#Like please like me know if it’s confirmed that the story is about SA like everyone says but I just see some holes from a story-making

[jekinabox]

some rambles on my takes on Curly from Mouthwashing

I understand that a lot of people see Curly’s reaction to Anya telling him about her SA and what he did after as him ignoring it for Jimmy’s sake- and maybe that’s true, the point could very well be that people (especially those close to the abuser, especially men) will just set that kind of thing aside because the abuser “wouldn’t do that” or “will be better” or whatever, especially because Swansea ends up doing the same thing when Anya tells him, as well as the consistent theming of responsibility and trying to fix things.

But I think that maybe there’s more to it? If you don’t, feel free to look away, this is just my thoughts and take. But I think If the story is about SA and the consequences of not rooting the people out, I don’t understand what Diasuke’s role in it could be, so that just isn’t the moral of the story that I see. Of course, if this is how you see the story, that’s ok! People can have different views on media, and art is as much about people’s different responses to it as it is about what the creators meant.

Onto my little ramblings about the guy!

1- I think it’s very probable that Curly’s been manipulated by Jimmy, and for a long time. They’re “best friends,” and Curly believes Jimmy “won’t try that bullshit with me” even though he clearly does. Even at the birthday party, Jimmy is uncaring to his “best friend,” and during the confrontation near the cockpit, Jimmy outright twists what Curly’s said in the past. (Not to mention what he does to Curly afterward, but that doesn’t exactly count since it’s afterward.) I also wouldn’t be surprised if Jimmy helped Curly out of some situation in the past due to his savior complex and Curly now feels like he owes Jimmy something. It’d be easy for him to overlook Jimmy’s smaller problems if he feels he owes Jimmy something, especially if it’s something bigger, and he seems more of the “deal with it” kind of person anyways, so he’d obviously toss any grievances aside since he thinks everyone needs multiple chances. At first, Jimmy probably unsettled him. But he got used to it, just like his job. He deals with it for the last day, then another, then another.

2- Curly seems legitimately concerned when Anya tells him about everything, at least when he gets confirmation. We don’t see much after the she asks him about the locks on the doors, and we don’t see how much he actually learns, and thus no clue as to how bad he believes the situation may be (Harassment is nothing to scoff at, but if he just believes someone’s being a creep or annoying her, he’s obviously going to try to learn more and deescalate before anything else.) We also never see how much or what they say when she asks for the gun, but what we know is that Curly is freaking out when he thinks she has it, and actually believes it at first to be that she wants to kill herself due to the recent termination of their jobs. He’s first confused, then after her few words of explanation says he’ll talk to Jimmy. We never see an actual talk, but he learns definitively of what happened only “1 day before the crash,” and it takes time to sort through emotions, plans, and decisions, let alone when someone you thought was good did something like that and if you realize that they were a shitty person all along. Curly also then needs to decide what they’re going to do with Jimmy (they can’t lock him in the cockpit or medical because they need those, nor the hold because he would obviously mess up whatever they’re shipping as a hissy fit against them, and considering you get pay docked for complaining, using the cryopod or the gun would probably make this whole deal worthless for practically everyone.) Even if he did decide to just get rid of Jimmy, he’s not going to tell anyone that in case Jimmy finds out, and especially not Anya, since she seems forgiving enough and in a bad enough spot he has no clue what she may try to do if he tells her “I’m going to go kill Jimmy.”

3- Inaction and not taking responsibility doesn’t feel like Curly’s issue. Curly has the responsibility of everything on the ship, even baking a cake, and even when told not to tell his crew about the loss of their jobs, he still does. He even takes roles that aren’t his, like doing Jimmy’s psych evaluation when he sees Anya’s uncomfortable. This is why he and Jimmy are the two characters we play as, and are seen as opposites and each other’s foils. Jimmy’s whole thing is unreliable narration. By the end of the game, he’s convinced himself Curly crashed the ship and he’s the better man for leaving Curly alive after what he “did.” Jimmy’s an aggressive man who uses people for just what they can give him, and he causes problems for the express purpose of trying to fix him so people worship him, but messes up even with all the time in the world to “fix” things. Curly’s the one blamed, but he’s a genuine guy who tried his best and gave people the benefit of the doubt until he couldn’t anymore, but didn’t have the time to fix anything because Jimmy broke that chance.

4- My main bit is over, but another piece of his psychology- Curly probably hates himself, considering how Jimmy talks about him seeming like he’s at the edge of a bridge with cinderblocks on his feet, and if he hates himself, a way he may try to cope is by insisting everyone isn’t tied to their worst moments! Just like how he talks about how pain is a symbol one’s alive, which sounds like another coping mechanism. Jimmy isn’t the only one who hopes it hurts.

5- And Curly was right, most of the time, about how bad things don’t define people. Swansea’s rude and abrasive at times, but a pretty good man in a bad life. Diasuke was unplanned for the journey, but he’s a good intern who’s trying his best. Anya may have only completed the Pony Express medical course, but she keeps Curly alive for four months, even despite his quadruple amputations and missing skin and the complete lack of a lot of medical equipment that she could’ve used. The unfortunate thing is- his kind nature let bad things in, and it was so slow and manipulative he didn’t even necessarily know, consciously, how bad it was, until Jimmy crashed the ship, got everyone killed, and fed him his own leg. 99.9% indeed.

[landograndprix]

╰┈➤ ❝ desire • l.n c.l ❞ xiii

part twelve - book 2

➪ Charles hasn't paid much attention to you after your daughter was born but a certain Brit does.

➪ life is going from bad to worse but maybe a bit of alone time is exactly what you need.

➪ mom!reader x dad!Charles x lando

➪ last part before we continue on desire book 2! Very annoyed because the site I used to edit the text messages is gone and now I have to change the whole aesthetic of the fic. Tag list is closed.

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y/nusername posted to their story

landonorris replied to your story

landonorris

pick up your phone

where are you?

babe text me back pls

text me pls

baby I'm sorry

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y/nusername

liked by charles_leclerc, manon_roux and 548,534 others

y/nusername week 14. 🇧🇪

view all 1,114 comments

norrizz absolutely foul that they set you up with Danica all the time 😂

↳ bott_ass is like they want a cat fight on live television 💀

norris4 did you and lando break up?

milliexoxo didn't invite me for some waffles? Rude.

↳ oscarpastry pretty sure you were in the wrong garage 😉

carlandooo millie and Logan confirmed? 👀

oscarpastry she was just in williams garage, doesn't have to mean anything ofcourse but they've been seen together a couple times 👀

bobnorris did you break up with lando???

joris__trouche douce petite fille avec sa nouvelle amie 🦁 (sweet baby girl with her new friend)

↳ leclerc_16 it's been a while since I saw uncle joris in the comments 😭

landoooo why are y'all asking her if her and lando broke up?!

↳ norry4 just a stupid rumor going around again..

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y/nusername

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc and 746,523

y/nusername rien que nous deux 🌞 (just the two of us)

view all 1,109 comments

norrizz oh..okay :(

hannahh going on a holiday all by myself with a toddler sounds like a nightmare to me, you go mom!

norry4 who remembers millie getting excited about her holiday to Greece with the 'norris bunch' 😔

↳ lan4lan stop she was so excited when y/n told her 😭

yukisan when was this?

norry4 one of mils her vlogs

hamilt44n fastest kid in the pool 🏎 💨

bott_ass put me in your suitcase next time please 😭

landoscar wonder why they broke up..

↳ clsixteen nothing had been confirmed yet, jeez y'all need to calm down

julieeeexo hope you guys enjoy your little girl vacation <3

landonorizzzz guys lando is still liking her posts, it's probably nothing (I'm delulu 😔)

↳ charliecharlie charles is also still in her likes and guess what they are? Not together anymore :(

landonorizzzz girl shut up 😭

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y/nusername posted to their story

manon_roux replied to your story

manon_roux

Hi there, it's been a while and I completely understand if you don't want to speak to me and feel free to ignore this message but I've been seeing all the things they've written about you and everything that's happened and I just need to know if you're doing alright, making sure zoë is doing good

I know we don't see eye to eye anymore but you were my best friend since we were little kids so I'll always think about you, I hope you understand that

I'd apologise a thousand times for what I said and did but I also understand you're done withe me

I'm asking for you to give me your whole story but a thumbs up to let me know you're okay would ease my mind

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Desire taglist; @fangirl-dot-cm @sainzluvrr @writingworlds @chezmardybum @lewisvinga @xjval @fanficweasley @rockyhayzkid @aundercover @thecubanator2 @minchedchilli @crimeshowjunkie @alisoncasey21 @eeviepepi08 @shamelesspotatos @sleepybrokenmelle @leireggsworld @janeholt3 @iamahalicinationn @dessxoxsworld @kapsylia @22yuki

Everything taglist; @thomaslefteyebrow @hopefulinlove @smoothopz @softboystarkey @honethatty12 @cixrosie @parkersmjs @ireadthensuetheauthors @celestialams @be-your-coffee-pot @heli991113 @kodzuvk @reality-is-a-con @80sloverry @bibissparkles @myescapefromthislife @lanando4 @elliegrey2803 @ravisinghs-wife @harrysdimple05 @minkyungseokie @pretty-little-bunny382728 @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @severewobblerlightdragon @cherry-piee @namgification @mycenterfold @devineendevers @celestialend @jsjcue @d3kstar @themislovesf1 @geehsf @mehrmonga @gentlemonsterworld

Lando taglist: @beatricemiruna @simp-for-fictional-people @landossainz @christianpulisic10 @bored-brunette2 @i83andrew @mcmuppet @justdreamersdream

[joelslastofus]

[SUMMARY: Joel becomes insecure with his age difference and breaks up with you rudely, only to find out you become depressed after an assault.]

TRIGGER WARNING: SA

“Look, who cares? Hey, maybe if I wasn’t sucha immature party girl that would’ve never happened to me” you turned looking at him straight in the eyes.

“Don’t you say that” he whispered feeling regret with what he had told you that day.

smut, angst, big age gap

It was the end of your shift as you waited for Joel to pick you up. The restaurant seemed to slow down at the perfect time for you to catch a movie with him. Joking with two of your coworkers you had no idea Joel was watching from outside the window. Once again Sammy was having a party and desperately wanted you to attend although you promised Joel something simple that night. Just as you gently let her down, Joel approached you leaning in for a kiss.

“Hi babe,” you smiled up at him.

“Joel, can you please convince your girlfriend to come to my party tonight?”

“Don’t listen to her, I already told her we had plans.” You explained.

“Another party huh?” He raised his brows as Sammy tried to hold back a laugh.

“Sorry Joel, are we partying too much for you?” Sammy joked with her boyfriend Josh making you playfully hit her shoulder.

“Ouch! just a joke, see you guys around” she laughed as Joel took your hand and walked out with you.

“Sorry about that, Sammy can be-“

“Annoying” he interjected making you raise a brow at him.

“Does she ever not throw a party?” He looked down at you as you both continued to walk. Joel was acting strange, he seemed to be more agitated than usual but you didn’t say a word about it.

“We don’t have to go-“

“But I know you want to” he looked over at you to confirm what he figured to be true.

“No” you stopped in your tracks turning to him.

“I can go any other time, I just want us to spend time” you assured him before tip toeing and kissing his lips.

The two of you had been dating a few months now, although you were in college and Joel was much older, you felt you had a balanced relationship.

Joel thought the same…until recently.

Little by little he noticed your friends were constantly inviting you to parties, or even if they weren’t partying whenever they had a conversation with you in front of him he felt out of place. The two of you alone was a different story, you could both talk for hours about so many different things. Sharing the same interests in movies, he loved taking you out to see one or having a movie night at your place. More than anything he loved how towards the end of the movie you always ended up straddling him holding him close. He’d carry you to the bed, your lips locked together as a night of intense sex would begin. Regardless of how experienced he was, sex with you was like no other. Although you were younger you loved taking charge and riding him and he loved your confidence. He loved watching the way you moved your hips on him, especially in that moment. His hands squeezed your thighs as he looked down watching you drip all over his cock. Throwing his head back you could see the vein in his neck popping out, you could always tell when he was about to cum.

“Shit” he cried out, sweat dripping down his head as as you rode him faster. Your hands leaning on his chest for support until you both came simultaneously. You moaned before throwing yourself back beside him, he could barely catch his breath.

“You’re really something else you know that?” He panted closing his eyes for a moment.

“Am I?” You laughed leaning over to kiss him before running off to the bathroom.

Once you walked out you noticed him sitting at the edge of the bed hunched over with just his pants on.

“You ok?” You asked tying your robe around you.

“Yeah, just wiped me out” he chuckled as he stood up and grabbed his t shirt.

“I’m sorry” you laughed.

“Don’t be.” He winked at you but you could see something still seemed off with him. For some reason he just couldn’t shake off the feeling of not keeping up with you. He silently walked out of the room to grab a cup of water but the silence didn’t feel right.

Joel stood in the kitchen drinking the glass of water, his thoughts roaming all over.

“Joel?” You followed him to the kitchen looking at him strangely.

“What’s going on with you?”

Placing the cup down he crossed his arms not really knowing how to say what he truly wanted to say. You hated how stubborn he could be at times to speak. He knew whatever he’d tell you, somehow you’d find a way to work around it, and as much as he didn’t want to break up, he was beginning to think it was the best decision. It was better than him constantly feeling like he couldn’t keep up with you.

“Joel are you going to talk or what-“

“This is a mistake” he blurt out looking down.

“What? What are you talking about?” You walked towards him completely caught off guard.

“This, us, it should’ve…should’ve never happened” his words feeling like a punch to your heart.

“Joel, where is this coming from? Don’t take personal what Sammy said”

“This isn’t about your friend dammit,“ he responded rudely. Maybe that was the only way you’d get it.

