#Linda Tanner

[tigerleopardlion]

Western Bobcat | Linda Tanner

[tani-b-art]

“This ain’t a Country album. This is a “Beyoncé” album.”

I understand why she said this! Because the way it seems she created a completely new genre with ‘Cowboy Carter’! The Country is there (and all the elements) and there’s some Blues, Folk, Soul, Zydeco, Bluegrass, a lil Rock, Gospel and Opera and then some (all genres with Black (Black) American origins). Almost like she opened a new sonic portal while helping to reclaim the genre made by Black Americans.

First off — the album cover art. She pays homage to a long-standing Black American Southern tradition of Houston rodeo and rodeo queens. Carrying our country’s flag…the imagery is signifying to her being a Black American woman. Who she is.

The album cover alone set the tone for what she presented with act ii. [and the photographer is Blair Caldwell, a fellow Black Texan, who has such an eye for capturing beauty. all his photographs are visually pleasing].

[Even the promo - the track list design is a nod & historical reference to Black American culture via The Chitlin Circuit promotional posters. I love it. Made my little graphic art heart smile. The nostalgia of it.]

From the opening track title and lyrics and later on within other songs, she wove her ancestral claiming to America with so much pride. Pride for our country and our flag that we absolutely should have.

Then to have Ms. Linda Martell, the trailblazing Black pioneer & legend in the genre who broke many barriers, be a part of this album was so reverent. (Especially her spoken word throughout that spoke to the way that she and Beyoncé have had to navigate this music industry. When their presence wasn’t well-received, in the very genre we created, they set out to move in a “non-traditional” way). They themselves are the embodiment of unconventional. Ms. Martell rightfully receiving her flowers at the golden age of 82 is harmonious!

Every part of act ii has made people research and discover. The same way act i did. Gotta love a good educational experience through music. (btw—the mention of Zydeco had me hyped).

Having Rhiannon Giddens on instrumentation (along with other background Black musicians and I’m sure Black vocalists) and sharing this musical journey with Tanner Adell, Brittney Spencer, Tiera Kennedy, Reyna Roberts, Willie Jones and Shaboozey — other young Black women and Black men in the genre…all of this Black fellowship made me so happy.

Just sooo much honoring throughout it all. Lots of love poured into it.

Everything is resonate. Connecting. With purpose.

Her voice, her musicality, the note choices, the lyrics, the song titles and the spelling of them, the arrangements.

It’s fun and beautiful.

It sounds amazing.

A beautiful tribute to her roots.

Bravo Beyoncé!

[uzumaki-rebellion]

Beyonce had some of the Black country singers I wanted on there with her and I am so happy!

[wentworthlindamilesfanpage]

3x6 'Evidence'

[aondaneedles]

[thisaintascenereviews]

Beyoncé - Cowboy Carter

Beyoncé’s new album, Cowboy Carter, is a big deal, but not for the reasons you may think. A website claimed that Beyoncé revived a “dying genre” in the form of country music, and that just isn’t true at all. If you remember last year, country was the it genre, especially good and bad artists, such as Morgan Wallen, Zach Bryan, and Luke Combs dominating the charts, among a few others, but country has been getting its due in the mainstream again. Cowboy Carter isn’t important in the sense that it brings country to the mainstream, that’s already happened, but it’s important because Beyoncé is taking a look at the racial disparity within the genre. Country music has always been a white genre, just as rock music has, but the thing is that both genres were created by Black artists. Country has its origins in the 1920s, but a lot of the first white country artists were influenced by Black artists. A lot of rock bands were also influenced by Black musicians, especially R&B and blues artists that came before. Beyoncé is using her platform to bring to light the Black history of country music, as well as expose her millions of fans to some new and rising Black country and country-adjacent artists. This album features some artists I’ve talked about before, and it’s awesome to see them get some more recognition on a bigger scale.

The album’s intentions can be one thing, but how is the album overall? She teased this album a few months back, during the Super Bowl, and the song “Texas Hold ‘Em” is still a huge song right now, which is going to be even bigger next week when the album properly charts, but this album was sure to be the topic of conversation the moment it came out. It certainly has been, and I’ve given it a handful of listens now, but I’m not sure how I feel about it as a whole. I really like this album, and I think this album has some of the best songs I’m sure to hear all year, but this is also a very bloated album that doesn’t necessarily feel self-indulgent, yet it has way too much going on.

