#Like just them talking about really random events brings so much joy

[panstovoid]

The fact that mystery files is just Shane and Ryan talking about like that one really weird or silly event just makes the true crime genre a little bit brighter.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I love your insights cause you seem like you have the wisdom of an 90 year old. Do you have any advice for a 30 something yo woman that struggles with deep anxiety and sadness even in *happy* times? (I was depressed when I started dating, than I was scared when I got engaged, I was so anxious to do a wedding that I didn't do anything me and my partner skipped right to planning a honeymoon trip, the next stage is having kids and i'm so scared). I don't want to go through life being sad over things that i want and should bring joy (because I do want them. It's just every little change for some reason gives me panic and nobody around me seem to get why even my husband..I have no clue why i'm so sensitive to changes and decision making) and the circle seem to be never ending..I did therapy and talked a lot with a therapist and i'm better, but the emotions and inner sadness still there. Sorry if it's too much info..I guess i'm hoping other women/girls/guys reading this might feel similar in life and have ways of coping? I feel like i'm the only person on the planet feeling like this and i'm scared admitting it to others (I share with them..but they don't really *see* the heavy-crying-vomit-feeling every second of the day so in the end it's just me)

***

Hi Anon 💜

What I can say to you is limited by how personal your ask is, how little I know about you and the subject (I really wouldn’t call myself wise), and how public my forum is. There’s undoubtedly a lot more you’re not saying (understandably), but I’ll try not to ramble in telling you what I think.

The fact you’re asking me this here despite already seeing someone far more qualified to give you advice (your therapist), tells me this is something that’s constantly on your mind, something that weighs on you so much you’d consider a random blogger’s opinion and that of her followers.

So I guess the first question is:

Why are you afraid?

Because that’s what anxiety essentially is. In my layman, unqualified BPP language, anxiety is being in a state of fear. And there's two reasons people could be afraid:

A good reason.

A not good reason.

And you get to decide which is which for you. Personally, the events you're describing sound like life-changing events, things with pretty profound implications not just for you but for people around you. And rather than see your fear about it as a malaise, I see it as perhaps a mild overreaction to recognizing the enormity of the implications.

But there could be more to it...

A - Sometimes, people experience something that legitimately warranted that state of fear in them, a traumatic or abusive event where fear was the only right response, an event (or series of events) that left an imprint on them. And their bodies and minds are subconsciously stuck in that state, and this could be for a whole host of reasons. This is also something that can lead to a lot of behaviours, like being afraid of change, constantly seeking comfort in what’s known and familiar, and fearing the unknown. In cases like this, psychotropic medication can help; as can therapy; journaling can help your mind work through your thoughts, help you remain present and not dissociate; improving your physical health to help your body recalibrate, etc.

B - Other times, this state is triggered by a purely physiological response and this can be due to an imbalance in your baseline. Meaning, (I’m sure the medical debate is still out on this one but) I think most people have a sort of physiological baseline for things like hormone levels (dopamine mostly), that’s oftentimes tied to several factors but including, notably, genetics. As an example, it’s been observed that people from tropical countries (or with recent ancestry including people from tropical countries) have a higher chance of suffering Seasonal Affective Disorder in winter months (so obviously after moving from tropical climates) than the general population. Meaning their genetic composition has a baseline that expects higher vitamin D levels, more natural sunlight etc, than the general population, and in the absence of these things, their bodies (and mental states) struggle to adjust without supplemental help. Supplemental help can look like vitamins, adjusting your diet to gain more of those nutrients/vitamins, nature lamps, spending more time outdoors. and in more drastic cases reconfiguring your work life to be more in-line with natural sunlight cycles.

It’s one reason frequent physical exercise helps the mental states so much for most people. How picking up a sport (like running or yoga) or spending time in the gym consistently improves mental health, helps them feel more confident and assured. Aside from the beneficial facts we all know, the reality is the sedentary lifestyle most people enjoy in the 21st century is an anomaly. Our bodies have evolved over millions of years in a way that required physical endurance, strength training, and constant movement to do very basic things: from eating, to hygiene, to even sleeping in a safe environment. I mean, the very act of washing your clothes required far more physical exertion until the invention of the washing machine in the 19th century. Cooking was a far more arduous exercise than putting something in the microwave, building heights were limited by how much people could walk and climb until we had escalators and elevators in the last century doing the work for us. Most of us are living in bodies that have a collective memory of doing far more work just to survive everyday life, that’s our physiological baseline, and yet we’re living in the most sedentary societies ever. That causes a physiological imbalance, and some people are more sensitive to that imbalance than others. The anxiety could be a signal that your body and mind recognize something is wrong or out of whack. One solution here is ratcheting up your physical movement, endurance, and strength, and typically that will help your body regulate the rest so long as you’re consistent.

C - Yet another reason some people remain in a state of fear, is that rather than a physiological imbalance being the culprit, it’s an imbalance in their sense of self. This is a bit more sensitive for me to get into, given I really don’t know you and I don’t want to hurt you unduly, but you’ve listed all these things you have going on for you in your life… are they things you actually want? What is it about your current state that terrifies you? Is there something about what you tell yourself internally or privately that you struggle to live out loud? Do you feel like you should be somewhere else, doing something else, being someone else? Do you feel like you’ve actively chosen the life you have or do you feel like a passenger in your own life watching things happen to you?

Is there any consistency between your inner beliefs, values, and desires vs your outward actions and reality? Or is there dissonance? Because what dissonance can do, is trigger the signal that something is wrong and leave you paralyzed in a state of fear if you believe you have no tools to reverse course or power through. If any of these are true for you, there’s no shortcut to reaching a solution. You have to ask yourself why you feel this way. Is there another life or another person you’re comparing to? Are there societal expectations on you that are restrictive? You'll have to decide for yourself what living with personal integrity means for you, finding a way that aligns your inner beliefs (assuming its not rooted in trauma - see A) with your outward reality.

*

Like I said above, there's two reasons one could be afraid. For good reasons, it's best to honour that fear and do what is right and safe for you. And for not good reasons, the only solution is to power through that fear, over and over again. The more afraid you feel, the more you do it. You can choose to throw yourself into it, or seek support for ways to do that safely.

If perhaps you don't feel ready to have a baby you want because you feel inexperienced, lack the resources to fully care for the child, have misgivings about your partner etc, I’m going to go out on a limb here, and be prescriptive. I’m sorry in advance if this is pushing it. But I'd say these are good reasons to be afraid. I'd suggest you communicate these reasons to someone you trust (a therapist and perhaps someone you know), spend a bit more time in preparing financially because kids aren't cheap, invest in building your social support circle (this could include relatives and friends), start actively planning for your life with a new person in it, and this can include finding people who can support you even if your partner isn't in the picture for whatever reason.

If the reason you're hesitating to have a baby you want is because you fear the unknown, I'd again go out on a limb to say I don't believe this is a good reason. In this case, what you choose to do is up to you, but I suggest you embrace the adventure (after preparing as much as you can).

Recognize your fear, assess if it's for the right reasons and if so honour it, and adjust accordingly. If it's not for the right reasons, power through it to do what you actually want.

I rambled again but I wish you all the luck, Anon. 💜

[moon-spirit-yue]

Rayaari relationship headcanons bc I wanna:

Okay so I’m feeling like pre relationship both of them had a lil dash of relationship experience but it was never anything serious for either of them

Like maybe Namaari dated in her teens but it never lasted long or got very far

Her mother probably bullied her into it😭

I can sorta kinda see Raya maybe having a fling with someone at some point during the time gap to bring a lil joy in her life but it’s very unlikely

She’d had to have been in a very good state of mind or an absolutely horrible one

I do think she would maybe date one person for a hot second when the dragons return bc her father accidentally pressured her into it

She probably just wanted to subtly reassure him she’s not, in fact, gonna die alone

(I have never liked the concept of one person having so much experience and the other has absolutely zero it doesn’t sit right with me)

Either way both Raya and Namaari had a small bit of experience before dating each other but they never took it seriously until their relationship with one another

Namaari fell first Raya fell harder I will die on this hill

Raya figured out she had a crush on Namaari and spiked a high fever a day later she was DISTRAUGHT when she learned the news and her body rejected the idea of liking Namaari

I promise Namaari was not that dramatic when she found out she liked Raya. Just kinda shoved it down and hoped it would go away (it didn’t)

Raya and Namaari really started being friends about six or seven months after the dragons came back. It took some work and bonding (someone probably got punched at some point) but they became pals!

Raya didn’t see Namaari in a romantic way (subconsciously) until a couple weeks after she started seeing Namaari as a true friend

She wanted to flee Heart and become a pirate but Sisu talked her out of it

Since Namaari was around when Raya dated that one random person she figured Raya would never see Namaari that way because she’s nothing like the person Raya first went out with

And even before then Namaari thought it was impossible due to the whole betrayal incident

Raya was also unconvinced that Namaari could like her back because of their history and the fact that Namaari seemed like she could do much better than her

I cant decided whether Sisu forced them to talk somehow or one of them got injured so bad they almost died and the uninjured one got so scared the confession happened out of the blue

Either way around a year after the dragons returned they were in a relationship

These fools were so nervous

Neither of them had ever felt the way they did about each other so everything was very new for them

Raya likely initiated the physical affection first. I think Namaari would be absolutely terrified of overstepping boundaries

Raya hugged Namaari on a cold day once and they’ve been attached ever since

They always have to touch each other in some way

If they’re not holding hands they’re not in the same room

Even when they get mad at each other they hold hands

Contrary to popular belief, I think when someone insults Namaari, Raya secretly plans devious plots to ruin their lives but if Raya gets insulted, Namaari will immediately attack. Usually verbally, but an attack will be made

Raya had to be creative growing up since no one was looking out for her but Namaari was always operating under the fact that she’s a princess and really, what’s some punk gonna do? (Virana was not pleased when Namaari had this mindset)

They bicker in the most loving way possible

They send letters when they’re in each of their respective homelands

Virana pretends to gag when Namaari acts all giddy but she’s honestly happy Namaari’s happy

Benja is constantly teasing Raya about her relationship

Raya is yanking Namaari all across the dance floor during parties and event’s and Namaari abides even though she is not a good dancer

It’s not about being good, it’s about Raya kissing her after a song is finished

Raya takes a while to warm up to the serlots those beasts were hunting her down

Bubbles the baby serlot ended up falling asleep on Raya at some point and she knew she would die for that cat

Tuk Tuk definitely remembers that kick Namaari gave him and was salty for a long time

Namaari had to give him treats every day for several months before she was accepted as his step mother

They’re good at sparring each other but teamed up together and they are unstoppable

They pass notes during the stupid political meetings

Their parents caught them because they were way too happy to be in a meeting for such a long period of time

They’re very in love

They are very happy gfs and I needed them to be canon 😔😔

[jerzwriter]

as a writer, when you put in all that hard effort into creating this massive story with so much thought and research, it just gets swept away and with people more inclined towards reading one shots and Tumblr's own interface designed for blog posts and not longform fiction like say, in ao3, it is unsurprising to find people gravitate towards fluff and stuff that gets wrapped up in 1k-2k words.

There isn't really a lot of interest in people wanting to read something that gravitates away from romance in the slightest. People want the engagement stories, the days leading up to it, they want the cute dates and that's perfectly fine too, but there really isn't any point complaining about engagement anymore because the fandom has just shrunk exponentially and it only makes sense to support each other's work because you like the author and you hope they keep writing time after time.

I don't know if I'm making sense lol, this is just my two cents on the situation and many random shovels of thoughts.

I do hope we get a fandom renaissance or something but that would require people to share, reblog and actively be a patron for people's works and not everyone has the time for that in this post-covid era, which is totally understandable too. I just hope we find a middle ground so people of all niches can be accepted and they can reach their audience.

While fandom events do encourage people to create; as a catalyst, the readers always play the primary part in making sure that encouragement sustains enough for authors to create. After a while it gets pointless to just shout out things into the void and you're left wondering if the stuff you create really matters or not; even if you think you're writing for yourself and you matter, it gets tedious 😭😭

OMG THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS. THIS!!!!!!

THIS!!!!!

Not going to lie… there are days lately I am like “It is time to just hang it up”, bit it still brings me some joy in a world that isn’t always so great. So I do it. But the desire to produce isn’t always there, and when it is, it is more likely to be short, simple, and like you said, that’s fine too. But I miss delving into deeper, more substantial content. But who is going to take the time to do it if … as you said… you are screamed into a void.

We always talked of “silent readers”. Well, I think a lot of them are even gone now, but I am sure some remain. But at this point if we don’t encourage one another, I think we will have very little outside of occasional shared screenshots within a year.

A year ago, the fandom was smaller, but I couldn’t have imagined hanging it up. Now, I think, “after I tell this… chances are I have nothing left to give.” And thats from someone who always has a new idea. Hey, that hyperactive mind fucks me enough, I am grateful for the good things it gives me too! lol But even for my Tobias and Casey, which are truly my heart, I can see an end. Today, it is all day by day.

Thank you for this… this post says it ALL.

[vickys-death-note]

Swampcon !!

Swampcon was an interesting experience. I went on Saturday afternoon with my friend, and we stayed there a couple of hours. When we got there, I was extremely surprised by how many were there. This was my first time attending a convention, so I wasn’t really sure what to expect. There were a lot of people in really detailed and accurate cosplay of various characters. My favorite one was easily anyone cosplaying as the angel devil from Chainsaw Man (easily best character sorry). Also really loved all of the kurapika cosplayers. There were so many people cosplaying there that I almost felt out of place with my tshirt and shorts. As we talked about during our discussion of Genshiken: they take fiction that it our there and transform it into fiction that is theirs alone. Through this medium of fan culture, people were brought together to share their interests in various types of media.

I wasn’t able to go to the panels that I really wanted to go to since I woke up late. However, I was able to go to “How to get a rizztraining order” and it was something !!! First off, I really enjoyed this panel and how hilarious it was, but it really showcased how many creeps are out there. This panel showed different instances of men leaving gross and inappropriate comments on cosplayer’s pages and messages. Unfortunately, this side of the fandom is the one that gets the most attention from those outsides of this fandom. I know before getting into anime, I was (unfortunately) someone who was predisposed against it just because of weirdos like them, who end up tainting society’s perception of fandom.

This was sadly the only panel I was able to attend, but I still had an amazing time at the vendor corner. I’ll be honest and say I am the craziest shopaholic. I am always buying the most random and unnecessary things online or at target, so I knew it was going to be hard to resist buying stuff at Swampcon. Thankfully, I was there with my friend, and he was my voice of reason, so I ended up only spending $15 on a Cinnamoroll headband and got gifted Kirby earrings :D I loved seeing all of the different prints, charms, stickers, and figures that were on display. TBH I almost caved and bought a $250 Mikasa figurine because she solos. Seeing so many different types of products really made me realize how big consumer culture is. Fandom is an example of unofficial culture capital. We all buy these little fun or cute objects that don’t really translate into any economic benefits. We buy them because they make us happy and we can show these items to others that also enjoy them. These little (but very expensive) items bring us so much joy because it materializes fictional characters that we all enjoy and love. I like to think that I have some self control when it comes to fandom consumer culture, but then again I do have a full drawer full of anime shirts and a whole shelf with manga and small anime figures. :/

Overall, Swampcon was a really interesting and enjoyable event! It was really cool being in a safe and comfortable environment filled with zero judgment. It’s crazy how people come from all over the state, and even from other states to be able to attend this convention. I was able to meet others who share the same interests for even the most obscure and random animes that I have watched. I would love to attend next year and see what new things it will have to offer. Enjoy this picture of me and R2D2 <3 

[mineofilms]

Cynicalnation

This message, this blog is going to sound very cynical and most of it is a sarcastic joke to my friends and audience, surrounded in some logical truths, but do not take this writing too seriously. I saw a post about blind positivity, inner peace and getting joy by helping others. It made me want to vomit with all its multiple layers of both MLM (Multilevel Marketing), and ‘manifestation,’ which is more pseudoscience than a real thing one can practice, then execute like an app on your phone and poof, your life is now amazing and full of riches, full of friends, and love.