“So what is this about? Cause about twenty minutes ago you didn’t seem to have a problem with me” You clearly started to get annoyed with his tone but he couldn’t explain to you what he was really feeling. Irritated he grabbed his jacket heading for the door.

“So you’re walking off now? Just like that” you followed him.

“Go have fun with your friends tonight,”

“This is about the party?! Are you kidding me, I already told you I didn’t wanna go-“

“Look” he suddenly stopped and turned to your face.

“You don’t get it, you’re a damn kid. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Go be the party girl you are” before you could say a thing he walked out slamming the door shut.

“Joel!”

What the hell just happened?

Joel hopped in his truck fighting himself not to turn back. The sound of your voice calling out for him crushed him in a way he didn’t know he could feel. He wasn’t planning to do this, he didn’t think he would. Joel felt something special with you, but before he felt it would fall apart cause of his age, he decided to cut it now unexpectedly.

That night you cried calling your friend Sammy to pick you up. You couldn’t believe Joel had really broken up with you but you decided to hell with it.

The second you got to Sammy’s party you poured yourself drink after drink just wanting to forget about him. You found yourself dancing with a man, never even getting his name but you noticed how touchy he became as you danced.

“Watch it, honey” you squinted your eyes at him with a smirk as he stepped back lifting his hands up.

“Sorry gorgeous” he leaned towards your ear to speak.

He was a handsome man with a nice smile, and when he wasn’t grabbing your ass he knew how to dance. For a short moment you found yourself not thinking of Joel.

As the night continued, you had a few more drinks than what your body was used to. Sammy and Josh both cheering you on watching you have fun as you continued to dance.

“I gotta use the ladies room!” You yelled in his ear as he nodded. The man watched as you slightly stumbled up the stairs, fumbling with the doorknob to get in the bathroom, he could tell how wasted you were.

Once you were finished you almost fell opening the bathroom door to find that same man at the door.

“Oh hey” you grinned until he grabbed you by your waist, abruptly kissing your neck pushing you back in the bathroom.

“Wait-“ you attempted to laugh it off trying to push him away until you realized he shut the door behind him.

“Come on, let’s have some fun”

“Hey…I…I don’t wanna do this” you tried once again pushing him back but he grabbed you hard lifting you up and sitting you right on the sink. His hand making it’s way under your dress, you knew exactly what he was doing and panic set in.

The loud music blasting throughout the house distracting everyone from anything that could be going wrong. Sammy at one point looking around for you and even calling your phone.

“She never leaves like that” Sammy told Josh as she looked through the crowd.

“Maybe she’s having fun with that guy” Josh laughed but Sammy thought something was weird. You would never leave with a man or at all without saying something to her. As Sammy checked the kitchen the man had finished his assault, walking out the bathroom Josh caught him buckling his pants.

“Hey, where’s the girl you were dancing with?” Josh asked him but he didn’t say a word quickly walking out the front door.

Sitting on the corner of the bathroom floor, you couldn’t move. You could hear Josh and Sammy calling for you until Josh finally walked in the bathroom.

“Holy Shit- Sammy she’s in here!” The two of them rushing to your side, fixing your dress asking if you were ok but you couldn’t speak.

“I’m gonna call the police” Sam knew what happened, it was obvious but you quickly looked at her and shook your head with whatever strength you had.

“No. No one. Just…just drive me home please” you whispered. Sammy nodded in silence quickly ending the party to make sure you were ok. Although she had offered for you to stay, being near where you were assaulted made your stomach turn.

Joel stood at home that night watching a movie not being able to get you off his mind. He wondered what you were doing, he wondered if you ever went to that party but most of all he wondered if he made the right call.

Josh and Sammy silently helped you to the car and drove you home. Offering to stay with you, you refused any company, you refused anything they tried to help with. Although you both were broken up, Sammy wondered if she should find Joel and let him know what had happened yet she knew nothing of him.

The next day you stayed in bed, your phone buzzing through out the morning, calls from Sammy, Josh and you noticed one call from Joel. Ignoring each call you turned over in bed covering yourself just wanting to disappear from everyone.

A few days turned into weeks and no one had heard from you. Joel would still call, sometimes leaving you a voicemail, but hearing his voice would only make you burst into tears.

One day Joel finally decided to walk into the restaurant you worked at hoping to find you, instead he found Sammy.

“Joel, am I relieved to see you” she sighed as he walked up to her. She knew she had to tell him.

“I’ve been trying to get a hold of her and she’s not answering. She quit working here, she stopped showing up to class and she’s just blocked us all out” Joel furrowed his brows.

“What do you mean she stopped showing up to class?” He knew how important this semester at college was for you.

“She just disappeared ever since that night”

“What night?”

“The night..the night at my party” she explained looking away nervously.

“What happened at your party? The hell you goin’ on about Sammy?” Joel heavily invested now not sure what to expect.

She swallowed nervously not sure how Joel would react to such news about you or more so how angry you would be at her for saying anything to him.

“The night at my party…um..I don’t even know how to say it” Sammy whispered as she scratched her forehead uncomfortably.

“Spit it out” Joel demanded now concerned with what the hell it could be.

“Joel, she was raped” she finally blurt out. Joel felt like a brick hit him in the chest, taking a step back he looked at her in shock. His lips tightening up, he took a deep trembling breath looking away. Sammy didn’t know him so well but she could see anger taking over him.

“I wanted to call you but I had no idea where to get in contact with you and-“

“Who did it?” He looked directly at her, speaking in a rough whisper making Sammy nervous.

“Joel, good to see you” Sams boyfriend Josh appeared before unexpectedly being grabbed by his collar, Joel roughly slammed him against the wall.

“Who touched her?! Who did it?”

“Hey man I don’t know, we never seen him before I swear-“

“What do you mean you never seen him before? It was your party!” He yelled.

“Joel! This doesn’t help anything, you wanna help? Go check on her!” Sammy yelled snapping Joel out of it. Slowly he released Josh as he took a step back.

He knew Sammy was right, the thought of you hurt in any way and not seeking help he couldn’t take.

The thought of him not being there he couldn’t take.

After weeks of not leaving the house you woke up that morning looking out the window, you could see the sun pushing through the clouds slowly. With a sigh you got yourself up and freshened yourself up for a walk around the block.

How bad could that be?

Opening up your front door you felt your heart begin to race but you pushed yourself out.

Walking around the corner you found yourself looking back more than you’d like to admit until you accidentally walked straight into someone.

“Shoot, I’m sorry” you looked up and realized it was Joel. Instantly noticing a look of pity in his deep brown eyes your expression changed.

You realized he knew.

“Shit, she told you” you turned away with a look of disgust walking back to your house.

“Why didn’t you call me?” He asked keeping up close behind you.

“For what?” You scoffed.

“You should’ve called me” he continued as you shook your head.

“Oh give me a break. We are no longer together, I was a mistake remember?” You called out back to him until he grabbed you by your arm forcing you to turn to him.

“I should’ve been there for you” his eyes were intense as he spoke.

“I would’ve been there” you didn’t say a word looking at him, his hand still tight around your wrist.

“It doesn’t matter” you pulled your arm away before heading to your door.

Of course it mattered.

You would’ve given anything to have Joel by your side that night. Tears welling up in your eyes as you placed your key in the lock trying to hold yourself together but you knew you couldn’t. The feel of Joel close behind you made you fall apart in that very second. Your hand dropping from the door you began to cry. Quickly covering your face you felt Joel gently hold you from behind.

“I’m here now” he whispered against your ear. Unexpectedly you turned to him wrapping your arms around him tightly as he tightened his arms around you. For just one moment you wanted to feel at ease.

“I’m here, baby” your cries slowed down as you took a deep breath, his hands gently tilting your face up to him.

“And for the record, you’re no damn mistake” he wiped away your tears with his thumb. You smiled at him just happy to have him close and invited him inside.

Joel quietly followed you in watching as you made your way to the kitchen, you knew there was bound to be more questions he would ask although you hoped he wouldn’t.

“Do you want something to drink or snack on? I don’t have much to eat, haven’t cooked. Just been ordering out lately” you explained without turning back to him.

“No, no thank you, baby” he leaned back on the counter watching as you grabbed something from the fridge. Truthfully Joel wanted to ask you more about that night. After a moment of silence his sudden question caught you off guard.

“What was his name?”

You closed the fridge and looked down taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know”

“Don’t protect him-“

“I don’t know” you turned to him abruptly.

“He was just some stupid guy I was dancing with, I never got his name, I don’t know anything about him” you walked away heading to your bedroom.

“I called you that night” he called out to you from down the hall, you could hear his footsteps getting closer.

“You also broke up with me that night-“

“It’s not something I wanted to do” he insisted.

“Look, who cares? Hey, maybe if I wasn’t sucha immature party girl that would’ve never happened to me” you turned looking at him straight in the eyes.

“Don’t you say that” he whispered feeling regret with what he had told you that day.

“Well, I was drinking” you shrugged with a sarcastic laugh, you didn’t notice his expression change.

“And so that gives that piece of shit the right to rape you?!” He raised his voice unexpectedly loud, you froze looking away.

“I’m sorry” he quickly apologized moving closer to you.

“Don’t be…that’s just the first time I’ve heard anyone call what happened to me..that.” The two of you stood silent for a moment until he slowly reached out for your hand.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, baby.” He pulled you close to him.

“I should’ve never walked out of here that day, I should’ve listened to myself and turned back. Leaving all because of my own damn insecurity” you could hear the regret in his voice.

“Insecurity?” You looked at him confused.

“Long story, c’mere-“ he wrapped your arms around his neck just wanting to hold you close and honestly, it was all you wanted to.

Joel felt you relax in his arms, slowly moving to the bed you both lay down with your head on his chest, you found yourself closing your eyes. Joel brushed his fingers through your hair softly as he looked down and saw you were asleep. As happy as he was to have you relaxed beside him, he couldn’t get out of his head wanting to find whoever this man was. Joel was set in his mind that he would, even if it meant keeping it from you.

[ghouldtime]

Hiii it's me again lol

Okayokay, so I just finished reading your rant on the COD fandom's unique choice of pet names, and I'm gonna be straight up and say I'm going completely off topic and INSTEAD veer off to a side thing you pointed out to give my own opinion! This is a kinda hot take so I'm just screaming into the void hoping someone shares my thoughts 🖤

Sooo we all know the Ghost comics released alongside the OG MW2. I personally haven't read it due to the TWs but I've seen enough screenshots and summaries to get the gist of what happens. HOWEVER I believe those comics are only canon to 09 Ghost and doesn't apply to reboot Ghost, and this is what I meant about it being a hot take cuz almost everyone in the fandom agrees the comics happens for both. And I can definitely see why! I mean, we didn't exactly get any concrete backstory regarding reboot Ghost, so anything goes.

Where I stand on the line, I'm a firm believer of reboot Ghost being Just A Guy™️like he had a (relatively) chill childhood but there are some things that stay the same with the comics. Like Tommy scaring him with the skeleton mask when they were children, and Simon enlisting after the 9/11 attack (not sure if those are canon, it's just what I've heard so please correct me if I'm wrong). No abusive father, no Roba, no Christmas trauma. Sure it makes him less interesting but I find it pretty amusing how the person wearing a skull print balaclava has no real reason behind wearing it other than it looking cool lmao

Anyway, yap fest over! Hope you have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! 🖤

- Biscuits 🌺

SALUTATIONS it's good to see you again, I hope you're doing swell as well :D 💚💚💚

Technically, what you're saying is true!

The '09 comics pair with the '09 character and are indeed cannon for only him as far as I'm aware (someone feel free to correct me if I'm wrong). The reboot lacks a true significant backstory. As in, if you search it up, you basically get "he joined the SAS and is super cool and is great at doing cool soldier things and probably can do a sick backflip". What we know about the reboot is basically what we experience in game. And until we get either another game focusing on his earlier life or have confirmed scenes of it, we really don't know.

Personally, how I distinguish "Ghost" as a being is as three versions.

You have '09 Ghost. '09 Ghost is the one we experienced in the OG games and the comics. He's the dead one - and the one with the actual official backstory. Those are both cannon and are tied to him as a character.

You then have Reboot Ghost. Reboot Ghost is, as the name entails, the reboot alone. Basically, what we have of him and know of him is what we experience in game. Technically, we don't know his backstory and the full extent of his life. Is it similar to his '09 counterpart? We don't know. He's kinda the "What you see is what you get". There's some things implied with his dialog but most of his story is up for debate.

And then we have what I'm calling Fandom Ghost who is the most common variant. Fandom Ghost is neither the reboot nor the '09 version - he's a middle ground. He's what everyone is thinking of when you hear 'Ghost'. Usually how I've seen him portrayed is the reboot with the '09 backstory or some semblance of that.

(Side note: I know it's quite typical to specify when you're referring to '09 Ghost specifically because he does, of course, have a very different history and outcome. Not to mention, the dynamics with him and Soap are very different than in the reboot which is another reason why people usually clarify and go "This is who I mean")

I've never actually seen a TRUE reboot Ghost that wasn't fandom based or fanon in writing, now that I think about it. Probably because it's not that easy to write about a character in a limited sense where you don't know much about them and you have to stick to the limited material you're given.

A lot of COD operators lack a significant backstory outside of their military history. That's mainly done because they're videogame characters of a military, shooting focused game and they don't usually have the time to go into depth as to why that character is the way they are. They're primarily soldiers who are saving the world and playing their role. You might see snippets here and there but the focus isn't on their background or the inner workings of their character in a very personal way, aside from what is revealed on missions to add a natural perspective and make them see more human

Because it's not like in the middle of a life or death situation you're going to sit down and explain that you had a dog growing up, you had three sisters, your favorite drink is Baja Blast, and you have a lifelong fear of Burger King.

'09 Ghost, however, we GOT a backstory. We were given something to work with. Clinging to that or melding it with the reboot, who lacks a backstory, is what a lot do because it's trying to make use of the best source material we got until we can maybe get something else too. Personally I was a fan of that backstory because it DID add depth to him, significantly so. I liked it.

