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silhouetteofacedar · 4 years ago

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Fox Mulder, Closet Romantic Ch. 4: Man Pouts on Couch

Previous Chapter - AO3 - MSR, rated E

Mulder is not feeling lucky.

In hindsight, he should have suspected something was off today; Scully kept looking at her watch.

It’s Friday, March 13th, and he thought it’d be cute to invite Scully out for a drink again, make a little joke about it becoming a Friday the 13th tradition. This could work, he thinks. His plan is simple; ask her out every once in a while, for some reason or another, with the intention of eventually coming clean and setting up a proper date.

At five o’clock he stands up and stretches with performative nonchalance. “Buy you a drink, Scully?” he asks, cocking his head towards the calendar pinned to the office wall, surrounded by newspaper clippings and grainy photos.

She pauses with her arm halfway into the sleeve of her coat. “I…” She falters and presses her lips together, looking suddenly guilty.

“What is it?” he asks quietly, a pit growing in his stomach.

“I’d love to, Mulder, but I actually have a date tonight.”

The earth stops spinning and Mulder is thrown off balance, hurtling through the atmosphere.

“Oh,” he says softly. “That doctor guy?”

Scully nods, not meeting his gaze. “His name is Mark,” she says. “We’re getting sushi.” She looks up at him then, big blue eyes soft. “A rain check?” she asks hopefully.

She owns him; one look like that and he’d sell his soul to buy her a cup of shitty coffee. “Sure. Another time, then,” Mulder says, gathering up every scrap of composure he has left, patching together a smile for her. “Have fun.”

He goes home and throws himself face down onto the couch.

She has a date. A real date, with a presumably mentally stable human man with a high-value job. And a daughter. A ready-made family, just add water and stir. This Mark guy probably calls her Dana, asks her how her mother’s doing, feeds her bits of sashimi with no threat of aliens or shadow governments in sight. Maybe he’ll kiss her at the end of the night, softly with closed lips like a gentleman.

What stings the most is the fact that this Doctor Mark had the balls to tell Scully outright that he’s interested in her romantically, something Mulder has yet to do.

Mulder knows he should eat, but his stomach is churning and the idea of food sickens him. He’s being dramatic and irrational; it’s just one date. But the implications are weighty, the potential enormous.

He feels bad for being upset. This is good for her; she needs to get out of the basement, connect with other rational people, find some normalcy and balance in her life.

You need those things too, he hears her say in his head.

He brushes it aside. It’s different for him; he created this life for himself. He’s a collapsed star, a black hole of conspiracy and paranoia that sucks in everything that gets too close. The last thing he wants is for her to get lost in his darkness, swallowed by the void like some interstellar debris.

She’d told him that night in Rock Creek Park that she does’t blame him for what’s happened to her, but that doesn’t assuage his guilt. He carries the weight of what she calls her choices, a load she has no intention of sharing with him, awaiting no acknowledgement or thanks.

He’s doing it to himself.

Mulder whiles away the hours on the couch, gazing up at the constellations of pencil marks on his ceiling, tossing his basketball above his head. He drops it on his face twice.

He knows it’s probably only going to make him feel worse, but he’s a glutton for punishment; so at eleven-thirty that night he picks up the phone and calls Scully.

He waits for her to answer, his heart sinking lower with each ring. She’s not picking up. Is she still out? he thinks anxiously. The guy has a kid, so it’s unlikely that they’d stay out too late unless he’s arranged it with his babysitter…

“Hello?” Scully’s slightly husky voice cuts through his thoughts.

“Scully,” he says, tentative relief creeping into his body.

“Mulder, what is it?” she asks. “It’s late. For normal people, anyway. Are you alright?”

“‘M’ fine,” he assures he. “Just couldn’t sleep.”

He hears her hum in understanding. Late night phone calls between them aren’t uncommon, after all. “Have you tried counting sheep?” she asks, not unkindly. “Or slowing your breathing down, focusing on the cadence of inhales and exhales like I showed you?”

He’s wide awake, sitting upright on his couch, still in the slacks and wrinkled button-down he wore to the office that day. “Yes,” he lies. “It’s not helping. There’s too much going on in my head right now.”

“You work too much,” she says gently. “And yet not enough, when deadlines are involved. We’ve got an impressive paperwork backlog-”

“Can we not talk about work right now?” He reaches down and unties his shoes. “Otherwise I’ll never get to sleep.”

“Right.” There’s rustling on her end. She’s in bed, he realizes.

“Did I wake you, Scully?” he asks, trying to hide his surprise.

“It’s fine, Mulder, I was only dozing,” she replies.

“Oh, how was the date?” he asks, as though it only just occurred to him, instead of being the only thing he’s thought about all night.

“It was nice,” she responds, and he drops his head onto the back of the couch in defeat. Shit. Shit shit shit shit-

“We talked about medicine, about cancer, loss. His daughter’s name is Amanda,” she continues. “Her mother - his wife - died when Mandy was only two, so he’s mostly raised her alone.”

“That’s rough,” Mulder says softly. Please don’t make me feel bad for this guy, Scully, I can’t bear it, he thinks.

“Mhm,” she agrees. “And his work at the hospital is pretty grueling, so his mother helps out a lot. I… I told him about Emily.”

“How’d that go?” Mulder asks, concerned. “It’s not the most… plausible-sounding story.”

“I was vague,” she replies. “All I really said was that I had recently reconnected with a child I’d been separated from, right before she died. He didn’t ask for details; he could probably tell it was a fresh wound.”

They’re silent for a moment.

“Do you think you’ll see him again?” Mulder asks quietly. Somehow he already knows what she’s going to say, and he braces himself for the sting of her words as they pierce his heart.

“I… I think I will,” Scully says, sounding distant. “I mean, it’s worth a shot, right?”

She deserves this. She deserves a chance at something ordinary, safe, comfortable.

“Maggie Scully didn’t raise a quitter,” he says with a watery smile she’ll never see.

She chuckles. “No, I suppose she didn’t,” Scully muses. He hears her yawn. “I’m tired out, Mulder. Think you can sleep now?”

“I’ll try,” he says. He’s surprised to feel his eyes beginning to burn with unshed tears. “Thanks for talking to me,” he adds.

“Anytime. Sleep well,” she says warmly, and the line goes dead.

He supposes he brought this on himself by keeping his feelings hidden. He waited too long, playing it safe. He wanted to gauge her feelings before he made any overt moves, and someone else beat him to it.

It’s just one date. But there’s going to be more. By the sound of it, she wants there to be more.

There’s no way he’s going to sleep well tonight.

He’s in a sour mood when he’s summoned to the Gunmen’s… den? lair? headquarters? the next afternoon, by way of one of their patented cryptic phone calls.

Byers unfastens the dozen locks on the door and lets him inside. “Mulder,” he says, ushering him in. “Good to see you.”

Mulder flops down in a rickety desk chair, exhaustion permeating his muscles. “I’m not up for being social today, boys,” he warns. “You said you had information for me?”

“We took the liberty of looking into Agent Scully’s new… uh, friend,” Byers says.

“For safety reason,” Langly adds, seeing Mulder’s lips purse.

“She’s precious cargo,” Frohike says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“How did you find him?” Mulder asks. “I didn’t even know his first name until yesterday.”

“Don’t insult us with your surprise,” Frohike mutters. “We’re experts.”

“We knew he’s a part of the parish Scully attends-“ Byers begins.

“And we knew he’s an ER doc, has a 6 year old daughter, and a dead wife,” Langly cuts in. “That’s plenty to go on.”

“I don’t need to know more than that,” Mulder says, suddenly feeling guilty. “It’s not my business.”

“Maybe not, but we have the info,” Frohike says. “Look, all you need to know is that he seems legit. Name’s Einolander, if you were curious.”

“I wasn’t,” Mulder lies, taking a sunflower seed out of his pocket and biting it pensively.

“Of course not,” Byers says, sounding completely unconvinced.

“You alright, Mulder?” Langly asks. “You look rough.”

“Of course he does,” Frohike hisses in the least subtle whisper of all time. “Scully’s dating someone that’s not him. Cut the guy some slack.”

“You guys don’t know shit,” Mulder grumbles, then backtracks, running his hands over his face. “I’m sorry. I, uh... didn’t sleep well.”

“It’s okay, man,” Langly says.

Frohike nods sagely. ”We know how you feel about her. This can’t be easy for you.”

Mulder wilts in his chair. “How did you know?” he asks pathetically, realizing the jig is up. Has he really been so obvious this whole time? Fucking hell.

“Look, knowing things is our business,” Byers explains. “And we know you. We’ve been around the block with you a few times, and nobody’s meant this much to you. Not even Diana.”

“Plus, Agent Scully is a smokeshow, and you have eyes,” Frohike adds. Byers gives him a jab with his elbow. “Hey, I stand by that,” he declares, rubbing his arm.

“Well thanks anyway, fellas,” Mulder says, standing. “I should get going. The walls in my apartment won’t stare at themselves.”

“Do you want the file we put together on the guy?” Byers asks. “We can make copies.”

Mulder shakes his head. “Keep it. Draw a mustache on his photo or something.” He picks up his coat and slings it over his shoulder. “You kids have fun.”

“If you need anything, just flag us down,” Frohike says, patting Mulder’s back before unlatching the door.

Mulder steps out the door, then turns back. “How old is this guy?”

“Forty-one,” Byers says, flipping through the file. “Five-foot-ten, dark blond hair, brown eyes. Blood type-”

Mulder holds up a hand. “I don’t want to know. Bye, guys.”

He gets a petty, juvenile satisfaction from the fact that he’s two inches taller and four years younger than Dr. Einolander. It’s short-lived, but at this point he’ll take what he can get.

Because he can’t get Scully.

#my fic #txf fic #msr #xfiles #fox mulder closet romantic #fmcr #OH SHIT YALL THE ANGST TRAIN IS PULLING INTO THE STATION #had to do it to em

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serenheist · 4 years ago

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What Jennie is like in a relationship/ Relationship with G-Dragon Tarot reading

I know the anon asked for just a love life reading on Jennie but I’m extra and did everything lmao

What is the true nature of Jennie’s relationship with gdragon? Gloominous doom reversed 56, ace of swords, the hanged man reversed, lady of masks, triumph of lies, the glanconer 62 reversed

Oh god lmao. I don’t know why but I get the feeling this “relationship” is just for GD to be back on good terms with the korean general public. He got flack for smoking weed before, seungri shit, abandoning his dog, dating kiko etc etc. I really feel like him dating Jennie is just so the public has a better opinion of him when he decides to have a comeback lmao. Anyway the true nature of this relationship is literally someone full of extreme self pity had an idea to do this because it will make them look better and vice versa. But now there’s a feeling of being trapped. I really think this is an orchestrated relationship that was rushed and not based on actual love but for a specific purpose. But I do think it’s legit in the sense that it’s not that they’re not dating at all. But since Yg didn’t deny anything we can tell it’s “real”. Yg always denies if it’s definitely not a real relationship and always stays vague when it’s real. It’s made to look real for the public to get them talking but the core itself isn’t real. Basically pr shit. idc even if they got married none of this is real lmao.

I pulled 2 more cards from 2 different decks for extra clarification and I got the lady of masks and triumph of lies. You can’t make this up lol. “She reshapes the physical appearance of the souls who seek her out but this change is pure vanity, changing nothing of who they are at the core” it basically reflects who you want to be. This relationship is to make both parties look better lol. I feel that this is also a double meaning geared towards Jennie only because later cards in this reading continuously mention her wearing a mask. Triumph of lies is about keeping up appearances. This relationship is about living up to the expectations that society wants from you. I feel like it’s not just what people in the company want but also could be friends and family who put pressure on making this relationship happen for both. I can really see that since GD has a past of dating mostly models and the public has always been negative about everyone he’s dated except Jennie since she has a better reputation and for her this relationship can boost her status even more dating the king of kpop and being a power couple. I pulled a last card just to ask why you would need to fake a whole relationship even though we already know at this point and it’s redundant but I wanted to see how many times I can get cards saying the same shit. The glanconer 62 reversed: basically AGAIN someone is pretending to be other than they really are. I think both of them even believe in their own lie at this point and idk there’s a level of thinking you’re better than others so it’s okay to fool them anyway. Whatever makes you look good.

Who is Jennie in this/ her shadow aspect: obsession 3, gd: today for tomorrow 32

Since the beginning cards were pretty negative I wanted to dive deeper into Jennie and GD’s shadow aspects. And just use these cards to differentiate between them. GD is today for tomorrow and for Jennie I got obsession. The biggest shadow aspect to Jennie is that she feels as if she needs something whether that be a person, an idea, an object etc to give meaning to her life. She can also become really fixated on things to the point where that is the entire focal point of her life. It numbs her attention to other things.

How does Jennie feel about gd and how does he feel about her? Solus 13, the high priestess, the hierophant, gd: the guardian at the gate 3, queen of wands reversed, the fool

Jennie: Jennie feels that GD is someone who when you don’t know who to turn to or what to do, he is the person who can help you out. He encourages you stand on your own feet and utilize your own wisdom. But he also recognizes that you can’t do everything on your own so he helps you make the right connections with the right people and basically like a mentor position. I feel like they both almost see this connection as something “divine” at least in the beginning they could’ve convinced themselves this was this big divine intervention. But the reality started to set in and Jennie saw a different side of someone who has lost touch and went from being someone to look up to to becoming more “corrupted”. He no longer practices what he preaches, there’s lies mixed in with truth and the lines between right and wrong became more blurred. He does what he can to stay in power.

GD: He feels that Jennie is a new opportunity for a huge change. She’ll help provide an opportunity for him to make a big shift in his life. But at the same time he feels like she’s guarding herself and not being authentic with him. “Wearing masks that do not fit you”. I think he’s seen her change moods often from not figuring out how to release her passion and creativity in a healthy way and become more jealous and wanting to tear down others when she’s feeling down. Cause the queen of wands would be stepping in your power not hiding behind anything and appearing exactly how you are. Reversed it can bring out bring dramatic and feeling out of control of your own life and lack of enthusiasm. I think he’s seen her lose her passion for even being in the industry itself. I think that’s he’s wanting to take a leap of faith into something new I don’t know if he would want to stay in this “relationship” but I’m seeing it more of him going off on his own and stop worrying about the fear of the unknown. Honestly both seem like a hot mess for each other there’s a lot of work they gotta do on themselves separately because this whole connection is weird and toxic.

How long does it take her to get into a relationship? Does she prefer long or short term relationships? Princess of pentacles, 3 of swords, queen of swords 5 of wands reversed, 2 of wands, temperance reversed

She’s always been observant and was careful before in the beginning of relationships but no amount of carefulness can’t prevent heartbreak. It kind of hardened her and she learned how to play the game so to speak. The fact that the queen of swords is holding a severed head tells you all you need to know what happens if you break her heart. She seems burnout with relationships but at the same time can’t stop herself from not being in one because then you’ll be alone with your demons. I think she does prefer long term relationships but Jennie seems to go from one extreme to another. She plans for the long term but she also can’t control her emotions because they’re so intense. She’ll sabotage it and rush into a relationship with someone because she’s already planning this whole future and the other person is like “uhhh we just met..?” I think she builds up a fantasy in her head and gets carried away at times. And that’s where a lot of conflict and arguments arise and the cycle continues.

Past and present relationships. past: firgun 10 magick of you oracle, 2 of pentacles, Present: Euphoria 9, 5 of cups

I hate this word but I feel like in her past relationships she felt like the person she was with was her “twin flame”. This person was her mirror basically, every little thing she was and did was mirrored back to her. It was about learning how to heal the anger and hurt and learn to be happy for others success. But the relationship itself was a constant act of balancing career and love and all the ups and downs. It seems like even in her present love life she is still lingering over past relationships and now hides her actual feelings. There’s a lot of mask imagery in this whole reading. And not seeing everything you already have but being consumed with the thoughts of what went wrong or why it isn’t this way. And no longer sharing your true self fully. Instead there’s an element of not her not taking care of herself physically. Sharing herself intimately with people who treat her like garbage, poor eating, dragging yourself through workouts, excess of toxic substances; these are examples.

What is she like in a relationship? Eternal servitor, 10 of pentacles reversed, the lady of the harvest 18 reversed, the singer of intuition 7

This imagery of a person with no face and a whole in its chest really stands out to me again. It seems that when Jennie is in a relationship she still hides her true self and is constantly on a never ending search to fill something in herself that she feels is lacking. I think she uses money, clothing, love itself as a way to distract herself from this emptiness she feels inside and each time she wants more and more. Like she has to upgrade to the next biggest thing and it traps her in an infinite loop of never being satisfied. Idk but I guess it’s her wanting the world to see her importance; if she has these things then she is now worthy and it gives her a feeling of purpose. It’s not just the pressure of herself needing the best “thing” but a loooot of pressure from family and others to find a “suitable” partner. They need to come from the right background, make this amount of money, etc so her family can show off how wonderful this partner is and how amazing Jennie is doing. Even the next card “the lady of the harvest” reversed speaks of this again. It’s crazy how almost all of the cards are just saying the same thing. It’s about staying in denial and refusing to accept a loss and cling onto pain instead. Jennie is the type of person who thinks “if I can’t have it, no one will”. When she sees something she wants and can’t get it she will go into destruction mode because she feels that it’s the only solution. She’s not a forgive and forget person. A line in this guidebook really stands out to me “if you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, hunt it down and kill it.” Pretty much sums up her mentality. Even if she enters a new relationship her mind is consumed by the past and the present relationship is only to save face and show off the image she tries to create to please literally everyone except herself. I think she’s very perceptive and can know someone who she’s with inside and out. She’s also very aware of the image she needs to uphold. There’s pretty much nothing you can hide from her because her intuition is so strong.

What is her "type"? the piper 24, 8 of wands reversed, Ta’Om the poet 29, Arthur

Let’s get the obvious out of the way: she likes musicians. Also the fact that this is legit the only faerie in this 66 card deck playing an instrument so what are the odds. She appreciates someone who pays attention to the subtle expressions of feelings and ideas and can see into her soul basically. It’s communication without words and that makes music that can heal your sorrows and pains. Someone that listens to not just surface level words but to the deeper meaning that can only be heard with your heart. Seductive, someone who looks serious but is actually mischievous and fun.

He encourages you to unfold your wings and fly, do the things you’re afraid to do, stop being silent and speak up, have a youthful spirit and do the thing you’ve been putting off for so long. He has a lust for life, adventure, an excellent storyteller and writing skills and a huge imagination. He has the power to inspire action with just his words. He sees things as they really are and sees beauty in all things even in the darkness and difficulty of life. He doesn’t take life so seriously though he knows how to laugh at himself and knows how silly it is to be sad over hardships in life. He doesn’t care for society’s expectations he’s a free spirit. But at the same time he slows down and knows how to enjoy the journey and not rush by the seat of his pants. He’s someone that’ll stand the test of time and be by her side through thick and thin.

