#Like idk how to make it more clear that I hate this school and everyone in it

[airybcby]

જ⁀♡⊹｡° i'm addicted to the ' if only '

♡ a/n — for a new childhood friends to lovers series :) a little shorter than i wanted but yk

♡ word count — 1.1k

♡ content — sae itoshi x gn! reader, gn! reader, childhood friends to lovers, sae and reader are the " sit by this quiet kid so they rub off on you " kids i fear, mentions of sae going to spain, starts when they're in 5th grade ( does japan do elementary grades like that? idk. ) and goes all the way to the U-20 game, wrote this at midnight so sorry if it's confusing

♡ synopsis — From the moment Sae Itoshi said he loved you, you were his. The long-distance relationship wasn’t easy, but it didn’t matter. You had Sae, and that was enough. He was all you needed after all.

You met Sae Itoshi when you were ten, in the fifth grade. You were the loud one, always raising your hand to answer questions, always running up to classmates to start games during recess. Sae, on the other hand, was quiet. His answers were sharp, direct, and to the point. He preferred to sit at the edge of the classroom, observing rather than participating.

When the teacher paired the two of you together for a science project, you knew immediately that this was going to be difficult.

"Can’t you just sit still for five minutes?" Sae asked, an exasperated edge to his voice as you twirled around with the sheet of paper that was supposed to outline your project plan.

"Nope!" you said with a grin. "Sitting still is boring."

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You’re impossible."

You should’ve hated him. He made it clear he found you irritating, and you had no interest in someone who acted like they were better than everyone else. But there was something about Sae that intrigued you—maybe it was the calmness that always seemed to settle around him, or the way he never tried to impress anyone.

To your surprise, by the time the project ended, he hadn’t abandoned you. Instead, he’d begrudgingly started helping you organize your thoughts, muttering under his breath every time you got distracted but staying by your side nonetheless.

Halfway through the school year, he stopped rolling his eyes when you dragged him outside to play soccer after school.

By the end of the year, you were spending every recess together. You teased him endlessly, calling him your best friend, even though he would only shrug in response.

But he never corrected you.

It wasn’t until you were twelve that you realized how much Sae had become a part of your life.

He wasn’t just your best friend—he was your favorite person. He was there for everything, from the boring group projects to the secret candy stash you shared during recess. He wasn’t just the quiet boy in the corner anymore. He was Sae, the person who made your days brighter without even trying.

One day, when you were both at the park, it hit you.

He was practicing soccer, as always. The golden light of the setting sun bathed his figure, making him look almost ethereal. He didn’t notice the way you were staring, too focused on juggling the ball with practiced ease.

You didn’t understand it then, but something inside you shifted. You found yourself watching him more closely, noticing the way his expression softened when he talked about soccer, the way he always let you have the last piece of candy, even though he’d complain about it afterward.

You liked him.

The realization was terrifying, but you pushed it down. Sae was your best friend, and you didn’t want to ruin that.

When Sae told you he’d been scouted to train in Spain, you didn’t know how to react.

You were happy for him—of course you were. Soccer was his dream, and this was everything he had ever wanted. But as you stood in the airport, watching him get ready to board his flight, all you could think about was how much you were going to miss him.

"Don’t cry," he said, his voice steady. He stood in front of you, his suitcase at his side, his hands shoved into his pockets. He looked so calm, so sure of himself, that it almost made you angry.

"I’m not crying," you lied, blinking furiously.

Sae’s gaze softened, just for a moment. "You’ll be fine without me," he said. "You always are."

But you weren’t.

High school was different without Sae.

The loud, hyper child you used to be was gone, replaced by someone quieter, someone who didn’t raise their hand as much in class or run around during lunch breaks. The hole Sae left behind was too big to fill, and you didn’t know how to be yourself without him by your side.

But at night, when your phone buzzed with his Facetime calls, everything felt okay again.

When you were fifteen, one of those calls changed everything.

You were sitting on your bed, rambling about your day, filling the silence with every little detail you could think of. Sae’s face on the screen was calm, as always, but there was something different about his expression.

"I love you," he said suddenly, cutting you off mid-sentence.

Your heart stopped.

"What?" you whispered, your voice barely audible.

"I love you," he repeated, his tone steady, like he had been waiting to say it for a long time. "I’ve loved you for a while."

Tears welled up in your eyes. "I love you too," you said, your voice trembling.

From that moment on, you were his. The long-distance relationship wasn’t easy, but it didn’t matter. You had Sae, and that was enough.

When you were seventeen, everything started to fall apart.

Sae’s texts became shorter, his calls less frequent. You told yourself it was because he was busy—Spain was demanding, and soccer always came first for him. But the doubt lingered, gnawing at the edges of your mind.

One night, he called you.

You were so excited to hear from him that you didn’t notice the tension in his voice. You launched into your day, telling him about school, your friends, everything he had missed. He stayed silent until you finally asked, "Sae? Are you still there?"

"I’m here," he said. His tone was cold, unfamiliar. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

Your stomach twisted. "What is it?"

"You’re a bother," he said, his voice flat. "We should break up."

The words didn’t register at first.

"What?" you whispered, your voice shaking. "Sae, what are you talking about?"

"You’re holding me back," he said, his tone as sharp as a blade. "I don’t have time for this anymore."

And just like that, the boy you'd grown to love - your best friend - was gone.

A year later, Sae returned to Japan for the U-20 vs. Blue Lock match.

You hadn’t heard from him since the breakup. Not a single text, not a single call. But even after everything, you couldn’t help but hope. He was still your best friend… right?

You looked for him everywhere—in the streets you used to walk together, in the soccer fields where he used to practice. But he was never there.

The night of the game, you sat alone in your room, watching him on the TV.

He was brilliant. Every move, every goal, was flawless. The Sae on the screen was a stranger, a far cry from the boy who used to roll his eyes at your jokes and share his candy with you.

It doesn’t feel right, you thought, not knowing the Sae that’s out there, shining so brightly.

And maybe, you realized, you never would.

no one said all of these had to be happy. childhood best friends to lovers to strangers anyone ?

likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

[fullsunstrawberry]

Love Beyond Labels

synopsis: the misunderstood "rich girl," reveals her academic struggles to a loner with his own challenges. In an unexpected twist, they form a unique friendship—she gets study help, and he gains a true companion.

genre: slice of life, humor, fluff, angst, smut, freaky nerd

warnings**: bullying, swearing, self-hate, mentions of anxiety, jokes of social "suicide", dreamies are kinda mean in this..., no condom mentioned, praising, fingering, marking, lots of boobie touching cause haechan loves them okay, make-up sex, idk probably more lol

word count: 8.9k

a/n: first ever written fanfic....kinda nervous haha

School is easy, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty. Well, that's what all your classmates thought. They didn't know how difficult school was for you. You never got what was happening in class. Anytime you got an answer wrong, no one batted an eye because who expects the rich pretty girl to get an answer right? But little did they know you would cry in the janitor's room after each time. You just hated feeling so dumb.

"Ugh, I'm not ready for today's test," Jaemin huffed, plopping down beside you.

"Wait, there's a test?" you sighed, already predicting the outcome.

Mr. Moon whispered a half-hearted "good luck" as he handed you the test, before moving on and finishing handing out everyone else’s tests. He already knew how it was going to go.

You hated how even the teachers knew you were stupid.

After the test, you already knew you failed it. You were the last one to turn your test in, when Jaemin asked if you wanted to meet up with him, Jeno, Mark, and Chenle for lunch. You nodded telling him you had to stop at the office real quick.

Instead of walking towards the office, you sped walked to the janitor's closet, already feeling the tears threaten to escape. You knew you failed that test. Even though you acted like you didn’t know you had a test, you lied. You’ve been studying for it for a long time. Even canceling plans. But you would never admit it to anyone. You studied your ass off but still failed, that’s even more pathetic than forgetting about it.

You quickly took out the keys and opened the door quickly so no other student would see it. You thank the janitor for being so forgetful that you could easily steal one of his keys. He has a bunch of copies, one missing wouldn’t hurt. Right as you locked the door you sat in the corner, not even bothering to turn the lights on.

you were always an ugly crier, but it was okay cause you bought the most expensive waterproof makeup for these occasions. Only a quick bathroom stop is needed before meeting your friends for lunch.

As you were drying your tears you heard the door jiggle and then open. you quickly hid your face just in case it was someone you knew.

"Y/N?" a voice you didn't recognize spoke, interrupting your quiet moment in the janitor's closet.

Confused, you wiped your face and looked up at the mystery voice. You kind of recognized the thick black glasses boy in front of you. You knew he was in some of your classes but you couldn’t think of his name.

Fearing the worst you cleared your throat before asking “What do you want?”

“Uh, I don't want anything!" the boy replied, swiftly stepping into the room and closing the door. You noticed he had his lunch tray with him. "This might sound pathetic, but I like to eat my lunch here."

confused, you asked him “Why would you do that?”

“Well I don’t really have friends and I don’t want to get picked on” he explained sitting down next to you, not having much of a choice because there wasn’t that much room.

"Oh, I'm sorry for bothering you. I'll just go," you said, preparing to stand up. But before you could, he quickly called out your name, making you look down at him.

"You're not bothering me! You can stay and talk about what's going on. I know we don't talk, but I can listen to you." His hopeful eyes convinced you to sit back down. You quickly wiped away your tears before confiding in him.

“You can’t tell anyone this!“ You put your pinky finger up and put it near him. “promise?”

“I don’t have many people to tell” he let out a small laugh while putting his hands up defensively. “promise!” he took your pinky finger in his

“okay” you nodded “I failed my psychology test today”

you looked at his face and he looked confused “What?” you questioned

“Oh it's just, you always fail your tests. Everyone knows that”

As he said that you felt the tears start to come back. Of course, he wouldn’t get it. Why did you ever think he would get it?

“I didn’t mean it like that, I’m so sorry” he panicked “I shouldn’t have said that!”

you turn away, quickly wiping away your tears again. “no I get it, I’m the dumb girl”

"No, no, no, that's not what I meant. Hey, want to hear something embarrassing about me? I'm only here because of a scholarship. That's why no one wants to be friends with me!" he confessed.

you start to giggle “That’s not embarrassing!”

“It made you laugh! But here is something actually embarrassing, my teacher forgot my name today. Even though I've had her for the whole year.”

Your eyes widen, feeling bad that you forgot his name.

“ahh you don’t know my name either”

you smile “If you tell me your name, I’ll forgive you”

“haechan”

“That's a nice name, haechan” You smiled at the way it rolled off your tongue. 

“thank you, I have a proposition or a proposal”

“I know what proposition means” you teased

he giggled, “I’ll help you study”

your eyes lit up, “really? What can I do for you?”

he avoided your eyes and cleared his throat “Be my friend”

your eyes softened “That’s not hard, I was going to be your friend after this conversation anyways” You pushed his shoulder.

He finally met your eyes and smiled at you. “then you don’t have to do anything, friends help friends”

As the bell faintly rang, you pulled out your phone. "Here, give me your number so we can talk."

he paused for a second before taking your phone

standing up and thanking him before you quickly left to go touch up your makeup in the bathroom. Reminding yourself you would have to tell Jaemin you were sorry for ditching him and the guys.

You walked into your next class as the late bell rang. 

“there you are! Jaemin told me you ditched us” Mark laughed. 

“I didn't mean to ditch you guys, just got carried away.” 

“carried away, with what?” 

“I was working on my psychology essay, and I can't believe she makes us write one every week!” you huffed out, setting your bag down before sitting down. 

“Could have just said you were talking to guys instead of lying.” Mark laughed, too interested in whatever was on his phone to notice your face drop. What did your friends think of you? 

“What do you mean?” 

Mark glanced at you before laughing, “You always procrastinate, there is no way you even started it!” 

Instead of arguing you turned to face the front, pulling out your notebook. The essay is due in two days, of course, you started it. There would be no way for you to finish the four pages if you didn't. Turning towards Mark again you huffed out, “Well someone is helping me study.”

Shocked, Mark quickly faced towards you “What? What happened to y/n?” 

You scoffed, “Really? That surprising”

“I am, you never really cared for grades”

“Well I'm sick of failing every test” 

“So who's helping you out?” Mark leaned towards you “Could have just asked me”

“His name is Haechan”

Mark’s eyebrows furrowed “That one kid that eats in the bathroom?”

“He doesn't eat in the bathroom!” You defended 

“Just be careful, he’s a little weird” 

“What do you mean, you don’t even know him” You started to get upset.

“He doesn't really talk to anyone”  He could see how your face scrunched up and you were about to start an argument with him so he shrugged, not really caring “Why didn't you ask me, I'm one of the top students”

You didn't really want to explain what happened so you just blew his question off. Before he could press you for an answer, the teacher walked in. 

Haechannie🤓🐻: When do you want to start?

Y/N☺️: I have my psychology paper due soon. Could you read it over before I turn it in?

Haechannie🤓🐻: Yeah meet me at the public library after school 

Y/N☺️: Thanks!

Haechannie🤓🐻: No problem :)

Jaemin and Jeno are probably thinking you're going crazy when you tell them you didn't need a ride after school. But you didn't want them to drop you off at the library and question you the same way Mark did in class. So you just said you were meeting up with a girlfriend of yours who wanted to walk to the park. At the mention of a girl, they didn’t question anything. 

Now that's how you ended up looking around the library for Haechan. He wasn't on the first or second floor, so you started making your way up to the third floor. Questioning why he even would go all the way up there, no one liked the third floor. As you looked around you spotted Haechan sitting at a table in the corner. 