I've observed an alarming trend where people are becoming excessively, annoyingly optimistic, positive and have misunderstood the concept of ‘manifestation.’ It's baffling. I mean, seriously, why are some individuals so unrealistically positive? What's with all this constant talk about kindness, helping others, and spreading love? Then turn around and demonstrate the polar opposite of these things as your “real” personality. How am I to believe one or many are kind, always helping and spreading love, when they themselves do not practice what they preach? They only do it when people are watching or they have something to gain. Granted, I do not have an issue with people doing this. Most people are like this. I have a problem with the false bubble of bullshit that is projected onto me after it has already been stated as ‘nonsense-talk,’ part.

Honestly, in the larger scheme of things, I do not really care, but care a little bit to play devil’s advocate on the topic to write about this. I really just do not want to write about Left/Right politics anymore. The more I see, the more fired up I get at both sides. I have found, that when I do not pay much attention to the political arena I am a much better, happier and a hornier Mother-Fucker. Thumbs up to those. The Right, figure heads, keep imploding on themselves and the left is laughably dumb. I've got my own life to live, with time shortening every day. I'm not here to be anyone's savior or role model. Helping people? Volunteering? Giving money, I already do not have, to someone else and whatever GoFundMe page they have setup for it. Doing things for others for the sake of not appearing opportunistic?

No thanks. I've got better things to do.

If someone's struggling and are constantly on the social media bragging about it for attention, likes, support, financial support. Hey, that's their problem. I'm not stopping what I am doing. Why bother? It's not my responsibility. I didn’t sign up, apply or ask to be that for anyone. I am single by choice. I am kid-less by choice. I know a lot of people, but call very few of them “real-friends.” I certainly don't love random people or much care about what they do or how they struggle. I just don’t. I wasn’t raised that way. However, life prepared me for that reality. Who am I? Who are all of you to defy causality? Causality is the universal relationship between cause and effect, where one event (the cause) brings about another event (the effect). This is a universal law in the Universe. Something, anything, cannot happen without a chain of causality setting the stage for its occurrence. The effect can never come before the cause. To do so is against reality, is against physics, is against science. I ask why I or anyone should really, modify their behavior or their intentions, which doesn’t bother anyone really, just so the weaker, lazier, daydreamer, people can have a better hand than they were given? That's just absurd.

Life is hard, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise. Being cynical and detached, just like faith, optimism and to love things are taught to people through real life experiences. Not false ones. Why waste time, energy, patience, resources on all these feel-good actions? Let people be angry; it's their natural state anyway. Let people suffer, many, but not all, but many chose ‘causes’ that resulted in those ‘effects.’ Love and prosperity of the Universe? Please... I'm not going to wish that on anyone. You want it. Go out and FK’n make it happen for yourself. Don’t just sit by and daydream about it and then misinterpret what ‘manifest’ means, change the definition countless times, just so you and your followers find meaning in the pain and suffering you absorb in life.

Your life sucks for two reasons:

1) Because you won’t do what needs to be done, notice I didn’t say, want, but needs to be done. 2) You just SUCK, period…

A want is something you subjectively believe is a need, but really it is just a want. A need is something you require and cannot move forward or survive without it in the literal sense. A want is a desire or preference for something that is not essential for survival (a need), but adds comfort, pleasure, or satisfaction to life (a want).

It-Is-Not-A-NEED…

‘Manifestation’ is the art of pretending that your thoughts have magical powers, capable of shaping the Universe. All you have to do is just think really, really hard about something, believe it is real and voila, the Universe supposedly rearranges itself to make it real just for you. Forget logic, evidence, or any semblance of scientific backing. Who needs that when you can just wish for a yacht and expect it to appear in your backyard? Apparently, the Universe is on standby, eagerly awaiting your mental command. Like, you, personally, are God or a God, and everything in the Universe revolves around you. Cough, narcissistic-sociopathy anyone? It's as if gravity, physics, and common sense take a backseat to the mighty force of positive thinking. Just think positively, and your dream job, dream partner, and dream toast that strangely looks like Jesus Christ, aka Jesus-Toast, will materialize before your eyes.

Forget about the countless factors that actually influence life events; it's all about channeling your inner wizard and pretending you're some sort of cosmic influencer meditating to BS ambient sounds that are supposed to be binaural beats in the Delta (1-4 Hz), Theta (4-8 Hz), Alpha (8-14 Hz), Beta (14-30 Hz), and Gamma (30-100 Hz), ranges, respectfully. It's not like there's any need for hard work, planning, or realistic goal-setting. Why bother with practicality when you can just daydream your way to success? Manifestation deserves a standing ovation. After all, who needs evidence when you have the power of wishful thinking? Keep manifesting, my friends, and maybe, just maybe, you'll manifest a sense of humor with this sarcastic telling of this tale. Good luck with that! If someone wants to call me names, lie to me, or wish bad things upon me, go ahead. It doesn't affect me. I'm not here to spread rainbows and sunshine. My peace? It's in not caring about random others of the 7.9 billion human O2 wasters currently on Earth. Have a ‘whatever’ day, I guess.

Now after all that, the truth is the original idea of manifestation comes from the often misinterpretation and oversimplification of quantum principles within the realm of quantum mechanics. Quantum mechanics deals with the behavior of particles at the subatomic level, and some proponents of manifestation latch onto the uncertainty and observer effects within quantum physics. The misinterpretation and oversimplification come from the act of observation or intention at the quantum level can influence reality at a macroscopic scale. This is simply not based on fact. The only real proof of this is at the quantum and microscopic levels. Not the macroscopic scales that we see and interact with in our everyday reality. It's crucial to note that these quantum effects are not applicable or significant in the context of the current configuration of the human consciousness that shape our everyday experiences. Manifestation enthusiasts often draw parallels without a solid scientific basis, leading to a speculative and misguided connection between manifestation and quantum mechanics. In essence, it's a misappropriation of scientific concepts to lend an air of legitimacy to a pseudoscientific belief. Where the word ‘pseudo’ literally means “made-up.”

Now most of this tale was a sarcastic joke. I am not really this cynical towards people and life in general. However, I do share many of these ideas that I have sarcastically written here. I do not believe in anything that people cannot show real tangible proof for. When it comes to unprovable concepts I take more liberties, but those liberties are always based on and grounded in logic, common sense, critical thinking, problem-solving, science and tangible proof. Not on belief, faith, God, and/or good will towards other humans. It’s just not, so stop it with that shit already… 

“The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it.” ~George Bernard Shaw

Cynicalnation by David-Angelo Mineo 1/16/2024 1,479 Words

[daydreaming-of-doctor-who]

It’s always nice to see the fandom alive here. What about being the Doctor companion and asking him be our date in a wedding. I’m stuck between 4th and 6th

A/N: Ah, thank you. I just love Doctor Who so much. It's my comfort show and I love bringing things to the community to keep it going and spreading joy for others. 

I’ll write for both 4 and 6. The Baker’s are my top 2 faves. XD And honestly, this comes at a perfect time since my own wedding is happening in 3 weeks. 

Doctor’s Companion asking him to be a date in a Wedding:

Fourth Doctor:

First of all, are you sure about this? I mean... him? He’s really eccentric and out of this world, and we aren’t talking about the fact he’s a Time Lord from another planet. 

Four wouldn’t know what to think at first when you ask him. He’d ramble on, saying wedding’s are quite stuffy and there would be certain expectations he’d rather not meet, like saying hello to family members, getting into small talk about mundane things, or dressing like a penguin. 

However, if you convince him to just come as his usual self, he would quickly change his mind, saying he can help liven up a party.

Although everyone might be a bit shocked at his appearance and personality, Four is having the time of his life, leaving everyone in wonder and awe by the end of it. 

He would probably introduce you to some alien dance, teaching you how to go about it. He’s not really one for basic dances.

He’s honestly the one to bring games of his own to make things more interesting. 

Four is such a party animal, but if he notices it dying out or starts to find it boring, he would ask if you both can bail and go do something more interesting.

Sixth Doctor:

Six, on the other hand, is a special case himself.

He’s honored you would ask him of all people. After all, he’s got such a great sense of style and considers himself the ideal escort to anything.

He’s already off, giving you fashion advice on what would look good and how you both would go about this event. He’s already made a detailed chart.

He’s taking you shopping and sitting there waiting patiently while you try things on.

Six loves small talk, and just talking in general. He doesn’t mind chatting about random, mundane things because he knows how to keep a conversation lively.

Like Four, he brings his own games, doing magic tricks and telling stories of his adventures.

He takes dancing seriously, knowing how to do almost any dance style from human customs to any other species. You are in good hands with him.

He loves meeting family and friends. In fact, even if he won’t show it, he’s glad you introduced him to them. It means a lot. 

[lonely-lost-soul]

Little Hope

(Platonic SBI Famliy x child reader)

Request 6: An imagine or Drabble about sbi family x reader where the reader is the newest adoptee to the family and it turns out they sleepwalk! They do random things like moving stuff around, talking to empty air, and can sometimes end up waking up nowhere near their bed. Just harmless shenanigans that might be spooky at first but are ultimately funny and endearing in a way. 

Requested By: @0melodydrifter0​ 

When Phil brought home a little girl wrapped in a blanket Wilbur was pissed, another child his father had adopted that Phil couldn’t take care of, another child that would end up being his and Techno’s duty to raise. However, something was different in his father’s eyes as he held the young girl close to his chest, 

     “Dad?” Wilbur murmured an eyebrow raised suspiciously high on his head, “What’s that?” He watched his father wince a little cradling the toddler closer to him, 

     “Wilbur...this is (Y/n). She’s going to be your new little sister.” Wilbur grits his teeth and felt rage flood through his veins again, not at the little one, no he couldn’t blame the child for his father’s savior complex. “An old friend of mine village was raided, he asked for my help but by the time I got there everyone was dead, everyone except her.” Phil moved some stray hair out from the kid’s eyes, “I couldn’t leave her for dead Wilbur.” Wilbur’s face softened a little bit, now wasn’t the time to argue with his father, especially since he had just lost a friend. 

      “Could I...see her?” He asked hesitantly as Phil knelt down beside one of his eldest, Wilbur noted the girl had flecks of (h/c) hair on her forehead, her face was covered in soot and ash, he noted she had the brightest (e/c) eyes he’s ever seen. She was quiet, very different from Tommy already, she reached up and touched the side of Wilbur’s cheek with a pudgy hand. The boy was done for after that, vowing up and down that he’d be the best big brother in the world to her even if it killed him. 

Much better than Tommy and Techno too. 

Speaking of the first time Tommy and Techno met you it was quite the experience. Tommy basked in the fact of no longer being the youngest member of the family and Techno was quick to remind him the being the middle child was far worse. Tommy had called him a bitch and Phil told him not to curse in front of his sister which he huffed at, swearing to Phil that her first word would be fuck. 

He got hit on the back of his head for that comment. 

Technoblade was indifferent about that situation, saying orphans were cringe and that you smelled bad, Wilbur was okay with both of these outcomes. As he stated earlier he was going to be the favorite brother whether you knew it or not.

By the time you were ten years old Wilbur’s wish had come true, you stuck by his side and were a quiet staple in his life. He also spoiled you rotten, he made you songs and snuck you cookies when Phil wasn’t looking, he’d do anything to see that smile a smile on your face. However, much to his displeasure it seemed that both Technoblade and Tommy were encroaching on his little happy bubble with his sister. 

It started with Technoblade, he noticed you following him around more often than not. At first, the hybrid was annoyed, he’d lock you out of his room and force you away by threatening to cut off your fingers if you didn’t leave him alone. However, that only made you cry and it made Techno panic if Phil heard you crying he’d be a dead man, and if Wilbur heard he’d be double dead. He began to try to hush you frantically, you didn’t calm down until he stated he would hang out with you a little longer. It shut you up immediately, oh you were a sneaky little shit, he could respect that. He decided he read to you if that was alright, you nodded eagerly, and he carried you into his room. You were a kid of few words and Technoblade could respect that, he pulled out a story about some of the ancient Greek Gods and Goddesses. Figuring the Art of War was probably too much for a ten-year-old, surprisingly he enjoyed himself. You were eager to learn and enjoyed the stories way more than he thought you would, okay maybe you bonded just a little. He had taken to calling you Moirai the greek goddess of destiny, not only that but Technoblade had started bringing you gifts from his adventures, something he never did for anyone else.

Therefore Wilbur was feeling VERY threatened and Technoblade LOVED it. 

However, while the both of them were having their little pissing contest they didn’t notice their younger brother swooping in to join the fight for your attention. As the eldest were at war with themselves, Tommy had taken to sneaking you out of the house to cause trouble by his side. After all, no sister of his was going to be boring like Wilbur and Technoblade, she was going to be as awesome as he was if he had anything to say about it. So when he snuck you out one night against their wishes when they were too busy to notice he decided to take full advantage of that opportunity. He adored hearing your enthusiastic giggles as he tore through the forest with you on his shoulders. 

You were typically a very quiet child, so to hear you laugh because of him made Tommy preen with delight. Your fingers were twisted in his blonde locks as you steered him like a horse, it hurt like hell but so long as it kept you steady he really didn’t mind. 

The joy didn’t last long because Wilbur and Technoblade had found them not soon after he escaped their clutches. Techno plucked you off his shoulders and held you in his arms, you let out a little whine of disappointment and Tommy frowned,

     “Oh come on Technoblade don’t be an asshole!” 

     “Don’t curse in front of (Y/n), Tommy.” Wilbur hissed hitting him on the back of his head, “you can’t just run off with her it’s dangerous!”

     “I can protect her just fine you bitch!” 

     “Oh please, you can barely protect yourself.” Technoblade scoffed as you began to play with his pink hair, hating the tense atmosphere. Tommy snarled at his brother and moved to punch him in the chest but Techno was quick to sidestep them, “nice one genius.” 

     “FUCK OFF!”

You let out a displeased whine and covered your ears at the volume Tommy shouted, 

      “Shut up Tommy,” Wilbur hissed “You’re way too loud and you’re upsetting her.”

     “WE WERE HAVING A LOVELY TIME UNTIL YOU FUCKERS RUINED IT!” 

     “Tom-Tom please shush,” You pressed a finger to your mouth in distress, mimicking a hushing movement. His face faltered, his voice lowering in volume as he apologized softly towards you. “Thank you,” a big smile spread across your lips, and all three brothers visibly relaxed.

     “Alright little one,” Wilbur spoke tenderly running a hand through your hair his heart-melting a little as you nuzzled against it. “Let’s get you home, it’s way past your bedtime.” You groaned in distaste falling against Techno’s shoulder with a soft thud, the man chuckled softly as all three brothers walked back home. 

It was about two months after that when your happy facade came crashing down around you, it had been a particularly rough day. Everyone seemed to be busy with one thing or another and you were left to your own devices and thoughts. They all came rushing back to you, the memories of the day your village got raided and your bio parents passed away. Wilbur was the first to notice something was wrong and had asked Phil to check up on you, so when Phil finally got around to ask what was wrong you burst into tears. That’s when they discovered you apparently remembered more of the incident than you let on. It broke their hearts to see you so upset over something you had no control over, but like everyone else in their family of misfits, you blamed yourself for simply surviving the tragedy. 

They had made sure to coddle you the rest of the day, Technoblade had made sure to make you your favorite food for dinner. Phil and Wilbur tried to keep you busy with music and potion brewing and Tommy played some discs to help you fall asleep. You did so smiling and his heart soared, point to Tommy for getting you to fall asleep with a smile. 

