#Listen no one ever say Karen's name around me

[hairmetal666]

No one knows who writes the Hawkins High Tattler. It comes out every week, without fail, has for almost two decades. Everyone reads it, even teachers, even parents. It's caused more the one suspension, grounding, and even--famously--a shipping off to boarding school.

Steve's never let the Tattler get to him much. He's in it, of course, practically a new story every week. But it's just silly gossip.

Of course, Steve is also, currently, the titular Tattler, so. It's not like he's surprised when his name shows up.

It's his third year, his last year, and he knows everything that ever goes on at Hawkins High. It's pretty easy, honestly. Everyone thinks he's ditzy and vapid; nothing more than hairspray and polos. People will say anything around him, assuming he's not listening or not interested, and then bam. It's in next week's Tattler. No one even suspects him.

The confessions locker probably helps. Down by the theater, busted and unusable, the perfect place for people to leave tips, to tattle on their friends (or enemies, as the case may be).

That's what he's doing right now, checking the confessions locker. After 9:30 on a Friday night, the place silent as the tomb, perfect time for it. Pretty standard fare this week. The only thing of interest is that Eddie Munson was the person who broke all Ms. Click's pencils and left the stubs on her desk. This one, he laughs at, can't wait to publish it; can't wait to talk to Munson about it.

He gets a lot of stuff about Eddie. Most of it he doesn't publish because it's bullshit about satanic rituals--the nerdy kids he babysits play dnd, and there's no way Karen Wheeler is letting anything satanic happen in her basement--or about his sexuality, and one thing Steve doesn't do is out people.

Gathering up this week's submissions, he closes the locker with a soft clink, and he swears, swears he hears the squeak of a tennis shoe on the polished tile of the floor. He freezes, heart in his throat. Nobody has been here this late before.

Seconds pass but there's only silence. Confident he's only hearing things, he heads out, the parking lot just as empty as when he arrived.

---

He sees Eddie a few days later, when he's picking up the kids from the arcade. They typically exchange casual greetings, but as Steve waits, Eddie stands with him, offers him a cigarette.

"Read that was you who messed with Click's pencils. Good one."

Eddie shrugs, gives a little bow and a smile. "Happy to be of service."

"It was my class, when she found them. Never seen her so mad."

"No way," Eddie laughs. "Not even when Hagan drew dicks on all the textbooks?"

"Not even then, man. She was throwing pencil stubs everywhere."

"Fuck, sad I missed it." Eddie takes a drag, Steve's eyes following the movement, lingering on his mouth. Something warm and tingling builds at the base of his spine and he forces his gaze away.

"How long you in detention for?"

"I'm not. Swore it wasn't me, and Click doesn't want to admit she reads the Tattler, so. Not much they could do. "

"I've seen it sitting on her desk!"

"I know! She reads it when she has detention duty!"

They lean against Steve's car, laughing, and Steve feels good. This is good. He likes Eddie. He's funny and dramatic and smart and kind. He's not deserving of any of the mean things that get submitted to the Tattler.

The kids come streaming into the parking lot then, and Eddie stubs out his cigarette, says "see you around, Harrington," and Steve finds himself flushing for reasons he can't quite explain.

---

He starts seeing Eddie around way more. He's in school most days, smoking in the parking lot after the last bell, chatting with Steve in the hallways.

It shows up in the Tattler; big news that the King and the Freak are hanging out. Most of the submissions are about it, increasingly elaborate rumors about their supposedly deep, close friendship.

He wishes he could tell Eddie.

Eventually, Eddie invites him to smoke at the quarry. He doesn't hesitate to say yes, doesn't even bother to try ignoring the swoop in his stomach, the speed of his heart.

They sprawl out in the back of the van, Eddie's loud, raucous music pounding around them, sharing a joint back and forth.

Steve gets hazy, boneless, can't stop watching Eddie, the way his lips purse around the joint, his long hair glinting gold in the weak light of the camping lanterns, the pleased shine of his eyes every time he makes Steve laughs.

He likes Eddie so much. Everything about him, honestly. Butterflies ping in his stomach, happy and slow, and he thinks how nice Eddie's lips are, wonders how soft they must be. And he thinks--he's read the submissions, right--he knows the things they say about Eddie, and he wishes it was true, he wants--he wants--

He wants

---

Steve's running late to check the locker. Lost track of time at the diner with Eddie, and it's making him panic.

He stuffs the submissions haphazardly into the pocket of his hoodie, dancing with nerves, willing himself to grab them all and get out.

Locker emptied, he sprints towards the exit. He has a second to process someone barreling towards him in the dark, but he's going too fast to stop, can only brace himself as they collide.

It sends him sliding across the floor, Tattler submissions spilling out of his pocket like snow. He hits the ground, scrabbling for the papers, praying that whoever is here with him can't see them in the low light.

Hands grips his biceps. "Stevie, Steve, we have to get out of here" and there's a second where he's comforted by the familiar rasp of Eddie's voice before terror spikes again.

He pulls himself from Eddie's grasp, searching for any dropped submissions in easy reach. "Wha--why--what's--"

"I ran into Jason Carver and his band of idiots at the gas station. They're on their way to here to try to catch the Tattler in action."

Steve freezes. "I don't--that's not--I--"

In the deep silence of the empty school, they both hear the slamming of a door, a bitten off giggle. Eddie grabs his wrist and they run. Into the theater room, through a door Steve didn't know existed, to the backstage area of the auditorium.

"You should be safe here," Eddie says.

Panic spirals through him. "I can explain. I was just--I forgot a--I needed--"

"Harrington! I know, okay? I already know."

Steve can only blink at him, swallows rough in his throat. "What--Eddie, I--"

"I saw you. Weeks ago. Forgot my notebook in the theater room after Hellfire and had to run back for it. You were there, at the locker."

"You can't tell anyone."

"I'm not going to."

"No, Munson, you really can't. Nobody can know. Nobody--"

"Swe--Stevie, I promise. The secret's safe with me." He rocks back on his heels, chewing on his lip for a second before he continues. " I--I couldn't figure you out, you know? I saw you around with those kids and it didn't make any sense. King Steve, babysitting tiny nerds? But I saw you at the locker and..."

"You're giving me too much credit, man."

"I don't think so. You're never--fuck, Harrington--you're never mean. At least, not in the last couple years. You spread gossip, but you don't punch down, and you're funny as hell. Mean as shit too, but only to the people who deserve it."

His ears burn and he looks down. "Just because I have fucking--fucking editorial standards doesn't mean that I'm anything special."

Eddie scoffs. "Remember, Stevie, I was reading it a year before you were here. Cruel, vapid garbage. Always the most vile, pointless stories about people who couldn't defend themselves. And how many submissions have you gotten about me, for instance, that you've never used?"

Steve clenches his fists. "I would never--"

"I know. Sweetheart, I know. That's why I li--You're so fucking good, Stevie."

He laughs, ears burning. "I'm really not, Eddie. I try to write about fun gossip that can't hurt anyone too much, and nobody's found me out because they think I'm too dumb--"

Eddie reaches out then, fingers connecting softly with the edge of Steve's jaw. He can't help but lean into the touch, eyes flickering closed.

"You don't want to hurt people because you're fucking kind. You know how I know for sure? You must get submissions every week about me, and you've never once printed that I'm--" Eddie stops then, swallowing hard.

Steve's throat goes tight. He rests his hand over Eddie's, still holding his face. "Me too," he whispers. "Kind of. I like--it's both. For me."

"Oh," Eddie breathes, mouth lifting in a bright, beautiful smile that Steve can't help but return.

He's watching, sees when Eddie's gaze drifts his lips, making his breath hitch. He doesn't really think about closing the distance between them, slotting their mouths together in a tentative, gentle kiss.

"You're just full of surprises aren't you, Steve Harrington? Eddie asks when they part.

Steve blushes. "That's sort of the last of them."

"Sure. Next you'll be telling me you've played dnd."

"I have a character."

"What???"

"Human paladin. Dustin worked on it with me. Ready to get out of here?"

"Human paladin," Eddie gapes. "You know--you said--what's happening?"

Steve twines their fingers together, leading Eddie towards the auditorium exit. "Well, first we're going to walk out to my car and then we're going to my house, and we're going to look through Tattler submissions. Maybe makeout a little bit."

Eddie giggles. "What the fuck? Like. What the fuck, sweetheart?"

He turns to face Eddie, smile big and pure and bright with happiness. "If you're really nice to me, I'll let you help write this week's issue."

"Oh, oh. You're going to wreck me." Eddie mumbles, almost to himself.

"If you're lucky." Steve beams.

[a-simple-imagine]

Perfectly Pathetic

synopsis: when you take an interest in the new girl, regina takes an interest in you

pairing: regina george x plastics!fem!reader

words: 4.6k+

A/N - in the nicest of ways, please DO NOT read this if you don't want to read about toxic relationships. you have been warned. I don't want a repeat of last time. also we need more fics where regina is actually mean so

WARNINGS - swearing, alcohol use, general toxicity, toxic relationships and bullying/vague reference to weight

Buy me a ko-fi

the clash of plastic trays and idle chatter brought alive the fragile student body of North Shore High School. on the outside this may seem like any other lunch room but inside it was a carefully crafted game of chess. every move was calculated. each person has their place and if you stray too far you're at risk. you're sat next to Gretchen Weiners. known for big hair and keeping secrets, she knows everything about everyone. opposite her is Karen Shetty. she... tries her best and looks adorable doing it. a ray of sunshine if you get to know her. and before you sits the most beautiful woman you have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Regina George. effortlessly perfect but needlessly cruel. she was the most popular person in school and one of your best friends.

perfectly manicured nails stab into the skin of your cheek as your head is yanked in her direction. razor-sharp eyes stare back. "are you even listening?" the answer was no but you didn't want to say that. "what are you staring at?"

a flash of blonde as she looks behind her. you push against her grip to look too. across the room sat Janis 'imi'ike and Damian Hubbard. you hardly ever spoke to them but you were lab partners with Damian. he was funny. today, however, there was a new addition with strawberry blonde hair, a blue checkered shirt and brown pants. you knew everyone at this school to some degree. a curse of popularity. but you had never seen her before. "seems they've got themselves a new friend"

"who cares," her nails dig a little deeper drawing a pained expression as she pulls your head back to face her. She holds your gaze for a moment. a silent challenge. before fingertips glide across your cheek and she goes back to leading the conversation across the table. you pick at the food on the tray with a fork but you can't help but be intrigued. North Shore was boring and predictable. a direct result of being under Regina's control. but this girl was new and you couldn't help but be drawn to that. to the unknown. to the possibility. three pairs of eyes as you push up from the table and march across the room.

"I haven't seen you around here before." was all you could think to say as you approached the end of the table. Janis and Damian share a look before settling on... confusion. You weren't ever particularly mean to others but you were guilty by association. people mess with you. they mess with Regina.

"oh," by the look on her face, she already knew who you were or at the very least your friends. "it's my first day."

"Where did you transfer from?"

"uh... Kenya," she seems unsure. you put it down to nerves.

"you sure about that?" a curious raise of your brow. "'cause you don't sound-"

"we're leaving" stated firmly as three girls breeze past. the blonde leads the way. the other two are just a step behind.

"so what made you move all the way here from Kenya?"

"my mom got a new job."

"couldn't find one-"

the sound of your name echoes through the room bringing the world to a stop. a weird silence settles over the room. "come. now." growled through gritted teeth and paired with snapping fingers. you were being summoned like a naughty dog ignoring their owner. a sigh as all eyes fall to you. waiting to see what you'd do but make no mistake, they already knew the answer.

"I'll see you around." a flash of a smile before you scamper after Regina.

"so your ears do work." is all the girl says as she shoves you through the door. you bite back any comment because that was how this worked. you may be top of the food chain to everyone else but Regina led the pack.

as the final bell for the day rings, you're shoving things in your locker when you spot the new girl. she seems to be struggling to even open it. you watch her for a moment. a smirk settling. this was another chance to talk and this time Regina couldn't demand your presence. "need some help?" it seemed to take her by surprise as a handful of papers drifted to the floor. a small chuckle, you reach down to collect her work and hand it back. "how's your first day going?"

she shrugs, taking the papers. "it's alright."

"anyone giving you any trouble?" you ask, falling to lean against the lockers. people around here were not nice and took every chance to show it. some more than others. She shakes her head. "you sure? if anyone does anything, I can sort them out." you give her a knowing look and she offers a sort of amused smile. "so you do know how to smile, it's cute. are you gonna tell me your name or am I gonna have to guess?"

"it's cady. Cady heron."

"well, cady heron. the trick to these," you tap her locker door with your knuckle. "is to push in and pull up before trying to open it. annoying, I know but they're old." you watch her try again and this time it swings open. "see."

"Thanks." you linger as they shove some of their stuff inside. you notice a few stray stickers on the locker opposite.

"no problem." you push up from the metal. "I can show you all types of tricks to get through this hellscape if you want?" she shuts her locker and you both start walking towards the exit. "number one tip, avoid Regina."

"Isn't she your friend?"

"yeah," you nod. "that's why I said it. She can be... a lot. surely Janis told you that."

Cady looks at you for a long moment. "something like that." you let out a chuckle. Janis probably told her what a massive bitch Regina was. they had a less than favourable history.

"I should go. I'll see you around Cady Heron." as you both go your separate ways, you can't help but glance at her as she walks away.

having a study period just before lunch was both an absolutely ridiculous idea and the best thing to happen to your schedule. it basically guaranteed you didn't do any work whatsoever and felt more like a two-hour lunch period. seems you shared it with the new girl because she was sitting at a table scribbling in a book alongside Janis who was doing her normal embroidery or whatever.

"if it isn't Cady Heron," you comment, taking a seat on the bench. her face brightens at the sight.

"where's the rest of the coven?" Janis asks, not even bothering to look up from her work. "wait- don't tell me, a house fell on them."

"you're so funny Janis," an exaggerated sarcastic laugh.

"I think I can hear children singing... ding... dong the witch-"

"So Cady, how are you enjoying north shore?" you interrupt loudly and the 'song' trails off.

"It's fine."

"you don't talk much huh?"

her mouth opens but falls silent as Gretchen approaches the end of the table. she shoots you a less than favourable look. your brow furrows a little.

"Can I talk to you," pitch a little too high to say no.

"Sure," a shrug. you look at her for a long moment waiting for her to continue.

"in private," Gretchen urges. with a roll of your eyes, you stand up. flashing a smile at Cady, Gretchen grabs your hand and drags you away before you can say anything.

"what are you doing?" whisper yelled at you.

"I was just talking." god this girl was dramatic. you take your usual spot. she sits opposite.

"to the art freaks?"

"dude, it's fine."

"no it's not." she urges quickly, shaking her head "You know how Regina gets."

"Regina isn't here?" and she wouldn't be until lunch. only you and Gretchen share this free period. usually, you spend it listening to her gossip about people. she could not keep a secret to save her life at least not when it came to anyone outside of you and your friends; even then it's dicey. fun for you though.

"All I'm saying is you need to be careful,"

"don't worry. I was only interested in the new girl."

"that's worse," you just roll your eyes. "Regina doesn't like her."

"Regina doesn't even know her," you argue. "none of us do. she's been here like a week."

Gretchen thinks the idea of even wanting to talk to Cady is blasphemy. that it's better to avoid her but you think she's overreacting. Cady hadn't established herself at this school yet. right now she is with Janis but tomorrow who knows? she could be cool. it's a matter of perspective.

a pretty perfect smile does little to distract from playful eyes as you approach her jeep. the blonde is in the driver's seat. one hand rested over the steering wheel. the other typing something on her phone. She had sent a message telling you to hurry up but on arrival, neither Karen nor Gretchen were even here yet. you toss your bag in the back, climbing into your usual spot behind the driver's seat. Karen is usually next to you. "sit in the front, weirdo," she comments. you don't bother with a comeback, just moving to the front passenger seat.

"Where are the others?" you ask, glancing at her. the soft glow of the afternoon sun kissed her skin beautifully. black shades hang on the end of her nose. She really was something to be admired. Regina shrugs and then tosses her phone down. the car roars to life and you're starting down the road before you can think any more about it. it's pretty silent at first. the sound of the radio filling the space. the lack of your two other friends acting as a buffer was sitting weirdly. this wasn't your first time alone with Regina but she's been so grumpy lately. whatever you say feels like an invitation.

"so you like the new girl?" asked casually as she came to an abrupt stop at a red light. you just forward, the seatbelt digging into your neck. it drags up a quick cough but that could also be from surprise. other than that first interaction where she'd summoned you from across the room, you had never spoken to Cady when she was around. Gretchen may be dramatic but she probably wasn't wrong and you really didn't feel like risking it.

"Sorry?" feign confusion was... a choice but it seemed like the better option here.

"you like the new girl," repeated calmly; her eyes drift to you as yours move towards the traffic light. was this the longest red light in history? "right?"

now it's your turn to shrug. you find Cady intriguing but you're not entirely sure if it's interested in the way Regina is implying or just because you were so bored of the every day. "she's cool." a scoff as she pulls away continuing down the road. "you've hardly spoken to her."

"don't need to," Regina didn't miss a beat. Cady definitely didn't fit into what she'd consider cool but then again, neither had you. not entirely anyway and now you're here. you hang out with the most popular people in school. went to the hottest parties. you were currently being driven around by the Regina George. you never understood why or maybe you did and just refused to accept it was that simple. you know what everyone else says. that it's because of the attention you show her. you wouldn't necessarily say they're wrong but everyone gave her attention. She did always say there was something special about you. "I thought you at least had standards."

the rest of the car ride is silent as you think over what she said and Regina keeps to herself. the music is the only thing, keeping you sane until you pull up at the George residence. you always forget just how big her house is until you're there. As you walk inside, her mum appears abruptly startling you a little.

"hey, ms. George."

"hey girls," she singsonged. "how was school?"

"fine," Regina shoots back.

"well if you need anything? a drink? some snacks? advice? I'm here,"

"I'd actually love an iced-"

"we're good," growled as she grabbed your wrist hauling you up the stairs. "don't bother us." a confused look but she didn't let go until you were firmly inside her bedroom. door slammed shut. the blonde tosses her bag down.

"you should really be nicer to your mom, she adores you," you say idly taking a seat on the end of her bed, placing your bag down.

"you should shut up because it's none of your fucking business."

jesus christ. you kinda regret the decision to come over. "I just wanted an iced tea. maybe a little snack."

"god knows you don't need it," Regina comments. wow. okay. she was in a mood.

"what's up with you?"

"I'm fine," she responds. "you're just being so fucking annoying recently."

"I haven't done anything?" you've not been acting any differently so you have no clue what she's talking about.

"just absolutely drooling over the new girl. it's embarrassing." she declares, taking a seat on the bed.

"I..." you stop yourself because you're more confused than anything else. "we've spoken like once."

"liar" she responds. "I know you've been talking all the time," fucking Gretchen. "do you think she's pretty?"

"Cady?" Regina nods. you shrug. "I guess."

"prettier than me?" her head tilts. you can't tell if she was jealous or fishing for compliments; neither was her style. so it was probably a trap.