Additionally, I think a LOT of people go that route too because it's something that's quite easy to look up so they don't need to make something themselves

(This is an entire theory and me putting on my tinfoil hat: There's a lot of people in the COD fandom who are just here for the big beefy men and don't do their research, haven't played the games - they're just assuming things. And when they see the fandom Ghost, they just assume it's true, and it spreads when they write their own stories. I hope this doesn't read like I'm trying to gatekeep or 'HOW DARE YOU NOT KNOW EVERYTHING' or 'you're not a true fan unless-', cause I really really really do not care. Do what makes you happy, but I'm going to avoid reading what I feel mischaracterizes him for sexual purposes alone hardcore)

I also like to imagine that maybe the team doing the reboots has enough common sense too to not entirely scrap such a backstory as hey, it IS interesting, so there's a strong possibility that reboot might share some origins. Kidding, I'm being fully delusional here and know they won't do that and will likely just ruin it and I'm hoping they don't have a chance. I know any new one they come up with -like the writing in the last campaign -would be utter carbonated hot dog water and I do not trust them at alllllll. I'm refusing to accept reboot Soap's death but that's a rant for another time

That being said though, there's technically no correct backstory yet for Reboot! Ghost aside from what we already know. Anything that adds backstory or melds anything else to him is making him fanon/fandom!Ghost (which is by far the most common iteration and the one people default too)

I love when people give him, and other COD characters, happy or somewhat not dramatic backstories. They already have enough going on with the wars they're thrown in, I live for them having a scrap of happiness and normality. I can't blame people for not wanting to write or deal with heavy backstories and it's nice to see variety and is SO super valid.

But at the same time, I also do like his OG backstory, I love seeing when people dig deeper into the gritty stuff too, exploring that side of characters because not everyone has the best life growing up. And joining the military and when they join can be telling too about their home life

Variety is the variety of life and when there's not exactly a cannon, then I love seeing people make their own reasonings and conclusions and write fanfics with their own theories. It's SO fun to explore what other people think and it really results in some of the sweetest fics that dive more into depth than the official writing team ever could hope to

The Ghost that I write are usually AU Ghosts anyhow so it allows me more flexibility in what I write. BUT if I'm writing for Ghost, I do the blend where it has more of the '09's backstory but his reboot vibes. THAT BEING SAID

I love making him just, A Dude©, still despite that. Having a bad past doesn't make him any less of a person - nor does it make him this ultra mega tough dominant edgy sigma bad boy. He's literally just a GUY. Sure, he has extensive SAS experience and training to boot. Sure, he's easily one of their top soldiers. He's a stone cold killer when he's Ghost. He's there to do the job.

But Simon? Simon's just a dude, like everyone else - they all are at the end of the day. Sure, they have their own personal struggles and do have to go through a lot, but they're still people. He goes to the grocery store and is genuinely confused about all the options of milk now (how the hell did they milk HEMP). He still makes his bed and has to fight the fitted sheet to stay on, using his size and strength to force it in place before it can do 'the thing' that all fitted sheets somehow do. He bought a bird feeder so he could watch the wildlife as he drinks his tea for breakfast. Speaking of tea, he has a whole collection! And the good shit, you know he won't settle for any less.

He's just A DUDE© at the end of the day and I love those mundane things because hell, he needs them to still feel human and to be reminded exactly what he's fighting for

I just find it so silly and ridiculous when he's consistently like "I'M Batman: I AM THE NIGHT" sheer dramatic levels of broody in stories or when he's put in as this mega dommy bad boy who is 6'5", growling constantly, and is like the posterchild for a wattpad biketok fanfic.

Lmaooo be for real, he's out here doing arts and crafts to make his masks. He has a whole paint collection and everything. He went into the craft store for paint and came out with two new hobbies and no, I'm not listening to anyone who says otherwise

[sempersirens]

a bird in your teeth, IV

masterlist

summary: joel helps reader seek closure, and a confession is made

pairing: joel miller x f!reader

warnings: 18+, mdni, neighbour!joel, age gap: reader is early-mid 20s, joel early 30s. no break-out. graphic violence, kinda torture/revenge. sweet, tender smut. allusions to past SA. general symptoms of PTSD

a/n: well... here we are. lots going on here. much to think about. i have never written smut before so this was terrifying. this turned into a slightly self-indulgent story about healing and safety, so if you want something a bit grittier and (mildly) canon oriented, look out for my new joel series, sun bleached flies, coming soon! let me know if you'd like to be on the taglist!

i wish i could kiss you all so please take my love in the form of this series finale 🩷

word count: 3.1k

"What's this asshole's name?"

"Elijah." You winced, saying his name aloud for the first time.

Using his name felt like a confirmation of something tangible attached to your bruises and nightmares; you were screaming his existence into a hole, wishing you could bury it.

You almost felt as though he didn’t deserve a name, as if it unjustly humanised him. It made you think of his mother, although you didn’t know her, looking down to her newborn child and bestowing him with a name. Was he the same boy she had cradled in her arms? Nursed into this world? Did his name give him personhood, a persona to grow into like a suit that was two sizes too big?

"You know which apartment it is?" Joel asked, turning the ignition off.

"First left on the ground floor. I won't be long."

"Remember, sweetheart, m'right here. You holler if you need me."

You braved a smile in Joel's direction, tugging at the sleeves of his borrowed sweatshirt. You stepped onto the street you had so desperately needed to escape earlier this morning.

The sky brimmed with darkening shades of grey, and thunder rolled in the distance. It was a welcome dichotomy to the earlier sunrise; the bleakness almost energized you, the threat of a downpour resonating with your own current temperament.

Approaching the front door, you pulled your shoulders back and lifted your chin, sucking in a breath as you pressed the buzzer. The door clicked open without any questioning. Idiots.

You weren't exactly harboring a Kill Bill-esque revenge fantasy, you simply told yourself you were returning under the pretense of needing to retrieve your boots. With any luck, Elijah wouldn't even still be at the apartment.

Your time spent with Joel had helped stabilise you back to the present. After your bath, he'd let you borrow a sweatshirt and some sweatpants, as well as help you squeeze into Sarah's one-size-too-small trainers. Joel was a calming presence. You were so grateful that just being next to him seemed to ground you. You knew that you wouldn't have been able to make it back to this fucking apartment without knowing he was waiting for you only a few feet away. There was an edge to Joel you could never quite put your finger on. A haze that darkened his features every now and then; blink and you’d miss it. You thought that in anybody else this would scare you, an almost feral unpredictability, but with Joel, it somehow made you feel even safer.

"Oh, hey!" Mark greeted you as he stepped out of his apartment. "I'm just heading out, but Elijah is still asleep. Let yourself in!"

"Is Daisy still here?"

"No, she left an hour or so ago. I'm sorry, I really have to run!"

Leaving his apartment door wide open, Mark rushed out checking his watch and cursing under his breath. You stood staring in for a few moments. In and out. In and out. You repeated to yourself.

Empty plastic cups and glass bottles littered the surfaces in the lounge, remnants of white powder still visible on the countertop.

It was hauntingly silent as you walked down the hall. With a breath, you creaked the bedroom door open. Your boots were in the same place you'd left them, kicked off between the door and the bed. Elijah faced away from you, softly snoring with the duvet half wriggled off his body. He was shirtless, with his trousers mangled around his ankles.

There were small drops of blood dotted on the bedsheets and pillow, causing you to bring a hand to your bottom lip. Your fingers began to tremble. In and out, in and out.

He looked peaceful.

Why did he get to sleep uninterrupted by flashbacks? Why was Elijah not tossing and turning, screaming out in his sleep, unable to separate the past and the present? The calm rising and falling of his chest felt like a knife in the back. You felt your heartbeat rising rapidly. You knelt down to pick up your boots, instinctively launching one heel-first at his resting head.

"What the fuck?!" He scrambled in the sheets, bringing a hand to the back of his head to check for blood. There was none. He was just fine.

You closed the gap between you both, gripping the longer part of your boot to bring down the flat but heavy heel onto any part of his body you could make contact with.

Elijah tried to block the impact, but you were being powered entirely by a rage that had grown so deep inside of you, you didn’t know where it began and you ended.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He cried.

"You hurt me. You fucking hurt me. You. Hurt. Me. And if I have to relive it each night, so should you."

Years of holding it in until you couldn’t breathe and bleeding from biting your tongue came bubbling to the surface. You were screaming now. Spit flew from your mouth with each word you spat at him. With every hit, you screamed.

"Stop! Stop it, you’re fucking crazy!”

This time, you spat directly at him. You stood back and caught your breath, chest heaving.

“By the way, that’s what a decent person does. They stop when somebody tells them to stop.”

Not wanting to spend any more time looking at his pathetic cowering frame, you snatched your other boot and left.

---

"You done what you needed to do, sugar?" Joel asked, tightening his grip on the steering wheel despite the engine being still switched off.

You pulled your seatbelt on, still trying to catch up with your heart rate.

"I got my boots back. Wasted more energy on him than he's worth."

"Good, that's good, honey. I'm real proud of you. Just stay in the truck f'me."

"What? Joel, where are you going?"

He stalked around to the back of the truck, swinging the doors of the trunk open. You watched him in the rearview mirror, he took a moment to search for something that you couldn't quite make out before slamming the doors shut.

"Won't take long." He shouted back to you, walking towards the apartment you had just exited.

Was that? Surely not... He was swinging a fucking hammer beside him.

Joel barged his shoulder into the apartment door, which swung open on impact, before disappearing into the building.

Joel didn't often let this side of him take control. Over the years, he had learned how to deal with the burning vision of red that overcame him when somebody wronged the people he loved. Before Sarah, it had always landed him beside Tommy in jail rather than on the other side of the metal bars. But when Sarah was born he knew it was time to grow the hell up and take control of the white-hot rage, rather than let it control him. Sometimes he would feel his grasp on it loosen, usually when Sarah got slide-tackled during soccer, or a distant relative of his ogled you from across the kitchen at a family barbecue.

In those moments, Joel could easily reason with himself that his seething anger was somewhat unjustified. He would take a couple of deep breaths, squeeze his fists around something until they turned white, and return to normal.

However, right now, he was entirely justified.

As soon as you had told him you wanted to go back, he knew he had to contain his need to go in and kill the motherfucker who had hurt you. He knew you were completely and utterly capable of tying your own loose ends and looking after yourself. You were the strongest, most resilient damn woman he'd ever known. It was important that you did everything you needed to do to heal without him making the situation about himself by going in all-guns-blazing. But he also knew that as soon as you had done your bit, he wouldn't forgive himself if he just sat there idly.

He had thought long and hard about what he would do to a man who could bring themselves to hurt you.

"Elijah?" He called through the apartment, kicking down every closed door he passed.

On the third go, Joel found Elijah scrambling to put his clothes on, blood dripping and bruises forming on various parts of his scrawny torso. Joel smiled to himself. That's my girl, he thought.

"Who the hell are you?" Elijah's lip wobbled. His eyes flicked back and forth from the hammer in Joel's grip to the black of his eyes.

"Sit the hell down," Joel ordered, pulling out the chair tucked into a desk beside him.

"I ain't doing shit you tell me, man."

Joel chuckled, connecting his fist with Elijah's nose.

"I said, sit the fuck down." He grabbed a fistful of Elijah's hair, throwing him down onto the wooden chair with a crack.

He kept his grip on Elijah's hair and brought the head of the hammer to press painfully on his balls.

"You like hurtin' women, huh? Make you feel like a man?"

"I don't know what the fuck she told you, but she's a liar."

"See, from where I'm standing, pretty fuckin' ballsy of you to be lyin' to me right now." He pressed the hammer down harder. Elijah sucked a breath in through his nose deeply and squeezed his eyes closed.

"Uh-uh-uh. You keep your eyes on me."

Joel took his hand from Elijah's hair and grabbed his wrist, throwing his hand flat on the table. He brought the hammer down on the back of his palm. Elijah screamed, his face contorting with the pain of his shattered knuckles.

"Tell me her name," Joel demanded.

No response. Joel brought the hammer down onto Elijah's thumb.

"I said, tell me her fucking NAME."

Elijah cried out a strangled response, "I don't fucking know, okay! I don't know, I don't know!"

His sobs were pathetic. Snot was dripping down his face and into his mouth, he was choking on his own tears.

"You don't know? You tried to rape her, but you don't even know her fuckin' name?"

Joel took a step back, running his hand over his beard before connecting the hammer with Elijah's right kneecap. Joel placed his hand hastily over Elijah's mouth, muffling his loudening screams. In this position, Joel locked eyes with the quivering remnants of the boy in front of him.

"You don't even fuckin' deserve t'know her name. You go near her again, you breathe in her direction, she passes you on the street even, she will tell me, and I will hunt you down. Make this little encounter seem like a trip to fuckin' Disneyworld. Understand me?”

“Yes, I understand.” Elijah cried.

“Say, yes I understand sir.” Joel demanded, finishing off his wrist with the hammer.

Another scream. “Yes, sir.” He sobbed.

---

The drive back to Joel's place was silent. You didn't need to ask what had happened. Even you had heard the screams coming from inside of the apartment; you only hoped the neighbors hadn't been home.

It should’ve scared you, he should’ve terrified you. But you had never felt more safe. You felt protected.

As he pulled into his drive and switched off the ignition, you both sat motionless.

"Sweetheart... I hope I haven't upset you." He spoke softly.

Your turned to face him.

"That couldn't be further from the truth."

"I really didn't wanna take anythin' away from you. M'so proud of you for handlin' him yourself. I just couldn't sit by without doing anything."

Oh, god. This was it. You knew what was coming and you couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out.

"Joel, I'm in love with you."

