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patchworkpuzzle · 4 years ago

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authors note: this is my submission to Emme’s Mental Health Awareness Collab and like most submissions to this collab this came from a very personal place for me, how I struggle with the aspects within it though nothing graphic or severe. I know that @lemonlordleah-shinzawa-kitten created a wonderful mental health resource list which I encourage you all to take a look.

wordcount: 1.9k

paring: Sero x F!Reader (there is only two mentions of female pronouns, as its from a deep place in my heart but I did try to keep it a gender nutral as I could)

warnings: self doubt, self deprecation. Though it is pretty tame, and has fluff, again please be careful when reading this.

Also, just a reminder to please not interact with my blog if you are under 18 years oh age.

You didn’t know why.

You didn’t know why Sero Hanta, the hero Cellophane, would ever be interested in you. Someone who wasn’t a hero, or anyone of real importance. You just worked a normal office job at the Hero Agency he also worked out, that’s how you met after all.

You weren’t an up and coming fresh faced new hero or side kick, you were just someone who filed paperwork and arranged meetings. The sidekick, to the sidekick, of the sidekicks, as it were. Nothing extraordinary about you, in fact you found yourself as nothing but ordinary.

Extraordinarily average, as you like to put it.

And yet, he still saw something.

It was hard to notice at first, a top hero just stopping by to ask you to file something for him to then ask if you were new. But then it got more noticeable, with them continuing to stop by to ask questions and have you file things that weren’t even in your department, trying to find any excuse to see you. To finally just coming out with the truth and asking you on a date.

To say you were shocked when he asked was an understatement. You could feel your face get so red as you stuttered out a jumble of words that ended up meaning yes. Hiding your face in your hands when he left with a smile and a wink, telling you he’ll ‘pick you up at eight.’

The date was almost too awkward, having you try and come up with interesting facts and stories about yourself and your life, trying to compete with a Pro Hero and all the accomplishments he had. But apparently it wasn’t so awful, cause the next Monday at work he stopped by your desk with some flowers and another proposed date.

Date after date you went with him. After a few months he wanted to become official, proclaiming not long after you agreed on a live television interview that he was a ‘happily taken man now’. Though it filled you heart with warmth being so doted on, it made you feel guilty. Made you think that these kinds of affections should be placed on someone more worthy.

Someone who had a more outgoing personality, who didn’t get shy and flustered easily. Or have a short fuse in their social battery, making them want to go home earlier than he may want to. Someone that could match up with him and keep up, not slow him down.

Someone who was more physically attractive, who didn’t look in the mirror and see barely there muscles that were always covered in some way. And who could turn the heads of people when walking by as easily as he could. Someone who could be just as beautiful as the Pro Hero looked all the time, with his perfect smile and dazzling eyes, who could take their shirt off without having to worry if their partner would still find them attractive.

Someone who could do all sorts of amazing things, all sorts of cool hobbies and talents to share and teach. Not being the boring person who started and stopped things all the time, who had no real interests in something for long; whose most notable skill was knowing a bunch of useless facts. Good for a trivia night, but not exactly a good comparison to that of your boyfriend. A man who was filled with many abilities and talents he garnered over the years; both physical and crafty.

He seemed to be able to do so much, and you paled in comparison ever single time.

Sero Hanta didn’t know what he did to deserve you.

He was never the strongest person, or the smartest, or had the coolest and flashiest quirk. To him, he was nothing more than just your average guy trying to become a hero and help people. The underdog constantly punching up, and somehow managed to break through.

He was a decent hero; he would never say otherwise. He always worked so hard and tirelessly to help people, sacrificing so much to get the job done. From sleepless nights, to his body breaking, and his mind almost following suit at times, that he felt he more than deserved the spot he got on the hero rankings.

But at times he couldn’t help but compare himself to his friends. People who more than deserved their spots and fame but always proving that he was lacking in some way or form, though it was always unintentionally. They always celebrated his success and praised him for his hard work, but Sero always felt less than when standing next to his friends.

They were always able to get the press to notice their hard work, even if Sero did just as much. Always able to get fans to interact with them, having them compliment them constantly over this, that, and the other while Sero found that a dedicated Cellophane fan was few and far between. And when they did come up to him, they easily turned their attentions to his friends once they showed up.

He never minded. He did this job because he wanted to help people, and he was good at it. There was nothing more he could ask for. But he couldn’t help but admit he got a little envious at times, or that his smile tended to be forced for the cameras.

He just wanted to be seen.

And then he met you. A cute little office worker whose eyes sparkled so brightly as they excitedly exclaimed that they were so happy to meet him, and that they’ll do there best to make sure everything was done right for him; before blushing and apologizing. It made Sero’s heart skip a beat, to be seen the way you saw him then.

It was probably why he kept coming back to your desk and asking you favours and questions. He just wanted to see your eyes light up when you saw him, to be seen as someone as amazing as the other top heroes around him. And he couldn’t lie that he found you beautiful, in that soft gentle way that would make him want to gaze at your face to see all the expressions it could make.

You were magnetic to him, in the delicate sense. You didn’t stand out in the way plenty of others around him would, you almost blended into the crowd. Almost. But you held this kind and sweet aura around you, one that always felt safe and reassuring, and he couldn’t help but be pulled tighter and tighter into it.

Finally, he found the courage to ask you on a date. Overcome with joy when you said yes but trying to play if off cool to not embarrass himself. And the date was wonderful, he loved learning all the little things that made you who you are.

He couldn’t help but ask for another, and another, and another, you were an addiction to him, and he couldn’t get enough. He thought you were so lovely in every single way. He wanted to keep you for himself, for as long as time would allow him.

He just wished he was everything you thought he was.

But Sero Hanta knew he wasn’t. He wasn’t as strong, or capable, or talented, or all the other amazing things you claimed he was. Just an average man trying his best to pull an incredible weight, trying not to be overlooked, to try and be seen.

And you were just a woman, working a thankless 9 to 5 job, trying to keep up with the expectations of those around you. Pulling yourself in so many directions to try and please everyone. Never seeing yourself in the light you should, never realizing all the wonderful things you were.

And yet, without fail, you both would always choose the other.

Like puzzle pieces you fit.

Despite the flaws, the cracks, and the broken pieces you both saw in yourself, the other would see something more. They would see a mosaic, something beautiful and worth wanting to be apart of.

And despite the troubles that popped up, the demons that would tell lies of not being enough, the self doubt of years of not being seen and treated as kindly as one hoped and dreamed for, it all amounted to nothing more than dust that would float away in the wind when you looked at him and he at you.

You both weren’t fixed. Love was something that was strong but fickle if not properly tended, and it could not fix years of trauma and disbelief. But it helped. And the little reminders it gave helped garner a beautiful bud that would someday bloom stunning and bright.

There just needed to be reminders.

And reassurance.

And patience.

You would always tell him, whenever you could, that he was your favourite hero. That his quirk was something to admire, despite the things he and other might say. How all his training made him so strong whenever he would lift something you couldn’t, or open something small like a jar. That whenever he told you he knew some fact you brought up that he was smarter than he gave himself credit for. That all the little things he did, like take you in his arms to gently sway you both whenever he wanted, made you feel so warm and had your heart fill with a soft joy and made you feel wanted; like you had always hoped to be.

And he would always tell you how he loved spending nights curled up with you doing nothing, as he preferred doing that than going out all the time. How soft your body was, how wonderful it was to hold; and how he always felt like a nervous teenager again when he was intimate with you, like it was his first time all over again. He loved that you knew all sorts of little facts, no topic or subject free from your endless knowledge; and how he loved and felt proud calling you ‘his girl’ whenever a trivia game night with friends was won by you, yet again. And most importantly, he loved your gentleness. He loved how you would look at him, and only him, with such love in your eyes it made him feel like the most important man in the world; finally, being seen like he always wanted to be.

Though it wasn’t perfect. There were times where you would hide away from him, cry yourself to sleep some nights when your self doubt got too strong and the demons in your head telling you that you weren’t good enough. And times where he would distance himself from you, to not want to burden your further with his problems, and not wanting to hold you back in any capacity in case someone better than him came along.

But it was enough.

The good days always outnumbered the bad. And when the bad days came it just proved to the other how deeply you cared for the other’s happiness. How much you both truly loved the other, flaws and all.

At the end of the day, you would always choose him, every single time.

And Sero Hanta would always choose you.

#sero x you #sero x reader #sero x y/n #sero hanta x reader #sero hanta fanfic #sero hanta comfort #sero comfort #mental health awareness month #tw: self deprecation #tw: self doubt

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gatheringbones · 4 years ago

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how do i deal with the good parts of my abuser? when it's bad it's nightmarish and unspeakable and traumatizing but when it's good it's the safest i've ever felt and something i'm never, ever going to get back if i end this

you keep those bits you loved about them and you keep them alive in yourself and you find them in other people.

and once that lack of contact settles in the bits you love about them can finally be separate from the threat they present to you— you can finally appreciate and examine them and learn from them on their own merits without running the risk of being sucked back into the gravity well of abuse. the love and admiration and respect you feel for them can finally exist without exposing you to more harm.

my mom loved an underdog. nothing fired her up more than the idea of somebody not knowing the one piece of information that might save their life. she loved paying and being paid under the table. she went on nightmare elk hunts with terrible men and always hiked her way out. she climbed every mountain in the olympics and nothing ever killed her. she loathed a coward. she looked me dead in the eye and told me that my dad said the mean things he did to trick me into feeling so bad I would do anything he said, that it was smoke and mirrors and that I didn’t need to fall for it. she told me that if any adult ever asked me to keep a secret that I should come and tell her right away and that I would never get in trouble. she could cook anything, bake anything, sew anything, and she devoured new information on history and politics and culture at the speed of light. she was impossible to intimidate. she could fill a gallon bucket with blackberries and dig her limit in razor clams and she always found enough chanterelles for christmas gravy. the ravens loved her. she took me and my sheltered, closeted friends to every drag event and queer community event she possibly could and never told their parents. she was the bravest, smartest, funniest, and most interesting person I have ever met.

and I get you— it’s a trap, feeling that much love for somebody who presents that much of a threat. and there’s the fact that the loving vibrant image I just described for you is partially a projection on my part, a fictionalized version of her that doesn’t entirely match up with the actual person she is (which is just another part of the grieving process— the bit where you mourn the person they never entirely were to you).

and I get that feeling of “when it’s good it’s good, it’s the safest and best I’ve ever felt” because your brain and your abuse-sharpened instincts know exactly when your abuser is safe to be around and there’s no better feeling in the world. there’s this accompanying feeling of everything being worth it for just one more moment like this, when they’re calm and stable and safe to be around. but it’s not. the costs are too high, and those moments are too few and far between, and those good memories and good moments become weaponized against you in that you’ll endure anything just so long as you get a taste of what that kind of safety feels like. But that’s simply not sustainable. It’s so bad for you. It’s so bad. You deserve to find out what it’s like to live a long period of time without those nightmare ups and downs. So much makes itself clear to you after that first year of no contact, to say nothing of the second, or the third, or the seventh.

and it turns out it’s just grief. the thing you’re trying to avoid with all your might by maintaining that degrading, corrosive, life-inhibiting connection is just grief. and grief will sweep in and leave everything a jumbled, stinking wreckage for a long, long time, but then the edges get filed down and it turns out it can be lived with far more sustainably than the abuse. And the best qualities of your abuser can finally be what they are, enshrined with love and admiration in your heart, without that desperate internal imperative to reconnect.

#cw abuse

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adhd-ahamilton · 3 years ago

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I got to see Hamilton in Sydney!!

It was a seriously, seriously amazing time – I was always worried that by the time I finally got to see Hamilton on stage (I was even supposed to see it in America last year lmfao) it wouldn’t mean the same anymore. And like, obviously it’s not my hyperfixation anymore. But even like this, it was still an incredible experience! I always figured that the recording would focus more on close-ups and the like because you can’t really see that on stage, but you really can see so much of what’s going on when you see it live and the whole stage is full of things to notice!

I have a lot of thoughts about it (mainly about the Australian cast, though some of these things could just be live performance things)!

Firstly, only two lines had their wordings changed:

* ‘John Adams doesn’t have a real job, anyway’ → ‘Vice president is not a real job, anyway.’ This got a good laugh from the audience; obviously it was changed to preserve the joke, since most Aussies wouldn’t have a good idea of who John Adams was. (I explained the joke when I watched the recording with my parents.)

* ‘Weehawken. Dawn.’ → ‘Jersey. Dawn.’ This was a bit of a surprise, but the more I think about it the more it makes sense. Aussies also wouldn’t know Weehawken (I didn’t even get that he was referring to a place when I first heard it), while Jersey is very clear because they already made a joke about it. (That one didn’t get much of a laugh though, ofc lol) And it’s actually more consistent because later they do say ‘we were near the same spot my son died, is that why’ so they drive that connection even deeper.

I don’t think there were any other music/staging/choreography differences from the recording – just the acting. But ooh, this really was differently-acted!

Hamilton

I love Lin-Manuel Miranda. I love his energy and enthusiasm and intelligence and his optimism. But while I loved his dorky version of Hamiton, I have to admit, I didn’t always think it matched up with even the musical’s script, let alone the real person. This Hamilton, though? I kept thinking about all the ways he felt different from the original, and almost every time, it was like ‘yeah, this feels more like what I know of the real Hamilton.’ (Or at least, the Hamilton we wrote about in fic.)

This Hamilton is aggressive and prickly. Up until Helpless, we don’t really see him smile – which makes sense, y’know, with ‘talk less, smile more.’ When he confronts Burr at the beginning of the play, he doesn’t have Miranda’s overly energetic and talkative air, he’s more pushy and too intense. You really feel like, oh, yeah, he’s just walking up to someone on the street and badgering them into telling him about their life story. When he says ‘God, I wish there was a war’ he’s less naive and more so hyperfocused on his goal he doesn’t notice he’s said something super insensitive. When Burr says ‘You wanna get ahead?’ his ‘Yes’ isn’t quiet and firm, it’s more ‘yes obviously, nobody would not want to get ahead, so just hurry up and tell me already.’

And that’s just in the first couple of songs! He continues on like this, with that kind of burning intensity and hot temper, through the musical, though ofc it softens at important times. Importantly, his relationship with Burr is largely based in frustration. When he does ‘My Shot’, it honestly feels less like he’s singing to impress the guys and more like he’s challenging Burr and everything he just told him; I’m sure I saw him glancing back at Burr several times. Likewise, when he tells Burr to go get Theodosia, it’s not questioning – he’s outright saying that if he really loved her, he’d take any risk for her. And in Schuyler Defeated, his ‘Burr?’ isn’t questioning there, either – he’s already angry, he’s just demanding his attention. He genuinely seems to like Burr in a weird way that even he might not understand at times, but for the most part he just seems to find him really frustrating and is always trying to incite him to do more.

This Hamilton also feels very independent, and even aloof. In The Story of Tonight, while the other guys are totally sincere and moved by it all, Hamilton feels sorta… distant. At one point he half walks off until Laurens brings him back, which I think happens in the recording as well, but here I especially felt like that was how he was ‘really’ feeling. Not that he was being manipulative or lying in any way, just that he couldn’t be in the moment because he was still stuck in his head thinking about the future. And the whole way through, he very rarely seems to properly open up – my friend said afterwards that Hurricane hits so much harder when it’s the first time he’s really vulnerable in the entire musical. Which is basically how it happens.

It’s funny – you think of Hamilton and Burr as being contrasting this way, with Burr keeping his cards close to his chest and not revealing what he really wants until The Room Where It Happens, but this Hamilton doesn’t feel far off. But rather than keeping a secret per se, it’s more… he has such an incredibly strong, intense drive, and you’re never super certain where it comes from. And in Hurricane, it suddenly becomes clear – all this time, he’s still caught up in that trauma, and still feels like he needs to fight and scrape just to survive, even when it turns into this self-destructive impulse. Honestly, Hurricane has always been kind of a weird song – he’s been corrupted and is not the most sympathetic beforehand, but then you get this grand slow inspiring song talking about how he suffered in the past and overcame it, but THEN you cut to an almost comedic number about how he fucked everything up for himself and his family. In Miranda’s version, that mood up-and-down always felt a little too jarring. Here it made perfect sense – it was so shocking to see how vulnerable he was at the beginning, and then the song isn’t just repeating what we learned in the beginning, it’s explaining what he’s been keeping deep down all along, but also making it clear that this is manic and awful and destructive.

Part of that is the singing, too. This Hamilton can rap really well, but his singing voice is startlingly gentle and beautiful. It really helps to get across the sincerity of his feelings in Helpless, Dear Theodosia, and as I said Hurricane. On the other hand, there are also times his voice just goes flat, like there are so many emotions he can’t process them – you see that a bit in My Shot when he gets worried (‘I never had a group of friends before’), but it REALLY stings when he says ‘I have so much work to do.’ That hit me way harder than Miranda’s version :(

However, when you combine this Hamilton’s aloofness with that certainty and intelligence, you also get a version of him that is particularly… ironic? He’s always crossing his arms (when he’s not rubbing his face with a palm; those two gestures repeat constantly through the play), and kinda stepping back and Watching people, with a bit of a sense of self-important and even patronising judgement. This is very much ‘So quick-witted!’ ‘Alas, I admit it.’ He definitely does come across like a dude who thinks he is ‘smartest in the room,’ and puts way too much stock in his own opinion. Particularly with Burr whenever they were getting along there was a distinct sense of ‘You know what? I actually think you’re pretty interesting. And my positive judgement is hard to come by, so that’s a big compliment.’ (Burr does not seem to get this weirdly condescending vibe though, lol.) Honestly…. I gotta admit: I really don’t like people like that, haha – though I can’t say it’s entirely inappropriate for Hamilton characterisation. This Hamilton genuinely feels difficult, and that matches up to what happens in the script.

But, the consequence is that after Hurricane, some of the later songs didn’t have quite as much of an impact on me as in the original. In It’s Quite Uptown, I could somehow never quite lose that vision of Hamilton as a bit sarcastic and superior – the way he rubs at his face in grief still just felt a little… put-on and theatrical, like you can hear the frustrated sigh underneath. And this is a song that demands complete, total, unrelenting vulnerability – Miranda’s Hamilton sounds like he’s dying the whole time and that makes the emotional stakes really felt. Maybe it’s that his voice was TOO gentle in this song – Miranda’s more awkward voice actually adds to the exhausted brokenness of the situation?

And finally, when we got to The World Was Wide Enough… Miranda’s speech there in the silence might just be my favourite sequence in the entire musical, so I think anyone else would have struggled to match up to that. It doesn’t help that I was distracted trying to figure out Burr in this scene (which I’ll get to later). It was still beautiful, of course, but ‘What is a legacy?’ just feels so so very Lin-Manuel Miranda and anyone else singing that just doesn’t feel the same.

Overall, I really really enjoyed this version of Alexander Hamilton – as I said, he felt much closer to the actual characterisation I always imagined for him. And this one showed some really fascinating vulnerability in unexpected places, even if the ending didn’t quite land as well for me.

Burr

This Burr was really, really fascinating as well – an interpretation that feels different all the way through, but really pays off at the end with something very striking.

So, something the group of us all agreed was that this Burr felt a lot more like the ‘trust fund baby’ he calls himself. There’s something elegant and refined about him, a rich person who is used to moving through the world as a person to be admired. He’s actually quite graceful, somehow, even though he barely dances? But that also really brings to the fore one particular element – entitlement. (Seriously, my mum is physically incapable of bringing up Burr without mentioning the word ‘entitled’, lol.)

