#LOOK this became a whole-ass rant and I'm not sure if there's a Point to it in the end lmao

[22degreehalo]

[Okay so this started as a reblogged addition to this previous post of mine but then it got long enough to stand alone sooooo]

Okay actually to narrow this down a bit, there's something incredibly fascinating about the way that despite Ashley being the driving force behind most of the story, it's almost always Andrew who actually commits the physical act of hurting someone.

Because, yes, despite what I said above, that particular aspect of their dynamic is deeply gendered: 'bad women' are usually the ones who manipulate and connive rather than get their hands dirty directly (with the unintended side effect that we tend to not take it seriously when women DO take physical action, because it just doesn't feel as 'real' or 'bad' as when men do it), while physical aggression is limited to men.

But there's so much more to it. There's the way Andrew feels a need to protect Ashley, which takes from the way he was parentified by his mother into having to take care of her as an authority and guardian rather than just another kid in his own right. The fact that Ashley really did need someone to protect her, because... she was kind of badly lacking in social skills and emotional regulation, to the point of exhibiting sadistic tendencies even from a young age. (Or, I suppose I should say, sadistic tendencies that she never grew out of, due to lacking the normal emotional development that sees young kids develop that kind of conscience?) All of which made her, realistically, pretty darn unpopular!!!

But also... that is a manipulation tactic. It's one of the classic signs of a cult: pressure/coerce a member to engage in some kind of morally reprehensible action, and once that's happened, it becomes far far harder for them to get out. Partially because they've now badly severed any other outside support systems; Renee knew what happened with Nina, and even if she had more hope for Andrew than she ever did Ashley even after that, it clearly framed how she saw those two and their relationship after that point. And, y'know, there's the fact that Andrew is seriously worried that they'll be thrown in jail, which means that he can't tell anyone else what happened, or even let them realise 'how bad' Ashley is, or they might start remembering that missing girl Ashley always used to hang out with...

But also partially because it complicates any internal sense of being a victim of another person's abuse. How can you act like you're some sweet little innocent baby, pushed around by the big old scary abuser, when you yourself have blood on your hands? (Part of why I find it a bit... unsettling? How many people in the TCOAAL fandom sincerely spread that his relenting to Ashley's manipulation makes him 'just as bad'.) It creates an internal sense of guilt and 'need' to be punished, or to be controlled by somebody who can make the 'right decisions'. And it furthers a sense that there's 'no going back' - that there's no point in even trying to escape this relationship, because it's gone too far, and the victim has already given up any hope of having or deserving a life outside of it.

And that's related to something I've had bouncing around in my mind for a lonnnnng time, but still even now don't have the brainspace to fully unpack it. People talk a lot about the inherent trauma of being a woman living under the patriarchy, but I think we don't discuss enough the inherent moral damage of being a man under the same circumstances.

Men are raised to see themselves as aggressive; hostile; killers; predators. They're taught that any sex they get from women is at her expense, a deal that can only be made good by their being Successful Enough to 'earn' it. That success, of course, is zero-sum; men must prove themselves over other men competitively to 'win', whether by earning more money, being more dominant, or (in attemptively progressive spaces) by being 'nicer' or 'better feminists' than other men. Men are expected to sacrifice; to war, to defending the women in their life, to working themselves to the bone under capitalism where women are 'supposed' to rely on men, instead. And that 'protecting' inherently implies violence against other men: men are expected by default to be able to throw themselves into the fray and get beat up and beat up somebody else in turn, and if they can't, they're viewed as lesser; pathetic and selfish. Men aren't given any support system to NOT be capable of inflicting violence. No matter how pacifist or anxious or disabled they are, they are in and of themselves viewed as 'acceptable targets' of violence, due to a perceived inherent ability to enact violence themselves.

Of course Andrew is the one to pull the trigger most of the time. Of course he takes it on as rote, as just his expected part in their messed-up relationship. Of course Ashley gladly lets him, even when she's the one who really wants to see the victim hurting. Of course Ashley encourages him into it, making him part of her decisions, binding him to her in blood over and over again, and of course she then throws it in his face as him 'choosing her', because what can he plausibly say to argue against that? And, then, of course his 'decay' involves turning his violence against both Ashley and himself, because he's too far gone to turn back now and become the monster Ashley was trying to turn him into.

AGAIN, I don't mean this as anti-Ashley; I think this is a super insightful display of both gender and abuser dynamics, and as I've said above, there are a whole heck of a lot of reasons why Ashley is the way she is. Also, fucked up and unjustifiably bad female characters are good sometimes!!

Just. Ashley does, canonically, encourage Andrew to engage in acts that his conscience rails against - actions that fill him with guilt and emotional pain - and then uses all of that to tie him to her ever stronger so he'll never leave. It says a lot that she gets so nervous when Andrew stops acting so guilty in the Burial route; because if she can't throw that moral damage back at him, how is she supposed to make sure he doesn't leave? If he's happy and well-adjusted and believes he deserves a decent life, why would he ever willingly stay with her?! (So she thinks.)(Not that she's entirely wrong, but.) She doesn't trust healthy relationship dynamics; she trusts guilt and trauma bonding.

(And it also means something hella big that Andrew seemingly doesn't get quite so many of those guilt-ridden nightmares as he pretends. Is he trying to pretend to himself he hasn't already slipped so far? Does he crave Ashley's loving reassurance just as much as she wants him to need it? It's like... speaking of intricate rituals, holy hell if this isn't fucking one of them: getting messed up in the head over committing cannibalism and murder, but then continuing to pretend that it's messing you up long after you're sorta getting over it, because that's the safest and easiest way to make your sister happy and nice to you.)

