish will never get to be a hero, being a hero for the wrong reasons doesn’t make you a hero. And this is a tough lesson that I really want to see Trish learn.

Alright, I think I covered most of it. Apologies for any errors, I try to edit my word vomit but I’ll usually miss something :p. And if you want to chat / vent about particulars, I’m all for it! Hit up my asks or send me a message!!

#jessica jones #trish walker #marvel's jessica jones #jj s2 #meta #my thoughts #p talks about stuff #jj spoilers #jessica jones spoilers

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aion-rsa · 3 years ago

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Michelle Gomez: Meet Doom Patrol Season 3’s Madame Rouge

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Michelle Gomez is one of our generation’s best character actors. She’s been blessing genre fans with incredible performances like Missy in Doctor Who, Madame Satan in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina, and most recently as the dynamic and dangerous Miranda in The Flight Attendant. So the announcement that she’d be joining HBO Max’s groundbreaking superhero series Doom Patrol was a match made in heaven. Gomez will be playing Madame Rouge, a sometime ally, sometime antagonist of the motley crew. To celebrate her arrival, we spoke to Gomez about her new role, her penchant for playing complex women, and the grotesque hilarity fans can expect when Madame Rouge joins the show.

Madame Rouge is a lesser known character, like most of the Doom Patrol team. How would you describe your take on her for viewers who are excited for her to join the team?

She’s kind of complicated and a little eccentric. She arrives at the manor and she has this very specific mission, but she can’t really remember what it is. She’s fairly enigmatic.

You’ve been on a roll with these complex, and in many cases, villainous roles with Missy, Madame Satan, Miranda, and now Madame Rouge, if she follows her role in the comics. What draws you to these kinds of women?

I think it’s just my face. It’s hard to act out from under this particular set of features, so I’ve kind of leaned into that over the years. I have fun with it. In terms of screen and for casting, I guess these angles are my strengths. I’ve heard myself saying this many times in interviews before but it’s true, I have a face that was born to play witches and bitches really until the day I die. Listen, if there’s a casting director out there who wants to cast me as Fiona or Alison the girl next door, I’m ready to play a decent, loving human being!

What’s that like for you? You obviously embrace these roles, you’ve carved out this space for yourself, but how does that feel? Have you shaped it into something you enjoy? Or are you still like, where’s Alison, where’s the girl next door?

You know what? I always play the girl next door. You just have to look for her. And I hope I’m not being two dimensional and playing good or evil. I would hope it’s more complex than that. Certainly for me as an actor I try to make the baddy as well rounded and as lovable as possible. But then I guess that that’s always the danger as well, you can’t really afford to let your guard down and get too close. But along the way I’ve embraced it. I enjoy it because I get to be reliably bad in a good way. Unpredictable in that unpredictability. You can sort of unsettle the audience and there’s fun to be had there.

With Sabrina and now Doom Patrol you’re carving out a space as a go-to performer in these cult comic book shows. Would you call yourself a comic book fan, or have you become one through playing and researching these roles?

I certainly have fallen in love with that genre. Then to transpose that and turn it into a show where we get to kind of bust out of the page is such a delight. I’m still pinching myself that I was in Doctor Who playing the Master. And now I’m trundling into my second “Madame” role. I’m thoroughly enjoying it, and I’m so flattered and privileged really to be part of it and to be part of that world, where I think we all need a little bit of fantasy at the moment.

You’ve had some intriguing powers, from timelord-ing to impeccable knife skills, but Madame Rouge has some unusual superpowers of her own. How much fun was it to dive into a truly weird full-on superhero world like Doom Patrol?

I felt like I had come home. I really felt like with all the shows that have gone before, it was all kind of leading to Doom Patrol. I really felt immediately comfortable in this world because it was bringing to bear everything that I’d done before. The thing about Doom Patrol is that it’s a show for adults that enjoy the sort of anarchic world that we’re all actually living in on a day to day basis. But it takes that stuff, a crazy world where people are really struggling with who they are and are kind of running in the opposite direction of whatever their powers may be. It’s like an illustration of where we’re at as human beings.

It’s about the great questions that we’re constantly plagued with. Who are we? Why are we here? What are we doing here? It’s that sort of massive existential crisis that you pick up as you’re becoming an adult, like ‘Oh shit, this stuff is real, I don’t get to be a kid anymore. I need to work out how I fit in the world.’ Doom Patrol is kind of like that. How do these people or these creations, how do they fit in the world? And how do they exist and survive?

Then, of course, you have the struggle and the drama and the comedy. I mean, it’s funny but it’s not funny for no reason, it’s funny because we relate to it. Then it’s just bonkers, right? There’s an episode where she shows her powers; she’s a shapeshifter, she can basically turn into anything she desires or just kind of thinks about. And when I turn into something which I’m not going to reveal… you cannot believe what I’m about to turn into, there is no way. In fact, I would love to set you the challenge to try and imagine what it is you think I’m going to turn into in Doom Patrol because none of you will get it.

You touched on this earlier but Doom Patrol can be a really funny show And while The Flight Attendant and Chilling Adventures of Sabrina both have a dark comedy to them, Doom Patrol definitely leans closer to the comedy of your early days like Bad Education and Green Wing. What was it like to return to that?

It’s so strange. I’m asked about this a lot and the thing is it’s always a surprise to me that I’m funny or that I’ve been employed again. So I never come to it trying to be funny, right, it’s the situations that are funny. And a lot of the situations in Doom Patrol are kind of tragic, and you can’t play the tragedy without the comedy. That’s just basic flip of the coin, mathematics, you can’t just be doing one thing without the other.