This is a Burr who is used to not having to work for things. He just sort of expects things to fall into his lap, eventually, in contrast to Hamilton. The world will eventually shape to match his desires – that’s how things work. Even in the latter part of the musical, it doesn’t so much feel like he needs to fight and scrape like Hamilton to get ahead, but more like… getting ahead is his birthright, and he just needs to effect that inevitable change into the world. But I’ll get to all that later.

The other thing my friend said was that this Burr feels very much like a preacher’s son, and the more I thought about that the more I agree. There’s something almost… toxically positive about him – the smiles don’t feel two-faced and manipulative so much as maybe like, wilfully ignorant? There’s a very ‘Don’t fret, God will work things out in the end :)’ feel about him, actually. But there’s also something deeply naive in him. Leslie Odom Junior’s version also had some of that genuine lack of understanding – when he muses in confusion over Hamilton in Wait For It, or when his face scrunches in confusion when he says ‘I don’t see why that has to end’ in Schuyler Defeated, and this one does all that, but it feels like an even more inescapable part of his character.

Like, there’s something about this Burr that is just a bit… lame. A bit ‘Hello Fellow Kids.’ But, intentionally!! As I said, he’s a preacher’s son. When he tries to act kinda cool or badass, it just doesn’t quite work. When he interacts with the other guys, even as he smiles wanly and shakes it off when they insult him, you feel like he does still want to be – or even think he is? - part of that group of cool young men. He’s just too… nice, almost. I felt a little more bad during The Story Of Tonight (Reprise) and all. And he seems to take it really earnestly that Hamilton likes him, even if, like I said, there’s a sorta superior quality coming from Hamilton.

He just comes across more naive. Rather than a manipulator, this Burr comes across as more of a shameless Yes Man, who doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with what he’s doing. But I also sort of felt like other characters easily saw through him, and Burr didn’t quite realise that. Like with Jefferson, it sorta felt like he thought he was being really strategic but Jefferson was just like ‘sure, this guy works as an ally, even if he’s kinda annoying.’

And when it comes to Wait For It… the song makes it clear that bad things have happened to him – he hasn’t gone through life without suffering – but he hasn’t had the same reaction Hamilton has had. While Hamilton learned nothing will come to him unless he takes it, it feels like Burr learned that things will just… happen to him, good or bad, and he can’t control it. Nothing that has ever really affected Burr has been of his choice – he inherited his position, and then his parents died, and all of that was just the uncontrollable whim of the universe. Leslie Odom Junior’s version emphasised the ‘I am the one thing I can control’ aspect a bit more – you feel that that version really had worked hard and struggled for the sake of his studies and job, but this Wait For It gave me a very uncomfortable feeling of being trapped. It’s as though everything about him is already decided, and even his efforts aren’t personal decisions so much as just what was natural and expected of him to do.

And that makes the second half of the story feel very different for him. In Leslie Odom Junior’s version, we see him take that self-control to new levels – that realisation that there is something that means as much to him as all of that drive and intensity Hamilton puts out, and it’s his own ambition. That he does want that, and he will have to fight and get his hand dirty to make it happen. As the story goes on, he becomes increasingly desperate and fearful, understanding more and more what it was to be that kid in the hurricane, becoming viscerally aware that terrible things can and will happen to him unless he stops them.

This Burr doesn’t feel like that. His downfall isn’t frantic. It’s very very cold.

In The Room Where It Happens, yes, his ambition crystallises and he changes strategy. But it feels less like an electric jolt, or an earthquake, and more of an epiphany. It’s okay for him to do these things. It’s right. He belongs in the room where it happens. Whatever he does to bring him there is by definition right and good.

He honestly seems to be feeling good through much of it. He’s so smiley when he comes up to Jefferson. He seems even more confused than Leslie’s Burr when Hamilton is actually mad at him for unseating Schuyler. And in The Election of 1800, there’s nothing of the original’s tired, manic energy, like he’s pushing himself to the brink and plastering on a smile to get through it. When this Burr campaigns, he’s energized and charismatic and friendly and filled with almost a kind of serenity. Like this is what he was born to do. His future is almost here – he just needs to reach out a little and it will be in his grasp.

Which, brief aside here while I analyse this haha – so, in Australia, a big part of our culture is what is called Tall Poppy Syndrome. i.e., an instinctive bitterness and hostility towards those who are perceived to stand above others. It’s often described as an aggression towards successful people, but I think that’s only part of it. Australians would describe their culture as breezy and casual and relaxed, but there’s also something disaffected about it, IMO. You’re not meant to ever take anything too seriously. Yes, we all take the piss out of politicians, but it’s sorta ‘lame’ to really seriously oppose them, too. It’s like our culture is stuck in the mindset of a self-conscious fifteen year old, where we’re all sorta lazily cynical and ‘bluntly honest’, but you’re not supposed to ever actually do anything about it all. Caring too much is kinda embarrassing. You’re just supposed to make fun of people and keep living your life. We don’t get the same fundamentalist groups intent on forcing their viewpoint on society like America does, but we also don’t get the same idealists who fervently believe that if we work hard we can make things better. They exist, for sure. But… well, it’s hard for me to imagine an Australian Leslie Knope, you know? (Who, btw, is one of my favourite fictional characters of all time, for reference.)

Watching Burr in The Election of 1800, I was struck by a memory. It was an Australian season of The Amazing Race, and on top of all of the typical relaxed Australian reality show contenders (seriously, I don’t know what the fuck Drag Race Down Under is on, that is the most un-Australian reality show I have ever SEEN), there was one couple that were I suppose Go-Getters. The type who eat healthily (probably vegan) and get up every morning in their athleisure to work out at the gym or go for runs. They were peppy and enthusiastic and they announced with huge smiles that they were going to WIN this! And the other contestants absolutely despised them. At one point, they did something to attract specific ire – honestly, it was probably nothing more than just not helping another duo who were going the wrong way, because in Australian reality shows everyone helps. But after that, multiple groups all ganged up to sabotage them. They took such delight in watching these two cheery people’s optimism flag, so very self-assured in having taught them to ‘not take yourself too seriously.’ Burr, as he was campaigning, reminded me of them.

It’s really telling, I think, that Burr is the one who reminded me a little of Leslie Knope, here – albeit obviously a much darker version. The kind of person who dorkily believes in the system and puts himself out there unselfconsciously, whose wide smiles are unironic and unmocking. In the original, Lin Manuel Miranda actually compared Hamilton to Leslie Knope at one point, with Hamilton’s ‘thirty years of disagreements.’ It’s a very Australian thing, to make Hamilton less earnest and more aloof and sarcastic, to make his anger as much about frustration with other people as about believing in something himself, and to make Burr, by comparison, sincere. Australians don’t really trust sincerity. Honesty is to be framed as an insulting joke, and Burr is just too polite to do that.

When the results come, Burr’s serene smile only very very slowly fades. Before his expression really drops, he turns away. When Your Obedient Servant starts, he’s quiet. The whole time he sings, he’s measured and controlled and entirely certain of himself. He doesn’t have LOJ’s grit or spikes in volume on ‘just to keep me from winning.’ He’s unnervingly quiet.

Even into The World Was Wide Enough this continues. In the original, Burr is outright frantic. He’s desperate and shaking with anger and fear, and when he points at Hamilton’s glasses and the like, you can feel that he actually isn’t sure of himself – that he’s trying to justify this to himself and knows he sounds crazy, but he just can’t pull back now. His voice shakes and goes up and down. When he says ‘we were near the same spot his son died, is that way?’ it rises and when he says ‘this man will not make an orphan of my daughter’ he cracks in real tears, like the mention of Philip reminded him of what’s at stake here, like that really is the reason he’ll kill him. This Burr stays quiet and cold. He doesn’t waver.

If that Burr was desperate, this one feels… and I hope this doesn’t sound like a joke: like a thwarted rich nice guy. The other Burr learned from Hamilton too well, and is replicating his self-destructive energy. This Burr hasn’t learned anything at all. Winning is still his birthright, and Hamilton has stolen that from him. Burr deserves it, and he deserves to punish Hamilton for this. It’s not an explosion of shock, a scrabbling for purchase in this new chaotic world that will doom them both. It’s vindictive. Burr knows what he is doing and he wants to hurt Hamilton for all Hamilton has hurt him.

After the shot, I was surprised to find myself not tearing up as I expected (usually, these two last songs always get me). With the original Burr, his singing is laced with pain as much as regret. When he repeats ‘death doesn’t discriminate’, we feel his sorrow as he fits Hamilton into the same kind of category as his parents and wife, as someone important to him who died. When he says ‘he may have been the first one who died, but I’m the one who paid for it,’ we understand that he’s referring to the depth of his grief. That having to live with knowing he killed Hamilton feels, in this moment, worse than death.

This Burr is still cold. And when he finally gets to it, and says ‘I’m the one who paid for it,’ he looks away. He almost spits. His face is contorted in bitterness. It’s rough and gritty, for the first time in the entire musical.

I can remember it vividly – it was shocking to see, and sends shivers through me to remember. I’d been waiting for that cathartic sadness, but it wasn’t here. This Burr, deep down, didn’t feel for Hamilton, at least in the end. He was pissed off because for once in his life his actions had consequences. Because of Hamilton, he had fucked up his life forever. His worldview had been shattered. And at that moment, that was all he could think about – that resignation and bitterness and anger. All along, maybe, he had been nice only because he’d had no reason not to be. Once it didn’t benefit him, and his pride and entitlement were damaged, he showed who he truly was.

It… was an experience, lol. Honestly I think it was partly lost on me because I so loved the original version and was like working myself up ready for a good cry here, so I didn’t get to just sit and take the full impact – I kept searching for a grief or fear that wasn’t there. But I don’t think this version is bad! It’s a very valid interpretation of Burr, and it was extremely fascinating to see unfold.

If I have one critique, it’s that one kind of problem with the whole Australian show is that the performances lacked grit. I really wanted more edge, more aggression, more intensity of those emotions – something more sharp and shocking. Hamilton delivers this kind of thing at times, especially early on, but ofc it fades away in the end. Jefferson, as I’ll get to, is too smooth-talking while also having that cold serene kind of anger. When we lack both Hamilton’s broken It’s Quiet Uptown and Burr’s frantic ‘this man will not make an orphan of my daughter’, we don’t get those life and death stakes quite as highly. By focusing all of Burr’s anger in one line, I think the rest of the songs didn’t have as much of an impact as I’d like.

But!! I really enjoyed this interpretation, and I’d love to see it again knowing what’s coming!

Eliza

OKAY nobody else is going to get those huge walls of text lmaoooo

Anyway this Eliza wasn’t a super different interpretation than Phillipa Soo’s, but I think she pulled it off at least as well, if not even better?

So, the really big obvious thing about this Eliza is her smile. Her actress has this amazing, big toothy grin that feels so lacking in guile, but also still so comforting. It’s so attention-grabbing and almost impossible not to be affected by. It just screams ‘hey, things will turn out okay, so cheer up! :)’ And it’s something that just comes out on Eliza as if on instinct – she’s wearing it through most of That Would Be Enough, and at the end of Take A Break when she escorts Angelica away, and even in Blow You All Away when she’s comforting Phillip or in flickers when describing Hamilton’s old letters in Burn.

The thing about Eliza as a character is that she’s basically defined by her emotional intelligence. She feels as strongly as Hamilton, but where he is uncontrolled and reckless and both self and other destructive, she is the opposite of all of those things. She’s measured and practical and knows exactly who she is and what she wants at all times. She will sacrifice for others, but it’s because she decides to, and if she is hurt, she will not keep herself in harm’s way. It’s an interesting kind of competence and I can understand in theory why it’s cool to have a female character like that even if I, as a neurodivergent mentally ill woman cannot relate in the slightest and feel sorta awkward to be judged against.

This Eliza nails all of that perfectly. She’s effortlessly charming and soothing whenever she wants to be – in That Would Be Enough, when Hamilton is turned away and putting up all of his sharpest bristles, you can feel her become something soft and liquid and find her way up against him regardless without getting hurt. It’s that strength of character that makes their relationship really work – it’s not necessarily that she completely understands him or is good at ‘handling’ him, but that her certainty of purpose and deliberate, skilful compassion make her perfectly suited to calm Hamilton’s deep down insecurities. She loves him entirely and makes him believe that. And when Hamilton responds with his own intensity, she loves that, and believes in that.

And all of that makes it mean so much more when she steps out of that natural mediator role for a moment. In Helpless she’s adorable, so giddy and excited and so clearly crushing on Hamilton with a youthful energy that somehow doesn’t feel all that naive. As she sings she’s constantly glancing back over at him, it’s really cute haha. But she does feel a bit more vulnerable here – it does feel like she’s silently asking for help from Angelica when they talk. More startlingly, there’s Non-Stop – when she calls out ‘Alexander’, it is SHARP. It’s the same kind of tone Hamilton takes when he calls out to Burr in Schuyler Defeated. It’s a bit startling actually, but in a good way.

That tone, I think, foreshadows Burn. Again, I think this Eliza takes the same tone as Philippa Soo, but this version (maybe just because I saw it live!) embodied it even more – she talks about her own desperation to understand, re-reading their old letters, and cites Angelica as back-up, but when she reaches the mid-point, she stops and seems to think. She weighs up the situation and her emotions. And when she says ‘I’m erasing myself from the narrative,’ it is very deliberate and conscious. She is in control of her fate and she can see herself objectively and this is what is just. Her moral core is impenetrable. She sees long arc of the future that Hamilton and Burr are so obsessed with and she says, yes, this is what should be done.

And then in It’s Quiet Uptown, that same self-certainty is there from the very first word. This whole musical, even at her lowest, Eliza has instinctively brought out that comforting, wide smile. Here, her face is expressionless. If Hamilton’s acting here didn’t quite hit my mark, Eliza’s was spot on. The withdrawal of that earlier warmth is all the colder when there is no doubt within her about it, and nobody can argue she’s wrong in that. When she takes Hamilton’s hand, she still doesn’t smile. It’s sad :(

Of all of the final songs, Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story hit me closest to the original. It’s actually almost jarring to see Eliza ask ‘have I done enough?’ This whole song, we hear a hasty energy to her she’s lacked all musical – the first sign that Hamilton has rubbed off on her, too. But when she asks ‘Will they tell your story?’ it’s still Eliza – this isn’t about a legacy, it’s because she’s still that giddy girl from Helpless who loves him and wants to do everything she can for the people she loves.

(Whenever she and Hamilton see each other but appear to walk past one another, only to circle around and meet in the middle again, I cry lmao;;)

Her gasp at the end is soft and quiet and delighted, as though she just spotted someone in the crowd who she hasn’t seen in years and can’t wait to catch up.

If I have one critique, it’s the lack of grit again. Her scream at Philip’s death wasn’t as wild and destroyed as Phillipa Soo’s, and while I like her gasp, I prefer the original’s shocked, overwhelming joy.

Overall though, she was extremely good! Her charisma was just blinding, but it was in that perfectly ‘mundane’ way you’d expect from Eliza. But that solid, immovable core always shone through. They really sold her relationship with Hamilton, too!

Angelica

This is the one I feel like I have the least to say about. My mum said she was the only character who just couldn’t quite match up to the original, and I don’t really agree, but I don’t have a huge amount to say, either.

This Angelica felt a bit older and more mature than Goldsberry. The original Angelica has a bit of brashness and vivid emotion to her – a bit more out there and exaggerated in her actions and expressions. More bold but also more chaotic. This one was a bit more quiet and considering. Diplomatic, maybe?

I actually worried when I first saw her that she wouldn’t be able to carry Satisfied because she was too confident and capable I wouldn’t be able to believe her vulnerability, but no, she pulled that off perfectly. When she was standing in the dark there in the end, the sadness radiated from her.

I actually got a lot more chemistry between her and Hamilton this time; I always thought I disliked the relationship in that canon because of my grudge against how LMM wrote it, but maybe it’s just that LMM was too old for her lmao. You’d think her quietness would contrast with Hamilton’s pushiness, but if anything it feels like she can just eyebrow-arch off his usual way of getting under people’s skin – when she says ‘you forget yourself’ it’s subtly disapproving, then when he delivers the punchline, it’s like he proves himself enough to earn her respect. Indeed, their mutual aloofness actually suits them both really well. You can just imagine them working together, quietly sharing their judgements on everyone else in the room around them. They’d be a terrifying power couple, and that really connects up to her advice in Take a Break.

I don’t have as much to say about the rest of the musical though. (actually IDK if that’s all partly just because by the end my ADHD brain had to work a lot harder to keep up, lol.) Her piece in The Reynalds Pamphlet did the job, and her singing in It’s Quiet Uptown was beautiful.

I guess, if I had to contrast them, the original Angelica felt more spirited and aggressive – very ‘you want a revolution? I want a revelation!’ - while this one felt more like the settled head of the family who already had her place but understood the world perfectly and knew she’d have to pick and choose what she wanted most. (...spoken like that she sounds like a big contrast to Burr, funnily enough?)

Lafayette/Jefferson

So not too much to say about Lafayette – the guy pretty much did him the same as Daveed Diggs, and pulling that off is very impressive but there isn’t too much to analyse here. If anything the Lafayette felt slightly less bright and cheery than the original, which may have been done to contrast with Jefferson.

Jefferson, on the other hand, was quite different. Diggs’ version is very loud and kinda abrasive and arrogant – always smiling and bouncing but with something clearly malicious lying behind all of that. He’s got a harshness to him, deliberately intimidating and surprisingly authentic in what he reveals of himself. He’s a villain character who’s fun to watch because he’s having fun himself and you gotta admire his balls.

This Jefferson is much more smooth and manipulative – maybe taking over from what Burr sometimes delves into? When he first appears, he plays to the crowd, encouraging the cheers, but it’s less arrogance and more like, he’s a celebrity putting on a show. He’s friendly and cheerful all through What’d I Miss?, disarmingly enjoyable to watch. He’s someone who knows the crowd and likes the crowd and is very very good and getting what he wants from the crowd without making it obvious he’s doing that. He’s definitely the type of #relatable celebrity fans would really want to defend.

But Hamilton represents a very clear change to his status quo. He starts off singing What’d I Miss? just in a fun, conversation-starting way as a rhetorical question, but after Hamilton introduces himself, he seems genuinely taken-aback. His last ‘What’d I miss?’ sounds like a genuine question, like, ‘wait wtf what’s going on here all of a sudden?’

And then we get the Cabinet Battles. Despite the above, Jefferson starts off his argument oozing with relaxed confidence. He doesn’t need to take any of this seriously – it’s already in the bag! Everyone loves him and as long as he makes some nice jokes and smiles disarmingly enough, he’ll always get what he want. And then Hamilton starts talking. And he’s pushy and hostile and sarcastic and mocking and angry and superior. And the whole time, Jefferson stands straight and Stares at him. We get none of Diggs’ ‘Haha, this guy is a riot! :D’ type of energy – this Jefferson is deeply displeased, and he is watching very, very carefully to take stock of the situation so he can put an end to it.

It’s actually really well done IMO – when the crowd oohed and ahhed, it felt like a 50/50 of ‘what the hell, people aren’t supposed to DISAGREE with Jefferson!’ and also ‘holy shit this guy is acting like an actual obnoxious child who needs to stfu right now.’ Both Jefferson’s easy entitlement and Hamilton’s unhelpful abrasiveness really got across.