[maxiscoolongg]

PATRICK HOCKSETTER HEADCANNONS

——

☆ Lets bfr yall probably became friends because you were tutoring him on math because he is failing in school😭😭

★ like the teacher would pull you and Patrick aside after class and be like "Y/n you are going to be tutoring Patrick" you were stuned tbh

☆ Patrick however was really happy or something. When you guys were tutoring he kept asking questions about you.

★ You guys got surprisingly close.

☆ He gives you so much nicknames😭 (Ex: doll, dollface, pretty, darling, peaches)

★ he is really affectionate like REALLY affectionate.

——

You were at your locker getting your books for next period until you felt to hands go into your hoops of your shorts you giggled a little as you said "Hello pat" you said sweetly. That same sweet voic that made him fall in love with you "Hey dollface, I was thinking we watch a movie at your house?" He asked as his hands traveled to your waist as his head went onto your shoulder as you looked at him "Mm.. Maybe, I have dance after school" you said as you turned around

"Awh, come one can't you just skip one class, prettyface" He said flirty "I guess I can, but if my mom yells at me I will blame you" You said smiling a tiny bit as he smirked.

——

☆ He was the one who confessed to you for sure.

★ he LOVES watching horror movies.

☆ He for sure loves scream (Pretened it was released then)

★ Loves the way you get closer to him everytime a murder scene pops up

☆ If you don't flinch he love if you rant about it.

——

You guys were watching a movie and a murder scene popped up, he looked at you a little as you got closer in fear he watched as your brows came together as the character made a stupid decision "Oh my God!- she is so stupid! Why wouldn't she run the other way!" You yelled as he chuckled a little. He ADORED the way you ranted about movies he loves it so much.

——

★ Loves your lips, thighs, waist, ass,

☆ Definitely whispers stuff in your ear during school like ge would wishper stuff to make you laugh or to make you flustered

★ Your scared of the Bowers gang. Without a doubt, they are nice to you (Vic is the nicest) but still. You are friends with the losers and the keep telling you about them but you say "They're nice to me though!"

☆ Patrick definitely stalks you and takes pictures without permission. He loves the pictures of you drawing in class,

——

YANDERE PATRICK HC

♡ you thought the relationship was all lovey dovey? No way.

♥︎ this man is so fucking overprotective, to the point its not even funny anymore

♡ if your asking me bro probably started stalking you in the 6th grade💀🙏🏻

♥︎ anyway, he probably planned the whole tutoring thing cause believe it or not he is actually probably really smart.

♡ teachers are SCARED of patrick, bro can practically get anything he wants so be careful my guy.

♥︎ If your hanging out with one of friends? Nope. Not any more! Patrick can keep you company,

♡ loves and I mean LOVES when he takes photos of you when you don't know, like bro will definitely pull a Johnathan byers and take photos of you changing. Not even kidding.

——

"I'm going to bed night ma!" You said to your mom as you gave her a kiss on the cheek and walked in your room closing the door behind you as you walked to your closet and took off your top to grab a pajama shirt

"God.." Patrick whispered from outside of your window, he was far but not the far, he was far enough you couldn't see him. He took a quick photo and almost chocked on his breath when he saw you bare naked. "Fucking gorgeous, darling" he whispered to himself but then again towards you

——

♥︎ bro is a sneaky mother fucker, steals everything.

♡ think a bracelet of yours looks nice? His now. No he doesn't do it because he wants it, he did it because he thinks you looked good wearing it and now he wants it so he can have a piece of you on him.

(EDITED March, 31st 2023.)

THATS ALL I HOPE YOU ENJOYED!!!

[man3at3r-mp4]

𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖔𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝖙𝖍𝖊 𝖑𝖆𝖒𝖇- 𝕳𝖍 𝖝 𝖒𝖆𝖑𝖊 𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉𝖊𝖗

Chapter 3- Family feud

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : 𝐁𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞 (𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐞)

               𝐁𝐲 𝐄𝐦𝐦𝐚 𝐖𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧

                             

                              ↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺

                 

                    1:35 ───ㅇ───── 3:47

Prologue Chapter 3.5

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

  "YOUR HIGHNESS!!!"

Liam's loud, shreeky voice called out to you. But you could care less, as you stormed out of the ball room, practically ripping off the uncomfortable and itchy gown you were forced to be fitted in.

The clicking of your hooves tapped against the crystal tiles of the floor, as you stomped off. You didn't know, you just wanted to get out of there. You picked up your pace as you heard the door slam open, and three pairs of footsteps following after you.

"Oh c'mon babe, where are you going?" You heard Adam call after you.

"Somewhere away from the three is you!" you snapped back, as you crossed your arms, one of your ears flicking in irritation.

"Your highness!" Liam spoke up, following not far after you, Adam and Lute.. "I understand your frustrations, but you shouldn't run off like that!" he clutched the schedule to his chest.

"Your highness, don't act to brash" Lute scoffs. Your eyebrow twitched at her words, but you continued to walk.

"Well I sure don't.." the exorcist angel quipped, "not to be a dick or anything, but you running off mid way through my sentence was a bitch move"

Your eye twitched, as you shot Adam a glare over your shoulder, causing him to blink as he shrugged his shoulders in confusion, "what?"

That got you to stop, you swiftly turned around and gave the other male the harshest glare you could muster, "What the hell do you mean WHAT?!?" Your ears were slightly pinned down. Apparently your yelling caught them both off guard.

"I just found out that my sister agreed to give you my hand in marriage and no one bothered to FUCKING tell me!" You growled, stomping your hooves on the ground, you were so enraged you didn't notice how you actually created a dent in the floor from how hard you were stomping.

