#AND THERE WE GO

[emositecc]

Oh.

[smoosie]

The 'We need to talk' scene

but I've made it into a wet cat short comic

(and it only gets worse for him...)

Bonus secret 5th panel :

(intrusive thoughts so strong they make his brain crash)

[randomfoggytiger]

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Weremonster), Part III

Here we go, first comedic episode of the Revival. 

…Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay…

Part I (My Struggle I) and Part II (Founder's Mutation).

Let's go!

MULDER AND SCULLY MEET THE WEREMONSTER

Why are we starting with adults huffing spray paint.

…Darin wrote two episodes with people getting high off of the strangest substances. 

And that’s not a lot, but it’s odd that it happened twice. 

Why do monsters always run towards the people or object or whatever they’re trying to scare or escape from? Like, what if he got surprise-shanked by two high, high school dropouts? (It’s not out of the realm of possibility.)  

No self-preservation instinct, tsk tsk. 

This dude’s okay, no that dude, woah that dude might not be okay. 

…Random paper bag for the high man to stress-blow into. 

Oh, look, a writer remembering the lore. 

How quaint. 

(Sidenote: Darin did not remember the lore, and kinda prided himself on not keeping up with all of it. But that won’t matter to me if he writes a good one-off.)

Mulder’s older now so he can’t stretch his neck to throw pencils at the ceiling. I guess. I suppose. I supposition. I presume.  

Kumail’s in this one? 

…’Kay. 

“Mulder?” Yay, that’s Scully-- “What are you doing to my poster?” And that’s Gillian. 

Mulder’s recounting all his failures in an upbeat, presentational way ‘cuz he’s wooing his girl. At least neither of them act like they’re on the precipice of death, that’s neato. 

Oh, look, Scully can smile. Remember how she did that twice in My Struggle I? Good times. 

Why’s her shirt look like it’s from Walmart?

Forgot this… pencil-scratch material was popular around the mid twenty-teens.

Can I forget it again…? …No? Do they leave it behind in Season 10? 

“--Going through these cases with fresh, if not wiser eyes.” Well, I don’t know about that. 

Also, is that a dig at his “wiseness” or a tongue-in-cheek joke at Mulder’s pat-on-the-back nature? (Lemme rewind.) Backpat coupled with epiphany. 

“Mulder? Have you been taking your meds?” 

…

….

…..

What, did they expect a laugh out of me? It just annoyed me because of the whole “Mulder’s depression” trauma I suffered for two episodes. 

But at least Darin’s trying to remind us that’s an on-going issue (despite CC implying it doesn’t bother Mulder anymore in My Struggle I and Morgan?-- or Wong-- reinforcing that idea in his “bitterly healed and chakras open” Founder’s Mutation ending.) 

Mulder’s a middle-aged man who just got back to the office and is wondering if anything he’s accomplished… well, if he’s accomplished anything. 

A valid question in these dark times. 

And by dark times, we all know what me and my chocolate-addled, My Struggle-PTSDed brain are referring to. 

Mulder certainly does:

“Maybe it’s time to put away childish things-- the Sasquatches, the Mothmen, and… Jackalopes.” 

Okay, well that’s rude-- I always wanted to see a jackalope case. 

Mulder spent one weekend not getting a community response to his latest fanfic and let the dark thoughts take over. 

All joke’s aside, this is an… it’s an okay scene. It’s weighty enough to be taken seriously, you feel for this clone of Mulder’s, you hope he gets his Mr. Incredibles act together--

Oh, wait, he already did by now. 

I guess. 

We skipped the traincar training montage while he was getting back into FBI ready shape. 

…

.....

.......

You’re welcome. 

On another aside, Skinner just pulled all the strings only for Mulder to have an identity crisis after one weirdo case. 

Man’s been carrying everyone on his back for decades with no rest and his newly recruited, depressed-but-not-depressed-depending-on-the-writer, domesticated-feral-animal agent might just trounce back out of the FBI and go wall up somewhere to mope. 

At least he’s not wandering off to take illegal substances to satisfy his curiosity. 

No. 

That’s saved for another episode. 

Scully brushes over Mulder’s confession to say, “we got another case, and this one’s ALSO got a monster in it.” 

And that makes him happy. 

Oooooooooooooooooooooooookay. 

*scribbling notes for later observation*

Darin has a favorite and that is OG Scully. And I will give it to him, she actually sounds happy for once. 

ALSO, I noticed your smoker voice is gone, GILLIAN, unless you’re mumbling or using The Sad Voice ™. I noticed. 

Scully’s insisting this is a monster case while Mulder mopes around the woods and says it’s a mountain lion. 

…I’m NOT gonna nitpick. I’m NOT-- OKAY, so, rewind time. 

Older Mulder-- as in the 90s Mulder-- would have at least been amused by Scully’s antics and followed her around for the fun of it, unless he felt used and abused, i.e. Host and Folie a Deux. Here is not the case. 

Further, he was intrigued in the basement but is now kind of… dismissive. 

Which is. It’s not a big problem, it doesn’t stand out, and it wouldn’t be something I’d clock except I’m very disgruntled and burned and grumpy about the past three days. 

However. 

Let’s continue. 

 Mulder’s Patriarchy Pants are making him do the Marilyn Monroe wiggle again. However, like a virus, middle-aged wedgie crotch has infected Scully, too; and the two of them are squeak-squonking ‘round the forest. 

They do say marriage slowly turns you into each other. 

Mulder sloughing off the naked guy in the crime scene pics as “Well, maybe he’s a nudist.” 

Darin. 

I know what you’re doing here. 

Give Mulder the doubting identity crisis and have his faith transformed. A reverse Clyde Bruckman, if you will. I get it. But you gotta admit, "a nudist" is a pretty weak rationalization, let alone a comeback. 

“That’s how I’d like to go out.” That saved it a little.

“The uniqueness of the wound, Mulder, implies a human element.”

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, Scully, I gave up profiling before I gave up monsters.” WHAT? LAST WEEK?

YOUR CREDENTIALS AS A PROFILER GOT YOU HIRED BACK TO THE FBI--

Pause, pause, pause. 

