#LOOOOOONG ASS POST

[i-can-not-art]

Can I pretty please have more angel lore? 🥺🙏

I love how you do angelic stuff with your OCs ><

Angel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCsAngel OCs

Sure pookie💖

The last lore post even made me get off my ass and actually name+think a bit more about the seraphim siblings

So I was kinda vague with the advancement district last time since it’s kinda (really) messy, but it’s basically the huge hospital/laboratories of heaven, where technology and experiments are held.

Only thing is, Hui Shizhuo, by far the youngest Seraphim and the seraphim in charge of the district, is secretly dead and Yang Hu (military seraphim) is illegally acting in place of him being a lil silly.

And one day, Yang Hu he saw Qing Xia down on earth who got a score of 800 on the gaokao (massive test every Chinese student has to take that determines their entire future, irl highest score is 750) and did a bunch of other stuff in the scientific/medical field, basically being any Chinese parents’ dream.

The only problem is that when he went down to earth, Xia was happy and didn’t wanna abandon literally everyone she knew for some shady angel. So he did the only sensible thing and dropped some of his blood into her eye, allowing him to slowly affect her mind and make her obsessive about her research and stuff (why she has weird red veiny marks on half of her body, the “veins” grew down from her eyes over time).

Then he left and let his blood kinda fester in her mind, until everyone left her because she was literally going insane and starting to only value her science (also she killed a bunch of people or something). When he came back she accepted and she became the only human working him heaven..

For what she does, well during the centuries war a lot of angels died, but angels don’t decay so heaven just had a bunch of fresh corpses laying around, and they gave a bunch of them to Qing Xia for her to figure out how to “improve” angels.

Eventually her research led to Yang Hu “redesigning” Yin Hu and her sister (who is currently declared fallen and dead, but is definitely not actually the very much alive Wei Zhi) to become stronger but also more feral and now they murder 100x better.

For the civilian seraphim, Chaoxiang Ji, he’s the second oldest and probably the sanest of his siblings, probably since a insane person looking after 80% of the population of angels wouldn’t end good.

He doesn’t really have much going one, but he doesn’t like Yang Hu, and is very aware of how cruel and dangerous he is even for a seraphim. So when he notices Shizhou suddenly making strange decisions that line up with Hu’s line of thinking, he became suspicious. Eventually his suspicions get so bad, it leads to him making a shady deal with Liu’s dad.

For the missions seraphim, Wang, they were originally the civilian seraphim, but got moved and Ji took their place. They’re the oldest and the most mysterious, even to their siblings (why only their last name is known). They’re definitely the favorite child and the most connected to the Order god, it being said they have direct contact with them.

They rarely make children, even during the war where angels were dying left and right, they only made 2…. who died and Qing Xia has since “revived” in questionable ways.

They have certain beef with Caihong Liu’s dad, who is basically a unofficial angel but of chaos (also a great deadbeat, who knows where he currently is, certainly not Liu or her mom). During the centuries war Liu’s dad managed to find Wang and cut off one of his wings, making him go into hiding indefinitely (to this day, they rarely even talk to their siblings, just assigning and accepting or rejecting missions sent their way)

And finally the military seraphim, Yang Hu, is the second youngest, being made near the start of the centuries war, hand in hand with the arch angels. Despite not being a archangel himself, he’s noticeably more aggressive than the others, having his outbursts and giving threats much more commonly than them.

He was made especially cruel and uncaring for his children because of his job and basically all the arch angels hate him for being like your work manager but 100x worse (AND they’re all forced to carry his stupid last name).

But the rest of heaven actually kinda love him because while he didn’t win the war, he helped make it end in a tie which allowed heaven and the angels to continue existing (However that opinion quickly changed when they found out about a certain secret of his).

[lumity-poggers]

My thoughts on Watching and Dreaming

I watched the episode when it premeired last night but i hit post limit so couldnt post about it. Spoilers under the cut. sorry if anything is out of order lol im sick and im just throwing everything i thought last night down on this post.

-Luz being attacked by Amity genuinely made me cry

-"My girlfriend is too big a nerd to misremember an Azura quote" -luz probably

-Lilith having the haircut from For the Future but color scheme from season 1 is a nice touch

-"Dont you recognize your siblings" Ok damn man didnt need to go THAT far

-The giant stone Flapjack in Luz's nightmare killed me and not in the good funny way but in the sad crying way

-in the words of @minty-creator "BELOS FUCKETH OFF" (We were both watching the ep and screaming to each other about it)

-at first I thought belos was gonna try and possess king but then I realized no he's going to possess the fucking boiling isles titan

-I actually kinda liked that The Collector had no concept of death. They're a kid, an IMMORTAL GODLY KID. Of course they wouldnt know what death is

-Pacman Collector will haunt my nightmares

-The Collector needs a hug. I want to give them a hug.

-"You know this cant last forever" that was said to the collector but it feels like it was also aimed towards us

-The Archivists 🤝Pink Diamond "Wanna play a game?" *leaves them lonely*

-ok no but seriously the archivists telling Collector to play with the titans only to wipe them out leaving Collector all alone is just fucking cruel

-The Collector is just a lonely kid LET ME HUG THEM

-Me seeing Raine fight back: YES YOU GO

-Goo Belos in this episode looks like William Afton. Like- Remember that fucking fnaf 3 image where the springtrap head was open showing William? Thats what Belos looks like. Or burntrap from SB take your pick.

-Raine my beloved

-The Belos possessed Titan looks like a fucking dragon holy shit

-"Now that's a spinoff I'd watch" You and me both Luz

-The Collector picking up Raine's earring and realizing that the Raine talking to them wasnt actually Raine, and then looking upset is just AAAAAAAA LET ME FUCKING HUG THEM

-I LOVE that when the collector uses "Kindness and Forgiveness" on Belos IT DOESNT WORK. I FUCKING H A T E THAT TROPE OF POWER OF FRIENDSHIP REDEMPTION. It was one of the few things I genuinely hated about Steven Universe (SU is still a good show tho they just kinda overused villain redemption. And yeah yeah you could argue MLP overuses that too but MLP was ABOUT friendship)

-Luz, Eda, and King's expressions when The Collector hugs Belos is so funny tho. Literally just 👁👄👁

-I literally screamed at Luz's sacrifice. S C R E A M E D.

-Gaster Blaster Belos Real

-"Eda, King, looks like we're going to be split up again. I feel like I should be used to this feeling by now, but I still dont know what to say" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-I like that Luz becomes lights. Not only was the light glyph the first one she learned but her name literally means light.

-Eda, King, and Luz are such a found family I love them

-"I should have thanked them" SCREAMING AND CRYING

-I love that King's dad basically said "Fuck gender"

-I also love that he has a bad girls coven shirt

-Eda makes alchoholic apple blood confirmed?

-Titan Luz is so gender

-Camila best mom

-LET. ME. HUG. THE. COLLECTOR. DAMN IT.

-Luz and King doing the WEH together is so fucking cute.

-For some reason I thought Luz was gonna die again when the titan magic was fading. Like I thought that was keeping her alive.

-Anyone gonna talk about the fact Eda gave Raine a little kiss when saving them from the Belos goop

-the entire episode was so anime but the fight scene between Titan Luz and Belos was just anime as fuck and the smooth animation makes it even better

-"NOW EAT THIS SUCKA" IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE

-Look at how fuckin anime this is I love it so much

-Luz looks so badass btw idk if I mentioned that

-Belos trying to bullshit his way out of this and Luz having NONE OF IT is so great. I hat the "[insert curse/supernatural thing] made me do it so im innocent" trope if it's done poorly or with a character like Belos. Love that they smashed that into the ground with Luz having fucking none of it.

-LOOK AT HOW BADASS AND GENDER SHE LOOKS I WILL NOT SHUT UP ABOUT THIS I AM SO NOT NORMAL ABOUT THIS

-I AM SO GLAD BELOS HAD A GRUESOME DEATH THAT WAS SO SATISFYING.

-I like the touch that Titan Luz isnt affected by the boiling rain

-King's dad is A PUN MASTER

-the reuniting. oh my titan the reuniting. I cried. Gus doing a little illusion with his dad, Amity hugging Alador (with Odalia rightfully in the sidelines), Hunter telling Darius about wolves, Willow and her dads!

-Darius and Eber so want to beat the shit out of Terra, Vitmir, and Adrien.

-Camila pulling Eda and King into a hug with Luz is just. YES.

-Yassified Hooty go brrr

-King giving The Collector Francois was so sweet

-All the kids as adults are so fucking gender. GIVE ME YOUR GENDER.

-All the photos on Luz's bulletin board are so amazing. Especially the one with Hooty dropping from a tree that one made me laugh so hard. Also the Bi Pride pin next to the graduation photo was amazing.

-"Stringbean's Corner" AWWWE

-ik im doing two screenshots in a row but LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF STRINGBEAN

-When I tell you I screamed with joy when I saw there was a working permanent portal to the Boiling Isles I mean I SCREAMED WITH JOY

-I love Willow's leaf headband. It just fits her so well.

-I love that Hunter is a palismen carver and carved a Blue Jay to be his new palismen (according to Dana on twt the name of the palismen is Waffle. I love it.), but I also love that Hunter was (or maybe still is) Dell's apprentice by the looks of things

-The grave for Flapjack made me sob. And then the "Thank you for finding me" on it im just. I need a moment.

-HARPY LILITH HARPY LILITH

-Also I just realized now they all have matching Flapjack tattoos. Im gonna cry you guys.

-The way Darius just slides over after shaking Alador is the most tsundere anime thing ever.

-Theres a little abomination in Alador's pocket :0

-Raine with white hair is actually so fucking cool

-Gus looks so cool you cannot tell me otherwise.

-Everyone thought Eda would have like a robotic/abomination arm but no SHE HAS A HOOK AND IT'S AWESOME

-King had a growth spurt lets go!

-The quinceanera being called a king-cenera is just perfect. King is mastering the art of puns just like his father.

-King having his own glyph shapes is just perfect I love it!

-Collector making fireworks shooting stars is amazing

-THEY DID THE HUNTER "BYEEE" TO BOTH THE COLLECTOR AND US

Im going to miss toh. It was one of the best shows Ive ever watched.

Edit: I hat the new post editor istg

[firehandlerfred]

Hello hi i got home at midnight because God has a favourite punching bag and it is yours truly. HOWEVER, this means I get to decompress by gushing about this damn episode.

a word of warning: I'm gonna be all over the place cause I'm gonna talk about what i remember as opposed to chronologically. Also spoilers for like, an 8 year old show ig.

SO, Critical role campaign one, episode 57: The Duskmeadow. One of, if not my favourite episode, and all without a single combat dice roll.

First and foremost: the voice acting. Good Lord above, I know they're professionals, but I am constantly blown away by the range and emotion they put into each sentence. From Viktor and the hat shopkeep, Gilmore Gilmore GILMORE. (smiling boy is forever in my repertoire). to the chill af suntree, to Vax in the temple of the Raven Queen, to keyleth and Vex talking to him after, to fucking S. Just phenomenal.

Second, Matthew Mercer, please write a book (idk if he has I'm still 8 years behind). His description of the Raven Queen temple was leagues above and beyond anything I could've ever imagined. I was fully prepared for it to be this creepy lair-esque location, with creaks and groans and spiderwebs and the like. But the way it was described, it felt like a warm place, if not slightly estranged. Imo it shows a beautiful side of death: it is not your friend, but it is warm, it's welcoming, it's beautiful and final and shining bright.

That said, the blood pool was fucking terrifying, especially when Matt started describing the liquid entering Vax's lungs and stuff.

And the Raven Queen herself was transcendent in my mind. A beautiful pale, lean and regal figure of finality and embrace. A deity who wishes to aid Man into his passage, and who adores her champions. The threads i could see in my mind's eye clear as day, and I almost got vertigo when Matt described the figure stretching down to infinity and holding Vax in the palm of her hand.

Now, Vax'hildan. Baby boy, reckless bastard, cunning rogue and awkward flirt Vax'hildan. He's been building up to this encounter for many episodes. He's been praying to his Goddess, following her rites and observing death and what comes after. His request to go to the temple was expected, and so was his refusal that his sister should come with

His relationship with Pike is so soothing to me: a man living in shadows most of his life, seeking help and advice from a holy woman, a literal beacon of light. (It also helps that Ashley is the best person ever and everyone loves her).

His performance this episode was spectacular too. His subdued demeanor and insistence that no, Vex'halia, anyone but you, please. His determination facing his matron, and subsequent relief/sadness at having cemented his place as her champion. The way he says "it is NOT what I wanted" hit me hard. Honestly this entire episode has some solid lines.

Percival. I've seen some people complain about his choice to go into the temple after Vax, and i mean, this is the same person who was barely heard for the first 30 episodes of the show. Who always makes way for the other players. To accuse him of trying to steal the spotlight was kinda insane to me.

Plus, i understand his choice to go into the temple. He's been surrounded by death for a while, his entire plan being to kill everyone involved in his family's murder then either off himself or have someone else do it. He's been confused and lost and quite frankly borderline suicidal with his explosion-prone devices and penchant to just. Run into the fray. So him going to the Goddess of Death is a logical course of action, especially for one like him and his mind.

I also Love how the description for the temple for his go around was somehow dimmer, colder, like he isn't welcome here. His discussion with the Raven Queen as well, her flat-out telling him he's broken, defective and wrong.

And then. Sam.Fucking.Reigel.

Anyone else, ANY other sentence would've fallen flat or barely got a chuckle, but this comedic genius going "i go to the temple" was so well timed that it instantly lifted the spirits of the table, and got them in gear for the next part. It is no exaggeration when people say Sam is one of the best players on that table.

Him and Travis both. The mechanical pencil breaking and the hat shop bit almost got me in trouble at work i was trying not to laugh out loud.

Also side note, but the way the players all look mesmerized whenever Matt describes something is so cute and nice. They love that man and his skills so much.

And finally, the Rakshasa plot twist at the end. The way Matt set it up so that Vax only has a silk robe on. The slow paced, weird sounding dialogue, the fucking voice transition??? when he goes full Rakshasa. The "can I insight check? - you would if you had the time" fucking CHILLS.