"Your highness, language-" Liam interrupted.

"OH KISS MY ASS LIAM!" You pointed your finger at him, as steam huffed out of your nose. This caused the said Angel, to squeak as he shrieked back.

"Woah babe, chill out-"

"CHILL OUT?!?" You only got louder, "I'M BEING MARRIED OFF LIKE SOME FUCKING 16 CENTURY PRINCESS!! NO ONE EVEN BOTHERED TO ASK ME!" as you continued on with your rant, you were unaware of how you were actually getting taller. Actually, you were growing in size, as your usual e/c were now replaced with a golden glow, your horns elongated and sharpened, as you continued to grow. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN BOTHER TO ASK ME! YOU WENT STRAIGHT TO SERA!" Your voice deepened and became more echoey as you finally stopped growing. Your head touched the ceiling, as you had to get on all fours and duck your head down to Adam and Liam's level. You blew a puff of steam out of your nose at the exorcist, as you finished.

"Holy shit..." Adam murmured, his eyes wide in surprise. Liam and Lute held similar expressions. You expected him, to apologize and be a bit scared if not intimidated of you but this is Adam we're talking about.

"YOU CAN TURN INTO A FUCKING KAIJU?!?" He shouts, "oh that's so fucking sick!".

Liam and Lute shared a look before the female exorcist sighed, "Sir...I don't think this is the right ti-"

"Shut up Lute." Adam cut her off, resulting in Lute groaning and rolling her eyes. You blinked, taken aback from his response.

"Really is that what you're focusing on? And not the rest of what I said?" You asked, in a deadpan voice.

"Well duh, you never fucking told me you could do this" he says, as he placed his hands on his hips, glancing at you up in down. "Fuck, this is kinda doing it for me. I'd thought I'd never be into the whole size difference thing but maybe for our honeymoon you could-"

You growled again, your hooves scraping against the ground as you released another puff of steam from your nose. Liam took notice of this and shrieked, "Adam! Cut it out!" He pleaded. "You're making it worse!"

Lute nodded, "Sir, you're only angering him even more! Can you save your horny bullshit for later!" She said through gritted teeth gesturing over to you.

Adam huffs, "Fuck, fine..whatever I'll wait for him to be done with his little temper tantrum.."

"TEMPER TANTRUM?!?" You roared again.

"Oh no..." Liam squeaked, shrinking back into his wings. Lute only face palmed, at Adam's stupidity.

Fortunately, before you could do anything a familiar voice interrupted you.

"What is the meaning of this?!" A motherly voice spoke, It was Sera. Her voice booming throughout the room, as her wings folded gracefully against her back.

"Is everything okay?!?" A familiar younger looking angel called out, it was Emily and it was obvious she was concerned by her slight pout and furrowed eyebrows.

They both gasped as they noticed your monstrous form. "Y/n!!" Emily cried, as she quickly flew over. "What happened?" She frowned.

Meanwhile Sera was a lot less gentle with her tone. "Y/n! Stop this nonsense at once, whatever you're angry at shouldn't warrant this reaction!" She scoffed. "You're shaking the entire palace! Everyone in heaven can hear you!"

You huffed, "Well maybe I wouldn't be so fucking angry, if I didn't just find out I'm getting married!"

Sera's eyes widened,"how did you-" she cut herself off, as the realization settled into her brain, she shot a quick glare over to Adam. "Adam! I thought we agreed we'd tell him after he finished with his duties for the day.."

The said Angel shrugged, "You really expected me to wait the entire day? No bitch, it's not my fault you're so fucking busy..". Sera only rolled her eyes in response, she then turned back to face you.

"Y/n, I know this isn't an ideal situation to learn about your engagement but you must stop this nonsense at once." She sounded stern, as she still tried to maintain some semblance of normalcy in her tone.

"No! This isn't nonsense! I'm justifiably angry!" You groaned. "You always do this Sera! You make decisions about my life and never fucking ask me!"

"Language."

You growled in response, you went to speak again but Emily interrupted. "(Y/n)...please, I know you're angry but don't lash out at anyone, please. I'm sure we can resolve this if we just talk..?" She suggested. Your eyes softened a bit, as you looked into your sister's eyes. You let out another huff before, you began to shrink back into your normal size.

Sera and the others visibly relaxed as you retreated back to your regular size. You fixed the crown that laid sideways on your head, before soothing out your clothes. "Okay...I'll let you explain yourself..." you grumbled, crossing your arms.

Sera sighed, "I know you're upset" 'upset is an understatement'  you thought, as you listened to your sister speak. "But, I made the decision to accept Adam's proposal because I knew it would be good for you, it would be good for all of us."

You raised a brow, "how exactly?"

"Your union with Adam, will provide a  good service not only here but on earth. Love is a fundamental part of heaven, your marriage with Adam will symbolize love and happiness to the human. It'd help spread hope across the globe and help mortals stray away from sin"

"But what about my happiness??" You asked. "I don't want to seem selfish..but everything I've ever done has been for the humans or for heaven...I don't even know half of my subjects? I've never even been to the earth." You scoffed. "How do you even know this'll work?"

"I have faith it will." She responds, though it felt like there was something else she wasn't telling you.

"Faith?" You repeated. "I'm in an arranged marriage all based on your faith?" You growled.

"(Y/n) don't.." you heard Liam meekly whisper.

"(Y/n)..," Sera warned, narrowing her eyes.

