#Like I'm seriously ill
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#Don't mind me I just need to vent real quick#Ignore this post by all means#Just feeling anxious af right now#Have barely been able to sleep the last two weeks#Plus I'm feeling even more I'll than usual and it just won't pass#Might be down to lack of sleep ofc#Or stress#Cuz I'm basically stressed 24/7 for no reason#Eitherway my gut keeps telling me something is seriously wrong#Like I'm seriously ill#But ofc I can't tell whether that's just anxiety#My doctor just gives me a shrug whenever I show up there#And getting a therapist in this economy is almost impossible#They don't even put you on waiting lists anymore cuz they're just too long#I wouldn't even know which type of therapy to go for anymore#Cuz my diagnoses are a giant cluster fuck and I don't know what to tackle first#It's just a tad bit overwhelming at times#Sorry#Needed to let this out somewhere real quick#Illness tw#Mental illness tw#nonsims#saviorhide
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It is funny to me how Harry Potter is literally the main character, yet people tend to go like he didn't suffer that much or he wasn't "abused"; Like, how can one misunderstand the literal main character of the damn franchise?
He wasn't abused; yes okay. He absolutely did not grow up inside a cupboard; the tiny place that is mostly reserved for brooms or cleaning supply. He absolutely was not treated inferior to the other child who lived in the same house. He was totally was not treated like a "freak" or a "stain" that his family was ashamed off. He grew up inside a cupboard while there was a literal unused bed in the same house. And you want to know what that screamed to a child, a baby โ who slept inside a cupboard while there being a perfectly usable room right there? You are worth nothing and we don't love you and we are ashamed of what you are.
He wasn't starved, or at least he was fed; Yeah, no. We see it from the first book. How Vernon was no food for you and in the cupboard you go โ and by the looks of it, that was like his most common punishment. And then, in the second book โ you practically see it happen. He was locked, inside a room with only a can of soup that he shared with Hedwig. Now, tell me what it would do to a child โ to be given food through a cat flap, and fun fact? Harry got to eat less than people on war rations; in short? He was starved, yes.
He wasn't abused physically so it's not abuse; As for people's thinks abuse isn't abuse until it's physical (which is inherently wrong because abuse isn't only physically, fyi); Harry has learned to dodge Vernon and he states that, very proudly when his uncle tries to grab him. He dodges a flying pan and states that fact, again very proudly as if it is the norm; do you know how heavy pans are? And do you know what would happen when one hits you? If you want an even clearer proof; Vernon Dursley strangles Harry in Ootp. There you go. Also, in the first book, we clearly see Vernon encouraging Dudley to hit Harry. Read between the lines and actually try to understand what that signifies.
And favourite part; When he wasn't treated like a prisoner, or a freakโ he was their servant. And that is very much canonical. Tending Petunia's garden during summers and drinking from the water hose in the garden because of how hot it was? Having to wake up early so he can tend the kitchen and when he wasn't doing all that he is locked away. And it is all canon.
In conclusion, Harryโ not only grew up to think that he was inhumane, undeserving of love, a freak that didn't even get to have his own bed because someone like him didn't deserve it, physically harmed enough times that he dodges them out of reflex and also the Dursleys' glorified servant; that is not even taking into account what Harry went through in Hogwarts. And after all that if someone tells me; this child, right here โ didn't go through much then well, maybe read the books again?
#harry potter#this is a mess#but I'm just angry and sadly#this is just a#rant post#some people really need to read the books#harry potter deserves better#than these readers i swear#harry james potter#hjp#he doesn't deserve this slander#like seriously????#this is just me typing everything i remember; it's not really something i planned posting#but#i saw something and got pissed#sorry for the#rant#maybe one day ill write something more articulated#dursleys#can fuck off thanks#hp#golden trio era#harry potter meta#hp fandom
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"Hey, we found you."
"I guess you did!"
