#Letting go sucks
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When my ex Cody ghosted me, I went through a period of numbness I mean, I literally felt nothing, and I was totally shut down from the whole entire world, and I hated myself so deeply!!!!!!!! I was still alive physically, I was still supporting my brotherâs kids and helping to raise them But I just felt nothing inside. I was so dead and in the dark.
then 4/5 months later I meet Andrew and I was hesitant with him like he was coming on strong to me trying to lovebomb me and he was asking me to marry him every day and it was just like overwhelming because I had been so numb for so long, but Andrew was starting to make me feel stuff again and I spent a summer flirting with him and then finally I felt like I wanted to try again at love, you know, and I told Andrew I had been ghosted hoping that he would not pursue me if he wasnât interested, but the fact that he did it anyway âŠ
Andrew spent over a year talking to me and flirting with me and calling me âbabeâ but yet when I try to go to his campus to visit him, he doesnât even want me there. He tells me itâs not a good time and that was so hurtful like then what are we doing? Why are you wasting so much of my time if you have no interest of actually being with me? And I couldnât just ignore him because at that point I was invested into him you know over a year of talking to somebody, sending nudes, sexting and telling them that you want to be with them like thatâs not a nothing to me that means something. Donât say you want me as your gf if you donât actually mean it!!! I guess he only said it so I would continue to send him nudes ???? IdkâŠ. He always sent his too. A lot.
obviously, it meant more to me than it did to Andrew and I think he treated me as if Iâm just a screen name that I donât have a face or feelings or that Iâm not a real person but I am and it sucks you know and Iâm trying so hard to let it all go and move on because he doesnât want me but why did you spend so much time with me? What was all of it for, just for a sick joke? And then the way he FaceTimed me again later on when Iâm trying to move onto to somebody else but yet heâs acting like it was an accident and he wasnât trying to FaceTime me well then why did it happen twice in the same day????
Iâm so tired of holding onto to it all cuz heâs not holding onâŠ. Heâs been moved on no issue. He never came back or tried to make it right with me. Just left me confused and with so many unanswered questions đ like he never could give me a straight annswer ever. I was begging him for the truth đ guess he enjoyed watching me cry in agony⊠maybe he gets pleasure in my pain ??? đ
#Personal#vent#dear ex#healing journal#Mind fudge#Healing sucks#Letting go sucks#i donât understand
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the dialogue choices in this game should be more diabolical
#i love akechi but i sometimes i wish you could bully him like no matter which dialogue u pick it sounds like ur flirting back w him#âi'm going to be completely honest with you. i've always hated youâ why can't u say smt unserious back#like âsorry i have a snatched waist and correct opinions on everything.â or like âur loss lmaoâ#hate playing darts with this bitch bc i play on a steamdeck and i don't have a fucking gyroscope so like#it's trying to replicate how the joycons or pro controller would throw AND ITS SUCKS SO BAD#like i just see akechi get a hat trick every single fucking time with three bulls in a row and meanwhile im struggling to line the thing up#and then after u finish he's like âhmm i see. that's an interesting way to play itâ WHAT THE FUCK THERES LITERALLY NO STRATEGY HERE SMARTAS#I JUST MISSED. IM NOT STRATEGIZING. THERES NOTHING âINTERESTINGâ ABOUT IT.#i hate going to penguin snipers so much i hope i can get this stupid game on switch so i can actually rank up akechi's baton pass#and not waste like 1000 yen every night bc i refuse to not let a party member be on rank 3#akechi fuck yourself why can't we play 501 like we do with everyone else. why do u have to make everything abt this stupid rivalry#im gonna kms i hate akeci and i hate darts#persona 5#persona 5 royal#p5#p5r#goro akechi#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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#Bullet proof#donald trump#make america great again#lets go brandon#MAGA#god is a republican#not my image#not my pic#too big to steal#kyle rittenhouse#too big to rig#suck my freedom#congress#trump
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Time to face facts you just got to let it out big guy
#fat belly#sucking in#suckitin#fat boy#fat#letgo#letting go#exjock#fatboy#fatty#let it out#lettithang
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THEY CANCELLED DEAD BOY DETECTIVES :(((
Guess they belong to me the fandom now
#dead boy detectives#dbda#payneland#WHAT A WAY TO FIND OUT#thanks for letting me know anon#damn that sucks#pls don't hate me for trying to joke about it gasdjkaskfja this is how i cope#does this mean now i HAVE to write that fanfiction about the gang going to Japan to retrieve Niko's body I've been actively avoiding?#ask ask ask
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my life a movie (PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR)
#when i die imma go to adhd heaven đđđđđđđ#â
my art#art#dandys world#dandyâs world#dandys world astro#dandys world goob#dandys world toodles#dandys world oc#â
arin rambles#Literally ive only gotten twisted astro 2 times in my life and both of them ended in tragedy#the first one was a blackout So i died (i suck at blackouts) i didnt even see him i almost cried#the second oneâŠâŠ. WellâŠ. i was in a game w my bestie and some random rodger#and he goes in chat#âits astro. be careful on that machineâ BOY I READ THAT MESSAGE IN CHAT AND FUMBLED SO BAD#I MESSED UP THE CALLIBRATION AND SHRIMPO FOUND ME. I GOT BODIED. JUMPED. ATTACKED.#I DIDNT EVEN GET TO LOOK AT HIMMMMMM đđđđđđđđ#my bestie let me spectate her getting chased by him so i was in adhd heaven but Man i was so mad.#i fumbled so hard im so embarrassing i was SO HAPPY when i saw it was astro I COULDNT FOCUS ON ANYTHIGN#i always add goob Somwhere in my doodles#Hi Goob !!!!!!!!