This album is 80 minutes long, and there is kind of a point to it, as this album is a loose concept album that is meant to be a radio station that features Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton, and Linda Martell as radio DJs that introduce a few songs, almost as a way for Beyoncé to acknowledge the veterans who came before without overshadowing the newer artists she gets to feature on this album. She also has her own version of Parton’s “Jolene,” but what’s cool about this cover is that she takes the lyrics and twists them into a warning for the titular woman, instead of pleading for her to leave her man alone. It’s a nice update that puts some personality into it, but a lot of the lyrics on this album have personality, whether it’s talking about her feelings on being rejected from country (despite being from Texas), her relationships with her daughter and father, or about more lighthearted and fun topics, this record is definitely a Beyoncé album.

The sound of this album is a bit all over the place, though, because despite having its roots in country, but there are traces of folk, pop, trap, rock, blues, and so much more. Hell, she runs the gambit of Black music here, and I think that’s the point. It just feels like a lot after awhile, because the album jumps from sound to sound. This is a record I can respect more than I really like, although I like parts of it a lot. I love a handful of songs here, but I’d cut some of this album, for sure. It’s very self-indulgent, but in a good way. It’s just a lot to sink your teeth into, but this is a good album. The performances are great, the guests are really good, and the songs themselves are solid, but this album is a touch too long and has a lot of ideas running through it. The main idea, though, is that this album is meant to be a declaration of Black artists in country music. It’s not that Beyoncé is trying to take over the genre, she wants the genre to have the diversity that it should. Sure, you got Darius Rucker and Kane Brown, but that’s it, at least when it comes to popular artists, so I’m glad we’re getting some more artists to bring that diversity. It kind of sucks that it had to take Beyoncé dropping a country album for people to take notice to these artists, but I’ll take it.

[grimbunnies]

Carl: "Tanner! Get up, son. You're late for school."

Carl: "We'll talk later. Now I'm running late!"

Tanner: "Sorry, dad."

[eggmeralda]

hi hello 60s corrie is still occupying my brain *throws this and runs*

[osamucide]

SAW THAT OBELISCO, I SAID “QUE LINDA” ⊹

. . . BSD dick headcanons . . . incl. select ADA, PM, + DOA

wc: 1.6k total, ~120 each

cw: detailed descriptions of cocks, balls, cum, bush, etc. big dick men, small dick men, average dick men, and all of them are very gorgeous to me

reid: dick headcanons. title from one of sabrina’s nonsense outros which i think about constantly

—ADA!

okay, maybe I’m biased but I think DAZAI’S strapped. he’s right on the verge of eight inches hard. tiny, tiny upward curve, and sticks straight up against his stomach; has only a few little veins, a pale shaft, and a blushy pink tip that is just so kissable. uniform thickness; a little thinner than average. he doesn’t go out of his way to groom himself—his bush is usually pretty wild, but he’ll gladly adhere to his partner’s preference. you will not catch this man shaving his balls but it's fine because they're gorgeous (maybe a little smaller than average). frenulum is so sensitive to pressure; I think he’s a big fan of fucking his partner with just the first few inches. he cums an absurd amount, too; pretty, almost-transluscent loads that twitch out in one short spurt after another. ⊹

KUNIKIDA is packing too, sorry. a little thick for his length; probably almost six inches but boy it’s gonna be a stretch. no taper, but has a fat head that literally nails all the right spots perfectly. I think he has a a few freckles on his dick. some not-so-prominent veins aside from one running up the underside, warm pink all the way to the base where it fades into his skin tone, and his balls are so distinct—both clearly defined, and they twitch so much when he's receiving pleasure (please play with them). grooms himself almost completely, but leaves a patch at the base of his pelvis—it's a light sandy brown—only a little darker than the rest of the hair on his body—and his cum is thick, opaque, and dribbles out in globs. ⊹