#ffvii rebirth#ffvii remake#ffvii rebirth spoilers#tifa lockhart#aerith gainsborough#aerti#aerith x tifa#briana white#britt baron#ffviiedit#ffviiremakeedit#tifalockhartedit#aerithgainsboroughedit#aertiedit#oh i feel SICK#i'm seriously ill i think#the closest scene we got to them actually SAYING this was aerith being like ''i'm glad you guys are all alright''#i wish i could've kept in how long it actually took for tifa to bring her hand out to touch her#tw: death#tw: grief#tw: loss#it's the fact that the first thing tifa does when she arrives at aerith's side in the first scene is touch aerith...#and in the second one she struggles to even bring herself to...#give the ''aerith will never smile or laugh'' speech to tifa in the next part pls i BEG you /hj#her tearfully saying ''aerith!'' broke me even more after barret's ''I'LL KILL YOU!''#i know that speech is integral to cloud's character so may be don't do that
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible ๐ญ#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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Lady von Zarovich and her cringe fail boy toy dilf.
#heeeeeey I'm not dead I just started playing curse of strahd and now I'm mentally ill about these two#I need them to get married so bad I'm setting fire to barovia if I can't get them a happy ending I'm serious ๐ญ#strahd himself paying me handsomely to make these#it's my first time drawing them semi seriously I'm satisfied by how I made him look but I might make some ireena redesigns#I've been sketching her for a while and it's super hard to get the vibes she has in my campaign#ALSO THERE'S LIKE NO CONTENT OF THESE TWO TOGETHER WHAT THE HELL ๐ญ๐ญ#curse of strahd#ireena kolyana#strahd von zarovich#strahdeena#cioรจ la ship si chiama stradina di cosa stiamo parlando raga dai#my art#dnd
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YOU HAVE TO HOLD IZZY LIKE A CHICKEN!!! THE WAY THAT FANG HAD WRESTLE HIM AND BASICALLY PIN HIS ARMS TO HIS SIDES. YOU HAVE TO HOLD HIM LIKE A FUCKING CHICKEN. TELL ME THAT THIS
AND THIS
AREN'T THE SAME PICTURE!!
YOU CAN'T
THEY ARE THE SAME PICTURE
(except for one is more emotionally devastating)
#our flag means death#izzy hands#ofmd#ofmd season 2#ofmd 2 spoilers#I'M GOING TO KMS OMG#I CAN'T HANDLE THIS#THIS MAN MAKES ME TOO MENTALLY ILL#I CANNOT CONTROL THE PERSON IM ABOUT TO BECOME FOR THE NEXT 48 HOURS#LIKE SERIOUSLY
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dream sequence
#night in the woods#mae borowski#night in the woods fanart#nitw fanart#mae is just like me fr I am becoming her#like seriously I am just like her#I've been having these thoughts of thinking that things aren't real or that I'm not real#and I also think that I'm developing a lack of self-identity#new year new me(ntal illness)#my art
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okay i need feedback from the autism mentall illness website um. this is going to read like an AITA post. brother vs half-sister (who are currently my dependents do to their own individual disabilities + ptsd/depression) spat i will skim the details on but i'm worried my sister will discount my take since i'm not autistic myself so. am i crazy to call it ableist to look at an autistic person (23) who is clearly going through it dealing w long term depression, a world that doesn't give a shit abt him, unemployment, very self-isolated and burnt out barely leaving his room because the world is an ableist dumpster fire with zero opportunities for him, and then bring up childhood abuse he's suffered and his diagnosis as reasonable factors on top of this to worry he'll [checks notes] abuse my cat just to hurt me or even worse have a breakdown and kill me and his other sibling in a violent episode, a train of thought i probably wouldn't even be having were he not [checks notes] mad at me for the first time in my life?
like i don't have any other read on this kind of fear-based characterization other than ableism. like those are very real things in his life but she never points out any current violent behavior, of which there are none, only the one (1) instance of him lashing out when he was like 14 and Officially Diagnosed Low Empathy she thinks is a concern and Hateful Looks toward her since he stopped getting along with her, that's it. i tried explaining to her why i, someone who's lived w him his entire life, can vouch for how unlikely he is to do anything like that, especially when it's again not based on anything he's actually currently doing except for isolating in a way that is much more indicative of him potentially being a danger to himself than anyone else, and being cold towards her specifically, and i thought she had let it go, but when i brought it up off-hand in a conversation tangentially related, she continued to defend and justify her Concern about the potential directions his behavior could lead to because [checks notes] other people in similar situations have lashed out and killed their entire families according to. true crime books or videos she's watched on youtube as far as i'm aware. ignoring the fact that her and i have had the same or Worse childhood abuse and have acted similarly isolated in the past, or for her literally just as currently as him, and she's not expressed any worry past or present about either of us doing anything like that, in my opinion obviously because i haven't cut her off due to our differences like he decided to. like am i big sibling biased because this is pissing me off so bad.