Your found family had gathered that night to discuss what they should do with you moving forward. Phil had declared they all do their best to keep you distracted the next few days, preferably in shifts if that was needed. Wilbur offered to spend the morning with you, he wanted to visit Niki and Sally and both of them loved you if anyone would cheer you up they would. Tommy offered the afternoon and he could bring Tubbo over and you all could play soldiers, Techno said he’d handle the nights with Phil. 

Everyone settled into bed to get a much-needed rest, out of all the brothers Technoblade was the lightest sleeper. So when he woke up in a cold sweat with you standing over his bed he almost shit himself. You had a glassy look in your (e/c) eyes, 

     “(Y/n)? What are you doing? Do you know how late it is?” Technoblade scolded reaching out to grab his glasses, you didn’t respond to him which made his nose scrunch up. “Did you have a nightmare?” His voice got quieter as he reached out to cup your cheek, still no response from you. “Kid?” He sat up as you turned away from him to wander back out the door, “what just happened?” He murmured scratching under his chin, he’d have to bring this up tomorrow. 

Wilbur was concerned and immediately wanted to seek a doctor, especially because you had no remembrance of the event. Phil ran a hand through his hair in thought, “could it be sleepwalking?” 

     “(Y/n)’s too cool to sleepwalk. What the fuck do you mean?” Tommy scoffed and you frowned eyebrows furrowing together. 

     “Well it makes sense, doesn’t it? She doesn’t remember walking around but it clearly happened. Hopefully, it was only a one-off occurrence and she’ll never do it again.”

      “Is it bad if I do?” You whispered shuffling on your feet suddenly self-conscious, “Tommy doesn’t seem to think it’s good.” They all glared at the teenager who winced and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. Phil knelt down in front of you and cupped your cheeks with his hands, 

     “It’s not bad. We just have to take some extra precautions for you is all, it’s perfectly normal especially after the trauma you went through.” You bit your lip and nodded within his hands, “Tommy’s an idiot-”

      “Hey!-

      “That doesn’t make you any less of a person and it doesn’t make you any more abnormal either,” Phil assured as Techno began snickering behind him, he turned his head to shoot him a look.

     “What? It’s just funny assuring her she’s normal when no one in this house is normal.” Technoblade waved his hand, “we’re all a bunch of misfits- don’t give me that look you know it’s true. Half of us are hybrids and the other half are gremlins,” He motioned to Tommy again who made an indigent sound tired of being the butt of everyone’s teasing. “So she’s never gonna be normal, but she’s always gonna be one of us and we’ll kill anyone who even thinks about teasing her.” 

Phil smiled sheepishly sweat gathering on his brow, “Let’s not kill anyone Techno at least not now. Especially if they’re children.”

     “Now, now dad, Technoblade has a point.”

     “Wilbur.” Phil scolded as Tommy’s face lit up, 

     “Can I punch a child?” You burst into laughter at Phil’s horrified expression, 

     “No Tommy. No, you cannot!” 

     “It’s okay papa I give them explicit permission to beat anyone up who fucks with me!” You shouted and Tommy’s face once again lit up, he grabbed you out of Phil’s arms and held you close. 

     “You said Fuck! I’m so proud I’m teaching you so well!” He spun you around only causing you to laugh harder as the older members of your family glared at Tommy, “Now say it again!”

Wilbur plucked you from Tommy’s arms glaring at his brother, “No. No, she won’t say it again. That’s a bad word you can’t say it till you’re older.” A pout settled on your lips as you crossed your arms in frustration. 

     “But Tommy gets to say it all the time.” 

     “And he’s older.” Phil let out a chuckle at Wilbur's response watching you slump forward with a loud groan of absolute torment. 

You didn’t sleepwalk again until a few months later, everyone had relatively assumed it was a one-off occurrence and their watchful eye was lifted. In the meantime Tommy had started to maybe sort of sneak out; he had his bag all packed and planned to meet Tubbo in the park. They both wanted to go monster hunting on their own, it wasn’t their first rodeo but it still wasn’t something he was supposed to do without his dad's permission.

Tommy didn’t give a shit about permission though. 

Obviously. 

He grabbed his sword from its place in the living room, Tommy held it up with a wicked smile. It shone in the dim light and he could see the reflection of his face inside it, it must’ve been freshly polished. Tommy put his sword in its holster and turned around, immediately letting out a startled yelp slapping his hands over his mouth. You were standing behind him eyes glassy as you blinked blearily at him, 

     “(Y/n)?” Tommy whisper hissed glaring at you harshly, “What the fuck are you doing awake?” You didn’t respond, only walking past him reaching for a sword of your own, his eyes widened frantically and steered you away from the sharp weaponry. “Are you sleepwalking?” Tommy asked in mild concern before a smirk came across his face, “Guess I don’t have to worry about you snitching huh?” He slowly led you into Phil’s room opening the door and shoving you in before shutting the door. Tommy made quick work of grabbing everything else needed before heading out of the house to meet up with Tubbo. 

Phil woke up to you standing over him, looming, and it almost sent him into a heart attack. He knew immediately you were sleepwalking, “Oh honey...come ‘ere.” He pulled you into bed with him and watched your eyes drift close and snuggle up to him. At least you were safe with him, so long as you didn’t start unlocking doors and injuring yourself they could handle this. 

After telling the other brothers about the incident last night Wilbur was only growing more concerned about your sleep state. He offered to take you to the doctor but Phil brushed him off, saying that normally this thing sorts themself out on their own. Since he was feeling rather protective Wilbur slept in the living room the next few nights just to make sure you didn’t go wandering off. Plus, Phil seemed to not only approve of but also grateful for the idea; so long as the old man could get much-needed rest he didn’t seem to care. Another week flew by with no problems, and he decided to spend one last night in the living room just to triple-check you weren’t going to sleepwalk. 

He woke up to the sound of a hooting owl and soft banging against the wall, he tossed his hand over the back of the couch and he blinked blearily. Unlike his twin, he didn’t exactly have the razor-sharp reflexes that Technoblade was gifted with. Wilbur grabbed his glasses from the coffee table and shoved them on his face haphazardly. 

What was that noise? Did Tommy sneak out again? He turned towards the opened door and it took a few moments to process why the door was open. Wilbur scratched the top of his head in confusion before his eyes snapped open in blatant realization. He tossed the blankets off the couch and scrambled out the door. Bare footprints were made in the mud leading away from your house, tiny you sized footprints. 

Oh, he was so fucked. How long ago did you leave? Are you alright? It’s so cold and you weren’t wearing shoes.

Wilbur made sure to grab both of your jackets and shoved his feet in his boots before heading out the door. He saw his breath out in front of him and winced you must be so cold, hopefully, you weren’t dead if you were he was totally in big trouble. He followed your footprints until they stopped at the edge of the woods, he looked around frantically and anxiety prickled at his skin. If the trail went cold here there was no way he would be able to find you, what if you woke up in a completely different part of the SMP. Or worse yet what if someone kidnaps you and takes you away from them? 

He entered the woods calling out your name desperately even though you wouldn’t respond if you were still asleep. Wilbur adjusted his glasses noticing a soft trail of broken leaves, he decided it was his best bet to follow them. Eventually, he came to a bit of a clearing in the woods that led up to a large cliff, Wilbur’s heart sunk. He felt his breathing stop as he walked towards the edge of the cliff, slowly like he didn’t want to know if he thinks what happened to you, happened to you. At the very top of the cliff is when he saw it, the bracelet you always wore on your wrist it was made of gold and Technoblade had gifted it to you after an adventure he had with Phil. He pulled the jewelry close to his chest and let out a shaky breath, tears swelled in his eyes as he peeked over the edge of the cliff. The poor boy couldn’t even see the bottom, Phil would have to fly down and search it, he was going to throw up. 

     “Wilby…?” 

Oh god, he could still hear your sweet, little voice. 

     “What are you doing? Are you crying?”

Wait, that was your voice!

He whipped around to find you rubbing your tired eyes, your feet were bare and you were shivering. Wilbur tore through the bush and scooped you up in his arms, cuddling you close to him as he peppered kisses all over your face. “Ewww Wilby stop!” You said through giggles pushing his face away from your own, 

     “I’m so glad you’re alright. You were sleepwalking again, I thought…” His voice cracked a little as you tilted your head. You looked around his shoulder and eyed the cliff wearily, you nuzzled against his neck and squeezed him tightly. 

     “I’m sorry…” 

     “It’s not your fault.” He whispered against you, “let's get you home though alright? Want to have a sleepover with me?”

     “Please. I’m scared I’ll wander off if I sleep alone again.” Wilbur nodded, running his fingers through your messy hair. For a girl your age, it was important to make sure you get a good night's sleep. As he carried you back home you ended up falling back asleep in his arms, he had a lot of time to think. He couldn’t believe that a few years ago he had despised the girl in his arms, thought of you as just another stowaway Phil brought home. You had managed to melt his heart and worm your way into not just his brain but his other brother’s brains as well. You had brought so much joy and happiness into their lives. Before you entered their lives there was arguing every night. Tommy and Techno were always at each other’s throats, Wilbur wasn’t any better, to be honest, but then you were there and everything changed. They had to get along and watch their language around you, you weirdly brought them together. Made them better and he couldn’t imagine what their lives would be like without their little hope.

[dysfunctionalcrab]

prom?

pairing: [high school au] karl jacobs x reader

pronouns: gender neutral

description: you and karl both have no prom date.

[y/bf/n] - your best friends names

note: lucas is a very random name i picked

also, i got this off a pinterest idea, so if anyone sees a fic similar to this one, that’s probably why :)

“literally, how many times do i have to say it?” you slammed your locker shut, leaning your head against it with your chemistry textbook brought up to your chest, as if you were hugging it “i don’t care, i never cared in the first place,”

“if you don’t care then why are getting so defensive?” [y/bf/n] asked you

“i’m not getting defensive!” you exclaimed in a high pitched voice, offended. [y/bf/n] rolled their eyes at you.

“look,” you said “prom is to have a good time, i don’t necessarily need a date to do that, i can just go with you,” you explained. in your head, you had nothing to worry about, as long as you had your friends, one of the biggest events of the school year was going to be fine.

“i’m not going to prom,” they reminded you. you looked at them confusedly “i’ve already booked tickets for the 16th? my holiday? i told you a week ago?”

“huh?” you questioned, having no memory of that conversation.

“and yesterday?”

you slapped your forehead, vaguely remembering what they told you yesterday during lunch. “fuck!” you groaned. “then i really need to get a prom date, or atleast someone to just go with me. otherwise, i’ll look like a loser,”

“is there really nobody else you can ask?”

“i mean, i tried asking lucas, but he’s already going with someone,” you said defeatedly, scratching the back of your neck. he was your last option.

your conversation was cut short when you heard the bell ring, both your heads turned to see a hoard of students on the way to their next class. it was about time you also head to class, before the teacher ripped your head off for being late again

“well, good luck!” [y/bf/n] booped your nose before walking off, getting lost in the crowd of students.

you sighed, you’d just have to find someone else.

-

chemistry felt like it dragged on for longer than usual. you were absolutely exhausted, so you sat down on one of the chairs placed outside the classroom and unzipped your bag to take out your water bottle.

after taking a sip of water, you just sat there, allowing yourself to just enjoy a well needed break. your eyes travelled to a group of girls, who you recognised from your maths class. they were standing by the school noticeboard, giggling and laughing for whatever reason.

you couldn’t of really cared less of what they could’ve been talking about, but what really intrigued you was when a familiar boy started to approach them.

it was that boy, karl, the head of the debate team. he was the shy, awkward type, while the girl he was approaching was definitely not. you knew that he liked her, he would bring her up sometimes, just randomly during debates, but you didn’t actually think he thought he had a chance with her

you watched him carefully as he walked up to her, a single red rose in hand. you didn’t want to seem nosy, but you scooted a little closer so you could try and hear the conversation.

karl cleared his throat, catching the attention of the girl. she turned around.

unfortunately, you couldn’t hear much of the conversation. but by the way his shoulders dropped after she started speaking, and how he kept curling and uncurling the rose in his hand had said it all.

“you’re a great guy, kane, just not for me,” you heard her finishing the sentence. with a sassy, disrespectful nudge, her and her little clique walked away, laughing.

she didn’t even get his fucking name right, you thought

your heart dropped for karl. you watched him look down sadly at the rose in his hand, pushing his glasses higher up his nose. you and him had a very sweet friendship, and you knew he was one of the nicest guys out there, and you’d be lying to yourself if you said you didn’t have the teeniest tiniest crush on him. but it was never something you thought about.

nonetheless, he didn’t deserve this.

you grabbed your bag and swung it over your shoulder, running after rejected boy.

“hey, karl!” you called for him, trying to catch up to him.

karl turned around, meeting your eyes and smiling, though you could tell it was a fake one. “oh- hey [y/n]” he greeted you.

“i’m sorry about, you know, what happened over there,” you told him, referencing the situation.

he looked down at the floor, feeling embarrassed. “you saw that, huh?” he fiddled with the rose that was still in his hand, you glanced down at it too.

“yeah. you’re too good for her anyways, i wouldn’t worry about it,” you tried to reassure him in the friendliest way possible.

karl tried to make it look like he appreciated your comment, but this damn girl had really blown his self esteem in 2 minutes. “i guess it’s going to be like homecoming all over again. i don’t blame them,”

you felt your heart snap in two just by his tone.

“do you mind if i have that? you asked him, pointing at the lonely rose

he sighed, not even questioning why. “i guess, i mean- i don’t have much use for it anymore,” he said, handing it to you. you felt a little guilty.

“thanks,” you took it from him, inspecting it in your hand. “now, turn around and close your eyes,” you instructed him.

he looked at you weirdly. “what?” a breathy laugh leaving his mouth, “...why?”

“just do it,”

he was hesitant. but he trusted you enough to turn his back to you and shut his eyes. you held the rose up to your chest, taking in a deep breath. “now turn around,”

karl turned around, his eyes still shut.

“now open your eyes,”

his eyes opened. and was met with you smiling widely at him, and the rose held out in front of you.

“karl jacobs, will you go to prom with me?”

karl looked at you, then back at the rose, then back at you again. he was trying to read your eyes. were you joking with him, trying to humiliate him again?

no traces of ingenuity were found.

“really?” he asked. you felt yourself fill with happiness after hearing the joy in his tone.

“i’m being serious,” you assured. “will you go to prom with me?”

he didn’t respond, just glared at you. maybe this wasn’t a good idea, you started regretting it

“karl, are you-“

“yes!” he answered enthusiastically, a small giggle coming from him. he threw his arms around you and hugged you tightly. “thank you,” he muttered. you hugged back and rubbed his back, a smile spread across your own face. now you both had dates.

“make sure you text me, okay?” you told him, pulling away from the hug, clutching your backpack.

“i will!”

you offered him another gentle smile, which he returned, before continuing to make your way. you felt yourself bounce in your step, feeling relieved but also butterflies. this could maybe change everything.

unknown to you, karl was also walking away, bouncing with delight, with a wide grin on his face. he grabbed his phone and unlocked it, then realising one thing:

“hey [y/n]!” you heard his voice again throughout the hallways, calling you.

“i don’t have your number!”

