#Large Parrots
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Blue & Gold Macaws I Mimic Human Speech l Large Parrots l Mysore Zoo
#youtube#Birds#Large Parrots#Macaws#Gold & Yelloe Macaws#large bird#Highly Coloured Birds#Mimic Human Speech#Downward Curved Beak#Frugivorous#Naked Face#Colourful Plumage#Blue Feathers#Long Tail#Large Wings#Mysore Zoo#Animals in Mysore Zoo
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Parrot Town I Repurposed Part of a Bird House into a Bird Bath for My Parrots! DIY Bird Bath❤️keeping birds company since 2017
Bird bath idea for large parrots. It's literally impossible to find a large shallow dish that's designed to attach to a cage, but this is a good alternative.
I did find an outdoor bird bath that clamps onto a deck railing that I could maybe finagle to attach to a cage. We'll see.
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How plausible sentence generators are changing the bullshit wars
This Friday (September 8) at 10hPT/17hUK, I'm livestreaming "How To Dismantle the Internet" with Intelligence Squared.
On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.
In my latest Locus Magazine column, "Plausible Sentence Generators," I describe how I unwittingly came to use – and even be impressed by – an AI chatbot – and what this means for a specialized, highly salient form of writing, namely, "bullshit":
https://locusmag.com/2023/09/commentary-by-cory-doctorow-plausible-sentence-generators/
Here's what happened: I got stranded at JFK due to heavy weather and an air-traffic control tower fire that locked down every westbound flight on the east coast. The American Airlines agent told me to try going standby the next morning, and advised that if I booked a hotel and saved my taxi receipts, I would get reimbursed when I got home to LA.
But when I got home, the airline's reps told me they would absolutely not reimburse me, that this was their policy, and they didn't care that their representative had promised they'd make me whole. This was so frustrating that I decided to take the airline to small claims court: I'm no lawyer, but I know that a contract takes place when an offer is made and accepted, and so I had a contract, and AA was violating it, and stiffing me for over $400.
The problem was that I didn't know anything about filing a small claim. I've been ripped off by lots of large American businesses, but none had pissed me off enough to sue – until American broke its contract with me.
So I googled it. I found a website that gave step-by-step instructions, starting with sending a "final demand" letter to the airline's business office. They offered to help me write the letter, and so I clicked and I typed and I wrote a pretty stern legal letter.
Now, I'm not a lawyer, but I have worked for a campaigning law-firm for over 20 years, and I've spent the same amount of time writing about the sins of the rich and powerful. I've seen a lot of threats, both those received by our clients and sent to me.
I've been threatened by everyone from Gwyneth Paltrow to Ralph Lauren to the Sacklers. I've been threatened by lawyers representing the billionaire who owned NSOG roup, the notoroious cyber arms-dealer. I even got a series of vicious, baseless threats from lawyers representing LAX's private terminal.
So I know a thing or two about writing a legal threat! I gave it a good effort and then submitted the form, and got a message asking me to wait for a minute or two. A couple minutes later, the form returned a new version of my letter, expanded and augmented. Now, my letter was a little scary – but this version was bowel-looseningly terrifying.
I had unwittingly used a chatbot. The website had fed my letter to a Large Language Model, likely ChatGPT, with a prompt like, "Make this into an aggressive, bullying legal threat." The chatbot obliged.
I don't think much of LLMs. After you get past the initial party trick of getting something like, "instructions for removing a grilled-cheese sandwich from a VCR in the style of the King James Bible," the novelty wears thin:
https://www.emergentmind.com/posts/write-a-biblical-verse-in-the-style-of-the-king-james
Yes, science fiction magazines are inundated with LLM-written short stories, but the problem there isn't merely the overwhelming quantity of machine-generated stories – it's also that they suck. They're bad stories:
https://www.npr.org/2023/02/24/1159286436/ai-chatbot-chatgpt-magazine-clarkesworld-artificial-intelligence
LLMs generate naturalistic prose. This is an impressive technical feat, and the details are genuinely fascinating. This series by Ben Levinstein is a must-read peek under the hood:
https://benlevinstein.substack.com/p/how-to-think-about-large-language
But "naturalistic prose" isn't necessarily good prose. A lot of naturalistic language is awful. In particular, legal documents are fucking terrible. Lawyers affect a stilted, stylized language that is both officious and obfuscated.
