#LOVE THIS MAN!!!!!!!!!!!! SO AUTISM ABOUT HIM!!!!!!

[jiminy-crickets]

saw the tags on your rb, and as a fellow "connor bedard has autism" headcanoner, i would love to know more of your thoughts 😈

it's less of a headcanon and more of a divinely correct vibe check. but like am i wrong...???? although I do see it more as they're the same flavour of ND with different presentations, like Connor is hyperfocus ADHD, and Macklin is inattentive (this comes from someone with mixed presentation ADHD¹, they also tried to diagnose me with austim but my legs were too long i make eye contact BUT!!! 93rd% "indicating that Cassie has many behavioural characteristics similar to youth diagnosed with ASD." raaaaa 💪💪💪 93% is an A!! i ace even the tests i fail!!!) Plus his rigidity with his diet, is bonkers for someone that young (and it's been going on since he was like 14-15)

Like especially with the way that Connor's constant practicing, after practice until the zamboni kicks him off, and then on off days and optional skates hiding his gear to make him take days off?? that is pretty classic hyperfocus ADHD. And especially with the way he blames the teams loses on himself, like please sir seeing you in the mirror is not good for my health!!

And with Macklin, people often mischaracterize inattentive ADHD with not being motivated or good at routine and while yes those two things are a normal part of human life, and more-so with ADHD, he has shown many times how deeply he cares about hockey........ but I think (and also remember i am projecting) his father being THAT hands on with him and his brothers training (even now which yuck, you have your own job get your grubby paws off of your kid's job) has made him unable to self propel, and get himself into that routine? (AND AGAIN I AM PROJECTING) like something Macklin has said a few times is how the shift to a pro-hockey schedule has been hard, and yes it is an adjustment, but he has been essentially living away from his parents for YEARS, two years boarding at Shattuckk, one year (presumably) billeting in Chicago while playing in the USHL, and one year in college at BU, and I think the real shift is that... daddy is planning his workouts again, full time not just summers (also, the travaling doesn't help) AND THAT (i am projecting) is HELL to someone who built a routine, and any hope of getting back into one was dashed when he went of IR for his hip after one game. the boy needs CONSISTENCY!!!!! And until they get him 1) away from his freak father who has his hands al over his development plan, and 2) on simple routine with max five types of days (home game, home practice, home rest, away game, away rest) he will not get situated.

BACK TO BEDARD <33333

the man loves rules and procedures. him at his first training camp all doe eyed and "wanting to make the team!" so much that Kyle Davidson... maybe it was Luke Richardson who said it...??? either way his coach or his GM pulled aside his MOTHER to tell them that they needed to start looking at apartments. Before getting drafted it was never "when" it was "if i get drafted".... like dude.... it's gonna happen! Whenever he get's sen't to the box its always a "they hate me, don't they know I am unable to break rules!! not because they don't apply to me but because I can NOT break rules!" vibe (I am only kinda projecting on this one)

and I do think the type of media around them during their developmental years up has affected them, Macklin's media was always focused on his father, which reinforced his reliance/dependence on him, whereas Connor's was focused on him which encouraged him to focus on himself and what HE can do to improve.

also Connor has that DOG IN HIM

^ connor bedard real not fake (also my childhood psychologist had this PROMENENTLY displayed in her office and i think seeing it every two weeks had an adverse affect on me)

¹ and a bunch of other learning disorders, dyslexia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, audio processing disorder, also anxiety, depression, and cutie patootie disease (fatal 😔)

[theriddleskeeponriddling]

Rambling : Riddler : Empathy And Riddler’s View On Relationships

I was speaking with my friend about how my Crowverse version of riddler handles friendships, empathy, disorders, ect. I really enjoyed voicing it there, and now I wish to voice it here so I can look to it for reference and whatever. Thank you @a-sxft-chaotic for helping me by psycho-analyzing my Riddler, Much love to you silly Crane2.0. This post may be updated tomorrow when it’s not late and I can think better. Suggestions to anything mentioned here are welcome

Edward has several disorders. Autism, maybe Ocd, Npd ect. He is already born with lower levels of empathy, but with added traumatic childhood experiences, it has only gotten worse. He rarely had any friends has a child. He was too honest. Blunt. And stood out for not expressing sadness or care like other kids. After elementary school, he never made any more friends.

