#Lessons rewrite

[erinwantstowrite]

I'VE LITERALLY THOUGHT ABOUT HOW IF YOU WROTE A MIRACULOUS LADYBUG CROSSOVER FIC IT WOULD BE SOO AWESOME.. it was always along the lines of "I bet Erin would understand. I bet Erin would do it JUSTICE. Too bad they probably won't write it🤷" ANS YOU DO. YOU DO UNDERSTAND.

I UNDERSTAAAAAANDDD dude if i could have any superpower it would be 1) shapeshifting HOWEVER if i couldn't choose that i would choose the ability to clone myself so i'd have multiple me's to do more stuff. i'd be pumping out fic after fic and art after art and still be able to do responsibilities

also i haven't kept up at all with MLB besides absorbing info via my mutuals but i do know that Damian should kick Lila's ass. (or WHATEVER her name is now???? she's bald or smth?????)

[reality-detective]

Disney paid someone $60 million dollars to paint Chemtrails so they can manipulate and lie to the collective. They wanted people to believe that it is "natural" to have stripes in the sky. 🤔

[nocreativityfornames]

After everything that happened, I honestly just want MC and the brothers to get some sleep

Like, that's it, that's all I want. After the big reunion MC tells the brothers that they're all in need of some good rest, and everyone immediately agrees to go change into their PJs and meet back at Lucifer's room 10 minutes later ( because he's the one with the large ass bed ). And they do just that, they all meet in Lucifer's room, hop on the bed, and finally have a good night's sleep. For the first time in months.

[nerozane]

Something you can definitely tell with a lot of talk with the Devs development with Astarion's story, to Wyll's story. Wyll's rewrite was crunched to the point a new actor had to come in for him (the EA actor for Wyll is a theatre actor and judging timelines on the rewrite, if he's in a production he's Def locked in for months at a time plus preparation and rehearsals). Compare to Astarions story arc, where the writer was allowed to mull and write the best stuff in parts where he was stuck writing for astarions arc. And have some long term input from Neil.

And I can't help but feel sad. Because both EA Wyll and release Wyll both deserved to have time to stew and mull and have input from both actors to how his character arc goes. And it just makes me sad that both players and larian had absolutely no faith in receiving/writing a black character. Or even the desire to take risks that the writer for astarion's arc took.

[thecrimsonjaguar]

i think when it comes to the F+C finale it's important to see where the writers were coming from. And it's easy to do that, the lesson/moral they gave simon is fairly clear: Simon needs to appreciate his life because Betty sacrificed so much to get him here. alright, cool, that's good on paper.

I do Also think that the execution was poor.

up until this point, the crown has represented/could be viewed as many things. Alzheimer's, substance abuse, and anything else people have called it. In this series, a newer interpretation has arose: Suicide. And I'm certain the writers were aware of this. Depression and suicidal ideation are such strong themes in this series that they can't NOT be purposeful.

So their attempt at teaching Simon to appreciate Betty's sacrifice can ALSO be read as: Simon, the suicidal, on the verge of a relapse-man, gets put into a body of a child, (and that is very powerful imagery that does not help, actually) and is told nearly expressly that he fucked up in his relationship with the love of his life. He is told he should have sacrificed more for betty. And he says to himself: "Maybe i wouldn't have even found the crown". Basically it's simon pinning the blame on himself for his 1000 year curse on his mistakes with Betty. Which of course can be read as Simon's self loathing but the show does nothing to refute his statement, which i also have issue with. Simon putting on the crown was stated to be a Mistake. it was an accident. No matter what, the crown cursing him Was Not His Fault. Ever. It's not Betty's fault, it's not Simon's, it. was. a. Mistake.

regardless on if they should or should not have introduced these new flaws into simon's character, having simon learn his mistakes like This feels. icky. to me.

[glasswingowl]

caught in your own web, just like your mother

[mumms-the-word]

A Little Boat Voyage

Pairing: Gale x Tav (Dani) Summary: Immediately after defeating Cazador and stopping Astarion from ascending, Gale and Dani need to discuss Gale's own ambitions. She agrees to a little voyage on the Outer Planes to hear what he has to say, preparing to fight him about his plans. ao3 link Tags: Angst, fluff, teeny tiny bit of implied smut, mostly angst A/N: This is a rewrite of the Act 3 romance scene that reworks a lot of the potential dialogue for that scene to fit what I actually think would have happened for Dani and Gale. I combed through the datamined file for all the dialogue that Gale and Tav could say, depending on all the possible situations for this scene, and stitched together a lot of game dialogue with Dani's own convictions about Gale's plans. So in my head, this is canon for them lol

Astarion’s words echoed in Dani’s head as she left his side in the group’s Elfsong Tavern suite. He was sitting by the window, looking out onto the moonlit streets below, contemplating the aftermath of his decision to slay Cazador rather than ascend, trying to process and make sense of it. She had gone over to speak quietly with him, knowing he needed her more than Gale did in this moment, and in the midst of the conversation, he had looked up at her with a kind of uncertain awe mixed with tired gratitude.

“You believed in me,” he’d said. “Believed I was enough just the way I am.”

There was more that was said between them, mentions of newfound freedom, new futures, more words of gratitude. But for some reason, those words stuck with her. Enough, he’d said. As if it were a novel concept to him.

She could relate. There were days when she never felt like she was enough, for some person or some challenge or another.

She paused to lean against one of the columns in the room, her eyes unconsciously searching for Gale. She found him sitting in an armchair by the fire at the center of the suite, staring into the flames. He’d been wanting to speak to her all day, but between all the drama of that morning and the difficulty of getting to Cazador and battling him, she’d almost forgotten about it. Now, she was almost too worn down to approach him. It would be all too easy to just go to bed and tell him that whatever he had to say could wait until morning.

But even she wasn’t that heartless. She sighed to herself and moved around to the lowered center area of the suite, approaching him from behind. He looked up as she  stopped next to his chair.

“Gale,” she said coolly, one hand on her hip.

“Ah.” He gave a kind of grimace, as though he were wincing yet trying to twist it into a sheepish smile at the same time. “You’re still talking to me then?”

Dani pursed her lips and crossed her arms, waiting for him. She had no idea where this conversation was supposed to go, and part of her didn’t want to make this easy for him. He rubbed the back of neck, self-conscious. 