What is her love language? Myk the myomancer 42, the oak men 47, 10 of wands

Idk if this really fits into any of the “official”love languages but her love language is someone seeing the small details, seeing meaning in the little things. So maybe little gifts even that don’t have to be huge but just shows that you’ve paid attention to what she likes as long as it has meaning and is well thought out. When you can’t see the finish line and it looks like it’s impossible to keep going that person is there to have your back. Also someone that sees her for who she truly is in her heart and can look past the superficial hard exterior cause I’m pretty sure it’s just a defense mechanism mixed with the environment she grew up and past relationships and she’s not actually the Antichrist contrary to how negative this reading may seem.

Probably typos but whateves

#kpop tarot #blackpink tarot #blackpink jennie #kpop readings #kpop predictions #kpop #jennie kim #g dragon #free tarot #free tarot readings #kpop tarot reading #blackpink #tarot reading #tarot love #blackpink astrology #tarot cards #oracle cards #kpop astrology #blackpink tarot reading

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murder-raven13 · 4 years ago

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My Haikyuu Ships pt. 1

A/N: I figured out the keep reading thing!!! Just took a month

This is a list of my Haikyuu ships. I’ll add an explanation for some if I have one. There is no rhyme or reason to the order of this list.

Warning(s): cursing, minor spoilers (manga & anime), not proofread, loooooong

Word Count: 1,786

Part 2 Part 3

Hinata x Kageyama

Kageyama struggles with communication and understanding others. Hinata, on the other hand, overcommunicates and has a knack for understanding people, even if he doesn’t realize that he does. Plus, Kageyama has struggled to find connections with people because of his zeal for volleyball. This on top of his trouble with communication made it hard for him to make friends. But Hinata matches Kageyama in his zeal and covers Kageyama’s communication weakness well, all while Kageyama gives Hinata a proper volleyball outlet and pushes him to constantly strive to be his best, so I think they’re neat together.

Hinata x Kenma

Again, Kenma is someone that’s not the best at communication, with a little dose of social anxiety on the side. He’s a lot softer than Kageyama and struggles with communication because he thinks too much (which is the opposite of Kageyama lol). Hinata makes him feel comfortable enough that he can communicate without overthinking himself into a hole. And Kenma, for Hinata, gives him a way to talk and an honest opinion when he needs it.

Atsumu x Suna

I will take not shit for ship. They are so cute together. During the match Inarizaki played against Karasuno, Atsumu and Suna bantered and, during the flashbacks, Suna and Atsumu were shown to have a pretty good relationship. Plus, Suna is a pretty laid back person and Atsumu is obviously the kind of person that would overwork himself to death or push forward without thinking of the consequences. Suna is a brutally honest person, but I feel like he struggles a bit with moving forward because it’s hard for him to feel motivated. So, Suna can keep Atsumu from going too far and Atsumu can help motivate Suna to move forward when he doesn’t feel like he can.

Kageyama x Tsukishima [as adults]

Honestly, I don’t even have a good reason for this. They would be dysfunctional because they suck at feelings. Tsukishima never actually says what he means because he’s high key scared of being vulnerable. And Kageyama sucks at communication (but, after Suga’s advice, he takes a much more direct approach to handling Tsukishima, which I feel is what Tsukishima would need in a relationship) and he also sucks at reading body language (particularly Tsukishima’s) which I feel would be something he would need to be with Tsukishima. But Tsukishima would force Kageyama to begin to think more critically in order to keep up with him and Kageyama would force Tsukishima to be more forthcoming with his emotions, even if just because Tsukishima would have to up his passion levels to keep up with Kageyama. So, if they could figure it out, I think they would be a very good couple. If they didn’t though, I feel they would be lowkey toxic.

Daichi x Suga

Can you watch Haikyuu and not ship these two??? Daichi is very calm, collected, and stable. And that’s a good balance with Suga, who’s an instigator, a meddler, and a worrier. They both care a lot and their very attentive, but they’re opposites in that Suga is a chaotic little monster with an angel face. So they would be a good balance when it came to a relationship. Plus, they would be the sappiest motherfuckers alive together, so, they’re kind of like a comfort, fluff ship.

Nishinoya x Asahi

This another one where I ship because they are opposites. Noya is extremely brazen and confident. Asahi is extremely the exact opposite; he’s shy and awkward and self-conscious. Noya, in canon, gets onto Asahi for being self-degrading and hypes him up when he feels Asahi needs it. And Asahi is someone Noya looks up to because he’s strong, even though he struggles, and someone he wants to see succeed. Asahi forces Noya to calm down and allows him to actually feel afraid. One of the reasons Noya understands Asahi so much is because he struggled with being scared when he was younger. So, I feel like Asahi can feel comfortable with Noya because he knows that Noya understands and, at the same time, knows that Noya managed to overcome his fear, which is probably really comforting. Overall, they’re fucking cute and I c a n n o t

Hinata x Tsukishima

They would be so cute, please. Tsukishima is so mean because he’s a big baby and Hinata straight up does not care. It’s also canon [from during the practice match with Seijoh] that Hinata doesn’t like seeing Tsukishima picked on or struggling [he legit offered himself in Tsukki’s place]. Hinata is a big ball of bright emotion and energy where Tsukishima is more clam and reserved, but Hinata has the ability to draw real emotion out of Tsukishima. They’re another two that would balance well. They’re relationship would be a lot of teasing and mocking, though [they have about 3 million inside jokes and Tsukishima revels in leaving people confused with them].

Kiyoko x Tanaka

Please, this man proposed the first time he saw her. And he legit stayed dedicated, but never overstepped Kiyoko’s boundaries. He never harassed her or did anything to make her feel uncomfortable. And Kiyoko was never mean to Tanaka, even when she rejected or ignored him. They had a stable relationship because Tanaka’s a goddamn gentlemen [can you tell I simp for this man?] and Kiyoko knows it. She fell in love with him over time because of how respectful and thoughtful Tanaka was. Plus, she’s seen firsthand, for years, the dedication and passion in Tanaka’s character, which is a good contrast to her colder, calmer personality. She gives Tanaka stability and Tanaka gives her passion and comfortability. The fact that this ship is canon gives me life.

Nishinoya and Tanaka

The level of chaos in this ship, oml. Two disasters. Absolute mess all the time. They love each other so much and they’re both like walking hype-men. Literally no insecurities in this relationship. They are the two most dedicated boys in existence. And they like to have fun, so they’re constantly challenging each other, which keeps their relationship fun and growing; it never really settles, no matter how long they’ve been together because they’re always finding something new to love about the other. They would go on adventures together. So cute.

Kuroo x Kenma

They’re childhood friends. It is law. Kuroo is so smart and so serious and so caring. He makes sure that Kenma isn’t neglecting himself for his games. And he made sure that Kenma got involved with the team so that he would have friends when Kuroo was gone. And Kenma lets Kuroo delve into his passions and gives him a safe place to relax and be goofy. Kenma is so aloof, but also really caring as well and he’s always paying attention, so he would know immediately when Kuroo was pushing himself too far and needed to let off steam [y’all remember that scene where he asked Kuroo if he wanted to level up (go play volleyball) after they lost a game because he couldn’t just sit and game knowing that Kuroo was upset over the loss? yeah that shit]. And Kuroo gives Kenma somewhere safe and secure where he can be himself without worrying about anything else.

Kuroo x Tsukishima

This is one of my favorite ships. They’re both ridiculously smart, so the conversations and witty sass between these two is literal gold-tier shit. Tsukishima never lets himself be goofy and I feel like, the longer that went on, the more it would wear on him mentally. Kuroo, on the other hand, knows the important of not being serious all the time. So, he would bring Tsukishima out of his shell and give him a safe space to be a dorky as he wanted. And Kuroo could talk all the Chemistry and science he wanted and Tsukishima would be able to keep up with him. They would constantly be challenging each other intellectually and they would know so much random shit because of it. Definitely the couple that has trivia date nights just to see who’s smarter. They would be such a well-rounded couple because they would balance and push each not just intellectually, but in every aspect of their lives. I can see them being the couple where one has an exam and the other just brings them coffee or tea, gently mocking and praising them until they can find it in themselves to study and get everything done. The one that doesn’t have the exam or big project at work would do the house chores, quietly, though, so the other could focus on what they needed to do. They would know just when the other needed space and when they needed a distraction or comfort. They just...would know each other so well and I-

Bokuto x Akaashi

[Did you think I wasn’t going to do this one?] Bokuto and Akaashi are both passionate and dedicated. Akaashi is a lot more emotionally stable, but he’s also an extreme overthinker. Man overthinks everything. Bokuto, on the other hand, is an under thinker that functions almost purely on his emotions. So, overthinker + under thinker = the perfect amount of thinking. That combined with the fact that Akaashi is emotionally intelligent, but not emotionally expressive means that Bokuto, who is emotionally intelligent and extremely expressive, can help maintain the right amount of communication in their relationship.

Iwaizumi x Oikawa

I wasn’t kidding when I said this was law for childhood friends. I meant that shit. Oikawa is manipulative, calculating, and extremely driven. But he has no concept of his own limitations or elects to ignore them because he wants to improve. Oikawa is really insecure, too, because he’s constantly trying so hard, pushing himself further than he can go, and it’s still never been enough to make him the best. Because of his fangirls and his desire to be the best, Oikawa is constantly making himself seem perfect, which means hiding parts of his personality at times. And he’s the type of person that has control over his emotions because he’s pretty methodical when it comes to his goals; he’s willing to literally do whatever it takes to succeed at what he wants. Iwaizumi, on the other hand, has known him long enough that Oikawa can literally not be perfect with him. Oikawa has to be real around Iwaizumi, who knows and acknowledges his true personality in its entirety, even going as far as to point out Oikawa’s flaws constantly, to remind Oikawa that he knows him and stays anyway. They make damn good outlets for each other and they know each better than anyone else, which means that they are, quite literally, each other’s safe space.

I have more ships, of course, but this post is already long as shit, so I’ll post those in a part 2

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mihrunnisasultans · 4 years ago

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Not the spanish princess making me, an Irish history nerd who dislikes henry Viii, pity henry viii 👁️👄👁️

Frost can always do the unbelievable, right? Like I’m sure that in that time period Henry still cared about his appearance to create positive image on the ladies and whole kingdom, not that of a dishevelled lunatic that is incapable of doing anything than having sex and throwing fits actually.

However, I don’t feel sorry (and I can bet neither you Anon) when he keeps crying and complaining how CoA the wanton whore cast him in Hell and made him a sinner. Frost legit made him believe in what he said because he’d lost his mind and I’m here sitting like what does she want to achieve by that? Maybe not to make him sympathetic, but IDK preserve her “grand love story” - Henry loved Catherine, but then he lost his mind after Francis beat him up & I suppose also Wolsey made use of poor Henry for his schemes (replace beating up with joust and Wolsey with Cromwell and we get a too-well-known narrative spread in some circles. Henry was okay until he got hit in the head and targeted Anne).

EF did not even make him hot and made him absolutely unshippable and yet some people still ship Anne x Henry in TSP when we see him clearly abusing his wife both physically and mentally at the same time? And what if she lied, Henry lied too about having slept with Juana, and CoA was actually informed by her father about this and warned about marrying this man based on that. Catherine simply decided that Juana was lying on purpose to destroy her life. It’s weird how this lie was not mentioned again, of course not by Henry because he’s a self-righteous hypocrite, but by CoA herself, or reminded in any flashback? And NGL even this Anne does not look happy to me to be told by her Dad to court this pig, she has to smile and laugh in front of him, but I don’t see her happy at the prospect at all... There is this idea here that Thomas Boleyn is doing everything to keep his family safe precisely because he knows about Henry’s “humours” and it’s not only ambition, but also fear that makes them want to be in the king’s favour. Same with Maggie. He is so visibly crazy everyone just ass kisses him out of fear. It’s... actually really sad? Like I can’t comprehend how people can ship it, especially in TSP, sorry.

Despite Frost’s boyfriend’s comments how “witch” Anne destroyed CoA’s happiness with Henry, there was nothing of this in the show because it was clear all the marital mess had nothing to do with Anne. He turned vile before becoming interested in Anne and yet people still want this gross man, who treats his wife so abominably, for their fave??? I feel sorry for her because she clearly feels obligated to please this asshole for her family’s sake, and if anything we should have all prayed CoA actually killed him in this crazy show when she got the chance and did herself and Anne a favour lol.

CoA was also Henry VIII’s victim and some people (who mostly care about their ship, not fans of AB in general) gloss over the fact that this man dragged through the mud a woman who was a good queen and wife for so many years, conspired behind her back with Great Matter, made a huge drama around her virginity, divulged private information about her and his brother’s private (intimate) lives, humiliated her multiple times, spread rumours about her being “diseased” and being of doubtful reputation etc. etc. and only wake up when he begins to use similar tactics to the other half of their ship (and yes it ended differenly simply because he could not just execute a woman with such powerful connections in Europe). But he got hit in the head and evil Cromwell appeared, I forgot. Poor Henry truly believed in his accusations against Anne and suffered until the end of his days 😭 😭 😭.

IDK some people behave like he just came and politely asked her for a divorce so that he might sire a son with another woman and she simply refused him out of sheer spite because she didn’t want him happy with another. And I won’t even mention people who apparently believe falling out of love with your spouse was enough for divorce in 16th century and I’ve seen takes based on that as well.

And sorry, but I do believe he was well aware of CoA’s virginity or lack thereof when they married and it simply never bothered him until he decided to use this to make himself 100% right and the wronged party in divorce proceedings. He was historically sly enough to do so, unlike his show counterpart. The dispensation definitely covered for such possibility and the English were the party that wanted to have that assurance:

Both sides agreed that a papal dispensation was needed. The couple had become, at least in theory, related in the first degree of affinity when Catherine married Arthur. The issue of Catherine’s sex life raised its head again for, if she had stayed a virgin, there was no real affinity. The marriage treaty explicitly states that a dispensation was required because ‘her marriage to Prince Arthur was solemnised according to the rites of the Catholic Church and afterwards consummated’. Two months later, however, Ferdinand was telling his ambassador at the Vatican, who had orders to seek the dispensation, that it was all a lie. ‘The truth is that the marriage was not consummated and that the princess our daughter remained as whole as she was before she married,’ he wrote. ‘Even though this is true and known to be so where she is, the mad English ... [believe] that the dispensation should say that the marriage was consummated.’ This, he explained with startling prescience, was ‘in order to get rid of any future doubt over the [rights of] succession of the children that, God willing, will be born of this new matrimony’. The English, he meant, wanted the pope to state clearly he had taken into account the idea of consummation with Arthur when giving Catherine a dispensation to marry and have legitimate children with Henry. Popes in the sixteenth century were, however, smooth political operators. Julius II knew how to hedge his bets. The dispensation he eventually sent to England stated that the marriage had ‘perhaps’ been consummated. That single word meant the matter would be argued over for centuries.

Taken from: Giles Tremlett, Catherine of Aragon: Henry’s Spanish Queen

Moreover Isabella of Castile asked to make the case even clearer:

Henry and his council, meanwhile, became increasingly obsessed by the brief – a copy of which had already been presented in Rome. Henry’s representative there, Gregorio Casale, confirmed that it seemed to close any loopholes left by the original bull. It widened the reasons Julius gave for allowing her to marry Henry, adding to the primary cause of fostering peace the words ‘certain other reasons’. As these last reasons were not explicit, they were impossible to argue against – even if, confusingly, the document also stated that she and Arthur had consummated their marriage.

Taken from: Giles Tremlett, Catherine of Aragon: Henry’s Spanish Queen

Even if we assume Henry wanted to contest the validity of actual papal dispensation & papal authority and just stick to Scripture literally:

In both cases, after all, ‘carnal knowledge’ existed. Henry was also worried. In this respect extramarital sex was, indeed, legally considered as important as marriage itself. It meant that Anne was related to Henry ‘by affinity’. Henry’s ambassadors in Rome, then, were given a double task. Not only did he want his and Catherine’s marriage annulled, he also needed to clear the way for her rival. That would require a papal dispensation allowing him to marry Anne, despite his previous sexual relationship with her sister. The dispensation, it was suggested, should allow him to marry a woman who might ‘be related ... in the first degree of affinity, arising from whatever licit or illicit intercourse’. The double standard was remarkable. On the one hand the pope was being told it had been wrong for Catherine to win a dispensation to marry her former husband’s brother. On the other hand, he was being asked to write a dispensation for Henry to marry his former lover’s sister.

Taken from: Giles Tremlett, Catherine of Aragon: Henry’s Spanish Queen

#Anonymous #haha sorry Anon I just got some issues off my chest later #I know what you meant :)#the spanish princess #tsp #tsp spoilers #catheriine of aragon #henry VIII

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slightlymore · 5 years ago

Text

Pride | Part 7

Pairing: Doyoung, Y/N, new character, Johnny cameo Genre: Series | Smut | Angst | Crack | Fluff Warnings: as usual, language, little hand cut, same issues around mental health and unhealthy coping mechanisms, angsty, smutty scenario Words: 5.8K

Just one part to go peeps, Part 8 is going to be the last whoop whoop (I can create conflict and drama every chapter but after a while it’s kinda boring, so let’s end it soon lmao)

The rain was pouring heavily on the roof as if a thousand fingers were tapping on it. You could see it slide down the little cabin’s windows, dragging down tree branches, frightening and beautiful at the same time. It was a cold night but you were feeling so cozy, skin bathed in the yellow hue of the fireplace.

It was loud and scary outside, but you couldn't hear it. Not really. Your mind was foggy and occupied with so many things. It was difficult to express what those things were. But you knew what they formed altogether. Pleasure.

Intense, breathtaking pleasure, traveling from the tip of your curled toes, up to your knees, bringing lust and passion all the way to your head, as a slow caress.