E (Age 7): “Did you not see the sign?”

(A kid, at an indoor pool, sitting with family and crying from a bad knee scrape after running and slipping on a puddle)

L: “Eddie! Just go and ask if he is okay..”

E: “Why are you mad? I told him there was a no running sign. It’s a pool. I told him, so he can be more aware”

L: “I’m not mad, I understand that Eddie just- It’s his birthday I think he would appreciate people checking in on him.. Not telling him he should look for signs next time”

The first closest sort of friend he makes, is a girl named Destiny. A girl often bullied for being of color, and requiring a wheelchair. She is similar to Hannah in the ways of being very empathetic and supportive, traits that Edward finds foolish but admirable in a way. He doesn’t make much effort to be her friend, giving her schoolwork anytime she is away for surgeries; Lending her books that she sees Ed reading; and whatnot. Destiny views Edward as a close friend, and believes he is nice for his treatment to her and the several times that Edward ‘mysteriously’ got her bullies to back away. (blackmail) He slowly starts to get used to her, but the girl, so morally righteous, finds that Edward bought a laptop using money stolen from his father and tells Mr. Nashton, Unaware that Edward would receive a bad fracture to his leg the following night.. This is the first point in which Edward truly starts finding friendships as an inconvenience.

Riddler calls everyone ‘friend’ even after saying how much he despises every person in the Rogues Gallery. He jokes about not having friends, and always claims it as his biggest strength. He doesn’t have anyone to be used as blackmail, He doesn’t need to worry about anyone other than himself, he doesn’t need to worry about losing anyone.. It sounds easier to him. It is a mix of pushing people away, and being overly egotistical that causes Riddler to have no real friendships. Riddler grew up accidentally appearing rude and emotionless to everyone around him, So now he believes it himself. He believes he doesn’t care for anyone, and refuses to make any real connections or offering genuine kindness. His common response to being asked why he is how he is.. “I have always been like how I am today. I’ve always been the best, so why would I change?”

Jon: You think you are the best thing on this planet. That you’re better than everyone else. You say you are too good for relationships but really Edward, you are just a scared man. You want attention. You love it. But if you care for those giving it to you.. you back away. You don’t want the people you care for to leave you Ed. You are scared of being alone, but you think that because you are so much better than us all, you would rather choose to be alone, than have friends leave you just so that your fate is your own doing and not ours.. What? You think that’s some advantage? Choosing to not have friends? Because all I see, is you screwing yourself over the assumption that nobody could possibly care about you.

Riddler is rude for three reasons.

1) His autism prevents him from understanding why he should change his blunt and honest mannerisms, which appear as insults to anyone who is faced with them.

2) He thinks he is better than everyone else, and as such, his opinions matter more than anyone’s emotions. He has so much pride, that he refuses to change anything about himself for the benefit of others. He also sees that caring for others is a weakness. It means putting emotion over strategy and logic, and in his line of work, there is no room for such a risk. Edward believes that nobody should even like him. That he is so rude and emotionally absent that anyone who cares about him, is foolish and makes no sense.

3) He refuses to keep anyone he cares about close.. Caring for himself alone is easier, and if he thinks everyone will leave him in the end, why risk the relationship at all? He is already well disliked, but if he starts becoming fond of anyone, he starts pushing them away with more negativity in the hope that they will leave him now, instead of leaving him later when he is more attached. Choosing the lesser pain.