"Y'know Sera " you spat out your sister's name like it was venom. "It seems like you're willing to do A LOT of things for faith huh?" You scoffed. "Like when you forced all your societal expectations on me !." You watched as everyone in the room stiffened.

"Y/n!" Liam said, "you can't-"

"I can! I'm sick of this! I'm sick of everything! You always treat me like a child! All of you do! I'm 23 years old! I'm not some naive little boy anymore Sera!" You huffed.

"You throwing this outburst isn't really helping me see that, is it now?" Sera replied, matching your sass.

Your eye twitched, as you glared up at your sister. "Go to hell, Sera." You spat. Causing her eyes to widen, and for Emily and Liam to gasp. You could see Lute narrow her eyes a bit.

"Y/n you do NOT speak to me that way!" Sera commanded, as her anger grew so did the eyes that began to appear in her hair as she retained a slight glow to them. "Being angry is one thing but you do Not  raise your voice at me!"

"There you go again, you're treating me like a child! I-" Emily then finally butted in.

"Y/n I know you're up about your engagement to Adam but we think it'll be a good idea.."

Your form slouched, as your tone grew quiet. "Wait...we?..." you frowned. "Emily..." you glanced down at her, obvious hurt in your eyes. "You knew...did the others-" Emily frowned, averting her gaze as he hesitantly nodded, giving you confirmation the rest of the seraphim knew and signed off on your engagement.

Your eyes welled with tears, as you backed away. Everyone knew about your apparent engagement, except you. It was one thing for Sera to make decisions for you but for Emily and the others too...it hurt. Emily was usually your aid for guidance and knowledge when you couldn't get it from Sera. She always told you the truth....but she made this life changing decision without even asking you about it.

You sniffled, you felt a bit embarrassed for beginning to cry in front of everyone. It sent you back to your preschool years when you remembered being scolded for being a crybaby and too emotional.  But you couldn't help it now, you felt betrayed and you didn't know how else to handle this.

At the sound of your sniffling, Sera's glare softened as well as everyone's posture. Instead of being tense you could feel them begin to pity you.

Surprisingly, Adam made the first move. "Y/n babe.." he began, his voice unusually soft. "Why don't you relax and we meet up later and-" he reached out to place his hand on your shoulder, but you slapped it away.

"Don't fucking touch me." You spat, hiccuping on your words as turned and dashed down the hall. You heard shouts of your name but you didn't care. You just wanted to get away from everyone right now.

Emily reached out to stop you, but Sera held her back. "No, let him go. Maybe some time alone is what he needs to digest everything" she sighed. "I hope..."

You slammed the door open of your room, shutting it behind you as you slugged your way over to your bed before face planting against the soft silk sheets. You let out a loud sigh as you did.

Skelly, who was happily snoozing in the corner of the bed perked up. He tilted his head, before stretching his body and trotting over to you. He seemed to notice your down mood and whimpered, nuzzling into your hand as he gave you puppy eyes.

You frowned, "Not now, Skelly..." you mumbled, as you sat up from your slumped position on the bed, causing the puppy to let out another whine.

"Can you imagine? Me," You huffed, "The wife of that, boorish brainless..." You stood up from your bed, walking over to your vanity, placing the engagement ring on your finger. "Madame Adam, can't you just see it?" You continued, as you sang to Skelly, who watched you in confusion.

"Madame Adam, his little wife. Ugh!" You growled out, as you ripped off the ring and placed it on the vanity. "No, sir! Not me! I guarantee it!" You walked over to the balcony doors, pushing them open. As you made your way to the balcony you gripped the railing as you sighed, " I want much more than this provincial life!"

You hesitantly took the golden crown that laid on your head, as you glanced over it before setting it on a nearby table.  With a determined look, wings sprouted from your back as you bent your knees a bit to boost yourself off the ground.

As you soared into the sky, you glanced over the city, before making your way to the roof on the tallest tower in the palace.  " I want adventure in the great wide somewhere!" You grinned, as you felt the wind blow through your hair. "I want it more than I can tell.." you glanced at a few residents of heaven you were able to see from the height  as you held onto the golden pole that held the flag of the seraphim.

"And for once it might be grand.." your voice softened, as you did a small twirl around the pole. "To have someone understand..." you made eye contact with the bright golden gates of heaven before your eyes softened, glancing past the gates as you leaned against the pole. Your cheek resting against the cold surface, "I want so much more than they've got planned..."

Sorry for the lateish update!!! I was preoccupied with my other hazbin hotel book that was in the works!!!!

@mixplara @lukerycyja-reblogs

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[paikothecateater]

Alright, Danish Slaughterhouse rant.

So I first read this fic a while back. It was recommended to me by a friend. Now, they'd recommended me pretty weird stuff before (Iceland X fridge crack ship stuff) so I was a little bit skeptical when I started reading it. I wasn't super into the hetalia fandom at the time, so I had never seen anyone talking about this fic before.

Now I could rant about how fucking disgusting this story is, but that's already been done. This writer has managed to write a story so bad that people looked over some pretty major stuff.

Like how the writing is a fucking crime against humanity.

First I'd just like to say that I mean no hate towards the person who wrote this fic. It was a long time ago and I doubt they still stand by it. I'm sure they cringe at the thought of having been the one to write it. I will not be mentioning their name as 1) I don't even know it and 2) I don't want anyone harassing them.

It's pretty rare to become infamous in your fandom. Especially writing fan fics. The creator of Gutters, Glassmilk (I believe that's their name) made a fic that was so genuinely good and heartbreaking that they became famous among the fandom. The creator of the Danish slaughterhouse however, because famous in the fandom for making a fic that was genuinely so appalling people couldn't help talking about it.