He’s probably being tongue-in-cheek. He gave up monsters this morning and profiling last night. 

…If he’s not, what’s Mulder gonna do? Take up residence under Skinner’s desk? Have his bald benefactor feed him pencil shavings between meetings? 

“You seen one serial killer, you seen ‘em all.” Quite literally, no. 

I am. 

Puzzled. 

It’s not offensive-- WAIT, NO. I’m being emotionally manipulated by a softer Mulder and more upbeat Scully, youcan’ttakemealive--

“Mulder, I can see you’re going through a questioning phase of some sort--”

You don’t say. 

From bar to basement. From closet to forest. From Founder’s Mutation to… Weremonster Investigation.

Scully points out they need to help the victims.

Mulder: “Okay, well when you put it that way, Scully, but mark my words--”

I’m not getting the essence of Mulder here, gang. 

I got him for, like, three whiffs in My Struggle I and once at the end of Founder’s Mutation, but he’s MIA here so far. 

…Perhaps my “clone Mulder” crack in a previous paragraph kinds fits. 

Hmmm. If he continues to be Mulder-adjacent, I shall name him… I was gonna say ‘Charlie’, then remembered that’s Scully’s brother’s name. The CC name rot is infecting me. 

The streetwalker-on-crack scene was amusing, but not really funny. 

OH, MAN, JUST GOT JUMP-SCARED BY KUMAIL, OHMYWORD. 

Also, that was a weird cut-- Scully opens her mouth to say something, Mulder looks at her, CUT, Kumail face. 

The director was meaning to imply Mulder stopped Scully’s attempted defense with a look, but it only made it seem like one of them said something so cancellable the editors drop-kicked that bit from the final recording. 

I haven’t laughed once .

Welp, Kumail ran off after playing a scared animal control officer for three seconds. 

Pardon, but what was the purpose of that scene?

This kinda feels like a play: in this set piece, the hooker whacks a creature with a purse; in this set piece, Kumail gets spooked by the agents and runs off after hearing a roar; still in this set piece, Mulder whips out his phone and starts… hitting… the… picture… button. 

My thought process:

It's dark at night. 

2. I hear a ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR. 

3. I'm pulling out my gun, not my camera. 

You know why?

There are more tigers in North American than the world combined. 

Just sayin’. 

SCULLY, REINSTALL THE SAFETY FEATURE IN YOUR KEN, PLEASE. 

JUST. PUT. THE PHONE. ON. VIDEO. MODE. 

Oh, wait, he’s a tech goombus who doesn’t know how to take videos. 

THEY SAW A DEAD BODY--

…

THEY SAW A DEAD BODY THROUGH HIS PHOTOS INSTEAD OF NOTICING THE CORPSE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM?

I’m not mad because this isn’t as mean-spirited as the previous two episodes, but that’s just. That’s just.  

That. 

Wait, how’d they get from Mulder’s camera setting to his photo collage, without swiping or going there or…? He was taking rapid-fire pictures, Scully looks over, says, “What’s that?”, and the camera cuts to a picture that has to be in the phone’s gallery. …What happened-- you know what? Never mind. 

Mulder runs off INTO THE DARK with ONLY HIS CAMERA OUT while Scully is yards behind him WITH THE GUN. 

Solid decision making there. 

My man, if this were a tiger (we’ve already seen it’s the horny Lizardman) or a cougar in heat (well, give Scully a few episodes), you’d probably be very dead. 

I’ve named Mulder-Clone: Ken. He’s cute, he’s having an identity crisis, and he’s as dumb as a rock. 

This fits unintentionally well with his Patriarchy Pants (though they’re wearing him, not of the other way around.) 

Kumail’s here and they both scared each other and now they’re hyper-Ken-focusing on Ken’s wonky phone app and stuff. 

Barbie-- clone Scully-- hears Ken and Kumail screaming their lungs out after getting jumped by Lizardman and only NOW notices Mulder had Marilyn Monroe shimmied off. 

Imagine if this were the end of Mulders career: questioning his life’s purpose, losing the battle to technology, and T-posing, dead, on the ground. 

Ken sounds completely fine when Scully runs up to him asking if he's okay. No wooziness. No nothing. (Kumail, too.)

“Okay. I quit.” Smarty Mr. K. over there (not Ken, but you knew that.)

Monster’s a-running, and Formerly-Mulder springs up and races off with Scully. 

What did that jumpscare accomplish, narratively? What did any of these jumpscares accomplish, narratively?

I know we’re only 10 minutes in, but it’s feeling a little too… scene-scene-scene-scene-scene, jumpscare-jumpscare-jumpscare, phone-phone-phone-phone-phone. T-pose. That was a shakeup, I guess. 

Ken was going to question the guy on the pot (who is, indeed, the Lizardman, btw) but notices Scully’s face and closes the door and walks away with her. 

Strangely, that and the basement are the only scenes, thus far, where Ken was most like Mulder. 

Scully, do you regret putting a battery pack in your Ken doll now?

This interaction is still Ken-not-Mulder, but Scully is kinda recognizable. 

Just realized. Mulder replaced his slideshow with a phone. Now he can inflict them on his partner even in the midst of her autopsies. 

No one is safe. 

THERE’S A MULDER MOMENT, I ACTUALLY SMILED! 

And now it’s gone. 

“So now you’re saying you were attacked by a six-foot horny toad?”

“Woah, let’s keep this in the realm of natural sciences, shall we?”

Um. 

That’s not a Mulder line. 

That’s not even a Ken line, I don’t think. 

Need to think up a new name for Mulder, I guess. 

I figured it out. David’s attacking the lines too vigorously rather than letting them breathe. I’m sure he’ll get there. 

Or Mulder and Scully were swallowed up by a black hole the second after they exchanged “Scratchy beard” niceties. Because that’s the last I’ve seen of them. 

But honestly? Clone. Lives. Matter. 

So, I shall fully support Clone Mulder and Clone Scully living their truth, expressing their lived experiences, and digging through each other’s brains like hairless capuchin monkeys dressed in skin-tight leotards.  