In the second battle, Jefferson is much more careful. Whether it’s because he isn’t underestimating Hamilton anymore or because he cares much more about this, there’s an unamused urgency underlying everything he says. He still tries to be friendly and charming and diplomatic, but his smile drops often. This issue is important and he is not going to back down on it. It’s actually still not quite as immaturely insulting as Hamilton – more like, ‘can we stop humoring this asshole kid already and do something we very much need to be doing?’

(Also fun fact: in The Room Where It Happens, when we get to Jefferson’s version of events, Hamilton’s ‘I had nowhere else to turn’ is SO fake and sarcastic it was really funny, like even the Hamilton in Jefferson’s head can’t bring himself to actually say that sincerely.)

So, when we get to Washington On Your Side, he’s cold. At the time, he contrasts well with Burr, who is all smiles and surprisingly relaxed. This Jefferson is more like Angelica, quietly analysing the situation and slowly coming to a plan. The difference between cold, planning Jefferson and smooth-talking Jefferson is also great.

Because of all this, he has less of the really comedic stuff the original Jefferson got, with the exaggerated expressions and movements – in We Know, he’s more struck dumb by everything than the more over the top reactions Diggs did. But the controlled coldness contrasts with Hamilton better – it makes sense that he was the one who successfully connived himself to the top. And we get much more of that contrast between public and private Jefferson that is one of the interesting real-world meta statements, where who is was to the people and who he actually was were very different.

…….I think I had some kind of impression of ‘because I’m the president’ but I can’t remember what it was anymore. Hrm.

Anyway: enjoyed!!

Mulligan/Madison

So, how I’ve been saying the show lacked grit? I honestly think it might’ve all just collected in Hercules Mulligan lmao – obviously his parts are meant to be bold and brash and powerful, but these ones hit even harder than usual. His part in The World Turned Upside Down was just so Loud I could feel it in my chest! Great performance, I loved it!

Madison was very very different naturally, but also very different from the original version? While the original Madison felt tired and a bit disgruntled, like he was exhausted by Jefferson’s in-your-faceness and just wanted to get this done so he could get back to his work, his one felt much happier to be there. This Madison felt like he actually saw himself as Jefferson’s teammate, like he considered himself part of the show and was happy (even smug) to be helping out. When Jefferson passes him the microphone, rather than say ‘France’ with an irritated expression as if to say ‘everyone already knows this, just get on with it already’, it feels more like this Madison already rehearsed this with Jefferson deliberately. He calls out ‘France,’ as though it is some incredible zinger, like he’s been given the mic drop here. It’s pretty cute haha!

Overall this Madison felt a lot younger. Talking afterwards my mum mentioned that Mulligan’s role is hard because he has to switch to playing ‘an old man’, and was pretty surprised when I said Madison was actually the same age as Hamilton. This version felt a lot more age-appropriate. He still gets sick and starts coughing (and it feels a lot meaner when Hamilton makes fun of him! The dude was just so happy to be here – let him have his zingers!!), but aside from that he thrums with nervous energy behind Jefferson, like he’s ready to help out anytime he’s needed.

In all, he kinda feels like he fulfils that certain comedic henchman trope a bit? It really comes together with the ‘Can we get back to politics?’ ‘:’( please!!’ exchange. Madison isn’t made fun of, per se – it’s not like he really does enough in the script to get that kind of attention. But he’s just a bit funnier and more sympathetic, while also strangely feeling more like he and Jefferson are an actual team. (I mean, Jefferson hands him the mic as though he’s setting up a zinger, too. They’re both a bit ridiculous!)

Laurens/Phillip

Okay, this was one I was really curious about, for obvious reasons – LMM always sorta made it out that since he never included any of the Hamilton/Laurens stuff in the script, he kinda tried to act it in there more. In Story of Tonight or Ten Duel Commandments, or even briefly in the opening song, there’s meant to be a closeness that hints, however subtle, at that relationship.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get that at all here.

Laurens’ casting surprised me at first – he’s super short and extremely baby-faced, to the point that I wondered if he wasn’t played by a cis man. (His actor is a man, though, though ofc I wouldn’t know if he’s cis or not.) I was kinda confused about that all through the first act… until I got to the second act and, uh, remembered. But despite this – perhaps because of it? - he is an absolute firecracker. He’s hot-headed and rough and determined and every bit the young impassioned soldier.

He’s a bit more naive in the early songs – he seems genuinely friendly with Hamilton in The Story of Tonight, and you feel like he really does just like him from the moment he hears Non-Stop – but like I said, Hamilton is still pretty closed-off through all of that, so… it doesn’t really feel mutual. Hamilton likes him fine, but it doesn’t feel like he cares as much as Laurens does.

In Satisfied, he indeed seems super drunk, but it’s more like he’s just too young and drinking too much at a party than anything. The only time I really felt any particular chemistry between him and Hamilton actually comes from Story of Tonight Reprise – when Hamilton wanders off to speak with Burr, in sincere friendship, and Laurens comes over and starts ribbing Burr about his girl with almost malicious energy, it did sort of feel a little like he was jealous, if only that Hamilton and he had been talking so easily.

Finally, we get to Stay Alive. There, Hamilton and Laurens are just so angry and disgusted with Lee that they don’t really have room for anything else. It’s all very focused and determined and Manly, without any time for something softer or close between them. And I’m not sure how to feel about that. Laurens’ revulsion for Lee is historical record, and it says a lot about him and his values that that was so important to him. But there are other important parts of Laurens – that worry and fear and insecurity inside him, that ended up being so damaging to him. In such a limited script for him, ‘Alexander, you’re the closest friend I’ve got’ is really his one chance to show some of those emotions before he dies. Instead, Laurens never really gets to show that vulnerability, and I worry that it makes him feel too much like a ‘generic soldier character.’

I wonder if it’s because this Laurens looked so youthful that they sort of overcompensated, and felt the need to make him extra manly to make it clear he belonged there despite his appearance. But it sort of felt a bit too… macho for me. Nowhere to be found is that 18th century romantic friendship. Instead, it’s been replaced by a more WWI era Comrade and Comrade type deal. They’d die for each other, but would they write romantic letters to one another? And I think this is also unfortunately pretty Australian – real emotion is lame!! The only acceptable emotion is fucking hating your boss, and challenging him to a duel with your squadmate to get him what he deserves.

Well, I’m reading too much into it all, lol. But I always felt like the original Laurens barely got to show much of himself as it was, and this one felt even less so, unfortunately.

His final scene – is it We May Not Live To See Your Glory? - is done well, though. Again, Laurens just sorta feels like a generic young soldier, but ‘idealistic soldier who died too young’ is moving enough on its own. And in one of those rare moments, Hamilton really does feel shaken and vulnerable. ‘I have so much work to do,’ as I said, hurts – so lifeless and unlike him. Like nothing could process those emotions in him now, or express them.

Philip, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. First of all, yeah – having a shorter, younger-looking actor makes that Take a Break scene WAY less awkward, haha. It wasn’t even funny, it was just like ‘oh huh this just kinda looks all right?’ And the actor did really well playing a kid! He looked like a completely different person there, which is really good.

And then we get to Blow You All Away, and hoo boyy. If Laurens had been excessively confident, Phillip oozes uncertainty with everything he does. When he flirts with the girls ‘when I come back we’ll all strip down to our socks’ he manages to pull off the cocky act but in basically every other line you can see and hear the ‘a-am I doing this right? I’m not screwing this up, am I?’ radiating off of him. He definitely believes he’s doing the right thing – when he says ‘you talk about my father I will not let it slide’ there’s no hesitation – it’s just that he very clearly isn’t sure if he’s up to the task of doing it.

It was sorta interesting, actually – I think the original Phillip was more naively overconfident and reckless, and only had an attack of the nerves after he got himself into the duel. But – and this might just be me projecting here, lol – when this Philip confronts Eacker in the theatre, I got a real sense of like… ‘??? can I do this here? Where are you meant to threaten duels???’ and when Eacker is like ‘piss off, I’m watching this show now’ he seemed to wilt a lot, and straight up froze for a second or two, like he really didn’t know what to do at that point. And then of course when he talks to Hamilton he’s really worried…

And then his death. Somehow, I never used to cry much when this happened – it’s obviously very sad, but it didn’t manage to hit the right heartstrings to make crying, even in the recording. But oh god, this one was just awful… Even as he’s dying, Philip is still just so desperate for approval, like he’s so scared his parents will be mad at him for screwing it up, and Eliza is trying so hard to reassure him before he dies… I cried a lot :(

So overall, I really liked this Phillip, even if I don’t necessarily think it’s an improvement to the original. Laurens I kinda preferred the original, though this was still an interesting interpretation that gave me a lot to think about!

Washington

The guy did well! He has what Washington needs, and that’s a stature. When he’s on stage, your eyes are just naturally drawn to him. Even when he’s not doing much, he’s still a little intimidating. He has presence!

And in fact, this actor had an interesting quirk where the whites of his eyes could be seen easily? In Right-Hand Man, as he’s striding around at the center of the stage, his eyes just looked white, and it drilled in that slightly manic, crazed intensity underlying his strict, rigid rapping and self-control. It have the whole thing a really great effect.

But this Washington also had a sort of almost… slight fem-ness to him, that I didn’t get as much from the initial? It’s funny how during One Last Time, I suddenly got this vivid though, ‘oh, it’s like he’s a cool supportive teacher.’ Which… obviously?? Haha. Like he’s clearly a mentor to Hamilton all the way through! But it’s that specifically teacher description I really felt all of a sudden, that he was warm and approachable and gentle at heart, despite everything I said above lol.

Like, I feel like this Washington was just a bit less stoic than the original? Slightly more expressive and less stern. When he says ‘I’m from Virginia, so watch your mouth,’ in the original, it sounded like he was genuinely kinda offended? It was ‘watch your mouth’ as in ‘don’t disrespect my home state.’ But in this one, Washington sorta grimaces a little theatrically and says it more incredulously, like he’s actually saying ‘you wanna maybe try thinking about who you’re talking to before you say that shit, son?’ It’s more of a warning – less that he’s upset and more that other people would be, so he should really try thinking before he speaks.

He also still does the part in Who Lives Who Dies Who Tells Your Story when Eliza says she spoke out against slavery and he kinda stumbles and stares and then looks down in shame, given the real Washington’s actions.

I liked him! I felt a little more warmly to him in the end than the original, but that might just be a product of seeing it live.

Peggy/Maria

Okay so I don’t really have anything to say about Peggy, which had basically always been the case, hah. :’) I mean, I think this version made the transformation between her initial wariness vs her later excitement more clear? But that is very likely a live show thing.

Maria, though!! Honestly? I was never really a fan of the original Maria’s performance. She just feels too much like a cliched seductress archetype, and while you can argue that that’s the role she plays in the story, especially since there’s the uncertainty over whether or not she was deliberately setting Hamilton up, it just feels too on the nose. It makes it harder to believe Hamilton didn’t know what was up the moment he saw her, which I don’t think is intentional. And it makes me feel bad for the real Maria Reynolds.

But this one was very different – much more vulnerable. When she first talks to Hamilton, she’s not doing a sexy pout and throaty singing, she’s just sorta… quiet and monotone and lost, much like Hamilton gets when he’s too emotional as well. Like she’s in shock and truly has nowhere to go is just sort of crumpling as a person. And when she propositions Hamilton, again it feels sincere – she just wants him to stay.

And after he talks to James Reynolds (just as perfectly, theatrically assholish as in the original), that continues. When he confronts her, she genuinely seems desperate and scared and upset. I felt so, so sorry for her that I was yelling in my head right then ‘you can’t just leave her now!’ at Hamilton – and then immediately remembered what that’d mean… it’s a much more gripping situation.

And then in the end, James Reynolds walks off and claps, and Maria just stops, face and body entirely stoic, and follows after him in silence… Is that an indication it was all an act from her? Or is it that she’s so scared of him that she totally closes up and can’t cry, can’t show any kind of emotion or weakness around him, and just has to try and be a silent and flawless wife? No matter how you interpret it, it’s chilling.

Oh, and IDK if this is done in the recording, but in The Reynolds Pamphlet, she gets given one, too, and her look of just… upset/disgust is also really painful. At the end they say ‘his poor wife’, but who thinks about poor Maria?? :(

I still wouldn’t say that this is an accurate adaptation of the real events, since I think that gets right into the script and structure of Hamilton in ways that a regional performance just can’t really make better. But this version is at least better. It plays Maria with more dignity, I think, than making her into a sexy bombshell, even if that bombshell act does get subverted in the original as well. This one feels significantly more sympathetic.

King George

He was great!! He was played by an older actor who seems to have done a lot of serious Shakespearian plays, which of course makes him absolutely perfect – both in that he could flawlessly depict that pompous old privileged Brit, but also in that he probably has a good backing in comedy and political satire :P He was clearly having the time of his life playing to the crowd – throughout all his time on stage he was constantly alternating between doing one or two lines very serious and mostly straight, before doing something absolutely hilarious. That back and forth worked extremely well!

Also I never saw it properly on the recording but when he gets up and dances in the middle of the stage during the Reynolds Pamphlet?? AMAZING.

Obviously, Johnathon Groff is his own personality and is friends with LMM and brings all of that unique stuff to the table that nobody could replicate. But this actor was just as much fun to watch, and does have the added benefit of really looking and sounding the part.

Final Thoughts

I’d really love to hear other people’s thoughts on this run, especially from the perspective of it being an Australian cast/audience – I really hoped the booklet would include at least a piece or two from someone who worked on this run, but it did not. (In fact, it was one of the scantest musical books I’ve seen? I don’t regret buying it as a souvenir of course but usually they have at least one or two interesting pieces of new content aside from just backstage pics…)

What really sticks out to me is the structure of it all. Hamilton is definitely the central character that brings everything together through the first ¾, but around The Room Where it Happens Burr starts to take over bit by bit, allowing him to keep up the energy as Hamilton falls back further and further into becoming both less of a hero but also more quiet and passive. By The Election of 1800, Burr is giving us all the energy – until the end of The World Was Wide Enough, when he too falls back and Eliza takes over.

Given this, this Hamilton did an incredible job throughout most of the performance – he had amazing chemistry with every other character and really exemplified that scrappy, intelligent, driven, but aggressive and difficult character that never quite shined through in LMM’s performance for me. Burr’s more subtle performance complements that well, and he even arguably outdoes Leslie Odom Junior in The Election of 1800. However, after that I think his quieter acting and singing sort of fails to fill the hole Hamilton left behind, reducing the climax a bit of its energy. Thankfully, Eliza was able to bring that all back for her final number.

It also strikes me that this performance is a bit less teary, at least from the men. Eliza, Angelica, and Maria all bring out that vulnerability and the sadness of their positions wonderfully – a great improvement in Maria’s case, for me. However, Burr’s The World Was Wide Enough severely downplays the sincere regret angle, while Hamilton never quite hits the right notes on It’s Quiet Uptown. However, Hurricane and Phillip’s performance in Blow You All Away definitely hit that fear and panic leading to self-destruction. (Interesting I guess that Burr doesn’t also seem more fearful in The World Was Wide Enough?) Is that also a gendered expectations thing, perhaps?

Either way, I’m extremely glad I was able to see it if only for Hamilton’s performance – honestly, maybe the reason it seemed to lose a lil steam was just that Hurricane was so good everything else failed to follow it, haha. Burr also absolutely fascinated me here, too, and that was so much fun to see play out in real time!

Hamilton will be coming to Melbourne next, and I’m not sure yet if I’ll be able to go there but I’d really like to! It’d be really fun to test out these expectations/conclusions of mine with a fresh viewing, as well as see any other new cast changes/interpretations…!

#Hamilton #Hamilton Sydney #musical #this is INCREDIBLY long lmfao #IDK if I should apologise or the opposite #I miiiight end up xposting to ao3 as well as a meta #if I can be bothered to read it through and edit it a bit maybe heh

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roses-ruby · 4 years ago

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BTS as types of Yandere

Warning: Yandere themes, Abusive relationships, Psychological manipulation, Selfharm, Submission, BDSM mention

The Gentleman.

Seokjin is the perfect man.

Sure, he acts goofy but he’s also handsome and polite. He jokes around with you, he cooks for you, he doesn’t even befriend other women and he’s even a big romantic at heart. Your friends want him and your parents adore him - you couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend! So, in return, when he kindly asks you not to talk to other men or not to go out too much, it’s only natural that you listen. You taunt him about his slightly conservative and traditionalist nature. But what kind of a man who was raised with high standards and morals wouldn’t have one? When he tells you not to wear something in public - you don’t fucking wear it. When he tells you you’re going to be a stay at home mom - then that’s the end of the fucking discussion. And if you disobey him, then you deserve to be verbally berated until you change your mind. People call it abuse, but he calls it love. Trust him, he only has your best interest at heart. It’s the only way you’ll learn to obey your man and gain value as a female.

It’s the only way you’ll become his perfect woman.

Lowkey.

You never expected a grown man to be so whiny, especially not one who seemed so intimidating initially. “You were gone too long.” - “Why do you have to leave so often?” - “Who were you with?” - Holy shit, the way he was bombarding you with questions made you feel like you just came back from committing a statewide murder spree, even though you were only gone grocery shopping for approximately thirty minutes. But it’s fine, your husband was harmless. It was definitely strange being married to a rapper. You heard most of their true feelings and inner thoughts only came out when they wrote or performed. So it did worry you when he wrote a song about binding you in a cage and keeping you chained like his little pet. But you passed it off as kinks or some shit. And it definitely worried you when he freestyled about torturing and killing your guy best friend in graphic detail on stage, which ultimately led to said friend cutting off all contact with you. But you passed it off as adrenaline-filled, in-the-moment jealousy. Sure, Yoongi was either testy or silent for the majority of your relationship - but that didn’t mean the “real him” was a temperamental and obsessive psychopath.

...did it?

My way or the highway.

Hoseok made his standards clear for you since day one. This relationship will go by his terms, and only his terms. Which meant he got to go out whenever he wanted, yet you never did. He got to touch you when he felt like it, yet you had to ask permission. He got to have female friends, yet you didn’t get to have any - of any gender. You’ll understand one day, he tells you, but you think years will pass before that time arrives, because the truth was you didn’t and might never truly understand him. It terrified you how Hoseok, the friendliest, most carefree man you’ve ever met, can turn into someone so menacing. Someone who threatens your well-being when even the slightest part of his rule is broken. A section of him was detached, while the other section was a pure freak. All of his punishments were sexual, from bondage to torture. Sometimes you think he punished you on purpose just so he could teach you your place. You’re not sure if he had an addiction to total domination or if he just craved mummification and impact play.

All you know is that he had certain habits, and they all happen to revolve around you.

Daddy.

You roll up the door to your room.

Namjoon knew everything. At least that’s what it seems like. He was the smartest guy in your city - actually no - the smartest guy in your whole country. No other man could ever compete with the intellect and raw talent he possessed. You greatly admired him - which he also knew, of course. The one thing he understood the most in the world was you. He memorized your habits, every inch of your curves, the moles in your skin and even the pattern of your breath. He told you when to eat, when to sleep, who to [not] meet, and what to do for the day. Your needs had never been fulfilled to such an extent until he appeared by your side. And you knew then that no one could understand you better than him - not even yourself, which is why you took his words for scripture. Since then, you’ve done everything he told you to do without question. Crawling into your room, you turn around and roll the cage door back down before settling into one of the cushions in the corner.