I'll be using the names they gave the characters to make things easier.

I'll go ahead and bring up what is in my opinion a huge literary crime.

The lack of descriptivism.

I'd like to mention that I've written novels before. I've just been unable to publish them due to the lack of resources. It's hard publishing an English novel in an Arabic nation. Regardless, I think I know a thing or two about this whole process.

Descriptivism is something that I personally think is very important for a good story. This story left so much to be desired. All I could imagine for Mathias' house? Flat, solid colours, generic furniture, unclear structure. It had absolutely no character. You could have given it a design that would have reflected his personality and made it easier to understand the layout with just a few sentences. I know describing a layout is tough because it's a little tricky to stay consistent and it gets a bit repetitive in writing, but an attempt could have at least been made.

When we reach the second half of the fic, it becomes very hard to get invested in the suspense of what's happening because the layout is so confusing. Whenever a hiding place is mentioned, it's crucial that the layout is clear because if it isn't then the following questions will always distract from the anxiety: where is this hiding place in the house? Where is it in reference to the place Mathias is at? How escapable is it?

It genuinely gets too distracting.

Next there is character development.

I don't even have to be the one to say that the portrayal of Mathias' character is extremely butchered. Let's not even mention the weak ass motive for all this, but it is so genuinely weird how shit seems to go from zero to one hundred with this shit. More on that in a second.

The characters are genuinely some of the most one dimensional characters I think I've ever seen. Like seriously? How am I as a reader supposed to route for a wooden plank?

Emil is just 'emo teenager with headphones'

Lukas? 'barely mentioned overprotective brother'

Berwald is pretty much the same with 'overprotective father'

Tino 'every single mom in a survival movie'

And of course Mr. Mathias 'kill kill stab stab because pain and misery is fun?'

See? Incredibly one dimensional. At this point, you might as well route for Mathias to get this bullshit done quicker. None of them have genuinely lovable moments.

Peter is a whole other issue, because if you're a decent human being, you're going to be concerned for the child, but it doesn't change the fact that for the first half, he's also incredibly one dimensional.

Then is another huge issue, the red flags.

We all know what eventually happens between Mathias and Peter. The way this is portrayed is so fucking awful.

You're telling me Peter was found injured in a locked office and no one questioned it? Either Tino and Berwald are awful fucking parents or they're incredibly stupid. Lock picking? The absolute fuck? That doesn't even make a little sense. If it was my child I'd be freaking out. I'd immediately nope the fuck out of there because clearly this is not a safe place for my child. All they do is lightly chastise this poor child and move on?

I've never personally been a fan of Nordic ships because I see their relationship as platonic. I also have other reasons for genuinely disliking these ships, but I won't get into that.

That being said, The Peter situation was not the only or first red flag. Mathias is shown very early on to be very disrespectful of Lukas' boundaries and actually assaulted him. It was just brushed over as relationship drama. What even the fuck?

Then there's the situation with Emil. Arguably the worst one ever.

I hate to say it, but the portrayal of both Peter and Emil post the traumatic situation was actually pretty consistent with someone who has actually been through something like this. With Peter, the mannerisms of a victimised child are all present. Which further reinforces the fact that Tino and Berwald are absolutely brainless and I'll get into that in a second.

With Emil there's the conflicting feelings that come with being victimised by someone you genuinely trusted. The initial panic followed by the Internal conflict. When someone is attacked by someone they trust, there's a very common sense of confusion that follows. I'll try my best to explain it as well as I can.

Realistically, he'll have panicked, screamed, cursed, etcetera during the attack, however, afterwards, in a non-adrenalin induced state, his brain would begin to flood with so many things. There's the anger, hurt, sadness about being attacked. There's the devastating fear that this person who he'd trusted his entire life and relied on is now completely severed from his life. The fear that it'll happen again. And the overwhelming anxiety about having to deal with the situation.

I'll try to make a light comparison here.

Imagine you're in school and have to give a speech for whatever reason. You're in the middle of it, when someone suddenly walks up to you, slaps you across the face and insults you in front of the whole audience. Obviously, everyone saw, no one is blaming you, realistically, no matter what you say, everyone is on your side.

However, the pressure to respond to the situation is overwhelming. You have to address it because it happened and everyone knows it happened. You may still be very emotional about it and it may be too sensitive to talk about immediately, or you're just so confused about how to properly respond. Do you get angry? Do you play the saint and pretend it didn't affect you? Do you pretend it never happened? Regardless, you have to respond because everyone wants to know how it affected you, what happened? Why it happened?, etcetera.

This is exactly the situation Emil is in. So what does Lukas do as a good big brother?

He gently and patiently waits for Emil to open up to him while letting him know that he's safe and that he will be believed no matter what-

I'm just kidding, he violently pushes Emil for a response in a way that could only further traumatise him. He makes him feel like his emotional response isn't valid and that he somehow did something wrong instead of waiting until he's ready to talk or even take matters into his own hands and confront Mathias.

It is fucking horrible.

Then when their fight gets louder and the other three get involved (Berwald, Tino and Peter) and Peter finally confesses to having been hurt Tino puts on this whole caring act like 'oh remember how we taught you about this stuff?'

Bitch, what?

So this is a conversation that has happened before. And you still couldn't recognise the signs that something changed in Peter's behaviour? You teach the child about how to recognise when he's being victimised without teaching yourself how to recognise when your child is being victimised?

What the actual fuck?

I'd like to say that during this scene, Lukas feels guilty for the way he approached the situation which, yes, it was bad, you should be guilty, but it's not like he fucking does anything to rectify it.