#j.txt#autism#ableism#very sorry to hang all my dirty laundry like this but she is absolutely the type of person to not take accusations of ableism seriously#due to being disabled/traumatized herself and i. feel like she thinks just because she's fixated on and consumed so much about like#mental disorders and illness and whatever she thinks she's an expert on it#enough to like. non-gendered equivalent mansplain peoples' own traumas and disorders to them lol which she has done to me as well#my brother actually last i checked felt like his diagnosis wasn't even accurate#but to me knowing our mom was v ableist antivax about her understanding of autism and a very neurotypical definition of it#it makes sense if the criterias or definitions don't feel accurate to him#idk. IDK#um. if this gets no engagement i'll delete it rather quick probably i just#don't wanna talk out of my ass when i'm not even autistic yk#i'm very aware i can be biased about him vs her because i actually grew up w him and he's younger than us but like#i havent heard him use her own diagnosis and childhood trauma and ugly moments in this way to justify his bad faith characterizations of he#so it's very much. just something she's doing. if my brother started doin it too i'd have the same conversation but he hasn't which i think#is u.m Telling <3#like She's the one actually complaining about how he assumes the worst of her in everything she does now and it makes her feel awful#meanwhile she. probably doesn't say any of this to Him but boy has she talked about it with me!#if it's not obvious we are all very mentally ill trapped in a house 2gether trying to save up to move so we can get away from each other lo
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Truly a mercy that we haven't entered the timeline where non-disabled/healthy people reply to all my posts related to chronic illness/disability with "I'm not chronically sick, but..."
#seriously i think disability related activism is good don't get me wrong#but i see how people treat minorities and i'm like eugh uck yuck stop saying that to them. die.#disabled#chronic illness#chronic pain#and its like they always say 'im not x but...' before saying the most basic condescending shit on planet earth
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Fighting this squid rn, he doesn't seem happy
If anyone has McKraken headcanons they wanna share I would NOT be opposed,,,,
#Any attempt to give me unsolicited advice on how 'good' my team is would be ill advised/ref#But seriously I got SO many comments on tiktok telling me to fix it or remove my faves like idc how good it is#I pick them because we're friends and they're my little guys :-(#But yeah!!! I love this game and I just beat checkup of doom! Farewell yokai.....btw I'm still mid mckraken fight#I just have my 3DS closed rn bc im doing this but then im going back to!! Defeating him!! And then never being able to exchange a line#With him outside of battle contexts!!!#(After 2nd form ofc ofc but you know.....sigh)#โก yolo watch 2!#โposts from yomakai#โค resident rambles#โ favesposting#Aidjwokf sorry for the quality on this one lol I do NOT have a professional set up nor do I desire one
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hey do you think next time i'm stuck in another pearl-clutching hysteria fest about how cell phones are ruining The Children i should tell them cell phone bans are the technological equivalent of abstinence-only sex education
#i just remembered my work meeting schedule tomorrow ๐#i think i'm like the third-lowest-ranked employee of the 10-30 who will be in the meeting where this will happen#and it will include my boss and her boss#good idea? probably not. a cathartic conversation grenade? oh yes#i could also talk about how 'screen addiction' is not common and by comparing tech use to substance use we are undermining the seriousness#of substance use disorders and we should stop that#the proposed equivalency also suggests that substance use disorders can just be solved as if they don't have long-term impacts#and 'mental health' always comes up (I put it in quotes because the people who say phones cause mental illness are wrong)#a lot of people are going to be really surprised when you take away phones and legitimate mental illnesses with biological and genetic and#environmental roots don't suddenly magically just become cured#reducing screen time can be good for your mental health! for sure! i'm trying to do it!#but there's a difference between 'touching grass is good for you' and 'your phone is making you mentally ill'#and people really don't like to hear that#not that any of them actually know what mental illness is
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N*loth is literally prime NPD representation and that's just how it is. Dat's just how i feel . if iiiiiii hear anyhing ab him needing to be humbled or put in his place i'll just tear my hair out right here and match his look. not even trying to lift him up or defend him i'm just defending the mentally ill skajrim characters nobody wants to understand,
