#Let Them Eat Prozac

[weirdpersonifiedpills]

Happy fluoxetine day!!

Something I drew up last year for the anniversary but never posted here. 49 years ago today, compound LY-110140 was given the name fluoxetine. After that, it would be 12 more years before it was finally FDA approved in December of 1987 and subsequently sold on US shelves in January of 1988 (that long ass time span is a whole other can of incredibly interesting worms).

I chose film imagery for this piece as a reference to Prozac’s ‘blockbuster drug’ status, of which nearly everyone was taken off guard by it achieving. No one had high expectations for fluoxetine, even those who developed it in the first place. An antidepressant that acted specifically on the serotonin system could never survive in a world where the current antidepressants, like MAOIs and TCAs, acted on multiple systems, and yet Prozac became a national sensation.

What followed massive success was an outcry that only seemed to get louder as time went on, as the potential dangers of the drug were not being properly communicated or warned about. People were dying, committing suicide. Data was covered up, falsified, never released. The court cases lasted years as people fought pharmaceutical giants in search of retribution. I could talk forever about how interesting Prozac’s history is in particular, and how every other SSRI ties so closely into its story (which, if you want to read, I highly reccomend Let Them Eat Prozac by David Healy, my absolutely favorite book ever I read it over and over).

Next year will be the 50th anniversary of fluoxetine’s official name, and I could not be more excited about that

[corrodedhawkins]

Withdrawal: Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Follow up to Prozac

Content warnings: 18+ (minors DNI), language, oral (f!receiving), fingering, crying (non-sexual this time), Eddie being a very supportive but also very horny boyfriend, multiple orgasms and praise.

This fic deals with mental health, mental health medication, withdrawing from medication, the possible side effects of these medications, including sexual dysfunction and the shame that can come with them. Please skip this if any of these things are triggering for you.

Authors note: this is inspired by me finally getting off of my SSRI and being able to feel my clit for the first time in five years. We’re celebrating

After years of being on an SSRI and attending weekly sessions, your therapist thought you had made enough progress to taper you off of your Prozac and onto an NDRI with less side effects. They had warned you the withdrawal process would be difficult, but nothing could have prepared you for what hell the next few weeks would be.

Your emotions were all over the place, and you found yourself screaming one minute then bursting into tears the next. The brain zaps were horrible, jolts of electricity shocking you so suddenly you nearly doubled over every time.

Eddie, bless him, had been a saint through the whole process. He let you scream and cry, and when you were done, he’d scoop you up into his lap and you’d fall asleep against his chest, exhausted from the emotional rollercoaster.

He would stop at the store on the way home to grab your favorite ice cream, candy bar, or anything else he thought could make you smile. You had to admit, it was hard to be upset when Eddie was shoving a bag full of chocolate, bubble bath, candles and a book into your arms as he ushered you into the bathroom.

Three weeks into withdrawal you finally start to feel better, your emotions much more stable with only the occasional brain zap. As supportive as Eddie had been, he missed being intimate with you. The second he was sure you were feeling better, he practically shoved you down onto the mattress. He crawls between your legs, whispering a, “missed you”, to your pussy before diving in.

Your snort of amusement turns into a cry of pleasure as you feel Eddie’s tongue lap at your clit.

“Holy fuck”, you stare down at him, propping yourself up onto your elbows. “Wha-what are you doing?”, you gape.

Eddie lifts his head from between your thighs, blowing a strand of hair out of his face. “Eating your pussy?”, he answers slowly, tone questioning.

“No shit”, you slap at his shoulder weakly. “I mean, what are you doing differently? Feels really good.”

He ducks back down to mouth at your clit, sucking the bud into his mouth as his tongue swirls around it. You feel him smirk against you when your hips jolt, hand flying to bury your fingers into his hair.

“You mean this?”, he asks before diving back in and sucking harshly at your clit. His big hands grab your hips to keep you still, pinning you to the mattress.

“Hah-yes. D-don’t know where you learned that but it’s good.”

As much as he loves seeing you enjoy yourself, his confusions wins out. “Baby”, he murmurs as he kisses your inner thighs, his day-old stubble scraping against the sensitive skin. “M’not doing anything differently. This is what I always do. Want me to keep going?”

“Please”, you breathe.

You feel him nod against you as he peppers kisses from your inner thighs to your slit, tongue darting out to lick a stripe from your hole to your clit.

“Ohmyfuckinggod”, you yelp, throwing your legs over his shoulders for leverage. You buck up as much as you can in his hold, grinding Eddie’s nose into your clit as he laps up the slick dripping from your hole to the sheets below.

“Can I have your fingers? Please?”, you whine pathetically as Eddie reaches up to shove two fingers into your mouth. You immediately suck on them, getting them nice and wet.

With one last swirl of his tongue against you, he pulls his fingers from your mouth and taps them against your hole. “This what you want?”

“Yes”, you cry, a little louder than you meant to.

Eddie chuckles, placing a kiss to the inside of your knee. “S’okay, I got you.”

His fingers inside of you is like nothing you’ve ever felt before. They drag against your g-spot, sending sparks of pleasure up your spine, your thoughts a mess of “whatthefuckwhatthefuck”.

The usually elusive orgasm builds quickly, one hand tangled in his curls as the other grips the sheets below. “Please don’t stop”, you beg.

“Not stopping”, he promises, thumb reaching up to swirl circles around your clit as he speaks. “I can feel how close you are, sweetheart. You gonna cum for me?”

All you can do is nod frantically, hand tightening against his scalp.

His mouth replaces his thumb on your clit, keeping the hard but steady pace of his fingers curling up against your g-spot.

It only takes seconds before you’re crying out, muscles seizing before you’re shaking apart as you cum against his tongue.

Sagging back against the pillows, you ride out your orgasm until you’re overstimulated, shoving his head away as you catch your breath.

“Good?”, Eddie smirks, biting playfully at your thigh.

You stare at him for a moment before it hits you. “No way, no fucking way.” Your hands come up to cover your face, the realization making your stomach flip.

“What? What is it?”, Eddie’s on you in an instant, pulling your hands away from your face to get a good look at you. “Baby, talk to me.” His eyes flick over your features, desperately trying to figure out what’s wrong.