———

masterlist

[krabmeat]

☊⏃⋏ ⟟ ⏚⟒ ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⋏⍜⋏? ⏃⋏⊬⍙⏃⊬⌇ ⋏⍜⍙ ⏁⊑⏃⏁'⌇ ⏃⌰⌰ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⏃⊬. ☌⍜⎅ ⍀⟒⏃⎅⟒⍀ ☌⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⍀⟒⎐⟟⎐⟒⎅ ⎍⋏⟒⌖⌿⟒☊⏁⟒⎅⌰⊬ ⏚⊬ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔? ⟟⏁'⌇ ⌰⟟☍⟒ - ⏃ ⍀⟒⏃⌰⌰⊬ ⏚⏃⎅⏃⌇⌇ ⏃⋏⏁⏃☌⍜⋏⟟⌇⏁ ☌⍜⎅ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ☌⟒⏁⌇ ⌿⎍⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⍜⎍⏁ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⎍⋏⎅⟒⍀⍙⍜⍀⌰⎅, ☊⏃⌰⌰⟟⋏☌ ⎅⍀⟒⏃⋔ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ "⌇⏃⎐⟟⍜⎍⍀" (⏚⎍⏁ ⟟⋏ ⏃ ⋔⍜⍀⟒ ⌇⏃⏁⟟⍀⟟☊⏃⌰ ⍙⏃⊬ ⟟⋏⌇⏁⟒⏃⎅ ⍜⎎ ☌⟒⋏⎍⟟⋏⟒⌰⊬ ⌇⟒⟒⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒ ⋔⏃⌇☍⟒⎅ ⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⌇ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⊑⟒⍀⍜ ☊⏃⎍⌇⟒ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⏃⌇⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⊬'⎐⟒ ⋔⍜⌇⏁ ⌰⟟☍⟒⌰⊬ ☊⏃⌰⌰⟒⎅ ⟒⎐⟒⍀⊬⍜⋏⟒ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⊑⟒⌰⌿⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒⋔ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ⋔⟟☌⊑⏁⊬ ⊑⟒⌰⌿⟒⍀ ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁ ⍙⊑⟒⍀⟒ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⟟⏁⌰⟒ ⎎⟒⟒⌰⌇ ⍜⎐⟒⍀⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏃⋏⎅ ���⋏⎅⟒⌇⟟⍀⏃⏚⌰⟒). ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⍀⍜⏃⋔⟒⎅ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌰⏃⋏⎅⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏁⊑⟒ ⌇⋔⌿, ⏚⍀⟟⋏☌⟟⋏☌ ⏁⟒⍀⍀⍜⍀ ⏃⋏⎅ ⊑⟒⌰⌰⎎⟟⍀⟒ ⏃☊⍀⍜⌇⌇ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍜⎐⟒⍀⍙⍜⍀⌰⎅, ⌰⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⏁⊑⟒⟟⍀ ☍⟒⌿⏁ ⟟⋏ ⍀⏃☌⟒ ⌇⏁⍀⍜⌰⌰ ⎎⍀⟒⟒. ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⟒⋏⎅ ⎍⌿ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⏁⎍⋏⎅⍀⏃, ⏁⊑⟒ ⏚⎍⍀⋏⟟⋏☌ ⎎⌰⏃☍⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏃⌇⊑⟒⌇ ☌⟒⏁⏁⟟⋏☌ ⌰⍜⌇⏁ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⊑⏃⍀⌇⊑ ⌿⟟⌰⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ⌇⋏⍜⍙. ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⊑⏃⌿⌿⟒⋏⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⌇⏁⎍⋔⏚⌰⟒⎅ ⎍⌿⍜⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ☊⍜⏁⏁⏃☌⟒⌇ ⍜⎎ ⏁⍙⍜ ⟟⋔⋔⍜⍀⏁⏃⌰ ☌⍜⎅⌇ ⏁⊑⏃⏁ ⏁⊑⟒⊬ ⋔⏃⊬ ⍜⍀ ⋔⏃⊬ ⋏⍜⏁ ⊑⏃⎐⟒ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ ☍⋏⍜⍙. ⍙⍜⋏⎅⟒⍀ ⍙⊑⏃⏁'⌰⌰ ⊑⏃⌿⌿⟒⋏? ⟟ ⍙⍜⎍⌰⎅ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⏁⍜ ⌇⟒⟒ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⏁⏃☍⟒ ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟟⌇.

- ⟒⋏⎅⟒⍀⋔⏃⋏ ⏃⋏⍜⋏

𝚑𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚋𝚎𝚗𝚝

𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜: philza, techno, Wilbur,(next few only mentioned)Mexican dream, schlatt, dream

𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚜: they/them

𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚐𝚎𝚛 𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: fire, death, arson, betrayal mention, being used, reference to drugs, slight cursing

𝚊𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜: translation vvvvv

Can i be enderman anon? anyways now that's all out of the way. God reader getting revived unexpectedly by dream? it's like - a really badass antagonist god that gets pulled out of the underworld, calling dream their "saviour" (but in a more satirical way instead of genuinely seeing the masked man as their hero cause in the past they've most likely called everyone that helped them their mighty helper to the point where the title feels overused and undesirable). They roamed the lands of the smp, bringing terror and hellfire across the overworld, letting their kept in rage stroll free. They end up in the tundra, the burning flakes of ashes getting lost in the harsh piles of snow. They happened to have stumbled upon the cottages of two immortal gods that they may or may not have used to know. Wonder what'll happen? i would like to see your take in this.

 - enderman anon

AHHH IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I DONT KNOW IF YOULL EVEN READ THIS STILL BUT TY FOR THE REQUEST IT ISNT THE BEST QUALITY IM SORRY :[[[

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You almost don't recognize the sensation of grass against your calloused and rough hands. You were in the void playing solitaire with Schlatt and Mexican Dream, and the next thing you knew you were suddenly pulled harshly by the back of your collar, falling on your spine. The looming mask of Dream is what stood above you, but he looked different. Longer hair, smelly, wearing a stained lime green jumpsuit with ‘0001' sewn into it and covered in cuts, scars and bruises. But before you could even question why Dream was suddenly there, he stepped back into the void, the void slowly surrounding and consuming him the further he went backwards. His now bony hand is still tightly gripped onto the back of your shirt, so while struggling your body is also enveloped in darkness. All it took was one blink and there you were on a patch of grass, staring at the pale blue sky.

"Huh."

Was all that came out of your mouth. You were still shocked at the turn of events that just happened, but no longer grounded. A running river nearby stunned your senses. How long had you been dead? It felt like years, but when you look around at the familiar forest you died in, not much had changed except for a couple newly planted saplings here and there. The swirling ashes you remembered before you died had all settled and compressed into the soil.

The river showed a strange reflection of yourself- your features have clearly sunken into your skull and there's a streak of white hair coming from your scalp along with words in fancy gold letters on your arm reading,

"May thy woes and hurt of the past no longer eradicate the upwards of this lost souls future. Allow thine to be praised by Ender themselves and be granted another chance at mortality."

Scrubbing or picking at your arm did nothing, so onwards you went walking along the forest to what you remember being a bustling "community".

Each mound of dirt you saw only brought memories of your death, of the place and people who sought to treat you like you were disposable. And now that you’re alive, you hate that they technically ended up being right. Your death; alone in a forest. Running away from the unexpected attacker, ashamed and too prideful to die in the prying eyes of your enemies. It fills you with rage, all the lives taken by your hands and for what? You weren’t overreacting, you knew that for sure. And before you knew it, you stole some fresh flint and steel from a random chest and got to work. 

You had always wanted to touch the fires you set. The soothing feeling you got from watching wood burn to char and ashes satisfied you. And it made it all the more euphoric to know it was trees of your manipulator's land. Running across the land, with flames as far as you could see when you looked behind you. The heat swirled around your neck and went into your nose, but the feeling was muscle memory at that point. You were still riding your high when a voice reached out to you, luckily when you were finally calm.

"What- Y/n? Hold on, is that really you Y/n..?"

You spin on your heels to the familiar manipulative British voice of a person you haven't seen in a long time. 

"Wilbur?! Man, I haven't seen another person's face other than those two addicts in a while- you look different." 

His eyes much like yours are sunken deep into his skull, purple-pink bags under his eyes and dull skin. Wilburs shocked lips fade into an opened mouth smile when he walks up to you with his hands momentarily confused on what they should do. Eventually, his right hand settles on clasping your left shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze.

“Y/n it is so good to see you! You look quite different yourself, wouldn’t you think-? Oh, look! We’re matching!”

The grey streak in your hair seems to make another appearance when Wilbur briefly smacks it with his middle and pointer finger. 

“Ay, it’s nice to see you too Wil, but back up for a second alright? I've got something to ask you by the way…”

Wilburs head peaks in interest, urging you to go on.

“I’m guessing that little streak in your hair wasn’t a fashion choice- and if it was it’s a bit strange- but how’d you get it? You died when you blew up L’manburg! I mean c'mon, people don’t just, well…REVIVE!”

He starts to walk. You aren’t quite sure where, but stumbling along with Wilbur while his arm is draped lazily atop your shoulders seems to suffice. 

“Ahh Y/n, you’d be surprised. The most WONDERFUL thing happened, actually! Years and years in my hell of a train station; do you know who was at the subway door when it finally opened, Y/n? Dream!”

“Wh- Dream?!”

Appalled, you try to stop in your tracks but fail when wilburs arm is still pushing forward. His storytelling voice dies down to curiosity and excitement.

“Wait, did he save you too? He did, didn’t he? Oh, this is wonderful!”

Wilbur emits eagerism and you suddenly realize what you could do with his desperacy to be socially accepted. Putting on the most exaggerated and animated voice, you speak. 

“Oh my god yeah! Gosh, that Dream guy is my hero! Thanks to him, I get to have another chance at living again, and isn’t that just…swell.”

In all honesty you didn’t really try hard to sound sincere but by the look of Wilbur, it seemed to work just fine. 

“Right?! I’ve been meaning to visit him in the prison if you’d like to tag along with me the day I go? I’m sure he’d love to see you, since he revived you and all.”

Oh, you were sure Dream wanted to see you. He wants a boon- a trade. Why else would he revive two of the most historically significant people on the server if not to make some sort of deal with them? Sure, Wilbur is as gullible and carefree as ever but you at least still had scraps of mental stability and level-headedness that made you all the more a force to be reckoned with. Not to mention Wilbur doesn’t know that Dream killed you, but telling him that now would blow your act. You decide to keep your thoughts to yourself.

“Yeahh, sure! I’d love to go, just tell me when.”

And that’s the end of that conversation. The two of you walk to wherever Wilbur is going. It honestly surprised you how he couldn’t see through your apathy. From what you remembered, he was keen on being wise about people and their intentions but you guess years and years in hell do things to a person.

Somehow, you’re stuck in your mind for long enough that only now do you feel the sharp winter air making the hairs on your arms and legs stand straight up. 

“Wait, snow?”

The tundra was a drastic contrast to the void you were once in with schlatt and Mexican Dream. Instead of black as far as you could see, it was a blinding powdery white. 

‘Mexican Dream would’ve liked it here, probably would have tried to snort the snow like coke.’

You weren’t built for the snow, though. Hell- you didn’t even have a memory of anyone living in a tundra when you were alive! Why was Wilbur even in the tundra? You didn’t have the energy to ask, still feeling brittle and tired, back aching from laying on the dry dirt longer than expected earlier. 

“Yeah, just figured I’d show you around! Plus I already need to grab a couple things from an ender chest and this was the closest by. I’m a very busy man, after all.”

But why were there so many footprints in the snow? As far as you knew, Wilbur was the only one who lived out in the tundra- and he didn’t seem like the active type at all. There were strange shapes as well, large hooved footprints. However, all thinking comes to a halt at the same time Wilbur does.

“We’re here! You might see some familiar faces cause I live with people.”

Well, that answers the footsteps as well as the tall red-caped piglin hybrid giving leftover bones and raw meat to a polar bear.

“TECHNO! TECHNO, HEY!”

He tenses up for a second, you could tell he wanted to be left alone but that didn’t really bother Wilbur. But you recognize him. The name and the apparel- that guy is Technoblade. The same Technoblade who stood by your side while the two of you blew L’manburg up for the last time, and now the Technoblade who resides in a cottage shrouded in snow.

“Technoblade?!”

Hearing your voice being carried by the crisp winter air, he turns around immediately to see you and Wilbur a few feet away. Techno stood there dumbfounded, but he didn’t know why. He wasn’t particularly joyed or ecstatic to see you, but he was at the very least happy to see an old ally back. 

“Y/n? Oh my god, now we’ve got TWO of you? We don’t have room for another one, alright?”

For some it might be hard to see the meaning behind his words. Luckily you’ve talked to him enough to where you can tell he’s being playful.

“Don’t worry, I’ll just build directly on top of your house. Besides, who WOULDN'T want to be near me 24-7?”

“Me-“

“Oh f*ck off.”

You would’ve thought that that was Wilbur due to the similar accent, but there was something off. The slight gruffness and age, yet still succeeding in sounding mellow.

“Phil! How’s my favorite old bird doing?”

He gives you a face. Not a happy one like you expected, rather a face that says ‘really?’ Probably because of the old comment. The two of you briefly hug, Phil’s tattered wings stretching out slightly.

“I’m doing alright, are you okay? Here, would you like to come in? It’s pretty cold outside, you probably haven’t seen snow in a couple years.”

He wasn’t wrong after all. You were freezing your toes off and were itching for lemon tea. The kind Phil used to make when he, Technoblade and Dream discussed plans on destroying L’manburg. Ah, the good ol days…

“Of course! We’ve got a lot to talk about- you still have that old chess board?”

“Yes, but first you have some explaining to do about the fire over in that tree, Y/n. You just got back and you’re already burning down forests?!”

“Did someone say fire?”

Techno has an eager stride in his step once he also looks back to see the raging lights of orange and red in the nearby forest.

“Don’t worry Phil! It’s just- ahh, a controlled burn..?”

Your tone of voice is unsure when a black crow shoots down from the sky into the snow in front of you. It’s left wing is charred and has smoke dancing from the burn. Philza looks at you with a stern glare.

“Oh my f*cking god…that’s it! We’re all going inside now, you too Techno. I don’t want you and Y/n going on a rampage.”

[dathen]

For the podcast ask game: 🌸, 🎙, 🥉, 📞

🌸 - Favorite soft wholesome show

*looks at my line up of horror podcasts* oh no

OH WAIT I have enjoyed Wonderful! The episodes are a bit hit and miss for whether they catch my interest, but as someone who can ramble about really random things that give me joy it's just nice to hear other people doing the same and being overall positive.

🎙 - Favorite voice actor

I say this 100% without bias regarding the character: Jonny Sims. I've listened to voice clips of Jon dozens of times and it's beyond incredible how much emotion and feeling can go into a few words, layers upon layers, and on top of that the voice acting of taking on a different persona through Jon for each statement!! I genuinely forget sometimes that statements like Prentiss's or Annabelle's weren't given in-person, and then you have stunning feats of skill like the "Jonah monologuing with Jon's voice" from TMA 160. And, most of all: audible smiles. Mr. Waistcoat I am in awe.

🥉- Three podcasts you’d recommend to someone to drag them into podcasts

I tend to customize my recommendations based on who I'm talking to, but here's a spread to hope that one of them would catch their interest!

1. You're Wrong About - Holy shit I love this show so much. Entertaining, informative, ranging from weird trivia to perspectives on world events that caused me to recontextualize a decade of political and cultural events.

2. Mistholme Museum - This one I feel hits just the right level of accessibility for casual listeners + the growing reward of investment in the characters and story without requiring red string boards or reading transcripts to remember character names. An incredibly endearing narrator, a clever implementation of the listener into the story, and the variety in the styles and genres of the short stories makes this by far the easiest to recommend to a stranger.

3. The Adventure Zone: Amnesty - I won't get into my flowchart of why I feel Amnesty is the most engaging and accessible of the Adventure Zone campaigns, but between the players being more practiced and thoughtful with their characters and the creative simplicity of the Monster of the Week system, it hit just the right spot for me, and is a great starting point even for listeners who aren't familiar with TTRPGs.

📞- Which voice actor’s characters are you calling in to save you?

HAHAHAH I HAVE A CHEAT CODE. HELLO MX. WELLMAN please bring your ?? 62 separate voiced characters ?? from Hello from the Hallowoods to my rescue, even though I could probably just get away with like. Olivier and Diggory, or the Polly Posse, or ONE of the god-beings-- Leave Solomon and the Fort Freedom fuckers out of it though, I don't need them.