ATSUSHI has more than he knows what to do with. he’s on the upward side of average; just under six inches, and it is so fucking pretty. has a single prominent vein running down the top and it is sensitive. pale like the rest of him until just beneath the head, where he's a cool pink; slight taper in thickness—a little thinner at the top, just beneath his head, which is round and weepy. he leaks so much precum. he's not great at maintenance, but his bush is probably a little on the thinner side anyway; like Kunikida's it's only a couple shades darker than the rest of his light hair. pearly, picturesque cum that's on the thicker side. breeder balls. ⊹

it’s kind of a cruel fucking joke how huge RANPO is. just a bit bigger than Dazai, but admittedly thicker, and he has veins for days. I can hardly see him grooming—too much of a hassle for something that makes no difference pleasure-wise—but he'll trim if his partner expresses any complaint about his unruliness (his bush is probably decently thick). pale, a little tanner toward the tip, and curves a bit to the side; I think he loves experimenting with different angles and positions while he's fucking his partner. another one with thick, opaque cum; his balls are pretty proportional to him (read: huge), and the underside of his shaft is so sensitive. loves being clenched down on over and over. ⊹

FUKUZAWA is just… so much man. a little on the slender side, but long. almost seven inches. veiny as hell; his cock is chiseled like a god's. tan near the base, paler near the tip, and all of him gets so blushy when he's hard; vigilant about routine trimming as a general rule, but he's extra responsive to how his partner prefers him to be groomed (or not). has a pair of balls that belong on a Florentine statue. he's another one that cums an obscene amount; milky and creamy like hot donut glaze, I'm not even kidding. probably tastes like it too. super sensitive on the large vein that runs up the underside of him, and all over the bundles of nerves packed into his tip—loves kitten licks before getting deepthroated. ⊹

TANIZAKI’S not packing anything huge, but god it’s got a perfect upward curve and prominent head that would catch against anyone’s insides so perfectly. four inches exactly, proportional thickness, and a prominent head that's absolutely the most sensitive part of him. has no particular grooming routine; he lets himself go usually, but is another that will adhere if his partner has a preference. moderately veiny, slightly darker than the rest of him, pink tip, and tight balls that hold more cum than they look like they're capable of; he gushes milky globs, and twitches wildly when he does. ⊹

—PM!

where do I start with CHUUYA… thick. absurdly thick. thee pussy destroyer. not lacking in length either; about six and half inches. only a tinge tanner than the rest of him, with a tip that goes red when he's worked up. has the prettiest bush known to man, which he keeps neat but doesn't ever get rid of completely. has thick, pretty balls that hang low and slap lewdly against his parter's hole(s)/chin/taint when he fucks them. doesn't cum an insane amount but it's gooey, sticky, viscous, and it drips down him so beautifully; small veins scattered all over and one large, prominent one that reaches from base to tip on his underside, and a few freckles. ⊹

AKUTAGAWA is another one that’s just ridiculous, because, like, no way the most stoic, don’t-touch-me ass man in the series is slanging this much dick. he probably doesn’t even realize it. almost seven inches, and he’s girthy too. so many veins; two prominent ones on the underside, and he curves a little to the side and then a little upward. anyway, he’s meticulous about grooming for comfort purposes. not a hair on him; I think he prefers at least a little on his partner, though. sensitive all over, but especially at the tip—which gets so red and cute when you tease him with your fingers or tongue. daintier balls full of thin, silky cum—probably tastes the sweetest on the whole list. ⊹

TACHIHARA’S on the lower end of the average spectrum, but fuck he knows what to do with it. a little under five inches, no curve in sight, average uniform thickness—he sticks straight out, tanner near the base, gradually pinker-to-redder toward the tip and he is so fucking leaky. practically drools precum when he’s turned on. satisfying girth without demanding a painful stretch; balls also on the smaller side but full of runny, opaque cum and he makes a mess every single time whether he intends to or not. grooms pretty vigilantly; usually almost bare if he's with a partner. his tip and the area just beneath it is so incredibly sensitive—slurp this man up. ⊹

ANGO is pretty and pale and slender and curves a teeny bit to the side and oh my god, he’s so sensitive. all over. from tip to base, being touched or clamped down on just immediately sends him skyward. I think he’s probably working with a hair under five inches, with a few select veins that twitch when he cums. he keeps a pretty patch of hair that connects to the sexiest happy trail—otherwise, I think he's pretty vigilant about grooming. suck on his balls, please—he'll get them so right for you to lick, stroke, play with. creamy cum, only a little on the watery side, and it almost looks artful when it spurts from him. ⊹