I was gonna say “horny, hairless capuchin monkeys” but I’ve not got a LICK of sexual tension between them this whole time. 

They do say married couples transition from goose-pimply “honeymoon love” to matured, knowing passion; but all I’m getting is the “knowing” and none of the “passion”.  

Right after my point, the two exchanged a little upbeat moment. I’ll give it that; but the passion’s still not there.

WAIT, this episode has the fox-in-the-wall scene? 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

I thought that was the doppelganger one. 

‘Kay. Color me intrigued. 

…WHAT is going on with these random, “comedic” scenes?

Desk clerk yells "Monster!", Mulder runs in, guy’s shaking over a bottle, makes up a story, tells Mulder to go back to his room “or I’ll kill ya.” Mulder nods and walks off. 

I’m not getting the fun of this episode, but I’m only 12 minutes in. So. 

Mulder’s snooping in someone else’s room. 

Mulder took someone else’s meds. 

Mulder found an animal head with hollow eyes that led him to a secret room behind the motel room. 

Heh, get it, he’s a Fox looking through fox eyes at Scully. Get it. 

I’m remembering bits from DD and GA’s commentary and how they were cheering him on in this moment. Someone should’ve told them this is Clone!Mulder. 

More proof this man finds burrows in the unlikeliest places:

The manager says he installed those peeping tom hallways after 9/11, and yes that’s being used as an excuse but there’s supposed to be a joke behind it, right?

For instance: Rocky from Jose Chung’s From Outer Space took some political hits, but the jokes were funny and well-written. Here, they're either badly written or… someone’s directing these actors astray. And I know Clone!Mulder and innkeeper man are good actors because they’re doing their best selling this material. Things still feel wonky, unfortunately. 

Mulder’s getting objectified again, Your Honor. He got closeted last episode, he’s “questioning” this episode, and he’s being stared at in his speedo. And he didn't mind one bit.

Innkeeper man’s got closets of his own, too. *badum tssssss*

HOW did Mulder’s phone get a picture of the Lizardman in his human form earlier? In the split-second he and Scully opened the potty stall before turning and continuing their search? I'll even grant that... but a CLEAR one?

Whatever, whatever, whatever. 

Clone!Mulder’s patched his disbelief during the insomnia upgrade.

Clone!Scully unleashed a beast but still wakes up and stays up to hear him ramble. (Here’s the “my Mulder” line and the could-have-been-a-Knick’s-T-shirt moment.)

I do have another nitpick: why is Mulder diatribing here-- trying to convince Scully it’s a werewolf when she’s been saying monster or creature from the get-go? Is it the “werewolf” claim that he thinks she’ll rebut? Or? 

I do like: Scully about to answer, then nearly smiling when Mulder cuts her off. Brilliant touch. Hats off to GA for that second of goodness. 

“‘It defies every known law of nature’-- exactly, Scully, every known law of nature!”

Mulder, she’s agreed with this point since Herrenvolk. She kinda did a mini speech about it. 

He doesn’t know how it came to be, but all he’s saying is, “it’s a MONSTER.” 

She’s ready to go back to the Unremarkable House already, Mulder. She just needed you to nerd out over monsters. 

Which… isn’t that actually the most Scully thing you’ve ever heard? Think about it: she wants to leave the Conspiracy behind, it’s eating her alive, she’s so sad and yadda yadda yadda. Darin says, “Hold up, this girl loves Mulder’s rants and raves” and makes her poke and prod him out of despair with a juicy creature case. And then (hopefully) reaps the benefits. 

Girl’s got a mission. 

And also, this doesn’t mesh at all with the Revival’s canon, but when has that stopped this crazy trainwreck? 

Why’s Scully calling him watered-down-for-FOX’s-approval crazy when she’s been saying creature this whole time?  Does she just… like arguing him? …That’s a stupid question, does she like arguing with him this much? …Again, that’s a--

Mulder spouts his theory, admits he stole stuff from another guy’s room, and tells Scully they can use his meds to track him down. “Well, that sounds like a good investigative plan.” In other words: “And you do so good at beach.” 

Now Mulder wants to go peeping around the motel, for the lols. 

Ken energy, I’m just saying. 

Alsooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo not Mulder, sorry. He’d be curious, intrigued, perhaps roguishly amused by peeping tom corridors; but he’s never taken the time to search places inch-by-inch, top-to-bottom unless they directly related to the case. Is this a nitpick? Probably. But he’s flinging around broken FBI regulations left-and-right, carelessly reckless of all the rules and laws he’s breaking. Sure, Mulder’s a lawbreaker; but not to the extent that it would violate civilian rights. And even if it were fine, he’d be running off to the next lead instead of sticking around to snuffle through a useless one. 

The “Lizardman stabbing himself in the mirror with green glass to break the curse, not realizing it’s him” story doesn’t… really…. Darin Morgan’s writing crackfic at this point. 

Impotency jokes. 

Ahhh, the middle ages: you end up questioning things about yourself or having to pop pills one way or another. 

The comedy keeps failing, I think, because it’s trying too hard. This episode feels like a play (did I mention that earlier?) with dramatic pauses and etc. etc. Not really X-Filesy. 

The psychologist prescribes Mulder a pill (because Mulder believes the Lizardman’s a lizard man), then pops the pill himself the second Mulder leaves… which meansssss he believed, too? Though he doesn’t? 

I get he was supposed to be a crazy psychologist (ala Dr. Spiegel during the Johnny Depp trials), but, again, the comedy flopped. 

“Horny toad lizard man” works at a smart phone shop OF COURSE. Because that’s soooooooooooo clever! Modernization, crises of humanity and identity, get it??? 

Weremonster’s not offensive, but it’s… I’m gonna be honest, it’s not clever, either. 

Why does Scully wear her shirt open almost past her bra line now? Not shaming her, but that doesn’t seem a very Scully thing to do. I don’t know, maybe I’m overthinking things. It was just her style, her way, her self-expression; and it feels smudged and lost in this version of Clone!Scully. 

