#Like it’s just a silly girl realizing her whole life is a lie <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[imobsessed123]

I don’t think anything will beat the nostalgia of the first kotlc book ngl

[mrsparrasblog]

You're losing me pt.2

pt. 1 pt.3

TW: mention of rape, unprotected sex, drinking, blood, violence, angst

The liquor on his tongue didn’t even burn anymore; too much was already in his system, trying to wash down the events of this day. You were the love of his life, the woman he wanted to marry, even though he didn’t know how it would be legal for you to marry all of them. And now, he lost you. The worst part? He can't even remember how it happened. He felt so disgusted in himself in so many ways—disgusted for breaking your heart. God, your look, how you tried to keep your tears in check, broke him. And then his whole body felt disgusted; it felt like a layer of dirt he couldn’t wash away. He scrubbed and scrubbed, but it didn’t go away; the shame still lingered. It felt like someone had taken something from him, but it was his own fault. He must have said yes and bought those drinks. It was his own fault, he told himself over and over again. Normally, he would talk about this kind of stuff with you; you always knew what to say. But you hated him.

"‚‘nother on’," he said to the barkeeper. This was probably his sixth. Johnny knew how he could handle alcohol; he was never that pissed before to not remember a thing. And there she was, the medic, sitting down next to him.

"Hey, Johnny," she smiled brightly, like she didn’t have any worry in her life.

"I ken a dinnae whit yesterday happened bit tis ne'er aff tae happen again."

"Come on, you enjoyed it yesterday."

"I dinnae remember yesterday."

"What a shame."

He stood up, throwing some pounds on the table, wanting to leave, but she stopped him. "Come on, Johnny. I'll help you forget, make you feel at peace again."

"No."

"Then please, let me invite you for a drink as an apology," she smiled sweetly, pushing the drink towards me. Wait, how had she a drink prepared if she sat only for a minute next to me?

"No."

"Please, a drink won't kill you."

"I said no."

"Just one sip, Johnny, and I'll make you feel good how she never could."

"How come ye're sae persistent fur me tae dram this drink?"

"You're silly, Johnny. I'm just being nice," she looked panicked - weird.

While many people thought of him as someone who is just a silly guy who isn’t able to think properly, you told him all over again that he was so smart, smarter than all of them, if someone would just give him the chance to show. And right now, his brain implanted a sick thought on him. "Dinnae tell me ye put something in mah drink."

Her eyes widened. "Of course not," she mumbled.

"Don't lie to me," his hand immediately went to her throat , choking the truth out of her.

"Knockout drugs," she whispered. She was fighting for air as I let her go; the men in the pub already stood up trying to save the poor woman from getting abused by a man.

"You raped me." His shock hit deep; he always thought something like that wouldn’t happen to him. He was strong and able to protect himself. He was the guy who killed people, the youngest man in the SAS, the guy who beat up an officer because he touched a civi. But now, he was the victim.

"Have fun proving it. No one will believe that a tiny girl like me raped the big bad soldier," she laughed, and screamed for help. "Help, this man doesn’t take no for an answer," He was kicked out of the pub; his face was bloody from all the beating.

All he wanted was to reach you, ask your advice, be in the comfort of your arms, telling him all over again how he is a good man, how he is worth everything and not a dirty soldier. But you didn’t pick up; he came to the realization quickly; that no one would believe him.

**Soap:** Please tell me we used a condom.

**Medic:** ;)

Fuck.

————————————————————————————————-

4 am and you still couldn’t sleep; your head was full of thoughts. Why were you not good enough? Why did he do it? So, you made a thing your friends would kill you for. Calling John, you weren’t sure if he would pick up, but he did.

"What's wrong, love?" Source of habit, he thought.

"Why did you do this, John?" you sobbed.

"I didn't mean for it to happen; it was an accident."

"Then why didn't you say sorry?"

"Love."

"Don't fucking call me love. You cheated on me, and you didn't say sorry. You didn't run after me, you didn't apologize," your sobs broke his heart.

"I'm sorry; it was an accident."

"An accident is making a typo, not sticking your dick in a whore."

"I—"

"I hate you, John. I hate you so much," and you hung up. This wasn’t what you expected. Why doesn’t he feel guilty? Why are you not good enough? Why didn’t Simon say something? Why didn’t Kyle come here? Of course, you broke up, but why don’t they care?

If you only knew how Kyle was, blood-covered in the hospital, too many rookies in his way. How Simon was trying desperately to find Soap to see he didn't drink himself to death, and then he would come to you, he told him self all over again. And how the captain didn't leave his office, not even for food.

And how Soap went into John's office, trying to explain to him the truth, only to see a disarranged office, hands covered in blood after he tried to pick up the liquor he smashed at his wall. He never saw his captain so vulnerable, and if Soap didn’t know better, he would have sworn he saw tears.

"Captain, I—"

"You did already enough, MacTavish. Let me have at least one day to mourn over the loss of the love of my fucking life."

"Captain—"

"LEAVE," and he did, he crawled into his bed, knowing he lost everything in a day, the love of his life, his best friend Kyle, his captain, his pride, and safety, and not even Ghost was there.

[eofoc]

day 9: relationships (part 1)

Ange & Juliet - platonic, half-siblings

Ange & Yuze (angeyuze 🌿🌊) - romantic

Mischa & Orifiel (orimischa 🗝️🦢) - romantic; art credits: first, second

Juliet & Roselyn (roseliet 🌹🕯️) - complicated; art credits: first, second

AAAHAGHG MY FAV DAY!!!!! prepare for a crazy CRAZY EXTENSIVE infodump (under the cut) ...

edit: i feel like this is already a long ass post so tbh. i might just reblog with a description of the other two (🗝️🦢+🌹🕯️) at a later time :]

idk if i need to say this but i hate incest. please block me if you engage in any sort of incest media / fiction. my ocs siblings relationship are strictly platonic

💚🧸 ill start with the siblings because they make me a bit crazy i cant lie. they are half-siblings!! juliets dad died when she was very very young (a baby basically) so she grew up with her step-father (ange's father)... she didnt really gaf about him at all though because she was mommys girl . amen

when they were younger, ange and juliet got along really well!!!! juliet loved playing the role of an older sister and she liked dragging ange around ... they also played togetjer a lot :3 but like. gradually they started getting more into their studies and all .... their parents were getting more and more antagonistic towards each other so they began piting the kids against each other as well. #divorce

as a kid ange viewed juliet as some sort of a. higher figure... something beyond his reach... a kind and silly and funny angel and the only person who treated him right honestly. so when he assumed that juliet has betrayed yuze and had his parents killed . his world Lowkey literally crumbled. i think he realized at that time that shes just a human person and can Also make mistakes.

their relationship got a bit strained because ange started to isolate himself Hard. and juliet is a naturally pushy person when it comes to others so it did make her frustrated when he wouldnt tell her anything or talk to her... wah...... ange was also being ostracized by society because of his father :( juliet tried to throw parties and warm others up to him and she was like. just act nice okay. but it failed lowkey because hes a bit of an asshole sometimes

they had a big fight over that and stopped speaking like.. at all...... ange thought juliet was setting him up and exposing him to people that dont like him when all she did was try to fix his image and reputation... whatever okay.

i also want to say theyre very similar in a lot of aspect!!! both mask their emotions to a crazy degree, usually with a smile or with humor... both kind of try to appeal to people as much as they can, but in different ways? ange mostly wants people to see him as stupid and non-threatening (opposite of his father) and juliet wants people to see her as pitiful and hard-working. they are also both mildly suicidal BUT ange is like -> i have no purpose so i should kms vs. juliet being like -> kms is the only way to escape the purpose i have in life

🌿🌊 ohhh the doomed yaoi... they make me super super sickly.... i talked about their childhood like 93849 times so . well. idk if i should do it Again . However

theyre like. childhood friends to one-sided enemies to lovers . in their childhood years yuze and ange met when yuze was helping his parents with tailoring clothes and yuze helped him out a bit (ange was afraid to speak up and yuze noticed it...) and so it began. ange kind of even in his childhood clung to yuze a lot because it seemed like he was the only one who understood him and his troubles. like even to a bigger degree than juliet could. to yuze . well he didnt think too much about it . like childhood friend yay :)

then the whole FIASCO happened. yuze jumped through 9328 mental hoops and as a 10 year old the only logical thing that made sense was that ange had something to do with the death of his parents. poor ange lost his only friend, his dad was executed and his mama now hated him more than ever and forbid juliet from meeting with him. so they were both going through it .

and then when they meet again they are literally . two different people . its like meeting a fuckign stranger because of how much theyve changed and that drives me a bit crazy. ange is hurt by the resentment yuze seems to hold for him.... yuze is like damn i have to kill this guy (he doesnt Really hide it...) but he finds out how suicidal ange is and hes like. :/. i dont like you but dont do that actually jesus christ youve had it rough. and then he finds out that ange didnt have anything to do with his parents after all and the GUILT that kicks in is crazy. and then more stuff happens (Heh

[kamiversee]

oh em gee this whole fic has such a grasp on me??? i literally read this in one go and i have never felt more emotions in one sitting. AND HELLO? GOJO? CHOSO? who do i pick fr😝 but trust me its only because of how you write gojo because if this was a real life situation, i’m sending him to a fucking psychologist.

Anywho, I love how beautifully written your writing is to the point where it feels like I’m watching a MOVIE. I never want this fic to end and it’s definitely one of my favorites so far! Now, to talking about gojo and choso😈

I genuinely am so torn between the two. I know Gojo is straight up an obsessive manipulative weirdo who people try so hard to defend even though what he’s doing is so wrong?? and im not even gonna lie, sometimes i want to agree with them bc cmon..its my blue eyed princess :( and can you blame us when the way you write him is so core throbbing?? But regardless, I guess I have some sort of self respect to realize he’s very much CRAZY. But I still really want there to be a happy ending where he’s involved. I just really can’t help feeling like I need to defend gojo and his actions but i wont because yeah he’s terrribleeee😭 part of me still wants gojo=endgame though!

BUTTTTT, that does not mean we have to drag my beautiful husband choso down with us ?? Cmon now you guys, yes the tattoo was a little off and the apartment thing was a lill sus but choso still offered to get the tattoo removed AND there could be a reasonable explanation as to how he got back inside mc’s apartment. You gojo girlies just want to defend gojo so bad that you think flaming on my silly little guy choso will help with proving your delusions🙄.

AND WOOOW THIS RECENT CHAPTER?? Gojo almost made me feel bad for him..until he thought about blackmailing us again?? Like sir. And then that little moment with lord core throbber sukuna?? That was so very wholesome. Talking about wholesome, choso is just such a sweet boy isnt he?☹️ I am a choso defender for life, especially after how he talks to the reader. Also, I don’t really know what to make of Yuki and Choso..like i get what reader must be feeling but wasn’t she just kissing gojo like a second ago? But i can see where she’s coming from especially after having to put her feelings for gojo aside just so she can finally be with Choso and then she finds out that he’s hanging around with a girl he used to fuck around with? It’s all very very interesting indeed. AND KAMI. THE CLIFFHANGER?😓 I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT IM GOING INSANEEE.

Anyways, enough of my rant❤️ and can i claim “🐼” anon?

-🐼

Oh how I eat these long messages UPPPPP😩

1. TYSM IM GLAD U ENJOYED !!

2. I love that this felt like a movie for you, I personally ADORE movies & entertainment so it rlly strikes my heart nicely that I was able to give you tht feel through my silly lil fic <3

3. Gojo girlies are insane, there’s absolutely no saving or getting through to them.

And 4. The parallels babes, the parallels. Just as Gojo is to the reader, the reader is to Choso (to some extent)

& OFC U CAN CLAIM THT ANON ITS SO CUTE >.<

[tumblasha]

why was i like that (tl;dr in tags)

today i clicked on sgc's ig profile and saw that they use they/them pronouns now. and it makes me want to cry.

bc even tho we Literally went to high school together-ish (they were 3yrs after me?) we had such different experiences.

i was a Girl who hung out with guys who didn't respect me, went out with a boyfriend who was nice to me, and was too shy / awkward / busy being that shy nerd stereotype [1] that i had no "deep friendship". you could ask anyone anything about me and they wouldn't know the answer! and i wouldn't know anything about them!! [2] bc we were a small class (169) and everyone in town was a mix of neighbor and cousin, i got my invites to parties and dances, but i overall felt like i was on autopilot. i don't remember my life until i was ~16 [3]!! why!!!

i think a lot about how dr uju anya had a whole husband and child but over time realized she was a lesbian. not to parasocialize too much with this academic weapon, but i feel like i also had this experience (to a much smaller / younger degree). and i feel so sad thinking about how i could've saved so much pain in high school if i had just known i wasn't wired to like guys like that [4].

and i remember lindie [5], someone who's ~30 now and has been with her now-husband since she was ~13. one day we had a good phone call (post-hs-graduation) and she told me that for literally everyone else she could possibly see romantically / sexually, she's a lesbian. but she and her husband have literally Grown Up together. her love for him is something that goes beyond platonic / romantic / sexual attraction. it's a life partnership in every sense of the term.

this phone conversation lit a lightbulb in my summer 2019 brain. i knew that this high school bf of mine could be a life partner. we started dating when i was 11 or 12 and !!! we both saw each other grow up (at least to some degree). but something in the pit of my stomach told me i couldn't live a lie like that. it wouldn't be fair to him for me to have this self-discovery and just .. continue as if it didn't happen?

and so when someone said that dr. uju's pre-lesbian marriage was "sad" bc she didn't know she was a lesbian, i got (in my head) defensive. bc "it's totally possible to be happy and ignore this part of yourself!" (it's not).

for the longest time i told myself that being bisexual was the easiest sexuality to have bc i knew i liked women and i could always just end up with a guy to make my family happy, if i had to, ya know? i got mentally defensive when ppl online said that "invisibility is not a privilege" and "biphobia is real" bc i was subconsciously using this label as a way to hide the fact that the mere thought of a life with a man made me anxious / nauseous / scared.

and boy did that fear kick into overdrive anytime i was around a guy. if he even smiled at me, i'd go a little silly. it didn't even matter if he was straight, bi, ace, gay, or anything, i'd just latch onto the fact that it was a Man talking to me and i couldn't stop thinking about them and any comment they made that made them seem bored / annoyed at me made me spiral about my self-worth. but if there was ever a case that i Thought they even Maybe had an interest in me, i'd get nauseous again. to this day i feel like i still put guys up on a pedestal so i just have ... no guy friends [6].

this novel is a silly way of saying the following things.

the label "lesbian" is a vibe rn

heartstopper is a painful show for me to watch

sorry if ur a guy i met before i turned 20 that i was weird around : ( /nbh

sgc looks so happy. they're out and they look so happy. why couldn't that be me.

why was i like that.

---

[1] i had a goofy jock bf tho so was it really so bad?

[2] and to a certain degree this continues today? i don't know how to hold a conversation, i don't know how to ask questions, i don't have good memory of the conversations i Do manage to hold, my #1 fear is playing the newlyweds game with literally anybody. i once described making friends as 'learning a person's scripts / common conversation topics' and the other person in the room just kinda said 'haha yeah...' and i continued to pset :skull:

[3] and 16-17 was my sad era where i cried basically any time my bf and i were alone together. that man was so patient w me lmao

[4] why do i always say no? why can't i just calm down? why is it weird to describe us as 'friends but we also make out'?