That's mostly it for me. If you reached this far, thank you for listening to my insane ramblings about an 8 year old, 1 in a 144 episodes of a show. This was super fun to write and honestly i might do it again for other episodes, if nothing else just to have my thoughts into writing somewhere. Love you all <3

Sorry I'm like, at episode 60 of c1 and I'm still foaming at the mouth at a certain episode.

Like, I'm at work so I'm NOT gonna type it now on my phone, but you best believe soon as I'm getting home I'm gonna diatribe that bitch

[landoslvr]

MRS CHRIS | c. dixon

summary: a scroll through your internet presence as 'mrs chris'. [social media AU.]

pairing: fem!reader x chris dixon (chrismd)

faceclaim: eva meloche

notes: first piece for mrs chris out of the wag universe. eva is gonna be the main fc I use for mrs chris, hopefully you like it!

liked by taliamar, faithlouisak and 4,398 others

yourinstagram charity match this week, plus some other fun tidbits

view all 129 comments

user that outfit 🤩

user I knew she was a rhode girly 💅

taliamar soooo pretty 🤍🤍🤍

stephan_tries the only person who is safe from my slander in the commentary box

yourinstagram it's because without me you would've been cancelled a loooooong time ago

stephan_tries best pr manager in the biz

user my idol tbh

user you radiate good energy

chrismd10 another day, another slay 😚

yourinstagram please never speak again

liked by yourinstagram, wroetoshaw and 180,837 others

chrismd10 there's norway this is my job

view all 398 comments

faithlouisak my daughter's gonna see that picture one day

user get y/n on it now!!!

user creating more work for y/n by posting ethan's ass pics

user couple goals 😩💅

user when he makes her job harder 🤩🤩🤩

user chris hitting the glow-up hard 🤤

user y/n knew what his potential was 🤍

user they started dating and he just got hotter??

user that harry shot was lethal 🫣

user sick video 👍🏽

yourinstagram why must you do this to me? do you hate me?

behzinga I'm sorry

yourinstagram I'm letting you go

chrismd10 sorry mate

yourinstagram you're next md

liked by miniminter, chrismd10 and 4,982 others

yourinstagram norway for the week <3 at shoots and scrubbing ass pics from the internet 🫶🏼

view all 187 comments

user she's just so pretty 🫠

chrismd10 good luck with that 🫣

yourinstagram you can explain to olive why her dad's bum is all over the internet one day christopher

faithlouisak aunty y/n would NEVER do that to her beloved neice

yourinstagram my literal baby girl 😭

user y/n drinking wine to ignore her boyfriend and other clients being stupid

user literally every person in the new video, apart from danny, is a part of y/n's client base

user how does she do this shit

user girl has managed to stop HARRY LEWIS from getting cancelled, I'm convinced she can do anything

liked by georgeclarkeey, freyanightingale and 5,019 others

yourinstagram mixing work with pleasure apparently..

view all 213 comments

user EAT HIM UP Y/N

user in the words arthur television: she gagged him

calfreezy send kart 21 down the river

user chris on a ladder is so funny to me 😭

maxbalegde sexy pr lady, come over right NOW, you look too good to not be at my place of residence

yourinstagram be right there xx

user casual london fashion week pic on the 2nd slide x

yourinstagram humble bragging 😩

user I want her life 😭😭

user ikr literally hanging out with all your friends because you manage their image? sign me up

yourinstagram rlly easy guys, just date a famous youtuber and have a media and communications degree xxxx just so easy!!

chrismd10 never forget where you came from.. me

yourinstagram okay mr arsenal bedsheets x

liked by chrismd10, willne and 5,193 others

yourinstagram I got my Greece trip- I mean video... and got to pick which extras to bring along......

view all 287 comments

user quick everyone act shocked that chris is there

user oh my gosh.. no way, chris? I am so surprised

yourinstagram I appreciate the effort guys 🥲

user she just is that bitch 😭

user you know she's got every single one of those men wrapped around her finger

arthurtv i wasn't one of the chosen ones 💔

yourinstagram because im tired of you and chris sharing a bed and me sleeping on the hotel couch

chrismd10 foiled again arthur

calfreezy send me this pic you traitor

user pr manager/photographer

yourinstagram I need a pay rise

chrismd10 thanks for stowing me away in your suitcase xx

user she's mothering I love it

user so hot

user major fitty ❤️‍🔥🤩

taliamar so true

liked by yourinstagram, freyanightingale and 178,399 others

chrismd10 constantly reminding me who she is in that first photo. happiest of birthdays to my pr manager and nothing else!

view all 412 comments

user happy birthday y/n the pr manager!!

user a y/n photo dump is my favourite kind!!

user spoil us chris!!

wroetoshaw happy birthday y/n!

faithlouisak my wife's birthday 🤩

ksi happy birthday to the goat

user chris and y/n be sappy challenge

callux the queen! happy birthday!!

vikkstagram happy birthday mrs chris!! thanks for everything

yourinstagram thank your lucky stars you posted all nice pictures or I would've deleted your youtube channel xxxx

user Y/N PLEASE 😭

[saxandviolins77]

What are your thoughts about what the relationships between the Constructicons are like?

I didn't know if this was G1 specifically or my AU... So why don't we do both?! Better yet! I even finished those relationship charts I talked about with Tumblr user @/the_last_magpie (hi!).

So, first of all. G1. My canon-compliant and headcanon-less take is: they're a group of good friends. Nice and simple. Episodes like "The Core" and "City of Steel" really solidified this for me. They banter, they talk and they work together almost seamlessly. This really endeared me to them because... They're 'Cons and... They're friends! Mind-blowing right?

For G1 is just that, no deep takes for them that don't border on headcanon territory.

Now, if you just wanted a G1 take, you can skip the other part of this post. Now we're entering AU-zone! Of course, the eagle-eyed followers at home know that my Fan Continuity is just: "G1 but sitcom... and the Constructicons are main characters."

LOOOOOONG POOOOOST

I always say they're a polycule, for quick recognition. But if I wanted to be specific, they are really more akin to "fictive-kin", a group unrelated to each other by blood bonds, but which functions much like a family. You can say "found family" too, but that's so diluted nowadays. For extra context, yes, they had lives and were full individuals before they became gestalt. They are all from different backgrounds and socioeconomic realities.

SO RELATIONSHIP CHARTS + MORE EXPLANATIONS GO!

Scrapper is a bottle of joy and supportiveness. The way I write him is some kind of fusion between the idealized figure of fatherhood and the idealized figure of motherhood. He genuinely cares for the team, no ifs or buts.

He is in a romantic relationship with Long Haul. They are a very boring and disgustingly happy couple. They love doing anything together, even if sometimes they have a quarrel they'll always communicate first and try to find common footing. The bad thing is that Long Haul is very silently unhappy with this whole "gestalt" thing and not so silently unhappy about his function in the team. Scrapper feels immensely guilty for that, even if Long Haul just shrugs it off.

Hook and Scrapper are also in a romantic relationship! Their relationship is definitely more "work-based" in a way? Like, Scrapper is in love with Hook's talent and his mind and how he's so logical and cold (and how problematic he is). They make a great working duo because Scrapper knows how to handle Hook perfectly and how to get the best out of him. They're also into more inventive ways of having sex.

Scrapper sees Scavenger as a mentor in a weird way. If Long Haul's common sense and Hook's hard logic aren't doing it for him, he'll go to Scavenger for advice. They're also great friends! Scavenger can control Scrapper when he's getting ahead of himself and Scrapper reassures Scavenger when he's depressed.

Scrapper is in awe of Bonecrusher, not only of his technical abilities but also his fighting skills. He's very worried about his problems to open up and how hard on himself he is because of the whole "gestalt" thing. Tries to reassure him and support him as much as mechanically possible.

Scrapper and Mixmaster are a dangerous duo. Scrapper is really impressed by the other's mind and chemical knowledge that sometimes they simply get in trouble if left alone, with Scrapper saying that everything is fine and nothing will go wrong. Scrapper's general tendency to be unorthodox does NOT go well with Mixmaster's impulsiveness.

Hook is a creature. He has trouble socializing outside of the gestalt and he's emotionally constipated AF.

Hook admires and respects Mixmaster's prowess in chemistry. Very veeeery annoyed by his antics and "jokes". Every interaction of theirs ends with Hook frustrated and angry and with Mixmaster laughing his ass off. Hook still likes Mix' as a friend and will defend him to anyone (awww).

Hook is definitely in love with the enigma that is Scrapper. The thing that made their relationship actually become a thing is the fact that Scrapper respects Hook as a whole, his personhood and skill. Hook rolls his eyes at Scrapper, but will always look out for him... In his own way.

Brooooooo, these guys. They're in a weird non-relationship and they fuck every once in a while, just casual. Hook views Bonecrusher as "the person who is actually worth his time". Maybe even an equal in some way. When Hook needs an opinion, he'll very much go to Bonecrusher first, because he'll say what Hook is already thinking and maybe what Hook wants to think. Just by that, they make each other worse. They also pretend that they can't stand the other, and bicker like hell. (that's how they flirt.)

Hook has a weird, almost romantic kinda platonic relationship with Scavy. I'll just say, they knew each other for a very long time and were each other's comfort in a violent and dangerous environment. Hook has been Scavenger's caretaker for the longest time, and he's very proud of that, in a way. Hook has a very foggy type of possessiveness with Scavy too.

Hook and Long Haul DO NOT see eye to eye. Their whole view of being "gestalt" differs and it makes them fight a lot. They respect each other, but their relationship is estranged.

Mixmaster loves the team and being in a gestalt (where he's finally understood and accepted.) He wouldn't trade them for nothing... Not even a new bigger and improved lab...

Mixmaster really likes Scrapper! He doesn't have that "oh, I gotta respect the boss" mentality or anything, Scrapper is just his friend who takes care of them. Very much likes all of Scrapper's crazy ideas and goes along with them in a heartbeat, also puts his own two cents because he knows he'll be heard.

Hook is like his brother in a way. Loves to bother him and annoy him. Also loves him in general. He'll try to give Hook advice on his problems but sometimes he feels like he doesn't quite get what is going on in Hook's mind.

Long Haul is the person Mixmaster has been trying to understand the most. They are actually very good friends, Mixmaster is a very positive influence on Long Haul's more downer personality... He's also just a real goober. (Thank you Mr.Meanor on Twitter for pointing this dynamic out to me, very endearing!)

Mixmaster and Bonecrusher are best friends, point-and-blank. Bonecrusher will follow Mixmaster on any of his schemes and new projects to take care of him and Mixmaster helps Bonecrusher out when he is in "angst mode".

Mixmaster really likes Scavenger and sees him as his "cool grandpa". He tries to listen to Scavy, but knows that he can be really hard on him sometimes. Cares a lot for his well-being and happiness, even if he drives Scavy insane with his antics...

Scavenger sees the team as his support net but also sees himself as a burden to them. Tries to work 2x as hard to make up for it. (Oh, Scavy... You poor old man.) Might I say that Scavy is also disabled, and suffers from chronic back. Sometimes has difficulty walking, standing, or transforming (does wonders to his self-esteem).

Scavenger is out here gentle parenting Hook ha ha. Ok, seriously Scavy really tries to look out for Hook, he knows he's the only person that can go through him and actually help his problems (they both suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, forgot to mention). Scavy is very much Hook's therapist and friend, and it sure makes him feel useful.

Scavy really tries to take care of Mixmaster and make him stay out of trouble, to... Mixed(lol) results. Scavy genuinely wants Mix' to live his best life and be free from the expectations of outsiders, but he can't help but think: "What will everyone else think?". Really makes an effort to understand Mix' and accommodate for him.

Respects Scrapper more than anything. Tries his best to be helpful and "return the favor", but still, he thinks Scrapper is unreachable. Loves spending time with him, and values the quiet moments between them. Always brings him a cup of energon when he forgets to refuel.

He can't treat Bonecrusher like Hook and that confuses him. He'll try to press and coddle him, but it only works in making Bonecrusher more distant. Respects how Bonecrusher values and cares for the team, but he can see this is very much a responsibility and trauma response and not something that comes naturally to him.

Since Long Haul is more stern than Scrapper, Scavy tends to REALLY put weight on anything he does, says, or thinks. Really respects Long Haul and finds him impressive and a figure of inspiration. When Long Haul is around he pretends he's not in pain, even if he's having a really bad flare-up.

Talk about being emotionally constipated. Bonecrusher really makes this "nonchalant", "aloof" and "detached" persona but the truth is, he values these five guys more than he values his own life.

Thinks of Scavenger as a "little guy I gotta protect". Keeps an eye on him to make sure he's not stressing himself or doing more than he can, and will often take his tasks for himself. Doesn't really know how to talk to him without making him think he's mad at him, really trying to balance the persona and the "making the gestalt happy" thing with this one.

Respects Long Haul. Even when he doesn't agree with him, he'll disagree in silence. However, in comfortable conversation, he'll freely pick on Long Haul and try to wrestle with him. Really thinks Long Haul should use his strength to fight Autobots and is death-set on being his teacher.

Bonecrusher is crazy loyal to Scrapper, like CRAZY LOYAL. He respects Scrapper so much he'll pick fights on his behalf. To him, every word Scrapper says is law and he should be the one to take it upon himself to fulfill his every wish (Scrapper lowkey hates this). Also endeared by how chill and caring Scrapper is.

Values Mixmaster's friendship and company a lot. Makes sure to protect him from himself and from anyone who means him harm. Secretly enjoys his antics and laughs at his stupid jokes. More willing to open up to him due to his carefree nature.

Bruh moment again. Bonecrusher also thinks of Hook as "my equal but not really". Pretends to hate him, but actually values his opinion and most of the time not only gets where he is coming from but will share the same viewpoint. Very angry to get used as his "personal bodyguard"... won't stop getting into fights because Hook crossed someone they both hated. These guys are disgusting and they should die, now.

Long Haul is the odd one out. He likes the guys, sure... But he very much doesn't like the whole gestalt concept. This is just his job.