The tears you’ve been holding back fall as the care in his tone hits you. “That’s what I’ve been missing?”, you practically wail.

Eddie reaches up to wipe the tears from your face, a look of genuine bafflement etching features. “Huh?”

With a huff, you sit up and wipe the remaining tears from your face. “I just came in less than two minutes, Eddie. Two minutes.” Two fingers are thrust against his chest to emphasize your point. “And I felt everything. Nothing felt numb or dull. It’s like my clit just woke up from a thousand year slumber.”

He snorts at that, biting his lip when you shoot him a glare. “Isn’t…isn’t that a good thing?”, he asks timidly.

“Of course it is”, you try to take a deep breath and fail, the tears coming back before you can stop them. “It’s great, but now all I can think about is how I‘be been cheated out of that with you because of my meds”, you sniffle. “I’d been on it so long I didn’t even remember I could feel like that.”

“Baby”, Eddie sighs, his heart breaking for you as he wraps you in his arms, your head resting in the crook of his neck. “M’so sorry you spent so long like that. Please don’t cry.”

“Can’t help it”, you mumble, burying your face back against his shoulder.

His hand rubs over your back soothingly, waiting for you to to settle before he speaks. “Y’know, I think you’re looking at this entirely the wrong way.” Eddie pulls back and tilts your chin up to look at him.

“Hear me out”, he tucks a few strands of hair behind your ear and leans in close. “If the way you were flailing around like you were possessed is any indication, I think it was pretty good for you?”

“You’re exaggerating”, you turn your attention to his hands, fiddling with the ring on his middle finger, twisting it back and forth.

“Mhm no baby, I’m not. I almost called a priest. Got a little worried we needed an exorcism.” He presses a quick kiss to your temple as you giggle, relieved he can make you feel a little better.

“And if it felt that good”, he continues, voice dropping a few octaves. He knows what that tone does to you, the bastard. “And you came that quickly, imagine how good it would feel if I laid you out and took my time with you, pulled out every trick I know. Imagine how many times I could make you cum.”

You can hear the smirk in his tone as his hand snakes down your body, thumb swirling deliciously slowly around your clit.

A shaky breath rushes out of you, the feeling of your clit starting to throb again startling you. If you were lucky, you came once, unable to even think about a second orgasm. Apparently, things had changed.

Eddie nuzzles into your neck, sucking kisses to the exposed skin, his thumb picking up speed. “Think you can go again?”

He chuckles against your skin when you immediately nod. “Are you gonna be a good girl and let me do whatever I want with you?”

You made a mental note to send your therapist a fruit basket as you came for the third time that night.

[apollosunshineisdead]

my favorite lyric or two from every will wood song

Everything is a Lot:

6up 5oh: "they shoulda fried me, I'll give ya PTSD!"

skeleton Appreciation Day: "give me all your LSD so i can feel my mind unweave again!"

front Street: "you said let loose, but now you're lost"

aikido!: "i told doctor tillis to prescribe an illness, but he said his schedule's filled with children with need Prozac, prilosec and lo-jack, triple-sec and lexapro"

white Knuckle Jerk: "i wonder how i woke up in the middle of my surgery, and i watched them botch my heart"

cover This Song!: "i'm just a little bit crazy 'bout you, just a little bit out of my mind"

Thermodynamic Lawyer: "so all that i see, absolute entropy as the chemical bounds fall apart"

red Moon: "the crescent rests, tethered to the west"

lysergide Daydream: "ooh, i wanna be on the picture on the postcard, pouring pitchers in the backyard by the garden we tend"

the First Step: "i lost count after 21 in the college crawl"

jimmy Mushrooms': "i think the truth is that everyone's wrong!"

Compound Fracture: "bienvenidos a la villa de arañas españas"

everything is a Lot: "night sky, i wonder why i am alive until i die / i find that at this size, no answer can be right"

destroy to Enjoy: "lao tzu, chaung tzu, yin-yang tattoos, FUCK your mystic wisdom! find your own way home from Bonnaroo!"

SELF-iSH:

self-: "i'll shake the apples from my family tree, so when the autumn comes to take the leaves..."

2012: "testing my hypothesis, never finding a theory!"

cotard's Solution: "rolling my third eye into the back, of my head and squinting through the black"

mr. Capgras: "eulogy or biography, i'm who i ought to be, and that is God to me"

the Song with 5 Names: "WHAT IS "IS"? WHAT IS "NOT"? WHAT IS "WHAT"? WHAT'S UP PARTY PEOPLE! WHAT? / WHY I WONDER WHY I'M NOT WHATEVER, WHAT THE FUCK!"

hand Me My Shovel: "looking up, i could say Heaven sent me! / hand me my shovel, i'm going in!"

dr. Sunshine is Dead: "i'm noone if i'm nowhere in between!"

-ish: "well at 27 will i see, that i was born to be the man i'll be?"

The Normal Album:

greetings from Mary Bell Township!: "so give me your half-life crisis / i can tell that you know where paradise is!"

(vampire) Culture: come on, drink that BLOOD! didn't they want your blood?

Love Me, normally: the Lord looked down, said, "hey, you're only mortal"

2econd 2ight 2eer: "my grip on the secrets' slippin' while i'm speakin' in tongues!"

laplace's Angel: "so if you wash your hands of where you've been until you flood the second floor / neatly fold your skeletons, but still can't shut the closet door"

i/Me/myself: "eating your prosthetic, meet your anesthetic"

...well, better than the Alternative: "she's gonna be a lot like me, but i don't wanna be at all like me"

outliars And Hyppocrates: "i am the shadows cast aside by gallows, and you, the red hot sky"

blackBoxWarrior - OKULTRA: "his ribcage was a hornet's nest, his palpitations set the beat!"

marsha, thankk you for the Dialects: "doctor, what's my prognosis if the studies show that / disease is in the eye of the beholder, tell me "so it goes!""

love, Me Normally: "is there nothing to fear, cuz shit's getting weird!"

memento Mori: "no need to fear cuz when it's Here you won't be alive / try not to think about it!"