[5] one of the coolest ppl i know. (death + suicide mentioned in this footnote) she was the french teacher that replaced my old french teacher after she died, and lindie really suffered for us. bc it was a catholic school, she was forced to cover up her tattoos, and she had to wear longer clothes (admin always told her to cover up even when she was wearing Long Clothes). she went through so much (miscarriage, lost here sense of self, etc.) and was literally suicidal but she still showed up for us. one of my fav teachers and an inspiration to this day.

[6] except for the two dudes (that might be) reading this, y'all are cool and literally the best. afaik i've been Normal around y'all so yay! growth!!

[euphor1a]

besties wanted jk n mingyu so i gib jk n mingyu🤩

— or, a small bit of the very messy outline of my death the junggyu fic™. totally unedited and raw (intentional). kept that way so that one can feel the original vibes i was feeling when i was brainstorming this on a random 3 am 😙

fwb popular!jk & campus crush jock!mg 

jk is popular for very obvious (? or is it) reasons 🤭, almost made him a fuckboy but nah not really. man’s terrified of commitment so he used to sleep around often, kinda.

but then he finds our oc and *cough* *cough* legitimately falls. still not willing to commit tho 🙄 hence the “fwb” (at least that’s what he convinced himself)

our poor oc... sigh. let’s just say they’re on different pages :/ and our girl is tired of jk’s bs, desperately trying to gather herself and actually move on.

SHE DESERVES SOMEONE WHO ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE W HER!!!!

incoming our campus crush kim mingyu 😍

man’s so fine that everyone can feel themselves physically swooning when he’s around 😫

he’s also a jock 😼, not entirely sure which sport i want him to play though... (?🏀)

NOW NOW!! this man is one of those guys who rejects all advances but his love-life is pretty much non-existent (sounds like the biggest lie but yes,,,)

rumor says he used to be nasty nasty at first apparently 👀 but then he found better people as friends and changed 🤨? did a total 180°?

on this random evening after a session, oc asks jk to help her make mg jealous (?) idk she just needs his ✨ATTENTIONNNNNN✨!!! am i self-projecting? am i?

oc always knew him (who wouldn’t), but she was introduced face to face with theeee kmg by jk 🤠

she actually got pretty close to jk’s friend group cause she tagged along w jk to group hang outs frequently (fyi, it was jeon jungkook who would drag her w him 💀)

and 👉🏼👈🏼 she developed this silly little crush on mg 🙈

later on, as oc realized jeon jk is hellbent on staying “friends”, she decided to give other people a chance.

she secretly hopes that if she dates someone else, maybe jk can see and come back to his MFING SENSES

but anyway, our girl is a bit too deep into the mingyu rabbit-hole by now also 😔✋🏼

sulky n pouty jk being mad about oc liking mg… cause guess what!? junggyu homies 😔✊🏼

hmm…. jk still fucking oc in the midst of that ish cuz why not 🫣 n he’s mad too so kinda hate fucking? anyway — oc convinces jk bc she is a simp for mg same girl i feel u and jk agrees half-heartedly cause he would actually give her the whole world 🙄 just stupid ass simps everywhere!!

jk thinks that mg will never say yes 🙃 so deep down he’s like making plans about how he’s gonna absolutely destroy oc and punish her once she gets her heart broken by the campus crush 🥴

like??? BITCH LOOK WHOS TALKING? men are so dense sometimes like WHAT EVEN CANT YOU SEE THAT YOU HURT OC TOO (maybe in a worse way tbh)

sigh... so anyway.

mg thinks oc is prettiest ever & attractive asf and he gets butterflies and stuff when she’s around 🥰🦋 but he never made a move bc he knows there’s sumn fishy going on between oc n his friend 😩

SURPRISE! that man has been pining over oc from who knows when 😦

no one except him knows about it though 😔 (well... you guys know now)

moving forward 👾

jk being grumpy n fighting oc every 10 secs for the dumbest things bc she fell for his bff out of all people 🤡 (but jk is an asshole too cuz bro should’ve stopped saying shit like “we are nothing but friends”?? like yk you can’t just expect a girl to be your fwb for the rest of your life?? 🙄 plus she caught feelings for you n you were a dumb bitch abt it... she deserves to be loved, verbally, physically, mentally and in all the ways 😔🥺)

[REDACTED]

↻ error loading the rest, please try again later. 

... i think i spoiled a bit too much 😵‍💫! but yea here you go!! if you have any thoughts about this, feel free to share them through asks or comments! i’d love to hear them! and, for this once, i request to not rb 🙈! i wouldn’t be the most comfortable seeing this reblogged 😭

[monstersliveinthemirror]

The Guts Write up Nobody asked for

1. Out the gate with beautiful vocals in All American Bitch. The acoustic intro is interesting and catchy, but when it hits with drums and electric guitar, the song picks up so much. I love her almost punk sound in the chorus, especially the second chorus. This one definitely hits pop rock and it's incredible. The drop to the acoustic at the end is -chefs kiss-.

2. Bad idea right? Is THAT bitch. The sound is incredible, but let's talk lyrics. "My brain goes Ahhhh" is such a mood when you think about that ex you aren't over. "Yes I know that he's my ex but can't two people reconnect I only see him as a friend biggest lie I ever said" This whole track is just a love song to making bad decisions around exes. Let me just say it brings back every single time Alex showed back up in my life and we would be "friends" until the whole line of "I just tripped and fell into his bed..." SONICALLY this song is interesting and upbeat, it's just so good.

3. I don't really have much new to say about Vampire- what a beautiful song about a fucked up time in her life. I love the interesting music and changes in the song. It's catchy, it's just good. It's been good since it came out.

4. Let's talk about the bisexual anthem lacy. It's yet another song for the girlies who don't understand the difference between jealousy and attraction AKA me in high school. The lyrics in this one are silly to me, I think describing skin as puff pastry is so ridiculous, but it's such a vibe for being a teenager and thinking someone is perfect and being jealous. "I despise my rotton mind and how much it worships you" IS NOT A STRAIGHT THING.

5. This one immediately starts off gritty and is almost whiplash following Lacy. The chorus has such a neat and interesting sound and I'm so glad she took a risk with the punk leaning sound for this album. This is another song that makes this album the pop rock genre. I love how upbeat it is, it's a bop and a dance around your room with headphones pretending you're the lead singer of a band song. I will say I don't love the part where it slows down, but I'm glad it picks up and doesn't end with a slower part.

6. Making the bed physically hurt me. I feel personally attacked by the lyrics. I'm not sure I can talk about this. "Push away all the people who know me the best, but it's me who's making the bed. I'm so tired of being the girl that I am every good thing is turning to something I dread, I'm playing the victim so well in my head, but it's me who's been making the bed." Fucking ouch okay. "I got the things I wanted it's just not what I imagined" 😭 it's a perfect mid album song, slowing it down for a minute after lots of energy.

7. I don't have words for logical. Love song to the girls who have been in toxic relationships with men who take advantage of the ones who fall hard. This is an Alex song and I hate it but "you've got me thinking two plus two equals five and I'm the love of your life" I mean come on the WAY people convince you of lies. "Why do I do this, I look so stupid" is the moment of realizing that you were hoodwinked but somehow you still feel for them even though you know better. The whole outro of blaming yourself is just heartbreaking and I am unwell right now okay.

8. Alright back to it with some drums and gritty sound. This one has a great vibe. The chorus is everything to me. Upbeat I hate this man I'm gonna fuck up his life, the break up song for us girlies who knows we aren't gonna get closure but like we're ready to take it. The whole vibe of I want to make him hurt....but with the confusing aspect of wanting to make him feel better by being the one he turns to...nope I want revenge except I want him back FUCK. The perfect song for that confusing part of the break up where you're almost ready to move on but not really.

9. Love is embarrassing is a mood lol. The dumb shit we do when we think we're in love, the way we don't really have boundaries or know what we'll put up with yet. I appreciate the sound and how catchy the song is. I also love the pretty abrupt ending.

10. Alright, slow it back down. We've got the signature acoustic and Olivia's beautiful voice for this one. It seems like it's going to crescendo, but it doesn't quite get there. Lyrically, "I fantasize about a time you're a little fucking sorry" got me. "How could anybody do the things you did so easily" I am unwell. This song made me emotional about a fucking break up that happened almost a year ago. Fuck this. I am hurt. ~you know I can't let it go, I've tried I've tried I've tried for so long~ and it just ending...ugh so good.

11. Pretty isn't pretty starts strong. The sound is good, the lyrics are honest. It just addresses growing up a girl and developing self worth issues and is probably one of my favorite songs here because of the topic. We drop from worrying about relationships and just address what it's like when it feels like nothing is ever good enough. It's not my favorite based on sound, but it's good enough.

12. Ending on a sad note, I see. This one is a coming of age song and not understanding there is so much good ahead. You're just nineteen babe you've got so many better days to come. But at twenty eight I felt this. It's saying goodbye to younger days, "they all say that it gets better, it gets better but what if I don't" screams mental illness to me but I'm probably projecting my own issues. God I love how it picks up because it's such a big feeling. She did a great job of using music to set the mood in this one. Also the outro, the baby sounds the mom sounds just God fucking damn.

[mirabaiidabaddiee]

The life story of Jayda Bond professionally known as Cookie Girl. She’s a September Virgo born September 3, 2006 on a Sunday. She is 5’5 tall. Jayda fell in love with rapping at the young age in elementary school from listening to her dad’s raps. She fell in love with singing when I was in the 4th grade I was obsessed with Ariana grande. My favorite song at the time was “focus” by ariana grande. My favorite rappers are Eminem, Nicki Minaj ofc, Megan Thee Stallion, Doja Cat. I have always been a girly girl because my grandma and my aunt were girly girls, and Ariana Grande was a girly girl and just me being me I just love Disney princesses and Barbie and bling. I am girly, however I am also a video game geek and which I like to call myself a gamer girl I fell in love with video games from a young age my aunt was a huge video game geek. The first game I played was the Sims three on Xbox 360 then it was halo on Xbox 360. Then it was the old-school Mortal Kombat. I don’t remember the version of Mortal Kombat that it was, but it was old and then, as I got older, I started to play the newer Mortal Kombat’s like double XL,XL. I also liked to play terraria when I was younger then I liked to play movie star planet when I was younger then I also liked to play Roblox when I was younger. I’ve actually had my one of my Roblox account since 2016 and then i was playing MovieStarPlanet around the same time maybe a little earlier than that I wanna say 2015. terraria was like another Minecraft for me so I played that I want to say 2013, 2014. I’ve just been playing video games every year of school starting from first grade especially as I got older and I developed mental health issues. Video games was a coping mechanism for me. One of my lifetime goals which is probably a silly goal to some people but it’s actually to have a fire ass, girly ass, pink gaming PC with lots of bling in it with a pink controller and a pink turtle beach headset basically, the ultimate girly gamer gaming set up PC. When I was younger, I want to say when I was like a baby I was playing on my pink Nintendo, DS and I used to play this Bratz game and any time that I would turn on my DS. I would be so happy to play my Bratz game and I look back on it it’s like bro the quality on that game was so bad but you know how back in the day you think things are so cool and now you’re looking back on it and it’s like bro fix that quality. As far as grand theft auto I played it on mobile a few times when I was in like elementary school, but I do have it on PS five. Oh, and I was a huge fan of legends of Zelda and Mario when I was in elementary school anytime I played Mario I was either princess, peach or daisy. When I was younger, I was a pop princess I just loved listening to pop music the only rapper I really listened to was my dad, but when I would listen to rap music, it was just listening to like Eminem. I always loved how crazy Eminem was. With my dad being very animated and artistic, I definitely feel like I inherited that gene from him where it’s like OK well he thinks he’s a star. I think I’m a star too and he never got a chance to get recognized so bitch I’m gonna be the one to get recognized. I started rapping when I was like 14, but I’ve been singing my whole life from singing in the choir to being in the singing group at school to listening to like old school soul. I’m just a Singer. So basically, I realized I was bisexual when I was 11 years old and I wasn’t surprised that I was but I was a little shocked. I’m not gonna lie when it comes to my hairstyles. I’m always keeping up with the trends like if I feel like somethings going out of style. I’m gonna switch to whatever I think looks cute and I feel like is in style. I had a tomboy face which lasted like a few months, and then I went right back to being girly but when I went back to being girly, I had an obsession with the Kardashians.

I always liked the look of wearing tights because first of all not only does it make your butt look bigger. It really compliments your thighs and I love wearing dresses and skirts and everybody knows that I do I cannot show up at an event unless I’m wearing a dress or a skirt. I love accessories too. I have never not been obsessed with accessories. I remember one time I was playing with my Barbie dolls and I tried to make like a little outlet and I had my accessories and I had the clothes and I just fell in love with shoes and bags and everything like that. Ever since I had my first Barbie dream house I knew I was gonna grow up to be that girl because I’m still obsessed with bags. I went from being obsessed with Dora bags to hello kitty bags to being obsessed with Louis Vuitton and I’m obsessed with high heel shoes I love Jordans I know jordan is not really feminine but you have to look nice on your feet OK. I know this doesn’t count but I started dating when I was an elementary school. My first boyfriend I met off-line ever since I’ve basically just been like OK I’m gonna be that girl who’s always gonna have a boyfriend because one day I’m gonna get married and I’m gonna be a mom, so I might as well you know. At some point in my life, I was only dating for short term purposes I mean I was young, but basically I was a hoe because I just loved to. I just like boys like I was just boy crazy. when I was younger starting from elementary school, a lot of boys wanted me like I’m telling you like boys from online getting cat called at the store Valentine’s Day in high school. It was crazy I was like the Rizz queen. When I was younger, my family dressed me up in girly clothes, and then, when I got older and developed my own persona, and I kind of had a mind of my own, I was still girly because I just knew like that was who I was gonna be. 

Soon as I turned 18 that was when I started working on my body shape which I don’t really wanna talk about because this is like a personal thing, but I am known for it I am known for being thick, so at first I started running track which also makes you thicker and I started eating BBL gummy‘s but I was trying to avoid getting surgery as much as possible because I was scared, because that is a dangerous thing to do but I knew I wanted to be thick because at the time I was slim. I’m also known for my unique face my face is very beautiful and it’s very unique. I have like a heart full shaped lips and I also have almond eyes and some nice glowing brown skin. Haters say that oh Black people always have big lips or you have Asian eyes but I don’t care. I feel like when you look like me, though you’re more likely to be lusted over and fetishized over than loved, and that’s what kind of sucks when it comes to dating. As far as my background, my grandparents are from Guyana, but both of my parents are from New York, and I grew up in the suburbs and my father side of the family is from down south. My ancestors on my mom, side are Dutch I’m mixed with white and black technically and my ancestors on my grandfather’s side of the family are African. I was not born in the Hood I mean I lived in Far Rockaway which is kind of hood but it wasn’t like a terrible neighborhood. I grew up in a family house in Rosedale, which is in the suburbs my elementary school the first elementary school I went to was really nice and everything about that whole neighborhood was really nice. When I wrote my first song, I was eight years old. I put it on a platform called MovieStarPlanet when I was nine years old I knew I wanted to take the singing shit seriously so a year after that, I joined the choir.  my five talents are singing, rapping acting and writing writing, as in writing books being an author and also being a public speaker I love giving speeches. My nickname cookie actually came from my ex best friend from high school. She called me that because my skin was dark and because I acted pretty ghetto. I always felt like I had like it easier since I knew people who are already in the industry like I already had connections I had everything that a girl could ask for basically that’s why that’s another reason why I also call myself a Barbie doll because think about it Barbie has everything my stepdad from a few years ago. He’s a producer he’s a very popular producer in the industry he’s worked with people like Cardi B he’s worked with Ludacris. He’s worked with movie soundtracks, and then, my cousin on my dad side works with New York fashion week and. Just in general, my family just knows celebrities and I am the celebrity of the family OK. I am a huge Barb. I fell in love with Nicki Minaj when I first heard super bass and starships when I was fucking five years old ever since it’s just been Barbie Nicki Minaj going to her concert I even got compliments saying that I look like Nicki Minaj or I look like her sister 



  

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. I can't even trustt this "cute" moment between zeus and artemis bc rachel is just way too anti zeus and too big of a fan of "twist" villains that I just have the feeling she's going to use this as a stepping stone to set up artemis the next villain because idk she doesnt like hades still and be like oh what BETRAYAL of persephone! now both of the twins should be punished now! or w/e.