The LLM I accidentally used to rewrite my legal threat transmuted my own prose into something that reads like it was written by a $600/hour paralegal working for a $1500/hour partner at a white-show law-firm. As such, it sends a signal: "The person who commissioned this letter is so angry at you that they are willing to spend $600 to get you to cough up the $400 you owe them. Moreover, they are so well-resourced that they can afford to pursue this claim beyond any rational economic basis."
Let's be clear here: these kinds of lawyer letters aren't good writing; they're a highly specific form of bad writing. The point of this letter isn't to parse the text, it's to send a signal. If the letter was well-written, it wouldn't send the right signal. For the letter to work, it has to read like it was written by someone whose prose-sense was irreparably damaged by a legal education.
Here's the thing: the fact that an LLM can manufacture this once-expensive signal for free means that the signal's meaning will shortly change, forever. Once companies realize that this kind of letter can be generated on demand, it will cease to mean, "You are dealing with a furious, vindictive rich person." It will come to mean, "You are dealing with someone who knows how to type 'generate legal threat' into a search box."
Legal threat letters are in a class of language formally called "bullshit":
https://press.princeton.edu/books/hardcover/9780691122946/on-bullshit
LLMs may not be good at generating science fiction short stories, but they're excellent at generating bullshit. For example, a university prof friend of mine admits that they and all their colleagues are now writing grad student recommendation letters by feeding a few bullet points to an LLM, which inflates them with bullshit, adding puffery to swell those bullet points into lengthy paragraphs.
Naturally, the next stage is that profs on the receiving end of these recommendation letters will ask another LLM to summarize them by reducing them to a few bullet points. This is next-level bullshit: a few easily-grasped points are turned into a florid sheet of nonsense, which is then reconverted into a few bullet-points again, though these may only be tangentially related to the original.
What comes next? The reference letter becomes a useless signal. It goes from being a thing that a prof has to really believe in you to produce, whose mere existence is thus significant, to a thing that can be produced with the click of a button, and then it signifies nothing.
We've been through this before. It used to be that sending a letter to your legislative representative meant a lot. Then, automated internet forms produced by activists like me made it far easier to send those letters and lawmakers stopped taking them so seriously. So we created automatic dialers to let you phone your lawmakers, this being another once-powerful signal. Lowering the cost of making the phone call inevitably made the phone call mean less.
Today, we are in a war over signals. The actors and writers who've trudged through the heat-dome up and down the sidewalks in front of the studios in my neighborhood are sending a very powerful signal. The fact that they're fighting to prevent their industry from being enshittified by plausible sentence generators that can produce bullshit on demand makes their fight especially important.
Chatbots are the nuclear weapons of the bullshit wars. Want to generate 2,000 words of nonsense about "the first time I ate an egg," to run overtop of an omelet recipe you're hoping to make the number one Google result? ChatGPT has you covered. Want to generate fake complaints or fake positive reviews? The Stochastic Parrot will produce 'em all day long.
As I wrote for Locus: "None of this prose is good, none of it is really socially useful, but there’s demand for it. Ironically, the more bullshit there is, the more bullshit filters there are, and this requires still more bullshit to overcome it."
Meanwhile, AA still hasn't answered my letter, and to be honest, I'm so sick of bullshit I can't be bothered to sue them anymore. I suppose that's what they were counting on.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/07/govern-yourself-accordingly/#robolawyers
Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg
CC BY 3.0
https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
#pluralistic#chatbots#plausible sentence generators#robot lawyers#robolawyers#ai#ml#machine learning#artificial intelligence#stochastic parrots#bullshit#bullshit generators#the bullshit wars#llms#large language models#writing#Ben Levinstein
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dynamic sketching week 7 - bird club
#dynamic sketching#original#tui#secretary bird#long tailed tit#oriental dwarf kingfisher#malaysian large frogmouth#dracula parrot#sword-billed hummingbird#greater flamingo#all a tonne of fun to do tbh lmao!!