The culprit was Doyoung. Or better, Doyoung’s tongue, while he was holding your thighs so tightly that you were seeing the bruises underneath his fingers. You wanted to see his eyes as well, you wanted to bath in that darkness full of desire, but they were closed. His eyebrows were furrowed as if concentrating and you ruffled the hair on his forehead, to drink in his every expression. When he let go of your clit, a little string of saliva connecting it to his tongue, you whined and arched your back, showing him everything that you wanted. His eyes pierced finally through yours and he smiled. Then those lips, still curved up teasingly, kissed your stomach, painfully slow, rising in a single line, going between your breasts, on your collar bones, on your neck and chin. He brought his hand up to cup your cheeks and rubbed your lower lip with his thumb. You opened your mouth, ready to fall into him, but a little sparkle at the corner of your eye got your attention elsewhere. Looking at his hand you felt your head a little less foggy. You blinked as if hallucinating. Was that a ring? He had no rings, you were sure about it. Why was a ring adorning his finger, but also, why was that fact making you feel so confused and uneasy? "Where did you get that from?", you asked grabbing his hand and analyzing the piece of jewelry. Doyoung looked at the ring first, then at your face with a chuckle. "What are you talking about?", he asked as well. "This is a wedding ring", you explained. Doyoung grinned. "Yes, I can't believe this either, my love". An unpleasant shiver caressed your spine and you already knew before looking. You could feel it. It was cold and secure around your finger as well. Near the other one, with a big stone on it. Your engagement and marriage rings. You gasped as if falling underwater. The corners of your vision started to get dark as blurry stains made it difficult to see. No, no, no, no. You swallowed. The air from your lungs disappeared and even if you tried hard to breathe, nothing came in as your focus shifted. Doyoung wasn’t on top of you anymore. You looked at him and his fiancé from above, the way her hand caressed his back, listening to their whispers and you found yourself panting. Again. No, please, no, stop. Let me alone. Please. I don’t want this. I don’t want it. Your legs kicked the covers and you sat up, hands restless, chin trembling and communicating that you were about to cry. Again. From a stupid dream haunting your nights. _____

You were the first thought that would wake Doyoung up in the morning. The last desire that lulled him to sleep at night. And in that split uncountable moment between consciousness and unconsciousness, he let himself flow. He promised to do it only in those circumstances when his rational side couldn't hold him in his grip. Even if lately he felt himself slowly slipping its hold every second more. Dreaming is only causing you pain, the Rational side would say. Not doing it is going to cause pain anyways, Doyoung would reply. Yes, but the first type of pain is going to end soon, it insisted. How do you know that? Doyoung would ask. I just know, it would get irritated. What if I don't care? Doyoung would inquire again. The Rational side wouldn’t reply as if tired to argue yet again. What if I don't care about anything? Legit nothing in life matters. What if I just do whatever the fuck I want? Future me doesn't exist, does it? Only I do, right now. And right now I just want to fucking dream, alright? The Rational side was judging silently while Doyoung would get worked up by himself, in a pathetic fight. Let me, please, please, just let me dream for a second more. I beg of you. Okay? I beg. Just one second. Then I’ll stop. I promise. Just this time. Please. Please. Please. Doyoung would mumble to himself until finally forced to open his eyes and stare soullessly at the first rays of sun entering his room. Breathless. Ashamed. Defeated. Time’s up. No more dreaming, the Rational side’s little voice would wake up as well. ________ Jealousy was something you didn't want to think about. When Johnny was seeing other people, it felt like a sting in the heart, a little oh forming on your lips. You've made an effort to not let it be a selfish sentiment. I'm not a jealous person, you would say with a proud smile. But the truth was that you were. And after waking up, drenched in your own sweat after being so sure that your dreams were a reality before they could become nightmares, and even worse, fantasy, your chest would boil in pain. In pain and rage. You were so angry. You were so jealous. It was no more a sting, or a little oh, it was a hit in the stomach and a soundless scream. You would walk around to class, taking your exams, eating, talking, and laughing with your friends, but never alone, always with this ugly feeling on your shoulders. You felt jealous, possessive, selfish, hateful. You would alternate thoughts of I have to stop, I can’t change it, I can't be a bad person, with I'm a bad person, so what, I am like that, I feel that, that’s me, until feeling like you were driving yourself into madness. When you shook your rector’s hand, while the other was holding your degree, a few months had already passed after seeing Doyoung’s face for the last time. It felt like decades and a few days at the same time. “This is a new beginning, huh?”, Johnny’s face light up in a bright smile. You looked up at him and a soft fuzzy feeling flooded your chest. If Doyoung’s experience was helpful in some ways, one of it was the fact that you finally sorted out your feelings for your best friend. And he did as well, you could see it in the way his eyes looked free and calm, in the way his voice called your name, in the way he felt sorry for you after you told him everything that happened with Doyoung. It took you both some time, but you did it, and you started to breathe more easily after you saw Johnny’s understanding eyes instead of his previous jealous ones. He also realized that your romantic relationship wasn’t a healthy one and he felt better about himself for a long while giving the fault of your fights to Doyoung, when in reality, deep down, he knew you would have behaved like that towards each other anyways. Smiling back at him, you both linked arms and walked away to where your seats were. “I have good news”, you interrupted the silence, whispering to his ear after you sat down. “You know that company you said were hiring?”, you asked, building tension but unable to hide your smile. Johnny looked down at you with wide eyes. A few days before graduation, Johnny came up to you with the most euphoric expression. “Y/N, please apply to this job”, he slammed a piece of printed paper on your desk. You looked at it, confused, then up at him. “Why?”, you asked. Johnny breathed in as if preparing for the longest monologue of his life. “You must”, he just said though. He was so on the edge, sprinkling happiness like a child, that you found yourself chuckling. “Why don’t you apply to it? We’re graduating the same day. You also need a job”, you commented. Johnny crossed his arms on his chest. “You know I want to take a year off and travel the world. I won’t sit my ass in an office chair from 9 till 5, thank you very much. But you,” he shoved his finger into your face, “you love that kind of job, and this,” he slammed the paper again making you jolt, “it’s the perfect opportunity for you. Trust me. You’ll see. You’ll thank me”, he finished. You laughed and shrugged putting the paper inside your books. “Wait, they accepted you?”, now Johnny asked loudly, several heads in the graduation hall turning to hush you. You waved your hand in front of him as to indicate to keep his voice down. But then you nodded while a little smile forming on your lips. “Fuck!”, Johnny exclaimed. “I am- fuck!”, he just cursed again and hug you tightly. _______ Doyoung never realized it before how you were the reason for his every gesture. Not until you weren't there to hold him up anymore. He wasn't as melodramatic as to say that what he did now was pointless, but it had no real meaning either. Like it didn't have before meeting you. He was getting overwhelmed by everything now, he had no patience, every sound and image and person were unbearable. His thoughts were out of control. “You’re under great stress right now, Doyoung”. Doyoung sighed. Yeah, I know, old man. "It's just", he finally spoke slowly, staring out of that window yet again, "I'm always waiting for something", he added, trying hard to explain his thoughts. The therapist nodded. "It's always-", Doyoung paused again, recollecting himself, "-I always think like, it's going to be over soon, just a little bit. I’m assuring myself that this won’t last long, that it’s going to end. While my hands are itching and I can’t stay still. I am waiting and waiting and looking around for something. But what am I waiting for? Death?", he chuckled bitterly. The man in front of him shook his head with a sigh. He put his notes down and rested his elbows on his knees, eyes piercing over the eyeglasses frames. "The answer is - life, Doyoung”. Doyoung jerked his head towards the man as if someone punched him in the face. “You're not waiting for things to be over. You're waiting for things to start". ________ Your limbs were shaking and your throat was completely closed off not letting you even to swallow, as you clasped your hands together, playing with your fingernails. You had to explain to the guards why you had no pass to enter the building yet, then to explain what were you doing there, then you had to wait for a young girl, the HR director’s secretary, to take you to her boss - a woman with a dry smile on her face. “You have arrived at the right moment”, the young secretary smiled at you kindly while taking you through the company corridors, giving you a short tour. The place wasn’t just big. It was humongous. You were in the marketing wing at that moment, with an open mouth, in shock while passing near the windows seeing how tall the building actually was, while the secretary was about to tell you at which desk you will be spending the next few years of your life. This, if they don’t fire you sooner. “Really? What does that mean?”, you asked politely, entering the office. A few people raised their eyes from the computer, most didn’t, some of them were discussing between themselves, some of them were yelling into their phones before slamming it on the desk. Great, you sighed. Looks inviting. “Tonight there’s a company party. It’s going to be a great occasion to get to know your colleagues. When there are alcohol and music, they all loosen up a lot”, she winked at you as if telling a secret. You smiled back grateful for her being the first person you had the pleasure to meet and not some random rude one. Then you sat down after she introduced you to the department manager, who promptly left you alone talking about being very busy in the same second the secretary left as well. The evening approached fast as you spent the whole day trying to understand how the phone line worked, how to use the computer efficiently, what your first tasks were. You had to learn most of those things alone as the people you had to shadow were “too busy to babysit someone right now”. You sighed. You kinda knew it was going to be like this so you weren’t that surprised. Getting into such a big company right after graduating university was a big deal and you weren’t about to whine but you still hoped that after that night you’d have at least one new friend. At least someone to talk to you and that would want to answer your questions. It took you a lot of effort to go back to your new small apartment after the exhausting day, to shower, to try to find something appropriate to wear to a party, but a classy one, but still, a party, to put on makeup again, to do your hair, then to come back to the company building, all before 9 pm. When you got out of the taxi, you were already sweating, heels pierced by the high heels, spirit crushed and mind absolutely ready to go to bed already. You didn’t really like parties in the first place, even during your university days, but you still had the energy to dance at least until 4 am and get completely hammered when in the mood. It definitely wasn’t the case anymore. Entering the hall you stopped to breathe in and out and just awkwardly looked around. All types of people were standing in small groups, smiling fakely, and chatting about boring stuff, probably work. Your outfit wasn’t too off, thankfully and you felt lowkey grateful that no one gave you any attention. You were the type of person to want to socialize but at your terms and being shoved in the middle of a group full of strangers didn’t sound very appealing at that moment. For how intimidating, it was still a pretty gathering. The high windows were letting people admire the little city lights against the dark night. Some waiters were walking around with tall glasses of champagne and finger food. It was alright, you reassured yourself. You could do it. Come on. You closed your eyes as if gathering courage, still standing in the frame of the tall door, and opening them again after a moment you made the first step inside. A waiter walked right in front of you so you awkwardly grabbed a glass to look occupied while strolling the place alone. Your feet took you towards the windows. Sipping on a drink and looking at the night view? Great plan when you have no idea what to do to yourself. So, you picked up the pace, as if physically needing to get to those windows as soon as possible. But you probably shouldn’t have as you suddenly felt a cold liquid all over your chest followed by a deep swear. “I apologize. I didn’t see you coming-”, the man spoke but soon his voice flattered, becoming a tiny sound then nothingness. You blinked a few times looking down your dripping dress, then at the hand holding the glass that just got the champagne all over you, then up at the man’s face. Two fiery eyes were wide enough for you to see yourself in them. "What are you doing here?", Doyoung asked with a breathy voice. You had no idea what a heart attack felt like but somehow, in that exact moment, you thought that you probably were about to die. Yes, definitely. This feels like dying. Your muscles were like paralyzed and your fingers couldn’t keep the grip around your glass anymore, letting it fall, making you close your eyes when it shattered all over the floor. Angry heys surrounded you as some fragments probably went flying to their faces but they sounded so far away. You weren’t able to understand anything that was happening so you just looked at the man in front of you moving in slow-motion. "I got this", his lips formed to someone, probably a waiter, while he knel. You imitated him, crouching down like an automaton, your limbs moving without your brain telling them what to do. Doyoung carefully gathered all the biggest pieces of glass and for some reason grabbed your hand afterward, calling you stupid all of a sudden. "What?", you asked with a tiny voice, looking down. The party sounds started to return slowly, infiltrating in your brain and shaking your nerves just like the sting on your finger. "It's alright", you said, putting it inside your mouth and sucking on it. "It's just a little cut". Doyoung didn't comment on that and you knew that you probably could have understood what he was thinking by looking at his eyes, but you were too much of a coward to look up. He was still holding your wrist and all your brain cells were concentrated on that spot, trying to memorize the way his cool skin felt on yours. God, you missed it, you missed it so much that you were about to let yourself fall in an agonizing cry. Then you realized what you were doing and felt like running away. You can’t. Don’t feel. No. Stop. "Come", he spoke suddenly leaving all the mess behind and you couldn’t do anything else but to let yourself be dragged like a lifeless puppet. You looked at his back as he was walking in front of you, then at his styled black hair, you listened to the sound his dress shoes made on the marbled floor, then he let your hand go entering a small room. "There should be something here…", he mumbled by himself, opening and closing all the cabinets in the bathroom. It was a pretty one, not like the public ones on your floor. It looked luxurious and almost intimate as if it was private. Doyoung was standing in front of the sink, eyebrows furrowed as if trying to see better. You were left in the frame of the door, holding your wrist, finger raised up, weight shifting from one foot to another. The déjà-vu was so strong to leave you breathless. You wondered if Doyoung remembered as well. Or if he cared at all. You couldn't stop yourself from letting your eyes fall to his hands, afraid, trying to see the ring. God, oh God. No, please, no. You felt all your blood abandon your brain. You felt like falling. It was there, shiny, adorning his pretty hands. So he did it. He actually did it. So quickly? It felt like years but only months passed from the last time you saw him. How was that possible? Wasn’t that a dream? You couldn’t believe it was actually reality. His number has been on your phone screen multiple times a day for the past months, fingers hovering over it, to call or not to call, to text or not to text. Then his voice had bounced on the walls of your mind every time. Let me go. Let me go. If you’re not giving anything to me, just let me go. Then his last kiss had ghosted your lips as if he had just kissed you one minute before that, and you would have gently caressed the thin skin with your fingertips. Was it your fault? Should you have just called, just once? Would that have helped you, him, both of you? Or did you do the right choice? Not contacting him at all, leaving him, letting him go? God. After all of this time. Your breath was still going missing. "Here". he turned around and getting closer, he handed you the wet cotton. You stared at it as if not understanding what he was saying. Right. It’s not like he was about to hold your hand again, taking care of you, making the scenario intimate, medicating the cut for you. This was no Tumblr fanfiction. This was reality. You took it with a trembling hand and placed it on your finger. It burnt like hell but the pain somehow helped you feel better. "I'm sorry", Doyoung then said. You looked up. "For spilling my drink on you", he explained quickly. You nodded. "It's alright", you answered with a tiny voice. And just when you thought that he would go away and leave you there just the way he did months ago, he spoke again. "There's no Johnny to lend us clothes this time, huh?", he joked with an uneasy little smile. His eyes were curved in a warm half moon and you thought you could drown in that sweetness. "Yeah", you managed to say after a moment of silence, a little smile intruding on your lips as well. He remembered. He was thinking about the same thing. Your knees were feeling even weaker than before. Then you both bounced on the silence wall between you. "Why are you here?", he finally spoke after a little while, finally about what you both were dying to talk about. His voice was cautious and polite while you put a bandaid on your cut. He looked like speaking to a scared kitty and you were feeling like one indeed. “What are you doing here?”, you asked but as the words left your mouth you already knew. That was his company. Of course. You felt so stupid. You closed your eyes. Dammit, Johnny Suh. Doyoung sighed silently, as if a little uncomfortable, noticing how you knew the answer to that already. You suddenly panicked, realizing how that looked like to his eyes. “No! I am not here because of you!”, you spluttered out quickly, feeling your eyes widen. “I didn’t know this was your father’s company. I really just thought about it. I had no idea. I swear-”, but he interrupted you by placing his hands on your shoulders. “Hey, hey, Y/N”, he spoke softly, “it’s alright”. You shook your head. “But it’s true. I don’t want you to think that I am here…” you added but drifting off, unsure what words to use. Doyoung let his arms fall slowly. “It’s fine. I believe you”, he assured you. “There’s no need to explain yourself”. You sighed, still frustrated but didn’t add anything else, not wanting to embarrass yourself even further. “Are you alone?”, he looked behind you as if expecting to see someone. “N-no”, you shook your head. “I am- with a man”. The last word sounding way too high to be considered normal conversational pitch. Doyoung looked down at you again, not saying anything for a few instances. “Let me take you to him, then”, he simply said and walked out of the bathroom. “Doyoung!”, you called before realizing how much you’ve missed having his name roll on your tongue. “Please, don’t bother. It’s alright”, you added when reaching him. He stopped, waiting for you to catch up. “I insist”, he replied sternly. “This is the least I can do to make it up to you for destroying your dress”. You knew how stubborn he could get and if you weren’t feeling so many different things altogether, you would have rolled your eyes at him. You sighed and followed him. Entering the hall again, you gulped and lifted yourself on the tiptoes, staring around the room as if effectively looking for your man. “Uhm-”, you murmured unsurely. Doyoung crossed his arms on his chest and looked around as well. “Uh…”, you were about to get a panic attack. What should you do? Be honest? Yes, be honest then go outside and dig a fucking hole to bury yourself in, you fucking loser. What were you thinking? Why was it necessary to tell him that you were over him? Why was it necessary to invent a stupid ass story? “There!”, you exclaimed after a minute and just walked hurriedly towards a random guy, praying that he would play along. Please, please, please. Doyoung followed you and as you reached the man’s shoulders you just slid your arm underneath his. The man turned around, reasonably surprised, and just looked at your wide eyes, telling him to just shut up and do what you were about to tell him to do. “I’m sorry for being away for so long. What a bad date I am, right?”, then you opened your mouth in a sequence of loud “ha ha ha”, making the guy feel even more uncomfortable. He furrowed his eyebrows at your almost desperate expression, not missing the way you were tilting your head towards Doyoung, standing with hands in his pockets behind you. “Oh”, the guy finally said as if finally understating. Then his eyes light up amused and he tugged at your arm, making you come closer. “It’s alright, darling. I hope you’re fine?”, he put on a worried expression eyeing your bandaged finger and holding your hand to look at it closely. You looked at him, surprised that he was able to catch up on that so effortlessly but pleased at the same time. Thank God. “It’s just a little cut. I dropped my glass”, you explained and inhaled sharply as the guy brought your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles. It was so sudden that you definitely felt your heart flutter. “To make the boo-boo go away faster”, the guy explained as if obvious. Doyoung was still standing there like a big and dark shadow, so you turned around to face him when he cleared his throat. “Oh, Doyoung, hi, didn’t see you there”, the guy looked up as if suddenly aware of the other’s presence. “Yeah, sure. Then I’ll be going now. Take care”, Doyoung spoke directing the last phrases to you. “Wait, you guys know each other?”, you asked surprised, staring at one first then at the other. You were already preparing yourself for the embarrassing moment of having to introduce them to each other, not knowing what to say about Doyoung and not even knowing the guy’s name. The fact that you didn’t have to do that made the air feel slightly easier to breathe in but at the same time, a weird shiver of worry caressed your spine. The guy, indeed, pressed his hand on the small of your waist as a warning. You looked at him and saw the way he smiled, showing all of his teeth, speaking through them. “This is a company party, darling. We all work together. Did you forget?”, he asked with a tight smile. You swallowed nothing feeling your throat suddenly dry. “Oh yeah, haha, wow, I must be very tired”, you chuckled bringing one hand to your head as if suddenly exhausted. “Haha indeed”, the guy replied with a big smile but it was almost obvious that it was fake. Doyoung looked at both of you, unamused as if watching a terrible play. You were about to say something else since the embarrassment was crawling on your skin, but you didn’t need to as Doyoung spared you of further awkwardness. “See you on Monday then, and please, for the love of God, help me finish that assignment, alright?”, he spoke. The guy put his hand on his hip with a daring face. “I’m too good to be your helper”, he smiled. You gasped. That guy was speaking like that to the CEO himself? Was he doing that to help you out? You tugged at his hand trying to tell him to stop, that there was no need for him to act like that. But Doyoung just sighed as if already used to that behavior and rolling his eyes he just walked away. You couldn’t help but look at his back and legs as they were drifting away every step more, as if praying for him to not go, not again. “What are you doing?”, you finally whispered concerned to the guy after taking your eyes off Doyoung. “Are you insane?” The guy looked at you as if you were the insane one between the two. And maybe he was right. “Aren’t you afraid he’s going to fire you?”, you asked again, explaining your shock. The guy furrowed his eyebrows at you as if not understanding, then he laughed. “Who? Doyoung?”, he laughed even harder. You looked at him confused. “He’s the CEO of this company. What are you laughing about?”, you were getting a little irritated. The guy swiped an imaginary tear out of his eye. “That loser wishes to be the CEO”, he commented. “What are you talking about?”. You felt your head hurting. He breathed in and out, suddenly bored, looking at you from head to toe, as if finally asking himself what the fuck do you want from him. “Who are you anyway?”, he asked. You puffed your cheeks. “Later! What do you mean he’s not the CEO?”, you asked urgently. “I mean”, he started, finally sliding his arm away from yours, “that he’s not the fucking CEO”, he finished. “We’re just co-workers. We work in the same department”. You unfocused your gaze as if thinking about what he has just said. The guy shook his head as if dealing with a weirdo and grabbed a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “I just don’t understand”, you finally spoke again. The guy didn’t reply and just drank, but his face was screaming “because you’re fucking stupid”. Then you tugged at his arm, making him lean down towards you, closer to your face, and whispered to his ear. “He is the former CEO's son”, you shared the secret, wondering if Doyoung was working in a lower position to hide his origins. The guy listened with wide eyes then looked at you and gasped when you finished. “No. fucking. way”, he articulated theatrically. “Hey”, he then stopped a random dude by slapping the back of his hand on his chest. “Did you know that Kim Doyoung from the IT department is - the CEO's son?”, he asked. You jolted and squeezed his arm as to stop him from talking. What the fuck was he doing? But the dude looked at him with no particular reaction besides pure confusion. “Yeah?”. The guy turned around to you with a fake surprised face. “Oh no! Did you hear that? Everyone knows!”, he exclaimed putting his hand on his cheek. You stared at him for a few seconds, breathing in slowly, then you just hit his arm. The guy giggled at your reaction and sprinted one step away. “You’re a fucking asshole”, you accused him. “It’s just”, he laughed, “your face was priceless. You thought you were sharing a top-notch state secret. I can’t believe I’m having so much fun at a company party. I’m glad I came”, he said. You were shocked and angry. How dare this guy to mock you and laugh at you like that? You were already out of your own fucking mind because it was the first working day of your whole life, you’ve just met Doyoung after being sure to not see him again, you’ve discovered that he is indeed married after struggling with the most excruciating pain for months because of that, you acted in a full-on rom-com just now, and you still had to be the subject of this guy’s jokes? “Well, then why is he working such a low position as you when he can be the CEO?”, you tried to insult him, but the guy looked unbothered. “What is this? A Korean drama?”, he chuckled. “He can’t just climb the ladder with blood alone. He has to work his ass off just like everybody else. From the bottom”. You really had no idea what to do with all of the information roaming your head. What the fuck was that? Did he marry a random girl just to have a normal position in his own company? Did he sacrifice his life for something that anyone could have? The guy looked at your expressionless face. “What’s up with this situation anyway? Was Doyoung bothering you before?”, he asked suddenly. You jerked your head towards him surprised. “What? No, why would he?”, you shook your head. “I mean, why wouldn’t he?”, the guy replied, staring you down with a little smirk. You rolled your eyes at his flirt. “Well”, you crossed your arms on your chest, “maybe because he’s married?”, you said confidently and hoped he didn’t see the way your lower lip trembled while saying that. The guy choked on his drink. “He’s married?”, he asked shocked. “You didn’t know?”, you eyed him, secretly pleased that you were one step ahead of him but at the same time worried dead that you’ve just made a huge mistake by saying that. “He also has the ring”. The guy tilted his head to the side as if thinking. “That doesn’t look like a wedding ring to me”, he commented. “Not that I look at men’s hands or anything”, he added quickly, going back to sipping from his glass. “Well, he is married. Trust me. But don’t say that to anyone else”, you spoke, your eyes drifting to where Doyoung was talking to some people. Even from afar, you could see the way his lips curved in a fake smile. You sighed. You couldn’t believe he was there, in the same room, and you talked, and you saw his face again. God. You were feeling so much as so intensely that you were under the impression of not being able to feel anything at all. “Ohhh”, the guy suddenly exclaimed giving you a mild shock for how close and loud he was, “so, he’s your ex-boyfriend. And now you discover that he’s married!”, he added even louder with wide eyes as if finally understating everything. “God, I fucking love this party”, he chuckled to himself. You grabbed a drink as well, finishing it all in one go. “He’s not my ex-boyfriend”, you replied not giving him any other explanations. “And be quiet. Maybe he doesn’t want people to know”. The guy clicked his tongue as if not believing you but not wanting to be seen as rude by asking other questions. He sighed and you sighed as well, both looking at the way people were moving around, forming groups and changing them up, laughing, chatting, having a good time. You felt like they were on another planet, their energy so different from the one you had inside. It was inevitable. You knew it. It was about to come. You would end up crashing down in the taxi going home, or randomly as you were pouring down cereal for breakfast. You were feeling them crawling under your skin, the feelings, but at that moment, you decided to still bath in the bliss all of the shocking experiences gifted you. “Thank you, for, you know, before...”, you added vaguely after a few moments. “No problem. I was getting bored anyway”, he shrugged. “I’m Y/N, by the way”, you extended your hand. He took it. “Nice to meet you”, he smiled. “I’m Haechan”.

