#Like some kind of buyer's remorse or something

[gingiekittycat]

Ah the emotional whiplash of "posting day" whereby I am unbelievably excited to upload a new chapter right up until I click "post" at which point I feel IMMEDIATE REGRET

[pseudosis]

ᴥ 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀 | plug!jet x reader {teaser}

ᴥwarning(s): reader calls jet “jee” , jet calls reader “kid” , drugs , mentions of death/violence , minor ocs

“I don’t like my money being fucked with kid…”

“Jee hush, I’m a little behind on bills right now. You’ll get your last sixty next week sometime.”

New york’s opening year climate had your hands all clammy, wrapping up in various layers of winter clothes somehow couldn’t stop the frigid whoops of air snaking their way to your body. Grip wavering visibly, trying to flip through your wallet of fresh cash and pull out a sum of money just short of sixty dollars to Jee. One thing about him is that he didn’t really like the whole ‘i’ll pay the rest later’ excuse, his policy is you either pay it or go home with nothing. Years of being a dealer had his paranoia constantly on a high most failed to understand.

Yet he found himself remorseful towards you, the both of you knowing each other since grade school, always making your payments on time. It wasn’t like you were the kind to grab and run from him anyway, an excuse this time would be tolerated by his rare patience. As soon as the paper made it into his expectant open palm, he balled it up, and replaced your empty hand with a solid pound of green in a plastic baggie.

“We hotboxing tonight or you going home?”

“Gotta go home, got work tomorrow.”

The discipline of a real job was a foreign idea to Jee, constantly running through streets for as long as he could remember. His longest ever consistent job was selling drugs. Never holding down a real home either, just constantly on the move. He says this business gets demanding like a normal job, seeing the bulge of a loaded pistol tucked into his waistband under his oversized hoodie.

“How Brooklyn been treating you Jee?”

Moving from Pasadena just a week ago had him new to the whole environment that made up the east coast, “Everything up here so damn expensive, but I’m coming from Pasadena, so it ain’t nothing I’m not used to. I hate the cold, but the rest of my group is up here so…”

He never looked at you, staring off into the distance in the park that was gradually collecting snow. Bare hands going a mild red from the dropped temperatures, then being shoved into his hoodie pockets. Kicking an accumulating pile of snow out of sheepishness during the silence between words, you decided to say something since you wanted to talk before heading off back home.

“I’m sorry about what happened to Chico…have you been at least doing well after his funeral?”

Jee said nothing for a long moment, face going unreadable and eyebrows hunching slightly together as he was seemingly thinking. Maybe bringing up a sensitive subject like that wasn’t the best social move you could’ve made, but that was your friend, and Chico happened to be his best friend as well. They were like brothers as close as they were, only to lose the man in a gunfight back when he was in Cali.

“…it’s been cool, you know. Things ain’t been ideal but shit happens, that’s life.”

As nonchalant about it as he wanted to be, you could sense his grief through his numb attitude. Eyebrows relaxing and his vision jolted to the ground, a moment before hearing the ding of his phone which softened the solemn energy around you two. Fishing the device out of his pocket, he checked the notification from some other buyer ready to purchase their products from him.

“Alright kid, see you around, don’t forget my damn sixty. I’ll blow your head off if you do.” Jee playfully hit your arm, a gesture native to the friendly relationship you two had for years now. Smacking the back of his head and laughing before you two parted off, returning to the very different lives the both of you lived.

[etherealnoir]

New Substack Post!

There was something incredibly sexy and freeing about dropping everything to do something crazy. Fuck the logistics, you know? Who cares about realism? I was stuck in an apartment with 4 other people, my cat, and a handful of possessions that collected dust in my $900/month room. I was convinced my bosses hated me: they didn’t need to say this directly--I could kind of tell that there was a feeling of buyers’ remorse. I had few friends since depression killed my social life. The New York City dating scene made me feel an intense sense of exhaustion and cynicism. So why not move to Paris? I could start fresh where no one knew me. On some level, I think I had this fantasy about moving abroad and having a European adventure like a young, spicy adult novel protagonist. I’d been spending nearly 30 years running on spite and vibes; I was ready to cash in my chips. 

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

so, I played through the remainder of the expansion and the new meta. I want to take some time to put my full impression together, but first I'll give some thoughts below the cut.

realistically? I think it's about what I expected, and arguably the best-case-scenario given what the rest of the releases have been.

I'm gonna say something controversial.

I don't think them leaving plot threads open here is necessarily a bad thing. I actually would rather they did that than rush it and hurry up to close up everything 'neatly' in a way that was littered with plot holes and butchered characterizations. it's a lot easier to pick up where they left off than to have a bunch of REALLY atrocious, frustratingly contradictory writing that they then have to either retcon or ignore later. additionally, they killed off a LOT less characters than I was expecting, and that leaves many doors open.

my biggest concern had been them killing off a bunch of characters in really cheap ways just to get rid of them and/or build up Eparch as a more serious threat, and I'm glad they didn't go that route. that's not to say I dislike character death, but I only like it when it's done well and feels consistent with the characters involved. (Blish, Tonn, and Almorra all come to mind as really good examples there)

I'm gonna say something else controversial, too.

I don't think we've seen the last of Zojja, nor do I think she's entirely lost her memories-- and I also don't think this is the last we'll see of the Wizards, either. there's a LOT of little moments where she slips up and calls us the Commander still, even at the very end, despite her having ascended after they've switched titles to the Wayfinder. if she really had no memories, calling us Wayfinder would be what comes more naturally to her because that's what everyone else is doing. now whether they'll dig into the implications of this later or not I can't say, but I do think it's OPEN for them to do so at a later time, especially with all the very obvious weirdness of the Ward.

I strongly suspect that this could be the beginning of a much larger arc; whether that will be the case or not I can't say, but there's a lot of little hints scattered around the epilogue that tie Wizard stuff into other plotlines we could explore. on top of that, the Commander still has the Heart of the Obscure, and they vanished for months. while Isgarren currently seems determined to keep the Ward a secret, I don't think he's necessarily going to have a choice in the matter. there's also the question of Waiting Sorrow and what she was up to; I very strongly suspect we'll be learning more about her eventually. if that's the case, that may be where we finally really see all the uncomfortable details among the Wizards come to a head. the setup is definitely there to do more and I would personally welcome that.

now all that said, I will also say: it's obvious there are issues.

I won't say I love the state SotO is in, but I don't hate it. it's not great, but it's also not horrible. OVERALL, I still enjoyed playing and I don't regret buying it. I would have had some buyer's remorse if I nabbed the higher priced bundles, but I didn't because I was anticipating it being a lot less than previous expansions. kind of a shame that my guess was right, but it is what it is. personally, most of the value of the expansion for me comes from the features that came with it, and the open world metas are actually pretty decent imo.

there's clearly a drastically reduced emphasis on story instances, and it makes me sad if that's going to be the precedent moving forward. it doesn't terribly surprise me though with how many people on the forums etc would complain about doing story and beg to skip it all, even back when it had a lot more going on. if their time and resources are limited, it makes sense to put them into things that the most players will get more mileage out of-- open world, new mechanics, mastery lines, weapon specs, and so on. it's a shame, but I get it.

I'll probably talk a lot more about this at a later time, but while this expansion was nowhere near the level of previous ones, imo it's much less a matter of being bad and more that there's just not enough there for it to be good. it has some really great moments, but there aren't enough of them to carry the rest. it's just... okay. which, ultimately, is survivable, at least in the short term. it has done severe damage to the trust of its players though, and that's something they're going to have to work very, very hard to earn back.

anyway, that's just my take. do with that what you will.

[thelonesomequeen]

feel like Chris just had a house, randomly picked a designer from Instagram and then meshed the two. 😢 I feel he really ruined it// i’m gonna blame the designers on this! In one of their recent posts they mentioned how the clients weren’t sure about some things (colors I think) but they (designers) pushed them anyway and told them to trust them.. they say the owners ended saying “we’re glad we trusted you”… so yea one or both saw the color palette and went “you know maybe…🧐😬” so um yea..

Yeahhhhhh kind of makes you wonder if some people have buyer’s remorse over their work? This is why when I do work in our house I do the work on my own or I heavily research the work of people I hire when I have to. A good designer wouldn’t push a client forward if they’re hesitant on something. They want to make sure you’re going to love it 🦎

[randomvarious]

Today’s mix:

Back to Mine by Danny Tenaglia 1999 Deep House / Downtempo

Well, this was definitely quite something. New York's Danny Tenaglia is chiefly known as a consummate conqueror of the packed house dancefloor, but here, with this third installment in the DMC label's popular Back to Mine series from '99, the DJ delivers a compilation that's wholly unorthodox.

Back to Mine is known for presenting mixes that are of a chillout nature, but this is actually barely a DJ mix or a chillout release. It's basically a jumbled up mess of songs, from the 60s through late 90s, that express Tenaglia's very own eclectic taste in music as it extends past the nightclub.

Guardian Critic Alex Petridis tries to gussy up this CD in the liner notes, showering it with ebullient praise by describing it as both slinky and seamless, but this feels pretty charitable on his part, because there's almost no cohesion between any of these selections and the transitions are almost nonexistent; a carefully crafted DJ mix this most certainly is not.

But that's okay, really, as long as you understand what this release actually is, which is a seemingly random scattershot of some of Danny's personal favorites.

Now, the heading in this post might feel a little bit misleading, because I've only classed this "mix" as being both deep house and downtempo, when in actuality, it's a bit more than that. But when I decide what genres to include in those headings, I only list the genres that have at least two songs to them, unless the release is too short or eclectic to do that, in which case, I list every genre that appears on the release, which is a pretty rare occurrence anyway.

