#Lewis is a fucking asshole

[oomazooma]

Bastard.

[lewishamiltonstuff]

YEAH.. You have to leave some space.

DICKHEAD

[indefenseofkara]

Seeing the Gaz exclusion done by Activision itself (like not being on merch or getting fun new skins in game) reminds me of Arthur from Call of Duty: Vanguard. He was the main character: the head of the team and the narrator of the story. They gave him a couple of skins and called it a day. No new content for him after season 2 (out of 6), while the other campaign characters had consistent additions and bundles throughout the seasons.

idk if I'm reading too much into this, just thinking about how both those characters are black men.

[wejustvibing]

if i had the setup that george had, i would have been in a better position. but yeah, lots to work on but there are positives - lewis

[muncedes]

tarte doing an influencer trip to the gp and giving them “front row seats” i’m literally going to drink beach

[bradshawsbitch]

now what on gods green earth is this project ‘skincare’ that’s on lews imdb?

[niallandtommo]

this was insane

[renniethedwstan]

COME ON HOME FOR CHRISTMAS!

(Doctor who Christmas Oneshot)

Thirteenth Doctor & OC , OC character & Dan Lewis and Thirteenth Doctor x Yasmin Khan.

Ava loved her friend so much she'd do anything for her, absolutely anything. She meant the whole world to her.

But there are some days where she could fucking kill her too!

"Hand cuffs, why did you fucking tell them you had hand cuffs in your pockets Doctor! Now we're both stuck on a frozen planet, in a blizzard in the middle of bloody nowhere on the verge of hypofuckingthermia!" The Doctor just ignored her angry companion and just kinda sat there seemly unphased. "Relax Av. If the calculations are right, Yaz and Dan should have received our distress call in the Tardis. All I had to do was press the emergency button on the screwdriver. Right now they should be on their way" Ava kept tugging and even resorted to biting the cuffs at one point. "Tried that before didn't work! Might as well just sit and wait." Ava glared at the Doctor and tugged harder. "Sit n wait my ass any longer. I'll be singing bloody, let it go as I'm colder than Elsa's personality in the first frozen film!"

The Doctor rolled her eyes, but before she could speak the ground, the wind began to pick up, and a thumming sound could be heard, alarting her that the Tardis had arrived. "What did I tell you, Ava? Told you they'd come get us! Have some faith in me. " Ava snorts but kept quiet. Dan came running out and stood right in front of them, a hand on his hip with a facial expression that could be compared to a disproving teacher. "This is the third time we've had to rescue you two from similar situations it's getting ridiculous. Ava just scowled. "You gonna keep yapping away, or are ya gonna get us outta here before I die of frostbite scouser?" Dan held his hands up. Okay, okay. Calm down, brummie, don't get yourself in a twist." Ava just flipped the bird at him, which he smirked at. He kneeled down and began to unlock their cuffs. After a minute of fiddling the cuffs fall off their wrists and the trio all run towards the Tardis.

They were almost there when an explosion took place in front of the Tardis the trio all jumped out the way in different directions. The Doctor groaned and looked over to  Ava and Dan, who were under the debris of a house. "You guys okay?" Ava groaned as pain shoots through her shoulder but ignored it nodding at the question, not 100% hearing who asked."Let's just get outta here, Doc, before one of these blows us up." Dan said, the Doctor nodded, and the trio once again began running this time, making it too the Tardis. Yaz quickly opened the doors as the group ran in. The Doctor shut the doors as Yaz pressed the dematriliastion button. A loud boom shook the Tardis as another explosion set off just underneath. Everyone stumbled left and right trying to grab hold of something till the shaking had stopped.

After it did, Yaz immediately ran over to the Doctor and hugged her, taking her off guard. "Doctor! I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried that you've gotten hurt." The Doctor just nodded awkwardly, patting Yaz's back, unsure to what to do with her arms. "Don't worry, Yaz, I'm fine, fit as a fiddle me, eh? See." The Doctor did a quick spin to show her point, causing Yaz to giggle. The Doctor laughs, too, joining in. Ava and Dan just looked at each other with knowing smirks. I swear those dumbasses are oblivious as fuck, wheres a mistletoe when you need one?" Dan snorted at Ava's muttering. "Don't worry, we will figure something out at some point, but first, I think you need to go to the med room Av?" Ava frowns in confusion, then looks to her shoulder and takes her hand off it. "Oh, look blood.......oh well tis but a scratch." Dan just rolled his eyes and starts guiding her to the med room. "Be back soon you two so try not to make too much love eyes at each other causing Yaz to blush and the Doctor to cock her head in confusion. "Yaz, what does he mean-" Dan and Ava left the room before they could hear the rest of the conversation.

After 20 minutes of searching and getting lost three times, they finally find the med room where Av ended up having to get shrapnel removed from her shoulder and stitches. She also received a jab in case of rust related infections. "One can never be too careful." claimed Dan as she stuck the needle in, causing Ava to swear at him in many creative profounities. After a while, the sound of the Tardis landing brought the bickering friends back to the console room where the Doctor looked up. "All good? Good now I thought after a busy and sometimes chaotic adventures this last week." Ava pulled a face and muttered a sarcy comment."Sometimes?" She ignored Ava's and kept talking. "So I thought, since the tardis needs recharging, let's spend a few days on Earth. How's that sound?" Everyone nodded to her in agreement, and all stepped out the Tardis. It was snowing, the three humans gasped in awe, and the Doctor smiled at them. "Oh...by the way, it's December the 24th. Merry Christmas, fam!" They all look at the Doctor in delight at happiness.