Camp Here & There: Campfire Songs:

venetian Blind Man: "string on his finger, a tourniquet ring"

yes, to err is Human: "if you don't hate me, then reanimate me!"

your body, My Temple: "furthering the fever of your fervor for believing, I will"

when somebody Needs you: "fishing lure moon on a string for you, didn't you say you need space?"

"In Case I Make It,"

tomcat Disposables: "what's the moon made of? meet me there after i'm gone"

becoming The Lastnames: "weeding out the garden where the milestones gather moss"

Cicada Days: "here at the end of days, my god, what have I done? / christ, now it feels damn inhumane to get all i dreamed of"

euthanasia: "and every, everybody dies / fighting for their lives, just trying to survive"

falling Up: "airplane eclipses over spirals of math – would or could the impact kill me?"

that's Enough, let's get you Home: "but CO2 and fish tanks do enough to get you home"

um, it's Kind of a Lot: "sorry darling, please excuse my constant need to self-aggrandize!"

half-Decade Hangover: "but i can't make amends for things i can't remember"

vampire Reference in a Minor Key: "the seraphim on my shoulder, whispering "please don't turn your head""

you liked this: "Ten Red Flags that a Neurotypical Narcissist is Trauma Dump Gaslighting You into Sex-Negative Self-Abuse Emotional Labor and Internalised Reverse Racism Against Post-Modern Flat Earthers with Facts and Logic (Number Seven Will Destroy Your Family)"

the Main Character: "judge me by what my cover shows, author becomes beyond reproach"

Against the Kitchen Floor: "i'm not a good person, i'm barely a person at all"

Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll: "and i hate proving that i'm still human after all"

BFB's Blueberry Pie: " "

Willard!: "so gather 'round pandora's skinner's box, look through the one-way mirror / if you can see in shade's of grey, the colors are much clearer"

White Noise: "it begs the question just to tell you the answer!"

ICIMI outtakes:

misanthrapologist: "I hear your hear beating under the floorboards" and if i did, you deserved it: "that i really don't carе what you think or what you say, either that or I do way too much, oh well whatever, either way"

thank you for listening

[snoopyrpc]

things that have been said in conversations with my best friend, a collection of dialogue prompts.

minor corrections have been made from their original quotes for spelling and grammar clarification. contains references to food, drugs, violence, (light) sexual situations, and medical procedures.

"i'm definitely not the kind of person who lies about things."

"i know a lot about children, being a former child myself."

"[name] seems old enough to use power tools."

"it’s important to me that you know this person wore a white button up to the gay bdsm festival."

"i could not imagine your ass at a bdsm festival."

"can we go get enchiladas?"

"unfortunately i think we would both develop gambling addictions."

"you have a blessed night."

"you can’t look like a baby deer AND try to hurt people."

"you're not crazy. and neither am i."

"do you want some sausage and kale soup?"

"he said 'you and [name] feed into each other's delusions.'"

"i think taco bell should have a michelin star."

"how about you go jerk [name] if you like him better, pussy boy."

"oh waiter, i'll take your most expensive steak, medium rare."

"you stupid twink."

[no dialogue but sends a dog picture]

"that’s not at all what i was expecting you to say."

"she’s not pleased with what people are saying about her son and his roommate, i’ll tell you that."

"there are so many things happening here. most of them are not good things."

"he looks like a bloke that goes to a footie match."

"i would like to see violence."

"i'm a normal age."

"i fell asleep early last night after eating a bag of chips for dinner."

"you'd love [name]. the man's got so many issues."

"i know this for reasons you don’t need to worry about."

"oh, those children are in danger."

"i already asked to get a divorce."

"well, he committed medical malpractice many times. i would never do that because i'm very professional."

"would you let [name] give you a lobotomy?"

"i'm just a regular doctor who gives out lobotomies and sometimes prozac."

"[name] said i need prozac."

"i don't know if i am gonna be able to function as a normal person because i did not function as a normal person the last time."

"i'll get my scissors."

"this makes it hard for me to feel nice things."

"should i pretend to care about men so things can happen for me?"

"i'm eating you in a sandwich with proscuitto and mozzarella."

[nshtn]

yeahh so like uhh i wanted to say that i do write from a catharsis angle and the themes in my writing are from crippling C-PTSD. like okay the light stuff... no... but all my characters i pen are Imbued and steeped like a tea bag in water with Me & My Issues. could be 2 min steep could be the full 8 min extra strong blend.

as a child i was forced into a hospital for poor mental health but the mental hospital part had no beds so i had to be held. but they completely forgot i existed and didnt give me my medicine, food, or water, didnt come to see me and didnt check on me, in a moldy dusty white room with nothing but an eye chart and a single white bed and fluorescent lighting. with a cop that walked outside the doors and my only neighbors being a revolving door of lesser evils and a guy who had to keep getting ativan and got strapped to his bed for fighting it.

so anyway after not really eating more than 2 pieces of bread and lettuce for 4 days i was taken to a mental hospital that dx'd me with as many conditions as possible, enrolled me in clinical stuff against my will that ended up later becoming a lawsuit for a lot of people, and they also began to give me massive amounts of tranquilizers/anxiolytics to try to induce a zombie state in me. every other person there was zombified off Seroquel Benadryl Olanzepine Geodon Versed Haldol literally like. any mix of those. and i was on Seroquel Olanzepine Depakote Lamotrigine w/ Prozac then switched to S-O-D-L + Ativan then S-O-D-L + Xanax. max dose seroquel and olanzepine. min dose lamotrigine mid dose olanzepine low dose prozac/ativan/xanax. anyway this fucked my body so badly. i could not escape this place or leave and they just kept telling me i was too sick to go and wouldnt let my mother call me which my mom is kinda just a narc anyway.