He's so deep in love with Scrapper, it's ridiculous. Values Scrapper more than anything, will go to hell to make him happy, puts him above himself, and is just generally sappy with him. Sure, he's more reclusive, so the way he shows love is different from Scrapper's. Maybe he'll put a blanket over him, remember his favorite human song, make food for him- ok, I'll stop because I'm getting sick just from thinking about them.

Respects Bonecrusher a lot, even if he thinks he can be a bit over-the-top in... Generally everything. Doesn't like all of his enthusiasm for fighting and teaching him how to do it, but whatever. Doesn't mind talking to him, even if he has "Hook Behaviour" sometimes.

Cares for Scavy, and doesn't know how to show it. Hates it when Scavenger goes out of his way to "prove how useful he is". Thinks Scavy should value his own health more and stop worrying about others. Even if some projects will need to have their deadline extended, it doesn't matter in the long run.

Rocky relationship with Hook, respects his skills but does not respect his mindset. He definitely gets mad pissed when Hook goes over the deadline and budget because he "just needed to get this part perfect". Also doesn't get his distaste for people outside the gestalt and thinks he's crazy for this. Also also, doesn't know what an OCD is.

Even he is surprised with how good friends he and Mixmaster are. He may not find everything he does funny, but he tries to understand what is going on with Mixmaster's mind and talk to him equal to equal. Defends Mixmaster even if he knows he is 100% in the wrong, a little bit ashamed of his lack of professionalism but damn if he isn't endeared by the guy. Will scold him later, probably with Scrapper there to nod and agree.

.

TL;DR: these bitches are dysfunctional but love is love ig ❤️.

[deepblooberc]

Hey y'all!

I know I haven't posted a ton on here in a while, mostly because I forget I have an account...but I have to make this known right now.

YouTube, as of today 11 November 2024, on the android and TV app is absolutely ABYSMAL to use. I will reblog with a series of reasons why, but I can outline my main points. Be warned, this is a loooooong one. Get your Worms on Strings and Furrets ready, smack your bellies like Monty Mole, and prepare some tea with Chandelure and Mii as we go through the main issues detailed here with the new Youtube App Update on Android:

The new floating mini player that "randomly" flies off the screen and closes out in the middle of the video you watch and gets in the way of anything you want to do with PIP mode within the app.

Videos suddenly pause and being unable to resume where you left off when you press the play button

Speaking of random and sudden pauses, YouTube also now has a "feature" (read: BUG) that after a while of playing a video, if you're in Vertical/Portrait layout to read the comments easily and do something else, the video doesn't play anymore. You'll have to turn to Horizontal/Landscape mode to resume the video (If the problem is not the previously mentioned inability to resume)

In some cases YouTube COMPLETELY froze up while I've used this since the update. For no reason.

On the TV app, even for videos that are no more than 20-40 minutes max (we're not talking stream vods or compilation videos) get hit with six or seven ads at a time and you can only skip if it's either some three minute trailer or after four ads.

YouTube won't let you block certain ads that you've reported for scam fraud, inappropriate to you, repetitive etc just to cajole you into buying their premium. Literal scam ads about fake US Stimulus Healthcare checks, false auto insurance for "only $18/month" that will come through your information, and literal porn game ads every time I watch. I don't ask for that.

Trying to upload shorts (the thing that is heavily pushed to compete with Tiktok and Instagram Reels?) is also now a pain in the ass.

You'll hear more from me soon, I'm collecting everything I need to make a viable rant on this and eventually make this into a video.

[tarisilmarwen]

Rebels Rewatch: "Twin Suns"

In which the end of the Malachor arc is profoundly beautiful.

First off, obligatory live reaction version from 2017.

Second, I would be remiss if I did not link back to this close read of "Twin Suns" (by greenreticule here on Tumblr), from which I draw quite a bit of my own analysis and opinions about the themes and messages of the episode. Check it out sometime, there's ten parts (technically eleven but the last post in the series is more of a memoir/personal reflection by the author and therefore not as relevant to our meta purposes) and it is a loooooong read but worth it, in my opinion. I don't always agree with every single point of the analysis (the stuff about the Sequel Trilogy, for example) but there's a lot of things that resonate and that I incorporate into my own interpretation of the episode so I figured I'd mention the source.

Onwards!

Rather appropriately we open on a shot of the titular twin suns themselves.

The next series of shots are stark and empty, nothing but the vast white desert, emphasizing the loneliness and isolation of both Tatooine itself, and Maul in particular.

And he is not, ah... taking Ezra's rejection or the long wanderings out in the desert well. To say the least.

From this first opening monologue we can already tell that Maul is fraying. He spent ten years in the depths of madness and it seems like he's descending into madness once again. Even his clothing reflects this, sandblasted and torn, a ragged hood recalling the one he wore at the beginning of Malachor as he feigned being weak and decrepit, and uneven wrappings circling his arms, asymmetrically.

His mood swings from "Visions and Voices" are more pronounced, one moment warbling pitifully about being lost, about being so close to his target, the next shrieking Obi-Wan's name skyward like an obscenity.

Obi-Wan has managed to elude him all this time since Dathomir, and Maul is beginning to get desperate.

RIGHT, SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE I GET BACK INTO MY BLUBBERING KENOBI SHOW FEELINGS BECAUSE "JEDI CANNOT HELP WHAT THEY ARE. THEIR COMPASSION LEAVES A TRAIL. THE JEDI CODE IS LIKE AN ITCH. [THEY] CANNOT HELP IT." AND SOB FOREVER ABOUT HOW WHOEVER IT WAS ON THE WRITING TEAM THAT CAME UP WITH THAT RAW-ASS LINE, THEY UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT.

So not only is this a callback to the previous times Maul lured Obi-Wan out to him in TCW, this now also a call-forward to Kenobi and I just want y'all to appreciate for a moment that Maul is using the exact same tactic on two different Jedi, simultaneously.

Maul is luring Ezra and taking advantage of Ezra's compassion, hero complex, guilt complex, and sense of hyper-responsibility, in order to then exploit Obi-Wan's compassion and protector-guardian streak, so that he can kill Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan comes to Ezra's rescue.

Because that's what Jedi do, that's what Jedi are, the Jedi Code is like an itch they cannot help it--frick man, I'm already emotional and we're not even two minutes in.

A general overview of the music this episode, and I'll comment on specific cues as they happen, but I mostly want to point out the frequent lack of music, actually. This episode is very stripped down in terms of theme and instrumentation and there are long stretches of utter silence, to help us absorb the atmosphere. It's very effective in making Tatooine feel utterly desolate, like we're alone on this journey with the characters.

This episode had originally been very ambitious, we've been told from behind-the-scenes commentary, longer, more complex, a lot more plot points, but as it was coming together they very wisely pared it way down to the barebone tacks, cutting out all the excesses and stripping things down to a simple character journey narrative, making the resulting story that much more profound and intimate.

(Plus the saved budget allowed us to get some absolutely gorgeous animation and new pajamas for Ezra. XD)

He looks so comfy in them.

This sequence is heavily styled after the cold open in "Legacy", camera movement and shot choice almost exactly matching. This is not a coincidence, as the basic premise of both episodes is the same: Ezra receives a vision through the Force, and it moves him to action.

Unlike in "Legacy", however, when the Force itself was moving to comfort Ezra and connect him to the voices and images of his parents one last time before their death, this vision is artificially constructed, sent to him by Maul--like the ones in "Visions and Voices"--to deliberately manipulate him, pull him away from his support network, make him act out of fear.

A false Call To Action, in an artificial Hero's Journey narrative that Maul has constructed for Ezra to follow. (More on that later.)

Side note, completely unrelated to all this meta, but an observation I just want to point out: It's the middle of the night and Kanan is not in his room on the Ghost. Where exactly was he eh? Perhaps a certain Twi'lek pilot's room? *eyebrow waggle*

Anyway, after Ezra's Weird Force Tele-Distance Holocron Call we move to a scene that is a bit heavy in the exposition department, by virtue of it having to hold the burden of the extra plotlines they pared down. It's maybe not quite as effective as it could have been but it serves its purpose: It establishes that they identified the "desert planet with two suns" as Tatooine sometime offscreen, and that they asked about Obi-Wan and Bail Organa lied through his teeth about the man being dead. So therefore they must have decided to give the matter up, and let Maul chase ghosts in the Tatooine sands.

Rex being clearly distraught at Obi-Wan's assumed death. :(

Kanan also reminds Ezra that the last visions he got from and about Maul were a trick designed to manipulate him.

Ezra's insistent though, as he always tends to be whenever the notion of being able to obtain "the key to destroying the Sith" pops up. So Hera takes him aside for a moment.

Her face and how often she touches Ezra's arms and shoulders in this scene hurts. :( And the strain in her voice when she asserts that if Obi-Wan were alive he wouldn't be hiding in the desert, he'd be helping them, Hera understands Jedi nature too, she just hasn't gotten the full picture, doesn't know the reason why Obi-Wan is doing... well... exactly that.

This is where the story beat parallels to "Legacy" end, because this time, Ezra does not receive Hera's blessing to go. Instead she reminds him, rather sternly, that he is supposed to be there with them, planning the attack on Lothal, she needs him and his focus here.

Recall Yoda's line about Luke: "Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing." Since all the way back in Season Two, when his mere presence started to become a danger to the safety of his friends, Ezra has been growing more and more obsessed with finding a way to kill the Sith, whenever Maul turns up more distracted. It ties straight back into his motivation for becoming a Jedi in the first place that he told Yoda in "Path of the Jedi".

"I just want to protect myself and my friends. And not just them, everyone. I'll protect everyone."

Ezra has an abundance of that natural Jedi urge to protect (planted by his parents, nurtured by Hera), the itch inside him intermingles with his clingyness and attachment to his Ghost family in particular. When everything went wrong on Malachor he internalized that failure severely, and his natural Jedi compulsions went overdrive into a crippling sense of hyper-responsibility, magnified by his guilt and leading him down the same path Anakin walked--seeking more power, from dubious and deceitful sources, in order to prevent another personal tragedy from happening to him again.

His desire to protect got twisted into attachment, into a clingy possessiveness, into a fear of more potential loss. In this way his flirtations with the Dark Side mirrored Anakin's, though ultimately Ezra never went far enough that he wasn't able to come back, the disaster at Reklam and his reconciliation with Kanan enough of a kick in the head from the Force for him to be all, "NOPE, I REGRET EVERYTHING, I'M NOT DOING THAT AGAIN."

But even though Ezra came to his senses and rejected the Dark Side, he was still not on the right path. The aftereffects of Malachor remained and he kept letting that Sisyphean unattainable goal of defeating the Sith--himself, personally, or else personally enabling it to happen--pull him away. Kept letting it move him out of place in the narrative.

He was supposed to be here, Hera needed him here. "You're in the wrong place, Ezra Bridger," Obi-Wan tells him gently, later. Ezra lets Maul, lets his obsession with destroying the Sith, yank him out of order in the cosmic destiny of things.

The Force has a place for him. But it is here and not there.

But he kind of has to go on this perilous journey for it to finally kick in.

(One of the scenes I do kind of wish they had kept from the original extended plot is the one where Hera and Kanan and Zeb all kind of commiserate about how "the kids", meaning Ezra and Sabine, are growing up and leaving home, and how they have to let them go, even if they might make bad choices, really playing into that whole parental angle and explaining why they didn't immediately rush off after Ezra.)

Despite Ezra's half-hearted assurance to Hera, it's clear he has no intention of obeying her order to stay put. His sense of impulsive hyper-responsibility is too strong, he's following the same instincts that led him to obsess over and misinterpret his other two major Force visions.

So he swipes a training A-wing.

He's such a little shit I love him. <3

This is the point of no return and Ezra is unwittingly drawn into Maul's trap, which mimics the beats of a classic Campbell Hero's Journey.

Joseph Campbell, for reference, is a writer and philosopher who purported the idea of the monomyth, that in all stories and all mythologies across cultures there are similar patterns and cycles. His Hero's Journey is often styled as a closed circle ("It ends where it began."), with a dividing line between the Known and Unknown worlds and various stops and characters and plot elements mentioned along the sides. The Hero's Journey monomyth, incidentally, was one of George Lucas's major inspirations for writing Star Wars, wanting to create one such classic mythological narrative.

So we have all the elements in place here. We have the Call To Adventure (the distorted holocron message). We have the Refusal Of The Call (Hera ordering Ezra to stay and him initially not fighting her). We have the Supernatural Aid (the pieces of the holocron that function as some kind of magic compass). We've outmaneuvered the Threshold Guardian and crossed over into the Unknown (Ezra swiping the A-wing from under the technician's nose). Along the way we'll pick up the Ally or Helper (it's revealed Chopper snuck along and went with him). And we will be facing Trials, Tests, and Tribulations (everything from the initial Tusken attack to braving the harsh elements of Tatooine's unforgiving sand and heat).

...But it's all wrong.

See, Ezra has already answered the Call to his own Hero's Journey, the one that started for him all the way back in the pilot, when he returned Kanan's lightsaber and crossed the Threshold into the Unknown world of being a Rebel and a Jedi Padawan. This falsely constructed cycle Maul has drawn him into is not his narrative. It was never intended to bring him enlightenment, never intended to complete, only to be used to further Maul's selfish ends.

That Ezra manages to find enlightenment and complete the cycle anyway is something that happens in spite of Maul, and not because of him, and takes some severe course-correcting from Obi-Wan. Over and over this episode we'll hear this idea repeated, that this was not where Ezra was supposed to be in the story, it's not his job or responsibility to deal with Maul, he is where "[he] should never have been".

We'll table that for now and come back to it, have a moment to enjoy some pretty caps.

Thus far, music-wise, we've had a couple ominous cues, and a bouncy jaunt full of Rebellion flutes and brass as Ezra made his escape, in between a couple of the aforementioned long bouts of silence. There's a bubbly little bit when Chopper is discovered. (And I can't even tell you how much I love the touch with Ezra startling so bad he smacks the A-wing cockpit window and bumps the steering column so that the ship swerves out of place--PART OF THE METAPHOR MUCH?) Soft vocals filter in as Ezra consults the holocron shards, holding in long, mystical notes. A lone viola sounds, mournfully. Higher strings sound with spiritual reverence as Ezra gets out of the A-wing, as if to suggest his goal, his enlightenment, is just up ahead.