Riddler’s sisters, Hannah(2-) and Lydia(6+), are the only two he has consistently cared for. After leaving for Gotham at 18, he cuts ties with them, thinking to reconnect again only once he makes a name for himself.. But when the name happens to be for a well known costume criminal, he further refuses to speak with his sisters. He figures they are safer in their hometown, and it means that he doesn’t have to think or worry about them at all.. When he finds out his older sister Lydia moved to Gotham as an officer, Riddler can’t handle the concern that he has avoided, and begs her to leave so that he can forget about her more and so she isn’t at risk. If she is in danger, Edward knows he would risk himself to help, but because he loves himself so much, he hates the idea that he could ever consider sacrificing himself for anyone else..

This is the end of this Rambling session, for now. I do plan to change the little speech for Jon, I need to flesh his character out more, but other than that, this is pretty much all I have going for Edward.

Edit: This Riddler Is Asexual or Demisexual. That form of relationship hasn’t existed for him. Romance is being thought of story-wise, but hasn’t happened for him at any point before age 27

[mandoriana]

HEADCANON - ADAM RAKI (ADAM)

Adam's father, being a military man, taught his son how to handle weapons, but only for emergency situations.

Adam doesn't like the noise of guns, but he likes how they make his hands tingle.

Adam has a very high IQ and was responsible for many revolutionary electronic toys, but all his plans were stolen by competing companies, which led to his dismissal.

Sometimes he has existential crises without wanting to, starts thinking a lot about the universe, and realizes that he is just a microscopic dot in the middle of vast life. Then he comforts himself with the fact that he is alive and can be part of this universe, and he feels better.

He is a light sleeper and sometimes slept hugging his father, but whenever Adam slept, his father had to stay in bed for hours so Adam wouldn't wake up.

His best friends in childhood were the teachers who were always impressed with him, although some didn't have much patience for him.

His mother abandoned him after he was diagnosed with autism, so Adam saw her leave when he was 6 years old, which affects him to this day.

Afraid that Adam would have abandonment issues, his father made sure to be the best father possible.

Adam is a daddy's boy.

His father, after leaving the army and before marrying Adam's mother, studied and worked at NASA.

Adam has knowledge about rocket construction and dreams of being able to build his own rocket, but his father forbade him from trying to buy aircraft fuel because he knows it's illegal.

Adam always fed the raccoons with his father when they went to the park.

After moving to Canada, he became very popular with the people at his work and became known as "The Little Prince," although Adam had already explained that he was neither a prince nor someone small.

The children who visit the planetarium love Adam, some even dress up as characters from the book "The Little Prince" to see him.

The children's parents were worried about Adam being a danger to their children, but soon understood that he was a good man and deserved respect.

Adam laughed a lot after understanding that a girl's drawing was not a hat but a snake that ate an elephant.

He doesn't like the book "The Little Prince" because of its astrological inaccuracies, but he has worn his astronaut suit to impress the children, which also made him more comfortable and helped attract the children's attention when he was talking about space.

Adam adopted a cat after moving to Canada; actually, it was the cat who adopted Adam. One day the cat appeared at the window of Adam's new apartment, and he didn't have the heart to approach and remove the animal. Two days later, the cat entered, and Adam preferred not to touch him, as the cat could be skittish. By the end of the week, Adam had already named the cat, taken him to the pet shop for a bath, given all the vaccines, and arranged a room in the apartment just for the cat to live in without disturbing Adam's routine.

The cat:

His name is Cat.

Cat is Adam's greatest companion and always accompanies him to work before returning home.

Cat never approaches Adam without permission and doesn't climb on sofas or tables.

Adam becomes even more famous for his adorable friendship with Cat, and many writers and modeling agencies frequently appear at Adam's door, but he refuses them all.

The children give him roses all the time, saying it's so he doesn't miss "his rose." Adam doesn't know what that means.

Adam hates real flowers; they release a lot of pollen and smell like a cemetery.

