#Lights Of Euphoria

[omegaremix]

Autumn 1999 Mixtape:

Alec Empire  Limited Editions 1990-1994

Filter “Take A Picture”

Front Line Assembly State Of Mind

Nine Inch Nails The Fragile

Chris Connelly Whiplash Boychild

Einsturzende Neubauten Tabula Rasa

Autechre EP7

Delerium “Flowers Become Screens”

Lights Of Euphoria “Hope Of Salvation”

Pigface “First Taken Third Found” (Phylr RMX)

Patric Catani 100 DPS

Carl Crack Black Ark

Juno Reactor Bible Of Dreams

Underworld “King Of Snake” (Fatboy Slim RMX)

Not Breathing “Aceed Emprov Garbash”

Ministry Dark Side Of The Spoon

Death Funk Funk Riot Beat

Eat Static “Contact”

Nic Endo White Heat

[inthewindtunnel]

ES23

Brother Wind

Infacted Recordings

Synthetic. Facts. Five.

-V/A Compilation album-

Lights Of Euphoria

Euphoric Light (TG Club Mix)

District 13

Turn Back Time (Dominatrix Remix)

Accessory

Jupiter (Dream Version)

[maquina-semiotica]

Lights Of Euphoria, "Give Me You" #NowPlaying

[malereadermaniac]

Toxic ~ Nate Jacobs x Male Reader

We all love a little toxic relationship with some dick who bullies you due to his own insecurity Top!Nate x Bottom!Reader word count: 1.6k Nsfw / MDNI ~ amab m!reader / FDNI

He bullied the shit out of you for being gay

Not regular bullying, but like psychological shit

Nate would make small comments about you to a crowd of people, making you uncomfortable for the rest of the night

Or when the two of you were left alone in a room he would call you a f@g when you try to make conversation

However late at night, your phone would be buzzing with notifications from him snapping you

But you were popular, so he couldn't harass you too much - especially once you became friends with Maddy

You were a regular at parties, so he'd see you there

Every time Nate got drunk, he'd catch his eyes on you more than he'd like

On your body, warm from the heat of everyone dancing and the alcohol in your system

It didn't help that like everyone else, you dressed like a model every time you left the house - but at parties that was tenfold

You wore virtually no clothes, pretty much forcing Nate's eyes to glue to your thighs, your waist, your ass as it peaked out from your shorts

He also liked how you kept your body hairless, just like Maddy

He would be repulsed if you didn't, so when you raise your arms as you dance, he notices your freshly shaved arms and armpits

After Maddy and Nate were finally broken up, more parties happened

And even though girls tried and succeed to get with Nate, he didn't care for them

They were hookups to him, he noticed them once they put themselves out in front of him

But you

Nate noticed you the second you walked into any party

Maybe it was because when you walked in, people rushed to you to say hi and kiss and hug

But he couldn't deny that when he arrived at any party, part of him was scanning the room for you

Nate fucking hated it

He couldn't even admit it to himself that he piqued an interest in you

He reminded himself that he wasn't gay, he wasn't a f@g he would say to himself

Nate was tipsy and couldn't take his eyes off of you

He would try to find things he hated about you, but he just thought of how hot you looked as you danced with your friends, guys all up on you after they've had a couple of drinks

He noticed you were heading to the bathroom, so after taking a quick shot of whatever he could find, he followed you

Once you got into the bathroom of whoever was hosting that night, Nate forced his way in and locked the door behind him

"What the fuck Nate!?" You shout, scared by the current situation

"Shut up.." Nate mumbles as he gets closer to you

His rough hand cups tour cheek

You look up at the muscular Jock, his eyes hazy looking into yours

Nate focused on your lips, then your eyes, then you lips again

His hand was warm on your cheek

He gave in finally and kissed you

It felt warm, definitely wet and definitely very passionate

Like Nate had been waiting a while to do this

A moan slipped out of your mouth into his as the two of you made out

Nate's other hand snaking around your waist

You can feel his muscles against your body as Nate moans into your mouth, his hand on your cheek feeling hot

Nate's tongue toyed with yours as you closed your eyes, his fingers tracing circles on your skin

You felt his hard-on poke you, Nate groaning into your mouth as he pushes his dick against yours

He picks you up, Nate's strong, huge arms holding you up from under your thighs, your arms around his neck as the two of you keep making-out

The sound of lips crashing against one another and muffled moans echo inside the bathroom

Nate grinds his hard dick up against your ass

You feel lightheaded and hot, breaking the kiss and gasping for air, resting your forehead on Nate's built shoulder

"Hey... Help me out here, (y/n)" Nate whispers breathlessly into your ear, making a point of grinding up against you

"Oh yeah? And how should I do that?" You reply, just as breathlessly

More kissing takes place as Nate let's you down from his arms

His hot tongue dancing around yours, Nate's rough, big hands rubbing all over your body

You get on your knees and Nate leans against the sink counter, his body looking godly as you look up at Nate with hooded eyes

He was big, you could feel it through his loose shorts

You remember little from that night, but you definitely remember the sounds that Nate made, he was convinced that was the best head of his life