At least she seems more naturally Scully, this episode. Which means she can only be natural in the funny episodes, huh. 

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 

Mulder has a gold car? Mulder rented a gold car? There’s a gold car here that serves as middle-age-over-compensation commentary. 

Mulder chastises Scully about the danger of approaching a dangerous suspect without backup then runs off, get it, ‘cuz that’s FUNNY. 

I must have a heart of coal because I’m bored instead of tickled. It’s waaaaaaay better than being angry and tired, though, so. 

“I’ll take it” is giving this experience too many brownie points, so I’ll use “I’m resigned”, instead. 

Here we go, the part where the Lizardman voices Darin Morgan’s gripes with work culture (and I say that because Darin himself said he only works because he has to pay the bills. Which, fair enough, I suppose.)

Wait. Did Lizo Man go from a generic British to an Australian accent? 

Guy tries to stage a cop suicide by green glass at Mulder’s hands and…. I’m sorry, this is kind of a fever dream. I can’t even unpack that logic for some bizarre reason. 

Let me unpack that logic for some bizarre reason: 

Psychologist tells Lizardman the story about breaking the curse by getting stabbed in the appendix. 

It involves the realization that the Werelizard stares at himself in the mirror and realizes he’s the monster. 

Does… does that prevent him from committing suicide? The psycologist’s instructions remain murky. 

Lizardman’s fed up with existence. Decides enough’s enough and goes back to the cemetery. 

Mulder walks up and tries to get him to unburden himself. 

Lizardman tries to bait him into cop homicide by green bottle. 

…How in the world did he think that would happen. 

MULDER. LOST. HIS GUN. Which is probably a wink-and-nod by Darin of the good ol’ days when Mulder lost it constantly. 

This Lizard’s gotta know who Mulder is at this point, and that Mulder would track him down and find him. That’s my prediction. 

Mulder agrees to kill Guy Mann. Guy Mann calls him the only nice human he’s ever met. Of course cut back to Mulder’s face as he insists Guy tell him the whole story, first. 

Scully has no idea where Mulder is, does she. 

I knew the psychologist’s “other client thought he was a werewolf” would play into this. Heavy-handedly. 

The stupid, perfectly placed bush when Lizardman woke the next morning. I can’t even be mad at it. 

He took the not-nudist’s clothes, that explains things. 

The dialogue’s also kind of… juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuvenile. 

Lizardman leaped over the natural order of human life by talking mad game, and Darin glosses over the details with “humans are the best at that.” Ooooooookay. 

Nope, that doesn’t work for me. Not if Lizardman joined a tech shop and got promoted to manager the next day. 

I feel like Darin hasn’t hung around iphone shops much. 

HE COMMITTED A MURDER BECAUSE HE ATE A COW IN A HAMBURGER. Really.

Was this lizard a vegetarian????? Because animals constantly break their own eating rituals if they’re hungry (deer eating baby birds, rabbits, and even human corpses, for example.) I doubt a creature of that size and strength existed only on vegetation, especially if there were food shortages during the natural course of its life (which happens in the wild.) 

But NITPICK ASIDE, he ate his first cow. 

…Why didn’t he go find a head of lettuce and chow down on it? Then realize he’s missing something, eat the chicken from the salad, then go on a meat-eating binge? That would have been kinda funny. 

Oh, he’s an insectivore. 

So, he’s a meat eater. 

And he... uuuuuuuuuuuuugh--

Dude’s a protein eater via the carcases of other living things, not plants. 

Dude didn’t have consciousness until he woke a man. 

So it wouldn’t have mattered to Dude if he ate a cow, anyway, because he’s a carnivore and humans are omnivores. 

So what gives? 

“No one likes insects. Not even other insects.” SO INSECTS HAVE EMOTIONS, LIKES, AND PREFERENCES. YET, YOU ATE THEM. I don’t see sound reasoning for an ethical or moral stance here, Guy Mann. 

Lizardman spent the rest of the day helplessly watching… porn. Just couldn’t help himself. Uh huh. 

Dude, you were an animal YESTERDAY, with no association to human morays or social etiquette or guidelines or….

OH. That’s how the Scully scene plays into this. 

But then that scene’ll be shot because it’s played for jokes-- males wanting to overexaggerate their knotch count-- rather than a very real reality of animals with zero morals when it comes to their procreation habits. 

Let’s see if I’m right. 

Guys, this would have been funnier and-- there’s that word again-- clever if Guy Mann lived like a caveman for a few days then overheard some humans talk about job, bills, and etc. spiraled, thinking he would be stuck as a half-human forever, and resigned himself to the fate of every other human (through the lens of his lizard brain, heh.) 

It’s not supposed to be taken seriously, I know, but Darin always wrote plausibility into his previous scripts. This one feels like he didn’t try hard enough. 

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wow. 

Guy went to a "witch doctor"-- oops, “a psychologist”-- but stopped taking his prescribed meds because “it just clouded my thoughts” TO WHICH MULDER NODS IN UNDERSTANDING. 

Mulder gets it because, as an Oxford educated psychologist, he could diagnose the other psychologist (who shouldn’t be prescribing meds) as a wack job. 

Mulder stopped taking his meds. 

Which is what Scully asked if he’d done in the intro. 

Which means his depression’s gone away without his meds. 

Which means his depression’s either CURED, BOOM, or he never needed meds to begin with. 

Which means Scully misdiagnosed him. 

And left. 

OR Mulder stopped taking them and was on depression med withdrawal in the beginning of this episode, hence his melancholia…? 

‘Tis a mess. 

Only time to be happy as a human is to spend time in the company of a non-human-- YOU’RE AN ANIMAL. YOU’RE NOT A HUMAN. YOU JUST LOOK LIKE ONE FOR TWELVE HOURS A DAY. 

Also, Daggoo. Yup. There he is. Uhuh. 

Scully was robbed of her first dog by an overgrown lizard and robbed from another overgrown lizard in return. 

Daggoo was let out of the motel and ran off, and Mann felt crushing loss and grief (while looking not quite that) then ran into Mulder and Smarty K and ran to the toilet and got pap shot by Mulder and etc. 