so i finallu got out but then they put me in another one. more days of not eating and being white wall white room white white sterile. and then when i got to the second place it was even worse. same fucking drugs again minus Seroquel i been on the whole time. then they tried adding this shit that goes under your tongue as an antipsychotic called Saphris. that didnt work so they tried other shit dont remember but NONE could make me down. i was never capable of zombifying. i would always go the opposite. they had no blankets and made us sleep using our clothes on dirty gym mats infested with bugs and worms. my room mate punched the wall and broke her hand open until bone was showing and she was bleeding and they told her they wouldnt bring her to get help and it was her fault. so her and I screamed at them until the early dawn while she was going in & out until they helped her she was literally alternating between fainting, crying and screaming all night. and the same place also used to flip people over who misbehaved infront of us and inject them with benadryl and tell us that will be us if we don't get our act together. and the staff used to tell us they were going light on us and we would all be murderers soon anyway and we didnt matter. they wouldn't give anyone pillows or blankets if they needed it and there was a kid who tried to get out by trying to climb the fence who ate SHIT on the barbed wire. i left that hospital with a failing liver and intestinal parasites from undercooked meat and i thought i would die there because the psychiatrist kept telling me I'd only leave when she drained my insurance. and she was impressed that it held so long and that if I acted out she would inject me with benadryl. and i have a crippling benadryl allergy because it makes my immune system go into my brain and swell it against my skull. so i learned to shut off my emotions at that place and i tried to be a good fatherly figure to all the kids there and it really did not work because we were ALL so fucked. SO fucked. and the only person i could help was that girl with her hand.

and i think about that place a lot because they still do this to so many people. i struggle with homicidal feelings and survivors guilt because I got out and I know some people who killed themselves from it all.

third place i was locked in another room away from everyone for so long because i had such bad reactions to all the drugs they kept hauling onto me and i was literally just dying like i was so overweight and gaunt and my organs were Not good. after i left it took 1 month for the medicine to fully leave my body and this time I didnt get better. I just kept getting worse.

at this point my liver was really not well and somehow my gallbladder died from all the drugs i think. my stomach wasnt well and my intestines werent well and my brain was really not well. my blood was really bad like my liver damage markers were insanely high and nobody could figure out why and i kept collapsing on my floor and throwing up blood. i thought i had cancer and was dying from all the Depakote. my ovaries also grew massive endo tumors. i was on the brink of death at that point i started taking Opiates constantly. legally prescribed because I was in so much agony. i had my gallbladder removed it was necrotic and the infection destroyed my nerves around the whole area. then i had to get a full hysterectomy partial oophrectomy and they found masses and the masses had spread all the way into and up my peritoneal cavity and cant be removed because they are risky, EVEN to a Da Vinci. i couldnt afford my meds so my doctor kept just begging the manufacturer for free trials and giving me all the packs. it was fucking horrible

I got chronic pancreatitis, my liver is... sensitive ig, reverse peristalsis of my duodenum sometimes & have to take Ursodiol 4x daily, my stomach or the vagus nerve controlling it got permanently razed and i have severe gastroparesis to the point i have to have a PEG-J feeding tube w/ Infinity Moog. i cant eat pretty much anything except bread or suck on candy. my lowest weight was 89 lb a few months ago i was at a ahospital bed getting IV feeding TPN and it kept failing they had to get a port team to stick me because of how bad i was in condition. i have liquid Oxy at my bathroom side and a marijuana pen at all times some old crusty ass Creon 24,000 horse pills. i have to take Thiamine every day and my body doesnt produce what it should because I eat <700 kcal.

after all that I just kind of dissociate a lot because what do i do? i wanted to be a doctor/researcher or cybersecurity analyst. for a time I was a computer repair technician. and now what am i? just a crippled person with nothing ahead of them and all i can do is write, draw and sing. i live on my computer & i cant go far. i inject medicine daily. i dont know man. i cant even transition. i dont have boobs anyway because they go away when youre so small.

it all led me to crave writing characters like eddie who struggles with his urges and wesker who has all the power in the world and still can't cast the curse of spencer from his psyche. i love to write wesker like a doctor and eddie like a little hacker guy. and i dont know they are like parts of me i guess. i write them from the angle of experience. and when i write their flashbacks I think about my own experiences.

like i think eddie wouldve laid in his bed and stared at the wall like i did and he wouldve thought of a better kinder world. and he would think of how he got out but the other kids didnt and he hasnt done anything with the time between and he feels so fucking bad about it. and how come he feels so much for his past and so little for his present, like he's not even in it?

and i think wesker wouldve cried at night in the Executive Training Facility and he learned to turn all his emotions off and stop caring about the pain just like i did. and he never came back from it... he came back wrong... and was encouraged to become worse, a monster.

i dont know where i was going with this but thats 1/2 of my evil villain backstory i guess... thanks for reading

[acteur-dramatique]

Comfort. Pills. Booze.

I sit across from her,

my therapist,

each word she says landing soft,

careful,

like she's trying not to shatter what's left of me.

She tells me to respect the distance,

as it may be temporary,

or be prepared to let go,

to find my own way forward,

but her voice feels distant,

like it's reaching me through a thick fog of pain

I can't see through.

Her advice makes sense,

on paper,

but the distance between hearing and doing

feels impossibly wide,

and I don't know how to cross it.

I've started taking the meds,

Prozac in the morning,

Lamictal at night

waiting for something -

anything -

to shift inside me,

but all I feel is the same heavy ache,

the same dull throb

of a heart that refuses to heal.

It's frustrating,

this emptiness that won't leave,

and I wonder if maybe this is just who I am now,

a shadow of myself,

fading more with each passing day.

I regret pressing send.

The latest message sits like a stone in my chest,

the way I badgered Samuel,

pleaded for some kind of response -

something,

anything,

to tell me I still mattered.

But he gave me nothing,

left me in the silence

that feels louder than any goodbye.

It has been two weeks since that final check-in,

and the radio silence echoes in every corner of my mind,

filling the spaces where his voice used to be.

Now I spend my days

trying to focus on anything else -

working on assignments,

telling myself I'm helping the world,

trying to find some solace in aiding the disenfranchised.

but all I can do is think about them.

Every page I read,

every note I take,

his name slips though,

and ink stain I cannot erase.

And when the weight becomes too much,

I sit at my desk,

in front of my iMac,

pouring beer after beer,

whiskey over ice,

bottle after bottle,

the glasses sweating like I do

when I think of him.

The music plays on a loop -

American Football,

Taylor Swift,

Jimmy Eat World,

Ethel Cain.