It was almost 7, which meant daddy would be home soon, and then you could eat.

Kerosene in my hand.

Today in psychology class you had learned about psychological manipulation. You didn’t want to think like this, but the definition of the word reminded you of your boyfriend. Like when the professor talked about using underhand tactics to change social perceptions, you thought about the time Jimin kept flirting with your best friend until she fell for him, even while knowing you liked him. It led you to completely ostracize her from your life. Or when the teacher mentioned using deceit and lies to influence the thoughts of others, it made you remember the time Jimin told you about the things people were saying behind your back until you lost trust in everyone but him. Somehow, the whole ordeal of being gaslit really resonated with you, and you’re not even sure why. Jimin only did these things to protect you from others, you reason. You shouldn’t think like that - not when Jimin is the only person in this world who cares for you. Regretting what you just did, you beat yourself in the head with your fists in dismay. What kind of horrible person thinks these lies about the person who loves them more than anything?

The pain from your head and heart surrounded you in an agonizing heat as you began to cry, sitting down on your bed to text Jimin. You wanted him to come over, you wanted to tell him what you did and you wanted him to forgive you, so you could forgive yourself. He’d be able to tell your bad thoughts to go away, he’d be able to make you feel safe again. Jimin was right all along - the only thing you ever needed was him.

Artist at heart.

“Say ah~”

“Fuck you.”

“Oh my! Doll, you’re too pretty to be cursing.” Taehyung replies with a gasp, feigning shock as he places the caviar back on his plate. You roll your eyes and scoff. It’s usually a good thing if your boyfriend treats you like a priceless artifact, right? Well, not for you. Not when your boyfriend can actually place a price on you. $10,000 to be exact - $10,000 to a random thug so he could break the arms of the man who asked you for your number in the coffee shop.

“I heard about the man you hired, Tae. How many times will I tell you I’m not an object?”

“Everyone’s an object, doll.” Taehyung smirks, casually wiping his mouth with a linen napkin, “Some are just more...costly than others.”

You stare at the unbothered man in annoyance. His whole room was filled with original paintings, marbled statues, golden gadgets and silver trinkets. And in between it all, you had also started to feel like one of his art displays with the way he dressed you silk and bathed you in luxury - refusing to let others sully you by their dirty looks or touches. But then again, it isn’t too bad, you think as he brings the caviar and cream up to your lips yet again. He never hurts you - he’s never even raised his voice at you. You’re too precious for that, he says. And well, at least you’d never get injured or feel lonely with all the love and care he gives his possessions. So, with a sigh, you bite into the dessert he was offering you and watch him break out into a boxy grin.

He wasn’t so bad - just a little artist at heart.

Baby Boy?

(Are we surprised? No)

Your boyfriend was an enigma. Baby-faced, but with the body of Apollo. But he wasn’t just physically confusing. You had a hard time understanding him mentally as well. For one, he’d sternly tell you to do something but then get all teary-eyed if you dared say no. Then there were times where he’d swear he wasn’t jealous but he’d become green, red and purple at the mere mention of a guy in your life. In bed, he always preferred to be on top but the slightest pressure you applied turned him into a crying and whining bottom. You just didn’t get him, but it was definitely fun to press his buttons. It never occurred to you just how much you might enjoy making a tall-ass, jacked man into a whimpering and pouting mess, but you definitely enjoyed it nonetheless. Other girls would kill to be in your place, you were just so lucky. Everyday you’d get braver with your tests, whether it was flirting with other men or wearing skimpy outfits. His jealousy was endearing and his possessiveness made you squeal with glee. The bolder you became with your crusades, the more you failed to realize that everyone had their limit. And once they’re pushed past it, the consequences can be jarring. Especially if they’re someone as mysterious as Jungkook.

Then again, there was no better way to find out then to try. So keep trying him...just so we can see how lucky you truly are.

A/N: I’m back I think? This is for the rock anon, I hope you like it doll ;). anyway i wrote it in an hour and i was telling myself not to make it basic and sht readers read like 100 times in this tag but whaddya know i failed. lmk what you think cause i need a compliment.❤

#yandere bts #yandere jin #yandere yoongi #yandere hoseok #yandere namjoon #yandere jimin #yandere taehyung #yandere jungkook

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luminois · 4 years ago

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･:*✧ 𝘀𝗲𝘂𝗻𝗴𝗺𝗶𝗻: the sorting hat has chosen ravenclaw!

a halfblood, both of his parents were the first wizards of their families

growing up, seungmin always had so much respect for his parents, he thought of himself as the product of two outstanding people

he was a quiet kid but didn’t shy away from people approaching him, he just never approached first

most of birthday presents had been books his entire life, both muggle and magic related ones, which he found way more interesting

when he wrote to his parents after getting sorted into ravenclaw, they weren’t surprised at all, not even one bit

he hadn’t changed much, but now seungmin is more confident in himself and can even be loud when he’s talking about something (or to someone) he’s very passionate about

when he finds someone really interesting he doesn’t think about it twice and talks to them first, because he doesn’t see any use in being scared or rejection without even trying

he spends a lot of time in the library and he’s a diligent student, also because he’s genuinely interested in the school’s subjects

he’s very curious and often approaches ravenclaws who are working on something or having enthusiastic conversations in the common room

he asks many questions in class and then professors are kind of annoyed but they mostly appreciate that someone actually cares

seungmin is probably the only person whose favorite subject is history of magic and the only one who manages not to fall asleep in professor cuthbertbinns’ class

he just loves to learn about faraway lands and cultures different from his own, which he finds extremely interesting

he’s also very creative and likes art a lot

he’s good at drawing and recreating classical masterpieces, but what he likes to draw the most is maps of places he studied or would like to visit at some point

has probably read ‘history of hogwarts’ at least twice, which is how he manages to never get in trouble by using all the hiding spots (he doesn’t break the rules often anyways)

seungmin ended up being a prefet almost by chance but, like everything in his life, he took the role seriously and became a head boy too

he closes one eye when he catches his friends out after curfew, because friendship comes before everything, even rules

he doesn’t get crushes often and hasn’t had many experiences regarding love, but he’s always open to whoever takes a liking in him

his partner should be someone that’s very gentle and kind, and also has to have something in common with him, like a shared hobby or overall interest

despite looking cold, what seungmin wishes for the most is warmth and love

he can often be found cuddled up on a armchair in the ravenclaw common room, covered in blankets and with a book in his lap

he can’t help himself but give people advice on whatever it is they’re doing, mostly without being asked to

that’s why some people think of him as arrogant or a show off, but he’s truly just driven by wanting to help others

however, seungmin doesn’t care about what people think of him

the only opinions that count are of those who he loves, and his friends are people who appreciate his suggestions more than anything

one of his favorite things he’s the feeling he gets when he’s talking to someone who understands him and is just as passionate about the same things as him

there are many wizards and witches he admires and most of them can be found hanging around hogwarts as paintings

he often stops to talk with the moving figures despite knowing they’re not truly alive

seungmin finds the riddles that needs to be solved to get in the ravenclaw common room way too easy and he writes down possible suggestions for harder ones

he hates being ignored or brushed off when he’s trying to talk about something he finds interesting, it makes him feel unwanted

the principal sometimes asks to talk to him to discuss important matters and he’s considered one of the smartest people in the school

after hogwarts he would want to become a history of magic professor

or take a completely different route and do something that lets him travel everywhere around the world and see as many of the places he read about as possible

———

more magic awaits, where to now?

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mihidecet · 4 years ago

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Sbi D&D AU: Tommy (3)

AKA: Tibi’s MCYT WritingTober, day 12.

I’m back with more d&d! I jumped on today’s “Fanmade AU” prompt from @the-only-gamer-gost ‘s list IMMEDIATELY, because after all most of you started following me due to that ahah

I hope you’ll enjoy it! <3 Maybe leave a comment if you do? I always love to hear your feedback, and maybe ideas on what you’d like to see? In any case, thank you for reading!

That is how, about four hours later, Tommy finds himself sitting on his bed, legs crossed and fingers tangling in the threads he's trying to weave together.

It's a mix of light blues, pinks and reds that Techno called "a weird choice, but whatever floats your boat", which had sent his patron into hysterical laughter. Tommy had hoped he'd been sarcastic, as he'd colour-picked from Techno's own outfit.

But one could never be too sure with the Blade: he was a cryptic man, with a cryptic past and an unwavering unwillingness to share anything about what he thought about, anytime, about anything.

Which was fine. Tommy liked guessing, and he considered himself smart enough to be able to start picking up clues. Most of the time.

He was no Phil, who was apparently able to understand everyone, everywhere, at any time. Even animals, too, which had been a concerning discovery. Not the fact that he could understand and be understood by animals, that was perfectly fine once considering he had horns due to making a literal deal with a demon, and Techno was half pig. It was just that Tommy had found out Phil could speak with animals by finding the elf in deep conversation with a passing squirrel - who had apparently been extremely rude and stolen some of the nuts Phil had been gathering. The disagreement had been resolved by splitting the nuts evenly, as the squirrel had had a family to feed.

The thing was, Tommy had had a chance to talk about the infamous friendship bracelets with the other two as they'd walked back to the tavern, and by now he knew that all three of them owned one. But what Phil hadn't neglected to comment on was that - to his knowledge - Techno didn't own one. Which made sense, on a certain level. He was the one making them, and he seemed to own the strings to make them. Phil had been meaning to buy one to gift him, but he's said he knew it wouldn't have been the same. And he couldn't ask Techno where he could find the materials needed and keep it as a surprise. Not to mention that he didn't know how to replicate the intricate weaves and knots of the bracelets; he could try, but he knew he wouldn't be able to easily succeed.

Which left Tommy with the perfect chance.

The plan was simple.

Techno had offered to help him rebuild his bracelet, but he’d never explicitly said if Tommy was going to weave his own or if Techno was going to make him a second one.

So, once they were all fed and satisfyingly comfortable, Techno would take out his threads and start working on it. Then, with his usual enthusiasm, Tommy would ask if he could also help. Maybe by learning how to weave together bracelets himself.

Techno would humm, but probably give in after a bit of insistence. He never really enjoyed verbal conflict, and Tommy was counting on that.

Then everything would be set! Tommy would choose the colours for Techno’s bracelet, make it with his help, and everything would be good!

As of right now, most of the steps in his plan have gone off without a hitch.

The only thing not working perfectly well is his own skills at weaving - maybe once he used to have an artisan’s hands, but now they’re clumsy, less sensible. The effects of not being used to his newly found powers at first had been to constantly - and accidentally - set his own hands on fire. With permanent scars up to his elbows and a handful of points where the burns charred away his sensibility, he’s not much one for delicate and precise work.

But Tommy is nothing if not determination personified, so he grabs each strand with too shaky hands and does his damned best.

Techno is sitting across from him, also on the bed, mirroring his posture and slowly explaining each braiding step. His voice is lower than usual, a side effect of being extremely tired, but he’s not snappish or strict. He’s unexpectedly calm and mellow: Tommy wonders if it’s the exhaustion or just how Techno behaves when they’re not in life-or-death related situations.

All things considered, once he understands what he has to do, the slow, repetitive movement becomes extremely soothing. He can see Techno doing this to relax in the few moments of downtime their lives allow them.

They're not alone in the room.

Phil is meditating on one of the other two beds in the room. He’d been drained after the fight, looking after them all and taking care of the few civilians that got injured due to the attack.

After they’d gotten back into the room, he’d disappeared for a moment in order to go bathe, then returned, given them all a final look and then promptly passed out on the bed with a smile on his face.

Wilbur had made sure to fix the covers around him.

The tiefling was currently also sleeping, but he was stationed on the same bed Techno and Tommy were sitting on. It made for a bit of a cramped situation, but Techno had stated that he wasn’t going to move anymore if it wasn’t to go to sleep, and Wilbur had said that he always took the bed closer to the window.

So there he was: curled up between them, one leg on Tommy’s lap and his back pressed against Techno’s side.

If Tommy had been any less observant and in the mood for a discussion, he would have mentioned how Techno could have easily moved half a meter away in order to be extremely more comfortable, or how Wilbur usually just chose any random available bed.

But he was tired and he had other objectives - he was already planning on bothering Techno, getting him annoyed would only be counter-productive. And Tommy was also quite observant: he still remembered how Techno had jumped into a blow aimed at Wil’s throat just a couple of hours earlier, saving his life and efficiently dispatching of the brute trying to kill him.

Everyone was still feeling a bit messed up after all those close calls, there was no need to state the obvious. Especially when saying nothing meant Tommy could feel the warmth of Will’s still very much alive body against him.

It doesn’t take much time; they’re bracelets after all, you can only make them so long.

Tommy stares at the one in his hands, and is suddenly filled with so many contrasting feelings.

Joy is the first, of course. He’s been able to achieve so much since he left his hometown, and everything he’s achieved has been due to his own determination and intelligence. He might not be the smartest person ever - he can name at least one, even though that doesn’t necessarily mean he will - but even he can’t deny how well he’s been able to play the cards he’s been dealt.

Then there’s shock, at the realisation that he has actually become friends with the legend he used to hear people talk about in hushed whispers while he was still living in his hometown.

Melancholy is another: a part of him longs for what - who - he left behind.

Then he feels like he needs to get better at making bracelets, and maybe sleep for a couple of days. His back is hurting and the scabs on his arms are already itching up a storm and it is "bored patron with too much free time" levels of annoying.

As Tommy stomps down the protests of his patron inside his own head, he hears Techno hum lightly to catch his attention.

"You're done? I finished yours. Unless you prefer to keep the one you made yourself." Techno comments, offering the bracelet he's just completed. Wilbur shifts slightly as he's lightly jostled when Techno reaches towards Tommy, but he goes right back to sleeping.

Tommy gives him an honest smile and a heartfelt "thank you", then wastes no time in grabbing his new friendship bracelet: a stunning thing in black, red and orange that looks as fierce as he is powerful.

"And here, this is yours." Tommy says, after a moment of unabashedly admiring the stunning handiwork he now owned. It wasn't like his old one, but it still felt the same - the meaning of it was intact, and the shape and colours were similar. One could even say that now it meant more: after all, they'd made it together, in what nobody could deny had been a true bonding moment.

Tommy's hand, holding the bracelet he made, stretches out towards Techno.

There's a distinct pause as Techno's hands hovers in the air and his eyes widen in what looks like pure shock - Tommy has *never* seen anything like it, Technoblade is never surprised. And yet.

"Uh?"

Tommy decides it is getting a bit too warm in the room, as doubts and worries start filling his mind: what if he doesn't like it, it looks so bad compared to the ones Techno made, after all it's his first try, he should have asked for more string to practice and made him a really good one. The young man pushes the bracelet into Techno's hand hastily - the sooner this is over with, the better.

"We figured you didn't make one for yourself, so I made you one. Consider it as from all of us. Now you're *our* friend, Techno, and there's nothing you can do about it!" He concludes with a proud grin, hoping it masks his internal worry. Thankfully, he's still fearless enough to keep eye contact, because that allows him to see Techno's face simply melt as his fingers wrap around the bracelet once, then open up to allow him to study it closely - Tommy would call it reverently, but then his patron would laugh again.

"... Thank you." Techno murmurs a few moments later, and with that all of Tommy's fears and doubts are smashed like fragile glass, scattering into the nothingness. A bright smile opens up on his face and he's unable to stop himself from beaming as he lightly punches his friend's shoulder.

"No problem, big guy. ... Now, where do I put this so that nobody accidentally breaks it again?" He asks, tone light and humorous in hope of exiting quickly the sweet moment they'd entered, which was turning into awkwards at the speed of light.

"Well, if you have like a necklace, you could tie it there and keep it hidden under all your shirts." Techno drawls out, sounding more and more tired as he goes on.

Tommy decides it's as good a time as any to finally hit the hay, so he stands up and stretches his back - reveling in the satisfying pops that follow.

"That is a smart idea, big guy. Have you been sitting on it for a while?" Tommy jokes, starting to fix his bed.

"Well, it was actually Phil that did it first. He tied it to the same necklace he keeps his engagement ring on."

Tommy chuckles, Phil always knows best- his arm freezes in the air, one hand still holding his pack because he'd been meaning to look for something he could use as a necklace but now his brain is just static.

He turns back towards Techno, who is staring back with a mix of sheepishness and confusion.

"What- what do you mean engagement?" Tommy asks in a feeble voice and Techno just rubs the back of his neck shrugging.

"He's supposed to get married when he goes back, apparently."

Tommy starts gesticulating wildly, pointing first at Phil, then at Techno, then at the world around them as he loudly mumbles his way into about twenty different beginnings of sentences before his shoulders drop and he shuts his mouth.

A beat passes.

And to be honest, Tommy is too tired to be thinking about this, but-

"What do you mean go back? Is he gonna leave us?" He asks, and Techno looks extremely uncomfortable on the other side of the room. Instead of an answer coming from him, the voice that speaks first comes from behind Tommy.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Tommy. If anything, I plan on bringing you all for the ceremony." Phil mumbles, scratching his stubble as he sits up on the bed. Damned elves and their need for just a handful of hours of sleep, now Tommy has to feel awkward for nothing.

Phil stands up with a groan, then stretches; taking a couple of steps forward, he nods at Techno as he claps a hand on Tommy's shoulder.

"Help me push the beds together?"

"Only if Wilbur gets up, I'm not moving the bed with him on it." Techno deadpans, moving to the bed Phil's closest to in order to help him lift it - they're not getting thrown out of the tavern for being too loud at three in the morning.

A deep chuckle comes from the ball that is Wilbur's not-so-sleeping body, and his performance is betrayed even more by how his tail starts swishing left and right.

"But what if I asked please?" Wilbur says, one eye peeking from his crossed arms.

"Then you're staying there with that bed." Techno replies instantly and a moment later the bed between him and Phil is lifted.

Wilbur huff, rolls out of bed, waltzes towards Tommy - messes up his hair just because he's in a good mood - and quips back:

"You're no fun, Technoblade."

A couple of minutes later, once they've all found their places on the bed, Tommy is resting with his head against Phil's chest and his tail wrapped around Techno's leg - a mirror to Wilbur's which is tied around the arm slung over his side.

It's comforting, and warm, and Phil's carding his hand through his hair.

Techno's new friendship bracelet is an unfamiliar feeling pressed against his chest, but he knows he'll get used to it.

Stifling a yawn, Tommy whispers:

"Congrats on your marriage, big guy."

Just so that Phil's wheeze is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep.

#mcyt writingtober #sbi dnd au #dnd au #sbi au #technoblade #tommyinnit #wilbur soot #philza #ph1lza

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notallthosewho-wanderarelost · 3 years ago

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Since it’s Tuesday and we get Loki 1x05 tomorrow and then I’m seeing Black Widow the day after, and I guess I’m doing these now, some thoughts on Loki 1x04.

Hopefully this will be a shorter post due to me not knowing wtf is going on. This show is so chaotic and it’s perfect but that makes trying to predict it impossible. How VERY LOKI OF IT.

NOPE, NOPE THIS IS NOT A SHORTER POST, I have no idea what is going on plot wise but this episode gave me a lot of character stuff to talk about apparently.

Alright, let me get the big one out of the way. I’ve already said this in various places, mostly tags, but if I’m gonna make this post it’s gotta be here. I’m uncomfortable with Loki/Sylvie being romantic. Would prefer for Marvel to stay away from selfcest. PLEASE. I’m kind of hoping and wondering if it’s a fakeout for a reveal that Loki has finally learned to love or at least accept himself through his care of and admiration for Sylvie, which would be VERY Agent of Asgard-esque and I can see it being very probable.