Despite not liking flowers, he likes cemeteries and often observes the stars there. Sometimes he ends up cleaning someone's tombstone just because he will be sitting nearby for hours and likes to be in a clean place.

Adam ends up becoming a kind of celebrity at his work, and everyone recognizes him as "The Little Prince of real life."

[averagestrayrat]

How could I not have mentioned Mycroft! I love his setup, and I love his character in general, I wish he was given more love by adaptations. This man tailored his private and professional life so that it would perfectly fit his specific flavour of autism, how cool is that? A shout-out to the Holmes brothers for making up the perfect job for their brains.

The last films are not among my favourites either, but I do enjoy that Watson drives, and Holmes doesn't. Generally speaking, something this series gets like no other is that Watson is the cool one. Yes, Holmes might be incredibly clever, but at the end of the day he's just a nerd. (except possibly rdj holmes? in a different way, but still. Jude Law's Watson might not be canon watson, but he's still a cool watson. Do you like those movies?)

Ah, yes, the chair scene. I love the chair scene. I love it in Soviet Holmes, and I love it in the canon. I will love Watson threatening people with chairs in any circumstances, honestly. Let my boy throw a chair.

LMAO yes Lestrade looking at the burning shoe and Holmes' finger cut and not doing 2+2 is amazing. I headcanon that, at least in the books, Lestrade knew. The whole "ahah yes it COULD be a description of watson! isn't that hilarious" sounds just too sarcastic to me, and canon Lestrade is smarter than he is given credit for both by Holmes and the average adaptation. The fact that Holmes trusts him enough to discuss Moriarty with him openly, like he does is the valley of fear, when we know that Moriarty had branches everywhere, including the police, which means Holmes believes him uncorrupted and trustworthy. Or that he hangs out at baker street just to drink, gossip, and nap (six napoleons i believe?). I mean, sure, he's sometimes bitter that Holmes is smartass, but honestly, if i was a police inspector and like, Velma from the scooby gang came to tell me how to do my job, I'd be pissed too. ESPECIALLY in the after-watson era. I imagine before-watson Holmes must've been a pain in the ass for the yard already (again, imagine you're just doing your job and this 20something manic true-crime fanboy starts harassing you about it) but then he gets his personal bullshit-enabler that looks at him with heart shaped eyes as he insults your intelligence? Lestrade should be given a medal just for not quitting his job.

WELL i didn't mean to turn this into a full hearted Lestrade defence lol (and i cut myself short)

About the victorian vibe in russian media, i too would like to talk about it more but I'm afraid I actually just said something ignorant? I'm not even sure myself of what I meant, it was an unformed thought.

Heyyy do you have a favourite soviet holmes episode? Or a favourite scene?

Look I've been thinking of what to answer but it's too hard to choose just one because they're all gold and I could talk for hours about each of them, so let me make a list and I promise I'll ATTEMPT not to make it too long.

The beginning of the first episode is undoubtedly among my favourite parts of any adaptation EVER. I love how weird out Watson is, the poor guy thinks he moved in with a master criminal and fears for his life, while Holmes is just trolling him. Top tier introduction.

Every single time that Watson attempts to go incognito and ends up looking extremely suspicious and/or getting recognised.

These two moments, for obvious reasons:

Mrs Hudson in general, but specifically when she wakes up to smell of smoke (because Moriarty's men set fire to the apartment) and she just steps over Watson's body as he coughs on the ground, throws water on the burning furniture, and goes back to sleep. Iconic behaviour.

Speaking of which, this Moriarty gives me the chill. Excellent performance.

The whole King of Blackmail (CHAR is possibly my favourite story from the canon, if it's possible to choose just one). I love how BAD they are at being criminals.

Henry Baskerville is so silly, I love that guy and his big canadian fur. The scene where he and Watson are drunk and they're talking about his crush (who is one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in my entire life holy shit) is so joyfully boyish.

Hug because friend is here.