As he heard you coming, he looked up and smiled. “Took you long enough!”

“Who even uses the third floor of the library, all the books up here are just textbooks.” You huffed out, setting your bag down and taking out everything you needed. 

“That’s the whole point! It’s quiet up here” 

You can admit, that he has a point! Maybe you will actually start using the third floor more. As if you ever go to the public library without your friends dragging you there. Liking your room for studying a lot more because there are no judging eyes. 

“Okay, let’s get started! Let me see what you have already” Haechan smiled at you. 

You pulled out your notebook and quickly found the page you started to write on before handing it to Haechan. As you handed it to him, your fingers brushed, which made Haechan pull away quickly. 

You watched as his eyes read through everything you wrote. Anxiety started to fill you up. What if it was really bad and he thinks you're even more of an idiot than before? Ugh, he’s a nice guy, he wouldn't think like that. But you don’t really know him— Before your inner monologue continues Haechan put down your notebook. Shock showed in his eyes. 

“Wow, that was really good! The way you described Sensation and Perception was easy to understand. How do you usually fail with papers like this?”

Shocked that he actually liked your paper it took you a couple of seconds to register his question. “I usually get good grades on my papers and in-class work, but tests always seem to get to me.” 

“mmm, I understand,” Haechan hummed. “A lot of people have test anxiety, I have some tips I can give you if you want” 

Your eyes lit up as you nodded, eager to hear what he had to say. 

“It’s getting quite late, maybe we should start wrapping this up?” Haechan yawned. 

You quickly looked at the time, not believing him that it was so late. You gasped, shocked at how quickly time passed with Haechan. “Oh, I better get going, before my mom starts to ask questions.” 

“Yeah, I have to get going too. It was nice hanging out with you.” Haechan quickly gathered up all his things before moving to leave. 

“Wait!” 

Haechan paused looking at you confused. 

“What are you doing tomorrow after class?” 

“Nothing, until I have to go in for work” Haechan sighed “I don’t want to study again tomorrow”

A little taken aback by the change in his tone, you quickly cleared things up “That’s not what I was going to ask you! I wanted to know if you wanted to hang out, like at the mall or something”

you couldn't quite read the emotion on Haechan’s face. Was he shocked? Happy? Confused? Maybe a little bit of each. 

“Oh um yeah, we can hang out.” 

“Good, I’ll text you the details” You smiled before turning away and leaving him to stand there not knowing what was going on in his head. 

The final bell rang as you rushed out to find Haechan. Earlier promising that you both would take the bus to the mall together. 

Your eyes lit up seeing him standing at the bus stop, calling out a quick “Haechan” to get his attention. Which seemed to work as he found you in the crowd of other students. 

As you finally pushed through all the people to get to Haechan, your face dropped. He wasn't looking at you anymore. “What’s wrong?” 

“You don’t want to be caught hanging out with me, it will ruin your reputation.” He whispered 

Taken aback you laughed, which turned into a heavier laugher. Shocked and confused by your reaction, Haechan turned towards you, watching you laugh like you were crazy. “I’m not joking! Hanging out with me in public is literally social suicide”

You took a couple of deep breaths before answering him “Haechan, this isn't some teen drama! Who even cares about that” 

Haechan looked embarrassed by this and started to fiddle with his fingers. You saw the bus starting to pull up so you took hold of his hand. Stopping him from fiddling with them and making sure you didn't lose him to the crowd of people waiting for the bus. 

If you were paying more attention, you would have seen how bright his cheeks turned. Before quickly snapping out of it. 

As you got onto the bus, you noticed how full it was. Only noticed one seat in the back. quickly you pulled him towards the back and offered him the seat. 

Shaking his head, he told you to sit down. But you insisted that you were okay with standing. Looking around you noticed the other people starting to get annoyed, even hearing an older lady saying she hates teenage couples. 

Before he could protest, you pushed him down onto the seat and sat on his knee. “Are you happy now? It’s a win-win situation, we both get to sit now” You smiled. 

The whole ride there was silent. Maybe the stunt you pulled on the bus was a little too much for him to handle. 

But you didn't let that stop you from grabbing his hand when the bus finally arrived at the mall. Excitedly telling Haechan about all your favorite stores and sales that are going on right now. 

He didn't seem to care when you kept dragging him to different clothing and makeup stores. It wasn't until you noticed how uncomfortable he was did you realized how rude you were being. 

“Oh shit sorry, where do you want to go next?”

 Taken back by this Haechan quickly tried to brush it off “No it’s okay, where do you want to go next?” Not letting him dodge the question you push him for an answer. “No, come on, let's go somewhere you like next!”

“Uh I like Gamestop” 

“Then we are off to Gamestop, I know where it is because it’s next to my favorite shoe store!” 

Haechan’s eyes lit up when he saw the new Lord of the Fallen had been released. “Cool! I’ve been waiting for this to come out” But as quickly as he picked it up he put it down. 

“You're not going to get it?” You questioned

“Oh no, it’s too much money” He turned to look at other things, leaving you the opportunity to grab and pay for the game without him knowing. 

Finding him in the back, you asked if he was finished looking around. Which earned you a nod. As you stepped out of the store, you held up the bag. “What did you get?” Haechan asked, confused. 

“It’s for you” You giggled handing him the bag. 

He hesitated before looking in the bag and gasping “Y/n, this is $80!” 

“That’s nothing! I love buying my friends things that I know they will like” You smiled, hooking your arm with his. “Now I'm hungry, let's go eat.” 

The food court wasn't your first choice, but haechan insisted. Arguing that he knew you were going to try to pay for his food if you went to some fancy restaurant. Which he is right, you would have. But you settled for paying for his Taco Bell instead. 

“Let's go near the carousel I love the view and plus not a lot of people sit over there”

Haechan nodded, letting you show the way. 

Everything was going very smooth. You wanted to do this again and again. But as you were in your own world you heard voices call out “Hyuck”. Haechan's eyes widened and looked around. 

Two boys, one tall and one short, sat down near you guys. 

“Long time no see, we missed you!” The taller one said either not knowing or not caring about your presence. 

The shorter one cleared his throat before asking Haechan “So are you going to introduce us” 

Haechan laughed nervously before looking at you, pointing to the shorter one “This is Huang Renjun” and then pointing to the taller one who seem to now noticed you were there “And this is Park Jisung” 

Before Haechan could speak you smiled “I'm F/N L/N!” 

Haechan winced at your mentioning your last name. You looked at the other guys and their faces dropped. Confused, you asked “what's wrong?” 

Haechan quickly cleared his throat and explained “It’s nothing! We used to know someone with that last name and so they're just surprised.” 

The two boys looked confused before nodding “Sorry, just bad memories” Renjun forced a smile before getting up and announcing “Oh we’re gonna be late for our movie, let’s go Jisung” 

They left before you could even get in another word. Noticing your shock, Haechan shakes his head “Those are my friends from my childhood, we haven't talked in a while because we go to different schools now.” 

Not wanting to push you just hummed.

Something felt weird but you didn't want to bring it up. Today has been one of your favorites and you didn't want to sour the mood by letting Haechan know his friends acted a bit rude. 

So the whole time you didn't bring it up, instead going back to your cheery self. After a few more stores, you both decided that was enough for today and Haechan really needed to get home so he could get enough sleep before having to go to his part-time job. 

Soon days, weeks, and months flew by. Hanging out with Haechan really made things go by so quickly. You liked his company. So did your teachers, complimenting you on passing all your tests. One even accused you of cheating, but Haechan stepped in and confessed he had been helping you study.

Even your parents seemed to notice the change in your mood. Your mother loves getting her cheerful daughter back. The only people who seemed to hate the “new and improved y/n” were your best friends. It started with Jaemin accusing you of sleeping with Mr. Moon because he swore there’s no way you could have gotten scored higher on your test then him. Obviously, you were pissed that he could even suggest something like that.

So you ended up admitting to your not-so-secret tutoring sessions to your friends one day at lunch.

“So that's where you've been during lunch?” Chenle questioned. 

“Yes, we’ve been eating in the library together” 

“So you’ve been ditching us for that nerd this whole time!” Jeno’s voice raised, causing some of the other students in the cafeteria to look at your table. 

“Don’t call him a nerd!” 

“But he is one!” Jeno threw his hands up in the air. 

“Just because he gets good grades? Then why don’t you call Mark or Jaemin a nerd?”

“Y/N Come on, why are you defending him? He’s just some loser who eats in the bathroom when you're not at school” Chenle laughed, trying to get everyone to calm down. 

Taken back by how rude your best friends were, you looked around and made eye contact with Haechan. 

He was supposed to meet your friends today. He was really excited after you hyped all of them up. But as he was walking to your table, you could tell that he heard everything. 

You saw how his eyes were starting to water. 

“Maybe he is a nerd but he is way hotter than all of you! Bet he can actually get me to cum unlike any of you” You smirked knowing this would get on their nerves. Hitting it where it hurt, their egos. 

You heard Jaemin scuff, “Yeah right, we all know your type! You wouldn't even kiss him” 

Taking the challenge, you looked around and spotted Haechan again. But this time his face was red and his eyes were wide. You smirked, “wanna bet?” 

The tension in the cafeteria was thick after your bold statement, and all eyes seemed to be on the unfolding drama. Your best friends wore expressions of disbelief mixed with irritation. You made your way over to Haechan.

Haechan's eyes showed surprise, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. You could feel the weight of the challenge in the air as you took a hold of his sweater collar, the fabric warm beneath your fingers. The cafeteria buzzed with hushed whispers and curious glances, but your focus was solely on him.

Pulling him down gently, your lips hovered near Haechan's ear, and you breathed out a teasing question. "Can I?" The words were soft, carrying a hint of playfulness.

In response, Haechan nodded fervently, his eyes wide with anticipation. "Please," he whispered back, his voice barely audible.

With a mischievous smirk, you seized the moment, closing the distance between your lips and Haechan lips. Time seemed to slow as the cafeteria fell into a stunned silence, and then erupted into a mix of gasps, whispers, and scattered applause. The unexpected turn of events had caught everyone off guard, including your best friends, who now wore expressions ranging from shock to disbelief.

Breaking the kiss, you stepped back. You saw how Haechan went to lean back in again. Quickly placing a short kiss to his lips you whispered “everyone watching us” His eyes widened and looked around the cafeteria. Making you giggle and whisper a hushed “Cute”

After your little stunt in the cafeteria, everyone’s been asking you who that guy was and if you two are dating. You already knew poor Haechan was getting the same questions. 

Y/N😊❤️: People keep asking me if you’re a good kisser

Haechannie🤓🐻: Well am I?

Y/N😊❤️: Absolutely

Y/N😊❤️: What are you doing after school?

Haechannie🤓🐻: Working and then going home

Y/N😊❤️: When do you get off? Want to hang out with you

Haechannie🤓🐻: 9 pm, at the convenience store on the other side of town

Haechannie🤓🐻: we can hang out only if you promise to kiss me again

Y/N😊❤️: we’ll see ;)

The convenience store was a far walk from your house so you asked your friend Yuna to drive you. But that didn’t stop your parents from scolding you for going out so late. All you had to say was that you were staying over at Yuna’s house. Yuna is your mom's best friend's daughter. She had no problem with this because last summer you had to do the same thing for her. 

There was only a few people at the convenience store. You saw Haechan slumped over at the counter scrolling through his phone. “Aren’t you supposed to be working”

Haechan jumped up from his sitting position, ready to be scolded by his manager. But when his eyes landed on you he shook his head “Ah you scared me! I still have 10 minutes until closing” 

“I wanted to get here early, I heard there is a cute cashier boy here” you smirked

You can already see Haechan’s face start to become a light shade of red. 

“Stop flirting with me, I'm working!” 

Before you could say a comeback, an older guy put down his stuff on the register. 

“She’s just trying to get free stuff” The random guy scoffed

Taken aback you scoff, tilting your head “What do you mean by that?”

“You’re too pretty for him”

You looked at Haechan and saw his head lower. 

Looking back at the guy you laugh “Nerdy guys are the freakiest” you winked

Haechan’s eyes widened, not being able to make eye contact with anyone. 

“All girls are the same” The guy harshly stated before throwing ten dollars on the counter and leaving. 

“How do you know I’m freaky?” Haechan busted out laughing. 

“I don’t but guys hate when their masculinity is threatened” You shrug.

“So what do you want to do after I close” 

“I don’t know, I told my parents I was staying over with a friend tonight. So I’m all yours”

“All mine? I like the sound of that” Haechan smirked leaning in “I live alone”

You gasp “How do you live alone?” 

“It’s a small place, I don’t have a relationship with my parents anymore” Haechan grabbed the keys to close the shop. “It’s not too far from here, only a five-minute walk” 

Entering Haechan's apartment, the reality of his living space matched his earlier description. It kind of reminded you of a college dorm. Only a small living area with his bed and a tiny hallway that leads to his bathroom. 

As you took in the surroundings, Haechan couldn't help but laugh at your reaction. "I told you it was small," he remarked, his eyes glinting with amusement. "It's not the fanciest part of town, but it's affordable."

"It's nice!" you assured him, a genuine smile gracing your face.

Haechan, skeptical, teased, "You don't have to lie to me."

Your laughter filled the room. "I'm not lying! I was expecting much worse for a guy living alone." Your lighthearted comment elicited a chuckle from Haechan, getting rid of any lingering tension.

Looking around the compact space, you ask, "So, what do you want to do?"

"I was promised a kiss," Haechan said with a mischievous smirk.