“I suppose you have questions…related to a certain book we read together,” he said. She arched an eyebrow and he winced. “Well. That I read,” he amended. “And I do mean to discuss it but…” 

He trailed off, his eyes wandering over to where Astarion still sat near the window, staring pensively out through the glass. “You’ve given me quite a lot to think about today.”

She sighed softly through her nose. She wanted to be angry. But honestly, she was just tired. 

They’d started the morning off with a visit to Sorcerous Sundries, thinking it would be a relatively innocent visit. But her anger had been tested at the sight of poor Rolan, beaten and bruised by Lorroakan, and her fears kindled by the hunger in Gale’s eyes once they had found the Annals of Karsus. Then Gale had sparked her anger again, boasting to Lorroakan about his plans for the Crown—none of which he had disclosed to Dani at all—so Dani had retaliated by petulantly revealing his plans to Elminster when the old wizard had popped up unexpectedly outside the shop. Then there was her and Gale’s argument in the street, all before it was even noontime. 

That would have been enough for the day, except that they had spent the afternoon and evening infiltrating Cazador’s mansion to stop his ritual. That experience had been draining for everyone and the resulting conclusion of the events was bittersweet at best. Dani had stopped one of her best friends from giving in to his dark ambitions, but she still had her work cut out for her when it came to her own lover’s ambitions. 

She just wished everyone around her would stop being so damned power hungry. Was it so wrong to wish for nothing more than a warm home and for one’s friends and family to be safe and comfortable? She knew she could be greedy too, but her greed didn’t test the limits of reality or threaten thousands of lives all at once. It just emptied a few pockets. Maybe a few bank vaults.

At her silence, Gale shifted uncomfortably in his seat before at last giving a soft sigh of his own. “In truth, I wouldn’t blame you for giving me a wide berth. I thought the orb’s ever-present censure had tamed my wilder ambition, but that wasn’t the case. Obviously, as evidenced by all that I said and did today.” He shook his head. “There isn’t anything I can say that would excuse my reprehensible behavior. I’m sorry.”

She pressed her lips together this time, wavering between wanting to stay irritated and wanting to say that there was nothing to forgive and move on. But there were concerns she still had, questions he had yet to answer. She didn’t know where to start and so, after a moment, she simply pulled another chair over to the fire, near him, and sat down, watching the flames in silence. It took her another moment to finally put to words what she wanted to say.

“I’m not mad anymore about anything that happened today,” she said quietly. “I’m just…scared.”

“Scared?”

“Of losing you. To the orb. To Mystra. To your own ambition…” She shook her head, unable to look at him. She didn’t want to explain all of her fears right now. Some of them felt utterly stupid.

She couldn’t deny that she loved Gale, ambitions and all. What else could it be but love that kept her at his side? She’d abandoned relationships for far less in the past. No, she was certain with her entire being that she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone. But this path of godhood that he kept hinting at…if he was determined to follow it, it was a path she couldn’t take with him. She just wasn’t interested in abandoning this chaotic, colorful world just yet. Not for the Fugue Plane, not for an illithid life, not for godhood, not for anything.

But if she wouldn’t follow him…what then? The thought of leaving him or of him leaving her threatened to break her heart. She felt as though she’d never recover.

But she couldn’t say all that to him now. It felt petty and selfish to admit that the only reason she didn’t want him to become more powerful was because she was scared he’d leave her behind. She was petty and selfish, but Gale inspired goodness in her. It was ironic, truly. The very qualities that had inspired her to become a better person were the same qualities that he would give up if he continued to pursue the path of godhood for the “betterment of all,” as he’d boasted to Lorroakan that morning.

But what did she know, she thought bitterly to herself. She had never intimately known a god nor harbored ambition enough to actively plot to dethrone one.

Still…if she could at all sway him…

“Listen,” she said, eyes still on the fire. “I believe you’re capable of so many great things, Gale. I believe in you. Always have, always will. But when it comes to this plan with the crown…”

“All I am asking is that you consider it,” he said.

She made a helpless gesture with one hand. “I don’t even know how I could. How can I respond to something so…immense? It’s beyond comprehension. I want to understand, but I don’t.”

He was quiet for a moment before chuckling softly and shaking his head. “I don’t think I deserve you at times.”

“Gale,” Dani said softly, his name almost a resigned sigh as she said it. She didn’t want to hear this again. But Gale held up a hand.

“Please. Let me finish.” He paused, seeming to gather his thoughts, before taking a deep breath. “I watched how you handled the events with Cazador and Astarion today. You showed nothing but compassion and courage. Your heart bled for the victims in their cages. You sought a way to save as many people as you could, despite impossible odds. And you didn’t allow Astarion’s desperation or impassioned speeches to sway you or change your mind.”

“I didn’t want to lose one of my best friends,” she said. “If Astarion had ascended…he wouldn’t be Astarion anymore.”

“I know. Yet it could have been so easy to give in. To let him have his way, simply because you are his friend. But you didn’t. You appealed to a nobler part of him, risking your friendship to keep him from changing. From transforming into something more. Something sinister.” Gale paused again, glancing back at Astarion across the room. His expression softened into a thoughtful, yet sorrowful look. “I can’t help but wonder. Do you see the same kind of choice when you look at me?”

She didn’t answer, but her silence was answer enough. She looked back at the flames, watching them crackle and spark, letting them fill the silence. 

“I hope that isn’t your final judgment of me,” he said. “I hope that you can give me another chance to earn your faith. I want you to continue to believe in me. I want to show you the wizard I am capable of being, rather than the poor excuse for a man who’s kept you company thus far.”

“Gale, stop,” she said, finally turning to face him fully, twisting in her chair. “Stop calling yourself a poor excuse for a man. That isn’t what I think of you. I know I get frustrated with you, but it’s because I see so much good in you.” She reached for his hand and enveloped it in both of her own. “I don’t want to lose you to the Crown any more than I wanted to lose Astarion to Cazador’s power. You mean everything to me, Gale. Worth more even than music and magic.”

“You won’t lose me,” Gale said, tightening his hold on her hand. “If anything, you’ll gain so much more for being with me. Please. Let me show you.”

“Gale—”

“Even if a permanent place in the heavens isn’t for us, at least allow me a chance to show you what it would be like. Indulge me. Close your eyes. Allow me to take you on a little boat voyage.”

She frowned, wanting to resist. But she could tell this was important to him. She breathed a small sigh and closed her eyes, keeping one hand in his. 

She heard him murmur a spell and felt the aura of magic shift around her, the warmth of the Elfsong Tavern room giving way to much cooler air. Her skin tingled all over with the touch of magic, while Gale’s hand remained solid and warm in her own.