I have to say that because you mentioned Green Wing and you mentioned Bad Education. Those were kind of my early years. There’s a lot that has happened between Green Wing and Doom Patrol. And it’s been a journey for me. What I have picked up along the way, what I have learned, has been useful. With each job you learn a new trick, or you learn what doesn’t work, or you want to explore something more. So with Doom Patrol, as I said, I really felt like I had come home, I really felt like everything was there. Green Wing was there, Bad Education was there, me being in Taming of the Shrew was there. All of those experiences were allowed to blossom, they were allowed to live. I felt very comfortable, and for good reason because all of that made sense, right when I walked on that first day. Walking on a set with others that had been there before, and the whole team, the whole crew, the whole cast were so welcoming, it felt very effortless actually just to kind of bleed into that world.

One of Doom Patrol’s biggest strengths is its in-depth emotionally-driven character explorations that hide behind the odd powers and eclectic heroes. Could you tease that journey for Madame Rouge?

I think she’s like the other characters in that she has a journey through discovery. She’s finding out things about herself that may or may not be things she can live with. I can’t really say more than that, but it’s similar to the other regulars in the show, and where they’re having to live with themselves. And how do you do that, when some of it is pretty dark and at times unacceptable? And how do you decide to move forward? And so that’s in there for her, too. And it’s a pretty crazy ride that she goes on, not just for herself but with the others as well.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Doom Patrol Season 3 hits HBO Max on Sept. 23.

The post Michelle Gomez: Meet Doom Patrol Season 3’s Madame Rouge appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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lacommunarde · 7 years ago

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I got tagged by @princessprouvaire, thank you, love!

Rules : List ten of your favorites female characters in ten different fandoms and then tag ten people.

All the women I like in things are badass and strong enough personality-wise to shape their section of the plot around them. They are not content to sit on the sidelines and sigh. They will be there taking agency and making things around them happen. I also tend to like older women more than younger ones, but there are exception, of course.

1. Lyra Belacqua from The Golden Compass. She can go in and bullshit anything without showing fear. She bullshitted (bullshat?) a bear and he believed her. She is badass and just decides to do things that most other people would be scared of or consider impossible.

2. Ellen Ripley from Aliens - “Get away from her, you bitch!” Ellen Ripley is afraid and brave and talks back to xenomorphs and takes care of others and herself while still being emotional.

3. Max from Black Sails - Max is the Queen of Nassau and is so much better at running it than Eleanor “has-never-made-a-good-decision-in-her-life-but-is-still-badass” Guthrie. She is a smooth talker who wears amazing clothing and is really good at running the Nassau spy network and the Nassau Street.

4. Dr, Julia Odgen from Murdoch Mysteries - Julia is beautiful, poised, and charming and a doctor in turn of the century Toronto, and the head of a hospital at one point, then the head of a psychiatric facility that is actually working to have people recover. She and Murdoch are also the absolute cutest. They have dates that involve them trying to eat at a fancy restaurant and trying to have a normal date conversation and then they just start to talk about the case and various facts she’s learned or he’s learned about death, medicine, or crime and inventions. She is such a nerd and I love her so much.

5. Christina Scofield from Prison Break - What we know of her personality, she is utterly terrifying, the chess master, poised and deadly, the one who seemingly cares about nothing. What we don’t know about her personality, I have borrowed from Marisa Coulter from The Golden Compass for my headcanon, because I love this character type (and because the similarities between their characters are actually pretty significant, also because Christina Scofield/Aldo Burrows basically have the same relationship dynamic that I call ‘terrible people being terrible’ as Marisa Coulter/Lord Asriel).

She was 16 when she had Linc, 19 when Aldo left her to do more Company business (I think he was already in the Company before, and just left to do more), 20 when she had Michael, and 31 when she left her kids and faked her own death and moved into the Company, from there she worked her way up to being head research doctor and chemist of a multinational company and friends when several heads of state.

I picture that Aldo must have left the Company and moved into anti-Company stuff around the time that Christina faked her death. The Company thought she might know where he was and approached her. Finding she did not and quite frankly did not give two shit where he was, they proceeded to threaten her. She laughed in their faces and offered her genius to them instead, telling them that she’d be more than happy to spend it whiling away at some hospital or at the WHO instead if they didn’t want her. They took her on the spot and helped her fake her own death. Then she just walked out of her kids’ lives for twenty years.

She is not a nice person. She is not a good person. But she is one of the characters who refuses to sit on the sidelines.

6. Sabriel from Sabriel, part of the Abhorsen sequence - Because, ahhhhh!!!! She is so scared and yet so brave in taking on what she takes on. And she is badass in what she takes on.

7. Mme. Defarge from The Tale of Two Cities musical - “The butcher is idle, when people are starving, but it won’t be long till there’s another kind of carving. Look into the future, and what do you see there, and if you do nothing, can you guarantee we’ll be there?” - I just want to introduce her to UN WOMEN and the women’s NGOs and have her give reports on gender based violence to the UN Human Rights Council. She would enjoy that a lot. She and Ernest love each other so much. And she engages in the Revolution (which is very important to my enjoyment of a character, women are by being given duties over feeding their families and over their children’s well-being in so many countries around the world, automatically more aware of how politics effects their everyday lives than men are (all else being equal)). So she is very involved in the Revolution.