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some dudes from my wing au :3 one like and i drop the slideshow
#luffy is a scarlet macaw and chopper is a common redpoll#luffy has abnormally large wings for a parrot because i think it’s funny#one piece#monkey d. luffy#tony tony chopper#strawhat pirates#op#1pc#one piece art#op fanart#one piece fanart#my art#wing au
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a thing some people in enstarstwt do is throw around the word "orientalist" and when you ask them what they mean, they won't explain it to you, sometimes block you or accuse you of supporting orientalism when all you did was ask.
or when they do explain it, they just sound extremely condescending. it's as if they're saying, "oh? you didn't know? you must feel stupid for not knowing, don't you?" especially when they end that explanation with "hope this helps!"
it feels passive aggressive. explaining something and sounding like it's wrong to ask about it or acting like you're above others just feels like you don't really care about whatever sort of issue there is and you're just acting off your savior complex.
and to add, if/when it is explained properly and the people who asked finally understood, they get private quote retweeted to hell and back? i'm sorry, but what? i thought that people learning why orientalist outifts are bad is a good thing, but why the private quote retweets? or hell, not even private qrts, just straight up dogpiling on the person being educated. they didn't fucking know and now they learned, so why be a bitch about it?
#this is an oddly specific rant/complaint because i've seen such cases like this multiple times since midori's encountering wonders card#which got even worse when ibara's alluring aspiration scout dropped#and surprise surprise! most people who were throwing that word around aren't even people from that culture#they just saw someone with a large follower count and decided to parrot what they say (as engstarries always do)
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So like understand my thinking here
#specifically chose musicals to be a -live- animal unlike the others bc musical theatre does have much more of a stronghold#than something like opera which largely sticks around out of stubbornness and also having never actually been with 'the times' anyway#i also think parrots are the closest thing we have to biological dragons (although i think opera and puppetry are the closest we get to Rea#dragons so ymmv)#and there's also like no better image of how musicals are often treated by broadway than a parrot in a dirty too-small cage#opera tag#theatre#dramaturgy#rambles
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youtube
here's a neat vid, go watch it if you haven't yet
there's Some things that i don't completely agree with personally, like attributing the Third sin to Materialism rather than Connection (i'd argue that the Ancients had no big issue with being materialistic, considering their golden attires and such- and that going with Connection overall better addresses both the core of Materialism and relationships overall) and then attributing the word Dynasty specifically to asian cultures but that's more history/word definition beef more than anything djgklsjlcgjkd
oh how i'd love to have a debate with this guy about Ancients...
#spot says stuff#rw#history fact: a dynasty was present big time around the years 800-1000 (iirc) on a large territory in eu which included slovakia#at the core of it per its definition a dynasty is just ''the same family ruled over the lands throughout multiple generations'' tho so its-#-not special or anything. with that definition in mind you can see how dynasties were also european things with all the kings and stuff#its just more often used for asian countries cuz they held out longer with the family stuff probably. or all the damn royal family drama-#-that happened there........ my Gods i know only a few chinese stories but Shit man there was a lot djgklsjgld#i wonder if identifying family members in the Ancient society happened through colors... like Sparrows n her siblings are colored from-#-dark blue (Dad's og clrs before turning grey) to turquoise (Inkling) and through this color coordination are the dynasties named#that's some fun thoughts#this video is prompting some neat thoughts.. ego is the culmination of the sins in short is one of them for example#did this guy actually come into contact with shkika or smth. the 'civilization before the ones we recognize as ancients' stuff at the end-#-sounds very familiar. -makes it to the end- Ah. The RW Discord. i wonder where that thought originated n who parroted it from who#☝ personally making the conscious effort to not seep myself into the fandom Too much since i like thinking about this stuff so i dont want-#-any fan-based answers/speculations. just wanna vibe with it uninfluenced n see where that takes me. also the rw discord feels dangerous
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Idk maybe its too early to say bc I've only had a cockatoo for a week now but I'm especially pissed now at birdtricks's bullshit about how 'unbearable' and 'insane' they are bc girl this is almost exactly the same as a cockatiel, just much larger. The difference is that they're large enough and loud enough that you actually have to take them seriously- which you really should have been doing from the start anyways
#this isnt to say theyre reasonable pets btw- they arent#its more that cockatiels are also very high maitninance#but nobody takes them seriously bc theyre small#and cockatoos are not so much unreasonable as they are just. a parrot#just too large to ignore#btw im making this after being bit on the neck by said bird#she advertised it. i knew she was gonna bite me
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could the leds hurt the cockatoos? sorry this is so unnecessary bc i'm sure they are not like swallowing chunks of sign or whatever i just get soo anxious about animal videos that i want to find funny so i always have the urge to find some sort of confirmation that it is actually all good and fun
Cockatoos are kind of a complex human-animal conflict issue. They live very urbanely throughout Australia, and destroy many things - this has a lot to do with deforestation and loss of habitat full of things they’d usually rip up, like trees.