Emil listens to Peter talking and has to come to the realisation that he was hurt. That his world was crumbling down. Still, Lukas makes no effort to make him feel supported.

Suddenly, this infuriating scene is interrupted by an even more infuriating one.

Berwald is understandably beating the absolute shit out of Mathias. The others run in and watch until Tino screams for Berwald to stop. Why? Because he's scaring Peter.

Hello? Then get Peter the fuck out. Surely this can't be the priority. Peter will survive watching his attacker get absolutely fucked up. I promise you. He will.

I'd also love to point out the sheer lack of fucks given about Emil and how this is affecting him. I'd like to give Tino the benefit of the doubt and say he was also concerned for Emil, but it doesn't even matter.

So like a fucking idiot, Berwald gets off of Mathias and they all start heading towards the door.

I'd like to mention that Mathias having already shot Emil in the leg was even more incentive for them to leave because even if it was an accident, clearly something is not quite right here. Surely Emil would prefer to heal at home and if Lukas was such a good brother he'd insist on taking Emil home.

Anyway, so, Mathias reveals his true intentions and the hunt begins.

Do I have to mention how stupid this is? A hunt? If he did actually have a motive he'd prefer to go for the easy kill, use those weird shock things and just murder them. If he's too sadistic for that he could also just casually immobilise them and torture them, but no, it has to be a hunt. Sure whatever.

As I said, the layout gets super complicated, but that's not the only issue.

He allegedly shot Emil to even out the playing field, but uh... What about Peter? Oh he gets to team up with the others? That's stupid and also doesn't solve the problem. Now you have to run for your life and lug a child around? It's just so damn weird because he was so committed to things being fair and as such shot him in the fucking leg, but Peter can go to hell?

Berwald and Tino are killed off pretty instantly, so I'll immediately skip onto the other two.

Why was Emil's situation so fucking weird? Also, I'm sorry for the weird topic, but how the fuck does the author think piss works? It's such a weird element to include in the story. It served no purpose to the story as Mathias already knew Emil was in the room. It just made it all grosser.

Also, again with the one dimensional characters. You're telling me Mathias never once felt pity?

It would have improved the story if maybe during the scene where he tries to drown Emil and presumes him dead for him to have a moment of remorse. Tear up about the fact that he murdered someone he cared about. It could've made Emil feel like there was hope for him. Just because your character is a monster that doesn't necessarily make them a psycho. It would've enhanced the story, but no.

And you're telling me after this whole situation everyone is just... Fine? Emil and Peter are just playing together? Emil had to abandon Peter to save himself, surely there will be a bit of tension about that.

Also, Mathias' motive is just bad. It's inconsistent with his character and doesn't make any sense.

This is a hetalia fic, no? There is a rule according to the canon that a nations decisions are secondary to their bosses. That being said, I've never met the Danish royal family, but I doubt the words 'go fuck your entire family' has ever left their mouths.

Another motive could've been that he was just fed up with how he was generally treated by the others. It's a weak motive, but it's better than that bullshit.

Also, the populations of the countries immigrating to Denmark because the Nordics are trapped at Mathias'?

Emil has been on long trips to visit south East Asia. His population stayed put then. So how does this work?

Overall, this fic is just badly written. It needs some serious work. It's inconsistent, dull, confusing, appalling and just downright criminal.

[zxmickeyzx]

Mumbattan Ch.5

Barista! Pavitr x Artist! Miles

Miles came into the cafe for some chai tea, to see his friend Gwen on her shift and make some art while relaxing in the cafe. Instead he got some Barista who looked very annoyed when he tried to order and then became very passionate about ranting to him about how people say chai tea instead of just saying chai. Miles didn't mind him lecturing him on it though.

At least it was from someone so cute.

First ~ Prev ~ Masterlist ~ Next

The customer who he learned was named Miles from Gwen, did not show up the very next day again much to Pavitrs disappointment. After the talk with his Maya Auntie, he wanted to make sure he apologized properly, but it had been about two weeks since he last saw him. He thought back to their last interaction and didn't remember anything he did or say to warrant him not come back again. Hopefully he did not cause another misunderstanding and he was just overthinking it as usual. 

The cafe was less busy at the moment, as it was the middle of the day most people were either working or in school at the moment. So he took advantage of this moment to just stare into space. Honestly it was not his fault, he was cleaning but he was just so bored. He hated slow days. Maybe he could call one of his friends to keep him company, while he did enjoy Ben's company at a certain point he needed a break from the man and his dramatic flair and Gwen wouldn't come until much later. Gayatri was here earlier but she left as soon as her shift was done. ‘Hmph Traitor’ 

While lost in his train of thought he didn’t hear his name being called.

“PAVITR!” 

He jumped and froze a bit outta shock, he turned to see who called his name with such urgency. Turns out that person was Gwen. She looked frustrated with him at the moment.

“Oh! Hi Gwen!” He beams a smile at her, but she gives him a frustrated sigh in response. 

“Pav, are you okay? I have been trying to get your attention for a bit.” She gave him a bit of a concerned look. He just shook his head in disagreement. 

“No, I'm okay. I am just so bored. Are you clocking in now? I thought you worked later.” Maybe he got the times wrong. 

“Hm no. I am not working yet, Ben is covering my shift for a bit longer, said he needed the cash. I will work later though.I start when the rush starts later at around 3. You’ll be working with Ben til then?”

He groans. More Ben. 

“Don't worry I heard that Lyla is taking over more shifts when she comes back.”

“Lyla is coming back?! I thought she quit because of school?” He said in disbelief.

Gwen chuckles. “Yeah, but remember she was going to come back when her mister as TA was over. Mr. O’hara is a hard ass.” 