Holmes' sarcasm and every time he trolls Watson, just to laugh hysterically when he can't keep it up anymore.

My goal in life is to be this cool:

Not strictly about Soviet Holmes but I find that Russian media have this... very Victorian quality, often. This is an ignorant observation from someone who doesn't know much about Russian cinema/art/literature (though I'd like to) but this is the impression I got. I'm not sure what this quality is, because it's a vibe I get more than a specific connection in themes or aesthetic.

To be honest I could keep going but I wouldn't want to make this too long and bore you. These are surely some top scenes/details for me.

Well, what are YOUR favourite scenes/episodes/things about it? And thanks for the ask!

[ruthytwoshakes]

! ,,,,,. I pledge allegiance to the unit3d stares of SWAGmerica 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 and to the AUTISM for wich it stands 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 one nation under TWO FORRT 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 invisible, with MAN BOOBIES and GAMING for ALLL BABEEEYYEY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Made a thing in toonsquid yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Im practicing for a secret special project that might come out on Halloween if I manage my time correctly!!!!! (It’ll be so swag and SPOOOOKAAAYYYYYY)

[emeraldotter]

keep reaching out

[artem1sc0re]

If I had a nickel for everytime I redrew this scene, I’d have two nickels, which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?

BUT WHATEVERRR, ITS JOSH!!!!

(I got given a compliment whilst drawing the first one so that’s cool :D)

[moe-broey]

Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?

Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍

Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂‍↕️

[chaos-bringer-13]

My brain just hit an old hyperfixation (is this what it's called? I hope I used the word right) and oh dear am I losing my mind now. I need to write a story I think. About this one old guy. He's unhinged. There's so much information about him and yet not enough. I want to explore his character so much. He's definitely a criminal - at least he was one - and I'm 95% sure he can do actual real magic, and he's a musician and an artist and an actor and a magician and a philosopher and a traveler and a conman and so much more and also I think he's some kind of immortal. Maybe he just has a VERY long life. It's strongly implied he was a pirate at some point of his life. He started a cult by accident several times. My conspiracy theories about him include him being a secret god.

He's also a freaking round blue raven. Someone save me from my mind.

[cursed-spirit-manipulation]

jjk is about a lot of things but most of all with regard to Shoko Satoru and Suguru it's about how if you don't interact with people who aren't in your weird fucked up school with like 10 ppl total on a regular basis you WILL become an incredibly interesting adult in a way that makes people pity you

[exhaustedalien]

a friend playing rdr for the first time told me that the arriving in Mexico experience was overhyped and I was like "haha yeah I guess I might feel the same way if I played rdr1 before rdr2" while actively trying to not think about arriving in Mexico in rdr1 because I didn't want to burst into tears

[steakout-05]

AOZ Total Apocalypse Barry Redesign

so last year, i posted a couple of sketches of this design i had for Barry Steakfries in a scenario/AU where AOZ was a complete survivalist apocalypse. i really like the design i came up with, but my art style has matured and changed a lot since that original post, and i thought i'd give TA!Barry a revamp with an updated style and more details than i initially gave him :D

here is his new and improved design!!! + an image for comparison

(sorry for the image being comically big lol)

his design was originally based on Barry's Monster Hunter skin from Magic Brick Wars where he's seen with a scratch over his right eye and i thought that was a really cool skin for him, so i made a whole alternate universe design from that. thing is though...... the eyepatch in the original design i made was on the wrong eye. so like. i had to fix that lol. i also felt that the design didn't look visually distinct enough? like it's different from the OG inspiration but i felt like it needed more, so i gave him some boots, a belt, shifted around his injuries and gave him a different hairstyle. i really like the hairstyle i gave him, it looks messy and disheveled and yet is still reminiscent of who Barry was before the apocalypse and i also came up with it in like 10 seconds :3 also, i felt like his tie kind of cluttered the design a bit and didn't feel necessary, so it's now wrapped around his left leg as a makeshift brace.