Wild cockatoos (and domestic tbh, for anyone who’s owned/known one) can be pretty destructive. I’m not particularly surprised they’re ripping up the signs - they can get between pieces with their beak, cling to it, and rip, which is pretty much all they need to pull pieces off things. The only way you can really keep them off things is bird-netting, taut wires, bird spikes or spraying them with water, and even that has varying results (I think it was a few years ago that the viral video of the cockatoo tossing bird spikes off a building went around?)
These guys have intelligence on par with chimpanzees, and for the most part, cockatoos seem to be pretty good at differentiating between edible and inedible things they rip up. There’s still risk they could ingest something harmful, or that they could give themselves beak damage, but they do basically live alongside humans now in urban environments, and hand themselves pretty well. They’re also protected native species, so if one did hurt itself, the chances are very high it would quickly be caught or brought in to receive vet care.
The guys in the video also appear to be juveniles, so they are very likely just playing + investigating, pulling pieces off and dropping them. I can’t 100% say there isn’t risk of harm to them, but it’s also not terribly unusual behaviour for them or immediately alarming.
#I know what you mean ❤️ never be afraid to ask this!#unfortunately large parrots being pushed into more and more human habitat results in these kinds of things#katie rambles
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It’s really no one’s business how many times I’ve listened to this
#something something euclidean geometry is a good approximation for measurements in daily life but the large-scale universe is non-euclidean#and a defining characteristic is that in euclidean geometry parallel lines never meet & have a constant separation but non-euclidean#geometries require a pretty fundamental shift in intuition and feature parallel lines that may intersect & have varying distances between#them. or whatever. man I'm just trying to get some use out of my general relativity course here#I don't think Dan realized how miserable we were the entire time but he dressed up for halloween as the parrot we were using in our example#so I forgive him mostly#also the euclid telescope was launched mid-2023 to measure grav lensing and the redshift of galaxies to determine distance#and how dark matter & galaxy distribution has changed over time. which could also mean nothing.#anyway. fitting title for the end of the narrative arc I guess.
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BIRD
#scooparts#paintings#commissions#mola#posca#painting#parrot#maccaw#rainbow maccaw#this one took fifty years#i should do another large format one but i need money aanyway doth anyonest wish to me my patron me lord??
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I left my door open for two minutes and he broke into my kitchen
#keep in mind this is a wild bird he doesn’t even live here#i managed to get him back outside safely dont worry#Fortunately the doors are quite large and not too far from the kitchen#but he did NOT want to leave#and then he had the audacity to not even want the apple slices i made for him#birds#parrots#wild birds#wild parrots#king parrot#australian parrots#australian wildlife#australian birds
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Supervised AI isn't
It wasn't just Ottawa: Microsoft Travel published a whole bushel of absurd articles, including the notorious Ottawa guide recommending that tourists dine at the Ottawa Food Bank ("go on an empty stomach"):
https://twitter.com/parismarx/status/1692233111260582161
After Paris Marx pointed out the Ottawa article, Business Insider's Nathan McAlone found several more howlers:
https://www.businessinsider.com/microsoft-removes-embarrassing-offensive-ai-assisted-travel-articles-2023-8
There was the article recommending that visitors to Montreal try "a hamburger" and went on to explain that a hamburger was a "sandwich comprised of a ground beef patty, a sliced bun of some kind, and toppings such as lettuce, tomato, cheese, etc" and that some of the best hamburgers in Montreal could be had at McDonald's.
For Anchorage, Microsoft recommended trying the local delicacy known as "seafood," which it defined as "basically any form of sea life regarded as food by humans, prominently including fish and shellfish," going on to say, "seafood is a versatile ingredient, so it makes sense that we eat it worldwide."
In Tokyo, visitors seeking "photo-worthy spots" were advised to "eat Wagyu beef."
There were more.
Microsoft insisted that this wasn't an issue of "unsupervised AI," but rather "human error." On its face, this presents a head-scratcher: is Microsoft saying that a human being erroneously decided to recommend the dining at Ottawa's food bank?