I think giving Loki a love interest of any kind was always going to be difficult to pull off, but especially Loki as he is at the point in time when the show finds him- fresh off his attempted takeover of Earth and probably still deeply reeling from the revelation of his adoption and also likely mentally affected by any torture and/or mental manipulation Thanos might have done on him. Loki’s self-loathing is probably still close to an all-time high here and he’s questioning who he even is. I’m not saying that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else- I don’t think that at all; in fact I think loving someone else would probably encourage someone to value themselves more- but Loki as he is here I think would need to work through some of his own issues before he could get involved with anyone else. I think that Loki would need to learn to love himself first, to accept that he’s worthy of love, before he could genuinely fall in love with anyone else. (Remember this, I’ll come back to it.)

I got major sibling vibes from Loki and Sylvie on Lamentis. Like I said last post, they felt like alternate universe twins to me. They’re the same person from different universe, but also very much not the same- I feel like twins is the closest description? I can admittedly be pretty awful at picking up romantic vibes when I’m not expecting them, but I did not get romance vibes at all.

I also feel kind of annoyed that we would never be having this conversation or having this as a canonical ship option if Sylvie hadn’t been female. Loki is now officially canonically bi, (which means Sylvie is too btw) but in comics Loki is both bi and also genderfluid. Lady Loki is just Loki when Loki is identifying as female. So having Loki fall in love with a female version of himself feels both unnecessarily heteronormative and kind of...awkward in terms of 616!Loki’s genderfluidity, to put it lightly. (Note: I am not genderfluid, this is just my opinion, please prioritize actual genderfluid people’s opinions on the subject over mine.)

That said, after I finished the episode I was genuinely confused if they were actually going there and had to go look up interviews to see what the Loki team was saying about it. I found this interview with head writer Michael Waldron, also featuring quotes from director Kate Herron and from Tom Hiddleston. Relevant quotes below:

“That was one of the cruxes of my pitch [for the series], that there was going to be a love story,” head writer Michael Waldron explains to Marvel.com. “We went back and forth for a little bit about, like do we really want to have this guy fall in love with another version of himself? Is that too crazy? But in a series that, to me, is ultimately about self-love, self-reflection, and forgiving yourself, it just felt right that that would be Loki's first real love story.”

Loki reassures her that while they might lose, they don’t die — they survive. He goes on to call Sylvie “amazing” for how she almost took down the TVA on her own, and it’s clear from the look on his face that even though they’ve only been together a short while, Loki’s already come to admire and respect her. As the moon literally crumbles around them, Sylvie places a hand on Loki’s arm, and that’s when it happens: A branch on the Sacred Timeline. These two Lokis are having a moment they were never supposed to have, which as Mobius puts it, is “pure chaos.”

“The look that they share, that moment, [it started as] a blossoming friendship,” continues Waldron. “Then for the first time, they both feel that twinge of, ‘Oh, could this be something more? What is this I'm feeling?’ These are two beings of pure chaos that are the same person falling in love with one another. That's a straight-up and down branch, and exactly the sort of thing that would terrify the TVA.”

...

“Who’s a better match for Loki than himself?” director Kate Herron chimes in. “The whole show is about identity. It's about him, and he is on a very different path, and he is on a different journey. He sees things in Sylvie that he is like, ‘Oh, I've been there. I know what you feel.’ But she's like, ‘Well, I don't feel that way.’ And I think that was the kind of fun thing about it. She is him, but she's not him. They've had such different life experiences. So just from an identity perspective, it was interesting to dig into that.”

“When Loki meets Sylvie, he's inspired solely by curiosity,” reveals Hiddleston. “He wants to talk to her and understand her and try to discern what was similar about their experiences, and what was different. He keeps asking her questions because he wants to see if his experience was also her experience. I think he realizes, and she realizes, that while they're the same, they're not the same.”

Aside from the parts where Michael Waldron says “...have this guy fall in love with another version of himself...” and “the same person falling in with another version of one another,” everything they talk about in this article could be read as Loki and Sylvie caring for each other in a way that’s not necessarily romantic. Waldron even says that the series is specifically about self-love and forgiving yourself.

(Coming back to the thing from earlier about Loki needing to love himself now.) The way I’d read Loki and Sylvie’s relationship, especially from Loki’s side since we know more of his history, is that this is the first time that either of them actually cares about themselves. Because of their trust in and their love for each other, they’re each able to see themselves as a person worthy of love. I think that’s what the Nexus Event was. I think that’s why Loki and Sylvie’s moment of connection destabilized the timeline. Because Loki’s self-loathing is a deep root of his villainy, and the sacred timeline needs Loki to be a villain, two versions of Loki feeling self-worth, at the same time and place, created a HUGE nexus event. Loki even says it himself in the first episode: he doesn’t enjoy hurting people, he does it because (he feels) he has to, in a desperate play for control. He lashes out and hurts people because he thinks it’s the only way for him to have some control over things.

What Loki starts to speak to Sylvie at the end, he says, “This is new for me,” and references the nexus event on Lamentis. We never get to hear what it is that’s new for him. The episode sets it up to make us think that Loki’s about to tell Sylvie that he’s in love with her. But I think (or hope) that he was about to say something more along the lines of how the time he spent getting to know Sylvie on Lamentis helped him learn to care about himself and see his own self worth. That’s certainly a new feeling for him, since Loki seems to have always been an outsider and been looked down upon. And actually saying out loud that he’s starting to gain a sense of self worth would definitely be new for him. Loki knows that he and Sylvie will figure this out because he’s figured out the nexus event on Lamentis- that when they accept themselves and their own self worth, they can do pretty much anything.

I think it’s also worth mentioning that we never actually hear from Loki himself that he’s in love with Sylvie. We only hear it from Mobius, who’s feeling pretty betrayed by Loki and uses the entire concept to write Loki off as a huge narcissist. That way, he won’t feel as bad about Loki betraying him, or about sticking Loki in a time loop jail. Not that Loki would be the type to shout any romantic feelings to the world, especially in this situation, but the way he kept denying it didn’t seem like it was something he had to lie about.

This episode also called Loki a narcissist a lot; I assume to set up the “reveal” of his feelings for Sylvie and explain why he would fall in love with an alternate version of himself. But while Loki is many things and sure has a lot of issues, I do NOT think narcissism is one of them. When the time loops really start to get to him, he says to Sif: “I crave attention, because I’m a narcissist. And I suppose it’s because I’m scared of being alone.” But that second sentence completely contradicts the whole idea of narcissism! According to a quick google, the definition of “narcissist” is “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves.” But Loki is the exact opposite. He has such a low opinion of himself that he acts out to get attention, because he’s so used to being overshadowed, overlooked and alone that he’s afraid that if he doesn’t do things for attention then nobody will give him any. He can be arrogant, yes, but even a lot of that stems from well-earned confidence. Loki is very talented magically and is used to being the smartest person in the room. He knows what he’s good at. But he sure isn’t attention-seeking just for its own sake. Any narcissism he’s displayed, he’s done since becoming a “villain” in Thor, and it’s actually been a mask to cover up his massive inferiority complex.

I also think it’s definitely worth mentioning that when Loki calls himself a narcissist, he’s repeating what Mobius said to him earlier. Loki clearly does care about Mobius and his opinion of him and feels bad about how things have fallen out with him. He’s also been through the time loop dozens of times now, and there’s a reason the TVA picked that memory. Because what Sif says to Loki really reflects his deepest fear. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he has such little love for himself that he might very well think he deserves to be. Loki’s emotionally exhausted at that point and just wants things to stop.

Okay. I think that covered most of my character analysis of the episode. I have some theories about Sylvie and the Time Keepers/TVA, etc, but they won’t be anywhere near as long as THAT^ was.

To start at the beginning of the episode: Sylvie’s backstory is SO SAD. I want to hug her. She spent almost her entire life on the run, growing up and living in apocalypses so the TVA wouldn’t catch her again. She didn’t deserve any of that and I’m so upset on her behalf.

Especially because as I said in another post, I think that the reason Sylvie got taken by the TVA was because she was never going to be a villain. Sylvie was kind and wanted to be heroic in the clip we see of her as a child, and she knew she was adopted. She was never going to be the Loki the TVA needed her to be for the Sacred Timeline because nothing would have ever pushed her to do what our Loki did.

The scene with Sylvie and B-15 was so good. Sylvie was kind to B-15, because her natural instinct is to be kind, and I have so many feelings about that. I love Sylvie. And then B-15 coming to the rescue to uncollar Sylvie and Loki and give Sylvie her sword was EPIC. She’s so cool.

Small aside, I got emotional seeing Asgard again in Sylvie’s flashback. I miss Asgard. :(

Also, if a kid can escape the TVA just by biting the agent holding her, the TVA have really got to step up their game. That’s kind of pathetic. Good for Sylvie though, that was very clever of her. The most juvenile yet effective tactic.

The Time Keepers being fake robots was an excellent twist, and one that I kind of saw coming as soon as they didn’t show Ravonna’s conversation with them earlier in the episode. It immediately made me feel like there were no Time Keepers at all. (And I was wondering if the no-robots rule from episode 1 would be plot relevant! I wonder if it has anything to do with the Time Keepers actually being robots?) It was also really clear that Ravonna was lying about what happened to C-20. As of now I think that Ravonna might actually be the real power behind the TVA. Or possibly a designated lieutenant to the real power behind the TVA:

When I was looking up interviews about Loki/Sylvie in this episode, I stumbled across an article about Ravonna’s comic counterpart and started kicking myself so hard for not recognizing her. In comics, Ravonna Renslayer is Kang the Conqueror’s wife. (Now, in my defense, my previous exposure to Ravonna was in Avengers: Earth’s Mightiest Heroes, in which she spends most of her screentime in a coma.) For anyone who doesn’t know, Kang the Conqueror is a time traveling classic Avengers villain. His whole thing is that he time travels, and wants to take over all of time. So it’s possible that Ravonna runs the TVA to benefit Kang somehow (maybe because Kang needs a certain sequence of events to assure a future victory over the Avengers?) or even does it on his orders. Kang the Conqueror is also set to be in Antman and the Wasp: Quantumania. (Aka Antman 3.)

(I don’t know if it’s relevant, but Kang the Conqueror also happens to be the reason the Young Avengers form. The very first member, Iron Lad aka Nate Richards, is a teenage Kang who meets his future self and decides he doesn’t want to be evil, so he travels back in time to get the help of Kang’s nemeses, the Avengers. However, he lands when the Avengers have disbanded and winds up putting together a team of Avengers-affiliated teenagers instead. The team gets bigger over time and a later version of it notably includes Kid Loki. I’m not going to go off on a Young Avengers tangent here but I LOVE the Young Avengers, please read Young Avengers volume 1 by Allan Heinberg and Jim Cheung and all of its associated tie-ins. It’s fantastic. Unfortunately Kid Loki is only in volume 2, which gets a very solid “no thank you” from me but ymmv. Imo if you want Loki, read Agent of Asgard instead; I keep bringing it up for a reason and that’s because it’s amazing. Kid Loki is also in Journey into Mystery prior to his appearance in Young Avengers, and I haven’t read that yet but it looks very good.)

I’m VERY curious as to what the deal is behind the TVA. This could go a lot of different ways but they all seem exciting.

This show is definitely gearing up for a finale in which the TVA no longer exists or at least no longer decides everyone’s fates, which is exactly what I predicted back in episode 1.

Final thoughts on the episode: I was just wondering after Mobius was pruned if maybe the pruning sticks are actually teleporters of some kind, instead of time tasers, and then we got THAT CREDITS SCENE. I am so confused but also VERY EXCITED. I almost screamed when I saw Kid Loki. MY CHILD. I just had this thought but oh, I would kill for a Thori reference. Best murder dog. Classic Loki’s costume looks so terrible, it’s absolutely on purpose, and I love it.

THIS SHOW HAD BETTER END WITH MOBIUS GETTING A JETSKI. AND BOTH SYLVIE AND LOKI HAPPY.

I’ve been wondering since the show was announced if this show would somehow end with a version of the comics Kid Loki + AoA Loki storyline, where this Loki gets reborn into the main MCU as Kid/Teen Loki so he can join the Young Avengers, and I still don’t know how I feel about that, but with how things are going I can still see it happening.

LET EVERYONE WE LOVE BE HAPPY AT THE END MARVEL.

#long post #loki spoilers #loki 1x04 #loki series #a rare text post appears #loki #sylvie #mobius #tva #ravonna renslayer #kang the conqueror #meta #my stuff

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edenmemes · 4 years ago

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game of thrones (s3) starters

❝ did it ever occur to you that i might be the one who deserves your confidence and your trust? ❞ ❝ you’re lucky to be alive. ❞ ❝ it doesn't matter what we want, once we get it, then we want something else. ❞ ❝ you’ve been so kind. i’d feel terrible if anything happened to you. ❞ ❝ i'm apologizing. i’m sick of fighting. let’s call a truce. ❞ ❝ you are the finest man i’ve ever known. ❞ ❝ by what right does the wolf judge the lion? ❞ ❝ your jokes are not appreciated. ❞ ❝ no point in trying to hide behind that face. i know fear when i see it. ❞ ❝ the truth is always either terrible or boring. ❞ ❝ you are an ill-made, spiteful little creature full of envy, lust, and low cunning. ❞ ❝ as much as i appreciate a walk in the sunshine, i’m wondering why you sent for me. ❞ ❝ that’s a lovely gown, my lady. ❞ ❝ you’re very kind. someday it’ll get you killed. ❞ ❝ you're so dangerous, aren't you? saying scary things to little girls. killing little boys and old people. ❞ ❝ there it is. that’s the look. i’ve seen it for years on face after face. you despise me. ❞ ❝ do you have a family? a mother and a father you'd return to if you had the choice? ❞ ❝ there's a beast in every man and it stirs when you put a sword in his hand. ❞ ❝ you’ve come to a dangerous place full of dangerous people. ❞ ❝ the lowest among us are no different from the highest if you give them a chance and approach them with an open heart. ❞ ❝ all men must die. but we are not men. ❞ ❝ you have a taste- one taste of the real world where people have important things taken from them and you whine and cry and quit. ❞ ❝ you think you're the smartest there is. that everyone alive has to bow and scrape and lick your boots. ❞ ❝ i'm the simplest man you'll ever meet. i only do what i want to do. ❞ ❝ sometimes severity is the price we pay for greatness. ❞ ❝ you coward. a little misfortune and you give up. ❞ ❝ fighting bravely for a losing cause is admirable. ❞ ❝ big men fall just as quick as little ones if you put a sword through their hearts. ❞ ❝ plenty of little men tried to put their swords through my heart. and there's plenty of little skeletons buried in the woods. ❞ ❝ we can’t all have a king’s bravery. ❞ ❝ my sword is yours, my life is yours, my heart is yours. ❞ ❝ i think what you want most of all is to be a hero. ❞ ❝ back away. keep backing away till you're outside this establishment. then back away some more. ❞ ❝ could you do it? could you kill something? ❞ ❝ not another step. unless you want to drown in your own blood. ❞ ❝ i’ve heard some troubling tales. is there any truth to them? ❞ ❝ you’ve chosen the darkness. ❞ ❝ my enemies think they’ve destroyed me. they’re laughing at me. ❞ ❝ i would not speak to the dead. ❞ ❝ you said i should come to you with any problems. ❞ ❝ you’re a dangerous person. i like dangerous people. ❞ ❝ this is becoming one of the most boring conversations i've ever had. ❞ ❝ even the bravest men fear death. ❞ ❝ i would sit at this window everyday when the sun came up, waiting. ❞ ❝ it’s too beautiful a day to argue. ❞ ❝ it’s not easy for girls like us to dig our way out. ❞ ❝ what do i want? a little bloody gratitude would be a start. ❞ ❝ you’re clever, but you’re not half as clever as you think you are. ❞ ❝ if i wanted to kill you, do you think i'd let a wooden door stop me? ❞ ❝ the man who cut me lost more than his nose. ❞ ❝ you’re going to make me cry. ❞ ❝ you don’t have the strength. it would kill you. ❞ ❝ i’m not so easily killed. men have been trying for years. ❞ ❝ you refuse to tell me where you’re going? ❞ ❝ i got no fear of what’s out there. ❞ ❝ i don't pay you to put evil notions in my head. the ones already there don't need company. ❞ ❝ let’s not go back. let’s stay here a while longer. ❞ ❝ wait for me. wait for me and i’ll come back to you. ❞ ❝ i like to fight up close. i like to see a man's face when i put the steel in him. ❞ ❝ here, come sit next to me. i’m much less boring than these others. ❞ ❝ it’s not slander if it’s true. ❞ ❝ if blood is your desire, blood shall flow. ❞ ❝ you waste time trying to get people to love you, you'll end up the most popular dead person in town. ❞ ❝ i'm not afraid of you. ❞ ❝ i’m stupid. a stupid little girl with stupid dreams who never learns. ❞ ❝ i've never heard a kind word from your mouth. ❞ ❝ i've never had a family. ❞ ❝ i'm sorry. here i am complaining to you. ❞ ❝ i want very much for you to be happy. ❞ ❝ i'm almost as generous to those who help me than unpleasant towards those who don’t. ❞ ❝ when you are dead, i will gather your bones in a little sack and let your widow wear them around her neck. ❞ ❝ stay alive a little longer, my friend. ❞ ❝ i am sworn to no man. ❞ ❝ i love you. do you hear me? i love you. ❞ ❝ every time i come back, i’m a bit less. pieces of you get chipped away. ❞ ❝ i like you, but if you lie to me, i'll pull your guts out through your throat. ❞ ❝ i want us to be friends. good friends. ❞ ❝ i have prayed day and night for you to come to me. ❞ ❝ maybe you were as good as people said once. / or maybe people just love to overpraise a famous name. ❞ ❝ i want you. ❞ ❝ people work together when it suits them. yhey're loyal when it suits them. they love each other when it suits them. and they kill each other when it suits them. ❞ ❝ i did what i did for the good of the realm. ❞ ❝ you’re paying for my sins. it’s not fair or right. i’ll remember it. ❞ ❝ sorry. were you sleeping? ❞ ❝ chaos isn’t a pit. chaos is a ladder. ❞ ❝ it's you and me that matters. / don’t ever betray me. ❞ ❝ you were trembling like a leaf. ❞ ❝ if you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention. ❞ ❝ i see a darkness in you. ❞ ❝ it’s quite flattering, really, you feeling such dread in the prospect of me getting what i want. ❞ ❝ i will not breathe further life into a malicious lie by further discussing it. ❞ ❝ you’re not doing this for your god. you’re doing this for gold. ❞ ❝ it’s not getting any easier, you know. ❞ ❝ i feel like i’m in a dream. ❞ ❝ nobody cares about what your father once said. ❞ ❝ but i promise you one thing. i won't ever hurt you. ❞ ❝ i think mothers and fathers made up the gods because they wanted their children to sleep through the night. ❞ ❝ we do not choose our destiny, but we must do our duty, no? ❞ ❝ i hope you’re better with a sword than you are a lie. ❞ ❝ is that what you think? that it's all for a reason? all these bad things happened because the gods got big plans for you? ❞ ❝ i'm just trying to say, very badly- i just- just want to say i know how you feel. ❞ ❝ men who fight for gold have neither honor nor loyalty. ❞ ❝ you don't want to be alone out here. someone worse than me would find you. ❞ ❝ if we die, we die. but first we'll live. ❞ ❝ how many men have you killed? fifty? a hundred? ❞ ❝ i don’t care what you swear because you’re a liar. you’ll lie to anyone. ❞ ❝ i want it to haunt you to the end of your days. ❞ ❝ i stole it. it's mine. if you want it, come steal it back. ❞ ❝ if you meant to murder me, then bloody well get on with it. ❞ ❝ i am a godly man. ❞ ❝ there’s no one worse than you. ❞ ❝ the god’s wouldn’t spare a raven’s cold shit for you or me or anyone. ❞ ❝ well, you rip my pretty silk dress, i’ll blacken your eye. ❞ ❝ not talking, eh? that’s a first. ❞ ❝ you’re a delight to me. ❞ ❝ show them how it feels to lose what they love. ❞ ❝ haven’t you wondered where your strength came from? your talent for fighting? ❞ ❝ i could have your tongue for saying that. ❞ ❝ you have a very suspicious mind. in my experience, only dishonest people think this way. ❞ ❝ you think a crown gives you power? ❞ ❝ every time we deal with an enemy, we create two more. ❞ ❝ it was just a bit of blood. ❞ ❝ next time you’re going to do something like that, tell me first. ❞ ❝ does fuck off mean something different where you’re from? ❞ ❝ deserve? start trying to work out who deserves what and before long you'll spend the rest of your days weeping for each and every person in the world. ❞ ❝ this will never be your home. ❞ ❝ i stopped being a child when i was nine. ❞ ❝ forgive my manners. i don’t see many ladies these days. ❞ ❝ first time i met you, you put a knife to my throat. ❞ ❝ any man who must say, 'i am the king' is no true king. ❞ ❝ you should be thanking the gods for this. this is more than you deserve. ❞ ❝ i could be your family. ❞ ❝ what i know is what i saw. and if you saw it, too, you'd run the other way. ❞ ❝ there are a lot of stories about this place. horrible stories. ❞ ❝ everyone is mine to torment. you’ll do well to remember that. ❞ ❝ i'll tell you what i prayed for this morning. let's see, for my family's health and happiness, for an end to the war, for a short winter. boring and traditional, i'm afraid. ❞ ❝ i do know some things. i know i love you. ❞ ❝ but if you don’t kill me, i’ll kill you. ❞ ❝ oh, i'm a monster? perhaps you should speak to me more softly, then. ❞ ❝ i hope i’m not a disappointment to you. ❞ ❝ i know how to skin a rabbit. ❞ ❝ you think you’re good with that bow? ❞ ❝ have you ever seen a war where innocents didn't die by the thousands? ❞ ❝ leave this place. leave tonight, i beg you. ❞ ❝ i choose my allies carefully and my enemies more carefully still. ❞ ❝ it’s getting dark. we could stay here for the night. ❞ ❝ you know i didn’t have a choice. you always knew who i was, who i am. ❞ ❝ my enemies have made my kingdom bleed. ❞ ❝ roses are boring, dear. ❞