So, while this CD has a few deep house and a couple downtempo cuts on it, it also has some vocal breakbeat-chill from Yello—evidently, that quirky electronic duo from Switzerland that gave us hits in the 80s like "Oh Yeah" from the Ferris Bueller soundtrack and "Bostich" still had plenty left to contribute in the late 90s—delightfully classy mid-90s acid jazz from UK group Outside, an innovative late 90s funky microhouse cut from Isolée, soulful mid-90s garage house from New Jersey's Kimara Lovelace, the second biggest hit of Ce Ce Peniston's career in her 1992 dancy R&B bop, "Keep On Walkin," a late 70s disco-funk classic from Roy Ayers, a mid-90s edit of the debut soul single from Oleta Adams, and a nice and fun piece of bossa from Sérgio Mendes & Brasil '66.

*panting*

See what I mean? A totally discombobulated smorgasbord of music here; like throwing a long playlist of your favorites on shuffle and plucking out the first 74 minutes and then putting some rudimentary effects on it.

So, there's some really wonderful music on this album that spans a bunch of different genres and decades, but don't expect any of it to sequentially make much sense, because there doesn't appear to be any kind of thoughtful narrative here; it's just a bunch of songs that Danny Tenaglia's a personal fan of, from obscure to popular. All in all, it's worth listening to because the songs are good, but if you think you're getting a different type of Danny Tenaglia set here, you're not. because you’re not getting a set at all. He even admits it himself in the CD booklet, but back in '99, you'd only learn that fact after removing the plastic-wrap from the jewel case, which presumably happens only after you've purchased the CD itself 😉. And given that the previous volume in this series from Dave Seaman was an actual chillout DJ mix, from a guy who's not known for chillout mixes, I can see how a bunch of people would end up with buyer's remorse from this release, because of its lack of coherence.

But it's still ultimately a good time once you come to understand it for what it is!

Listen to the full mix here.

Highlights:

Yello - "To the Sea (Original Mix)" Danny Tenaglia - "Loft in Paradise" Outside - "The Plan/Minty" Isolée - "Beau Mot Plage" Bang the Party - "Bang Bang You're Mine (Full Vocal Remix)" Kimara Lovelace - "Only You" Ce Ce Peniston - "Keep On Walkin'" Roy Ayers - "Running Away" Oleta Adams - "Rhythm of Life (Heavenly Edit)" Crescendo - "Cairo (Duke Monster Mix)" Sérgio Mendes & Brasil '66 - "One Note Samba/Spanish Flea"

[da-at-ass]

I've been watching the Kanye stuff in the news and the timing of contract expirations... noticing a few interesting anachronisms. Time paradoxes as it were. The big thing is that the deals that people are focusing on as being pulled/cancelled in response to his behavior... those were already going to expire prior to the behavior. Long enough prior that he could have decided to behave like that after being dissatisfied with what was happening with the contracts.

Notably, Adidas and Gap were both still selling product and were planning to still sell product... and he probably would have gotten royalties from those. It would technically have been to his advantage to keep the sales going. But he's complained about not getting a high enough cut of profits, of items not being priced high enough. So my theory is that he didn't want the sales. Either due to ego/dissatisfaction feelings, or due to the feeling that if he got out of these deals, he could get a better deal.

And now I'm talking about JK Rowling.

JK Rowling's transphobic comments are about as weird as Kanye's racist and antisemitic ones in timing and volume. There's no good reason for either of them to be saying these things and there isn't even a PRACTICAL reason for them to be saying these things, nothing that would advantage them.

...Unless you look at it from the perspective of getting out of a contract.

The media contracts and licensing/royalty contracts that JK and Kanye have both been locked into with large corporations have one thing in common--the morals clause. it's in all of them. Basically a contract party can dissolve their agreement pretty immediately if one party does something that's abhorrent to current mainstream moral standards. Adidas can't end their contractual obligations with Kanye until a certain established date re: having merchandise on shelves and sending him royalties, etc, unless the morals clause is invoked. Then a party can eject immediately to avoid reputation loss.

I think both JK and Kanye have been bad-tempered, badly-calculating billionaires who decided to play bad in public to get companies to end contracts with them that they wanted out of immediately so they could pursue other opportunities. I'm not sure what contracts specifically when it comes to JK, but it's interesting that Fantastic Beasts really went sideways as a franchise at the same time that her transphobic rhetoric ratcheted up. I kind of wonder if she was trying to negotiate a new movie deal with a new studio but was locked into Fantastic Beasts and experienced buyer's remorse. For some similar move patterns, see how Elon Musk flip-flopped with the purchase of twitter and acted like he could just get out of it with no consequence at one point.

Big common feature between all of them? They're billionaires who got used to getting instant satisfaction and never being told no, and in the case of Elon and Kanye, who aren't very good at quietly waiting stuff out the smart way, who really lack the patience to wait for a better deal's time to manifest.

As for why they say the things they do in particular and what's going on in their heads and hearts... I couldn't say. But I can say that from my perspective, Kanye launched into his shitspeech after he already lost the Adidas and Gap deals, and all he did was speed up the end of them.

[nickgerlich]

A Case Of Buyer Remorse

We have all experienced this. We go grocery shopping when we are hungry. It is the worst possible time to go shopping, because suddenly everything looks delectable, and we load up the cart. And special thanks to the supermarket for providing us with gigantic carts that can carry far more than we ever dreamed we could buy.

Or even if we are not hungry, savvy supermarkets will find ways to try to tip the scale in their favor. The layout of a store is very intentional with the bakery and fruits and vegetables close to the front, where we have to pass by them when our cart is empty. We are not thinking critically at this point, and all those healthy foods address our aspiration to start eating better.

And that bread. It is no mistake that supermarkets intentionally pump the exhaust from their ovens not just throughout the store, but also out into the parking lot, where we can be confronted with that amazing aroma before we even step foot inside. Besides, freshly baked bread has to be better than that normal store-bought stuff, right? It’s just like Grandma used to bake.

But wait, there’s more. Supermarketers pull out all the punches one last time at the check-out stand—assuming we don’t use self-check—because it is there we are typically standing waiting our turn. That’s more time to try to sell us anything, from gum and candy bars to magazines, breath mints, playing cards, and more. It works.

What about online shopping though? While some of my students have already noted this term they feel like online shopping makes it easier to practice restraint, there is growing evidence that buying things online can find us wondering later on, “Where’d that thing come from?”

I know. I am guilty of it. I graduated from e-commerce to m-commerce (that’s mobile commerce) quite a few years ago, when Amazon released a very solid app that made shopping just as easy as on a computer. It’s my go-to, and I can buy something with just a few quick taps. But I have also made purchases I stumbled across on social media.

I even saw this behavior with a colleague last week. We were in a meeting with a third colleague, for a case study we are writing about a company, I recommended an autobiographical book by the main person in the story. I noticed my colleague kind of drift off from focus. A few minutes she was playing with her phone. I knew what had just happened when she summarized it all in one word.

“Bam.”

I replied, “You just bought it on Amazon, didn’t you?”

“Yep.”

“Yeah, I do that all the time, too.”

A recent study finds that two-thirds of Americans think that social media are encouraging overspending, and is having a profoundly negative effect on their debt. It makes sense, because it is just too easy to tap-tap-tap. It’s painless if only for the moment.

Worse yet, of those surveyed 20% think that some of those social media pitches are scams. I concur, having seen far too many sites trying to sell cheap Hoka running shoes. I did a little digging, and found that the ads were not from Hokas, but rather shady fly-by-night dealers. No telling if they were legit Hoka shoes or just cheap knockoffs that washed up on a California beach. I didn’t buy them.

I can understand my students saying that online shopping kept them away from the visual onslaught of tempting items in the physical realm, but done correctly in the digital arena, it can be just as dangerous, if not more. We may not be able to take possession immediately, but maybe that is what makes it so easy. Heck, those frequent deliveries by the UPS guy and the US Postal Service make it like Christmas all year long, a steady little dopamine drip of gifts just for you and me.

With sites like Facebook and Instagram featuring ads roughly every five or six items in our feeds, it means we are constantly being confronted with opportunities to spend. Having the Amazon app always at the ready to buy just one more thing, means we have to be ever vigilant in hopes of using restraint.I find it interesting how the dynamic has changed so much, yet the result—impulse spending—has not. Savvy online marketers will suggest items to go with what you just selected. You know. ”People who bought this also bought that…”

And we must also be watchful for online scams, because there are many. It’s one thing to be confronted by a steady barrage of ads from legit companies like Shein and Temu, even though they have their bad points. It’s quite another when you have never even heard of a company offering Hokas for about 25% of the normal price.

Once again, watch your billfold, and try to keep those impulses under control. Otherwise you’re going to be wondering how, when, where, why you bought all that stuff throughout your house.

Dr “Think Before You Tap” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[w-ht-w]

Regrets in life: major sources + how to deal

Culture can affect how people experience regret, too, with people from more individualistic cultures usually having more regrets about their personal situation (like achievement or career) and those in collectivist cultures having more regrets about their relationships. And women and men differ some in how they experience regret, with women typically regretting romantic and sexual relationships more than men and men regretting inaction more than action.

Regret is associated with unpleasant emotions, like sadness, disappointment, guilt, and shame. But people also regard it as one of the most beneficial negative emotions, because it can be instructive.

Our regrets can teach us about ourselves, help us to avoid repeating mistakes, and encourage us to make better decisions in the future. On the other hand, if we use our regrets to beat ourselves up, or if we ignore them completely, they will not lead to growth. The key is finding the right balance,

“Regret doesn’t have to lead directly to self-recrimination,” ... But “never feeling regret is not a sign of wisdom or righteousness. It may be a sign you don’t learn from your mistakes.” (2)

Some people suffer from regret more than others

Some of us are more prone to regret than others, ... Here are some of those risk factors.