But a close parsing of the mealy-mouthed disclaimer reveals the truth. The unnamed Microsoft spokesdroid only appears to be claiming that this wasn't written by an AI, but they're actually just saying that the AI that wrote it wasn't "unsupervised." It was a supervised AI, overseen by a human. Who made an error. Thus: the problem was human error.
This deliberate misdirection actually reveals a deep truth about AI: that the story of AI being managed by a "human in the loop" is a fantasy, because humans are neurologically incapable of maintaining vigilance in watching for rare occurrences.
Our brains wire together neurons that we recruit when we practice a task. When we don't practice a task, the parts of our brain that we optimized for it get reused. Our brains are finite and so don't have the luxury of reserving precious cells for things we don't do.
That's why the TSA sucks so hard at its job – why they are the world's most skilled water-bottle-detecting X-ray readers, but consistently fail to spot the bombs and guns that red teams successfully smuggle past their checkpoints:
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-breaches-us-airports-allowed-weapons-through-n367851
TSA agents (not "officers," please – they're bureaucrats, not cops) spend all day spotting water bottles that we forget in our carry-ons, but almost no one tries to smuggle a weapons through a checkpoint – 99.999999% of the guns and knives they do seize are the result of flier forgetfulness, not a planned hijacking.
In other words, they train all day to spot water bottles, and the only training they get in spotting knives, guns and bombs is in exercises, or the odd time someone forgets about the hand-cannon they shlep around in their day-pack. Of course they're excellent at spotting water bottles and shit at spotting weapons.
This is an inescapable, biological aspect of human cognition: we can't maintain vigilance for rare outcomes. This has long been understood in automation circles, where it is called "automation blindness" or "automation inattention":
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29939767/
Here's the thing: if nearly all of the time the machine does the right thing, the human "supervisor" who oversees it becomes incapable of spotting its error. The job of "review every machine decision and press the green button if it's correct" inevitably becomes "just press the green button," assuming that the machine is usually right.
This is a huge problem. It's why people just click "OK" when they get a bad certificate error in their browsers. 99.99% of the time, the error was caused by someone forgetting to replace an expired certificate, but the problem is, the other 0.01% of the time, it's because criminals are waiting for you to click "OK" so they can steal all your money:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/ema-report-finds-nearly-80-130300983.html
Automation blindness can't be automated away. From interpreting radiographic scans:
https://healthitanalytics.com/news/ai-could-safely-automate-some-x-ray-interpretation
to autonomous vehicles:
https://newsroom.unsw.edu.au/news/science-tech/automated-vehicles-may-encourage-new-breed-distracted-drivers
The "human in the loop" is a figleaf. The whole point of automation is to create a system that operates at superhuman scale – you don't buy an LLM to write one Microsoft Travel article, you get it to write a million of them, to flood the zone, top the search engines, and dominate the space.
As I wrote earlier: "There's no market for a machine-learning autopilot, or content moderation algorithm, or loan officer, if all it does is cough up a recommendation for a human to evaluate. Either that system will work so poorly that it gets thrown away, or it works so well that the inattentive human just button-mashes 'OK' every time a dialog box appears":
https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/21/let-me-summarize/#i-read-the-abstract
Microsoft – like every corporation – is insatiably horny for firing workers. It has spent the past three years cutting its writing staff to the bone, with the express intention of having AI fill its pages, with humans relegated to skimming the output of the plausible sentence-generators and clicking "OK":
https://www.businessinsider.com/microsoft-news-cuts-dozens-of-staffers-in-shift-to-ai-2020-5
We know about the howlers and the clunkers that Microsoft published, but what about all the other travel articles that don't contain any (obvious) mistakes? These were very likely written by a stochastic parrot, and they comprised training data for a human intelligence, the poor schmucks who are supposed to remain vigilant for the "hallucinations" (that is, the habitual, confidently told lies that are the hallmark of AI) in the torrent of "content" that scrolled past their screens:
https://dl.acm.org/doi/10.1145/3442188.3445922
Like the TSA agents who are fed a steady stream of training data to hone their water-bottle-detection skills, Microsoft's humans in the loop are being asked to pluck atoms of difference out of a raging river of otherwise characterless slurry. They are expected to remain vigilant for something that almost never happens – all while they are racing the clock, charged with preventing a slurry backlog at all costs.