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okay, one more politics post for the night:
tonight, Trump is doing a rally in Latrobe, Pennsylvania. I'm watching clips of it thanks to this brave man on twitter posting through it; I call this man brave because for me, watching a Trump rally live and unfiltered feels like looking directly at a solar eclipse, if a solar eclipse was also kind of like a racist, demented relative making a toast at Thanksgiving. And there's Some Stuff coming out of Trump's face tonight. He's talking about deporting "gang members" (read: latinos) by invoking the Alien Enemies Act of 1798, the same Act that Roosevelt invoked to force Japanese-Americans and others into internment camps during WWII. He's saying that "[America] couldn't have an act like that now, because now everything's woke". He goes on to call out "woke generals" Mark Milley, a Catholic, highly-decorated army general and Trump's former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff; and General Jim "Mad Dog" or "Chaos" Mattis, a career Marine and Trump's former Secretary of Defense. He also added a fun local detour to his stump speech sure to make the fine folks of Latrobe smile: an anecdote about Arnold Palmer impressing all the other golf pros in the showers with his incredible, absolutely enormous penis. Trump wants this audience to know Arnold Palmer's thang was Swangin'. "This is a guy that was all man."
and I had to pause while writing this post and come back, so he probably said a bunch more wild stuff after that that I don't even know about yet!
The point is. My point is. This guy cannot be allowed to be president again. Ideally, he can eventually be pushed as far away from any sort of power as possible; but first, we have to vote to stop him from becoming the president again. And by "we", I don't just mean registered Democrats (hello)-- I mean everyone, of any political persuasion, who is eligible to vote. The folks in Trump's audience tonight applauding as he praises Arnold Palmer's huge hog on live television are beyond help, so it's up to the rest of us.
#us politics#i had a whole part of this post begun about some strengths of the harris-walz campaign#but I took it out because I realized you know what?#at this point in the election I do not care how anyone else feels about the democrats or how much they think kamala sucks. If we can agree#that trump needs to Go and the way to accomplish that specific concrete goal#is to vote democrat just this one crucial time#then we are brothers and sisters and nonbinary comrades#let's fucking go
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papyrus does his taxes âčâčâčâčâč
#undertale#let papyrus say fuck#letpapyrussayfuck#papyrus undertale#papyrus#WHYYYY IS HE SO HARD TA DRAW IM GONNA DIE#this was so much funnier in my head#oh well. cant be on my a game 100% of the time#have a good day im gonna go chill THE SUN IS ON MY SCREEN FFS#when he does his taxes he really lets loose he says everysingle curseword he can imagine b/c that shit sucks so fucking bad#the great papyrus wont survive in prison tho so he does his absolute best#spacie scribbles
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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Maybe i SHOULD draft out my âClark is a SuperPlantâ propaganda post
#chattin#due to. recent tags that resonated w me#im already someone that loathes the âtheyre completely alien AND they conveniently look AND function exactly the same as a humanâ trope#esp when they have the nerve to make them PROCREATE w humans wo any defects whatsoever#ur lying ur unimaginative u suck !!!!#so my compromise is always like#fine. the point is that they have to blend in very well. i will concede on that front#but god as my witness i will make him so fucked up internally.#u should xray him and see a fucking mess of organs pumping in bizarre places#things that let him see things w a microscopic lens#things that let him exist in a vacuum bc he doesnt need to Breathe#u should get him in a red sun room and realize hes still able to exist unharmed in a vacumm and go hey man. what the fuck .#going to reach max tags bc i never seem to behave myself no matter what im yelling about#i need bruce to sit down and finally read whatever kryptonian text is floating around#and realize clark- despite his mammalian appearance- is far more linked to plants than anything else#a plant w TEETH and EYES and somehow became a predator instead of staying as a plant#HOWWW did u evolve into what u are now? what did ur ancestors look like??? a daisy???#if u look at any kryptonian species youd see that all of them behave like clark- like they all evolved in a similar way#saw a post (i GOTTA find it again) that said that clark is brownskinned which seems a little silly when u compare it to human melanin#but that sunlight makes for a healthy kryptonian and their skin will show it#and paleskinned kryptonians are seeking out more sun and starving for it. like. ouuuu.#i wont add that to my own hcs but its that kinda shit i love sooo much#get so caught up on trying to make him human in ur eyes that u end up misunderstanding him entirely#love him#xenobio#for tagging