Not tolerating ambivalence. ... there are no guarantees about the future. ... if you can’t stand uncertainty, you are bound to avoid making hard choices, leaving you vulnerable to later regrets.

Falling prey to biases. We all have cognitive biases, but some influence regret more than others. If you suffer a lot from negativity bias (discounting or not even seeing the positives in your life), black-and-white thinking (thinking things are either all good or all bad), or catastrophizing (thinking that if something goes wrong, you won’t be able to handle it), it’s bound to affect how much you suffer regret.


Worrying about “buyer’s remorse” or how bad we’ll feel in the future. If you’re the kind of person who often anticipates feeling awful for making a choice, it may keep you from deciding on a course of action that could bring you happiness, increasing the potential for regret.

Having too many choices. “Regret is an opportunity emotion—the more opportunity we see, the more likely we are to regret something,” ... Having too many choices increases your potential for making the “wrong” one.

Being a perfectionist. If you expect to have an ideal, happy life all of the time and are not easily satisfied, you will be more prone to regret. “Maximizers” (people who seek out optimal outcomes) tend to feel more regret than “satisficers” (people who are content with good-enough outcomes), unless they can take steps to lessen their maximizing tendencies. (2)

Letting go of debilitating regret

“Regret is a possible element of any decision that we make,” writes Leahy. “But the likelihood that you will regret your decisions will depend on how you think about making your decisions and how you cope with living with the result.”


Remember that you don’t know things would have turned out better. If you imagine your life would have been better “if only…,” keep in mind that your assumption is not based on real evidence. Instead of focusing on where you might have been, turn toward the future and remember it can change based on the choices you make now.

Focus on the positive aspects of your current life, to balance out the negative feelings that come with regret. Your negativity bias can keep you preoccupied with what’s wrong rather than what’s right. So, it’s a good idea to practice gratitude for the good in your life—even for the small, simple things.

Don’t forget that sometimes things don’t turn out the way you wanted them to, even with your most thoughtful planning. Life can hand you lemons, but that’s not necessarily your fault. You cannot be omniscient; so, you need to accept that sometimes you will regret your choices. But that doesn’t mean you should criticize yourself endlessly. Better to learn from your mistakes than to punish yourself.

Accept tradeoffs and compromises. Not everything has to turn out just the way you wanted it to. You will stymie your progress if you insist otherwise and make yourself miserable in the process. So, aim to be a satisficer rather than a maximizer.

Overall, ... once you’ve learned whatever lessons regret can teach you, you can let go of unrealistic expectations about what might have been, enjoy your life as it is, and start planning for a better future.

“Look around you at what is in the present moment and hold on to it with a warm embrace,” ... “Because your regrets will only keep you from what you have and who you are and trap you in a fictional world that never was—and never could have been.” (2)

We regret inaction more than wrong action

one reason why regrets of inaction persist longer than regrets of action is that cognitive dissonance reduction is more active for the latter than the former. Regrets of inaction (“Should have asked her out,” “Should have become a dentist”) are more psychologically “open,” more imaginatively boundless, meaning that there is always more one could have done and further riches one might have enjoyed (“She’d have been a wonderful partner,” “It would have been rewarding work”). This openness to possibility (the essence of opportunity) mitigates dissonance reduction. By contrast, regrets of action are psychologically fixed by their factual status and have only one alternative (not doing it).

regrets of inaction last longer than regrets of action in part because they reflect greater perceived opportunity. (1)

1. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2394712/

2. https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_regrets_can_help_you_make_better_decisions

[dzpenumbra]

3/20/23

Today didn't feel like much, but I actually got quite a bit done. I finished another 5 runs in the desire path project, the path is now pretty much done, actually. It's crazy how quickly it came together, I really wasn't expecting it to be that fast. 15 trips back and forth was all it took. Visual markers made a huge difference, which... I guess... is what trail blaze is about, so... makes sense. But it was crazy how quickly that turned into just... barely wandering at all.

I spent pretty much the rest of the day working on my hoodie. This was the result... I am now actually kinda regretting having bought so many of these fabric pens. Because the fabric paint that I bought? I'm basically using exclusively that. And it was kind of an impulse buy. I did a lot of area fills with silver and white today, and... I actually ran out of silver. Halfway through a ring section. And the silver paint I have does not match that pen paint at all, so I actually had to paint over the progress I had made. But transitioning into the paints unlocked some doors for me. I don't know why I've been so averse to using paint brushes... stubbornness, I guess? Pencil/pen has been my primary medium for ages, but I was forced to major in Painting and painted a ton because of it. Haven't really painted much since, now that I think of it... maybe that's why it's so foreign... just never really made the time for it, I guess.

But painting is actually working pretty well. It takes a bit longer to get solid lines because you don't have a solid sturdy applicator(? I don't know what word to use there) of color. The paint brush bends, basically, and pens are sturdy, that's what I'm trying to say. That has its advantages and disadvantages. But painting came back super quick, and very naturally, I'm having no real problems with it. Except... buyer's remorse... I got a ton of these pens, all different colors.

They aren't bad pens, I mean that. The color is very opaque, they don't really smell at all... which is nice... good flow... They just don't have a lot of ink in them. And the ink is basically paint, so... I might as well buy paint and get... more paint for my buck... right? And the paint, ultimately, is better quality. The silver is very vibrant, very impressive. So yeah. I'll definitely use the pens. I have lots of uses for them. But, in the future, I'm opting towards these paints instead, especially for large-scale pieces.

I did laundry, that was a win. But that... was basically my day.

For real. I did yoga, I ate cereal and did the desire path thing, I showered, I worked on the hoodie, I did laundry, I ate dinner, I worked on the hoodie, I played Noita for like... 15 minutes... until it crashed... and here I am. That's all, that was my day.

I was considering going skating, but I got sucked into... Civilization-style "one more turn" mode. I was making the desire path, and went... "yeah, I just have a few more sections to do, I'll wrap that up real quick, shower, then I'll go skate a bit." Then when I finally wrap up and look at the clock? 6:50PM.

I honestly... I have no idea how the sidewalk conditions even are. I haven't left the building since I skated during the storm, that was almost a week ago. If the sidewalks are good, I really should put this plan into effect: reserve the shared car, ride my hybrid board over there, drive to the skatepark, buy a new skateboard and a helmet, skate for a bit to break it in. That sounds like a good way to spend an afternoon. It's just... something I have to plan a little in advance (I think) due to the car reserving thing, and... hasn't been synergizing well with this PTSD going-to-bed-at-dawn bullshit. I'm sure writing this at 4AM is doing me favors...

I will get there, I mean it. I mean... on weekdays, the park is open until 8PM... That's easy as fuck to make work. The only caveat there is... skating back to my apartment in the dark after dropping off the car. I have no lights at all, I usually wear pretty much all black, I need to get that figured out ASAP before I take that thing out at night, that's unbelievably unsafe.

So yeah, I guess I'll gauge that as I go.

I had that kinda stuff lingering in my mind today. What do I even go and do to meet people? Where do I even go? I mean... eating out is so goddamn expensive. Like... I'm trying to envision it. Do I go to this American cuisine/bar place nearby and get dessert there for like a $12 slice of cheesecake that could fit in my palm, and just sit at the bar and eat that and hope the people nearby are even remotely similar to me? Do I go to this boardgame cafe and pay a $6 entry fee to... just kinda lurk around because it's supposed to be a place you bring a date or your friends to to play games together? Do I go to a trivia night at the bar up the street and sit in the corner and play by myself because I don't know anyone? Every one of these options sounds awkward as hell, and not worth the effort. At least with the skatepark, I have something I can actively do. I can embarrass myself in skating ways, instead of awkward loitering ways.

Since I was 17, I had a tool to smoothly escape awkward social situations, and to meet new people. It was called a cigarette. Not sure if you've heard of them, they're pretty rare nowadays. They're basically leaves from the tobacco plant that are dried, shredded and rolled in a tube of paper, with a synthetic fiber filter at the end. Like a joint, but with tobacco. Um... god, I feel like I'm losing the reader here... um... OH! Like a vape pen, but like... using the actual natural plant that the concentrated liquid is extracted from. Those things.

Last night, I was writing a comment to someone who was posting in an online smoking cessation support group I had been a part of off-and-on for like... 10 years. They had severe anxiety and panic disorder, they wanted to know if quitting was going to make their anxiety more severe. First... duh. Second... bro, there are much bigger things you need to worry about than 2 weeks of being super stressed out. I wrote a bunch and then deleted it, because... I've just been doing that a lot lately. I just... ugh. I feel like I'm going to get pounced on if I post anything at all on Reddit, it's such a fucking cesspool lately. Also, PTSD.

But I was writing about exactly this. How that person who has been smoking since they were 16 really needs to talk to their therapist pronto about developing some kinds of tools for a) stress management, b) getting out of social situations (stepping outside regularly), c) meeting new people (approaching and smoking with people), d) getting up and periodically moving throughout the day. If they are anything like me, these will be dramatic changes, and cigarettes become completely entwined with your life that way. The only way you get up and step outside? To smoke. Your reward for accomplishing something? Cigarette. Overwhelmed by a group event? Step outside and smoke. Wanna go somewhere more quiet? So does your cigarette. Hey look, some people smoking, I can casually approach them and ask them what they're up to, I fit in there.