“Few mortals ever glimpse what you’re about to see. But don’t be alarmed—I’m here with you.” He gave her fingers a gentle squeeze. “Now…open your eyes.”

When she opened her eyes, she found herself seated in a glowing blue boat with Gale sitting across from her. All around them, the sky, the space below, all of it was filled with scattered stars and clouds of purple, pink, and blue stardust. The galaxies and starfields stretched on infinitely around them, swirling peacefully in silence. Their boat drifted easily along a current of shimmering magic and when she lifted her free hand over the edge of the boat, her fingers caused tiny motes of starlight to drift and float through the air.

“Quite the view, isn’t it?” Gale said, looking around them. “The Outer Planes are a place of profound, sometimes overwhelming possibility.”

“It’s beautiful,” she whispered. She gazed out over the infinite expanse, waiting to feel that reeling, terrifying sensation of being suspended over a void, but it didn’t come. She was safe in Gale’s little boat, his hold on her hand grounding her and keeping her steady. 

“The home of the gods,” he continued. “Where they observe us from afar. Where they make play-things of us. Such power…infinite possibilities…how could I not crave this?”

She fell silent, focusing instead on the specks of starlight that fanned out behind her fingers, watching them dance briefly in the atmosphere and fade. He said it so simply, as though it were natural to crave such wondrous power. And maybe it was. Maybe she was the fool for limiting her desires to the Material Plane.

Not for the first time, she burned with jealousy toward Mystra and hated all that she had gifted Gale. All that she had made Gale capable of. How could a mere bard compare to a goddess who allowed him to tap into the mysteries of magic itself? And even now, with Gale hardly interested in reconciling with the goddess, who was she compared to all the power of the crown? Who was she compared to all this?

Gale could have this again. This and more. And she, with her small dreams and her fragile love, a love that would only last a mortal lifetime…she would fade into obscurity. Even if she managed to secure a legacy for her name, her body would rot in its grave and her soul would wander the Fugue Plane for an eternity until some god took pity on her and accepted her into their domain.

Perhaps if Gale became a god, he would be the one to take pity. She’d dwell forever in his domain of stars as one among a million other souls. One more copper in a vast bank, utterly forgotten by him, yet unable to escape him. The thought churned her gut and threatened to make her sick.

She swallowed, half-preparing herself for the worst outcomes for the rest of this conversation. “Is this really, truly what you want? To ascend? To claim godhood?”

“No, not like that,” he said, squeezing her hand. “I don’t want to join them, I want to better them—with you at my side, willing and wholehearted. Together we could become better than gods. We could have all of a god’s power with a mortal conscience, a mortal heart. I can think of no better candidate for redefining godhood than you.”

“I don’t want godhood,” she said. “I know you think it sounds insane that I don’t, and maybe it is, but…” She shook her head. “I’ve read too many stories, too many tragic ballads about what happens to mortals who ascend to godhood. They change, Gale. And they leave the ones they love behind.”

Gale sat back, a little surprised. “Is that what you think I intend to do to you?”

“Not immediately. But who knows how you would change once all that power was coursing through you. You saw how Cazador was—you saw how hungry Astarion was to claim that power. You know it would have changed him. Think how much more godhood would change you.”

“But it wouldn’t be true godhood,” he said, tightening his hold on her hand. “The power of gods would be at our fingertips, yes, but we could be—we could find a way to—”

“Stop with the bullshit,” Dani snapped, snatching her hand from his. “You can’t even articulate it because there’s nothing else to call it. You want to use the power of the crown to become a god. That kind of power corrupts, Gale. And if that’s what you want then—then—“

Her throat tightened suddenly with the threat of tears and she looked away, struggling to compose herself. She hated crying, especially here, where there was nowhere to hide, but there was no stopping the emotions building up inside her. She hid her face briefly behind her hand, but it was no use. The wide expansive of pink and purple starlight winked back at her and illuminated the flood of tears that welled up in her eyes.

Gale reached for her hands again. “Dani, I—”

She shook off his touch. “Don’t. I can’t—I can’t let you do this,” she said, the tears spilling down her cheeks. “Please. I know what you’d become and it would be nothing like the man you are now. And no matter how you would try to justify things or convince me to join you, I could never bring myself to abandon my family like that. Never. So in the end you would leave me behind, because nothing about me is enough to convince you to stay. So you’d leave, I know you would, because that’s how power works. It corrupts, it—“ She was rambling now, not making sense, her words a tangle on her tongue.

“Dani, please,” he begged, getting on his knees on the floor of the boat, taking both of her hands in his. “None of that is going to happen.”

“Isn’t it?” she asked. “Look me in the eye and swear to me that the moment your humanity is stripped away in your ascension that you won’t forget tiny, insignificant, mortal me, the lover you’re leaving behind, the moment I refused to ascend with you.”

He hesitated for just a fraction of a second, but it was enough to confirm her fears. She snatched her hands from his again and used the heels of her palms to wipe the tears from her cheeks.

“Gods, I hate you,” she mumbled, but it was a complete lie. The fact was she loved him too much. Desired him too selfishly to let him reach for godly power. She swallowed and amended her statement. “Not you. This. I hate this. Sorry.”

It was his turn to be silent in the face of her confessions and her tears. She pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes and breathed softly through her nose until at last she felt calm enough to speak. Then she took a shaky breath and reached out to cradle his face in her hands. 

“Please, Gale,” she said quietly. “Don’t do this. I don’t need the stars. I don’t need eternity. I just want you. For all that you are right now. I love you for the man that you are, not the god you’d pretend to be.”

He stared up at her, stricken but amazed, his hands resting on her knees. There was a faint glimmer in his eyes that could either be tears or the reflection of the stars around them, but when he blinked the glimmer was gone.

“You…you would really prefer me as I am?” he asked softly. 

“Yes,” she said. There was no room for doubt in her heart, nor any in her words. “You’re already everything I need you to be and more. Just…please. Let me be enough for you. Let me find a way.”

“Oh Dani,” he breathed. He rose to one knee and slipped one hand behind her head, guiding her down into a deep kiss that stole her breath and made her a little dizzy. She clutched the fabric of his shirt, trying to bring him closer and steady herself at the same time, trying to convey all the desperate longing and fear she couldn’t put into words silently through their kiss.