#doyoung #doyoung smut #doyoung angst #doyoung fluff #doyoung series #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct smut #nct angst #nct fluff #pride #doyoung pride #pride part 7 #johnny #nct johnny #johnny suh

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samthemarvelfan · 5 years ago

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Goodbyes: Chapter Eight

Summary: Ella Monroe is the Avengers newest recruit, handpicked by Steve Rogers himself. Indebted to him for reasons unknown, Cap pairs her up with Bucky Barnes. He is tasked with training her to relearn and hone the skills that have long since rusted. Bucky is cold and distant, and Ella can’t seem to break through the wall he’s built up for decades. He sees something in her though, and it scares him to death. Has the fate of these two strangers been sealed? …or will they always be longing…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OFC, feat Steve Rogers, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff, Tony Stark

Warnings: ANGST, Bucky is a dick, mutual pining, self sabotage, slow burn, alcohol, flirting, swearing. I think that’s it! Def not following a specific MCU canon or timeline.

A/N: I legit can’t believe the love from you all! Gosh my lil heart might burst! Please stick with me after this chapter and please don’t hate me! Patience is a virtue after all. Thank you for every comment, like, message and reblog. Love you endlessly. <3

Taglist: @iheartsebastianstan @jjlizz @stuckysbabe @sk493494 @lefoutoir @nickangel13 @marvelismysafezone @lilulo-12 @warmvanillafeels @heartofagamotto @ravenesque @pinknerdpanda (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry!) (strikethrough means the tag didn’t work! I’m sorry! Tags are OPEN!)

Three fucking weeks.

At this point, you were almost positive you were losing your mind.

Everyone was still in Romania, and you hadn’t had any actual contact with the team. Sam occasionally gave you the smallest of updates, usual in the form of a message that said “we’re alive.”

Gotta love that detail.

Wanda had checked on you too, making sure you were eating, as you had a tendency to forget to when you were stressed.

What drove you mad more than anything was that you hadn’t heard from Bucky. Was it really all in your head? The two of you connecting finally, and then he just vanished without a word?

Sure, maybe you were being irrational and needy. He was working; risking his life for the greater good after all. That doesn’t make it hurt any less, though.

“Miss Monroe, you’re receiving a call.” FRIDAY’s voice announced.

You jumped off the couch and ran to comm beacon in the middle of the table.

“Hello?” You ask, hopeful.

“Hey, Punchline! Miss me?” Sam’s humorous tone asked.

You couldn’t even speak, the only sound escaping your lips was an almost sob of relief.

You hear Steve chuckle in the background. “I’ll take that as a yes, meet us on the roof in 5?”

“You bet.” You reply quickly.

You pull your gray, half-zip hoodie over your head as you jog to the elevator. “Flight deck.” You announce as you enter.

The doors close and you hear and feel the rumble of the Quinjet docking. “Finally.” You whisper to yourself.

You get to the roof and see the bay doors opening as the ramp drops. Steve is the first one out, followed swiftly by Sam.

“You guys look the shit.” You jest, running at Steve with open arms.

He wraps you in the tightest hug, “Missed you too, Ella.” He laughs.

“How ‘bout me?” Sam asks. You turn to him with a smile, and he embraced you too.

“Is everyone alright? Did you...did you guys...is it done?” You couldn’t really formulate a thought, your mind still wondering how the hell they survived.

Steve nodded. “Every ounce of data we could extract, we did. That base wasn’t even close to inactive. In fact, it was the hub for HYDRA’s new order.”

Your mouth dropped, “What?”

Sam spoke, “Don’t worry, there’s a debriefing tomorrow, we’ll let you know everything we know.”

Your eyes glance behind Steve and Sam. You see Wanda and Vision exit the plane, relieved that they’re okay. You were chewing on your bottom lip, feeling the impatience take hold of you.

Where the hell is he? You thought.

“Hey Ella, listen—“ Sam said, but you tuned him out, hearing more footsteps on the ramp.

There he was, Bucky, safe and—what?

He was holding someone. A woman. Carrying her like a parent does their child after they’ve fallen asleep in the car.

She was stunning. Milky skin with gorgeous red locks. You knew who this was without a doubt, recalling her photo from the file you’d read months ago. Natasha, the Black Widow.

She was smiling. He was smiling. A real, genuine, happy look graced his face as he walked towards you all.

“Barnes, you can put me down now.” She laughed.

He shook his head, “Not a chance, Kitten. Can’t have you runnin’ off on me again can we?”

She pushed some hair out of his face, “I’m not going anywhere this time. I found what I was looking for, and I don’t intend on letting it go.” She smirked her perfect lips at him, causing him to blush.

Bucky places her gently on her feet before looking at you. His eyes looked panicked as he took in the expression on your face.

“You must be Ella! Nice to meet you, I’m Nat. Steve’s told me so much about you.” She smiled, pulling you in for a hug.

Why didn’t Bucky tell you about me? You think begrudgingly.

A smile graced your face nonetheless as you return the hug. “Its an honor, you’re a legend.” You say in an attempt to control your tone. It was true, too. Natasha Romanoff was infamous in your line of work.

“Don’t boost her ego, Kid.” Tony says walking by you.

You smiled politely, eager to escape to your room. “Well you guys must be exhausted, I’ll let you—“

“Hell no. I need a drink and I need one now.” Sam said as he walked towards the door leading back inside.

“You think you get to drink alone, Wilson? I don’t believe that’s how this relationship works.” Tony said as he completed his retinal scan by the keypad.

“We’re gonna have a ‘hey look at that, none of us died’ dinner tonight. Pizza, beer, booze, music. 8 o’clock in the lounge.” Tony said disappearing inside.

You turned around to see Bucky whispering in Natasha’s ear, both laughing like giddy fucking schoolgirls.

Are they...does he...is she... you’re brain tried to think, but it couldn’t seem to complete a thought.

You wanted to punch him in that smug face of his. He didn’t even have the balls to say goodbye to you when he left, and now that he’s back he has the audacity to not say two words to you?

“I’m always down for pizza, how ‘bout you Ella?” Steve asked, swinging an arm around your shoulder and leading you back inside.

Bucky eyed Steve with a curious look, but you couldn’t help smiling at your friend, “Is that even a question, Steve? Pizza is a main food group in my opinion, you know that.”

He and Nat were swiftly on you heels. “You sure about that Els? You look exhausted, have you been sleeping?” Bucky asks from behind you.

You stop suddenly and turn on your heel. Is he serious? The first thing he says to you is basically ‘you look like shit’ and ‘please don’t come to this party’.

“Now that you mention it, Sergeant, I haven’t been sleeping. I was worried about my friends. Wondering when and if I’d see them again, I’d hate to leave thing left unsaid,”

You grab Steve’s and Sam’s hand in each of yours and lift them, “But it looks like everyone I care about made it back on one piece.”

You turn back around and head into the elevator with everyone.

You stood in your room, fuming.

Is this really who you’ve become? This pathetic teenager pining after someone who will never be hers?

It sure seems that way.

Your stomach churns at the image of he and Nat...together.

An excessive groan leaves your lips as you flop on the bed, ready to let yourself wallow.

Your plans, however, are interrupted by a knock on your door. “What?!” You scream.

The door opens slowly, “I thought you’d have missed me?” Wanda says.

You shoot up, and smile like an idiot. “Of course I missed you, Wan. I’m so glad you’re back!” You embrace her.

The two of you had become quite close recently, and it was so nice to have a girl friend around again.

“Then why do I get the feeling I interrupted a wallowing session, hm?” She said slyly.

You raise an eyebrow at her, “Wan...” You scold.

“I know, I know—stay outta your head. But Ella, your thoughts are so loud I can barely hear my own!” She laughed.

You sigh and sit on the edge of your bed, Wanda joining you.

“I’m just mad. I’m mad at myself for acting like a love struck teenager, I’m mad at him for yoyo-ing me all the damn time. I’m just...”

“In love.” She finished your sentence.

You laugh aloud, “Wan, you have to know someone to love them. That big oaf of a man is too damn stubborn to let anyone in! Besides, I don’t think it’s me he wants.”

“What’s that suppose to mean?” She asked.

You stand heading to your closet, looking through clothes to wear for tonight.

“Nothing. Forget I mentioned it.”

Wanda’s footsteps followed you, “I know you say Bucky’s stubborn, but so are you, Ella.” She smiled softly, her nimble fingers landing on a black velvet dress.

“This one.” She says. The long sleeved, deep v dress was your absolute favorite, and also very fancy.

“Isn’t that a bit much?” You ask.

She raised her eyebrows at you. “Uh, have you met Tony? He says ‘pizza and beer’ but he means a gala... with less people.”

“Fine, but I swear to God if you don’t dress up too then I’m coming back here and putting on pajamas.” You hold your pinky out to her.

She hooks it with a smile, “Deal.”

8 o’clock comes far too fast in your opinion.

You’d spent the last two hours in your bathroom doing your makeup and hair, and you look damn good.

The dress rested a bit below mid-thigh, and fit you perfectly. You make a mental not to thank Wanda later for forcing you into it.

“Breathe, Ella.” You say to yourself as the elevator carries you to the lounge floor.

Your black heels click through the corridor, the sound softening as your ears fill with classic rock from the end of the hall.

You slowly push the wooden door open, and spot everyone mingling. Maria Hill was there, as was Rhodey, and another man you’d never met before.

“Oh shoot! I didn’t know we had a supermodel living with us!” Sam shouts.

You laugh, “Oh shut up, you’ve clearly already been drinking.”

He shook his head, “So what? I still got eyes, don’t I?”

“You look beautiful.” Steve says cutting Sam off, placing a kiss on your cheek.

You blush, “Thank you, Steve. You boys clean up pretty nice too. I don’t think we’ve ever seen each other like this.”

Steve shakes his head, “Not exactly the suit I’m most comfortable in.” He took a sip of what you assume is scotch. “What are you drinkin’, sweetheart?” He asks.

“Honestly? Anything with vodka. Then I’ll have a shot or two.” You say, taking a seat at the high top table next to him.

“Coming right up, Sam why don’t you come with me fore you dig a deeper hole for yourself?”

You hear Sam grumbling as Steve drags him away, and you suddenly feel yourself being watched.

You scan the room, and spot him almost instantly. He’s standing with Nat, her back to you, leaning on the bar.

Bucky’s eyes, though glassy from the booze no doubt, had never been more focused.

His gaze roamed your body from your feet to your face. He licked his lips slowly, before capturing his bottom one in his teeth.

Shaking your head, you look away from him. “Don’t even think about it, buddy.” You mutter to yourself. You glance at him quickly one final time and see Nat waving her hand in front of his face.

Bucky’s trance seems to get broken and he falls back into conversation with her with ease.

“Moscow Mule? I think that’s what the bartender called it.” Steve says approaching you.

A light bulb suddenly goes off in your head.

“Steve? Can I ask for a favor?” You say, squeezing the lime into your drink

He nods, “Anything, what’s on your mind?”

You let out a large breath. “Okay, please don’t think I’m immature but I’ve been thoroughly pissed at your best pal over there,” you gesture with a nod of your head.

“and I’d really like to get him back for all the shit he’s put me through.”

Steve sips his drink again, as Sam places 3 shot of Jameson on the table. “What did you have in mind?”

Bucky’s breathing stopped the moment he saw her. He didn’t think she could get anymore beautiful.

Turns out he was incredibly, outstandingly wrong.

He felt his heat racing and his blood pumping, drowning out whatever Nat was telling him about her plans for the evening.

Ella’s eyes were everything to him. They bared her soul and showed him her heart at the same time. He’d never been able to see a future for himself, until she fell into his life.

He worried about her constantly. Not being able to see her or talk to her or hear her voice for nearly 3 weeks drove him crazy. Then seeing her in the state she was in, so obviously sleep deprived and stressed. He hated himself for making her worry so much, and it was clear she wasn’t too happy with him when he got back this morning.

“Hello, Earth to Barnes? Did you hear me?” Nat said, waving her hand.

Bucky shook his head, “No sorry, what was that?”

Nat smiled slyly. “Mhm, your girls got you in a tizzy, that’s for sure.” She said, sipping her martini.

Bucky smiled shyly. “She’s not my girl, no matter how much I wish she was.”

Nat slapped his lapel, “So what the fuck are you doing fuck standing here with me?!”

“Ow! Okay, okay! Christ, shouldn’t you be fucking Banner in a utility closet or something?” He laughed stepping away from her.

“All in good time, Barnes. Now go get your girl.” She said spinning away from him.

Bucky’s eyes traveled to where she was standing, but she wasn’t there. Sam was in her spot, downing a shot Bucky was sure he’d regret in the morning.

He maneuvered around the groups of people, searching for her. The soft rock music playing poignantly through the speakers, he sees a few couples dancing.

He scoots around them and spots Steve.

Good for him. He thought happily to himself.

When Steve sways around with his partner, he sees its not a random guest he’s dancing with. Steve is dancing with a beautiful girl, a woman, Bucky’s girl.

Bucky wants to throw up and kick his ass all at once.

But then he sees Ella.

She’s smiling, and comfortable. She’s happy as she rests her head on Steve’s chest, and sways to the rhythm of the song.

The alcohol in his system doesn’t make these feelings any easier to handle. His vibranium fist clenching and unclenching.