Being crammed into "smoking areas" built a sense of comradery, which... for those of us who have an aversion towards extroversion... and try to respect peoples' boundaries to a paranoid degree... became a bit of a dependency for socializing. So... yeah. I'm feeling it big time. And I really, really wish weed could fill that void for me. I really do. And maybe someday it might. But right now? It just makes me feel like I'm sitting and chatting with a bunch of Russian spies or reptilians or organ harvesters, or whatever sci-fi bullshit my imagination is on that day.

But here's the sad part - which, I guess, is kind of a good part? I guess? I don't know anymore... - even if I said fuck it and picked up that insanely expensive habit again... I really don't think anyone around here fucking smokes anymore. I really don't see a lot of people out smoking, not even outside of bars. Not like it used to be. I smell tons of people smoking weed in their apartments, like... at least half of the apartments out of the 11 apartments between me and the mail room door. But I don't think people really smoke cigarettes as much anymore. Which, to me... honestly... is weird... since alcohol is like... clearly a much more dangerous substance, in pretty much every aspect I can think of, really. People just... don't like smoked substances. Kinda like they think skateboarding is dangerous when it's "loud", and then a bicycle flies by at twice the speed, with half the wheels, and is a giant pretzel of metal that could severely fuck up anyone it hits, and they barely bat an eye. That whole Karen syndrome, where science is simply a tool used to push an agenda.

But hey, after what happened last time they tried to get rid of booze? I don't blame them for never trying again. I guess smokers are bigger pushovers. It's easier to push around chronically depressed, anxious messes than it is to push around raging alcoholics. They are literally some of the most dangerous people on the planet, imo.

Have I made my case? XD

I honestly am not even sure I'd want to smoke again even if I did get those advantages back. I don't miss the shortness of breath. I don't miss the dizziness. I don't miss stinking all the time, despite it "covering up" other smells and providing me a sense of anti-anxious security. I just need to develop a habit similar to it.

What am I going to do? Go out to the parking lot and just... stand there for 5 minutes and look at my phone? Every 2 hours? Just approach people who are smoking and just sit with them and not smoke, just go "hi, I came out here to try to meet people the only way I remember how." Any options there that don't make me look creepy as shit?

Everywhere I look, every option is awkward as fuck!

Except for going to the skatepark. So... that's bumped to the top of the list. But now, it's 4:30, so I really gotta wrap things up here if I have any chance of making it tomorrow.

Lots of good work done today, and my orchid got watered, so no worries there. I'm so glad it's still doing well, I feel like I've had that thing for like... 2 months or so now. Still looks healthy, too!

[holylulusworld]

Angry Kitten (3)

Title: Angry Kitten (3)

Summary: You’re an angry kitten tonight.

Rating: Mature

Prompt filled for @writersmonth​: Day 4 - word: melody | setting: fashion world

Pairing: Mafia!Ransom Drysdale x fem!Reader, Mafia!Ari Levinson x fem!Reader, Mafia!Andy Barber x fem!Reader

Warnings: angst, language, polyamory, one woman, three men, the reader is still a brat, soft mobsters, angry kitten, she doesn’t take shit from anyone, silent treatment (kinda), fluff, remorse

Words: 1,8 k

<< Part 2

Badass kitten & her tamers masterlist  

Divider by @firefly-graphics​

You are close to storming into the room to demand your men’s attention. They are in a meeting for almost three hours and now, you want to have some fun and relax with your men.

For now, you prefer to silently open the door and get a glimpse of them. You smile as all of them wear the gifts you got them for Valentine’s Day.

Ransom got a new watch. Andy new fancy reading glasses and Ari got a new necklace. Your name dangling from it.

“Man, your girl is he clingy and bratty kind of woman, huh?” you gasp as their new business partner starts to laugh loudly. “Why do you share that mouse? Don’t you want a girl on your own? All of you?”

“Can we get back to business?” you smile as Andy, like most of the time, is the voice of reason. “You came here for a new deal.”

“If Y/N is clingy and bratty it’s because of you, daddy,” Ransom retorts, making the men inside the room chuckle. “Maybe we should cut her short for a while, too. She just bought dresses costing more than half of my car.”

“She likes to spend our money,” it’s Ari who makes your heart drop. “You’re right. She went a little overboard with shopping and shit lately.”

“Y/N is not that bratty,” this time you hear a chair creak. You assume Andy got up to pace the room. A habit of your lover. If something bothers him, he starts to pace. “We could make clear she’s too clingy.”

“You sure?” Ransom snickers and you want to punch his face. How dare they talk like that about you in front of some stranger? “I thought you love that she clings to you.”

Yes, you are a brat, and you cling to your men. They chased all of your former friends away.

In a life like theirs, you can’t have normal people around without getting them killed. And you spend their money as your men wanted you to quit your well-paid job.

“Fuckers,” you silently close the door again, cursing under your breath. “I’m clingy? Well, that can be changed. No sex for a month.” You walk away, wiping your eyes. “No, make it two. You will see how bratty I can be.”

“What an exhausting day,” Ransom walks into the living room, a big smile on his face as his eyes land on you. You sit cross-legged on the couch, nose buried in the newspaper. “Doll? Did you hear me?”

“That looks interesting,” you hum to yourself as you fold the newspaper to underline the job ad. “Fashion illustrator. I have always been good at drawing and got experience in the fashion department. Cool.”

“Darling, do you want to have dinner now,” sitting next to you Andy looks at the newspaper in your hands. “What are you doing?”

“I thought about returning to work life,” you whip your head toward Andy to give him a cold smile. “I can’t live my life depending on you and the others. What if you decide that I’m only some random clingy girl and want to get rid of me?”

“What?” Ari chokes on air. “What did you just say?”

“You heard me, Ari,” reading another job ad you ignore that Ransom calls your name. “I got no time, Hugh. Just let me check on some more job ads. Uh-that one is good too. Fashion buyer. What do you think, Andy? I got a good taste, right?”

“Doll, stop this right now,” Ransom snatches the newspaper out of your hands. He gives you a warning glare before crumpling up the newspaper and throwing it into the fireplace to burn it to ashes.

“Hey! I was reading that,” you point at the burning newspaper. “Fine, I’ll use my phone instead. Modern times.” A deep huff next to you catches your attention. “What is it, Mr. Barber? Do you have a problem?”

“You won’t work as a fashion buyer or crap,” wildly gesturing toward you Ransom tries to tame his anger. “You belong to us.”

“I need to make some money to buy me all the things I wanna buy,” slowly uncrossing your legs to get off the couch you ignore your men's boring looks. “I can’t spend all of your money.” 

Watching walk out of the room your men sigh deeply. “She heard every word, didn’t she?” Ransom concludes. “Great job everyone. This means she will give us the silent treatment for weeks again.”

“Andy could try to calm her. I think it’s a mission for daddy Barber this time,” Ari jerks his head toward the door. “It’s your turn to take the bullet for the team.”

“That’s a nice negligée,” Andy softly mumbles as he steps inside your bedroom. You rarely spend time in the room. You always preferred to stay with one of your men. Most of the time you sleep at your shared bedroom on the huge bed Ransom ordered for all of you. “Do you want to sleep here tonight?”

He smiles as you decrease the volume on your phone. You were listening to one of the songs on your playlist. Melody by Lost Frequencies. 

“I want to be less clingy and continue my hunt for a new job. Maybe I’ll sell a few of my things online to give you your money back, too,” you turn your back on Andy. It pains you to not give in to him, but this can’t be helped.

“Y/N, we are sorry for the things we said,” he steps closer to move his hand over your back. “You know that we love you just the way you are.”

“No, you don’t,” stepping away you deny Andy to be close to you for the first time. “All of you called me bratty, clingy, and greedy. I will get a new job first thing in the morning. This way, I won’t be around as much as before. Problem solved.”

“Darling, come here and let me make things up to you,” Andy murmurs. “Don’t let daddy wait.” You whine. He’s using his smooth, deep voice to make you cave in. “Baby.”

“Andy,” he hugs you from behind, starting to slow dance with you. “That’s unfair.”

“We love you, Y/N,” his lips softly press against your neck. “I love you so much. Do you remember the first time we met?”

“I-“ you nod. “Of course, I do remember how we first met. I was at the court as that asshat accused me of something I didn’t do.”

“Darling,” he whispers in your ear. His beard tickles your skin, making you whine as you love how his beard feels between your legs, “we both know you drove too fast.”

“But you got me out,” falling back against his chest you close your eyes and let him guide your movement. 

“You got lucky that I wanted to keep an eye on the attorney lawyer. I saw your cute ass in your yellow summer dress and was done for,” you shudder as you remember how Andy suddenly stood right next to you, telling your lawyer to get lost. 

He easily won your case and invited you to have dinner with him, and his friends. One thing led to another, and you found yourself crowed by three stunning men. 

You spent a night to remember with them. It was the best night of your life. You spent it chatting, drinking, and eating the finest food. 

It wasn’t the last time you met up with them. Andy invited you again, and you just couldn’t say no. How could you?

Three weeks later you were at their mansion to have dinner. Only this time, they never wanted to let you go. 

Literally. 

Ransom immediately wanted to lay claim on you. He told Ari and Andy to back off; but Andy is no man to give up so easily. A fight started and before you knew it, you ended the fight, offering to become their girl.

“That first night we wore you out, and laid claim on your body,” you’re falling into your favorite headspace while Andy murmurs soft praises in your ear. “You were so pretty, and wild. Soft and warm. Such a good girl.”

“Daddy,” he chuckles in your ear. 

“You should know that we did not only lay claim on you and your body, darling. We made a promise to provide for you and to make sure you’ll always be safe, and sound…and happy.”

“What you said hurt.”

“I know, Y/N.” 

“Can we come in?” Ransom pokes his head inside the room. “Ari and I are so sorry. We should’ve put a bullet to that asshole’s brain. Baby doll?” 