Their voices fill the room,

each lyric like a knife,

each chord a reminder of what I've lost.

But I don't change the song,

don't hit pause,

because this is where I feel most at home now,

in this state of sorrow,

in this dark place where the grief lands like an old friend

I can't let go of.

I've become comfortable here,

in the quiet misery of missing him.

and though it tears at me,

part of me doesn't want to heal,

doesn't want to move on.

This sadness,

this grief,

it is all I have left of him,

and I'm not ready to let it go.

I don't know if I ever will be.

[songbirdstew]

This is just a cat complaint blog

Glitch is a hunter. She eats everything she kills. Because we don't want her killing birds, we keep her inside now. Because she eats actual vermin, we give her a preventive worming pill. (She's called Glitch because she's full of bugs.) She used to be THE BEST GIRL at taking her pill. I wrapped it in a pill pocket and she would gulp it down and ask for more pill pockets. That worked the first three times. Now she refuses to have anything to do with the pill and nothing I try is working. Fuck yo pill pocket. Fuck yo fish paste. Fuck yo wet food. We do have a pill plunger, but I was hoping to avoid it, thinking it might make things harder in the long run, but at this point, I think it's our only option.

(And if you're wondering, Does she really need the pill if she's an indoor cat now? Reader, every time I think the same thing, she comes trotting down the hall, tail waving like a flag, with a fucking rodent screaming in terror in her mouth. I'm glad she disposes of them so that I don't have to [make Curtis do it], but it does have its own set of complications. And yes she gets flea meds, too.)

A few weeks ago she came down with a bout of cystitis. So we've had to spend a couple weeks giving her pain meds, switch to a different litter, switch to wet food. Thankfully she likes the fancy litter and she took to it immediately & stopped peeing on the couch. Both girls are picky about the wet food they get (bitch, you eat mummified shrews, the fuck you on about. Eat your goddamn pate.) She's doing much better now. But between the lack of infection and her ever-present bald patch, the vet said it's clear she's suffering ongoing anxiety. She recommended trying other things before resorting to Prozac, but also was realistic about it maybe being impossible to actually figure out what all the problems are and how to address all of them.

She's adjusted well to being indoors, as long as she can look out the front screen door. As soon as it got too cold to leave the front door open, she started panicking. We made space for her to look out the picture window, but she like. Has no self esteem. And she thinks she can't jump that high. Reader, she can. It took her a while to learn how to jump, and she seems scared of heights, but she recently figured out how to get up on the bathroom counter, and the shelf by the window is the exact same height. She got as close as putting her front paws on the middle shelf and crying once. Curtis brought in a speaker cabinet that's exactly half the height of the top shelf, so now she has a booster step. It took a few days, but I finally saw her hop on the booster and then onto the shelf to look out the window. ... It was night.

She's up there right now, but she's sitting the wrong way.

Turn around, ya dingus:

We know a huge source of her stress is Charlie. We think Glitch would love to be friends with Charlie, but Charlie Hates Everyone, especially Glitch. We do have pheromone diffusers, and they do really help. Vet said in her personal experience, the collars do not help that much, especially if your cats already hate wearing a collar. We got them some Composure treats, and those also seem to help. Unfortunately, they made Charlie bold enough to come into the kitchen specifically to steal Glitch's food. 🫠 Which is not helpful when Glitch is snubbing her food bc there's tapeworm medicine in it. 🫠🫠🫠

During her cystitis, we let her outside supervised a few times. It seemed comforting for her to go potty outside in the dirt again, and to eat a bunch of grass. I have a couple starters of oat grass and catnip seeds going now, so they can both have fresh greens indoors. The wheat just sprouted. I might have to start over with the catnip.

If anyone else needs a suggestion on giving their anxious cat a busy toy, I scattered some of Glitch's favorite treats into the bottom half of an egg carton. The cups are just deep and narrow enough that she doesn't want to eat right out of it, so she has to figure out other ways to get the treats out. It's lightweight enough that she can bat it around and pick it up and fling it over and over. If the treats go flying, she gets to hunt them down. I can tell she thinks I'm EXTREMELY RUDE to do this to her, but it keeps her occupied for a good 20 minutes, and she gets treats.

TL;DR cats are terrible don't get one

Or. Only get one. Don't get two.

[girlhorse]

in college when i had my first major ocd breakdown and had to go on meds i thought i had really bad GAD lol. that was my only diagnosis. but um i now recognize that it was absolutely full blown ocd lol

tw below for some OCD stuff i feel like sharing for some reason. may delete later bc i am going to get very ~vulnerable~

i was really scared to explain my thoughts to anyone bc 1) i knew logically they were bizarre and that embarrassed me and 2) i was scared talking about my intrusive thoughts would make them come true

basically i was obsessed with thoughts that my now ex was going to be in harms way or die, especially when it had been like. idk. more than 20 minutes from texting me

my intrusive thoughts were so strange..i would come up with really whacky ways that they could be fatally injured. like slipping in the shower or choking to death.

I knew these were unreasonable and weird and I did my absolute best to not pester my ex or make it weird. I didnt want to pressure her to do anything because of my out of control anxiety but it was getting super out of hand

I was getting so sick that I was having panic attacks if i hadnt heard from them in a couple hours, i threw up a few meals because of it

eventually i just stopped sleeping. Every time I started to fall asleep, my body jolted me awake. I had very little appetite and was holding back gags while eating.

The things I didn't really consider to be compulsions are pretty obvious to me now. on top of like intense magical thinking (believing my unusual thoughts were either going to cause something bad or that I had some sort of clairvoyance) i had begun publicly checking my pulse any time i was anxious. I thought i was being discreet but honestly my friends noticed it and asked me wtf i was doing ☠️ i was putting my two fingers on my jugular vein to see if i was panicking or anxious.

i also had a problem with compulsively reading the news in their area if i thought they had been hurt. in the attempt to get ahead of it. I was checking traffic data and friends blogs. It was honest to God a bit stalkerish and i knew that but i was terrified

I did tell them about it eventually and they were very gracious about it.

but this went on for a long time, probably months. Somehow i still coped with college classes and didn't fail anything but i was in a pass/fail school so no pressure to do substantially well

eventually i finally got my as to the doctor bc the therapy i was doing did Not work (it ws self guided CBT. I do not think the campus therapsit was equipped to handle the Brains issue i had)

i got put on a low dose of prozac, but when that didnt work (literally threw up a pill due to anxiety lmao) my doc increased the dose significantly and that helped quite a bit.