His eyes grew wide and you felt your heart tumble into your stomach. After everything you had been through in the past twelve hours, you couldn't fathom spending another four years pretending you didn't feel something that you had since you first set eyes on Joel.

You had been through so much in your life. You had received nothing from the people who were supposed to love you unconditionally. People had always told you how to live and who to love. Relatives had urged you to just see things through with your close family because family is family. You were supposed to just suck up years of neglect and disrespect because of relation.

But where were they now? After one of the most traumatic experiences of your life, Joel and Sarah were the ones you fell back on for support. They were the ones you loved and who loved you. You had decided life was too short and precious to not tell Joel how you felt.

"Sweetheart... you don't know what you're saying." He laughed nervously.

Joel was terrified that the trauma of the day had just gotten to you and that when you woke with a fresh head the following day you would regret your confession.

"No, Joel, don't fucking do that. You can't tell me in one breath that you respect me too much to deny me agency and then disregard me in the next for being too emotional. You don't have to feel how I feel. I adore you and Sarah far too much to let this change anything. But I had to be brave and tell you that I fucking love you or I would've regretted that forever."

"Get in the house." His tone was stern and he climbed out of the truck without looking at you.

"Don't tell me to get in the house like I'm your damn dog, Miller. Who the fuck do you think you-."

Before you could finish your sentence, his hands were cupping your cheeks, lips crashing into yours. Like everything else he did, the way Joel Miller kissed was consuming. You both found rhythms in one another's breathing, sinking into the kiss like it was the only way to pump oxygen through your bodies.

You felt like a teenager engulfed by the first taste of love. It wasn't messy, you fit together perfectly, but it was chaotic. You were both so desperate to take in every single essence of each other. Joel had backed you against his front door, his body pressing into yours, his kiss deepening by the second.

"I told you," he breathed, "get in the house... because once I started this, I knew I wouldn't wanna stop." He reached into his pocket to find his key, quickly stabbing it into the lock as you both crashed inside.

"Sweetheart, I have loved and adored you since I first laid eyes on you."

His lips found yours again, losing his hands in your hair and up your sweatshirt, desperate to touch any part of you he possibly could. He wanted to learn everything about your body. Each curve and dip, every stretch mark and scar. Joel wouldn't sleep until he had memorized every inch of you.

"I remember everything about that first time we met," he broke the kiss to speak, moving his lips along your neck, up your ear, across your shoulder.

"You were wearing that tight little denim dress. Pink fluffy slippers. Wichita Lineman was playin' on the stereo. I stood outside your door for a few minutes just listenin' t'you singing along.”

"Joel-" you moaned, just as hungry for every single part of him.

"I ain't finished yet, honey. When you came over that night, you told us your favorite fruit was figs, and y'favorite flower was hydrangeas. You blushed real bad when Sarah asked if you had a boyfriend. Had to hide my grin when y'said no."

"You got a mole, here," he tapped your back, "here," your left shoulder, "and here," his finger lingering on your chest.

"Joel Miller," you breathed into his neck, unable to stop touching him for a second. "You better take me up those stairs right now."

The look growing in his eyes was one you had never seen on him before. Nobody had ever looked at you with such palpable desire before. Before you could protest, he threw you over his shoulder and marched you upstairs to his bedroom.

He delicately laid you on top of the sheets, still messed and crumpled from earlier.

"If this gets too much, or y'just wanna stop, you tell me. I am completely at your mercy, baby."

Joel made light work of peeling his baggy clothes off you, discarding them to the side of the bed. You reached up, giggling, pulling his shirt over his head. After taking it off, he sat back for a moment taking in the view before him that he had imagined countless times. The real thing was so much sweeter.

Greedily, he trailed kisses down your body, taking every ounce of you in his mouth. When he got to your stomach, he leaned back once again and hooked a leg over his shoulder. This time, he started at the tip of your toes and slowly made his way to your thigh before switching legs.

"I worship you, baby. Every damn inch."

A moan escaped your lips as he pressed a kiss against the base of your thong. He trailed his mouth lightly up and down, peppering kisses against your clit, softened through the material.

"Please, Joel." You choked, looking down at him ready to devour you.

"Tell me what you want, honey."

"I want your mouth on my pussy. Please, baby."

He groaned at your words, sending vibrations coursing through you.

"Good girl."

Joel pulled your panties to the side, wrapping his lips around your sensitive spot. He was a deadly mix of rough but tender, making you cry out his name as his tongue circled your clit. Everything inside of you tightened, intensifying as he inserted a finger, his mouth still on your pussy.

His finger curled inside of you, pressing against that sensitive spot in your wall. Your hips bucked upwards, earning a small laugh from Joel. He added another finger, curling his big calloused fingers inside of you.

"That's it, baby, come for me." He knew you were close before you did. You felt yourself tighten around his fingers, his tongue unrelenting in its assault on you.

The moans that were coming out of your mouth were noises you had never made before, obscenely mixed with the squelching of your wetness.

"Joel, fuck!" You shouted as your orgasm took over. Your fingers gripped Joel's hair as he worked you through your climax.

When your breathing started to calm down, he moved up your body, sucking and nibbling at bits of skin on his way up. He reached a hand around your back to unhook your bra, pulling it off to run his tongue over your nipples.

Freeing himself from his jeans, you gasped at the bulge pressing against his boxers.

"We'll go at your pace, honey." He reassured you, taking your chin between his fingers and placing a kiss on your forehead.

Joel pulled off his boxers and spat on his hand, coating his thick cock in his spit. The scene made you roll your head back.

"Prettiest girl I ever fuckin' saw." He said, positioning himself at your entrance before pushing in slightly and leaning over you.

Not once did he break eye contact. You were so used to men flipping you over and using your body, the rawness of his gaze made you feel like crying. He didn't hold any power in fucking you, or use your body to get himself off. Every movement, every kiss, was your bodies working together. Sex with Joel was healing.

He eased his way into you, both moaning at the feeling of him finally inside of you.

Joel's pace was slow but deep. He would take himself all the way out, then slowly slam back into you before repeating over and over again. Sweat dripped down both of your foreheads, his hands cupping your face. Your bodies pressed together like you had done this hundreds of times before.

There was no one else who had ever made you feel safer, and there would never be anybody else. All of your walls, years in the making, had come tumbling down. You no longer feared letting Joel really see you, and you saw all of him. There would be no more pretending or holding back.

"I don't want nobody but you, baby. I fuckin' love you."

"I love you, Joel. I love you, I love you."

[seoftbear]

TW

discussing the taeil situation

As I’m sure many of you have seen that Taeil was removed/left NCT due to Sexual Offense Allegations.

“On August 29, the Seoul Bangbae Police Station revealed that the police booked Taeil after a report was filed in June for alleged sexual offense.

According to the police, Taeil is being investigated after being reported by legal adult woman “A.”

source

First off I’d like to say that obviously Im absolutely disgusted with Taeil and this entire thing makes me feel sick. I know they won’t see this but my thoughts are with those effected by this and I’m glad she had the courage to speak out and I hope she gets the support and justice that she wants during this time.

Now I’d like to talk about what has been weighing on me personally about this situation? I tend to stay off of twitter but I’ve seen a lot of links and post being circulated in the last 24 hours about this and it’s been really killing me.

As of now the police have booked Taeil back in June and he is being investigated by police for sexual offense, currently that’s all of the information that’s been confirmed by authorities. (I linked the article above and that has a link to the Naver article too.)

I’m sure some of you guys may be younger and haven’t truly grasped the full gravity of this, but misinformation can really damage cases like this especially as a woman.

Unfortunately the internet spread fake news fast and screenshots and stories have been circulating on twt/tiktok social media in general being translated and mistranslated from numerous different languages and people are just adding to the narrative for the drama it seems like… (please understand that even if something is in a different language and “translated” it does not make it facts.) I’ve seen others ask people where the source was for the information they got and then get called “Taeil defenders” when they just wanted to know where the information came from in the first place. I also read comments where people were saying that it didn’t matter if it was misinformation?

This is someone’s life we are talking about and seeing people say “they can’t wait for certain youtube channels to make videos about this because they need all of the details” or “they’ve been searching for more information all day and have come up with etc etc.” is really disheartening to see it be made into a spectacle. There’s only been one statement from the police as I’m aware of and in under 24 hours twt has finalized and circulated a story that has no source.

Unfortunately this stuff will happen because it’s the internet regardless and people are curious and in shock so wanting details on something is understandable but please understand that this is someone’s life not just backlash and justice against Taeil.

Speaking out isn’t easy and speaking out against a celebrity under big company? I can’t imagine, so please please please think about what you are posting and reposting. It’s not you supporting the victim, it’s just spreading gossip, theories/speculations, and can really tamper with the case guys. This is already a traumatizing experience and now it’s public and people are prying to know details about something so horrible and invasive??? At the end of the day if no statements are released about details or information and you are upset please take a step back and really think what for.

With this Ive seen a lot of people talk about parasocial relationships, how you don’t know these men, all men are men at the end of the day, don’t trust your favs etc etc. Though I definitely agree with you don’t know the people you like at the end of the day, I think that everyone knows that to some extent. However I don’t think parasocial relationship or not knowing someone is to blame when this kind of stuff happens, rather it’s normal to believe that someone you admire/like is cool person especially if portrayed that way. The thing about abusers/assaulters is that they can be anyone, that’s not to say that you shouldn’t trust anyone and that all people/idols are secretly awful but it’s more about that it’s not anyone’s fault for believing that they were a good person. So if anyone is going through that “ I can’t believe I liked someone like that” feeling that’s okay. It’s not your fault and you’re allowed to work through them.

that’s all

sorry if this is too long and makes no sense or comes off wrong or disrespectful please let me know kindly

[alittlebit0fmayhem]

𝙻𝚊 𝚅𝚒𝚎 𝚎𝚗 𝚁𝚘𝚜𝚎

I siriusly don't know why I've chosen now to fall back into my marauders phase, mais c'est la vie...

(see what I did there?)

I've taken French for literally five years, (I'm nowhere near fluent tho) so I have no idea why it's taken me so long to incorporate it into my writing.

In all honesty, I'm doing great mentally, but I've been pining for some wolfstar! x reader angst, and I haven't really found any that meet my fancy yet soooooo.

Fine I'll do it myself.

Summary: You were a hopeless romantic who had always tended to see things through rose colored glasses, falling in love with the idea of falling in love. Each new infatuation came to you like a fascination ready to be explored, there was nothing you loved more than the head-games of an all consuming crush. That was until, the latest object of attraction became two boys so incredibly and viscerally out of your reach.

Warnings: Angst! (like a lot), Unrequited love, fluff for a mere second, tbh I feel like it is funny at moments???

Once again, if you see any formatting/grammatical errors, please let me know!

Enjoy <3

———–

It had all been fun and games, it never really mattered, until it did.

It was no secret, to your family, your friends, and least of all you. You loved falling in love.

Bi-monthly, and sometimes depending on the circumstance, bi-weekly you waltzed into the Gryffindor common room with a new tale of budding romance to share with your friends. And they'd just look at you and smile,

"Ah, our (Y/N), ever the helpless romantic." they'd say, all the while you'd confirm their statements with a blush or grin.

It was harmless, innocent, you had made quite the reputation for yourself around Hogwarts.

Anyone who got involved with you knew your tendencies, that your heart could change pace like the seasons came and went. Each boy and girl you set your sights on was like a new game of chess for your dazzling beauty and quick wits to conquer.

Which, you knew in retrospect sounded terrible, but you also knew you were young, and that relationships and love should be something to explore, not something to hold you down.

Besides, it wasn't like they didn't mean anything to you, you felt heartbreak when it was said and done with. To you, the growth and rebirth that came with romance was something equally as beautiful as the summits and triumphs.

You had a sneaking suspicion, that if the Greeks and Romans were right about their gods, you had to have been under Aphrodite's watchful eye.

Coming up on your last year of Hogwarts, you had become unbeatable. You had captured so many suitors, there were even lingering rumors of Veela tainting your blood.

Of course, they were all false, though, you'd never tell anyone otherwise. Because, what fun would that be?

You had at least one crash-and-burn love story from every house to tell, it even got to the point that people were courting you with the intention of "taming" your rampage.

Never, had there been a crush you couldn't bounce back from, no matter how close to breaking you came, you never did.

That was until you just had to go and viciously fuck yourself over.

Your thoroughly used vinyl of La Vie en Rose echoed through your dorm room as it spun for what might've been the millionth time, lyrics serving as a cruel jab toward your current situation.

Des yeux qui font baisser les miens,

You hadn't meant for it turn to out this way. For the first time in your entire life, there you sat, face stuffed into your pillow, wishing to Merlin that your heart could just bleed out of your chest.

Maybe then, it wouldn't be something you'd have to deal with, and you could forget about the prospect of falling in love together.

Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche,

It wasn't too late at all, it was just after dinner, and the rest of your dorm mates had cleared to the common room to celebrate the winning quidditch match that had transpired hours earlier.

On any usual occasion, you'd been down there with them, curled up on the couch next to Lilly, Mary, or Marlene, sipping rum-infused butter beer in content.

Instead, you were curled up alone, bathed in the dim light of your bedside candle, shivering from the cold.

Your blanket had fallen half down your body nearly fifteen minutes ago, and yet, the last thing on your mind was pulling it back up.

Voila le portrait sans retouches,

You had made some lame excuse as to why you would be exempt from tonight's actives, claiming you wanted to brush up on your divination for the exam at the end of the week.

Everyone had bought it, too high on youthful excitement and laughter to stop once more and examine the dark circles under your eyes.

De l'homme auquel j'appartiens,

As you stuffed your face further into the cotton pillowcase, you desperately wished the ground would open up and take you somewhere dark and quiet. Somewhere you could forget that you existed, so you could stop feeling like such a horrible human being.