“You hurt me, Ran. Do you remember when you told me that you’ll always protect me and make sure no one hurts me? Today you didn’t keep me safe.”

“Doll, I’m sorry,” while you turn around to hide your face in Andy’s chest, Ransom and Ari try to apologize. 

“Kitten, we love you. I know that we hurt you,” Ari runs his hand over your head. “Sometimes men talk shit when with other guys. We should know better, though.”

“You should know better,” you sniffle. “I don’t like you tonight. Not at all. Tomorrow I’ll get a job.”

“How about you become my fashion buyer? Doll, come here and let your Ran baby make things up to you,” Ransom purrs but you cling to Andy. He’s always your safe haven. The one to ground you. “Y/N.”

“No, I don’t like you anymore.”

“I bet you pout right now.”

“I’m done being your toy. You don’t want me to be clingy or to waste your money but won’t let me work. This doesn’t make sense at all. Maybe I should rethink our relationship.”

“No!” all three men gasp in unison. “Doll, don’t make me lose my patience. I won’t let you go. Never. You’re ours. If you want to leave, you must kill me first.”

“Same,” Ari grumbles. “Here, take my knife and cut my heart out. It would hurt less than watching you leave us.”

“You’re overdramatic,” you lift your head to look up at Andy. 

“They are right, darling,” Andy kisses the top of your head. “If you ever leave us, we are going to die from a broken heart.”

“You are so frustrating,” pushing against Andy’s chest you grumble under your breath. “I want to be alone now.”

“Please, everything else. But don’t stay alone tonight. Let’s not go to bed without talking things out,” you yelp as Ari easily picks you up to carry you out of the bedroom. 

“Lemme down! Ari, let me down.”

“I will never let you down, kitten,” he laughs as you wiggle in his arms. “Let us make things up to you. We love you. What we said wasn’t true. Please don’t leave us.”

“Fine,” you give Ransom and Andy a dirty look as they lock the door the moment you are inside your shared bedroom. “But there will be no sex for a month…”

>> Part 4

Tags in reblog.

[crewman-penelope]

Flower language

The day was calm thus far.

Standing in the back of your flower store at your work bench, you prepared some small, colourful bouquets.

They will be presented in a display in from of the store, small, but pickable, 15 Euro the piece.

Walk-in customers, spontaneous buyers, forgetful lovers, remorseful spouses... a cheering up. An apologize. Just im case.

Sometimes it's all you are selling.

Times are hard and people didn't take the time to pause, to choose wisely, to enjoy the many variations of flowers and plans you had in your store.

You didn't mind much, though. Thanks to your grand-aunts money you received surprisingly after her death, you were able to fulfill your dream of an own flower store. It didn't bring much, but the circumstances to get every day in your store, hit by the scent of flowers, as the colourful view of them, made it worth.

Every morning cleaning, arranging, decorating something new, your hand pierced by roses, your skin smelling of nature and herbs. That was what you wanted.

The highlight of the week where the Sunday flower market at the harbor of course.

Fresh delivery Waggons, hawker at their stands, flower and plant auction at the dock... A colourful, strong smelling wonderland.

That was your church visit.

The small bell at the front door was ringing. Hearing the door open and soft footsteps coming closer, you turned from your work bench to enter the front store.

A figure stood backwards, leaning down to check the to-go bouquets.

All you could see were a plain blueberry coat and linen.

Then the figure turns to you.

It took some strength in you not to step back.

The - rather small - man was plain but tasteful dressed. Warm, natural colours of wood green and teal.

The hair well styled, the gesture small but confident, it was his face what had taken you aback.

A net of scars - small pox maybe? - had drawn a landscape of craters on his sharp cut face. His grey eyes and the irritating mouth - lips like a greece god - was highlighted by it.

Cleaning your throat you pressed a good morning out of it.

A wary smile thinned his lips. He just nodded. His eyes traveling around your store in silent.

Standing still you felt ice cubes in your stomach, as you debated, if he is just shy, or if he checked his suroundings to rob you.

Eventually it was him who broke the silence.

“This is a gorgeous shop you have here, my dear.”

His low and rasp voice surprised you. Suddenly goosebumps on your skin you tried to smile.

“Thank you, sir.” A heartbeat silence again. “Is there something I can help you with?”

He hummed. His eyes at your display. His hands clashed in front of him.

“I believe so.”, he eventually spoke.

Turning to you, his grey eyes pierced you. Nearly frowning.

“A special delivery. You do deliveries, right?”

“Of course, sir.”, you responds eagerly, suddenly falling into work mood. You grabbed note block and pencil.

“What kind of arrangement you want?”

He seems to ignore you, looking irresolute.

Then he nodded to himself and steps closer. Counting at his fingers he starts to enumerate.

“Iris, surrounded by Gypsophila, companied by Delphinium and Achilles, inbedded with Fern.”

Writing his wishes down, you nodded.

Well, you thought, at least he did know what he wants.

“That sounds lovely.”

The man bobbed his head down in one sharp gesture, avoiding eye contact.

“Yes. Lovely.”, he muttered to himself.

“Shall I prepare today, or is the delivery date later this week?”, you asked, waiting for an postal address.

“It is for today, if you can manage.”

His eyes are finally at you. His face grim he went on: “And I want to check the finished bunch of flowers beforehand.”

Oha, stern customers. At least he knew his flowers., you thought as you nodded in agreement.

“Very well, sir. Give me a moment.”

Waking on the sale floor you pick the chosen flowers from their different containers and went to your work bench.

While you spread the flowers on the table you saw in the corner of your eyes that he had followes you halfway, but had stopped at the doorframe. Leaning on it he watches you in interest, as you put on some gloves before arranging the flowers.

Missinterpreting his glance you examined: “The flowers you chose are all more or less poisoned. I like to be safe.”

He gave no answer, while a smirk appeared on his full lips.

The following silence became nearly uncomfortable to you and you hurried up. Eventually you presented him the result of his choice.

“Beautiful.”,he mumbles, his face lighten up. For a moment, he looked even attractive.“Absolutely gorgeous.”

He gave you space to walk back into the store, following you on the heel.

As you rolled the flowers in brown paper, adjusting the fern by that, he searched in his trousers. He pulls out a bundle of money and set a card on the cashier table.

“This is the address. A note isn't necessary. He knows from whom he got the present.”, he spoke softly.

Before you could say anything, he laid a 100 Euro note on the table.

“I trust this is enough with delivery?”

“That is too much!”, you intervened.

He shook his head. “Not with the delivery address.”, he pointed out.“If you manage I shall use your service again.”

Before you could check any further he nodded his goodbye.

The bell rang again and you blinked confused, before you eventually checked the card.

HMP Dartmoor

c/o Dr. Oberhauser

Tavistock Road

Yelverton

Bollocks!, you thought, curious how on earth you would be allowed to deliver into a maximum security prison. And who was this Dr. Oberhauser?!

You sighed deeply and checked the 100 Euro bill.

Is was worth a try, though.

[masterwords]

the things that make up a life (part two)

Summary: Hotch helps Jessica move Roy into her apartment. It doesn't go well, and he's supposed to fly to Chicago to celebrate Fran's birthday afterward. (Coda to 10x20 & 10x21 because combining them makes for pain.)

Warnings: a lot of angst, depression, trauma from Scratch, mention of suicidal thoughts...

Pairings: Hotch/Morgan

Words: 2.5k

Notes: Remember how I said two parts? I meant three. I MEANT THREE. I'm still not sorry. The entire thing is written but I didn't have time to edit the whole thing tonight. I said I was going to post more tonight so I broke it up to keep part of my promise anyway. Part Three will be it, and it will be this weekend in between baseball madness.

Read on AO3: the things that make up a life

**

The walk through the airport was calming in some strange way. The anonymity of it, eyes scanning the crowd and never fully landing on him. It would all change the minute they reached cruising altitude, his head was going to pound mercilessly for the duration of the flight and there was nothing he could do about that.

It was funny, as he stood there waiting for them to acknowledge that yes, they could bump his flight up, yes, they did have room, they also offered him an upgrade to first class. Under normal circumstances he would pass, a flight this short really made very little difference, but the luxury of not being stuffed quite so close together with that many other people sounded like the breather he needed. For once, there was no buyer's remorse on indulgence. His headache had settled back into a dull throb in his temples, the kind he could look past, and he hoped that it was a good sign. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The flight was short, but with the way his mind turned to mush and regrouped almost continually over the worst parts of the morning, it felt like hours. It wasn't what Roy said, he'd made his peace with Roy's harsh words already, had a whole week to chew on those and let them fester inside of him. They were a ball of rot in his belly, but they weren't gathering strength, they'd done their harm. The photo album, his face being scrubbed from memories, Sean being there and him being a phantom. Pictures being folded to keep him from them, Haley's beaming smile beside a ghost. An empty page. It was the way a jilted ex would doctor photos to erase memories. The way a teenager might act, not a grown man. Jessica's words, surprising as they were, married easily with the photos. They made sense there, tied it all into a neat little package.

He considered calling Derek from the airport, seeing if he'd come and pick him up. The idea of walking outside to wait in the rain to hail a cab was unpleasant, but he thought of the look of surprise on Derek's face, on Jack's face, if he showed up a day early and it was a bright spot he couldn't focus past. Outside he hobbled, his sore muscles stiff, especially in his lower back. A row of bright yellow and white cabs smiled at him, he could take his pick and it was the second bright spot in his otherwise stormy day. Once inside, he tucked himself around his small leather bag and stared out the window at the airport they were slowly curling around and leaving behind. Derek had all of the rest of their clothes with him already and he thought now seemed like a fine time to finally comfortably take something for the pain in his head that had, as predicted, come screaming back at him the moment the plane went above the clouds. The pain would dull to a low throb right around the time he was dropped off, the fog settling in long after he was safety inside Fran Morgan's home. He could afford the luxury, he told himself, happy to be saddled with one pain he had some control over.