2. It's not just that a time skip is lazy and out of place, if you're just going to flashback to explain what happened anyway, then don't do a time skip? Just show the progression as you already have done? Why skip ahead only to jump back? She's basically trying to do too many things at once and none of it is done well.

3. the wild part to me is has rachel ACTUALLY read the old texts? because they're way more progressive than her work. demeter's hymn praised her and persephone while calling out the abuse of men, women like aphrodite (who has a ton of sex with many partners) or artemis who didnt have sex were all held to high respect and never shamed for their choices, and stories like the odyssey/Iliad explicitly called out slavery, yet rachel is here in 2022 being ore conservative than men from 800 BC. like???

4. A time skip in LO isn’t a bad idea in and of itself. We’ve been complaining about RS’s slow pacing for years and she’s finally taking a different approach, which is good! The only problem is that her execution of the time skip ends up leaving out integral and interesting details about how the characters’ relationships with each other have changed in the decade since we’ve seen them. I was looking forwards to Minthe and Perse reconciliation arc but we don’t even know how they grew to that point

5. I love the her current look is a "turn off" line tho bc it's both persephone being aware hades is a gross old man who only dates under 25 years olds but doesnt seem to linger on this realization (P is legit so stupid) but also that rachel has zero self awareness that shes not a very good artist bc persephone still looks exactly the same despite being ten years older. like rachel will just say whatever lie she thinks up despite direct contradiction in comic and be like wow im such a good writer

6. Out of all things wrong with LO, I don't think I mind the switch from serious to silly in the mid-season premiere chapter? The part where Zeus gets threatened with ConSEqueNCEs for punishing Persephone is dumb as hell, but the transition to her speaking to the screen like she's talking to the audience before revealing something ridiculous is a tried and tested way of moving to a new scene, so I kinda like it. It's marred by her talk of pierced ears and green hands, but it's not bad.

7. How did you get into  Lore Olympus  in  the first place?

From OP: I found LO after seeing a lot of ads for it. I already knew of its existence but decided to try it because why not (I think I got into it around episode 70ish). I was obsessed with it, not solely because of the romance but because of the art. However, I started to question a lot of the stuff in the story and looked through youtube and tumblr to see if I was the only one feeling this way. Surprise surprise, I wasn’t and now I’m here lol.

8. I'm confused with the whole Artemis being called protector of women. You'd think she would do something to earn that title, but all she did was ask to be with Persephone in the mortal realm? It makes zero sense.

9. I know changing your physical appearance is sometimes an external sign that a change is going on internally but... did RS really have Persephone pierce her ears as the ONLY sign of her taking her life into her hands? I don't mind it as a heavy-handed metaphor but girl has done the bare minimum in ten years (a punishment she was happy with until they actually sentenced her with it) and you're telling me it's #girlboss because she pierced her ears???

10. What's so annoying about the timeskip too is it's not just lazy, it makes the last FOUR YEARS be for nothing. HxP relationship is exactly the same and their characterization is stagnant, big deals like Leto and Kronos are just swept to the side, Eros and Psyche was dropped I guess? Minthe and Daphne is resolved off scrteen, and the now the actual myth is supposed to start after FOUR YEARS of nothing happening? It's just a waste of everyone's time, but Rachel gets rich off of it at least 🤨

[its-not-a-phase-mom-i-d8-demons]

pairings: Lucifer x Fem!Reader, Mammon x Fem!Reader, Leviathan x Fem!Reader

warnings: tw abandonment (but it turns out okay, I promise), mentions of the act of birthing,

A/N: you came to the right place! as the second oldest of six children, I have some experience when it comes to pregnancy:) I hope you don't mind, nonny, but I'm gonna split this up into a few parts so I can do the dateables as well!

Lucifer

The moment you had shyly produced the positive pregnancy test from the pocket of your hoodie, it felt like Lucifer had entered into a fever dream filled with nursery designs, baby names, the expenses that pile up before the baby even arrives, researching human pregnancy, keeping you out of harm's way and healthy and happy...

So when you first stagger out of bed and rush to his bathroom, hand clamped over your mouth and one shaky hand on your slightly swollen tummy, Lucifer isn't surprised

He is very concerned, however. You had been so nervous to tell him of your pregnancy, you waited until the last moment before your bump was noticeable to tell him

That meant you had been suffering from all of these pregnancy side effects before he'd permanently moved you to sleep in his room

Lucifer hoists himself out of bed and pads into the bathroom, gathering up your hair, if any, into his fist and pulling your hunched form between his legs for support

You hate this feeling with a passion; throbbing stomach and a lump in your throat with little to no vertigo and tears rolling down your face as you try and catch your breath

You tell him it hurts, you ask him if he can take the pain away as your head rests on his chest, lashes fluttering with wooziness

Lightheadedness was unbearably common; you would suddenly grip his sleeve and he could watch the color drain from your face and your knees get shaky, body beginning to sway

He always catches you though, finding a place for you to sit or lie down and gather yourself

Tummy rubs become more common; the feeling of his hands against your bare tummy, spreading their warmth and nullifying the ache, allowing you to relax

He's extremely attentive as well and can tell whenever you need something

Water? Here's a cup sweetheart, remember, you're hydrating and eating for two people!

Craving something? Chocolate? Fried pickles? Chips of some kind? sweets? He's stockpiled anything you could want and locked it away just for you.

I feel like Lucifer would want your baby to be a little girl. A little princess he can carry on his shoulders and spoil with his love and gifts.

Satan ruined him for having another baby boy, but if that's how the cards fall, he certainly wouldn't mind. Unfortunately, he'd be constantly walking on eggshells, afraid he'll make your little boy into another rebellious child

That's the last thing he wants

Lucifer does his best to keep his kid away from Satan and Belphie and out of the 'Formerly Anti-Lucifer League', but sometimes you're taking a nap or out shopping with Asmodeus, and Satan and his brothers manage to coerce the little one into their shenanigans

One thing is for sure though, even if Lucifer didn't want any kids and the creation of one was unplanned, he would never ever turn you away

He's very responsible and does anything in his power to make the pregnancy as easy and happy as possible

On the day you are to give birth, he's a mess

He has already sweat through 3 shirts by the time the IV has been secured to your hand

Everything he says doesn't come without a stutter

He's squeezing your hand and kissing your hair during labor, trying to distract you from the burn between your legs as much as he can

You probably need extra stitches from baby's horns ngl

Definitely cries before the baby is even put in your arms

Refuses to let his brothers come and see you, "They can wait until we go home."

Lucifer is Smitten™

He smooches the tiredness under your eyes and tells you to get some rest

Surprisingly, he enjoys a lot of the names from the human world you discuss and will most likely pick one of those

But if it's a girl, her name is Lilith. I'm sorry MC, your input is invalid at this time

You don't regret 'final day in the devildom sex' at all when you get to witness the Avatar of Pride reduced to tears when the nurse puts the child in his arms

P-P-Pregnant? MC, ya better be jokin'...

Mammon

You weren't, judging by the pregnancy test(s) clutched in your fist

He's not mad at you, he's not upset, (in fact, he's the happiest he's ever been), he just scared

Broken Condom Victim™

He loved you just a bit too hard last week...

but let's be real here, HIS MC, carrying HIS baby?

That's like the highest level of ownership on his lovely human you could get! Levi, Asmo, Beel, Lucifer, everyone would be SOOOO JEALOUS!!!

AND

He gets to have a little one running around again!

You saw how sweet he was to babified Satan in the obey me anime premier! He LOVES little kids and nothing would make him happier than someone to play with (besides MC of course) that wouldn't make fun of him for messing up and being silly!

AND

You're so pretty!!

I mean, ya were always pretty, but somethin' about ya is different and yer even more beautiful than before somehow!

Mammon said, his entire face the shade of a pomegranate

Pregnancy glow is REAL

Asmo agrees, after stealing you away from an extremely overprotective mammon and hiding in the attic to chat without disturbance (mammon)

But as much as YOU know he would be the BEST father, comments from his brothers continue to drag him down and the evenings he cried into your shoulder became more and more frequent as your pregnancy progresses

Mammon, as we all know, is, in fact, a tiddy man

He likes to touch and squeeze them, and just gently hold them while cuddling or even browsing in a store, he'd just come up behind you and touch your boobs

(also, mammon likes all sizes, so if you have next to no tiddy like me, you'll be at his mercy as well. those with the large honkers, however, watch yourself)

Now that there's a miracle growing in your tummy, other parts of your body are preparing for its arrival, including your chest

Swelling, swelling, soreness, growing and darkening of the nipples, and swelling make it so Mammon can no longer touch your pretty tiddies :(((

(grammarly didn't like that word)

On the day mammon snack size was to be born, mammon is silent but extremely fidgety

It was early in the morning when you'd shaken him awake like, "mammoney, I'm going into labor" and he was out of bed and out the door with your luggage before you finished blinking

After grabbing your DDD's and you, he carries you down to the car (what dysfunctional family doesn't have a car? a nice one (Mercedes, Audi, you get the idea) for lucifer and a Volkswagon bus or something for his siblings to share) and drives quickly, but very carefully drives to the hospital, holding your hand the whole way.

He covers your eyes when they put the IV in, just in case you're squeamish, and rubs your arms as the drugs begin to take effect and there's a little fear in your eyes at the thought of pushing an entire human/demon being out of your coochie

He assures you and never lets go of your hand no matter how long you're in labor

When it's all over with and you are resting in your hospital bed waiting for the doctors to finish the Apgar tests and give you your baby

Mammon is speechless as the nurse places the baby in your arms

That's HIS KID!!

Immediately starts crying

The little horns poking out of the blanket? Those look just like his!!

Judging by the bit of hair on it's head, it looks like the baby will have hair like yours

If it's a baby boy, he thinks it should be named "Mammon II" but you just giggle and remind him of the deal he made with lucifer long ago, that his first born child, no matter the gender, had to have 'Lucifer' somewhere in their name

Human names are dumb, except for yours of course, so he searches for suitable demon names

The last thing he wants is a kid named Lucifer, so that will be the kid's middle name

He really regrets his past decisions now

Leviathan

"Levi?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"I'm pregnant."

*leviathan has been KO'd*

No joke, this man is literally floored and didn't wake up for a while and you were afraid you had just slain the fucking Lord of Shadows

Some Henry you were

You had to call Lucifer in to wake him up because he was still flat on the floor a half and hour later

Mammon is more that happy to tip a bucket of ice water on the face of the son of a bitch that impregnated HIS MC

Levi wakes up and pounces on you, gripping you tightly by the arms

"You're k-kidding r-right?"

Him? A father?

Uhhhhhhh

Unfortunately, Leviathan.exe has stopped working, try again in two thousand years

I hate to say this, but he definitely detaches himself for a while until his brothers, especially Asmodeus, literally beat him into shape

He comes back to you, a little bruised and sobbing, but not from the beating he just received

He's so sorry he neglected you! He's such a horrible demon, undeserving of your welcoming nature

He's gonna be the worst dad, and he's not good enough for you, and his kid will hate him just like everyone else does, he doesn't deserve you, he's so sorry for making you suffer the side effects and feel all alone,

Sir, I-

FALSE

It's your turn to shake some sense into him, reminding him that he would be the. best. dad!!

Not to mention the fact that you were just happy he realized his mistakes and came back to you

He begs you to sleep in his bed tub with him for security, and you have to admit his tail is very comforting

Levi does extensive research on human pregnancy and now at the dinner table, instead of talking about the latest slice of life anime he'd been watching, he's just spouting random pregnancy facts and you're laughing so hard it brings you to tears

When the weird dreams and vivid nightmares happen, Levi is right behind you, rubbing your swollen tummy, and letting you talk about them

A lot of them were about him and about your future child

Most of them were about how they got hurt in some way, either that or YOU got hurt and the baby died

These, more often than not, brought you to tears and stress you out, but Levi is right there, okay? Nothing can hurt you, nor would he let anything happen to you on his watch

Learns how to massage you (safely) to reduce stress

Definitely talks to the baby a lot

Levi begged you to be induced so the birth was safe and not a sudden occasion and you agree

On the day the doctor recommended, you arrived at the hospital and got down to business

Levi didn't really want to be in the room with you, but he knew he had to for your sake and he'd played a few birth simulators from both perspectives and you really needed him

Kinda sits there awkwardly comforting you and encouraging you, holding your hand and caressing your cheeks, a bit flushed from exertion and tears

Listen

If the baby is a boy, his name will be Henry and that's final

If it's a girl, he doesn't really care, as long as you don't name her 'mammonia' or something dumb like that

definitely crashes your hospital bed to snuggle until the baby is ready

cries when the baby wraps its extremely small digits around one of his own

also at the little horns protruding from its head

and the tuft of purple in its head

Also Smitten™

He's so excited to get home and show off his beautiful baby to his brothers and then formulate a plan to raise the kid to live and breathe TSL just like his daddy <3

--

July 9th: VIP MEMBERS, GET YALLS JUICE!!

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[folkloreguk]

🍒Cherry Ice Cream🍒

A/N: Happy July! I planned this almost a year ago and finally got around to writing it...I hope you like it! As always, I appreaciate feedback a lot! Hope everyone has a lovely day <3

pairing: optional bias (male) x reader (gn)

words: ~ 3.7 k

genre: fluff, comedy, lifeguard!bias, reader is the most awkward and chaotic person ever (are we at the public pool or the circus?? seriously I’m so second hand embarrassed for her lmao), bias is the hottest man in existence, the universe has something against the reader apparently (rip)

PART 2 (nsfw, both parts can be read independently)

You approached the front entrance of the public swimming pool. Everything was still going by plan. Ever since the weather had gotten warmer, you’d had swimming on your mind. And every single person in your life had been made aware of it. Despite the friendly asking and the occasional begging, you still hadn’t found anyone to accompany you to the public swimming pool. You had heard all the reasons: Work, already planned vacations, a sick pet, a hatred of water, a hatred of people, you name it. After all the searching you had come to the conclusion that you were tired of waiting. Nothing could possibly rob you of your excitement about swimming pools. You’d go alone and have a wonderful time. It would be a relaxing day with loads of time just for you. So you had told yourself. But let’s face it, nothing could have prepared you for the utter chaos you were about to walk into.

It began before you had even set both feet into the facility. Your steps were light, and you beamed, ready to enter after you had paid. The strap of your sports bag had caught in the turnstile in the entrance area. Stubborn as you were, you yanked on it, instead of turning around and manually freeing the fabric from the steel contraption. You had put your entire weight on the line, tugging and pulling, when the strap finally came loose from the turnstile. As expected from such antics, you tripped and struggled in your flip-flops, blundering into the compound like a baby giraffe walking for the first time. By the time you tried to compose yourself to look cool and relaxed after such a mistake, you noticed him.