Your mind had been clouded with buzzing jumbled thoughts for what felt like hours, never ceasing to give you a moment to rest. You surely thought your ears would start bleeding from how hard you had been thinking all day.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras,

You had now reached a point, with your uniform discarded haphazardly on the floor, and the sleep shirt you garnered swallowing you whole, where your brain had become filled with white noise.

The only coherent thought you could form right now, was how the hell did I get here?

Il me parle l'a tout bas,

Which of course, led you back into a rabbit hole of memories.

Je vois,

 la vie en rose...

The infirmary's visiting hours were long over, the only company you had to keep was the first year who had fallen out of a tree that was sleeping in the cot next to you.

You should've been fast asleep by now, but you couldn't bring yourself to count a single sheep. 

You weren't there for any real injury, a prank the boys had pulled a few hours earlier had backfired, and you had gotten the brunt of their mistake.

What was supposed to be a "pimple-inducing glitter rocket" (you had no idea how they got so creative) headed straight for Severus Snape, was quickly dogged by the intended victim, and who else was so lucky to be standing a few feet behind him, but you?

After a quick potion, you were fine, but you felt a little nauseous from the drink, and a little woozy from all the excitement, so you decided to stay there for the night.

A decision you were vastly regretting, as it was coming up on midnight and you had absolutely nothing to do. 

You had resorted to trying to write a letter to a boy you broke up with two days prior, he had left on quite a sour note, and truthfully you felt a bit awful for him.

It wasn't necessarily his fault, like many prior partners, you'd just grown uninterested. You figured you should at least leave him a note apologizing for the entire ordeal, even if it did get left in the bin.

That would've been great and all, only, you had no bloody idea what to write.

This had to have been the fourth page of parchment you had crumbled up and discarded next to you. With the thin sheet from the hospital bed drawn over you, you sat dumbfounded, cross-legged with a small, pink, dancing flame next to your quill. 

You had started writing the beginning sentence, but then again, nothing came to mind after that. Your regularly admired face was scrunched up deep in thought, your nightgown slipping down one shoulder as you held the feather deep in concentration. 

You re-read what you already had, and decided to just follow up with whatever came to mind. Perhaps, you were thinking too hard. 

After much consideration, you began writing once more, 

"I'm sorry I got bored of you-" scratch. Nope, that was dreadful, this was a lost cause, and you were wretched. 

You huffed dismally, with no regard for the boy sleeping only a few feet away, and just as you prepared to snuff the light out, and try to achieve some shut-eye, you heard it.

You heard the door to the hospital wing slowly squeak open. 

You paused, who would be coming in at this hour?

You turned to the small flame dancing on the candle seated next to you and snuffed it with a pinch before grabbing your wand which was next to it.

"Lumos." You whispered, as a small orb of light spouted from the end of your wand, you dragged the sheet off your form.

You looked around the hospital wing, from the dozing first year to the grand windows that lined both walls, and finally, to the door.

Though open, no one besides you and the boy seemed to be in the room.

But you were raised by wizards and were best friends with the most ruthless tricksters Hogwarts had ever seen, so you know better than to glance only at surface level.

Slowly, you turned and lowered your feet onto the cold stone floor. 

As you tip-toed around your bed, eyes squinting and wand raised high, you spoke aloud.

"Who's there?" Apart from the echo of your voice, and the murmurs from the boy next to you who stirred slightly, silence.

You stepped forward a few more paces so that you were in the center of the room.

"Show yourself!" You spoke slightly louder and turned in all directions as if hoping to catch any movement.

Nothing. 

You sighed, perhaps you were just a lunatic, and the door had blown open on its own. You turned to walk back to your bed, and just as you took one step, you were interrupted by what nearly made you shit yourself.

"Hello, dear." 

A voice cut through the air next to you, and you screamed on pure instinct.

Well, you would've, if not for the hand shooting out of the darkness to cover your mouth. You swung your wand in the direction of your assailant and were met with a sight completely unexpected. 

Remus Lupin's big brown eyes, illuminated by your wand stared back at you. Or rather, down at you. 

The significantly taller boy was heaving, his ruffled oaky hair falling slightly in his face, which held an expression that suggested you had scared him. The light traced his scars, and his large, cut-covered hand closed around almost the whole bottom half of your face.

You couldn't help but think; how pretty Remus Lupin looked at that moment.

He gulped, a smile tugging at his lips as his expression shifted into one of slight amusement, "Alright love, I'm going to remove my hand now, and you are going to promise me you won't scream at us."

His voice was a soft whisper and reminded you of the rocky seashore you used to visit every summer with your parents when you were little. 

It sent a shiver down your spine, had it always had that effect?

You then reconsidered his wording, Us? Your eyes shifted to his right, and there you were met with an even more surprising sight. 

Sirius Black stood with one hand in his pocket, and the other clenching James Potter's invisibility cloak.

"Of course." You thought.

He stood with an air of relaxation like he always did. His annoyingly beautiful face was drawn in mirth, though far more sheening than Remus'.

His brows were raised, and his eyes regarded your appearance with what could only be described as mischief, as a feathery strand of his rebellious raven hair dipped between his eyes. 

He winked at you after you had seemed to stare for a little too long, causing you to snap out of your bewilderment, and look back to Remus, who remained rooted in the same spot looking at you expectantly. 

You nodded at him, holding his gaze, which seemed far too intense for a boy his age. For whatever reason, he nodded back. 

He removed his hand, and just as he did, you swatted it away and stepped back.

"What in Merlin's name are you both doing here?! You scared the hell out of me!" You whisper-shouted at the pair. The two boys smiled youthfully at you in response.

Sirius finally swaggered forward, and past you, not refraining from brushing against you as he did. He turned and plopped down on your bed, discarding James' cloak next to him.

In his natural air of arrogance, he leaned back on his palms and lolled his head to the side, grinning up at you.

"We thought our girl could use some company, didn't we Moony?" 

Against your better judgment, you rolled your eyes and swayed to look at Remus, who remained smiling down at you. 

Annoyingly, a smile of your own made its way onto your face.

It was no secret that out of the group you, Sirius, and Remus were close in a way that the others weren't.

I mean, of course, the boys, and you and the girls would always be close in your respective ways, but for some reason, you three just seemed to click in a weird, and almost perfect way.

It wasn't like they called any other girl in the friend group "their girl", and it wasn't like you'd go through the animagus process for just anyone. 

Remus bit his tongue, his eyes flickered from Sirius', and back to yours before he nodded once more.

Suddenly, he pulled his wand from his pocket and lit a candle on a bedside table across the room, so that your wand could be lowered and placed gingerly in the pocket of your nightgown.

 As he returned his wand to his pocket all the same, he stepped forward and took both your hands in his own, swinging them back and forth idly, "Yeah, that and we wanted to apologize again for being the reason you're in here in the first place."

"Even though it was James' idea to begin with!" Sirius' voice beckoned from behind you.

Remus shot him a glare over your head before looking back down at you and rolling his eyes, swiping his thumb gently across the back of your hand, "Yes," he droned begrudgingly, "even though." 

You bit your bottom lip while grinning in an attempt to conceal the laughter rising in your throat.

You released one of his hands, still gripping the other as you spun yourself around and face Sirius, who was now sitting cross-legged on the bed. 

You couldn't help the content sigh that escaped your lips as you regarded the look of merriment and genuineness that graced Sirius' face. 

You took turns looking between both boys before saying, "Consider yourselves forgiven, though I have a feeling that wasn't the only thing you came for."

"You'd be right to assume, Lovebug," Remus responded. Another thing, there wasn't a soul on the planet save for Remus and Sirius who called you Lovebug.

It was a title fashioned for your romantic tendencies, and it suited you quite well.

Sirius suddenly hopped to a stand, before taking his wand to poke the sleeping boy's foot ever so slightly, "We are taking you to the astronomy tower, to watch the crescent moon." He said nonchalantly, you scoffed in disbelief. 

"Right now? But Sirius I'm in a bloody nightgown, not to mention barefoot, and all my things-"

You were cut off by Remus, whose arms had suddenly wrapped around your shoulders, "Relax darling, we'll have you back before the sun rises, maybe we'll even take your things and you back to the dorm where you belong." 

You chuffed, "But-"

"As for the nightgown and lack of shoes, we can assure you, love, you look absolutely smashing in it, and have cute enough feet for it not to be too grotesque." Sirius winked.

You sighed and tried to ignore the light blush that settled across your cheeks, drowned out by the darkness.

You groaned petulantly like a child as you struggled to come up with a counterpoint, and leaned into Remus' lankily muscular build.

"C'mon Darling, it's your favorite moon cycle, and we know you must be bored to tears." 

You froze as Remus' smooth voice resonated against the shell of your ear, his breath fanning over you slightly.

It was then you became aware of just how dipped in his scent you were, it completely engulfed you, the smell of pinewood, candle wax, and parchment. 

You cleared your throat, before Sirius interjected once more, "Evidently, by the literary devices she's turned to to cope."

Your eyes widened, as your headshot over to Sirius, who had now grabbed and held the parchment you had forgotten you left on your bed.

His hair created a curtain around his face as he leaned over to read it, still though you could make out the shit-eating grin on his face as he did so. 

"Dear Callum, I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from at the moment, but I'm sorry I got bored of you-" He read aloud in a high-pitched voice before he broke down into laughter.

You wrenched out of Remus' hold before surging forward and snatching the paper from his hand and shoving him slightly.

"Give me that you oaf!" You hissed lowly.

He snicked and pulled you into a hug, "Oh come now, you know I'm only joking lovely, please don't leave me! I promise never to bore you!" He sang, you elbowed him in rebuttal.

"Alright, fine! FINE! I will go, will you stop it now?!" You snapped, his laughter eventually died down as he hummed and looked down at you.

You craned your neck to meet his gaze, "Ah, knew you'd come around Lovebug, right then off we go!" He announced before spinning you and setting you down on the ground.

You watched as he practically skipped over to Remus, before grabbing the boy by the jaw and pulling him into a simple kiss.

Yet another symbol of your closeness, you were one of the only ones who knew that the two were more than just friends.

Remus hummed before returning the kiss and pulling away.

Sirius leaned into his neck, "Told you she'd come around Moony."

Remus licked his lips and gave you a half-lidded once over, not even he could contain the dim beam that spread across his face. 

"Course she did, she's our girl after all." He mused.

In an instant, the smile dropped from your face.

It was then, for the first time in a long time, you felt something. Like a punch in the gut, one that you knew familiarly, but not to this extent. 

The air in your lungs seemed to leave you all at once, as a cold hotness spread over you.

Your vision began to tunnel, as your ears filled with wind, and you became all too aware of the sweat that coated your palms.

"No," you thought, "no way."

 Your heartbeat quickened, and you desperately hoped that with Remus' advanced senses, he couldn't hear it. 

There was no way this was happening, not to you, not right now.

It was such a simple sentence, one you were sure he and Sirius had uttered to you before, so why did it ignite this feeling in you?

Why, did you have to have such a reaction, and why now? 

You wiped the sweat that sprouted from your palms on your nightgown and could feel some new form on the nape of your neck.

It felt as though the air of comfortability from earlier had evaporated, replaced with a thick blanket of awkwardness and anxiety, at least on your part.

The boys you had leaned into so carelessly before, had now become the two people you wanted to be furthest from.

You knew this feeling, you knew what it was, and normally, you'd welcome it like an old friend. But not this time, not for them. 

Why, did it have to be them?

"(Y/N)" Sirius' question shook you from your state of silent panic. You blinked and swallowed a thick glob of your saliva. 

"Yeah?" Your voice was far less even than it had been a second ago, it wavered and shook much without you meaning it to.

The boys looked at you with confusion drawn over their expressions, "You ready to go?" Remus said as if you were some dimwitted puppy. 

Your eyelids flickered, and you took a deep breath. "Yeah, sorry, I just zoned out, must be the after-effects of the potion." You lied through your teeth. 

They nodded at you, still seeming suspicious of your behavior but not questioning the matter further.

Each boy extended a hand, and you almost let out a shattered sigh as you slowly stepped forward and took each hand in your own.

As you three began walking to the door, and you plastered a smile on your face, you began to hear your voice screaming inside your head.

In an instant, you knew what you had done. 

You'd just gone and fallen in love with two boys you knew you couldn't have.

That exchange had transpired a week ago, and ever since then, you'd been spiraling.

You felt hot tears gather in your eyes as you recounted it redundantly. In your mind, there were layers to how fucked up this was.

You can't like two people at once, that's utterly selfish. You berated yourself, especially since those two people are dating each other, not to mention two boys! Not to mention even more two boys that just so happen to be your best friends!

You groaned as you rubbed your temples, blinking back the tears.

Any logical, normal person would've taken the high road, and just silently waited until this infatuation passed.

But as you were reminded incessantly, you were the furthest from logical, or normal.

The longer you lingered with this knowledge, the more unbearable it became.

Every moment you spent trying not to think about Sirius or Remus, was another moment in which your little crush turned into a full-blown obsession.

At first, you had resigned to pretending as if nothing was amiss, forcing smiles and hoping they couldn't tell. But every day you felt your resolve weakening, and so as of today, you had completely avoided them at all costs.

Then, you just had to let your friends drag you to that stupid quidditch match.

You had managed to sit as far from Remus as possible and tried to push through through the awkwardness, which worked for awhile, and then the world had to go and give you another slap in the face.

After James had caught the snitch, you were dealt the misfortune of locking eyes with Sirius, who, high on excitement as he was, decided to beam at you, and blow you a fucking kiss.

Damn Sirius Black for being the natural flirt he was, and damn his stupidly perfect face.

You knew in hindsight it was just Sirius being Sirius, he was head over heels for Remus.

It's not like he knew how much he made your heart flutter from that simple act alone.

But the side effects of it were damning, and whilst you got by with averting eye contact and keeping to yourself for the walk back to the castle, you refused to risk a much more obvious reaction given the boys pull anything else.