Ava was already regretting taking the Doctor to the shops with her to buy food for Christmas dinner. The Doctor just kept putting random foods in the trolley, insisting she needed it. When she wasn't looking, Ava would quickly put the items back on the shelf. Then the Doctor begged Ava to let her push the trolley, which was a big mistake cause whilst she looked at the Turkey,the Doctor decided to look look at other stuff already bored. Ava just shook her head, glad the Doctor had decided to stop pestering her with questions like. "What's that?....ew humans eat that? How do you humans live such a mundane and domestic life" in which Ava responded with. "We have no fucking choice Doctor! Not everyone is a space alien who looks great for an elderly pensioner." After that, the Doctor just pouts and walked away, but sadly, the quiet wasn't to last. Ava heard a loud crash in the next aisle, and a voice called out. "AVAAAA, THE TROLLEY'S MALFUNCTIONING" Ava sighed and decided to pretend she didn't know the Doctor existed and let the poor worker deal with her whilst she carried on shopping with the trolley. The Doctor was outside sat on a bench when Ava finally left the building. "Ava!! You're here! Canyou believe it! They kicked me out! kept saying I was causing a ruckus and damage to property. Said I was banned from the store... BANNED can you believe it." Ava sighs, rubbing her eyes, walking to her car muttering as the Doctor ranted behind her. "Yes...yes, I can believe it...fucking gonna kill her."

Back at the house Dan and Yaz were arguing over where they should put the Christmas tree. "I think the tree should go by the door, that way we can see it as we walk in and we can see it when we watch the TV. Yaz shook her head in disagreement to Dan. "Nah mate, I think it'll look better by the window then you can see it when you walk pass the house and it would be better to see it when you're eating Christmas dinner. Dan rolled his eyes, and They kept bickering. At one point, Dan brought up mistletoe to Yaz so she could kiss the doctor, which resulted in a bauble being chucked at his head. The door opened and Ava walked in with the Doctor trailing behind. "Oi, stop throwing me baubles. Those weren't cheap, and Yaz, please take your space girlfriend before I try strangling her with Tinsle. Yaz nodded blushing and somehow convinced the Doctor to help decide where the tree went. "I think the tree should go by the window but Dan wants it by the door?" The Doctor nods and look a look before smiling. "Window sounds good to me! That's where everyone can see how pretty it is with the lights and decorations." Yaz brightened up at this and stuck her tongue out at Dan who just scoffs. "Wow, real mature, Sheffield Av. Where do you think the tree should go!" Ava sighs, already tired of the Doctor's  ranting the whole drive home. "Just stick it by the window. At least it's out of my way." She grumbles. Yaz and the Doctor cheered happily. Everyone then spent the evening decorating the tree.

Ava was ready to pull her hair out by the time it was almost time to go to sleep.  Not because of Yaz and Dan cause those guys are absolute angels but because somehow the Doctor like her eleventh face had eaten all the Christmas biscuits, including the coffee flavoured ones (which turns out is alcohol to timelords and turns out the dumbass never learns) the Doctor was layed on the floor singing some galifrayan lullaby giddily. Ava decided to go to bed after three long hours of dealing with the said drunk timelord, mainly her just singing loudly, and at one point, she dragged Ava out to play in the snow at 12.30 am. Ava was glad when the Doctor somehow crashed and fell asleep on the floor at 1am. She dragged herself to bed and fell asleep in now time.

"Ava.......Avaaaaaa wake upppp." Ava yelped when she felt a pinch in her side. "Doctorrrrrrrr, it's too early!!!!" Ava groaned at she. She looked at the clock. It showed the time of 5.27am. The doctor looking wide awake was sat crossed, legged on her bed blonde hair, looking wild, indicating the doctor had just woken up. "I'm bored... but I don't wanna wake Yaz up!....last time I did, she banned me from her house for 3 months." Ava rolled over, burying her face in the pillow. "Doctor, I'm sure Yaz would be okay if you did your doctory stuff as long as you don't wake her up!....plus she likes you too much to be mad at you for long." The Doctor thought deeply for a moment "erm there's the other thing....now we've been friends for a very long time sooo youre the only person I can really act advice from......how to I tell Yaz I.....have...feelings for her?" Ava sighed and patted the bed next to her. The Doctor scooted over and layed beside Av, causing her to smile at the old times when the Doctor was more cuddlier.  "Look Doc, I'm no expert on the ol...lovey wuvey...stuff but there's one thing I know is....its best to tell someone before it's too late and it's best to tell someone from the heart.......hearts?" The Doctor nodded and smiled. "Thanks Av, knew I could rely on you.....YAZ! WAKE UP!" Ava just shook her head and went back to sleep. The Doctor snd Yaz we're both confessing their feelings in another room, and Dan was snoring away on the floor in the spare room having fallen off.

The next morning, the doctor had woken everyone up to the smell of coffee and Christmas biscuits (the coffee tasted great surpringly) they all went into the living room and curled up on the sofa just drinking their drinks happily before the Doctor announced. "Present time....me first. Yaz, this one's for you." Yaz's eyes lit up and opened her present gasping. It was a beautiful necklace. She immediately put it around her neck and looked to the Doctor. "Doctor. This is beautiful. Thank you!" Ava and Dan looked at each other. Ava gave Dan a smirk that said. "Yes, these idiots finally told each other." Dan just shakes his head laughing as Yaz and the Doctor look at each other lovingly. "That necklace is very important Yaz...because it contains a very special stone. A stone that you give to someone ypu care about, and if you're too far away, the stone will start to glow. It's made with opal and emerald from a planet called spizeral the planet of...well gorgeous glowy rocks but this is a rare rock and I've been meaning to give it you for a while bit the time was never right." The Doctor said as she pulled out hers. Yaz gasps and hugged the Doctor who hugged back after a moment of awakrdly flailing her arms for a second making Dan snorted and Ava roll her eyes. "I got one for Dan!" Ava announced and after everyone had opened their presents they were all very happy with the gifts especially the Doctor who received a fez and a large packet of different flavored custard creams and a purple pair of suspenders with another rainbow top. "Hey, now you won't have to make us buy you more custard creams for about......forever because these are limitless." Ava said happily. The Doctor just stared at her in shock. "How -" Ava just poked her nose like the Doctors fourth face did and smiled. "Spoilers Doctor only a genius can know her own creations"