(Also, he ran into the werewolf dude; and Mulder knows the urge to “strangle him and eat his flesh” when it comes to villains and their villainy.)

Hokey. That’s how I would describe this episode. Inoffensive, but new Scooby Doo.  

Wait, he threw his clothes off while witnessing the werewolf man eat another man (get it, it looked like animalistic sex) then but had them on again when Mulder ripped open the stall door and took his pants-down shot. 

What. 

Wait, Mulder’s up-to-date with transgender procedures and terms but not? familiar with gay bars? 

What, did he subscribe to a Queer Life email subscription between episodes, or is that too new-fangled? 

This episode doesn’t know what angle it wants to tackle for Clone!Mulder (forgot that nickname temporarily) and instead becomes a mix of everything at different strengths (that also change depending on which scene.) 

HOW did Guy Mann not recognize Mulder after Mulder took a picture of him on the port-a-potty??? And stuck around to ask him some questions??? 

“That was me, actually.” 

“I thought I recognized you!” 

So. He… diiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid? 

OR it was a jackalope head on the wall?

No, wait, it wasn’t a jackalope, Guy Mann just misidentified the animal head on the wall-- and he’s “creeped out” by jackalopes ever since a friend got “gored” by them and GET IT, GUYS, THIS ALL LINKS BACK TO THE BASEMENT WHEN MULDER TALKED ABOUT MOTHMEN AND JACKALOPES. 

I swear, Mulder’s just trippin or suffering withdrawals from his meds. 

Scully said, “We have a creature case,” and he went home and dreamed this all up in a slime pit of sweat. 

HIS DEAD FRIEND GEORGE. 

SO THESE LIZARD PEOPLE HAVE NAMES????

THEN WHY’S HIS NAME GUY MANN?????????????????????????????????????

SO, they have friends and eat insects that have some form of consciousness and consider burgers to be cow murder. 

I need to stop thinking seriously about this plot. 

It’s pit stink Mulder thrashing around in his bed, smiling over speedos and peeping tom tunnels and Scully affectionately calling him crazy-- and that makes the most sense, honestly. 

“I think my phone isn’t working right because guys don’t send me pictures of their junk on it.”

More evidence that this was written not by Darin Morgan but by his middle school aged doppelganger, Marin Dorgan, who split from his body during the stress of having to write for the Revival. 

“Ever since I became a human, I can’t help but lie about my sex life.” Stupid. He’d need a Twitter account, first. 

Mulder’s back to doubting because the entire story’s too silly. To be fair, I do like this beat; and it does align (if you squint at it) with his journey out of depression. BUT it is all too silly, so… kinda think Clone!Mulder’s got a point. 

Mulder smiling over learning that Shakespeare called us all ignorant idiots is a nice touch which I shall now spoil: how did Guy Mann know that? Porn? 

“Fox, man, you’ve gotta put me out of my misery!” Get it, Fox Mann, Guy Mann? Animals, GET IT. 

“You wanted to arrest me for something I didn’t do. Who takes advantage like that? I’ll tell you: a human.” That’s the only comedic bit that landed, for me, and even then it was a lip twitch. His contained righteous indignation got through whatever made the rest of this the way it is! WHOO! 

The guy goes stomping off yelling “Monster!” behind him at Mulder to drive his point home, which drives Mulder to drink. 

“Mulder’s the monster, get it, because he doesn’t know what he is and is just willing to use other people for his own selfish ends?” the plot says, affectionately, with a giggle behind its hand. 

This is the scene where he collapses by Kim Manner’s tomb, isn’t it. 

ARE YOU KIDDING, MULDER HAS HIS THEME SONG AS A RINGTONE. 

MULDER’S HIGH, THAT’S IT. HE’S HIGH OR OVERDOSING ON HAPPY DRUGS, THERE’S NO OTHER EXPLANATION. 

Now that I know this is Ken Mulder’s delirium, it’s going to be interesting to draw unauthorized conclusions about his Alice in Wonderland hallucination. 

Aww, look, it’s Kim Manners. 

Mulder’s got his Patriarchy Pants' cheeks right on Kim’s face. 

Me, ten minutes into the Revival: “Maybe I’m just a fool, Scully. Maybe I always have been.” 

Can’t knock that line too much because it is a Mulder thing to think or say. 

And it still fits into my delirium scenario, so. 

Oh, Kumail’s been turned. Didn’t see that coming. The music’s suspenseful, too. That’s cool. 

There’s no way Mulder should figure this out, but he probably will. 

Oh, he didn’t. 

That’s good. 

Also, Scully’s: “Maybe I miss having a dog. And someone to hold my grudges for me,” could apply to her tendency to own dogs but it also might refer to Mulder who she let “curse God for a while” in her stead in IWTB. 

Also, where was THIS scene hiding? It’s really good. 

Ken Mulder’s hobbling, not running, to his car. ‘Kay. 

Wait, Kumail's not a werewolf?

And Scully's got it all handled???? 

Wait, NO, that makes no sense. AND IT’S ALL EXPLAINED AWAY WITH “I’M IMMORTAL” what. 

Scully went to the animal control shelter because she suspected Kumail was the murderer. 

She lingered with her back to Kumail, letting him have home court advantage. 

HE SLIPPED A NOOSE AROUND HER NECK. 

That’s it, she’s doneso. She’s a 5’2” woman that’s as light as a bird, there’s no way she’s toppling a man, let alone one with a noose around her neck and has distance on his side. 

Yes, I know this was because the transgender woman surprised Guy Mann with her punch, but that doesn’t translate to a stunning twist for Scully to also have the upper hand. She doesn’t have enough meat on her bones, and nowhere near the arm length to stop her attacker. 

Did Guy Mann show up and interfere? Help her out in anyway? Did the dogs rush in and tackle him until she could get up? 

IS SCULLY A DOG WHISPERER????? If so, why did Daggoo bite her????????

I will say: Kumail being the murderer really changes that one scene where he was sneaking up behind Mulder. 

And also… the fact that he worked for an animal shelter, since he started with small animals.