You sighed, again, as you shut your eyes and listened to the last lyric that played from your vinyl.

Et, dès que je l'apercois, alors je sens en moiI, mon coeur qui bat...

You bit the inside of your cottoned mouth, and gulped sending a sting down your dry throat.

Your favorite song was beginning to sound like torture every time you translated its meaning in your head.

Yes, you thought bitterly, I see life through rose-colored glasses, and look where that's got me now.

Finally, you opened your eyes. God, your side of the dorm was a mess, Lily was going to kill you.

Not that it wouldn't be deserved, you shot at yourself.

With all the remaining strength in your body, you pushed yourself off your bed. The needle on your record player had finally reached the center of the vinyl, meaning it was time for you to get up and move it again.

As your feet landed on the cold floor, you winced, rolling your ankles to re-attune your body to movement.

After a moment you stood, not missing the blackness that pinched at your view from your lightheaded state. You began to walk across the room, ignoring the cries that sounded from your locked joints.

Your brain felt fuzzy, and your movements were reduced to emotionless and empty.

You stopped in front of the table on which your record player sat, and lifted a weak, trembling hand to the needle.

And as you picked up, and moved it to the edge, allowing the song to replay once more, you heard the startling sound of the door creaking open.

You didn't bother to look at her, instead, you closed your eyes and inhaled in preparation for what was to come.

"Godrick, (Y/N) the room's a mess, what have you been doing all this time?!"

Lily's maternal croon should've at least offered a morsel of comfort, and yet, all it did was cause more tears to sting the corners of your eyes.

Your ears filled with ocean sounds as Lily began to parade around the room, picking up all your discarded articles of clothing, too lost in her own ramblings to notice the air of gloom that hung over you.

You bit your lip as you shut your eyes tightly, trying desperately to keep any more tears from running freely down your rosy cheeks.

Lily had this way about her, she was too comforting, too emotion-invoking.

You wished she would've just stayed downstairs for one more hour, at least then you would've more had time to collect yourself.

But she didn't, she was here, and she was going to witness you in the state that you were; raw, terrified, and utterly humiliated.

Your mind had turned into a wind tunnel of thoughts and feelings, preventing you from noticing how Lily had halted her movements and slighted her gaze to your now shaking form.

"(Y/N)? Lovie? Are you alright?"

You opened your eyes and looked up at the ceiling for one moment, teeth biting down harder on your trembling lip.

Finally, you turned and met her head-on.

Lily gasped in spite of herself, "Oh, Y/N." she whispered, brows stitched in worry, emerald eyes widening.

Before you could blink, she was on you. Lean arms enclosing your figure, one placed comfortingly behind your head, the other wrapped around your waist.

"Darling, what's happened?" Her soft voice resonated in your ear.

You couldn't bring yourself to respond, burrowing your head in her shoulder, shaking it slightly.

Your arms had returned the embrace tenfold, hands grasping her sweater tightly like she was the only thing in the universe holding you together at that moment.

Before you could stop yourself, soft hiccups began to escape you, and it was then, as Lily pulled away and began to wipe at the wetness under your eyes, you realized, you had to tell her.

You allowed yourself to be guided to her side of the room and sat down on her plush, quilted bed.

Blinking through tears you tried to focus on Lilly's concerned face, as she pushed a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and took your hand.

"Y/N, please, tell me what's the matter." Lily begged quietly as she smoothed her thumb over the back of your hand.

The moonlight from the window above her bed was nearly the only thing that illuminated the space around you, sheening on your variability, and exposing your flaws.

Your eyes flickered as you took a deep breath and attempted to collect your thoughts, and organize them into something, anything, clear enough to be spoken aloud.

"I..." Your voice quietly resonated, coarse and croaky from hours of wailing and weeping. You fought against the tightness in your throat, encouraged by Lily's soft eyes, and comforting presence.

After a moment, you cleared your throat and tried again.

You began with a sigh, focusing on the way Lily smelled of vanilla, allowing her scent to calm your flurrying mind.

"Lily," you said, much quieter this time, "I've done something terrible."

Lily's brows furrowed once more, in confusion this time. "What can you mean?" she replied, ever inquisitive and eager.

You inhaled and exhaled slowly, here it goes.

You gripped her hand like it was your lifeline, "I've..." you paused.

"I've fallen in love again."

Quiet settled over the room, blanketing the two girls.

Lily blinked, face going blank.

Before she could stop herself, a snort escaped from her mouth. Her demeanor of worry was now replaced with one of disbelief and wry amusement.

"You must be joking, seriously (Y/N)? That's all this is about? another silly little fling?" She teased, now finding this entire situation utterly ironic.

You huffed, frustration becoming your face. "No," You interjected, voice strained and tight.

"It's not- God, it's not that I've fallen in love again, it's with who!"

Lily raised a brow, squinting, lip quirking. "Right then," she teased, "Tell me, who is the soul lucky enough to hold your affections?"

You were glaring and lifting yourself off the bed in an instant. Bitterness bitting at your tongue.

"Forget it." You bit.

Lily sighed and grasped your hand before you could get even two steps. "(Y/N)," she groaned in defeat, feeling instant guilt as more tears glided down your chin.

"I'm sorry, that was cruel of me. You can tell me, and I won't make fun of you."

You eyed the redhead suspiciously, "Promise?" You quipped. Lily smiled, "Promise."

You bit the inside of your cheek and returned to your spot on the bed.

You huffed and picked away at some of the skin around your fingernails anxiously. "You really promise not to judge?" you mumbled, looking up at her through your wet lashes.

Lily nodded, "I promise lovie, you can tell me." her smile was the reassurance you needed, but it didn't lessen the ache in your heart.

You shut your eyes, annoyed at the feeling of more tears gushing down your neck.

You covered your face in your palms, before admitting out loud the confession you'd been reckoning with for days.

"I fucked up," you said through tears as you lifted your eyes to meet Lily's, "I've fallen in love with Remus Lupin," you watched Lily's eyes turn into saucers, "And, Sirius fucking Black."

In any other situation, you would've laughed at how Lily's jaw fell open, but this was no laughing matter. Her hand flew to hover above her mouth, and for the first time in all that you've known her, Lily Evans had been rendered speechless.

And you, were growing more anxious by the moment. Tears were now fully cascading down your face, sobs and hiccups wrenching from your throat.

"Say something!" You begged, her silence was making you feel worse by the second.

Lily jumped, broken out of her state of shock. She closed and open her mouth, trying to find the right words, before she so eloquently settled on,

"Merlin's fuck, (Y/N)."

You cried harder if that was even possible.

"I know, I know, it's horrible isn't it?" You whined.

After a week of keeping this all bottled up, it was now all coming crashing down on you.

You felt your heart ripping at the seams, in such a short period of time, these boys had suddenly had the most magnifying attraction you had felt.

You felt so utterly stupid, had you always liked them? Did it just so happen that that fateful night was your moment of realization?

Either way, neither explanation lessened your suffocating distress.

As you let your head fall into your hands, Lily grabbed your shoulders, rubbing them up and down encouragingly.

"Well, I won't lie to you sweetheart, it doesn't look amazing." She winced, resolving to pull your sobbing body to hers, wrapping her arms around you once more.

Lily knew the weight of this situation, because she knew Remus and Sirius, more especially, the relationship the two shared.

"When did you find this out?" She asked softly. 

You sniffed, "A week ago, I think? Oh Merlin, maybe I've always known but was never ready to admit it to myself." 

Lily sighed thoughtfully, before replying. "Well, do you want to tell them?" 

You thought for a moment, before shaking your head in defeat.

"It's no use Lils, even in my wildest dreams, they're out of my reach. I can't have them, and the fact that I even want them makes me feel like the biggest arsehole in the world."

Lily stayed quiet as you continued your rant, allowing you to verbalize all the feelings that had been festering in your heart. 

"Godrick, they're so perfect for each other, it's almost unreal. You've seen them together, they look as if they were made for each other. Not only that, but they fought so hard for the right to be together. And who the hell am I to come in here and even consider ruining that? I must be the most selfish girl in the world." 

You felt your heart break a little more with each word, but you couldn't stop yourself, you had to let these thoughts surface. 

"They trusted me," you sobbed, "every deep, grimy secret that they had no obligation to share, they trusted me enough to tell. All they've ever wanted from me was a friend, someone to be their home, and now I've gone and ruined it."

"You don't know that-" Lily tried, but you interrupted before she could even finish the sentence.

"Yes, I do! You know how I get Lily, even about simple crushes they become all I can think about. I will not be able to stop thinking about them, and every single time they feel comfortable enough to be affectionate in front of me, I'll break all over again."

Finally, you paused and took a deep breath.

"There is absolutely no situation in which this can turn out alright for me."

Lily felt her heartache for you as she assessed the sheer pain in your voice.

However, this situation was difficult, because she had to consider Remus and Sirius' well-being too.

She tapped a finger on the bare skin of your arm. "You know what I think?" She finally said.

You lifted your head and met her calculating eyes with your own. "What?" you asked pathetically. 

Lily rotated her jaw, "I think, that this situation is much bigger than you or I, so before we go making blind assumptions, we need to let Remus and Sirius speak for themselves."

She paused, "(Y/N), I know you're scared, but you have to tell them."

You inhaled deeply, eyes flickering with fear.

You were scared, terrified actually. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized what you had known all this time.

Lily was right, they needed to know. 

You couldn't just disappear from their lives without giving them a floor to speak their peace, it wasn't right.

Doing that, you decided, would truly be the cruelest thing you could possibly do.

You huffed, before blinking away the last of your tears and taking a moment to wipe the mess off your face.

Lily sat and watched you as you began to collect yourself, leaning on her own arm for support. 

After a moment, when you felt as though you were moderately put together, you shook your hands out and breathed deeply for that last time.

You looked to Lily, there were still a million questions you wished could be answered, but for tonight, as you checked the clock and saw it was coming up on 1:00 A.M., you settled for just one.

"Do you think they realize I've been avoiding them?" You cringed.

Lily opened her mouth to reply, but before she could, a sharp knock sounded at the door.

"(Y/N) (L/N), you open this door right now, or so help me Merlin, I will blow it down!" Sirius' muffled yell sounded from the other side of the aged wood.

Then, Remus chimed in. "You know he'll do it love, so there's no use in fighting."

You froze, and for a moment as Lily's expression turned into that of a deer in headlights, you thought maybe the whole universe froze with you.

Your blood ran cold as they continued raving about their usual nonsense, and as you saw the door handle rattle, you and Lily finally spoke in unison.

"Oh, fuck."

[funhouse-mirror-barbie]

I don’t think that EP 4 of Hazbin really romanticizes Angel’s abuse, but, personally, I am made MUCH more uncomfortable by the fact that the storyboard artist who was the lead for that episode has been very open about the fact that he has a rape fetish.

More discussion below, I’m really wanting this to be the only time I talk about this, as I really don’t like discussing “drama” and try to stick to writing and design critiques.

This felt like something I needed to address though, because it largely changed the lense through which I view Hazbin as a piece of media—please know that this is JUST me talking about my personal frustrations with the background information of this episode, and how it was made—see end of post for TLDR; CONTENT WARNING FOR DISCUSSIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT AND RAPE:

And. I just want to make it clear that, my issue is NOT with the storyboarder having rape fetish. I don’t understand it, but as long as they’re not ACTUALLY assaulting or hurting anyone, it’s not really mine or anyone else’s business. That goes for anyone with that kind of fetish, honestly.

The problem I have comes from not knowing whether or not any of the scenes depicting extreme abuse and rape in the show were done to explore a darker topic seriously, or if they were done for the artist’s own sexual gratification.

The scenes during “Poison”, to me, are an extremely uncomfortable look at the horrors of sexual abuse and assault and sex trafficking.

But I don’t know, and can’t know, if that’s how the creator of Hazbin and the lead storyboard artist see it, despite claiming they take the story seriously.

I really really want to believe that the scenes were storyboarded in good-faith, as a way to look at these things and help SA victims feel seen, because that’s how the episode has constantly been described by Hazbin’s creator.

However, I just CAN’T believe it knowing what I know about the storyboard artist’s tastes.

They have been very open about shipping Valentino, Angel Dust’s abuser and rapist, with Angel Dust, and have made multiple drawings, comics, and an animatic of Valentino abusing Angel Dust. The storyboard artist has confirmed that the context they see these character’s relationship in is non-consensual.

And AGAIN, I’m not saying that that makes the artist a terrible person or objectively bad or something. As I said, I personally don’t understand it, but I’m not here to be the “fictional character fetish police”.

I’m bringing these things up as examples of things that have caused me to believe that Poison may have been made as fetish material—something that really only upsets me this deeply due to Hazbin Hotel’s creator’s insistence that it was always meant to be “objectively” respectful victim representation somehow. Bringing up these examples is important because it potentially adds more context to the way the Episode 4 was written.

I have a REALLY hard time believing that when lines from one of the storyboarder’s fetish comics were adapted into the show itself in Episode 4.

This is the original fan comic the head storyboarder made vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

This is the dialogue that APPEARS to have been heavily influenced by or adapted into the show— vvvvvvvvvvv

I’ve previously explained how I believe that some of the discussion surrounding Episode 4 of Hazbin were really counterproductive, in that many people, fans and critics alike, were talking about it as if it could be proven objectively whether or not “Poison” was done respectfully.

Im not going back on that, because again, a survivor of SA feeling represented or not by something is EXTREMELY subjective, and I don’t think anyone should try and “disprove” their feelings and opinions. That’s not what I’m trying to do here, and that’s not what I’m about.

I wanted to talk about this to go over my own personal feelings about the situation, and how it’s caused me to lose any last little bit of remaining trust I had in the show runner’s abilities to portray serious topics maturely.