Everyone went and got changed into more festive clothing instead of pj's. Ava began the process of making Christmas dinner with the help of Dan. Yaz was in charge of making sure the Doctor didn't blow anything up!. The Doctor walzed in to the kitchen with Yaz behind both smiling. "Hey guys, do ya like our jumpers? We brought you guys some, too. " Ava looked up from the pot and chuckles. "Oh wow!!! Those are cool!....how did you get the Doctor to change?" Yaz shook her head. "It was the Doctors idea....I know I'm shocked too. Anyway, hurry up and put your jumpers on. we're a family, so it's about time we had a family picture." The Doctor nodded, smiling that beautiful bright smile. Dan laughs, and Ava nodded. They both put their jumpers on, too, which was bright baby blue with a snowman on , tye scarf, nose and pompom stuck out making the jumper look more ridiculous than it already did. Dan looked at Ava with a crooked grin "Hey Av, how do I look?" Ava snorts "like a knobhead? How about me?" Dan laughs and ruffled her hair" like an absolute twat" Ava chuckles. "But hey, we look stupid, so those two can look amazing." Dan nodded in agreement.

The day flew by, and all the humans were all sprawled out on the sofa, feeling full from the huge Christmas feast. "My god! I think I know how stuffed turkeys feel like." Dan groaned. Yaz just mumbles something. "Guys, I think the Doctor is drunk again." Ava just groaned louder and rolled off the sofa. "I ain't dealing with her again... she made me sing Feliz Navidad with her 20 times last time. The Doctor walked slide past them singing loudly. "Feliz Navidad...come on Yaz sing baby. Feliz Navidad." Yaz turned around to beg Ava and Dan to stay, but they were gone. Yaz got yanked up to her feet, and the Doctor began to dance with her. The Doctor and Yaz spend almost two ours of dancing to Yaz's dismay, but she couldn't say she didn't enjoy the fact that they were now slow dancing with the Doctors head on Yaz's shoulder. Once the song finished, the Doctor pulled away, smiling before she spotted something. "Oh, look, Yaz a mistletoe." The Doctor pointed to the ceiling before placing her hands gently on Yaz's cheeks and looking deeply into her eyes. Yaz was blushing deeply at the sudden change of mood from the Doctor. "D-Doctor? A-are you sur-" The Doctor leaned in and gently pressed her lips onto Yaz's. Yaz immediately wrapped her arms around the Doctors neck and kissed back in this sweet intimate moment. But as it started, it was quickly over, and the Doctor pulled away, smiling coyly. Yaz just stared back, blushing even more, and let out a giggle. "Woah.....that was better than I imagined. The Doctor laughs softly. Yaz leaned in and kissed the Doctor again a bit more passionately. After this the couple decided to snuggle up and watch a Christmas film giving each other the occasional pecks.

Ava and Dan were in the kitchen watching the moment with a mischievous glint in their eyes. They faced each other and clinked their drinks together. "Merry Christmas, Dan!" Dan grins. "Merry Christmas, shall we finish the job off on née years eve?" Ava nodded, laughing. "Oh, absolutely... absolutely bit for now. Let's enjoy our drinks and watch the moment. Dan nodded in agreement, and they both continued watching the adorable lovebirds and that is how this Christmas story has ended. With a love story and two best friends who made that love story happen. The end.

Hope yall enjoyed this stupid story, lol. It's certainly my favourite, and I love OC and Dan's friendship.

[mrpuppett]

.

[23victoria]

Passing the Phone

f1 grid x reader

warnings: cussing, unhinged, satire, complete jokes (are they?...), dark humor ig…idk, talk of age gaps, sa allegations, no just kidding...very much reading people to the filth

authors note: lmaoo don’t ask me why i wrote this cause idk…but this is so unhinged 😭😭 please don’t take offense to this and if you do…i said don’t…all jokes i love them, some of them, you can find it funny or you won’t, just wanted to get this out of my drafts

want to be tagged in my works?! CLICK HERE!

f1 masterlist

Video starts with Y/N holding the phone, in selfie mode.

Y/N: I'm passing the phone to someone who had the biggest breakup in F1 history with a blond German boy named Nico.

Lewis: Babe, no!

Y/N: What, too soon? It's been years but okay! Sorry! Okay, let me start again. I'm passing the phone to someone who said "Fuck Mercedes" and is going to Ferrari for 2025!

Lewis: Y/N, no!! You cannot say that! You’re gonna get me in trouble!!

Y/N: Fine, fine, fine. I'm passing the phone to the GOAT of this generation with the most wins in F1 history, yet he was robbed of the championship in 2021.

Y/N passes the phone to Lewis.

Lewis: stares at Y/N then laughs “I'm passing the phone to someone who is known more for his memes than driving skills.”

Lewis passes the phone to George.

George: laughs “Hahaha real funny…I'm passing the phone to someone who took six years to get their first win."

Lando: “Dude, what the fuck?! Fuck you, Woody! I'm passing the phone to someone who's younger than me yet acts years older than me.”

Oscar: “....You're not funny... I'm passing the phone to someone who's most likely losing their seat next season.”

Logan: “The fuck, Oscar! I thought we were friends! Low blow, mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has yet to get P1, yet all his friends who got into F1 after him have won races already.”

Alex: “....And that, Logan, is why you're losing your seat. Mr. What The Fuck is A Kilometer. Anyway, I'm passing the phone to someone who just got brutally murdered by an interviewer on Sky Sports regarding their F1 career, if you could call it that.”

Daniel: “You shouldn’t be talking Mr. I Have No Wins….eat shit…I'm passing the phone to the shortest person on the grid but cusses more than anyone here.”

Yuki: “That interviewer was right, why the fuck do you still have a seat in F1?!! Dickhead. I'm passing the phone to a man with good fashion sense and his teammate might steal his seat.”

Zhou: “Bro….really. I'm passing the phone to someone who acts like he's Australian when he’s not…oh, and his seat is at risk too.”

Bottas: “Yeah, yeah, whatever mate. I'm passing the phone to someone who has enough penalties in just nine races that he can be banned from racing in F1… permanently.

Kevin: “You're so funny, Bottas, hahaha…ha. I'm passing the phone to a dickhead.”