Total Apocalypse is something i've actually thought out a story outline for, so the next few paragraphs are just gonna be me spoiling explaining the lore and why Barry looks the way he does, along with some other stuff :D (this ended up being WAY longer than i intended it to be lmaoooo)

the general story of Total Apocalypse is about how a catastrophic event occurs after Professor Brains mysteriously goes missing, in which an extremely powerful and unstable version of the AOZ Zomb Bomb goes off and sends a shockwave throughout all of time that throws the entire timeline into becoming a complete apocalyptic wasteland that sends all of civilisation back 100 years and kills millions. Barry and Craig, who appear to be the sole survivors of the event, crawl out of the wreckage of the professor's laboratory and must find a way to survive and possibly restore what was destroyed, rebuild a new life from the ashes or abandon ship and try to find an entirely new timeline where none of this ever happened. the story is pretty focused on the characters and how their personalities could change based on the events they go through. it's kind of a "what if i put these two through hell" type of thing lol.

i haven't planned this out completely, but the whole reason the apocalypse happens is because Brains has been slowly going absolutely insane after defeat after defeat and is planning to completely destroy the timeline of any and all trace of Barry Steakfries for good. he ends up having a lot more get in his way than trying to plot the destruction of Barry however, and it only makes him spiral more and more. the thing that tips Brains over the edge is Glorebax repeatedly trying to stop his plans both out of Brains wasting valuable resources on weird experiments and genuine concern for his wellbeing, as Brains has been acting extremely erratic, choosing to isolate himself in a secret underground lab for several weeks at a time and lashing out at anyone who irritates him even a little bit. shit happens, Glorebax discovers the lab and almost manages to completely stop Brains' plans and confiscate his scientific equipment, but he ends up being murdered by Brains in cold blood, taking over RBC and enforcing a sort of dictatorship over the lab and his subjects.

Barry and Craig catch wind of Brains' strange behaviour, and they come across a group of scientists (possibly the Science Team, haven't decided yet) who usher them into an alleyway and explain to them that Brains has been formulating an extremely destructive plan with highly experimental technology, and that if Barry and Craig don't try to stop him soon, the entire timeline as they know it may be completely wiped out. the scientists also explain that they've been in hiding for months and had direct access to Brains' experimental technology. they managed to smuggle it out of the lab to develop specialised gadgets for Barry and Craig to use to protect themselves, should their attempt to stop Brains go sour. they don't know when or where Brains is planning to attack, but they would keep Barry and Craig updated if anything changed.

they never heard a single update from those scientists ever again. not one word. for all they knew, those scientists had just entirely dropped off the face of the earth. the alert that something horrible had happened was extremely sudden. Legitimate Research's scientists rushed and scrambled to send a memo to the duo when they had detected extreme levels of energy coming from a small opening underground. Barry and Craig rushed to the lab as soon as they could, but when they got there, a panicking scientist immeduately shoved them into a nearby portal, crying out that there was absolutely no time to prepare and that they had to stop Brains now. but unfortunately for them, it was already too late. Brains had already activated the bomb, and there were merely seconds left to react, quickly activating the protection gadget, Barry leaps onto Craig and shoves him behind a nearby cabinet, shielding him with his body as the blast ruptured through the laboratory, tearing it and everything surrounding it apart piece by piece as the shockwave ripped through the atmosphere like it was nothing.

miraculously, Barry and Craig survive the blast, though not unscathed at they find themselves trapped under layers of debris and thick heavy dirt. luckily though, the gadget had also survived the blast, although barely, as its power was quickly starting to drain and flicker away, jeaopardising their survival. acting fast, Barry yanked Craig up from the ground and used the gadget's forcefield to deflect the wreckage away as they both hurriedly climbed out into the surface, where they found...