8. Savi from Ilium - She is amazing. Jewish badass woman who kickstarts the plot.

9. Diana Prince from Wonder Woman

10. Mystique from Xmen Comics or X1 and X2. (I have major issues with her as Charles’ little sister. How could they? This is Irene Adler erasure! This is 60 years of their relationship erasure! this is Mystique being genderqueer erasure!)

Tagging anyone who wants to do it!

#me #badass female characters

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helmes-deep · 7 years ago

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Thoughts on Season 3 of Fuller House:

Yeah, I know it’s a horrible/corny show (and I didn’t even watch the original growing up leoooool), but Fuller House is also a very sweet, fun, family-oriented, and heart-warming show – which can make it enjoyable, imo. Anyways, I’ve just finished Part 1 of Season 3, and I just can’t NOT talk about it y’all:

Season 3 of Fuller House is not the best, imo (yes, I’ve watched all three seasons of this show lol). It has some great and funny moments, but it’s not Fuller House at its best. Yes, Season 1 was a bit cringe-y/slow, but I blame that on everyone still getting into the groove, so it’s understandable (and yes, I do think S1 had better writing/dialogue than S3). Season 2 is the best of Fuller House so far imo; it had the same level of writing as Season 1, but also the best jokes/most laughs from me so far. Season 3 of Fuller House just seems... Iunno... off???? Like, maybe it’s because the episodes were shorter so Season 3 just seemed wayyyyyy more choppy and quickly cut/edited (ESPECIALLY THAT FIRST EPISODE LIKE OH MY WORDDDDDD), or maybe it was Jodie Sweetin’s accident that called for a slight lack of energy/inactivity??? But overall for me, S3 just seemed a lot more rushed and a lot less witty, in terms of writing and dialogue (if you can believe this show was ever sharp – which I argue it was and/or had its great moments :p). There were just too many times during this season where there was no good punchline for a joke’s set-up or the audience laughed their heads off and I didn’t (I’m actually okay with a laugh track as long as the audience isn’t laughing at every dumb joke like I refuse to do). There did seem to be some great servings of nostalgia though, with parallels between the older and newer episodes (I didn’t catch much, though). Overall, I give the first half of this season a B+. It wasn’t at its best shape, but Season 3 of Fuller House still did a great job of mostly developing the characters and giving everyone screen-time.

By the opening scene of Episode 1 of Season 3 of Fuller House I was like “wtLOL PLEASE TELL ME FULLER HOUSE HASN’T BECOME A MUSICAL PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!”, but whenever the adults were doing a number for karaoke night, I was kind of down for it looool *hides face in shame*

MY WORD bless their stylists/make-up artists because at 30+ years old, a lot of the original/older cast still looks GREAT!! Like, is John Stamos getting younger?!? haha Candace Cameron Bure and Jodie Sweetin both look AMAZING for their age!! I just want to be able to rock some Adidas, a tight-fit dress, or any of Kimmy’s outrageous outfits by the time I hit their age!! Also, the children are growing up too look pretty fine, too!!

Max is still annoying to me, though arguably less so this season; his parts have always been the ones I drudge through the most. He’s just... not pulling off the “pretentious” or “know-it-all” attitude just right. Also pretty sure I hate his “gf” Rose more then him leol. I also can’t really stand the Max and Cosmo scenes, though I kind of just go with it now.

The original trio’s wives lol... Danny suddenly revealing that he’s gotten a divorce from Terry (the “one time you brought her here” joke was hilarious though lol) and was unexpected for his character, and we never really get to see Joey’s wife... On the one hand, I get it: what purpose would either of these women serve for the show now, and I’m sure the writers had no idea what to do with Danny’s and Joey’s love lives when they were planning on starting Fuller House again. On the other, the OCD-shipper in me really wants a continuous and logical storyline for these two post-Full House lol.

I can’t tell what is a shipping scene and what is specifically character/episode/storyline development anymore??? (although I suppose the two aren’t mutually exclusive.) Which, I think, is a good thing. At some point during this season I realized that Fuller House is really starting to become a show that is just about the happenings of an everyday family – just like the original. All of the characters are getting their own storylines and development – and in a pretty evenly distributed manner, too imo. Which is amazing if you think about it because Fuller House has like 20+ characters to account for at this point. It’s just a show you can watch and laugh with your family now – and the storylines are interesting and enjoyable for both older and younger generations imo – which is pretty stankin’ cool, if you ask me.

I can’t believe they brought Grandpa Katsopolis back!!!! Like W O W. This show knows how to indulge their fans, snap.

I feel for Jackson breaking up with Lola, but honestly, I wasn’t feeling that ship. There just didn’t seem to be any strong chemistry there. I am kind of digging the “nice guy” Jackson and “bad girl” Rocki ship though haha..... (idk, I’d just really like to see that dynamic play out), but I kind of don’t like how they’re making Gia come off as a “bad” mom (even though I barely watched her character/parts in the original show). I think I would have liked it more if they played her more as the “competitive and super-cool mom” type.