A whirring sound get both Steve and your attention. That’s when you see Bucky standing about 10 feet away from the two of you as he watches dance.

“Hey Buck, wh—“

“Shut the fuck up, Steve.” Bucky slurs.

Your eyes widen at the words he says to his friend. Bucky is visibly shaking, and obviously drunk—probably more so than you, and that’s saying something since Sam kept the shots coming.

“Bucky, stop.” You say before your mind can stop you.

He lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Not fucking him, huh?” He spat in anger as he pushed by you, leaving the lounge all together.

Steve looked to the door, then to you. Your eyes brimming with tears as you swallowed a sob.

He looks at you with a sad smile, and nods his head toward the door. “Go get him.”

Chapter Nine: Seen

#samthemarvelfan #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x original female character #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky fic #winter solider fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky barnes fanfic #mcu bucky #mcu fanfiction #bucky barnes series #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #Goodbyes

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imagining-supernatural · 5 years ago

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The First Date

Part 2 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary: Your first date with Sebastian is breakfast, then off to the courthouse for an annulment!

Word Count: 1571

“So, uh, according to this website,” you started as soon as Sebastian walked out of the bathroom with a towel secured around his waist. And you definitely did not check him out. You had to stay focused on the annulment. “Um, we should be able to file what’s called a, uh, complaint for annulment at the courthouse if we’re actually married.”

“What’s this?” He sauntered over to the bed and picked up the marriage certificate you’d set on the corner of the bed. “Well, looks official.”

You nodded. “It could also just be a paper, you know? My best friend took a calligraphy class one summer because of that one Relient K song about college kids. She could write this. I figured I’d wait for your input before calling the courthouse to see if it’s legit. You know, didn’t want someone to see your name and get Twitter-excited.”

“Good call.” His voice was soft, as if surprised.

“If it is legit,” you continued with your findings as he searched around the room for his clothes. “Then I’m pretty sure we meet all of the requirements for annulment…” he bent over to pick up his pants and you trailed off at the muscles that flexed in his calves and the—Nope! Annulment. You turned your attention back to the website. “We got married in Nevada, which is one. And considering we don’t remember it, I’d say we were drunk enough that we meet the mentally incompetent or unable to understand what we were consenting to standard. It might be kind of hard to prove that, though,” you muttered.

He laughed. “I don’t know about that. I was looking through my phone and I’ve got some great drunk texts I sent and some pretty blurry pictures of us. One in front of Elvis.”

“Oh god. I got married by Elvis? Drunk? In Vegas? How much more fucking cliché can this get?”

He just shook his head and grinned. “Why don’t you take your turn in the bathroom. I’ll call my lawyer and see what he can do.”

With a nod, you stood up. “Feel free to use my laptop. I have everything secure I need. Oh, and I have a charge cord for Apple and Android over on the desk, so if your phone needs a charge, go for it.”

“You talk a lot, you know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told that. It gets worse when I’m nervous or stressed. I’d apologize for that, but it’s not really a character flaw. Just you know, what makes me me.” You made the conscious effort to keep your mouth shut for three seconds. “So, yeah. Feel free to the laptop and charge cords. I’m gonna put a door between us before I embarrass myself more.”

The door closed on his laughter and you took a deep breath. As you let out your breath, you whispered, “Shit.”

You tried to enjoy your shower. You really did. Usually you could shut your brain down and relax.

Not fucking today.

By the time you were done, you could have sworn you were even more stressed out than before.

In an attempt to calm your nerves, you sat down on the toilet seat and unlocked your phone. Sebastian mentioned pictures from the previous night. Maybe you had a few. But, your first order of business was making sure you didn’t drunk text anyone something that you would regret. You weren’t much of a drunk texter, but last night was anything but normal.

Luckily, you’d only texted your friend, Jasmine, a few times.

*Girl these mojitos are fuxking expensive

*hella good tho

*so mdndu hit ppl here

*gon get some f real

She’d texted back that she was glad you were having a good time and reminded you to drink water and be safe, and that was the end of your conversation. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Next up: pictures.

And, boy, did you take pictures. The first few were of you and random people in a club. You had vague memories of those people. You had bonded over… something? Something told you it was mojitos, since all of you had a glass of mint and lime in your hands.

Then you got to the ones with Sebastian. Horribly taken selfies mixed in with blurry photos of whoever was performing on the stage. The background in your selfies changed from the club to a restaurant to some sort of brightly lit up sculpture. Finally you got to your own Elvis pictures.

It wasn’t the wedding you’d ever pictured for yourself, but it was the only one you would get. Even though it would last for less than a day, ideally, you were strangely glad that it had happened. Once you found out about the tumor, you put your love life on the back burner. Not that you ever really put much focus on your love life to begin with. You had plenty of other shit to sort through before you pulled anyone else into your toxic mess of a life. And then, once the chemo didn’t work and reality set in, you made peace with the fact that you would never get married.

If you had a bucket list, one more item would have just gotten crossed off.

Your eyes drifted over to the ring you’d set on the counter while you were in the shower and reached over. It was so much bigger than any ring you’d seen in real life. A huge diamond was nestled in diamond encrusted halo knots, set atop a braided band of yet more diamonds.

It was beautiful.

With a hard swallow, you slipped the ring back onto your finger, admiring it. There were only a few minutes left that you would have it. Only a few minutes to soak this in. This ring was far too expensive to keep.

You took a breath before standing and opening the door to rejoin your temporary husband.

“Hey.”

Sebastian looked up from where he was seated on the bed with your laptop in front of him. “Hey. So I called my lawyer and he called a colleague who found out that we are legally married.”

“Awesome. He give you tips on annulment, then?”

While Sebastian filled you in on what he’d learned, you started picking through the mess of your hotel room to fill your purse with the necessities. His voice was soothing, helping to calm your nerves.

“Alright,” you said, once he was finished. “So we just need to head over to the courthouse?”

He nodded shallowly. “Let’s grab something to eat first. What kind of a husband would I be to not take my wife out the morning after we got married?”

“Breakfast then annulment.” You nodded thoughtfully. “Have to give you props, Seb. This has got to be the most creative first date I’ve ever gone on.”

You fiddled with the ring in your pocket while you waited for Sebastian to show up outside of the hotel. Leaving the room ten minutes apart just added to the strange feeling of this whole thing, but it was necessary to try and keep everything out of the press. The two of you walked down the street once he joined you.

Mundane chat of everything you saw filled the space between you until you arrived at the restaurant where you were quickly led to a private table.

Then came the awkward small talk. You found it easier to hold a conversation when you were walking. Something about the motion was calming. Once you stopped moving, you had two switches. One was talk until the other person put duct tape over your mouth and the other was to not say a single word. After your babbles this morning, it seemed you were all talked out, so you looked over the menu in near silence. You two would throw out a comment here or there about a certain dish, but that was it.

Then the waiter came with water and coffee, then left with your orders and menus.

“Coffee,” you breathed, adding your cream and sugar as quickly as you could so you could burn your tongue by drinking it too soon. After the first sip, you nearly moaned at the feeling of caffeine waking up your every atom. “Fuck, I love caffeine.”

After a moment more of awkward silence, Sebastian broke it. “I don’t think I ever asked what you do. Where you work.”

“I work at data security firm.”

“That’s why you let me at your computer. You had all your private stuff hidden away.”

Your coffee cup was lingering at your lips when you smirked. “I think you saw enough of my private stuff last night, don’t you?”

The blush and sputtering that resulted from your risky joke was well worth it. But he recovered quickly and a spark flickered in his eye. “Does it really count if I don’t remember? It’s too bad that the only thing we’ll remember from our marriage is trying to end it.”

“That’s what makes us special.”

Now that the ice was broken, conversation flowed easier. The topic of your cancer didn’t come up again, and you got away from talk of your upcoming annulment. By the time you were finished eating, you felt more like you were talking to a friend. Not a celebrity. Not a one night stand. Not your soon to be ex-husband.

A friend.

Time for them to head to the courthouse and end their marriage...

Part 3: The Burning Question

#sebastianxreader #sebastian stan x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader #buckyxreader #sebastian x reader #marvel fanfiction #mcu fanfiction

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strangefable · 4 years ago

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So last night I watched Soul and then Onward and now I have Pixar Feelings and Thoughts that I have got to get out of my head.

I don’t know who it is at Pixar that has been grappling with death and grief so much these last few years, but. Like. They’ve created a thematic trilogy over there and I need to talk about it.

Soul. Onward. Coco. This is a trilogy, despite the seemingly unconnected stories. They all deal with death and with grief. But they also grapple with what makes a person who they are. The family bonds, the choices made, the small moments in life.

It’s beautiful and it’s haunting and it’s sitting with me something fierce.

Pixar films are supposedly just children’s movies, because they are animated or have talking animals or fantastical elements, and quite frankly, that’s a huge disservice to every film the studio has made.

They go hard for themes over there and I love and respect it so much. They go deep into some heavy subject matter and they deal with it in beautiful ways. Yes, they even make it accessible to children, but these are films made by real, live adults whose lived experiences have driven them to create stories that are moving, touching, empathetic and deeply human.

I dislike the way marketing and branding have them under the “just for kids” umbrella, because it just isn’t true. I dismissed Inside Out for years without ever watching it because it was marketed as this silly kid flick, but it hit home for me in ways that few pieces of media ever can when it comes to mental illness. I’m mad at the marketing for keeping me from that connection for so long.

I’m mad at the marketing for making Onward seem like a dumb stoner movie, but for kids. (Like, that’s legit what the PR made it look like, pushing the painted van and the doofy persona of Barley. It seemed incredibly stupid. It has elements of it, but it is not what the film is at all.) I am mad at the marketing for Coco making it seem like some ham-fisted jaunt through Dia de los Muertos, when it does take a lot of pains to actually display and understand the deep cultural roots. I’m mad at the marketing for Soul making it seem like another awkward Princess and the Frog excuse to not let black stories get told.

The marketing for these films are bullshit, y’all. Utter bullshit.

Pixar makes quality stories, and when they go into stories that are not the “default” white stories, they make a lot of effort to delve deeper. Coco and Soul both have co-directors who are actually from the respective cultures depicted, as well as full casts from those cultures. They put in the work and the effort, rather than just having a bunch of white people guess at this stuff. Could they do more? Sure. But that’s still a lot more than most of Hollywood has done in its entire history. It’s at least a start. And it’s proof that if you put the stories in the hands of the people they belong to, the stories are better for it.

It’s also proof that you don’t have to center white stories and lose the ability to resonate with audiences. These stories touched me just as deeply as they would have had the characters looked like me. More so, in fact, because they let me see the world from perspectives I cannot personally experience. You don’t need a white character for a white person to relate to; this idea needs to die already. I mean, I could have told you this as a child, reading stories about boys going on adventures and relating just as much even though they didn’t look or think like me. I can relate to a black male jazz musician or a 12 year old Mexican boy just as easily as I could to a white woman. This is just a vital thing that so many people take for granted and it needs to stop. This isn’t even what I wanted to write about, but it still needs to be said. Representation matters. But, on the flip side? As a white person, it doesn’t take away my ability to immerse in or relate to a story just because “oh no they don’t look like me for once” which is not news to me, but is apparently news to a whole mess of other white folks and, y’all. Stop it. Get over yourselves.

But getting back to my original purpose, what matters to me in these three movies in particular, what touches me, what makes them so damn meaningful to me, is that thematically, they are talking about things that have deeply, personally altered my life. Grief. Death. Loss. The afterlife. The place before life.

That’s heavy. It’s difficult. It’s also deeply taboo to talk about openly. People don’t like grief. It’s depressing, it’s scary, it’s unpleasant. Death fucking terrifies us, on a species level and on a personal level. So we like to shove it aside, bury it, ignore it, pretend it’s not there.

But it IS. It is always there. Always part of life. It’s been part of mine a lot more than most people my age. I cannot remember a time in my life that death hasn’t touched; it’s been present since I was very young. But no one wants to talk about it. Everyone is uncomfortable with it and wants to avoid it. So I’m often alienated, isolated. Alone.

So I seek out stories that grapple with these themes because I need them. I need a space to feel these things right out in the open. Without apology. I need to cry my eyes out sometimes. I need to laugh and to scream and to tear at my hair, my clothes, at something. To punch a pillow. To remember what I had, what I’ve lost. I need someone to share in that with, even if it’s indirectly through a story.

I need to feel seen. To not feel alone. To know I’m not the only one who has felt these feelings. That’s what stories like Coco, Onward, and Soul do for me.

It’s powerful, and I’m grateful. Because they make me feel seen and less alone. They also offer so much hope. The beautiful reminder in Soul that life, in and of itself, the simple act of living each moment, and that’s enough? That is purpose of its own? I needed to hear that. It is a monumental message for someone like me, and every reminder I can find, I cling to.

Pixar goes hard at things few other film studios do, and I appreciate them for that. So much.

#pixar #soul (2020)#coco (2017)#onward (2020)#grief #just me rambling to myself #i just have a lot of feelings #inside out (2015)#this isn't even all my feelings #but this post is long enough #personal #lunch break rambles

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tsukoyomi-fumikage · 4 years ago

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Kidnapped (ShouToko)

Shoji X Tokoyami (However this is mainly Tokoyami and Dark Shadow centric)

Prompt - What if Tokoyami was taken instead of Bakugou?

Notes - I mainly did this so I could work on my writing of Tokoyami’s personality, and also because at the time I wrote this I legit believed Fumikage had killed Moonfish, when if fact I am a giant doofus and he didn’t. This also includes a few systems of Dark Shadow’s quirk that aren’t actually legit, just stuff I thought worked well.

Tokoyami was free from that dratted prison of a ball, and he yearned to stretch - until he saw Mezo, reaching out with all six tentacles, trying to grasp him. That's when he realized there was a hand wrapped around his thin neck: tight and demanding. Fumikage froze. "See you, Shoto Todoroki." The guy holding him whispered, all the while dragging him backwards. A dark portal caught his line of site - it was like it was swallowing him whole. It was similar too the warp-gate from USJ... His eyes widened in realization.

Looking up, too shocked and exhausted to move, he watched Shoji try and run towards him, along with Todoroki, who both looked like they'd just lost the world. "Don't... Come..." He whispered, just loud enough for them to hear. "You'll... Die..."

Then, the world went black.

He thought maybe he'd passed out at first, until he realized this was just a quirk in action. Dark Shadow was yowling, stuck within this delicate balance of which Tokoyami had never seen before - protectiveness, and fear. The student should have known that his quirk had the ability to feel something as scary as fear, considering the quirk was practically a real person. "Calm, dark shadow." He muttered, voice ghost-like, considerate yet quiet. "Calm."

The beast was ‘pacing’ around inside him - his insides felt like they were being thrown around in frustration. 'What am I supposed to do?' The dark bird-figure whined in confusion. 'Sit here and watch you die?'

Suddenly, light shone itself down at him, making him close his eyes in pain as he tried to swiftly adjust to the colours. Finally, his red-pupiled eyes opened, coming face to face with the man responsible for starting the USJ attack - Shigaraki, if he remembered correctly. Shit.

"This wasn't who I asked for." The multiple-handed man snarled lowly, looking in annoyance at the group as they stepped out of the warp. "Kurogiri, you know I told you to tell them I wanted Bakugou Katsuki, right?"

The large, swirling dark flames sighed, and he shifted into a less terrifying version of himself. "You should have seen this one though." His voice was like the rumbling of an earthquake. "He took out Moonfish with one blow. He is much stronger than Bakugou."

So they were watching that. Tokoyami bit his tongue in frustration. What else could they have been watching? Did they see his interactions with Shoji? Would they use that against him and torture him? So many thoughts ran through his mind, his feathers flattening as fear took over him as well. "Is that true?" Came the croaky voice of the blue-haired man. "Did you kill Moonfish?"

His voice sent shivers down Fumikage's spine. Holding his shudder in, he met the man's hidden eyes with a cold glare. "Yes."

The student obviously couldn't do much in this state, and he would rather keep it that way. Resorting to his edgy, lonely side would be the only way they wouldn't get information out of him. The only way he could help the heroes who were no doubt coming to rescue him. "You look cold-hearted. I like that in a person."

Although Tokoyami couldn't exactly argue with his personality, he still felt a bit offended. His mind thought back to the time he spent with Shoji, being happy - expressing himself. That was nothing apparently: Everyone else besides Shoji saw him the exact way Shigaraki saw him. Gulping to hide his slowly drying throat from the nerves, he narrowed his eyes. "What do you plan to do to me?"

Kurogiri leaned against the bar off to Tokoyami's right, sighing loudly, his hot breath projecting to the bird's face, making him want to gag. These people could kill him in a single blow, yet here they all were, loosely talking to him, showing themselves to be no threat whatsoever. Dark Shadow was crossing his arms, fidgeting. 'It doesn't feel right, Fumi'.' he internally said to him. 'This isn't what it looks like when villains want to hurt you.'

Fumikage sometimes hated how his quirk worked: he couldn't talk back to Dark Shadow without actually making a sound and alerting his captors and allowing them to understand his quirk was actually sentient. It sucked. Dark Shadow seemed to understand his reasoning, however. 'That's alright.' He said lowly, as if the villains could hear his voice as well.

"So..." The girl slowly drawled out the word - what was her name? He swore he knew it. "Are we going to ask him or just stand around? I could just kill him if we're gonna be this boring."

The man with all the sewed on flesh smiled at the girl. It was clear they'd known each other for some time. "Listen here bird-brains." His voice was silky soft, gliding over the words as if he had been preparing to say them all his life. "We scouted you out because you have a lot of potential. We were going for that explosive prick, but he slipped away." Broad shoulders shrugged. "That doesn't matter now anyway."

They wanted... to recruit him? Tokoyami and Dark Shadow went still mentally and physically, in utter shock. His quirk shook his head quickly, narrowing his eyes, 'Don't do it.' , he pleaded. 'I'm sorry I lost control and they saw it - I don't want to be a villain, It's just because Shoji got hurt!'

Fumikage snorted. "You think a member of Class 1-A, one of the best group of upcoming heroes the world has been so far, would just change sides?" he clicked his fingers for effect. "Like that?"

Shigaraki removed the hand covering his face, and the student had to try and not wince at the amount of scars and wrinkles of stress pressed into his enemy's forehead. The hand was let go of, and it crawled itself down his leg and onto the floor, resting by his foot. Tokoyami couldn't help but widen his eyes a little. It was alive? "Not so cool after all, are you?" His smile was hideous, pulling back wrinkle after the wrinkle, scars tightening at they were pulled back harshly. "Don't worry." He assured - though, it was nothing really that comforting. "It won't take long to change your mind."

They had seen him with Shoji, Tokoyami just knew it. They were going to try and get him too, weren’t they? Oh god... "What are you going to do to me?" He tried again, crossing his hands tightly over his chest to quell his shaking, or to at least hide it somewhat.

"Something I've been wanting to do to one of All Might's students for a long time."

...

