#Like I'm seriously ill
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#Don't mind me I just need to vent real quick#Ignore this post by all means#Just feeling anxious af right now#Have barely been able to sleep the last two weeks#Plus I'm feeling even more I'll than usual and it just won't pass#Might be down to lack of sleep ofc#Or stress#Cuz I'm basically stressed 24/7 for no reason#Eitherway my gut keeps telling me something is seriously wrong#Like I'm seriously ill#But ofc I can't tell whether that's just anxiety#My doctor just gives me a shrug whenever I show up there#And getting a therapist in this economy is almost impossible#They don't even put you on waiting lists anymore cuz they're just too long#I wouldn't even know which type of therapy to go for anymore#Cuz my diagnoses are a giant cluster fuck and I don't know what to tackle first#It's just a tad bit overwhelming at times#Sorry#Needed to let this out somewhere real quick#Illness tw#Mental illness tw#nonsims#saviorhide
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i want that twink obliterated
#no wonder none of the npcs take him seriously. how can you when he looks like you could scoop him into a cone like some ice cream.#and i'm not talking about slurping him up. i'm talking about dropping him into the dirt and then throwing a tantrum like a toddler.#ffvii#cloud strife#blorbo from my mental illness ✨🥰💖#my art <3
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It is funny to me how Harry Potter is literally the main character, yet people tend to go like he didn't suffer that much or he wasn't "abused"; Like, how can one misunderstand the literal main character of the damn franchise?
He wasn't abused; yes okay. He absolutely did not grow up inside a cupboard; the tiny place that is mostly reserved for brooms or cleaning supply. He absolutely was not treated inferior to the other child who lived in the same house. He was totally was not treated like a "freak" or a "stain" that his family was ashamed off. He grew up inside a cupboard while there was a literal unused bed in the same house. And you want to know what that screamed to a child, a baby — who slept inside a cupboard while there being a perfectly usable room right there? You are worth nothing and we don't love you and we are ashamed of what you are.
He wasn't starved, or at least he was fed; Yeah, no. We see it from the first book. How Vernon was no food for you and in the cupboard you go — and by the looks of it, that was like his most common punishment. And then, in the second book — you practically see it happen. He was locked, inside a room with only a can of soup that he shared with Hedwig. Now, tell me what it would do to a child — to be given food through a cat flap, and fun fact? Harry got to eat less than people on war rations; in short? He was starved, yes.
He wasn't abused physically so it's not abuse; As for people's thinks abuse isn't abuse until it's physical (which is inherently wrong because abuse isn't only physically, fyi); Harry has learned to dodge Vernon and he states that, very proudly when his uncle tries to grab him. He dodges a flying pan and states that fact, again very proudly as if it is the norm; do you know how heavy pans are? And do you know what would happen when one hits you? If you want an even clearer proof; Vernon Dursley strangles Harry in Ootp. There you go. Also, in the first book, we clearly see Vernon encouraging Dudley to hit Harry. Read between the lines and actually try to understand what that signifies.
And favourite part; When he wasn't treated like a prisoner, or a freak— he was their servant. And that is very much canonical. Tending Petunia's garden during summers and drinking from the water hose in the garden because of how hot it was? Having to wake up early so he can tend the kitchen and when he wasn't doing all that he is locked away. And it is all canon.
In conclusion, Harry— not only grew up to think that he was inhumane, undeserving of love, a freak that didn't even get to have his own bed because someone like him didn't deserve it, physically harmed enough times that he dodges them out of reflex and also the Dursleys' glorified servant; that is not even taking into account what Harry went through in Hogwarts. And after all that if someone tells me; this child, right here — didn't go through much then well, maybe read the books again?
#harry potter#this is a mess#but I'm just angry and sadly#this is just a#rant post#some people really need to read the books#harry potter deserves better#than these readers i swear#harry james potter#hjp#he doesn't deserve this slander#like seriously????#this is just me typing everything i remember; it's not really something i planned posting#but#i saw something and got pissed#sorry for the#rant#maybe one day ill write something more articulated#dursleys#can fuck off thanks#hp#golden trio era#harry potter meta#hp fandom
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Because I agonised for an hour or more this morning on how i would get groceries before 'allowing' myself to order them to be delivered:
You don't have to push yourself to your absolute limit constantly as a disabled person to prove you are worthy of care and support and recovery/improvement/symptom management. (I know this is a broad spectrum that varies for each person).
Abled people do strictly unnecessary things to make their lives easier all the time. You're allowed to do that too.