WAIT, this is a normal animal control shelter, yes? That’s what Mulder yelled into his phone, anyway. 

But… there were only dogs in the room when Mulder and the officers arrived. 

So. Scully is a dog whisperer, or she tackled Kumail, loosed all the dogs before he got up, and pinned him (impossible) until the cops arrived. I guess. Or the dogs were loose to begin with. 

Oh, and chickens.

Dogs and chickens. 

Dogs. And chickens. And goats. 

(Were ALL the animals loose??????)

Scully, the farm animal whisperer. A trait she must share with her Wyoming son. 

Welp. There goes that scene. 

Scully approached a dangerous suspect twice without backup (says Mulder, who was Kenning it out in the cemetery with the first dangerous suspect… and the second, if you count him running off and nearly getting offed by Kumail without his knowledge); and excuses it by saying Mulder needed “quality time” with his Lizardman. 

“Besides, I’m immortal.” 

That sounds like the prequel to another poor decision tattooed on your back, Scully. 

Mulder’s not soothed by this pronouncement (obviously), but realizes “If Guy’s story was true--” and runs off into the woods. Again. 

And Scully asks the dog if he wants to go home with her. 

And I question. Why a dog. Why that dog. 

You miss dogs but you didn’t have a tie to any particular dog. And this dog bit you. 

Because he’s Plot Relevant Dog. I see. 

“Woah, I’m not a reptile! That’s racist!”

No it’s not you silly, silly reptile with utterly unexplainable human knowledge and reflection. 

Also, another motif of Mulder just standing there watching another guy undress, casually. 

An aspect of Darin’s writing I hadn’t considered: Mulder knows Guy does odd things for a normal human; but also knows this is normal for Guy and just goes with it, for his sake. Like a good psychologist. Like a decent human. 

But also, he has his limits. 

Also, get it, Mulder’s a man outside mankind, too, who just needs to find himself again. Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?

“I want to believe,” Mulder says. 

Mulder just needed someone to say they’re glad to have met him, they’re glad to have him in their life. 

So. 

I guess Scully hasn’t said those words yet. 

Guy shakes his hand. 

Mulder watches, stunned, as Guy runs off to hibernate for 10,000 years-- another hallmark of Marin Dorgan’s writing. Ha ha ha, a knee slapper, that one. 

“Likewise,” Mulder whispers, overcome and disbelieving and renewed all in one. 

A nice little heartfelt, cheesy, sincere ending. 

CONCLUSION

What did I just watch? 

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!

[whos-hotter-jjba]

JoJo Showdown - Final Round

[bonefall]

OUTDATED: Bonefall Rewrite History Lesson

Hey there! This post is outdated! I rebranded to the Better Bones AU a while back. This post is still up for posterity's sake, but if you found your way here looking for a History Lesson, please go HERE instead!

Here’s that history lesson I promised!

I hope that this makes an accessible guide to the Bonefall Rewrite as a whole. Because I’m trying to be succinct with a really big project, this guide will just contain a brief recap of each ‘time period’ as I’ve rewritten them, followed by a straightforward list of eras.

Each arc has an Era Name to refer to the events that happen in it, instead of just referring to the nearest main series arc. 3 Eras create a Period, which carries a unique theme. I hope that they help to summarize events better!

There are 5 Periods so far; Ancient, Chivalric, Slash-and-Burn, Reaching, and Shifting.

Period 1: Ancient Period Dawn/Code/Skyfall Eras (This is the equivalent of Dawn of the Clans, Code of the Clans, up to Cloudstar’s Journey)

The Ancient Period is remembered through dramatic legends, exaggerated into fantastical myths and losing exact details over time. History becomes more 'accurate' and realistic as it becomes more recent.

Its first era, the Dawn Era, is the Clan's creation myth. It's an epic tale of the fall of the Great Clans of Lion, Leopard, and Tiger, and the rise of the modern 5. The founders are remembered on a level close to gods.

The Code Era that followed is remembered as a series of parables, each with a lesson about its attached part of the Warrior Code. The bulk of the code was formed in this time, but continues to be altered to the modern day.

The final, the Skyfall Era, consists of the events that eventually drove SkyClan out of the Forest. It’s largely used as a cautionary tale about how twolegs cannot be trusted, not as a lesson about how to prevent it from ever happening again. SkyClan is largely blamed for the reasons it was eventually banished.

Period 2: Chivalric Period Ripple/Crusade/Campaign Eras (This stretches from the exile of SkyClan to the death of Raggedstar, and includes books like Mapleshade’s Vengeance, Yellowfang’s Secret, and Bluestar’s Prophecy) 

The Chivalric Period is considered the ‘golden age’ by the Clan’s battle culture standards, full of deadly battles, invasions, and the largest revision of the Warrior Code in Clan history; it would remain unmatched until the later events of The Broken Code.

Its first period is the Ripple Era. After the exile of SkyClan, Dawnstar’s successor, Ripplestar, led a rebellion hoping to make space to bring them home. Its failure was taken as a sign the Clans were righteous. 

The next period was the Crusade Era. The drowning of Mapleshade’s kittens and the subsequent murders infuriated StarClan and caused them to give Darkstar a new commandment, leading to the Queen’s Rights. Oakstar tried to repent for his sins by starting crusades on the twolegplace, giving the era its name.

The four Clans dabbled in these crusades, until the Campaign Era, when Heatherstar began a war to take the Mothermouth Moors from ShadowClan. This sparked new inter-Clan conflict, as all four fought to reshuffle borders. From this time of war, the seeds of Thistle Law germinate in its founder’s mind.

Period 3: Slash-and-Burn Period Thistle/Fire/Ash Eras (This covers The Prophecies Begin, the reworked versions of Firestar’s Quest and Spottedleaf’s Heart, and other events in the same time.)

The Slash-and-Burn Period was a time of massive political upheaval for the Clans, beginning as Brokenstar took power and implemented Thistle Law into practice, reaching crescendo when Fire Alone saved the forest from Tigerstar, and ending during the destruction of the forest territories.