Then, darker notes like a pulsing heartbeat. The voices go discordant.

Then the Tuskens attack and hell breaks loose.

One of the underlying threads this episode is Ezra and Chopper's devotion and loyalty to each other so I really like how, even though Ezra told him to find cover, Chopper doesn't and charges in to get a Tusken off Ezra instead. Ezra in turn shields him with his own body when the Tuskens score hits that make the A-wing explode.

And that's Ezra's, "I'm in so much trouble." look lol.

Maul, meanwhile, decides to go ahead and murder all the Tuskens and I would not fault you for thinking back to another lightsaber-fueled Tusken massacre.

In fact, probably any parallel or allusion you think of during this episode is in all likelihood deliberate. Frankly I'd argue that this is one of the most important episodes of the show, with how integral it is to Ezra's character arc.

Which is why it was so annoying and asinine that people complained that Ezra took up most of the episode's focus and whined that it should have been only about Maul. Hello, do you understand the concept of a protagonist?!

Speaking of allusions though, we get some lovely call backs to "Visions And Voices" with Maul once again letting Ezra hear him inside his head and catch fleeting glimpses of him, this time in order to lure him further out into the desert. Maul is still trying to keep him in the false cycle, tempting him away from escape.

And Ezra's sense of hyper-responsibility, of This is all my fault and I have to fix it, leads him right down Maul's preordained path.

"I have to help Master Kenobi, if I can." As if Obi-Wan needs any help dealing with Maul, ha ha.

Another moment of pure heartwarming loyalty from Chopper here, he has the opportunity to keep going along the path to safety, but begrudgingly chooses instead to stay with Ezra, through thick and thin.

Ezra once again returns the favor by refusing to leave his side when he runs out of power.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra staggers, looking completely exhausted. Also the sandblasting in his hair and clothes kjhfkasjfha.

Taylor's acting here is heartbreaking, he makes Ezra sound SO lost and scared. :(((((((

Maul decides to rub things in a bit and oh hey some mirror dialogue here, eerily similar to a certain exchange in "Gathering Forces". :D

Grand Inquisitor: The Darkness is too strong for you, orphan. It'll swallow you up even now. Ezra: No. Grand Inquisitor: Your master will die. Ezra: No! Grand Inquisitor: Your friends will die, and everything you've hoped for will be lost. This is the way the story ends. Ezra: NO!

And in comparison:

Maul: He is dead... He is dead. Ezra: No... Maul: You led me to him. Ezra: No. Maul: You failed your friends. Ezra: No! Maul: You will DIE!" Ezra: NOOOO!

~It's like poetry, it rhymes.~

Also this is terrifying.

So I've legitimately teared up like... twice watching this show. This was one of the times. This moment right here where Obi-Wan's feet step softly into frame.

Yeah it got me.

Cut to... Night. A quiet campfire. Ezra comes to and things are suddenly put into perspective.

"You're in the wrong place, Ezra Bridger."

(The voice they got for Obi-Wan is perfect btw, sounds just like Alec Guinness.)

Obi-Wan explains gently that he is not "the key to defeating the Sith". He never was. Maul's desires muddied the holocron vision, he used Ezra to get his own answers and left Ezra with only partial answers. Because Obi-Wan is associated with the key to defeating the Sith but he's not the Chosen One.

And neither is Ezra.

He is a narrative "chosen one", a key player picked by the Force, imbued with purpose, but defeating Vader, killing the Emperor... that was never his task to take. After the loss he suffered in "Legacy" Ezra had been letting himself get obsessed with the idea that he could fix that problem--the problem of the Sith--himself.

But that is not his role in the story.

It is not yet sunrise (Luke and Leia). So the moon (Ezra) must endure.

"You win by killing an Inquisitor." "No, you win by surviving."

Ever since before Malachor, Ezra has been stepping outside his station, trying to do things he was never meant to do, instead of what he was supposed to do, which was to help the people in front of him, right now, do what good he can in the moment. (Something that he'd gain clarity on via a falling out with Saw in Season Four.)

"What you need, you already have."

Ezra lost sight of that in the grief over his parents, in his guilt over Malachor. He was never going to be the one to defeat the Sith. Yoda and Obi-Wan both knew the only ones who even stood a chance... would be Vader's children. Maybe Ahsoka. Perhaps that was even why Yoda advised going to Malachor, to test and see if Vader could be saved, or killed, by his former padawan. Someone who he might have had a strong enough attachment to that it would cloud his judgement. (Just as Obi-Wan's mere presence would drive Vader mad with irrational murderous rage and yet, paradoxically, a cloying need to have him back.)

"We asked for a chance to destroy the Sith... and we failed."

Vader has no connection to Ezra, therefore Ezra will not be the one to end him.

His task is to endure, keep the darkness back, and hold the line until the narrative chosen one who will do that task (Luke) is ready to take up the sword. This is not Ezra's role in the story. He has his own destiny, his own part to play in the Rebellion.

And he needs to return to it.

Obi-Wan closes the broken cycle for Ezra, rescuing him from The Ordeal or Abyss, and sending him back to the Known world with the Boon (his sage wisdom) irregardless of how false the path there to him was. Ezra is freed from the obligations, responsibilities, and burdens he wrongly took on himself... to return home, and rejoin his own Hero Cycle.

And then all that's left is to "mend this old wound". (Maul)

Maul has what he wanted, or so he thinks. His old enemy, his past, ready for the killing. His future and legacy, his apprentice, within reach for taking.

But things have changed. Obi-Wan is older, wiser, more serene and at peace with himself and with the Force, in spite of all he's suffered. He has grown from his failures, let go of the past, and found balance, while Maul has regressed, repeated the same mistakes, clung to the hurt and pain in his past and deteriorated, been sucked almost dry by the Dark Side.

And Obi-Wan pities him.

Maul is scalded by this, upset that after everything he's endured, Obi-Wan seems to have taken no ill effect. And it's not like Order 66 and Anakin's betrayal didn't hurt him (hell we have all of the Kenobi show to demonstrate otherwise) but that he's processed those emotions and feelings and traumas, and returned to a settled baseline. He is more a Jedi now than ever, and revenge is not the Jedi way.

And can I flail a little bit inarticulately for a moment about the dichotomy between Obi-Wan's "I had no intention of fighting him, though that seems inevitable now." and Thrawn's "It was not my intention to utterly destroy Lothal but that is inevitable now."?

So Maul digs for something to bait Obi-Wan with, touching about the reason he's there on Tatooine to begin with, discerning that there is someone that Obi-Wan is protecting. Notes of Sith vocals creep into the music here, a sequence that sounds like Maul's arrival on Tatooine from Phantom Menace ("It ends where it began.").

And with this implicit threat towards Luke, Obi-Wan ignites his saber.

SO much ink has been spilled about this duel. I was surprised at how short it was at first too, but it makes perfect thematic sense in hindsight. The way Obi-Wan slowly baits Maul, drawing Maul's mental frame of mind back to Naboo, because he knows that Maul is stuck in the past, constantly reliving that moment of triumph and defeat over and over again, fixated on it as the shatterpoint where things in his life first went wrong. He can't let it go. He can't move on. He has to keep going back to that moment over and over to make things "correct" and kill the one he pins the blame on for his pain. (But this will not fix him, even if he accomplishes it.)

An entire story is told solely through foot placement and stances. Maul moves through the stances he's used in duels with Obi-Wan before. Obi-Wan shifts through his classic New Hope lightsaber grip, to his iconic Soresu.

And then he switches to Ataru, to the same stance Qui-Gon used.

The music has been tense throughout, but now the Force Theme creeps in. There's a flare of recognition in Maul's eyes; He knows this, this is familiar.

So he lunges, using the same lightsaber trick that he used to kill Qui-Gon...

...except it doesn't work.

I love the look of quiet realization and acceptance in Maul's expression. It's just like, "......Oh."

Maul submits and falls in defeat, into his enemy's arms, yet another parallel to Phantom Menace, to the start of everything between these two men. And then he asks something heartbreaking: Is Obi-Wan protecting the Chosen One? The one who would defeat the Sith?

And because Obi-Wan no longer believes that Vader can be saved, he answers yes. (Amazing how well this scene fits with the later Kenobi show.)

With his dying breath, Maul finally recognizes his true enemy, accepts and forgives Obi-Wan as his brother, as a fellow victim of Palpatine, and declares with almost prophetic insight, "He... will avenge us."

Not take revenge, avenge. As Trilla Sundari would admonish Cal Kestis in the Jedi Fallen Order video game, Maul also asks for restitution and justice with his last words.

(I do kind of wish we got one brief reaction shot from Ezra as he sensed Maul passing, just for confirmation that he knows. It's inferred but still.)

Back with Ezra as he returns home with the Boon, and he's also claimed the prize of Maul's ship, the Mandalorian gauntlet. (Again, just the briefest scene of him finding it, that would have been nice.)

"I was wrong. This is where I'm supposed to be. You're my family. And we should go home."

Ezra has finally forgiven himself for Malachor, completed the arc he started in "Legacy" (or maybe even earlier), and returned to his proper place. His family accepts him back with the laying of hands like a benediction.

And meanwhile, just to wring your heart one last time, we return to Tatooine, to watch Obi-Wan watch over Luke from a distance, a scene drenched in OT nostalgia, from using the exact audio of Aunt Beru calling Luke to closing us out with Luke's Theme and Binary Sunset for the credits, reminding us that the shadow will not hold sway forever.

Eventually, the sun will rise. And a new hope will emerge.

Trust in the Force.

Man, there aren't enough words to tell you how much I love this episode. It's so beautiful and poetic and thematic. It's the lynchpin of Ezra's character development, he needed to be in this episode, to go on this journey. It's gorgeously animated and there are so many many layers of parallels and themes, motifs and archetypes, that tie into the monomyth in general and Star Wars in particular. I'm astonished how well it melds with later canon material (JFO and Kenobi), but I guess that just speaks to how true to the spirit and essence of Star Wars it is.

It's just beautiful.

[kannibalkaiii]

People with all these pride flags and shit in their bio but the moment someone posts man booba it's "hilarious" or "insane". Tell me you're transphobic without telling me lmao

I get that some ppl have chest dysphoria but some don't or at the very least it helps them cope to draw males with non-op bods? You all just want to shove us into a box and only accept us if we follow societal standards...hit that lil "check list" of what you perceive to be "man enough"

So if you saw a nonop guy like me you'd laugh and invalidate me because I'm not trans enough to you?(id love to see you tell me that in person lmao) Annoying seeing other trans ppl and/or lgbt "supporting" ppl only accepting transmen who have top surgery.

I've been through a loooooong-ass journey of self acceptance and let me tell you, it gets exhausting to hate yourself every day. God forbid I've learned to love my body after decades of bs. Im happy with myself, it's not my problem if THAT offends you.

-

I know some ppl like "it's fetishyyy"

18+ is RIGHT there in the bio as well as "suggestive" tags when it IS a suggestive post

We're not allowed to be in nsft situations now? We're only supposed to feel ashamed? Pfft

-

It's not a problem, and even "empowering" when women are curvy huh or when transwomen have facial hair/are flat but men with curves is where you draw the line?

All trans ppl are valid and beautiful and if you don't agree block me then 😘

[akookminsupporter]

I got on reddit a couple of months ago and I discovered that while many people are neutral about bts or even dislike them, most of them are really polite and nice about it, and most discourse about bts is in a positive or neutral light. It's not like twitter where they call them flops in every 2 tweets. So it's similar to tumblr because people can have normal conversations (most of the time) about kpop groups there. Of course there are trolls and straight up haters there too but they either get downvoted very hard or deleted so it's I think better. Anyway my point is that I go on reddit today to see what people are talking about because I only check reddit like 2-3 times a week. And the first post is literally someone asking why bighit is pushing jikook out of all the ships.. And I just sat here blinking at the screen because... Really? We are having this conversation AGAIN? It wasn't even in the bangtan channel/sub, it was in a kpop sub where you can talk about any group. But then I read the whole post and it was very clear OP was one of those people who don't watch official content and just lives off of clips that are posted in the first 24 hours. There are not a lot of comments right now but all of them are very normal and lowkey calling out OP for being stupid so I upvoted all of them 😂

But like every fucking time a DVD comes out and we have footage from multiple days or even months and we see jikook hanging out and do their thing, EVERY DAMN TIME we have this same ass conversation. Every time it's fanservice every time it's "why are they together" every time it's "why is bh pushing them" MF IT'S BEEN YEARS OF THIS. Don't these people think that if you see them, CONSISTENTLY hang out with each other EVERY YEAR, don't you think that maybe... Just maybe they like hanging out and being in each others company???

Even if you take shipping completely out of the picture. Like don't you think its fucking weird to see two people who have known each other for 11 years, went through some insane shit together and even more that WE as FANS probably don't even know about, they clearly support and love each other and like hanging out with each other... And then you go on social media and tweet: "why do people, who are friends, spend time together?" DO YOU EVEN HEAR YOURSELF. I need someone to go up to these people when they are out with their friends and ask them if they secretly hate each other and only hang out just to please their parents or something.

You don't need to ship jikook to see they like each other. You don't need to ship taekook to see they like each other. You don't need to ship anyone in bangtan to see that they love each other to the moon and back. These men are in each others asses 24/7 but sure, the company is pushing them to do fanservice because they don't make enough money or something. Whether you (not you specifically) think jikook or taekook or yoonmin or anyone is dating or not, that's your business. If you ship them, you ship them, if you don't, you don't. But you literally cannot fucking walk up to me, look me in the eye and tell me they don't like each other. These boys are first and foremost FRIENDS And if you see any of them together, it's because THEY WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH EACH OTHER.