He stood on the stoop and collected himself. There was a jumble of thoughts all vying for center stage, and all he really wanted was a few blissful moments to focus on the surprise of him showing up a full day early. The fog was starting to creep into his head, a fine mist settling over everything.

The photo of Sean floated through his mind again, the way he looked so like Jack. He stood there on the stoop for a little too long, attempting to catch his breath. To make peace with his morning and let it go, at least for now, because this was not about him. They were there to celebrate Fran's birthday, and she deserved to have a better version of him than the one that currently stood on her porch. Without thinking, he rang the doorbell and waited. It didn't take long before the door was flung open to reveal Fran's smiling face, Derek attempting to look surprised right behind her. She nearly bowled him over, wrapping him in a hug. It was completely silent, like she could read some dark tale in his eyes and didn't dare acknowledge it. Her hug pulled him into the moment, spread warmth through his cold lungs. Her arms around him made him forget the pulse in his forehead for one blissful moment.

Derek approached next, wrapping him in a too tight hug. It reeked of desperation, and Aaron had the briefest suspicion that Jessica had called him and warned him. It didn't matter. He snaked his arms around Aaron's sagging shoulders, up high, pressing his nose against Aaron's temple and breathed him in deep. There was the smell of shampoo still lingering beneath sweat and dust, the smell of a man who worked hard all morning and was bone tired.

“You're early,” Derek whispered. He could feel the way Aaron's muscles coiled beneath him, his shallow labored breaths coming at irregular and pained intervals. He didn't have all of the information, but he was vaguely aware of what had happened and how precariously they were balanced on the edge of some deep pit. Aaron was clawing desperately at the sides of the cliff, trying to keep hold of something, to not fall to pieces. Fran deserved better, Jack shouldn't see it, Derek's family didn't need his baggage and yet something about Derek's arms around him just ruined his ability to hold it together. The safety in it was too much to fight against. The tears came anyway and he wrapped his arms around Derek's waist, locked his hands together at the small of Derek's back and cried into his shoulder. He'd spent his entire flight telling himself, in very precise terms, not to do this and yet here he was.

Jack peeked around the corner from the dining room and watched silently, his young mind racing to build scenarios to explain what he was seeing.

“Hey,” Derek whispered against Aaron's ear, patting between his shoulders, his hug tightening almost uncomfortably. Aaron could feel his shoulders grinding in their sockets and he squirmed and shifted against Derek, pushing in closer. “It's okay. Everything's okay.”

“I know,” he nodded. It was weak, his face still pressed against Derek's neck now slick with his tears. Jack slipped silent back into the other room, understanding nothing except that he was intruding on a moment he wasn't ever meant to see. Aaron drew a shaky breath and cleared his throat, attempting to save what little face he could and stand up straight. “My head is bad today,” he said, thinking it might save him from admitting to the problems with Roy until later. Derek nodded, unconvinced but he wasn't an idiot and they both knew it was a weak explanation. His head had been bad every day since Peter Lewis, it wasn't new and it certainly didn't explain this. He'd talk to Jessica later, get the full story, she wouldn't hold back. You don't love a man like Aaron without finding ways to circumvent his little quirks.

“He'll be in here in a few minutes,” Fran said, pulling Jack to her and walking him back down the hallway away from his fathers at the door. “Your dad shoulders a lot of burdens that don't belong to him.”

“I know,” Jack replied quietly. “I wish he didn't do that.”

“I bet he does, too.” She had seen Jack do it too. He would get sullen and serious when his father had hard days, when Derek was upset about something that didn't go the way he expected. Their moods affected Jack, he would try to shoulder their burdens, ease their minds. She'd watched him try to make dinner once when Aaron worked late and Derek was sick in bed, and while he didn't know how to make anything more than sandwiches and potato chips, he did it because it would make life easier for the people he lived with. “I know my grandpa is mean to him about my mom. I hear him sometimes when he doesn't think I do.”

Fran regarded her grandson seriously and sighed, wrapping her arms around him. He shouldn't know the things he knew, and she couldn't change it no matter how she tried to wish it away. There was so much of his father in him. She never met his mother but she found herself hoping it was enough to save him from the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Out on the stoop, Derek had convinced Aaron to sit down. They would stay outside until he felt comfortable walking in, until he was convinced his rain cloud wouldn't ruin the evening. He wasn't convinced it was likely to happen. His voice was tight and too quiet to hear over the roar of traffic and the train rushing over tracks behind the house, but Derek got the basic idea fairly quickly. He rubbed mindlessly at a small hole in the knee of his pants and Derek watched him. “I need to get over it,” he sighed finally.

Derek raised an eyebrow, ready to speak for the first time. “No you don't. You need to accept it, sure, but you don't have to get over anything. Get into it. Fuckin' cry and get it out. That man's been more of a father to you than your own ever was, you deserve to grieve for what you've lost.”

The worst part was that he hadn't even gotten into the real meat of the problem. The photo of Sean, what Jessica said on the stairs, the pit was deep and he'd barely scraped the surface. Toss in a rock and you'll never hear it hit the bottom. He became vaguely aware that he was crying again when Derek reached out and pulled him close, tucked him into the crook of his arm and kissed the top of his head. It was a show of tenderness that he would normally have been uncomfortable with in such an exposed area but the way the sobs shuddered through him immobilized all other functions. Two weeks of complete frustration, from the moment he found out about Roy's diagnosis to Peter Lewis and now this just pouring out of him in a way so ugly and so uncontrollable that he felt like a monster. A million insignificant details built up into a tempest.

“He's right,” he whispered shakily, his voice rough and worn. “I know he's right.”

“Like hell he is,” Derek snapped back. “Just because some asshole...” By asshole he meant Foyet, but Aaron didn't care, he wasn't going to entertain excuses for what he knew he was responsible for.

“Derek don't. Please.” He was suddenly afraid that Jack would walk outside and see, and it had gone on long enough. He had to put an end to it, pull himself together. He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, pushed away the last of the tears there and sucked in a deep, tremor of a breath. “It's fine. I need to call Jess and let her know I made it, I'll be inside in a few minutes.”

Derek threw his hands in the air in defeat, frustrated and stalked inside. He couldn't figure out how to break through, Aaron would have to arrive there on his own if he was going to do it at all. He sat with Jack instead, offered to deal another hand of poker when Aaron wandered back inside looking like he'd been put through the ringer. His eyes were red, glassy and raw, and Derek could tell that whatever conversation he'd had with Jessica had gone about as well as everything else that day. He couldn't hide it and didn't exactly try to, just tried to push past it and force a weak smile through tears that wouldn't seem to stop. A broken faucet, not exactly crying but his eyes were just too bright and wet and wide. A slow trickle.

“Happy Birthday,” he whispered when Fran pulled his defeated form into another hug, like she just couldn't help herself. She pushed up onto her toes and wrapped her arms around his neck, let him cry into her hair. “I'm sorry.”

“No apology necessary,” she whispered back, holding him in her warmth. He couldn't place her perfume but it was soft, vaguely floral and made him think of powder rooms and dried roses. “You cry if you need to cry. I love you, darling.” While Derek had, moment before, been only mildly irritated he was now growing concerned. The last time he'd seen Aaron so beside himself that the tears flowed effortlessly, it had come up alongside some scary moments and dark thoughts. A pervading feeling of worthlessness and no longer idle consideration of his own mortality, his desire to continue walking his path. A pill bottle in hand in the dark bathroom, a carefully placed razor blade catching the gleam of the overhead light, his fingers toying with the safety lock on his gun safe...little moments of temptation that Derek had the distinct impression he'd broken in on at the exact second before a thought became a decision. Derek felt the familiar fear swell in his chest and for the rest of the evening found himself following Aaron like a lost puppy, never taking his eyes off of him. If he went to the bathroom, Derek was right there hovering, striking up some senseless conversation that would keep him talking.

Derek curled around him in bed like a dragon guarding its treasure and asked how his head was, if he'd remembered to take all of his medication and vitamins, if he'd eaten enough for dinner. Like he was afraid to let Aaron go to sleep for fear he might not wake up.

Aaron eased himself into the inquisition with his eyes closed against a pounding headache from crying all afternoon. There was the light fog in his brain from the painkiller, a fog he intended to make sure lasted the duration of the trip, but the headache that resulted from the tears was different and so far untouchable. Like a hangover, he felt dry, like a husk. He answered as many questions as he felt were reasonable, understanding Derek's concern, and while it wasn't necessary he allowed it until finally with a yawn he put an end to it. One soft kiss to Derek's arm wrapped around him, a delicate smile turning up just the corners of his mouth. “Goodnight.”

<- Previous Chapter | Next Chapter ->

[getyourblisson]

Full Moon September 10th, 2022

September 10th Full Moon

Each Full Moon has a tendency to bring with it, disruption.  It is a time that is naturally turbulent, and can trigger rebellious energy.  People are more prone to pick a fight, or to get triggered into reactive and aggressive spaces.

This Full Moon brings with it stress and anxiety.  You may or may not be aware of the cause behind this, but may simply feel on edge.  Most likely it is connected to where things that have been unseen are starting to become seen.  Lies, deception, and manipulation are all strong at this time; and this makes it very hard to trust anyone or to know what the real truth is.  Everything feels a bit distorted.  However, where you are feeling stress and tension, then it is well worth being a bit cautious.