[simplyotometrash]

The Brothers’ Love Languages

The brothers and their love languages!!

Lucifer

Words of Affirmation

Lucifer isn’t the most physical of men unless it’s in private

But he doesn’t hesitate to shower you in sweet words and affirm his love for you

But it also includes him just asking how you are feeling, how your day was, checking in on you routinely throughout the day

If he can’t see you during the day, he messages you regularly. It shows he’s thinking about you

But he only does this when he’s in love. So you know you’re something special when he’s going out of his way to check in and make it known he’s thinking of you

After dinner talks are a must with him

You two could be cuddled in bed or he’s at his desk working, but he’ll always be talking to you

For him, it’s more than just words of affirmation. It’s actually maintaining conversation to show he is interested

If he’s not interested, he doesn’t put in that effort

But at the end of the day, there will be soft whispers of how much he loves you, how much you mean to him, how important you are

Not a day will go by where you don’t get told these things

Mammon

Mammon is a mix of words of affirmation and physical touch

Coming from him, words of affirmation are more along the lines of him needing to affirm things to himself as much as to you

So give him words of praise in return, he really needs it

Mammon is clingy, always wanting to have his arm around you or be at your side. Touching you is a big show of his affections

It is also a great way of publicly displaying that you two are together, driving away possible competition in his eyes

Mammon is a nonstop barrage of texts when you’re not together

It shows just how much you’re on his mind. When he thinks about you, he texts you

He can’t seem to stop himself. He wants you to know you’re on his mind

That he can’t wait to see you again

But of course you want to see him too! He’s the Great Mammon! 

You know you’re always loved even when the two of you have to be apart

Levi

Quality time!!!

Levi isn’t great with his words or being touched

Spending time with you, even when you’re doing your own things in the same room, is how he shows his love

It’s a stretch for him to tolerate someone’s presence in his space, so the fact that he just wants you in the room with him is a huge step

Watching anime together, gaming together, or doing your own things in the same room. Those are things that show his love for you

Especially because he can’t stop himself when he starts to talk about things he loves

And he’s a great listener once you’re able to start talking about what you like in turn

He isn’t the type to actually want your undivided attention, that’s why he likes to just be in his room with you

No effort required. It’s comfortable and he has you there

And you know you’re important to him because you’re the only one he shares his space with for hours, even if he’s got a major raid online or is in the middle of an important level

You’re allowed into his room without asking him. Only you

Any time spent alone with you, in his eyes, is quality time

Satan

Quality time x2!!!

For him, being together with you is the greatest way to show his love

But it’s also mixed with acts of service

He does little things for you to show his love

He likes that it reaffirms his love even when you two don’t get to spend time alone together

His services can be reading to you, writing you poetry, doing your laundry

One thing he does every single day without fail is making you your favorite drink for you in the mornings or when you’ve had a bad day or are sick

You don’t have to say anything, if he feels something is even slightly off he will be bringing you your favorite drink 

He doesn’t ever ask for anything in return, even when you try to insist on it

Why would he? This is him showing his love, usually without having to even think about it

He just does things for you

Seemingly little things that some people might not think about but they’re important in his eyes

This mixes into spending quality time with you, in which he prepares a your favorite drinks and snacks, gets a warm blanket, and the two of you either read or watch TV together

Asmo

If he could say all of them, then all would be his love language

But his biggest love languages are physical touch and gift giving

You are spoiled rotten because Asmo can’t help but buy you things that make him think of you

If he thinks you would like something or look good in something (you look good in anything in his opinion), he buys it for you

You’re given gifts on the daily, big or small

But Asmo is by far the most physical brother of the seven

Unless you tell him not to touch you, he will always be touching you somehow

There are lots of hugs and kisses. Lots of hand holding or linking your arms together

Sometimes he just has his arm around you

Lots of little things where he touches you somehow. Like giving massages or painting your nails

And the things he gives you are not necessarily expensive

You like something? If he sees something akin to what you like, he buys it. Even if it’s a small trinket that is seemingly meaningless

If it makes you smile, it is far from meaningless

Beel

Is food a love language? 

Well now it is

I hate how Beel’s personality is just “food” but this is actually how I show my love too

He can’t go anywhere to buy snacks or drinks or food without thinking “what would MC like?” and buying those things

He doesn’t go on kitchen trips without thinking about what you like to eat or drink, so he stops in and asks. And then brings you at least water even if you say you’re fine

Beel works to get even better at cooking and restraining himself from eating his ingredients just so he can cook your favorite things and bring them to you

If you’re sick, he will go out of his way to ensure you have homemade soup and something hot to drink like tea

If you’ve had a bad day, he makes your absolute favorite food or buys your favorite snacks

He knows food help him feel better and that’s the thing he knows best. So he uses it to help you, too

It is the thing he knows best. So he can best show you his affection in food form

He’s very sweet and it brings him so much joy when you’re happy at the things he brings you to munch on

Belphie

Can you say physical touch?

Touch is the biggest way he shows you his love

He’s not good at the whole “being nice” thing most of the time. He’s a brat and full of snarky comments. He’s always sarcastic

But he can’t go a day without holding you

He’s ALWAYS holding your hand out in public. Dates with him usually aren’t big events, they’re tranquil. Like to the botanical gardens

So he likes to lean on you a lot

Sure, he could threaten anyone who tries to flirt with you but it’s far easier to just hug you from behind and glare at the other person

Most of all, it’s cuddling with you that takes the cake

We know Belphie can sleep. I mean, it’s canon he can fall asleep in 3 minutes

But he finds he feels more restless if you’re not in his arms

He can and will come crawling into your bed just to wrap you in his arms

He’s a very physical demon

That includes random kisses or him playing with your fingers or your hair or resting his head in your lap

He isn’t great with his words, so he lets his actions speak for him

Because he loves you

[sunlight-moonrise]

The Law of Attraction (Reid Imagine)

Summary: Reader cannot understand how Spencer is in a relationship with someone who is his complete opposite. 

A/N: Hello Everyone!!! Here’s another story from the secret-fic-swap in the Discord server. I tried my hand at a new genre and I like how it came out. A big thank you to @imagining-in-the-margins​ for helping me make this real nice for y’all (this story was also written to her). Enjoy!

Category: Hurt/Comfort

Content Warnings: If you’re a fan of Max or Maxcer, this may not be the story for you. Sacrifices needed to be made for this story to be told. 

Word Count: 4.2K

Masterlist

The thought that the concept of ‘opposites attract’ was only true when it comes to physics. After all, the comparison of people to magnets doesn’t make any sense. If two people are together, there should be some similarities to build an established relationship, right? Without that foundation, the structure will surely crumble back into the fragmented pieces that created it, leaving them cracked and weaker for it.

Compatibility is necessary, yet there is none whenever I look at them. This is the fourth function that he has brought her to, and with each event, I find it harder to look their way. But when I do find them among the crowd, I can’t look away. Like a car crash or thunderstorm ripping tree roots from the ground.

It doesn’t make sense to me, why on earth would Spencer Reid be with a girl like her.

“If you keep staring at her, she might drop dead,” said a sarcastic voice, breaking me out of my reverie. I turned to see Tara with an amused smile occupying her face.

“I just don’t get it,” I mumbled, focusing my attention on the drink in my hand.

“What’s not to get?” she asked, glancing over at the couple in question. “They seem cute together.”

“They have nothing in common. He might as well be talking to some random person in this bar.”

I chugged the remainder of my beverage with desperate hope that the alcohol will somehow make things better in this situation. It didn’t.

“You sound bitter.”

“I am not bitter,” I bit back.

“I didn’t say you were, I said you sound.”

I didn’t respond to her because deep down I knew she was right. I just fiddled with the straw in my now empty glass as Tara continued, “Look, they both like coffee and going to the park, that’s something.”

I couldn’t stop the laugh that escaped my throat at the thought.

“So do half the people on the administration floor, he might as well have a harem if those are the main qualifications.”

“So what type of person should Spencer Reid have?” she asked, an eyebrow arching up as she focused her attention on me.

“I don’t know. Someone who is family-oriented and loves kids. Someone who doesn’t judge him for his idiosyncrasies. Someone who listens to his rambles and actually responds to them. Someone who he can escape to when things get too tough. Someone who understands when to give him space but will continue to support him unconditionally. Someone who can challenge him and make each day exciting and interesting. Someone who can ke—”

“Whoa there, I didn’t think you were going to give me a whole novel.” If she thought that was a novel, then the rest of what I wanted to say would be considered an encyclopedia. The only one that Spencer would never read.  

“I just want him to be happy,” I relented.

It was the simple truth. Everyone deserves some sort of contentment in their life, but with everything that Spencer has gone through in the past, his happiness should be at the forefront. He always put others before himself. It was time that someone prioritizes his wants and needs for a change.

“And she doesn’t make him happy?”

Not in the slightest. 

But I didn’t want to say that. I was sure half of the team already thought, or knew, that I was infatuated with him. But I didn’t need to give them the satisfaction of a confirmation by talking about this any further. The looks that Tara had been giving me the past few minutes validated my belief that I didn’t need to dig myself into a deeper hole.

“Maybe,” I said, hoping to put an end to the topic.

But just then, I heard a laugh despite how noisy the place was. I knew without a doubt that was Spencer’s laugh – it was the only sound that would demand my attention that quickly. It was the one he used when he felt uncomfortable.

“Excuse me, Tara.”

I didn’t give her a chance to reply before I hopped off the barstool and made my way to where Spencer and his girl were as casually as possible. Jennifer and Penelope were also with them, and it seems as if the three ladies were doing most of the talking.

“….like kids someday?” I heard Pen say. I didn’t need to hear the beginning of the sentence to know what it was about.

“Ehh, certainly not. My nephew is a handful as is, I don’t think I need any more than that one in my life,” she laughed. She, of course, being the ever loving, ever annoying, Max. A quick glance at Spencer's face confirmed that he was bothered by the subject being discussed. If the rest of the ladies were a bit more sober, they’d probably have seen it too.

“Hey guys,” I interrupted, taking my previous seat next to JJ, “I ordered some water for us and some appetizers. Tara is going to bring it over when it is ready.”

Cheers and thank you were shouted across the small table, but there was only one face I cared to pay attention to. Spencer’s mouth was quirked in a sad smile that was meant to hide the discomfort that had already taken root in his heart like an invasive vine.

“Did you place my fries order?” Max asked, garnering my attention. As much as I wanted to ignore her, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t openly be a bitch to her, no matter how much she irked me. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Other than stealing the affections of a man I’d never actually pursued, that is. But I couldn’t really blame her for that one, right? I should’ve jumped on the opportunity before. It was my fault.

“Yup,” I answered quickly with a small fake smile before focusing on the wooden décor of the bar.

“So any plans for Halloween? Assuming we don’t get called in for a case of course,” JJ asked the table.

“There is this pop-up haunted house coming that weekend.” Spencer said, his voice laced with that childlike excitement that made my heart race, “It is near the annual fair, so I’m going to try and do both.”

“Awww, that’s a cute date idea.”

The table was silent for a moment before Max announced, “I probably won’t go. I am not a big fan of anything spooky or… horror. I’ll leave all of that to this guy.”

The table shared an awkward laugh in a poor attempt to lighten the mood.

“Anyway,” I coughed out, attempting to save this poor conversation, “you guys need to hear this terrible joke the bartender told me. So basically, this screwdriver walks into a bar….” and just like that, the topic had been changed.

Tara joined us shortly after and the conversation remained lighthearted for the remainder of the evening. We later said our farewells and readied ourselves to go back home. While I should’ve been sad to leave him, I couldn’t help but feel a bitter joy from the fact that Spencer and Max didn’t talk directly to each other for the rest of the night.

●●●

It’s been a couple of weeks since the last team outing. Rossi must’ve missed us, because he decided to host a dinner at his place to celebrate the ending of a long and tough case. No one was going to pass up the opportunity of free food and wine, especially after dealing with a bunch of cops and detectives with entire tree trunks up their asses.

I was the last to arrive, which was not surprising since I live the furthest away from Rossi. Krystall welcomed and settled me in while informing me where everyone was. What I assumed was a team gathering turned out to be a whole party. There were definitely more than two dozen people occupying the space.

Good god. 

“What’s all this?” I asked as I greeted Rossi in the, thankfully, empty kitchen. Because, of course, Rossi wouldn’t be Rossi if he didn’t take care of all the hors d'oeuvres himself.

“Krystall wanted to celebrate our anniversary,” he sighed, as if this ordeal was somehow troublesome. I had to roll my eyes; he wasn’t fooling anyone. We all knew that Rossi would move mountains for his wife.

Their love was pure and genuine, a perfect example of two people meeting again at the right time and sharing something wonderful with one another. As I reminisced on their beautiful wedding day, a thought came to my head.

“Isn’t your first anniversary coming up in a few months?”

“That’s for our second marriage, this is for the first.” Rossi simply stated with a proud smirk, as if it was standard to celebrate any and all anniversaries in life. I supposed that for him, it was.

“Why do I get the feeling that this was more your idea than Krystall’s?”

“Guilty.”

Classic. Well, I wasn’t going to tell a man what he should celebrate nor how to do so. I wasn’t going to ruin any opportunities to eat some fresh crostini.

Once I made my way back out into the main room, I was able to find my team within seconds. My eyes instantly landed on Spencer’s tall and lanky form. And I would’ve been excited for that, if it weren’t for the familiar woman standing beside him.

Max was there. Hooray.

Usually, I was able to properly prepare myself for seeing her. It actually, unfortunately, took a lot of effort to not be openly hostile to someone I dislike. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but it was true. Typically in a situation like this, I’d avoid the person all night. However, I wasn’t going to allow her presence to influence the night, much less stop me from spending time with one of my closest friends.

“Hey guys.”

“Ahh, you’re finally here,” squealed Penelope, “I already grabbed your favorite drink!” She stepped aside to make room for me in the small gathered circle before handing me the glass.

“So what did I miss?”

They all caught me up on the harmless gossip circulating around the office and the new happenings emerging in everyone’s lives. Everything was going well until I heard the next words from Max, words that felt like a bucket of ice water and lead being poured over my head.

“Well, Spencer and I are moving in together.”

Time slowed down, I was sure it had. Because I was able to gauge everything in a matter of seconds. Tara’s concerning glance my way, her hand reaching out and retreating as if to hold me. Penelope’s joyful appearance over the news, her arms rising quickly causing her wine to slightly spill on Rossi’s floor. Matt expressing congratulations as he roughly patted Spencer on the back.

And Spencer….

Spencer looked like he rather be anywhere but here. His lips were drawn in a too tight smile that I knew was far from authentic. He was tapping his heel against the floor and wringing his hands together.

If this was merry news from the two of them, why did he look like he swallowed a spiked fruit?

The loud clanging of metal against glass brought everyone’s attention to the noisy source. Time returned back to its normal pace at Rossi’s call, thanking everyone for joining in on the celebration and announcing that the food was ready in the dining room.

While everyone cheered and made their way towards the ornate display, I headed to the balcony. It was too hot, too stuffy, too loud inside the house. There was one too many people there.

As soon as I passed through the double doors, I took a deep breath of cool, refreshing air. Everything around me felt muffled. Like I had stumbled into a small pocket universe that only differed from ours by a few notches on the volume knob.

I was thinking too many things, and none of them adding up or making sense in my head. How do you move in with someone you’ve only known for such a short amount of time? What was he going to do with his apartment? With his personal belongings that were scattered and settled on crowded shelves? Why did he look so uncomfortable when she announced it? Did he not want us to know? Did he want to say it himself?

“What are you doing out here?”

As if being brought back to reality by the very same hypnotist who enchanted me in the first place, I became aware that I was not the only one on the balcony. I turned to look at Spencer, taking in his disheveled and tired appearance.