I don't know why it's so hard for some people to understand this. Maybe because fanservice is a normal? thing in Korea and I'm sure many groups are doing it. But I checked OPs post and comment history and they follow bts for a while now so they have to know that the tannies have moved past/moved away from doing typical kpop things loooooong ago. They are not your typical kpop group. Two members hanging out with each other in front of or behind camera is not fanservice. Can we fucking wrap this conversation up already, I'm so bored of seeing this being brought up every year. Sorry for the long essay 😔

When it comes to Jimin and Jungkook, people would always prefer to believe anything but the truth, reality and what they themselves say. Wait till whatever they are doing comes out, it will be all this again and even worse.

Opinions.

[bpdloop]

Do you have any theories/ideas of things the party could do post-loops~?

oh this is going to sound sooooo lame but i so seriously just think they travel for a Loooooong ass time. theyll grab nille and go around for a bit before returning to bambouche to drop off her and bonnie for the kid can go back to their studies (much to bonnies dismay). and!! their formal like Thing after getting bonnie back to nille in the first place is to go touch base with as many houses as they can While having fun along the way. and then After they go to ka bue okay? Theres more but i dont know how to say more without jjust writing prose so <3

[aflo]

breaking: guy who has a panic attack when people explain things to him is currently cowering under his desk with a tumblr tab open on one loooooong ass post

[dari-ede]

In the Middle of the Night: Chapter 26

Chapter 26: "You Don't Mean to Hurt Me"

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

AN: And it’s back! Thank you everyone for your patience. It’s been quite the 2 months. Hopefully, I’ll be able to come back to a regular weekly, or at least Bi-weekly, posting. Happy reading! 🥰

Summary: As Bangtan prepares for a new chapter in their lives, they head to their private property in the forest for a songwriting workshop. As a songwriter and producer they have worked with for years, I’m asked to tag along. I was ready for the heavy workload and small amount of sleep during the workshop week. However, I wasn’t ready for the storm that came that changed my friendship with Namjoon forever.

Pairing: Idol!RM/Namjoon x OFC

Genre: Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut

Rating: M (mention of sexual assault, explicit language, sexual scenes in prior chapters)

Status: COMPLETE

Warnings/spoilers: Hurt, Miscommunication

**********

Warning/Spoiler: All flashback; It's a loooooong one. 

April 2017, Anaheim, Ca

The guys were in town temporarily and would be leaving in a few days. There was a short window we were able to meet to just hang out. Tomorrow we would be at the recording studio together and then they would be flying off to who knows where.

I had driven to their hotel with my ex in the passenger seat. I honestly didn’t know why I invited him to go with me. Maybe I thought it would make him less pouty about me hanging out with guy friends. He had an issue with every friend I had that was of the opposite sex. And when I told him I would be hanging out with seven guys, he was a whining nightmare. I felt obligated to invite him.

Out of all my bad boyfriends, he was the worst. At the time, I didn’t think our relationship was unhealthy. We weren’t as extreme as my parents were, so in my eyes, we were stable. We didn’t throw heavy or dangerous items at each other. That was a plus.

The entire drive to the hotel had been quite unbearable. The argument just kept escalating. By the time we arrived at the parking lot, he was at the peak of yelling.

“If you don’t want to be here—you don’t have to,” I said to him, putting my car in park.

“So, you’re gonna hang out the entire night with a bunch of guys without your boyfriend there? That’s disrespectful,” he said loudly as I got out of my car.

“They’re just my friends,” I said back for maybe the tenth time.

“It looks like you’re their call girl,” he said loudly as he made his way toward me.

I knew other people were in the parking lot with us, but I didn’t dare look up. It wasn't our first argument in public; I was certain we had their full attention. I didn’t want to see the looks, so I kept my eyes away and did my best to keep my voice down.

“Fuck off,” I muttered to him.

He got to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me tightly towards him.

This physical maneuver was pretty common that my body reacted automatically. I pushed him off with vigor. “If you’re gonna be acting like an ass, then it’s best you don’t go.”

“This is gonna come out on the tabloids—you meeting them in their room. You’re gonna look like a whore to those—”

He used a term that ignited something in me. Angered me and made me see red. It changed everything. Up until that point, I had brushed off my ex’s verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. I didn’t see it as abuse back then because I always physically pushed him back—I, too, used words to call him names. Everything about his behavior had been excusable back then, but not the term he used. The term made me see him for what he really was: a racist, homophobic piece of shit.

I had never felt angrier at another person than at that moment. I couldn’t understand how I was ever with a guy that was like this—someone who would say such a vile thing.

“What’s wrong with you?! Why would you say that? They’re seven of the kindest people. They would never allow something like that to come out. Unlike you, they’re real fucking men. So go fuck off. We’re done. Find your way back home.”

I turned to leave as he said some obnoxious thing behind me, but I didn’t listen. He wasn’t worth it. Plus, I didn’t want to show up at the guys’ room upset.

From the corner of my eye, I could tell the people on the other side of the parking lot were making their way toward us. I didn’t want to get involved with other people, so I dodged away and left in the opposite direction. I would take the long way up to the hotel.

I sent a message to Hoseok letting him know I was on my way up. After getting into the hotel, I made sure to go into one of the restrooms and calmed myself down. Minutes later, I got to their floor and was met with a group of their team that welcomed me and guided me to Hoseok’s room.

Stepping inside, I was welcomed by sweet smiles. Most of the guys were there.

Hugging all of them, we settled into the room and hung out.

Even though I was friendly with them, I was most close with Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, and Suga. Jin, Jungkook, and RM were still quiet around me. Hoseok had invited me, convinced it was only a matter of time before I fully blended with the other guys.

So, there we were, all of us minus Namjoon, having drinks. Jin was talking a little more, which I appreciated. He was making jokes and keeping things light.

Jimin and he were bickering for a moment, which made me laugh.

Jin stared at me. “What?” I asked, curious about the look.

Jin smiled. “You’re like Hobi.”

Jimin nodded, agreeing. “I’ve said the same thing. There’s a reason they hit it off when we met.”

“They both laugh with their entire body; they're loud and push you when they laugh,” Suga added. “Hobi makes a lot of sound effects and Maya hums a lot.”

Taehyung nodded. “It’s almost like they were separated at birth.”

"Also, both are scary when they get angry," Jimin said with a teasing laugh.

Hoseok and I exchanged a look. We had discussed this with ourselves in the past. From the start of our friendship, we saw a lot of similarities in our personalities. I told him he must have been Latino in another life because his energy was starkly different than most Koreans I had met and aligned more with my culture.

“Maya and I were already having deep conversations within the first week of knowing each other,” Hoseok said. “We were even crying to each other.”

I nodded, remembering. “I think we were comparing the struggle of being an artist.”

Hobi agreed. “I was having trouble being far away from family and you were having trouble with a former boyfriend. I think you were missing him.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t because I missed him. We were fighting. He was trying to make me feel guilty for always being on the road.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Hoseok said, his face falling a little. “Well, it’s a good thing he’s gone.”

I nodded. “I know how to pick them.” I grabbed the beer the guys had handed to me and took a sip, remembering the fight I had earlier with my now-ex.

“How are things with your current boyfriend?” asked Jimin carefully. “We thought he was coming with you.”

Looking around the room and seeing they all had their eyes on me felt a bit embarrassing. I would have felt comfortable talking more openly if only Hoseok, Jimin, Suga, and Taehyung were present. I didn’t want to lay all my baggage out in the open for Jin and Jungkook to see.

I took another sip of my beer, deciding to just give a little bit of truth. “We had a big fight in the parking lot. Decided to end things with him.”

They immediately began to voice their sympathies and give me comforting words.

“What was the argument about?” Taehyung asked as he soothed my arm.

At that moment, I heard the door open. I turned towards it and found RM walking in. The guys told me upon arriving that RM was taking a call from his girlfriend, which was why he had been missing since I had arrived.

RM caught my eye and gave me a greeting.

The dimples he displayed made butterflies suddenly appear in my stomach. Since meeting him, I had a small crush on the guy, but it always seemed to come in waves. The fact that he had a girlfriend made it easy to ignore whatever attraction I had for him.

“You don’t have to answer if you’re not comfortable doing so,” Suga immediately commented, sending Tae a glance. The look contained a lot of words.

Taehyung pulled back a little, giving a small pout.

My heart tugged at seeing the scolding. Taehyung was only being considerate. I didn’t want to talk about the fight—feeling embarrassed and angry for what my ex had said, but I also didn’t want Taehyung to think he had done anything wrong. I wanted to let Suga know I was perfectly fine with being asked the question.

“It’s fine that he asked,” I told Suga. I turned to Taehyung, gaining the courage to suppress my uncomfortableness. “The fight was similar to many we’ve had. He thinks I’m unfaithful, believes I care too much about my career and hates that I have too many guy friends. He didn’t like me coming over. Thinks guys and girls can’t be friends.”

“Yes they can,” Jungkook said out of nowhere. He hadn’t spoken much the entire night.

Seven pairs of eyes turned to him.

With a full look of valor, Jungkook confidently said, “I think of you as my friend. What does he know about male and female friendships?”

“Thank you, Jungkookie,” I said with a smile.

The guys wore proud grins on their faces as they looked at their youngest member. He was growing up quite rapidly. The timid boy they all had come to raise was developing into a young man with full confidence.

While the guys felt pride for their maknae, I felt gratitude for what he said.

I looked around and noticed Jin’s eyes fall on me at the same time. He gave me a small smile, almost as if he was silently agreeing with Jungkook’s words. Like he, too, saw in me a friend.

A warmth spread through my chest at the feeling that the two of them saw me just as the other guys did: a friend.

I turned to Namjoon, who also wore a small smile.

But before I could decipher his look, Hoseok’s voice pulled me away.

“Mai-Mai, we have a confession to make to you.” Hoseok held my eyes, his face fully serious. It was almost scary to see him without his signature smile. “We saw you in the parking lot.”

I frowned, not understanding.

“We were there for your argument. We saw your ex grab you,” he said sadly.

Now, I understood. A feeling of embarrassment came over, realizing it had been them who had been there to witness it all. I had cussed and yelled—I had not been well-behaved. And I don’t know why, but in their eyes, I never wanted them to see the worst in me. And that moment in the parking lot was not my finest moment.

“We went over as soon as he grabbed you,” Jungkook said, a scowl on his face. “But you left before we could get to you.”

“We know the nasty words he said to you. And you don’t deserve that,” Jimin said, a similar look of anger on his face.

“Namjoonie made sure security escorted him out,” Suga said, assuredly. “We had some of our team stay behind to ensure he didn’t come back. Security of the hotel has been informed about him.”

I looked around, reading all of their faces as they gave me comforting words. The look of concern on all of their faces told me that they didn’t think I had misbehaved. They looked over my moments of anger and seemed to focus on my ex’s behavior toward me.

I was grateful they were concerned about me and even more that they were looking after me. I thanked them.

“Namjoonie told us what he said about us,” Jin said, his eyes right on me. “We want to thank you for being a good friend and standing up for us.”

A blush swept over my cheeks.

“We’re glad to call you our friend,” Teahyung said proudly.

My eyes went around the room again, seeing how they were all looking at me so kindly. They all gave small nods, agreeing with Taehyung’s words. The last one my eyes fell on was RM. He was the one I still wasn’t sure of in our friendship.

He gave me a half smile. “Thank you.”

I gave a slight nod, feeling uncomfortable. It was odd that I was being thanked for being a decent human being. Why were they making me feel as if I had done something so courageous?

“How are you feeling?” Jimin asked, worriedly.

I thought for a moment, not knowing how to answer. How was I feeling? I had never thought of that. My initial reaction was to say “angry”. But the anger faded after spending time with the guys. Seeing looks full of concern staring back at me, I wondered if there was something to be concerned about.

“You just broke up with your ex, it’s normal for you not to have processed everything yet. It’s ok,” Suga said calmly. “The sadness and loss and confusion will come when it comes.”

Suga and I had had plenty of deep conversations in the last year. He knew me almost as well as Hoseok did.

But now that he said it, I was now starting to feel those exact emotions: sadness, loss, and confusion. The fight replayed back in my mind and a concern popped into my head as I did this. “I don’t know why I keep choosing these assholes. What the fuck is wrong with me?”

We were all quiet for a long moment.

“What would he say to you?” Hobi asked as Jimin came over to hand me a tissue.

It was then I noticed I had been crying. I apologized as I took the tissue and thanked Jimin.

I felt slight embarrassment in the state I was in. But knowing I was in the comfort of a group of friends, I felt ok in sharing. “Stupid shit like I don’t know how to prioritize a relationship. I make him feel like a second choice. My clothing is too revealing—men are going to take advantage of me. I’ll get groped and it’ll be my fault.” I shook my head in disgust. “I would tell him to fuck off, but yet I still went back like an idiot.”

“You deserve someone who is going to always respect you,” Jin said. “Disagreements happen but respect should always be there.”

Jimin nodded. “If he’s not kind to you, then what’s the point in being with him? You should be with someone who is going to treat you right.”

Wiping away my tears, I kept my eyes down, still feeling shame.

“There, no need to cry over some loser,” Suga encouraged.

“Aw, if she wants to cry, let her cry,” RM said immediately.

“Yeah. What’s wrong with crying?” Jin challenged.

My heart warmed at the two of them defending me, even though Suga only meant well with his words.

“That’s not what I meant. I just mean she should save her tears for someone who's worth it. That piece of shit doesn’t deserve anything from her,” Suga said defensively.

“That doesn’t change how she feels about him. He might be an asshole, but that doesn’t take away the fact that she cared for him,” RM argued back.

Soon, the three of them were starting a nonsense argument as Jimin tried to interfere and calm all of them down. Hobi tried to crack a few jokes to diffuse the situation, but Taehyung and Jungkook sat closer to me and offered me some of the fried chicken that had now turned cold, They watched the entertainment with Cheshire smiles.

“It gets pretty juicy sometimes. Let’s hope Jimini and Hobi-hyung are unsuccessful,” Jungkook said as he took a bite of his chicken and giggled.

“Be sure to take cover if Yoongi-hyung gets ahold of a shoe, though,” Taehyung muttered.