ODA’S probably got the closest thing to a monster cock, and the only one pulling ahead of Ranpo length-wise. nothing about him’s small. pushing nine inches hard. wider at the base than the tip, and l’m talking wide. fuck two hands, you’ll need four. doesn’t groom, but trims. tan and veiny, gets red and twitchy when he's aroused. this whole man was probably hand-made by god with the intent of breeding in mind, but to sum it up in two words: breeder balls. and they have so much stark, opaque cum in them—perfect consistency, and it shoots out in long, milky ropes. most sensitive around his base, so you better take all of him, okay? ⊹

—DOA!

don’t crucify me for this one (pun not intended) but FYODOR’S working with about four inches. I just can’t see him having a huge cock. but, his girth is incredibly satisfying. not an insane stretch, but enough for a pleasant fullness; he’s not veiny either, put his tip is so prominent and definitely drags wonderfully against any sensitive spots inside his partner. thin layer of hair he keeps neatly groomed; his tip is definitely the most sensitive part of him, but I think his balls are a close second. loves having his balls played with while he gets his cock sucked; will likely spurt double the amount of his thick, sticky cum if you do it. ⊹

SIGMA’S upward curve should be studied, truly. it’s probably some sort of divine geometry. uniformly pale from base to tip, blushes the smallest hint of pink when he's aroused. on the smaller side, probably pushing a little over four inches, and not particularly thick either but that curve—that curve fucking gets it done. very few visible veins other than one trailing up his underside, and the hair in this area is already sparse on him, so he doesn't groom much; maybe trims every so often. the seam running between his pretty balls is definitely the most sensitive, other than his tip. cum is watery, and probably also on the sweeter side. ⊹

NIKOLAI’S huge. send tweet. I can’t see him being any more or less than seven and a half inches. veiny motherfucker with a prominent head that pounds it good and the slightest, ittiest bittiest curve downward that feels so right when he hits it from the back. pale all the way up and down, except for his ultra-sensitive tip, which leans tanner than the rest of him; another one with balls that hang low and smack hard against whoever he's fucking (he loves the feeling of this). extremely twitchy when he cums; spurts out watery streams of pearly white, although he doesn't cum a lot. likes to watch it leak, drip, and gush out of/onto his partner. ⊹

[haveyoureadthisscifibook]

more books, you say?

Gideon the Cutpurse by Linda Buckley-Archer

The Hammer of God by Arthur C. Clarke

Space Demons by Gillian Rubenstein

Ice Breaker by Lian Tanner

Zeroes by Scott Westerfeld, Margo Lanagan and Deborah Biancotti

Futuristic Violence and Fancy Suits by Jason Pargin (published as “David Wong”)

Death Star by Michael Reaves

Space Opera by Catherynne M. Valente

Perdido Street Station by China Mieville

might send through more once I've been to the library and stocked up my reading pile :)

hello! these are all now queued except Perdido Street Station (see below). I had a few clarification questions re series. for the following, did you want just the first book or the rest of the series as well:

Gillian Rubinstein, Space Demon

Westerfeld, Lanagan, and Biancotti, Zeroes

Catherynne M. Valente, Space Opera

re Perdido Street Station, I had previously understood the New Crobuzon books (which I haven’t yet read) to be fantasy, rather than sci-fi (with the recognition that “new weird” stuff can often be difficult to place). normally I would ask for genre clarification from people, but in this case since it’s been on my to-read list for ages I’m just going to read it myself and decide based on that! I’m in the middle of another book at the moment, but as soon as I finish that, Perdido Street Station will be next!

[kwebtv]

Jackie Ethel Joan: The Women of Camelot - NBC - March 4-5, 2001

Biographical Drama (2 episodes)

Running Time: 163 Minutes Total

Stars:

Jill Hennessy as Jackie Bouvier Kennedy

Lauren Holly as Ethel Skakel Kennedy

Leslie Stefanson as Joan Bennett Kennedy

Daniel Hugh Kelly as John F. Kennedy

Robert Knepper as Robert F. Kennedy

Matt Letscher as Ted Kennedy

Harve Presnell as Joseph P. Kennedy Sr.

Charmion King as Rose Kennedy

Wayne Best as George Smathers

Walker Boone as Steve Clark

Christopher Britton as Ted's Doctor

Catherine Bruce as Sister Mary Leo

Adam Cabral as John F. Kennedy Jr.