He, who looked like a Greek god blessing you with a visit on earth. He was all tan skin, red life-guard swim trunks, perfectly sculped shoulders, pushed back hair, a smile that put the sun to shame and sunglasses sitting on top of his head. Instantly you thanked yourself for not seriously injuring yourself. The young godman crossed the lawn, presumably to take his seat by the pool, watching out for the visitors. Only he made it look like he was strutting on a runway at Paris fashion week. All you could do was pray that he hadn’t seen you entering his workplace headfirst like some impatient six-year-old.

As people passed you, you realized you were standing in the same spot where you had almost fallen a minute ago. Manifesting that this was just the silly beginning to a perfect day, you paraded into the shaded grassy area to find a spot to set up your things. Countless groups of friends, families, and lone visitors like yourself had already settled down, but you managed to find a fine spot. It was the superb balance between sunny and shady and not too far from the swimming pools and water slides. In seconds you had shed off your clothes to reveal your swimsuit underneath. Although you could barely keep yourself waiting, you decided it was best to stay there a short while before you threw yourself into the waves. Just until the sunscreen had absorbed into your skin. Meanwhile, you would unpack the catchy book you had recently begun to read.

Now and then you raised your head and peeked at the cute lifeguard. You seriously had no intentions of coming across like a creep, but you couldn’t stop yourself. The way he patrolled the side of the large pool had more coolness than the prettiest shot of a hot movie star in a film. You allowed yourself a few seconds, then you’d go back to your novel. The sounds of summer floated through the air – children laughing, water splashing, birds chirping above you – and the scent of the sunscreen catapulted you straight on cloud 9. It felt like your own small piece of paradise. Little did you know, the universe had so much more in store for you.

You hadn’t been buried in your book for even 10 minutes when a group of kids ran by. They were passing a water ball from one to the other and giggling uncontrollably. You saw it coming in your peripheral vision but had no time to react. As they had reached your level, one of them punched the ball especially hard. And instead of catching it, the dark blue ball bounced off one child’s hands and straight into the side of your face. It knocked your sunglasses off the bridge of your nose, but more importantly gave you the fright of your life. You dropped your book while the children’s mother scolded them from the side. After the initial surprise you couldn’t accept their apologies quickly enough. Anything if it could spare you from even more attention from random guests around you. Impulsively, your eyes searched for the cute lifeguard. But he was looking into the opposite direction. At least fate had saved you from embarrassing you in front of him. The last thing you wanted was to look like more of a clown than you had when entering the facility earlier. But against your expectations, the train of unfortunate events was only beginning.

Surely things would be more peaceful in the water, you had thought. When you finally entered the cool pool, it felt like heaven on earth. Fearing a case of recurrence, you avoided the shallower areas, where the children crowded and went straight for the deeper waters. Finally experiencing some form of relaxation, you swam and dived a few laps around the pool. Now and then you caught a glimpse of the lifeguard on the far end of the pool. Just to make sure he was still there. Just to make sure he’s still as handsome as when you first spotted him. And you weren’t disappointed. Gesturing kindly, he helped an elderly woman find directions to the restaurant on the far end of the site. From up closer, his smile and his jaw were even prettier – even though it had seemed impossible for him to become even more perfect.

After a while, your limbs became tired and you retracted into less busy waters, close to the exit and entrance area of the swimming pool. As you paddled your way through bodies, a bug startled you. It had by all appearances chosen you as its victim, as it took direct flight into your face. Even when you swat it away and turned around to change directions, it kept chasing you and only you. Like some crazy, obsessed stalker, it followed you to the edge of the pool. Eventually, you became tired of running and turned to it. If some random flying beetle wanted to fight you, so be it. To the untrained eye, you might have appeared like a lunatic, fanning the air, and squinting against the bright sunlight. But it was war, and you would square up against the most annoying of bugs. After a while, you realized that you were waving off the air – no more bug in sight. Only then you noted the little girl laughing in your direction from the poolside. You were way too mortified to turn into his direction at first, but when you found the lifeguard, he was conversing with one of his co-workers. Once again, you were safe.

Your next approach at a good time was the colorful waterslide close by. Certainly, these heights would not include micro-aggressive bugs. Instead, they included something far more unsettling. Considering there were toddlers going down the waterslide, you deemed it safe and fun. Your mind changed in the first sharp turn, when you tumbled over and hit your elbow from the sudden change of direction. Maybe you should have just stayed in the ring with the bug instead of choosing this more than violent escape. But it was too late. Once on the slide, you had to make it through to the finish line – more or less in one piece. Your grand finale composed of a semi-somersault off the edge of the waterslide into the pool. Although it wasn’t intentional, you still hoped it looked somewhat graceful to the audience at the bottom. Hint: No, it didn’t. You looked like a baby monkey that had been sent down a self-constructed-waterslide in someone’s backyard. It was a disaster.

Feeling over-heated and exhausted from the sun and your embarrassing antics, you found a drinking fountain by the showers to refresh yourself. Patiently, you waited in the short line until it was your turn. As fate wanted it, the next messy incident wasn’t long in the coming. In fact, it only took four sips of water before you accidentally inhaled some of it. You stepped back, choking, coughing, and gasping for air all at once. A helpful woman showed mercy with you and your awkward behavior and softly pat your back. “Are you okay, dear?” she asked. Unable to speak just yet, you smiled and nodded gratefully. Great. Maybe you should add “clown” onto your previous professions in your CT. By now, half the visitors probably knew who you were – a walking safety hazard to yourself.

After retreating to your bath towel set-up in the shade for a while, you had almost found new hope that the universe wasn’t against you that day. You managed to lie there, for a whole hour, without any issues. But then, slowly, another idea crept up on you. After all, what was summer without ice cream? By chance, you happened to know the little ice cream truck next to the yellow waterslide sold your favorite brand of ice lolly. So off you went, money in hands and wild determination in your head. The visual of the handsome lifeguard lingered in your mind even after you had passed the chair he was sitting on by the poolside. You acquired your ice lolly successfully and ripped the wrapper right away. It tasted like summer in food format, and you reveled in the cold treat for a while, as you strolled back in the direction of your bath towel.

Fully aware that you would have to walk by the insanely cute lifeguard again, you tried your best to look cool, next to the large pool. In your imagination, you were glowing in the sun, hair slightly flowing in the warm breeze and steps bouncing happily. You were the personification of summer bloom and radiating everything good about the season. For a moment, you closed your eyes and actually indulged in the warmth on your face. That was when the next mishap struck.

You didn’t even understand what was happening at first. Someone accidentally bumped into you – or did you bump into them? Upon the impact, you opened your eyes. Your ice-cream had vanished from your hands. Turns out, you had dropped it and it had landed only two feet from you. Out of balance, you stumbled ahead even after the impact. And of course, only a second later your foot stepped directly onto the ice lolly. Inevitably, you skidded and struggled to stay on your feet by means of flinging and waving your arms in the air. As if you were some stranger, trying to attract the attention of an aircraft whilst stranded on a desert island. One thing was for sure, you had everyone’s observance tied to you. With an involuntary but comedic performance of theatrical extent, you fell and hit the water surface.

The cool hit you so suddenly, you had swallowed a gulp of water before your instincts had time to set in. Quickly, your limbs began paddling to get you back to the surface. At that instant, a pair of arms suddenly linked under your armpits and swooped you up from underwater. Your brain processed what was going on. Without a doubt, someone had jumped after you and was pulling you out of the water. Stubbornly, you tried to avoid the idea of the cute lifeguard helping you out. Christ, that would really be the peak of all your embarrassing moments. No, it was probably the person you had run into, or someone who had already been in the water.

When you were placed by the poolside and blinked against the blending sun, your worst concerns came to pass. There he was, so close you could have touched his face. His worried expression changed when you opened your eyes, and he smiled, relieved. “Is everything alright?” he asked. You’d think this would make you into the most shamefaced person on the planet. And yet, all you could wonder was how two people’s genes could combine so flawlessly, so beautifully, to create such a man. When he got no answer from your moonstruck figure, he furrowed his eyebrows in alarm.

“Oh my- my god,” you stammered. “Yes! I’m fine, I’m sorry!”

You weren’t sure why you were apologizing. For worrying him? For inconveniencing him? For causing another scene? Either way, he grinned, and you felt your cheeks heat up terribly. You had to get away from there before something cringy came out of your mouth. Although you weren’t sure there was any way you could have made this more awkward than it already was.

“Make sure you have no injuries, okay?” he asked, helping you up. “If you need any medical assistance, just let me or one of the other lifeguards know.”

“Um…okay,” you said. Wow. That was no way to flirt with the most attractive person you had ever met. With all this drama you had gone through on that day, the universe could have at least blessed you with a romantic, your-life-savior-realizes-he-just-met-the-love-of-his-life moment. But no. The movies really were one massive hoax.

“It’s probably best you take a little break from the surprise, before you go back into the water,” he advised you. “And don’t hesitate to ask, if you need any more help.”

If only he knew how many times you had already tried to take a break from the surprise after everything on that day. You stood on your feet safely but felt like a cat that had fallen into the bathtub. At last, you managed a smile in the lifeguard’s direction. “Thank you.”

Funny enough, the stares people gave you bothered you only slightly as you walked back to your spot under the trees. Maybe you had used up all your embarrassment for the day. Nothing could intimidate you anymore. That meant, whatever happened from now on, it couldn’t get worse. Somehow after the pinnacle of chaos, you finally felt some inner tranquility. You went back to your novel, now and then keeping an eye out for potential water balls coming your way. But everything was calm. As time went on, you lost yourself completely in the story line and forgot about everything around you. Maybe this was all meant to happen. Perhaps it was a message, that you should have waited for your family to have a free day, or for your friend to come back from vacation. Would the same things have happened? There was no way to tell. Just as you reached a specifically exciting scene in the novel, a figure suddenly appeared in front of you. You couldn’t believe your eyes.

“Hey,” the handsome lifeguard stood there, smiling kindly. Wide-eyed, you straightened up and greeted him shyly.

“I couldn’t help but notice how happy you were about that ice cream earlier,” he said. “But then you…lost your ice cream.”

“What an interesting way of saying I stomped on it and made an absolute fool of myself,” you smirked. He chuckled.

“However you want to put it, I thought maybe you could use some cheering up,” he went on. “So I got you a new one.”

He pulled two ice-lollies from behind his back. “One for you, one for me.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “You bought me this? I don’t want to sound rude… but aren’t you supposed to be looking out for the next victim to repeat my foolery?”

“I’m on my break,” he laughed. His eyes crinkled up cutely when he smiled, and it only made your stomach flutter more. “If you want me to leave, I will. I’m not trying to be weird or obtruding. Just making sure you’re okay, because I noticed you’re here alone.”

“Oh. No! Feel free to stay here for as long as you want!” you said, and now maybe you were the one sounding obtrusive. You scooted over and let him take a spot on your bathmat. You thanked him for the ice cream and gleefully unwrapped it. “My friends and family weren’t available today. But I really, really wanted to come here today. Maybe not my brightest idea.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen way worse plunges than yours. You were lucky, really. You got away with a small shock and nothing more. It was pretty impressive, actually.”

“I’m glad I have entertaining qualities, at least.”

“I’m just messing with you,” he laughed. “I’m glad you’re fine. This place gets a little wild during the afternoon, especially on weekends.”

“You don’t say,” you chuckled.

“I recommend coming here in the mornings or late evenings, if you want a little more peace and quiet.”

“Thanks, I’ll probably consider it. Do you work here full time?” you asked.

“No, this is just a summer job,” he said. “It’s great. I get to swim for free and be outside a lot. Not to mention this is one of my favorite places in town.”

“You love swimming too?” you asked and regretted it right away. A lifeguard who hated swimming made no sense, after all. But he didn’t seem to think your words were silly.

“I do! I come here a lot to swim, when it’s not as busy and I don’t have to work,” he said. The thought of seeing him again when you came back in a few days – which you already knew you would – made you feel some sort of way. You had been embarrassed, but his sweet words had appeased you. You could definitely get used to seeing his face all summer long. The two of you talked for some time, while you both finished your ice cream. You learned his name, which was just as beautiful as its owner, and that he thought you had actually looked pretty cute (!) when you fell into the pool. You swore he wasn’t even real. Perhaps he was merely a hallucination, a product of your imagination, to cheer yourself up after your messy day. Either way, your head was up in the clouds as long as he was sitting there, next to you, with his perfect shoulders and charming voice. Soon, he had to excuse himself, though. His break was over and as he had put it, he needed to prevent any more ice cream-murders from happening.

After your conversation, the universe had apparently shifted in your favor. You spent the entire rest of your day without any more misfortunes. Like you had talked to a lucky charm who had done miracles for you, you had a fantastic time. You were even brave enough to face a few more go’s down the ever-so-threatening waterslide. As it got later, more people went home, and just as he had predicted, things calmed down. And you were convinced you would stay until the bitter end. Only when a female voice announced over the speakers that the swimming pool would close in 30 minutes, you slowly started to pack up your things.

As you approached the exit, you scanned the area for your favorite lifeguard. But he was nowhere to be found. You assumed he had already finished his shift and gone home. But as luck would have it, as you neared the bicycle stands to retrieve your bike, you saw him already there. His eyes beamed when he noticed you.

“Wow, you held out a long time,” he said. “Had fun?”

“I did,” you said. You could only be grateful your ice-cream massacre was the sole of your antics he had witnessed that afternoon. Who knew how he would look at you if he had experienced your full chaotic capacity? “Thank you again, for making sure I was fine. And for the ice cream.”

“It was no big deal,” he said. “It’s what I’m here for.”

“To buy random girls ice cream?” you teased.

“No, only the special ones get the ice cream.”

“Define special.”

“To be honest? I was genuinely concerned you would feel down. I’ve seen you almost trip over when you first came in, you got hit in the face by a ball, I’ve witnessed your little quarrel with that bug and your somersault from the waterslide looked pretty rough. After all that you choked on water and then ended up falling into the pool and losing your ice cream. I supposed you could need some serious cheering up.”

Oh my god. If only you could have opened a portal straight to hell, you would have taken the chance on the spot. All this time he had been watching you? It couldn’t get more mortifying than this.

“Sorry, I sound like some creepy stalker,” he said. “I didn’t mean to stare. It’s just you-“

“I looked like a clown in a neon suit?”

“You’re really pretty,” he said. Your cheeks warmed up and you could have yelled out loud.

“But you have to admit, at least the clown part is true.”

“Maybe,” he joked. “Don’t be embarrassed. I thought you were – are – adorable.”

“Thank you,” you managed to say. What the hell were you doing? The most handsome guy was complimenting you. You had to take your chance. “Maybe sometime I could buy you some ice cream too? If you feel like it-“

“I’d love that,” he smiled. It was only the beginning of summer, but it was a glorious one. You already knew it could only get better. Instead of cursing the universe, you had to say your thank you’s now. Without your string of bad luck, things would have never led this way. Perhaps fortune was on your side, after all.

[tennessoui]

i really am just so excited for part two of the roadtrip au and knowing it might be from obi-wan's perspective??? seeing obi-wan fawn over anakin while anakin dotes on him?? i'm losing my mind.

hey!!! bless!!!! i know i said it would be part 1, part 2, part 3, but i started writing part 2 and it's like already 2.2k long and they're just in Pennsylvania so i think we should all start thinking of this story as part 1 (finished, posted), ARC 2 (very long, is in segments, depending on what people wanna see and what road trip shenanigans i can think up), and part 3 (tbd)

anyway here's the 2.2k (squick: a/b/o, mpreg)

“Uh, sir? Are you...alright?”