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unraveled - alhaitham
synopsis: after hearing a rather interesting rumor about your boss, how could you give up the chance to test its validity?
ship: alhaitham x reader
notes: 4.8k, prompt given by @milkstore more than a year ago lol
You heard something extremely interesting the other day while walking around the Akademiya. Now let it be said you were never one for gossip. Not that you viewed yourself as above gossip or anything; it just rarely had anything to do with you. This recent tidbit that drifted into your listening ears, though, it had you stopping cold in the middle of the morning Akademiya rush. It was shocking. It was discombobulating. It was absolutely world-shaking! Alhaitham, your bossâŠ
⊠was apparently interested in someone.
You were used to hearing many rumors about Alhaithamâhow he was planning to change Akademiya hours to a strict 9-5 schedule, how he destroyed the self-esteem of toddlers for fun, how he was secretly raised by Inazuman Rifthound Wolves with the blood of the abyss flowing through his veinsâbut those were easy to ignore. As his secretary, you were privy to his plans and personal information. You knew what was true and false (not including toddler thingâthat was up in the air). However, Alhaitham interested in someone? Now that was interesting.
Your first reaction was to dismiss the rumor. Your boss followed a strict schedule that didnât leave much room for other activities. That wasnât even mentioning the sheer number of people that filed complaints regarding his tongue. Sad to say, he didnât get along with most people.Â
And, while youâve never been in a relationship with someone before, youâve seen how others acted. They became sweet to their lover, engaged in much physical contact, noticed them even in most crowded of rooms, and spoiled them rotten. Could you imagine Alhaitham doing such things? You most absolutely positively could not.Â
But when you thought about it more, it was often said that love changed people. Even the grouchiest of grumps could turn into the softest of softies, right? It was a possibility. Added to that, he made it a point to leave when his time for the day was up. He had a decent amount of time after work to woo and court to his heartâs content. Yes, as you contemplated it all, you came to a set conclusion.
Your curiosity was piqued.
So, let it be made known now that you knew it was wrong to do so. You knew that if you got caught, youâd get sent straight to the scary General Mahamatra. But you had a duty and it was this duty you would uphold. You were an alumnus of the Akademiya and you would follow in the footsteps of your predecessors. Desperate times called for desperate measures, as they said, and desperate measures called for engaging in a long-supported research method.Â
Stalking Observation.Â
It was a brilliant plan, perhaps one of your smartest. If the Acting Grand Sage was interested in someone as rumors implied, observation would be the best method to discover the truth. To ensure your plans would go off without a hitch, you slammed through your work for the day. You even skipped out on Shawarma Wrap special hour at Lambadâs Tavern. Sure, your stomach may had been causing a ruckus, but such sacrifices were necessary. Today you would find the truth!
You were ready the moment 5pm hit. Your work was done, you were in civilian clothes and clocked out for the day. He didnât even notice you werenât seated at your desk when he walked by toward the exit! Judging from how everything was going so far, it seemed that your mission would be far easier than you thought!Â
And it was! In fact, it was rather boring! His first visit was to the House of Daena. You hoped he would be there to meet someone, but he instead made a beeline for the new book section. After glancing over a few here and there, he picked out a few, checked them out with the librarian, then left. They werenât interesting books either. As you peeked out from under a desk, you could catch a glimpse of the cover of one of the books about Inazuma. It was written by âHat Guy.â
Hm.