Thom Christopher as Aristotle Onassis

William Colgate as Richard Nixon

Beau Dunker as Ted Kennedy Jr.

David Eisner as Schiff

Greg Ellwand as Peter Wilson

Madison Fitzpatrick as Caroline Kennedy

Richard Fitzpatrick as Frank Peters

Linda Goranson as Lady Bird Johnson

Paul Thomas Gordon as Peter Lawford

Kate Hemblen as Joan's Nanny

Shannon Hile as Elaine Mitchell

Tom Howard as Lyndon B. Johnson

Jeno Huber as Prince Stanisław Albrecht Radziwiłł

Jamie Johnston as Young Patrick Kennedy

Geoff Kahnert as Sargent Shriver

Ray Kahnert Bobby's Priest

Tamsin Kelsey as Eunice Kennedy Shriver

Anne L'Espérance as Cathy

Sarah Lafleur as Marilyn Monroe

Shawn Lawrence as Alex Carter

Gene Mack as Rosey Grier

Louisa Martin as Maude Shaw

Kaya McGregor as Pat Kennedy

Nicole Michaux as Jean Ann Smith

Julia Pagel as Kathleen Kennedy

Rosemary Pate as Kara

Karl Pruner as Clinton Hill

Matt Sadowski as Joseph P. Kennedy II

Jeffrey Smith as Jim Ketchum

Joy Tanner as Lee Bouvier

Bruce Vavrina as Roger Mudd

Jonathan Whittaker as Lem Billings

Brad Wietersen as Stephen Edward Smith

[risingpilots]

Thinking about how linda martell got her first entry on the billboard top 100 after she quit country music bc of racism or how the ladies that were on blackbiird (tanner addell, brittney spencer, tiera kennedy, and reyna roberts) were all invited to the cmas where beyonce wasn't welcomed to a few years ago.

[wentworthlindamilesfanpage]

“You’re joking..”

4x1 ‘First Blood’

[aondaneedles]

Could’ve gone better.

[whyanjo]

eita lembrei que tenho esse perfil

okay here we go, listening to ana frango eletrico. fucking artist babes

tenha coisas pra deixar por aqui que passaram pela minha cabeça a um tempo. muita coisa negativa e positiva tbm.

primeiro. li minha versão de você, da(s) christina lauren (são duas autoras). não ironicamente, mudou minha vida... pra BEM melhor. something shifted inside me that made my thoughts go towards good things now. até comecei a seguir páginas de coisas positivas no ig (amando, sem piada). o livro é a coisa mais linda do mundo. tem muito sofrimento durante o desenvolvimento da história de tanner e sebastian, mas no fim eles conseguem ficar juntos (uau spoiler), o que, de alguma forma, me deu esperança. de um amor. de uma vida. de algo que eu ainda não sei, mas enchei um pouquinho mais um potinho de esperança que eu tenho em algum lugar within me. foi bem inesquecível, na vdd, a experiência que essa leitura me trouxe. recomendo a todos, de coração.

me causou algumas discussões internas sobre religião - eu estava lendo nos msm dias da 1. semana santa e 2. nos dias que trabalhei na paixao de cristo aqui da cidade. foi muito difícil ver todo o sofrimento (n tem outra definição pra isso) que o sebastian passou com a familia mormon. eu nem sou de uma familia tao religiosa assim, mas levei algumas facadas aqui e ali na história. no fim, cheguei a uma conclusão: de fato, não me encontro mais na religião como antes. comentei até no twitter (para os meus 20 seguidores que nem viram oq eu falei). se eu precisasse tanto me encontrar na religião, seria muito doloroso. sei que existem pessoas lgbtq+ dentro desse meio, que se sentem muito movidas pelo divino, mas meu problema (um deles) são os dogmas da religião (eu era cristão, nem especifiquei). desejo tudo de bom a essas pessoas, mas acho que não daria certo pra mim porque, mesmo que eu realmente quisesse estar dentro da igreja, me incomodaria MUITO ter que dividir um espaço com pessoas que usam da mesma fé que eu pra justamente embasar homofobia, transfobia e outras coisas tbm, principalmente tendo toda a visão crítica que tenho do movimento hoje. sem contar que, numa igreja de cidade de interior, isso ia ser jogado de lado e todo mundo seguiria suas vidas ne, mas o viadinho la de joelho orando ia ficar com esses pensamentos pra vida inteira (porque fica la guardado, ah se fica).