Nico: “Fuck you too asshole. I'm passing the phone to a person who has a shitty ass dad who deserves to be in jail.”

Max: burst out laughing “Ah, no lies told there. I'm passing the phone to someone who only has a seat to protect me from having any real competition…”

You laugh in the background “Oh shit.”

Checo: blank stare “Motherfucker! That just shows your true colors... I'm passing the phone to... who am I supposed to pass it to... uhhh... Y/N.

Takes phone 

Y/N: “Oh, I know! I'm passing the phone to someone who has sexual assault “allegations” against them, but the FIA wants to hide it. I can’t go near him for my safety, so I’ll just turn the camera towards him... *pans the camera to Christian Horner*

Everyone is stunned and silent, then there’s Lewis laughing in the background 

Y/N: “Oh! I have another one! Hey Kelly, “i hear you like them young”, to be more specific at the ripe age of 17... mhmmm, she's a pedoo. What Kendrick say “TRYNA STRIKE A CORD AND ITS PROBABLY A MINNORRRR” *pans the camera to Kelly Piquet*

silence.

Lewis: runs towards Y/N and grabs the camera “Yup, that's enough for today. You're trying to start problems and get people beat up”

Video ends with Lewis taking the phone away from Y/N, shaking his head while laughing.

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

✿ .° • everything taglist • °. ✿ : @ham1lton @ietss @animeandf1lover @nelly187 @heartsfromtaeyong @bloodyymaryyy @nor-4 @zacian117 @mel164 @uhhvictoria @hadidsworld @magixpracticality @exotic-iris13 @tellybearryyyy @zabwlky1999 @sya-skies @lillysbigwilly

@eoduuung

.•☆.°.•.*₊ ☆ .*₊ .• ☆.°.• .

*sooooo……that’s the end….LMFAOOOO, again…DO NOT COME FOR ME…ITS JOKES (is it really though)*

© 23victoria 2023-24 I all rights reserved. do not republish, steal repost, modify, translate or claim my work as your own

[lewishamiltonstuff]

Now that I have sorta recovered from the pics, a big FUCK YOU to PETA. Lewis is not responsible for all the dogs in the world.

If you really want to take action, maybe start saving the dogs instead of harassing people.

[keepthedelta]

scenes that should be included in the brad pitt f1 film

(for legal purposes this is a joke, no one should support this film)

60 year old�� brad pitt has to do the mandatory driver fitness test and almost collapses at the cardio. 28 year old carlos sainz does it next to him without hesitation or struggle two weeks after an appendectomy whilst wearing a mesh shirt

alex albon’s radio message calling brad pitt an ancient fuck after cutting the corner to smash the williams out of the way

leo leclerc and/or roscoe shitting next to brad pitt’s feet

damson idris’s character saying fernando’s “I knew he would brake because he has a wife and two children at home” quote. the wife and children will never be mentioned again or seen on screen. the romance will be exclusively between 60 year old brad pitt and the engineer woman half his age

damson idris’s character tweeting ocon’s my teammate tried to kill me but I survived tweet before getting drunk with a billionaire’s son

brad pitt attends a team principal’s meeting that goes oddly silent the moment that he walks in and three of the other team bosses immediately begin speaking to each other in italian. zak brown gives a sympathetic look but turns away, andreas seidl sniggers in german

four drivers call out brad and damson idris for their bullshit driving during the drivers’ briefing romain grosjean head of the gpda style. george russell ends the meeting with a powerpoint explaining to them why they are assholes

brad and damson idris have an emotional bonding moment where 60 year old brad reminds 32 year old damson idris that he is still young, still a rookie, and he has plenty of time to develop as, I assume, the lewis hamilton character insert despite lewis actually being in the film??? in the background kimi antonelli scooters past on his way to get a bath and bottle because it’s nearly his bedtime

k-mag hands over his stewards room loyalty card to brad pitt who gets a race ban

triumphant moment where the team finally scores a podium but the post-race inspection reveals that their car is wildly illegal and they are disqualified

stefano domenicali enthusiastically welcomes the american audience that brad pitt’s team brings, ross brawn is sat next to him listing off the many ways that their car does not comply with the fia’s safety standards

brad pitt and damson idris are battling for their lives at the back of the grid, max verstappen laps them

the engineer woman describes speed in kilometres. brad pitt tells her to explain it in “english”

a hilariously corrupt Italian businessman who bears absolutely no resemblance to flavio briatore none at all says something hilariously corrupt at a sponsor meeting. brad pitt nobly rises above it

fernando alonso sniffing plants in the background of every other scene

a blonde reporter/presenter has sexual tension with damson idris. when brad pitt asks who she is, he simply says “a girl I used to know” and looks longingly in the distance

michael and/or mario andretti with an axe demanding to know why it’s okay for brad pitt to have an 11th f1 team but not him, even though the andretti name is incredibly well respected in the motorsports world

[wejustvibing]

so AMuS said max's terrorist act cost lewis close to two tenths of a second per lap..................

[no-144444]

the grid: confesses!

Day 30 of fic-tober! fic-tober masterlist

Featuring: Oscar Piastri, Lando Norris, Lewis Hamilton, George Russell, Alex Albon, Daniel Riccardo, Charles LeClerc, Max Verstappen

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

Oscar Piastri: someone is dense…

Your dad was busy showing you the strategy plan, one of the many perks of being Zak Brown’s daughter. You’d been working in the paddock for over a year, working as one of Lando’s main mechanics, but your dad still liked to show you the plan for the day. He would’ve probably preferred you to be into the marketing / strategy side of F1 since there’s less of a chance of you getting run over in the pitlane if you’re not in the pitlane, but the heart wants what the heart wants and it wanted to be a mechanic, more specifically, a front jackman. 

“Y/n!” Lando all but jumped on your back. “Osc wants to talk to you.”

Oscar Piastri. You had been flirting with him for months. A week ago you gave up and stopped, just being friendly with him instead, since he clearly wasn’t interested. 

“Where is he?” you asked, shoving him off your back. 

“Driver’s room,” he shrugged. “Where else would he be?”