Lyla used to work at the cafe when she was 16 until her 2nd year in college when she became a TA for her class. Apparently Mr. O'hara, who he has heard so much about, is very strict and hard to please. It takes an extreme amount of effort to pass his classes. Before her no one wanted to deal with him, many of his former TA’s would quit within a week so it was surprising that she was his TA for a whole year. She actually recommended that they hire Gwen.

“I am excited to see her again. I missed her so much!” Pavitr really meant it, they barely saw her when she was TA but when they did it was always a joy. 

“Yeah, it’s gonna be great to work with her.” Gwen then looks around the cafe. “Hey Pav, since it's slow, why don't you take a break and hang out with us.”

“Us?”

“Yeah, me and Miles.” She points in the direction of where Miles was sitting. It seemed that he was lost in whatever he was writing, or was it drawing. He couldn't really tell. 

“Oh, um, I wouldn’t want to intrude! Besides, I am still working, never know when it needs to be all hands on deck.”

“Fine. But can you make me my usual and Miles some Chai. I swear he is addicted to it. What did you put in it to make him crave it all the time? Drugs?” She jokes.

“Of course not! I am just that good.” He smiles. “Anything you want to eat with it?” 

“You know what, can I get some strawberry cheesecake and for miles, get him two croissants buttered and toasted. I’ll pay for it now.” He nods. 

“I’ll bring it over to you guys when the order is done then.” Gwen hands him cash, and tells him thanks before walking back to where her friend was. As she seats down he goes to the coffee bar and gets started on the order. At least now he had something to do that wasn't just recleaning everything to look busy. As he started to focus on making the order, a certain someone was using him as a reference for his art studies. 

Miles was mesmerized by the way Pavitr moved while making their orders. The sun seemed to always hit him with the right lighting. His hair was so majestic, so dark and lucious, and his eyes were so bright and beautiful it pulled you in. He wanted to capture it in his art. Even though they were quick sketches, he was pretty satisfied with where the art direction was going. He was so focused he didn't notice Gwen calling him. 

“MILES!”

He jumped a bit and looked up to see Gwen just staring at him. 

“Oh! Hi Gwen, "he smiles. She gives him a sigh.

“What is up with you and Pav today?” She sits down next to him. “So what's got you all hyper focused?” She leans to look at what he is drawing in his sketchbook. A bad habit that he just accepted over the years that she will forever be nosy and can never control her curiosity.  She looks at his sketches and then at him with a raised eyebrow. “Pav?”

He looks away from her for a bit and rubs the back of his neck. “Yeah. He’s just so mesmerizing, I had to draw him. You don't think he would mind right?”

Gwen chuckles. “I don't think he will mind once he sees the work when you’re finished with it. Are you sure it's only cause he is mesmerizing?” Miles, knowing what she was implying, shakes his head. 

“It ain't like that. I just thought he would be nice to draw ya know.” He turns back to continue drawing Pavitr. 

“Yeah right. Just like how you drew me before in high school cause I was nice to draw.” She teases. 

“That was different. I just met him, plus I didnt even introduce myself. He doesn't even know my name.”

“He does. I’ve talked about you to him before.” She mentions nonchalantly.

“That doesn't count, I have not introduced myself as anything other than the customer you corrected the other day.” He looks at Pavitr making the drinks to see what new position he was in to quickly sketch. “Anyway. When does your shift start?”

“In about an hour and a half. So I get to bug you more!” She lightly punches his shoulders. He just rolls his eyes and smiles. Gwen is one of his best friends, every just flows so naturally when they are together. They just vibe. He sometimes sees her as an annoying sibling that likes to bother him from time to time. His father could attest to that, calling her an emo leech who liked to come over and eat. Even though he wouldn't say it out loud he was very fond of her, like a reluctant uncle who has an honorary niece he had no say in. 

About 15 minutes later, he started to try and add more details to the quick sketches he made of the barista while Gwen was talking to him about how her band were prepping to do more shows and the difficulty to get everyone's times synced up.

“Yeah, our lead guitarist is also very inconsistent even though he usually has the most time out of all of us. Though I will say, I do enjoy being a part of this band more than the last one.” 

“That's great you finally found one that suits you. I know you’ve been looking for one ever since I met you.” 

“Yeah, now if only we can sync up so I can play more. Margo said she could help us with our scheduling problem. I believe in her, if anyone can help us organize our messy style it's her.”

Margo was a computer science major, and was practically a tech wiz. She was also extremely detail oriented and particular with her things. It was really funny because Ganke was the opposite of her while also being a tech wiz. They would always group up together even though they clash with how they do things. If you ask them why they always partner up they’ll tell you that it's convenient because they have so many classes in common.  

“Thank Pav!” He hears Gwen say, taking him out of his train of thoughts. He looks up from his sketchbook to see Pavitr places their order in front of them giving them a smile that rivals the sun.

“No problem! I hope you guys enjoy!” 

“We will!” Gwen grabs her drink and takes a sip. “Pav, I don't think I have properly introduced you to my friend. Pav this is Miles, he’s been my best friend since sophomore year in high school. Miles this Pav the chai activist.” She teases. 

Pavitr hesitates to respond but Miles does not. 

“Hey man, it's nice to finally properly be introduced to you. I realized I never gave you my name before, sorry ‘bout that.”  He gives him a small smile. 

“That's no problem! I know our first meeting wasn’t the best, sorry about that.” Pavitr rubs his neck a bit nervously. 