Your laughter continued, but before you could respond, you felt his hand gently cup your face, pulling you into a kiss. This wasn't like the previous one in the cafeteria; it was more intense, and filled with passion.

As the kiss deepened, Haechan guided you backward until the back of your knees met his bed, causing you to gently fall onto it. Yet, he didn't break the kiss, instead, he adjusted his position to hover over you. Placing his knee between your legs, he elicited a soft moan from you. The sound only fueled Haechan's desire, and he broke the kiss momentarily, his gaze locking onto yours.

"You sound so beautiful," he murmured, his eyes fulled with desire. His fingers delicately traced the curve of your jawline, leaving a trail of electrifying sensations.

The air was charged with a blend of desire and anticipation as Haechan, deepening the kiss and found a comfortable position on top of you.

His hands, warm and assertive, traced subtle patterns along your sides, sending shivers down your spine. The small apartment seemed to fade away, leaving only the two of you entangled in the intoxicating rhythm of the kiss.

As the kiss continued to deepen, Haechan's movements became more deliberate. He pressed himself against you, and the warmth of his body radiated through the layers of clothing, intensifying the sensations.

The noisy world outside seemed to disappear, leaving only the echo of shared breaths and the subtle noise of hearts beating together.

Breaking away from the kiss, Haechan's eyes held an unspoken question, seeking affirmation in the depths of your gaze. Without uttering a word, you nodded, granting permission.

Haechan's lips traced a path from your mouth, leaving a trail of lingering kisses along your jawline and down your neck. Each touch sent shivers through your body, awakening a heightened awareness of the closeness between you.

As Haechan's fingers delicately traced patterns on your skin, he whispered “God I can’t get enough of you”. 

“I need you inside of me right now” You moaned as he started to take your shirt off.

Your words seemed to ignite something in Haechan, his eyes darkening with desire. He gently removed your shirt, his touch making your skin tingle.

You felt Haechan’s warm breath against your skin as he buried his face in your breasts. The sensation of his lips approaching your skin caused you to gasp, and the sound fueled his desire. As his lips made contact with your nipple, you felt a wave of pleasure run through you.

“God, Haechan”

His lips found yours once again. The pleasure of his lips on yours left you intoxicated.The feeling of the soft sheets against your bare skin and the warmth of Haechan’s body made you feel safe, yet vulnerable. Your heart skipped a beat as you felt his lips take your nipple in his mouth yet again, and the pleasure and excitement was overwhelming. The intensity of the sensations had left you without words, and you felt yourself wanting to scream with pleasure.

“G-God”

The moan that escaped from your lips seemed to ignite something in Haechan, and he moved his mouth to your other breast, leaving a trail of hot kisses. Each one caused you to gasp with pleasure and your hands explored the his back from under his shirt. The pleasure and excitement was too much, and you needed him inside you, but he kept teasing you in different ways.

When he finally moved to kiss you again, his hands gently moved down your body to rest on your waist. He seemed to be asking if it was okay to continue, and you nodded, silent. His hands moved to take off your pants, and you felt your heart start to race. 

His touch was gentle and soft, and his lips were warm against your skin, leaving behind a trail of goosebumps. You could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against you. The feeling of his skin against yours was intoxicating. As his hands kept tracing patterns across your skin. As his lips reached your thighs, you moaned with pleasure, begging for more

"Please..." you moaned, "I need you inside me."

Haechan looked up and gave you a mischievous grin, and his body tensed for a moment before he moved to undress himself. His movements left you breathless, and you stared at him as he removed his pants. The light of the room glinted off of his skin, and you felt your body start to quiver with anticipation.

His eyes seemed to penetrate you as he looked at you, as if he could see things you didn't want anyone to know about. There was a moment of silence as the two of you stared at each other, before he moved over you and hovered on top of you. The moment was perfect, the way his body molded to yours.

His lips found yours once again, and the kiss started off soft but eventually deepened. The intensity of the moment was something you had never experienced before, and your body felt on fire as his hands explored your skin. As his fingers traced patterns on your skin, you felt more and more aroused, and you moaned with pleasure as his fingers moved down across your sensitive skin to your underwear.

As you felt his fingers graze across your most sensitive parts, you gasped with pleasure, and Haechan smiled

“you’re hands please, i just need something inside of me” you begged.

Haechan smirked as he continued to tease you over your underwear. “then we have to get rid of these”

He slowly removed them before stuffing them into his nightstand.

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as Haechan's fingers continued to tease you over your underwear. Your body throbbed with need, and you couldn't help but beg for more. The anticipation was driving you wild, and you craved the touch of his hands inside of you.

"Please, Haechan," you whimpered, your voice laced with desperation. "I need you inside me."

Haechan's smirk widened, his eyes darkening with desire. He knew exactly what he was doing to you, reveling in every moment of your vulnerability. Without a word, he slowly removed your underwear and discarded it into the nightstand.

The cool air caressed your exposed flesh, making you shudder in anticipation. Haechan positioned himself between your thighs, his gaze intense and hungry. You could feel the heat radiating off his body as he hovered over you, his breath mingling with yours.

His lips crashed onto yours once again, this time with an even fiercer hunger. The kiss was bruising, and passionate, as if he wanted to consume every ounce of your being. His hands roamed your body, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Every touch sent electric shocks through you, heightening your desire.

But Haechan was not one to rush. He knew the power of anticipation. His fingers danced along the curves of your thighs. You squirmed beneath his touch, unable to suppress the moans that escaped your lips.

"Patience," he murmured against your skin, his voice laced with a raw sensuality that made your heart race. "I want to savor every moment."

His words only fueled the fire within you, igniting a primal need that consumed your thoughts. You could no longer wait, your body aching and yearning for release. With desperate boldness, you reached for him and pulled him closer. Haechan's eyes gleamed with a mixture of surprise and desire as you guided his hand to where you needed him most.

Without hesitation, his fingers slipped between your slick folds, finding your throbbing core. His touch was electrifying, sending waves of ecstasy through your body. You arched your back, giving him better access as he explored every inch of you, driving you to the edge.

As his fingers moved in delicious circles, your moans filled the room, mingling with the sound of his breathless whispers in your ear. It was as if time had stopped, leaving only the two of you.

Haechan's lips found yours once again, muffling the cry that escaped from deep within you as he brushed against your most sensitive spot. Your body shook with pleasure.

Every stroke sent shockwaves coursing through your body, building the pleasure to an unbearable peak. Your hips instinctively rose to meet his ministrations, wanting to feel even closer to him. The room seemed to spin as you felt your orgasm start to wash over you.

Haechan's fingers quickened their pace, pushing you further. With a sudden burst of overwhelming pleasure, your climax finally crashed over you. Your body shuddered beneath Haechan's touch as waves of intense bliss radiated from your core. It was an explosion of ecstasy that left.

As you finally started to get all your senses back you quickly reached out to Haechan. "Let me make you feel good too"

Haechan's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he chuckled nervously, avoiding your gaze. "I-I get pleasure just from giving you pleasure," he stuttered.

The corners of your lips turned up in a sly smile as you teasingly asked, "Did you cum in your pants?"

In response, Haechan groaned and buried his face on your neck. "You just sounded so beautiful, I couldn't resist," he admitted shamefully.

You couldn't help but feel a mix of desire and amusement at his confession. Pulling away from him, you leaned into captured his lips with yours. "That's incredibly hot," you muttered against his mouth before breaking into a giggle.

"Alright," you said with a mischievous glint in your eye, "let's get cleaned up...and maybe we can find a way to get out of those pants too."

In the morning, you felt the warmth of hands around your body. With a content smile, you turned around to find Haechan already awake, looking at you. "Good morning, beautiful."

"How long have you been awake?" you inquired.

"Not too long, I didn't want to wake you up" he replied.

Leaning in to plant a morning kiss on Haechan's lips, you were halted midway. "I messed up," he confessed.

Shocked, you asked, "What do you mean?"

"I slept with my only friend," he admitted.

A chuckle escaped you. "Well, if you play your cards right, you might end up with a girlfriend instead."

He chuckled at your response, pulling you in for another kiss

As the soft morning light streamed through the curtains, the intimacy between you and Haechan deepened. The laughter from the lighthearted exchange lingered as he pressed his lips against yours.

Breaking the kiss, Haechan looked into your eyes with a mix of affection and sincerity. "I'm serious, though. I don't want this to change things between us."

You traced your fingers gently along his cheek, reassuringly. "Haechan, it doesn't change anything. We both have our pasts, and what matters is what we have now."

A grateful smile played on his lips as he held you close, appreciating the comfort of the moment. "You're amazing, you know that?"

The tenderness in his words made your heart flutter. "You're not too bad yourself," you teased, your fingers intertwining with his.

Your mother has noticed a change in your demeanor, catching glimpses of smiles and laughter while you were on your phone. Initially, you tried to dismiss it, claiming it was just conversations with friends, but the façade crumbled when your mother overheard you on a Facetime call, and she didn't recognize the voice. Peeking into your room she also didn’t notice the face on the screen.

Now, you found yourself anxiously anticipating how your parents would react to meeting Haechan for the first time. Your mother insisted on the introduction, pointing out that you had never appeared as happy with your previous partners. Which you had to give it to her, it was true. 

While you were confident your mother would adore Haechan, your concern was with your father. He was often distant, engrossed in his role as the owner of a major technology company. His strict views on your relationships were rooted in a desire to maintain a family business, yet he doubted your ability to contribute to it.

Hoping your father would be too occupied to attend dinner wasn't far-fetched, he frequently skipped family gatherings. However, your mother's pleas for him to take a rare evening off for his "precious" daughter won him over.

When you first brought it up with Haechan he was terrified. Always saying he was too busy to meet them.

But you finally caught him. He was complaining that he hasn't seen you in some time and that he misses you. So you asked if he was free later. Implying something sexual so he would change his plans if he needed to. When he took the bait and said he would be free all weekend, you told him to get ready to meet your parents. 

As the doorbell rang, you rushed to answer it before anyone else could. "You look so handsome," you cooed, admiring Haechan in a suit that, while not perfectly fitted, he still made it look good.

Haechan, in turn, was taken aback by your appearance. Clad in a baby pink puffy spring dress with pearl accessories, you radiated elegance. The elaborate outfit was your response to your father's decision to turn a family dinner into a business-oriented event.

Warned in advance, Haechan contemplated rescheduling, but your disappointment look and tears swayed him. 

"I can't do this," he admitted.

"Yes, you can. It's okay," you reassured him, leading him toward the dining room.

As the evening unfolded, Haechan appeared more nervous than usual. Sensing his discomfort, you offered solace by whispering in his ear, "We can go to my room after we finish dinner." This seemed to ease his tension, evident in the subtle relaxation of his shoulders.

Upon entering the dining room, you wore a big smile, catching your mother's approving gaze. "Ah, this must be Haechan! I've heard great things about you," she greeted warmly.

"I've heard a lot about you too, Ms. [Last Name]," Haechan replied.

The initial interactions went smoothly. Haechan answered a few questions from your mother, and the room dissolved into various conversations. However, your father remained engrossed in discussions with his employees, seemingly oblivious to Haechan's presence.

Sensing Haechan's ongoing nervousness, you discreetly held his hand under the table. "You're doing amazing, we can sneak out soon."

As if on cue, your father redirected his attention to Haechan, acknowledging his presence. "How rude of me! I haven't even spoken to my daughter's new boyfriend," he announced. "So, what is it your parents do for a living?"

Haechan hesitated before revealing, "Well, they don't do much anymore. I work at a convenience store to pay for my apartment."

Your father raised an eyebrow. "Already working for yourself, impressive. Do you do anything else in your free time?"

Releasing the breath of air you were holding in, you smile. This was a small victory, your father rarely asked the guys you brought over questions. Not even caring for your friends. Remembering the time Jeno once threw up in your bathroom from how your father kept ignoring him. 

"My father taught me how to code when I was younger," Haechan disclosed.

"That's impressive," your father acknowledged, swirling his wine before taking a sip. "What's your surname? You look familiar."

Haechan gulped before confessing, "Lee."

A collective widening of eyes among your father's employees followed, and your father smirked. "I knew you looked familiar, Lee Donghyuck."

Confusion furrowed your eyebrows. You expected Haechan to correct your father, but instead, he flinched and looked at you.

"I'm guessing you lied to my daughter?" your father quipped. "What was the name you came up with again? Haechan."

Tears welled up in your eyes, and to salvage any remaining dignity, you stood up and hurriedly left the room.

Your mother exchanged a glance with Haechan before whispering something to him. He excused himself from the table and followed you.

You slammed the door shut, intending to cry alone. However, Haechan entered the room moments later.

"Please let me explain first," Haechan begged, attempting to pull you in an embrace, but you resisted.

"What is there to explain? Have you been lying to me this whole time?"

"No, God, no! Yes, my name is Donghyuck.. Haechan is just a nickname," he clarified. "My dad worked at your father's company, coding for years until he was fired. They wanted someone younger."

He gently held your face in his hands, "At first, I hated you. But when I saw you tearing up and running to the  janitor's closet, it made my heart hurt, so I had to follow you."

"I told you my name was Haechan because that's what I go by in school. I wouldn't have gotten the scholarship if they knew who I was related to. Your father basically runs this town! I had to!"

"I swear I was going to tell you, but then I started developing feelings for you. I couldn't risk it! This is the best thing to ever happen to me, you're the best thing to ever happen to me!"

As you stood there, emotions swirling within you, you listened to Haechan's explanation. His vulnerability and genuine regret were evident in every word.