Also good to see that Jackson is finally getting a bit more development as a character, instead of just being the “dumb/loser kid/student.” Is he going to become the Reese (of Malcom in the Middle) for Fuller House through his superb coffee-making talents?? :p

I’ve loved Fernando since Season 1 (even though I think everyone else really didn’t), and I’m glad that he’s stayed on since. Honestly, I needed, was watching out for, and was kind of disappointed that I didn’t get more Fernando x Kimmy moments!! >:c

STEPHANIE AND JIMMY ARE THE CUTEST COUPLE EVERRRRRR!!!! LIKE EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!! LIKE OH MY WORD JIMMY IS AN ABSOLUTE DUMB-DUMB AND THOSE TYPES OF CHARACTERS USUALLY DRIVE ME OFF A CLIFF BUT OH MY WORD HE IS SO SWEET AND CARING AND BLESS THE WRITERS OF THIS SHOW FOR ADDING HIM LAST SEASON AND KEEPING HIM FOR THIS ONE BECAUSE HE IS TOO SWEEEEEEEEET ♡♡♡ HAHA MARRY HIM ALREADY STEPHANIE MARRY HIM!!!! XDXD

Kind of disappointed in the Gibbler House?? Like, it looked a bit too fake and the inside wasn’t as weird/whimsical/preposterous as I imagined it to be/expected. I also don’t like the idea of Fernando not living at the Fullers’ with Kimmy and Ramona (somebody has to be the next Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky!! haha), although I do think that Jimmy needed to live somewhere (and I do like the idea of Fernando buying it for Kimmy~).

Speaking of which, are Fernando x Kimmy or Stephanie x Jimmy the next Uncle Jesse x Aunt Becky??? xDD Idk I used to really love Fernando and Kimmy but Jimmy’s been really workin’ his way up there by being such a sweetie and AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE ANYMORE!!!! XD

I don’t blame Ramona for breaking up with Popko, but MY WORD they made such a cute couple!! I honestly hope he changes for her in the future... *fingers crossed, mind slightly doubtful*

Also, I don’t necessarily ship Ramona and Jackson (though I am definitely absolutely not against it), but when Ramona was like “why can’t I just find a nice and caring boyfriend?!?” after her break-up with Popko, and I was kind of like, “.....You mean Jackson????” XD Idk, I think the Ramona x Jackson shippers have gotten a bit too far in my head.

I’m #TeamSteve 100% – I think they should have been end-game in the original, in the first place – but I cannot deny that there is currently more chemistry between Matt and DJ than there is between Steve and DJ. Chalk it up to old age and a younger, better-looking Matt beating out an older and less attractive Steve (although to be fair, Scott Weinger’s been out of the acting game for a while), but I have to admit that I enjoy watching DJ interact with John’s character more than I do Scott’s at times. (People say Steve was a bit creepy during Season 1 and maybe 2 and I do agree that he came off a bit strong in the beginning, but I partly blame that on Scott’s return to acting; also I think that most of Steve’s desperate scenes at the beginning were pretty funny – come on, this is a comedy, y’all). Honestly, I’m just hoping that whenever anybody sees the slight lack of chemistry between Steve and DJ that they remember the wealth of chemistry that did happen between the two in the original and remember that #TeamSteve will always be the one to live on in our heart of hearts lol.

The wedding dress scene between DJ and CJ was so heart-wrenching... and savage lol. On the one hand, I do ship Steve and DJ 110+%, and yes, they do look like a “pretty” couple haha. On the other, if any girl had worn my wedding dress, I too, would have “killed her” LOL xD

Idk how Jesse and Becky’s baby almost outgrew DJ’s baby (though I get why they did it), but she. is. so. stankin’. cute!! Also I’m getting Michelle Tanner vibes from her :3

I actually kind of liked Joey in the original (minus the puppet), and I can see and like the idea of him running a brood of 4+ children, but his kids are. SO. A N N O Y I N G!!! Their "mischievous” antics come off as corny, cheesy, and annoying rather than adorable, making the kids seem like horrible, immature jerks rather than possibly lovable ones... although I suppose that’s how everyone felt about Joey in the original anyway lol.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but Stephanie’s whole “I can have a baby now!!” storyline is moving wayyyyyyy too fast, imo. (She and Becky getting excited over her finally “getting to become a mom!!” was so sweet and awesome though; I love how she doesn’t see being mom as an “obstacle” to her identity as a woman :’3) I’m okay with Stephanie seeing a fertility specialist, but honestly, I think it was brought up too soon. I would have rather had her see a fertility specialist sometime in Season 4 and let there be more development between her and Jimmy first during this season. As soon as she was told there is a possibility that she could be a mother, things escalated too quickly (although I suppose with invitro, things kind of have to). On the other hand, I don’t understand why Steph would want to have a baby now anyway when she clearly can’t afford raising one at this point: aren’t they always joking about how broke and how much of a freeloader she is right now?? (Oh well, chalk it up to the disillusion of this all being a fake TV show, I suppose.) On the other, other hand – and probably my most unpopular opinion – is that I don’t think Stephanie should raise a kid by herself. I’m sorry, but I really do believe that kids need two parents at the helm to give them a balanced, well-rounded life. The single-mom life is hard and raising kids all by yourself is no joke (I speak with some experience). I just think she really needed to get her life together and/or find a stable bf/husband before she thought about raising a child (being a mom is great, yes, but whatever happened to her developing singing career???)

Overall, I needed more jealousy storylines and PDA between the adult couples lol. Only DJ and Matt seemed to have any sweet moments, while everyone else’s love life was kind of put on the back-burner. I would have loved to have seen Kimmy get a bit jealous over Fernando and the real estate agent and/or Gia (maybe they’re developing this one, idk) or Jimmy getting jealous of Stephanie’s possible “baby daddies” lol. Idc if it’s cheesy or lame; I just really needed that in my life. Again, I think everything was paced a bit too fast at the beginning of Season 3, but we’ll see how the second part ties things up.