That’s the gas station attendant. Obi-Wan barely resists the urge to thunk his head on the side of the bathroom stall. The only thing stopping him is how absolutely unsanitary it would be, and he already feels dirty enough. He pulls a few more squares of toilet paper from the dispenser and wipes at his mouth.

Of all the pregnancy symptoms he hates, he thinks morning sickness is the one he hates the most. And it’s the one that seems to be, for some reason, sticking around the longest.

He’d never even known how much of a misnomer morning sickness is, but it’s not like it’s only happening in the morning. He’ll feel nauseous halfway through the day, mid-afternoon, early evening.

His doctor and close friend at the hospital, Bant, had assured him this was normal and nothing to worry about. But it’s hard not to worry about it, especially when he lives with an Alpha who worries about everything.

“Just fine, thank you,” Obi-Wan says politely as he flushes the toilet and leaves before he can watch his breakfast spiral down and disappear. That’ll only make him feel even more sick.

The girl wrings her hands as she watches him wash his, and he has to take pity on her. She can’t be older than eighteen. “Morning sickness,” he tells her, placing a hand on the virtually unnoticeable swell of his belly.

“Oh!” she says. Obi-Wan fights the urge to grimace when he sees her eyes dart down to his unmarked neck. He knows how it looks. He knows how it sounds. “Sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to--”

“It’s quite alright,” he says. It’s not, but it is. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to have this conversation, doesn’t want to talk to this girl anymore. They’re passing through a small town in central Pennsylvania. He’s a pregnant, unmated, thirty-eight year old male omega. A rarity. A talking point. He doesn’t want to talk to her, he wants--

There’s a loud knock on the door to the bathroom. “Obi-Wan? Are you alright? Is there someone in there with you? I thought I heard voices. Obi-Wan? I’m coming in, Obi-Wan.”

Anakin.

Obi-Wan gets halfway through drying his hands before Anakin’s there, crowding him against the sink and nosing at his face and neck.

“Sir, this is a bathroom for omegas only!” the gas station attendant protests, but Anakin growls at her.

As much as the pregnancy has made Obi-Wan lose parts of himself to his Omegan side, it’s been ten times worse for Anakin for some reason. As far as Alphas go, Anakin’s always been a thoughtful, respectful one. Quick to anger, perhaps, but never violent or suspicious.

Now it’s like everyone in the world has done something to personally offend Anakin. Everyone but Obi-Wan.

If he didn’t feel such a burning, unignorable need to get to Seattle, Obi-Wan would have called the whole trip off weeks ago.

But he couldn’t then and he definitely can’t now, not when they’ve both taken the time off of work and Obi-Wan’s let his doctor know he’ll be out of the state and they’re already in Pennsylvania.

He’ll just let Anakin do whatever he needs to do to feel alright with taking a pregnant, unmated omega across the country. It’s not as if it’s a hardship to put up with all the scentings and hugs and looming and protectiveness.

Quite the opposite, actually.

Which just makes Obi-Wan feel even more guilty, the way he’s using Anakin like this. His dearest, closest friend, who is helping him in such an amazing way, and every time he touches him, it’s all Obi-Wan can do to not arch up into the touch.

He wishes he could blame it on the pregnancy hormones, the way his instincts are going haywire to keep an alpha--any alpha--close. But it’s not. It’s Anakin. It’s the fact that Obi-Wan is hopelessly, irreversibly in love with the alpha.

The touches and the scenting don’t mean what he wants them to. It doesn’t mean anything, the way Anakin pushes his shirts and sweaters to Obi-Wan’s chest and watches him put them on. He’s an observant man, his alpha. He knows Obi-Wan likes wearing his scent now that he’s pregnant. It’s comforting.

So even though it doesn’t mean anything at all, the way Anakin’s hands roam over his waist and stomach and hips as he growls at the poor gas station attendant, Obi-Wan has to fight to not push back into the touches, to not scent him in return.

He’s afraid once he does, he won’t be able to stop. The thought of it, of marking the beautiful, strong, virile alpha with his smell, is too addicting to ever risk trying.

“I’m fine, I’m fine. It’s just a bit of morning sickness,” he says lightly, touching Anakin’s chest gently. “She was just checking up on me.”

Anakin glares at the girl and starts to herd Obi-Wan out of the bathroom. “Not hers to check up on,” he mutters, hands latching onto Anakin’s hips and guiding him through the aisles of brightly colored chips and candy.

Obi-Wan thinks that for both of their sakes he should remind Anakin that he’s not his to check up on either, but he doesn’t want to, not when he can pretend for a little bit longer.

“I think I would like to lie down in the back for a bit,” he says, holding his stomach. “Just until we get out of this state.”

Anakin agrees immediately, like he knew he would. “Okay, Obi,” he murmurs, opening the car door for him. They’d laid down their suitcases in the wells behind the two front seats, and Anakin had thrown a couple of blankets over the entire area to make a sort of makeshift nest for Obi-Wan to sleep in should he want to.

They’ve only been driving for four hours, but Obi-Wan already wants to. He’s painfully on edge.

He hadn’t understood how hard it would be to convince his hindbrain and body to leave the safety of their apartment, but all he wants now is to nest somewhere safe for him and the baby. It would have been impossible to do this without Anakin.

“Alright,” the alpha says. “Um. Wait. Here.”

He shucks off his sweatshirt, a faded college one that Obi-Wan’s been coveting with his eyes since Anakin had put it on this morning. “Oh, dear one, no,” he forces himself to say anyway. “It’s December. You need a sweatshirt.”

“I’ll turn up the heat,” Anakin holds it out insistently, stubbornly. “Take it, come on.”

Obi-wan can only make himself hesitate for a second more before he’s snatching the soft fabric that smells like sunlight linen honeydew out of his hands and holding it greedily to his chest. “Alright.”

Under the weight of the alpha’s watchful eyes, Obi-Wan crawls into the backseat and curls up with his head diagonal from the driver’s seat. He thinks it’ll be nice to wake up and see Anakin’s profile whenever he wants to without additional shifting.

“Oh shit,” Anakin curses suddenly. “I was going to buy a coffee.” The alpha pauses, clearly torn between going back inside and not wanting to leave the omega alone in the car. But Obi-Wan knows Anakin, and he needs his coffee.

“Oh,” he says as if he’s just remembering something himself, “can you get me one of those bananas on the counter? I think they’re good for babies.”

That, obviously, changes everything for Anakin who straightens instantly. “Bananas are good for babies,” he declares, nodding his head before narrowing his eyes. “Would you...can I lock the door? I won’t be long. Just for safety.”

Obi-Wan blinks and purses his lips to stop his little smile. His alpha can be so silly. Safety. In the middle of the afternoon in rural Pennsylvania. “Okay, alpha,” he agrees before he even realizes that he really shouldn’t be calling Anakin alpha. Especially not when the other man always reacts so strongly to it.

Case in point, he thinks to himself sadly as Anakin’s hand spasms on the car door handle before he slams it and hustles away, almost at a run.

With a long sigh, he flops back down into his nest and squirms until he gets comfortable. There’s a pillow close to his hand that he hugs to his chest when he realizes it’s Anakin’s pillow from his bed at home. It smells amazing, a mix of both of them together.

Ever since he’d told the alpha he was pregnant, Obi-Wan’s fallen asleep in Anakin’s bed more often than not. It’s a comfort thing, one that Obi-Wan feels intensely guilty about. Surely if he keeps being so clingy and whiny and Omegan, Anakin will get sick of him.

And this is just the beginning of the pregnancy. He knows rationally that Anakin loves him as a friend, a brother, but how long is that love going to last if Obi-Wan can’t get a handle on his goddamn hormones? Anakin hadn’t signed up for any of this. It’s not even his pup. How much is Obi-Wan willing to put him through just because he can’t imagine a life without the alpha in it?

Wouldn’t it be the best thing for the both of them to cut their losses now? Bail and Breha had told Obi-Wan he could move in with them for the duration of the pregnancy if he needed to. The only thing that stopped him from saying yes immediately had been the hope that Anakin would be willing to stay with him, keep living with him even after he’d fucked up so much.

And the alpha, by some miracle, hadn’t left, hadn’t moved out. But Obi-Wan can’t shake the thought that he will soon, that this will all get to be too much. Obi-Wan’s omega whimpers at the back of his mind at the idea that one day the alpha will be gone.

The scent of distressed omega fills the car as Obi-Wan feels his bottom lip start to wobble.

Alright, the influx of hormones that are wreaking havoc on his emotions is probably the pregnancy symptom he hates the most. But morning sickness is still up there, too.

He sniffs into Anakin’s college sweatshirt and tries to think happy thoughts. He shouldn’t make Anakin worry about his emotions when he’s already spending so much time worried about his physical health.

How much is Obi-Wan going to take advantage of Anakin’s kindness?

The doors unlock with a beep, signaling his alpha’s return to the car.

It doesn’t take Anakin even a second to catch onto Obi-Wan’s recent spiral of emotion, but at least he won’t know why unless Obi-Wan tells him.

“Obi?” he asks frantically, as soon as he opens the car door. “Obi, are you alright? Did something happen? Did someone see you--?”

“Put the coffee down before you spill it,” Obi-Wan instructs after peeking out of his sweatshirt haven. “I’m alright, Anakin. It’s just the hormones. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Anakin shakes his head. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

The statement pulls a wry smile from Obi-Wan. “Oh, I can think of a few things,” he murmurs, touching his belly with a pointed, gentle hand. Before Anakin can say anything about that, he continues quickly. “I was just wondering about something, I’m fine, really. Really.”

And then, knowing he shouldn’t but also knowing it’ll distract Anakin enough from this line of questioning, he tilts his head back to expose his neck and says, “Can we drive, alpha?”

The coffee cup still clutched in Anakin’s hands bursts open under the force of his grip. He really should have put it down.

Anakin curses up a storm as he shakes the hot liquid off of his skin, and Obi-Wan sits up worriedly. Anakin was bothered so much by Obi-Wan calling him that that he accidentally hurt himself. No more, the omega resolves. He can take a hint.

“Are you alright?” he asks, grabbing at Anakin’s hand to examine the red skin.

“I’m fine!” Anakin yelps, jumping away. “I just--I’m just going to go wash this off. Um. And get more coffee.”

He slams the door shut, and Obi-Wan wilts as he watches him go. He can’t even follow after him because Anakin’s locked the doors with his car key. He’s done enough already.

“Oh baby,” he tells his stomach. “I don’t think I’m ever going to have that alpha figured out.”

The baby is still and, of course, silent, but Obi-Wan takes comfort in their presence anyway. They can’t leave him. Not yet, at least.

Gingerly, he maneuvers his way out of his nest so he can reach his messenger bag he’d left in the foot of his passenger seat. It takes some finangling, but finally he’s able to fish out his headphones. As he resettles into his nest, surrounded on all sides by Anakin’s scent, he notices the bunch of bananas thrown in the driver’s seat.

Obi-Wan snorts at his silly alpha, but can’t deny that he’s touched at the same time.

It’s extremely easy to find the track he wants to listen to, what with how often he listens to it these days. Sometimes, it’s the only thing that can get him to fall asleep.

He pulls up the downloaded homemade album Anakin had given him for Christmas four years back. When he presses play, his alpha’s deep melodic voice spills into his ears.

“Whan that Aprill with his shoures soote, the droghte of March hath perced to the roote…”

Of course he can’t be sure, but he’s fairly certain he’s asleep by the time Anakin comes back to the car.

[aliwritesss]

~ Labyrinth

Pairings: Eric x reader

Genre: fuckboy au!

Warnings: angst, slightly suggestive, slow burn, swearing

Based on this AU! Highly recommended to read it before you start the series, but can be read alone.

1/? Masterlist

-“… And remember! The deadline for the essay is in three weeks.”- You hear your History teacher’s voice but no one listens to him. The bell just ringed and that meant freedom.

-“ It’s Friday!!! Let’s do something fun.” You hear Kevin’s voice next to you. You thank the heavens and stars to have him in your life, you don’t know what you would have done without him all this time.

-“ What are you thinking?”

-“ Well… You know, everyone’s been on the edge these past months with the exams and all. So Juyeon thought I’d be fun to do a small gathering, only close friends.” He says with the smallest voice and you feel all your body tense up. If you knew one thing is that you couldn’t go to parties, not yet. Not when it’s been so long since you’ve seen him and you’re actually starting to move on. To wake up and not think of him.

-“ It sounds fun! But I think I’m gonna pass this time, I better start working on this assignment.”

-“ Cmon (Y/N), it’s been a month. You gotta go to your old self, I miss you. I miss us having fun.” It pains your heart to hear Kevin, you’d love to have the balls to go to their dorms and be yourself, to dance again till you can’t stand up, to laugh freely but you feel that the spark inside of you has died and you’re afraid that if you go, it won’t light up anymore.

-“ I promise you I’ll go back to my old self. You’ll get back your partner in crime, my little moon.” You say hugging him and exiting the class. -“ Just give me a little bit and you’ll get back your star.”

-“ The world better get ready once the moon and star duo comes back.” He says giving you one of his best smiles and you feel a little bit better. You’ve known him for so long and clicked since then. One day you two were in class and someone said you looked like the team rocket from Pokémon, always together being mischievous. And since then you baptized your friendship as the moon and star duo.

As you walk outside you feel his comment nag you in the back of your head. “Why do I have to feel so bad when he’s doing fine? Was everything a lie? Did he truly love me?” These thoughts have been bugging you lately and you’re starting to get annoyed. You thought you were doing fine but sometimes these dark clouds will come and shake you down. And it seems like today was one of these days.

“ So… Juyeon is doing a gathering huh? Do you realize that it means half of the campus is going, right?”

-“ Yeah… We told him only close people and Changmin said that meant around 50 friends.” He says, rolling his eyes. -“ Thank god we have Sangyeon and Jacob to keep him in check or else It’d be a nightmare.” And that makes you laugh because it’s true, you remember one night you were staying the night in their dorms and suddenly Sunwoo and Chanhee started arguing about the smallest thing. Sangyeon only needed to look at them to make them stop. It was so funny, you don’t want to mess with an angry Sangyeon to be honest.

-“ And… Here we go. I knew it.” You hear Kevin’s annoyed voice. -“ They’re asking me to buy drinks, it seems like more people are coming tonight. I have to go now bubs, but we should do something fun this weekend okay? Just the two of us.” He says while hugging you and you nod. Maybe that’s what you need, to start slowly coming out of your cave.

You start making your way to your dorm thinking about the million things you have to get done in these two weeks and you can feel your anxiety already coming. The pressure you’ve been feeling these past few days it’s getting worse everyday. And the worst of it, it’s that you don’t have anyone to talk about it. Unconsciously, you touch your necklace, feeling a little bit better. You look down to the tiny shiny star and remember the night he gave it to you.

-“ I’ll be your star, ready to guide you even in the darkest times, even when there’s no moon shining.” He said softly in your neck. You smiled at him and looked at the charm. It was a little star filled with crystals. Stunning.

-“ When you feel like giving up, remember that I’ll be here with you. Faintly.” Eric said, touching your necklace.

“Where are you now? Where are you now when I need you the most?” You think for yourself, It’s not like you weren’t starting to move on from him, which you are doing. But you were not forgetting him, and you wish you could.