A mixture of anger, confusion, and empathy danced on the surface of your emotions. "Haechan, why didn't you trust me enough to tell me the truth?" you asked, your voice a blend of hurt and frustration.

his eyes pleading for understanding. "I wanted to, but the fear of losing you, or jeopardizing everything we had, it paralyzed me. I never meant to lie to you. I just didn't know how to tell you."

You took a deep breath, attempting to collect your thoughts. The truth was a bitter pill to swallow, but his honesty and the vulnerability in his eyes struck a chord. "You should have trusted me, Haechan. Relationships are built on trust, not on secrets and lies."

He nodded, remorse written across his features. "I know, and I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, and I understand if you can't forgive me."

The room fell silent for a moment, the weight of everything hanging in the air. You finally spoke, "I need time to process this. It's not just about the lie but the fact that you felt you had to hide something from me. Trust is something we'll need to work on."

Haechan nodded, his eyes reflecting a mix of regret and determination. "I'll do whatever it takes to make things right, even if it takes time.”

“I love you, and I'll always be honest with you from now on," he promised, enfolding you in a tight embrace.

Your body resisted at first, still in shock of everything that just happened, but you eventually gave in, wrapping your arms around him. The familiar scent of his cologne and the warmth of his embrace made you realize how much you loved him despite the lies. 

You looked him in his eyes, studying his face before slowly letting your body finally connect your lips to his. 

Haechan’s kiss was soft and gentle at first, but it quickly grew in intensity as the passion between the two of you grew. You felt his hands on your waist as he pulled you closer, deepening the kiss.

Despite the initial shock and hurt, you found yourself unable to resist Haechan’s touch, his lips, the way he made you feel. You knew trust would take time to build, but right now, you couldn't resist the heat between the two of you.

Haechan’s hands moved up to your hair, tangling in the strands as he deepened the kiss even further. “Donghyuck” You moaned softly, unable to control the pleasure that coursed through you.

“I love the way you moan my name” he growled

As the kiss came to an end, you were both left breathless, panting from the intensity of the moment. You looked up into Donghyuck’s eyes, seeing the love and desire there, and you couldn't help but smile. “I love you so much” he whispered

"I love you too,"

Your eyes met his and your lips curved into a smile. "Thank you."

"For what?" he asked

"For loving me enough to tell me the truth," you responded.

“I will never hurt you again”

You stared silently, soaking in his presence, and a moment later, a small smile stretched across your lips. Donghyuck pulled you in for another heated kiss causing you to let out a small moan before pulling away slightly. 

“You promise?” voice still shaky from the kiss.

Donghyuck grinned, his hands moved to your waist. There was a brief moment of discomfort as he lifted you onto your bed, but your objection was quickly silenced once you regained your balance.

You couldn't help but giggle at the boyish grin on Donghyck’s face as he looked at you from between your legs.

“I promise” he spoke as his hands traced the edges of your panties underneath your dress, teasing you and leaving you desperate for more.

A mischievous grin spread across Donghyuck’s face as he slowly began to slide your panties down, revealing more and more of your skin. You bit your lip, enjoying the sensation as he removed the final bit of fabric.

Donghyuck’s hands quickly moved to hook your legs around his waist, and you felt his fingers move towards your wet core. He teased you for a few minutes before moving his fingers up your slit, one finger brushing against your clit.

You moaned softly, biting your lip as you tried to keep yourself from making too much noise. You couldn’t help yourself though, the sensation overwhelming you as he began to circle your clit.

The sensation was so intense you couldn’t help but squirm beneath Donghyuck, his lips leaving a trail of kisses up your clothed stomach. His fingers slowed and he looked up at you. “Shh…” he whispered, lowering his head to your chest, kissing your exposed skin as you tried to regain control of yourself.

For a few moments you could barely breathe, light kisses upon your skin driving you wild. You could feel his cock pressed against your leg, and could tell it was straining against his pants. 

“You are so gorgeous,” Donghyuck spoke softly as he moved up your body. His lips pressed against yours, his fingers teasing your clit as he moved his hand away.

Your lips were breathing heavily against his, your hips bucked as you felt him tease your clit again. You began to breathe hard, hot breaths gusting between your lips and his. "I love you” he repeated as his lips moved to your neck. He bit your neck, his lips sucking just hard enough to leave a mark.

You moaned softly as you moved your hands to his pants, fumbling with the button before pulling them and his underwear down so he could step out of them.

You felt his cock pressed against your skin, and you couldn’t help but reach out for it. You could feel his shaft pulsating against your hand as you stroked it.

Donghyuck let out a small grunt, his hips bucking into your hand as you teased the head of his cock. “goddamn” he moaned as you pulled him closer.

“I want you inside me. You could feel his shaft twitch in your hand as you said the words, your fingers tightening around the shaft as you moved to stand in front of him.

You pulled your dress over your head, tossing it to the floor as you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra. The garment fell to the ground, your breasts exposed to Donghyuck’s hungry gaze.

Donghyuck reached up, taking your breasts in his hands. He gently laid you back on the bed, his hands moving from your breasts to your hips. 

You waited with heavy breaths as he finished stripping down, your eyes eagerly scanning his chest and abdomen. Reaching for his cock again eager for him to be inside you. 

Donghyuck quickly shifted his hips, slowly sliding his cock inside you. You let out a soft moan as he slowly filled you up. He began thrusting slowly, his thrusts growing stronger and deeper.

He moaned loudly as he thrusts inside you, letting you slowly push against him. His thrusts were desperate.

As he felt his climax coming he reached down to grab your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. The connection between you intensified, your bodies moving in perfect sync. It was a dance of pleasure and desire, each movement bringing you closer to that sweet release.

As his thrusts became more urgent, his hips snapped against yours with a hunger that matched your own. The room filled with your moans and the rhythmic sound of skin slapping together. Time seemed to blur as the world around you vanished.

Your nails dug into his back, leaving red trails as he drove deeper into you. Waves of pleasure crashed over you, dragging you deeper into the abyss of ecstasy.

Donghyuck's breath grew ragged against your ear as he moved faster, chasing his climax with fervor. His grip on your hand tightened, his body trembling with anticipation.

You arched your back as you felt yourself approach climax, your hands gripping the sheets as you sought more friction. Donghyuck’s pace quickened, his cock sliding in and out of you as you felt your orgasm approach.

Your body tensed as you came closer and closer. You cried out, moaning his name as he kissed you. “Donghyuck!”

Donghyuck’s thrusts grew more and more erratic. He began to let out a series of moans as he continued to thrust. He groaned loudly, your walls tightening around his cock as he continued to thrust. You could feel his cock twitch as he came, his cum filling you up.

Donghyuck’s cock slid out of you as the two of you came down from your orgasm. You curled up against him, his arms wrapping around you as you kissed him. 

“I love you too.” you whispered, kissing his lips softly. You rested your head against his chest, and for the first time in a long time, you fell asleep without any worries.

The morning sun peeked through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room. Donghyuck stirred, his eyes slowly fluttering open. He blinked sleepily and focused on the beautiful sight in front of him--your peaceful face, bathed in gentle morning light.

As he realized your arm was still snugly wrapped around him, a soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips. The night before had been filled with whispers, laughter, and tender kisses shared between you both. And in this quiet moment, as the world outside continued to awaken, Donghyuck felt an overwhelming sense of contentment.

Leaning in closer, he pressed a lingering kiss to your forehead. His touch was feather-light, melting away any lingering traces of sleep from your mind. You stirred slightly, a drowsy smile playing on your lips as you looked up at him.

"Mmm, good morning," you murmured, your voice filled with warmth and affection.

"Good morning," Donghyuck replied, his voice low and husky.

His fingers gently traced the contours of your face, his touch so tender it sent shivers down your spine. As you peered into his eyes, you could see the love that radiated from within him. It was in those moments when the world was still and quiet, that you truly understood the depth of his affections. Donghyuck was not one to wear his heart on his sleeve, but in these stolen moments, he bared his soul to you.

© 2024 fullsunstrawberry all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works on other social media’s. reblogs and comments are appreciated a lot!

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[silentstyx]

okay saw that you also write for ethan morgan and could you. write a siren!reader thats like SUPER into him and he finds it unnerving (hes not used to girls Actually liking him) and he agrees to go on a date w her?? you can choose where!

"Bright like blue" ~ Ethan Morgan x Siren! Reader

tw! siren

erm idk which episode had the siren i cant find it 😖 i was gonna rewatch it but nvm ig, anyways ik what sirens are so i'll js thug it out. Also this guy is such a geek that he fs does dates at his house and gets his family to leave the house. he's also broke. i hate this.

(backstory: friends w sarah/erica they knew you were a siren, told the group thats how everyone knows)

Ethan kept his distance from her, to the best of his abilities at least. The thought of her luring someone out and killing them just by using her voice was.... frightening to say the least.

Yet, every time she flashed him the smile he remembered the kind of person she was. That she wouldn't make random men fall in love with her and then lure them out to sea and drown them! Right?

He knew you liked him, Sarah told him awhile ago. He didn't know what to do though, a girl hasn't ever liked him before. He's never even been on a date. I mean he's never really been too interested in dating until last year! Except he would be lying if he said you weren't attractive, I mean you're one of the prettiest people he's seen. Like ever.

"Hey, Ethan wait up" You called for him.

You were going to the same class together, he already knew that. It scared him, but he knew. Why was he so terrified of you? He knew you wouldn't actually kill him, but every once in a while he'll catch a glimpse of a scale or gill thats usually well hidden and it freaks him out.

"you wanna walk to class with-" He cut you off before you could finish your sentence.

"Do you wanna go on a date?" He asks looking at you, "wi-with me! i mean... do you want to go on a date with me..."

The last part of that was less of a question and more of anxiety and muttering. Yet, you could only smile at him and his dorky self.

"yeah sure" you respond, contently.

He was confused, why was he more anxious about this than you? You're the one that likes him! He doesn't even know if he likes you! Ok, he does like you a little bit... but why aren't you freaking out? Jesus just answer her!

"okay, uhm uh do you wanna just meet me at my house then..?" He was trying to play cool but there was clear anxiety in his voice. His stutter with every other word.

"yeah, sounds cool. So... do you wanna walk to class together or what?" You say, almost teasingly. With that same smile you always give him. God, you're pretty.

He just nods his head and you guys walk and talk with each other to class. You were doing the majority of talking, but you were so funny and so interesting. He hadn't ever talked to you for this long before. Once you reached the class your shared giggles died down.

After sitting through the hour long class he was thinking about what to wear, he had a good idea of what it would be. In the halls you went with Sarah and Erica while he went with Benny and Rory. You both just happened to be talking about the same thing though.

You came over an hour after school ended, there were no cars in the drive way. It looked as if no one was home, except the lights were on. You knocked on the door.

He answered wearing his and blue collar shirt with his formal pants. He looked at your somewhat formal (dress/suit/etc) attire.

"You look great" he says with a nervous smile.

"Thanks," you say with a genuine voice, "you look... geeky"

You both chuckle and he invites you in, offering his hand to you. You grab his hand and he gets a vision of water and a dock and a song.

You being a siren this freaks him out and he lets go of you instantly. While you just look at him confused, why did he drop your hand so fast? He had finally just stopped acting weird around you, kind of. Is he going to start again?

He leads you to the dining room where he set up candles and music, with food that looks surprisingly edible.

The room looked nice but, you had to poke fun.

"Everything looks great, but." Your voice trailed off at the end, teasing him.

He looked at you nervously, "but?"

"Take off the sweater vest. It's killing the mood." You say, playfully making fun of him. Lightly laughing.

He just rolled his eyes, taking off the vest and throwing it somewhere behind the two of you.

You two were talking and laughing the whole night, besides eating the enormous amounts of food that the two of you happened to finish somehow?

"Hey, I wanna show you something c'mon!" You say excitedly, standing up while wiping your face.

He looked at you confused, was this the thing in his vision? What were you showing him? He got up slowly, following you out.

You finally both arrived, hand-in-hand, walking to a somewhat abandoned dock. It didn't look old and dangerous but there were no boats or any signs of recent human life. You leave him and go to the edge of the dock, sticking your feet over. Humming some olden siren tune.

Same song as in his vision, thus making him panic. He stays off the deck completely, scared of what you might do. You turn around, suggesting him to come over as you scoot over. Making room for him. Kicking your feet in the water. He walks over, slowly, to sit with you. He takes off his shoes and socks and puts his feet in the water. Kicking with your feet in the water.

Maybe some visions aren't bad.

[miumura]

ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 — TEN THINGS I HATE ; JAY FIC

“ I’ll do better, if you stay with me like this. ”

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ where jay keeps a journal where he documents all the reasons he hates you, his rival. despite claiming he will forever hate you, keeping this journal only makes him realize his feelings for you.

PAIRING rival!jay x gn!reader

GENRE angst, fluff — WARNINGS jealousy ; overthinking !

WORD COUNT 1.7K+ (1730)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ soph strikes again!! angst cb, did we cheer?? anyways i was in the feels okay 😢 listening to music while writing really unlocks something in ur brain im telling you…idk what really went thru my mind when making this but enjoy 😊🫶

#1 – HOW YOU’RE GOOD AT EVERYTHING.

Is it normal to have a journal dedicated to someone you hate? Whatever, I just need to get this off my chest. Whenever you’re involved, it’s like I could have nothing I want. It’s stupid, but I don’t care, it just pisses me off when you easily follow instructions, perfect things on your first try, and get all the awards I wish to have. I admit, jealousy consumes me. It's frustrating how effortlessly you seem to achieve anything you want without even trying. Seeing your achievements plastered all over the school only intensifies my anger, making me wish I could tear your posters into shreds. I've never despised second place more than now. Why can't I find contentment with my own scores or position, just like you? How can I remove you from my life and find peace within myself?