The ending OH MY WORD THE ENDING!!!! I cannot believe they left us on a cliffhanger where Matt is about to propose to DJ but DJ has just unknowingly confessed to Steve while they are both about to attend Steve’s upcoming wedding in Japan!! Talk about the drama waiting to happen for the second half of Season 3; I CANNOT WAIT FOR PART 2!!!

Welp those are my thoughts on this season so far. Will probably write a follow-up post with my thoughts on the second half of Season 3 when it airs!! Feel free to reblog and discuss any of these points with me!! I really need to talk to some more people about this show lol!!

#Fuller House #Full House #fullerhouseedit #fullhouseedit #DJ x Steve #text #Fuller House spoilers

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mybestmalesextoys · 8 years ago

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Revulotionary Fleshlight Launch Electric Hands Free Masturbator

Back in 2013 when the Kiiroo brand was first introduced to the market, most people thought it would end up being one of those no-name manufacturers whose boxes line the dusty shelves of local sex toy shops. As it turns out, the skeptics were wrong. Not only did Kiiroo become super popular among several demographics, but now they have joined forced with one of the most well-known brands in the industry: Fleshlight.

As you may or may not know, Fleshlight is the number-one selling brand in the world. They got that way by offering stellar products that could rock the socks off any damn near anybody. Now, the sexually seductive supremacy of Fleshlight has been combined with the technological prowess of Kiiroo to produce what some people are calling the end-all-be-all of personal gratification.

Behold the new Fleshlight Launch powered by Kiiroo. This enormous sex toy represents years of study and research to develop a one-of-a-kind experience for everyone involved. In fact, it has so many features that some users have complained about it being difficult to use. Of course, we think opinions like that are to be expected when a revolutionary product hits the market. In other words, there are bound to be some people who just don’t get it.

Fortunately, our expertise in this industry makes it difficult for us to turn away from something so technologically advanced as the Fleshlight/Kiiroo Launch monstrosity. Yes, it is quite large compared to other toys on the market, having been described by one of our teammates as “the sexiest handheld vacuum cleaner I have ever seen.” We can’t say we disagree, although after using the thing, we did find that the dimensions were justified.

Whether or not you end up having the same opinion as us is really none of our concern. We believe that education is what matters most, not point-of-view. With that said, we will try our hardest to describe this new-fangled beast the best we can.

What Is the Fleshlight Launch Powered by Kiiroo?

It’s not all the time we get to check out the newest inventions, so our team was careful to take tedious notes on this one. The union of Fleshlight and Kiiroo is executed flawlessly in the Launch – a spectacular invention that provides an automatic thrill ride for your penis. It is designed to stimulate a man (and/or his voyeuristic partner) in a hands-free way that can be manipulated using various controls. While that sounds very simple, the Launch is actually very high tech.

This massive dick dock offers a fully automated blowjob, but that’s not what makes it tech-savvy. The cool part is this: it can be connected on an online database which contains literally hundreds of VR and POV porn content files. Apparently, virtual reality, hands-free, mechanical blowjobs are no longer a thing of futuristically perverted dreams. The future is now.

We weren’t sure what was more up-to-date and relevant: the toy or the online content available. It seemed like they both worked seamlessly in tandem with one another, providing a sensational sexual experience that required little more than lube. All the bells and whistles of the Launch impressed us, each of which were nicely tucked away in a sleek, masculine casing that was ergonomically shaped.

Furthermore, the online content was chalk full of entertaining games, videos, and pre-recorded or live webcam sessions that can keep anyone busy and busting at the seams for hours. All you need is a way to create a secure Bluetooth connection and you’re good to go after you download the apps and register. See? Technology doesn’t have to be scary.

The Basic Features

Perhaps our favorite feature of the Launch is the fully customizable property of it. Unlike other automatic blowjob machines, this bad boy allows you to choose which Fleshlight to put inside. So, if you’re an owner of several standard-sized Fleshlight masturbators, you can pop each one of them into the Launch and have at it. This toy is also compatible with the Kiiroo Onyx and Pearl as well, so the possibilities are virtually endless.

Being as the Fleshlight brand is known for having numerous SuperSkin sleeves that are fashioned after a famous porn star’s vagina or asshole, it’s possible to link up to the online content on FeelMe.com and have a VR fuck-a-thon with your favorite girls using fake pussies that feel just like the real thing. It’s pretty much the closest any of us will ever get to touching these women, and it doesn’t even require an internet connection.

For a little over $200, you get the Launch case (Fleshlight, Onyx, or Pearl inserts not included of course – that’s where you get to have some fun.) It features two settings: Manual and Interactive. Obviously, the manual setting is the one that needs no internet assistance. The Launch will still move the inserted masturbator up and down on your penis until you say stop; all you need is some imagination in place of the porn content and voila.

The Fleshlight Launch powered by Kiiroo is a pretty big deal, literally. Measuring a total of 12.75 inches, this foot-long fun stick is designed to help users quickly and easily program or manipulate the settings which control the stroke and speed dynamics. In other words, you can place it on your penis and enjoy the ride without ever spilling your beer.