"no." you wanna say she's being dramatic but that wouldn't end well. She doesn't say anything, hardly even reacts. just cold eyes. Is she expecting you to say more? "of course not." you're waiting for the ball to drop. for her to make a snide comment or something. anything was better than nothing. but it just never comes. she takes out her phone and starts typing. you fall back on her bed, staring up at the ceiling. you both just sit in the quiet. you're worried about saying anything that'll lead to more insults. god knows what she is doing on her phone.

"you're so pathetic." Regina eventually says. you'd take offence if you weren't used to it; basically a term of endearment at this point. you can hear her moving but don't bother looking until she's towering over you. dark eyes and a small smile that would seem genuine coming from anyone else. a hand cups your cheek but no nails follow; it's gentle and slow as she runs her thumb over your skin. what was happening right now? "do you ever think about me?" you blink a few times trying to make sense of everything. why was she being so nice? why was she being so gentle? why did she ask that?

"what do you mean?"

a roll of her pretty eyes. "you know what I mean." you did but surely not.

"I... don't know what to say."

"Because I think about you," your breathing hitches as you sit up. looking at her properly. "those pretty eyes," she moves closer. "these lips," her thumb runs over your bottom lip. you swallow hard. "do you wanna kiss me?" you just stare back. a smirk as she ghosts your lips.

"say you wanna kiss me." this felt cruel. you lean in and she pulls back slightly. a finger pressed against your lips. her expression is colder now. sharp. "say it."

"I... wanna kiss you," you dare and that smirk quickly returns. removing her finger, Regina leans in and connects your lips. it's soft and slow. not at all like you imagined kissing Regina George would feel like... until the girl pushes into you and it's exactly like you imagined. fast. forceful. like she wanted to devour you. A hand pushes you back against her massive bed and she moves to straddle your hips. your heart is beating so loudly you wouldn't be surprised if she could hear it.

"still thinking about the new girl?"

"I never-" You feel her press a little harder against your chest so you change your answer. "no." Regina tosses her hair over one shoulder, and a finger under your chin pushes your head up.

"I don't think you should talk to her anymore," Regina states before leaning down to connect your lips once more. "understood?"

you're too caught up in the moment to really gauge how serious she was being so you nod. "good girl." whispered against your lips.

Regina George had always been a lot. She always demanded attention and you often gave her it. you weren't ashamed of that. She knew you'd do anything for her. As did most of the school.

"Hey," Cady suddenly appears beside you in the hallway. she seems a lot more relaxed around you which was nice to see. however, you have not spoken to them since that weird night with Regina. She wouldn't like it. plus Gretchen would probably snitch on you immediately. "so we should probably figure out a time to work on our project." you've been paired up for an assignment in American literature.

"We can do it today after school if you want?" she nods. "I'll meet you out front."

"hey Cady," Karen slides up beside you on the other side, instantly looping your arms. ever the pleasant company. you wonder if she just wanted to see you or get you away from Cady. probably the former.

"I'll see you later," you say to the new girl before turning to your friend. "what do you want?"

"you're coming to Connor's party Saturday?"

"Obviously,"

"I have the perfect-"

"no," you respond instantly. you loved Karen. she was genuinely the sweetest person you know. but at every party, she tries to give you a Karen Shetty special aka a makeover. and every single time you have to say no.

"but I have the perfect outfit for you."

"is it actually perfect for me or just slutty."

"Both," Karen states excitedly. "please," pleading eyes as she draws you closer, hugging your arm. "please please please."

a loud groan. "fine."

"Really?" her eyes light up and circulation quickly returns to your arm. you nod at her which leads to excited clapping. maybe it wouldn't be so bad. maybe it was the perfect outfit for you but also sexy enough to satisfy Karen.

"oh here," you reach into your bag and produce a homemade friendship bracelet. you'd been tutoring some younger students for extra credit but sometimes you just hung out with them. "made them with some of the kids so,"

"ah thank you," she takes it eagerly. you had one for Gretchen and Regina too. only one of them would appreciate it though.

"why were you chatting with Cady?" Karen asks, sliding on her bracelet as she takes your arm once more.

"we're doing a project together," you explain. "you were literally just in class with us Karen."

"oh yeah," she smiles brightly. "I'm starving." you chuckle a little and allow her to eagerly pull you towards the dining room.

you're sitting on the grass. Cady is talking in your ear as you stare into the distance. most students had gone home already. The rest were working on homework or projects or extracurricular activities. you arranged this meeting but god were you bored. no offence to Cady but you kinda wish you'd been paired with Karen so you could be fucking about right now and then rush the work the night before it's due.

"are you going to the party Saturday?" you ask idly.

"What party?"

"oh shit." you forgot she was hanging out with Janis and Damian who definitely wouldn't have been invited. "connor mckay is having a party. The dudes a mess, big house though. you should come,"

"don't think I was invited,"

"I'm inviting you."

"not sure that's how it works."

"Just come Cady," you insist. "you can bring Janis and Damian too if you want. everyone will be too fucked to notice."

"uh, thanks then" she smiles a little, glancing back at her textbook. "I'll think about it."

"you have to think about attending your first high school party?" you question. laying down on your back. "I'll be there," you turn your head to look at them. "it'll be fun." you watch her carefully and soon she smiles.

"Okay, yeah."

"well that was easy," should have just started by stating you'll be there. "Be careful, Cady." you tease, looking back to clouds passing by but you can't help but smirk a little. "I'll start thinking you like me."

sat in the back of Regina's jeep as she fixes her hair in the overhead mirror, Karen inspects your face while Gretchen is copying Regina by fixing her hair. "can we just go in," you insist, slapping Karen's hands away. "before I regret coming."

"Why would you regret coming?" Gretchen questions, looking around at you.

"I feel stupid,"

"you look amazing," Karen urges. "perfect."

"you would say that."

"stop whining," Regina insists. flipping up her mirror. "you look hot. now let's go."

finally. "I'm gonna get so fucked up," you state as you step out of the car. walking beside Regina with Gretchen and Karen a step behind. the party is already alive. started at six. It was eight.

you reach the point in every party where you just don't want to be there anymore pretty quickly tonight. you're suddenly so aware of how annoying everyone is. sat on the kitchen counter, you swing your legs back and forth as you sip whatever was in your cup. Gretchen gave it to you. the party passes around you like you're not even there until an all too familiar blonde appears. "you look sad," you'd mistake that for genuine concern if it wasn't Regina "Already at sad drunk, that's impressive."

"what do you want Regina?" she had basically ignored you since you arrived so why she suddenly thought you were worthy of her presence, you'll never know. Shane was the object of her disgustingly public displays of affection tonight. "thought you'd be too busy with Shane."

"god, you're so obsessed with Shane," a roll of her eyes as she takes the cup from your hand to help herself. you watch her as the red cup comes to painted lips. not a hair out of place. so perfect. Regina was perfect. it was annoying

"I invited Cady tonight," you state, snatching your cup back.

"ew. why? I thought we agreed you weren't going near Cady anymore," technically you did. practically it wasn't that deep. who cares.

"And Janis and Damian but mostly to get Cady here,"

"desperate to hang out with losers," Regina sighs. "is she here?"

you shrug. "too many people. too big a house. I haven't looked, to be honest."

"Well," a hand finds its way to your thigh, running up and then down softly. "if you're good tonight maybe I'll give you a little treat."

"don't," you push her hand away. "go back to your boyfriend."

"he's not my boyfriend,"

"well whatever he is," you jump down off the countertop. "you made it very clear that I'm not what you want."

"you're so dramatic," she pushes up too. "I hate when you get drunk."

"Whatever."

"fuck sake," Regina responds. "you act like I said we're together or something."

"you're such an asshole," you huff. "I'm gonna find Cady."

"good luck with that,"

there are so many people at this party. you're not sure who half of them even are but they all seem to know you as you stumble around after the new girl. a constant barrage of 'hellos' and 'you look hot' in various forms. it's tiring. annoying. and you're about to give up and go find Gretchen so she can rub your back to make you feel better when you spot her. She was looking as awkward as ever. "you came." shouted over the thump of the music

"yeah," her face lit up. "Damian too. Janis said she'd rather jump off a bridge than come so..."

"That sounds... exactly like her," you nod. "I like..." you glance at her outfit. Regina would hate it. you don't love it. "your outfit. very school teacher chic."

"Thanks," she replies. "I didn't have anything to wear so,"

"it's cool. I'm just happy someone here isn't gonna irritate me- do you want a drink?"

"Sure," she nods. "do they have juice?"

"uh... probably somewhere." who asks for juice at a party? "I'll check. stay here."

you wander off back to the kitchen in search of some juice. your first stop is the fridge which is very stocked. you briefly scan for anything open, sweet and edible before just grabbing a carton of fresh orange and deciding that will do. pouring her a glass before heading back. she's still in the same spot only a particular blonde in the tightest little black dress has decided to strike up a conversation. you immediately know something is wrong. Regina can't stand Cady. it's why you told her you admitted to inviting her so easily. You wanted to piss her off. you can't make out what is happening but as you make your approach the redhead leaves. Regina turns to you with a sugary sweet smile betrayed by her eyes. "hey baby girl, feeling any better?"

"What did you say to her?"

"why do you have a glass of" brow knitted as she tapped her nail against the glass. "orange juice?"

"What did you say to her?"

"who?" you let her have the glass and she takes a sip. a visible look of disgust. "is there anything in this?"

"It's just fresh orange,"

"what the fuck? are you trying to sober up or what?"

"it was for Cady," you explain. "what did you say?"

the blonde shrugs. "she just had to go. not my fault." you don't believe her. why would you? She has a track record of being a conniving person who'll make trouble just for the sake of it. it'd be naive to think she didn't do anything."

"Why do you have to be such a fucking bitch all of the time," you grumble loudly. a hand snaps around your wrist and suddenly you're yanked closer to her. hot breath sending a shiver down your spine.

"I let you off before because you were all sad and tragic but don't think you can ever talk to me like that," growled in your ear before she abruptly shoved you away. "Cady left. get over it."

"she only left because you said something,"

"she left because she realised you don't like her," the blonde snapped. such a pretty poison came in the form of Regina George as she turned her gaze on you. She was pissed but kept it quietly contained to just beneath the music so nobody else had a clue. "that you've just been stringing her along. pretending to be her friend. all because I wasn't showing you enough attention," she's close again. too close. she wasn't physically that tall but right she seemed massive as she loomed over you. her eyes flicker to your lips and back up. did she wanna kiss you or kill you? neither seemed smart. "she realised that you belong to me."

"I'm not a dog Regina."

"you sure about that," a mean glint in those pretty eyes. "you wanted my attention. you got it." she shoves the orange juice back in your hand. it's contents splashing your hand. "don't cry about it now." and with that she turns on her heel and disappears into the crowd

// NEXT

[meangirls-imagines]

'ELLO! I wanted to request something simple and angsty but turns into fluff. So basically R was getting bullied in highschool. At the time Regina and R were dating. R and her family got into a car crash. R faked her death after finding out her father passed after waking up in the hospital. Regina visits R grave and states how she's upset that R left her all alone. But when Cady arrives at Northshore. R popped back into town and waltzed into the cafeteria unannounced to Regina. Obviously R gets a slap to the face and a whole bunch of kisses from Regina. R says how she just had to get away from the bullies and Regina can't even be made at her.

Come Back To Me

Description: Reader loves Regina but hates North Shore. People bully her, even knowing who her girlfriend is. To make matters a lot worse, her and her dad are hit by a drunk driver, killing her dad. Reader wakes up in the hospital, heartbroken by the news. She decides to leave, leaving behind Regina, who believes her girl is dead. After a year supposedly "dead", Reader returns to North Shore, shocking everyone, including Regina.

WARNINGS: this is going to be a RIDE, angst with a happy ending, car crash, mention of death, sad regina, mentions of injury, regina slaps reader, fluffy towards the end i promise.

Life sucked for Y/N Y/L/N.

She was a freshman at North Shore High School and ever since middle school, she was mercilessly bullied by her classmates.

She was shoved into lockers on the daily, berated by football players, called slurs and derogatory names. The whole nine yards.

Y/N didn't have a reason to live, or at least that's what she thought. A ray of light entered her life towards the end of seventh grade.

That ray of light was Regina George.

Regina had defended her from a bunch of football boys when they had cornered Y/N after school. They had planned on jumping her but the blonde had stopped it, threatening to tell the principal and make their lives hell.

Since then, Regina hadn't let Y/N out of her sight. Even though the whole school knew not to mess with Y/N, that never stopped them. They just messed with her behind Regina's back. Y/N never told Regina, she didn't want to worry her.

When they got to high school, the bullying got worse. It got more physical. The jocks would always get Y/N when Regina or the plastics weren't around. They always made sure to not bruise somewhere that was visible.

The only one who knew about the bullying was her dad. He had gone to the principal and the school board but since he had no proof, they couldn't do anything. He had been the one to help Y/N with her bruises and injuries. He had been the one she ranted to.

He was her rock.

Nothing could prepare Y/N for what would happen to him.

It all happened so fast. They had gone out to dinner, her dad hoping to lift her mood. He had taken Y/N to her favorite Italian restaurant and taken her to ice cream after. They were waiting at a stoplight, singing loudly to her dad's favorite 80s rock. The light turned green, Y/N felt immense pain, and everything went black.

The next day, Regina walked into school looking at her phone worriedly. She hadst heard from Y/N since yesterday. The last text Y/N had sent her was that her dad was taking her out to dinner. She spotted Karen and Gretchen in the hall and approached them.

"Have you guys heard from Y/N?" The girls shook their heads but before they could speak, Principal Duvall came on the intercom.

"Can I have Regina George, Gretchen Wieners, and Karen Shetty to my office, please. Immediately."

The trio looked at each other confused and headed to his office.

Their parents were waiting for them.

All three girls felt numb listening to the words leaving Duvall's mouth.

Regina screamed as she felt her world collapse around her.

Y/N woke up a few days later, confused to her surroundings. She spotted her grandparents sitting next to her bed. The two burst into tears at the sight of their granddaughter awake. Her grandpa went to get the doctor as her grandmother gently kissed her head.

Y/N felt pain radiating through her body. Her head was wrapped in a thick layer of gauze, her arm was in a cast, as was her left leg. She felt bandages wrapped around her torso and her shoulder. Her mind was foggy so she asked her grandmother what happened.

Her grandmother's breath hitched as her grandpa returned with the doctor. The doctor had gone over the extent of her injuries, explaining that she was hit by a drunk driver.

Then, Y/N asked the question everyone was dreading.

"Where's my dad?"

Y/N's heart dropped and she became numb.

Regina walked up the familiar path, holding a bouquet of pink roses and carnations, her girl's favorite flower.

It had been almost two years since she lost the love of her life. She had felt numb ever since that day in Principal Duvall's office. She had become a shell of her former self. How could she go on? Her other half was dead.

The numbness was constant. She just went through the motions of each day. Get up, go to school, come home, cry, sleep, repeat. Her mom had put her in therapy to help her cope, but it wasn't working. Regina just went to get her mom off her back.

She finally made it to where she was going, gently putting the flowers on the grave.

"Hi baby. It's me again. I miss you more and more everyday. I wish you were still here with me. I never thought I would have to start a school year without you. We've always been together on the first day of school."

Regina sniffled, tears running down her face. "Karen and Gretchen miss you a lot. They miss their gossip buddy. They have so much to tell you. I miss your laugh. I miss your hugs. I miss your kisses. I miss everything about you baby."

She wiped her tears again. "They finally caught that guy that hit you and your dad. The bastard got life in jail. He can rot in hell for all i care." She sobbed quietly.

"It's so hard doing life without you Y/N. I don't think I can do it much longer. I just wanna be with you again. I just wish I could go back in time and change everything. You and your dad would be here." Her phone pinged. She looked down, seeing a text from her mom, informing her that Karen and Gretchen were at their house, ready for their annual first day sleepover.

She smiled and wiped her tears again. "That's my cue baby. I wish I could stay longer. I'll be back tomorrow to tell you all about it." She kissed her fingers and gently touched the stone. "I love you baby."

She walked away from the tombstone, heading to her jeep and heading home. Her, Karen, and Gretchen all cried together that night. They were not prepared for what was going to happen tomorrow.

Y/N woke up the next morning, feeling nervous. She was going back to North Shore. She had convinced her mom and stepdad to move back to the district. Her mom had called the school and explained everything to them, from the car crash to now.

The school was very understanding and got Y/N re-enrolled quite quickly. Her mom came into her room after she got dressed. "You ready, baby?" Y/N nodded and took a deep breath. "Mom? What if she's moved on?"

Her mom came and hugged her. "If she's moved on, she's moved on. Baby, she's been under the impression that you died, remember? She can't be faulted for moving on. But just know, that girl loved you so much. I don't think she's moved on, sweetie."

Y/N nodded and took another deep breath.

"Okay. Let's do this."

Regina walked into North Shore, Karen and Gretchen flanked behind her. They all walked to Regina's locker. Gretchen felt her phone buzz, indicating a text. "Ooh! We have a couple new students!" Her thumbs began typing back a reply as Regina smirked.

"New students? Interesting." The bell interrupted them as they all went their separate ways. Cady Heron was waiting in the office for her schedule when a girl came walking into the office. She shyly waved at the girl who smiled brightly back.

"Hi, I'm Cady Heron!"

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you, Cady."

The two chatted as the school secretary came with their schedules, the woman welcoming Y/N back to the school. Cady looked at her confused. "I thought you were new?" Y/N shrugged. "It's a long story. Let me show you where your homeroom is."

After showing Cady to her homeroom, she waltzed into her homeroom, the teacher barely sparing a glance at the girl. The students however, began talking, jaws dropped at the girl who apparently rose from the dead.

News spread like wildfire and by lunch, everyone was talking about it. When Regina sat down, Gretchen told her that everyone was saying a girl that looked just like Y/N was one of the new students. Regina scoffed. "Yeah, I'll be the judge of that. Y/N was one of one Gretchen."

The blonde stopped Gretchen from talking as she saw Cady walk into the cafeteria. Curiosity got the better of her as she called the girl over. She began to make small talk with the short girl, liking her already.

The conversation was cut short by Gretchen screaming. "OH MY GOD!" She got up and took off running to the newest student to walk into the cafeteria. Regina couldn't see who she was hugging but Karen could and also screamed before running in the same direction Gretchen did.

The blonde excused herself from the shorter girl to see what the ruckus was about. As she got closer, she froze in her tracks.

No. It couldn't be.

Regina's heart began to race as Gretchen and Karen pulled away from the stranger. Then, Regina made eye contact with familiar Y/E/C eyes.

Y/N.

The girl smiled at the blonde, her heart racing at seeing her girlfriend for the first time in a long time.

"Hi Gina." Regina shook herself out of her stupor, walking up to Y/N and slapping her. Hard. The cafeteria went silent and Y/N went to speak but was cut off by Regina's lips.

Regina felt her world become complete again as her and Y/N kissed for the first time in almost a year. Y/N could taste the saltiness of Regina's tears but she didn't care. She missed Regina.

The two kissed for a couple more minutes before Regina pulled away and placed kisses all over Y/N's face and burying her face in Y/N's neck.

"I thought I lost you. Don't EVER fucking do that again." Y/N smiled and kissed Regina's temple. "Never again baby. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere." The plastics lead Y/N to their table to explain everything.