Anyway, your heart pounded in excitement when he began heading in the direction of the Grand Bazaar next. You heard he recently became acquainted with a dancer from the Zubayr Theater. Perhaps the secret lover was her? But he disappointed you once more. He spent a total amount of five minutes glancing over stalls, looking at some ugly pieces of furniture, before quickly departing once a crowd of people began filing in for a show.Â
As you followed him to your next destination, your initial reaction to this whole debacle started to become more and more plausible. It seemed all that was on his mind was errands, nothing more and nothing less. If anything was strange, though, it was how you didnât seem to be disappointed by the turn of events.Â
Though it was clear Alhaitham didnât get along with most people, you personally liked him quite a lot. When you first came to the Akademiya from Mondstadt, you had a difficult time. You werenât sure why at the time, but you tended to annoy people. No matter how friendly you tried to be, they sneered even more. It wasnât until an explosive confrontation that you learned why. They saw you as disruptive and nosy. You lacked any pride. You were too idealistic.Â
You werenât like them.
You spent much of your time to yourself after that. You didnât know how to act. You didnât want to do anything wrong. Despite its warmer climate, Sumeru somehow felt colder than the winters of your homeland.Â
You first met Alhaitham on a joint project. As usual, you kept to yourself through much of it. Being the only member of your darshan there, you knew you should have brought up your points of concern, but fear held you back. And sure enough, the project ended up heading in a direction that would inevitably hit the roadblock you predicted. You wouldâve kept quiet had Alhaitham not spoken up.
âAre you planning on contributing anything worthwhile to this project?â
His words came so out of the blue you could only splutter in response, âExcuse me?â
âI recommended you for this project because I thought your research papers showed complex reasoning and a thorough work ethic. However, it seems I was mistaken. Not only have you not offered anything useful, but you insist on keeping quiet despite your knowledge of possible issues. So I ask you again. Are you or are you not going to contribute anything worthwhile?â
There were so many things you couldâve said, so many things you shouldâve felt. It wasnât like you werenât doing anything! You fulfilled your set duties for the project. But despite your work, you were being labeled by him as essentially useless. The only logical response was to feel upset, even anger. But instead, a hesitant warmth filled your chest instead.
âWait. You recommended me?â
Though his expression didnât change, somehow you could see he was judging the strength of your intellect.
âYour studies relate to this project directly. Why wouldnât I?â
You floundered, gesturing wildly for a few moments before finally getting out, âBut nobody likes me!â
He simply stared at you deadpan, communicating through body language alone, âThat is my problem how?â
âAre you sure you want me to speak up? You wonât get upset?â
He sighed.
âYou were brought onto this project for your expertise. If anything, I would be upset if you did anything but that."
His words were astounding. They were game-changing. They were earth-shattering! In his eyes, you were not an outsider from Mondstadt. You were a scholar, and it would only be your merits upon which you would be judged.Â
You knew he didnât exactly like it, but you found yourself sticking around him even after the project was successfully completed. With everything you dealt with at the Akademiya, Alhaitham was like a breath of fresh air. Sure, he did tend to point out the fallacies in your logic and personal flaws that would get in the way of achieving your goals, but that really was it. It wasnât like he was ever wrong either, so you didnât mind. At least you werenât getting criticized merely for existing.Â
As for how he felt about you, you really werenât sure. He wasnât exactly the most expressive person in the world, nor the most feelsy either. Really, he could probably be replaced by a Rishboland Leopard and you doubted there would be much difference.