The Thistle Era was slowly born from the erosion of the Warrior Code during the brutality of the period before it. Thistle Law is a strict and bloody interpretation of the Code, emphasizing loyalty above all else, and is named after its founder Thistleclaw. It officially started when Brokenstar took power, as it was the first time Thistle Law was put into practice.

The Fire Era began when Firestar became an apprentice of ThunderClan. With his selfless actions, defiance of old customs, and Bluestar to mentor him, he founded a counter ideology known as Fire Alone. This came to a head with the Battle with BloodClan, which ended in the honorable defeat of Scourge and negotiations thereafter.

The Ash Era was a time of relative peace and reckoning, brought about through relations with new neighbors in BloodClan and truce between the forest Clans. This lasted until the destruction of the forest forced the Great Journey on them.

Period 4: Reaching Period Journey/Power/Omen Eras (This covers the later half of The New Prophecy, Power of Three, up to the battle with the Dark Forest in Omen of the Stars.)

The Reaching Period is so named because the entire period was defined by reaching new things. A new home, new understanding, new planes of existence… it’s fundamentally a period of new things, and acquiring them.

The Journey Era includes the trip to the lake, a brief stay with the Tribe, and officially ended with Mudclaw’s Rebellion and the punishment of the rebels that came after. The Clans don’t completely agree on when this period ended exactly; ThunderClan is partial to Brackenfur’s appointment as deputy, RiverClan argues that it ends with the sudden death of Leopardstar.

The Power Era was a calm but tense period of the Clans adjusting to new life at the lake, shifting borders and attempting to assert independence, as if it was a push against the oncoming tide of inter-clan cooperation. ThunderClan and its leadership, Firestar and his deputy Brackenfur, pushed for diplomacy until Brackenfur’s mysterious murder, followed by Firestar shortly after, thrusting Bramblestar into sudden power.

The Omen Era crashed into existence with tumult, the clans plunging into paranoia and violence. The Dark Forest grew in strength as the Clans engaged in pointless squabbles, and Lionblaze pushed his children, Ivypool and Dovewing, into danger for the 'greater good'.

Period 5: Shifting Period Revision/Rearrangement/Reckoning Eras

(This will cover the events of A Vision of Shadows, Tigerheart’s Shadow, Squirrelflight’s Hope, and The Broken Code)

The Shifting Period is about changes, as the Clans finally reckon with their culture producing the threat of the Kin, the territory shift to accommodate SkyClan’s return, and finally the tyranny of Ashfur.

During the Revision Era, Darktail seized discontent within ShadowClan to create a movement he could use to destroy them. Many half-clan cats, ex-dark forest trainees, and other code objectors joined his movement, only to find out he was using them. The Kin was only put down with the return of SkyClan, and Darktail's death marks the end of this era.

The Rearrangement Era refers to the literal rearranging of borders to welcome SkyClan to the Lake, a move that sparked war and controversy, even causing them to attack peaceful neighbors to make room. An amendment to the code was made in this time-- that all clans had a responsibility to ensure the preservation of the other 4.

And finally, the Reckoning Era was sparked by the possession of Bramblestar's body by Ashfur. Exploiting the code and resentment towards disloyalty sparked by the previous eras, Ashfur pushed Ivypool into being his pawn, eventually killing her daughter Bristlefrost for being in a half-Clan relationship. Bristlefrost sacrificed her own eternity to finally end Ashfur's tyranny in the Dark Forest, leading to the newest addition to the Warrior code-- Bristlefrost's Law.

And that catches us up!!! I won't be adding A Starless Clan to this list until it's all totally released, and for now we're all caught up!

That was a lot, so HERE'S just the straightfoward list of Periods and Eras, no notes, no nothing.

Ancient Period - Spans from the Sun Trail to the Exile of SkyClan.(Reworks books such as: Dawn of the Clans, Code of the Clans, and Cloudstar’s Journey)

Dawn Era Code Era Skyfall Era

Chivalric Period - Spans just post-Exile of SkyClan to the death of Heatherstar. (Reworks books such as: Mapleshade’s Vengeance, Tallstar’s Vengeance, Pinestar’s Choice)

Ripple Era Crusade Era  Campaign Era 

Slash and Burn Period - Spans from the Rise of Brokenstar to the Destruction of the Forest. (Reworks: Bluestar’s Prophecy, The Prophecies Begin, first half of The New Prophecy)

Thistle Era Fire Era Ash Era

Reaching Era - Spans from the Journey to the Lake, to the Dark Forest Battle. (Reworks: Power of Three, Omen of the Stars)

Journey Era Power Era Omen Era

Shifting Era - Spans from after the Dark Forest Battle up to the death of Bristlefrost. (Reworks: A Vision of Shadows, Squirrelflight’s Hope, The Broken Code)

Revision Era Rearrangement Era Reckoning Era

[dieclownschaft]

how to fix germany nt

shave joshuas beard

annihilate ter stegen

make football illegal

[ofcelestialstories]

@icarianed || Finrod & Halbrand

.｡.:*☆ This was all so… strange. It had been taking a while for Finrod to regain his memories - and even now he could not tell for sure if he did really remember everything. And, there did not seem to be anyone to ask. Like his sister…. his beloved Galadriel. No matter how painful his death had been for him, Finrod was certain that her pain had to be even worse.

There was not a single day when he would not think about it. Like some silent punishment. Even when there was not really anything Finrod should punish himself for…. right?

So lost in his thoughts, he first did not even notice the man. Not to mention, that he would be here, of all the people Finrod wished to be around… another form of punishment, most likely. The usually calm elf clenched his fist as memories and agony swept over him like a wave. There was hot, boiling anger inside of him, like a tornado, his other hand twitching, eager to hold a sword…

“Sauron!” He shouted, never able to forget the face of the man who had tortured him. “I do think you and I, we still have some unfinished business to talk about.” it for sure would have been wise to not seek open confrontation like this. It was not Finrod’s nature. However, the agony coming with his memories had blinded the elf for thinking rationally like this before springing into action….