By the time Y/N was done explaining, the three girls were sobbing. Regina was clinging to Y/N's side. "I'm so sorry you went through that baby. But I'll never let it happen again. I'll protect you. I'm sorry I didn't do more baby." Y/N shook her head. "It's not your fault baby. The past is in the past. I'm here. Let's focus on the now."

The girls nodded, Regina gently kissing a scar on Y/N's cheek.

The bell rang and the girls reluctantly parted from Y/N, with the promise of seeing the couple after school. Regina didn't wanna let go, she didn't want it to be a dream. She offered to skip, which Y/N reluctantly went with, making sure to shoot her mom a text as to what was happening.

Regina led Y/N to her jeep, and drove to her house.

After a tearful reunion with Regina's mom, and a couple of rounds of "I missed you" sex, the two laid in bed in comfy clothes. Regina traced shapes on Y/N's stomach, her head laying on the girl's chest.

"I thought I lost you forever, baby. I never want go through that again." Y/N kissed Regina's head, pulling her closer. "I know baby. And I'm so sorry. But I'm not going anywhere ever again. You're stuck with me."

Regina giggled and kissed Y/N gently.

"I can live with that."

[xx-alice-in-wonderland-xx]

”Don’t you dare doubt yourself or ever think your not good enough.” Karen & Gretchen (Fetchen)

I have been wanting to write something for my too lovelies and since I like angst and I’m in a mood I wanted to right this. No one requested this but I hope y’all fetchen or mean girls lovers will like this! (This is specific to the 2024 Mean girls Musical - Gretchen is played by Bebe Wood and Karen is played by Avantika) also I headcannon that Karen’s middle name is Meena, and I might make headcannons about Gretchen, Karen and their relationship!

It was a rainy day at Gretchen Wieners house. The two lovebirds of North Shore high were wrapped in a blankets and their limbs intertwined with each others. Gretchen had her head leaned on her grey headboard, her back against a pillow. On top of her was Karen, with her head on Gretchens chest, her head following the movement of her chest and she breathed in and out. The brunettes eyes stared lovingly at the girl infront of her, watching her with nothing but adoration as Karen examined her newly done nails.

“Seriously, who does your nails?” Karen mumbles, moving her head to look at her girlfriend. “I’ve told you baby, my mom.” Gretchen smiled, finding the raven heads lightheaded-ness adorable. “Ohhh.” Gretchen chuckled as she pressed her lips against Karen’s forehead, pulling her closer as Karen looked down.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” Gretchen asks, noticing Karen’s chocolate brown eyes avoiding her own. “Nothing Gretch!” Karen’s tone raises, an unconvincing attempt to hide her worry. Gretchens eyebrow raised and she gave the girl a look. “Seriously~” Karen says. Gretchen sighs and sits up, forcing the two to move out of their previous position. “Bubba why’d you do that?” Karen whines, her brows furrowed and previous fake smile disappearing. “Karen don’t lie to me, what’s wrong? I know you too well for you to act like you’re okay.” Gretchen says, her tone laced with worry and seriousness. “I…” Karen sighs, scared the truth would ruin or strain her and Gretchens relationship.

“Don’t I ever bother you?” Karen mumbles, her curly hair wrapped around her fingers. “Of course not, I love you.” Gretchen smiles, rubbing Karen’s head affectionately. “No. I mean how I forgot things? That I’m less… intelli- intellihe…” “Intelligent?” “Yeah. That. Less intelligent that other people. Like cady. Surely it bothers you.” Karen grumbles, grabbing a fluffy pillow with the letter ‘G’ on it and burying her face in the soft, green fluff. Gretchens heart sinks as she notices that certain parts of the pillow grow dark. She pulls the pillow away to see Karen’s nose and cheeks red in colour, and mascara down her cheeks, running along with tears, and grabs her hand, crossing her legs and putting their hands in the space between them.

“Karen Meena Shetty. Nothing about you bothers me. And I mean nothing. The time you defended me at that karaoke bar with a shitty comeback? Didn’t bother me at all. You know what I do think? I think it’s adorable. Karen no one is like you. You’re one in a billion.” Gretchen rubs her cheek, wiping away the tears. “Gretchen listen to me. Even Regina thinks it. She said I’m as dumb as a rock!” Karen yells. “Is it true? No. Even if it was would I care? No!”

Karen’s mouth forms an ‘O’ shape as tears blue her eyes, not allowing her sight to focus on the beauty in-front her. Gretchens arms open as she leans back on the headboard, her lips curving into an upside down ‘c’. Karen crawls over to her, sitting on her lap with her head on her chest, and her arms around her neck, kissing Gretchens bare shoulder and shutting her eyes. Gretchen giggles and plays with Karen’s hair, braiding it, twirling it around her fingers, or just pulling her fingers through it, carefully so she doesn’t hurt the precious thing she has. She would be dead before she ever hurt Karen.

Minutes passed and they still stayed like this, both happy to be in each others company. They didn’t need loads of friends. Ever since they got together they decided they didn’t even need Regina, or popularity. Aslong as they had eachother, that was enough for them. “Baby?” Gretchen mumbles. Karen hums in response, looking at her lover.

“Don’t you dare doubt yourself or ever think you’re not good enough.”

[back2bluesidex]

Jungkook × The way I loved you (Angst and happy ending pls :(( )

The Way I Loved You - JJK

Pairing: Ex!Jungkook X Reader

Theme: Angst, a little fluff, exes to lovers au

Word Count: 1120

Song: The way I loved you

Warnings: heart break, unsatisfactory relationship and nothing else.

Minors and Karens aren't allowed in this blog!!

A/N: Thank you so much for this request anon! And I'm sorry if it doesn't reach upto your expectations. As I said earlier, I'm way too sick these days. However, I still hope you like it.

"This is not what I asked for, Jungkook!" You scream at the top of your voice. 

"You asked for time Y/N. And I am trying to give you time! Now what the fuck is your problem?" Jungkook screams back. 

"This is not time, Kook. You are asking me to shop for everything I need within 2 hours while the supermarket is 30 minutes away. You can't even spare me time for something as common as grocery. I don't know how trivial you think of me. I just-" you take your purse and storm out of the apartment shutting the door loudly behind you.

When you came back home that afternoon, you found no trace of Jungkook. You don't know why you had a faint expectation that he would cancel his schedule for you, he would give you some time, he would respect what you want, what you need, you just know you didn't get it all at the end. 

Jin nudges your side pulling you back from the grips of the past. 

"You okay darling?" He asks, concern dripping from his voice. That's when you realize you have been too lost in your thoughts to pay any attention to your boyfriend. 

"Ah- yeah. I'm fine." You reply, faking a smile as always. It's a good thing that Jin doesn't get how many smiles you fake in a day. 

"You look beautiful tonight." He places a soft kiss on your temple. Then he goes back to driving towards your destination. You smile again as your heart fills with guilt. 

Jin is a perfect boyfriend. He's handsome, has a decent job, he gets along with your parents really well, he knows how to cook, he respects your choices, he respects your privacy… All in all, he's everything a girl would want. But… he's not the one for you. 

There's only one flaw in your and Jin's relationship, which is that you don't love him. You have poured all of your love on Jungkook and your heart is now a wasteland, which sometimes bleeds during midnights and 2 in the mornings when you curse out Jungkook's name crying on the pillow. 

"Y/N look at me. Try to look into my eyes, okay baby?" Jungkook holds your body tightly in his as you feel the world around you is morphing into darkness. 

"Y/N, can you hear me?" He says again with a trembling voice.

"Yes I- I do." You manage to say. 

"Good. Now listen to me. I am here okay? No one can hurt you. I will never let any harm come near you. You know that right? My baby knows that." Jungkook hugs you with everything he has in himself. One of his hands rubs on your back as another stays wrapped around your waist. 

Jungkook always knew how to calm you down during your panic attacks. That night when a drunk guy followed you to your apartment and you lost your shit, he made you feel secure. You know no harm can touch you when you are under Jungkook's wings. 

You feel your eyes sting with tears. You still love Jungkook till this date. The breakup was mutual. Both of you decided to part your ways given the fact that the relationship was being too frustrating and complicated. But it feels too wrong now. It feels as if there's more to the story. Only now you know you feel way more for Jungkook than you ever thought you did. 

Hence, you feel like a criminal whenever you look at Jin's face. He's nothing but sincere, but you still can't love him. 

"We're here." Jin parks the car beside something like a park. 

It's seven in the evening and you don't know what he has brought you to this park for. 

"Park? I thought we were going to that steak house you love so much?" You ask Jin. 

"We will. But before that I have a surprise for you." He replies. 

"Surprise? Here? But it seems like it's gonna rain?" You stare at the angry red sky from the car window. 

"Don't worry. We'll be done soon." Jin mutters before getting out of the car. 

You two walk through the park with intertwined hands. The park is beautiful indeed, perfect for couples, perfect for taking cute photos, perfect for you and Jungkook.

Fuck! You're thinking of Jungkook again. You're thinking so much of him that you start hallucinating him. 

A figure sitting on a bench approx five meters away from you and Jin looks just like Jungkook. He looks way too much like Jungkook. He is Jungkook! 

No! This can't happen. You tug at Jin's hand trying to pull him towards a different direction. 

"No. You can't walk back, Y/N." Jin says, stopping on track. 

"What-" 

"Y/N.." you hear another voice. That familiar one that you love the most. It's Jungkook. 

"Jungkook.." your eyes start to sting again. 

"Remember I said I had a surprise for you?" Jin smiles at you. 

Your eyes widen as you look at him, "B-but how do you-" 

"I could detect your fake smiles from the very first week of our relationship, Y/N. All I had to do was to dig up a little bit." Jin's hand loosens grip on yours. 

"You deserve to be happy, Y/N. Even if it's not with me." Jin now faces Jungkook, "And you- Don't fuck up this time." With that he walks back, winking at you for one last time. And soon it's only you and Jungkook in this wide, vast park.

"How have you been?" You ask Jungkook. 

"Miserable. You?" 

"Same." You two stare into each other's eyes. Both of you are only moments away from bursting into tears. 

"I- I can't do this without you, Y/N. Life feels like a chore without you. I am only breathing. I have stopped living the day we parted our ways. I- just can't-" Jungkook breaks down into a loud sob. 

You take two steps towards him, placing a hand on one of his arms, you say, "Neither can I Jungkook. I felt like a criminal each time I looked at Jin. Each time I looked at him I only searched for you. I love you. I fucking love you. I never stopped loving you." Your own face is now covered with tears. 

The sky mirrors your emotions and starts crying too. 

You look up at the sky for a moment and then look at Jungkook, you find him looking at you already. He closes the distance between you two and places his lips on yours. You two get so lost in the kiss that you don't even care getting drenched in the pouring rain. 

Jungkook parts first, connects his forehead with yours and whispers, "I missed this. I missed screaming and crying and kissing in the rain. I missed you. I missed the way I loved you." 

"I missed you too, missed you like crazy, kook." You seal your lips with his again wishing it all to stay forever and beyond. 

[edencherries]

Of stitches and laughs

word count - 1.1k

frank castle x gn!reader

warnings: mentions of grief and guilt, pining, pet names (sweetheart), acquaintances to friends (to idiots in love), no use of y/n, proof read a couple of times but let me know if i missed something.

thank you for reading!!

The memory hurts, but does me no harm - Abstract (Psychopomp)

Frank never believed in the concept of souls. Mainly because he was not convinced a man like him could have one, maybe years ago, before that fateful day at Central Park, when he was a family man. Now, he was pretty sure it was all bullshit. It was like a switch flipped, he lived for one reason and one reason only; revenge. He had to make it right, he had to make sure the score was even and he would not rest until it was, plain and simple. A part of him wanted to listen to Curtis, to Karen, and just give it a rest. Simply say enough. But he could not bring himself to do it. Not when he could still see the image of Lisa, his babygirl, asking to be tucked into bed. Frank had nothing to his name, but he would give and do anything to go back and do what she had asked of him that night. 

See, it nagged him, that voice that reminded him of every moment he missed and every moment that never got to be. It whispered in his ear at night when his eyes were feeling heavy, when he felt the slightest bit of joy, when he walked through streets he once walked through with his family. No he could not rest until he was done, even though he knew he probably would never be. That grief and anger would always live nestled between his ribs, pushing against his lungs and not allowing him to breathe.

You understood, you always did. There were good and bad days. The days where he would smile big and his eyes crinkle, his laugh filling the room. Most of your days were like this, your love broke down the haphazardly built wall Frank had around his heart, slipped in through the cracks quietly every time you patched him up. He did not intend for it to happen, you were a friend of a friend, vouched for and deemed trustworthy enough to know he was not just Frank, to know what laid within. He had tried his hardest to keep you at arm's length, close enough to crack a joke or two but never allowing himself to give into the desperate desires of his heart. You, on the other hand, knew you had no other choice but to love him however he allowed you to. You knew what he had been through, so you sat there, patching him up and talking to him. 

“...I don’t have as many as you, obviously, but I have a couple of scars of my own”, the humor was evident in your voice. The corner of your mouth quirked up while your eyes alternated between his frown and the cut you were stitching in his bicep. His eyes look away from the window across your kitchen table and look at you, something akin to fondness in them.

“You don’t say?” His voice is deep and gravely and you don’t think you can or will ever get used to it. You nod your head with a pleased hum.

“Yup, got my first scar when I was six. I was getting on the school bus and tripped on the steps, planted face first in front of everyone. I was mortified so I decided to pretend it didn’t happen. When i got to my seat i noticed my pants had blood on my right leg, i cut myself on the shin when I fell and it left a little indented scar.” A small grunt in acknowledgement is the only response you get, you’re used to it. He is hanging on to your every word, whether you notice it or not, your hands are working dexterously on his arm and your voice is simply his new favorite sound.

“How does it feel?” He flexes his arm, the pain barely there by his standards, and nods giving you a thumbs up. You giggle and it goes through his heart like an arrow on fire.

“Can I see?” Your head tilts to the side, he clears his throat, suddenly embarrassed. “The scar on your leg, I mean.”

“Oh! Right, yes” lifting your leg on the chair you point out the small indent, barely visible unless you knew it was there, his eyes move slowly from your own down your form until they land on your old scar. He stares at it intently, a light chuckle leaves your mouth at the seriousness of his frown. “You know, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re staring at a gaping wound.” He scoffs.

“Yeah, laugh it up, smartass.” He straightens his spine as if pulled by a thread at the very top of his head, warm brown eyes piercing into your own. Your laugh only grows louder and brighter. Frank’s heart lurches as if trying to escape his chest and find its rightful home in your open palm and he cannot help his own bashful grin.

Frank’s mind is running at a thousand miles an hour, flooding him with memories of Maria, Lisa, Frankie, good and bad. His stare is fixed on you, his grin is growing into a smile. He can hear their laughs jumbled with yours, it does not sadden him, somehow. The memory of the past mingling with the present, becoming acquainted with each other, uniting by their shared love for him. The echoes of his rage, of his grief, remain but they can’t seem to hurt him, not now. 

Here, listening to your laugh, being on the receiving end of your loving stare, he feels safe. Maybe his friends are right, there is an after, a brighter tomorrow where there is space in his heart for those he has lost and those he has gained. He has been trapped within his pain, forced by his guilt into the herculean task of making it right, knowing there is no way to do so. 

Your voice breaks him from his trance, “Whaddya say, sweetheart?” he can feel his face warming at the realization that he has never called you that before, the endearment slipping from his tongue as if that had always been your name.

“Just checking if you’re still there, you looked like you went somewhere for a hot second” your brow was knitting in curiosity, Frank was almost overcome with the urge of kissing it, kissing you.

“Yeah, sweetheart, still here,” he took a sharp breath, “you won’t get rid of me that easy now.” Your teeth were digging into your lower lip, nodding along to his words. He can’t stop himself from looking , his eyes drawing down to your mouth like a magnet.

“Don’t threaten me with a good time, Castle.”

[stardust-moth]

Hey there! What's your take on why Mike keeps his eyes open and just limply stands there when El kisses him at the end of ST season 3? Bylers claim it's because Mike doesn't love her and idk about that... that definitely wasn't my read. But I recently rewatched the whole show, and I can't really figure out what that moment is supposed to convey?? Like, watching that scene, there isn't the feeling of a great love being fulfilled, or of grief at losing her to the move. He just kind of seems... idk, confused? Perturbed? idk! I can't wrap my head around what I'm supposed to take away from that moment!

Ok. I almost didn't bother writing out a long, detailed post about this, because it's one of those things that (in my mind) shouldn't need to be explained, since (to me) it's presented so clearly in the source material already. So much of this show is so wildly misinterpreted all the time these days and it's getting to be exhausting-- half the time my reaction is just:

BUT! Why would I ever pass up an opportunity to yap about my favorite things, namely my dear my son my boy Michael Wheeler??

So! Let's consider all the context pieces going on here, shall we?

Things we know about Mike:

Struggles to say the Big L Word in general. Feelings are big and scary. (This is not a new concept, mind you. It's a very common romance trope. It's also a real thing that real people struggle with, especially among men and boys. Remember the cultural setting, everybody.)

he has low self-esteem and Big Insecurities about the validity of his feelings and his relationship with her (insecurities which are constantly reinforced by the people around him)

he is ALWAYS visibly startled/surprised when ANYONE expresses that they care about him to ANY extent (surprised that his mom empathizes with him and isn't angry about staying home from school when his best friend is missing, surprised when Dustin points out that he and Lucas are close best friends, surprised that Nancy runs out to hug him and says she was worried about him, surprised that El doesn't judge him for being bullied and says she understands, surprised when she tells him she was listening all 353 days, surprised when she tells him she missed him at the pizza shop, surprised when Will tells him that he's the glue that holds the party together and that they all need him, surprised when Karen goes on a mom tirade about how she was worried sick and never wants to let him go far away ever again, etc etc etc... idk what you expect at this point)

here, he is clearly bracing himself for saying goodbye and putting on nonchalant fronts to protect himself from experiencing that grief again (see my pinned post for more in-depth analysis of why Mike is scared of his feelings)

Also take into account: 

He TRIED to tell her he loves her in the supermarket, like really genuinely tried, but they were interrupted by ALL the shit hitting the fan. There is a LOT going on!! El's powers are gone and no one knows why! She's grieving the loss of her father! She's about to move across the country to somewhere entirely new and unfamiliar! Mike doesn't want to be selfish right now given what she's going through, making such a move now would be pretty tactless, and he's trying so hard to be a good respectful boyfriend (after literally everyone told him off for things like caring too much/spending too much time with her). Plus, if she doesn't reciprocate, well then fuck, some of his last moments with her will be stained by disappointment and guilt and awkwardness. And if she does reciprocate, well then fuck, now that just makes this goodbye even harder for both of them.

So yeah. He's fuckin shook. And, like the awkward noodle he is, Mike is slow to process it.