“I just needed some space. I was feeling a bit crowded.” It wasn’t a lie, but my companion and I both knew there was a lot more than just that. Trying to keep the attention off me, I asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Checking on you. I saw you come out here dressed like that and wondered what would drag you out into the freezing cold.”

Now that he mentioned it, the breeze was hitting hard. I didn’t notice my body trembling until now. It is funny how you can’t feel much when lost in your own thoughts. The pain was a welcome distraction, I supposed.

Spencer stood next to me and shrugged off the suit jacket he was wearing. I opened my mouth to refuse, but he gave me a pointed look before I could. Instead, I accepted the warm jacket over my body. The scent of cinnamon and spice immediately enveloped my form and I tried to hide the way my inhales grew deeper. Trying to keep him as close as I could for however long he would allow. He kept his hands on my arms, rubbing them up and down the sleeves of the jacket to instill some heat in me.  

“So whatever happened to taking it slow?” I asked bluntly, keeping my eyes on the interesting speck of dirt that had ended up on my shoe. I didn’t feel bad about getting to the point -- There was no way I could subtly ask him what the deal was, and I’d rather not beat around the bush.

“Well, after the whole situation that happened, sh— we decided to pick up the pace of things,” he spoke lowly, as if he was unsure of the words coming out of his mouth.

“Has she even met Diana? Or know about her?” I instantly regretted asking, the angry look he shot my way had me feeling remorseful. But it also answered my question.

Max only knew the surface level of Spencer. She wasn’t aware of all the good, bad, beautiful, and ugly layers that comes with a man like him. She wasn’t the only one to blame, but I wondered how a profiler couldn’t tell that he was hiding those parts from her because he didn’t want to share them with her. He didn’t want her to know, because the knowing made it real.

“I just want the best for you.”

His irritated expression dissolved into a defeated one as he released the breath he was holding.

“I know, I know. It’s just…”

He stopped talking, appearing scared to share his opinions and feelings with me before he remembered that, unlike Max, he never had to hide things from me. He didn’t want to.

“It’s just…” I prodded, hoping he would continue with what he was going to say.

But he just stayed stuck there, opening and closing his mouth multiple times. I could practically see the cogs in his brain whirling as he properly tried to explain. “Well, the thing is that Ma—”

“Spencer?”

We sharply turned our heads to see Max and Tara staring at us. It wasn’t until that moment that I remembered our position. With Spencer’s hands rubbing tenderness heat onto my arms, his jacket over my shoulders and our bodies pressed together to keep warm.

It would be one thing if everything was settled, but this situation was anything but. Max had every reason to be angry. This wasn’t a new thing to her. So when she turned around, she stomped away fueled by the belief that she’d nearly caught her boyfriend committing adultery. Again.

“Fuck,” I heard the man in front of me whisper as he released me back into the cold night.

Still, as he left, he looked back at me. His eyes burned into mine up until he tore them away, making his final decision and hastily running from the balcony. Away from me. Towards her.

Tara and I shared the silence, but she looked at me with those inquisitive eyes, as if I was a client seeking out therapy from her.  

“What?” I hissed, “We were just talking.” I refused to feel guilty over something that I didn’t do. If anyone had done anything, it was Spencer. But at the same time, I didn’t think he was entirely wrong, either.  

“I didn’t say anything,” she muttered, holding her hands up high as a sign of surrender.

“You didn’t have to, I can feel the judgment from here.”

“Look, I’m not judging you. But I do want you to put yourself in Max’s shoes. You guys were gone for a while and she finds you two all over each other.”

“What are you talking about, Tara? Christ, it’s not like I was fucking him on the balcony!”

Although I didn’t intend for my words to be humorous, Tara laughed. I was conflicted on whether it was at me or with me, but it ended up amounting to nothing, anyway.

“Look, the night is young and you need to relax. Come back inside, enjoy the party, and don’t let them bring you down. At least for the next few hours.”

She was right, as she usually was. It was why I usually sought her out as the voice of reason; I knew that despite everything, she would always have my best interest at heart.

“Okay,” I agreed before following her back into the chaotic fray.

I heeded her advice and avoided the couple for the remainder of the night. Shockingly, it was pretty easy, but I was sure it was because they were avoiding me too. There were times, lots of times, where Spencer and I made eye contact, but we’d just as quickly look away, as if we were ashamed of what we have done.

All we did was talk. So why did it feel like something more?

There were also times when I made eye contact with Max, but instead of shame, there was anger and contempt. If looks could kill, like Tara had suggested, I was sure my heart would have given out.

It wasn’t until later in the evening that I saw Max take a cab home while Spencer was still inside the house. No one else but me noticed that they didn’t leave the party together.

●●●

I hadn’t seen Spencer since the incident at Rossi’s a few weeks ago. He had to take his mandatory sabbatical leave and I had to take an abrupt trip back home. What used to be almost daily texts between us became nonexistent in a matter of hours. It was a terrible predicament that I was hoping to fix soon.

As I arrived, I spotted him at his desk. For a long time, I stood there staring at him. If he wasn’t nose deep in a bunch of files, I was sure he would’ve seen me, too. I contemplated on how I should go up to him, but nothing I could think of was good enough to say. 

Hey, I have your jacket, I took it to the dry cleaner’s, so it is all clean. Rid of me like you wanted to be. 

Hi, how were the lectures this time around? Still have a bunch of teens crushing on you?

What’s up, it’s been a while, do you want to get lunch during the break?

I hated that things were awkward, even though I was pretty sure that I was the only one that was making it so. I should have just gone up to him, greeted him, and acted like everything was normal, because everything was normal. Right?

Just when I was about to do so, Emily called us in for a meeting. Impeccable timing.

We had a serial killer case in Louisville, Kentucky. My situation with Spencer was going to the backburner.

During our stay in Louisville, Spencer and I barely interacted. We exchanged notes and passed long messages, but that’s pretty much it. I wasn’t surprised. Our specialties don’t really correlate when we are working on a case. Anytime I did catch some free time, I’d look his way, longing for the opportunity to speak to him. He didn’t look back.

Then, just as the case ended, another chance presented itself. After five days of hardly any proper rest, we finally found the unsub. Everyone was in their respective room catching up on some much needed sleep. Except for Spencer, whose gangly body was tucked away at the bar by himself, a glass of what appeared to be soda in front of him.

Silently, I took the seat next to him, and for a few minutes, everything was quiet. But unlike the usual, comfortable quiet, it was torturous.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

I stared at him, letting the silent communication denote the fact that I knew he was lying to me. Spencer released a sigh and looked at me with eyes more intoxicating than any whiskey that shared their color.

“Actually, no, I’m not okay.”

I was going to ask him what was wrong or if there was anything I could do to help, but before I had the chance to do so, he hastily answered the question I hadn’t asked.

“Max and I broke up.”

I stared at him, my face and mind blank as I tried to comprehend what he’d said. That Max and Spencer broke up. They were no longer together. Spencer was single.

I thought that if this ever happened, I would be happy, elated, jumping at the chance to take her place by his side. But I felt none of those things.

“What happened?” I didn’t want to appear nosy or meddlesome, but I needed to know.

“We were fighting a lot, and I couldn’t take it.”

“Oh.”

“We were… actually fighting about you.”

I sharply turned my head at him, both intrigued and disturbed by the implication that I had anything to do with the failure of their relationship.

“What? What about me?”

“She thought I liked you,” he said while staring straight back at me, daring me to scan through each fleck of gold and green to ensure that he was telling the truth. But his hazel eyes expressed nothing but honesty as he continued, “and she was right. I do.”

“Y-you do?”

All he could do was nod his head, lifting his hand and catching a loose strand of hair before tucking it behind my ear.

“Can I try something?” Spencer shyly requested.

Once again, the universe felt different. I held my breath, trying to wake from the dream. Although he didn’t say it, I had an idea of what he wanted. If the hand on the side of my face and the staring at my lips were anything to go by, I knew what was going to happen next.

I nodded back and closed my eyes. A few seconds passed, the sweetest kind of anticipation. But then I felt the gentle pressure of his lips against my own, sweet and tender. He moved his head to get a better angle while I brought my hands up to cup his face. The roughness of his stubble against the tip of my fingers was a perfect contrast to the softness of him. I could taste the soda he was drinking on his tongue and breathed in the cinnamon scent that seemed sunken into his skin.

When we pulled away, it was full of hesitation. All it took was one look for us to know we couldn’t do this. Not now, not yet. He was still healing from the recent break up and I didn’t want to be a rebound. I didn’t want us to resent one another for jumping into a relationship so soon. We weren’t ready.

We sat there in relative silence, taking in everything that has happened.

“Maybe one day,” he paused “one day we can give it a chance.”

“Yes. I’d like that.” I beamed at him, “And I look forward to that day. Until then, we remain as friends.”

He returned my smile and I realized that it had been a while since I’ve seen his real smile. I missed it so much.

“Friends,” he confirmed.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt relief and comfort. Because I knew everything was going to be okay. I had hope that someday Spencer will get the happily ever after he deserves and he’ll get it with me by his side. One day.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

By My Side (Part 1)

Summary: While at home one night, the reader, an actress, is almost kidnapped and at her friend’s suggestion she hires Jensen as her bodyguard. While the pair doesn’t get along, an incident at the reader’s new home leads her and Jensen to taking a drastic measure...

Masterlist

Pairing: Bodyguard!Jensen x reader

Word Count: 3,900ish

Warnings: language, minor injury, attempted kidnapping, drugging

A/N: There will be no taglist for this series. Please check out the masterlist for posting dates/times. Enjoy!

_________

“Get the fuck off!” you said, kneeing the man that was halfway through dragging you down your stairs. You threw a punch and a kick, swinging more than a few times before the grip on you fell away and you booked it for the front door. You sprinted outside and down the driveway, dashing across the street and banging on your neighbor’s door. 

A light came on and you glanced over your shoulder, spotting the guy dressed in black and wearing a mask jog to the end of your driveway.

“Shit, shit,” you said, a strong arm grabbing you and yanking you inside before you could even turn back around. The door slammed shut after you and you took a deep breath, your neighbor standing there in his boxers, saying something to his wife in the background. 

“Y/N, are you okay?” said Jared. You straightened up and nodded, his eyes going wide. 

“Gen! Tell them she needs an ambulance too,” he said.

“I’m fine,” you said as he walked you to his kitchen and sat you down at the counter. Gen was in there, on the phone with the police it sounded like, as Jared went to a cupboard. He pulled out a red bag and then was walking back over with a wad of bandages, holding it up to your forehead. “I’m fine.”

“You’re bleeding,” he said. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” you said, pressing your hand to your head, seeing the half secured zip tie stuck on your other wrist. There were sirens in the distance and you shut your eyes.

“Hey, no sleeping. You might have a concussion,” he said.

“I’m not sleeping,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut. “Fuck.”

“It’s okay,” he said, the sirens getting louder before there were flashing lights in the window. Gen walked over to the front door, letting the police in. About four officers came inside, one of them immediately coming over to you.

“What’d he look like? How many?” he asked.

“Uh, all in black, with a mask. He was white I think from what I could tell. Maybe six foot, average build, strong. It was just the one as far as I know. Last I saw him he was at the end of the driveway before my neighbor let me in his house,” you said.

“You two, call it in for backup and start looking. Jones, get a full statement from these three. Start with the vic. Medics will want to look at that head,” he said. “Which house is yours?”

“Right across the street. Red front door,” you said. He left and the other cop in there pulled out a plastic bag from his back pocket.

“I need to cut that off for evidence,” he said, glancing at your wrist.

“Should we do anything?” asked Jared as the cop made a cut and bagged the plastic tie.

“I would keep pressure on that wound for the moment,” he said, writing on the bag and taking out a notepad and pen. “Alright. Let’s start from the beginning.”

“I was asleep less than ten minutes ago in my bed and I woke up to someone touching my arm and I found that tie thing on me and the guy tried grabbing my other arm but I rolled away. I got caught up in the covers while I was running away so he caught up to me in the hall outside my bedroom and I just started hitting what I could and then he tried to pull me downstairs and I hit him some more and then he let go and I ran over here.”

“How’d you sustain the head injury?” he asked.

“Well he was hitting me too when I started fighting back,” you said. “I was half-awake.”

“Okay. Sir, I’m going to need to ask you a few questions now.”

Three Hours Later

“Hey,” said Jared, setting a cup of tea down at his breakfast table. He rubbed your back and you sighed. “Rough night huh?”

“At least I don’t have a concussion,” you said, touching your butterfly bandages on your head.

“Police said your alarm wasn’t on.”

“So this is my fault?” you asked.

“No, I didn’t say that. I am saying that you and Gen have a very popular show together and if she didn’t have me around, I’d want her to have a bodyguard, maybe even full time,” he said.

“I have had this conversation with my manager multiple times. I’m not getting a bodyguard. For events and conventions, fine, I’ll have one. At work? In my life? No way,” you said.

“Y/N, you know I used to be in the army. Then I was a cop. Then I was on a SWAT team before I retired to become a stay at home dad,” he said.

“Yes. You’re an adorable scary badass. What’s your point?” you asked.

“When I worked SWAT, I worked a a few kidnapping cases. The honest truth is sometimes we don’t find you until it’s too late or we never do. It’s not like a movie. It’s not like your guys show and someone swoops in. No one shows up out of the blue to save you. You save yourself or you don’t get saved. Rarely do we get you out of that situation.”

“Again, what’s your point?”

“My point is whoever that person was, when they come back because they will come back, Y/N, and when they do, they’re not going to be that sloppy. They may drug you. They may knock you out. They could do a number of things but your chances of getting way again would be extraordinary. I love ya and I’ll always protect you. But next time, I might not be able to stop something bad from happening. You alone over there...I wouldn’t know until it’s too late.”

You were quiet, playing with the tea bag in your drink as he drank from his own mug.

“I don’t want a stranger coming into my home,” you said.

“Y/N, Gen and I want you to stay here for as long as you-”

“I meant a bodyguard, Jare. I don’t want somebody I don’t know to start coming into my life and controlling it.”

“I have a friend from my army days who does that kind of work. He’s between jobs at the moment. I’ll vouch for him,” he said.

“You’re not gonna give me a choice on this, are you,” you said.

“Gen and I are moving. A bigger place,” he said. “We think it’s a good idea if you had a change of scenery too.”

“You think she’s in danger too?”

“We don’t know but she’s five months pregnant. We don’t want to risk anything,” he said. “It’s just a thought.”

“Can...can I stay over here a few days? While I figure out what I want to do?” you asked.

“Yeah, of course, Y/N.”

Two Weeks Later

“I like the new place,” said Jared as he helped you carry in the last box. 

“It’s uh, a bit big,” you said. “But the owner wanted to sell fast and I wanted out of the other one fast so it worked out.”

“Seems like a lot of space for one person,” said the man walking in through the open front door. He was in a pair of dark jeans and a blazer, a tee shirt underneath. You stepped behind Jared but he chuckled. “Really Jare? Didn’t mention I’d be stopping by?”

“Y/N, this is my friend Jensen. I told you about him. You said you were interested in meeting him,” said Jared.

“Ms. Y/L/N,” said Jensen, holding out a hand.

“Y/N please,” you said as you shook it.

“I prefer to keep things professional,” said Jensen. “It’s easier that way. So, this is the new place, hm? Which room will be mine?”

“There’s a guest suite over on the first floor you can use,” you said.

“Where’s the master?”

“Upstairs.”

“Preferably I’d like to be in a room closer to yours,” he said.

“Fine. Take the guest room upstairs,” you said. “This is just a test run remember.”

“My contract says this is a six month test run,” he said as he looked around. “I see you’re still moving in so perhaps we can go over some of our new procedures in the morning.”

“Sure,” you said. 

“I’ll move in my belongings then,” he said. “I don’t have much.”

“Mhm,” you said. He nodded and headed back outside, Jared catching the look you gave him.

“What?” he asked.