Still, if there was anything you did know, it was that he never pushed you away without reason. Even when his nose was buried in a book during his free time, he had no qualms letting you ramble to your heartâs delight. And when you finished, he would respond with his own thoughts, always surprising you with the fact that he was listening all along.Â
There also was the fact he requested you personally as a secretary when he was forced into the role of Acting Grand Sage. Sure, working at the Akademiya after graduation in administration made it easier for you both to keep in touch, but you didnât think he still kept tabs on your work ethic. So maybe, just maybe, the feelings he felt toward you were higher than simple toleration. And you were content with that.Â
So lost you were in your musings that you almost didnât catch him turn onto Treasures Street. You nearly bumped into a few people while correcting your course. But he didnât head in the direction of his home like you assumed, however. Instead, it seemed he was making his way to Menakeri's Treasure Shop. Which was rather strange. That shop had been out of stock for the past year. Unless he was planning on reserving something with Khalid?Â
Upon peeking inside, it seemed he was examining quills and fountain pens. You nearly gasped audibly. Was he perhaps finally listening to your advice and purchasing himself new writing utensils? You didnât know how many times you nagged him about those terrible ParchmentMate quills that anyone could buy in bulk. They didnât give a consistent line, were prone to getting clogged, and were all around cheap garbage! It was about time he got himself something fitting of his position.Â
But⊠Wait, was heâŠ? It was the moment he hummed in thought and picked up a particular brand that you found yourself called to action.Â
âJust because Zilot H2 fountain pens are popular doesnât mean theyâre actually good!â You exclaimed, rushing over and plucking the abomination from his fingers. âEven when youâre right-handed, they still tend to smear like crazy! Also, the quality is not consistent throughout the pens, so you can get some that clog constantly!!â
You were quick to plop the pen right back where it belonged on the display. Such a monstrosity would have no place in your bossâ office. No way. It was a good thing Alhaitham was essentially a lazy person who despised putting up with inconveniences because arguing with him was the last thing you wanted to do today. And thankfully, he did not disappoint!
âI see, then which pen would you recommend?â He asked with his fingers against his chin in thought.Â
Oooh~ At the sound of that beautiful question, your heart quickened within your chest as a rosy flush found its way to the apples of your cheeks. Heâd always wave you away whenever you brought up this subject before (probably because he knew very well you could ramble about the glory of stationery for a good hour), so what changed his mind? Well, who cared what did! You werenât about to squander this chance he so graciously gave you!
âWell, there are many great fountain pens and quills. Monstadt is Teyvatâs biggest producer of high-quality pens, though Inazuma and Liyue have some notable brands too. Iâd recommendâŠâ You hummed as you scanned the display before plucking two that caught your eye. âA KWSBY Eco or a KAMY Safari.â
âAnd the difference between the two?â He asked as he stepped close to you.
Though the fact that you could feel the warmth he radiated against your arm and his gaze upon your face was distracting, the excitement within your chest overpowered any presence he had.Â
âWell, while they both write very well, the Eco holds more ink and, in my opinion, requires less maintenance. Itâs more eco-friendly as well because it doesnât take cartridges. But Iâd say the Safari feels better in the hand and requires less pressure, so itâs less straining to write for long periods of time.â
âThen which one would you recommend?â
You tilted your head to the side. That was a good question.
âWell, personally, I would recommend the Eco. While you do write a lot, I think the hassle of replacing cartridges and going out to buy new ones is something youâd find annoying after a while. However, both are rather cheap, so it wouldnât be much out of your pocket to purchase both to see which one you like more. Then you could use the other as a backup pen, or maybe one to keep at home.â
He hummed.Â
âI see. And why were you following me this whole evening?â
Well, that was the easiest question he asked by far!
âBecause I heard rumors about you and I wanted to see if they were true!â You exclaimed with a wide smile on your face.Â
Wait, that question wasnât about pens at all⊠In fact, that was⊠You paused and realized something for the first time. Alhaitham was looking at you. Like⊠he knew and was cognizant of the fact that you were standing in front of him. Which meantâŠÂ
âYou used those pens to lure me out, didnât you!?â You cried out in betrayal.Â
He shrugged.
âItâs not my fault youâre easily baited with stationery.â
You groaned in frustration. He wasnât wrong about that. Anyone that knew you knew quite well how much you enjoyed talking. Blame it on your Mondstadt blood, but you were too talkative for your own good. Often times youâd surprise people by making conversation in long lines or when their pretty outfits caught your eye. More than that, you loved helping people and giving advice, even when you werenât exactly needed. Really, it was a smart move on Alhaithamâs part.
âSo, what is it this time?â He asked with a cross of his arms and a raised brow. âItâs not the rifthound wolves rumor again, is it?â
You shook your head.Â
âOf course not. You know you were there when I checked that one,â You exclaimed with a roll of your eyes. âThis rumor is way better than that one. They say that youâre courting someone.âÂ
He sighed.
âAnd you believed that?â
You shook your head once more.Â
âWell, no. But rumors like that donât come out of the blue. So I thought there had to be some truth to them. Maybe youâre interested in someone.â
âOh? And it bothered you enough to follow me after hours?â
You laughed.
âWell yeah. Who wouldnât want to see the sarcastic and straight-laced Alhaitham getting starry-eyed over a special someone?â You replied with a shrug.