Oscar was a very big fan of sleeping in his driver’s room before a race, of course he’d be in there. 

You made your way to the McLaren motorhome and knocked on his door. He opened it, looking flushed and shirtless. 

“Hi,” you smiled. “You wanted to talk to me?”

“I did- do. I do,” he nodded awkwardly. “Come in,” he opened the door enough for you to come in. 

“Thank you,” you said, trying to not stare at him too hard. “What’s up?”

“Are you mad at me?” he asked immediately. 

You were taken aback, shocked that Oscar would ever be that direct. “No, why?”

“You’ve been… weird this week.” 

“Oh! That!” you chuckled. “Yeah, I’ve just stopped flirting with you.”

His face fell. “What?”

“I stopped flirting with you?” you answered again. 

“W-why? When were you flirting with me?” he asked, looking increasingly stressed. 

“Why what? Why was I flirting with you?” You questioned. “Because I have a crush on you. I’ve been flirting with you since my first day.” 

He sighed and put his face in his hands.

“You haven’t exactly reciprocated so I stopped. I just kind of assumed that you weren’t interested, which is fine, by the way,” you explained. “We’re great friends, I’m happy with that.”

“I’m so fucking dense,” he cursed. 

You chuckled. “What?”

“I obviously like you back,” he looked back up. “I thought you were just being nice.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Oh yeah, I’m just as nice and touchy with Lando, of course,” you said sarcastically. “You really are dense.” 

He shook his head. “I haven’t completely fucked this up yet, have I?”

You shook your head. “No,” you pressed your lips to his, wrapping your arms around his neck. “Not yet.” 

He wrapped his arms around your waist, holding you close. “Thank you,” he pressed his face into your neck, pressing soft kisses there. You chuckled. What a dork. 

Your dork. 

୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅୨ৎ⋅

Lando Norris: years of pining… 

He watched as you once again, came in from a date crying. You two had lived together since you’d finished college and moved to Monaco to start your new job (and be closer to Lando), and he watched as you tried and failed with the Monaco dating scene. 

“I fucking hate men!” you cried as he held you in his arms. It had gone the same way it had all the other times, you’d come in crying, Lando would sit with you and order food, holding you and listening as you vented about this asshole guy. Honestly, it made him want to hunt them down and kill them with his bare hands, but he settled for being the kind best friend, biding his time until he could finally tell you. 

“We suck,” he chuckled, agreeing. 

“I just want a fucking normal, nice guy. Is that too much to ask for?” you groaned in frustration. 

“Well, I’m right here,” he mumbled before he could stop himself. You were silent. He was silent. You both froze. The air in the room was much too thick. 

“You mean that?” you asked, your eyes wide and staring into his. He nodded, too nervous to verbally respond. 

“What guy wouldn’t? You’re perfect,” he finally whispered out. He felt how your heart beat sped up. 

Then your lips were on his and he knew he was a goner. 

You were perfect. And now, you were his. 

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Lewis Hamilton: eavesdropping…

“I’m fucking in love with her, and she doesn’t even look my way,” Lewis groaned, laying back on the couch. 

Never in a million years did George ever think that he’d be sitting in his hero’s drivers room with him, giving him relationship advice. 

“She looks at you plenty,” he shrugged. “But she’s usually giving out to you.”

Lewis shot him an unimpressed look. “Thanks.” 

George laughed. “Just ask her out!”

Lewis groaned again. Y/n Wolff. Toto’s princess. You were untouchable. You were a genius. You were beautiful, inside and out. “She hates me.”

“I don’t,” you said plainly. 

Both of the men shot straight up, staring at you with wide eyes. 

“I actually quite like you Lewis,” you added with a smile. “You should try asking me out sometime.” 

George did everything in his power to not laugh, but he failed and burst into uncontrollable laughter. 

Lewis just nodded, much too embarrassed to speak. 

“My dad wants you George,” you told him, actually fulfilling the reason you had come to their drivers rooms. “See you both on the grid.” 

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George Russell: upfront 

George stood awkwardly at your door. He was finally going to do it, he was going to ask you out.

“George!” you smiled, pulling him into a hug. “You’re back.”

George was your neighbour, a very kind neighbour. He was obsessed with you. You were so kind, so funny, so beautiful. He had befriended you out of pure friendliness, he wanted to be a good neighbour (and he was on the HOA (Home Owners Association) of the building). Those quick conversations in the hall had turned into a monthly dinner night, and small dinner dates whenever he was in Monaco. 

“I am,” he smiled, hugging you back. 

You led him in, the smell of your cooking already making him salivate, but he had a question to ask first. 

“I’d like to take you out on a date sometime. A real date,” he said confidently, though he didn’t feel like it.

Your face broke out into a bright smile. “I’d like that too.”

He smiled. “Good.”

“Good.” 

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Alex Albon: awkward blind date…

You sat across from Tucker, the guy your friend was ‘so sure’ you’d be interested in, with a shocked expression. There was no way he actually said what he just said, right? 

“Y’know what I mean?” he chuckled at his own ‘joke’. 

“No. I don’t,” you gritted out. “I think I’m going to go now, please don’t call me.” 

You got up to leave, but he grabbed your arm, stopping you. 

“Where would you be going?” he asked, his voice dangerously low. 

“Get off her,” a British voice demanded. Behind you were now 3 men, the 3 men you had begged to not stalk your date, but now you were pretty happy they were there. Behind you stood Alex, George, and Fernando. 

“And what are you going to do about it? She’s my girlfriend-”

“No I’m fucking not,” you seethed. “Get off me, prick,” you elbowed him in the face and got your arm free, speeding out of the restaurant and handing the waitress a large tip. You turned to the 3 men, scoffed and started walking off down the street. 

Alex followed behind you as George and Fernando hung back. 

“I know you’re mad-” he started. 

“Yeah Alex! I’m fucking pissed! I ask you to leave me alone for fucking once. To trust me once. And you can’t even do that!” you shouted. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Y/n, you don’t understand-”

“Understand what?!” you shouted, finally stopping in the street. “Understand that you don’t trust me-?!”