claro, pode surgir cristão progressista de qualquer buraco dizendo "mas você não precisa ir pra igreja. deus te ouve de qualquer lugar"... well this kinda helps me not gonna lie MAS me sinto mais confortável dentro da noção agnóstica da coisa, ainda vou me acostumar com essa ideia.

ai acho que eu se escrevesse aqui "livro perfeito" umas 700 vezes ainda nao ia ser o suficiente pra demonstrar o queanto ele eh perfeito e lindo e tudo de bom. marcou pra sempre !!

ai temos as outras esferas da minha vida ne: academia, trabalho, e universidade (que divide em semestre e projeto). a academia eh o menor dos problemas, porque na verdade não está sendo problema, está sendo ótimo.

no trabalho though... it's going pretty fine actually, just being dramatic. mas assim, tiraram as comissões até segunda ordem e não sabemos como vai ficar, portanto 1. estou triste com isso porque, mesmo que eu não recebesse muito, era uma ajuda e 2. como não vai ter comissão, não vai ter produção da minha parte ;) não acho ruim apenas no sentido da produção, porque, perto das outras queridas colegas de escritório eu produzo muito pouco, porque depende da minha conversa com o cliente, e eu não sou bom vendedor, só dentro do possivel... mas espero que dê certo. se a comissão virar coletiva, eu me empenho mais, porque não quero que a falha da equipe venha pra cima de mim, JAMAIS.

agora universidade, tá díficil a situação, em diferentes aspectos (pra mim, na verdade, especificamente). primeiro, o projeto. está sendo minha parte favorita, porque eu gosto muito do tema e fez eu me interessar mais sobre políticas educacionais, e educação, no geral. vou apresentar meu seminário parcial na terça, espero que dê tudo certo, e acho que vai, tô bem tranquilo quanto a isso. sobre o semestre? de mal a pior. teoria dos números eu tirei um dois pra primeira prova e cálculo avançado NOW LISTEN a prova não estava ruim, mas, por conta de outras coisas (muitas coisas) não consegui estudar da melhor forma. essas duas coisas tem mexido muito comigo. ratinho da área acadêmica e sempre sendo de boa nas disciplinas, passar por esses dois empecilhos me desestruturou. isso é bem besta na verdade, se você parar pra pensar. ainda tenho duas notas em cada disciplina pra poder recuperar, sendo que, na verdade, nem recebi a nota de cálculo ainda. mas teoria tá nos meus pés me mostrando que eu não sei nada, eu me sinto uma PORTA. não sou assim.

e eu tenho a opção de não ser assim. só estudar ué. aproveitar bastante meus 10 minutos livres por dia pra dar um gás nos estudos pra prova (contém ironia pesada, tipo, toneladas)... isso tem me cansado muito.

lamento muito ao leitor (quem? não sei) pelo próximo parágrafo. começou a tocar working for the knife, da mitski.

eu tenho passado tempos cansado demais. de tudo. de tudo mesmo. minha rotina diária sendo acordar às 5h da manhã pra academia-trabalho-2h livres-trabalho-ufcg e, finalmente, chegar em casa. tenho 1h até bater 23h, quando, em teoria, eu já tenho que dormir. eu sinto que não consigo ir bem na universidade esse período porque a carga de estudos pra essas duas disciplinas aumentou, pra eu realmente conseguir passar de boa. mas com que tempo vou estudar? o que me sobra é o dia e meio que tenho em forma de fim de semana, que se ocupa pelas coisas da universidade. me cansa, porque eu quero uma carreira acadêmica, mas o sistema não quer que eu tenha. se eu preciso melhorar na universidade, precisaria usar um tempo que estou no trabalho, e não dá. alguns dias vou ter que sair pra resolver coisas do projeto, e eles deixaram eu me ausentar!! pelo menos uma vitória. e vou aproveitar bem.

tudo isso segue da minha cobrança acadêmica (que eu mesmo faço). a primeira pessoa na fila pra me pressionar sobre meus resultados sou EU.