“He’s gonna be a joy to live with,” you muttered.

“He’s quiet until you get to know him. I wouldn’t have recommended him if I didn’t trust him. He’s saved my life before. I know he’ll have your back,” said Jared.

“Yeah,” you said, his phone going off. “Jared, go. I know you’re already late for the baby checkup.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I only have boxes left to unpack anyways. Go on. I’ll talk to you guys later,” you said. He gave you a wave on the way out, leaving you to stare at the pile of boxes sitting on your kitchen floor. You cracked your back and started to work, catching Jensen move in a few duffel bags of his own. He left and wandered around outside eventually, allowing you to try and get the essentials all stored away.

By the time it was seven, you were exhausted but your bedroom, bathroom and kitchen were all set up. You plopped down on the couch, closing your eyes. They blinked open when you felt a presence standing over you.

“I’ve done a review of the property. I’d like to have an upgraded security system installed tomorrow,” he said.

“Whatever. Just put it on the card my manager gave you,” you said.

“I’d also like to consider hiring an additional person to monitor the system at some point. They can be remotely based,” he said.

“Like I said, whatever,” you said, closing your eyes again.

“I assume I have access to use the kitchen as I desire,” he said.

“No smoking. No drugs. No random hookups you bring here and as long as you don’t bug me and stay away from my ice cream, we’ll be fine,” you said.

“I can agree to that. As long as you follow my rules, we’ll also be fine,” he said. You laughed and sat up, walking to the kitchen to find your phone. “Do you think that’s funny?”

“I think the fact you think you’re going to be making rules in my home that I paid for is very funny,” you said. You took the phone to check on the pizza and wings you ordered for yourself, Jensen walking over and stopping in front of you. “Can I help you?”

“You are paying me a very large sum of money to keep you safe. If you don’t listen to what I say then I can’t guarantee your safety,” he said.

“Let me get something clear. I’m doing this to appease my friends and manager. Do whatever you want around here but don’t start telling me how to live my life,” you said.

“I took this job as a favor,” he said, snatching your phone out of your hand and tossing it on the countertop behind him. You scowled and he walked forward, forcing you to back up until your back hit a wall.

“Dude, backoff.”

“Pretend I’m that man that tried to take you before. What do you do? Right here and now. What’s your plan?”

“I’m serious,” you said, trying to brush past him and getting a light shove into the wall for it. You glared at him but he held his ground, pushing you again when you moved.

“I’m serious. Tell me what your plan is. Better yet, show me,” he said. 

“I don’t care if you are Jared’s friend. I am this close to punching you. Move now.”

“I said show me.”

You narrowed your eyes and brought up your knee to hit him in the groin. He pushed it away before it connected though and you were off balance, Jensen grabbing you and yanking you away from the wall, putting you in a headlock and tugging your arms behind your back.

“Don’t go for the most obvious move in the world,” he said. “Now that didn’t go how you wanted it to. What’s the plan now?”

“Get off,” you growled, trying to stomp your foot down on his but he moved it back and kicked out your ankle, making you fall back against him. He picked you up and you started moving your legs, Jensen suddenly dropping you down onto the hardwood floor. You hit your knee and winced, a hand suddenly grabbing the back of your shirt. “Alright! I get the fucking point.”

“Do you?” he said, squatting down beside you. You tried pushing his hand away but it tightened and you tried throwing a punch, his grip almost too hard now and his free hand easily blocking the hit. “You have no plan. You’re too small and too weak to overpower someone. You can’t afford to have no plan. The thing is, when it’s real, you’ll be panicking and you’ll have no time at all to think of one.”

“Stop touching me unless you want me to call the cops on you,” you spat out. He moved his hand away and stood, staring back at you.

“You need to do what I tell you if you want to stay safe. I will teach you what to do if you’re in that situation for whatever reason. But the rules keep that situation from happening in the first place. Understand?” he said.

“Understand that you are fired as of now. Pack up your shit and get out of my house,” you said. You got to your feet and he raised an eyebrow. “I’m your boss and I can fire you whenever I want. Get out.”

“How on earth Jared is friends with a someone like you I will never understand,” he said. He headed upstairs and the doorbell rang. You forced a smile for the delivery guy and took your food back to the kitchen, digging in before Jensen was even tossing his first bag down the stairs. You rolled your eyes and were on your third slice by the time he was walking downstairs.

“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” you said. He shot you a dirty look, his head cocking as he set his bag down. “Oh now what?”

“You look really pale,” he said, walking over to you. “Your pupils are huge.”

“You know what else? You are so not as hot as you think you are,” you said, reaching for another piece of chicken before he smacked your hand. “You are this close to me calling...someone.”

Your head got dizzy for a second, Jensen grabbing your arms and setting you down on the ground.

“I feel funny,” you said, tipping over and resting against him. “Really, really funny.”

“You just got drugged,” he said, using his phone to dial a number. “No more takeout. Got it? Obviously this person knows you moved. I want to put someone at the house full time.”

“I’m gonna fall asleep now,” you said, shutting your eyes.

“No, nope, try to stay awake,” he said. You hummed and he grabbed your face. “Y/N. Try.”

“You’re really pretty for a grumpy grump,” you said.

“I thought I wasn’t hot. Just stay awake for me, Y/N,” he said.

Twenty minutes later you were in the ER with an IV in your arm and feeling a whole lot of crappy. Jensen said something to a doctor before he walked over to the stall you were in and stood by the bed.

“Hey. Police are at your house. Neighbor said they saw a silver pickup parked down the street. Seemed shady. It was gone by the time they got there,” he said.

“Course it was,” you mumbled.

“You more with it again?” he asked.

“Yeah. Feel really tired is all,” you said.

“Well I called your manager. He said he’d be here soon so I’m gonna head out,” he said.

“Huh?” you said, sitting up as he started to leave. “Wait.”

“Last I remember, you fired me. Nothing has changed,” he said. “Goodnight.”

“Wait,” you said, grabbing his wrist, the effort taking more energy than you were anticipating. He didn’t shrug you off, instead gently setting your hand back in your lap and pushing you to lay back down.

“You should rest. There’s a cop outside the room,” he said.

“Stop. Just...sit down,” you said. He sighed but sat on the edge of the bed, raising an eyebrow. “How could somebody already know where I moved? Hardly anyone knows.”

“You rent a moving truck?” he asked.

“Yeah. Movers did the furniture,” you said. He shrugged and you shut your eyes. “The movers?”

“No, probably not them. But that truck probably has GPS for mileage tracking and if this person has your credit card info, they could figure it out,” he said. “The food thing probably happened back at the restaurant you ordered from. Somebody slips in the backdoor, puts some stuff on your food and slips back out.”

“What’s your suggestion?”

“I don’t work for you anymore.”

“Let’s pretend earlier didn’t happen. Please,” you said. “I can’t...I can’t be alone right now and something feels really off about this whole thing.”

“This whole thing has felt off the second Jared told me about it. Tonight just further proved that point,” he said.

“You were in the army longer than he was, right?”

“He decided to retire, go be a cop. I stayed in. Worked on a few more specialized skills a bit longer before I left and got in this line of work,” he said.

“I’m going to assume you know what you’re doing then.”

“Yeah. I know what I’m doing. I can’t guarantee anything but I can give you some pretty damn good odds,” he said. He stared at you for a moment and looked you over. “You’re smarter than the stereotypical actress I pegged you for.”

“It had to have been someone on my team or that’s close to me in order to know that I was moving,” you said. “Or else the person never would have known to look today.”

“Someone that knows your go to takeout place too. You need to be extremely careful about who you trust right now,” he said.

“I trust Jared and Gen,” you said.

“I trust the guy with my life. I’d trust him with yours. Gen is fiesty when you piss her off but you’re her best friend. They didn’t do this.”

“Your expert opinion, what’s my next move?” you asked. He rubbed the back of his neck and made a face. “Jensen.”

“Ideally? You go off grid. I mean off grid, off grid. Middle of nowhere, no one knows where exactly. Cut yourself off and it’d give us more time to figure out who this person is and what exactly it is they want with you. If they’re as close as we think they are, they’ll find a way to sneak in again and next time, it might be my food that’s drugged. It’s a big risk to go back to the house.”

“I can’t go be alone though. What if they did find me somehow?” you asked.

“I said off grid. I didn’t say alone,” he said. “It’s an extreme approach, I’ll give you that. But it gives me more time to work on this and it’ll keep you safe.”

“Why not hire a bunch of guys to stay around me all the time?”

“Because you’re still in danger if you stay in LA and I don’t have the ability to check that many guys out. I got guys I know I can trust but they’re all over the country and the only other one here is Jared and Gen needs him. No offense but she’s got a kid with another on the way. More bodies means more priority,” he said.

“No, no. Please keep them safe too. If it’s a fan of the show, they could be in the same situation,” you said.

“I’m not going to try and tell you what to do because obviously, you weren’t a fan of me doing that before. But if you want to be able to sleep safely at night, we need to go, just you and me. Jared and Gen can know but that’s it and I mean that’s it. I can secure a safe place and everything we’ll need. But it’s going to be a drastic lifestyle change.”

“How drastic?”

“Like no internet and our electricity will run off a generator drastic.”

“If I stay here?”

“I give it a week tops before they try something again,” he said.

“We wrapped two weeks back and since Gen’s pregnant, we aren’t slated to start filming for another seven months. I’ll have to cancel some events but if I was ever going to go off grid, now’s the time to do it.”

“I will get it arranged. Do not speak a word of this to anyone,” he said.

“Jensen,” you said as he stood. “What was that back at the house? You acting all aggressive like that?”

“The last client I had, I was lenient, never taught them anything, let them push me around and dictate how I worked. They got put in a bad situation because of that. If you don’t take this seriously, then what’s the point of me being here.”

“Well wherever we go, I’m gonna need a few things. Women stuff,” you said.

“Make a list and tomorrow, pack a bag,” he said. “I want us on the road tomorrow night. I don’t care what you tell your team about why you’ll be MIA. Just tell them something so we don’t get a missing persons report on you.”

“Alright,” you said, Jensen nodding and starting to leave. “Wait. Where are you going?” 

“I need to start preparing. Like I said, there’s a police officer by the door.”

You stared at him and he took a deep breath.

“How about he stays in the room with you until we’re ready to go home and get what we need, okay?” he said.

“Okay,” you said.

“Hang tight. When you’re up for it, we’ll get out of here.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

[gofancyninjaworld]

Garou and the futility of heroism

.With much thanks to @the-nysh for the conversation.  I thought of making this longer and more detailed, but I know myself: it’ll turn into one of those drafts that hangs around for years.

 I've recently been reading the Epic of Gilgamesh as a part of reducing my terrible ignorance of the foundations of Western literature.  Cracking good yarn, highly recommended, but I’m not here to talk literature. The latter half of the story is dominated by Gilgamesh’s struggle against the idea that he was inevitably going to die.

Where this relates to Garou is not that he’s railing against the inevitability of death and the reality that everything built up over a life will crumble to dust.  What Garou is struggling against is the seeming futility of heroism.

His specific approach is all sorts of bad, but the reality he's struggling against is something brought up repeatedly in One-Punch Man.  One of the *big* themes in One-Punch Man is critically examining what a hero is actually good *for*.  No matter how diligent a hero is, no matter how strong they are, the world's evils do not disappear. 

It's very outrageous and painful to acknowledge how small and fleeting one's efforts are in the grand scheme of things. 

The moment we get a look into Saitama’s thoughts, it’s the very first thing he leads with.  Literally the very first sentence of his thinking.

Saitama might be the strongest hero ever, able to defeat anything in one punch.  Not only has the world not become a better place as a result of his actions, but the very neighbourhood he lives in has become depopulated as it’s become too dangerous to live there.  In its own way, having birdsong be the loudest sound in the morning is its own rebuke to Saitama’s ambitions of helping people.

Watchdogman is the most diligent hero ever, with a perfect monster elimination record.  And yet, City Q is as monster-infested as ever.  Should anything happen to him, it will be as if he never existed for all the good his previous efforts will have done its inhabitants.

however diligently he sits, the pedestal he’s on will crumble the moment he cannot do his job any longer.

 And that’s just talking about monsters.  There are a lot of very bad people in OPM world and not just of the cackling mad scientist variety, although it’s got plenty of those too.

The world of One-Punch Man also has evils driven by factors that are far too big for any hero by their action to stop.  Problems best addressed at the political or economic level aren’t going to be solved with a punch.

Even when the evil appears to be tied up with a single person, like the Ninja Village was established by That Man, getting rid of them doesn’t necessarily change affairs.  The Village stole the freedoms and lives of boys for a good fifteen years after Blast defeated That Man.  It was still too profitable to *not* do.

when you think about it, crime must really pay in One-Punch Man!

Even when you say you’re going to do something simple and heroic, like save a single child from the clutches of a monster... what do you mean by ‘saved’, exactly?  How brutally difficult it is to save even a single person, how easily it is that your best efforts to be turned to naught by an adverse event, like springing a rabbit from a trap only to have it swooped up by a hawk, is fully on display this arc. 

so many heroes’ efforts and yet Waganma went almost nowhere...truly like fetching water out of a river with a basket!

Other than Saitama, we see so many other heroes struggle with the reality of how little they can change things in the long term.  Very notable is the conversation that Snek has with Suiryu, where Suiryu challenges Snek to justify why he bothers being a hero at all? “No matter how hard you try, it’s just drops of water on burning rocks,”  Suiryu says, something done for self-satisfaction rather than because it actually creates meaningful change.   Snek’s thoughts mirror Suiryu’s as he considers whether heroes are actually necessary at all.

Let’s bring it back to Garou.  Garou’s Very Bad No Good Plan to Avoid Heroic Heartbreak he laid out in chapter 41.  Quite simply, heroes always have to wait for bad things to happen and then react to punish the evildoers and/or save people. 

I love how long this guy is...um, sorry I was supposed to be typing something insightful here

But what if it was possible to take the initiative instead, like a monster does?  What if people could stop wanting to be bad and monsters could stop wanting to attack people?  That’s where the Human Monster was born, the quest to create a persona so strong that no one could oppose it, and so senselessly evil that no one dared to do anything that attracted its attention.

punishing the good and evil alike, don’t make him come your way if you know what’s good for you.

I see a lot of readers read superficially, misunderstand and think Garou is punishing heroes in some way. That heroes are bad in some way.  Nothing like that: he attacks heroes because they’re good and devote their lives to protecting people.  After all, only a total monster would do that.  Also, if even the strongest heroes aren’t safe, what hope have the regular people of this world?

All throughout the arc, that Garou doesn’t actually want to be a monster at heart is clear to every actual monster.  It’s clear to us as we see his interactions with Tareo.  It’s clear to him himself as he tries to steel himself to take a life just to prove to himself that he can (thankfully it’s Saitama he tries to kill). 

It’s what makes Saitama’s bullshit-cutting words as cutting as they are.   Ultimately, his trying to scare the world into being good is his way of running away from the tough, heart-breaking work of being a hero.

there is a crazy confidence a hero needs to embody in order to step up, as if by doing so they can do something

The pathos that we can empathise with is that it’s hard to look on a world as messed up as theirs is and not feel that surely, surely there’s something more that one can do.  Garou’s struggle is absolutely legitimate.   However... I’m going to let the however hang a moment...

It’s childish thinking to frame heroism in terms of strength and it’s not much better to frame it in terms of being of exceptional virtuousness.  What a hero is, according to ONE, is someone who can look honestly at the cruelty and randomness of the world, who can acknowledge frankly the fleeting nature of any good they can do, feel the pain of this reality fully.   And then choose to reach a hand out to help anyway.  

In a world where feeling helpless in the face of impossibly large and complex problems feels inevitable, cynicism is too ready a refuge, and just looking out for yourself is common sense, the mere act of reaching that hand out is an act of courage.

not with illusions of good triumphing over evil, but the dogged determination to do the right thing even if the world burns down.  That’s what being a hero is about.