I want to believe so badly that Poison shows Angel’s Dust’s graphic abuse to say something about abuse as a whole, to show how awful it is, and to try and support victims and help them feel seen. I initially thought that was the case when I watched the episode.

But learning the context behind how the episode was made and who storyboarded that has changed my perspective.

In a lot of ways, the way I feel about it is very similar to how I now look back at shows like iCarly and the Amanda Show, which I loved as a kid. When I first watched iCarly when I was young, I thought the random foot jokes were funny. I thought it was just the kids being silly.

But now as an adult, knowing and understanding how much control the show’s creator had over the actors, and may have been putting his personal foot fetish into the show has changed it for me. I have the context now behind the reasons those sorts of jokes and scenes were written into the show. And it’s upsetting to know that. It’s changed how I view those scenes.

I experienced the exact same thing learning about the Hazbin storyboarder’s fetish

I can’t see Poison or think of episode 4 without wondering if it was made as fetish fuel for the artist. If so, it changes the way I see the episode, because it’s no longer a look at the horrors of SA and rape, it’s fetishizing the very thing it’s claiming to take seriously.

And if so, it makes the 3 days of Hazbin’s creator arguing with people online that the scene was done with victims in mind and to be respectful really frustrating.

I mean. If they WANTED to make a show with a rape fetish, then ok. Well. I wouldn’t want to watch it but like. That’s their prerogative, and as long as no one is actually being hurt, that’s fine. I don’t get it, but whatever.

But for me, the creator’s INSISTENCE that the portrayal of abuse was objectively respectful and not fetishizing abuse in any way, when we KNOW that the storyboard head of the episode and Poison has a rape fetish involving Angel Dust and Valentino, leaves an incredibly bad taste in my mouth.

It makes me doubt that the more mature themes in Hazbin are being written with real consideration for survivors. That, coupled with fans saying that SA survivors and viewers who were upset about Poison’s portrayal of abuse owed Hazbin’s creator an apology of all things…just because they were upset by or didn’t like the episode, makes me feel so gross about everything.

I just don’t know what else to make of it all.

Anyway TLDR/

-The Lead Storyboard artist of Episode 4 of Hazbin Hotel having a rape fetish they express through art of Angel Dust/Valentino doesn’t bother me personally. I don’t understand it, but I don’t think a fetish like that makes someone a terrible person.

-What DOES bother me is that, when many SA survivors discussed and brought up their very valid concerns about how the Episode would be handled given the above, they were largely dismissed by the creator and fans.

-The fact that I just don’t know if the episode was made as fetish material or not has changed the whole context of the episode for me. I want to believe the episode was made with good intentions like Hazbin’s creator claims, but I can’t knowing what I do about who was involved in making the episode.

-And FINALLY while everything I spoke about has changed the way I personally see the episode, if you, or anyone, still find comfort or strength in the episode or love it, I am NOT trying to take that from you. I am not trying to convince anyone that they need to have my same opinions or feelings on this. I am not trying to argue with anyone or act like I have a moral high ground over anyone else. I am talking ONLY about how learning more about the person in charge of a lot of Episode 4 of Hazbin made me feel personally, and changed my view on the episode as a whole, which may affect my future critiques and thoughts.

[arminsumi]

ㅤ★ 𝐫𝐮𝐥𝐞𝐬

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𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

[goosemixtapes]

max's favorite short stories & articles!

to be updated as i read new things! "articles" could be anything from political points to philosophical musings to fascinating stories. obligatory statement that i don't necessarily agree with everything in every one of these stories/articles, but i think about them a lot and want to share :)

short stories

Avi Cantor Has Six Months To Live by Sacha Lamb (@kuttithevangu) (novella) (so says the writing on the bathroom mirror. of gender & judaism & magic and t4t trans guys. cw for suicidal ideation and bullying)

Epistolary by Sascha Lamb ("The [stuffed] frog you are selling on your blog is MINE and he is NOT HAUNTED and his name is MOSHE not BILLY HOPPER.")

Chokechain by Andrew Joseph White (a trans man discovers his parents have replaced him with a robot version of his pretransition self. cw for transphobia and violence)

Sandrine by Alexandra Munck (the tagline for this one is "I dated a sun god in college" but that doesn't do justice to the sheer concept here please read this)

You Wouldn't Have Known About Me by Calvin Gimpelevich (set in a hospital ward where patients are recovering from gender-confirming surgery)

No Flight Without the Shatter by Brooke Bolander (novella) ("After the world’s end, the last young human learns a final lesson from Earth’s remaining animals." cw for climate change/extinction)

And You Shall Know Her By The Trail Of Dead by Brooke Bolander (what if you had to death-match-fight a virtual version of yourself at your meanest made by your boyfriend whose life you're trying to save would that be fucked up or what. cws for guns and violence)

Hell is the Absence of God by Ted Chiang (stories that clock you in the fucking teeth in the religious trauma.)

A Serpent for Each Year by Tamara Jerée (microfiction) ("Our relationship is almost a year old when I ask Nal why she is covered in snakes." cw for animal death)

The Front Line by W.C. Dunlap (microfiction) (cited as one of the world's finest attention-grabber openings. cws for police brutality, racism, and SA)

Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience by Rebecca Roanhorse (step into the simulation and gain an authentic experience! cws for anti-Native racism and alcohol)

The Husband Stitch by Carmen Maria Machado (one of the best stories ever written. once there was a girl with a green ribbon around her neck...)

City of Red Midnight by Usman T. Malik (a chronicle of nested stories-within-stories, set in old fantasy pakistan, inverting a myth from the one hundred and one nights)

We Work In Miraculous Cages by Brenda Peynado (following a college grad drowning in loans through the nightmare of neverending work)

Other Worlds and This One by Cadwell Turnbull (a brotherly relationship collides with a theory about atomic particles, space, and time)

And Then There Were (N-One) by Sarah Pinsker (a convention of alternate-universe selves--all Sarah Pinskers--becomes a murder mystery)

Fandom For Witches by Ruoxi Chen (fuck every other thing ever written about fandom)

Haunted Home by Conrad Loyer ("The ship features a recreation of a slave ship’s hold. The cruise prides itself on it. It is not a good recreation, if the metric is realism.")

articles & essays

Lockhart's Lament (on how math is taught in schools. that is, badly. one of the most cathartic essays i've ever read on education)

Against Cop Shit by Jeffrey Moro (on adversarial education)

Debunking "Trans Women Are Not Women" Arguments by Julia Serano (comprehensive, well-written, good to have as a reference point)

On Liking Women by Andrea Long Chu (and on the politics of desire)

Turning a Unicorn Into a Bat by Josh and Lolly Weed (on Mormonism, love, and whether a gay man and a straight woman can marry happily. cw for homophobia)

Laziness Does Not Exist by Devon Price (musings on motivation from a social psychologist and professor)

How Millennials Became the Burnout Generation by Anne Helen Peterson (how come everything happens so much?)

White Women Drive Me Crazy by Aisha Mirza (on the harm caused by white women. cw for racism)

Everything You Know About Obesity Is Wrong by Michael Hobbes (should be required reading for everyone at this point. cw for fatphobia and eating disorders)

Becoming Anne Frank by Dara Horn (on the cultural fascination with Anne Frank. cw for antisemitism)

The Ecstasy of Influence by Jonathan Lethem ([on/a] plagiarism)

On the Ethics of Boinking Animal People by Patricia Taxxon (video essay) (ostensibly what the title says, but actually a detailed musing on the essential properties of furry media and the freedom of dehumanization; changed my life a bit)

[chaifootsteps]

Oh my god, finally! I've been wanting to post here for a few days.

I'm the author of that infamous fanfic. And I wanted to say, unrelated to Hazbin, that the documentary and Drake's story, coupled with his new music video "I Kinda Relate" is the most heartbreaking and empowering thing I've ever seen. I bawled my eyes out the entire day that I found it.

In the first 28 seconds, Drake heavily implies, but doesn't show, his abuse that he suffered at the hands of his rapist, Brian Peck (who also was penpals with none other than John Wayne Gacy.)

I wanted to do nothing but hug that poor little boy, and to hug the man he is now. I want to tell him that he's beautiful and strong and brave for coming out. Male CSA victims rarely ever do. Could you imagine telling Drake then or now, that he's a *loser*? Could you imagine going about his abuse the way Viv did with Husk and Angel? He literally made his own music video that was much more tactful and empowering than Loser Baby ever will be.

I also have dirt on Dan S and that whole fucking pedo ring (I know a LOT of people in this industry. I also helped take down an ACTUAL ZOO AND PEDOPHILE with a decent amount of power a few years back.) And for anyone still confused about Drake, the girl he messaged lied about her age and he never did anything physical with her. He still acknowledges he's fucked up (please watch his hour long interview and music video) but he's "bound to make it right".

I also just want to say, to a CERTAIN PERSON, that comparing the objectively fetishisized abuse (I'm a CSA victim and into noncon), to fucking SEX ED FOR CHILDREN, is the absolute most fucking garbage and vile take I've ever seen. Poison is NOT educational. It is fetish content for Viv and Raph and others like them. If survivors and fans can turn something objectively negative into something subjectively positive, all the power to them.

Again, into noncon and a CSA victim. I also don't want to see stans taking this and telling me I'm invalid for critiquing Viv and Raph (already dealt with that in my damn fic.) I have been raped/sexually assaulted/groomed/groped/strangled/pinned down/dragged around as a child and NO ONE is ever going to tell me I'm a hypocrite or that I'm wrong for my feelings on this issue. Especially when I also have friends and my own mother as SA and CSA victims as well.

Someone like myself, or like Drake Bell, do NOT need to see how explicitly horrid our abuse was/is to understand how bad it is. I personally had panic attacks watching the episode, and having the knowledge of Raph being an unapologetic rape fetishist, was all I needed to know that that entire episode was fetish content. It's basically an adaptation of Raph's Red Smoke comic. Nearly word for word too. I've written and consumed so many stories over the years to know exactly what's going in their heads.

You know how you actually help a victim? You have friends and family and a therapist help you get out of that situation. Husk "helping" Angel was not the way to go about it.

And I've seen fans argue whether or not Viv is a rape fetishist (she is), but if she wasn't, why is she so adamant on keeping an unapologetic rape fetishist on her staff? He's confirmed to be working on season 2 (God I'm gagging thinking about it) and why does she like so much art (no hate to the artists) of sexy, fetishisized, hot, and sad art of Valentino? If he's supposedly based off HER abusive experience, why does she coddle, woobify, and downplay and sexualize him so much??? I wouldn't base a rapist character or write a rapist character as a fucking "high school Mean girl".

I'm sorry this got so long, but fuck man... it's so fucking disgusting.

Anyways, please watch this. It's got more tact and heart than fucking Poison will ever have. Drake Bell, my heart goes out to you. CSA victim to CSA victim. I hope you get better and can heal. And that goes for all victims as well. 💜🫂 (You too, Chai.)

And Brian Peck, and any and all other rapists, can burn alive in a grease fire. Val included.

https://youtu.be/I5gh8rAVLkI?si=B2eny2U4GZRgDZ7t

https://youtu.be/nSzk-MsVKqA?si=6D4rEihu89Yom7YG

Well said as always, Anon, and thank you for this.

Also, definitely seconding Brian Peck burning up in a grease fire.

[im-the-j-in-anthony-j-crowley]

I hope this is my last time talking about this topic, at least on this account, as it is definitely not part of what I planned this blog to be about

I'll try to keep it organised and clear

There will be mention of SA

Under no circumstances do I tell you to read all of this, but I leave you the different parts of what I wrote in case you are interested in reading a specific one:

My opinion on the podcast

My opinion on Neil Gaiman

My opinion on good omens (In this context)

The future of this blog

Relevant links

My opinion on the podcast

I listened to all four episodes of the podcast and my opinion did not change, I continue to support the victims. What I do have to mention is that I do consider the podcast to be heavily influenced, and I see reasons for the opinions that were expressed about it

I continually felt that Neil Gaiman's name was given more prominence than the accusations, especially when they started giving me a biography of Neil's life that I never understood what relevance it had.

I definitely felt that the presence of bdsm was taken as the reason for abuse, and at times I felt that more weight was given to the fact that the word "master" was used than to the actions that did point to abuse.

The podcast was set to horror music that made it a rather strange experience, and at certain points had silences that added a drama whose only effect was to make me wonder why they were trying to portray the situation in a way that seemed to me disrespectful to the subject.

At one point the podcast quoted someone who said that Neil Gaiman's actions could be explained by the fact that autistic people have difficulty understanding social cues.

Something that, as an autistic person, I definitely have to stop and say that no, a diagnosis of autism should not be considered a valid reason. I don't know how long Neil has been aware of his difficulty with social cues, but it's definitely something he should have taken into account when having relationships that included bdsm. From the insight I gained from those relationships, it was something that was extremely necessary. And evidently, I haven't mentioned that those relationships also required the norms that I thought were customary in bdsm. Like defining boundaries of what is and is not allowed, and that they are discussed preferably not while having sex.

I believe I read that Neil mentioned something regarding 50 shades of grey, which, please, I thought we were all aware that that book WAS NOT A GOOD REPRESENTATION OF WHAT GOOD CONDUCT IN BDSM IS

All this has been without mentioning the fact that, as I mentioned before, I am 100% against the age difference present in this relationships. And the clear power imbalance between the parties involved. There is no way I look at those relationships without concluding that both women were at an extreme disadvantage and in circumstances that made it very difficult to consent in a fully active way.

I don't think the subjectivity of the podcast is enough to accuse them of creating completely false stories, especially after having confirmation that these relationships did happen, from Neil Gaiman.

My opinion on Neil Gaiman

I want to preface this by saying that under no circumstances am I trying to say that you should come to the same conclusions I did, I'm simply sharing this because I've spent months on this blog and interacted heavily with Neil's posts.