#seriously it was like- i can't drive so it's easier to walk to the supermarket with my crutches#but then i'll need both of them#and it's nearly impossible (for me) to shop in a way that isn't extra labour and frustration with two crutches#so I should probably take my wheelchair#but that still limits me to what I can carry home in a backpack#and I have to cross major roads to get there without traffic lights and that's more difficult in my chair#and I'm already trying to recover from the past two days#and I have hobbies I want to do today and class to attend tomorrow#so I don't want to max myself out just getting groceries#but i *need* groceries today because otherwise myself and (more importantly imo) my cat won't have anything to eat (literal)#anyway uhh... being disabled is so much work that abled people without disabled folks in their lives don't see#radio chatter#actually disabled#actually chronically ill#mobility aid user
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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"Hey, we found you."
"I guess you did!"
#ffvii rebirth#ffvii remake#ffvii rebirth spoilers#tifa lockhart#aerith gainsborough#aerti#aerith x tifa#briana white#britt baron#ffviiedit#ffviiremakeedit#tifalockhartedit#aerithgainsboroughedit#aertiedit#oh i feel SICK#i'm seriously ill i think#the closest scene we got to them actually SAYING this was aerith being like ''i'm glad you guys are all alright''#i wish i could've kept in how long it actually took for tifa to bring her hand out to touch her#tw: death#tw: grief#tw: loss#it's the fact that the first thing tifa does when she arrives at aerith's side in the first scene is touch aerith...#and in the second one she struggles to even bring herself to...#give the ''aerith will never smile or laugh'' speech to tifa in the next part pls i BEG you /hj#her tearfully saying ''aerith!'' broke me even more after barret's ''I'LL KILL YOU!''#i know that speech is integral to cloud's character so may be don't do that
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my friend agreed to watch mdzs with me so i drew this in celebration!
time lapse under the cut
#i very seriously considered changing the file name to: “drawing noses from below is hard.jpeg”#this is my first time making a timelapse it was much easier than i thought i was so scared#this started as a dumb meme#however there has never been a dumb meme i made that i didnt take super seriously#every time i'm like: “ill make this stupid meme doodle on my computer” and then end up in the line art trenches without noticing#i also thought i shouldn't post this but the purpose of me posting art in the first place is getting over my fears and putting myself#out there#any ways rant over!#mdzs#lan wangji#my art#digital art#fanart#timelapse#show to ben tag
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Lady von Zarovich and her cringe fail boy toy dilf.
#heeeeeey I'm not dead I just started playing curse of strahd and now I'm mentally ill about these two#I need them to get married so bad I'm setting fire to barovia if I can't get them a happy ending I'm serious 😭#strahd himself paying me handsomely to make these#it's my first time drawing them semi seriously I'm satisfied by how I made him look but I might make some ireena redesigns#I've been sketching her for a while and it's super hard to get the vibes she has in my campaign#ALSO THERE'S LIKE NO CONTENT OF THESE TWO TOGETHER WHAT THE HELL 😭😭#curse of strahd#ireena kolyana#strahd von zarovich#strahdeena#cioè la ship si chiama stradina di cosa stiamo parlando raga dai#my art#dnd
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For art requests, Confucius with/or JFK from the Burnt Beach AU maybe? (You can find them by looking up the "Clone High Burnt Beach au" tag)
p.s. Your au designs are lovely! I like your JFK a lot. I plan on looking more into the au soon :)
Oh, I've heard about this au and fanfic, but I never read it... I believe it's veeeeery good, and the author is awesome too!! <3 Here's Confucius because his design is nice!! :)
#clone high#clone high au#clone high burnt beach au#clone high confucius#this turned out worse than i thought sorry😭😭#seriously i wanted to draw them both but i'm feeling very ill rn sorry sorry sorry 😭#hope you like it anyway anon#<3
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(Realizes that the most common transman experiences perfectly align with my life and feelings about myself and fascinations and who I want to be with) Ohhhh Okay i am fucked
#I do really wish i could just snap my fingers and pilot a cisman's body around#Rather than go through the crucible of visibly transitioning. it seems like a waste to do it when the times are so awful.#I honestly still doubt myself so much but#I can only do so many years of Why are you perceiving me as a woman#Before the shit starts getting real#People really just dont take you fucking seriously. Like even at this point where im at now i still dont know if im quote unquote valid#Because maybe its just a feminist issue and the misogyny is rampant#But an emotional sensitive defensive anxious reactive woman is what i am seen as. Somehow.#When I have gone lengths to ensure that even those close to me do not see a hint of my unchained emotional reality. Just really beats it in#I am entirely logical when I describe my experiences to my family. Clinical and detatched and intentional. And they think i am to be coddle#All the fucking time. Exhausting. I don't want that. I want to come to mutual understanding. Not to beg for emotional attention.#Thats the only thing that ever visibly cracks me. Being horribly misunderstood and taken out of context. Logical self defense being denied.#And being full of estrogen just reinforces that shit. Im a frustration crier. If I had testosterone maybe it wouldnt prove people right.#When you bite back as a woman you are just a bitch.#My fear is that I will be an emotional transgender man that wants to be coddled. I am afraid it will be worse to be that.#I really do just want to be able to live and work and be taken seriously when I say what I mean and what my mind is like.#I want a chance at life. I feel like I'm seen as a hapless girl. Damaged and begging to be freed of all responsibility#No bitch I want to move out and actively build a life for myself and RAISE MYSELF! after years of being misunderstood and alone#And also i want to do homosexual war reenactments with another man or something i dont know i just wish it could be me#Maybe ill just donate blood and faint again#Anyway. Joker. Society. I am the joker#Who wanna reply and tell me if im a valid transman or not. I get chest dysphoria when i have proper posture.#I get ass and hip dysphoria.#Low key having a bangin body as a woman though confuses me still bc maybe i just like being hot more than i gaf about transitioning#It reeeeeally helps that my face has an impeccable T zone. Its kind of masc as hell.