He pulled away, breathless, cradling her cheek in his palm. “I used to believe Mystra’s forgiveness was worth dying for. Or that the only way forward was to challenge her. But I was wrong. You showed me just how much I have to live for, here, on mortal soil. With you, I forget my goddess. With you, I want to live. With you…I even forget my greater ambitions. You put the very stars to shame, Dani.”

She felt her breath hitch as her eyes widened slightly. Of all the things she was expecting to hear him say, those words were not it. She searched his face for signs that he’d changed his mind, and found him staring back at her earnestly, dark eyes full of love and longing. For the first time that day, she dared herself to hope, just a little.

“I don’t deserve you,” he said. “And I could never leave you behind. Godly power, I can live without, but you? You’re everything.”

She stared, half-disbelieving, but his gaze was sincere and warm and so full of love she couldn’t help but be convinced. She curled her fingers around his wrist, not sure what to say next, but he merely smiled, grateful and tender, and brushed her cheek with the pad of his thumb. 

“I love you,” he murmured.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss him again.

He guided her off the seat of the boat down onto the floorboards, dismissing the benches with an idle wave of his hand to make room for them to lay down at the bottom of the boat. There he kissed her, breathing her in as naturally as if she were air, and she lost herself in his warm touch. The galaxies above swirled dream-like and slow overhead as their fingers found each others’ buttons and laces, their clothes slipping off with practiced ease, until both lay bare beneath the infinite sky, her pale blue skin tinged a faint shade of lavender by the light of the pink-purple stardust.

She combed her fingers through his hair as he kissed all over her, sighing and arching her back as he worshipped her body more than he’d ever done before, as if he were making up for a litany of mistakes. She could scarcely think straight yet she tried to encourage him with her words, breathing out her love and pleasure in half-lucid lyric fragments and shaky swears alike. He lavished love on her with his mouth, his teeth, his tongue, his hands, until at last he joined their bodies together and she unraveled. Every tangled thought and emotion unwound itself as pleasure coursed through her veins until they were both left spent, lying on the floor of the softly glowing boat, and she was left with nothing but her love for him and a dazed sense of amazement that here, amid the infinite expanse of stars and magic, he had chosen her.

Some time later, as they lay gazing up at the stars, with Gale fingers threading idly through her long, loose hair, he turned and brushed a kiss against her head. “I’m sorry for upsetting you,” he said quietly. “I had no idea you felt so strongly about…well.”

She wrapped her arms more tightly around him. “I love you, Gale. I don’t want to lose you to anything. Not even this. As pretty as it is. You’ll have to forgive me for being so selfish with you.”

He chuckled, kissing her hair again. “There’s nothing at all to forgive, my love. Be selfish with me.”

They contemplated the stars and auroras that surrounded their little boat, words lost between them for a moment, until at last Gale, trailing gentle fingers down her arm, began to speak again softly.

“I conjured this illusion often during my confinement in Waterdeep,” he said. “An escape for the mind, where there was none for the body. It was easier to stare at the celestial abyss than recognize the emptiness within myself. Easier to pretend my destiny lay among such stars, than work to salvage a life on solid ground.” 

He turned his head and she lifted her chin so she could meet his gaze again, her heart aching for him. She could all too easily imagine him locked in his tower, conjuring images of these galaxies and planes, desperate to be outside the walls that enclosed him for a year. Longing to be back among infinite beauty, rather than confined and seemingly trapped in a small set of rooms on the mundane Material Plane. She had thought the illusion he had conjured of his home in Waterdeep was charming and wonderful…but she could see how it must have felt like a prison to him.

“You changed all that,” he murmured, gazing down at her. “You see me as I am, and do not find me wanting.”

He seemed a little awed by that, but not disbelieving. She smiled and sat up, straddling his hips and taking his hands, lifting them up to her lips for a kiss to each one. Her long hair trailed down around her, the ends brushing against her thighs, against his bare chest and stomach. She held his hands, weaving their fingers together, and pushed his arms up so that they stretched over his head, leaning in to kiss him sweetly, her lips lingering on his.

“I will never find you wanting,” she murmured against his lips.

“Nor I, you,” he said. He freed one hand from her grip to move her hair from her face, gathering it all over one shoulder so the light of the galaxies and stars beyond could shine on her face again. “With these stars as my witness, I swear—you will always be enough for me.”

She stilled at those words, letting them wash over her and settle into her skin, into her chest, processing them. His words, the emotion behind them, the loving determination in his eyes, all of his was genuine, heartfelt, and deeply, deeply meant. It threatened to reduce Dani to tears again, but this time she swallowed them back and kissed him again, letting him know with every ounce of her being what that promise meant to her.

She thought she could never love him more than she already did. But hearing that promise from him—that she would always be enough for him—made her heart practically ache with love for him. She smothered his face with kisses until she was breathless, and he in turn tried to catch or return every one until he gave up and allowed himself to be smothered with a chuckle.

“I love you, Gale Dekarios,” she said at last, still hovering over him, her hair a curtain on one side of them both. 

He smiled up at her and reached up to brush her cheek. “And I love you, Meridan Zavrai. I always will.”

[melverie]

Let's say that, hypothetically speaking, I were to rewrite season 1 and 2 of NB--what's something you guys would like to see explored? Doesn't matter if it's something that actually happens in the story or if it's just something you'd like to see in general btw

You can also send me an ask as if you prefer to share that way!

[fluffypotatey]

Great reincarnation you say...so there really is something out there that can kill the Monkey King :) so he can join his old companions.

HE IS GOING TO DIE EVERYONE

EP 1 HAS HIM REDO THEIR ORIGAMI FIGURES WHILE HE LOOKS AT THEM FONDLY AND THEN YOU HAVE FHE FUCKING UNDERWORLD AND MK CANNOT BE SANE WHEN HE THINKS SWK IS LEAVING HIM OR IN PAIN AND SWK TRIES TO TAKE MK’S PLACE INSTEAD—

y’all this may be a fucking reach, but i do not care this is my hill and the death flags are overwhelming that monkey

[maxiwaxipads]

Tuxam Who Visits Bad Badtz-Maru Kingdom!