#rp meme #roleplay meme #roleplay starters #tbd /#long post for ts /#im only gonna do s4 next & stop asdfhg

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luna-helps-writing · 4 years ago

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Hi could I please get a Star Wars (prequels) match up if it’s not a problem?

Info about me

I am short like 5.1 ft (157cm). I am also chubby. I am an Aquarius and a dog by Chinese zodiac. I am really loyal to my friends and get really protective of them. I can also be pretty annoying because when I live something I obsess over it and won’t shut up about it. I can get really aggressive really easily. I am not easy scared and get in danger easily.

I am a single child and I am introverted. I am shy when you first meet me but I become very talkative when you get to know me. I have a small friend group of 4 girls that I call my best friends but I also talk to a few other girls.

I love animals. I have had them my whole life. I am never scared to go up to an animal and pet it. I also ride horses.

I have a lot of hobby’s. I draw, paint, edit, read, act, watch tv or movies.

I am good and natural sciences like math, physics and biology. Informatics is also something I know a lot about. I speak multiple languages (Croatian(fist), English(fluent), Latin, Old Greek,...).

I prefer night over day become I like dark more. I find it more peaceful and I enjoy the quietness. I soemtimes get an urge to be with people but I usually prefer to be alone (with my pets).

I am a demisexual straight girl.

Thanks for you request!

I ship you with Anakin!

• Anakin might not have many friends, but he know when to protect the ones he loves. Just like you, he can be a bit overprotective, but it’s all in good means.

• He gets in trouble a lot too. He’s a bit reckless, as are you. Obi-Wan usually has to drag you two out again, which is extremely funny to the both of you.

• I’m going to be honest, Anakin is not good with shy people. He does not know how to converse with them, so when you two met, it was a bit awkward, but you loosened up pretty quickly.

• Anakin is not necessarily one for animals, but that is because his moet important years were spend as slave and jedi. You’d have to introduce him to them. Lucky for you, he adjusted extremely quickly, even though not all animals like him as much as he likes them.

• He is often occupied with the Jedi, which leaves a lot of time for yourself. Whenever he comes back home, he sees everything you made that day and takes his time to admire it. You’re usually already on the couch watching something so sometimes you won’t even notice he’s back already.

• Anakin doesn’t know a lot about natural sciences as he never really had school, but he’s all open to listening to you talk about it. He thinks you’re the smartest person alive, even though you told him many times that that’s probably not correct.

• He is obsessed with languages. One of the small things he learned as slave was communicating with others, so he knows a language or two. The ones you know however, he never heard before. He wants you to teach him, which is not half that bad since he’s a quick learner.

• Since his days are occupied at the Jedi temple, your nights together are the most valuable. You’ll sit in front of the window or on the balcony, depending on the weather. The two of you can talk for hours but also spend time in silence, just enjoying one another’s company.

I hope it was to your liking! Stay safe❤️

#self insert quotes #requests are open #requests #anakin x reader #match up #Star Wars #star wars prequels #anakin skywalker #Darth vader

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fictionliv-ing · 4 years ago

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Akatsuki in College

Deidara:

First year art major with a minor in sculpture. That guy in the back of the class who seems like he does nothing but laze around. He’s actually really talented and aces every single class he’s in. Spends majority of his time in the sculpting room, so much that his friends have to come in and bring him food, just to make sure he eats well. It comes as no surprise to other art majors to see freshman Tobi skip into the sculpting room to bring Deidara an entire meal and multiple bottles of water. Most of his sculptures resemble woodland creatures, his personal favorites being birds and spiders. Sometimes like to set them on fire in the quadrangle for no reason at all.

When he’s not working on a sculpture for class, he can be found in the dorms where he’s probably animatedly debating with his roommate Sasori over the true meaning of art. Sometimes their arguments get so boisterous and explosive that their neighbor Pein has to poke his head in and yell at them to shut up. He secretly admires Sasori’s robots, anyway.

Sasori:

Postgraduate chemical engineering major with a minor in robotics. A silent worker. Slouches in his seat a lot, so even if he’s seated in the front row, no one realizes that he’s in their class until two months into the semester. One of the smartest kids in class, but not the easiest to work with because he scares everyone else away; definitely not a team player. One of the handful of graduate students that chose to dorm on campus because he’d hate to waste time commuting home everyday. Likes to make little robot prototypes for future projects in his spare time. Has had to stop himself from slipping some poison into Deidara’s drink about 328742374 times- but in his defense, it’s not his fault that the kid believes in all the wrong views of art.

Doesn’t really have time to socialize, but he does have time to spy on his long-time enemy, university researcher and biochemistry professor Orochimaru. He will never forget the day Orochimaru gave him the only B+ he’s ever gotten in his life. Unforgiveable. Despite being rather antisocial, he’s taken a liking to his neighbor’s friend Itachi, but maybe that’s because Itachi once proved Orochimaru wrong during one of the latter’s special classes in research ethics.

Itachi:

Third year philosophy major. Campus heartthrob. Always gets teased by his friends, Hidan and Kisame, for being so popular with the ladies, even though he’d rather just study quietly in the library. Occasionally gets dragged out by Kisame to go shopping for sports equipment, or Hidan, who wants to party.

Incredibly smart and analytical. Is always at the top of every class. Gives the best presentations, writes perfect papers, fully immerses himself in lectures- professors light up when they see Itachi walk into their classroom. Has everyone wrapped around his finger, though he never abuses it. Very kind and respectful. Is the type to quietly help others out, always patiently explaining confusing concepts to his classmates and catching nearby strangers when they clumsily trip over their own feet. The only one in his friend group that doesn’t stay at the dorms; he goes home after class every day (to the disappointment of his many fangirls) and spends his evenings helping his brother with his math homework.

Kisame:

Postgraduate sports science major. Founder of the campus swimming team. He’s big and bulky and likes to coach the swim team sometimes. The freshmen are all scared of him, but he’s the reason why they end up so great. While he’s not coaching the younger students, he’s catching up on his readings, writing his papers, and convincing Itachi to accompany him in buying new swimming trunks.

Likes talking to his roommate Pein and hearing about his microbiology ideas, and is somehow always able to make a connection with his own field of study. Occasionally comes up with research topics that they can work on together, but never actually pushes through with them because of Pein’s busy schedule. Sometimes falls victim to Hidan’s shirtless horny dancing during parties, and has to help Itachi drag Hidan home.

Hidan:

Third year theology major. Not the biggest fan of studying; he’s honestly surprised to have made it this far just by borrowing notes and copying off of his classmates here and there. He’s taking theology because he wants a better understanding of the deities that rule this earth and to find someone in this universe to look up to and worship. Despite the stereotypical ‘good boy’ standard that comes with being a theology major, Hidan isn’t shy about defying the stereotype. He’s everyone’s dealer and is that guy on campus who’ll have a thermos full of alcohol instead of water. Has incredibly high alcohol tolerance, though it doesn’t take him much to start acting crazy. Always present at every party. Takes “the party don’t start ‘till I walk in” phrase quite literally. If you think you’re having fun at a party, you haven’t partied with Hidan yet. “Yet” because you’re bound to at some point.

Likes to drag Itachi around to parties because he knows that Itachi’s not the drinking type, so Hidan can rely on him to drive him home safely. Teases Itachi for being popular with the ladies and goes out of his way to steal his friend’s fangirls for himself. Likes to take off his shirt randomly (he claims it’s a flirting technique.), much to Itachi and Kisame’s dismay, but Hidan’s never shy about it because his self confidence is that high.

Kakuzu:

Former finance professor. He retired years ago, but he contributed so much to the university’s finance department that he often gets invited to hold classes and lectures. Reluctantly goes to give talks to lesser minds. Would rather be balancing his books at home instead. Still invests in stocks and bonds and that kind of shit, he’s all about making money. Wants to be buried with his money when he dies (like, with the money inside his coffin, and not just in the ground with him- he specified it in his will). Never got married, because they didn’t allow him to marry his bank account.

Pein:

Postgraduate microbiology major. Dorms with Kisame, who talks a lot about the inner workings of sports science (it actually helps him look at his field of study in a different perspective so he doesn’t mind Kisame’s blabbering). Focuses his papers on cloning and stuff like that because he wants to successfully clone humans one day. Doesn’t know why….he just finds it cool.

Close friends with Nagato and Konan, though he spends most of his time in the library or in his dorm room, always studying. Konan and Nagato like to drop by sometimes to bring food and convince him to take a break. Lives right next door to Deidara and Sasori who argue a lot, so he ends up leaving his room just to yell at them to shut up. Pein values his study time like no other- he just wants to master everything and successfully prove that his brain is better than everyone else’s.

Konan:

Postgraduate design major. The living embodiment of “Aestheticism is the only thing worth pursuing.” Has a very strong grunge aesthetic, her closet is a combination of black, grey, navy, and maroon. Likes to color her hair a lot; some days she’ll be a redhead, then the next week, she’ll have hair the color of the sky on a rainy day. Because of this, she’s developed an extensive haircare routine, so her hair is always healthy. Dorms with Nagato, as they’ve been close friends since time immemorial, and often gets mistaken for being his girlfriend. Their neighbor Hidan likes to tease them about being sexually active together, and her only response is to blush madly and hit the side of his head hard enough to make him shut up.

Spends her time creating pieces to add to her portfolio and attending art workshops. At one point, she meets Deidara and is immediately intrigued by his sculptures. He invites her to visit the sculpting room and encourages her to try her hand at the medium. She discovers she doesn’t care much for stone and marble, but has fun working with malleable pieces of clay. This sparks her interest in origami and paper art. Nagato now comes home to a dorm full of paper cranes and paper butterflies.

Nagato:

Postgraduate philosophy major with a minor in world history. He likes to think about the rights and wrongs and many faces of the world. Befriends Itachi after meeting at a lecture and have been keeping in touch since then, talking about the flaws of this world. At some point, Itachi starts asking him for feedback on his papers and he becomes Itachi’s mentor. The Reason why Itachi is absolutely slaying his classes is because he gets advice from Nagato on how to improve his papers and make them So Good that his professors give him nothing less than an A.

Is roommates with Konan, who has been his best friend ever since they were small and adorable (he still thinks she’s small and adorable, though he would never admit that out loud.). Grunts in indifference and looks away whenever Hidan teases him and Konan about being together, and it’s only thanks to his long, red hair that his burning ears stay hidden. Always has shit to say about that kid during his weekly get-togethers with Konan and Tobi.

Tobi:

Freshman psychology major. He decided to study psychology for fun and enrolled after getting his masters in management, which is why he’s older than all of his classmates. Doesn’t stop him from acting younger than his actual age, though. Likes to follow Deidara around (Deidara has a theory that Tobi only enrolled in psychology to learn how to effectively annoy people.) and marvel at his art.

Shares a dorm with Hidan, whose reactions are really funny, so Tobi makes sure to play lost and lots of pranks on his roomie. Always forgets that Hidan can get quite explosive when angered, and ends up having to run away from his roommate’s airborne kitchen knives. Befriends Nagato, and in extension, Konan as well. They like to spend Friday nights out together, usually at a chill bar, where they drink more than the appropriate amount of sake and complain about their neighbors, Deidara, Hidan, and Sasori (Kisame’s good, Kisame’s nice, they say.).

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jalapeno-princess · 4 years ago

Text

All I Need is You

(Guys I miss Mark so fucking much *Cue Tori Vega I think we all miss Mark)

Songwriter Mark X Reader

Genre: Extremely fluffy angst (is that even a thing?)

Word Count: 5.8K

Summary: For all your life, your parents raised you to be the perfect daughter of every parent’s dreams. You did every single thing your parents forced you to do and never did you complain about anything they’d make you do, no matter how badly you wanted to. That all changed the day your path collides with Mark Tuan. After being stripped of your childhood completely in order to be respective and follow your parent’s desires, Mark shows you how beautiful life can be when you do the things you want to. Mark is the breath of fresh air from a life you feel so suffocated in. For the duration of your relationship, you did your best in hiding him from your parents in fear of them disapproving of the older boy. However, once you graduate from college, you decide you are old enough to make your own decisions and you build the courage to introduce your boyfriend to your family. The night starts off without a hitch; everyone seems to really like him up until your mom asks him what he does for a living. That’s when things take a turn for the worst and your mom gives you an ultimatum; to chose between the love of your life and your family.

A/N: Hey guys, so I’ve been wanting to write an imagine based on the song Paris by the chainsmokers for the longest time and here it is. Only when I reached the middle of writing the story did I realize this is the complete opposite of my other story “Second Chances” LOL. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this story (most of it is written in past tense so I hope you don’t get confused).

We were staying in Paris To get away from your parents And I thought, "Wow If I could take this in a shot right now I don't think that we could work this out" Out on the terrace I don't know if it's fair but I thought "How Could I let you fall by yourself While I'm wasted with someone else

"If we go down then we go down together They'll say you could do anything They'll say that I was clever If we go down then we go down together We'll get away with everything Let's show them we are better Let's show them we are better Let's show them we are better

“Hey, everything okay?”

It was currently 2:45 a.m. and normally, you’d be fast asleep right now but you couldn’t help feeling as if the bed grew more spacious and colder than it was when you first went to sleep. Mark was your own personal furnace; the two of you fell asleep pretty early after a long day of sightseeing and an even longer night of love making.

After multiple rounds of his all but gentle kisses on your neck, jaw and chest as he rammed himself in and out of your velvety walls, you both were too tired to get up and clean yourselves off. He immediately pulled you in to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around your waist while placing his face in the crook of your neck and whispering sweet nothings until his dreams finally took a hold of him. It’s been like this for the last three weeks since you and Mark ran away to Paris in the hopes of hiding from your extremely overprotective and non-understanding parents.

You’d go sight seeing, visit a couple of museums, cute little coffee shops and sometimes you’d even go to a farmer’s market and you’d buy food to make for recipes you and Mark learned while watching whatever they had on television. Almost every single night ended up in sex; on a few occasions, there were drunken stupors where one of you or sometimes even both of you would have a little too much to drink and you’d have wild, kinky sex.

Then there were the days where you’d argue over minuscule and unnecessary things and usually Mark would be the first to give up and apologizing with his head between your thighs. Most of your love making sessions were soft, passionate and very romantic.

To strangers or people who weren’t familiar with him, Mark gave off an intimidating and sometimes standoffish kind of vibe. It was only because he was actually very shy and soft spoken and those who actually knew him were aware of how talkative and outgoing he could be around those he was comfortable with.

Unfortunately, your parents were the kind of people you’d always sought praise from and you’d do whatever you could to make them proud. Ever since you were a little girl, you went along with every command they would give you, you never complained about the clubs they’d put you in or the clothes they had you wear. It wasn’t as if you were the only child, you had three other siblings but since you were the youngest, your parents were a little more strict with you even if you never gave them a reason to question or mistrust you.

It wasn’t until Mark came in to your life that your relationship with your parents took a completely different turn. You’ve known Mark since middle school and although you hardly ever talked to him, you did admire him from afar and you could only wish to build up the courage so that maybe one day, you’d be able to at least say hello.

He was always such a social butterfly and made friends with anybody he’d interact with. All the girls in your grade had a crush on him, but you couldn’t blame them. Not only was he a sight for sore eyes, he was such a free spirit; he had decent grades and not once did the teachers have any problems with him like they did with his friends. But he was never one to genuinely care about his education, and unfortunately that was his downfall.

When you finally entered high school, it’s as if the world felt like it was time for you and Mark to come together and for your two worlds to become one. In your first semester, he was in almost every single one of your classes. You didn’t think you were the smartest person in your grade, but you did pretty well in all the subjects. All those years of long, grueling days of summer school actually paid off. Sometimes, you hated being the youngest.

Your parents expected so much out of you but they never seemed to care about anything that your two older brothers and your older sister did. They all got to join groups, clubs and sports that they genuinely liked whereas you were coerced in to learning how to play the violin and the cello. You were thankful that school was considerably easy for you seeing as how your parents made education your first priority.

While your brothers would play video games and your sister would talk on the phone with her friends, you’d be practicing math problems and read books about the civil war. You didn’t think you got to experience a legitimate childhood you’d witness all your classmates and friends had. For that reason alone, you always felt different from everybody else and it was the reason why you were so hesitant on continuing friendships with the few friends you did have from middle school.