What You Get for the Money

We understand that spending $200 on an internet-ready machine that gyrates a fake pussy inside is quite an investment, especially considering the actual fake pussy isn’t even included. So, to make you feel a little better, the manufacturers have thrown the following items in the box (which, by the way, is kind of unimpressive):

The Fleshlight Launch

An Authenticity card (to activate the included 1-year limited warranty)

A set-up manual to get started with the online content databases

An instructional manual for basic operations

A universal USB charging cable

Routine software updates for free

We were definitely surprised to learn that neither Fleshlight nor Kiiroo thought to include any toy cleaner or lube with the Launch, but we just assumed that was because those items come with the masturbator anyway. Regardless, it would have been nice to get something – say, a coupon for an Onyx, Pearl, or Fleshlight? Maybe we are just getting our hopes up.

Our Experience

We wanted to keep this part as simple as possible, but the more we tried to pin down a perfect description of our experience the more we fell short of our expectations. After all, it’s difficult to describe something that can be used in dozens of different ways. Overall, we’d say using the Launch is about as close as anyone is going to get to a full-on blowjob with no strings attached. No seriously, this thing is wireless too.

It’s also tough to compare the Launch to something similar because there’s nothing like it on the market today. It’s one of those things that adventurous people get to experience first, while the skeptics get the sloppy seconds when the initial excitement wears off. We’re just glad we got to be a part of the first group – sitting back and relaxing while this new invention juices our dicks like a bunch of Florida oranges.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

As the most technologically advanced sex toy in the biz, the Fleshlight Launch powered by Kiiroo offers software that is compatible with Mac and PC (with Windows 7 or 10). It’s also able to sync to most smart devices and has an impressive range. Such a high-tech product might remind of a rocket from the space program, but the Launch is (and looks) a whole lot cooler than that.

APPEARANCE

Surprisingly, the 12.76-inch Launch is nice and sleek with a well-manicured look to it. It operates quietly and does not move except for inside the internal cavity where the Fleshlight, Onyx, or Pearl sits. From the outside, it looks like you just have a handheld vacuum resting on your lap, but we know your secret. (Don’t worry; it’s safe with us.)

PROS

Safety First – It features nothing but body-safe materials which contain no latex or phthalates.

Compatible – The device can be used with all new or old Fleshlight toys, the Onyx, or the Pearl, and it can also be linked with most modern VR goggles to be used on the FeelMe.com website.

Lightweight – For as big as it is, the Launch doesn’t weigh much at all (only about 2 pounds or so).

Rechargeable – The battery can be recharged numerous times before needing to be replaced.

Easy Cleaning – Designed to drain easily, and made to release the used Fleshlight without splashing organic material, the Launch is super easy to clean even without the brand name renewal powder or FleshWash.

Connectedness – The teledildonic technology lets you enjoy real-time play with people far away.

Speed and Efficacy – With a max speed of 180 strokes per minute, you’re bound to finish satisfied every time.

Quick Release – If things get too hot and heavy, simply click the power button real quick for a fast shut off.

CONS

Some Assembly Required – Yes, the Launch comes fully intact, but it will be useless to you unless you know how to install the Fleshlight, Onyx, or Pearl inside.

Long Initial Charge Time – At first, the Launch needs to be charged for at least 6 to 9 hours before it can be used. Ouch! Luckily, that charge time shortens the more you use it.

No Moisture Allowed – The Launch cannot come in contact with any sort of water, vapor, or moisture, including the kind your body produces naturally.

Cumbersome and Hard to Hide – Due to the above-average size of the Launch, and the lack of proper storage containers, it’s difficult to hide this thing once you open it.

Hot to the Touch – After being used for a while, the Launch gets hot so watch out.

Updates Needed Often – High-tech devices require high-tech software that must be debugged and updated occasionally. The Launch is no exception.

Technical Difficulties – One time, the red light (meaning: Bluetooth malfunction) on the LED indicator popped on and we had to restart the entire contraption to get it to work properly again.

Fortunately, the PROS outweighed the CONS by a wide margin. Even with its relatively common tech fouls, the Launch is still outperforming everything else on the market so far. We won’t say it’s perfect the way it is because we want to experience the new and improved versions in the future. Yes, we’re already thinking that far ahead (because we’re gluttons and that’s our job). You, on the other hand, might want to start saving money before the demand outranks the supply.

We Like to Get the Last Word

We consider it a great honor to test out these sex toys on your behalf. With that comes the responsibility to render a truthful and honest opinion about each product. It is never our intention to falsely describe anything we review, and we always try to stay objective. However, having never seen anything quite like the Fleshlight Launch by Kiiroo, it’s difficult for us to say exactly how we feel without getting flagrant in our description.

As the latest and greatest in interactive porn, the Launch is certainly in a class all its own. Our team enthusiastically gives it the highest marks, despite its relatively high price tag and somewhat difficult set-up process. With an easy-to-use interface and plenty of user-friendly options, it’s clear to see why this high-tech toy is the star of the show for both the Fleshlight and Kiiroo brands, who, by the way, have recently been discussing other product collaborations slated for development in the future.

In spite of its few design flaws and minor mechanical upsets, the Fleshlight Launch powered by Kiiroo is definitely something to behold. In fact, we would highly recommend it to the men with mobility problems, erectile dysfunction, and/or anyone who wants to add a little more gluttony to his sexual experience.

from My Best Male Sex Toys http://www.mybestmalesextoys.com/male-masturbators/fleshlight-launch-blowjob-machine/

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muscledemandsrespect · 5 years ago

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MY FASHIONMONITOR INTERVIEW: “WELLNESS TODAY”

I recently had the opportunity to share some thoughts with FashionMonitor.com for an interview ahead of a panel at the Festival of Marketing, on which I sat to discuss trends in the fitness industry. The interview caused me to think quite alot about several of the challenging topics posed to me. FashionMonitor presented a gently precised version of the interview HERE, but for those looking to explore the more complete answers I scribed, click MORE below to get my full thoughts on the trends shaping the industry at present and over the coming years, along with perceptions surrounding the influencer marketing world.