Anyway i stopped having so bad of OCD that i couldnt function, but of course i still have my moments

it took me like a couple weeks to figure out my fear was largely surrounding uncertainty and the inability to control things.

i think to be honest it is still present. and it seems to be triggered by major life events. Enzo is my new Subject but I'm better able to cope. It was hard when he was little leaving home, i was always scared I'd come back to a d*** puppy bc of something I did wrong. But! hes fine, we're fine. Him getting sick has been hard to deal with Because of this but im dealing. Im doing my best to just accept my obsrssions instead of fighting them or letting them spiral out of control

IDK what the point od this post is i just feel like i have to get it off my chest and i dont have a therapy appointment this week ❤️❤️❤️ my public tumblr is my diary:)

[whoslaurapalmer]

ooooooo it's time for a lulu makes her way through therapy update 🪅

- yesterday was psychiatrist day and my brother had to drive me which was very thrilling for all involved, because the psychiatrist was initially my brother's and has known my brother since he was a teenager and saw us both in the waiting room and got so excited and went '!!!!!! is this a switch?? am I seeing both of you??? Or are you here just for the purposes of transportation' and I said HE'S JUST TRANSPORTATION TODAY

- what's nice about him is that even if he was the one who prescribed the prozac he doesn't push me on it at ALL. EVERYONE keeps saying 'why wont you take it?' and He's like, 'no lulu, you don't have to. It's okay if it's just there. Quite frankly. I don't know if you need it right now?' Which was very nice!! because I've been doing very well lately!!!!! not super focused if at all on my breathing or anxiety or panic!!!!!! And it's nice to hear SOMEONE ELSE say 'you sound like you're doing really good!!' but also acknowledge that that doesn't mean the end of talking to people about my problems or not trying to do different things!!

- it's so fucking stupid every damn time when most of my problems are in fact solved by drinking more water. that's what I really focused on this month. And trying to eat a good amount. And trying to be more like. It sounds so STUPID to say mindful but that's what it is!! When I start to panic I started saying hello to everything in the room. and myself more frequently in mirrors. I get so stuck in my head and can't get out of it and give anxiety and panic so much weight that trying to refocus outside of me helped a lot. I also started a gratitude app and I do it twice a day and that's nice too!!!! For really appreciating little things about my town and my house and the things I interact with and the people I know. It's helpful to make myself notice more about where I always am and that's not bad.

- BUT MEANWHILE so I told him, I am trying to placebo effect myself.

- my psychiatrist: ..........explain 🤔

- so I wanted to take SOMETHING for my anxiety. But I cannot do side effects. But I figured, the brain can be tricked and rerouted, right?? because it's silly like that!!! so I just have to reroute it a specific way!! And I can PRETEND I'm taking something for anxiety!! so I was looking for something that like. Idk, would 1) look like a pill 2) be something that I could take like a pill but also WHENEVER, whenever I was anxious too. I tried to do it with like things I already take, like sinus stuff and vitamins, but I might switch sinus meds again depending on how this month's ENT goes, and I figured it'd be better to have something that I registered as SPECIFICALLY for anxiety, and not multiple things.

- I picked altoids!!!!! I really wanted a mint bc mint is distracting on its own being so potent. I let them dissolve under my tongue for maximum vibes and so the mint experience lasts as long as possible. I have one in the morning and one in the afternoon at vaguely the same time and started out thinking each time 'I'm taking this to help with my anxiety' and within a few weeks my brain morphed it into 'don't forget to take your anxiety medication :) ' which we both found FASCINATING.

-I don't know if it IS helping??? Especially bc at the same time i DID up the eating and water. But it is a Thing!!!! and I like it a lot!!!!!! So maybe it is helping too!!!!!!

- my psychiatrist: we should tell altoids. they're missing out on a marketing angle. anyway this is very exciting! The placebo effect is so intriguing.

[sparkbird-jewelry]

It took me thirty years to start looking into what really might be wrong with me, or different about my brain. Therapists and doctors seem to avoid getting into actual diagnosis. I’ve taken every medication there is, nothing worked. Diagnosed with side effects like depression, anxiety, aDD. Misdiagnosed by my mother who seemed to know it all. She knows jack about mental health. I’ve suffered years substance abuse, prison lost people to overdose and one after another volatile relationships. After a million videos and lectures on mental health disorders I realized that I meet all the criteria for bpd. You only have to have five of nine. I meet nine. I also meet overlapping criteria for the different types of bpd. So I’m pretty certain I have it. It took the discovery of actual self reflection to realize my emotional reactivity was problematic, not only for myself, but for those closest to me. This search was out of my desire to save one of the best partners I had ever found in my life. This person saved me and he does know it, because I have told him. He supports me in literally every way you could hope a person would. This is somewhat new feeling for me.

While my self exploration started with me, it led to a LOT of problematic issues with other people in my life as well. I ended up stopping contact with my elderly parents. Not for the fact that I don’t love them. But the reactive abuse had become too much. They began to verbally attack my terminally Ill sister as well now, and they had put her health at risk for no real reason other than to make her feel bad, emotionally.

My sister has since moved away again and I lost her all over again. The first time I lost her was when she ran away at 18 to escape the home my parents built. A home of guilt, shame and “misbehaved” daughters “from hell”. My parents always pitted us against each other and we realized this at 45. It’s heart breaking. She is my idol. She was always the literal coolest person to me. I looked up to her secretly and I want her to know how much I admire her for so many reasons. I don’t know how to tell her a lot of these things. But I hope I get the courage someday and I hope I get a chance.