You could never relate to anything they’d talk about; all their favorite movies they’d watch, the latest installment of Grand theft auto that they’d play, going to each other’s houses—you weren’t even allowed to cross the street by yourself let alone go out with your friends. Entering high school by yourself had to be one of the most scariest things you had to go through and because your siblings were at least five years older than you, none of them would be there at least if you needed someone to confide in or run to.

From all the stories you’d hear from each of them, their high school experiences were ones for the books. Both of your brothers joined each and every sport you could think of and your sister was the co-captain of the cheerleading team. She also had a few boyfriends in high school and you felt as if a lot of the mistakes she made were the reasons why your parents took complete control of your life.

It didn’t take long for Mark to acknowledge your existence; in fact, what you didn’t know was that back in middle school, he noticed you even if you didn’t realize it yourself. While all the girls would ogle over him and try to get his attention, he would find himself admiring you from afar.

Mark always thought you were so cute; you were always hesitant to answer the questions your teacher would ask you even if everyone was aware you knew the answer, whenever someone asked you for help you were always so quick to attend to them no matter what they were asking of you and he could never get the way you would blush when you were flustered out of his head.

He had no problem talking with other girls, but he’d become a mess at even just the thought of having to talk to you. Mark was quick to pick up on how you had most of your classes together, and he was going to use this to his advantage. Only a month in to school, both his algebra teacher and his language arts teacher pulled him to the side to tell him that he wasn’t doing too good in their classes. It wasn’t that Mark was purposefully failing his classes in order to get you to tutor him, he never was all that amazing in school to begin with.

High school wasn’t even half as easy as middle school was. Getting anything lower than a C wasn’t going to cut it and now that he had two Ds, he planned on asking you for some help. When Mark did approach you and asked you to help him catch up with a couple of missing assignments and to help teach him some algebra formulas, you had a hard time believing he was even talking to you. In the beginning of your tutoring sessions, he was always quite the gentleman.

He’d give you his full attention, always waited till you were done talking before he’d ask you a question, he’d tell you silly jokes so that it wasn’t always about studying and learning and sometimes he would drop you home after your meetings. It didn’t take long for your tutoring sessions to turn in to something more and only three months after getting to know each other, he asked you to be his girlfriend.

Dating Mark was a dream you never think would become a reality. He was extremely kind hearted and took care of you in ways you didn’t think you’d be able to experience. You were shocked when he confessed that he’s liked you for all these years, and you were quick to admit the same to him. Knowing how your parents could be, you decided to keep your relationship with Mark a secret and he was very understanding about the entire thing.

The two of you would sneak around during and after school for the entirety of your high school years and your love for one another only grew stronger as the time went by. You fell in love with him in tiny little coffee shops, in the back of the library where you’d be making out together when you were supposed to be studying. You’d lie to your parents and say you were preparing for tests and picking up on extra credit when really you’d be lying in the back of Mark’s truck, cuddling in his arms while looking up at the stars.

Mark did a great job at helping you take your mind off of how perfect you were supposed to be. He was the breath of fresh air that you’ve always craved and now that you had him, you didn’t think you would be able to let him go. Ever. He made you feel like a little kid again; you actually got to experience all sorts of things you’ve wanted to do as a child through your relationship. It didn’t take you long to fall in love with him.

Being in love was an indescribable feeling. Every time something good happened to you, he was the first person you wanted to tell and whenever something bad happened, he was the shoulder you wanted to cry on. He always knew the right thing to say; but if there ever was a time he didn’t know how to respond to something, he would just hold you comfortingly while whispering sweet, encouraging words in your ear.

People claimed that perfect people didn’t exist and if that’s the case, then Mark came pretty close. You felt as if he was sent in your life to be your safe haven; your sanity. The burst of color in your world of black and white. He had a habit of telling you he loved you every single day and even if he weren’t to do so, his actions spoke for him. You don’t know how you did it, but you actually did a great job in hiding Mark from your parents for the last few years.

There were times where you did come pretty close to getting caught; whether it was because of how loud you didn’t think you were while talking on the phone with him, or when you’d come back home with swollen lips and tousled hair. It didn’t matter to you though. A part of you was ready for whatever response you’d receive from your parents. Honestly, Mark was the kind of guy you’d bring home to your parents; so you weren’t afraid of the idea of introducing him to your family.

The only thing you were really worried about was what they would say when they were to find out you were hiding a boyfriend from them for over six years. After graduating from high school, both you and Mark went straight in to college. You went in to study criminal law and he had high hopes of becoming an engineer. Three months in to college, Mark decided it wasn’t for him and as his girlfriend, although you were upset at the idea, you supported and trusted his choices.

College wasn’t for everybody. With that being said, it was then that you found out he wanted to become a songwriter. In the few years that you’ve known him for, not once did he ever talk about wanting to write songs. You didn’t think he was passionate about music in general let alone wanting to write music for artists but when he showed you a few of the songs he had wrote, with most of them being about you, you knew he was extremely talented.

Mark always had a way with words and now that you saw them written down on paper, you knew you’d continue to support his dreams and his future endeavors and that you would do anything to help him if he needed it. Before you knew it, four years came and gone and you graduated from college with your bachelor’s degree in criminal justice. It didn’t take too long for law firms to reach out to you with internships and to see if you were interested to work for their companies. Mark was also very successful with his career.

He started off small; he wrote a few things here and there for some up and coming artists but it wasn’t anything too major. No matter how patient he was, there were times he did grow discouraged and felt like giving up but you never allowed him to. You saw how passionate he was about writing. You’d watch him stay up trying to write down any ideas that would pop through his head.

The road to success wasn’t easy, but when he got an offer from a record company to write songs for a popular artist you both listened to, he was extremely over the moon and made sure to let you know your love, your patient, your support and your determination to help him succeed was what kept him going.

The day came where you felt like you were ready to tell your parents about the man you were head over heels in love with and the reaction you got wasn’t one you were expecting. When you brought him over for dinner, both your mother and your sister raved over how good looking he was and your brothers tried their best to come off as the older, overprotective brothers boyfriends wouldn’t want to mess with. But when they heard Mark played fortnite, they were sold.

Even your father took a liking to him once Mark told him his favorite football team were the Patriots. Everything seemed to be going perfectly and you were so upset with yourself for keeping him a secret for so long. It wasn’t until your mother asked him what he did for a living that things only went downhill from there. I’m a songwriter. You could still remember the grave look on your mom’s face and with the way she motioned for you to follow her and your father in to the living room while excusing the three of you from the table, you knew it wasn’t going to be good.

You were angry that she didn’t wait for dinner to be finished or even for Mark to go home before ridiculing him on his career. It was obvious that she wasn’t too happy to hear he was a musician but it didn’t matter what she thought. Hell, you didn’t care about what anyone in your family thought about him. You loved Mark, with every beat of your heart and there was nothing your parents could say or do to change your mind about him.

“You are to break up with that boy immediately.”

Your eyes widened in shock at your mother’s command and for the first time looking her, hell, looking at your parents, you didn’t feel afraid of them. This time, you had something beautiful worth fighting for. This wasn’t something minuscule; it wasn’t something you could just stop like piano lessons or tennis practice. This was an 8 year long relationship she was telling you to end and there was no way you were going to lose against your parents without putting up a fight.

“No.”

The scoff that came from your mother’s throat wasn’t unexpected. This was the first time ever you talked back to either of your parents. This was the first time you actually said the word no in your 23 years of existence and damn, it felt really good.

“Excuse me? Did you just tell your mother no? Y/n, he’s a musician! He will never be able to give you the life you deserve! That is not a career! You’ll be the one having to take care of your entire family, I refuse to let this man ruin your life. You’re going to throw away everything you’ve worked so hard for—for someone whose position in your life isn’t promised. You know better than this, there are plenty more men in the world with better jobs and probably better living situations. Mrs.Choi’s son is a—“

“I don’t give a shit about Mrs.Choi’s son or Mrs.Park’s son or anyone’s damn son for that matter. I love Mark. I am in love with Mark. I only want Mark. Mark is all I need. I don’t care about what his job title is. It makes him happy and he’s pretty fucking amazing at what he does. But like I said, I don’t give a shit what he does for a living. He could be a garbage man and I’d still love him with every fiber of my being because that’s what love is mom. Love is not money, it’s not a big mansion in Beverly Hills with a doctor husband and six cars I will probably never drive. Love is what I feel when I’m with Mark. He takes care of me. He makes me laugh when I’m sad, he makes me smile even in the most inconvenient situations. He does my laundry, cleans our apartment, blow dries my hair when I’m tired, takes me to and pays for all my doctor’s appointments. We’ve been together for almost 8 years and these last 8 years have been the best years of my entire life because of him. The two of you stripped away the entirety of my childhood from me and Mark was the fountain of youth to help me experience actually being a human.” If looks could kill, the glare your mother was sending you would have you six feet under, but you didn’t care.

“I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m grown. I’m an adult for crying out loud you guys can’t tell me what to do anymore. I’m sorry you can’t accept it but I love Mark and I plan on doing so for the rest of my life and there’s nothing either of you can say or do to change my mind.”

“If you leave with him tonight, you are never allowed back in to this house ever again.” The burst of confidence and bravery you had confessing your love for Mark and the fact that you had every intention of staying with him went right out the window at your mother’s ultimatum. Was she really making you choose between your boyfriend and your family? There was no way you could choose between the two of them. Yes, Mark was the best thing that’s ever happened to you. But to lose all contact with your family because your parents were being unfair and irrational with their decision? She didn’t even take the time to listen to your words; did she not care about your health, happiness and well-being? Here was a man putting her youngest daughter on a pedestal, giving her the entire world and more but yet she still couldn’t accept that. You didn’t know the consequences of your next few words, but it wasn’t even a question. “Mark, we’re leaving. Let’s go.”

Your boyfriend came out from the kitchen and you had a feeling he probably heard the entire conversation between you and your parents, but your mind was so focused on leaving before things could get any worse. “Y/n, wait, sweetie think about this—think about what you’re doing—are you really willing to give up your family for a boy?”

“A man—he’s a man and yes—he’s all the family I could ever need. He’s shown me more love and support in our 8 years of being together than either of you did in the last 23 years of my existence. If you were a really family, you’d accept Mark for who he is and what he does and you’d be happy with the fact that he takes such good care of me but no. Your pride, your reputation, your wealth, your social status and your ego are more important than my feelings and what I want. You don’t care about me. You never cared about me you just cared about what others would think about me and I’m sick of it. I’m done. Have a nice rest of your life. Assholes.”

You marched out of the house and a huge weight was lifted off of your shoulders. With the rate you were walking, your boyfriend had to practically jog to catch up with you because you were filled with so many different emotions. Anger. Sadness. Grief. But no regret, nor any remorse. You knew you made the right decision in choosing Mark because not only did you choose Mark, you chose yourself. You were no longer going to allow your parents to dictate your life anymore.

“Baby—are you alright?” You gave him a sad smile before stealing a soft kiss from the corner of his mouth.

“Maybe not right now, but I will be. Take me home Mark.” Your siblings tried to get in touch with you for weeks, trying to get you to come back and to talk things out with your parents, but the damage was done. Neither of them were going to accept your relationship. It was a tough pill to swallow, but you accepted it for what it was.

Even if one day they came around and accepted Mark being a songwriter, there was no way you could ever forget the look of disgust on your mom’s face when Mark said what his job was nor could you forget how your dad just stood there and said nothing. It genuinely showed that neither of your parents really cared about you even if you were the star child out of the four of you and that’s what was hurting you the most.

Mark did his best to try and take your mind off what had happened and every time you’d look at him while he was sleeping, while he was cooking the two of you dinner or while the two of you would shower together, you’d see the glint in his eyes as he looked at you like you were one of the seven wonders of the world and you knew you made the right choice. You’d pick him again and again every single time.

He never brought up the fact that your parents didn’t accept his passion but you were sure it must have hurt him. Especially because that’s was caused you to be cut off from your entire family, but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t extremely content with your decision. A few weeks ago, Mark got a call from the record company he was working for and gave him the opportunity to travel around Europe to work with a couple of the entertainers there and he didn’t hesitate to ask you to tag along with him.

The adventure started off in Italy, then you found yourselves in London and Greece. Each and every city was more than you could even imagine. The scenery was so beautiful, the food was delicious, the people were so sweet and the fact that you got to experience it all with your soulmate; your favorite person was a feeling you would never be able to fathom in to words.

Paris had to be your favorite place you had visited so far and you were sure it had to deal with the fact that it was the city of love and you were making the most of it with the love of your life by your side. It was currently winter in Paris right now; the temperature only grew colder as the days went by which is why you were shocked to see Mark outside on the balcony in only his underwear, but the sight did make your cheeks pink.

No matter how many times you’ve seen him naked, you always got so shy and flustered. He was freezing cold when you finally found your way behind him, you placed your chin on his shoulder blade and left a soft kiss there while lazily wrapping your arms around his hips. The giggle that fell from your lips at the feeling of your bare chest against his back couldn’t be helped, he was so cold and the frost nipped at your skin.

It took you a few moments to notice the cigarette in his hand and when you did, you grew worried. Mark hated cigarettes. He hated the smell and hated the negative effect they had on people’s bodies. However, you noticed he began smoking them after working with a well-known rapper who claimed that smoking helped him relax. It was a habit you weren’t too fond of; you knew it was probably damaging his lungs and you could taste the ash in his kisses, but you knew something had to be bothering him for him to want to even start smoking so you never tried stopping him.

For the last month, you haven’t seen a pack of cigarettes lying around the place nor did the scent linger on his clothes so you knew there was a chance he stopped. Seeing that ugly death stick in between his fingers made your blood boil; you didn’t want anything happening to his health because of a stupid decision he‘d make whenever he was upset.

“Go back to bed baby. I’ll be there soon, I just needed a little break. I’m fine.” You’ve been with Mark long enough to know when he was lying. You didn’t have to see him; the lack of confidence in his voice and the way he tensed up against your body made it clear that something was indeed on his mind, and there was no way you’d be able to go back to sleep knowing he was overthinking.

“Talk to me Mark. Something is obviously bothering you and I want to be able to help you.” He released a long sigh before putting out the cigarette and turning to face you. His eyes were red and puffy and there were dried tears on his cheeks.

The idea of him crying made your heart hurt; he was always the strong one in your relationship. No matter how rough life would get for him, he never showed that he was having a hard time. He hated burdening other people, especially you. So all his battles, he’d keep to himself. You hated that he never confided in you the way you always seemed to with him. You wanted to be able to help him carry the burden or to help fight the war in his mind that he was battling alone.

“Why did you do it?” You immediately looked at him in confusion. What was he talking about? What did you do that could be causing him so much distress and frustration?

“Mark—“

“You gave up everything to be with me. You’re completely cut off from your parents, you gave up your job at the law firm, you had to sell your car, you left all your friends without any explanation as to why you were leaving—just for me. I can’t give you everything that I want to just yet. I can’t promise to give you a big house, a nice car—we’ve been together for years and I have every intention on marrying you y/n but I can’t afford to buy you the ring of your dreams—I’m honestly nothing. I’m a college dropout trying to become a renowned songwriter y/n. Sure, I’ve been getting quite a few amazing opportunities but it isn’t enough for us to be set for the rest of our lives nor can we really be comfortable. Like your mom said, there are many men out there who’d be able to take care of you in the ways that I can’t. All I can do is love you y/n, and fuck. I love you more than you can even fathom yourself. But you deserve so much more and sometimes love isn’t enough—“

“Do you hear yourself right now? Are you really asking me why I left my life behind to be with you? My family, I love them dearly. But you know how I feel about my parents, how they sheltered me, overprotected me, forced me in to doing things I didn’t want to. They never did care about how I felt; not once did they stop and think maybe they were working me to the bone. I was never happy Mark. Until you came in to my life and I really don’t know what I would do if I were to lose you. I’m assuming you must’ve heard what my mom said and don’t you dare listen or even think what she said was true. You are not nothing Mark. You are so talented, so hardworking, so passionate and dedicated and if anyone deserves the world baby—it’s you. I meant what I said when I told her I couldn’t give less of a shit about any materialistic things. What’s a fucking Porsche going to do for me if my husband neglects me? What’s a big house if the person that I love isn’t there to share it with me?” You brought your hand up to cup his cheek and released a sigh of relief when he leaned in to your palm.

“You and I could live in a fucking box and I wouldn’t care and you wanna know why? Because you’re there. All I need is you. I don’t care where we go, who we meet, how much money we have in our bank accounts; as long as I have you right beside me, I’m not worried about anything. I can get another car Mark, I can find another job, I can make new friends—but there is never going to be another you. So stop beating yourself up about the decisions I made in the last few months. I did it for us. I did it because I love you. I will never love anyone the way I love you. Now get it out of your head that I deserve someone better than you because a man like that doesn’t exist. And yes—your love is enough Mark. It’s all that matters to me. The way you take care of me when I’m sick, or hold me close as we watch a scary movie. The way you take a bite out of my food to make sure it isn’t too hot, although I feel like you use that as an excuse just to try my food. The way you can be so tired, yet you want to sit down and listen to me go on about my day. You love me Mark. You never fail to say it, but it means more to me because you never fail to show it either.” At this point, his tears were flowing steadily from the bird of his eyelids and you found yourself wiping them away every time new tears fell.

“A person’s job title, the amount of education they’ve received, the kind of car they drive and the house they live in; none of that matters babe. I know you probably hear this all the time, but it’s what the inside that matters. Genuinely. All the wealth, the riches, it doesn’t make you better than anyone else. Your personality, your selflessness, your golden heart, your generosity, your patience, the love you never fail to show others, that’s why I fell in love with you. Oh—and your stupidly handsome looks but that’s besides the point. I’d go wherever it is that you’ll go. Whatever you need me to do, or be in order to help you grow as an artist or just a human being in general, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything for you Mark Tuan. And one day, when everything works out with your career, we can rub it in my parents faces. No more tears my love. It’s just you and I; and that’s what makes me the most happy. Oh—and I don’t need a big wedding or a huge diamond ring to get me to marry you. You could get me a ring pop for all I care. I just want to be with you. We could honestly elope in one of the hotel’s chapels if that’s what you want.”

He didn’t miss a beat before bringing his hands on either side of your face and roughly connecting your lips together. His mouth was warm and wet against yours, his kisses were rough and needy. It’s as if he was putting everything he wanted to say to you in to the kiss. How grateful he was for you. How much you meant to him. How much he loved you more than his heart could genuinely handle. Mark knew he needed to continue fighting for his dream in order to prove to you that you made the right decision in choosing him. Soon, the atmosphere was filled of sexual tension and it didn’t take too long for you to feel something hard against your thigh.

“I just—I hope—fuck. Thank you baby. I could never thank you enough for everything that you’ve done and continue to do for me. You’re the most ethereal being to walk on this earth you know that. I really, really do not deserve you but I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m sure happy you chose me. Don’t tempt me, I might just go down to the gift shop and get you that ring pop. I love you—so fucking much my beautiful girl. God , only you could make me hard as a rock while I’m in the middle of crying—I know it’s 3 A.M, and I promised I would take you to the Champs-Élysées later on today, but I really want to show you just how grateful I am for you. I also kinda want to solve this problem in my pants and fuck the shit out of you so let’s go baby. You might have to rent a motor chair to get around once I’m done with you.”