Automation blindness is inescapable – and it's the inconvenient truth that AI boosters conspicuously fail to mention when they are discussing how they will justify the trillion-dollar valuations they ascribe to super-advanced autocomplete systems. Instead, they wave around "humans in the loop," using low-waged workers as props in a Big Store con, just a way to (temporarily) cool the marks.
And what of the people who lose their (vital) jobs to (terminally unsuitable) AI in the course of this long-running, high-stakes infomercial?
Well, there's always the food bank.
"Go on an empty stomach."
Going to Burning Man? Catch me on Tuesday at 2:40pm on the Center Camp Stage for a talk about enshittification and how to reverse it; on Wednesday at noon, I'm hosting Dr Patrick Ball at Liminal Labs (6:15/F) for a talk on using statistics to prove high-level culpability in the recruitment of child soldiers.
On September 6 at 7pm, I'll be hosting Naomi Klein at the LA Public Library for the launch of Doppelganger.
On September 12 at 7pm, I'll be at Toronto's Another Story Bookshop with my new book The Internet Con: How to Seize the Means of Computation.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/23/automation-blindness/#humans-in-the-loop
Image: Cryteria (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:HAL9000.svg
CC BY 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/deed.en
--
West Midlands Police (modified) https://www.flickr.com/photos/westmidlandspolice/8705128684/
CC BY-SA 2.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/
#pluralistic#automation blindness#humans in the loop#stochastic parrots#habitual confident liars#ai#artificial intelligence#llms#large language models#microsoft
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Some people have aggressively stupid takes on censorship, fictional content, kink…. But then also in irl sex and relationships, too, and it’s exhausting. If you are a grown adult wringing your hands about how you could never date anyone two years younger than you or getting your panties in a twist over regular safe consenting sex practices/acting like safe and consensual k.ink is inherently abusive…. Then your brain has been so thoroughly rotted by online puritan discourse and you need to get off of twitter and experience the real world. Genuinely. Hope this helps.
#and there is a difference between having an understanding of these things and avoiding certain k.inks because of personal preference/trauma#but acting as if people who participate in and enjoy these things safely and privately are ‘freaks’ or ‘disgusting’ or immoral#is not the same thing#also please recognize the rhetoric you are parroting for fucks sake#because calling people ‘freaks’ and ‘degenerates’ and wanting to police anything sexual… not the take you think it is#this sort of thing actually enables and leads to things like a lot of sodomy laws in the us that existed pre obergefell v hodges#which classified any sex deviant from your standard piv penetrative sex as unlawful and immoral#setting a very dangerous precedent about what people can and cannot do in their own home#there are so many reasons that it pisses me off seeing these things but with the state of things in so many places right now#it baffles me when chronically online bitches swallow puritan rhetoric without a second thought and don’t see the writing on the wall#in an era of book bans and drag bans and the demonization of the lgbtq community at large#and with a Supreme Court that has shown time and again that they put their personal biases ahead of the safety and rights of constituents#I do not know how people do not recognize#this sort of reactionary shit will ALWAYS hurt marginalized people first. respectability politics will not save you when they turn on you#okay send tweet I’m just annoyed#laur speaks!#I better not get some dumbass shit on this post I am tired I am chronically and mentally ill and having a hell of a semester.#not looking for discourse. I do not have time. get blocked argue with the wall read a fucking book and learn some shit while you’re at it.
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I'm earnestly at my emotional limit with this website. All it takes is two bad nightmares and reading through my damn dash and I'm out of commission for the day. Not gonna delete my account again or whatever but I really am not sure what to do. I would be very lonely and in a much worse spot if I hadn't made the friends I've made here (and there's some mutuals I haven't spoken with really that I'd love to get to know!), but it feels like my day-to-day experience with tumblr is explicitly negative and even debilitating under the wrong circumstances. idk what to do about it other than unfollow like, a ton of people, but then what's the point of being here?
#spinning#seeing the same sort of casual transmisogynistic scolding and chiding that used to get directed at me by my ex and ex friends being#directed at many transfeminized people i follow routinely and just being parroted uncritically by large TME blogs who earnestly#see themselves as our allies (presumably) is incredibly exhausting. I feel like every day for the past few weeks I've been slipping back#into the headspace I had back then#(and that's just the patronizing kind of stuff I used to experience let alone the vitriolic hate that crops up routinely)#i wanna squeeze myself into a tiny ball and disappear
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