You wish you could erase all these sweet moments, act like nothing happened. Act like him, cold and unbothered. Why did him have to play you? Was everything a lie? Everything he said, was just a trap to only have fun with you? You couldn’t trust your memories, it seems like you only could remember the good ones.

But what about that night you two had a fight on a party because he was with this girl, laughing and talking the whole night while you were alone? You still remember his words: “ Stop being a pain in the ass, if I wanted to hook up with her dont you think I would have already done it?”. And you being a silly naive girl in love, acted like it didn’t hurt you. Like he didnt had the power to destroy you in matter of seconds if he wanted.

And that was the reason you broke up with him.

Everyone knew you were his girl and god forbid anyone who dared to touch you. But that’s it, you were only that, his girl. He didn’t bother to put a label, you were there for him and that was enough.

-“ Eric what are we doing?”- You asked him the night you two broke up.

-“ What do you mean?”-

-“ What are we doing together? What is this? Are we exclusive? Are we truly in a relationship?”- You asked trembling, you weren’t ready to hear his answer.

-“ Not this again (Y/N). I told you I don’t want to talk about it and you keep bringing this up. I said you are my girl and that should be enough.”-

-“ But it isn’t. It isn’t when there’s a queue of girls waiting for you to get tired of me and drop me like a toy. And I had enough, I need to know what I am to you.” You said sitting in his bed.

-“ You are making me tired with all these questions. I said drop it, (Y/N). You know how I am and still chose to be here with me.”-

-“ I chose you bc you said that you couldn’t do this without me, Eric! You told me that I was special and-.”

-“ So? That gives you the right to be called my girlfriend?”- And that was the last straw. You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, it’s like someone snapped you back to reality. Like you just woke up from a beautiful dream and got hit with the true world.

He loved you, but not in the right way.

He cared about you, but not enough.

You got dressed and started to pick yoiur things while crying. You needed to get out as soon as possible, even if it was 3 in the morning.

-“Cmon (Y/N) don’t be like this. I got mad and you know I say things I regret later. Please let’s talk in the morning when we are calm, okay? Babe please-“

-“ Don’t touch me, Eric. I’ve had enough. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep falling in love with you more and more when we are not in the same page. Not even in the same book.”- You said putting on your sweatshirt, well, his sweatshirt now yours.

-“ Are you serious? Are you going to be like this? After all we’ve been through?”-

-“ Exactly, after all we’ve been through you still think I don’t deserve to be your girlfriend. And let me correct you, you’re the one who doesn’t deserve to be my boyfriend. I’m tired of your shit.”

-“ I know you’re angry (Y/N) but I swear if you leave this room that’s it.”- He said staring at you. You gave him one last smile and closed the door. It was so late at night and you decided to bring this topic up… That was a stupid move of you to be honest, but it needed to be done.

You can feel your vision getting blurry with all the tears falling but you don’t care anymore.

-“ Star? Is everything ok?”- you feel Kevin’s sleepy voice coming from the other side of the hallway and you let out a sob. -“ Hey, Hey. What happened bubs? Why are you crying? Where’s Eric?”-

-“ I… I- I think we just broke up.” You said hugging him and starting to sob even harder.

- “ Oh gosh…” He said quietly while stroking your hair.

And after that everything was a blur, you only remember him and Haknyeon taking you to your dorm and sleeping there. Everyone knew what happened because they heard you two arguing but no one could bring the topic up. It was typical of you two to argue, but in a matter of hours everything was cleared. But this time was different and both of you knew it.

This time the damage was done and there was no going back now.

A/N: So it’s finally here!! The first chapter of this little series. Thanks to all of you for liking so much the AU and for telling me what you preferred to see on this series. It’ll be after the break up, but I thought it’d be nice to have a little context of why did the discussion happen and to see the dynamic of the relationship. Honestly speaking, I love Eric’s fuckboy vibes so much.. But still it pains me to see him acting this way :( I apologise for any typo or mistake! And remember you can ask in the comments or dms to be tagged and that requests are open!!

TAGLIST: @asherbl @fairycob @givememunjang

[lilacmeadows]

Made For You pt. 2

Omg you guys thank you so much for all the support! Part 1 was my first fic and you guys were so sweet. I had to get started on part 2 right away. If you want to be on my taglist, just let me know! This is just leading up to the next few chapters that’s just gonna be FILTHY. I needed a bit of backstory to be satisfied, but now that the boring part is out of the way, I’m gonna go research other names for genitals. Hope you enjoy! -Savvy

BUCKY X READER

Summary: Hydra had just finished training you to be the Winter Soldier’s perfect mate when the Avengers saved him. But what’s going to happen to you now that Hydra has deleted your old life and left you with nothing but a soldier that needs to learn to love himself before he can love someone else.

Part 1    Part 2     Part 3

WARNINGS: explicit sexual content, explicit language, underage reader (nothing sexual happens underage), stockholm syndrome, mentions of family death, eventual dom/sub dynamics, mentions of captivity and kidnapping. violence- guns, mutual pining, eventual smut, fluff, angst if you squint (must be 18+)

WORD COUNT:  2.9k

“Make the Soldat happy. He is my mission.” 

When she was first taken, of course she was scared. She didn’t know why, where she was going, if she’d be rescued. It was a painful adjustment, and some days it was as if the tears would never stop. It’s not like she was worth anything to anyone who mattered, her family wasn’t rich. Just her mom and brother. They lived a happy and normal life. 

She’d guess it didn’t really matter. At the age of 10, y/n was old enough to understand basic concepts, carry a conversation with adults, and she had strict teachers in school, so she knew how to behave. 

What she didn’t know was how to be a wife. Or a ‘life-partner’. None of the Men would ever call her a future ‘wife’. She was training to be a mate. Someone the Soldat could own and connect with so he didn’t fly off the rails if things got out of control. If he got out of their control. Every morning, a watcher would wake her up at 8AM so she could stretch, eat, and meditate. By 10AM, her first trainer of the day would come in and teach her the schooling she was missing. Just basic math and reading, a little German, and a little Russian. Not enough for her to eavesdrop on their plans, but enough to understand her Soldat if he didn’t feel like speaking English. 

At 1PM, another trainer would come and bring her to the small kitchenette down the hall. They had no intention of domesticating the ‘couple’, but she was learning to be a woman- of course the Men would have her start in the kitchen. She would learn very simple meals that could feed a fully grown man, and usually had something light for lunch herself. The men brought her the other 2 meals a day. At 3PM she would have lessons on ‘Womanhood’. At least that’s what she called it. A trainer would come in and teach her a never-ending list of rules that she had to follow in order to be a ‘lady’. It reminded her of an old Barbie movie she would watch when she was little. There was a song called ‘To Be a Princess’, where a poor girl learned how to act proper. Once she started seeing herself as that princess, the days got a little easier. Some days, they would go over how to sit and lie down like a lady. Others, they would walk laps around the halls open to her, reviewing how to walk on the balls of her feet. She learned to talk in short sentences with excellent manners, and how to brush her hair, so she could look more presentable for her Soldat. 

Over the years of compliance, the trainers softened on her just as the watchers had. Of course, they were still horrible people, but they knew she was a kind girl at heart and wouldn’t cause trouble. Some days, she would be made to sit perfectly still with a stack of books on her head, while her trainer would tell her something silly happening outside the walls of the building that became her home. She learned little bits of information about their lives, music, art. But never anything political or having to do with who the Men even worked for. That was strictly forbidden. They would let her color in her free time. Sometimes a watcher would bring a book from his home for her to read, and when she was old enough, she was given a few colors of yarn and started knitting sweaters and scarves on plastic needles. She didn’t have a clock, but she would learn by the rotating shifts of her watchers what time of day it was.

There were children whose lives sucked more than hers. And for that, she was grateful.

When she got older (let’s say 18), the training started to change. She never knew what day it was, or even what year. She had stopped keeping track so long ago, but the changes were made gradually. She would be made to read books on intimacy, and then watch videos of men brutally ravishing ladies about her size. She had to learn what to do to please her Soldat, without being taught physically. This made her happy. The thought of any of the watchers or trainers doing that to her made her sick. And everyone thought it was in her best interest to be completely innocent to the touch of a man when she has her first encounter with the Soldat.

Which turned out exactly as planned. But on the day Steve and Sam plucked her out of her bedroom, she was not expecting the Soldat to be sitting right in front of her. In all his glory.

The quinjet was eerily silent for all of seven seconds before Clint had the audacity to continue the conversation he started.

“You make the soldier happy?” was the best the shocked man could come up with.

“I haven’t met him yet, but I’m ready. They made me ready for him.” y/n said with bright, hopeful eyes. Her words flowed so easily, they sounded rehearsed.

“Do we tell her?” Tony asked Steve, who was getting greener by the second. He couldn’t believe he just got his best friend back, not two weeks ago, and now he has to worry about a girl who’s obsessed with said best friend.

“I don’t think we really have a choice.” Steve replied, taking a deep breath. The whole quinjet looked like they were holding their breath. y/n still didn’t know the names of the three men on the opposite side of the quinjet. Two of them standing together, pausing their conversation, and the brooding man, who everyone keeps looking at.

“y/n, meet Bucky.” Steve said, pointing at the man across from her. But ‘Bucky’ went completely over her head- the name being unfamiliar to her.

“Hello, sir. Pleased to meet you.” She said, offering a genuine smile, but clearly not picking up what Steve was putting down. Clint chimed in again, wanting to be out of his confused misery.

“Wait a second. Y/n. You mean the soldier, as in the Winter Soldier?” Y/n immediately nodded at hearing that name. She knew her Soldat went by that name. “As in that guy right there?” 

Her eyes went wide at the realization. He was sitting right in front of her. Staring at her since the minute she stepped onto the plane. And he was gorgeous. Long hair, thick thighs, piercing blue eyes, and a jaw that could probably cut glass. But he looked upset. Pissed really, and that scared her. She had one job: Make the Soldat happy. And there she was, barely presentable. She hadn’t even addressed him properly, how she was taught. With all the eyes on her, she felt a blush rush through her whole body at the embarrassing thought. But she had to. He wouldn’t like her if she didn’t follow the rules she grew up with.

Y/n daintily stood up and walked until she was right in front of Bucky. He held her eye contact the entire way, still not having said one word during this whole exchange. She gently knelt down until she was on her knees in front of him. 

“I hope I can make you happy, my Soldat. I am a gift from the Men who take care of us, and I am entirely yours.” Bucky’s jaw twitched. He hadn’t said anything this whole time, but his mind was moving at lightning speed. He watched this gorgeous, barely dressed girl sit across from him, and was already in awe. But then that girl got on her knees and declared her loyalty to him? In front of everyone he knows? He couldn’t lie to himself, he’d never been more turned on. But everything about this was wrong. She was just a Stockholm Syndrome’d girl who wanted to follow orders. But her orders were to make him happy. He finally broke eye contact with her to see Tony’s shocked face looking over at Bruce and Thor, to make sure he’s not hallucinating this. 

“Y/n, you should stand up.” He said to her in a hushed tone. Probably harsher than he meant to. He could see her visibly take a breath at the sound of his voice, his eyes followed the gentle slope of her neck down to her breast. She dreamed for years about what his voice would sound like, and it just rolled over her. But she quickly obeyed and stood in front of his seat. He expected her to say something else, but she was silent then. Her previous outburst was one of the few exceptions to her ‘only talk when spoken to’ rule. “What do you want? Where is your family so we can take you home?” He asked her. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes. He didn’t want her was all she could assume. She was made for him, so why was he turning her away?

“I want to make you happy, sir. It’s all I want. Please let me be good for you. I promise, I’ll be so good for you.” Begging was familiar to her from her studies. She didn’t expect to be begging for her to be able to please him, but she would do whatever it took to get him to keep her.

“No. Y/n. This isn’t right. You were being kept there, whatever Hydra told you to do is over. You’re free now.” The tears flowed freely down her cheeks and it broke his heart. She tried to cover her face with her hands. He didn’t want to see her cry, nor did he want to turn her away, but he also couldn’t just let her be his sex slave. It wasn’t right. 

“Please don’t be sad. This is for the best-” He tried to reason with her, but when he took her hand off her face so she would look at him, the contact only made her sob harder. This was all she wanted. 

“Buck, I think we should just let her sit for a minute. Can you grab her some water? Tony and I will try to figure out where she was from.” Steve said to Bucky- trying to end this painful and awkward situation. Bucky stood and walked to another area of the quinjet. He was grateful to be able to use this time to think.

“Y/n, we’re gonna need your help to get you home okay. What’s your last name? How old are you?” 

“Y/L/N” And then she went quiet. It never occurred to her that she didn’t know how old she was. Of course, she remembered her birthday, but she couldn’t tell the weeks and months apart, so she hadn’t celebrated it since she turned 10 in 2006. “What year is it?”

“When did they take you?” Steve asked gently. Being a man from another time, he could remember well the day he woke up in 2011 when it was supposed to be 1944. He knew how jarring it was to discover all the time that’s been lost, and wanted to spare her that grief.

“2006. I was 10.” She looked at him, and she could tell it’s not just 2008 by the look on his face. She knew her body went through changes over her time with the Men, but between the ‘dietary supplements’ they gave her, and the fact that she wasn’t looking in a mirror- much less shopping for clothes- she didn’t realize she had fully completed puberty. 

“Y/n, it’s 2016. You’re 20 now.” And that made the tears come harder. But she wasn’t so upset about the 10 years of her life. She was mad at 20 years of her life wasted. Since Bucky didn’t want her, all of the training was for nothing. She knew living for him made her the definition of a broken person- she wasn’t dumb. The idea of her Soldat was what grounded her all that time. When she was lonely, she’d think about the man the Men always tell her about. They told her how he was their ‘greatest asset’. And she often fantasized about if he would fall in love with her. So by the time she met him, she had already been in love with him for much longer than she’d care to admit- which makes the heartbreak of rejection hurt that much more.

Unfortunately for Bucky, his heart was heavy too. He tucked away into the tiny bed area on the jet after quickly handing Steve the water to give to y/n. It was too much. Being in that room with her, she looked at him like he hung the moon. But he most certainly had not. He was a murderer. Tony’s father was a scientist during the war, and Bucky knew him pretty well through Steve. And he killed him. He had scattered memories of hurting dozens of people, so why would she be so willing to be with someone like him?

Part of him wanted it. After almost a century of not owning anything and not having a choice, he was given the opportunity to have something that belonged only to him. A gift from the men who take care of us. If it wasn’t cruel, he would have laughed in her face. Maybe she was taken care of, but he most certainly wasn’t. She was brought in young enough to still be under the impression that Hydra wasn’t evil, just strict. He imagined for a minute how things could have turned out for the two of them if he hadn’t gotten free. If Hydra really was planning on giving him a gift. He didn’t like the last gift they gave him in the shape of an arm, but y/n was perfect. She was the perfect size for him- although his broad frame could dwarf most women. And her smile pulled at his heart.

He wanted to kiss her the minute he saw her. He knew he wanted to make her his.

And that was bad.

He rubbed his hand over his face and decided to rejoin the group in the middle of their conversation. Thor and Bruce decided to stop being passive members of the conversation and introduced themselves. Y/n was very confused at Thor’s proclamation as ‘God of Thunder’, but with all that was happening, she didn’t feel it was her place to question it.

“- a good thing we have spare rooms at the compound. You can stay as long as you like.” Tony finished speaking to y/n just as Bucky was walking into the room. “We’re gonna have a new house guest MC.” He waggled his eyebrows at the man who caught the back half of that conversation.