#got7 imagines #got7 #got7 mark #mark tuan #mark tuan got7

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land-of-classpects-and-analysis · 4 years ago

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Knight of Light

Throughout our lives, we all learn new and different things every single day. Whether it is something as personal as discovering your best friend’s favorite color or they’re left-handed, or discovering something far bigger than everything you’ve known, like a great historical moment that so very little people know about. Everyone encounters the heat of Light, that excitement and pride that bubbles inside of us when we discover something and become as knowledgeable - if not more knowledgeable - as those around us. It makes us feel like we belong amongst other members of our society; like we fit in and that maybe, just maybe, we’ll be seen as better than others around us. However, even to those who are viewed to be the best of the best may often wonder if they could go even higher than their peers, becoming the best of the best of the best. Then there are also the ones who may sit there, sweating and pacing, feeling scrutinized by all the eyes of their peers in the present and in the past. Everyone is watching them, expecting them to always keep up - always amaze people with how much knowledge they truly have - if only for people to gasp and look on in awe at their intellectual abilities. Yet what is intelligence - what truly marks knowledge as something so valuable? Are they even worthy of being seen as one of the best when anyone, with enough work and dedication, could be just as successful as them; the Knight of Light? While the Knight of Light may have an immense amount of knowledge, and manage to find even more of it in their day-to-day life, it is the fear that perhaps they just got lucky that makes them often hide away from the world and the people around them.

From their younger years in life, the Knight of Light showed great promise in being a truly astonishing and brilliant mind amongst their peers. They knew more than the typical child ever could, and were more than willing to throw themself fully into all of their work with little to no play in their life. Praise was a common thing in their life, though this mostly came from those older and more experienced than them in their life. In reality, the Knight’s social life from the past to present has been rather frail and desolate. When one finds themself so dedicated to the arts of knowledge and intellect, is there really any time or benefit to spending - no, wasting time making friends? That’s most likely what the Knight’s guardian(s) believed, and to make sure their precious ticket to fortune would never be tainted, never riddled with the disease of companions and the drama that may ensue with it, the Knight of Light grew accustomed to pushing away anyone that they were taught to believe were lesser than them. Even if the Knight of Light were to want companions, though, the reputation they would have already built up amongst their peers would be one as sturdy as steel and as sharp as barbed wire.

All the Knight of Light had as an option for companionship were their fellow intellectuals. People who would continue to shower the Knight of Light in praise for all the hard work they have done and how truly bright their mind shines amidst everyone else - those are the ones the Knight of Light would have to call their “friends”, their “colleagues”, their “fellow man”. The fear of being ostracized and left to fend for themself, of having nowhere to call home, along with being labelled as an imposter, a fake, someone who truly does not care for the sophisticated, dedicated lifestyle that can come of Light - this is what truly sets the foundation for the Knight of Light. The Knight of Light is one who has many facades, some ranging from being a good, obedient, and subdued child or friend, specifically one who doesn’t question authority, and also ranging to a person who thinks of themself too good, pure, and smart for those who clearly are not worthy of the Knight’s attention. Having this many facades, though, is yet another factor of stress for the Knight of Light, primarily in the fear that somehow, someway, they will be tried and found guilty of not being worthy enough to be amongst the best of the best.

Even though the Knight of Light shows time and time again to be one of the smartest people in their life, there is still that ghostly reminder in the back of their head, whispering to them that they will never be good enough. Their time on the stage is limited, and someday, one way or another, someone will come along and prove themself to be better than the Knight. Because of their Aspect, and this fear, the Knight of Light is one where they become extremely dedicated to pursuing and collecting all instances of knowledge - perhaps even knowledge that their fellow intellects don’t know about. Whenever the Knight of Light is asked to show off their intellect, they will never, ever show off the true width of their knowledge, if only out of one of many fears they have. One of the biggest fears is that someone may take this rare, unique piece of information and use it to become better than the Knight - to use it as a seed wherein they will grow a far better garden than the Knight. In a way, as the Knight hides away the true breadth of their knowledge from everyone, they also subconsciously hide it away from themself. This primarily allows for their fear of not being as smart as they are perceived to be, especially by those they look towards for admiration and reassurance, all the more real.

It is this fear that poses itself to be the ultimate undoing of the Knight of Light, though. The reason for this is that, due to them not wanting to give away their own knowledge in fear of someone using it for their own advantage, the Knight of Light also eliminates any chance of their hidden knowledge being used for good. At some point in the Knight’s life, they will be met with a situation where they must not only make a choice, but also make a grand sacrifice in regards to their life. What this situation is may vary from Knight of Light to Knight of Light, but one thing is for certain: the Knight must be willing to finally open up about the truth about themself and the knowledge they truly know about. This could range from exposing the crimes of someone, giving the answer to a burning, painful question someone may have, they have the solution to a dire problem and situation, and so on. However, Light-bound are often those who do not play by the rules written for them, and so if the Knight of Light believes that if they simply decide to step away and continue keeping their lips sewn shut about their knowledge, then they will happily let whatever chaos threatens them and their group come flooding in.

The Knight of Light is one who has become so shrouded in their own facades that even they do not know who they can truly trust, whose side they should be on, and what they are even meant to do. As such, when faced with a situation where they find themself having to sacrifice a part of them that makes them better than everyone else - their knowledge, their Light - then they would rather allow for the roof to come crashing down atop of everyone if only to protect themself and their knowledge. If this opening to the Knight of Light has sounded like the journey of a Knight of Light chosen to follow the path of protecting their Aspect, that is unfortunately not entirely true. While the Knight of Light, at least in the beginning, does indeed show signs of protecting Light, it is only done in a way that benefits the Knight, and maybe, just maybe, those they deem to be the winning side. Morals are not a strong point for the Light-bound, especially when it comes to their precious orb of knowledge. No, the journey for the Knight of Light is only just beginning, and it is most definitely one that will bring humbleness and selflessness to knock on the Knight’s door. Let’s start with the most obvious one: the Knights of Light who protect their Aspect.

While the Knight of Light may protect their own Light in the beginning, this selfish act would be one that would not go unchecked forever. After the incident in which they failed to protect those who were truly in need of the answers the Knight held, it would only be a matter of time before the consequences of their actions found them. Perhaps they would be given one last chance by those higher than them to prove themself fair, brave, and worthy of remaining part of the pack of intellectuals. Whether it is by accidentally mixing up their facades, or finally allowing for their facade of unwavering loyalty to die out, the Knight of Light would be on to look upon the leaders with a sense of pride, and perhaps even cockiness. The Knight of Light would stand up for themself, for their hidden knowledge, and they would refuse to crumble beneath the pressure of these so-called leaders. It should be of no surprise that this would bring the Knight of Light to become scorned and despised by those they once called family and friends, and while the Knight may show themself to be unafraid of the world that lies outside their walls - the real world - there is no doubt that it is simply them, once again, hiding away these facts.

Not long after the Knight of Light would step forth in the real world, unsupported and only having their wits to help them, it would become quite obvious just how helpless the Knight truly is. While they may have a great internal library of knowledge in regards to things such as history, literature, arts, and other things of the such, what the Knight truly lacks in knowledge is how to socialize. After all, they had spent so many years building themself up to be someone part of the top tier people in the societal hierarchy, and so to find themself now cast out is something that will most definitely bring great fear and stress for the Knight of Light. They were- no, they still are one of the best. If anything, the fact they were cast out must truly show that they are not just one of the best, but the best! Right?...Right?

It is lonely to be at the top of the world, but it could be argued that coming down from such a thrilling high is even more lonely. That is one of the most defining features of the Knight of Light’s journey: isolation. Their mind is one who shines as bright as the sun, and yet they are still scared to share that Light with those around them. What the Knight of Light needs is not only the universe itself to humble the Knight, ripping away the last of their facades, but they also need real, genuine people who will accept them for who they are and also will keep the Knight on track to becoming more open - more willing for the lock on their library door to become open to those they trust. At first, it’s a tough ride for the Knight, if only because their “holier than thou” facade often gets in the way and comes out at the worst times possible. However, at one point or another, the full, ture, and pure Light of the Knight would manage to shine just bright enough to catch the eye of one person or another. This may bring the Knight of Light great distress, as they prepare to have to prove themself worthy of being recognized as the brilliant person they’ve been molded into all their life.

As time goes on, though, the more they allow themself to become immersed in the lives of people they may have deemed to be blind fools, the more the Knight of Light will see that knowledge is far more than what they were taught. Knowledge isn’t just books, multi-page long essays, sleepless nights, anxiety creeping around every corner, smiling for every photo, it isn’t about setting one’s self ablaze so that they, themself, may not feel warm, but so that everyone else in their life can, too. That’s not what knowledge is - that’s what blind obedience is, and it’s what systematic lies are made of. A letter grade does not define the Knight of Light, but rather how they use their gift of knowledge. The Knight of Light is a person with a bright and beautiful mind that very few can comprehend, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is how they present themself, who they choose to surround themself with, and what they do with the blazing sun that scorches every last fold in their mind. The Knight of Light realizes that they weren’t scared of being seen as not being as smart as everyone viewed them, but that they were scared of not being a quiet, obedient prodigy twenty-four hours and seven days a week. They see now, though, that they aren’t meant to protect just their own knowledge, but that they are meant to protect everyone else’s Light, too.

The Knights of Light who choose to protect through their Aspect are arguably the group who comes to terms with their situation far quicker than the other group. They have realized the error of their ways - their judgement - and so they wish to find ways to redeem themself and show that they have no bias nor hatred for others. However, while they may have come to terms with things quicker, they do still have to uncover all of the walls and ivy that has fortified itself around their Aspect. That is to say, while they have come to peace with being cast out, and they do wish to try and help others with the knowledge they do have, their biggest issue is that the depths of their knowledge have been buried deep, deep within the Knight themself. Because of this, until the Knight can come to terms with who they are, and what they have done, they will be unable to hone their powers and protect through their Aspect, wielding it like that of a sword.

At first, the Knight may try to rush into a situation regarding a specific topic. They would be rather eager to lay-out all of the true facts and raise more awareness on the accurate information on this topic - especially if it is one they hold so near and dear to their heart and mind. However, when the moment would come for them to make their argument, the Knight would come to realize that they have been frozen in a type of internal stalemate. After all, the people they are trying to converse with are commoners, they wouldn’t understand what the Knight of Light was truly talking about nor are they worthy. Then again, the Knight of Light themself has been turned away from being part of those higher on the hierarchy, and so they should be more than willing to hand out this information to others. Yet, here they stand, incapable of properly speaking up and out about this attack of misinformation being spread. Eventually, the Knight would most likely try to play it off, simply saying that they do not have time to waste their breath on someone so painfully misinformed and biased.

Do not mistake this behavior for that of a Rogue of Light, though, for while Rogues put on these acts of confidence to hide their lack of an Aspect, there is no doubt that the Knight of Light is one who has plenty of their Aspect to use. Their biggest issue is that they must learn how they can finally achieve this state of power, wherein they can finally protect those around them by using the knowledge that they have acquired. In a way, it’s a bit ironic that someone as bright and knowledgeable as the Knight must learn how to even wield such an important thing in their life. Now, to answer the question of how they are meant to find the bravery, the security and support, to do this, it is a rather unsurprising one. The Knight of Light, much like the previous group of Knights of Light, must surround themself with company that shows their true support and appreciation for the Knight. What the Knight of Light lacks in the beginning is just that - companionship. They have become an outcast from those they looked up to, and now they must start all over again, all the way from the bottom of the pit.

It would be a slow process, mostly due to the fact the Knight of Light must also get over their own instilled biases first. When first meeting the people who would prove themselves to be the ones to help them, the Knight would mostly be very frugal in what information they give out - perhaps even going as far as to lie about one or true facts in an effort to hide them. However, as the Knight of Light gets to know these people, or even just one person, the Knight of Light would see that the only thing that comes out of being so secretive, so withdrawn and hesitant to open up about one’s own pieces of wisdom and knowledge, is loneliness - isolation. The Light may be warm when it is kept to one’s self, but what about all of the other people in the world who have not felt its warmth? Is it not unfair to leave them in the cold darkness, lost and confused with no idea of where to go? Maybe the cold does not bother them due to the fact that while they may not have the Light to warm them, at least they are not alone. It is by being exposed to people and their willing to share in their own Light, small or large, that the Knight of Light realizes they can do more than protect themself from freezing in the cold Void. They realize that what they are meant to do is not hide away their knowledge, their Light, their fire from the world, but instead they are meant to use it as a means to guide and protect people from the cold - to share it to the best of their ability. It is upon this discovery where the Knight of Light may finally begin to break away the wall separating them from their Aspect.

The Knight of Light started their life showing great promise in being a true, brightly shining beacon of Light. While this Light may have been nurtured and managed to grow into a great, blazing sun, the people who did so most likely did not put the Knight’s crucial necessities into consideration. Instead, what was born was not just a sun fueled by knowledge, but a person who was never entirely sure what they ever truly wanted as their own person. They were almost always told what they wanted - good grades, a clean and civil friend group, being punctual, never questioning but instead always respecting authority, and so on. Because of this, they quickly learned to hide away who they really were and what they really wanted in the world, but in the process also managed to hide themself away from any possible real friends - leaving themself to only be in the company of people held to similar standards as them.

However, as the Knight of Light grows older and gains more knowledge about their studies, rather than the world around them, the Knight would become restless. They would most likely go out of their way to reach out and gain more knowledge of far more obscure and niche pieces of information. While their restlessness is one of the reasons for this, another reason is that they simply fear that somehow, someday, someone may come and prove themself to be smarter and better than the Knight, thus casting them out from the group and being demoted to another commoner. One of the only true things about this fear, though, is that they will indeed be cast out from their pack, but it would be by the Knight’s own selfish and arrogant reasonings. They would show rebellion to those who pose as authority above the Knight, and they would also dub them to be a group who is bound to lose whatever battle they may take part in. If there is one thing the Knight of Light wants more than knowledge, it’s to be on the winning side of any battle. Out of anyone to know which side is the winning side, it would be the Knight of Light.

By taking on this title of outcast, the Knight of Light must also come to terms that everything they may have been told was a lie, a false idea of what knowledge truly is about. While the Knight of Light has plenty of academic knowledge, it will become obvious to many people that they greatly lack in the knowledge of everything other than books and what is taught in scholarly situations. However, it is within this new way of life where they will have to realize they can’t survive, they can’t thrive if they are going to continue being stingy and hesitant to share their knowledge with others. It is through the people they turned their nose up at that will be the ones to show the Knight of Light what knowledge they are truly lacking. Even if the Knight of Light may even outright refuse to partake in such silly things, instead trying to double down on their facade of being too good to be on the same level of commoners, there will be two defining experiences that will separate the Knights of Light into one of three groups.

For the Knights of Light who would go on to protect Light, they would mostly come to learn that it is not just their own Light that needs to be protected but rather everyone else’s Light. Their powers would be that of protecting the integrity of Light and what it stands for: bringing and finding enlightenment, truth, and knowledge to those who are not only worthy of basking in the sun’s rays, but those who wish to seek out its warmth and kindness. Because of this act of protection, they would be the one to try their best to maintain honesty in the group, if only to avoid the chaos and mistrust that lies and confusion can bring. However, they may become biased in their means of protection, and only set out to protect certain instances of Light, if only to gain the upper hand and remain on the winning side of whatever fights may be occurring. Along with this protection, they would most likely try to seek out any piece(s) of information their allies and friends have that could benefit the Knight and the rest of the team. They would most likely do this if only to try and protect, maintain, and archive that information if something were to happen to the source of this information. In a way, these Knights of Light may very well be similar to that of a living library or museum, a conscious, breathing archive of countless pieces of knowledge, all tucked away within the internal shelves of the Knight of Light’s mind. Because of this, these Knights of Light are very peculiar as to who they allow near their fire of knowledge, and so if they offer such an opportunity to cozy up with them as they share with you their knowledge, do not pass it up. It may be your only chance to do so.

As for the Knights of Light who went out to protect through their Aspect, they are the ones who realized that to keep all of their knowledge to themself is to not only be selfish, but downright harmful to those around them. While the Knight greatly benefits from keeping all of the things they have learned to themself, is it not one of the loneliest experiences to be the only one sitting by a fire, knowing there are others searching for the warmth that you may provide? It is through this realization of selfishness that the Knight of Light will begin to try their best to not only unlearn these ways of bias, but also how they can go about and use their knowledge to not only benefit others but also protect them from falling into the endless depths of Void - of ignorance. The biggest struggle in breaking away from these biases that the Knight faces is that, in order to truly break it away, they must also rid themself of their snobby facade completely. While the Knight may have a great fear of having to face who they really are, or rather what they lack in regards to who they are, it is an inevitable milestone in the Knight's journey; especially if they do wish to eventually become a true, noble Knight. The more they would go about and protect others through their Light, the more they would also learn to build up their own identity and what they truly stand for.

Eventually, the Knight of Light would finally be able to pull their sword from within that internalized river of molten gold, something so beautiful yet so scalding. By protecting through their Aspect to the best of their ability, this means that they would use whatever knowledge they have gained over time as a weapon - a source of brutal protection for their friends and allies. They are the Knights of Light who would be able to hone in and sharpen their skills, and their wits, to the point of being like that of a blade. Whether the Knight sought out the information themself and forged the blade on their own, or it was given to them, sharpened against the stones of loyalty, honesty, and facts. Through one means or another, there is no doubt that the Knight will pass up a chance to show that there not only is the pen mightier than the sword, but that the pen itself can become a sword if one is more than willing to dedicate themself to such a task, but will also take great pride in it. While the other group may have been the ones to protect their Aspect from being wiped out or exploited, these are the ones who have no problem in unleashing the true wrath of their Aspect, scorching their enemies with the knowledge that they have accumulated. Although this brutal, warrior strength often is used as a last resort, it does not mean the Knight of Light will have any moral struggle if they must use their knowledge in such a ferocious, protective manner.

Ultimately, the role of the Knight of Light is one who holds their intellectual values to an extreme level. Being able to advance from all known, possible directions when approaching a problem, whether it is a verbal argument, a puzzle, or a fight for one’s life, the Knight of Light will see to it that if they are meant to come out on top, then they will. Although they hold their intellectual values to such a high level, chances are that as they gain more and more beloved and trusted friends, they will hold their love and dedication to these people to around an equal level. Perhaps there will be some Knights who hold their friends a little bit higher, but it is those people who will be able to experience the true dedication and satisfaction that comes from being able to solve a problem for them, protect them and their integrity, and to say that they did it. They have been a stingy, reclusive soul in the beginning, but that is only because they believed their sun to only be capable of shining down on a few select points in the world. However, it was not that the sun was selective in where it shined, but that the Knight of Light had been made to believe in such a lie. It is from the ashes of these lies, the cause of them being brought upon by the Knight themself, that they managed to become reborn. While they may occasionally fall back into their facade of snobbish behavior and snarky attitudes, when the Knight of Light looks out upon the sky, reminding themself where the Light truly falls, they will also be reminded as to why they have been deemed worthy of wielding their Aspect in one fashion or another. It is always keen to remember, though, that with a Knight of Light, there will always be a few staple things in their identity. They are dedicated to the Light and will use it as a means of protection, whether it is by that of a shield, sword, or both; they are ones who have the ability to use their intellect, their own words, more as a weapon than any true piece of destruction; and, finally, the most loving gesture one could experience with a Knight of Light is to have them give a proper, personal invitation to sit by their fire, appreciate the warmth from it, and hear the tales that the Knight of Light has to tell.

#Knight #Knight of Light #Homestuck #Hiveswap #Knight of Light Analysis #Light Aspect #Noble November #Light

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