nothing. absolutely nothing. everything they had ever known had been completely and utterly wiped away. what was once a lively neighbourhood full of cosy houses and families was transformed into a horrific wasteland littered with the barely recognisable rotting remains of a life that no longer existed anymore. Legitimate Research's laboratory had completely vanished. the skies were no longer blue and sunny. they were instead painted with a sickly and unnatural green hue, which in itself was being strangled away by a thick and ominous dark smog that turned the whole world black. the grass was no longer green. it was grey, burnt and withered, with every single surrounding plant being reduced to a barely recognisable shrivel of its former self. it was as though the earth had been completely sucked of its life force, and the only thing that was left was a zombified carcass that only persisted because there was no hell lower than here for it to go to. the only thing Barry and Craig could do was stare, completely frozen in place as the feeling of pure, unadulterated terror and dread washed over them, and they realised they had failed their mission. they couldn't save it in time. everyone was counting on them to save their world from a terrible fate, and they failed. and now, everything was gone.

so after all that exposition: why does Barry look the way he does? wtf happened to him? well, at some point in the story, Barry ends up in an ambush that leads to him being brutally attacked by a horde of flesh-eating zombies, and he is in REALLY rough shape. he's quickly outnumbered by just how many zombies there were, causing him to lose an eye and have his entire arm torn off. this immediately sends his body into a pained shock, and he would have ended up as zombie food if it weren't for Craig swooping in at the last second, repelling the zombie horde away and getting him the hell out of there. this scene is supposed to have huge character significance for both Barry and Craig, as it exposes both of their biggest flaws and establishes a major character arc for them. the reason Barry ended up in a huge zombie squabble was because he was in a state of denial that the world they knew was gone now, trying to act as though everything would be fine if they just tracked down a time-travel device and distracting himself by trying to be the tough action hero. he couldn't handle his crushing guilt over the fact that he failed to stop the world from being destroyed and tried to "make up for it" by repeatedly saving the day and refusing to let anything stop him until he was sure he won. Barry severely overestimated how much he could handle on his own and got severely hurt in the process, which gave him a huge reality check that things aren't just going to return to how they once were anymore, no matter how much he wants them to. losing his arm and becoming disabled puts things in perspective for Barry and makes him realise that no matter how much of a hero he wants to be, he's still only human, and the only thing left to do now is to try to adapt and survive. but at the same time, losing something as important as his arm so suddenly in an attack he deliberately went into out of extreme guilt for something be believed he was the sole cause of sends him into a deep depression, and he isn't sure if he can live on like this. he gets better though :3

as for Craig, i haven't fully thought out what happens to him yet. i know i want him to become more courageous and play the role of a no-nonsense combat medic. the significance of the zombie attack scene for him is that it explores Craig's biggest flaw: his fear. Craig has always considered himself a coward. he's often too afraid to face any danger on his own and instead hides away and shuts his eyes until it's all over. this has lead to some pretty bad self-esteem issues and a never-ending cycle of anxiety and guilt. he knows how much of a coward he is. he's hyper-aware of it, in fact. the cycle goes like this: Craig becomes afraid of a dangerous situation -> his immediate reaction is to flee and hide, waiting for someone else to sort out the danger for him or for the danger to sort itself out -> Craig emerges unscathed, but incredibly guilty that he did nothing to save himself and had to rely entirely on the help of others to save him, especially if the danger could have put that person in significant harm -> he ruminates on this guilt, his mind declaring himself a coward and a damsel for being unable to help himself in the face of danger -> Craig is left incapacitated by guilt, thinking himself a worse person for being afraid and deciding that because he couldn't save himself, he'd be too helpless and weak to get himself out of any danger on his own, so he doesn't even try -> repeat.