I was about to ask for clarification on this, but all of a sudden Jimin’s voice pulled my attention back to the argument.

“Hyung, put that down!”

Suga had taken hold of a pillow and Jimin had his arms extended out, creating a small shield in front of a massive RM.

The look on RM and Suga’s faces was stern, but it was hard to take them seriously as the two evil maknaes next to me giggled like children. Jimin also looked like a tiny character; did he think he could protect RM? He was so tiny. Jin was currently sitting down and also enjoying the show with a wide smile. This was how I knew there was nothing to be too concerned about. Surely if things got too out of control, Jin would step in….. Right?

The argument didn’t escalate too much. Suga did end up throwing the pillow at RM, but less than a few minutes later things calmed down. From the look of things, this happened every now and then as they all continued as if nothing happened. Occasionally, Jimin and Jungkook would replay bits and pieces of RM and Suga's argument, finding it comical.

We all went back to discussing other things. As I continued to hang out with all of them throughout the night, it was like I went through a Grinch moment on Christmas day. I felt my heart grow three sizes that night. I don’t know why it felt this good to know I was great friends with all these individuals. What was it about these seven men that could make anyone think they could conquer the world?

*******

Even though I only got a few hours of sleep that night, I still felt energized the next day. There was a song I was working on with the rap line. There was a time crunch, so we only had a day in the studio. Whatever didn't get done today, we would have to do electronically—something my brother Seb and I both disliked doing. We liked working with an artist physically in a room together. Doing things through email and phone calls muddied up the work.

We had a lot of ground to cover. When the guys arrived at my brother's studio, they went directly to work. Even though the guys were a bit worn out, they still gave it their all as they recorded. They were used to the workload.

Thankfully, everything went smoothly and we got done everything we set out to do. This was mostly because we had worked together before and knew how to speed up the process without risking the quality of work.

After Suga and Hoseok were satisfied with their parts, they left for some rest. My brother also stepped away for an important call. He announced he would be back in an hour or two. RM, however, wanted to stay longer to go over the record a little more. I stayed behind to assist.

RM was a perfectionist, so I knew it would be a few hours before he was satisfied. I decided to order us pizza. However, it was another half hour after the pizza arrived that RM was finally satisfied with the day’s work.

As RM took a few slices and served the both of us, I went into my brother’s mini-fridge and pulled out a couple of beers. RM and I had a similar way of working: we didn’t drink while we recorded, only until after.

It was the first time we hung out alone. Usually, someone else was always in the room. Now considering him a friend, I didn’t feel discomfort. I started asking personal questions that I hadn’t before. The topic of old relationships came up and it led me to ask what caused his last breakup. I knew he was head over heels for his current girlfriend, but I was curious about his past rather than his present.

“We broke up because it felt like she disrespected me,” he said finally after I had pushed a little. He originally didn’t want to talk about it, but somehow I convinced him to talk about it. “She had too many guy friends that were too physical with her.”

I couldn’t help but feel similarities to the argument my ex and I had last night. While I didn’t want anything to do with my asshole ex, I certainly wanted to get a different viewpoint on girl and guy friendships. Maybe RM could give me a glimpse into my ex’s thought process. Maybe there was a different perspective I was missing. I mean, if two of them seemed to have a problem with me having a lot of guy friends, maybe there was an angle I wasn’t considering?

“So you broke up because of the guy friends she had?” I asked, curiously.

“It’s not that she had guy friends—it was how close she was with them. And how many of them she had. There’s just a way you behave with guys and another that you behave with a boyfriend. It shouldn’t be physical—that gets reserved for boyfriends.”

“Physical—how?”

“Hugging and touching too much.”

I thought about how my relationship with Hobi and Jimin. We goofed off a bit. They had tickled me a few times. I didn’t see the big deal.

“And also the type of things that are talked about. There are topics reserved for only significant others. Things you can discuss with friends of the same sex, but not the opposite sex.”

“Like what?”

He hesitated. “Personal stuff.”

“Like?” I pressed.

He was getting shy, avoiding eye contact. A slight blush came across his cheeks. “Just personal stuff.”

Sex. Koreans and their shyness on the topic, especially when talking to the opposite sex, let me know he was referring to this.

As I considered his perspective, I still didn’t feel swayed from my opinion on female and male friendships. I didn’t see why and how that would affect a romantic relationship.

“I don't think I could be with someone who wanted me to stop being friends with Hoseok and Jimin. To not have Hoseok, who is the epitome of happiness and positivity, or Jimin who is incredibly kind… just seems wrong. I probably wouldn't want to be in a relationship where the guy doesn’t want me to be friends with other guys. Sounds kind of like it’s insecurity.”

Namjoon was quiet for a moment, deep in thought and considering his next words. “I don't think it's about insecurity. It's about respect.”

This somewhat annoyed me because it was a similar word my ex had used: ‘disrespectful’. “You think having a close relationship with the opposite sex is disrespectful?”

RM’s face was serious as he looked right at me, not breaking eye contact. “When there is a significant other involved, yes.”

A sudden urge to challenge him came over, especially after some of the guys had validated me last night about the topic. “But you and I are friends. Do you side with my ex when he said we shouldn’t be friends?”

RM shook his head in a dismissive manner. “That's different. We're work friends. You’re helping me out with something work-related. There’s nothing personal happening between us. Different rules.”

His words sank at a rapid pace.

Work friends. Not friends, but work friends. Someone you only spoke about certain topics with. Nothing personal. 

A feeling of nausea took over.

Work friends? Is that how he saw me? Someone to only hang out with during work hours? Only if he was getting paid to do so?

How could he think of me this way? We had known each other for years. I had been present for group trips, dinners, music video shoots, and recordings. I had been present during dress rehearsals and mic checks. Been to many live shows. I had seen some of RM’s lows: recording him had brought him to near exhaustion once and I had been present when a doctor was called. I made sure not to leave his side until the color came back to his face. We shared many stories while drinking a beer. I was his go-to person when he had English grammar questions. And just last night, we had an entire night full of laughter—I had shared thoughts and emotions because I thought we were friends.

And then it hit me. All of those shared moments had been alongside the rest of the guys. The group trips were always done with all members. The dinners and hangouts were always with the other guys present. And it was always Hoseok, Jimin, or Taehyung who would invite me to their shows and music video shoots. I never really hung out with RM, even more notably now that he had a girlfriend. Last night, it had only been Jin and Jungkook who verbally confirmed our friendship. RM had never agreed with the rest of the guys that he was friends with me.

Even after showing my tears and hurt last night, there was still a barrier between RM and me.

But, if I took a step back, I couldn't blame him. He had always created a line between us. I just had never seen it. I was a fool to think differently. A feeling of embarrassment took over. And hurt.

“Hey, you guys get done?” came a voice from the door as it swung open.

It was Sebastian, my brother. He was back.

I couldn’t be here. It was far too awkward. Not to mention I was feeling my heart rate accelerate.

“I gotta go,” I said suddenly, searching for my keys. There was pressure in my chest. I could feel my breathing change.

I cursed at myself silently as I spun around franticly. Where the hell were my keys?

“Mayita.” My brother’s voice pulled me.

Turning around, I saw him holding my keys, a look full of concern across his face. “Qué pasó?” He took a step close to me, blocking me from RM. He was trying to spare my embarrassment. He knew I felt self-conscious about my episodes, he was trying to ensure RM didn’t see me like this.

I shook my head, not being able to speak.

“Ve. Está bien,” he encouraged as he handed me my keys.

“Maya, what’s wrong?” RM asked. He took a few steps closer.

Hurrying out of the room, I heard my brother ask RM what had happened.

As I drove out of the property, I felt a stream of tears start coming down. My chest felt like it was being squeezed.

I felt like such an idiot. How could I have ever been so stupid to not see RM didn’t want to be friends? Just because he was nice and friendly did not mean that he wanted to be friends.

******

After an hour of driving around and crying, my negative thoughts began to go out of control. I began to doubt my friendship with the other guys. Were they also just being friendly with me and nice, like RM? Was it only Hoseok and Jimin who I had a genuine friendship with?

I felt the need to know the truth. There was no way Hoseok would ever be honest with me. He was much too kind for that. There was only one person who would be completely honest if I asked him to be.

Using some sunglasses, I made my way to the guys’ hotel. I had sent a message to the person I needed to see so the staff had been informed about my visit.

“What is it?” Suga asked as soon as he opened his door.

He looked concerned as soon as I took off my sunglasses. I must have looked like shit.

He stepped back, inviting me in.

“I'm sorry,” I said immediately. “I just...I need a direct answer and I know you’re the one who would be most honest with me.”

Suga looked a little uncomfortable. Maybe it was because he was only in his boxers.

“Hold on.” He reached over to a bathrobe and put it on. Poor guy, I hadn’t given him ample time for him to get ready.

Once again, I felt like an idiot. Of course, he would feel uncomfortable with me here. He probably saw me the same way RM did. We were work friends. Work friends didn’t visit each other in their personal bedrooms for non-work-related reasons.

“Are we friends?” I blurted out, not able to keep it in.

He looked even more confused. “What?”

“Would you consider us friends?” I asked a little more clearly this time.

“Yes. Of course.”

It seemed like I wasn’t being clear, so I became more specific. “I'm not talking about work friends or associates, but friends-friends. Someone you feel comfortable having deep conversations with? To share secrets with? Trust important information with?”

He couldn’t look more lost. “Yes. You are a friend of mine. Maiwa, what’s wrong?”

And then the tears just streamed down.

Suga reached over and gave me a one-arm hug. He held me for a good while. Once I had settled down, he asked again, “What’s wrong?”

I took a breath. “I was talking to RM and I found out the friendship I thought we had really only existed in my head. And if I was wrong about my friendship with him, maybe I’m wrong about my friendship with the rest of you guys.”

He pulled back a bit to look me in the eye. “Why would you say such a thing? Namjoonie values your friendship.”

I shook her head. “He sees us as associates. ‘Work friends’ were his exact words. Had I known he didn't see me as a friend, I would have waited until he was out of the room to talk so openly with you guys.”

Yoongi seemed to consider my words before he spoke again. “What you said last night was important. We're all grateful you trust us enough to share that with us. I'm sure he didn't mean what he said.”

“RM is one of the best communicators I know. He dissects everything he says. He’s careful and articulate. I’m more than sure he meant what he said. Especially when I’m the one who referred to the two of us being friends and he was quick to correct me. He said we were different from friends. We were work friends.”

Suga stayed quiet for a long while. Surely, he was going over what might have occurred in his head, questioning if I was overreacting.

It felt like another punch in the gut. A level of anger began to build toward RM. His words were making me doubt Suga. I had never thought negatively about any of the guys but now I was overanalyzing everything. Allowing self-pity to win over.

“You know Hobi once called us business partners? Not friends, but business partners,” he said carefully.

This was shocking to me. It didn't seem right. Hoseok would never say this about Suga or any of the other guys. He loved his six members more than brothers.

Suga seemed to have read my mind. “He did...but he wasn’t serious. It took a moment to figure out he was only messing around, but I remember that horrible feeling that someone I cared for, thought of me as something so insignificant. To me, the six guys are an eternal family. My brothers for life. So, hearing those words, it cut something deep.” He looked sad at the memory. “Thankfully, it was a misunderstanding. Hopefully, for your circumstance, it was as well.”

New, warm tears began to stream down. “I don’t think so, Suga. I’ve been thinking about it. RM and I never hung out. Not by ourselves, that is. And whenever we talk, he doesn’t really ask personal questions. I ask him about his family and girlfriend and past, but he’s never shown interest in me. I don’t think that’s how friends are.”

Suga was quiet again. “Namjoonie is someone who holds up many walls. It takes a good deal to bring them down. I’ll be honest, there are moments when he doesn’t let us in. He carries a lot on his shoulders. Sometimes Jin can get through to him, but when he shuts down, there’s no way of getting him to open up. He has to be the one who’s ready to do so. A lot is going on lately. I’m not trying to make excuses for him, but I’m sure he’s stressed and not thinking clearly.

“I know his heart. He’s an incredible person and someone who would never want to hurt someone. I’m sure if he sees he’s upset you, he’ll do everything in his power to set things right.”

I didn’t say anything. A part of me believed Suga, but a bigger part was buried deep in the pain and I couldn’t see straight. I was stuck in a negative headspace.

We didn’t speak much for the remainder of the night. Suga kept his arm around me for a while longer.

This moment I was having with Suda reminded me of last year when we were recording a song for their current album. I was asked to help assist with a solo song for him. While writing for the track, the two of us went the entire night drinking and comparing childhood stories. We found we shared a complicated relationship with music. We were both born to be musicians but there came a point in our lives where we resented it for different reasons. His thoughts about it were similar to mine and together, we created a song that held a special place in my heart. It was a song that after the recording was done, I only listened to once due to the power it had over me. It was one of the few songs I had taken part in writing but couldn’t listen to.

As I sat next to Suga, I began to feel sleepy. When he noticed this, he offered me his bed. I insisted on using the couch in his room, knowing I couldn’t drive at this stage but not wanting to inconvenience my friend either. He had none of it. He placed the covers around me and took the couch for himself.

My doubts about the rest of the guys seeing me as their friend began to float away.

******

-NAMJOON-

The next day was full of activity. The schedule for the guys was set from the start of the day and would carry on until the night. The next day, they were set to leave LA for their next destination.

Having the responsibility of ensuring everyone was awake today, Namjoon woke early the next morning. He knew his hyungs were more than likely awake, so he went directly to the three youngest rooms first. After ensuring they woke up, Namjoon then made his way to Hobi and Jin’s rooms; not surprisingly, the two of them were easier to stir awake. Finally, he headed to Yoongi’s room. Namjoon was certain he was awake, but he’d rather play it safe and check.

Just as Namjoon got to Yoongi’s room, he saw his hyung’s door open. And out came a curly-haired brunette.

Namjoon stopped in his tracks. It had been a while since Yoongi had brought a girl to a hotel room, but he had never done so while they were overseas. What chick had he hooked up with last night? He didn’t know any Americans. And judging from this girl’s backside and figure, she was not Korean, so it couldn’t be one of their staff.