There are SEVERAL emotions going on right now-- the most apparent one being shock/surprise/confusion. Of course it's massively validating to hear "I love you, too", the same way it's massively validating to hear her say "I understand" and "I heard". But whatever happy feelings it brings are definitely overshadowed by the sinking realization that despite it all, he's still losing her. They still have to go separate ways. Remember that while we the audience know they're all going to come back to Hawkins and be reunited by the end of the story, the characters don't know that. As far as anyone knows in this moment, they're moving away for good. (And btw, distance is a lot bigger of a deal when methods of communication are limited-- remember the setting, everybody!! No instant messaging!! Letters take weeks to mail, no way to see each other's faces except through mailed photographs, only one landline phone per household and you have to factor in time zones and family members' working hours... long-distance relationships are hard now, imagine how hard they would be for teenagers in 1985!!)

Bottom line: He wasn't expecting her to say it. He wasn't prepared to hear it now. He wasn't ready for it to be such a mix of hurt and happy all at once. All he could do is stare in awestruck bewilderment.

His first love, the most important person to him in the whole world, truly reciprocates his feelings. And he's about to lose her forever again.

Unfortunately Finn's face is kind of obscured from view during a lot of the actual kiss, which can understandably make it hard to read, but he is most definitely kissing her back-- it's very hesitant and subtle compared to El's confidence, but he does lean in to meet her.

Every single indicator (in the music, the blocking/camera work, etc) is purposefully framing this scene as a positive moment and the resolution to their relationship arc for the season.

Further conflict and further resolution that we see in S4 supports/confirms this as the correct interpretation. His confession monologue spells it all out word for word for christ's sake.

Narratively, the scene would make ZERO sense if that was meant to be a negative reaction. Their romance subplot goes through all the story arc steps and all the buildup, why would it fall so flat right at the final piece of the resolution? That would just be poor writing. (And frankly, that entire take is evidence of poor media literacy and comprehension. You just... you can't cherry-pick the details, guys, I'm sorry.)

If that kiss was meant to be a nail in the coffin, a realization that everything that the story has established and everything these two characters have expressed thus far is, in fact, not so... then we wouldn't have seen a moment like this with such intimacy right afterwards:

Tell me you can't read his face now. He's in tears and clinging to her. That is heartbreak! And just by looking at how she touches his face and presses their foreheads together, you can tell she feels it too and understands.

So yeah, that's my take on it. I hope this provides some clarity! <3

PS, on a lighter note, allow me to present to you a directly comparable confused-open-eyed kiss scene that absolutely NO ONE questions:

[writingforcuteppl]

Like I’m Gonna Lose You

PAIRING: Kenny McCormick x Reader

SUMMARY: You’ve been having nightmares for quite some time now but you always made sure Kenny never noticed, until one night when you woke up crying.

GENRE: Angst and fluff

WARNINGS: Mentions of death, swearing.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k words

“Stan, come on, we’ve been all over town. Care to tell me where is Kenny?”

“I promise if you listen to me and don’t ask any questions, we’ll be able to find him later” Stan has been acting really weird since the morning he knocked on your door and told you Kenny was already at the festival the town was having.

“Y/n, just don’t ask questions and trust me, ok?”

“Fine,” you sighed, trying not to think about where Kenny could be. As the day passed, you could see Stan was making you avoid everyone. You noticed the people in the town were looking, making you uncomfortable. It was as if everyone knew something you didn’t, including Stan. You could see and feel his nervousness as if he was hiding something.

“Stan, I’m serious.” you stopped walking and made Stan look at you. “Where is Kenny?” you asked once again.

His attitude was making you anxious. You noticed a lot of people were walking to the school, and you started to follow them. Your heart started pounding, and you felt something was up. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but something told you to start walking towards the school.

You heard Stan shouting your name, but you didn’t stop. It was like the whole town was at the school. It’s been years since you’ve been at South Park’s elementary school, so you felt a little bit uneasy to be walking through the school’s halls again. You realized everyone was walking to the auditorium, and you made your way to it, pushing everyone.

When you entered, you saw all of your ex-classmates and their respective parents turning around and looking directly at you with pitiful eyes. You could also see Kenny’s parents sitting on the stage. His mother was crying uncontrollably, and so was Karen. Next to them was a giant photo of Kenny. The type of photo you usually see at funerals.

You felt someone turn you around. Stan looked like he had run a marathon but was also crying.

“Stan, what the fuck is happening? Why are they crying?” you choked out, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to come out.

“He’s…” you didn’t even let Stan finish his sentence, even though you asked him in the first place.

“No, no, he’s not. I saw him yesterday, Stan. There’s no way he’s-”

“He’s gone. He’s never coming back, Y/n” You felt like someone stabbed you right in the heart and knocked out all the air from your lungs. “We’ll never see him ever again.”

“FUCK STAN! I GOT IT JUST-” The tears were streaming down your face at this point. Just the mere thought of never going to be able to see Kenny again was ripping your soul. “I didn’t even say goodbye to him….” you managed to say. Your whole body collapsed to the floor, and you screamed. The pain was way too realistic. This definitely was happening. Kenny was dead, and there was no way you could bring him back. He’s gone.

You woke up shaking and crying. You quickly looked around your room and saw Kenny lying next to you. You sighed out of relief. The feeling of losing Kenny felt too real to be only a dream. Kenny slowly woke up from the movement you created in your frantic search for him and noticed your state. That was enough for him to woke up completely.

“Hey hey hey,” you felt Kenny sitting next to you. “What happened?” Kenny’s arms wrapped around your body, and you let out a cry. As the minutes passed, you were trying to calm yourself down. Everything was just a dream, more like a nightmare. Kenny was fine, but the pain was real.

The void, the thought of losing him, was still there, and when you thought you were finally calm, you started to cry again. It was useless. And not only that but for the past weeks, for some reason, you’ve been having nightmares every night. Some of them always ended up in someone, or instead, something chasing you, trying to do something to you.

Those were the light nightmares. The ones with monsters or weird creatures were what you consider to an extent, a “normal nightmare.” The worst ones always involved losing someone you loved. Sometimes it was one family member, sometimes your best friend, and worst case scenario, this.

Kenny was starting to worry. You weren’t stopping at all, and it hurt him not to be able to do anything to calm you down. This was the first time he had seen you in this state. You always were able to never wake him up whenever you woke up in the middle of the night by a nightmare- constantly waking up feeling your pulse on your head and frantic breathing. You never jumped out of your laying position, so that was a plus.

But unfortunately, you never managed to fall asleep after waking up from a nightmare, too scared the dream would continue once you fall asleep again. So you just waited until it was a reasonable hour to be awake so you could start your day without any questions from Kenny. And that’s basically how your days for the past weeks have been. Of course, this time was completely different.

You felt Kenny hugging you harder, and that help you to come back slowly to reality. You focused on the way he was holding you and the heat that was radiating from his body. He was alive, and you were repeating that to yourself. He was safe, he was not going anywhere, he was well, and he was next to you.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Kenny. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” you hiccuped. Kenny sighed. That was the least of his problems right now. Kenny moved, so he was now sitting in front of you. He took notice of your tired and glossy eyes.

“Sweetheart, can I ask what had you all worried?” Kenny grabbed your cheek and gave you a quick peck on the lips.

“It’s not worth it, Kenny” You rubbed your hands on your face. You were tired.

“So you want me to ignore the fact that you woke up crying?”

“Kenny…”

“Please, love. Tell me what happened.” you sighed. You started to tell him everything that happened in your dream. How he disappeared, how Stan was trying to distract you so you wouldn’t find out he was dead, and how you found out he was gone forever. Kenny stayed in silence while you were explaining your dream. He grabbed both of your hands, and his thumbs were rubbing the back of your hands.

“It was horrible. It felt real. I really thought I lost you, Kenny. I don’t… I can’t live without you, and the fucking nightmare made me feel that.” Tears started to stream down your cheeks, but you tried to calm yourself. Kenny kissed your knuckles as a way to reassure you he was not going anywhere.

“I’m not going to leave you anytime soon.”

“I know that, but we don’t know what might happen. What if by tomorrow you’re not here anymore and-” You started to overthink.

“Wait, imma stop you right there. I’m not going to disappear or leave you.”

“But-”

“No, love. Listen to me. It was just a dream. Just because you dreamt about me dying doesn’t mean it’s gonna happen tomorrow. You cannot live with those types of thoughts filling up your head. Yeah, we are not immortal, and that’s bound to happen someday,” you closed your eyes. “But we cannot let the fear of losing our loved ones eat us alive. You have to enjoy your life.”

“Kenny…”

“So, as for now, let’s go back to sleep, and we will do something together tomorrow. I’ll take my beautiful girl out on a date.” Kenny kissed the tip of your nose and decided it was time you get some proper rest, so he laid down on his side of the bed and made you lie down next to him. He positioned your head on his chest. You wanted to fall asleep again, but you knew that wouldn’t happen.

“Uh… I have to be completely honest with you. I don’t think I’m gonna be able to fall asleep again.” Kenny started to stroke your hair, thinking maybe that would help you calm down. “And well… It’s been like this for quite a few days now.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kenny asked.

“I didn’t want to bother and wake you up, Ken,” you heard him sigh.

“Has it always been this dream?” Kenny wanted to know if you’d been handling this by yourself.

“Fortunately, no. Most of the nightmares are things trying to kill me. I just wake up at the exact moment before they are able to catch me. Some of them are even worse since I cannot scream or run. But I prefer a hundred times those types of nightmares. At least I know those won’t happen ever.”

“What if aliens and monsters invade us one day?” you laughed.

“Well, that would be such an interesting thing to happen.” Kenny chuckled. “At least I’m gonna be with you, right?”

“Of course. We are gonna be together till the end of the world.” You heard how Kenny’s voice came out as a whisper. His breathing was also becoming softer, meaning he was starting to fall back asleep. You paid attention to his heartbeat, the pace was soothing, and somehow, it helped you. For the first time after a nightmare, you felt safe.

“Just promise me that you will tell me whenever you have a nightmare. It doesn’t matter the hour. Just wake me up. Promise?” you smiled.

“Promise.”

Maybe you don’t have to deprive yourself of falling back to sleep this time. Just as long as Kenny’s arms were wrapped around you, everything would be fine.

n a v i g a t i o n

Kenny’s Birthday Week Celebration.

[thesalemwitchtries]

Dreaming Of a Grave: Chapter Two

Word Count: 3,190

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Named! Fem! Enhanced! Reader

Warnings: Descriptions of injuries sustained through physical assault (no implication of sexual assault at all, so maybe goons beat reader up in her apartment, but they weren't total pricks about it?), There is mention of a man being a creep towards young girls and physical violence against him because of it, the girls are fine, mention of distrust of police/government, Also I didn't change Mrs. Cardenas' existing dialogue, but for everything I created it's in Spanish, because the broken English being spoken when two other speakers are present and when she understands English just fine and then also being killed off for white male plot reasons... none of that sits right with me, so she speaks Spanish and Foggy is accommodated by Matt and Karen, as is perfectly common in an American setting I feel. I know that it was for an English speaking audience but still, subtitles or something. Also when they address her in Spanish they call her Sra, just because I've never spoke to someone in their native language and used an English title, it just was too weird for me to write it that way idk.

Masterlist

Thank you so much for reading! Any comments or feedback are much appreciated!

Also I am not a native Spanish speaker, I've been studying it for a long time, but I've been practicing French and Arabic more lately, which sometimes are all jumbled together in the Non-English half of my brain, so if you see something wrong or funky, please let me know, I would rather be corrected than go around not knowing, especially since it's my favorite language.

Another person might have struggled to focus when faced with the amount of turmoil that Matt Murdock was currently against. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily for those who cared about him, Matt had been capable of excellent focus ever since he was young. Beyond being able to tune out any extra input or hone in on the important bits, when Matt cared about something, he could drive out everything except for his goal. 

His problems with Fisk, the Russians, keeping Claire safe, that could all wait until after work. For now, his attention was locked in on the nervous woman who’d walked into their offices, claiming to have been directed there by Brett’s mother. 

Karen helped to translate as Mrs. Cardenas spoke, given her soft voice and more gentle demeanor, Matt felt content to let her do the questioning while he listened in. According to Elena, two weeks ago men came to her apartment building and tore into the walls with sledgehammers, leaving many people without power or water. Their landlord refused to answer them or help, and when they went to the police, they were told that there was nothing to be done, it was an issue for the city to solve. 

A whole building of people and families, left completely on their own. They deserved to have hope that justice would be served on their behalf. Nelson and Murdock could give them that, though it may take a few months in the courts.

The case that Mrs. Cardenas had brought them was daunting, to say the very least. 

Armand Tully had a reputation as a predatory landlord. His properties were rent-controlled by the city, which was the only protection that tenants had against his greed. Buildings crumbled under his purview. Leaky pipes, faulty wires, and poor security all combined to leave only the most desperate candidates willing to build their lives in his apartments. 

Tully presided over another twist in the cycle of poverty, ensuring his tenants had to spend their own money on these repairs and legal fees, money that could’ve been saved to afford a better landlord.

Worse still, no one could fight Tully. He kept barely within municipal code, and allowed other suits to be tied up in civil courts for as long as possible before doing the right thing. Matt and Foggy had detested running into his cases when they were interning, it felt like a betrayal of their roots.

To Matt, Wilson Fisk was like a blackout rolling through Hell’s Kitchen. Even when Fisk wasn't the direct cause, the increasing spread of darkness through the city was emboldened by his mere presence. The worst sides of everyone around him were encouraged, their greed and cruelty nurtured to monstrous levels.

People feared the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen for the pain left in his wake, but he wasn’t the one inspiring lowlifes like Tully to start smashing in the walls of family homes. All for a quick buck and an investment opportunity. 

Elena’s voice wavered as she explained that the tenants had exhausted all of the options that they could. They were desperate, and it was a relief for Matt to know that at least he was still capable of making one right decision, it could even be easy.

Talking with Claire had him questioning if he really was doing more harm as the Devil than good, it certainly hadn’t been good enough to help protect her last night. However, if Matt hadn’t decided to leave Landman & Zack, he would be defending an asshole like Tully against a vulnerable woman like Mrs. Cardenas right about now. 

Maybe he wasn’t doing the right thing as the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, in fact he was pretty sure that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t stop. The work had to be done, and if the city was going to paint people with sin, Matt would prefer it to paint him. If it did, then the people who deserved better could finally have better. Matt Murdock would be there in the daylight, always ready to listen out for the weak, to help them the way that God and his father wanted him to.

Karen walked around the table to offer Mrs. Cardenas a box of tissues. Meanwhile, Foggy was already moving on to next steps, thinking aloud about strategy; “This says Tully offered them 10,000 dollars to give up their rent control and vacate the premises. Maybe we can pressure him into giving a better payout.”

While that’d be the easiest solution, Matt knew before she spoke that Mrs. Cardenas wouldn’t go for it. He could hear her head and gold earrings shake in unison, and a whiff of aerosol hairspray accompanied the resolute motion.

“No, Señor Foggy. We do no want money. We want to stay in our homes,” she pleaded, barely holding back her tears while trying to get them to understand her position. Matt already understood, he wouldn’t want to leave his home either. 

Matt remembers when aliens tore a hole in the sky and started smashing Hell’s Kitchen apart— as if anyone could forget something like that. He’d been sheltered with Foggy in their broom closet of an office at Landman & Zack, desperately trying to understand what was happening, worrying about the Nelson’s, and dreading the possibility that he may die before passing the bar. Below the more urgent panic, as the trembling ground and ear-splitting attacks slowed into one of the worst headaches of his life, Matt worried about Hell’s Kitchen, his apartment, if there would be even a scrap of home left to return to. 

He had prayed for a long time that day. Just as he was about to reassure her, Mrs. Cardenas took a shaky breath and continued speaking. 

“Hay algo más. Los obreros, son solamente un ‘city issue’. Pero, uno de mis vecinos, Ms. Charlotte, ella fue… atacada por ellos.”

“They attacked her?” Karen gasped, pen almost falling from her grip. She and Foggy exchanged a frantic look, and Matt’s back straightened, posture growing as stiff as the curl of his frown.

“Pienso que si, pero no me digas lo que sucedió—”

“She thinks so, but her neighbor won’t tell her what happened,” Karen translated, stumbling over the words a little in her shock.

Mrs. Cardenas grabbed another tissue from the box that Karen had provided for her as she spoke, explaining that she thought that her neighbor had been hurt while standing up to the workers.

With Karen intermittently translating for Foggy, Elena explained that once, an older man had been following some of the building’s young girls home from school. Rumor has it that when Charlotte found out, she began walking home with them to keep them safe. One day the creep dared to say something inappropriate, and Charlotte maced him. She then allegedly stomped so hard on one of his hands that the story says she broke every finger. Allegedly.

He never returned, and she leads a pigtailed parade into the building almost every afternoon.

Elena figured maybe Charlotte had tried to stop the damages, having been one of the only younger adults there that day, working from home. Many of the working tenants were out, leaving only children, older residents, and few others. People had been scared, many of the children down Elena’s hall had gone to hide in her own apartment. Mrs. Cardenas also swore that she’d seen Charlotte injury-free just that morning before the workers arrived.

“La próxima día, la ví en el vestíbulo. Charlotte tuvo moretones en la garganta y las muñecas, y en el pómulo— la piel está rota.” Mrs. Cardenas spat out the list of injuries as if they stung, jerkily motioning to her own body as she spoke. Karen turned her mouth into the palm of her hand and closed her eyes, Foggy looking between her and the stone-faced Matt.

“What does that mean? Guys, what happened?” 

Foggy’s question was absorbed into the tense silence of the conference room. 

Matt pulled his hands from the table and tightly knotted them in his lap. It was good that his glasses shielded the old woman acrost him from the full force of his glare, Mrs. Cardenas wasn’t the intended recipient of his rage. No, it was someone else entirely that he’d be searching for that night. The Devil had heard its name being called, and wanted nothing more than to punish the kind of worm that would beat a young woman in her own space. His fingers twitched, knuckles turning even whiter from the force of his restraint.

“Seriously, what did she say?”

Sensing the lump in Karen’s throat, Matt took it upon himself to answer Foggy’s question as best he could through the gritted frown on his face. He translated what Charlotte looked like when Mrs. Cardenas saw her in the building lobby the next day, from the bruises on her neck and wrists, to the one on her cheekbone that came from a hit so hard that the skin had split open.

“Jesus, and they still claim that these were contractors? Maybe brutes for hire, but certainly not plumbers.” Foggy scoffed, shaking his discomfort off in the only way that he knew how. Unknowingly, he’d set the Devil to work inside of Matt’s head, achingly familiar with the work of hired goons. Maybe there was more at play here. Or, you could be obsessed and paranoid.

“Did she say anything about what happened? Give some story or excuse?” Foggy asked, leaning in across the table. Karen picked her pen up again, turned to a fresh page of the notepad and copied down the injuries that Elena had described. The gentle scratching filled Matt’s ears as he thought. He arranged a tentative plan of action, the rest of the day could be spent on gathering information, and once the sun had fully set, he’d let the Devil pick his favorite of all the violent thoughts running through his head.

 “Excuse? No, no. Ella no hablará con nadie sobre eso. Intenté muchas veces, y nada. Brett, el hijo de Bess, lo vistió, sin uniforme, sin placa. Pero ella, no… no budge.”

Shifting in her seat, Karen turned toward Foggy and Matt, head bowed towards the table as she spoke; “She won’t talk to anyone about it, Brett Mahoney visited without his badge and uniform, but she still wouldn’t explain.”