#text#literally sick to my stomach from people sayin that shit omfg#no i'm exaggerating but be serious#my sk*rim NPD trifecta is n*loth + s*ddgeir + m*raak#s*ddgeir is the one you all should be humbling cause he's just gay (derogatory)) and materialistic#i swear n*loth didn't do anythign to any of you people he doesn't even like fancy stuff even tho he has the bag#people see a smart bih with a rocket science degree and just wanna say she needs to be '' '' put in her place '' '''#my hyper sk*rim character rambling. .. but seriously tho...#i think 2 this site its: traumatized character = 'sad wet cat'#intimidating woman = 'MAMA DOM'#and character with blown out ego = 'actually pathetic'#like i'll start swinging idc#m*raak is a good personification of NPD cause he doesn't wanna believeee there's someone better than him in his 'skill'#notice how he's Always throwing shit on U for no reason#he's so mad. lols#the entire DB DLC is about m*raak's NPD and how it consumed him. very artistic..#but n*loth i find to be extremely realistic even in the little things#how his NPD isn't an escape from anything but just pillars of his existence#+how his ego doesn't help w/ not caring about wat others think about him.. he neeeeds that validation to feel good 2#but not to survive. his Ego can carry him on it's own#i'll defend n*loth's mental illnesses with my life idrc abt m*raak's diagnosis tho just cause he annoys me from the gameplay LMFAO BYE#if i sound crazy when i post shid likethis it's cause you don't LOVE sk*rim like i do.........rubbing my temples
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And another thing! Literally any queer story that takes place during the colonial age would have a huge gaping hole in it if it didn't have anticolonialism as a theme. Especially one that centers indigenous people. Like the reason that every culture had their own concepts of gender until something happened and then suddenly the gender binary was ubiquitous is because western European colonial powers made their view of gender the only acceptable one as part of christianizing and colonizing the world. You're not gonna have a show set in 1717 in the Caribbean where the love interest is a gay Maori man and the main deuteragonist is a non-binary mestizo catholic and just skip over colonialism. Like these are exactly the people who western gender roles are being forced on at fucking gun point during this era. Jim and Ed are both mixed race characters who's gender and sexual identities are in active defiance of the colonial powers that be. And this is the fucking Stede Ed and Jim show.
And there's something to be said for the fact that Stede's toxic masculinity plot line is internalized and Ed's struggle with toxic masculinity is largely external in the form a white guy who rubs elbows with the British Navy when Ed doesn't behave to his standard of masculinity. That choice didn't come out of nowhere and it shows a deep understanding of where homophobia comes from. That's not to say that precolonial communities of color were paradise for people that we today would consider queer but the rich tapestry of sexual and gender expressions that existed in those communities were erased in the name of colonialism. That's going to affect literally any queer person at the time when OFMD is set. These two things are inextricably linked.
Like when David Jenkins says a lot of what we're taught about being men is wrong, motherfucker who taught us what a man was. Who taught Ed what a man was? Who taught Stede what a man was for that matter? It's the white dad with the English accent who is violent (derogatory) and overbearing.
Like you get what I'm saying right? Like it's a silly little rom com but also it must necessarily be that deep because of who these characters are and when and where they exist.
#ofmd meta#Our Flag walks the line like a fucking tight rope acrobat and I'm not gonna let fake fans sleep on that#like they depict things aesthetically without actually depicting them sometimes#ill talk about the aesthetics of episode 9 all fucking day#in universe what happens is Ed signs a paper with an x either because hes illiterate or because he doesnt want to sign it#and is resting on the assumption that hes illiterate to get away with not signing it either as longform fuckery or to soften the blow#and he signs it to save his white boyfriend from getting fucking shot#and then he goes to a privateering academy where he does enjoy folding socks and he's liberated from his black beard and hes cool with that#everything is more or less his choice which makes it palatable and doesnt completely take the tone somewhere dark and harrowing#BUT ALSO what were seeing is the British Military forcing an indigenous man to sign a document and he does so with an x#and then taking him to a secondary fucking school ass school away from his community where hes forced to change his appearance#but also they let him keep his hair so that they dont step on that particular trauma#im vibrating what the fuck is this show#how do they do it?#Like seriously this has been a comedy show?????#And don't tell me I'm reading into it too much episode 2 primes us to think about colonialism
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You're telling me people watch this scene/look at these photos and think these boys don't have the fattest crushes on one another???