His eyes shut, shaking his head in exasperation.
âAnd how exactly would my getting âstarry-eyedâ look?â
âWell obviouslyââ
Your stomach grumbled. Loudly. You winced. Apparently not eating lunch today was coming back with a vengeance. It seemed that your companion noticed the sound as well as his brow raised while glancing down at you.
âDid you eat yet?â
You coughed.
âNo.â
He nodded in acknowledgment.
âThen you can tell me over dinner.â
Your heart jumped as a smile leapt to your lips.Â
âAre you paying for dinner too?â You asked, your eyes glittering.Â
His eyes narrowed as he placed a hand on his hip.
âIf Iâm not mistaken, the last time, I was the one that paid.â
You coughed once more.
âTh-That may be true,â you began with a stutter, âBut⊠Iâm not the one with the salary of a grand sage. Surely it wouldnât be too much out of your wallet to pay for your overworked assistant?â
He stared at you, his eyes half-lidded in exasperation shutting them in unwilling acceptance.
âFine.â
With a joyous fist pump, you rushed to follow him at his side as he began to make his way in the direction of the tavern.
âThis is why youâre my favorite boss, Alhaitham!â You exclaimed with a grin causing him to snort.
âIf I recall, just yesterday you were calling me the worst for excusing you when you sneezed.â
âThatâs because right after, you gave me tips on how to sneeze quieter,â you shot back. âI canât help the way I sneeze, you know. I wasâexcuse meâborn that way. Besides, nobody in Mondstadt everââ
Your brow furrowed as yet another person bumped into you. It seemed the true rush hour of Sumeru finally hit as the roads were covered with people. You wanted to roll your eyes. Of course, nobody was walking into Alhaitham. He seemed to have a two-foot forcefield around him. Not that you were surprised. Though you liked him, even you could admit that the vibes he exuded were not the most welcoming.Â
But as you kept musing to yourself about Alhaitham and his unkind vibes, the more you found yourself getting pushed and shoved away from him. Thankfully, you knew the direction he was heading, so it wouldnât be too hard to simply meet him thereâ
âTheyâre not going to move unless you make them.â
Your eyes widened as you felt a hand grasp yours. With a gentle tug, you found yourself pulled from the crowd. There Alhaitham stood with a brow up, daring you to argue. You pouted.
âYou couldâve done that earlier.â
He shrugged.
âI was waiting to see if youâd do it yourself.â
âWell thanks, I guess,â you replied, rolling your eyes. Still, you squeezed his hand gently because you were, though a bit exasperated, also grateful.Â
With him at the forefront to part the crowd, he led you by hand to Lambadâs Tavern. Despite being a busy night, it didnât take too long for you both to be seated. After being guided to a square table, he took his normal place diagonally to your side instead of across from you. In the back of your mind, you assumed it was so that you were easier to hear, but there wasnât any point to putting much thought into it than that. With your orders put in and a round of drinks on the table, you took a hearty swig from your glass before leaning back.Â
âSo hereâs what I envision for an Alhaitham in love,â you began, eager to continue your conversation from before. âIâŠ
HmâŠ
âI umâŠâ
That was a good question. How would a starry-eyed Alhaitham look?
âWell, you seeâŠâ
Though you found yourself ready to wax poetic about a normal person in love, when you really thought about it, Alhaitham wasnât the most normal person around. He didnât laugh much, let alone smile. He was more mean than he was nice. That wasnât even mentioning his sheer lack of friends.Â
âCanât think of anything?â
âNo, thatâs not it. Iâm just realizing you wouldnât act much different,â you began. âI think you would still treat them the same, but youâd always have an eye out for them. You may talk about them from time to time, maybe pay for their meals as well. I can see you wanting to be nearer to them than most people. Youâd prefer their company more. Things like that.â
His head cocked to the side in thought.
âThat doesnât sound like Iâd be very much in love with them at all.â
You shrugged.
âYou donât need to look in love to be in love, you know. Itâs just that you wouldnât be as obvious about it as most.â
It was then his turn to shrug.
âReally? I think most would say that Iâm not capable of love.â
You snorted.
âOh, come on,â you began with a humored grin. âWe both know thatâs not true. Youâre a human just like anyone else. Youâre one of the kindest people I know.â
âI know many people that would disagree with that.â
âAnd I would disagree with them. You donât judge people. You see them for who they are. You always tell the truth, even if it may hurt. You donât like it when people are troubled, so you give them words to help them change. Though you try to avoid company, you donât hesitate to help the people you care about. You donât abandon people in their time of need. Youâre kind, Alhaitham.â
He took a sip of his drink.