1. What trends have you witnessed within fitness in the past few years?

I started working in the industry over ten years ago as a PT in a commercial gym, Esporta (which has long since been acquired by Virgin Active) and there have been many trends that have come and gone over the years. But to mention 5 more broad changes I see, it would be

i) PT as an occupation has gained mass popularity – social media has transformed and glamourised the job of working in fitness.

ii) ‘The gender swap’ – women train more like men and men train more like women.

iii) With mass popularity in social media and health there’s been a sort of ‘information overload’,

iv) This has sparked the growth and evolution of countless different flavours of ‘fitness communities’

and finally v) sports fashion ‘Athleisurewear’ has completely reinvented itself.

i) PT-ing ten years ago didn’t carry the same cache that the occupation enjoys now. Working in what certainly was a male dominated job was considered a bit more unusual. It wasn’t anywhere near as glamourized as it is today – Instagram as a fitness marketing tool for one didn’t exist. Today being a PT is associated with beach workouts, raw pressed juice on tap, and gorgeous bodies clad in expensive ‘athleisurewear’, not to mention crisp designer sneakers. For a lucky few this may be the case but more often than not this couldn’t be further from the truth, something I’ve written about on my blog. It’s a tough slog building a sustainable fitness business as a personal trainer!

ii) ‘The gender swap’ may be a generalisation perhaps, but in my experience more often than not, it used to be the case that women would focus on cardiovascular training and men would focus on weight training. As a PT, trying to convince a woman to venture into the male dominated free weight area was not easy. There was the eternal fear of ‘getting bulky ‘. I remember distinctly walking into a weights area and being asked by a pretty stacked guy if I was lost. I think for women, encouraging weight training has been empowering, women feel bad ass and it has certainly introduced more fun, varied and effective training. For men, I see the change that it’s more acceptable and ‘mainstream’ to focus on mindfulness, yoga, meditation etc. So overall, men and women have merged somewhere in the middle.

iii) ‘Information overload’ – with the explosion of fitness fashion, yoga and gym studios etc people through osmosis are more informed than before. There’s a real thirst for knowledge. People don’t just ask what they should train but also why. That’s something that rarely happened a few years ago. This has also brought with it MISinformation; the ubiquitous nature of advice is a potential danger to those who aren’t aware of the risks, and those ‘advisors’ operating without appropriate qualification can be easily elevated in this new social media world which introduces additional risk factors for people’s wellbeing and training regimes.

iv) You can find fitness communities everywhere today and brands recognise its power. As an example, today if you walk into a store, for example LuluLemon, you’re not just buying a pair of leggings, you’ve become part of a very large community. You’ll most likely be receiving newsletters not only promoting new products but you’ll find inspiring interviews, healthy recipes, invites to free yoga classes, workshops etc.

v) Athleisurewear – there has been an explosion of fitness apparel on the market. Large brands like Nike and Adidas are leading the way but I get several start up fitness brands reaching out on a weekly if not daily basis asking if I’d be interested in featuring their leggings.

2. Which brands do you think are key disruptors right now?

My challenge in response would be ‘define ‘disruptor’. No fitness brands are doing to fitness what Uber did to transport on demand, nor really what Amazon has done to bricks and mortar retailing. They are however tapping into the trends I describe above; social media, community, innovation, gender stereotype developments in fitness.

bespoke tailoring is a thing. Adidas custom body scans, the speed factory that scans your foot and 3D prints a shoe that fits within the hour whilst you wait.

Conscious sustainable production. Small batch creations imbued with ethical values, like the Adidas Parley for the Oceans collaborations.

There have been a wave of new brands on the market over the last few years but Adidas and Nike are still the dominant players – it’s hard to see this model being disrupted, but rather, evolved….

3. How do you see social media progressing in the future?

It’s an interesting question.

On the one hand people have become more mindful of how they use social media, perhaps more selective and time conscious (setting reminders etc), tuning out of content that imparts stress,

On the other hand brands are spending more money to work with influencers than ever before, as well as finding new and innovative ways of promoting themselves. There are constant trends coming and going. At the moment, I sense the trend is very much for a brand to be ‘passionate’ about something – whether it’s taking a stand for the climate, following in Greta Thunberg’s footsteps, or being a ‘conscious consumer’, gender equality, or matters of migration.

Not only have *brands* invested in social media, it’s becoming ever more of a platform for activists, politicians as well as influencers. It is a way to excite and rile up communities.

As the young Social media user base evolves and grows up, so too will the platforms. New platforms spring up like TikTok for new users, but the core platforms that for the base of social media have been established now.

The way we interact with those will change. People engage in longer form content but also the attention span is super short. It is a medium of significant contradictions.

4. What causes are you most passionate about?

Primarily, wellbeing and health and fitness. Going back to my previous point (above) there is a real trend online now to be or be seen to be very passionate about a cause, whether it be the environment, feminism, migration etc but my platform is and will carry on only being about health. It’s completely politically neutral. I have grown up in Sweden, I have cared about nature and the environment since birth, but these are broadly private views for me on my platforms.