The two of you became a regular thing, he would bully u less in exchange for late night hookups in his car

He would pull up to your house, text you to come outside and wouldn't say a word to you until he pulled up to your hookup spot

The drive over was always interesting, you'd always wear something Nate liked, you could see his dick hard in his pants and Nate would look over at every chance he got but he would stay silent

He would put your seat down and start kissing you, the windows steaming up as the two of you dry hump each other as you make out

He would start gently with you, but soon Nate would get too horny and fuck you senseless

It was never more than that, you didn't allow yourself to fall for Nate cause he bullied u and was a closeted cunt

He was a dick after the two of you fucked, he would let you both calm down and then tell you to dress back up

He'd drive you home and say "night" and that's all

But Nate was surely falling for you though, after sex he could pretend to fall asleep just to hold you

His big body on top of yours, your cum and his drying on yours and his stomach, sweat making you stick to his seat but tiredness allowing you to fall asleep with him

He liked how big he was compared to you, Nate would get up after you fall asleep and admire you

He hated himself for it, but in the moment he couldn't care less

You looked hot, covered in his spit and sweat and cum, looking peaceful and moonlit as you sleep

Nate eventually invested in baby wipes that he would keep in his car, wiping you down gently as you slept, dressing you up and driving you home, but once you wake up, Nate would continue with his silence and drop you home with a short "night"

But you'd notice... you were wearing his sweatshirt

His massive sweatshirt which smelt like him and felt warm against your skin...

Fuck. You like the cunt that bullied you relentlessly and that is very much closeted

But after that, the two of u became somewhat exclusive (only secretly) Nate really showed how toxic he gets

Cause nobody knew the two of you were a thing, girls would jump on him and he would do nothing about it

Maddy didn't dare talk to him, she was better than that, but other girls definitely tried to get with Nate

He never actually did anything with them, but Nate didn't care that you saw how they all flirted with him, and he really didn't care how that made you feel

Most nights would end in arguments over text on Nate's harem of girls that would flirt with him

He would always play innocent and call you crazy, but you'd never let him gaslight you, so most nights the two of you wouldn't be on talking terms

That is until he goes through the effort of posting an "I'm sorry" card through your letterbox

He won your little game every time he apologised, because you're always sure he means it, that is until he fucks up again the next day

One day you had enough, binned his letter and stopped talking to him

Nate was fuming, he spend 6 hours in the gym that day

You had 23 un-opened snaps and messages from him

It stressed him out you wouldn't talk to him - he did like you, he was also frustrated that you were withholding sex, but most of all he was terrified you would out him

He heard that you had a free house that day and turned up at your house, forcing hid way in when you opened the door - reminiscing of that first night

A lot of shouting ensued

But after that... a LOT of making out followed

You were sat on your bed, grinding against each other, you sat on Nate's lap as you made out for ages

Once Nate started begging to let him fuck you, you stripped down for him

At some point during the night, you though you had broken your bed, from the amount of creaking you two were causing

But the night ended well nonetheless

Nate made you watch as he blocked everyone of the girls that liked him

The two of you made out until you were too tired to keep going

Nate slept over for the first time, he felt comfortable

You body against his, sleeping on his huge chest

For the first time ever, Nate wasn't arguing with himself over his very homo actions

He just let himself feel you and enjoy you as he fell asleep

[wallowslistener]

is it casual now? ೨ৎ e. x reader

𐙚˚ elliot x fem!reader. light angst. 1.4k words.

✦ it’s midnight, and the glow from the streetlights seeps through the blinds of elliot’s bedroom. you’re both sprawled out on his bed, your legs tangled together under the sheets. 

his guitar rests in the corner, a reminder of the songs he played earlier—songs that always seemed to say more than his words ever did.

the room is quiet now, except for the occasional rustle of the sheets and the soft sounds of your breathing. you lie on your back, staring up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of the unspoken thoughts pressing down on you. 

elliot’s beside you, his arm draped lazily across his eyes, as if he’s trying to block out the world—or maybe just the things he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

you glance over at him, studying the familiar lines of his face, the way his hair falls messily across his forehead, the hint of a smirk that always seems to linger on his lips. it’s a face you’ve come to know so well, and yet, there’s always a part of him that feels just out of reach.

“elliot,” you say softly, breaking the silence.

he hums in response, not moving, but you know he’s listening.

“do you ever think about… us?” the question hangs in the air, vulnerable and loaded with all the emotions you’ve been trying to keep at bay.

elliot sighs, finally moving his arm to look at you. his expression is unreadable, but there’s something in his eyes that makes your heart ache. “what do you mean?”

you turn on your side to face him fully, propping yourself up on one elbow. “i mean… is this all we are? just… casual?”

he doesn’t answer right away, and that silence is all the confirmation you need. you feel a pang of disappointment, but you’ve come this far, and you need to hear him say it.