#2 – HOW CHEERFUL YOU ARE.

How is it possible for someone to remain so happy throughout the entire day? I can't help but wonder if you possess some magical influence over my friends, as they seem to shower you with compliments non-stop. It's weird to hear nothing but praise for you while I find myself complaining about various things. It's almost as if nobody comprehends why I harbor such animosity towards you, and this frustrates me immensely. Every time I express my emotions, they tell me to laugh and smile more, as if I don't already do it enough. But then, when I contemplate your cheerful and positive demeanor, it becomes clear why they encourage it. You're like the epitome of a model student everyone aspires to be, while I remain the perpetually angry and stubborn person. No wonder everyone wants to spend time with you, and perhaps that's one thing I can agree with others on.

#3 – YOU LIKE THINGS THAT I LIKE.

It's almost like a curse that we share the same interests. It's the reason I keep encountering you everywhere. Whatever I do, you seem to be there, expressing your fondness for the same things with your friends. It's frustrating, and I can't help but roll my eyes at the thought of encountering you even more. Even listening to music has become a challenge, as I know you like the same artists. I purposely skip their songs because they only remind me of you, and I hate being consumed by thoughts of you. I yearn to stop learning more about you so that I can enjoy the things I like in peace, without these constant reminders of you.

#4 – YOU MAKE ME OVERTHINK.

Maybe because of how perfect you seem to be in other’s eyes, I wonder how I look in other people’s eyes too. Am I that awful to hang out with? Am I always seen as this angry person who hates everyone? I’m not that, I know that–my friends do as well. But others? I’m not so sure about that. What confuses me even more is why you persist in wanting to spend time with me despite any perceived flaws or stubbornness on my part. You could easily choose to be with other people who might seem better to converse with. Yet, you continue to stick around, refusing to give up on our “friendship”. And because of this, I can see how others might form a negative opinion about me. My constant push to keep you away could be misunderstood, leading people to believe I'm simply a horrible person.

#5 – YOU LIKE ME.

I'm not sure if you have romantic feelings for me, but I can tell that you consider me a friend. It's interesting because I hadn't thought of you in that way before, but it doesn't seem to bother you. Today, you stood up for me, and it felt really heartening. Normally, I might have felt angry or vulnerable when someone defends me, but this time it was different. I don’t know, it just did feel really nice. Your quick response in telling those people to stop was captivating, even though I didn't express my gratitude at the moment. Lately, I've been struggling with the loud voices in my head, and sometimes I wonder if you could help quiet them too. But now, I'm not sure what I'm trying to convey. You confuse me a lot.

#6 – YOU GIVE THE WRONG PEOPLE SECOND CHANCES.

The other day, I saw you in tears because someone had broken your heart. I must admit, I was taken aback because I had never seen you sad or upset before. It was quite a contrast to the cheerful version of yourself that I'm familiar with. What happened to you that everyone sees all the time? I hope you had someone to tell you your problems too, as it’s not easy for someone who is your rival to be comforting you. I didn’t, so I hope you went home that night filled with less worries because you have someone to talk with.

What surprised me even more was that the very next day, you gave the person who hurt you a second chance. I can't help but wonder why you keep allowing people to hurt you when it's likely they'll repeat the same behavior, ultimately affecting your radiant smile. Stop going back to the people that hurt you once, it’s only going to be a cycle. I wish I could share these thoughts with you, but I hesitate because I doubt you'd take them to heart coming from someone like me. However, I can't help caring despite my own imperfections. It's puzzling to me as well, as you make me feel oddly connected to your feelings.

#7 – SEEING YOUR TEARS.

I never imagined how much I could despise seeing someone cry until the moment I witnessed your tears. Ever since that day, I always thought about it, so how could I let it slip out of my mind this time? I’m sorry for yelling at you today. I’m sorry for saying I hate you. I didn’t mean it, I was just extremely frustrated today, and not at you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know how saying this won’t do anything, but I truly mean it. I wish I could rewind time once I saw water fill up in your eyes, but what’s done is done. You made me realize something crucial—that I've always seen you as a rival, whereas you only wanted to be friends with me. I allowed my competitive nature to ruin our chances of a meaningful connection. I fear now that you might avoid me, and I understand if you do. I worry that I might continue to hurt you, just like the people you often encounter, who don't treat you with the kindness you deserve. You deserve better than that, and I'm sorry for contributing to your pain.

#8 – GIVING ME ANOTHER CHANCE.

I never imagined we'd get another chance after what happened. I tried avoiding you, genuinely attempting to keep my distance. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist reaching out to talk to you again. It's almost as if we both sensed the need to address the situation, leading us to have that important conversation. I still don’t know why you gave me another chance. Did I not say hurtful things to you? How easily are you able to put that behind? Your ability to forgive and move past it leaves me in awe.

It's making me reflect on my own flaws, especially how I tend to hold grudges and struggle to let go of negative feelings. I can't quite comprehend how you do it, but you make me think about you more than ever before. Every word I speak now feels like it needs to be carefully considered, thanks to your presence in my thoughts. Your gesture of offering another chance touched me deeply and brought a smile to my face. I can't help but wonder what you've done to influence me in this way. I think you really did something to me.

#9 – FEELINGS, FEELINGS, FEELINGS.

We've connected much faster than I anticipated, even surprising my friends. I'm left wondering what you've done to me. You've become an all-encompassing thought – your smile, your laughter, your sense of humor – everything about you fills my mind. At times, I ponder whether I ever cross your thoughts too. Could this be love? My friends have mentioned it, and I can't find a way to refute them. I'm fond of you, immensely so. Isn't that a crazy twist?

It's a strange journey we're on. I started this journal to document the reasons I disliked you, but look at where it's led us. Is it too soon to be feeling this way? The idea of revealing my feelings is terrifying, yet I'm unsure if I'll ever have another opportunity. Please bear with me, allow me to find the right moment. Perhaps soon, hopefully, you'll be in my arms. I realize how absurd all this sounds – what am I even saying?

#10 – HOW EASY YOU WON ME OVER.

You won. You won my heart effortlessly, but I didn't win yours in return. I'm burdened with regret for how I've treated you. My ignorance and neglect weigh heavily on me now. It's painfully clear that he's all you've ever been able to think about. Why did I delude myself into thinking I could make a difference? If only I had treated you with the kindness you deserved from the start. Could that have made you love me instead? These thoughts haunt me.

I've grown aware of my own attachment, and I'm sorry for allowing it to consume me. I apologize for the disruption I've caused in your recent weeks. I can't bring myself to be genuinely happy for you and him, though he does seem like a better man than I could ever be. It's evident that I need to move on for your sake, to make things easier for you. Yet, there's a part of me that wishes I could still claim you as mine. That longing will always remain unchanged.

I doubt you'll ever stumble upon this journal entry, not that I would ever permit anyone to. But regardless, I want you to know that I do love you. It's a truth that's etched deeply within me, even though it pains me to admit it.

💭 — fun fact this was supposed to have a happy ending until i pulled out spotify n listened to lyn lapid…yeah.

ENHA PERM TAGLIST (🎥) — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @bearseulgs @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @woon2u @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii @wvnkoi @whoschr @teddywonss @shinunoga-iie-wa @flwrshee @skzenhalove @misokei @s00buwu @ox1-lovesick @miercerise @litttlestars @enhapocketz

[mmmbored]

SQUID GAME X DANDYS WORLD

Squid Game Spoilers!! Or kinda!! Idk!! Also horrible formatting on my end!! Also fruitcake!! And a final thing, death!! So consider it is clearly a bit dark since yknow squid game but yeah it's a half baked au that came to me while I was on the toilet

Sprout wouldn't really say he was forced into doing this game at all,the goal was to clear his very much brink of financial ruin debt. He would be considered someone quite easily an avid dreamer with the goal of having a rather easy life. At least it would be easy by his standards, as it would be something he'd be happy waking up to doing everyday; he really wanted to start up a baking business, open a cute little shop and just put smiles onto faces of everyone in the town.

But, being a fucking IDIOT, he follows under his only parent's incessant demands to file a bunch of loans to go to college and become some sort of medic. With his parent who should give some sort of assist to him doesn't, now without a job and already close to having filed for bankruptcy, a strange man in a suit gets him to join this game. As player 067, they only referred to others by their player number. Not being told they were at a risk for death, it certainly came as a shock when toons were being gunned down in a seemingly harmless game children play 'Red Light, Green Light'.

Not even a game later, he's gotten to know the names of some of the players he's sort of fallen into a group with. More notably the person he pickpocketed being Player 456, Vee V1, a failure of a gameshow host who went millions in debt, Player 199, Shelly Fossilian and player 218, Astro Novalite. This current game was tug of war and the toons had to go find people to pair up with, there is where he met with player 240, a swiss roll toon that seemed rather timid or didn't care for conversing with many people.

His name was Cosmo. Like normal, as the games progressed, they were never told of the games they were playing beforehand, so they had to adapt whenever they could. Sprout and Cosmo both teamed up before they knew it they were told that the toons eachother paired with had to compete in a game of marbles however they decide to play it.

With ten minutes on the timer, the two had time to talk. "What were you even here for again?" Cosmo asks Sprout, looking at him up and down, specifically at his number 067. The taller toon, slightly uneasy at the thought of sharing it, adjusts his shirt just barely before looking to the side.

"Loan debt. I was in medical school, dropped out," He responds bitterly, Cosmo having a shocked look on his face before giggling just a little. Turning his head and shooting the swiss roll a glare, Sprout asks incredously "What?" Almost as if he was embarrassed.

"I was actually in medical school too," Cosmo tells Sprout with a sweet smile. "Its expensive but god...i hate it. I mean I'd probably be getting kicked out of that school if I make it out of here for my absences but you know...at least I could pay it off," He shrugs, leaning against the wall and putting his hands in his pockets, Sprout leaning against the wall too in a sort of mimic fashion to Cosmo.

"Then why are you here?"

Letting out a hum, he answers "A guy was feeling particularly greedy after I saved his life when he wrecked his car into mine after I drove past his vehicle. He was unconscious as I pulled him out of the car and had to do CPR on him so that way he was conscious. However, he decides the best course of action is to sue me so...." Clicking his tongue, Cosmo just shrugs as if that it is what it is, his eyes hiding a undercurrent of anger and how pissed he was.

He was a little surprised though at Sprout's angered face regarding it. "That bastard, why are people like that?" He hisses lowly, kicking one of his shoes into the dirt. Cosmo tilted his head.

"It is what it is-"

"No!" Sprout scolds Cosmo immediately for that line of thought. Saying it is what it is is sounding like he's just accepting it as it is, not wanting to get any sort of retribution. "That's not right! The fact the courts actually agreed with him too-" the strawberry was about to go on a whole rant.

"What? You gonna fight him for me? Thanks to the lawsuit I know where he lives," Cosmo joked, smiling just as bright as the sun.

"You know what? Fuck it, give me his address. I'll beat the shit out of him for you," The strawberry actually encourages, earning a chuckle being forced out of the two in a tense situation where other players are dying not that far from them depending on who won or not.

After a moment of silence, Cosmo started talking again. "I really loved baking when I was little." Sprout turns his head to Cosmo to give him his full attention. Cosmo continues, "Its what the dalgona game reminded me of. I know it's a silly childish thing," He smiles a bit sheepishly, the tone of voice embarrassed. "...but I did want to have a bakery at some point. I didnt really pursue that much, but I still carried on baking as some sort of hobby...making a bunch of cute little sweet treats...ah...." He looks down at his shoes, his sort of smiling carefree-ish expression fell. Sprout turns his head to the side before coughing into his arm.

"Seedly." He coughed into his arm. Cosmo turns his head to look up at Sprout. Sprout faces Cosmo. "Well....since we were sharing things that were apparently childish, I figured I may as well tell you my last name."

Cosmo slowly blinks. "Oh wow you're serious." He spoke. "But a last name isn't childish-"

"So a childhood dream isn't stupid!" Sprout exclaims, pointing at Cosmo. "But the last name is stupid though. End of discussion about seedly," He concludes. Truly, Sprout must have angered the gods to have been forcefully given a surname just as ridiculous as Seedly.

Not even a second to wait, Sprout continues on his spiel,"I basically wanted to try to start a bakery too. My only parent basically just told me to go to medical school, that dream was stupid. I mean I was still wanting to do that, but I filled out a bunch of loans and then poof," Sprout made a pop sound with his lips. Cosmo looks at the timer up on the higher wall. 5 minutes. They got 5 minutes left practically.

"You know what?" Sprout ends up speaking up again not before long, Cosmo looking at Sprout again, giving him his full attention. "We could definetely start something good together too. Like starting a bakery together." He entertains the thought so easily like it just feels right and the suggestion falls out of his mouth before he even knew it, the swiss rolls eyes widening as if he couldn't imagine the thought that someone would want to do something like that with him. A friend.

Taking a deep breath, Cosmo looks at the wall in front of them. "I tried being incredibly nice to people in school. I like....would you call it the forgotten friend?" Sprout frowns as Cosmo continues talking. "I never really had any friends growing up. That's technically all I'm saying. Well--" He pauses. "I mean i did have friends. But they weren't close. They weren't close friends that you were constantly going to eachothers house every night, not falling asleep after playing video games until 3 am. I was alone a lot. The teacher calls for us to be in groups, I was the 4th person left out of a 3 person group. I had no one at my birthdays beside my parents, but always people kept asking me for stuff," Cosmo shared incredibly quietly, Sprout quiet as well. Cosmo forced out a laugh. "I guess that carried into my adult life too."