mas além disso, sabe o que me chateia? é que, nas perspectivas das avaliações, eu estou falhando, mas eu APRENDI TUDO O QUE EU TINHA PRA APRENDER. sabe, vai se fuder. o projeto é o que tem sido minha luz, porque, pelo menos NELE, eu sei que eu tô me saindo bem.

enfim... tudo isso né, coisa BESTA. por isso que me dá raiva de gente rica. não, e eu podia sei lá trancar o curso se eu tivesse alguma perspectiva de crescimento profissional, mas não tenho. vou ficar pra sempre num salário minimo se eu não terminar meu curso. tenho os concursos que eu me inscrevi, mas eu não consigo estudar... porque eu não tenho tempo.

e sem ironia, tudo isso seria muito mais leve se, pelo menos, a carga horária do trabalho fosse menor. até se eu não trabalhasse no sábado, ajudava.

lembro ano passado quando me matei de estudar em EDO, indo dormir de 2h da manha pra acordar às 7h pra trabalhar. ninguem, NINGUEM merece passar por isso. eu ODEIO ser taxado como guerreiro por trabalhar e estudar, porque eu não devia sofrer desse jeito pra construir meu futuro. queria ter uma gota de dignidade às vezes.

ai enfim... vou tentar ver o lado mais positivo dessas coisas agora, mesmo que tenha um eu chaterrimo la dentro da minha cabeça me cutucando dizendo que tô saindo do controle. mas vai dar certo, vou mentir até dar. falta so 40 dias pro periodo acabar, e minhas férias vão ser em junho, e o próximo periodo vai ser bem mais leve, e se eu reprovar teoria eu limpo curriculo so por ela. tudo tem uma rota de escape. vai dar certo. queria ouvir isso de alguém, me abraçando, mas vai eu mesmo.

falando em alguém me abraçando. o livro me deixou tão carente. tive uma crise quinta de noite. depois melhorei, mas aconteceu.

porque na verdade juntou o livro + um tiktok que eu vi acho que já faz bem um mês. o homem dizendo que tinha 28 anos e nunca esteve em um relacionamento.

eu SEI for a fact que eu nunca me apaixonei e ACHO que ninguem me apaixonou por mim, pelo menos nao disseram ne... mas é uma coisa muito estranha, um sentimento que sobe, dá um refluxo pensar isso às vezes. eu acho que, além de desejo, além do que eu quero na minha vida, a primeira coisa que eu quero, como prioridade, é me sentir amado romanticamente. nunca senti isso por ninguem.

claro, já surgiu desejo, tesão por algum homem. comum na minha vida, inclusive. tem a questão de eu "me apaixonar" pelos heteros que me tratam feito gente, mas depois eu me puxo de volta pra realidade... já fantasiei com um querido da universidade, mas vamos deixando de lado.

voltando, não acho que eu pratique essa prioridade, sinto que, ao longo da minha vida, outras coisas foram empurrando essa necessidade de ser amado lá pra trás. minha noção de estudos, de formação, de futuro, minha homossexualidade... acho que, se me acontecesse hoje, agora, de eu me apaixonar, sei lá, alguem me pedir em namoro, eu não ia querer, porque eu não tenho tempo. can you believe it? sem contar que nunca beijei nem transei, às vezes me sinto atrasado, mas sei que não tem uma data limite pra isso, mas bem que ja podia ter acontecido ne, orr...

mas eu quero muito passar por isso. mesmo que, de alguma forma, traga problemas, ainda seria uma experiência sabe. mesmo que nem dure. uma musica de alguem aí que diz "melhor sofrer por amor do que nunca ser amado" (ai de wesley safado nao aguentooo)

acho que vou escrever especificamente sobre isso depois.

agora ta tocando kelela, sei la o que to sentindo.

acho que por hoje tá bom ja, tinha muita coisa aqui e ainda tem mais, mas deixo pra depois. boa noite !

01/04/24. dia da mentira hoje. sabia que a área da matemática é melhor que a área da educação?

[grimbunnies]

Carl: "Tanner! Dinner's ready! Also, have you checked the job listings, yet?"

Tanner: Guess I'm not getting out of this one...

Carl: "He could go into sports medicine. He'd enjoy that!"

Linda: "I think you're right. That could be a good fit. Something to encourage him towards."