I cut my mom off because I’m angry. I’m tired of feeling like her biggest “problem”. She never made me feel loved or cared for. She stigmatized me for my mental health, my substance abuse, my relationship issues. Forced me onto dangerous medications at eleven and yeah.. I was a Prozac kid. Lucky I didn’t end up in prison for life. She started this nightmare by having us, but that does not mean she gets to end it. I do this time. I love my family, but the pain my mother has caused us all, is sick. I have to watch her abuse my dad daily. My sister, my aunts, uncles, cousins and even close friends. She destroyed everything. Like a narcissistic hurricane. She fat shamed me and then put me on anti depressants but would never admit to being the actual cause of that depression. And worst of all I lost YEARS with my family members that she isolated us from. She chases my family members off and I’m left feeling isolated after her smear campaigns. I’m just done.

Now I have to work on me. I fixed my substance issues. Eleventy years clean now. I still have ocd, control issues, low self esteem, trust and abandonment issues, addiction to tobacco and weed. I still have emotional problems. I still have eating disorders and insomnia. But I’m able now to start fixing those things. I’m not completely alone. I’ve got my favorite person, and my kids. I have my sister to talk to. Some family left that still talks to us a little. I can definitely seek therapy, yet again, and be more direct this time. Looking is hard. These days they don’t even answer the phone when you call in. I have more knowledge and that’s a start. However I’m not going to run off to apologize to my mother for the abuse she put on us. She gets nothing from me. She can go stew about how she’s the victim and I’m the abuser. Let her think what she wants. I’ve seen the rage in her eyes forty years and I’m sorry to let her down, but that rage is not meant for, and should not be directed towards me. And not my sister either. Not today, not ever. She doesn’t get to hurt us anymore. We stand together against the reactive abuse, the how could you’s and the after all I’ve done for you’s. And the why don’t you appreciate me’s. No. You’ve done nothing but damage. How could we possibly appreciate that?

[wyldwon]

This needs to be shared, needs to be read, and most importantly heard.

Sertraline- Zoloft

Venlafaxine- Effexor

Citalopram- Celexa

Mirtazapine-Remeron

Fluoxetine- Prozac

Duloxetine- Cymbalta

Seroquel- Quetiapine

Lamictal- Lamotrigine

Lexapro- Escitalopram

Wellbutrin- Bupropion

Lorazepam- Ativan

Klonopin- Clonazepam

Abilify - aripiprazole

Tegrotal - carabamezipine

Buspar - buspirone

You may know what these tablets are or know a loved one who takes them, but in case you don't, I will fill you in. That medication allows people to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves them tired, spaced out, emotionless, or even super emotional.

Crazy right? Why would anyone want to feel like that?

Well this is why!!

You see, some people suffer from severe depression and anxiety.

In their brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. They notice little differences that other people wouldn't. Most days they wake up sick and feel sleepless.

They consistently overthink every situation.

Was a comment about them; was it a joke?

Was that person supposed to laugh?

Or did they mean it?

Are they being nice?

Are they talking about them?

Do they talk about them?

They then think, I bet they don’t like me really.

They say sorry all the time. They feel like they annoy everyone.

And for all those questions they will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in their mind, until it sends them to tears...... it's mental that they see things that way.

It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. They don't eat a lot or they eat way too much. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exist, or sleep too much and waste half their day still feeling tired.

They still smile and they have every excuse for when you ask why.

But the tablets can help them. Because they know when they start to feel this way or think this way, they need help.

They know that when their behavior starts to change, They need guidance. And they understand that they don't need to be ashamed. They don't need to be understood. They just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle and sometimes you need to be kinder.

So I may just be another person who's talking about mental health....

Living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder. It’s also 100 times harder if they have another condition on top of this.

Don't suffer in silence.

Mental health is just as important as physical health.

Be part of the healing.💙

Be understanding.💙

Be kind. 💙

💙 Copied and pasted.

[lichmyass]

My daughter, Ma'am. (Her name is Ma'am. She told me so.)

This is the creature that saw a 180ib muscle-bound stray dog and said "fuck off my lawn". Her vet has been tryna get me to put her on Prozac for the past 8 years. (She is wearing a cozy sweater, to keep her bald butt warm- as she stress-grooms her bottom half and it is, in fact, bald.)

Her last vet weigh-in put her at 29.3 pounds last year, but now she's down to 18 due to dieting and rage-induced exorcise inspired by the diet.

She only eats Poultry flavored foods (Beef/fish get rekt), will only use the litterbox if i get ONE specific kind of litter (paw feel), and every night as she falls asleep she MUST have her tootsies massaged*.

*We have previously boarded her during a vacation and the staff did in fact verify that she would YELL directly into the pet-monitor cam until someone came and did so every night. (i'd left a note with them about that, but thought maybe she'd let it slide due to the change in environment. i was wrong.)

She is what many people in pet-related fields of work, who have encountered her, politely dub 'opinionated'. She has also been called 'The Jessica Lange of Cats' but im unsure what the context was (though this was during the height of 'the supreme' in pop culture).

When I initially adopted her from the shelter, she'd been red-tagged and labeled as 'non-adoptable' because of 'multiple failed attempts to socialize her that were all met with hostility' and they did in fact try VERY hard to get me to select another cat. I did not. She was barely 6 weeks old and had been found at the dump ALONE (not with a litter, or any other cats). When I picked her up after the shelter INSISTED on getting her fixed at 6 weeks ('its common practice and perfectly fine!" BULLSHIT. do NOT 'fix' animals before they actually reach sexual maturity, because as ma'am herself can attest, it leads to LOTS of hormonal imbalances and often times metabolic disorders and thyroid conditions BUT I DIGRESS) they basically had her in a carboard box and she was still unconscious from the fucking anesthesia and absolutely FREEZING (animals get COLD AF when they're under like that) so I took her home and snuggled up under a bunch of blankets with her and when she started cracking her little eyes open it was with a purr and she and I have been physically fused ever since.