Bucky’s jaw dropped. This would only make the situation much harder than it needed to be. He looked to Steve for an explanation. The blond stood up and made his way over to Bucky.

“Look, Hydra scrubbed her records off of every database and-” He took a deep sigh, “Her family is dead, Buck. They probably killed them after they took her.” 

Then it was Bucky’s turn to sigh. He knew the right thing to do was to help her, but he also knew how much he wanted to feel her soft skin in his hands. And that made her dangerous to be around. 

What nobody knew was why Hydra took the 10 year old from Georgia. In 2006, the Winter Soldier was sent on a mission to kill a scientist that lived there. Of course the poor guy didn’t have a chance when the Soldier was sitting in his house, waiting for him when he got home, but what the Soldier wasn’t expecting was a little girl to be coming inside with him. The scientist looked sleazy and didn’t have any children, so who knows what would have happened to her if the Soldier didn’t get there in time. She screamed and cried. The comm in his ear commanded him to kill the girl for being a witness. But the part of the Soldier that was still Bucky wanted her to be safe. He shushed the little girl and asked her for her address. When she recited it to him, he rubbed her head and told her she was a good girl, before he dug his metal fingers into the child’s pressure points and she fell limp into his arms. y/n woke up in her bed, crying at the bad dream she must have had- her mother not even home yet. That was the first act of defiance Hydra ever experienced from the Winter Soldier. First sign of humanity and compassion. They knew if the mind control was getting weaker, he would be harder to control next time they unfroze him, but his protective nature of the girl would make her an asset to them.

Her capture was arranged before his heart was fully frozen in the chamber. Neither Bucky nor y/n remembered this- Bucky only remembering parts of his time under their control, and y/n never thinking about that bad dream again, but the connection was still there as strong as it was that day 10 years ago.

Part 3

[lady-une]

They Always Leave

This is something I wrote just to process my feelings about a guy. Nothing fanfic related at all. Honestly probably just a pile of emotions horribly written. But if you read it enjoy. It made me cry.

Trigger warning that this does mention drug use but honestly this stuff isn’t a drug.

Loud laughter and music could easily have been heard by anyone who happened to drive by or park near the crazy looking Toyota. For inside the Toyota held three friends, who were just doing their normal Scooby gang shit of smoking and listening to music. Their bellies were full having just engorged themselves on wings, cheese curds, and waffle fries.

The night was setting up to be a normal night for the trio, nothing to crazy. The only thing out of the ordinary was that a special appearance was to be made by a man who once partook in these normal nights. A man who’s laughter lifted one of the girls spirit. A man who did stupid shit all the time just to make people laugh. A man who’s darkness matched Alice’s. He was everything she wanted all rolled up in one stupid motherfucker.

When Alice had first met Caleb he was just some random guy who had tagged along with another guy her best friend had been seeing. Everyone knew of him as alibi, he was just some stupid redneck man. Not at all what Alice was attracted to. Yet the more time she spent with him the more that stupid redneck grew on her. She told herself it was nothing, chalked her emotions up to him just being a challenge. She knew he didn’t like big girls, he preferred his woman small and red headed. It was fine, everyone had their preference in a mate. Hell Alice had her own and this man didn’t hit any requirement.

But something changed. The playful teasing and remarks changed. She started to see him differently. An attraction started to slowly build deep in her gut. Small little hugs became more. Being so close to him that she could feel his breath on her cheek as they spoke silly things to one another about what they were doing. The urge to kiss him started to grow. The day dreams of him professing his attraction started to become recurring. The way he looked at her, it made her second guess everything. Was that smile different? Did he always follow me with his eyes? She started to ask around to see if anyone else had noticed anything or if it was all in her girly imagination. Some said he was just being friendly and a few said he probably had feelings too.

Alice had a way of showing her affection. Some call it a love language but in all honesty it was just childhood trauma and her way of trying to buy affection. To keep someone from leaving, because Alice knew they all left in the end. She had slowly started to gift him things. It started out small, a sex toy since he had been in a two year dry spell. She had taped it up with two containers of gorilla tape. She had joked saying it was to mimic being at a bar and having to work for that piece of ass. Then she had found out his favorite beer. Of course it would be a seasonal one, just like her who had a love of a hard to find seasonal liquor. She checked daily for the beer to come in stock and finally when it did she bought 3 cases knowing it wouldn’t last long but it would put a smile on his face.

For his birthday she had requested the day off work. The idea had formed to drive the hour long drive to his job and tape his truck up with clear wrap and then attach birthday balloons. Then meet him and his friend Greg at the bar for a birthday lunch. There she would give him his gift, a shirt. Nothing extravagant, just one from his favorite online brands that supported the troops. Yet that whole plan had been lost. Gone in an instant. Lies and deceit had caused her to part ways with her once close friend Greg. Caleb was a causality as her best friend had called it. Alice hated it, she didn’t want to part from Caleb.

The birthday shirt had sat days in her room at the end of her bed. Still in the delivery packaging. Alice would have just dropped it off in the bed of his truck had she known his address. Instead after a night of smoking and drinking she had finally texted him. Letting him know she had his gift, letting him know how much she missed him. With the dawn of the next day came sobriety and realization of how stupid she was. Quickly opening the chat she saw he had not seen the messages, this was her chance to right the wrong. With a click of her finger she unsent the messages to Caleb. It wasn’t until later in the day that Caleb had finally opened the chat up and saw that she had unsent the messages and called her out on it.

Alice confessed that she had texted him some stupid ramblings about the boxing match she had seen. A bold face lie but there was no way in hell she would confess her feelings to him sober. Instead she lied and then asked to meet so she could give him his birthday gift early. He had agreed to meet her while she was out with her friends. A quick drive by and it would be fine. Or that’s what Alice had told herself.

The margarita she had in the restaurant had calmed her nerves. The devils lettuce she was smoking had made her even more calm. This would be fine, she repeated her mantra “it’s fine” over and over in her head. A quick in and out.

It wasn’t long before she received the text that he was pulling up and asked where to park. She told him to look for the Yoda mobile and loud music. He replied back with a simple “LOL” and then she heard his loud truck before she saw it. Looking at her friends she smiled before getting out of the car with the gift. Caleb had parked two spots to the left of car and was climbing out of it by the time she reached him. The man wore his standard wranglers and brown boots with his KORN t-shirt and hat.

Alice laughed before nervously saying, “I should have bet on KORN instead of the fuck your feelings shirt.”

“That shirt was dirty, this was the nearest shirt.” Caleb replied with a half smile on his face.

Alice looked up at him trying to decipher what his eyes were possibly saying behind his dark sunglasses. A memory of a time earlier that summer where she yelled at him to take those damn shades off so she can see that he was looking at her while she talked to him popped in her head. To an outsider it would look like she was being mean to him but that was how they were. They would loudly bicker and cuss one another out with a smile on their faces.

“Well now you have a new shirt. Sorry I didn’t get you those jeans you wanted, you know shit just got weird and I felt weird texting you to ask about the jeans.”

“You didn’t have to.” Caleb replied as he took the colorfully bright pink Disney princess bag from Alice’s outstretched hand. He looked at the bag and back to her with a smile.

“Don’t give me that look, I saw it at target and the damn thing screamed ‘Caleb’ so I had to buy it. Now go on and open it!”

Caleb shook his head as he opened the bag up, sifting through the pink and blue tissue paper Alice had stuffed into it. When Caleb finally had the shirt in hand he tossed the princess bag into the bed of his truck and unfolded the shirt to hold it up and inspect it.

“I fucking love it Alice!” He shouted as he looked at the shirt that had bullets in the shape of a hand flicking you off.

“I wasn’t sure if I should get that one or the one with all the fish on it that said size matters. But Greg said to get this one.”

“Well I love it, thank you!”

Caleb opened his arms and Alice fell right into them wrapping her arms around his back and taking comfort in his hold. It had been too long since she got to hold her favorite person. She often dreamt of him holding her and it felt just as good as her dreams.

“Come on Alice, say your goodbyes. He is a casualty.” Yelled out Alice’s best friend from the back of the Toyota affectively killing Alice’s moment with Caleb.

“Casualty?” Caleb asked.

Alice pulled away but held on with just one hand to his KORN shirt, “Just ignore her.”

“Mmmhmm. How are things going with that?” Caleb inquired.

Before Alice could give him an answer her other friend yelled from the driver seat in his Yoda voice “Say your goodbyes and lets go.”

Alice looked from Caleb to her friends in the car and stomped her foot as she yelled “I wanna keep this one!”

The car of friends broke out in a laughter knowing that she was referencing a TikTok they had all seen hundreds of times. They thought she was being funny, they knew she had a crush on Caleb but she had meant it. She didn’t want him to be a casualty. She wanted him to stay in her life.

“You should probably get going, I don’t wanna hold you up.” Caleb said with a slight chuckle.

“I don’t want to. Can’t you stay awhile?” Alice asked looking up at him through her sunglasses. She could feel the tears wanting to come but held them back.

“You know I cant.”

“Please.” She begged.

“I have to get home.”

“Live a little.”

“I do live a lot but just not with you.”

“Same excuse every time.”

“Get going now before they leave your ass.”

Alice grabbed on to his shirt with the other hand. “I don’t want to.”

The tears were welling up inside her eyes, she didn’t know how much longer she could hold off. She hated crying in front of people. She saw it as a weakness. The many years as a child being told to stop crying or she would be given a reason to cry. Then as an adult being told by the man she was seeing that crying was a weakness and that she need to toughen up and that she wasn’t allowed to cry and be weak. She knew it was perfectly fine to cry and it was not a weakness. It was something that she told her kids all the time when they felt sad. That it was normal to cry and that you should cry and work through your emotions. Yet it was something she preached but never practiced herself. She had four kids at home to watch over, she didn’t have time to be weak.

“Thank you for the gift Alice, I really do like it.” Caleb said as he held onto one of her arms.

“I’m glad you do.” The first traitorous tear slip passed her eyes and she knew the instant Caleb saw it because his face lost all playfulness.

“Alice…” he gently called her name.

“I know its stupid. You don’t gotta tell me that. But I know the minute I let go and you get in your truck I wont see you again. All those plans we had will be gone. Who will take me to the gun shop to buy my first gun? Who will make sure that the sales man doesn’t take advantage of me? Who will help me learn to shoot it correctly? Why couldn’t you like me? God I sound like a stupid female right now. But we would have been great together you know. You matched my level of darkness, we matched each other in so many ways.”

“Alice..”

“You know it. They know it. Everyone knows it. Everyone always said that we should just get together but we both would just laugh but deep down I wanted it. God did I want it but you just couldn’t get past that I was a bigger girl. Boy do I feel fucking stupid on an epic proportion right now.”

“Alice everyone has their preference, you always said we were friends because you knew I didn’t like you like that.”

“Of course I did because I didn’t wanna lose you. Better to be friends then not have you in my life. Funny how now I wont even have that.”

The tears were freely falling at this point. Alice could no longer hold her head high, instead she looked down at the ground. She couldn’t look at that stupid face of his, that face that she knew would haunt her dreams for many days to come.

“Alice you will find someone so much better then me. My stupid ass wouldn’t make the best partner for you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Look at me Alice.”

Alice shook her head, how could she look at him she was feeling pathetic at the moment. Crying because a man doesn’t want her. Caleb didn’t give her a chance to wallow in her own misery, he put his new shirt on the side of his truck bed and grabbed her face lifting it up to his. He lifted her sunglasses and looked at her tear stained face.

“Don’t cry Alice.”

“Shut up you don’t get to tell me what to do.”

Caleb took his thumbs and brushed the tears away from her eyes. “I’m not someone to cry about.”

“To me you are.”

“You gotta let me go Alice. Move on. It was fun while it lasted and we will always have our memories.”

“Do they teach you these bullshit excuses when you guys are in school? I swear it’s the same fucking thing just said by a different guy.” Alice yelled angrily through her tears.

“Don’t be mad.”

“Don’t tell me what to feel.”

“Then don’t act like a spoiled brat.”

“Then don’t act like an ass who is un-attracted to fat women.”

“We aren’t going to get anywhere on this. Please don’t be mad and please don’t cry over me.”

Alice knew she was being mad because she was hurt and that she shouldn’t be. She knew she should be enjoying these last few moments with Caleb. With shaky hands Alice reached for Caleb’s sunglasses and lifted them up to see his face. Caleb was an expert at hiding his feelings, years in the military had made him hard.

“Why did you do it Alice?” Caleb quietly asked.

“You act like I did it on purpose. I didn’t plan on falling for you. If you weren’t so fucking perfect and if your darkness didn’t call to mine we would be safe.”

“I’m sorry Alice.”

“Me too Caleb.” Alice whispered as more tears fell down her face and she stood on her tippy toes to give him a chaste kiss at the edge of his lips.

Alice tried to smile through her tears and pulled away allowing him room to get back into his truck. With him seated in his truck Caleb rolled down the window and said goodbye before pulling away. Alice watched as the man she wanted nothing more did what all men do…..leave.

[theycallmebun]

love is love

yachi hitoka x fem!reader

wc:~3900

warnings: homophobia, internalized homophobia, cursing. let me know if i missed any. 

a/n: i am not going to lie, this is not one of my better works so i apologize in advance if it’s not what you expected. (who knows, it might be a huge waste of time idk) but i had a nice time writing it. it was kind of just me projecting on here. also sorry for mistakes. 

for anyone who needs to reach out, you can always talk to me! i’m always here for you guys. i love you all so so so much<3

- bun

You know, it’s funny how some people will preach peace and love but do the exact opposite and live their lives filled with hate and venom. And how unlucky you were to have those people as parents.

Of course in the beginning, you agreed with their values, didn’t even question it. You were just as conservative as they were. Suppose you didn’t know any better. 

You didn’t start questioning it all until you were in your first year in high school. You were introduced to so many things, new and refreshing. 

Throughout the year, you met new people, made new friends, learned new things(about yourself and academic-wise), learned about other people’s opinions on such things, helping you open your eyes a bit more and it couldn’t have been better. 

Well, that wasn’t until you met Yachi Hitoka. 

It all started towards the end of the school year. You had a project to do for your science final. A grueling 10 page research paper along with a trifold presentation. Of course the teacher would give the absolute hardest assignment for your last weeks at school instead of giving students a break. 

On the bright side, it was a partner project. You didn’t have to do all the work yourself, or you hoped, at least. When you heard your name drawn, you listened out for who your partner was going to be. The name drawn after causes your lips to curl upward. Yachi Hitoka.

Now, you didn’t know the girl personally, but from what you’ve seen from sharing a class with her, she works very hard and is very intelligent. You were glad. Not only because the work would be split evenly but also because she was super cute. Cute. Cute? Wait. Huh? Never mind. Scratch that. I didn’t say cute. Me? wha-

She confused you, to say the least. 

“Hello?” your inner conflict was interrupted by a soft, sweet voice.

Yachi.

“Uh ehem, hey,” you responded, face blank. She sat in the chair next to you, quiet as ever.

“So for the project...” She and you continued on about the project; exchanged numbers, where and when to meet up, what to get done on each day, so on and so forth.

Except, you couldn’t really focus on the project now could you? You were with Yachi. You hadn’t realized before but she was so cute, so pretty, you liked everything about her.Was this ok? Girls aren’t supposed to like girls, though. Not in that way at least. No. I don’t like her like that. Only as a friend. Only as a friend.