“That I’m in love with you!” he shouted. 

You froze. “If you’re joking-”

“Why the fuck would I joke about that?” 

You nodded. “It would be a pretty shitty thing to joke about.”

“I’m not joking!”

“I know!” you chuckled. You leaned in and pressed your lips to his. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

He blushed. “I…”

He gave up and kissed you again. 

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Daniel Riccardo: drunk. He’s drunk. 

You somehow got him into his own bed, but, as per usual, he started begging you to join him, calling you his ‘personal teddy bear’. 

“Y/N!” he whined. “I’m hot!” 

“Take off the covers,” you instructed, chuckling at his drunken state. 

“You want me to take off my clothes?” he smirked as you rolled your eyes.

“Daniel,” you warned. 

“Y/n,” he matched your tone. “Come on! We’d be so hot together! You’re gorgeous and smart and you look really good when you roll your eyes, and I always make you roll your eyes! It’s a win-win!” 

You chuckled. “You’re drunk.”

“I’m in love!” he corrected. “Come on baby, give me a chance.”

You couldn’t even tell if he was joking anymore. “We’ll talk in the morning.” 

“And I can kiss you now,” he decided and pressed his lips to yours, kissing you softly. You couldn’t taste any alcohol on him. None at all. 

“You liar!” you pulled away, laughing. He laughed too, wrapping his arms around your waist. 

“I needed to gauge your reaction,” he laughed. “Seems to me you agree.” 

You shook your head, laughing, but kissed him again all the same. 

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Charles LeClerc: quite the charmer (not). 

You rolled your eyes as Charles walked into the room. He was such a charmer. That’s what your mother called him anyway. Being the sister of Carlos Sainz, you grew up in the shadows which meant you were always a little different from your family. The main point being the fact that you drove on 2 wheels instead of 4, like everyone else. A MotoGP winner, that’s what you were. And as much as your parents pretended to like it, you know they would’ve preferred you pick a safer mode of racing, like horse racing or something boring. 

“Y/n!” Charles cheered. 

And then there was the Charles problem. Your parents were set on the idea of Charles LeClerc having a crush on you, and you having a crush on him. You thought he was nice, good looking enough, and kind, but you didn’t like like him, did you? No. Definitely not. And him like liking you back? Impossible. 

“Charles!” your mother smiled. “It’s so good to see you!”

He exchanged pleasantries with her for a few moments, then finally turned his attention to you. 

“Y/n, how are you?” he smiled. 

“Good thanks, you?” you asked, your tone short. 

“Good. I was wondering if we could talk,” he nervously fidgeted with his hands. 

“We are talking,” you pointed out. 

He rolled his eyes. “Somewhere private.” 

“Ok?” you questioned, following him to his drivers room. 

“I like you a lot, like, a lot, a lot, but Carlos will never ever let me ask you out. I just wanted to tell you just so you know why I am stand-off-ish. It is because of-” 

He stopped talking because you had started kissing him. Maybe you did like him… just a little bit. 

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Max Verstappen: upfront, awkward, unapologetic. 

Y’know those people that just never learnt manners or social cues? Yeah, that was Max. Your friends had looked at you in horror when you brought him into the group, shocked that you’d ever start a friendship with someone as awkward and socially unintelligent as him. It’s not that Max wasn’t social intelligent, he just didn’t give a fuck. If one of your other guy-friends (the ones that all thought they had a chance with you) starts talking or (god-forbid) touching you? Max is in there, getting between you two as soon as humanly possible. He clings to you like a fucking leech, and makes sure the others know it. 

When you told them he had asked you out, not one of the girls was surprised. Of course, you’d said yes, and of course, you were ecstatic. 

At the next get-together, Brad (one of your asshole guy-friends) asked him how he did it. 

“I just asked her,” he gritted out. “She said yes, I took her out and we’ve been together since.” 

Brad shook his head, chuckling. “She’s not easy to pin down.” 

“She is when she wants you,” he smirked, making eye contact with you out on the dance floor. 

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

fic-tober masterlist

taglist: @anotherapollokid @theseerbetweenus @simbaaas-stuff @5sospenguinqueen @yootvi@linnygirl09@lanadelray1989@teamnovalak@gleeblegnarp

[valyrfia]

my rpf take is there's gonna be a surging of jealous max fics after lewis joins ferrari. the man does little spins waiting for charles like a highschooler with a crush, he won't handle high fashion bombshell top model lewis hamilton getting charles' attention.

I can't wait for misunderstanding fics. sure, there's that one photo where young charles is looking at lewis like mr darcy chasing elizabeth in the rain but no. max is mr darcy and he's really fucking dense. charles has been trying to get his attention for years there's dozens of pictures of him grinning for no reason. it's just that charles has eyes and of course lewis is gorgeous but does he yap at him? no. does he call him charlie? no. does he hold charles' waist and play footsie after quali? no. is lewis already tired of their shit? YES

Anon this is GOLD. Charles has a documented thing for WDCs and Max is so used to being the WDC with the most attention……what happens when Charles is contractually obliged to give Lewis Hamilton attention. Max is pulling on Charles’ metaphorical pigtails on track at any given opportunity and everyone around Max is just shaking their heads going “HE’S BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU FOR SEVEN YEARS YOU ASSHOLE”

[olsenmyolsen]

A**holes With Cameras

master list

dark master list

Actress AU (Female Reader X Actress Wanda Maximoff) I know, I know! another one??? yes!!!

Summary: As you head to your new gym, you spot your favorite actress and an annoying member of the paparazzi.

Word Count: 2.7K

Content: Fluff, paparazzi, men, flirting

You sighed as you finally parked your car after trying to parallel park on the street for about five minutes. 

It was Wednesday.

What should be the third day of your workout week was actually your first. You had been too tired to go on Monday, and honestly, yesterday, you didn't remember your promise to yourself until you were brushing your teeth after dinner.

But now here you were at the gym.

Well, technically, you were still outside of it. But this had been the closest you had been to a gym in a while.