On the positive side this can be a great time for things to come through.  Efforts may pay off at this time, and you may see things flowing in for you and successes happen where you have done quality work.  This can also be a good time to put your energy into those things that you would like to see be successful; but it will be important that they will be of benefit to humanity or the Earth in some way.

This is a great time for taking risks and chances if you are using your power wisely.  However, I always suggest these being calculated risks; and don’t put more on the line than you can afford to lose.  If you are using your power wisely; then the chances that you take can have greater payoffs than normal.  However, if you are working from greed or deceptively or otherwise using your power unwisely; then you can experience greater losses than normal.  Calculated risks, are taking a chance on something that has a good chance of working out.  This is like purchasing property, starting a business with a well laid out plan, or buying something to restore, etc.

This is a great time for being creative, trying new things, and thinking outside of the box.  This is a time that favors writers, authors, speakers, and artists of all kinds.  It is a great time to get your message heard.  However, we do want to use caution with things that others are trying to sell us.  If it sounds too good to be true, then it probably is at this time.  Also, do not make purchases by impulse, coercion, or pressure.  It is likely that you will have buyer’s remorse if you do.  Step away from it and come back to it in a day or so if you still want it.  Be especially careful of those that are using chemistry and flattery to connect with you; these are people that are not working in integrity.

Battles for power are also on the surface today; and we are likely to see a shift in power from those that seek to rule over others to those that are true leaders, and encourage people to work together in harmonious ways.  A true leader works with others and does not rule over them.  It is likely that we will see lies exposed with corrupt leaders.  It is important to support those that are supporting the ability to live freely, encourage self-sufficiency, and approach things from love and not hate.

In The Northern Hemisphere we have the Fruit Moon and the Corn Moon.  In the energy of the Fruit Moon, we see that there can be unexpected turbulence or drama that surfaces.  It is a time, where we must use extra caution with weather, as storms can appear out of nowhere, or shift from light to damaging without warning.  That means that it is best to not take chances and remain in areas where you can get to safety easily; and make certain that you have enough to get you through for a couple of days in case there are power outages.  It is important to remain calm; especially if you are having to help others that are in trauma.

While upheavals can always be a bit unsettling, at this time they are actually bringing blessings disguised within them.  They are providing the opportunity to let go of things and simplify.  They are an indication of where you have broken through tests and initiations due to standing in truth and integrity.  It is about getting you to focus on living in a way that you have greater freedom and can experience more of life; instead of just taking care of things.  Sometimes, “devastation” is about getting us to live more soulfully and less materially; and can be connected to where we are not clearing things out on our own.

In the energy of the Corn Moon, we are called to bring things to completion; especially where people that are sitting in greed continue to manipulate and berate you.  This is a time where people are likely to renounce materialism; and walk away from those people and situations that keep them trapped in it.  However, some people may feel trapped by this “system” as a means for surviving.  Those in this energy will do best to disconnect and spend time with their own thoughts and ideas.  The challenge with this pattern is that our health tends to be a bit more fragile and our resources may be minimal or getting drained.  However, there is also likely to be a great spiritual awakening that comes through these types of hardships.

This energy also calls us to meet obligations and responsibilities.  It is a time where we will want to focus on the big projects that we can do; and wrapping up all of the loose ends on things.  This will give us a sense of being productive; and may allow us to work some things out at the same time.  Stick to working within your budget; and realize that often times there are many things that are free if we are willing to take the time to find them.

In the Southern Hemisphere we have the Sap Moon.  With this influence we are called to work cautiously and to try to use what we already have to work with.  It is important that you stay focused on what you need to do for yourself; and to not let others influence you to do something or go in a direction that is not resonating for you.  This will flow smoothly if you are willing to dig in and get things done.  This is a particularly great time for projects that allow you to simplify things in your life, support your health, and nourish your soul processes.  This can also be a great time for a personal retreat; and to simply disconnect and be alone with your own thoughts; since this is one of the greatest responsibilities and obligations that we have.

If you are persistent in standing in integrity, then this is a time where you can see victory and success come through.  Where you have worked with Divine Wisdom and acted responsibly; then this can indicate a time where you are able to free yourself from challenges and tests that have been hanging around for quite some time.  It is a great time for removing blocks and obstacles that have held you back.

I welcome you to let stress be your guide on where to work cautiously with others.  What if it is helping you to see where things are not as they appear?

I welcome you to put your energy into things that you want to see success in; and that will also benefit humanity and Earth.  What if this is about doing what you love, while helping others at the same time?

I welcome you to take calculated risks if you are using your power wisely.  What if things have the ability to turn out better than expected, when they are done in integrity?

I welcome you to get creative and think outside of the box.  What if creating things is a way of creating fulfillment and working with your Soul Self?

I welcome you to support those that are helping people to stand strong on their own.  What if this is one of the greatest gifts that someone can give you?

For Those In The Northern Hemisphere

I welcome you to remain calm where there is drama and turbulence.  What if this is what will help those in trauma more than anything?

I welcome you to allow upheavals to be blessings in disguise.  What if devastation, is about getting you to live soulfully?

I welcome you to end and complete things that are based in greed, manipulation, and berating you.  What if staying in these types of situations is creating health issues and deprivation patterns for you?

I welcome you to wrap up loose ends and handle the things that need to get done.  What if you can be productive and work things out with your own processes at the same time?

For Those In The Southern Hemisphere

I welcome you to stay focused on what you need to do for yourself.  What if sometimes you simply need to disconnect and take care of yourself?

I welcome you to see how victories and successes are connecting with where you have implemented Divine Wisdom and responsible action.  What if you are freeing yourself from the blocks and obstacles that have held you back?

The Code Journey ~ 2022 Edition

[trillgutterbug]

here, have a snippet of the fic i’m working on, which is a direct sequel to this. 

The bacon wasn't salvageable, according to Daniel. Johnny thought it looked alright. He would have eaten it anyway, scorched ends and all, but he didn't protest when Daniel shook his head and dumped the whole pan. It was Daniel's bacon, Johnny figured. His house. If he wanted to waste perfectly good food, that was his business. 

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” said Daniel, scraping the pan over the sink with a spatula, “we’ve got more, I’ll just, uh - Hey, could you -” He jerked his head in the direction of the fridge. 

Johnny, who’d been trying to figure out where to stand and what to do with his hands and how many times it was appropriate to adjust his semi while Daniel’s back was turned, jumped to obey. He dug out the open package of bacon and dropped it on the counter at Daniel’s elbow. 

“Thanks,” Daniel said without turning around. His voice sounded… normal. Calm. Casual. Not at all like he’d just been sucking Johnny’s face off less than a minute ago. 

Johnny took a step back, clenching and unclenching his fists. His heart was still hammering from how turned on he was, and now it was starting to get even faster with confused panic. What was he supposed to do here? Should he leave after all, before things got awkward on top of insane? He watched Daniel’s bare shoulders move as he pulled bacon from the package. They were so smooth and brown, flanked by the twin suggestions of his sharp shoulderblades under the sweater. Johnny's eyes helplessly followed the shape of them down Daniel’s arms to his elbows, his taut forearms, his lean wrists. 

Daniel stuck the pan back on the stove and clicked on the flame. “Better luck this time,” he said quietly, like he was talking to himself. He was probably having the same crisis as Johnny, the little asshole - buyer’s remorse, or something - and didn’t have the guts to turn around and say it. Sure enough, instead of facing Johnny, he sidled back to the sink and started washing his hands. Thoroughly. Johnny glanced toward the door. What was that saying about valor, or whatever? Running away lets you kick the other guy’s ass later? He shot another look at Daniel’s back, shifting on his feet. He didn’t even have to be rude, he could say see you later, man as he left. 

And then he noticed something. The back of Daniel’s neck. He’d already been looking at it - its long curve, the rounded bump of his spine, how the hair grew to a curly point at the base of his skull - but he realized something had changed. It was hard to tell at first, but once he saw it, it was unmistakable. 

Pink. And getting pinker. 

Johnny stared. 

Daniel shook his hands over the sink, grabbed a towel to sloppily dry them, and turned around. “Hey,” he said, as if Johnny hadn’t been standing there like a moron this whole time. He tossed the towel behind himself onto the counter. 

“Hey,” said Johnny. It caught in his throat. 

Daniel’s face was as pink as the back of his neck. His eyes were huge, intense in a way Johnny’d never seen them before, even when they were fighting. He said, “C’mere.”

Johnny’s feet moved before he could give them permission. It was only three steps to Daniel and he took them in less than a second. Daniel’s arms were already coming up, wrapping around his neck as Johnny pressed into him, ducking to get their mouths together. There was no easing into it this time, no politeness. Daniel’s mouth was open and Johnny’s tongue was in it, just like that. Johnny’s brain whited out, returning only due to sheer logistical necessity when Daniel started scrambling up him like a playground, using his shoulders as leverage to get his ass up on the edge of the counter.

“Oh, my God,” Johnny groaned into his mouth, shoving in between his thighs, one hand low on the small of his back to hold him close. His face felt scalded with heat, his body on fire. He was so fucking hard he nearly made an idiot of himself when one of Daniel’s legs slid around his hip and squeezed, grinding them together. He jerked back, gasping, but Daniel didn’t let him get far. His wrists were crossed behind Johnny’s neck, one hand in his hair. He laughed, kissing the side of Johnny’s lips, his cheek, his jaw, as Johnny panted himself back to earth. 

“What’s wrong?” he murmured against Johnny’s ear. The movement of his lips made static burst in Johnny’s brain. “You wanna stop?”