"I was sort of called the 'mom' of the group," He meekly shares. "It was because my friends described me as more overprotective of everybody." That was all he could ever share as a response to that. Cosmo smiles wider at that, it was the sort of smile that reached the eyes.

"I can tell. I certainly feel not very alone in these 10 minutes," Cosmo says with a smile, the two toons looking up at a timer. 2 minute, 30 seconds.

"Well i guess we should get started huh?" Cosmo steps forward. "We toss a marble and whoever crosses the line wins right? Whoever gets the most out of three also wins if we both cross the line however if one of us doesn't make it then the person automatically wins." Sprout nods in confirmation.

Taking the first turn, Sprout throws the marble and quickly, it lands past the line he had to make it past. Sprout gulps a little, leaning against the wall as he watches Cosmo take his own turn, but his heart actually drops when Cosmo tosses the marble aside.

"Woops," He carelessly says in a sing-songy voice, the marble landing far away from the goal line.

"Toss it again," Sprout tells Cosmo, immediately walking to stand in front of the swiss roll. Cosmo doesn't move to do anything. "Toss it AGAINWHATTHE FUCK WAS THAT?!" Sprout grabs Cosmo by the shirt.

Quietly, Cosmo spoke, "I got nothing left,really." He tells Sprout. "One of us wasn't gonna make it-" He grunts when Sprout lightly hits Cosmo against the wall.

"I don't care! Throw it again!" Sprout snaps. Cosmo looking up at Sprout with a somewhat empty yet somehow warm expression, says the following;

"Start up your bakery. Put a bunch of smiles on people's faces if they enjoy what you make," Cosmo whispers, Sprout trembling as he slowly let's go of Cosmo, tears being held back. Cosmo, internally, was at peace that he found someone that seemed to actually care about him genuinely in such a short period.

Sprout hears the guard coming up from behind them, the announcements came on.

'Player 067, pass.'

Sprout knew he had to go. The guard began to escort Sprout, his back facing the swiss roll as another guard took its place beside Cosmo as Cosmo watched Sprout walk off.

"Hey Sprout!" Cosmo called out, Sprout stopping in place. He didnt dare turn around. "Thank you...." his smile falters, but he forces the smile to stay. "Thank you for being my friend."

Sprout flinches when the gunshot rang in the air and then the thud of a corpse falling onto the ground.

'Player 240 eliminated.'

[yasukematsudadefender]

hii, i saw you have both bpd and aspd and i wanted to ask if you could explain in detail how these two works for you, i suspect having both of them but I can't really find informations about it

Hi, ofc!

As a disclaimer it's only my experience. I'm an example of really extreme and destructive symtomps. That's the reason I was diagnosed as a minor. Everyone can show it differently. I also have NPD and PPD traits, not as an outside disorders but I have narcissistic and paranoid features.

Anger issues and emotional dysregulation is one of the most disabling symtomps. I have very big problems with emotions, especially anger. I'm angry all the time, I can become furious and agressive because of the smallest thing. I had problems with court because of it. I'm resorting to physical fights often, verbal and emotional agression, destroying things, self harm. Faiting, vomitting and somatic issues because of anger is very common. I have very serious tantrums which I don't remember. I'm often physically violent and threating during these. Besides it, I'm literally unable to regulate myself and I feel things only in extreme. There's things I don't feel like empathy or remorse, and feelings I rarely feel like happiness, fear or sadness but if I do it's only in absolute. I'm not happy, I'm euphoric, I'm not sad I'm suicidal, I'm not ashamed/disgusted I'm devastated, I'm not angry I'm homicidal, I'm not neutral I'm bored and empty. I also border between complete apathy, emotional detachment and feeling everything. I also struggle with homicidal ideation and violent fantasies like fantasy about starting school shooting or burning my school.

Disregard for rules and rights, feelings of others. I hate rules. I hate when someone tell me what to do. I hate authorities. I'm also hyperindependent, I can't stand when somebody want to help me, I feel weak. Everything must be like I want. I don't care about feelings of others, you have to deserve my respect and I hate when someone is mad when I don't care about them, why should I? I often hurt others and I can't see it. I had problems with law and in school because I couldn't stand the rules. I've been breaking them just to make them mad. Now, I'm trying my best to have more respect to others and the rules but then it was tragic. I was stealing, pathologically lying, vandalizing, burning things, bullying others (I was really mean, I'm not bragging I'm talking about symtomps), I was hostile, threating and agressive towards others. I threatning my brother with a knife multiple times, I beat up my peers, siblings and ex-boyfriend (he actually deserved it lol).

Lack of empathy and remorse. I have average cognitive empathy but I will never feel you. I just can't. And I'm mad when someone shame on me because of it. I'm annoyed by people's crying and emotions. I don't feel remorse for any of my actions. I can fake it but not feel it, same with empathy. I feel regret and shame, I'm working on taking responsibility because I'm great at crying and coming up with legal excuses when I do something wrong instead of taking responsibility for it.

I have weird bond to people. I have hard times to bond to someone. I have friends but I don't feel bond to them. It's also very confusing with my BPD because I can feel totally detached to someone and still fear they abandon me. Example my friend. I don't feel attached to her, sometimes I hate her very much but even that, I'll do anything her not to leave me. I border between love and hate between people I'm close to and not only. People say they confuse who I like and who I don't, and idk either. One day I like someone very much and the same day I can start hate somebody without a clear reason.

Exception/favorite person. That's very interesting because he's the only person I'm actually bonded with. I can tell I feel empathy and remorse towards him to extant level. I'm experiencing exception, favorite person and fixation. Exception is a person who I can feel care, empathy, remorse, they genuinely don't bore me and I love them very very much. I'm also very protective over them. Favorite person is someone who help me regulate myself and fill the void in me. I can be very very possesive and jeaolus about my exception and favorite person. I want them all to myself. Fixation is someone who interest me. But not in romantic or sexual way. I'm just interested in that person. I had a lot of people like that, it can be anyone, even someone I don't know. I've never cared emotionally about a fixation, I just had a need to know everything about them. I often stalked this person, have their photos in my phone and know everything about their life. Ik its creepy, sorry.

Lack of impulse control. It's very exhausting. It shows as compulsive spending money, sexual behavior, abusing substances, I'm doing something first and secondly thinking. I'm also very hot-tempered. I often misinterpret words and react inaccurate. I'm very irresponsible. I don't care about my own safety or the safety of others. More than once, harm has been done to me or someone else because of my recklessness. I'm focused on constant pleasure and I can't fulfill work. I need dopamine all the time. Food, sex, masturbation, drugs, alcochol, nicotine, binge watching, arguing and provoking people, watching extreme and brutal things like disturbing video or gore, everything what gives me adrenaline (I have never enjoyed gore, I don't watch it anymore). I can't survive a day without it. I need hard stimulation, I'm so so bored, chronically. I have problems with studying and fulfill my duties.

Paranoia, dissociation and hallucinations this one is strange and idk if it is connected to my ASPD/BPD because pwBPD experience temporary paranoia and dissociation but I don't. I'm not stressed. My ASPD shut down feeling of anxiety. I have depersonalization-derealization disorder and I experience chronic dissociation and I have suspected PPD traits. But besides it, I often see shadows, I hear things or smell things. I'm very paranoid and defensive. I feel like people want to ruin my reputation and destroy me. I'm sure everyone who talk gossip about me and make fun of me. I can find offense literally everywhere. This results in social isolation and agression.

Arrogance. Everyone tell me I'm very arrogant and opinionated. I have big sense of superiority. It switch between megalomania and extreme hatred to myself. But even if I feel like shit and I hate myself, I still feel superior to others and I will never admit that. Teachers, doctors, therapists, probation officers, people working in the court and my family tell me that I have a very grandiose, demanding and pretentious tone and that I don't care about anything. Which is true. I have lack of facial expression. That's why I was misdiagnosed with autism. I can be sarcastic and I can joke but I have serious and emotionless face that everyone thinks I'm fr when I'm ironic.

Fucked up sense of self and mood swings. Lack of indentity is weird. I don't feel like a human, I don't feel my gender, my personality traits or interests. If I have interest, I don't feel like their mine. I don't see myself as a human but like a narrator in a series or game. I also don't see others as a real people, more like an objects. Can't imagine that they have their own life and they aren't characters in my life. Ik it's some kind of developmental issue. It's very weird to explain. And mood swings. Mood swings aren't random but I can feel all emotions in half an hour. I need the slightest stimulus to change my mood, it can be anything. I can be happy and one small thought, a word in a song or a view outside the window can make me fall into a spiral of depression and suicidal desire. It's also a strange and hard to explain.

Exploitative relationships. I can hate someone with all my heart but fawning to them and being nice because they give me something. It can be anything.

I'm very suicidal and self-destructive. I'm trying or I want to hurt myself always when something go wrong. In the opposite of healthy people I can't logically solve my problem, I immidately want to kill myself. I almost don't have any survival instinct, I have fatal health proboems because of my self-destructive behaviors and I don't care. I'm happy when something's happening to me. States of depression are also very common in ASPD. Almost every person with ASPD experience depressive episodes or suicidal tendencies. This is one of less known symtomps. We in bad mood almost all the time. We are often described as grumpy, negativistic, pesimistic and depressed.

Idk if I can say more, maybe I can but I can't remember as much. If I would have any more ideas I will write it in reblogs!

[blueiones]

Advantage. Yandere × GN! Reader PT. 1

-> letter from valentine: i haven't posted in a year haha, anyways this will be split into 2 parts, maybe 3 if i feel like adding more. dude still don't have a name so feel free commenting one or something (ó﹏ò｡) not sure when the next part will be so no promises it'll be soon since school year is starting and i'll be busy :> until next time <3 tis very short idk how people are able to write so much (ᵕ—ᴗ—)

He steered clear away from you, who was the popular kid. You did well in class and were absolutely gorgeous (he couldn't deny that).

Everyone knew you. They'd greet you in the halls with a smile or a shy wave. You were perfect, it was as if the world revolved around you. He heard stories about you, how you always tried to help anyone in class.

“Y/n? Oh yeahhh, the one from my English Class. Yeah they're cool as hell, they helped me the one time I didn't attend class.”

“They're in my P.E. class! I don't know how they do it but they totally rock that uniform, especially the ass— uh you won't tell them I said that right?”

“Great student. Always passes work on time, they're always doing some type of extra curricular so I don't know how they manage that. A role model indeed, they'll succeed in life— no matter what path they choose.”

He was jealous, how can you do it so easily? Him? He was just there. He wasn't bullied, he had acquaintances and people he talked to regarding school work but it was just that. It stopped at that. He sometimes thinks the only reason he wasn't bullied was because his family is well-off, even if he was the third son— who was forgotten more often than not his family wouldn't want anyone to think they were a push over.

People only ever talked to him because they needed something, because they wanted to use him for the English project they forgot to do or ask him to be their partner in an assignment so he can do all the work load. His appearance didn't make it any better, he wasn't conventionally attractive, he looked like he was in constant pain with his furrowed brows and had terrible eye bags hidden away with his specs.

So when he was invited to a party hosted by his batch he immediately accepted wanting to change. He promised to himself before going inside the door, he was going to meet people, have fun and get shit faced.

Spoiler. It didn't go as he planned.

An hour into the party he was hugging the toilet seat on the second floor of the huge mansion. Okay, Maybe he got too excited and was peer pressured into a drinking contest but at least he was included, right? That was important, to be part of them, to be like them.

He embarrassingly screeched so loud when a hand gently tapped him on the shoulder. He whipped his head to see you holding bottled water with a sheepish smile.

“Hey uhm, sorry about my friend, he just got excited since you like rarely join these types of things. I uh- saw you running up the stairs so I brought you water, so you can flush all the toxins from your system.” You explained, holding the bottle towards him.

“Oh.” He dumbly said, he reached the water and slightly brushed your hand in doing so. It was only for a moment but he felt the thick callousness of your hands. “Thanks.”

“If you don't mind… I can bring you to your place? I'm not a drinker myself, so I'm sober and can totally bring you home if you don't wanna stay here anymore.” You offered.

Not a party person? He expected the opposite to be honest. He thought about it before agreeing. He definitely did not want to stay any longer, he could feel the headache bouncing inside his head.

“Sure.”

-

Your car looked a little old but smelled and looked clean, he knew a handful of college students who kept their space tidy. There wasn't any type of air freshener which he was glad about, he hated those especially the citrus scents it would've added to his growing migraine. He pushed his head back onto the plush car seat, it smelled like you. Clean.

“You have arrived at your destination.”

“Woah, this place is nice.” You said looking out the window in awe, “Wanna live somewhere this nice in the future, comfortably.” You said to him with a toothy grin.

He looked toward your smiling face with a surprised look, you enjoy things as simple as this? The place wasn't cheap but at the end of the day it wouldn't leave a dent in his bank account alone. “Yea it is nice, thanks for the ride by the way.” He replied sparingly, but nevertheless you still beamed at him.

He walked out of the car and was about to head inside the building when he heard your voice call out. He looked behind in surprise, did you need something else from him?

You jogged closer to him before handing out your phone, “If you don't mind, can I have your number?” You asked shyly at him.

Huh. That was it? Just his number? He looked skeptically before typing it in, he hopes he won't regret it in the future.