It's been a couple of years since I've taken an interest in social issues and I've recently started to become active in discussions about it, so I feel it's something I should do.

However, I repeat, I am not the morality police. So I'm not interested in telling you what you should decide.

Now... what are we getting at?

I have currently stopped following Neil everywhere I remember following him, I plan to stop interacting with anything linked to his person, except for his works, where I feel I need to look at the situation in more detail and take other things into consideration.

I can give Neil the benefit of the doubt that he did believe things were different, especially given my view of how we function as humans, but the fact that I can acknowledge that perhaps at the time he believed he was doing the right thing does not justify the fact that he is now trying to resort to gaslighting to maintain his image.

A person may have made mistakes in believing he was doing the right thing, and I fully understand that. But even if you were unaware of the situation, you should be able to take responsibility for what happened without resorting to manipulative techniques.

What I'm saying, is that even if I give all events the benefit of the doubt, I continue to have problems with Neil Gaiman's behaviour.

And I implore that please, if you are going to interact with any of his work, or with his person, take this into account

My opinion on good omens

I know that good omens is not the relevant topic in the accusations, but this is a blog about good omens, and good omens is the reason I have something to do with this, so let's mention it anyway, because I want to address all sides of this and close the subject on this blog.

I don't consider good omens to have anything to do with Neil Gaiman's sexual activity, and so far, Gaiman hasn't used any of his work as a justification for his actions, so I don't consider the events to have a direct impact on the work. Especially when, at least in my 4 times watching the show, I never noticed anything I wished to criticise in it.

I do think that the monetary support for him that interacting with the show generates should be taken into account, especially in relation to the new season.

At the end of the post you can find a link to a petition to request that Neil is not present in the development of season 3.

The future of this blog

Finally we come to the one part that I haven't been able to decide, and that is.... What do I do with this blog, do I want to continue, do I want to stop?

The truth is that I don't know, I still consider that I need time to think about it, especially because every time I see a good omens post, I think about what happened. Which feels awful when good omens has been my special interest since November last year and has controlled almost my entire life.

I don't know what I'll decide next, but this will probably be on hiatus for a few more weeks. If I come to a decision, I'll let you know.

I love you, I hope you are well, and in case you want to follow me on a blog that is probably nothing like this one, I leave you my main blog, @voids-ideas where I will probably be active

Relevant links

Where you can find the podcasts episodes on drive

Petition to request Neil's removal from Good Omens season 3

My first reaction to the situation

[beardedmrbean]

Hey I was trying to find what ancestry which it comes to tribes most African Americans have and your mutual (I think helped) https://www.tumblr.com/theconstitutionisgayculture/693392069742542849

And I found out the Yoruba are the majority of North American African slaves ancestry. And they also the biggest tribe in Nigeria

Is it wrong I went “OOOOOOOOOOOOH” as I saw one Nigerian woman that look just like my late godmother and now I know why.

Just wondering despite the dna ancestry this isn’t taught to Africa Americans, especially it would help end the whole pan Africa thing

…Though Nigerians would have to deal with annoying ass black activists Americans, they probably going struggle some benin with some Dahomey ancestry for that.

But I found out the Mandinka tribe make up most of southern United state slavery ancestry. I mean like in New Orleans and even in Brazil. And tbh I know something was different about Louisianan blacks

Well at least we know why New Orleans Creoles are raging capitalists

It the Mansa Musa blood flowing in them.

You know with the whole new Princess and the frog theme ride. Disney made up new lore and they confirm Tiana open up her own company that still exist today. I kinda want to write a story where her descendants does a dna test and found out they have Mandinka ancestry hence their great great grandmother whole business idea…obviously it other reasons but still funny.

Not mutuals but @theconstitutionisgayculture are in the same circle

As for which group, it would be whichever ones were closest to the Dahomey and whoever else was picking people up and selling them since there were lots of them going on.

10 or so million people need several suppliers, even if only like 3-400,000 of them came to the US (people seem to forget that like >90% went to SA, not that that makes things better but spread the blame please) Mexico started late and just enslaved it's indigenous population, in what would be called a genocide today I think.

Dahomey is right there in the Benin spot where we got 16% it looks like SE Africa is news to me.

Not sure if the various DNA tests can pinpoint a particular group, maybe to the level of "Bantu" which is a incredibly broad spread of people so hopefully better than that.

You said Yourba

The Yoruba people are a West African ethnic group who mainly inhabit parts of Nigeria, Benin, and Togo.

That would fit for Dahomey at least, cuz Benin.

Here's the Mandinka, which that oddly enough jives with Django Unchained

Seeing a lot of Fula in there, that was the group that did the Fula jihads so forcibly converted to Islam, shipped to the Americas, or possibly castrated but absolutely sold to Arabic groups were their choices then.

Interesting.

This is mostly me just putting up what I'm seeing so far if you're confused it's ok so am I.

Well at least we know why New Orleans Creoles are raging capitalists It the Mansa Musa blood flowing in them.

New Orleans is a odd cross section of the US population, even way back when.

It was still racist AF, but the French connection created some odd population pockets,

Louis Armstrong with his Lithuanian Jewish neighbors who well.

In his memoir, Louis Armstrong + the Jewish Family in New Orleans, La., the Year of 1907, he described his discovery that this family was also subject to discrimination by "other white folks" who felt that they were better than Jews: "I was only seven years old but I could easily see the ungodly treatment that the white folks were handing the poor Jewish family whom I worked for."

Guy wore a Star of David always, in their honor they made a big difference for him, but I'm stopping there or I'll go into tangent land.

place is just strange, and the locals wouldn't have it any other way

You know with the whole new Princess and the frog theme ride. Disney made up new lore and they confirm Tiana open up her own company that still exist today. I kinda want to write a story where her descendants does a dna test and found out they have Mandinka ancestry hence their great great grandmother whole business idea…obviously it other reasons but still funny.

That could be fun, if you do it be sure and send it this way so I can read it, I may wind up totally confused but that's ok.

[blusical]

Re: Umich rumors.

Okay sorry that I have to do another PSA but I feel like this is something I need to address... again. TW for brief abuse mentions under the cut. If you don't feel like reading this, or if you don't have the stomach to read it, here's a TL;DR: There's rumors about UMICH being spread around, however most of it has come from a gossip blog, and nothing from an actually reliable source. Anything that comes from a gossip blog should be taken with a grain of salt.

Recently, there's been rumors that there's been hazing and sexual assault going on in UMICH (University of Michigan), particularly their hockey team. Now allegations like this are seriously, especially when there's players from UMICH playing in the NHL (ex. Luke Hughes). However, the only source of those rumors are from a gossip blog and anons on said gossip blog, which started the rumors. I have yet to see anything in the news about this, and because the primary source is an anon (combined with the posts being deleted as of this post), it's impossible to confirm if they are a student from the university itself or even one of the victims.

Now, I know hazing and sexual assault is always something to be taken seriously, especially with more stories coming about these sorts of things in sports (ex. Northwestern University). However, I do want people to keep one thing in mind; Gossip blogs are not reliable sources. Most of them are just that; gossip. And gossip is something that isn't always true. Another thing to keep in mind is that anons can be easily faked (Thanks, Tumblr), so anons are also not always reliable. This isn't to say that every anon is a fake, of course. However, anything that comes from a gossip blog should always be taken with a grain of salt. Also, most of us aren't detectives (not even me!), so it's impossible to determine if it's actually true or not. It's also pretty disgusting that a gossip blog is potentially starting lies about something as serious as SA, and I'm horrified that people are falling for it. Again, sexual assault is something that needs to be taken seriously, but gossip blogs are not good sources when it comes to something like that.

That said, keep this as a reminder to *please* check for sources before posting something or sharing something online, especially with situations like this!

[katatedge1]

!EVENT!

...Loading...

...Identifying...

...Confirmed...

!Captain on the bridge!

Welcome, Captain and Reader. How are you feeling? I've got a surprise for you...

There's a new event on the ship, hosted by none other than Captain Mashiro Herself!

Wanna know whats it about? You want to know of course..But you need to know the rules first. That's most important to have some fun, after all!

Here are the rules!:

-Only fem readers

-Can be a bit of smut, not full on smut tho. Something Lime.

-Please don't request anything SUPER WEIRD (Rape,SA etc)

Character rules:

- You will have a few of Honkai impact quotes that reader will say.

-Please include what abillity you want reader to have (not writing non-abillity user reader, it's really boring)

-Include a personality, can be like a character from another franchise.

-Face claim is optional.

Honkai impact 3rd Quotes:

1. - "I will fight for all that's beatiful in this world!"

2. - "If rescuing you is a sin, then I'll gladly become a sinner."

3. - "My beatiful ravishing *name of character*, Please accept this gift."

4. - "Sadly, I didn't have time to leave such letters to you, *name of character*"

5. - "Hmm, but I think companionship is the best form of love."

6. - "I will redefine this world for everyone!"

7. - "Misson almost Complete. I will deal the last blow."

8. - "*Name of character*... What on earth are you up to?"

9. - "Friend or Foe, Choose."

10. - "My wish is to bring this imperfect story closer to protection"

11. - "The hope of humanity is in your hands."

12. - "All's fair in war!"

13. - "The radiance has graced the whole land."

14. - "what starts with me, also ends with me."

15. - "I..have faith in you."

16. - "Dearest Audience, Welcome!"

17. - " *Name of character* said those who disappeared have become the stars protecting me."

18. - "Please accept this gift with a gratefull heart!"

19. - "Do you think you can escape?"

20. - "Die!"

21. - "*Name of character*, Be brave. Push on. You can still end this story the way you want."

22. - "Live, *name of character*"

23. - "This is my last lesson for you, *name of character*"

Characters Captain Mashiro will be writing about:

-Atsushi Nakajima

-Dazai Osamu

-Chuuya Nakahara

-Kouyou Ozaki

-Akiko Yosano

-Lucy Montgomery

-Fyodor Dostoyevsky

That's all Captain Mashirou wanted me to tell you ! Have fun and use your imagination!

-AI-Chan

Tags: @mykolyaa

[bookofmirth]

I think what the biggest issue is, is people's Interpretations of everything that Sarah wrote, which they call "forshadowing". This will make them scream "fanservice" and hate on the author because the author never intended on making this or that happen in the first place. I hear people always say "Oh this wouldn't make sense and Sarah could never do that"- but how would you know? It might not make sense to you because you see that in a whole different way, but it might make sense to the author. For example people say "Elucien could never happen simply because Elain hates Lucien", well that is what they interpret. That is what they think is true. What if Sarah thought "great tension makes their love story even better!" They act like they know Sarah personally just based of what she wrote. You just know the fall is going to hurt so much for them when they point at the color of Elain's dress or the color of Gwyn's stone and call it "forshadowing". Just like you said, the thing can't be forshadowing for something you want to happen, when that something didn't even happen. This all sound like this: "I forshadowed that I have passed the exam" but then when I see I failed it, I attack my teacher and call it unfair? Sarah does not strike me as someone who would do fan service. It's more than clear that she does whatever she wants to do and she has proven that. Someone else is running her IG account and she's barely on social media. If she ever does fan service, I think that because her editor thought it to be best. Sarah wrote a full chapter from Rhys's POV about him reacting to Aelin falling from the sky but her editor said no. I also believe she would only do fanservice when people are yelling of the way Sarah has treated serious terms like racism, SA etc. In her books. I heard from some that Sarah did fanservice once when she broke off the Moriel ship, because people where complaining about the lack of representation for the LBGTQ community. No one complained about Moriel, she or her editor was the one who thought "hmm maybe I/you should make someone gay/lesbian/bisexual so that there wouldn't be people planning to cancel me/you". People also forget that just years ago, when Sarah had a good time with her editor and the acotar series was coming to an end, she discussed her plans for the acotar series that was only made for fun- the plans include acosf, acotar 5, 6 and the novellas. The company literally said "yes" to all of it. That means that the ships and plots for acotar 5 and acotar 6 were already planned for years. I doupt that Sarah would change the whole plot and the ships, just to please a certain fandom. Not only would she have to change everything she planned for acotar 5, but also 6 and the novellas and then she would need approval of it, because I don't think Bloomsburry would just like the whole change. So if the thing that you so wished and were certain to happen didn't happen, the author isn't to blame for your false Interpretation. Yk.. let's say El/riel is confirmed, that does not mean all their theories will come true. What if Elain isn't becoming a spy or the high lady of the dusk court, will they yell "fanservice" and say crap like "This only didn't happen because Sarah feels bad for Gwynriels"?

Oh I would bet a whollllle lot of money that people will scream fanservice. A lot of money. Even people right now who are saying "but she doesn't do fanservice".

She's a pantser for sure, that's how we see these wild inconsistencies and retcons, but all of those changes come from whatever whim she has up her butt at the time - they don't come from what the readers want.

I wanted to highlight two things you said:

"Oh this wouldn't make sense and Sarah could never do that"- but how would you know? It might not make sense to you because you see that in a whole different way, but it might make sense to the author. [...] the author isn't to blame for your false Interpretation

100000% this. Reader interpretation and author intention are separate things. Often, we never find out what the author intended. But we shouldn't confuse the way that we read something with what she wanted us to understand from it. That's why sometimes I will say something like, "this is how I saw Nesta's journey, but I'm not sure if Sarah thought of it that way" (just as an example). Just because I see something there, doesn't mean that the author put it there. The only exception to this is clearly the words on the page - but any allusions, or connections, or symbolism, or extrapolation, much of our analysis, interpretation of meaning beyond the literal definition, understanding of connotations, that relies on the reader, and may or may not have been something that the author wanted to put in the story.

Which ultimately means that we shouldn't hold the author accountable when we decided to interpret something that they never intended to be there in the first place. People will, of course. That's why they will scream fanservice. Either that, or they will try to tear her apart from a craft perspective. But it's funny how people are saying that she never does fanservice while also trying their level best to influence the author.