“i like what we have,” he finally says, his voice careful, as if he’s trying to find the right words. “it’s easy, you know? no pressure, no expectations… just us, having a good time.”

you bite your lip, trying to keep the frustration and sadness from spilling over. “but what if i want more? what if i need more than just… casual?”

elliot’s eyes flicker with something—regret, maybe, or guilt—but he doesn’t reach out for you. instead, he looks away, his fingers picking at a loose thread on the blanket. “i don’t know if i can give you that,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper.

the words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you feel the tears welling up despite your best efforts to keep them at bay. “why not?”

he shrugs, and there’s a sadness in his eyes now, a vulnerability that he rarely lets you see. “i guess i'm just… not good at that kind of thing. relationships, commitments… they scare me. i don’t want to hurt you.”

“but you already are,” you say, your voice trembling. “by not being honest with me, by keeping things… casual when you know i want more.”

elliot closes his eyes for a moment, as if the weight of your words is too much to bear. when he opens them again, they’re full of regret. “i'm sorry,” he says, and you can tell he means it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

you sit up, pulling the sheets closer around you, suddenly feeling exposed and vulnerable. “i don’t think i can do this anymore, elliot. i can’t keep pretending that this is enough for me.”

he looks up at you, his expression pained. “i don’t want to lose you.”

“but you don’t want to keep me either,” you say softly, the realization cutting deep.

elliot doesn’t argue, and that’s how you know this is it. you nod, more to yourself than to him, as you slip out of bed and start gathering your things. the room feels colder now, the distance between you two growing with every second.

as you head for the door,elliot finally moves, sitting up in bed. “wait,” he says, his voice desperate, but you can’t look at him, not now.

“i need more than what you’re willing to give,” you say, your hand on the doorknob. “and i deserve that.”

with that, you leave, the door closing behind you with a finality that echoes in your chest. you walk out into the night, the cool air stinging your skin, but you keep going. it hurts, but you know this is what you need to do—for yourself.

as you leave elliot's place, the cool night air feels both refreshing and harsh against your skin. the ache in your chest is almost unbearable, but you keep walking, forcing yourself to focus on each step rather than the pain. you know you made the right decision, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

a few days pass, and you don’t hear from elliot. it’s agonizing, waiting for him to reach out, wondering if he’ll ever realize what he lost. you go about your days in a haze, trying to distract yourself with friends, work, anything that will keep your mind off him. but every time your phone buzzes, you can’t help but hope it’s him.

then, late one night, as you’re lying in bed, your phone lights up with a message. it's from elliot. your heart races as you open it, not sure what to expect.

“i can't stop thinking about u,” the message reads. “i know i messed up. can we talk?”

you stare at the screen, torn between hope and fear. you want to believe he’s ready to give you more, but you’re afraid of getting hurt again. after a long moment, you decide to meet with him. if nothing else, you need closure.

the next evening, you meet at a small diner, one of the few places open late. elliot is already there when you arrive, sitting in a corner booth. he looks nervous, fidgeting with his cup, and the sight of him tugs at your heartstrings.

you slide into the seat across from him, and for a moment, neither of you say anything. the silence between you is heavy, filled with all the unspoken words and emotions that have been building up for days.

finally, elliot breaks the silence. “i’m sorry,” he says, his voice soft but earnest. “i was scared of losing you, so i thought keeping things casual would protect me from that. but all it did was push you away.”

you look at him, searching his eyes for the truth. “i can’t keep doing this, elliot. i need more than what you giving me.”

“i know,” he says, his gaze meeting yours. “and i want to try. i don’t want to lose you, and if that means facing my fears and trying to be the person you need, then i'll do it. i care about you more than i realized, and it took almost losing you to see that.”

his words are sincere, and for the first time, you see the vulnerability he’s been hiding behind his usual laid back demeanor. he’s scared, but he’s trying. and that means something.

you take a deep breath, letting his words sink in. “i need you to be honest with me, elliot. i need to know that you’re willing to give this a real chance.”

he reaches across the table, taking your hand in his. “i am. i want to be with you, not just casually, but really with you. i’m not perfect, and i know i’ll probably mess up sometimes, but i’m willing to try. i don’t want to lose you.”

the sincerity in his voice and the way he’s looking at you make your heart swell. you can see that he’s scared, but he’s also willing to face those fears for you. and that’s all you needed to hear.

you squeeze his hand, a small smile playing on your lips. “okay,” you say softly. “let’s try.”

elliot smiles, a genuine, relieved smile that makes your heart skip a beat. “thank you,” he says, his voice full of emotion. “i won’t let you down.”

as you sit there, holding hands across the table, you feel a sense of hope that you haven’t felt in a long time. It won’t be easy, but you’re both willing to give it a real shot. and for the first time, that feels like enough.

[transagonies]

gets me through the day 2

[hannahs-quirky-moments]

euphoria ✨

[zytes]

7.15.23

[maquina-semiotica]

Lights Of Euphoria, "Give Me You"

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

still chasing the high i felt that night i first saw her

[loriyou]

✮｡˚ Heliotrope Aesthetic ˚｡✮

°•○•°•○•°•○•°•○•°•○•°•○•°•○•°•○•°

💜💝🧡

[cinnamongirlsdiary]

you always come to the party

to pluck the feathers of all the birds

[nymphaearie]

Alexa Demie