Badobarm - “Hahah!—When I read your letter, I couldn’t believe the contents and thought someone wrote in your name.” Badobarm - “‘Course. I had to see for myself.” “So, you’re having trouble and need my help?” Tuxam - “D—Don’t speak loudly! You’re the first person I thought could help me.” “I find you sensible, and those skills might have helped me!” Badobarm - “I see. I see.” “So you can’t relax at all?” Tuxam - “M…Mhm.” Badobarm - “Then spend time with me, Tuxam.” “Let’s find something to do.” Tuxam - “J…Just like that?” “No planning at all?” Badobarm - “First lesson, Tuxam.” “Sometimes the unexpected is equally good as the expected.” Badobarm - “Now, let’s go—shall we?” Tuxam - “Y…Yes!” [Extra 1] - “Heading out for the day, Badobarm?” Badobarm - “You bet I am.” [Extra 2] - “A friend of yours?—Please, have fun around the kingdom!” Badobarm - “Yes. We’ll do.” Tuxam - “(It’s almost impressive how happy everyone here is… I haven’t even seen a single frown.)” Badobarm - “Now… What should we start with today…?” “You hungry, Tuxam? To neglect food is to neglect yourself.” Tuxam - “No, I already ate—” (stomach rumbles) Badobarm - “Then that’s that. Let’s find somewhere to eat!” Badobarm - “Anything in mind? Want me to pick?” Tuxam - “I trust in your judgment, Badobarm—let’s go whichever seems best.” Badobarm - “Got it. Got it. Anything I have in mind—Ah! I got it.” “You’re going to love this place.” Badobarm - “Lesson number two. Good food is also good fun.” Tuxam - “…Good food is—good fun.” Badobarm - “Oi, Tuxam.” Tuxam - “Yes?” Badobarm - “Having fun means having fun in the moment, so you don’t always have to write what I’m saying down.” Badobarm - “But you’re earnest, Tuxam—And I find that admirable.” Tuxam - “W—Where is this coming from…!?” “You don’t need to compliment me.” Badobarm - “Then write this down as well—compliments are also something fun to receive.” Tuxam - “Badobarm… There’s something I’m confused about…” Badobarm - “?” Tuxam - “Isn’t this definition of fun… Too broad?” Badobarm - “Broad?” “That’s exactly what it means to have fun.” Tuxam - “Fun…” Badobarm - “Relax. Don’t think about it too much.” “Fun is anything that makes you smile.”

(Walking into a dark alleyway, where even the walls touch both shoulders)  (Graffiti covers the wall, but the trash is surprisingly tidy and organized minus a puddle of mud or glass bottles by the side) (A weak light blinks to reveal a door)

Badobarm - “We’re here now.” Tuxam - “…” Tuxam - “Doesn’t it look a little… Shady?” Badobarm - “Everything looks shady here in Bad Badtz-Maru Kingdom.” “But—Don’t just a book by it’s cover, right?” Tuxam - “Got it.” Badobarm - “Oh.” “Let me do the talking though. Keep your head down. Don’t make eye contact, and don’t look around until I say we’re there.” Tuxam - “…Is this really a restaurant?” Badobarm - “Eh. Sorta.” “…Partially?” Tuxam - “…Badobarm.” “Is it really safe?” Badobarm - “Of course it is.” “I wouldn’t take you somewhere dangerous, now—would I?”

(A plain white door smudged with a few scratches and unknown stains) (Somewhat elevated by two-stairs)  (The light blinks a few times)

Badobarm - “Could you stay right here? I’ll be back, it won’t take too long.”

(Badobarm enters, leaving the door partially closed) (Tuxam overhears racket and a few exchanged words) (A loud pang…!)

Tuxam - “Badobarm, are you—” Badobarm - “Don’t worry about it! I’m coming right now.” (Badobarm who arrives with a cartoonish head bump) Badobarm - “I’m back, Tuxam.” “Hold my hand. We’ll be climbing a fleet of stairs.” Tuxam - “…If you say so.”

(Entering a building, Tuxam looks down—a clean floor that’s kept tidy)

Badobarm - “I’ll walk slowly.”

(Climbing up a fleet of stairs)

Badobarm - “You’re free to look around.”

(Lightbulbs light the dim corners of the room, but morning from the outside overwhelmingly pours) (There are empty tables and chairs) (It’s clean but lacks decoration) (They sit by a table with a window view)

Tuxam - “…I have to ask, Badobarm. Am I allowed to know where we are?” Badobarm - “The 2nd floor of a barber shop.” “We entered through a staff-only exit.” Tuxam - “The view here—it’s quite nice.” (Blueness above—making a drab building glazed with opulence. Rooftops akin to stepping stones that helped in tracing the skies and followed the alignment of clouds.) (Nonchalance became a spectacle, as thousands swayed to the melodic chimes of everyday life.) (I couldn't indent...) Badobarm - “I know right?” “The owner is a little eccentric—but if you look past that, the food here is great.” […] - “Who are you calling eccentric?” […] - “Betrayer. Scoundrel. Fool. Arrogant.” “You came here out of your volition just to bother me. Wow~ What a bully.”

(It’s a person wearing a blue turtle shell on their head with a waiter’s outfit on.) (You can’t really see their face, but there’s a hole where you can kind of see an eye.)

[…] - “Should I even feed you in the first place? Perhaps even poison your food? Do you prefer opioids or stimulants?” Badobarm - “Thank you. But can we have a menu?” […] - “Sure. I was just thinking about that.” […] - “I’ll leave you to it.” Tuxam - “If my assumptions are correct, that’s the chef?” Badobarm - “Yup.” Tuxam - “I’m more curious… How did you find a place like this anyway?” Badobarm - “I was actually mugged.” Tuxam - “M…Mugged!?” Badobarm - “More or less.” “But the owner here offered food, so I thought to myself—hell, why not?” Tuxam - “I’m glad you fed yourself that moment, but you should be more careful than that next time…” Tuxam - “Wait—Did you even know what was in this food…!?” Badobarm - “M-More or less…” Tuxam - “B—Badobarm!” “Be more careful next time.” Badobarm - “…But they did also give me a menu—with all the listed ingredients like this one. Look—still the same as I first saw it.” […] - “You told him that story…” “It was so embarrassing…” […]- “…Eh.hhhhhh. You even scolded me on my posture…” Badobarm - “But it’s true—“ […] - “Nope! Nope!” “LaLaLa! I can’t hear you!” Tuxam - “I presume you’re here for our orders?” “I’ll take the [Food Item #1] and [Drink #1]” […] - “Ah… I almost forgot.” Badobarm - “Then I’ll take the [Food Item#2], and the same drink as him.” […] - “I’ll prepare it 30 minutes tops.”

(“[…]” leaves) (A little time skip because I’m not writing a 30-minute conversation) (Woah...!! It was so moving and uplifting that suddenly 30 minutes passed!!!)