“Thanks again, Yoongi,” said the girl as Yoongi stepped up to the doorway to see her off.

He gave her a small smile and a half hug.

It took Namjoon a moment, but he finally recognized the voice. “Maya?”

Maya turned; her almond-shaped eyes wide. Did she look…scared?

Namjoon remembered how she had left so abruptly from the studio yesterday. Sebastian had asked him what had happened, but he genuinely didn’t know. One moment they were having a conversation and the next Maya was gone. He had noticed the change in her breathing right as Sebastian tried blocking him from looking at her. Namjoon asked Sebastian what had been wrong with Maya, but Sebastian simply said that she got sick every once in a while but didn’t give specifics. It worried Namjoon. He had even sent Maya a couple of messages, wishing she felt better.

But Namjoon figured she had gone home to rest. Why was she here? Had she spent the night with Yoongi? Was there more going on between them that he hadn’t noticed?

“What are you doing here?” Namjoon asked her bluntly, stepping forward.

Maya took several steps away from him. Some tears began to make their way down her eyes. “I gotta go.” She gave Yoongi a quick look and walked away in a hurry.

As she left, Namjoon could hear her take deep breaths, just as she had last night.

He wanted to go after her to see if she was ok, but something made his feet stay where they were. “Why was she crying?” Namjoon asked.

“How about you tell me?” Yoongi asked, a lethal note detected in his tone.

Namjoon frowned, not understanding. “Did I do something wrong?”

“I would say so. What the hell were you on yesterday?” he asked, the lethal note sounding deadlier.

“Excuse me?” Namjoon’s patience began to wear thin. His defenses started to come up.

He and Yoongi got into intense arguments, sometimes it seemed out of nowhere. Since meeting each other, Namjoon and Yoongi’s relationship had been intense. It mostly stemmed from their competitiveness and different personalities. Yoongi tended to be stubborn and blunt while Namjoon was more docile and subtle. Their opposite traits tended to create the most intense fights.

Namjoon did his best to avoid arguing as much as he could, but the guy always knew what buttons to press. Just like he was now.

“What did you tell Maiwi last night?” Yoongi demanded.

Namjoon was quick to notice the nickname. Hobi and Jimin usually called her 'Mai-Mai', but Yoongi had created a nickname for Maya that was fully Korean. That could only mean one thing, right?

“Are you guys together?” Namjoon asked, shocked.

Yoongi looked completely unimpressed. “You know, for a genius, you really are daft sometimes. Nothing’s going on between me and Maya. She’s a friend. And she only sees a friend in me as well. Wish she could say the same thing about how she sees you, though.”

Namjoon’s confusion only deepened. “What?”

“Did you seriously tell her that you guys were work friends?”

Namjoon thought for a moment. “Yeah.”

“Aishhhh,” Yoongi hissed out as he shook his head disappointedly.

“What?”

“You hurt her feelings, Namjoon,” Yoongi emphasized.

Namjoon was taken about by these words. He didn’t know how to react. But he continued to listen to Yoongi as he spoke.

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but last night was the first time Maya has ever opened up about how toxic her relationships are. Hobi even pointed out that even with him, Maya is pretty quiet about her relationships. He’s noticed markings on her arms in the past, but she’s always dismissed the bruises. I’ve seen a couple of bruises on her as well, but never asked her about it, fearing what her answer would be. And last night she confirmed our suspicions.

“She opened up to us because she thought she was talking to friends. She felt safe bringing down those walls. And then you go and tell her she’s not a friend? What the fuck do you think that did to her?” Yoongi demanded.

The realization of his mistake made Namjoon want to start digging a hole for himself to live inside. “Shit,” he let out. He replayed the entire conversation from last night in his head. What the hell had possessed him to say such a thing?

So much was going on lately, that he had behaved and spoken without thinking. But it was no excuse for him acting like a jerk.

Yoongi was right, Maya had entrusted them and opened up to them. And she was a friend. Last night during her breakup with her ex, she had proved how great of a friend she was. He had fucked up.

He turned towards the hall, but Maya was long gone. "I didn't mean it that way; just that we're not that close like I am with you guys or my other friends."

“Listen, whatever backward, caveman mentality you have on guy and girl friendships, I couldn't give two shits about. But the rest of us do consider her a friend. She's shown great loyalty to us not only professionally—she's defended us countless times in the media whenever some idiot makes a racist or homophobic comment about us—but just last night she even defended us privately. It looked like she was about to fight her ex after he said what he said."

"I know," Namjoon agreed. "She's amazing. We're lucky to have an ally like her."

"We're lucky to have a friend like her," Yoongi corrected him.

Namjoon just gave a nod, his eyes still on the hall, where Maya had disappeared into. He was still debating on going after her.

"We have a full schedule today,” Yoongi said, knowing exactly what was going through Namjoon’s head. “It’s best to call her. See if you can meet tonight or tomorrow morning before we fly out.”

Namjoon nodded, taking out his phone.

“I know you can be blunt with your honesty, but you really need to think before you speak. Especially when it comes to someone who hasn't come to fully know you quite yet. Set things right with her, Namjoon. Don’t fuck it up with her. She’s a good person,” Yoongi said then turned back to his room.

Namjoon pressed Maya’s name on his contacts. He left a message, apologizing over and over.

Around noon, she still hadn’t responded, so he called again.

That night, he called again.

And again.

And again….

***********

~MAYA~

I had only agreed to meet with him after the 10th voicemail. Plus, Yoongi had sent me a message, telling me to give RM an opportunity to explain.

It was the following morning when we met. The guys always booked out an entire floor, meaning there were plenty of empty rooms. When I entered the room, RM was already inside waiting.

He stood up once he saw me. “Thank you for coming,” he said politely.

Instantly, I felt an uneasiness in my stomach. No words came out of me; I remained standing, just staring at him.

RM took a breath, a look of regret washing over his face. “I want to apologize for yesterday. What I said, I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I do value your friendship. Please, do not think I don’t,” RM sounded like he was pleading.

A rush feeling of flight took over, I didn’t want to be here. However, my feet remained still “You don’t have to apologize for something you feel. I shouldn’t have made assumptions. I feel embarrassed for putting you in an awkward position.”

“No. Not at all. I—”

My feet jerked and I could feel them wanting to make their way to the door. I forced my body to remain still. “I don’t want to keep talking about this; it’s upsetting. And I don’t want to cry in front of you.” I don’t know what possessed me to be so blunt and honest. Maybe it was because it was my best bet for him to let me leave without causing a scene.

I took a deep breath, trying my best to maintain control of my emotions. “Let’s continue as we have. When the guys invite me over, I’ll come over like normal. If you need some advice with English, it’s fine if you email me or text me like you usually do. I’ll be sure to stop inviting you over to hang out. Now, all these years later, I understand why you never accepted my invitations, so I’ll stop putting you in an uncomfortable situation.”

“Maya—”

“I know you have your flight to catch, so I’ll be on my way out.” My feet finally won the battle and moved towards the door.

RM’s long legs were quick; he made his way in front of me, blocking me. “I’m sorry, Maya. Please. I want to set things right.”

I always spoke in Korean with all the guys. Every once in a while I would say some English words, but normally I stuck with Korean. It was a struggle since Korean was not my first language and one that I didn’t use daily. Even with my Tia Jia and her family, I spoke more English with them than Korean. I never told any of the guys, not even Hoseok, but it certainly took a lot of energy when I was with them. It never felt stressful, though, because the guys were worth it—they were my friends. But I suddenly didn’t feel the drive to overwork my brain. Maybe it was because RM wasn’t a friend.

I decided to stick to English. “You meant what you said. As shitty as it felt, you meant it. I don’t want you to let Suga make you feel guilty. Everything is fine with us professionally. Personally, I’m hurt. I don’t want to be here because I know I’m going to cry and I don’t want to do that in front of you.”

It was like someone had just slapped him in the face, RM looked so taken aback and hurt. He composed himself and gave a nod. “Ok. Can we talk later?” He asked softly in English.

He looked like a kicked puppy and the sad tone in his voice made my stomach turn. Guilt. I wanted to forgive him and forget all the words from nights ago because he did look to mean his apology, but my pride kept me from accepting it. “Maybe. I don't know.”

He leaned forward like he was about to take a step closer to me but he stopped himself and stayed at a distance. “I'll call you this weekend,” he said with determination, still in English.

I didn’t say anything. I walked out and went into the hall, heading to the elevator.

He stayed at the doorway, watching me as I waited for the elevator doors to open.

I kept my head high, doing my best to not give in and cry. Even as I entered the elevator, I kept it in, not allowing my emotions to come undone until I was on the highway.

RM did call me that weekend. Several times. At all times of the day. But I didn’t pick up.

********

He called again several days later. But still, I did not answer.

He sent messages, asking when I was free. He would make time. I didn’t reply.

A couple of weeks after, there were a few emails, asking the same question. But they all went unanswered.

In the months that followed, my communication with the rest of the guys increased. Not only was I chatting with Hoseok, Jimin, Tae, and Yoongi, but Jungkook and Jin would randomly send me messages as well. Jungkook's were scarce, but knowing he wasn’t much of a texter meant a lot. Jin's messages were mostly funny video clips of them. We played a few mobile games together. With the two of them, I felt a sweet and genuine friendship. 

But even though it felt nice to have six of them in my life, it felt like something was missing. I would get the urge to message RM, but I didn’t know how to start a conversation. I slowly began to see things more logically; my anger faded, and my hurt no longer took precedence. However, my pride would then take over. I became determined not to allow myself to be weak again. RM had hurt me and I shouldn’t let him do it again. I didn’t need to beg someone to be friends with me. Hoseok and Jimin had been right that night I had broken up with my ex. I needed to start cutting bad people out of my life. Not that I thought RM was a bad person, but he certainly was someone who didn’t care about me. Why should I keep someone in my life if I didn’t matter to them?

As the months went on, RM’s phone calls stopped. His text messages didn’t come anymore. Some emails were exchanged. But they were always work-related and kept cordial on my end.

I took notice he always signed off with, “Call me anytime.”

But I didn’t do so.

*****

-November 2017-

In the many months that followed, I managed to make drastic changes in my life. I cut off anyone in my life that was not a good influence. Taking the guys’ advice to me, I made sure to only keep people who I knew had my best interest at heart. The guys I normally went for, I made sure to avoid. No artists, no musicians, no guys dressed in that homeboy style. Those were my rules. If a guy came up to me with any one of those characteristics, I dodged them.

I managed to catch a couple of good guys but dumped them pretty quickly after finding no real chemistry with them.

It was a good and positive change for me. I felt better than ever knowing I was actively being more positive.

However, something seemed off still. And I knew why that was.

After many talks with Hoseok, Yoongi, and my Tia Jia, I finally got the courage to send Namjoon a message.

The guys were scheduled to come back to LA and it felt like a good time to meet with RM.

Once again, we met at one of the many rooms they had checked out in their hotel.

This time, I made sure to be the first to arrive. I felt it was only fair. It was difficult not to acknowledge that he had in fact all he could to set things right. He had done his best to reach out to me; it was my turn to reach out just as much.

As he entered the room, I got to my feet. “Hi.”

Being the ever-polite young man he was, RM gave me a proper bow, thanking me for meeting him.

 My heart squeezed at seeing this. Guilt came over. How could I ever have thought any part of RM was negative? He had made a mistake. He was allowed to do so. He was human.

RM had a whole speech prepared. It was like he had rehearsed it several times, hardly taking a breath. “I do see you as a friend. I always have. I was an idiot to have said what I said," was how he ended his speech.

I gave him a small nod. “I appreciate your apology. And I’m sorry on my end for not reaching out earlier. I think it was my pride mixed in with my embarrassment for my overreaction, but—”

“You didn’t overreact,” RM cut me off. “You were right to be upset. I spoke without thinking. Just like you told me, you shouldn’t apologize for how you feel.”

I was quiet for a moment, considering his words.

“So, can we be friends?” RM asked with a teasing smile.

His dimples made the butterflies in my stomach go wild. I felt the crush I had for him emerging. I did my best to squash it. “Yes,” I answered.

The dimples on his cheeks deepened.

Wanting to forget the last half year, I decided to move the conversation to something lighter. “Ok, I need some guy advice and Hoseok and Yoongi still haven’t answered my damn messages.”

“I’m all ears,” he said, taking a seat on the couch and giving me all of his attention. He seemed eager to prove himself.

“So, there’s these two guys I’m talking to—only talking. Nothing physical has happened with either one of them…yet,” I said with a snicker.

“Ok, I see where this is going,” RM said with a smile. “Been on dates with either one of them? Gone to dinner with them?”

“Went on a couple of dates so far with both of them. Dinner with both.”

“How did they treat the staff?”

I frowned, not understanding.

He read my confusion. “Go on a dinner date with both of them again. Look for an opportunity for the staff to make a mistake and see how they react. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat staff. If he’s an ass, don’t make excuses, and stop talking to him. Keep the one who is humble and treats the staff like a decent human being.”

I considered his advice and concluded it was a pretty damn good one. “Thanks. I’ll do that.”

“What do these two guys do? What vocation are they in?”

“One is a talent agent, really hot and a pretty good smooth talker—very fun to be around. And the other one is an attorney. He’s alright, but a little boring.”

“What makes him boring?” RM asked curiously.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Just doesn’t seem to be too exciting. A real homebody, which I’m cool with, but you know—I like to go out, you know. Possibly travel; have some fun. This talent agent and I have gone to the club and I had a good time with him. The attorney I have yet to have fun with.”

RM stopped me. “Wait, I’m remembering something. Weren’t you dating some actor? I thought I saw you at one of the premieres with him.”

“Oh, yeah. We dated for a few months, but it didn’t last. His schedule got to be too much.”

RM seemed to be thinking. “Was it just the schedule that was an issue? You’re an artist, you should be able to understand a busy schedule and work it out.”

I felt I was being called out. “Fine. It wasn’t his schedule. He just…he was a bit bland.”

RM chuckled. “Bland?”