Midoriya swung his legs over the side of his hospital bed, grimincing as he pressed his feet onto the cold hard floor. "I have to All Might." He ground out, squinting his eyes up at the deflated figure of peace. "Shoji can't take it anymore himself - How do you think Tokoyami must feel right now?"

"I strongly believe in Fumikage's abilities as a U.A student." Toshinori stated, sitting down on the bed next to his successor. "We are planning a rescue and are about ready to go off." He assured the young hero-in-training, reaching a hand out to ruffle his green hair. "But you trying to go yourself could harm both Tokoyami and the heroes involved."

"Don't..." He cut himself off, glaring down at his lap. "Don't talk about the situation as if it were just a simple rescue - as if I weren’t his friend." His fingers twitched as he gripped his clothes. "The league of villains works alongside some of the worlds worst criminals. Tokoyami could die."

All might heard the words Midoriya hadn't spoken: 'You could die'.

"Young Midoriya." Oh gosh, here it comes. "I-I understand your worry - I understand Shoji's worry too. However, there is no need to fear. We will all be just fine."

There was an emphasis on the all, and it made Izuku let out a sigh of relief, knowing he can trust the man's word. "Alright." He said softly. "I won't try and go rescue him."

...

Tokoyami's feathered face rippled with the punch, throwing his small, lithe body onto the ground, his back connected with the stone floor, taking the breath out of him momentarily. Wheezing, he blinked his crimson eyes open, fighting back the dizziness and frustration at the situation - he was going to die here, wasn’t he?

Shigaraki looked at him through wide-eyed crazy red eyes, stamping his leg onto the student's left knee harshly. It must have been around three or four times until a loud pop and a scorching pain ran up his leg. "That's what I was waiting for." He said happily, bending down to feel along his black feathers with two of his fingers, disgusting face almost touching the teens mostly-clean feathered one. "I'm surprised to find them so soft, considering your personality." He chuckled.

Having a hand other than Shoji's six stroking along his feathers felt foreign - It froze him in place, hands unable to move to defend himself as another kick rained down on his body. Tokoyami let his head slam into the stone, hearing the noises of flesh and concrete colliding.

'Get up!' Dark Shadow whined. 'You can do it, Toko'!'

The quirk-user had forbade the shadow from leaving his body in hopes that it would protect the weaknesses and strengths of his quirk from the knowledge of the villains. Even at the cost of his own life. He thought about the future when he'd made that decision - if he ever lived to see the day, he would probably fight these murderers again.

His quirk wasn't happy about it, but gave in, resorting to curling himself up tightly in Tokoyami's chest, trying to cover his ears so he didn't have to hear the sounds of his friend being beaten within an inch of his life. As a quirk, he couldn't feel any pain, but he knew if he came out to defend his family member, it would resort in him being stabbed and attacked at, which Fumikage had made clear over the years that that really fucking hurt him.

Fumikage let out a whimper when a soaring pain ripped through his chest as a blue flame tore near him, burning his cloak away and leaving him only in his casual black clothing he wore underneath. The cloak itself looked more like a cape now. Frigid night air hit him once the flames extinguished themselves and the smoke drifted away, revealing Dabi standing next to Shigaraki, the black haired male taller than the leader, almost towering over him.

"Are you guy's done yet?" Came the whine of that little shit who's supposed to be around the same age as him, maybe a little older. "I want a go!"

Another villain was sitting on a small table nearby - he wore a black and grey suit, covering his whole entire body, and had white masked eye holes. "Calm down Toga!" He laughed, swinging his legs back and forth while staring at both him and the girl. "You'll get your turn!"

A knock at the door stopped them all. Fumikage's eyes flooded with tears when they all looked away. Maybe this was his chance - maybe someone had come for him. 'Stay strong, don't let them see the tears now.' Dark Shadow chanted inside of his mind, and he breathed out a shaky sigh, tightening his face up from the sad mess it had become. "Hello?" Called a voice. "Did someone order a pizza?"

His face fell ever so slightly. No. No it wasn't help at all - he was stuck here.

Suddenly, a rumble startled him - it came from outside of his line of sight, and he closed his eyes nauseously as he tried to look. There has been another villain standing around there, but he was flung over him, landing in a heap on the floor. A loud 'Smashhhhh!' was heard as a person charged through the wall.

'Hey, hey!' Dark Shadow cheered, trying to keep his friend awake by circling the inside of his body excitedly. 'All Might's here!'

Suddenly, he found his limp body being picked up. He dragged his eyes open to find himself in the warp-man's firm grip. "No." He tried struggling, but the darkness surrounded him, blinking him and choking him. "Not again!" He yelled out, squirming as he was dragged into another portal.

...

They arrived in an abandoned warehouse, Fumikage falling out of the villains grip and landing on the ground, jolting at his injuries. He hissed, feathers fluffing up in pain, elbowing his way up to his knees, favoring his right leg over his dislocated one, staring up at the league with a look he hoped didn't scream fearful.

"Awh!" Toga played with some of her loose hair. "He's actually such a cute little birdy! Shigaraki, can we keep him?"

The leader sighed, and Tokoyami dragged himself a little bit backwards while they were all distracted. A ring of fire surrounded him and he freezed, eyes widening. The flames disappeared once more when he sat still, and he inhaled sharply, looking over at the source of the fire - fucking zombie. "That is the plan." The multiple-handed male said simply, yawning in boredom.

Fumikage hadn't realized until now, but there was a presence of someone else in the room - someone who wasn't there before. "This was your chosen one, Shigaraki?" Came a deep voice - cold and calculated, sounding almost dead. Tokoyami had a feeling he knew who it was, and having that voice behind him shook him to his core. Fucking hell he really was in deep shit, huh?

"Yes, master." Shigaraki seemed happy now that this person was there with him, unlike any other time so far. "He will be a great asset to the team if we can 'convince' him to join."

Dark Shadow, being the unique quirk he was, could see out of his 'owners' body, and used that to his ability, twisting around to look outside of Tokoyami's back. 'I-It's...' The Shadow gulped. 'It's the All For One guy, right?.'

"Shit." He muttered under his breath. The man laughed at him, laying a hand on his shoulder, squeezing it tightly.

"It's one of All Might's students." All For One commented out loud, letting go of his shoulder, walking around to face him. "It will definitely come in handy."

Just looking at his face made shivers run up his spine - did he even have anything under that damn mask? He didn’t think so.

Tokoyami held in a groan at being called 'it'. Although to be honest, the fear coursing through his veins at All For One being this close to him - his quirk, he knew it too well; it was his name as well... All For One - the stealing quirk. 'If he touches you and takes your quirk away, I'll die.' Dark Shadow sounded calm for once since the beginning of this kidnapping. He probably felt his users fear sparking, and felt like it was his duty to protect him. They had swapped roles so easily, Fumikage couldn't help but smile.

"Leave me alone with him." All nice thoughts were flung out of the window, and the teen couldn't even hear Dark Shadow trying to comfort him over the pounding of his heart. He was doomed now. Shit, shit shit. Where the hell were the pro-heroes? "I would like to see how far he can go."

Tokoyami knew this was going to end badly.

...

His vision was blurry and unfocused when the villain was eventually thrown off of him, allowing him to breathe, before being plucked up and held tightly against a large mans chest. Tokoyami tried struggling against the hands, but a voice hushed him. "Young Tokoyami, do not fear." Came a rather hushed voice for the number one hero. The teen couldn’t help but sigh in relief. Fumikage blinked his red eyes up at the man, and a shining smile rained back down on him.

"I can stand." He grumbled, and the pro-hero placed him down gently. Shakily, he let Dark Shadow loose to keep him steady. The quirk curled around him, keeping to his left side to make up for the lose of movement in said leg. "Well." He mused. "More or less."

His teacher gave him a curt nod. "You should get out of here." He warned, deep blue eyes meeting red tired ones. Tokoyami swore he didn't even think the dude had eyes. The more you know he supposed. "I can take him on myself."

"You can't." He stated simply, and he felt Dark Shadow tense, ready to fight for his owners life for real this time. "And you know that."

The number one hero gave a low chuckle, getting into a fighting stance. "Fine then, young Tokoyami." A thumbs up was sent his way, and the student shuddered, prepared, yet anxious. "I grant you permission to use your quirk."

"I'm already right here you know." Came the cheeky voice of his Shadow; the darkened bird narrowed his eyes despite the humor, almost snarling at All For One. "I'm ready!"

...

Tokoyami was faintly aware of the helicopters and rising crowds as the three of them battled it out on the abandoned construction site. The teen swiftly jumped from bits of rubble to unattended beams, shooting out his quirk and drawing him back in quickly to create a false attack. Fumikage swore the cameras were facing him more than All Might, but in the heat of the situation and pain, he barely noticed his feathers fluff from embarrassment.

"Let me actually attack him." His quirk gave a low growl, reaching out to pretend to paw at the villain, making the man use one of god-knows how many quirks to try and stop him. Dark Shadow just phased through it, smirking before being flung backwards and towards Tokoyami. "He'll understand what's happening soon if we don't take the jump on him."

"I know that." He muttered, dodging a bolder thrown his way, landing awkwardly on his left side, hissing and collapsing in pain. As he fought to right his body, he could hear the agony of the battle behind him, and he grit his teeth. "Fine - Go, Dark Shadow!"

The quirk had never run so fast out of his body, slamming over to the fighting adults, phasing through All Might before projecting a punch right at the villains face. Obviously, from all the fake attacks, All For One hadn't been expecting anything new, so being hit in the face by a shadow probably wasn't what he was quite thinking of. "I didn't even think you could hit." He spoke lowly, reaching out to try and snag the quirk, only to have it phase out on him. "Sneaky."

All Might rounded a punch at the man, following through after he'd recovered from the initial shock of having a fist phase through him, only to hit the man right next to him. Knowing Dark Shadow wouldn't hurt him restored his confidence in the loose attacks Tokoyami had been pulling off until now. It made so much more sense Battle-Wise that he had almost missed it's intentions.

"Tokoyami." He ground out, throwing a kick at the man's legs, hitting his shins, toppling him over. "I need Dark Shadow to capture." All Might stomped on his opponents chest, hearing a wheeze in return.

Fumikage recalled his quirk, and used it as almost a hover board sort of thing, lifting himself up and carrying him over to the two men. Bringing him down slowly, Dark Shadow then wound himself around All For One, securing him in place. "All done." It chirped happily.

As soon as the teen realized it was over, he noticed the rush of helicopters on the scene, the amount of people cheering for him and the pro-hero, and the small group of heroes who had stood back to watch the epic fight clapping. "You've done well, Tokoyami." All Might said, patting his head. There was blood all over All Might; he looked gravely injured, but then again, so did he probably.

"We both did." He countered quietly.

...

Fumikage Tokoyami wasn't the type to want attention - quite the opposite, in fact. The student had realized this from an early age, tending to not speak out in crowds for the fear of everyone suddenly paying attention to him.

So obviously, this battle was causing some strain.

"What was it like to work with All might?" The nurses would babble on as they took care of his wounds, undressing and redressing them. "He's so strong - that's one hell of an experience!"

The teen would just roll his red eyes at their excitement of knowing what it was like to work with All Might himself rather than asking if anything hurt. It did, of course - he'd taken quite the toll in the torture and then in the battle: an emotional pain and a physical pain, both of which could probably not be clenched by medication. It would take him weeks to heal, he mused quietly.

When one of the woman paused to look at him, he could see that she was actually waiting for an answer this time. "Just like in school." He said softly, voice aching and sore. "He's my teacher at U.A."

She squealed. "You're in the same class as Endeavor's son! That's so cool! Who's your homeroom teacher?"

Now she was diving closer to where Tokoyami drew the line. He may be the silent type by heart, but unlike, for example, Koji, Fumikage still spoke out when he was irritated. "He doesn't like being well known." Simple and to the point. Just his style. The nurse seemed to get the message, muttering a apology before swiftly leaving the room.

When she left the room, he deflated, sighing. As much as he hated all this socialization, he missed Shoji. The school and hospital had come to a decision to hold him there until he could be transferred to the new 'dorms' school were building for Class 1-A. He had to chuckle at the thought of the teachers having to actually consider keeping them on campus after this fiasco.

'It's a good idea though' Dark Shadow murmured, half asleep inside of him. 'Means you're safe now.'

Tokoyami shook his head tiredly. "Well what happens when we leave campus?" He said out loud - the doctors and nurses had been informed of his quirk so they knew he wasn't going insane. "We can't hide from them forever like some cowards."

Dark Shadow's beak poked out from his chest, and the quirk nipped at his shirt. "Can you just shut up and be thankful?" Came the groan from his friend. The shadow of a beak went back into his body. 'I'm trying to rest now.'

"Sure." He lowered himself back onto the white bed-sheets, half closing his eyes from the light protruding through the blinds on the windows. His quirk was quickly asleep, and his breathing, although faint and unreal, lulled Fumikage to a state of calm, then relaxed, then unconscious.

...

All Might had retired - it appears that no matter what Fumikage had done to help, the hero had taken a lot more damage than had been expected. Guilt tore at his insides like when Dark Shadow raged, and he walked shakily next to the now literally deflated man and down the road to the new campus.

"Are you ready to see everyone again?" The teacher asked, voice softer than All Might's had ever been. His stomach tightened with the realization.

"Yeah." He mumbled, dragging the small walking stick along the dirt, pushing himself up and along with it. It was humiliating, but it was life at the minute. Tokoyami clenched his teeth. "It's been too long."

...

Making his way through the door, he was greeted by an extraordinarily clean common room, decorated neatly with balloons and banners, all saying 'Welcome home!' His throat tightened at he saw all of his classmates smiling at him.

"Hey, Fumikage!" Uraraka smiled, looking a tad bit up at him. She was holding out a box as she walked towards him. "A present from us all!"

"I had nothing to do with it!" Bakugou snarled, but his eyes held fierce pride for the feathered-teen. It made the shadow-quirk user smile slightly.

Balancing the cane under his armpit, he took the box shakily, unwrapping it and taking the lid off. There, under the careful and precise wrapping, was a selection of things: a few spiked bracelets, a new red choker, since his one had been burned off by Dabi (He’d learned that shits name after he’d been found), and a small little switchblade. "To go with your costume." Uraraka added when his eyes widened a little at the weapon.

"Thank's guys." Suddenly, his hoodie felt tight around his body, and he felt sweat bead down his neck in embarrassment. "So..." He let his eyes wander away from the group of people. "Can someone show me to my new room? It'd be cool to see it."

Shoji stood forward, reaching out three arms to loop around the teen, taking the box with his other hand. "I'll show you." He said softly, leading him towards the elevator. Tokoyami hobbled along stiffly, wincing at the pain.

"At least there's an elevator."

As they bundled in, Mezo made another handed tentacle to press the level two floor. Tokoyami braced himself half against the metal banister and half against his boyfriend as the doors closed and they began moving upwards. "So, what did I miss?" He asked hoarsely, looking up at him, red eyes meeting black.

"Not much." The elevator stopped, and the white haired male stepped out, hand on the small of Fumikage's back, guiding him to the first room. "We decided on rooms and you got first pick. We chose here so you didn't have to walk much."

The door was made of a nice wood, and Mezo pushed it open, revealing all of his stuff transferred into the room and already set up. "I decided I would set it up like your old room." Shoji had been to his house plenty of times, so he knew what it looked like. "I hope it's alright."

The teen reached out a hand to run it along his desk. He smiled. "Thanks, Shoji." He turned and buried himself into his boyfriend's chest. "Love you." He mumbled against the soft T-Shirt.

"I love you too, Fumi'. I love you so much."

...

It turns out, those helicopters had been filming the fight - and everyone had been watching. That even included his classmates and teachers. Everyone was flowing with pride for his accomplishments, and it made him die a little bit in awkwardness at the looks he received from everyone.

Breakfast was normally a bit frustrating, but with him hobbling in these past three days with a walking stick and hissing in pain every time he sat down, it just got even weirder. Bakugou was quiet ever since he overheard Fumikage mutter to Shoji he had a headache, and so was Kirishima. The two loudest members of their class. Kaminari was acting less irritating and just sort of sat there like a toy, along with Sero and Mina, all three of the students just eyeing him nervously. Hell, even Mineta wasn't being his usual perv-self.

"Alright, guys." He spoke out to them all, and they looked at him, confused. "I get it you're worried I'm damaged, or you want to help me feel better, but." He took a small inhale. "I don't exactly feel comfortable with this obnoxious silence either."

Bakugou sighed, but smirked at the feathered-teen. "Fucking finally, I knew it was a stupid idea."

"It was your idea." Asui pointed out, and the explosive-quirk user, well... exploded, from embarrassment. "I'm glad you're feeling better though, ribbit." She added on, smiling softly at him.

He glanced at her. "I'm pretty much A-okay now. Just waiting for this knee to heal up." He knew his mental scarring would take longer to heal, but they didn't need to know that. "I just wish you guys would stop talking about it though."

"Why?" Midoriya said from across the table. "Tokoyami you were amazing!"

"It was mainly All Might..." His feathers fluffed up a little. "I just assisted."

Bakugou slammed his hands on the table, standing up with pure rage, making everyone jump around him. He stared into Tokoyami's red eyes with his own ruby-colored ones. "Don't downgrade yourself, bird." He growled out, "You were injured. Badly. But you still fought on!"

Blinking owlishly up at the explosive teen, he nodded. "Yeah... Thanks Bakugou."

"You better be." He grumbled fondly, slumping himself down into his chair as if nothing ever happened. Kirishima snickered. "You wanna go, Shitty Hair?" Came the response to his giggling. Red Riot shook his head, coughing off the remains of his chuckles. "Good."

A warm feeling spread over Fumikage's body; it was tingling, and it felt nice. 'That's what it feels like to be loved.' Oh Dark Shadow, his smart, independent and ever nice quirk sometimes knew more than his own host. 'It's nice cause I get to feel it too!'.

"That's enough Bakugou!" Iida practically yelled from a few seats away, dramatically throwing his hand up and down - they'd named it the Iida-gesture, and rightly so: only the speed-quirk user ever did it. It didn’t make it any less intimidating. "Do not make us make you add to the violence jar!"

The feathered-teen glanced at the blue-haired boy. "There's a violence jar?"

"You've missed some... changes." Kaminari laughed, shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. “Goo’ ‘nes.!” He added on in his cereal-muffled voice, spitting it all out when Sero began laughing at him across the table “Hey!”

...

He had a nightmare that night, dreaming of All For One and death and losing his quirk - Losing Dark Shadow. Tokoyami dreamt of pain and suffering and torture. Being alone. No one came to rescue him - he one cared. Everyone thought he was dead, he'd seen the news show from the TV in the bar as he'd been chained up and beaten - a quirkless first year student against adult villains.

Dark Shadow was whimpering, nudging at his host's shirt with his beak, laying his head on the bird-teens chest, sighing as he watched the boy suffer through another night terror. In any other occasion, Dark Shadow would take control, would force himself to make Fumikage feel protected by physically protecting him, but he knew deep down that having anything holding him tightly would only cause him to panic more.