Badobarm - “There are many people in Bad Badtz-Maru Kingdom who are like that—good or bad.” “So, Tuxam! Elevate your expectations to the highest level!” Badobarm - “You have nothing to expect here, only the greatest experience that I can give to you.” Badobarm - “And the food here will be great as well.” Tuxam - “I’m quite sure your statements contradicted each other—but please take care of me!” “I’ll trust you with my life for just today.” Badobarm - “Hahah! You’ve chosen greatly.” Badobarm - “Following me will bring the greatest of fortunes—never a disadvantage!”

(Badobarm receives a forehead fling from the turtle-head assailant.)

[…] - “Keep quiet, you.” […] - “If I can hear you in the kitchen, so will others.” “—(Sigh). The food is prepared.” Badobarm - “That reminds me.” “For a chef, you didn’t even introduce yourself.” […] - “Nnnhhhh…” “But I don’t want to?” Badobarm - “Don’t be lazy.” “Just say your name.” […] - “(Whispers)” Badobarm - “A bit louder.” […] - “(k…)” […] - “(…ae)” […] - “Badobarm… Do I have to?” “People… Y’know?” Badobarm - “Tuxam is a friend of mine.” “He’s a bit… Critical—but if you’re trying your hardest, no matter how bad, even he’ll praise you.” Tuxam - “Hm.” “If you’re too shy to introduce yourself, why not I introduce myself to you?” Tuxam - “I am Tuxam. I came all this way here from Tuxedo Sam Kingdom.” Tuxam - “If you follow my example, even conquering shyness will become easier.” Kae - “I am Kae.” “A chef.” Tuxam - “An excellent introduction.” “I give it a C-.” Kae - “…A grade!?” “Maybe I shouldn’t have introduced myself in the first place…” Badobarm - “But isn't a C- still passing? If you raised your voice, even that could be a B like in Badobarm.” Kae - “If that were the case, I wouldn’t want a B if it meant associating with you.” Badobarm - “Ouch.” Tuxam - “Ahem.” “It only means you have a long way to go. If you talked as you did earlier, and maybe a little more friendlier… I think it would be passing.” Tuxam - “If this were my hometown, it would have been admonished as a D until perfection.” Kae - “…Huh!?” “Are you a tyrant!?” Tuxam - “No!” “Even better—” Tuxam - “A gentleman!”

Badobarm - “That makes me think…” “What exactly is a gentleman to you, Tuxam?” Tuxam - “As his Lord Sam defines it, ‘someone who uplifts and inspires the people around them!’” Badobarm - “(So like an idol?)” Kae - “(An idol…?)” Kae - “I’ll… I’ll take my leave now.” “I don’t want the meal to get cold and mediocre.” Kae - “Please. Enjoy.” Badobarm - “Let’s dig in.”

Tuxam - “Yes!” Tuxam - “…!” Badobarm - “Any thoughts, Tuxam?” Tuxam - “I…It’s good!” “A single bite and I want more…!” Badobarm - “Great!” “Say more as if you’re a food critic—I want Kae to bear the overwhelming end of compliments and praise.” Tuxam - “Then how about this?” “I’ll make sure to write a letter with my full thoughts about the food I had the moment I return home.” Badobarm - “Sounds great.” Badobarm - “(But I get this overwhelming feeling it’ll be more than a single page…)”

Badobarm - “Ah. That’s right. Even the view here is only a glimpse of Bad Badtz-Maru Kingdom.” Badobarm - “There are more between the corners and alleyways.” “I’ll take you to places where no one even knows.” Badobarm - “Full already?” Tuxam - “Finished. The meal was superb.” Badobarm - “I’m glad.” Badobarm - “Take my hand, Tuxam.” “We’ll do the same procedure as we entered.”

Additional Information/Tangents -

Kae (Knight of Fragaria to Lord Kahme) -

An anti-social knight who dreams of opening his own restaurant and desires to cook for his lord every day for breakfast, lunch, brunch, and dinner.

Kae doesn’t appear to understand social and societal norms.

Kae - “I hate Badobarm but I tolerate strangers.” “There’s a difference. and it should be known.”

I wanted to insert this somehow but I couldn't.

I don't know if I'll be able to write the middle portion but it'll basically be Tuxam who asks Badobarm if he can shop clothes for him. Badobarm agrees. I might or might not write it? It depends on my mood, really.

(But I'll probably describe the "mood" of the outfit rather than intently describing the details) (I'm hesitant because I don't want to describe an entire outfit ; w ;)

(if i never finish this, ill probably post the ending portion without tagging)

(I'll likely keep the top half but not the part where badobarm and tuxam buy outfits for each other) (embarrassingly, i have a reason to not consider this...) That One Draft I Have #1 -

if you dont know what quotev is I'm happy for you i know its a silly reason but I can't get it out of mind and it haunts me?? or maybe im just tired?

(the images are related to the concept but are at different points in time) I Really Like This And I Kinda Want To Write a Hangyon-Tuxam Sleepover That Isn't Related To That One Thing I Wrote Draft #2 -

ichi is chip's knight of fragaria, he is dead

Hangyon - “Don’t you remember Tuxam?”

Hangyon - “The night we had together?”

(Tuxam who lightly whacks Hangyon’s head with his ice cream stick)

Tuxam - “Don’t say it in a way that misunderstands others.”

edit 1: sometimes you write something for a month and realize you forgot to detail the setting AND AT THE START OF THE STORY AS WELL so basically: tuxam meets badobarm at his office and then they go out (probably implied well as text but I needed to add necessary detail </3) i already submitted this and i will live with this pain… it’s like early in the morning and i am weak without willpower

[bonefall]

OUTDATED: Bonefall Rewrite History Lesson

Hey there! This post is outdated! I rebranded to the Better Bones AU a while back. This post is still up for posterity's sake, but if you found your way here looking for a History Lesson, please go HERE instead!

Here’s that history lesson I promised!

I hope that this makes an accessible guide to the Bonefall Rewrite as a whole. Because I’m trying to be succinct with a really big project, this guide will just contain a brief recap of each ‘time period’ as I’ve rewritten them, followed by a straightforward list of eras.

Each arc has an Era Name to refer to the events that happen in it, instead of just referring to the nearest main series arc. 3 Eras create a Period, which carries a unique theme. I hope that they help to summarize events better!

There are 5 Periods so far; Ancient, Chivalric, Slash-and-Burn, Reaching, and Shifting.