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dream sequence
#night in the woods#mae borowski#night in the woods fanart#nitw fanart#mae is just like me fr I am becoming her#like seriously I am just like her#I've been having these thoughts of thinking that things aren't real or that I'm not real#and I also think that I'm developing a lack of self-identity#new year new me(ntal illness)#my art
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I feel like a terrified animal on Bluesky and I just found out you can't make your profile private so WELP
#i gave it my best shot....#this sounds weird i know but the formst of twt and bsky feels so#idk its not Great for my autism#like on twt/bsky i feel so exposed and awful and self conscious#like it feels like theres a social etiquette that i just can never seem to succeed with#and due to everything being public its as if thats more shameful of me#i just feel so stupid and weird and out of the loop socially in that format#though to be fair it doesnt help with other issues such as like#being stalked irl and online and have everything monitored for a decade and then psychotic paranoia for years might not help either#tumblr feels like i have a barrier between myself and other people#where i can interact with others but on my terms#and where i feel more secure in that i'm not missing cues that im too much or overstepping#it makes people as a whole feel less daunting and scary#combined with no character limit + better archive and viewing images and i just#idk for all its flaws i think tumblr is the best place for me online#i'm not deleting my bsky account but im seriously considering if i should just. remove everything ive posted thus far#idk though maybe ill just stop posting anything new for the time being and leave it at that#if i didnt know people there who id like to keep up with i mightve deleted the whole thing but yeah#i guess we'll see#DHSADHGDFJ i feel so stupid typing all this but gosh#silvi talks
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Fighting this squid rn, he doesn't seem happy
If anyone has McKraken headcanons they wanna share I would NOT be opposed,,,,
#Any attempt to give me unsolicited advice on how 'good' my team is would be ill advised/ref#But seriously I got SO many comments on tiktok telling me to fix it or remove my faves like idc how good it is#I pick them because we're friends and they're my little guys :-(#But yeah!!! I love this game and I just beat checkup of doom! Farewell yokai.....btw I'm still mid mckraken fight#I just have my 3DS closed rn bc im doing this but then im going back to!! Defeating him!! And then never being able to exchange a line#With him outside of battle contexts!!!#(After 2nd form ofc ofc but you know.....sigh)#□ yolo watch 2!#●posts from yomakai#♤ resident rambles#☆ favesposting#Aidjwokf sorry for the quality on this one lol I do NOT have a professional set up nor do I desire one
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hey do you think next time i'm stuck in another pearl-clutching hysteria fest about how cell phones are ruining The Children i should tell them cell phone bans are the technological equivalent of abstinence-only sex education
#i just remembered my work meeting schedule tomorrow 🙃#i think i'm like the third-lowest-ranked employee of the 10-30 who will be in the meeting where this will happen#and it will include my boss and her boss#good idea? probably not. a cathartic conversation grenade? oh yes#i could also talk about how 'screen addiction' is not common and by comparing tech use to substance use we are undermining the seriousness#of substance use disorders and we should stop that#the proposed equivalency also suggests that substance use disorders can just be solved as if they don't have long-term impacts#and 'mental health' always comes up (I put it in quotes because the people who say phones cause mental illness are wrong)#a lot of people are going to be really surprised when you take away phones and legitimate mental illnesses with biological and genetic and#environmental roots don't suddenly magically just become cured#reducing screen time can be good for your mental health! for sure! i'm trying to do it!#but there's a difference between 'touching grass is good for you' and 'your phone is making you mentally ill'#and people really don't like to hear that#not that any of them actually know what mental illness is
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watching people discover the fucked up science guy part of viktor's lore and then being like "we need to acknowledge that he's a fucked up science guy 😔" is so funny. like yeah, he is a fucked up science guy who thinks ethics committees are bullshit because in his mind having rights temporarily violated is perfectly fine if it means saving lives—especially when the ones condemning his beliefs don't offer what they consider to be an ethical alternative to fix the problem and simply let it continue to exist.