[wilsons-journey]

There is nothing Wilson loves more than Devourer and she heard a Charr talking about HUGE Devourer. Huge Devourer with crystals!

And Wilson wanted to see them!

But there was one little problem,... these were located in the iron marches. Near the Brand,... and Wilson was afraid of the brand,.... But the curiosity about these fancy, crystal Devourer was bigger than her fear.

Sadly her friend Fuma wasn’t around to accompany her. Luckly Wilson just met this grumpy Charr, that does Stuff for Money.

And Wilson had a lot of money laying around. So she apporached the gloomy Charr, who was just taking a break.

“Hello Mister!”, she greeted him cheerful.

All she got was a confused and slightly annoyed look. But Wilson wasn’t Wilson if that would irritate her. So she continued still cheerfully.

“Would you accompany me to the iron marches? I want to see the big Devourer there. But I need someone to protect me, because the brand is very scary,... well and dangerous, too. You know?!  And,... and I heard you do this, don’t you? I also got money! So???”

She looked at Valefor expectantly.

The old Charr just huffed. 

A long, silent moment later he finally agreed. It was easy money and he needed something to do. So why shouldn’t he take this contract?

[dearweirdme]

https://twitter.com/PopBase/status/1697287857893945670?t=uR_iDpZVTO1ebiyAbvLOxQ&s=19

Why are all the locals in the replies asking if they're a couple ????

Hi anon!

Oh I don’t know… could it be all the Jkkrs in the comments being unsubtle maybe 🙄?

[fatestouch]

"All I'm saying is that you and Rome didn't have to stick around. It's not like I can't handle things on my own."

"And you're saying you'd also get up at a decent hour on your own, too? Sure, go on and pick another lie."

And Cecil was about to retort--because rude--but he paused when he heard a voice resounding in his head.

Father...?

And Cecil was immediately on edge. Because that was Cari, and he'd never heard his oldest son sound so... small. Even when Cari was physically smaller. Something was wrong.

Cari? What's going on?

I'm sorry... I messed up. I was stupid, really stupid, and--

Cari, stop. Take a breath, and calm down. You're not stupid. You could never be. But I need you to tell me what's wrong.

And so, sounding so shaky and scared, Cari did. And by the end, Cecil's hands were shaking from how tightly he gripped them. Closing his eyes, he took several moments to breathe and calm down.

...You did the right thing, Cari. And I'm proud of you for the quick thinking. For right now, stay in the tower with Aquila and Altair. I'll call your Father, and we'll figure out what to do, okay? You're going to be okay.

...Okay.

"...Vice." He turned to the panther shifter, who'd been watching with concern while he was listening to Cari. "I need you to call my husband, and our children. Robin, too. Cari... was Corrupted. And he passed it to his soulmates. I... I need to contact Order."

"What? But, how--"

"That wasn't an invitation for questions, that was an order. Go, Vice."

"A-ah... as, as you wish."

And when Vice was gone, Cecil sat, alone in his throne room, his face in his hands. It was all he could do to keep from falling apart.

His little starlight needed him to keep it together.

[doriansdismay]

I just wanted them to have a nice moment :(

[neon-draws-sometimes]

Can we actually stop reblogging dreemerr-skelememer’s stuff now

THere is a ton of proof they ship frans. Literally just search “frans” you’ll find so many posts

I straight up dont wanna see this anymore

this post is literally the first result for frans

also probably block these people too

And do not harass these people. It will literally make them more stuck in the “mean antis vs us normal people” mindset they’re in

block em, filter their name so you don’t rb anything by mistake

[brutalscaled]

"Look I really have nothing to do with all this but I can't stand watching people like you mope around... Is Gotham full of pansies or something? You and the songbird both..." "Fight back! Group up! Take the initiative! Wipe them off the face of the earth!" "If we can mount escapes from Arkham on a whim and work as a team, then imagine what you can do with... ugh, I loathe to say this: Friends."

In reference to this.

... He never thought he'd hear the Joker giving him a... what was the phrase? A pep-talk?

Was he really moping? Is that what this was?? Agreeing to the first terms these fuckers threw at him just because he couldn't immediately think of anything better?

He DID want to be rid of the place. If they could break out of Arkham, couldn't they take Chimera down in the same way? Frustration-- mostly at himself-- simmered through his veins, showing itself in a snarl and a lash of his tail.

"I'm likin' the idea of takin' those bastards off the map. It ain't gonna be a walk in the park... but fuck if the rogues aren't some of the toughest bastards I can think of."

[dandybarista]

"I don't know if I'm a good person. But I know that you are." He's about to take his leave, but he's still going to address that... interesting reply from the other day.

"But even if you weren't, I think you deserve to treat yourself more like a person instead of a monster. Even if just a little. You can only blame yourself so much before... before all of that guilt turns into dead weight."

...

"I guess I'm still a little sensitive to criticism... an' it's easier than I thought to feel as though I could so effortlessly become that monster again... But..."

"I recognize now that I was never in control of that monster... because I was forced to become it. It wasn't my fault an' goddamn is that hard to say, but it feels right. No, it is right. Because I am free now."

"An' it's about time I tell you how it happened. You've earned my trust in knowin' my story."

[trickshooting]

Hoenn

In Hoenn, Harou would be sent here to investigate and if possible, eliminate the leaders of Team Aqua/Magma. This is due to their public plans of basically sending the world into chaos and destruction would affect not just Hoenn, but the rest of the world by causing an eternal drought, or forever flooding the lands! Either way, if possible he’d have to be sent to stop their plans one way or another….but fortunately for him, he wouldn’t need to, thanks to a certain Heroine. Other than that, he’d be assigned to investigate the stories of the Pokémon Jirachi, and either see if he can verify these stories or not.

His Pokémon he would befriend in this region would be Swablu! Swablu, like Aipom, has a wonderful supportive move set with a powerful Hail Mary in the back with Perish Song if things get dire…which just so happens to be the reason why he gets earplugs after obtaining it! Alongside Tailwind and Safeguard, he becomes very difficult to hold down! Swablu would be called Cottontail!

This would take place in the ORAS version of Hoenn.