Period 1: Ancient Period Dawn/Code/Skyfall Eras (This is the equivalent of Dawn of the Clans, Code of the Clans, up to Cloudstar’s Journey)

The Ancient Period is remembered through dramatic legends, exaggerated into fantastical myths and losing exact details over time. History becomes more 'accurate' and realistic as it becomes more recent.

Its first era, the Dawn Era, is the Clan's creation myth. It's an epic tale of the fall of the Great Clans of Lion, Leopard, and Tiger, and the rise of the modern 5. The founders are remembered on a level close to gods.

The Code Era that followed is remembered as a series of parables, each with a lesson about its attached part of the Warrior Code. The bulk of the code was formed in this time, but continues to be altered to the modern day.

The final, the Skyfall Era, consists of the events that eventually drove SkyClan out of the Forest. It’s largely used as a cautionary tale about how twolegs cannot be trusted, not as a lesson about how to prevent it from ever happening again. SkyClan is largely blamed for the reasons it was eventually banished.

Period 2: Chivalric Period Ripple/Crusade/Campaign Eras (This stretches from the exile of SkyClan to the death of Raggedstar, and includes books like Mapleshade’s Vengeance, Yellowfang’s Secret, and Bluestar’s Prophecy) 

The Chivalric Period is considered the ‘golden age’ by the Clan’s battle culture standards, full of deadly battles, invasions, and the largest revision of the Warrior Code in Clan history; it would remain unmatched until the later events of The Broken Code.

Its first period is the Ripple Era. After the exile of SkyClan, Dawnstar’s successor, Ripplestar, led a rebellion hoping to make space to bring them home. Its failure was taken as a sign the Clans were righteous. 

The next period was the Crusade Era. The drowning of Mapleshade’s kittens and the subsequent murders infuriated StarClan and caused them to give Darkstar a new commandment, leading to the Queen’s Rights. Oakstar tried to repent for his sins by starting crusades on the twolegplace, giving the era its name.

The four Clans dabbled in these crusades, until the Campaign Era, when Heatherstar began a war to take the Mothermouth Moors from ShadowClan. This sparked new inter-Clan conflict, as all four fought to reshuffle borders. From this time of war, the seeds of Thistle Law germinate in its founder’s mind.

Period 3: Slash-and-Burn Period Thistle/Fire/Ash Eras (This covers The Prophecies Begin, the reworked versions of Firestar’s Quest and Spottedleaf’s Heart, and other events in the same time.)

The Slash-and-Burn Period was a time of massive political upheaval for the Clans, beginning as Brokenstar took power and implemented Thistle Law into practice, reaching crescendo when Fire Alone saved the forest from Tigerstar, and ending during the destruction of the forest territories.

The Thistle Era was slowly born from the erosion of the Warrior Code during the brutality of the period before it. Thistle Law is a strict and bloody interpretation of the Code, emphasizing loyalty above all else, and is named after its founder Thistleclaw. It officially started when Brokenstar took power, as it was the first time Thistle Law was put into practice.

The Fire Era began when Firestar became an apprentice of ThunderClan. With his selfless actions, defiance of old customs, and Bluestar to mentor him, he founded a counter ideology known as Fire Alone. This came to a head with the Battle with BloodClan, which ended in the honorable defeat of Scourge and negotiations thereafter.

The Ash Era was a time of relative peace and reckoning, brought about through relations with new neighbors in BloodClan and truce between the forest Clans. This lasted until the destruction of the forest forced the Great Journey on them.

Period 4: Reaching Period Journey/Power/Omen Eras (This covers the later half of The New Prophecy, Power of Three, up to the battle with the Dark Forest in Omen of the Stars.)

The Reaching Period is so named because the entire period was defined by reaching new things. A new home, new understanding, new planes of existence… it’s fundamentally a period of new things, and acquiring them.

The Journey Era includes the trip to the lake, a brief stay with the Tribe, and officially ended with Mudclaw’s Rebellion and the punishment of the rebels that came after. The Clans don’t completely agree on when this period ended exactly; ThunderClan is partial to Brackenfur’s appointment as deputy, RiverClan argues that it ends with the sudden death of Leopardstar.

The Power Era was a calm but tense period of the Clans adjusting to new life at the lake, shifting borders and attempting to assert independence, as if it was a push against the oncoming tide of inter-clan cooperation. ThunderClan and its leadership, Firestar and his deputy Brackenfur, pushed for diplomacy until Brackenfur’s mysterious murder, followed by Firestar shortly after, thrusting Bramblestar into sudden power.

The Omen Era crashed into existence with tumult, the clans plunging into paranoia and violence. The Dark Forest grew in strength as the Clans engaged in pointless squabbles, and Lionblaze pushed his children, Ivypool and Dovewing, into danger for the 'greater good'.

Period 5: Shifting Period Revision/Rearrangement/Reckoning Eras

(This will cover the events of A Vision of Shadows, Tigerheart’s Shadow, Squirrelflight’s Hope, and The Broken Code)

The Shifting Period is about changes, as the Clans finally reckon with their culture producing the threat of the Kin, the territory shift to accommodate SkyClan’s return, and finally the tyranny of Ashfur.

During the Revision Era, Darktail seized discontent within ShadowClan to create a movement he could use to destroy them. Many half-clan cats, ex-dark forest trainees, and other code objectors joined his movement, only to find out he was using them. The Kin was only put down with the return of SkyClan, and Darktail's death marks the end of this era.

The Rearrangement Era refers to the literal rearranging of borders to welcome SkyClan to the Lake, a move that sparked war and controversy, even causing them to attack peaceful neighbors to make room. An amendment to the code was made in this time-- that all clans had a responsibility to ensure the preservation of the other 4.

And finally, the Reckoning Era was sparked by the possession of Bramblestar's body by Ashfur. Exploiting the code and resentment towards disloyalty sparked by the previous eras, Ashfur pushed Ivypool into being his pawn, eventually killing her daughter Bristlefrost for being in a half-Clan relationship. Bristlefrost sacrificed her own eternity to finally end Ashfur's tyranny in the Dark Forest, leading to the newest addition to the Warrior code-- Bristlefrost's Law.

And that catches us up!!! I won't be adding A Starless Clan to this list until it's all totally released, and for now we're all caught up!

That was a lot, so HERE'S just the straightfoward list of Periods and Eras, no notes, no nothing.