[whumpbump]

Ummmm? My dogs? I could spend a MINIMUM of 30 minutes PER DOG that I’ve ever owned (7) with or without pictures. I know this to be true because I have scared people away in the college dining halls when enthusiastically talking about them. One is afraid of grass but really likes fire, one has an extra nipple and has killed critters/will kill and eat critters again so she’s on Prozac AND CBD, one would steal tomatoes out of our garden even when she went blind, one smelled terrible for some reason and needed diapers, one will not let you kiss her but desperately wants attention, one sits weird and does not know how to cuddle properly, and one sings and is afraid of doorways.

the spn drama could take a whole year to explain in the least so i’m good

[deanwinchestersgirl8734]

Sertraline- Zoloft

Venlafaxine- Effexor

Citalopram- Celexa

Mirtazapine-Remeron

Fluoxetine- Prozac

Duloxetine- Cymbalta

Seroquel- Quetiapine

Lamictal- Lamotrigine

Lexapro- Escitalopram

Wellbutrin- Bupropion

Lorazepam- Ativan

Klonopin- Clonazepam

If you're savvy enough to know what these tablets are or know a loved one who takes them, then I don't have to describe to you what this post is regarding. But in case you don't, I will fill you in.

That medication allows people to deal with a normal day to day life. Although most days it leaves them tired, spaced out, emotionless, or even super emotional. Crazy right? Why would anyone want to feel like that? Well this is why!!

You see, some people suffer from severe depression and anxiety. In their brain it doesn't sit right, something seems different. They notice little differences that other people wouldn't. Most days they wake up sick and feel sleepless. They consistently over think every situation. Was a comment about them was it a joke? Was that person supposed to laugh? Or did they mean it? Are they being nice? Are they talking about them? Do they talk about them? They then think I bet they don’t like me really.

They say sorry all the time. They feel like they annoy everyone.

And for all those questions they will spend hours trying to answer. Let it all build up in their mind, until it sends them to tears...... it's mental that they see things that way.

It's not only mental changes, but physical changes. They don't eat a lot or they eat way too much. Insomnia, up all night answering questions to situations that don't even exist, or sleep too much and waste half their day still feeling tired. They still smile and they have every excuse for when you ask why.

But the tablets can help them.

Because they know when they start to feel this way or think this way, they need help. They know that when their behaviour starts to change, They need guidance. And they understand that they don't need to be ashamed. They don't need to be understood. They just need to be accepted. Everyone is fighting a battle and sometimes you need to be kinder.

So I may just be another person who's talking about mental health....

Living with this illness is hard, but trying to understand it, is even harder. It’s also 100 times harder if they have another condition on top of this.

Don't suffer in silence.❤

#speakout

#CopyAndPasteIfYouCanAndAreWilling

Stop the stigma!

Mental health is just as important as physical health.

#mentalhealthmatters

#mentalhealthadvocate

[bubbles25454323245]

I feel like such a shitty cat owner. I vowed to never take my cats outside unless they were on a harness and leash. But now Cosmo just sits in front of the door ALL DAY begging to get out and nothing we are doing is working to get him to do other things. He's attacking our other cat and occasionally my parents dog. It's gotten to the point that cashew is slinking around and cowering when he's nearby. We've tried separating them for extended periods of time and slowly reintegrating them. We've tried positive reinforcement with treats. Hell, we tried putting Cosmo on Prozac and nothing has worked.

And I'm pissed off about it because I know why nothing is fucking working and nothing I do fixes it. Because it's my dad. When the cats were separated, he would wait until my fiancee and I were at work and let him out of the room he was in. Not because it's a small room, it's large and has plenty of space and toys, but just because he felt like it. We told my parents we don't want him going outside unless he's on a leash. What's been happening while we're gone? First Cosmo would "accidentally" get out. Dad would go out into the yard and watch him until he would get too close to the fence and take him back in. Then the word "accidentally" turned in to admitting he just lets him out. And now the supervision part is disappearing from the conversation too. He's blatantly disrespecting our wishes and nothing I say matters because this is his house and he gets to do what he wants. I'm so fucking angry. I feel so disrespected and disappointed in my dad.

And lastly, Cosmo eats a shit ton of grass when he's outside and then comes back in and throws it up. And poor Jacob has been cleaning it every time. He, if anything, is more vehemently against letting Cosmo out than I am.

I just don't know what to do.

Anyways, I bought more bells to put on cosmos cat collar.

[veggiefritterz]

bunch of incoherent rambling idfk if people read these anymore.

i have like 30 prozac in my desk drawer rn and the drawer next to it has 28 lexapro, ive also got a whole bottle of iron + vitamin c tablets cause i dont fucking eat enough and i dont think theyd do mich seperately but do ya think if i blended them and drank it with monster cause they all taste shit do ya think that might finally kill me??? cause the world seems pretty intent upon keeping me here i have a scar from an accident like 2 millimetres from my big wrist vein which is pretty fucking sad cause honestly when that accident happened i would have been fine with bleeding out on the sand in front of a few holiday having people. however fuck the world because they also gave me tits n whatever. i guess im lucky or whatever because i live in a pretty good place in a house only missing a few wearherboards with minimal asbestos and only one vine coming through the bathroom wall but thats aesthetic so i dont mind it. i kinda miss the shithole of a well shitter in the backyard that they torw down because outhouses arent in fashion anymore i wish theydve plumbed it up proper instead. goddamm why am i talking about outhouses. no see i could slit my wrists right the fuck now if i wanted to but if it doesnt work its too hot to wear a jumper and my dad will see and call the police crisis line. again. do you know how fucking much i hate the police like bitches get out of my fucking house all i did was throw a can of soup. at a wall not even at my dad so calm down. i guess the police are alright cause they told my dad its not worth turning the wifi off on me one time but beyond that oh my fucking god im going to kill myself violently. you gotta know how shit it isaking a police report they have cameras on you man. i dressed up nice for it. it took three visits to manage to say words at them actually also fucking hell i hate ali williams specifically im not afraid to namedrop my old school therapist and id drop her adress too if i knew it i kicked the shit out of her once and she cried but while that was wrong of me she deserved it because she broke the fucking law and let someone right near me who wasnt even allowed in the same building as me. on fuckin purpose. so naturally i kicked her. fight or flight type thing it was not a conscious decision. but moving on from that before i burst a vessel in my fucking eyeball. i think i will kill myself one of these days when everyone least expects it. im gonna just fuckinf cry at this point good fucking night yall im scared to shut my eyes because i know what ill see!!!