He had an idea, a small one in the back of his independent mind. 'Could I do that?' He mused softly, watching the student shake and shiver and let out soft whimpers and whines in his sleep. 'Could I make it that far?'

Tokoyami gave a loud sob, and that set the quirk off. The Shadow leapt up, hovering across the room and phasing through the door, flying himself up the stairs to the next floor.

Floating across the different rooms, he finally found Shoji's room.

...

Fumikage threw himself onto the floor as he awoke from his dream, panting harshly as he thudded onto the floor. "Shit." He mumbled when he knee gave a pop and crackle and a searing pain similar to the one a few days ago shot up his leg. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

Expecting his quirk to tell him to calm down, or to appear next to him fretting worriedly, but he wasn't there. Eyes widening in realization, he looked down at his chest to find that a shadow was protruding from it. His quirk's purple colored body was stretched out, and he followed the trail to find that it had gone under his door. "Aw no, Dark Shadow." He groaned, patting the area next to his bed in search for his walking stick.

Finding the sturdy wooden stick, he hoisted himself up shakily, feeling his knee wobble from where it had re-dislocated itself from his topple. Making his way slowly over to the door, he opened it, eyes following the trail of his quirks body as it led down the hall and up the stairs.

This was going to be a long night.

...

Finally - he groaned out loud again as he made it half way up the stairs, only to be greeted by a worried Dark Shadow and a concerned Shoji Mezo. "Ah, Fumi!" His shadow whined. "You're awake; are you okay?"

"'M fine but.." He looked down at his kneecap. "I think I dislocated my knee again." The feeling rushed back at him, making him feel nauseous. He recalled Dark Shadow into him, the quirk quickly coming back, unease rippling through his body when the whole figure entered him. Shoji quickly came forward and scooped the young boy into his many arms. He nuzzled his head under his boyfriend's chin, sighing.

"Let me check it." They were already heading back to Mezo's room, so it's not like Tokoyami had a choice. "I have a first aid kit." He added when he got a questioned noise from the feathered boy.

When they arrived, he was set gently on the bed, leg stretched out painfully as Mezo looked it over, cold fingers grazing over his skin, making sharp tingles ring up from the injury. "It's not dislocated, luckily. I just think you bruised it a lot, or it did dislocate but relocated itself."

Fumikage snorted. "Only in my body." He mused quietly, taking comfort in the bliss silence that followed. It was so much better than his nightmare of screams and horrors.

"Do.." The white-haired male paused, looking thoughtfully at the smaller student. "Do you want to spend the night here?"

The teen couldn't be happier. Reaching out his arms, he let Shoji pick him up and place him tight against his chest before laying down on the bed. He snuggled into his arms, sighing contently. Everything wasn't going to be the same after this, he thought, feeling a face bury itself into his feathers. He fluffed them up so it was more comfy. "Thanks." Came the muffle from his head. He smiled tiredly, closing his eyes and gripping Mezo’s shirt tightly.

"No problem."

#bnha shoji #bnha mezo shoji #bnha mezou shoji #bnha fumikage tokoyami #bnha tokoyami #bnha shoutoko #bnha tokoshoji #bnha hurt comfort #bnha all might #bnha class 1a #bnha villains #bnha tokoyami centric #bnha fanfiction

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missvalerietanner · 4 years ago

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The Last of Us - Part II

Completion time: 24 hrs. 48 mins.

After lots of reflection on the story and reading a lot of other people’s takes on the game as a whole, here’s my two cents:

The #1 feeling I had at the end of TLOU2 was relief.

And I’m SO surprised I don’t see more people saying they felt this way.

After almost 25 hours of emotional turmoil and a lot of tears and rage and disgust, I felt as weary and drained as Ellie. I was ready for it to be over. No matter the outcome, I wanted an ending. I wanted everything to stop.

When we’re first placed in Abby’s shoes, I knew it was leading no where good. And when Abby starts saying she’s looking for “him,” I know the “him” is Joel, no question. Then Tommy and Joel stroll into that room, the Wolves close the door behind them. Joel says his name. Everyone sits up a little bit straighter, and the camera widens to show Abby holding a shotgun.

I jumped when she fired the shotgun, and I was instantly in tears, just chanting out loud, “Don’t kill him. Don’t kill him.” The tears slowed; then we pan down to Joel’s grave, and I lost it again.

From that point on, I wanted Abby to die. I wanted revenge as badly as Ellie. But as the story crawled onward, Dina almost dying, struggling to catch up to Tommy, Owen and Mel’s deaths, Jesse’s death, the looming threat of Tommy’s death, I started thinking, “Maybe this has gone too far.”

Then we get placed in Abby’s shoes again. That was a real struggle for me. I didn’t want to play as Abby. I didn’t care about her (and after finishing the game, I still don’t care about her or her loss or any of her friends). Honestly, Mel was the only one I really felt anything for, and that was mainly because Owen was a total piece of shit, clearly didn’t want the baby, and was willing to run off and leave her and the baby behind. Otherwise, her death didn’t really shake me ‘cause ultimately, I still didn’t care that much about her fate.

Then we have to play as Abby and attack Ellie. Excuse me, Naughty Dog, but wtf? Also: I did resist fighting Ellie at first, but she legit kicked my ass a LOT. But the conflict ends, Tommy’s bleeding out in the main hall with an arrow to the knee and Dina’s got a knife to her throat, and all I’m thinking is, “Tommy has to live. We can’t lose him too. And Dina has GOT to live ‘cause we (Ellie) dragged her down with us.”

Then we cut to the farm, and I think this is the end, the game’s over. But no. Ellie’s starving herself, suffering from PTSD, and having flashbacks and horrible nightmares. Then Tommy shows up just to be a dick.

1. That scene with Tommy felt really out of character. I was even yelling at screen: “Don’t do that, Tommy. Don’t you put that off on Ellie. She’s just a fucking kid.” But I think Tommy does what he does, placing the need to “finish it” at Ellie’s feet because he’s mad at himself for not being able to finish it. Maybe he even blames himself for not fighting Joel harder and being the one to take Ellie to the Fireflies in the first game. If Tommy was the one to deliver her to Saint Mary’s, I think he would have left her there. He would have let the cure be made. And I think that is part of his anger here. Even though he told Joel he would’ve done the same, I don’t believe him.

2. Dina became my absolute favorite character when she passed JJ to Ellie and stormed onto the porch to get in Tommy’s face like an absolute perfect wife should. I was so proud of her. You go, Dina!

Side Note: I adored Yara and Lev. Their whole story is tragic, and huge shout out to Yara, Ms. MVP, for killing Isaac ‘cause damn, he needed to go. He was a sick fuck. The Apartments? Housing and torturing Seraphites like that? Yikes, and the WLF acts shocked when their kind is being strung up and disemboweled. Yara’s death was almost as horrible as Joel’s; it certainly was more violent, but damn, she was a fighter. It sucked she had to go through all the pain of losing half her arm just to be gunned down, but Lev is an absolute treasure. I am so proud of him.

By the time we make it to Santa Barbara, I honestly didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care if Abby died. I didn’t see the point in it any longer, and much like Ellie, I was just tired and drained and emotionally empty. I had nothing left.

So we start in Santa Barbara as Abby. I still don’t care about her at this point, but the radio call to the Fireflies? Honestly, I’d love to make it to Catalina Island and see what they’re up to. I would absolutely play DLC of Abby and Lev making it to that island and meeting the Fireflies. That radio call was the first moment in TLOU2 that I felt any kind of hope.

Then the Rattlers appear. For maybe half of the game, I thought the story would turn and have Ellie and Abby working together. When the Rattlers came in, I thought, “This is is. Abby got taken, so now as Ellie, we have to save her.”

Eh, I was half right.

So we fight through Santa Barbara. We cut through the Rattlers, as mentally fucked as they were, and reach the end. We finally confront Abby after months of traveling to Seattle for 3 blood-filled days, then two years of some kind of peace on the farm, and now weeks of traveling to Santa Barbara.

Again, by this point, I was so tired, so ready for the game to end, I didn’t care. We find Abby as tired and beaten down as Ellie. She saves Lev, and we walk together to the beach. I thought that would be the end. But Ellie felt guilty; she felt she owed something more to Joel, something conclusive. So she pushes the fight, loses her fingers, and as she’s drowning Abby, she finally lets herself cry. She finally pushes through the wall of anger and cries, openly and honestly.

I cried right along with Ellie, and I really felt nothing when she let Abby breathe. Her and Lev are gone, and there’s Ellie, all alone.

I was relieved. There was an ending. It wasn’t a warm hug from Dina back at the farm. It wasn’t a huge party in Jackson with everyone smiling and laughing, but there was happiness in the ending.

Abby moved on; she found peace and a new family in Lev, and I know she’s on her way to Catalina Island. And Ellie set off to Jackson to makeup with Dina and try to heal her relationship with Tommy. And I hope when Ellie sees Tommy and he asks what happened, if Abby’s dead, I hope Ellie looks him square in the eye and says, “It’s finished.”

‘Cause it is. It’s over.

Abby lost herself and refound herself in her mission to save Yara and Lev, letting her life hold some value again ‘cause she had been so blinded by her rage and her need for revenge for too long. She probably hatred herself for what she had done, even though she felt compelled to do it. (Look at the way she talks about herself to Mel early on, “What kind of a person could do something like that?”) She thinks herself a monster, but by saving the lives of those kids, she balances the bad with the good and forgives herself.

And Ellie stopped just shy of losing herself ‘cause she thought her life had no meaning because of Joel’s choice to save her form Saint Mary’s. But she let go of her anger and her hatred. She forgave Abby at the last moment ‘cause she knew she had already found her new purpose in Dina and in JJ and in her life in Jackson as a whole. And her anger was misguided the whole time anyway. She hated Joel for taking away her choice. She hated Abby for taking away her chance to find forgiveness and time to heal with Joel. But in the end, as others have pointed out, that’s all she really wanted: to forgive Joel. And in the end, she could do it when she finally let herself truly grieve losing him.

Whew.

I really don’t know what to think of this game as a whole. On one hand, it’s hard to argue that is isn’t a masterpiece in all aspects: sound design, animation, visuals, controls/gameplay, acting, and of course storytelling. But on the other hand, this is the most depressing shit I have ever played, and I wouldn’t recommend that anyone play it. It is 25 - 30 hrs of pain that I don’t think I’ll ever revisit.

I don’t even feel any compulsion to edit GMVs or even think about the game, really (which is odd for me). The whole experience was so draining for me, emotionally and mentally, that I just feel exhausted by the very thought of the game.

And throughout the experience, I found myself comparing TLOU2 to Bioshock (beginning with Joel’s death, since he literally got Andrew Ryan’d via that golf club). And since Bioshock 1 & 2 both deal so closely with similar themes as TLOU2, I really feel like those games did a better job in all aspects; they found a better balance between the gruesome cruelty, the themes of loss and found family, and ultimately offered better resolutions to their stories with small glimmers of hope.

Sure, the fantastical side of Bioshock (splicers, plasmids, etc.) offer some relief from the intense brutality, but I can and have played B2 countless times. I still tear up at the end when Subject Delta dies, but your choices, good or bad, are reflected so immediately in Eleanor, that I really felt more connected to their struggles than to TLOU2. Despite all the pain and heartache, B2 inspires hope. TLOU2 just left me empty. For that reason, I don’t feel it was a great game. A brilliant movie, yes, and a compelling and gut-wrenching story, but not a great gaming experience.

It’s not the TLOU2 I would’ve wanted, but that’s obvious. I do feel that it is an honest game. It is the best answer to the first game because Joel’s choice at the end had to mean something. We needed to see the consequence of such a monumental decision.

Mostly, I’m just glad it’s over.

So there’s my recount, as messy and wild as it is.

... last thing, the birthday flashback to the museum was my absolute favorite segment. Joel is such a wonderful father, and when Ellie wanders into the space side of the museum and loses her shit, and Joel goes, “You don’t like this? Ok, we can go.” I started crying immediately. Then she says the fact about fruit flies being the first animals in space, and Joel is all, “You’re smart, kid.” I became a blubbering mess.

And when they’re in the shuttle and he gives her the Apollo 11 launch tape and the camera hovers on her face just like it did in Left Behind when Riley acted out the Angel Knives segment: I cried through the entire scene. Joel is the best fucking father; he is a prize, and I miss him terribly.

#tlou2 #the last of us part 2 #the last of us part II #opinion

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badlydrawndrawnings · 5 years ago

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Takuto Maruki’s Cursed Timeline

[NOTE: Everything in this post is mostly comprised of juicedup14′s Fan Translations, because they are honestly the most reliable ones I have access to. If anyone wants to kindly make a rebuttal regarding events on the timeline or correct events on the time/other corrections not related to the timeline, feel free to do so].

Looking back at the Original Vanilla Persona 5, and comparing it to Royal story wise, something tells me that Atlus creating Takuto Maruki into existence sort of accidentally muck up the timeline. It’s not help by the fact Atlus is still refusing to accept 2016 as the year Persona 5 takes place and use 201X despite calendars lining up.

Because we don’t have a Birthday OR Birth Year, for the purpose of this post, Takuto is a Pisces born between Feb 20, 1988 (because Futaba’s BD is Feb 19) and March 20, 1988 (Excluding March 3 because that is Yuka Ayase from Persona 1′s BD). 1988 makes Takuto 28 in 2016, and 29 when Royal ends. I don’t think Atlus wants him young as 21 or 22, but I don’t think Atlus wants him older than 30, and details of his past makes me think he isn’t 23, 24 or 25. Also for purpose of this post, P5 will be given the year 2016, because 201X is actually going to be mention several times and I don’t want confusion in the timeline.

In regards to the timeline, we must talk about the first elephant, Wakaba Isshiki and her involvement in cognitive (p)science.

Original Vanilla Persona 5 shows that Wakaba is in the field of cognitive (p)science research, and her research has ties to the government. Wakaba’s involvement within the cognitive (p)science field made her super important (seemingly almost leading pioneer important) to where Shido thought that to steal Wakaba’s research (after she refused to turn it to him), he needed to order a hit on her. All of this is the same in Royal. No retcons at all.

With the addition of Takuto’s character who is involve in the same field, you think someone could have named dropped a connection, right? Wrong! There is no connection (that I can find) linking Wakaba and Takuto, and Takuto when meets Futaba and seeing Wakaba’s research, he seems to have no idea who Wakaba is at all.

In fact, all of Takuto’s past (which will be discussed under the cut) gives implication cognition (p)science research is new. Not new-new, but new enough that people are still apparently trying to be the first to make a real name for themselves in the field independently(as much as it can) from the government, and Takuto was a top contender on the list. An explanation for the first elephant is simple: Wakaba got into the field of cognitive (p)science when it was new-new and was able to snag government connections. Takuto meanwhile, got into cognitive (p)science when people were trying make a real name for themselves independently while in university and stuck with uni for a good while.

So far, so good. Elephant two and all the heavy major spoilers is under the cut.

Elephant Two of the cursed timeline is the breakup with Rumi and when Takuto lost his future lab because his research wasn’t ‘valid’ enough, as the two events happen in close succession with one another. Rumi was Takuto’s college/uni girlfriend (the wording makes me think they started dating during uni and stay together ever since; they’re college-uni sweethearts). Based off the the diaries entries, Takuto and Rumi were still engaged to one another between 2/2 of 201X and 4/9 of 201X. 2/2 entry states that 2/3 (aka, ‘tomorrow’) is also Rumi’s Birthday. 4/9 entry is written in the Spring, with Rumi in the hospital shock and traumatize over the lost of her parents and Takuto trying to still wrap his own trauma and shock over Rumi’s parents death and Rumi herself.

By the time of Takuto’s conversation with Rumi at the hospital -clearly happening in late spring given Takuto’s third diary entry is in early summer, and because polo shirt are worn in warm temperature of spring and summer- Takuto finished his first thesis, aka the research pre-cognition overwrite (aka, Takuto’s power). In this same conversation, Takuto awakens his Persona abilities in the real world (it’s not a full awakening tho), but seems to not use it again after Rumi.

At least not until Takuto lost his future lab.

Based off the second flashback with Takuto and Shibusawa (aka, Takuto’s friend; juicedup14 translated the friend’s name), Takuto’s research came to a complete halt, and the future lab Takuto is planning on having is also halted as well. In the previous flashback with Rumi, Takuto mentions someone took an interest. By 6/3 entry, Takuto is now rewriting his thesis and doing his second round of research. With this rewrite and powers, Takuto seems to realize ‘oh shit cognitive (p)science is dangerous better make sure it doesn’t cause harm’.

By the flashback with Yoshizawa meeting Takuto in 2016 (aka, before the start of the game) the man has that Shaggy’s style beard, meaning enough time past after everything in 201X, as well with the fact Takuto had enough time to establish a practice because realistically, Yoshizawa’s parents must have gotten Takuto’s name as a referral or pick from a list of professional for their daughter to at least see. To keep Takuto’s past stay as close as possible to P5/Royal (since Rumi still stings a sore spot in Takuto’s heart even in 2016), Takuto’s worst year has to happen in 2014. And with 2014 in mind, timeline isn’t cursed when looking at it as a whole.

(Pre) 2/2, 2014: Possibly 25 or 26 year old Takuto has terrible headaches like Rita Repulsa, and Takuto pops the question to Rumi. Rumi says yes.

2/2, 2014: 26 year old Takuto writes in his diary about meeting Rumi’s parents (on her birthday). Headaches are still terrible.

Possibly 2/3, 2014: Rumi’s Birthday, and Takuto meets Rumi’s parents. There’s a chance the burglary happens on Rumi’s birthday, so for the purpose of this post, let’s assume it’s the case. Rumi loses her parents and lands in the hospital due to the shock of the trauma.

4/9, 2014: Another diary entry. 27 year old Takuto’s headaches get worse, as well has the pain in his heart due to the condition of Rumi.

Post 4/9, 2014 (Probably April): Takuto gains powers of cognition overwrite; he heals Rumi at the cost of retconning himself out of Rumi’s life.

Post 4/9 2014 (Probably late April or most likely May; see Elephant Three and Four): Takuto’s research and future lab are stopped. Takuto gets drunk over it with Shibusawa. This is one of two periods where someone *coughshidocough* stole Takuto’s original research.

6/3, 2014: Takuto is still early on in round two of his research. This is the second of two periods where someone*coughshidocough* stole Takuto’s original research

Post 6/3, 2014 but Pre-March 2016: 26 or 27 year old Takuto decides to stop being a research and decides becomes a therapist/counselor after talking to Shibusawa.

Pre-March 2016: 26 or 27 year old Takuto is now a therapist with a practice

March 2016: 27 or 28 year old Takuto see Yoshizawa and creates Ka-sumire (yeah he just changed Sumire’s cognition of herself and it’s not a fusion of the two, but technically it is in a sense?)