“Sra. Cardenas, por qué Charlotte no se ha ido a hacer una denuncia? No es ‘city issue’, eso es criminal, asalto con agresión.” Matt asked, wanting to know why an assault charge hadn’t been filed. Were there more cops on Fisk’s payroll then he’d thought? Maybe they’d dismissed the charges to cover up what had been done.

“Si, yo sé, y le dije. Nada.” Mrs. Cardenas spread her hands in defeat as she explained that even though she’d explained this to Charlotte, it had done nothing.

“Mrs. Cardenas, if those men hurt her, why won’t she file a report?” Foggy asked, brow furrowed as he tried to understand this neighbor. There were many reasons why victims of various crimes didn’t come forward, maybe if they could help to ease her fears, then they could move forward with charges. 

It would certainly make the civil case more valid if they were also filing criminal charges against the workers. 

“Pienso que está herida y tiene mucho miedo. Más por los funcionarios que los obreros. Ella fue tajante, no quiere hacer una denuncia, no quiere hacer nada sobre eso.”

This wasn’t good news for the civil case. Injured and scared, Charlotte wasn’t willing to file a report because she was more afraid of the officials than of the workers returning. She was firm about not doing anything. Matt wondered if someone had already convinced her not to step forward. Like that one scumbag had said, there’s gonna be another light in another window.

“Sra. Cardenas, vamos hacer todo que podamos. Foggy hablará con su abogado de la gentador esta tarde, y hablaré con tu vecina sobre sus opciones para ayuda. Estarámos en contacto.”

It was such a relief to hear that something would be done, to have a plan, and Elena sighed, reaching across to squeeze Matt’s hands, “Gracias, Senor Murdock. Muchas gracias.”

Karen led Mrs. Cardenas out of the office, and Matt explained to Foggy that he was going to be spending his afternoon speaking with Tully’s lawyers on behalf of the tenants.

“Tully’s lawyer?” Foggy asked, exiting the conference room hot on Matt’s heels, “Do you know who reps him?”

Matt grabbed his cane from the corner, not even attempting to hide his laugh before he turned back around, “Yeah, I know.”

“Landman and Zack!” Foggy insisted, arms gesturing at his sides in a way that agitated the air, the smell of anxiety wafting towards Matt. Apparently deciding that Matt didn’t quite get it, Foggy leaned forward, voice straining with hushed emphasis, “Landman and mother-freakin' Zack, man!”

Karen and her soft perfume breezed through the door behind him, having guided Mrs. Cardenas to the taxi waiting for her on the street below. 

“Ooh, sounds impressive.” She made her way to her desk with the notes and information from their meeting, “Are they looking to hire?”

“Oh, you wouldn't be happy.” Matt said, gesturing to Foggy with his cane, “We used to intern there.”

“Oh, right.” Karen bobbed forward over the desk, how could she have forgotten about the first thing that Foggy brought up whenever the cooling fall air came in through cracks in the windows, or when the lights flickered, or if Matt breathed too loudly. Karen had made the mistake one of her first mornings on the job of thinking out loud about how nice a bagel would be for breakfast. Matt had groaned from his open office, and before she could ask, Foggy was suddenly opining in the reception space about a place where there were all the free bagels that you could eat, every. single. morning.

Foggy flicked his hands around in annoyance, defeat and coating his dry words, “And they offered us a job, a great job. Which we turned down to go off and save the world. Now they hate us.”

Karen and Foggy shared a smile as he finished his speech, all of them knowing that he wouldn’t change a thing, even for free bagels. As much as he complained about their circumstances, Matt knew that he loved what they were doing, that Foggy wouldn’t have survived long in a place like Landman and Zack. 

Letting Foggy in was easy, it was impossible not to really, and staying friends with him was even easier because Matt saw that Foggy was one of those people that was effortlessly good. Unlike him with his devilish shadow, Foggy didn’t have to struggle to make the right choice. Greed and desire could tempt as much as they wanted, he wouldn’t cave, even if he pretended differently. When he knew something was wrong, Foggy Nelson would not do or endorse, and having him by his side always made Matt feel more at ease.

Already, he was moving away from sarcastic complaints, turning back to Matt so they could start working on a plan for how to approach this case. “We'll need to load for bear if we're gonna take them on.” 

“I'll hit the precinct to check for complaints against Tully.”

Foggy’s panicked objection was cut off by Karen calling out, “Is that before, or after you go talk to Elena’s neighbor like you said you would?”

He released the hand that he’d had on the doorknob, he’d been so close to leaving. Unfortunately Karen seemed to have her own radar for picking things up, and she wasn’t always keen on offering slack. Matt could sense, but was in no way fooled by the innocent tilt of her head. Beside him, Foggy’s eyes narrowed. Just one step and he’d have been out the door, no such luck.

“After,” Matt nodded, having to accept defeat, “Thanks, Karen.”

“No problem,” she chirped back, mirroring the sarcastic smile that he’d given her. Hands spread between the two, Foggy abandoned his professionalism in favor of once again being annoyed at Matt Murdock.

“Wait, wait, hold on. How is it that I’m going to Landman and Zack, while you go and talk with the damsel in distress?”

It’s not as if Matt could say that he was going to speak with the neighbor not just for the case, but also for an illegal extracurricular activity where he would be using his super senses to try and identify the assailants. Matt sighed, shifting on his feet. Half-truth it is.

“Well, from what Mrs. Cardenas described, it seems like the only way that Ms. Tanner would answer the door for a man in a suit is if he looked like he needed help. What was it that you call it again?”

Foggy threw his head back, groaning for a long moment before facing Matt again. Though his face spelled his disapproval, his eyes shone with the reminder of their first meeting and love for his friend.

“The ‘wounded duck’, you’re gonna wounded duck yourself.” Foggy said, one hand on his hip and head bobbing. His free hand leveled an accusatory finger at Matt. “I swear she better not be hot, because this is becoming cosmically unfair. You need a new phone for all of your girls, and now I’m going to play chum while you’re off being a hero.”

“Chum?” Matt laughed, hearing Karen tilt her head in confusion, before her hair rustled with a shake and she focused back on organizing the new files. There were maybe three whole files in the whole cabinet, but Matt could hear her moving them around repeatedly on slow days. So, almost every day.

“Yeah, chum!” Foggy burst out, leaning forward to hiss out a plea to Matt, “I can't go to L and Z alone. They're gonna shark attack me, Matt. Look at me, I'm delicious.”

“Well, take Karen.” Matt said through his chuckling, pointing over at the woman who had been trying to mind her own business.

“I-I mean, yeah, if she wants to.” Foggy stumbled and shrugged, taken completely unaware by Matt’s suggestion. His heart raced despite the way that he was trying to play it cool, and Matt fought off a smirk.

“Oh,” Karen straightened with her own surprise at the action, before tossing her hands up. “Sure. Never seen sharks feed up close before.”

Matt chuckled as they all prepared to leave the office, “Try not to splash too much. It attracts 'em.”

“You both are so funny.” Foggy huffed in mock despair as he turned to grab a coat. The two just laughed louder. “That piece of notebook paper on the door has my name on it first, you know. Which means that only one of you is allowed to mock me at a time.”

Already out in the hall, Matt called over his shoulder, “Of course, that’s why we were taking turns.”

“Oh wounded duck off, Matt!” Foggy cried, and the laughter of his friends followed Matt all the way down the stairs and out onto the street.

[howlingday]

Qrow: So there I was, back to back with bitches. Bottle in my right hand, hundred lien in my left, and ready to bless these thots with my divine sauce.

Jaune: What the hell is divine sauce?

Qrow: Oh, well, I'm glad you asked.

Cinder: Has anyone seen Karen?

Jaune: You mean Cardin? I saw him over there arguing with the DJ.

Cardin: Look, I'm telling you! It's a simple request; "Explain This Feel"! It's a fucking cult classic!

Neo: (Shrugs)

Cardin: The fuck do you mean, "Meh"?!

Jaune: Ooh! I know this song!

Cinder: Well, it looks like someone recognizes you.

Jaune: Huh?

In front of Jaune, Qrow, and Cinder, danced a beautiful red-head with the most gorgeous emerald eyes they had ever seen. Wearing a wry smirk, she swayed her hips side-to-side in a hypnotic rhythm. With a wink, she licked her lips at the three.

Jaune: Is... Is she looking at me?

Qrow: Pfuh! As if! She's looking at the Harbinger, baby~!

Cinder: Yeah, that's not as sexy as you think it is.

Qrow: Watch and learn, kids. (Walks over, Chuckles) OH SHIT! (Flies backwards)

Jaune: ...So, she is looking at me.

Cinder: Well don't just sit there! Get up and go talk to her!

Jaune: W-Well, what do I say?

Cinder: Try one of your annoying pick-up lines.

Jaune: Uh, okay. Like, "Hey, beautiful. Are you my shield? Because I'd like to slide my sword into you~."

Cinder: Ugh, gross. Definitely not what you'd normally say.

Jaune: Uh, okay. "Pardon me, but I couldn't help but notice you're dancing alone, and thought you might like some company?"

Cinder: Somehow, that'd even creepier.

Jaune: "Hi, my name is Jaune"?

Cinder: (Sighs) And that's too fucking formal.

Qrow: Look, kid, just go up to her and be yourself.

Cinder: No! That is the exact opposite he needs to be!

Qrow: Shush! Listen, kid; a man is only a man if he's as comfortable in his own skin as the armor he wears. Being able to talk to a beautiful woman the same as you'd talk to your friends is the true mark of a huntsman. Now go on, my son. Spit your game!

Jaune: Yes, sir! (Gets up, Walk over)

Cinder: You really think he has a chance?

Jaune: Uh, h-hi! I'm, uh- I'm Jaune Arc. What's your-

Qrow: Fuck no! If I couldn't get it, what makes you think he's got a shot.

Jaune: Oh! You're hugging me! Oh! O-Oh, that feels nice...

Cinder: Not gonna lie, that's totally fucked up.

Jaune: O-Ow! Did you just bite me?! Why did you- Ow! Ow!

Qrow: How is it fucked up?!

Cinder: Because, he- Oh shit! He got it!

Qrow: What?!

Jaune and the mysterious woman were now entangled on the floor, with Jaune pinned beneath her. He thrusts his body into hers, dry humping as she moans. He screams as she buries herself deep into his neck, catching the eyes of numerous patrons around him.

Jaune: HEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!

Pyrrha: (Sucking on his neck) Mm~!

Cinder: Well, color me surprised. The knight has game.

Qrow: This is bullshit! That should be me macking with the hottie on the dancefloor!

Cinder: Oh, spare me...

[petertingle-yipyip]

MAD AT GOD - MATT MURDOCK

Season Three - Lover of Mine

tags: @mayasaurus--rex @americaarse @dusstory @johnmurphys-sass @ironprincessstranger @astrobees @woowwwee // five // seven // masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Livia

Word Count: 9,732

Summary: The constant circles and playing different parts grows more and more dizzying as events continue to unfold. Alliances tested and lives endangered, Ex and The Man in the Mask take a stand against the new Daredevil.

“How? Livia, calm down and talk to me. What happened?”

“I can’t calm down!” You snapped and he stepped in front of you, hands landing on either arm to stop you.

“You’re burning up.”

“Yeah, no shit.” You almost yelled. “This puts everything at risk!”

“Slow down, Livvy.” He said carefully. “Tell me what happened.”

“He cut my mask. I grabbed it and he saw me. He saw my face.”

“But he has no proof.” Matt offered calmly, though you knew your frazzled state was radiating and vibrating through him. He stood before you as solid as ever. “He can’t throw around an accusation like that without proof.”

“You can’t accuse him of being the knock-off Daredevil without proof either.” You deadpanned.

“I have proof.” He let go of one arm and held out Dex’s tape player.

“That doesn’t connect him to Fisk. And that doesn’t change the fact that he knows who I am. And- And Ray. Oh my god, Ray. We have to find him.”

“Don’t worry, okay? I’m gonna take care of it.” He promised.

“He’s gonna try to blackmail me. He’s- He’s gonna expect me to go along with it. He’s going-“

“So go along with it.” Matt nodded and your jaw went slack. “Your mask records, doesn’t it? You can get proof.”

“This is exactly what I wanted to avoid. I didn’t want to have to use this for a double agent. The whole point of her is to do things on my terms. Besides, in case you forgot-“ You thumped your fingers against his forehead. ”- I’m a federal agent. I can’t exactly walk around my office in a bulletproof body suit.”

“Nothing bad is gonna happen to you.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one in the middle of a shit show.”

“He won’t hurt you.”

“Stop acting like you know him! You don’t!”

“Why are you acting like you care about him? You didn’t want anything to do with me when you said I betrayed you back in that alley. But he chooses to work for Fisk and you don’t care?”

“He’s gonna see this as a betrayal.” You gestured wildly towards the apartment below you. “It makes me look like the untrustworthy one.”

“Since when do you care what others think of you?” He scoffed lightly.

“Matthew, you are not listening to me.” You spoke slowly, emphasizing each word. “That man will not hesitate if he gets a chance to kill me.”

“He won’t.” He shook his head firmly.

“Yeah, cause you’ll be there to protect me, right?” You mocked. “You can’t even come to the goddamn apartment. You expect me to believe that you’ll be around now?”

He sighed and nodded in resignation. “Are you gonna hold that against me forever?”

“Are you gonna give me a reason to believe you? C’mon, I mean… You act like you love me and then you ask if I ever manipulated you.”

Your implant pinging caught your attention so you stepped away from Matt to answer it.

“You need to find Ray.” You said over your shoulder as you put distance between you two.

“Yeah?” You said simply, hearing the shuffle of Matt’s boots as he left.

“Have you talked to Karen?” Foggy asked on the other end.

“Not since the questioning. Why?”

“I invited her to this thing and she said she’d come but she hasn’t shown up. I’m a little worried. Did you know she lost her job?”

“Ellison fired her?”

“Cause she wouldn’t give up his real name.”

“Shit.” You sighed, though you appreciated the loyalty. “Uh, yeah. I can track her phone, hang on.”

“You can do that?”

“Yeah, I’ve saved all of your numbers to a program that can locate your phones by SIM card. Back when we thought Matt was just a dumbass, I wanted to make sure he didn’t fall in down a manhole whenever he didn’t answer the phone.” You explained while you slid your finger across the mask. You held it in place with the other hand while you looked around the city. “Okay, I found her. Looks like she’s just driving around. I’ve gotta get back to work so I’ll text you if I get a hold of her.”

“Thanks, Livvy.”

“It’s what I do.” You shrugged and tapped the implant off.

You snuck off the roof and to your car, parked at the empty structure a few blocks over. You changed back into work clothes and headed to the Presidential. You got to the media room and took a seat at the monitors,  though your mind was still buzzing.

You wondered how long it would take until Dex opened his mouth. Would he tell Fisk and let the big man try to play you? Would he go after you the way he went after Jasper? Or would he sit in silence? Let you drive yourself mad with the possibility that he could out you at any second. That he could make you the fugitive instead of him. You didn’t like the leverage he had over you and you needed a way to take it away.

You needed to get the advantage. And what better way to do that than to put yourself in a position above him to boot him out.

When you finally managed to focus on work, you realized who Fisk was talking to.

“Hey.” You waved one of the other agents down without taking your eyes off the screen. “Who let her in?”

“Page?” The agent asked and you nodded. “His lawyers okay’d it. She said she’s writing a story about his mother. Who gives a shit?”

“Are you guys stupid?” You urged. “She worked at the firm that got him locked up. Why would you let her in?”

“Lawyers said it was fine.” One of them shrugged. “Besides, it’s not like we can go in with her.. We got the cameras on so she’ll be fine. Didn’t that firm shut down anyway?”

Either your colleagues were complete idiots or they were absolutely clueless.

You disguised the use of your implant as a scratch to your head, tuning into their conversation as you watched it unfold on the screens in front of you. You heard what she said as she leaned in close and your hand tightened into a fist. She was egging Fisk on by claiming to have killed Wesley. She wanted Fisk to put hands on her, but you knew that for Wesley, he’d kill her.

“Come with me.” You stood quickly and gestured to both agents. “Now!”

“What?” One of them asked, though he stood.

“Why?” The other said and followed suit. As you were stepping into the hall, you ran into Foggy.

“You’ve gotta get her out of there.” Foggy said and you nodded, hurrying past him. There was a hushed conversation between the men behind you but you ignored it.

You kicked the door open and raised your gun, pointing it at Fisk. You yelled for him to get back, to keep hands where you could see them and to get away from her. Your coworker escorted Karen out but you stayed to make sure Fisk didn’t try anything while you guided him to his room with a gun at his back.

“Did you know?” He asked tightly and you knew what he meant.

“I know she was lying.” You answered quietly. “And I know the truth. I’ve always known.”

“And you hid it from me?”

“I thought you would’ve been perceptive enough to put it together on your own. The burn on his chest… was an electrical burn. The bullets were just an extra.” You said with a small smile.

“You?” He turned with a sneer, taking a step closer.

“Careful.” You said confidently as you put your gun away, flaunting that you were untouchable at that moment as you lifted a finger in the general direction of one of the cameras. “You’re gonna need me if you wanna keep your newest toy. You didn’t need me to break him because you were already plotting to take everything from him. Imagine how he’ll react once he knows.”

His brows furrowed as you backed away.

“Maybe you’ve gone too far… I’d love to test that theory. This is gonna be fun.” You smiled and his eyes went wide for a moment when he realized.

You hopped down the steps and back out, finding your friends in the hall. The doors closed behind you and the agents posted tried to talk to you, to apologize and ask how you knew something was wrong, but you ignored them.

“Page.” You called and she rolled her eyes before looking at you. “Are you insane? I mean, honestly, have you lost it?”

“I had him.” She said angrily before turning to the elevator. “And you ruined it. You both ruined it.”

“Ruined it?” You laughed. “I just saved your ass. He would’ve killed you. Are you really that desperate?”

“At least it would’ve been on video.”

“Goddammit, Karen. Don’t turn into Matt on me.” Foggy said with a small stomp.

“Hey.” You reached foward and grabbed her arm to spin her so she would face you fully. “You really wanna try and get yourself killed? Because guess what, if you weren’t on his shit list before, you are now. I can’t protect everyone when you’re all running off in different directions like toddlers.”

“Then don’t.” She snapped. “And I didn’t want him to kill me.. Just to come after me.”

“Yeah, that’s so much better.” Foggy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, well I got the idea from you. Talking about getting Tower worked up. I thought I just had to get him to stop thinking, to react emotionally.”

“Last time he did that, he decapitated one of the Russian brothers with an SUV door.” You said simply. “You think he wouldn’t have done something like that to you?”

“It’s not a bad plan, except for the part where you have to hope the FBI comes in before he beats you to death.”

“Let’s be honest. If I wasn’t here, those ball scratchers wouldn’t have gotten in there in time. Half the people here don’t want to be here so they don’t give a shit.”

“Doesn’t matter now, does it?” She snapped and pushed into the elevator.

“Neither does you throwing that name around.” You said quickly.

“What?”

“He knows it was me. Probably won’t save you from retaliation but it can keep him on me a little longer.”

“Why would you-“ Foggy tried but the door shut before his sentence could finish.