However...

...the way Garou worked out his inner conflict was not legitimate.  He picked the worst possible way at the worst possible time to wrestle with it. Which I think goes to a second theme: that your feelings may be valid.  But that does not mean that every action that follows from those feelings is valid.  Garou hurt a lot of good people and impeded their vital work at a time the world could ill-afford it.

One of the joys of fiction is that not only do characters act for reasons that make sense, but we get to hear and understand *why*. And at the same time, the external actions they take on the world persist. I’m very happy too that ONE isn’t glossing over the consequences of Garou’s actions.  Too many readers pick one or the other and lose half the joy.   

Thankfully, ONE isn’t a half-ass.

It doesn’t become okay for the heroes that Garou attacked that they were assaulted.  It doesn’t become okay for the world that so many people were needlessly deprived of heroes when they needed them most.  And it isn’t okay for Garou that he’s made an outlaw of himself as a result of his actions.   The ramifications on both personal and societal are going to be explored for the individuals involved.  I bless ONE for his conscientiousness and for creating so many excellent characters that make the enterprise worth the candle.

What kind of hero Garou will decide to be and how he’ll make it work in practice, ah that we’re waiting to see.

Coda:

Of course, that’s not the whole story.  There’s one other part.  Occasionally, by being the right person willing and able to step up in the right way at the right time, a hero can change *everything*.

[jujutsubabe]

Similar Undertones

Itadori x reader

Word count: 3.2k

Song recommendation: Take me where your heart is-Q

Synopsis: Itadori and you go on your first car date together and he is freaking out.

Megumi and Nobara were going to absolutely lose it within the next three seconds. There was nothing new being talked about as Itadori repeated the same question in ten different ways.

“If this is our first car ride together do we hold hands while I drive? Or Is that too forward?”

“Wait, do you think it’s sexist if I want to drive? I kinda don’t want her to drive, it’s pretty late... wait— not saying she can’t do it! Women are strong! It’s just— is it rude to drive her?”

“Should I make a playlist of her favorite songs...? I’ve been saving them.”

Nobara and Megumi stared at the dork sitting in front of them. His questions didn’t have any more depth than this, you had a chaotic effect on this guy. The boy who never thinks before acting, is actually thinking. All it took was a quick “I’m hungry, can we go to McDonald’s?” from you to put him into absolute shock.

It should have been a casual answer, like “yeah I’ll get you now.” But no, the poor boy only officially asked you out a week ago after months and months of crushing on you. So he needed a full hour to mentally prepare himself enough to not ruin this moment with you.

“Itadori you’re giving me chills.” Nobara rubbed her arms. “Why can’t you two be normal?”

“Don’t put me in the same category as him.” Megumi rubbed his face. “Itadori why can’t you ask her what she wants?”

Itadori sunk into his bed, throwing his arms around wildly. “Are you kidding? If I asked her all that she would think I’m crazy.”

“She doesn’t know that already?” Megumi asked and Nobara cackled beside him.

Itadori whined into his pillow kicking his legs. “I don’t wanna mess this up, this is my first real girlfriend and if we broke up...”

If you looked at him with disgust before making up some random excuse to leave? If you started avoiding him in the city as he passed you by? if you went on with your lives not knowing each other anymore and then years later going to your wedding as a guest? Somehow getting the task of being a godfather and babysitting your kids for the rest of his life? Then becoming a school janitor and accidentally drowning in one of the toilets?

He could imagine it all now, you standing at his casket, sighing, “If only he let me drive instead...”

He screamed into the pillow. He couldn’t stop the inflow of the thoughts, each scenario more stressful than the last. He hated how much he worried over such trivial things.

Nobara pat his back, “Okay, yeah we get it. Calm down.”

The two looked between each other and their friend. It was difficult dealing with him in this state, they had to be extra careful with what they said. He usually comforted them, but when the roles were reversed it caught them a little bit off guard.

Megumi sighed, “I don’t think she would care about those things. She seems like a good person.”

Itadori only grunted.

“Seriously though. You two have known each other forever.” Nobara poked his sides. “At this point, anything you did now couldn’t make her run away.”

He thought about it. You did stay through a lot, you stayed during that whole finger swallowing incident. And that time he died for a little bit. Also the time he laughed so hard milk came out of his nose. (He found that one to be the most traumatizing.)

If you can stay with someone through all of that, then maybe, possibly, you wouldn’t mind staying if he was a little nervous on your ride together. If his hands were a little more sweaty than usual maybe you would giggle a bit and hold them anyways.

Maybe, there was nothing to worry about, and in the end the both of you would have a fun time. He thought too much of what would happen, he needed to relax.

With a long inhale, he rose from the pillow. Nobara clapped as he got up, “There we go, you’ve got it Itadori.”

“This will be a good date.” He reassured himself.

“It will be! That’s the spirit.” Nobara said.

“We’re going to hold hands and I’m not going to mess this up!” He stood from his bed. “I’ll make sure she’s comfortable and goes home telling her friends what a good boyfriend I am.”

“Fushiguro play the motivation playlist! We need to get him an outfit.” Nobara threw her phone to him as she headed to Itadori’s closet.

Megumi sighed, he really hoped this date went well enough for him to never ask for help again because...

He watched Nobara throw shirts to one side while Itadori rummaged through his half empty sock drawer asking Megumi if he had matching socks he could borrow instead.

...He genuinely couldn’t go through this again.

Itadori popped in his fifth stick of mint gum as he checked his reflection. He looked out the window every few seconds before fixing up his appearance. As he looked at himself, he realized maybe he did too much...

He remembered Nobara pulling out a full suit, “This will be good. Girls love it when a guy dresses up.”

“That looks like too much. We’re getting fast food.”

She shook her head, pushing him into the closet, “Trust me, she will be so disappointed if you dress up casual.”

“I’ve never heard of that! Never! Megumi this is ridiculous isn’t it?”

Little did they know, Megumi left as soon as they turned their backs, right now he was back in his dorm reading a nice book under his comfortable covers. There was no way the two could bring him back into the room now. While he was going through his nightly routine, these two were preparing for war.

“Just try it on, if it’s bad you can change...” Nobara checked the time, “Hey what time are you supposed to get her?”

“Uh,” he squirmed into his pants, “like eight.”

“Huh... Like thirty minutes ago eight?”

The closet door snapped open as he stumbled out, “What? Where’s my phone?”

He groaned when Nobara shrugged, he looked through the large heap of clothes on the floor, then opened all the dresser’s drawers before grabbing it from the sock one.

It was already half past eight like she said, he scrolled through a few missed calls from you and frowned. He never missed more than one call from you, you probably thought he was dead (again) at this point.

He would definitely be losing points for that. He would be lucky if you didn’t text your friends about what a horrible date he was being. First he was late and then he showed up in a suit? He would never live that down.

He did a quick little debate as he stared at himself in the mirror, he was way too dressed up for this little encounter. He had no time to change though, so instead of comfy shorts, he accepted his fate to be the awkward guy who dresses up way too much for something that’s supposed to be way more casual.

It’s like those kids who dress in suits at public schools, it’s out of place and everyone scratches their head wondering if they went to the wrong event.

He shook his head, with no more time to dwell on it, he grabbed his keys. Before he left though he pointed a finger through the door, “Later, we will argue about this later.”

Nobara laughed as he hurried out the door. “Tell me how it goes after!”

Itadori shook his head, still not really over the past events. Fixing his cuff he glanced out the window once more before catching sight of you. He took a deep breath before getting out his car.

“Hey!” He waved out to you as you squinted from your door. The closer you got the more confused you looked.

“Shoot, we’re we going somewhere fancy?” You looked over your oversized shirt and sweat pants. “I thought we were getting fast food.”

He was jealous of your comfort wear. Any other day he would be jumping in joy over how cute you looked in house clothes, but right now he craved some of his own.

Itadori thought about those moments in typical romance movies where the girl steals the guy’s sleepwear. The guy gets all flustered because she’s wearing his clothes and looks so comfortable, the girl is happy because she gets out of her uncomfortable dress clothes and finally gets to relax. It’s a bonding moment between the two.

He wished he could be the girl in that situation right now.

He scratched his neck. “No, we are. My friend just bullied me into wearing a suit...”

You laughed, “Really? Was that why you ran late?”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” he winced, “I lost track of time. I really was going to wear something normal.”

Your eyes darted over him before you pursed your lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in a suit before.” You picked at dust on his shoulder, “It’s a little out of place but it’s cute.”

He hung his mouth as if you kicked the breath out of him. You said that with so much ease, you two have known each other for so long but he’s never seen you be this much of a flirt. He felt like a firefly was lighting him up from inside out, blinking on and off as he stared at you unable to move.

We’re these the benefits of being in a relationship? Random touches and compliments that could make any worrying heart swoon instead? It was his first time dating his crush so every little thing you said or did made him bounce off the walls.

He wanted to cherish the moment with you touching his shoulder and calling him cute for a moment longer. You somehow made him forget every single worry that welled up in his chest.

He wondered if he made you feel this way as well.

Itadori is a cute driver. The two of you keep a good conversation, but when he makes a turn he goes quiet. He also goes quiet when someone crosses the street, sometimes he talks to the drivers in front of him even though they can’t hear him.

Little sayings like, “You can go.” “You don’t have to run across, I can wait.”

He fumbles with the radio station until you wave his hand off and change it yourself. You can tell it takes a weight off his shoulders, he looks content whenever you switch it.

He drives with both hands too. At every stop light he taps his fingers on the wheel, glancing at yours every once in a while. You never know what to do, debating on whether or not he's trying to hold your hand. You didn’t want to come off as being too forward by grabbing his hand, but also didn’t want him to initiate everything for your little date.

You hadn’t been in a car alone with him before, you didn’t know the rules about romance in the car. If you made a wrong move you two would have to sit in silence until he dropped you off, or worse until he kicked you out the car.

You could imagine it all now, you go to grab his hand and he pulls it away. “Isn’t that a little too early? I don’t think we’re that close yet...” and then he turns up the music to ignore the tension.

Then you pass each other in the streets, then he dates someone completely different and you see them together all the time, then you become a realtor sell a house to him and his new wife, constantly wishing you could have been the one moving in with him, then you are living in his basement without his knowledge, eating sardines before dying under his house.

Itadori would shake his head at your funeral, “If only she never held my hand...”

You internally screamed. You couldn’t mess this up. He was so different from any other person you’ve met, you didn’t want to be too fast with this. You liked him since the first day you met, it would pain you to see all those months of friendship and growth go down the drain by being a tad too forward.

You couldn’t bear going back to the friend stage again, though fun at that period of time, you were in too deep to go back. The idea alone gave you chills, that would mean no more cute little touches or flirty gestures, just awkward waves when you passed by.

You fiddled with your fingers, glancing at his. The thought alone gave you butterflies, the two of you holding hands in a car at night screamed aesthetic Pinterest board. Your hand craved to feel whatever those Internet couples felt.

Your chest tightened a bit when the drive thru came into view and he asked for your order. It was like a reality check, the little drive filled with mindless chatter and laughs would be ending soon, with neither of you making a move.

You bit your cheek as he pulled up to the cashier window, time started to dwindle. You wondered why he couldn’t make a move first. His chances of rejection were in the negatives.

If he held his hand out you would hold it, you didn’t care if any of the employees witnessed such a display of PDA. You didn’t care where he held it, you didn’t care if it suddenly turned green… well you would be concerned about that… but there is nothing more romantic than holding hands in the middle of the night with someone you are infatuated with.

...In the McDonald’s drive thru.

He pulled to the next window and talked about something for a while before he interrupted your racing mind, “You okay?”

You popped out of your thoughts, about to pull an excuse from the top of your head but when you turned to him you didn’t expect to see his hand. Your eyes went wide as you saw his palm open and his expression soft and heartfelt.

It was like a small explosion of color went off in your brain. Like confetti rained in your mind and every single wish you’ve ever had suddenly became true in this very instant.

Itadori is actually offering his hand to you. Maybe you were imagining this and he wasn’t real, but even if he wasn’t, why not take the hand of this apparition?

So with the widest smile and biggest set of heart eyes, you fit your hand into his like a slot piece. His hands were warm like food out the oven, or fresh laundry, or a ray of sun washing over you. They were a little sweaty, but it was cute, everything about this moment was exactly how you dreamed about it. You could feel your heart settle itself down.

Until, Itadori cleared his throat, “I was asking if you could hand me the money from there...” he pointed to the glove compartment.

Your face dropped when you saw the cashier standing at the window scratching his head and Itadori still pointing at that cursed glove compartment. This was something right out of a horrible coming of age movie, you couldn’t believe this was real.

“Oh!” You slipped your hand out, snatching whatever amount from the compartment box and handing it to him. “I’m so sorry, that’s so embarrassing.”

No, no embarrassing was an understatement. You more so felt like a ball got kicked in your face on live television. You didn’t know if you could ever recover from this, you wondered if you should change your name and move across the country now or later.

While you were deciding on a new name, you were thrown off, when he cocked his head instead of agreeing, “Why? I was going to hold it anyway.”

Oh.

Oh?

Oh!?

“You were?”

He nodded, “I was nervous I might freak you out but—“

“I felt the same way!” You interjected, “I thought I would make you uncomfortable.”

You didn’t expect him to be as nervous as you were, the both of you seemed to get onto a mutual plane of understanding. You both said what the other person thought, peeling off that initial layer of worry like an orange.

To think someone as confident ltadori would be nervous. You were used to him doing things without thinking and going in with full confidence this threw you off guard. You were seeing a different side of him you weren’t used to.

“Don’t worry, you can’t make it uncomfortable. I'm fine with whatever!”

“Me too, if you want to hold hands we can.” You bit down on your cheek, a loud buzzing coursing through your arms.

Itadori grinned back at you so hard, the both of you in this little bubble. Maybe this night wouldn’t be as bad as you imagined. You might be able to keep this date in your mental memory, looking back at it whenever you wanted to smile.

The cashier cleared his throat, still standing there, the both of you jumped before looking, “You’re holding up the line.” He pointed to the money in Itadori’s hand.

“Right sorry!”

You laughed as he scrambled with the money. The both of you turning to each other and giggling when he finally left the drive thru. You sorted through the food while he found a place to park. (to which you mentally squealed, you two could now spend a little more time together)

Your conversation now had an interesting topic as you both discussed how nervous you were beforehand, then talked about the pace you wanted the relationship to go in, then your days, then the weather, and then it went quiet.

You were cleaning up, wiping away the salt from your fingers and crumpling up trash. Doing minor things like adjusting the air and checking your face for crumbs in the mirror.

Maybe he shouldn’t be looking at you with so much intensity, but he couldn’t help it. His glances were quick and out of the corner of his eye at first, but after some time he completely forgot to keep the looking secret and started staring at you.

You weren’t even noticing. You were in your own little world, thinking about a catchy little tune you heard over the radio while you cleaned your nails.

It was all so simple, but he couldn’t help his eyes from noticing every little thing you did. He didn’t understand why his heart thrummed so fast when you pursed your lips or drummed your fingers onto your lap. Tiny itty bitty things he didn’t pay attention to earlier were so eye catching for some reason.

You had such a content look on your face, it physically pained him. He could feel the weight of his heart, the buzz in his fingers, he wanted to know if you felt the same. If you felt there was no one else who could fill up this place in your chest. Like no matter where you were, each moment was perfect as long as this feeling stayed.

He couldn’t help but intertwine your hand with his. You smiled up at him and he wondered if he was allowed to have this. Your hand or this moment, he didn’t know if he deserved it, yet he couldn’t help but take it. It would be wrong not to.

He squeezed your palm to his, maybe you could see the sparks behind his eyes as he did so. He hoped if he looked close enough, you would share the same sparks behind your eyes as well.