Ancient Period - Spans from the Sun Trail to the Exile of SkyClan.(Reworks books such as: Dawn of the Clans, Code of the Clans, and Cloudstar’s Journey)

Dawn Era Code Era Skyfall Era

Chivalric Period - Spans just post-Exile of SkyClan to the death of Heatherstar. (Reworks books such as: Mapleshade’s Vengeance, Tallstar’s Vengeance, Pinestar’s Choice)

Ripple Era Crusade Era  Campaign Era 

Slash and Burn Period - Spans from the Rise of Brokenstar to the Destruction of the Forest. (Reworks: Bluestar’s Prophecy, The Prophecies Begin, first half of The New Prophecy)

Thistle Era Fire Era Ash Era

Reaching Era - Spans from the Journey to the Lake, to the Dark Forest Battle. (Reworks: Power of Three, Omen of the Stars)

Journey Era Power Era Omen Era

Shifting Era - Spans from after the Dark Forest Battle up to the death of Bristlefrost. (Reworks: A Vision of Shadows, Squirrelflight’s Hope, The Broken Code)

Revision Era Rearrangement Era Reckoning Era

[grissomesque]

Meanwhile

[whereistheonepiece]

You know, given fandom's propensity to treat canon characters like their OCs*, one would hope they'd be more open to people's actual OCs, but no.

[keeps-ache]

got described as looking like a 'canadian lumberjack physicist' by my brother so. does anybody need an artist

[peacefulharu]

writing smut is hard.

i have one jeanmika fic that is liek 80% completed except for that one smut scene that i keep delaying to write lmaooo

[ifacotarwasgood]

why was chapter 3 of acotar bad? some short craft lessons

CH 3

DISCLAIMER: as always, this isn't an exhaustive list.

click here for the full comparison between the original chapter and my revision.

that's not how people talk, sarah, again

"Go spew your fanatic nonsense to some ninny. You'll find no coverts here."

this piece of dialogue is rancid. no matter how you feel about nesta's character, no human being would ever string these words together. the word choice is simply bad.

it also betrays a subtler problem with the scene. every character's reaction is so heightened, so exaggerated, that you can feel sjm's hand in every beat, trying to amp up the stakes.

I've lived in places where missionaries are fairly common: they stir up more annoyance than vitriol. this isn't the first time the archerons have been pestered by the children of the blessed, but the scene is written as if it is, and they're experiencing the emotions of a first encounter. nesta's disgust is at a 10. and feyre's complicity feels similarly strong. it infuses the scene with a level of unbelievability.

more bad dialogue:

"Don't you idiots understand what those monsters did to us for all those centuries? What they still do for sport, when they can get away with it? You deserve the end you'll meet at faerie hands. Fools and whores, all of you."

the sentence structure is too complex to read naturally on the page. it also beautifully segues into the next problem:

not all worldbuilding = good

sjm loves to dump a paragraph (or more) of worldbuilding in the middle of a scene. she doesn't consider what details are actually necessary for a reader to know, which usually makes it long and boring. she also doesn't seem to realize that worldbuilding can often do double duty.

if we look at the above example, it's telling us pretty basic information: that faeries harmed humans for centuries and still do, and that the acolyte is an idiot for believing otherwise.

but we know all that already. we've been told it a dozen times in the first few chapters.

just by giving the same dialogue to feyre (and revising it slightly), we shift what information is revealed:

I said to the acolyte, "Don't you know what they did to us? Even now, they get away with killing us for sport."

in my revision, this similar piece of dialogue doesn't just flesh out the world but feyre's character. we subtly learn that feyre is trying to help the acolyte—that she thinks the acolyte can be saved and she's offering her a rescuing hand.

later in the chapter, feyre has to backfill the reader on the history of faeries and humans and why the mercenaries in this region are well-paid. sjm freezes the conversation for multiple paragraphs of dense backstory. it slows the pacing way down. the worldbuilding meanders, lacking a sharp focus. worst of all, it's boring to read.

I do think much of the info is useful (which is why I didn't cut it), but I did force myself to revise until it could fit in a single paragraph. I asked myself: what does the reader have to know right now? what is the point I'm trying to make? how can I give my reader a throughline to follow instead of forcing them to drink from a fire hose?

(even though it's not worldbuilding, sjm introduces isaac in this chapter with a similar infodump, and I revised it using the same questions.)

does sjm not know how to write a good sentence?

sjm not a technically skilled writer. her prose is dense. she loves to construct sentences with a series of similar clauses, which dilutes the point. her word choice is bonkers.

but what drives me crazy is that she loves to bury the most important bit of the sentence in the middle.

if you haven't heard of the primacy-recency effect, it's the idea that humans pay more attention to the beginning and end of a line. so, opening and closing a sentence with the two most important words strengthens its construction.

take the last line of the original chapter:

But there was a roar that half deafened me, and my sisters screamed as snow burst into the room and an enormous, growling shape appeared in the doorway.

there are a lot of things wrong with this sentence:

1. "there was" sentence construction

it takes us four words to get to "roar," which is the first word specific enough to pique my interest. it gets buried between "there was / that."

an easy fix is to get rid of the "there was" construction: "But there was a roar that half deafened me" becomes "But a roar half deafened me."

see how much cleaner that reads? it might seem nitpicky when harping on one specific sentence, but when you do this over the course of a novel, the whole thing feels more muscular.

2. it's too long

most of sjm's sentences are too long. long sentences can work well, particularly when conveying action, because each clause stacks on top of one another, building momentum.

but this sentence feels unwieldy because it's not one continuous flow of action. the images come at us staccato, disparate. we're inside feyre's body, then looking at her sisters, then looking at the snow, then looking at the door.

a better way to convey this fragmentary tone is with shorter, clipped sentences. my revision:

As I turned, words on my lips, a roar rattled the windows. My sisters screamed as the door smashed open, and whirls of snow burst into the room. In the doorway stood an enormous, growling shadow.

3. blowing the climax

because it's the last line of the chapter, this sentence carries a lot of semantic weight. so, to end it with "doorway" is an act of violence (to me).

ending with a threatening shadow at the threshold is a cool and arresting image! but "doorway" doesn't stick the landing. it ends with a whimper, rather than a bang.

I want the last line of a chapter to sucker punch me. I want to be surprised. telling us its "an enormous, growling shape" (side note: that she chose to use "shape" rather than a specific noun, even one like "shadow," takes my breath away) before we even get to the doorway means readers will skim the rest of the sentence.

I feel like "primacy-recency effect" will be engraved on my headstone I love it so much it really is one easy cheap trick to make all of your sentences better