âYou make it seem like Iâm doing this out of the goodness of my heart. I merely donât like being troubled by other peopleâs problems,â he replied with a shake of his head.
âMaybe,â you admitted with a shrug before giving him a knowing look. âBut if you really hated it all that much, I think you wouldâve gotten rid of some people in your life a long time ago.â
He turned away.
âI think youâre looking far too into it.â
âAnd I think you just feel exposed for being a softie,â you shot back with a laugh.
He didnât speak after that, not that he needed to. You knew he knew there was no point in trying to argue. This was something you brought up multiple times in the past, much to his dismay. As much as he tried to ignore it, you saw him for how he really was. Which was whyâŠÂ
You sighed.
âDo you really like someone though? Are the rumors true?â You asked nervously.Â
âWas it that important to you that you had to follow me to find out if it was?â He questioned.
You shrugged.Â
âWell, I mean I did want to see you get all starry-eyed, but⊠the thought of you having someone so important to you in your life and me not noticing a single thing bothered me. I mean youâre the person I spend the most time with. Can I even be called your friend if I didnât notice something so big?â You asked, a bit dejected.
âIs that the only reason?â
When you frowned in confusion, he continued.
âYou say itâs because youâre my friend. Are you sure itâs not for any reason more than that?â
As he spoke, his gaze did not waver from you. It was as if his eyes were piercing you through. It seemed as if he was searching for something, but what? Was there truly a reason more than that? You werenât so sure.Â
Before you could respond, your plates were set before you, prompting your stomach to let out another long and loud grumble. You flushed. Of course, your stomach had to interrupt such a serious moment.Â
He sighed.
âLetâs eat.â
Really, you truly did mean to play around with his words in your head as you ate, but the moment the food touched your tongue, any and all thoughts were out the window. Lambadâs Shawarma Wraps were always top-notch. The flatbread was soft and warm and the sauce was tangy and fresh. Despite living here for the past few years, you still werenât quite used to eating with your hands, but such problems never detracted from the taste.Â
When you were almost done, you turned your gaze to your companion with stars in your eyes.Â
âDo you want to share an Ajilenakh Cake with me?â
Though you knew he wasnât one for sweet food, you didnât know anyone who could resist the sweet nuttiness of Ajilenakh Cakes. They were warm and soft and the jam complimented the flavors wonderfully.Â
âSure,â he agreed with a shrug.Â
And with an excited grin, you put in the order and went back to your food. In the back of your mind, you remembered the time Alhaitham mentioned he preferred meals with you. When you asked if it was because he enjoyed your company, he said that you were always so focused on eating that you barely had any time to speak. You hated how you always proved him true because once the dessert was placed before you, again any thoughts you had of continuing the conversation quickly came and left.
As you ate you mused it probably would be a good idea to go on a diet after this. Alhaitham barely had a fourth of the Ajilenakh Cakes, not that you were surprised. He wasnât exactly one for sweets. But that meant you ate the rest, and with all the Shawarma Wraps youâve been eating as well⊠it did not bode well for your waistline.Â
âI donât think it means anything. Me being bothered, I mean,â you finally announced as you wiped your lips clean. âI think any normal person would want to know whatâs going on with one of their friends, you know? Besides, you say that me being bothered could mean something more. What more could it mean?â
He shrugged.
âIt could mean that youâre interested in me and worried that I may have found someone else.â
You leaned back as you crossed your arms in thought. Well, when he put it like that, it certainly was a possibility. Perhaps you were afraid of being replaced by someone else. You enjoyed being at his side, after all. But that being said, being interested in him? It didnât seem very likely.
âNo, I donât think so,â you replied. âIâve never really thought of you in that way before.â
He sighed.
âThen thatâs a shame.â When you asked why, he continued, âBecause the rumors are true. The person Iâm interested in, the person everyone is gossiping about, is you.â
âAnd thatâs what happened,â you finished as you sipped your wine. âCan you believe it? The source of the rumors, the one everyone was talking about, was me!â
âW-Wait. He literally told you that? He just went out with it!?â Kaveh exclaimed in disbelief.Â
As Kaveh sat across from you, you wanted to laugh at the sheer look of confusion upon his face. He was utterly dumbfounded. Not that you could blame him. It was a rather crazy story, after all.