Later that night, you were sitting in the media room at the closing hour of your shift. You were waiting for one of the others to come take over when you felt it, so saturated it almost knocked you out of your chair. It was a burst of rage, white hot and pulsing. You felt it seer through you, hotter than anything you felt from yourself or Matt. It was like it had been brewing for a long time, building and burning and festering until it broke its way out.

And it was coming from a few floors below. It was coming from Dex.

Your apparent betrayal broke him and you weren’t completely sure it was a good thing.

Meanwhile, back in his secluded underground part of the church, Matt was looking for something else to think of. All his mind kept coming back to, other than letting Dex get away, was her. He could understand why she didn’t want to believe her partner was working for Fisk. He believed that she did what she could to keep him away, but she was right. She couldn’t control everyone all the time so it wasn’t fair for Matt to throw that at her. And Fisk was smart. He had to have known Y/N was trying to keep Dex away from him. So he found ways to break him that not even Livia could stop. Things Livia probably didn’t even know about, not until it was done.

He was listening to the tape with Maggie when his mind finally let her go, just for a minute.

“He didn’t have any parents. Spent a lot of time fighting. Angry.” He said simply, just stating what he had learned, when Maggie hummed in response. “Go ahead and say it.”

“I promised to keep my mouth shut.” She answered.

“But you wanna say it sounds familiar.”

“More ways than one.”

“I didn’t have anyone either but I’m nothing like him.” Matt shook his head. “The tapes make it sound like he was a killer at a young age.”

“That bit sounds familiar, too.” Maggie said to herself, but they both knew Matt would hear it.

Was that why Livia protected him? She saw herself in him?

“Livia’s nothing like this guy, okay?” He decided. “She actually cares about people and has a heart. The guy’s a psychopath… And I had a chance today. A shot to catch him off guard and I blew it.”

“You did what you thought was right. You kept your word to Agent Nadeem.”

“Yeah. And how many people are gonna die because of it? Not to mention that he knows about Livia. Now she’s in the middle of it and either has to go along with this or go on the run. He could throw her under the bus, same way Fisk did to me, just to save his own ass. He doesn’t care about her.”

“Do you think Alivia can keep herself alive? Or does she need you to be her knight in shining armor all the time?”

“I just want her to be safe. After everything I’ve done, I owe her that.”

“I think you owe her more than that.”

He sighed heavily and nodded. He knew he couldn’t run from her questions forever. It wasn’t fair to leave her so deep in the dark. And it was killing him all the same.

“She’s gonna get herself killed trying to save this guy.” Matt spoke with a certain bitterness. Bitter towards Livia’s sudden adherence to morals that he once claimed, towards her sudden belief that people could change.

It made him wonder what had changed so drastically in the time he was gone that she would stand so adamantly in a losing fight.

“You said this man is her partner at the FBI?” Maggie changed the subject.

Matt reluctantly nodded. He hated the idea that she would have to go back and be around him, to essentially be at his mercy. At the same time he knew if there was one person in Hell’s Kitchen that wasn’t helpless, it was Livia.

“Then she knows his tendencies better than you do. She’s a very strong, very smart girl. I’m sure she’s endured worse so she can take care of herself until you two have a plan.”

“I don’t think she wants to do this with me anymore.”

“This?” She gestured to Matt. “Or this?” She tapped her chest where her heart was.

“Both.”

“Just give her time, Matthew. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, like you hung the stars. That’s not something that can be thrown away. You both will always be there for the other when they call.”

She left after that, allowing Matt to punch his pain away. He was angry. At himself, at Dex, at Fisk. He even wanted to be angry at Livia, but all she had done was refuse to leave him. How could he be angry at that? As he worked on the punching bag he could hear Sister Maggie’s prayer in the church above. He was listening but also not, using it as a sort of background noise. It wasn’t until the end that it mattered.

“Our son is too much like you, Jack.”

Our son … Jack.

“Mom?” Matt muttered as he fell to his knees.

He was in complete disbelief but suddenly, it all made sense. That’s why she made sure he was okay. That’s why she made sure he had a place to stay. That’s why she refused to give up on him. He didn’t know what to do, what to think.

But he knew his heart was calling for Y/N, in a way only she would know. In a way that he wasn’t sure he deserved anymore.

You couldn’t call him. You doubted the man had a phone anymore. You had just gotten home when you felt that crushing feeling, that world shattering uncertainty. It made you dizzy when you walked through the door and you nearly fell to the floor.

You made it to your couch and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to be absorbed by that heavy feeling. You pushed back, following that line back to Matt. You were hoping he wouldn’t ignore you. You were hoping he would understand, but with the intensity he was putting out, you didn’t know what would get through to him.

Come home, Matt. Let me help you.

Damn it all if you didn’t forget that you were angry when he really needed you.

You fell asleep on the couch waiting for a response. You waited for a change in feeling or to feel it growing closer. You waited to hear him calling your name or touch your shoulder. You waited for the door or some sign that he was there. You didn’t know how late it was when he finally showed up.

He sat beside you on the couch and gave your leg a gentle shake, but you still jumped up in a hurry. Unsure if it was Matt or Dex or someone else to kill you, your hands raised reflexively into fists while your eyes tried to adjust to the neon shining in. Matt chuckled and put his hands over yours, gently pushing them down and assuring you it was just him.

“Matt.” You sighed and relaxed next to him. “What happened?”

“Sister Maggie, she was upstairs praying.” He said carefully, but you could tell there was a waver in his voice, threatening to break. “She was asking my dad for guidance and said ‘our son’.”

“Talking about you?”

“Why else would she talk to him?”

“Took a while for you to get here… Where’d you go?”

“Father Lantom.”

“Was it any help?”

“No.”

“How can I help? Tell me what you need.”

“I don’t know.” He nearly whispered. “It was right there, the whole time. Livia, everything could’ve been different.”

“Yeah, but then who knows if it would’ve been good or bad different.” You tried gently. You reached forward carefully to remove the familiar glasses and he didn’t stop you. Instead, he gave you a small smile and turned his head towards you. “Maybe we don’t meet. Maybe I end up with a different vigilante boyfriend. Maybe you end up as a priest, too. Who knows what would’ve changed?”

“I could’ve had my mom.” He spoke softly.

“I know.” You nodded and gently ran fingers through the sides of his hair. “Did I ever tell you about my dad?”

“I thought you didn’t know him.” He shifted his body towards you.

“I don’t, but I did meet him once, before I met you.” Your hand fell to his shoulder. “My aunt, Melina, would talk about them when I was a kid. I looked up their names when I got out, found some leads and kept tugging strings till I found him living in a small town in California. He had a new wife and a son… I remember when I left him, I kept thinking that I could’ve had a brother. I could’ve had siblings and a real family if he was willing to run just a little while longer.”

“What happened when you met him?”

“He said my mother was dead and so was her daughter, Alexa. He was talking about me.”

“Your name is Alexa?”

“To my parents, yes. Once I wasn’t theirs, that little girl did die and Alivia was born, which is fine. Alexa’s someone else completely as far as I care. Listen, my point is that I could’ve had a different life, too. But you can’t sit here and think about ‘what if’. What if I was never in the Red Room or if I never got out? What if I never came to Hell’s Kitchen? What if I never went to Columbia?”

“So you think I shouldn’t do anything?”

“I think you shouldn’t let it change too much now. I know you want to figure things out, but I’m sure she was just young and scared. People don’t always do the smartest thing when they’re scared.”

“You ever make a bad decision cause you were scared?”

“Leaving you the first time.” You confessed, though that event felt so far away given everything that had happened since. “I didn’t want to scare you and Foggy away with the truth so I left. I left you alone, Matt, and I never wanted to.”

“I left you too so I’d say we’re even.” He offered a small smile and you chuckled. “But I never wanna leave you again.”

“So don’t.” You offered, leaning your head against the back of the couch. “When I look at my life, and all of my crimes, you’re the only thing that I think I got right… I want you to stay, at least for tonight, but I won’t make you.”

“All my regrets, things that you can’t forget.. You still want me with all of those?”

“I can’t really give you away.” You shrugged slightly. “I already made that mistake a long time ago…”

“I want us to be okay, sweetheart.” He reached out and out a hand on your folded leg, thumb rubbing gentle lines.

“We can figure it out later. Right now, you’re in a crisis.”

He offered a weak smile as he nodded.

“I’m not saying to forgive Maggie, but I’d say hear her out, when you’re ready. Maybe she had her reasons.”

“What if she didn’t? What if she was just… ashamed?”

“Who would be ashamed of you?” Your fingers danced around on his shoulder, skimming across the crook of his neck. “You took off the crucifix? I liked it.”

“It was my mother’s.”

“Ah.” You nodded.

“I thought you hated me after what happened at Midland Circle”

“Yeah, I kinda did. But I also understand that it was your stupid way of protecting me because you loved me and I loved you, so that ended up beating out any other feeling. I haven’t forgiven you for it yet, though.”

“Clearly.” He gave a small chuckle. “Do you still?”

“Love you? Or hate you?”

“Both.”

“Yeah, to both. I’m still hurt by what you said to me. But I’m guessing you being here means you realized you can trust me?”

“Livvy, I always have.” His hand came to your cheek and you leaned into his touch, earning a smile from him. “I’m sorry I acted like I didn’t.”

“Maybe there’s still a chance to fix us when all this dies down.” You smiled softly, turning your head to place a kiss to his palm. “After that, you can fix things with Maggie. When you’re ready.”

“I love you.” He said softly.

“I love you, too.”

That night, wrapped in Matt’s arms, you had the first full night’s sleep since Midland Circle.

The next morning, you were getting ready for work when you got a message from Dex. It said that he was picking you up and you knew it wasn’t up for debate. You told Matt what was going on and he told you to be careful. He told you he wouldn’t be there when you got home, and he wasn’t sure where he’d be, but he would let you know somehow. Despite your protests, he promised it’d be for the best.

The ride with Dex was silent. There was a thick tension in the air and your skin was buzzing with anticipation. You kept thinking of scenarios where he would make a move on you, but in close quarters, it was an easy win for you. You could crash the car and run. You could use the backseat to get away. You could kick out the windows and tuck and roll. But there was no action, hardly any words. Instead, you pulled up to Ray’s as if everything was normal.

“Ray doesn’t know.” You said simply as you got out. “He doesn’t know about her and he doesn’t know that I know about you.”

“This’ll be fun then.” He smiled before grabbing your arm and practically pulling you to the front door.

Dex greeted Seema and gave you two a proper introduction. You let him do most of the talking, only offering a polite smile and an answer when necessary. Seema didn’t seem to notice, and you were thankful for that.

“And that makes it curve?” The boy’s voice interrupted your thoughts.

“Like crazy.” Dex smiled.

“It’s the circle change that gets ‘em though.” You cut in, kneeling to his height and stealing his attention away from Dex. You ignored your partner’s glare and focused on the boy. “A curve is great, don’t get me wrong. But a good hitter can see it coming. The real fun is when you can speed them up with the fast ball and then sneak the change up. If you want a strikeout pitch, the circle change is what you need.”

“Can you show me?” He asked excitedly.

“Yeah, it’s super easy. The ball sits here.” You moved the back to rest at the back of his palm. “These two fingers make a circle like this.” You slid his thumb and forefinger to make a circle on the side of the ball. “And these fingers just kinda spread out.” You fanned his other three fingers. “And then you just throw it normally.”

“So… Wait, how does it slow down?”

“When it rolls off your fingers, the backspin makes it look like it’s coming faster than it is.”

“Ooh.” He laughed and looked at his fingers on the ball.

Ray came down and gave his son - Sami - a reason to leave the room. When he made eye contact with you, you gave a shrug and nodded to Dex to show it was his idea. Ray brought you and Dex outside to keep his family out of it.

“What are you doing here, Dex? Your issue is with me, not my family.” Ray asked tightly.

“My issue is definitely with you.” Dex agreed. “That stunt with the lawyer, Ray? That was cold. You convinced me that you had my back.” He turned towards you. “You both did.”

“I did until you chose Fisk.” You admitted. “I tried to help you but you wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Well Fisk wants you two alive.”

“Lucky me.” You mumbled.

“What does he want from me? Or her?” Ray nodded to you.

“Your little friends. The ones you brought into my home.” He took a step closer to Ray and your hand shot out to his chest, pushing him back with a warning glare.

“I don’t know who he is, or where he is. I know even less about the girl.”

“Nah, you know.” Dex countered. “But it can wait. You’re bleeding, Ray.”

“Cause you shot him, jackass.” You mumbled, making Dex chuckle.

“I’ll cover with Seema while you change. Let’s go. We’re all spending the day together.”

“Why'd he bring you?” Ray asked when Dex went back inside. “What does he know?”

“Too much.” You admitted. “That I know Exodus. I know Daredevil. I know what happened at his apartment, what really happened at the Bulletin.”

“How?”

“Как ты думаешь, с кем ты разговариваешь?” You asked with a small shrug before following Dex in and leaving Ray in confusion. (Who do you think you’re talking to?)

You didn’t stay at Ray’s much longer. Seema gave you a plate to take with you and you thanked her. Sami thanked you again for the change-up and you offered to show him a knuckleball next time. Ray rushed you guys out of the house and when you got to the bureau, Dex told Ray to call Matt. You tapped your implant and listened in on their call while you waited with Dex. Though if anyone asked what was actually said, you wouldn’t be able to tell them.

“How long do you think you can keep it a secret?” He asked simply, turning to face you.

“Longer than you did. I didn’t need to see any of it to know what you were. One look told me everything I needed to know. Wanna know how?” You tilted your head back to face him. His brows raised and he offered you an amused smile. “Because you’re weak. Your old therapist was wrong about you. Your internal compass is broken, Dex. And no one can save you. You’ll follow anyone that uses the right words.”

He grabbed you by your face and pushed you against the wall behind you, making you laugh.

“Get your hand off me or I scream. Remember, not every agent in the room works for him.” You warned and you watched his eyes dart between yours and try to figure out if you were joking. “Go ahead… Try me.”

He pushed off you when Hattley came in for an announcement. You pulled off the wall and moved to stand with Ray, hearing your SAC declare Dex reinstated. You were hidden behind him so rolled your eyes and feigned a gag. But when he stepped aside to thank you and Ray specifically, you put your hands behind your back and offered a proud smile.

“Someday I’ll pay you guys back for everything you did.” He said, though you heard the threat in his words.

“We’re partners.” You said with fake sincerity and reached for his hand, which he hesitantly gave you. “You’d do the same for me.”

After a few moments of congratulations and praise for Dex, the three of you were taken to a conference room where a handful of agents sat around the table. You scoffed in disbelief as Dex headed to sit at the head, Hattley at his side. You stood at the other end, leaning

onto flattened palms against the table.

“Fisk has something on all of you?” Ray asked in disbelief.

“It’s better we don’t talk about it.” One of the other agents in the room said. He may be stuck under Fisk’s thumb, but it didn’t seem like he wanted to be. “And in here, we don’t even say his name.”

“That’s one of the rules, Ray.” Dex explained. “We only refer to him by his codename… Kingpin.”

You had to drop your eyes to hide your quiet laugh.

“Something funny, Yersova?” Hattley asked and you picked your head up with your smile still present.

“This whole thing, actually.” You shrugged and pushed yourself off to stand tall. “An office of dedicated federal agents falls victim to a big bald guy who doesn’t even do his own dirty work half the time? Y’know when Fisk was around the first time, people only would call him ‘their employer’ and it was embarrassing then too. I’m sorry but… it’s all a little pathetic.”

“You’re here too, Livia. So what does that say about you?”

“Oh man.” You exaggerated a sigh. “I should’ve talked to Madani about transferring to Homeland. At least then I could’ve had a partner who stood for something-“ You made eye contact with Dex. “-instead of kneeling to a little bit of pressure.”

“Real cocky when you’re the one with the most to lose, Yersova.” Dex said with a smooth smirk.

“At least I know who I am. Can you say the same?”

“Anyways.” Hattley cut in firmly. “Another round-up today. We hit them fast and hard. Kingpin wants this one to make a point.”

You felt grimy by the time the assignment was done. You hung back for most of it, hardly even raising your gun. Instead, you just kept the people around the marks calm. Even at the public groundbreaking for something seemingly religious, you ensured no one made a scene. Later that day, you sat with Dex in the media room.

“You seem tense. What’s eating at you?” Dex asked with a sly smile.

“Thinkin’ about how I’m gonna put a bullet in you.” You said calmly. “Y’know what an old friend told me? You don’t hear the ones that get you.”

“Pretty confident.” He nodded with that same smile, one that made you want to slam his face down on the desk. “But I remember the last time we went at it. I put in a knife in you. How’s that healing, by the way?” He snuck his hand to the joint of your leg and gave your leg a slight squeeze.

Your body jumped at the unwanted contact and you reached for his hand quickly. You gripped tightly, feeling the long bones of his hand shift slightly, and moved his hand forcefully. 

“And how many times did I knock you on your ass? All it takes is two seconds where Ole Red isn’t looking.” You leaned in closer so you could speak quietly, hands folded beneath the table. “You keep this up, Dex, and you’ll be the one who pays a price. Not me.”

The day shift went on relatively quickly but then you two were called for an additional night shift. Ray left with Hattley to get Fisk while you and Dex finished up upstairs. You saw a message from Foggy as you headed to the car and saw that Fisk had his hooks in his family. The deli had embellished a loan application from Red Lion Bank, and someone was threatening to pull it. It was now a growing priority for you to get your hands on Felix Manning. You had seen the man in the hotel a few times but never with enough clearance to get to him.

You drove with Ray in the front while Fisk and Dex rode in the back. You followed Dex’s directions, intentionally slamming the brakes harder than necessary. When you parked, Ray called Matt.

“If you can hear me…” You spoke quietly, putting a hand over your mouth so the men in the back wouldn’t see. “Fisk is using all of us, just be careful.”

Fisk sent Ray out while he kept you and Dex in the car.

“What do you need us to do?” Dex asked and your other hand gripped the steering wheel tightly.

“Exodus.” Fisk said calmly and your eyes darted to the rear view mirror. “Where is your suit?”

He didn’t need to know that you were wearing your suit beneath your work clothes. You wore a sweater over it instead of a button up with simple black pants that were easy to ditch, along with your usual jacket. Your Bites, and mask were all tucked between the material of your suit and the top, blending with the extra fabric of your loose sweater. Your shoes were your usual vigilante boots. So really, the only thing you were missing were your staffs, and that was only because the pack would’ve been too bulky to hide. You had returned all of your equipment to the closet back home, knowing it’d be too risky to just leave in your trunk now that you were caught in the middle of everything.

“Parti. Et vous le serez aussi, assez tôt.” You said tightly. (Gone. And you will be too, soon enough.)

Dex reached around and locked his arm around your throat. He yanked back and forced you against the headrest, increasing the pressure on your windpipe. You coughed roughly and reached down, finding the side lever for the back of the seat. You pulled up on it and threw your weight back, hearing the thud when it slammed into Dex.

“Enough.” Fisk announced, but you jammed an elbow against Dex’s jaw to prove a point before shifting in your seat to face Fisk.

“Allow me to clarify something. I do not work for you. I’ve stood my ground before and I’m not afraid to do it again.” You said firmly, knowing the anger sparked in your eyes. “Daredevil and I will finish this, the real Daredevil. No one can save you.”