-

He dried his hair with a towel, by now he hoped that all the alcohol was flushed out. He still had a headache and felt like it wasn't gonna subside.

Ding!

He glanced at his phone from the table and saw messages pop-out.

UNKNOWN.

> hey!! this is y/n btwww, i don't know if you slept right away kind of hoping you didn't before i got to tell you to take an advil :>> it'll help you feel better in the morning

> i remember the first (and last) hangover i got, wasn't very fun especially since i had class in morning :ppa anywy i think typing too much lololol

> i think i'm*** :[

> goodnight!! ٩(^ᗜ^ )و ´-

He didn't think of that, so he found the pill in his drawer and drank to down it and plopped in his bed. He just hoped you're right.

You were, he woke up in the morning feeling better than he expected. He found his phone and went to his messages.

UNKNOWN

UNKNOW|

UNKN|

__________

Y/N.

> goodnight!! :3

seen, 11:43 PM.

(just now)

< Thank you.

to be continued...!

[goatgoesmbe]

Hi! Ex(? Haven’t really decided yet) Muslim here, just wanted to let you know that coming across your blog helped heal a bit of religious trauma I carry w me

I’ve always felt ostracised, now I found some place where I feel I can belong and relate to. So thank you so much for being you and creating what I consider my comfort blog!!

Hope you have an amazing day/night!! <33

Hellooooo ^O^)/ omg this is so cool- im like.. islamic wolfy (?) qkdjsjdhdjjxf

I'm so happy to hear that my blog could be a safe place for someone 🙂‍↕️ because it is also a safe place of mine ❤️

So I'm gonna make more porn

below this is not porn fkshdhh its me yapping..

I'm very religious myself, but i think I've said it before- I could understand anti-theist because i grew up with people that could make me hate any religion tbh. Not just islam. Whether it's people from school.. familly.. work.. etc

Which is why i put #cw: religion for people who wanted to filter my posts because for some the topic might be triggering

Even at lectures, which is supposed to be a safe place to learn, ain't safe either. Some often made it clear that they're anti LGBTQ+, being mysoginistic, etc. But idk how- i learned to filter out the bad and just take whatever useful

And from my experience. Finding a safe community, online or offline, is VERY FUCKING HARD. I've just been very fortunate to have at least 5 friends who are open to any beliefs, being religious, but also queer af

As of online.. i only have this blog as comfort space sksksksk. So once again, i want to thank everyone ❤️ for being so lovely

and when i said i've met people who made every religion looks bad.. i mean, every each of them XD

Ig Indonesia is so diverse that every possible extremist group existed. You go to the very west- there'd be al qatala. Java.. is the safest tbh but.. not really. You go to the east a bit, there'd be buddhist extrimist- i think they still ban hijab in some places (last time i heard, its not allowed at school/university, idk now tho, i heard that from a friend years ago in Bali)

Went to Maluku once for research and i was surprised that people are so.. separated by groups? Unlike java where everyone just mixed in one place. As in, each region is strictly for muslim, jews, christians.. and usually have beef.

I went to this village and got stopped coz they tought i was their neighborhood terrorist. For context, i was travelling so ofc i had a big ass bag. And i legit thought they were joking coz i couldn't believe this country has people like that, so i said YEAH ITS A BOMB :D (i got escorted to head of village and interrogated, stuff got searched, but turned out they realized im cool and we laughed it off)

..look, yall should know by now i'm a very unserious person

And then.. you go to the far east there would be what the gov called 'extrimist separatist group' of Christians. Some regions there also banned mosques to be built. (Tbf, Some places in Java also banned churches, so uh- ig everyone hates each other)

So.. yea.. I kind of had to re-learn religion by myself with no guidance. Just google, some scholars, and Faith ig.. somehow i got here and ig i'm quite happy with where i am rn..

And i found out some people use religion as a 'shield' to be an ass. Using it to justify them being an ass etc. When the teaching usually isn't abt allat..

So Whichever way of life/path you choose later, i hope you'd be happy with it either

I hope you have an amazing life anon 🙂‍↕️ ❤️

[yukasyukasyukasyukas]

Drew Tanaka headcanons bc I'm going insane over them

She's from Hokkaido in Japan

Her full name is Sayuri Tanaka, Drew is merely the name she chose when moving from Japan to the US bc the Americans couldn't pronounce Sayuri right and it got on her nerves, later it irritated her that she couldn't get her chosen name pronunciation right

She's ainu and bc of it she'd get bullied in school in Japan

Her dad (like Piper's) moved from the more indigenous area to a more urban but still made sure Drew knew and appreciated her heritage

He made knives and blades in general, once he made a katana and she was so obsessed with it

Moved to the US for financial reasons rather than demigod reasons

She got on a fancy private school with athlete scholarship for having two gold medals in kendo

Spoke a very poor English and that made it hard for her to make friends besides one boy in her class who God knows why spoke japanese: Connor Stoll, and consequentially his brother, Travis

Aroace spectrum, probably a lesboromantic

Her satyr took her and the siblings Stoll to the camp when she was 11

When she arrived the camp she was reluctant to befriend anyone, specially because, since she had just immigrated, she was afraid people would find her weird

She was the kind of child of Aphrodite who might look like a kid of a god of beauty but has the personality of a child of a god of war: Aphrodite Areia. She'd come after anyone who messed with her and has a really bad temper, sometimes even compared to Clarisse

After Silena's betrayed she was deeply hurt since she admired Silena so much, that's why she was so bitter to everyone after the war

Despite being hurt from her sister's betrayal she still tried to be a good conselour and sister, making sure the younger campers, specially Lacy, were okay and trying to lighten the grief

Drew was never on a good financial position, mainly because her father's job didn't have much clientele, so she started working at fast food restaurants when she was a teenager

Despite being poor, she always tried to look good, it was her way of coping from all the bad stuff she went through. Because of it she learned how to sew.

She disliked Piper not because she reminded her of Silena but because, at first sight, Piper reminded her of herself, but without most shit she had to go through. Piper was also indigenous, at a fist look she seemed poor, she was a demigodess etc. But she didn't go to the war, she hadn't had her friends die all at once, she didn't meet Silena.

After Drew found out who was Piper's father she only got more pissed; that girl, who had everything she always wanted, who never had to sleep wondering if on the next day she would still have a house to live in, who never had to worry how her father would be without her on his side to SPEAK for him because he didn't know English. Yet she romanticized all that Drew hated in her own life.

After Mitchell cleared up what was going on between the two to the other, Piper and Drew started getting along, but Drew never really got over Piper's style choice, not because it wasn't pretty but because that looked close to what she wore when she was on her worst financially when Piper could afford any kind of luxury brand

Idk I just really love the idea of her being ainu

[your-favourite-yapper]

wait i also want 2 know what u think abt dumbledore bc i think he's kinda controversial in the marauders fandom

HIII TY 4 THE ASKKK

ily but i think im The WORST person to ask abt " controversial " xters ESP if they're men and old bc I don't rlly care abt them then nd umm....dumbkedore is both But 4 U sp deal ill gather my braincell and try to talk abt him

Tw: absolute incoherent thing below!! Pls dont read 4 ur sake

I font think hes a bad person :/ I think he's also like one of the only TRUE (canon) morally gray ppl in the series ? I'm not sure tho. I think he rlly does believe what he's doing / has done is genuinely better 4 every1 and he is making a net good.

I feel like the comments / ppl bashing him 4 "making" harry live w the durselys is soo stupid bc umm I MAY have just hallucinate that part but didn't dumbledore explain why he did that?? He had to make Harry live w them or else Harry would die?? Did I make up a whole new subplot in a book again :/ hopefully not bc I thot it was sorta prtty clear that dumbledore hated / looked down on the durselys for their treatment of harry.

i think also he spent alpt of time Not fighting grindkeward (?) instead of imm defeating him but like ?? They were friends ?? Idk abt yall but I wouldn't jump out of my boots to duel my ex-frnd possibly to the death ALSO y couldn't he just catch a break?? Why does HE have to b the one to fight him ? What abt the others ?? Smh can't a man rest 🙄🙄

ummm he did like prepare harry to slaughter himself wc is bad but I do think that the decision wouldve been Harry's in the end? Does that make sense?? But yeah in the end of the day even tho he did care for harry his treatment of harry is v shitty and if i was harry i wouldnt name my child after him.

With that being said he was lowk v progressive in comp w the other wizards ?? Am I making sense ?? Like he let a werewolf enter the school and later hired him as a tr, he was prtty kind to muggleborns from like THE EARLYY DAYS (idk his name but he was rlly nice fo the loser who wrote that article abt him when he died), he let hagrid a half giant not only go 2 school bit also gave him a second chance as a groundskeeper and a tr (wc i dont think he shouldve done bc hagrid lowkma shitty tr but i prefer him to snape srry idc), he gave up immortality bc there was a chance voldemort would like abuse it. ??and obvi he shldnt have his dick sucked for that but like ?? Hes NOT evil (i think) ? But ALSO him giving th 2nd chances is lowk not Good of him smiles bc him accepting snape as a tr, not expelling Tom riddle, etc etc. (I dont have anymore egs)

Idk I think alot of the marauder fans just read the books once (which is their choice idc) and read a shit ton of fanfics and inorder 4 regulus to b their BAMF they need dumbledore to b evil (?) Might b making that up too idk man but i litr saw some1 go on a whole rant (was ages ago but confusion is eternal) abt somefhing stupid on how in the 1st book (?) There was a troll in thr dungeons and then dumbledore told everyone to go 2 the dorms and they said that the slytherin dorms IS in the dungeons (i think this hsppened in the era ofnthe "slytherin supremacy 😎😎" posts or smth) and it was this whole rant talking abt dumbledore always forgets the slytherins bc their dorms is in the dungeons w troll !1!1!1! But like i think tgere is more than 1 dungeon(?) (Or when quirrel said troll in the dungeons he was talking abt dungeons plural (?) Like the troll is in the vidinty of all the dungeons in which case ok but the poster i saw didnt make their point like that (they said the dunegon (singular) w the troll = slytherin dungeon) ) also the whole debate on him vs snape is sooo bad it makes me cry bc srry i will 4evr prefer dumbledore to snape (yeah both of them show favoritm which isnt good but like dumbledore favouritsim. = giving gryff tons of points (which i personally dont think is unfair ?? But idk i do get the pt of ppl saying it is unfair) and umm idk i might b blacking out but i cant rmmbr any other sp thing? He gives harrylessons but like hlw else would harry kno th etuff he knos ykwim??. And snape favouritism = allowing ppl to bully ppl not in his house, bullying students not in his house, threatening to poison the pet of his student, etc etc)

but i do think he is the og whimsy guy and if we can babygirlify canon rgulus we can do it to him

[lantanasmuttyfanfics]

evil queen x good king angst smut but make evil queen extra sassy 😭

Pray for me idk how I’m going to survive this god damned school year I’ve been put in three interventions for subjects and one of them is after school…

Anyway back with one of my faves and no I will never get tired of writing them

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

——————————

The evil queen watched with ire as the good king got paired up with none other than Snow White for the damsels in distressing class.

The heroics class had merged for the day with the damsels and villainy class as a sort of ‘destiny’ assignment or whatever headmaster Grimm claimed it was.

Of course being the confirmed villain of Snow White she knew who she’d be paired with but it irked her knowing that people thought that her boyfriend could be the Prince Charming of that wench.

But in the end it made sense didn’t it? He came from a long line of noble princes’ known for being heroic and most of all good.

All fundamentals of a Snow White Prince Charming, something which the evil queen acknowledged with a feeling of loath in her heart.

Yet as she watched those stupid princesses gush over ‘how cute’ her boyfriend and that… rotten apple were she felt her magic rise further up to the surface.

Anger rising further and further, watching the pair act out some stupid heroic scene. “That’s your cue.”

The evil queen glared at the heroic coach as he beckoned her over. The short man cowered as she passed, purple mist surrounding her every step.

Snow while pretended to let out a petrified scream, scrambling behind the good king. The evil queen couldn’t help but roll her eyes yet still went along.

But as they continued to act the scene out, the evil queen felt her heart fall to the pit of her stomach. Something about the good king acting disgusted of her like everyone else made her feel certain things.

She knew it was an act, yet it… shook her seeing him seething at her with a ferocity that rivaled her own.

It felt as if he betraying her, as if this was truly how he felt deep inside. Fearing and disgusted of her for what her destiny told her to do.

——

The evil queen avoided the good king for the rest of the day. She didn’t want to face him just yet, not when she felt so pathetic for something she knew he had to do.

It was sad really, the villain who was destined to be hated and feared by all seemed more of a coward to face her own boyfriend. Truly laughable.

When she came back to her dorm, Red had quickly scrambled off after the evil queen threw some colorful words at her.

So now here she was staring at the ceiling in complete silence with a jumbled mind. She was about to finally move when a knock sounded about.

The evil queen cursed and sighed in annoyance. She thought that whoever it was, was here for Red. No one ever came to visit her.

“Red isn’t available-…”

The good king stared back at her with a concerned look before stepping around her and sitting down on her bed.

“Ok make yourself comfortable I guess. Don’t ask me if you’re welcome.”

The sarcasm in her voice was clear as day and the good king frowned at her as he grabbed her hand. She made no move to pull away as he pulled her closer.

The gazed at each other in silence for the longest time, an unspoken understanding passing through them as he pulled her on his lap.

“It was only for an assignment.”

“I know.”

“It’s ok to feel upset.”

“… I know.”

“Do you?”

The evil queen sucked in a breath, goosebumps rising on her arms as he pulled her face to his. Their lips brushing.