“Yeah, he tended to like the quieter dates. A simple dinner and a movie at his place. He never wanted to go out.”

RM cocked his eyebrow, signaling to me that he suspected something about me.

I was sure I knew what he was thinking. “So, I prefer to have fun. What’s wrong with that?”

RM put a hand in defense and laughed lightly. “No, I don’t mean to judge. It’s just that…it seems like you aren’t willing to bend a little to the guys’ preference. Being part of a couple is sometimes doing things for the other person. Just like you want to go to the club with him, maybe give him that night in.”

I let his words marinade, considering if he was right.

“Maya, I say this as a friend who cares for you: many of your past boyfriends haven’t been the best choices. Maybe try going for a guy completely different than what you’re used to. I’m not saying change your personality, but start being open to someone very different than who you usually go for.”

He was kind of making sense.

“Give this lawyer guy a chance,” he suggested with a warm smile.

I gave him a nod.

On the following dates I had with the talent agent and the attorney, I paid attention to how they were with the staff. The talent agent failed miserably, snapping at staff at the first opportunity. However, the attorney, a guy named Jerry, was a complete gentleman.

I followed my friend’s advice and decided to see where this thing with the attorney would lead.

------------------------

AN: I've been wanting to do a Namjoon POV and I finally found the perfect spot for it! 🥰

ANNOUNCEMENT: The next two weeks will be pretty busy at work. I might go a couple of weekends without posting, my apologies. The good thing is we are closer to the end of this story.

Chapters: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 - 28 - 29 - 30

MASTERLIST

[zealsoughtsequesterustanxiedemon]

Realized I finished Mushoku Tensei S2 and never posted about it on here. It was good. I liked it. Stuff from all over the place that I liked (loooooong):

Rudy tries a rebound relationship with a girl like Eris, he absolutely beefs it in a way that is very understandable

Said failed relationship actually also ruins his relationship w/ all of their mutual friends (this shit actually happens IRL)

Erectile Dysfunction is a major plot point

He gets another father figure (he seems really drawn to those) who treats his problems seriously and practically

Show continues to have sex as a core element and is actually pretty normal about it (including being p respectful about sex workers)

Fitz making Rudy question his sexuality

Having someone else who got isekai'd in a way completely different from Rudy

Said person wanting to go back to non-isekai and that making Rudy feel like shit for all his regrets

Sylphie actually having an elaborate, but awkward plan for making Rudy remember her (and it totally succeeding)

Finding the love of his life doesn't automatically solve Rudy's ED issues (they actually need medication for it, but the combination gets him there)

Rudy almost reliving his abandonment trauma and crying when she comes back in the morning

The question of "How do you get married?" being answered with "You get a house together, I think"

Rudy bouncing back and being a total horndog once his ED is fixed, to which his wife can only go "Oh, Rudy" and embrace him happily

Norn

Norn is just great, they made her a mirror for Rudy, one where he can help save his old self, but also her own person

Norn is a great reminder of where Rudy came from, that he really is that privileged now even if he has his own problems, AND the he can still be criticized in world

She's someone who can like Rudy, but can never really fully accept him for his faults

Perfect that she is the one who pushes him to go to save their mom

Nice little tidbit that teleportation is funky w/ time

Orsted stores his clothes near teleporters lel

Rudy saves Roxy in a way to make me genuinely believe she falls for him before she knows who he is

Her being saved doesn't actually make her look helpless, she somehow survived in a dungeon for a whole-ass month

Paul is still his same old flawed self, but he gets to actually show off in front of his Son and look cool

He foreshadows that he's going to have The Talk with Rudy later, but the talk is about Polyamory and he hints at with a dual-wielding metaphor

The dungeon boss is actually some pretty stereotypical video game monster

They have to back out of the fight and regroup

Paul acting irrationally as soon as his wife comes into the picture

Rudy metagames about burning the Hydra's heads, but it doesn't feel cheap because it's just a video game monster

The hydra attempting to ripoff it's burned stump to regrow it's head, and the dungeon group being able to handle that and adapt in real time

Rudy and us being unaware of Paul's fate until we see it at the same time

Zenith not even being okay after the fact

The man god really lived up to his word, Rudy really did regret going there even if he couldn't choose anything else. Horrible pain was waiting there for him

Roxy taking advantage of Rudy. IMO it was so satisfying for his childhood crush, this girl we knew was going to become a real romantic interest that has been hanging over the plot since early season one, to enter his romantic life at a point that is so messy

The woman who is cursed to have sex all the time, who is about to commit to a monogamous life, gives him the polyamory talk

That he walks into it knowing it will be messy and upsetting, but that doesn't mean people won't be happy, I mean his dad, mom, and maid are the perfect example of that

Norn is the one who tells him off, and she is both right to and wrong to (think of your sister Norn!)

Sylphie is actually very accepting, she p much expected this when he was going on a big trip ("well he's not going to have me to fuck"). There's a real power to accepting your man is a complete horn dog and loving him for it.

Sylphie and Roxy actually get along v well and I totally buy it (v shippable)

Norn starting to learn swordsmanship to take up her Dad's sword (Rudy was not going to do it)

Rudy coming to accept that despite him coming into this world with his past life's worth of knowledge, Paul really was his father

This whole combined season has really made it a point for this world to simultaneously attach Rudy to it more AND confront his regrets from his old one. It's nice. It's like it's a good isekai story or something

Stuff I didn't like (much shorter, but still v much problems):

The story was a little too homophobic with how it had Rudy "no homo" his way into denying Fitz was a boy

Just make Rudy actually thinks he's bi. You don't have to go through the process of actually accepting it before the Sylphie reveal, the story is much less homophobic (also it would be make the dual-wielding talk with Paul even funnier)

It does the "Ethical Slave Master" thing

[maleficore]

Saw someone else do it and I think I've done this before too, but the list has grown since then a bit so here's my current lineup of read dead wips that I'm working on!! :D Minus the stuff that's already posted on AO3 cuz I see no point in doing a synopsis for things that have left my google drive and you can go and read ahah.

Turned out loooooong so lookie under the cut if you're interested in knowing what I'm up to.

Morston Soulmate AU (title tba, multichapter, around 20-30k when finished) - An AU where you can feel all the injuries your soulmate gets, both minor and major ones. There's no soul marks, seeing your soulmate get hurt and connecting the dots is the only way to find out. Has a lot of time skips and focuses more on feelings than events, but starts out pre-canon when John almost gets lynched and works its way towards the end of the canon story. Chapters alternate between Arthur's and John's POV. Canon compliant :)

RDR2 "Modern AU" (title tba, multichapter, long as shit) - I only call it a modern AU for the sake of simplicity... I'm not sure if it counts as one. Set in 1999 and focuses on the case of Arthur Matthews -- a 36 year old adoptive son of the infamous criminal defence lawyer Hosea Matthews, who went missing without a trace for six months and then reappeared miles from his hometown, seemingly unharmed, but also... not quite right. Delusional, confused, suffering from some sort of memory impairment. The story is about Arthur struggling to adapt to being back home in a reality that is apparently foreign to him. Outsider's/John's POV, but not really shippy. It can be read as pre-slash, though.

My Self-Indulgent Jesse/Arthur fic (another title tba lol, it's too early to tell but I'm thinking multichapter? A collection of scenes from 1878 to 1899) - This one is for me and me only, though I will eventually post it 😂 Written in second person, like a reader-insert and can be read as one if someone wants to, but I am including Jesse's backstory and feelings that are way too specific to be immersive for anyone but myself... I'm working real hard to write it in a way that portrays growing up queer in that time somewhat realistically, so it's not always pretty, but I do try to keep it not that depressing. Features: Jesse's early-life backstory, the story of the scar, his first Gay Experience, how his brothers died, the ups and downs of his relationship with Arthur, why they eventually broke up for what felt like last time, how he got arrested (altered RDO storyline bit) and how he got back up with the gang. I'm planning to do a rough rewrite/fix-it of the canon story with him in it too, but that's... an "one day" thing ajsddjfk

Morston Omegaverse (title tba, one shot, around 10-15k probably? I can't keep things short, sorry) - Young-ish and freshly presented Alpha John, "Closeted" Omega Arthur. Ngl this one is smutty as hell... but! I think my take on omegaverse is rather fun (very transgendered) and it's porn WITH not without plot so something for everyone there lol. John's POV again + lotsa feelings, misunderstandings and some angst :) Just the way I like it.

Vandermatthews Daemon AU (had a title but ao3 yeeted my draft and I forgot what it was, oops)- I say Vandermatthews, but it's more of a "curious couple, unruly son" genfic than real slashfic 😅 This is supposed to be the beginning a series of oneshots from different characters' POV. This one is maybe a 1/3 done (needs a serious rewrite tho) and written from Hosea's POV. It's about him and Dutch finding and taking in young Arthur -- a very traumatised child who has undergone intercision and therefore lost his daemon. More of a collection of vignettes from that moment to when they take in John than a real coherent fic tho. The next one is going to be John's POV coming of age thing and we'll see where my brain will go from there. I want to do a separate big ass post about this one later because I have Opinions on the gang members' daemons that I need either challenged or validated...

1907!John/Isaac fic (title tba... a two parter, one set in the epilogue and the second is a RDR1 fix-it) - NOW HEAR ME OUT!!!!!! PUT DOWN THE GODDAMN PITCHFORKS FOR A SECOND PLS This is a plot bunny that Refused To Fucking Die. Isaac is obviously an adult in this (22), they have never met before, and the story begins in the months where Abigail and Jack were gone and John worked alone on Pronghorn ranch. It's not so much a romance (despite the slash) but more two people dealing with different types of grief in Very Unhealthy ways, okay. It's supposed to be a bit iffy because of that and the... 12 years of difference between them in this universe. I'm not trying to make this shit uwu or anything. It's also a bit of a daddy issues vent piece for me and I've been working it for MONTHS because I want to write this one right. This is the the fic I redacted in my last WIP showcase, but now decided that... fuck it. Here you go.

(Doubt anyone has made it this far, but if you did ily.. please lemme know what you think? My ask box is open for questions too... I love talking about the stuff I'm working on even if it's not posted yet ❤)

[starjxsung]

dear darling star <3 how are you?

i hope im not bothering you with this message

it’s been a while now and tumblr just doesn’t feel the same without you </3

i hope you’re doing good (both physically and emotionally)

i’ve been out of order lately because my life has been super hectic, so here’s the rundown till now:

i passed the semester with equal parts a’s and b’s (ngl the b’a hurt a bit bc it’s the first time in like 6 years i’ve gotten a b in a class😪 but im just glad that i made it)

my uni friends and i went out drinking to celebrate the semester being over( there were a lot of college students and we felt old af). we got so drunk that it was so weird for me but it was so fun to let loose for the first time in a loooooong time.

we just finished booking everything we needed for lolla and im a bit more excited now.

i’ve also been watching kdramas now (?!?) and im kinda addicted

bittersweet news:

i’ve also been a lot more proactive in donating to help palestine (i still donated monthly b4 but i’ve tried chip in a bit more lately, considering what’s been happening in rafah)

for the not so good news:

two stray cats that we haven’t been able to spay yet gave birth so there’s that. i love kittens, they’re the cutest but i always get so stressed at socializing them and/or finding homes for them because people are irresponsible af with their pets here but i can’t keep taking cats in without my cats and my other financial responsibilities being affected </3 i’ve been kinda guilty for the trip too bc of the money we’ve spent

my dad found a premature newborn kitten and it sadly passed away too </3

and, finally, i’m taking my masters’ comprehensive tests in two weeks and im terrified of failing them (i’ll update when i get the results so 🤞🏻).

i hope you’re doing well, what have you been up to? i hope you’re taking good care of yourself💜

(adding some life pictures too, look at the babies, look at my mom’s big ass piece of pizza and of course, i hope you still drink your iced coffee consistently <3)

i wish you the absolute best, always <3

sending you love wherever your are, whenever you are✨

sincerely,

🐈‍⬛

My love!!!!!! The love of my actual life. I was just thinking of you because skz posted they would be doing that little kitten interview thing (they did it for us and us only ‼️‼️) I’m so excited we get to see Jisung with kittens 😌

you’re NEVERRRR a bother with your messages. They’re absolutely the best part of all my days and I’ve been thinking of you so often while on my little break from the internet. First I am SO glad to hear you finished with a’s and b’s????? You should be so proud of yourself my love!!!!!! And you went out to celebrate, I hope you had the most fun everrrrrr 🥹🫶

my sister and I just got our lolla wristbands in the mail and it’s all starting to feel so real. I’m excited but also nervous??? As fuck??????? And I still have 2 Ateez shows before then I’ve done absolutely nothing to prepare for 🥲 it’s crunch time when I get back home frfr

also pls send all the kdrama recs as soon as physically possible !!!!!!

I’m so glad to hear you’re able to donate and be of help 🫶 I’ve been continuing to donate to save the children and participating in active boycotts. Tuning into the news every day is just so fucking heartbreaking. I’m so proud of everyone on here doing what they can and donating ❤️🍉 I love you so much

Also FEEL YOU on the kitten thing…. kittens are so so so much work and they stress me out so bad. One of my neighbors at my parents’ house once left behind their cat who gave birth in our shed and we has to care for the last kitten who survived (super tiny little premature baby) and even though we rushed her to the vet and watched after her for a few days, she passed 💔 that was the moment that I remember being like….. kittens are just so much more fragile than people think and difficult to care for. You did the best that you could :( thank you for being there for them regardless.

Also how did the comprehensive test go? (If you already took it) I hope you did so so amazing my love!!!!!!!!

I love you endlessly and I’m thinking of you always. Momo and I are rooting for you (even though she’s with my dad rn) and we hope you’re taking good care of yourself. All my love to you, always always always 💓💞💫🫶 I’ll be back properly very soon and in the meanwhile I’m sending you all my love from the middle of nowhere ! I hope it reaches you

[k1rameki]

hey everyone im gonna make a loooooong ass post later basically about my human tabi design, hcs and allat jazz

also gonna be a boundary post too bc apparently i need to do that again yay fun /s

ya stay tuned pookies im gonna ramble like crazy