He turned towards Dex with a smirk before facing you again.

“Y’know…” You turned towards Dex with an innocently curious expression. “I haven’t seen Julie around since your little chat at the cafe. How is she?”

His brows furrowed as you tugged that concern closer to the surface. His eyes went big when he either remembered or realized something so you gave Fisk a smirk before heading inside to meet with Ray.

“The Feds want something.” The woman you took from the groundbreaking said and looked around your small group of agents.

“Not the Feds.” You sighed and drew head turns just as Fisk walked in.

You had to bite your tongue to keep your comments to yourself. You watched as Fisk tried to barter FBI protection for twenty percent. The woman was interested, and truthfully, she interested you. Calm and comfortable in her power, but willing to work with others. If you weren’t so inclined to stay on the right-ish side of the law, maybe you would’ve been like her.

What really kept your attention was the man you only heard addressed as Mr. Starr. The old man was set in his ways, refusing to budge. He refused to kneel to Fisk’s pressure and while you commended him for his conviction, you knew what was coming.

Dex’s baton came flying in before you could react and the man slumped forward against the table in a puddle of his own blood. Dex came to stand at Fisk’s side and you moved to the other side of the now dead body, picking up the club. You flipped it in your hands, earning uncertain looks from the other crime bosses. You tapped the other end against your empty palm before stealing a move from Dex, throwing it against the table so it’d bounce. The bounce led one end to jam into Dex’s chest, making him stagger back a few steps and you smiled.

You may not be able to take him on in broad daylight, not with the handful of agents in Fisk’s pocket. But that didn’t mean you couldn’t take smaller jabs at him. After the deals were said and done, when Matt didn’t show, Dex moved across the table and stood close to you.

“If you tipped him.” He said lowly, attempting to threaten you.

You calmly titled your head back to meet his burning glare with a small shrug. “When would I have done that? You’ve been watching me the whole time.”

His jaw clenched as he stared you down, growing uncertain as you refused to falter. Your chin lifted slightly in a soft challenge as Fisk called him back.

“What a good lap dog.” You mocked softly as he followed Fisk without question.

You only followed when Ray nudged you. You ignored the lingering looks from the various criminals at the table as you left, but you couldn’t ignore their fear. It spiked when you threw the baton at Dex and it was clear that while they did fear Dex, you terrified them. And not because you were Exodus. They couldn’t know that. What scared them about you was the way you carried yourself. Your total confidence in challenging Fisk and his faux Daredevil. It left them to wonder what you could do on your own.

You realized that part of you missed the fear your presence used to cause, but the reality was that you didn’t need to be a looming force. Fear was fun when it was only you. Respect was better when others were at stake.

The car ride was quiet, but the tension was building quickly. It soon felt like your suit was suffocating you, like the high collar was digging into your throat even though you didn’t have it zipped all the way. The collar was folded under your sweater, but that didn’t mean your skin wasn’t stained with the ghost of the material. You called your jitters to your hand, creating a small collection of bouncing wisps in your palm. The silver streaks danced around and weaved through your fingers, shaking and ricocheting off your skin as you flicked them away and called them back like a yo-yo.

But when the announcement sounded in your implant, the string snapped and the wisps instantly disappeared.

Karen Page is located at the Clinton Church. Keep all NYPD units clear until otherwise advised. Copy.

You spun in your seat with wide eyes, a panic settling deep in your stomach when the SUV stopped and he sent Ray out.

Would Matt get there in time? Would you? How would you get away? Would Matt even know what was happening? Even if you were still upset, you knew you needed his help. You didn’t even know if he had heard you earlier. If he came up and saw you there, would he think you sided with Fisk out of spite?

While Fisk and Dex talked about what they needed to do next, you took a glance around the street. There was no one around, so you running out of a blacked out SUV wouldn’t raise any questions.

“He was murdered!” Fisk shouted and slammed a fist against the door,

“And I’d do it again.” You said firmly, drawing an angry glare from him and a quizzical one from Dex. “He deserved it for threatening people I cared about. When I walked out of that warehouse, his blood splattered on my suit, I damn near celebrated.”

“When I sent you to the Bulletin, it was to discredit Daredevil and his partner-“ He gestured to you before turning to face Dex again. “-and the reporter that helped make them into heroes. At the time, I didn’t know that she had assisted in his murder.”

“If there’s something you want me to do, just ask.” Dex added smoothly.

“I want you to kill Karen Page.”

Your former friend made a point to meet your eyes. “Consider it done.”

“Good luck.” You scoffed before reaching across the gap and slamming Dex’s head against the window.

You hurried out the door after that but you felt a hand on your arm. You turned to see Dex and he yanked you back, pushing you towards the other SUV. You pulled free and threw a roundhouse against his jaw that threw him into the nearest wall. He got up quickly and threw a right hook against your jaw before grabbing the back of your neck. His fingers pressed into the sides of your neck and he slammed your head against the window of the SUV. You felt the skin at your hairline split so you stuck a foot against the car and kicked off, pushing you both backwards so Dex would hit his back on a nearby dumpster.

You took the chance to climb to your feet and took off sprinting down the streets until you got to the church. You got inside just as mass was starting so you snuck up the stairs that led to the balcony. You stripped out of your work clothes and tucked them under one of the pews before fixing the final details of your suit. 

You listened to Father Lantom’s speech, thanking everyone for coming to mass. You tapped your mask and looked between the priest and the doors as the tension buzzed through your body. You felt electrified by the looming threat but the gentle, honest words from Father Lantom seemed to serve as a buffer to break some of that buzzing. If you could count on nothing from the ideas of religion or from any church, you could always count on Father Lantom to be genuine with whoever he was talking to. You smiled softly towards the altar where Father Lantom was, and he had offered you the same sentiment, when a voice cut through everything.

“Karen Page!” Dex called out as he entered the church, dragging the club against the side of the pews as he stepped further inside. “Where is… Karen Page?”

You hopped over the railing and landed behind him. By the time your feet hit the ground, he had already beat on three patrons. You shot a wire at his throat and once it wrapped, you yanked hard to pull him back a few feet. He yanked the wire off and turned on you, both clubs in hand before Karen announced herself.

You felt your heart drop to your feet when he smirked, turning to face her. She was quick to put herself in front of the people and you felt helpless, for only a moment. 

“Hello, Karen. It’s nice to see you again.” Dex said simply.

You took that chance to get in front of him, hands quick to reach behind and find your knives. You brandished them quickly and Dex tilted his head slightly.

“You don’t have to listen to him.” You tried, pushing out a subtle desperation.

It would be the last chance. Standing against Dex, against your partner, you couldn’t protect him and defend against him at the same time. So in that church, with all the lives that hid behind you on the line, you forced Dex to make a choice.

You. Or the man who only saw Dex as a weapon.

“Pick your side.” You warned. “You won’t get another chance to change your mind.”

He gave you a wicked smile and you knew that the man you knew before was gone. His mind had snapped and he was now a fractured, broken version of the person you once called a partner. His lack of empathy had never been so clear, like a vacuum that sucked in and destroyed any sense of emotion around him. It began to drag on you as well, but Matt made it just in time.

He landed contact with Dex from behind so you turned and gathered the people who had attended mass. You pushed Karen to join the crowd while Matt handled the fight. You shoved the knife away and reached into a different pocket for your communications case, you shoved it into her hands and turned in time to see Dex standing before you. Your eyes darted to the side and all you could see behind the small altar of candles were Matt’s feet.

You turned back to Dex just time to see the knife coming. Instantly, you moved to the side to put yourself in front of the people but two hands came to your arms and threw you to the side. You looked back and saw the knife buried in Father Lantom’s chest.

“No.” You said quickly, eyes brimming with sudden tears. “No!”

Matt ran back into the fight screaming, the anger radiating off him. Lantom spoke quietly to Matt as he laid in Karen’s arms, her own hands trembling around the knife. You reached for the case you gave her, opening it and pulling one of the ear pieces. Shakily, she put it in her ear and gave you a quick nod. You tapped your scar before finding Matt. When he floored Dex, you practically ran across the short distance.

You clipped the microphone to the collar of his shirt, throwing a hard sidekick when Dex tried to get to his feet.

“Karen? Can you hear me?” You spoke quietly.

“Yeah… I can get everyone out.” She answered, her voice echoing around your skull. “But you guys have to get him away from the nave.”

You offered a sharp nod and focused back on Dex. You ran towards him and slammed your knee into his chest. He rolled through the impact and kicked himself down one of the aisles. From there, he began throwing small candles at the two of you. The wax splattered across your face as they shattered against your arms after you raised them, causing you to wince slightly as you turned your head. Keeping one arm up, you stuck your Bite between the small gap at the bend of your arm and fired. The electricity landed at the base of his throat and his movements became tight convulsions.

You took advantage and moved closer, slamming a kick to the back of his knee. When he fell to a kneel, you used the opposite foot you kicked and threw a roundhouse to the side of his head that forced him to the floor. You turned to find Matt, seeing Karen moving people on the other side instead. You heard movement from behind you and turned to see Dex standing with a piece of marble in hand.

When he pulled back to throw it, Matt came and drew his attention away. You let out a small sigh and glanced back at Karen, hearing her talking to one of the patrons about getting out.

“Make sure they stay low to the ground.” You instructed as you watched Dex and Matt exchange blows. “Keep out of his line of sight and move fast.”

When the boys came back into the main area of the church, you jumped back into the fight. Matt threw Dex into a pew so you moved to the side and grabbed hold of the edge as Dex kicked out at Matt’s chest. You threw your legs forward to slam into his chest and flip him over. Your feet landed on the seat so you crouched on the wood and waved the group of churchgoers forward after you noticed they had paused to watch the fight.

The small crowd was huddled low as they crept across the floor. You made a small noise to yourself when you thought they weren’t going fast enough but the sound was cut short when Dex yanked you down by your arm, a hand gripping aggressively around your wrist. You yelped slightly when you landed on your shoulder and Dex stood over you, rolling you to your back with his foot before he pressed it at the base of your shoulder as he searched the group. You craned your neck as you tried to force Dex off and you saw Karen running down the center aisle.

“Don’t.” You tried as his arm pulled back and he forced you back to the floor. The force of his foot combined with the way your arm was twisted was enough to pop the bone out of its socket and you couldn’t keep the sound of pain from happening.

Luckily, Matt knocked Dex off balance just in time to send his throw off course. Using your other hand, you jabbed two knuckles into a pressure point at the back of Dex’s leg and he fell against the pew. With Matt’s help, you wiggled out from underneath his weight and got to your feet.

“How are we gonna beat him?” Matt asked through heavy breaths. 

Your mind raced and the only things that kept repeating were three things you learned from Melina. She taught you those things not to help as a Widow, but to protect you. 

What I’m going to teach you isn’t for anyone but yourself. Remember these rules and no one can beat you, little Alivia.

Looking around, you realized you already used one.

“A man can’t stand, he can’t fight.” You spoke quietly, reaching out to find Matt’s hands. You guided them up to your shoulder and he moved closer, allowing you to close a fist around the material of his shirt. His fingers traced the joint before his palms found their positions and he pressed hard, a sharp exclamation falling from your lips as you felt the bone fit back into place. You bit your lip as you let out a small whimper while you heard Melina’s voice repeating those same words. With a. deep breath, you took a step away and collected yourself.

“If we can keep him off balance, we-“

Your sentence was cut short by a heavy fist at your jaw. You staggered back against the main row of pews and once your back hit the wood, you were bombarded with more hits. Your arms came up quickly, batting away his hits but every fist seemed to come heavier and heavier.

“Hey! I’m the one you want, right?” Karen yelled from the door, stealing his attention.

You took advantage of his hesitation and slammed both fists against his chest. He staggered away and coughed heavily, giving you space to stand tall and wipe the blood off your nose. 

“A man can’t breathe, he can’t fight.” You spoke to yourself and turned to Karen. You were tackled to the ground and his foot pressed down on the center of your chest.

You squirmed beneath him and Dex leaned his weight against you and you could feel the cartilage in your chest cracking. He snapped a rosary and pulled back to throw the beads. You lifted a wrist and shot a wire towards Karen’s ankle. It wrapped around your target and you yanked back to pull Karen to the floor just in time.

You popped the wire off and felt the weight disappear from your chest after Matt knocked him off. You took deep, gasping breaths while you looked back as you got to your feet and saw Karen was gone. You tapped your mask and saw her heading up the stairs to the top deck. You checked over your shoulder and saw Matt locked in with Dex. You thought of joining in but you chose to follow Karen up the steps instead. You found her crouched in the darkest corner and she covered her mouth with her hand when she saw you.

“Oh God.” She whispered, likely horrified by the blood you were covered in.

“You okay?” You asked quietly and all she could do was nod.

You heard footsteps coming so you used your mask to see it was Dex. Instantly, you wondered where Matt was but you didn’t have time to figure it out. You stepped out and pulled a knife from the back of your belt. You made a grand gesture as you moved closer to Dex.

“Is this what you wanted?” You asked simply. “You killed an innocent man.”

“You know what I want.” He answered flatly. “Why do you keep getting in my way?”

“Because at least I’m fighting for something. What do you fight for, hmm? What do you stand for? You’re a joke. You’re pathetic. You’re nothing. When Fisk is done with you, he’ll throw you away. You’re not special to him. The only thing you’ve done is destroy what that suit used to stand for around here. You can’t compare to Daredevil.”

Dex simply growled as he charged you. You braced yourself just as his shoulder slammed into your stomach. He lifted you off the ground and slammed your back into the marble pillar in the center of the deck. You coughed roughly and flipped the knife so you could swipe it across his back. You dropped the blade and locked your fingers behind his neck. Tucking your knees against his chest, you threw yourself to the ground so when you landed, your knees slammed against him. You rolled you two so you could be on top and you kept a grip on his suit front, slamming down hit after hit and watching his head bounce off the ground.

You pulled your arm back and armed your Bite, seeing the bright red glow shine in your peripherals. You were angling the shot when his forehead slammed up into your nose and knocked your teeth together. You fell to the side and Dex pushed you the rest of the way off. A pair of hands came under your arms and hauled you up. You looked quickly and saw it was Matt.

Together, you two took your stances across from Dex. The man across from you let out an annoyed sigh and moved at you two again. He shoved you towards the railing and you teetered over it. Your hands were tightly holding the top as your upper body tilted over and your feet lifted from the ground. You had to let one hand go for a second to hook the wire from your belt around the posts.

Once that was secure, you turned to your back and pushed yourself to be seated on the wood. You focused in on the scene in front of you and found Matt on the floor and Dex with a small, familiar blade in his hand. Your blade. You were quick to shoot the other end of your wire around his neck.

When the material whipped around, you yanked him back so he stood flush against you.

“You won’t win.” He choked out as you replaced the wire with your arm around his neck.

“I don’t have to.” You said into his ear, the other hand pressing the Bite against his throat. “We just both have to lose.”

You fired the weapon and locked your ankles together around his waist. He yelled in pain before you threw yourself backwards, launching you both over the edge. Your own body slammed against the heavy wood posts as your wire held you in place, dangling you over the drop like a piñata. In any other circumstance, the display probably would’ve made you laugh.

You pulled yourself back over the railing and undid the clasp at your belt. You motioned to Karen to check on Matt while you took heavy breaths and collapsed to your knees, pressing gently on your loose sternum to figure out the extent of the cracks. She hurried over, hesitating by your side. You waved her off before hauling yourself up to peer over the edge.

As soon as your chest leaned over, all of the air was sucked out of you as the sharp object pierced your solar plex. You were breathless as your hands hovered over the penetration and Dex was gone. You looked down with shaky breaths and you saw the familiar handle sticking out.

He threw your own knife at you. Again.

[lastavenged]

i need to work it more, but instead of karen going the full reporter route exactly; what if her articles and pieces, are talking points or essays she reads on the air, over the radio, for a midnight show.

given how much i love her paige angel arc in the comics, so for context;

the paige angel arc starts, after her and matt have gotten back together, and karen's been looking for a job. matt and foggy are going to work for rosalind sharpe.

she finds work at a radio station WSFK, which she does momentarily keep from matthew, given she knows what is said about this station; that is has connection to the mob. she keeps this parly becaue she isn't certain matt would approve

(do not worry paige angel is one of their healthiest relationship arcs; besides when matt kisses natasha three times; seriously the amount of times matt is kissed by other women when he is with karen is a lot more than twice)

her producers are shady, heavily have to censor her or ward her off topics

matt finds out about paige angel (her alias) by listening, one night when she's taking calls about daredevil and people's theories on him; he calls in as "mike" and subtly tells her that he approves of her new job, she realizes its matt as he hangs up (its very cute)

things stay good, before Fear starts fucking with everyone, and the radio station closes down. skipping some details (like the whole nat thing; starts with matt concerned friend, but he doesn't exactly tell nat to stop nor stops thinking about nat like that while with karen; neveer tells her) and moving ahead. rosalind sharpe, who is biologically foggy's mother, ends up purchasing/saving the radio and securing karen's job back

which when that happens, it is revealed, that karen was very controversial for the WSFK station, due to well, it was a mob owned radio, and karen is anti-mob and was daredevil-positive. matt even says he admires that karen was brave enough to take a job there, and be the one good thing among the bad / the angel against the devil / light in the dark (that is literally the theme of paige angel arc for karen)

she resumes being paige angel and working midnight radio, now with more freedom than ever (which is why i think the idea of her being the radio host for vigilantes as an arc i wanna take into the mcu is one i wanna play) to say and do as she wants on air

the paige angel arc ends when she gets a stalker who has been calling in, sends her a human heart to the station, and then subsequently kills about ten people in her name; one of which, is a cop, whom karen is framed for the murder of (and that is such a rough, sad, and scary arc for her; as the mal prison guards threaten to r-word and the female guards attempt to physically assault her)

she is kept safe by elektra in disguise as another prisoner in jail; while matt tries to save karen in court. she is saved and thus ends the paige angel and trial of karen page arcs.

so expect me to play around with this, in the mcu setting, as i do love the idea of karen specifically using her voice, to say what she has to say, as well as take in calls, and bring the news and challenge theories over the radio air.