so, here he is, in another dangerous situation where he could get severely hurt if he doesn't flee and hide away. he's incredibly scared, and because of the way he's conditioned himself to feel about his abilities, he does what he would always do in a situation like this: he hides and watches from the sidelines until the danger goes away. but as he watches on from his little hiding place, a horrible feeling of dread burns up inside him as he notices that Barry is struggling. he's struggling a lot. they're all closing in on him, and he's visibly scrambling to reload his shotgun in time before another zombie attempts to pounce on top of him, and he's running out of strength to just keep pushing them away without the opportunity to attack them back. Craig's entire body is struck with intense burning adrenaline, his heart practically beating out of his chest as he realises that he NEEDS to get out there and help his partner before he's eaten alive. hiding away won't do him any good now. the only way to save this is to attack. with trembling knees and shaking fists, he quickly dashes into action, grabbing a bag full of medical supplies he had stashed nearby and snatching up a blunt metal pole and bolting towards the horde of zombies. he charges at them at full speed, nearly tripping over his own feet from the sheer velocity he was willing to go just to save the one he loves. he raises his weapon and swings hard into the face of his enemies, striking and shoving his way through the horde as he advances closer and closer to Barry's whereabouts. terror fills his entire body as he hears Barry's bloodcurdling cries of pain, and a voice inside his mind tells him that it's already too late to save him and that he should run away while he has the chance. but even then, Craig still persists, his entire form having already gone into overdrive, each cry for help only making him advance faster and faster through the horde. his body was like a machine, instantly converting terror into energy, which only increased the more and more fear he felt.

finally, he had done it. with one last mighty whack of his weapon to the head of a zombie who was about to plunge its teeth into Barry's chest, he quickly hoistered the injured monster hunter up onto his shoulders and made a mad dash into the distance, trying to get as far away from the horde as he possibly could. he had ran into the entrance of a dark and musty abandoned house and, once the coast was clear, urgently tore open the medical bag and spilled an anti-septic solution all around the torn stump where Barry's arm once was and laid him down to rest. his limbs were shaking like mad, his heart felt as though it were going to burst, and his mind was echoing with an ear-piercingly loud drum that just kept beating and beating and beating against his skull. he was absolutely and totally wracked with fear. but he did it. he had proven himself. he was no longer a coward. oh yeah and his bf was safe too yaaaaayyyy!!

ok so. after spoiling literally everything that happens in the story, this is my new and improved redesign for TA!Barry :D i'm really proud of it and i'm really glad i decided to revisit it again!! i want to make a design for Craig but it's like 12 am right now and i've spent WAY too much time writing this damn post and spilling out every idea i have for this au looolll. hopefully reading allat wasn't too much. i love my little apocalypse idiot and i want to draw him again some time! he's fun to draw :D (also i forgot to mention some things, like how Barry uses the brace-and-go and hollywood one-armed shotgun techniques, how i wanted to put a symbol on his eyepatch and how i want to come up with a design for a robotic arm Craig would make for him later in the story, but it's so late and i'm so tired that i'm not gonna bother adding that in,.,, ecks dee)

[vitasexualiiis]

he's such a BITCH and i LIKE HIM SO MUCH 😭😭😭

[mechawolfie]

look at my sad scared pathetic cat man

[foldingfittedsheets]

Don't be shy drop the Old Crow song 👁️👁️🫴🏽 /nf /silly

HnnnnGH.

Okay. Before clicking this link I will say, I don't always love my dad's music, the crow was definitely a gift divorced from my personal feelings about his music. I had to listen to him playing constantly when I lived at home and it created an antipathy for me, but that said, maybe you guys will like it?

Here's his reverbnation, I don't see the Old Crow song, but you can get the vibes. If you like his sound and really want to hear about an old time traveling crow I'll poke him to upload it.

[buildingunderstanding]

Me, reading before bed: I don't think I know how to recognize what it feels like "put my heart into" things because I struggle to recognize most positive emotions since I dissociate so much by default and kind of just passively exist in life. Passivity is my default state and it blocks me from experiencing and feeling things.

Loki, fully aware of the dissociative disorder and trauma this all stems from because we've had this conversation before: Yup. Let's maybe hold onto the realization this time, shall we?