#LOVE girls who will eat anything

[crocrubies]

hulkenburger 🍔❤️

[javierduffy]

just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount

branwen

- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall

- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.

- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.

- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.

- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.

- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.

boaz

- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle

- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.

- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.

- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.

- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.

- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella

ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry

[valeovalairs]

You can pry girl dad Mark Winters out of my cold dead hands.

[vigilskeep]

I know you went into this briefly before. But truly. HOW INSANE adding a child into the Isabelamance arranged marriage Hawke.

Is the child expected to inherit? Does it remove potential matches Hawke could have had, potentially making the fiance lower on the social ladder than Hawke?? The implications?? Does Isabela even LIKE the kid??? What if the kid gets seasick. What then. How does no attachments no complications Isabela allow herself to fall in love with THE most attached man in Thedas.

AND THE KID WOULD BE OLD ENOUGH TO HAVE AGENCY AND OPINIONS AND AND SHIT IN ACT 3 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAJHHH

making this woman the not-stepmother to a kid growing up in a hightown estate just to feel something

[hana-bobo-finch]

damnnn I hate it when tumblr doesn’t show me posts from my mutuals and I have to scour through their blogs to see what I missed. How barbaric. Especially hate it when I can tell my own posts aren’t being shown. Listen when I post I want EVERYONE to see it. Like look at this

It’s zasp as a larva 🥰🥰🥰ignore the fact that he is Actively Being Eaten

[okaratauri]

Mira shenanigans

[caimitos]

saw a post about projecting your ethnicity onto a character and started missing vespa ilkay. so so bad

[ozymandiasdirge]

allison cameron’s greatest crimes

pro-life

commits euthanasia on joel grey in season 3. refuses to commit it on a genocidal dictator who will literally kill millions of people.

doesn’t give her twunk nepo baby husband the sloppiest toppy of his life when he does kill the dictator she divorces his ass and says he can’t udnerstand human morality.

making me personally sit through her season 1 storyline

remember when she kept her dead husband’s sperm explicitly as a back-up plan when she was getting married to someone else and then white woman jumpscare cried until chase let her keep it

[thebirdandhersong]

AGAIN ????????

[deadallover]

I was like what if I redesigned them for deans universe the way i design ocs now.

[bibleofficial]

realized my ‘soup’ that i ‘invented’ is just. daal. humans will always reinvent the wheel

[naggingatlas]

thinking abt mayson. mayflower. mayday. maybe. mayfly. mayhem. maypop. mayo. maytime. it's maytime. make it so.

[quietwingsinthesky]

haunting the narrative for real. we don’t even know she exists until s11 (because it’s a poorly planned show) but everything has been about this injustice that all of creation is built on top of. it is about her!!!

[optiwashere]

So saw a post about Shadowheart's racism towards Githyanki and hating her for that. Saying it's gross etc. I thought it was pretty mild? Considering what the Githyanki are and what they do, I was expecting a lot more racism when you play as one or towards Lae'zel. They aren't nice.

Ah. Yes. This topic. I was wondering when it would come up lol.

I had a long, long, long diatribe about this, but I wound up editing it to hell and back. I agree with you anon. I think it goes to show you how desperate the camp crew was when they put up with Lae'zel after the mountain pass crèche turns out to be a dud.

Anyways.

If people are singling out Shadowheart for being aggressive towards the literal imperialist slaver race of turbo space fascists and calling that racism, I don't know nor do I care to know about it. Not showing the githzerai has, I think, kinda rotted some BG3-only people's brains since they don't see that it's not about the gith as a species but it's about their imperial culture. It's especially annoying when there are much more direct parallels to racism in-game, structural and otherwise (Astarion with the Gur, Lae'zel with the tieflings, Rivington/Emerald Grove with the refugees).

I get the folks that feel the Shadowheart v. githyanki thing as racism, so I won't speak to their feelings. I will say that it's very definitely more a specific case of "girl stole shit from an empire known for murdering wantonly and is trying to avoid interacting with them at all costs" at the very beginning of the game.

Personally, I'm much more interested in talking about the fandom's general treatment of the slightly corrupted prince charming character (normally a fandom favorite in RPGs) as a second-class citizen. He's "useless" and "not that interesting" this time, for some reason?

Not sure why that could be happening.

[cuteniarose]

It’s almost 6 a.m and I can’t sleep because I’m being plagued by thoughts of The Latest OC

[btsbs]

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