[leathr-blr]

Headcanon dump when

you’ve made a grave mistake. media analysis is one of my special interests and i’m also a lifelong writer so this will definitely start to get incomprehensibly ranty (warning i literally gave like an essay length explanation of how i would rewrite heinz’ story in mml s2 and this whole thing devolves away from the question very quickly)

1. my funniest one and most out of pocket one i like to bring up is that i think doofenshmirtz is such a whore imo. an absolute harlot. i think he gets around. not like people are attracted to him or find him charming (he is NOT) but he will have been with everyone in the room, like, at least once. particularly the love muffin scientists, especially rodney, and he and monogram DEFINITELY were together at some point

2. on the monogram thing, i figured monogram “experimented” at one point before doof was an owca threat and dated heinz for a short period of time and that’s why they call eachother by their first names and are so familiar with eachother (heinz probably turned him from bi-curious to homophobic very quickly). i just think the idea is hilarious

3. obviously, heinz is transgender and so is perry, that’s a given. and as mentioned one of my previous posts, 2d doof is a karen archetype and your conservative aunt at thanksgiving dinner (you decide if he’s actually cishet or if he’s like blaire white)

4. less of a headcanon and more of an “i wish this happened”, i think monty and vanessa should have stayed together and i don’t like ferbnessa much but that’s also a pretty popular take. i like the perryshmirtz parallels what can i say. also this pairs very funnily with my first and second headcanons

5. buford and bajeet are qpps (they don’t know what that is but they are). ginger is supportive

6. another obvious one, i think pretty much everyone is neurodivergent because of course they are. to get specific on the ones i feel strongest about, heinz has audhd, perry is low-empathy autistic, the rest of the flynn-fletcher family besides linda are autistic, milo is autistic, cavendish is autistic, and dakota has adhd. thank you for listening to my ted talk. i’m actually.. 👉👈 writing my first ever fic, focused around how heinz and perry communicate with their contrasting neurodivergence that will be up on this account once i finally post it to ao3, and that goes a lot more in depth

7. this is actually something i feel differs a bit from most headcanons i see. my take is that norm initially (throughout most of pnf) does not see perry as a father figure at all and only tries to get that from doof, and is also jealous that perry gets all his attention, so kind of actively dislikes him. he also hasn’t made the connection that anyone other than heinz could fulfill that role for him, because in his robot brain, he will take father in the most literal definition, like they have to be directly responsible for creating you. and not something more complex and nuanced like it actually is because he’s a robot and he’s not gonna get that right away. but i feel like over time, he’d begin to realize those nuances, and start to accept perry as family, and get much more out of him as a father figure than heinz. especially since (unless it’s a human au) they would have similarly complicated relationships with not being human but also being fully sentient.

that was a long one and i still don’t feel like i covered all of it but maybe i’ll do a fic about that one too one day 💔

8. i don’t know, as i am writing this sentence, how explosive i will get with my details on this one, but my favorite proposed future for heinz is both a mix between doof 101 and act your age. so an open secret between my friends and i is that although i love both seasons of milo murphy’s law, i really. really. dislike the whole professor time thing. don’t get me wrong, i would keep the whole reveal and not change anything about the season 1 finale.

but, if i, alister r. zamir, were personally hired by dan povenmire and swampy marsh to write the continuation of said finale, i would make everyone including the audience think he’s professor time but have that be a RED HERRING and not ACTUALLY have him be professor time because i think that’s REALLY BAD!! (maybe make it sara or cavendish or even phineas and ferb since they already did that)

the reason why i, the new writer of milo murphy’s law season 2, think this sucks, is because heinz has spent his whole life trying to live up to the expectations of others, and in the shadow of others and is always striving for unreachable goals to substantiate his self worth. it’s like his whole character, it’s his whole thing, this is his canon ass story, so to just throoooww in that whole professor time thing VALIDATES this behavior and encourages him to keep holding himself at an unnecessarily high standard, PLUS the fate of the world is kind of in his hands now, so that’s FINE. AND IM FINE ABOUT IT AND IM NOT MAD. YOU ARE.

so coming back to doof 101 and act your age, particularly act your age (which i also don’t like as an episode but that’s another story), as somebody who suffers from The Serious Illnesses of the Mental Variety, heinz being able to move on, adjust his expectations, and not be doing great or amazing or rule the tristate whatever and just be fine with doing alright, is super meaningful and relatable to me

so i think they should have just stuck with that. i like the phineas and ferb characters included in mml and like i said id keep a lot of it, but i’d save all the heinz arc stuff for phineas and ferb exclusively cause i love the perry funding professor time thing and that whole deal is cute but also i hate it. because it’s so rushed. and everything with his development feels so out of place. and wrong. and it makes me throw a tantrum.

not to mention, but i WILL, how heinz is completely justified about being upset and falling into depression because of this whole ordeal, and they sorttt of treat it like he’s justified? but they also make him unbearably annoying and we as an audience are justifiably unsympathetic to that and it seems like you want me to feel bad for him sometimes but also hate his guts, which could have been an interesting conundrum ig, but even though i love milo murphy’s law, it’s character writing is farrr from strong enough to get any kind of interesting story or arc out of that

so like, in conclusion, dwampy, hire me, i will work for pennies

alright that’s not all of them but i’ve been writing for 20 minutes and my fingers hurt thank you very much for asking me i needed to get these out of my system

[final-girl96]

My Boyfriend's Back Chapter Forty-Two

The Next Day

Sidney and I decided we would go to the L.A.P.D. Just as we walked into the precinct we saw Dewey, who was in the middle of trying to get a hold of one of us. We did our greetings and then went back to meet Detective Mark Kincaid. He was definitely Sidney's type; dark hair, tall, very handsome, nothing like Billy. He asked us questions and we talked. We also found out that our mother was once an actress that went under a different name. The killer has been leaving her pictures at the crime scenes.

"Can we go where this picture was taken?" I asked. Detective Kincaid nodded his head. "Yeah, sure. It was taken at the studio." We then left with another detective and a few police officers in tow and went to Sunrise Studios. When we got there, we saw the metal stairs that were in the background behind our mom. "Why didn't she ever say anything? I mean, she went by a whole different name back then. Do you think dad knows about this?" I asked, Sid. "I don't know. He did say she had a lot of secrets," she said.

We were walking past one of the trailers when the door opened. I jumped back with a small yelp before looking up to see who it was. "Jesus, Randy! What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. "Who else is going to tell you the rules of a trilogy?" He shrugged. I rolled my eyes and pushed past him into the trailer. Sidney, Gale, and Dewey were close behind. We all sat down and listened to Randy go on about the rules of a trilogy.

"Okay, so here's the critical thing. If we find ourselves to be dealing with an unexpected backstory and a preponderance of exposition, then the sequel rules do not apply. Because we are not dealing with a sequel, you are dealing with the concluding chapter of a trilogy," he explained. "A trilogy?" Dewey asked, and Randy nodded.

"That's right. It's a rarity in the horror field, but it does exist, and it's a force to be reckoned with, because true trilogies are all about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get go. 'Godfather', 'Jedi', all revealed something that we thought was true, that wasn't true. So if it is a trilogy we are dealing with, here are some super trilogy rules." Great more rules to try and remember while fight yet another fucking killer.

"One, we got a killer who's gonna be superhuman. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically, in the third one, we gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up." I raised my eyebrow at that, "really? Can't we just shoot him in the head and be done with it?" He shushed me and continued on.

"Number two; anyone, including the main character, can die. This means you, Sid, and you," he said, looking at me. "I'm sorry, it's the final chapter. It can be fuckin 'Reservoir Dogs' by the time this thing is through. Number three; the past will come back to bite you in the ass!" He gave me another look and I cleared my throat. "Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest, any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you."

He never took his eyes off me while saying that. I knew he was talking about Stu. This time around all that I've been hiding would come out into the public and then I'm fucking six ways to Sunday. "I'm just glad I got to be here and tell you all this. I made a tape back at Windsor as a just in case. Honestly, I'm surprised I survived since I lost my virginity to Karen Kolchak in the back of the video store in the porno section," Randy said.

"Creepy Karen?" Dewey asked, and I snorted, trying to keep from laughing. "Shut up! She's a nice girl!" Randy argued. "He went on a date not too long ago with her," I blurted out. Everyone looked at him, and he huffed out a heavy sigh. "She's a nice person!" After Randy was done with all his rule telling, and we calmed down from teasing him about Karen, we left the trailer. Sidney had to go to the bathroom, so I went with her while Gale went off to do her own detective work, and Dewey and Randy waited outside the sound stage for me and Sideny.

I stood at the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. Randy's words about the past coming back rang in my mind. I was so caught up in my own head that I didn't notice Sidney coming up beside me. "You okay?" I shook my head and looked at her. "Mmhm. Yeah, I'm fine." She turned the faucet on and washed her hands. We were getting ready to leave the bathroom when a noise from one of the stalls had us stopping in our tracks.

Sidney pulled out her pepper spray, and we slowly walked over to the stall. I took a deep breath and looked at Sidney, who nodded her head. She had her pepper spray ready, and I pushed the door open. A girl with short brown hair looked up at us after dropping her bag. I looked down to see a ghostface mask. Sidney bent down to help her pick up her things. "I wanted a souvenir. I didn't think anyone would mind," she said and quickly put all her stuff in her bag.

When she stood up and got a good look at us, her eyes got a little wide. "You're Sidney prescott! I'm you! Well, I mean, I play you in the movie, or I was supposed to." Sidney smiled at her, "it's nice to meet you…" The girl held her hand out, "Angelina. Well, I better get going. It was so nice to meet you both." Then she was gone.

"Well, that was weird," I said. Sidney bent down and picked something up. "Wait! You forgot your brush!" She headed for the door and rushed out into the sound stage. "Sidney, wait up!" I went after her, and we walked through a door, and as soon as I realized exactly where we were, I stood dead in my tracks. "Sidney, wait!" It was too late though she was already out the door.

I slowly walked through the hall and spun in circles. I was standing in the entryway of Stu's house. There were so many memories that came flooding back. It was unreal how accurate it looked. I looked into the living room. The first memory that came to mind was Randy going on about the rules to survive a horror movie.

"You don't know the rules?!" He stood up. "Great. Thanks, babe." He shrugged and looked at Randy. "Have an aneurysm, why don't you?" Randy stood in front of the tv and started his whole rule bullshit. "There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one: you can never have sex." Everyone booed and threw popcorn at him. Stu kissed my neck. "It looks like we're dead, baby." I laughed and lightly hit him. "BIG NO NO!" Randy said, swatting at the popcorn.

"Sex equals death, okay? Number two: You can never drink or do drugs." There were cheers, and everyone raised their bottles. "The sin factor! It's a sin. It's an extension of number one. And number three: never, ever, ever under any circumstances say, "I'll be right back." Because you won't be back." Stu pulled out from under me and stood up, kissing my forehead, and then stood by the kitchen door. 'I'm gettin'' another beer, you want one?" He asked.

"Yeah, sure," Randy told him. Stu held his arms out, "I'll be right back," he said and backed into the kitchen. "See, you push the laws, and you end up dead. Okay, I'll see you in the kitchen with a knife."

That was all before shit really hit the fan and I learned that my boyfriend was a fucking psychopath who helped kill my mother. If only we could go back to the times before all this. Before the murders. Before our lives were made into a movie. We would never get away from this no matter how hard we tried.

[decayingshrike]

Pairings: Matt Murdock x M!reader

Warnings: unedited, reader drinks and smokes and tries to kiss matt while under influence.

Summary: Reader with BPD has Matt as their fp

Matt and I had known each other since college, us both having had the same psych 101 class. Meeting him then made it so I could look past most of his faults, but ever since that first month, I could hardly tell if he had any faults at all. The way I feel about him bordered on obsession, it is obsession; the way I feel about him is unhealthy. I have felt this way for roughly ten years now, being there for practically everything that mattered.

I perk up from my chair beside him, I think he was calling my name.

"You alright?"

He looks worried, I feel terrible for worrying him but part of me revels in the attention. I nodded my head simply, stating I was tired, the case I was helping on went on for a while last night was all. Worry for me, worry for me, worry for me runs through my head like a disease. Matt just smiles.

"You know, you don't technically work for us, it's a wonder why you still help. Not that I'm unhappy, obviously. Having someone read out the files rather than listening to a robot is... helpful."

helpful god. I smile. I want to kiss you. I feel like I have been in his grasp for practically ever by now.

I just nod at him. I'd rather help than see him and Foggy scrounge around for hours while I sit on my lazy ass doing nothing at home. It helps me stay active, I say. Matt just shrugs, your smile is everything to me is all I can think while I stare at his shining teeth. As much as I hate to admit it, him being unable to see me has made my heart grow fonder. I can stare at him as much as I please, except, of course, when Foggy or Karen take notice.

“The work, if we may?”

I hear Karen giggle. So far, to my knowledge, she is the only one that is aware of my so-called tendencies. God I don’t know what I would do if Matt ever found out. I want to tell him, obviously, but I worry he'll respond with disgust or resentment. He's not the resentment type, not for anything like this, but it still is something that lingers for me.

“Come on Karen, just a break for the night won’t hurt. We can head down to the bar, Foggy’s already half asleep and it seems he-” Matt points at me, “is too.”

Karen sighs, running her hands through her hair, and agrees to take a break. She’s a worse workaholic than Matt but I don’t blame her, she’s rather good at what she does too.

At the bar I’m already six shots in of straight vodka. I’ve always been a lightweight so I'm already past hammered and am beginning to border on blackout. All four of us are playing what seems to be 8 ball but Foggy keeps throwing in different rules almost definitely to fuck with me and Matt. I see Karen helping Matt line up his next shot and almost puke in jealousy. The way her face is flushed pink makes me green in envy. It should be me, it should be me, it should have been me. I take a breath and another shot and I’m fine. I don’t think I can drive home tonight. I say I’ll be right back and go outside and light up a cigarette. 

After a few minutes, I hear the door and the familiar sound of a cane tap tap tapping against the wall and ground. 

“I could smell your cigarette from all the way inside.”

I mumble a sort of apology but laugh half way through at the idea of him even being able to do that. I make a joke about it being a superpower and suddenly Matt goes silent, but only for a moment. His face twitches out of his smile but he regains his composure and just laughs. 

“I wish.”

He chokes out, coughing on the smoke.

I beg Matt to take me home. It comes out as more of a sob than I’d prefer but it’s fine. Matt just sighs and nods. Why do you seem so tired of me? I snuff out my cigarette and head back inside, wobbling all the while. I gather my things and say my goodbyes, Karen sees Matt leaving with me and winks, this all goes right over Foggy’s head. 

Walking home with him is perfect, he’s perfect, I need you.

“What?”

I shake my head up, the question sobering within itself. I ask what he means.

“You said you needed me?”

He sounds confused. Are you disgusted? I think he might be. I mumble out a sorry, unable to even make a coherent defense. I slur out a question I can’t remember. 

“Yeah I know.”

What? What did I ask?

“I know you have… feelings… for me.”

Oh. Fuck. 

I notice we take a left where we usually take a right and ask where we’re going.

“I’m taking you to my place, if that’s alright. I want to keep an eye on you. You drank a lot.”

He’s worried, he’s worried, he’s worried, and I’m glad.

Finally in the apartment, he practically drags me up the stairs and we both laugh all the way up, but for some reason it feels tense. I think I’m obsessed with you. It came out jumbled, it wasn’t supposed to come out at all but I caught it right at the last word, just not in time. Matt doesn’t respond. He helps me lay down on the couch and sits next to me.

“I don’t know how to respond to that. I like you, I do, but I know how this works for you and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

I’ll get more hurt if you do nothing, I announce louder than intended. I ask to kiss him, I beg to kiss him. Maybe if he’s as drunk as I am, he will.

“No. I’m sorry.”

I practically sob, I should just kiss him while he’s so close to me, who cares if I’m drunk. He cares, He Cares. The last reasonable part of my brain whispers at me to stop, so I don’t. 

I whisper how sorry I am, Matt says he knows. I lay down in his lap and he caresses my hair, he kisses me on the forehead. I want you here I want you here I want you here Please just say yes. 

I feel myself drifting and I feel horrible. Just kiss me. 

I sob into his lap, I feel manipulative for this. I feel my eyelids grow heavier, and just as I feel myself drifting to sleep, Matt tells me

“Tomorrow, maybe, if you feel the same.”

And I smile.

[homophyte]

okay im going to be vulnerable and admit though ive owned house of leaves for a few months i was spurred to start reading it the other day after watching that video on myhouse.wad . no one make fun of me. that being said.

im not necessarily going though it super in depth and more just trying to unravel some stuff for funsies with some various help from old forums and what strikes me as sometimes glaringly missing from discussions on the book is the way it relates to women. like the fact that the house itself is treated as though it has a female identity will get talked about but theres not rlly discussions about the ramifications of that--how will and holloways posturing--named as explicitly about 'male dominance'--is essentially a fight over who gets to get the girl. wills early venture into the house is literally likened to karen kissing wax, like theyre BOTH infidelities, and thats not nearly the first time karen herself treats the situation like the house is her romantic rival or at least rival for wills attention (im not far enough in to have too solid a grasp on the implications of the name delial--but lets just say i have a suspicion?).

anyway whats maybe even more interesting than that is the way its kinda ALL about gender--its men who keep entering the house desperate to know what its about, its men driven to write about it and uncover its secret knowledge, and it drives them fucking crazy. like...you can read that--VERY EASILY--as men 'discovering' the ""hidden"" interiority of women, like, the very idea that women are complex people with their own ideas and emotions and inner worlds. the fact that the house has a secret inside is huge fucking news and just about every man in the novel reacts to it as such, but the reactions from women are like...not that. idk im not done with it by any means but the similarity between the conversations between karen & wax at the end ch VII and johnny & thumper at the end of VIII really apparent. when thumper is listening to johnny, seeking to understand him, being really invested and interested and not reacting with annoyance or disdain or boredom like he expects, it genuinely really knocks him out to the point he nearly cries--and then he bottles it up, writes it off, even when she echoes karens exact words flirting with wax he doesnt register it.

the text displays a consciousness around gendered expectations here, particularly bc thumper is a sex worker, that she cant be expected to intellectually engage w it, but she can and does...and then johnny doenst know what to DO about it, how to engage w a real moment of understanding between the sexes or whatever so he very consciously falls back on gender expectations for men and refuses to feel that connection, severing the tie he inadvertently built w her and consigning the moment to unknowable blackness. the void is invented by people determined to treat it as foreign--which often means treating it as hostile (holloways gun, johnnys suspicions when thumper didnt call him back).

that she ends with the comment 'you just need to get out of the house' is like...almost laughably on the nose especially w the way chauvanist culture has proliferated on the internet. like in the book too, dont get me wrong, its just so startlingly accurate to whats going on it seems like she really must UNDERSTAND in a way johnny fails to capture in his narration but still comes through due to her being kinda fucking great--sorry i REALLY like thumper in this actually she may be my favorite. its sort of difficult for me to look at the line and divorce it in my head from the phenomenon of the incel--read a certain way, you have johnny ranting and raving about how he just cant ever figure out what the collective 'woman' is thinking and all this time hes spent driving himself crazy about it, and thumper listening and understanding and very sympathetically and honestly saying 'that wouldnt be a big deal if you interacted w women instead of holing up inside trying to theorize about it.'

i dont necessarily think its a mistake that johnny is the kind of person he is, a partying womanizer or whatever, bc sex becomes his only interaction w women (his failure to talk abt the book w kyrie in favor or fucking her) just as entering the house becomes wills only interaction w it (or at least he rages when he cant have that interaction, he values it above others). the book is pretty clear about both of these acting as forms of penetration. as johnny gets more invested in the text he interacts more and more w the women zampano used as interpreters and comes more and more into contact w women and less and less able to deny their interiority.

the reaction from men that women are people is simple and plain disbelief, followed by disconnected, invasive, rigorous study, study that is likened to war, to surgery, to expedition--anything but understanding. its kind of baffling idk maybe im just not looking in the right place to see people talking about it but this sorta feels like...the point. hell even earlier in ch VII on page 91 you get will and holloway excitedly talking about calling the press about their huge discovery that no one will believe...and then just, karen, living her life, treated like an enigma. i literally have this written in my notes as "men discover women have internality; their wives decline to comment"