And it's not like you were unhealthy or that you lived a terrible diet or life. It's just that you wanted to help your body before it was too late. Plus, if your Almond Mom made one more comment during your monthly FaceTime call, you would actually lose it.

So here you sat in your car on the outskirts of the city of stars outside of a gym your friend of a friend Darcy Lewis hooked you up with.

However, before you could step out, a man in an ugly shirt and fugly jeans ran up and placed his body onto the hood of your car. "What the fuck!" You yelled as the man pulled out a camera with a long lens and zoomed in on a person walking across the street at the end of the block.

An Emmy Nominated Actress and the internets Mother: Wanda Maximoff.

You found yourself stunned to see her as you looked out and to the back from your driver's side window. Your mind thinking of every piece of media and content you LOVE! While the other part of you is squealing on the inside as your stomach does flip after flip.

How the fuck was she a model in just street clothes and gym wear???

Your thoughts of Wanda came to a screeching halt when, all of a sudden, you heard this agitating male voice. "Come on, Wanda! Smile for once!" The man on the hood of your car moved off and took picture after picture of Wanda as she passed by and entered your new favorite gym.

The sight and grin of the bald man made your blood boil.

So, as he admired his pictures, you honked your horn and gave him a good scare before grabbing your phone and water bottle and exiting your car. "What the hell was that?"

The man looks you over and tilts his head. "Excuse me?"

"Excuse me?" You mock back. "Yeah, excuse you, dude! First, you climb all over my car that I'm still actively paying off! Then you just harass and take pictures of somebody??" You bark at the man as you walk onto the sidewalk.

"Chill, it's just pictures." He rolls his eyes and starts walking away from you. "Still not right, you asshole!" You yell even if you secretly love them whenever you see them on social media. But you raise your head high and watch the man walk away before you enter the gym.

The lady behind the desk looks at you with a smile. "You tell him!" She sends you a thumbs up as you smile and shake your head before scanning the special gym card Darcy had to give you.

It was metal. Like what??

Anyways. You smile and walk into the large, spacious gym. It plays quiet music as you step onto the floor. Mostly, everybody you walk past on the way to the treadmill is too busy with their music and AirPods.

Shit, you forgot yours.

You sigh, hating the thought of being alone with your own ones. Still, you set your phone and water bottle down as you hit some buttons on the treadmill. "Woah!" You jolt as the belt suddenly kicks the speed up as it slowly starts.

You chuckle nervously to yourself and look around in case anyone saw you.

No one did but one person.

But they'll show up in a second. Because right now, your eyes found the bald-ass paparazzi douche through the window waiting across the street. You let out a deep, upset sigh through your nose and gave him a glare he couldn't see before your view became obstructed.

A side profile from a face sculpted by the goddesses themselves distracts your pretty eyes as Wanda Maximoff sets up on the treadmill next to you.

She briefly glances at you before she puts in her AirPods and starts up her treadmill. You don't mean to, but you stare longer than you should before finding yourself moving down the treadmill.

You snap out of her stunning trance on you and begin your workout.

Although you'd be lying if you said it was easy to concentrate on anything other than the tremendous and beautiful Wanda Maximoff. Because your eyes kept moseying on back to her again and again, you tried to stop and be normal, but your thoughts became clouded with questions.

Should I say hi?

Do I even talk to her?

How is her garden doing?

Will she ever stop wearing that row bag?

"Excuse me?" The voice of an angel forces your eyes up and over. Wanda Maximoff removes an AirPod from her ear and looks at you before she starts speaking again. "You're the one who yelled at the paparazzi, right?"

Wanda knew it was you. She watched you yell at him before she scurried off earlier.

You nod. "Ye-yeah, that was me!" You immediately feel embarrassed by your overzealous nature before closing your eyes and sighing. You open them back up and smile at Wanda, who has the corner of her lips curled up. "Yes, that was me."

Wanda nods. "Well, thank you. It's awful to deal with them." She says as you nod. You could imagine. Her twin brother Pietro also deals with it. The Maximoffs are kind of a household name after their sister Polaris started on a show when she was a baby. "Yeah, I'm sorry you have to." You politely respond and give her a sympathetic smile before she waves you off. "I chose to become famous."

"Yeah, but that doesn't give those assholes with cameras any right." You speak, making her pull her lips in with a surprised look. "Sorry." You say after a second or two. But Wanda shakes her head. "No, you're completely right. Sorry for my face. It's just... it's just nice to have someone be so candor..."

You knew all about Wanda's ex and how they cheated on her.

You offer a smile before looking at the window. Wanda doing the same following your eye-line. "Well, it appears I didn't tell him off enough." Wanda hums and turns back to you. She looks at her AirPods. "Do you want one?"

The bald man leaves your eyesight as you look at the darling actress of your life. "I- uh, no, yeah. Yeah. Thank you." Your hands shake slightly as you take it and place it in your right ear. Wanda notices the nervousness coming from you but doesn't want to bring it up and make it worse. "Do you have anything in particular you'd like to listen to?" She asks, her voice soft after speeding up her treadmill

"No. I'm down for whatever." You answered honestly as your brain caught up to the fact that you were talking and being friendly with THE Wanda Maximoff.

Wanda hits shuffle on her Spotify before looking up to you. "Well, I hope you like The Guardians." She says as an 80's inspired synth slowly starts filling your ear before an electric guitar breaks through and a man's voice starts singing about his girlfriend. "I've never heard them!"

Wanda looks back at you. "What!?" She looks shocked. "Peter Quill, Drummer Drax, Guitarist Gamora..?" Wanda says, hoping that something would click by offering you some context of the band members.

You shake your head.

Wanda grabs her phone. "Oh my gosh. Okay. I know what we're listening to!" She queues up the band's first album, simply titled Vol. 1.

You can't help but smile.

Fuck she really was as lovely and as charming as everyone always described her.

"I've become obsessed." She says, putting her phone down. "I can tell." You joke, making her playfully roll her eyes.

Was this flirting? Oh god, am I finally doing it??

"Carol Danvers got me hooked onto them."