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who experimented on himself following a, quote: traumatic period of introspection. he had a mental breakdown, fell into a major depressive episode, and spending this horrible time of his life "alone in the depths" reinforced and radicalized his previous beliefs, and to showcase his beliefs (and to try and get rid of his emotions because of how overwhelming they were) he turned himself into a cyborg (and did in fact make himself worse in certain ways but ehh who cares /j).
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who gave a kid back alley anti anxiety meds so he could face down his bullies, but he did so after making him a cozy beverage, teaching him about the dangers of propaganda and baseless rumors, and having him scream into a megaphone to freak out said bullies because it was funny (not that he'd admit to finding it funny because then he'd have to admit to having emotions, and well he can't do that, no sir).
so yes, viktor is a fucked up science guy, but that's half his charm! he cares so much about helping people, but he's a weirdo and freak about it! though to be fair, in the city that also has a chemically enhanced werewolf (warwick), a sentient blob of goo (zac), a wind and water goddess (janna), and a literal war criminal who invented chemical warfare (singed), among many other wacky individuals, he's pretty normal all things considered! fucked up science is just a part of life in zaun, my dudes!
#viktor league of legends#machine herald#uhh those are the only tags I'm doing#still not making a lol tag < is my lol tag#absolutely no hate or offense intended towards anyone bringing up viktor's deeply questionable ethics btw#it's just genuinely a really funny phenomenon to me is all#fr though viktor (and zaun) are meant to represent that dark messy side of science people don't like to acknowledge exists#we would not be where we are today scientifically if it weren't for the people who willingly or unwilling crossed the line#according to a reddit ama the person who wrote viktor’s 2016 lore was directly inspired by the scientists who invented local anesthesia#and tested it on themselves before testing it on patients! obviously what viktor did is just a smidge more extreme than that#but you get the point#he's not evil he's just not exactly mentally well lmao. except the times where he is an evil super villain#95% of the time he should be a weird but otherwise normal guy and the other 5% he should rob banks with his buddies for comedic effect#as zaun is all dark and gritty and deals with complicated complex themes but also it's like a saturday morning cartoon down there#that story from legends of runeterra where viktor takes away all of jinx’s weapons and then gets beat up by vi for it bc she didn't know#that's why the two of them were causing trouble is so fucking funny. just another tuesday am I right?#to be clear I intentionally took a more comedic tone w this post bc I don't have the energy to get into a nuanced discussion of ethics#and discuss the themes of academic elitism mental illness and other stuff in viktor's lore seriously#nor am i particularly knowledgeable of certain aspects that play a part in his lore aka glorious (r)evolution
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N*loth is literally prime NPD representation and that's just how it is. Dat's just how i feel . if iiiiiii hear anyhing ab him needing to be humbled or put in his place i'll just tear my hair out right here and match his look. not even trying to lift him up or defend him i'm just defending the mentally ill skajrim characters nobody wants to understand,
#text#literally sick to my stomach from people sayin that shit omfg#no i'm exaggerating but be serious#my sk*rim NPD trifecta is n*loth + s*ddgeir + m*raak#s*ddgeir is the one you all should be humbling cause he's just gay (derogatory)) and materialistic#i swear n*loth didn't do anythign to any of you people he doesn't even like fancy stuff even tho he has the bag#people see a smart bih with a rocket science degree and just wanna say she needs to be '' '' put in her place '' '''#my hyper sk*rim character rambling. .. but seriously tho...#i think 2 this site its: traumatized character = 'sad wet cat'#intimidating woman = 'MAMA DOM'#and character with blown out ego = 'actually pathetic'#like i'll start swinging idc#m*raak is a good personification of NPD cause he doesn't wanna believeee there's someone better than him in his 'skill'#notice how he's Always throwing shit on U for no reason#he's so mad. lols#the entire DB DLC is about m*raak's NPD and how it consumed him. very artistic..#but n*loth i find to be extremely realistic even in the little things#how his NPD isn't an escape from anything but just pillars of his existence#+how his ego doesn't help w/ not caring about wat others think about him.. he neeeeds that validation to feel good 2#but not to survive. his Ego can carry him on it's own#i'll defend n*loth's mental illnesses with my life idrc abt m*raak's diagnosis tho just cause he annoys me from the gameplay LMFAO BYE#if i sound crazy when i post shid likethis it's cause you don't LOVE sk*rim like i do.........rubbing my temples
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