You nodded.
âYep! I mean looking back, all of the signs were there. We spend a lot of time together for work, he likes sitting next to me at restaurants, sometimes he pays for me⊠He even holds my hand from time to time when the roads are packed! I donât know how it took him explaining it to me to finally realize the truth!âÂ
And really, it was embarrassing on your part. Growing up, youâd love to while away the hours in the Knights of Favoniusâ library reading mystery novels. Nothing was more exhilarating than getting the culprit correct. So really, this was something you should have figured out from the very start. But nevertheless, being given the answer to this mystery didnât make the outcome any less exciting. It made you wonder if you should investigate more Akademiya rumors in your free time. It certainly would be fun.
However, a quick glance at Kaveh showed he wasnât exactly sharing your thoughts. Instead, his face still held that same dumbfounded look from before, if not a bit more intense.Â
âSo what did you do? What did you say? Alhaitham didnât seem any different when he came home! Oh Gods, and to think I scolded him that evening for leaving his books out! I really mustâve sounded like a jerk!!â
You frowned in thought. Was there something lost in the communication here? You didnât see anything worth panicking over.Â
âWell, after he told me that, I tried to argue with him, actually. Honestly, can you imagine me being the answer? Thatâs way too easy. But then he explained everything to me and eventually it made sense. After that, he paid for dinner and then we went home.â
His jaw dropped this time.Â
âThatâs it!? You went home?? After all that???â
You tilted your head to the right.Â
âWhat do you mean? The mystery was solved. What more did we need to do?â
He dropped his head into his hands and pulled at his hair before them on the table.
âWhat do you mean!? Alhaitham confessed his feelings to you. And you just nodded and went home!? I canât believe youâre making me feel bad for him! You really donât think anything about it?â
Your head tilted this time to the left. Kaveh groaned.
âHe likes you. Donât you feel anything about that?â
Feel anything about him liking you? Him⊠liking you. He⊠liked you.Â
Oh.
First your eyes widened, then your hands dropped to your lap, and then, with the fury of a thousand suns, you felt your face burn up.Â
âIâm happy⊠I think?â
#genshin impact#genshin x reader#alhaitham#alhaitham x reader#my writing#i apologize ahead of time on behalf of reader#they are uhh.... an idiot#also because i started on this like a year ago it doesnt have the same writing style i've been using as of late#but then again this is meant to be more romcomish so hopefully that's okay#also let me take the chance here to say that PILOT G-2 PENS SUCK#WHY DO PEOPLE BUY THEM ALL THE TIME? THEY TAKE SO LONG TO DRY#why not go with pentel energel? theyre amazing#also if you're wondering about that ending i stole it from gsnk#miyako said that when ryuunosuke(?) told her his feelings
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#Take it back#lets go brandon#donald trump#god is a republican#Vote#make america great again#not my pic#not my image#kyle rittenhouse#suck my freedom#too big to steal#too big to rig#MAGA
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Just let it hang out
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i hate to be a Downer but no i donât think making the tenth generic post abt how âtrue loveâ is and always will be the most powerful force in the universe and that nothing else compares gives you a personality actually. sorry.
#aromantic#that trope is sooo fucking lame⊠and itâs overplayed⊠and it sucks. sorry.#not to be a cunt! but i am going to say this.#like slay if u love love me too. but no love is not inherently good nor does it lie at the centre of everything ever.#also nor is love the most powerful force in the universe of all time. i mean whatever if u think that idc#but i hate it as a trope! itâs bad. sorry!#hate it when i watch a show and itâs like. then tje curse was broken with true loves kiss <3 romantic btw. in a romantic way.#like we get it youâre in beautiful alloromantic heterosexual love. doesnât make the trope suck any less#and then people will eat it up and make 1000 generic posts abt why love is the meaning of it all or smth. which all sound the same#sorry. im being mean but u gotta let me be a little mean sometimes itâs for the ecosystem#mossy posts#how to tag this.#lovequeer
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And that, kids, is how Starflare got his "Star Ranger" nickname.
#transformers#maccadam#megatron#lost light#mtmte#transformers oc#starflare#rodimus#remember when 'star ranger' was one of the name options in a poll I held last year but 'starflare' won?#I refused to let it go to waste xD#this had been in my head for months. glad I can finally show it#the whole rodimus and cowboy hat thing was inspired by darldraws xD#I suck at rendering art har#wish art
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