That name made a ding go off in your brain, and words fell from your mouth before you could stop them.

"Oh yeah, you're doing a movie together!"

You tensed up quickly after saying that. Now Wanda would know you were not just a regular fan or avid watcher. You were an 'I have updates on my phone about things you do' type of fan.

Wanda looks to you before turning down the music one or two clicks. "Oh... I didn't realize you were such a fan." She says a little coldly to her warm words from moments ago. You stumble over your words. "Yeah- no, I mean, yes, I am a fan and know who you are, but- j- just forget I said anything or ruined this nice moment." You close your eyes and feel awful before turning away to avoid her precious green eyes if they looked at you.

The music goes back up with a click.

You sigh.

And a moment passes.

"We actually finished the movie already." Wanda offers, making you look back at her. "Oh really?" She nods, and you can tell in those same green eyes that the moment between you two isn't lost. "So, a fan, huh?" You nod sheepishly as her eyes look over your face. "I would've yelled at the asshole outside regardless of if it was you or not, by the way."

Wanda likes that and chuckles a little bit. "Well, I appreciate that. Is he still there?"

You look at the window and nod. "Well, you can yell at him some more later when you walk me to my car," Wanda says without facing you. She bites back a smile. You feel your cheeks flush. "You got it." You say and focus on getting your steps in as your face reddened.

"By the way..." You look to your left. "It's okay that you're a fan, honestly. It's just sometimes nice to forget and... and to have people talk to you for you." You nod and, after a couple of quiet seconds, stick your hand out to her. "I understand. I'm Y/n."

Wanda realizes she never got your name and sends an apologetic smile. "I'm Wanda." Her soft hand shakes yours before letting go. The touch sends shivers down your sides before you smile. "Let me guess." You start. "You have the look of someone who sings for a living?" Wanda smiles and lets out a loud laugh. Shaking her head and ducking her face when people around the gym look to her. "How did you guess?" She says, making you shrug with a grand look and smile. Enjoying this second chance. Even as you two lie about her profession. "Just had a feeling."

That feeling would transform into jokes and continuous small talk as you two completed your workouts together. Well, actually, you just did whatever Wanda did, which was a struggle. Her past roles in those superhero movies really upped her body fitness.

"So, how come I've never seen you at this gym before?" Wanda asked as sweat covered the both of you while she refilled her water bottle. "Did you just move here?" Wanda asks with a glint in her eyes. You shook your head. "No, I live around." You missed a smile Wanda got for one second. "I know a friend of a friend, and they got me in." Wanda nods. "Well..." She puts the top on her bottle. "I'm glad I got to meet you."

"Me too." You say like that wasn't evident as you hide your blush. But Wanda sees it like all the other ones today. Wanda knows and shares the friendly/flirty smile you send her before she leads the two of you to the doors outside.

"Shit, I almost forgot about him," Wanda mumbles as the egghead starts to take pictures of the two of you. Wanda, putting on her sunglasses, gestures for you to follow her. You join in step with her.

"Just ignore him." She mumbles as you walk closer and closer to her car. And you do ignore him and his need for attention until you feel like he crosses a line.

He brings up Wanda's ex, and you see her cringe and tense up. "It's old news! Now come on and smile!" He shouts and treats her like a dog, sending you into a blind rage as you, without thinking, shove your phone and water bottle into Wanda's hand and turn back to the man several yards away.

"Hey, Blob!" You shout, attacking how he looks. Which you would never do but fuck he deserved it as you stepped closer and closer. The man drops the camera from his eye to around his neck as Wanda and him watch you encroach. "Leave Wanda the fuck alone before the last thing that camera sees is your ass!"

The man sneers. "Touch me or the camera, and I'll see you in court." You watch him smirk and go to lift his camera back up. "That's what I thought."

Wanda watches it all unfold as you look back at her and at the man before you lift your hand. Careful not to touch him or his stupid ass camera but instead the strap around his neck. Wanda watches as, with one simple click, the strap comes undone, and his camera slips out of his hand.

Smashing onto the floor.

The man stands shocked at the damage before he steps forward. "I didn't touch you." You say with a shit-eating grin. "You fucking wrecked my camera!?" He cries out, making you smile wider. "No, I didn't. You dropped it."

You are never one for confrontation or smug comments, but there was something about Wanda and this disgusting man that made your need to protect shoot off like a flare in the night.

Plus, maybe that feeling of justice sent you flying back to Wanda's side.

"I've thought about doing something like that a million times." She beamed to you. Through her sunglasses, you couldn't tell how her eyes glossed over your face, but watching you now, something had changed for Wanda. "Well, I'm glad to make your dreams come true."

Wanda laughed as the two of you walked back to her car. Not caring for the man crying on the sidewalk.

"I must know, will you be back at this gym? I might need more cameras smashed." You smile and chuckle. "Yeah. Same time next week?" You said with confidence coursing through you now as adrenaline picked up.

Wanda shook her head as she opened her Prius door. "How about Friday? I know a great spot for some smoothies afterward."

This sounds like a date.

You did your best to hide the overwhelming excitement, but you don't think you did an outstanding job. "That sounds great!"

Wanda loved that. "Here, put your number in." She said, handing you the same device you listened to music with earlier—her phone. You looked up and back down before putting in your number.

You were not about to wake up if this indeed was a dream.

"I'll text you my schedule for Friday. See what time works best for us." Wanda sits in her driver's seat and starts the car. Letting the A/C blow her hair back. "Maybe we'll have to skip the workout and just go straight to smoothies."

You smile. "That wouldn't be so bad."

Wanda smiled back. "I thought so." She winked. "Fan."

You shook your head and closed the door for her before she rolled down her window. "Bye, Y/n!" She playfully sang before pulling out of her spot, blasting Vol. 1.

Wanda looked back at you in the rearview mirror and smiled.

By the time Friday rolled around, Wanda knew the gym wasn't happening and wore an outfit fit for a date.

Smoothies and pizza later in the night.

Wanda made a home-cooked breakfast the next morning.

dividers by @/benkeibea