Friends! Of course. You only wanted to be friends. That’s it. Nothing more. You couldn’t. You wouldn’t.

As weeks passed, the two of you grew more friendly with each other. Saying your ‘hello’s and ‘what’s up’s in the mornings and after club activities. With the time passing by, your project soon finished.

As glad as you were that you could finally catch a break, a part of you was somewhat sad? You wouldn’t see Yachi as frequently anymore. You didn’t have the excuse of the silly project anymore. Your parents would grow suspicious if you were to spend that much time with a girl for no reason. 

You spent the last two weeks of school back in your old routine. With the occasional 2 minute conversation you had with Yachi in class before the teacher walked in.

Wake up. Go to school. Walk back home. Homework. Dinner. Sleep. Repeat.

It was boring. You knew that but after being exposed to the warmth of Yachi Hitoka it wasn’t bearable anymore. She was different compared to any other girl you had met in your whole life. She made you feel things no one else had, never even scratched such a surface You wanted to see her. Talk to her. Hang out with her. Just be with her. What? Never mind. You dusted off the thought again.

Summer came around and you felt yourself wasting away the days. You couldn’t hang out with your other friends because they all went on fancy vacations for the summer. You didn’t see nor hear from Yachi in the beginning, figuring she was busy with her own things.

Until you got a text.

Yachi Hitoka

-wanna hang out? im free today

Your eyes sparkled at the text. 

After a little begging from you, your parents found it alright for you to go out. 

You texted Yachi back as soon as you got the OK.

Me

-sure! let’s meet at the park, i’ll bring some snacks

Yachi Hitoka

-sounds good:)

You love those smiley faces.

When you got there, you saw her. Sitting on the grass, on a blanket, in a cute summer dress. Wow, she’s beautiful,  you thought shamelessly.

Your eyes met and you smiled softly at each other.

Settling on the picnic blanket, you put down [insert favorite snacks] along with some water.

“How have you been?” you started the conversation.

“I’ve been good, kind of preoccupied with the whole volleyball club thing though,” she said.

You hummed, encouraging her to talk about it more.

“The whole team is working really hard to get better. Even though it’s summer, they don’t want to take a break. We’ve all decided that we get Saturday off though, so they get a teeny tiny break,” she added.

You mentally noted to keep your own Saturdays free in case Yachi wanted to hang out again. You hoped for it.

“And you?” she asked.

“Nothing much, you know? Now that it’s summer, I have all this free time but I can’t even do anything with it,” you told her.

“And why is that?” she inquired.

“I have nobody to spend it with or have anything to do with it so I just sit around all day,” you answered. 

“Well, you can always hang out with me, Y/N, I just told you I’m free every Saturday,” she brought up.

You were shocked at her words.

“R-really?” You questioned.

“Of course! We’re friends, aren’t we?”

Friends. Right. You knew that so why did that hurt so bad?

“Mhm,” was all you could respond with along with a small smile gracing your lips.

The rest of the day was spent talking about the mundane things in life but in such a lively conversation that flowed so naturally. You especially liked that about Yachi, her ability to make everything so much better.  

The sun was setting and it was hitting her figure just right. It did her all the justices and in this moment, you’ve come to terms with your feelings for her. I’m in love with Yachi Hitoka. Surprised how long that took you to stop denying, you finally admitted it to yourself. You also realized love was scary.

How could she love me back? I’m a girl, she’s a girl!

This is wrong. Mom and dad said these kinds of things were wrong. They’re going to hate me. They’re going to be disgusted with me. She’s going to be disgusted with me.

What if they find out before I tell them and never let me see Hitok-

“Y/N?” There it was again. That soft, sweet voice, pulling you out of your haunting thoughts.

“Yes?” you responded softly.

“Want to walk me home?” she asked so sweetly with that closed-eye smile.

“Sure, Hitoka(as she told you to call her),” you said.

You could worry about those things later.

Saturdays. You loved Saturdays. You lived for Saturdays. You got to see Yachi on Saturdays. 

Whether it was at her place, the park, or a near by cafe(wherever really). Never a dull moment with her. Driving with the windows down and music on full blast, beach days, painting, more picnics,  sunsets on the roof, and so much more.

She helped you discover more of yourself on these Saturdays. 

On one particular Saturday, you were hanging out with Yachi on her bed. Listening to music while talking about who knows what. You aren’t quite sure how the conversation got there, but it slipped from your mouth like butter.

“Is it ok to like girls?” you questioned. Head buried in your arms, cringing at your words. Of course it wasn’t ok. What had mom and dad been telling me all these years? you thought. 

“Of course it is, Y/N. Love is love,” she said in that voice laced with honey, propping herself up on her side to face you.

“Love is love?” your head snapped up, now looking at her.  

“Love is love, Y/N,” she said again, a small giggle following while brushing hair out of your face.

You could feel the blush creeping up your face.

Was that true? Love is love? She really doesn’t care if I like girls? Does she like girls?

You wanted to ask, but it would be too obvious. You couldn’t ask, she’d see right through you.

You hummed in acknowledgement of her words and turned your back to her. You couldn’t see but Yachi frowned at that.

“Why do you ask?” Yachi pondered.

You were scared at the question. How am I supposed to answer that?

Screw it. All the doubt leaving you for a second, you confessed.

With your back still facing her, you respond, “You see... there’s this girl. I met her a couple months ago. She was super shy but as time went on, I got to see all sides of her. I learned new things from her. I learned how important it is to live my best life. She taught me how I could do things by myself. She’s got the cutest smile, cutest blonde hair with star clips in it, everything. And when she speaks, it’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Surely it has hints of vanilla and sugar. She’s so passionate about everything she does, it’s admirable. It wasn’t long before I realized I was in love with her. How could I not? She’s perfect.”

You were crying but you didn’t notice until you stopped talking and the room filled with silence. The regret and doubt now overfilling in you. Taking the silence as a bad thing, you got up, wiped your tears, and you didn’t even look her in the eyes.

“Um, I have to go,” you said, not even giving her a chance to say anything, and left.

That was the last Saturday you saw Yachi that summer.

The last couple of weeks of summer felt long. You would cry, scream, laugh. It was concerning. You stayed at home, locked yourself in you room, ignored all the messages from everybody and anybody.

Your parents, your damned parents, were worried about you. It hurt to see you so down. What happened? You were fine weeks ago.

“Why don’t you go out and see Yachi?” your dad asks through the door.

Your eyes tear up just at the sound of her name.

“Don’t wanna,” you replied weakly.

They tried and tried again just to get you out of your room but you didn’t budge.

Soon enough, they stopped bothering you, just figured letting you be wouldn’t be too bad. You couldn’t stay in there forever. You’d have to come out eventually.

And you did... for the first day of school. It was hard. All that time you spent on your bed crying really took a toll on you. It was like all the life was sucked out of you. It was exhausting just thinking about what the school year had in store. More assignments to do but only harder. And on top of that, you were avoiding her. All the more difficult when your classes are right next to each other.

“Attention all students. Welcome back to school! Since it is only the first day back, club activities will start next week so our first years have time to pick and choose. Have a nice day!” you heard through the speakers.

In the hallway, you were walking, staring at your feet, hoping they’d take you to the right classroom.

They did, thankfully. But when you look up, you see a wide-eyed Yachi. As fast as you could go, you walked into your classroom, quickly closing the door.

That was close, you thought.

You were most definitely not ready to face her after what happened that day. It all came rushing back to you. Your confession, the deafening silence following, running away; it all filled your head. You were not going to be talking about that for a very long time. It’d hurt too damn much.

I wish I had never said anything. Why did I have to go in and ruin it? If I never confessed, I would be completely fine right now, and with Yachi!

You carried on with the rest of the day. Trying to think how you could get out of class without being stopped by Yachi. You let this carry on for as long as you could. Days, weeks maybe, you weren’t sure as the time just blurred together.

As soon as the bell rang, you would be the first to slip out of class. With no traces of the girl behind you, you continued to the gates of the school and could begin your journey home. This got easier as club activities started back up again and Yachi would be too busy with volleyball in the gym on the far side of the school.

The journey home was the same as it always was. Uneventful, long, boring. You normally lost yourself in your thoughts and just hoped you ended in front of your house by some miracle.

One particular day, you didn’t notice until you were at your doorstep but someone had been following you all along. You could feel her presence behind you. You were frozen.

“Y/N, I don’t know if you want to talk about this here so let’s go to the park,” she whispered behind you and headed to the park.

Standing still for a couple more minutes, you slowly made your way. Your legs just took you there.

When you got there, you saw Yachi sitting in the grass, in your usual spot. You sat yourself a foot or two away from her and started fiddling with the grass. This can’t be good. What is she going to say?

“I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to talk to you, Y/N, it’s been too long,” she started.

You were still busying yourself with the grass, tears brimming at your eyes.

“What do you want, Yachi?” you asked, voice wobbly.

She shivered at the use of her last name.

“You ignored me for weeks and I had so many things to say to you. You didn’t even give me a chance! How is that fair, Y/N? Hm? Just leaving me there,” she was almost yelling. You didn’t have to look at her to see she was crying.  

She’s right. It wasn’t fair.

“Give you a chance to what, Yachi? To reject me? To tell me that ‘we should just stay friends’?” you questioned, tears spilling down your face.

“No, Y/N! How can you not see-- not see that I’m so fucking in love with you!” Yachi sobbed.

You looked up to see her hands covering her sobbing state. Tears running down your face, as well.

“So please, stop pushing me away. I know you’re scared, but that’s what I’m here for. To help you, to love you, to be by your side every step of the way” she said gently.

You inched closer to the girl who was still covering herself. You grabbed her wrists and gently moved her arms out of her face.

She gazed back at you, eyes still watering. You moved your hand to cup her cheek and she leaned into your touch.

You kissed her. It was soft, tender, sweet, just how you imagined. It took both of your breaths away.

When you pulled away, you stared into her red, puffy eyes, hand still cupping her cheek.

“I’m sorry, Hitoka. It was stupid of me to do all that let alone not even hear what you had to say. I was just so scared. My whole life I grew up thinking that this love was wrong, I didn’t know how to go about it” you explained.

She grabbed your hand and kissed your palm, a gesture that gave you butterflies.

“I know, Y/N. Like I said, that’s what I’m here for. I’m going to be with you in whatever decisions you make, I’m going to help you whenever you run into trouble, I’m always going to be there for you,” she declared.

Surprisingly, she was able to teach you so much more. With the time you spent with her, she managed to open your eyes more and more. She helped you unlearn all the things your parents taught you and helped you see the rest of the world. 

That year, your second year at Karasuno, had to have been the best year of your life. You spent your time with your girlfriend. You sneaked around with her, making nothing but memories you’d carry with yourself so far into the future. 

With that, the time flew by and now, you were half way through your third and final year of high school.

Was it sad? A little. Were you excited? Hell yeah. 

It wouldn’t be too long before you and Yachi would enter university and the both of you could live as freely as you wanted. Now that your relationship had grown more serious, you didn’t just want to sneak around anymore. 

It didn’t seem like too bad of a plan to just wait it out and never tell your parents. 

We can wait a couple more months, you constantly told yourself. 

After all these years, you were still scared. But Yachi still stayed by your side, just like she promised. 

How would mom and dad even react? What if they hate me forever? What if they never want to see me again? What if they send me away? Away from Hitoka?

It was a constant battle within you, so holding off until you weren’t under their roof anymore seemed like a secure plan.  

But it was out of your control. You and Yachi saw each other almost everyday, they were bound to find out the truth one way or the other. You just never thought of it. 

It was a regular day. You had just got home from school but what you didn’t expect was your parents sitting quietly around the table. 

“I’m back,” you started. 

“Welcome home, Y/N, come have a seat,” your mom said. 

You could feel your heart beating faster through your chest as you sat in the chair across from them. 

“We have something important to discuss with you,” your dad added. 

Uh oh. This couldn’t have been good. 

“We know you’ve been seeing someone. A girl, Y/N” your mom said. 

You were biting your lip so hard, it could’ve started bleeding. 

“You know you can’t do that, Y/N. It’s against everything we stand for. It’s unnatural, wouldn’t you rather be with a man?” 

Tears were brimming at your eyes. How could she say that?

“No. No, no, no. I love her,” you said as sternly as possible. 

“You can’t love her! It doesn’t work like that, Y/N! It’s wrong! Two girls are never meant to be together,” your dad chimed in. 

“Love is love! It shouldn’t matter whether I like girls or boys. Shouldn’t you be happy for me? Happy that I found it? Aren’t we all deserving of a love like this?” you rebutted. 

They had never thought about it like that before. They were left speechless. 

At that, you got up and headed for the door. 

“I’m going to go see my girlfriend. Expect me back later or tomorrow even,” you mentioned before you were out the door. 

Me

-can i come over?

Hitoka bby

-sure baby, everything ok?

Me

-yeah, just wanna see you

You texted her. 

When she opened the door for you, she didn’t expect to see you red and puffy eyed. 

“What happened, baby?” she asked, concern filled in her tone. 

“They found out,” you answered, sniffling. 

“Oh, Y/N, let’s get inside, ok?” she pulled you into her apartment. You’ve grown to love the warmth the room emitted, and the scent that you only associated with Yachi. 

She got you to change out of your school uniform and into some of her pajamas.  

After you settled down a little, she listened to you as you told her exactly what happened and she wrapped you in her arms when you started crying again. 

She reminded you that everything would be ok and that she would be with you throughout the whole thing, just like when she promised when she confessed.  

That evening, the two of you spent it in each other’s embrace. Yachi made efforts to reassure you that in the end, everything would turn out fine. She and you even devised a plan in case things did turn to absolute shit. 

It wasn’t long after until sleep overcame the both of you. It was simpler moments like these that made you love her even more, as impossible as it seemed. 

In the morning, you headed back to your place, eyes still swollen from all the crying. 

You wish you didn’t have to go back. If you could, you’d stay with Yachi forever. But you had to resolve this. Or at least talk some sense into your parents. 

When you entered the house, it was quiet. Until your parents came rushing down the stairs at the sound of you. 

“Y/N-”

“Yeah mom,” you waved her off. 

“I know you’re going to bring up the whole ‘that is disgusting and all gays go to hell’ crap so just don’t. Yes, I am in love with a girl. Her name is Yachi Hitoka. She’s the best person to have ever come into my life. I see my future with her. I don’t know where but if it’s with her, I’m going. And if you can’t accept that, that is simply not my problem,” you told them. 

They were wide-eyed and silent in response. You were exhausted and just headed to your room. 

The rest of the day was quiet. No one said anything to you. You didn’t quite know how to feel. 

You were excited you didn’t need to sneak around with Yachi anymore. You would finally be able to show her off and love her freely. 

You were left unsure about your parents as they continued to say nothing to you.  

After that, you could definitely say that your relationship with them had changed. They saw you a little differently, no one could tell whether it was good or bad. 

Sure, their daughter liked women, but you were still their daughter, none the less. Not much was spoken between you and them, they just agreed to keep on living as if nothing had happened. They’d come to terms with it eventually. 

Again, Yachi was there with you. You couldn’t be anything but grateful for her. She really was there for everything and she was all you needed to keep on going. 

“I love you, Y/N” she always told you. 

“I love you too, Hitoka” you always replied with. 

Love is love, and you loved Saturdays, the park and Yachi Hitoka. 

a/n: that took a lot longer than expected. i am so sorry. also i know this story was all over the place so if you read the whole thing, was it ok? it kind of turned to word vomit there.