“Fuck off,” Johnny said, but he turned to let Daniel rub their cheeks together. Daniel’s face felt as hot as his own - smooth, his wet bottom lip dragging over Johnny’s skin. It didn’t seem possible, somehow, that they were two separate people at this moment. Wasn’t that Johnny’s own bicep against his chin, his own leg curled behind his own thigh, his own chest rising and falling against himself? It didn’t make sense that the soft dip of spine under his hand didn’t belong to him. He dug his fingernails in, just to check, and Daniel’s back obligingly arched, just as Johnny had known it would. It had to be some kind of superpower, this sensation. 

He tipped his head to fit their mouths together again.

[loquaciousquark]

Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E113 (Oct. 27, 2020)

Good evening and good night, lovely people of the world! We’re on the internet and ready to go. Tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham and Sam Riegel. This will be calm, controlled, and sane, I can feel it. Brian points out it’s been seven months since either of them were on Talks. Oof. (Sam asks if it’s been going the whole time without him. Bigger oof.) Travis keeps sneaking bites out of an acai bowl or something and tries to look sneaky about it, and I laugh every time because he’s just...so big. He’s such a big person.

(Brian is wearing a lobstrosity shirt. He and Travis talk about Dark Tower for a bit; then Sam tries to get into the conversation: “Is that the thing from It?” Brian: “Is what the thing from It?” Sam: “Is that lobster the clown from It? I’m not very literate. Is that a Langolier? Is that a Shawshank?”)

Announcements: none! Maybe they just forgot. We’ve been talking about Sam’s spooky skeleton decorations for like five minutes. Brian suggests taking them to Travis’s house. Travis: “That’s the fastest way to get to the smell of burning plastic.” Brian: “Speaking of your girlfriend...”

On Avantika: Fjord wouldn’t call it a relationship as much as a casual sexual interaction. Not official! Super not official!!

The first sea voyage wasn’t great for Fjord, but he tried to be thoughtful about preparing for this one before they left: praying, kneeling at the bow of the ship, etc. He’s a little disappointed the Wildmother didn’t even throw him a “yo, fam” heads up.

They weren’t sure how to resolve the conflict at first, since Avantika went for Fjord rather than the crystal. No one expected it to get exposed in that way. Travis thought the necklace was a pocket dimension and was alarmed to learn it wasn’t. Travis wants it destroyed along with the third gateway, so until they are he won’t rest easy.

Everyone enjoyed watching them all fail on the battlefield again. (Sam: “You used [Counterspell] so effectively!”) Travis thought he’d said Thunder Step, which would imply Avantika was running, rather than Thunder Wave. Sam says it’s fine since none of them have that spell and he wouldn’t know it anyway.

It’s very difficult for Veth to find reasons to stay with the M9. She loves the adventures and making a difference, but she also wants to come home and have weekends and have a husband and life. “She’s a career girl!” He’s very excited about the possibilities of Caleb’s transportation effectively creating an easy commute for her. He also, as a player, doesn’t want to be the person who’s always leaving the party. “My characters wanna roam!”

Travis was fully tilted that Avantika might have gotten away right before the break. He doesn’t think he could have focused on Vess DeRogna’s task knowing Avantika had gotten away; he was seriously working out how Fjord would leave the party to go make a last stand at the third gate if she’d escaped.

Sam looooves how Matt plays Yeza, but it honestly makes him feel a little worse at how encouraging he is for Veth to chase her dreams. “He’s always like - go shine! Go blossom!” He wants to have the conversation about Yeza feeling a little ignored. It’s fun to share the tales of adventures with Luc & Yeza. 

Travis says there’s no way it’s Molly--it’s all Lucien. They don’t know if it was a resurrection, if he’s undead, possessed, etc. Everyone--everyone--rags on Taliesin’s accent work. Brian surreptitiously claims Ashly was brought on to relieve him of the burden of the accent. Poor Ashly, ha!

Initially, Travis landed on the Oath of the Ancients, but it had more nature & pacifism in it than he felt fit Fjord very well. Many of them also had a focus on good & lawfulness, which also didn’t feel quite right; he also wasn’t that vengeful for some of the others. He & Matt got together and discussed options. Matt asked what Travis liked about Fjord; Fjord’s love for the ocean was a huge part of it, since Travis himself also loves the ocean & scuba diving, and so Matt created a custom oath for him. Travis does not plan to post its details, but he thinks Matt will at some point.

Cosplay of the Week! a lovely Scanlan by Air Bubbles Cosplay! Sam tells us the “canon” Scanlan cosplay was actually borrowed hodgepodge, and the boots were falling off all day.

It was really cool to see how Yeza & Luc have made a home in Nicodranas. Felderwin was okay, but kind of your basic D&D fishing village, and she likes the Nicodranas is much better. She’s confident & comfortable knowing her family is safe and sound.

Why is Fjord so interested in finding Sabian? To him, post-orphanage, his time with Vandren was the best of his life & the most love he’d ever received, because he mattered & had worth. It was taken by someone he’d known basically his whole life, so Fjord is not going to let that go. “That fuckin’ bill needs to be paid, my friend.”

Sam acknowledges that he should NOT have looked at his phone in re: the Vilya reveal, but it was pretty surprising! He can’t believe none of them recognized it! Travis points out the M9 had never met, heard of, or known anything about Vilya, so it’s not that surprising. Brian points out Matt has also done a really good job keeping the two campaigns separate, so any references were tasteful. Sam marvels that it was so well done: it was tasteful, had emotional and story impact... “That Matt. He’s getting better!”

Liam texted Sam back something like “oh SHIT.”

Knowing Veth had a chance to help someone else return to her child made Veth feel almost karmically forgiven for being away from her kid, but it also made Veth a little guilty--”this lady wants to desperately return home, shouldn’t I want to go home too?” Caleb’s teleportation spell couldn’t have come a better time.

Sam wants Caleb & Astrid to get back together (well, he says “hump each other”), and Dani’s eyebrows climb off her forehead. Veth/Nott really thinks Caleb needs to have a roll in ze hay, and feels like after meeting her that there is a kindness or vulnerability to her that could be worthwhile. Travis thinks she feels like someone tethered, that it feels like she has a bomb or something in her chest that’ll explode if she tries to leave. Sam thinks Eadwulf is super cool. None of these names are spelled like I think.

Travis found the dinner super frustrating, because he felt Caleb was trying to walk a diplomatic line and he just wanted to backhand Trent. 

Fjord is still coming to terms with his feelings for Jester, and the feelings are definitely real, but there’s a lot of timing that he’s considering and he also wants to figure out what the relationship is like outside of constant tension and battle. Fjord is also having trouble figuring out how to exercise the ability to display affection as well since he’s never received them, and is feeling out how to give and receive them. “It’s fine now, because he’s feeling it, but once you say it out loud, or once you come to a point where you make it known to the other side, then what happens? It might be ruined. It might be broken. Or it might not be!” The moment with the porcelain unicorn was too good not to try. Travis also sighs that he’s not a romance D&D guy, “but now I am! Fuckin’ Laura Bailey!” He’s definitely feeling it out and will see how it unfolds in the game.

If Jester hadn’t let go of the Traveler, Fjord would have either attacked the Traveler or the Moonweaver and tried to kick them both off.

Sam doesn’t think the Traveler’s realized yet what a dick he is. Brian thinks it may not happen in this campaign, but agrees the full weight of what he deserves hasn’t been felt yet. Travis: “Yeah, he came to the edge, but it didn’t cost him anything.” Brian: “Yeah, he’s a real edgelord.”

Fanart of the Week! a beautiful portrait of Molly in the snow by @claygryphon on twitter.

Veth acknowledges that they work for shady people with shady pasts, so Vess DeRogna isn’t her first rodeo, but this time it’s personal. It’s Jaws 2: Electric Boogaloo. Sam can’t commit to actual actions, since Vess is like level 20 or something, but “I will get some kinda revenge. Be it petty or significant, I will get revenge.”

How are they feeling about being in Eiselcross? They’ve only just landed, so not sure yet. The cold is intimidating. They’re excited to explore a new island that’s part of Wildemount, especially with the river of lava running through it. “It’s icy with lava? Sounds like a Dairy Queen.”

There’s still a ton of unknowns regarding the Tombtakers, Vess, the nature of their job, and who’s here on whose orders. They’re excited to see how it’s all going to play out. Travis laughs that he doesn’t take notes, he’s just here to fight things. It just washes over him when Matt starts talking about names and places. “It’ll reveal itself in time. [...] I don’t write those notes down. I don’t even know how to spell it off the bat.” I have never identified more with Travis. Sam actually does pay attention and take notes and was really impressed by Marisha’s dive.

Veth became interested in branding her own spellcraft as soon as she saw Caleb doing it. “That’s what the influencer agents are gonna be looking at. It would be nice to leave the world better than we found it, but also with some branded spells.”

What were Fjord’s thoughts on dropping so much money on the ring & the Ioun stone? It wasn’t about money for Fjord, it was about a cool thing to acquire. It’s why he saves money in his campaign. Caleb needs “as much of a flak jacket as he can get.” He also REJECTS the idea of buyer’s remorse on the ring and touts the effectiveness it’ll have on the lava river.

Travis talks about his old coins - a 340AD coin he bought at a ren faire and a 120BC coin that was a gift from a friend.

Sam marvels at the love and thought that Caleb put into the tower. Sam points out they forgot to go to the top two floors altogether. Travis: “Did the mansion get as much careful planning from Scanlan as the tower did from Caleb?” Sam: Absolutely not. But they were still thinking small in C1, figuring out how things went, and they didn’t have as much detail in their heads yet.

And that’s all the time we have for tonight! We end on everyone whispering way too close into their mics and tapping fingernails on mason jars. A fitting end to this crazy episode, I think.

Is it Thursday yet?