The evil queen connected their lips first in a kiss of passion and understanding. Of a deep rooted trust that there seemed to be no words for.

Her hands gripped his hair, the crown atop his head falling with a thud on the carpet. The good king kicked it away without a care as he moved them on the bed.

The evil queen snapped her fingers, their clothes disappearing without a trace as she wrapped her legs around his waist.

The good king groaned in her mouth, heat rushing from his head down south in a matter of seconds.

Her nails dug into his back as his fingers traced over her inner thigh, teasing and never touching where she wanted.

His own mouth trailed kisses down her neck to her chest, her skin glistening with sweat and saliva from his mouth.

With their want at a breaking point the hood king pushed in slowly at first before hitting the rest of the way with a roughness that froze her mad.

His actions were languid and slow, completely different from all the previous times. Yet the slow dragging motions did things to her that could not be spoken.

The good king dug his fist into her pillow, the fabric nearly ripping from his tight grip. The evil queen tugged at his hair her breath catching as he hit a particular spot.

Seeing her reaction, the good king hit that spot over and over. The lust building to a breaking point.

Soon enough the let of of their lust with mixes of muffled moans and pants as they came down from their high.

The evil Queen pulled the hood king closer, placing a tender, vulnerable kiss on his cheek as he laid down beside her.

And as he covered them with her blanket she fell asleep with her mind somewhat more reassured.

———————————

Fun story yesterday I had a sleepover with bsf and we’d were doing like a sleeping in the trampoline sorta thing… it fucking ripped in the middle of the night

Anyway I always love to write a more vulnerable, soft eq idk just something satisfying to see someone like her being a softy

Hope you enjoyed and have a great dayy!!

[axel-ambassador]

2024 Retrospective

It's the big 2025, so I wanna just take the time and reflect on the past year. To start off, wow! What a year it's been. So much has happened, and I wanna talk about it.

First off, Ripaxel.

I feel like my account wouldn't be the same without Axel. She's my namesake, despite me not talking about her anymore. I still adore her and her relationship with Ripper, and I'm still happy with the art I made for them.

I wouldn't be remissed if I didn't talk about my first ever fic, Hanging Axe, an 11.5k word one shot full of pure Axel angst. It was my first indication that I could take all of my ideas somewhere, and that I had what it took to write an impactful story that people cared about and wanted more of.

Part of me wants to change my name since Axel isn't my focus anymore, but another part wants to keep it. It's the name I've had for over a year and where I really got my start on this platform. It's here to stay, at least for now.

And now onto my next hyperfixation. I adore Vaggie and Chaggie with everything I am. And I wanna thank my college buddies, whom I wouldn't have even watched Hazbin without so, thanks guys.

I'm very proud of how far my art has come. I've learned so much, and I'm still learning! Comparing these from May and October, just look! I certainly wouldn't be where I am now without her. Even when I was stressed, drawing her provided a needed outlet.

And as much as I hated summer school it really gave me the time to practice and hone myself so thanks summer school 😑

And now, my fics. Good Lord, my fics.

I never expected these silly (AND ENTIRELY SELF INDULGENT BTW) AUs that I made to gain so much traction, both here and on AO3 especially. I wanna thank everyone that's read them, left kudos, commented, bookmarks, etc. All of it means the absolute world to me.

I deeply appreciate everyone who's ever made fanart, sent an ask, or just simply engaged with me on here. You guys make it all happen, y'all are amazing!

I wanna give a quick section to Total Drama as a whole. I'm sure almost none of you remember my Total Dram Supers comic. I still love TDS as a concept, but idk if I'll revisit it anytime soon. I'd rather be posting other things and focus on what I'm really interested in at the moment.

That being said, I still love Total Drama! It's the reason I'm even on Tumblr to begin with! I don't talk about it as much as I used to, but I'll pump out some art for it occasionally. Long live Gwourtney.

And lastly, my Tumblr exclusives, as I've taken to calling them. Thanks everyone for indulging in my HP fixation. I love story crafting and I love what I've done with this AU so far, and there's more to come!

As for Hotel of Horror, believe me I've been meaning to work on it. It's not cancelled or anything, making that clear, I'll get around to it eventually, but it's like...not as urgent as my fics or anything. (Maybe I'll just wait till Halloween next year lol)

With all of that said, I'm very proud of how far I've come as both an artist and a writer. Thank you to my followers, my friends, my regulars, anyone who's ever left a note on my stuff. It means a lot to me.

Stay safe everyone, here's to another year!

[astridthevalkyrie]

i wish you would write a fic where sam gets to confront tory on her own terms, and she acknowledges how much she’s traumatized by her

this is such a good idea!! the problem is, with the way the writers have portrayed tory, I feel like there’s no in character way to have her not react poorly if sam actually did tell her just how much shit she put her through. while I dislike that sam apologizes first in season 6, it’s pretty clear that if she didn’t, she would never have gotten an apology back, weak as it was.

the entire framing is just. “you attacked me at school” “you attacked me at prom” so the school fight ended with sam in the hospital. the prom fight ended with tory and robby making out. “things got out of hand, and if I’m being honest it was my fault” things got OUT OF HAND???? THAT’S IT???? YOU! TRIED! TO! KILL! HER!

of course I could write tory ooc and make her actually apologetic, but. idk if that’s something I can do, or wanna do. i love sam’s dynamics with everyone in the show, but i feel like she shouldn’t have to tell tory how her actions caused her PTSD. i have a samtory wip in the docs and I’ve read a couple good fics for them—my only problem is almost every fic has to change tory’s personality for it to work, and i’m just. too peeved at canon tory to do that. if tory is just a reasonable girl trying to support her family, yeah, sam will end up being the one to apologize. she’ll be the princess who needs to be more aware. she’s spoiled and she’ll change to better understand poor tory. but none of that is true in canon, and samtory shippers who are obviously not part of the sam hate train still can’t really seem to write the ship without making those things true and without always making sam the one who needs to grow and be more mature (and this isn’t me hating! these fics are really good!! i’m saying the ck writers have made it kinda impossible to write a samtory that aren’t ooc).

if I write a fic about them, romantic or platonic, I’d want to keep things canon, which means tory doesn’t take accountability for her actions, and sam actually telling her the serious way she was hurt by her won’t make a difference :/

[taintedcigs]

also this is gonna be long as HELL so feel free to ignore me😭 i just wanted to say that im grateful to have ppl who read and love my work, i appreciate all of u soso much i swear u guys have no idea! each ask i get, each comment, rb, tag, i appreciate all interactions and hold them dear to my heart!!!!

ive been struggling a lot mentally lately, and have been feeling immense amount of stress over my grad school applications, work and basically every other aspect of my life. writing has been a good outlet so im happy that i still have it. however, posting on here had been a struggle for me lately, im sure everyone is tired of seeing posts like these and im probably adding on but idc😭

the fandom has felt a bit empty lately and even then i felt sort of excluded? in a sense? like theres some kind of clique in this fandom that im not a part of? idk how to make sense of it. its stupid. to feel this way over a fandom tbh, but i cant control it😭

and then again i also get super judgy of what i write, and get overly critical because of the lack of interaction and notes i get, or because of the hateful anons. it rlly is disheartening bc i love using tumblr as my escape, i love posting on here and connecting with people. writers, readers. it saddens me a lot that it turned into something really stressful for me.

so i have decided to come on here with a new mindset, a more of an idgaf attitude LMAO and WRITE whatever i like or what caters to me without being too worried! and if i can’t seem to do that i’m gonna be taking short breaks more frequently.

i just blabbed all this to basically say that im trying to clear my head, sometimes the negativity gets to me and i want to create a much more positive space for myself!! 😅

[senseiwu]

I’d like to hear your thoughts on koko

I'm gonna put this under a cut, for two reasons... it's a bit long, but more importantly: This is not a positive post. Please skip this if you do not want to see negativity of a character you really like.

I Don't like her. Maybe it's just my mother issues but everyone going on about how she's such a great mother and SOO much better than Misako pisses me off.

How the hell does she not notice her son being bullied ON THE RADIO?? And on TV?? Sure he may not tell her things, but... we all hear chart toppers, even if we don't want to.

The argument that she's working all the time kinda sucks too. That would suck for Lloyd. Why do they even stay in that city? It's being attacked by his father all the time. If she's working so much to afford it, wouldn't it be better to go somewhere else? Somewhere where your son isn't public enemy #1 simply because of his father?

I'm not saying she's terrible, just that she, and the way the fandom treats Misako in regards to her, pisses me off.

Yes, she's sooo great, that's why Lloyd seems to feel like he can't tell her things. (Look at how close they are in the show....) And don't get me started on the "high school is the best time of your life!" DUDE??? EBERYONE HATES HIM???

I hate when people do stuff set in the show but replace Misako with her!!! Don't get me started on the ship with her and show g@rm either, and the freaking name for it... "they deserved better" ugh. That man didn't even 'deserve' Misako, what the hell do you mean "better". She deserves better. I know people like to pretend the letter didn't exist, or was "really" from him, or some BS, but you can't ignore him LYING TO HER FOR FORTY YEARS??

I don't know if this made much sense, I just woke up, and I've gotta get ready for work. And again, maybe this is my own trauma with my own mother coming through - I had a hard time liking mother characters before Misako - as well as my general dislike for the movie and especially what it did to three of my favourite characters.

Please don't come for me other people, or try to insinuate I'm a hypocrite again. I'm not posting this in tags and I tried avoiding naming people with unique and noticeable names. Unlike people who tag their hate I don't want as many people to see this as possible. I don't care if you like koko; good for you if you do. Idk I feel like I have to have this lil disclaimer here. Idk if other people get upset about seeing negative talk of their faves like I do so I've tried to make it as clear as possible to avoid this if you don't want to see it...

[nevraeldarya]

Hello! Im sorry, but this is gonna be a long rant😅

I just wanted to tell you that I love how you have written Rheas interactions with Piper, because I absolutely hate her character and think that the plot would have been easier if she wasn't there.

I like how Rhea challenges Pipers opinions on femininity, but I especially loved how you called out the feather!! I am indigenous (not Cherokee, but Mohawk), and I never liked how Rick wrote her, cuz it was clear that he did not do enough, or any, research on indigenous people's and just how serious eagle feathers are, or other topics that he included for her. I get that it changes from an eagle feather to some other feathers then a Harpy feather, but I still didn't like how he had his first indigenous character wear a feather. Like she needed a feather for the fans to know she is indigenous 🙄

(I especially didn't like how fans defended him saying it is just a feather, and that is isn't a big deal)

Also, I just wanted to include that I was not a fan that he had her so sexualized in her claiming, where she says that the clothes were revealing and made her feel embarrassed. Ignoring the fact that she is a minor, which was already an issue for me, but it's espescially worse cuz she is indigenous. Indigenous women are over sexualized (look at Disneys Pocahontas, native Halloween costumes (which were referred to as "Pocahottie"), and Nicki Minaj's Pocahontas paper magazine cover), and this sexualization is actually apart of the Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls (MMIWG). I get that her mother is Aphrodite, but if he wanted to show her in beautiful clothing, then he could have written her wearing nice, comfortable clothing that a TEENAGER would normally wear, not add to this problem.

I would also like to add that I was unimpressed that he wrote her father sending her to a Boarding School, which she made clear she did not want to go to. Idk how to explain it, but I just felt that it was just a poor writing decision, one that did not age well after 2021.

I'm sorry again for the long rant, and bringing up things that arent relevant, but I just really wanted to tell you that I am really glad that you called out the feather and how offensive it was. I don't think I have seen that in any fanfic I have read in this Fandom and it makes me so happy whenever I reread that part. I remember just pausing and smiling so much when I first read that because it made me happy that someone finally put into words why it is .

(So i get that this isnt a part of the fic, but i feel that this needs to be explained so that it makes sense because not everyone knows this or was taught this in school. For context, indigenous children, in both America and Canada, were forcibly taken from their homes and put into government and church funded religious boarding schools called Residential Schools, where they were forcible converted to Christianity, could not practice their religious beliefs, had to change their names to white names, and more. Many were physically, emotionally, and sexually abused, and thousands of children died. The last of these schools closed down in 1997 (in Canada, at least), and they also had their own motto: Kill the Indian, Save the Child. It is considered a Genocide, that was how bad it was.

I will say that this writing decision is one that has aged POORLY, because in 2021 the bodies of 215 children were found at just one of these schools in Canada, and there were more than 130 in the country, and I am unsure of the number in the US.)

(Also also, I just need to say that I don't think Rick meant any of this maliciously, I just don't think he did his research on these subjects and how sensitive they are.

I completely understand, especially cause how fanarts mischaracterised Samirah who is Muslim in Magnus Chase, although Rick did some research in her regards, the fault mostly stays whiting the Fanarts on that side of the fandom.

And when going thought Piper's wiki reading about her, I wanted to understand more about the culture and significance of things which is HOW I fell into the "Meaning of the Eagle Feather", which is pretty fucked up.

Which as you mentioned lead into me finding out more and more fucked up things like the ones you listed.

And it's true that Rick should have written Piper claiming without getting sexualised, like beauty doesn't always have to be revealing, he could have giving her a "cute appearance" which is something she clearly hates.

TBH it's the whole Aphrodite Cabin and many other Cabins being useless in general is something I hate, not related but still, Aphrodite was a Goddess of War too before Athena helped a hero into tricking Aphrodite resulting in injuring her, which resulted into Zeus revoking her War domain (Aphrodite Areia - Wikipedia)

thank you for your feed back btw ❤️