..... Alright
#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#stranger things 4#mike wheeler i know what you are#my babies#they're in love#i'm sorry but how do people not see it?#I don't look at my bestie like this#...or giggle and kick my feet after making eye contact#dude...#byler is canon#even if it's not#it is to me#cuz seriously these looks....#ok ill shut up now#Jay's saying stuff :)#Jay's talking ST <3
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love this part of my life where the things that are difficult but challenging and good for me are things i can stop and skip and halfass, but the things that are difficult and painful and pointless are the things i have to live with no matter what
#school and home life are too much to handle so i skip school#because i cant kick my parents out#and appartments cost money#and i dont have a car to sleep in#i could maybe try to dig up my old childhood tent but that brings a whole host of logistic questions + im scared and it's difficult#anyway. it's fine. it's cool. i just have to hold on until i graduate high shcool and then ?????#find a way to live without my parents money OR scholarships#all for some nebulous end goal of having a job (the only field i'm interested in and good at offers two options:#to become an academic#or to become a freelancer#i do not have the fortitude to be an academic and being a freelancer is convoluted and pays like shit)#i might've spent 24h without my parents occasionally if i spent the night at a friend's place once or twice recently#but besides that the last time i've gone 48h without my parents was when the mental health center organised a week camp uhhhh...#two summers ago#incredibly good for my mental health as you can see#god i remember like... years ago. around 13yo maybe or 14. a guy. i dont know if he was a mental health professional or like social cases#but anyway he told me ''you're too afraid to be away from mommy and daddy'' and it made me want to rip his eyes out#several other people have implied or suggested that too over the years and it's just#am i too dependant on my parents? yes. will it be difficult to take my independance? yes.#does it means i don't both rationally recognize and feel that this is really fucking unhealthy and hindering for me#on top of being unpleasant?#FUCK NO#i want out my guy. there's just not many opportunities for an already mentally ill teenager#now that i'm eighteen i have to grapple with the logistical problems of the money needed and how to continue my education#and im sure a billion more if i start searching a little more seriously#perhaps i should kill myself that way i don't cost anyone any more money#broadcasting my misery#vent
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Your posts are some of the highlights of my tumblr experience โ I've always been focused on Luffy/Zoro but before OP:LA released it seemed kinda? Rare, almost? At least in comparison to other things. But now so many people like it too! And are writing wonderful little essays like yours! I feel understood. Personally they've always been a qpr to me (I hold Luffy's basically-canon aroace status VERY close to my heart) in the most soulmate, ride or die, married without even kissing once, forever and always with their own special kind of love no matter what anybody else thinks, kind of way. I love reading your thoughts because even if may not be in the exact same flavour as me (which I respect) I feel like you get them already. Keep having fun! The world of OP has so much in store for you!
don't say such nice things to me i'll cry :(
#asks#zolu#obvi I wasn't in the fandom before opla so I didn't experience what it was like as a zolu shipper but I had noticed a lot of older posts#wishing there was more content / definitely being a smaller ship compared to some of the bigger ones#BUT !!!! opla definitely had some massive zolu moments that I think resonated with people and I definitely saw a spark between them#but the manga and the anime has only solidified that and made me see The Vision (soulmatism) even more#and i'm so glad for you that there's more content now!!! and glad for me!!!!!!#I def see where ur coming from w ace luffy which is 1 of the reasons I made a post a while back about about asexuality & shipping culture#I think their relationship is so transcendent of physicality (not to say its wrong to see them as intimate in that way) but its so based on#their love and respect and utter devotion to each other. to wanting to spend their entire lives together. to sharing their lives 4ever!!!!!#zoro and luffy make me so ill in a way a pairing hasn't in years so i'm so glad to be able to share w u and other zolu stans#its been so fun so far ty sm (seriously) for the encouragement n kind words
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