12/24, 2016: Should Joker max Takuto’s Co-op/Confidant, Takuto finishes his second research paper/thesis, shows it to his his old professor, and says his suspicion who stole the original research, and awakens his Persona when reality and Mementos fuse together thanks to Yaldy. Takuto becomes God (like). If we take Takuto’s word, Goro is dead and brings him back to life

1/1, 2017: Third Semester officially start.

So far, still good. And now we get to the Elephant Three, Four, and Five: Masayoshi Shido, Goro Akechi, and Wakaba Isshiki’s death. That’s right; Wakaba is back at it again, though it’s not her fault. All three are connection to one another so they’re all in a little heard of elephants. We ought to blame Shido deciding to order a hit on Wakaba with his supernatural hitman but not trying to kill Takuto when getting a chance.

On 12/24, Takuto is convince it’s Shido who stole the original research all those years ago (with Takuto mistaken that his research was used for psychotic breakdowns, this help narrow the timeline) -which I do think it's legit given the professor response and Shido canonically stole Wakaba’s research- resulting in Takuto to start over from scratch. It’s odd to think Shido allow Takuto to live when Shido has a supernatural hitman at his beck in call...right? To re-summarize a post I don’t want to link because I’m only going to be taking about 2014, Goro Akechi’s Timeline of 2014 is this:

2014, between Goro’s last year of middle school and the beginning of his first year of high school, 15 year old Goro (he won’t be 16 until June 2) awakens to his Persona and Powers. There are no serious rampages (aka psychotic breakdowns) and obviously no mental shutdowns. Goro experiment with generic shadows in the Metaverse to understand WTF is going on with him.

2014, May in Goro’s 1st year. Goro decides to show himself to Shido and his powers (Goro clearly didn’t show up as a train hitman; just someone who knows he has powers to make life go swimmingly well). As Goro and Shido knew each other for 2.5 years, the midpoint for a year anniversary in May is November, which fits the long ass exposition scene. The psychotic breakdown we know in P5 also get there start here.

2014, August in Goro’s 1st year. Wakaba dies in her car accident. As Goro’s BD is in June, and given what Shadow!Shido says to the PT, Shido introduced the idea of mental shutdown to Goro post June, and Shadow!Wakaba is most likely sixteen year old Goro’s first human Shadow he had to kill.

Given Takuto’s personal timeline, while we don’t have the exact dates for when the lab and future research was canned and when Shido stole Takuto’s original research, the only ball park estimate is Late April or May, with May best corresponding to Goro’s starting his plan of revenge and deciding to work for Shido. The idea of a 15 year old somehow having access to a university, stealing a grown’s man thesis paper without getting caught, and giving it to Shido as well as bringing up supernatural powers in rapid succession is humorous, but obviously wrong.

The idea Takuto’s first research thesis was stolen right before Goro approached Shido is the only placement that makes sense. We have Takuto who is basically on the fine line of being a nobody and somebody. Takuto was gonna join the big leagues. We have Shido who has his goals of taking over Japan, as well as the drive. Shido is still a regular corrupt politician, and has no way of say, killing someone by special means and get away with it at of this moment.

Canonically, Shido’s interested in cognitive (p)science boils down to ‘I can use this for my goal of becoming prime minister’. Given his role in the government, he must had heard Wakaba’s name and research, but had no real means on talking to her about it since Shido apparently only spoken to Wakaba once or twice to get her to hand over the cognitive (p)science research. The closest he can get to Wakaba’s research is this coffee driven twenty-something year old who looks like he never seen a comb or brush in his life (I doubt Takuto is this, but Shido probably think so) thesis paper that Shido takes a shine to it. A really good shine. Like, ‘Hm...I’m gonna take it and hope there’s physical proof to it in the future and ruin this man’s whole career while I’m at it’ shine.

Just has Shido read a few paragraphs, Goro shows up and offers his powers. Even though Shido hasn’t read the full paper, Goro is the physical proof that somehow support Takuto’s paper. Shido being Shido, still wants Wakaba’s research because it’s been in the making for much longer than Takuto’s. With new knowledge how the other world works due to Goro causing rampages of psychotic breakdowns, Shido throw aside Takuto’s research and order the hit he couldn’t do on Takuto onto Wakaba. And you think that Shido would have taken another chance at Takuto with Goro, but he didn’t.

Why? Takuto is no longer in the field of cognitive (p)science by this point because now he’s either a therapist/counselor or on the path of being a therapist/counselor. With a ruin research career and having to switch job, Shido probably did the right move from his POV to not add Takuto as another needed casualty. Because Shido in a sense, spared Takuto’s life a second time around, it also answers a question I found in Third Semester:

If Shido stole Takuto’s research, why does Goro have no idea who Takuto is when they properly met in Third Semester (remember: Goro has a question mark symbol when Takuto is reveal to be the Palace Owner, meaning Goro is confuse that this random guy is something Joker and Ka-sumire know, and Goro has to research Takuto’s past to explain to Joker)? And the answer is Goro truly has no idea who Takuto Maruki is! By the time Goro introduced himself to Shido, Shido found the man irrelevant and no longer important to bring up to his supernatural hitman as a target because Shido can get the true diamond in his eyes: Wakaba Isshiki’s research.

This would also put Takuto’s assumption of the psychotic breakdowns and how Shido introduced mental shutdowns to Goro into a new light. Psychotic Breakdowns is canonically Loki’s special power Goro can us on others to make them go wild and destructive and go on rampages. Mental Shutdown is pretty much killing the Shadow and seeing whatever will happen next. The two are not the same thing, despite what the original Vanilla Localization says by lumping the two together; it’s a mistake on the localization part. In fact, I’m a bit convince there’s a chance Takuto fell into the same mistake as well...

#takuto maruki #goro akechi #masayoshi shido #wakaba isshiki #p5r spoilers #persona 5 royal spoilers #persona 5 the royal spoilers #persona 5 royal #persona 5 the royal #major spoilers #endgame spoilers #this is a text post #timeline

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therainroguefanfiction · 5 years ago

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About/Information

I write because I lead a lonely life with very little human interaction.

I write so that I can feel what friendship and love feels like, so that I can feel like I’m a part of something bigger.

I write to escape the problems that plague me in real life, to get to hang out with people and characters that have impacted my life.

I write because it makes me happy and helps me cope with the life I’ve been given.

When I write, I get to insert myself into those worlds and feel a deep connection with its inhabitants, forming bonds of friendship and love that I can’t make in real life.

For me, it’s the same as watching anime or watching a movie and getting engrossed in the story. I’m super sensitive and empathetic, so I can feel what other people experience, whether they be real people or those you find within anime.

You can call it pathetic, and a lot of people don’t understand Fanfiction and find it weird, but for me, it’s part of my life and plays a huge part in my happiness.

I pour my heart and soul into my writing, so sharing it with others is quite nerve-wracking, but at the same time, I couldn’t imagine writing just to keep them on a hard drive somewhere.

I believe that in today’s society, everyone gets triggered over everything because they are bored and have nothing better to do with their lives. While I do my best to label my stories with warnings if I think it might have legit triggering content, if you find something to be triggering and I haven’t labeled it as such, please let me know. I will review it and see if I can agree with it being a genuine concern.

A lot of my writing features subjects that I have experience with. These are the things I consider to require a trigger warning:

Mentions of suicide/suicide attempts.

Self-harm.

Abuse, both mental and physical.

Alternatively, I refuse to write about rape/non-consensual sex.

I rarely write adult content (smut, lemons, etc.) because I feel like I suck at writing them due to the simple fact that I don’t have any experience in that area. I write a lot more suggestive content (16+) which eludes to having sex but never actually states it or adds anything overtly sexual to the story.

However, due to some recent soul searching, I’ve come to realize that I may be a bit uptight when it comes to sexual content because I was raised in a strict Christian environment. I plan to try branching out and try writing some more adult content.

I will NOT write smut for any real persons under the age of eighteen (kpop idols for example).

When it comes to anime, though, I will age them up to at least sixteen. Some people may find some issue with this, but I feel like it’s not that big of a deal because they aren’t real people, they’re just characters and this is just fiction.

From my experience, not too many people like writing in Second Person, and must prefer First or Third. However, a long time ago on Tumblr (yes, I know, the bane of the internet), I saw several posts in the fanfiction tag talking about how they couldn’t relate to most original characters with their fair skin or curly hair. That got me thinking a lot, and I came to realize that I usually skip over descriptive details about original characters simply because I can’t relate to most of them.

Since that day, I decided to write in Second Person so that anyone, no matter their skin color, hair type, body type, etc., can enjoy the fics I write. I avoid adding descriptions of the reader so that anyone can view themselves in that role.

Alternatively, I do my best not to add gender to the reader, as well. At the end of the day, though, I am a female, so it’s natural that my fics will lean more towards a feminine reader, though I’m quite boyish so maybe that will help. I don’t like to label myself, but if I had to choose one, it would probably be straight, so most of my fics are about guys.

However, there are some female characters that I love so damn much that I would happily be with them if given the chance, so I might write about some of them occasionally.

Now, I’ve already stated that Second Person is my main go-to for my fics, but when there’s a fic that’s important to me or with a character/anime that I especially enjoy, I might switch to a different point of view for that specific fic. I usually add it to the pairing at the start of the fic, though.

In case you don’t know what the different points of view are, they are as follows:

First Person; I went to the store today. Second Person; You went to the store today. Third Person; She/He went to the story today.

The story behind my name is quite a simple and boring one, but I thought I would share it anyway.

World of Warcraft and Neverwinter are among some of my top favorite video games, and within them, my favorite class has always been the Rogue. They aren’t easy to play, and I always do them wrong, but it’s my favorite class and I feel so much happiness playing them.

Ever since I was a child, I’ve always been obsessed with rain. When it rains here, I usually drop everything I’m doing and rush outside with some paper and a book. I can’t express how happy I feel when it rains. It calms my soul and washes away everything that troubles me. Thunderstorms are the absolute best!

Actually, I started a fic set all about the rain. At the time of this post, I haven’t added that book yet, but I’ll be adding it soon – it’s called Rain Falls (original, I know).

Over my time across the internet, I have had many names and posted my fics in many different places under different names, so if you find it posted elsewhere under a different name, please let me know.

Currently, I am only posting my fics here and on WordPress under the same name. I’m considering posting them on Deviantart, as well, under the same name but at the current time, I have not done so.

I began my writing journey when I was around twelve years old when I joined a magical little site called Quizilla. If you didn’t get the chance to experience this wonderful site, let me give you a quick rundown of what you could find there. As the name suggests, it was a site where you could make and take lots of different quizzes. The most popular ones were things such as “What anime character are you?” “Who will fall in love with you?” “What animal are you?”, etc.

Most of the stories there at the time were all about emo boys and naruto lol I remember such stories as “Who will you choose? A demon, angel or vampire”. My favorite parts of this site were the challenges and contests, which a lot of my fics are based around. Here are a few examples:

139 Prompts

Here, There, Everywhere

Lights, Camera, Action!

How to Trick Him into Bed in 10 Easy Steps

Love and Other Disasters

I haven’t been able to find a website that offers a good set of prompts like they had on Quizilla, but I still try looking for them. Ever since then, I’ve been writing off and on. I like to believe my writing has gotten better, but I don’t really know for sure. At least a little less cringy, I hope.

I also hold out the hope that, one day, Quizilla will make its return.

☂ Writing

Everything written on this blog was written by me, TheRainRogue.

☂ Original

All original works were created and written by me, TheRainRogue.

☂ Fandoms

All fandoms written about belong to their respective creators. I did not create any of these worlds or characters.

☂ Banners

All banners featured on this blog were edited by me using textures and images made by other people. All images belong to their respective owners/creators.

☂ Blog

#about #about me #disclaimer #information #about the blog

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askbloatedbellyblog · 5 years ago

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Update: AKA wtf did you go AB3

Alright everyone, now that my birthday is over, I thought I should give everyone an update on why I’ve sorta disappeared.

Well first off, life and work got extremely busy. I’m been trying to accomplish some real life goals and have made some success, got super stressed out with too many things to do and even quit a place I’ve worked at for nearly 6 years for mental health reasons even though I then worked there for another 6 months after. yeah it was super weird.

I’ve had anxiety for a while and some of the stuff I was doing was trying to get over it by confrontation, lessen some by getting out of situations, and pursuing dreams.

Now that doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten bellies or anything else either, just been stretched thin. Or so I thought.

So what I chalked up to getting old I’m not really old just thought “aging” and apparently this is fairly common with what I will lay out and anxiety sometimes to an extreme with more panic attacks and depression which I’ve always dealt with and have been going to therapy for, which I suggest for anyone, lack of focus, ADHD, muscle aches, tiredness (which I thought was from bad sleep habits), etc; weren’t exactly what I thought they were.

I’m a fairly fit person. I workout or had but again motivation was waning or being busy but also gets to this in a second nearly every day, I don’t eat TOO badly, I sleep way worse than I should but okay, take vitamins etc. Recently leaned on energy drinks too much but oh well. But I’ve had some bad foot pain and other ailments for a while. I’ve not had a ton of money, thought part of it was from tile floors or planter fasciitis (basically a tendon injury that can be caused by over use and flat feet, which guilty).

So after finally reaching deductible for the year, I finally went to the doctor and discovered that somehow I have peripheral neuropathy. Meaning somehow my nerves are messed up. I can move fine, but I was told my “sensory nerves were worse than an 80 year old” and that why my leg/feet were on fire. Usually this happens with advanced diabetes which I don’t have (as far as they can tell and said I’d know it by the time this would have happened).

It’s really great to hear that your nervous system is all jacked up and you didn’t know it. I’m still trying to figure out a legit diagnosis with a few of the blood tests I’ve had be fairly normal. It still could be something with my thyroid, maybe cancer, MS, who knows. I’m still trying to get in to see other doctors to try to see what is going on, though I have a sneaking suspicion and so far way less serious than all that.

At the casual suggestion of the doctor who did my nerve test because it “helps the nerves”, I took vitamin b12. I’ve taken some before and its in BASICALLY everything as far as anything fortified, the multivitamin I take, energy drinks, cereal, you name it. It’s in there to SOME degree. Well I’ve been having digestion issues as of late (wondering if I really had like IBS or Celiac etc) so I thought “You know what, I’ll buy one of those gummy versions so I can chew it up better and see what happens.” Well boy howdy, did that affect things and not necessarily for the better at first. I had bought both a b12 gummy and a b complex and the complex happened to have a different form of b12 than is usually in all those shelf stable fortified version of food. It was the “active” version of the vitamin (because apparently there are 4 different types, who knew).

Have you ever wanted to know what it’s like to feel like you’re on fire? Or to have your whole body be electrically charged? Well basically that’s what happened. Still happening to a degree. Still trying to find out for sure (which apparently is very hard to find doctors well versed in it because it does have symptoms similar to other diseases and not always present in the blood) but it looking pretty likely I have pernicious anemia. SUPER fun let me tell you. Not sure if it’s going to be a forever thing or just somehow got a b12 deficiency but I’m really starting to suspect actually a family history with it and not having things connected together.

Normal people don’t react to vitamin B12, even if they take too much, they just pee it out. But when I’ve taken it especially at first (it’s a known issue that it can have worse symptoms when you first start getting B12 again because your system finally is screaming GIVE ME ALL THE THINGS) I’ve gotten worse symptoms of pain, migraines, spreading nerve pain, lung, heart issues, breathing, stamina, everything out the window for a little bit. Being on fire but knowing you have to deal with it as best you can is super fun let me tell you. In a perfect world, I’d actually get shots for it but that requires finding a doctor who believes it. The big problem is that some people don’t find out they have it for YEARS and by then nerve damage is permanent. If you act fast it can be reversed. I don’t want to ruin my shot at getting better while I can.

Now the good news is so far, I have been getting better! It’s early days but nerves are less on fire. I’ve been getting energy up, libido is better, mood is better, breathing is getting better, heck even my digestion and heartburn have been getting much better. Not perfect but improving. Hell I didn’t even realize it was an issue but I had a night a bit ago where I was tingling all over in my legs and feet and suddenly could move my pinkie toes more than I ever remember being able to. So things are communicating and trying to recalibrate.

Fun fact: did you know lack of B12 can cause anxiety, panic attacks, depression, insomnia, sleepiness, dementia, lack of focus, bowel issues, nerve damage and more? So my anxiety and depression (not saying I’m fixed or that it will go away by any means) could be linked to chronic lack of b12? That lack of being able to concentrate and focus could also be symptoms? Did you know that if you have absorption problems (bingo from intestinal issue) and taking heart burn medication (also a check mark because have fought it for years) can cause b12 deficiency? Because you need the stomach acid to digest it and have it in your colon? WELL I KNOW NOW LET ME TELL YOU WHAT. Did you know that working out burns more B12 and so does stress and anxiety? So its very possible that because I have been working out and super stressed that I actually made the problem worse by using up what little stores of B12 I had? SUPER GREAT let me tell you.

So while I’m still trying to get to a doctor and hopefully don’t have something more serious, it seems likely that I’ve had a chronic B12 deficiency for years and it may have just not been in the right form for me to use despite ingesting a ton and then the cycle just made it worse. It could be a long road with maybe some permanent issues but I’m hopeful things are looking up even though it seems like it’s kind of a two steps forward, one step back kind of process with some relapses even though there’s progress. I still get worried and stressed about my condition and hate being in pain and weak and probably over research on whats going on (also still hoping that it’s not something more serious) but considering I’m making improvements and doing so fairly quickly all things considered makes me okay and hopeful I’ll be better than ever and able to accomplish more and not worry that I’m “getting old” when I’m pretty young.

Where does this leave me and this blog? Well it’s not going anywhere. I still exist, I’m still pining for bellies or muscle in my own way, and while it’s been slow thanks to health, lack of time, and lack of motivation; I do have some stories I’ve been working on and hopefully can get back to more canons. I do like being creative and trying to think of new things, even if I do tend to reuse a lot of ideas sometimes. Hopefully everyone will still stick around to support me even if I’m absent for a bit either on Tumblr, Twitter, or wherever else. I’m sorry for sometimes dropping conversations from being busy or procrastinating or social anxiety. Maybe that will get fixed with this. I’m honestly horrible at being the first one to start a conversation or pick it up again, so bug me first please.

Congrats if you’ve made it this far in my big life update/rant/manifesto? Thank you those who gave me birthday wishes. I luckily was healthy enough to go out and have some fun and I think I’m well enough to rejoin society again though there may be some pain. Thanks everyone for sticking with me over the years in all the places I’ve been and for enjoying all the weird ideas and writing that I’ve done to torture various characters. I hope to continue to do so for years to come.

Laters!

AB3

#mun speaks #health yo #everyone take b12!#apparently SUPER IMPORTANT #don't be a young old man like me #Hopefully I will grace everyone with a late christmas story soon I nearly finished #also everyone watch dr stone #Its my favorite

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