5. How do you drive engagement on Instagram?

You need to post consistent, new, relevant and engaging content, dabble with new formats and placements, go stories, optimise for mobile first creative (vertical, sound on, key message in the first 3 seconds, fun stickers etc) – it’s got to be candy floss!!

6. What is the key to a healthy, balanced diet?

The longer I’ve worked in the industry, the more I’ve realised that everyone is different and reacts differently to different foods. In order to enjoy and stick to a healthy way of eating you need to find something that you enjoy which is realistic. Anyone can stick to ‘the perfect diet’ if they were committed enough. At the end of the day it’s a question of what do you want more… the ice-cream or the six pack. For me, I like to think as long as I’m healthy most of the time, at 80% of my ‘best’, when I really wish to up the game before a holiday or something I’ve only got to increase my intensity/commitment by 20% – totally reasonable and realistic. What I would say is, it’s about portion control, eating quality foods (not eliminating any macros from the regimen – fat, protein, carbs), and timing – aiming to eat small amounts, regularly throughout the day. Fresh, locally sourced produce is best.

7. Which influencers, celebs or activists do you admire right now?

I follow a bunch of different people for different reasons. I’m a big fan of Yoga with Adrienne, I also love interior design and Sophie Paterson is a definite fave. I enjoy Sheerluxe for fashion and chit chat.

8. What do you think is the modern definition of wellness

I think wellness is timeless in the sense that it remains a product of its key ingredients – nutrition, movement/exercise and mindfulness (recover, sleep, etc). The optimal blend of those ingredients I believe differs from person to person depending on their metabolism, human makeup etc.

Perhaps the modern definition is based more on what’s realistic given the time constraints and lack of movement in most people’s everyday lives. For many who sit for 10 hours a day, walking for 40 minutes to work can be the most they move in a day. It’s a case of incorporating as much ‘wellness’ as possible, in as realistic and achievable a manner as possible.

An additional dynamic may well be the auto-recognition and normalisation of stress and mental distress; wellness isn’t just about *physical* wellness. We all face psychological struggles of some sort and the contemporary narrative around this is far more accepting, which in turn helps with wellness.

9. Where is the best place you’ve ever travelled to and what did you love about it?

I lack the words to convey my wonder for the Maldives – it’s like stepping into a postcard, a photoshopped existence where the saturation has been maxed out. The turquoise waters are impossible, the temperature delicious, the relief so gentle and shallow, the sand is like flour under your feet and every morning you wake up in awe as to how beautiful the world truly can be. I return from the Maldives as if I’ve been somewhat reborn. From one’s first trip, everywhere else is ‘just not quite the Maldives’ thereafter.

10. Do you think there is a bigger duty of care to audiences when dealing with the topic of wellness?

Yes, it’s why many of my blog posts have always strayed toward the ‘biomechanics manual’ rather than the 1-minute read. I am and have always been very careful as to what I advise, what I choose to promote and how I word my posts related to health online. There is a big difference between saying ‘here’s a delicious salad recipe’ and ‘this salad recipe will cure cancer and make you skinny’. Someone who may not be qualified to promote fitness online, may encourage someone to get up off the sofa that day – but on the other hand, that person may be more likely to sustain injury as the advice given isn’t necessarily safe or pursuant to a professional beat practice. It’s a tough one. Do we start regulating sites?

11. What’s item can you not leave home without?

Four critical things; keys, phone, wallet, air pods.

12. What makes you angry?

Untrustworthiness and unreliability…. People who let you down, or lie, or try to screw you over.

13. Do you think it is the brand or the influencers responsibility to ensure authenticity and transparency?

I think it’s both parties responsibility. If you are sharing something on your platform, you’d hope it’s authentic – either you genuinely love the product, have been using it for year, or have tried it and can vouch for it. However, there will be times when the brand needs to point out certain details that may be unknown to the influencer. It’s a capitalist world out there and advertising buys into that wholeheartedly; people are going to try and sell stuff. But if content is flagrantly advertorial, you’ll know – and consumers are too smart for that!!

14. What kind of email PR pitch would turn you off immediately?

I always like a face to face meeting with PR, as it adds a touch of old school human interaction, and helps to build rapport on both sides. However in my line of work, I see poor email outreach quite often. There’s a wide array of approaches; at the weaker end of the spectrum are lazy emails – dripping with spelling mistakes, and rarely getting my name right. That doesn’t mean the pitch will be weak, but if the PR outreach demonstrates a clear lack of insight as to who you are, by name or substance, it’s unlikely to bear fruit thereafter. Detail matters in order to find the right fit. Poorly structured, rambling emails that don’t make it totally clear what the pitch is about are a major turn off too. There’s too much noise in any given inbox, and crisp PR pitches cut through easily. Shorter, sweeter, more precise and to the point makes everyone’s job easier .

15. Who takes your pictures?

Whilst it’s not his full-time job, my husband is a professional photographer, and when he can, he will always take my pictures. It is quite a help having your production facilities in house as you can move as fast as you want!

16. What do you miss most about Sweden?

Mainly the proximity to nature – the fresh, invigorating smell of the outdoors, actually being able to see the horizon, as well as the proximity to the ocean. I also miss the food, especially all the fresh fish, and of course the cinnamon buns! It’s all about balance.

The post MY FASHIONMONITOR INTERVIEW: “WELLNESS TODAY” appeared first on Fitness on Toast.

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