Miles gives him a small chuckle. “Its no problem man. Like I said before I didn't mind being corrected. At least I won't be sayin ‘Tea Tea’ anymore. Feel free to tell me any other things I may be sayin wrong.”

“Well people like to say ‘naan bread’ which is the same as saying ‘bread bread’.” Miles groans in response.

“Youre kiddin! I've been saying ‘bread bread’ this entire time?!” 

Pavitr laughs and relaxes, he finally apologizes and it seems he really was worried for no reason. Miles was very respectful and liked to lighten the mood. He can see why Gwen liked to hang out with him a lot. 

“Well now you know.” He teases. He sees Miles take a sip of the chai he had just made.

“Man, this really hits the spot. You know your stuff.”

Pavitr’s skin turns a bit redder at the compliment. “Thanks.” 

Just then a group of teenagers walked into the cafe which caused Pavitr to sigh. He was just getting to know Miles but he guesses the conversation would be cut short for another time. 

“Looks like duty calls for me. I guess we have to cut this conversation short.” He pouted a bit.

“Don’t worry Pav, we can always talk later when I work on shift. Plus Miles will be coming here more often. He said he likes the cafe vibes. I think he is really here cause I’m so awesome he can't handle not havin our vibe sessions as much.” She jokes.

“Yeah right. I’m glad I don't have to see your face as often. Plus who said I am coming for you, if anything it's Pavitr’s Chai that’s bringing me in here.” Miles jokes back to switch Gwen just rolls her eyes. 

“Sure buddy, whatever you say. I know you love me.”

Pavitr chuckles as he walks away. “Well I’ll talk to you guys later! Enjoy your stay Miles!”

“Hey! What about me?” Gwen shouts a bit to him.

“You're gonna be working later!” He responds before arriving at the coffee bar.

Gwen groans. “He’s right. I do love working here even if not all the customers are great.”

“At least you have me here to keep you company. You can’t get rid of me easily.” Miles gives her a pat on the shoulder. 

“Yeah you're right. Are you gonna stay the whole time? You know I can go home by myself.” Miles just shakes his head.

“My parents would kill me if I don't walk you back late. I know you can handle yourself but you're like my sister I gotta make sure you get home safe.”

“Yeah, thanks Miles. I appreciate it.”

“It's no problem!” He goes back to continue his art trying to capture Pavitrs essence on paper. Gwen peeks again to see his process. 

“You sure you're drawing Pavitr just for reference?” She teases.

“Oh shut up!”

Prev ~ Next

Tagged List:

@ar1-thecat, @marrz-sucks, @amaterasusanowo, @l3m0n4d3-st4nd @aesthetichoney2111

[scyllas-revenge]

I'm so depressed rn about dating/marriage/the future, literally cried yesterday, I just don't think its going to happen. I'm not going to ask a guy out because I don't have the confidence for that and if he said yes it would always be in the back of my head that he's just settling for me cuz if he wanted me he'd have asked. I've never even been on a date, ever! Didn't even go to my own senior prom cuz I didn't wanna have to sit alone all night lol

Recently I was texting a guy and he was so sweet and gentlemanly but I totally ruined that. He came into my work to use our services and I freaked out and started telling my colleague that I wish he wouldn't come here and like why is he here and stressing about him being there. And I'm pretty sure he overheard and doesn't understand that I didn't actually mean any of that I just have an anxiety disorder and freaked out. Then my colleague started laughing about an older man who asked me out (he was 65 wth!) And I think other actually nice guy thinks we were laughing about him.

Now at work his entire demeanor has changed he seems so down and he legit glares at me when saying goodbye on the way out (my desk is by the door) So being at work is depressing because all I can think about at work is how this man was actually so sweet and so nice to me and I with my big mouth and idiot anxiety just disrespected him so much and clearly hurt his feelings which he didn't deserve. And I don't wanna try to talk to him about it because we don't really know each other that well and what am I supposed to say 'hey did you hear me talking about you and about how I want you to go away-yeah I didn't mean that it was just anxiety pls don't be upset-like wth I can't do that

Now I'm gonna pray every morning for God to keep my words so I don't be so damn stupid. I'm just really upset that I upset someone like that regardless of possible dating I don't even care I just care that I was inadvertently so mean like what kind of bullshit high school level behaviour was that ffs

Btw this is the anon from sotwk-I saw your comment and totally relate like its nice to know I'm not alone and others deal with this too but at the same time it's depressing as hell that this many people are having this problem, like it just reinforces the hopelessness. I feel like I'm sitting in a waiting room waiting for something that will never happen but I cant get out of the waiting room because I really want the thing y'know?

Apologies for the entire ass rant, I'm just so mad at myself rn

Hey anon! I'm really sorry you're going through all this. Giving advice isn't my strong suit, but I definitely understand the "sitting in a waiting room" feeling, and it sucks.

I spent a good chunk of my 20s like that, feeling stuck and alone and unable to stop crying or shake off my self-loathing. I was trapped waiting for things that would never happen and I was powerless to change that.

No, things aren't perfect now, and yes, I'm still very single, but the good news is I did manage to escape the "waiting room" feeling. It still creeps up every now and again, but I'm better able to recognize and fight it.

The first step was realizing I was depressed. Oh my GOD was I depressed. It feels ridiculous that I didn't notice at the time, but it had been creeping up on me so slowly that at some point it just became my new normal to cry multiple times a week. I was lethargic and detached and utterly convinced to the very core of my being that something was fundamentally wrong with me, and that I would never be loved and my whole life would pass me by with that same horrible sense of waiting. (I don't want to sit here giving armchair diagnoses or pretending to know all the details of your life, but it certainly looks to me like you have depression too.)

When I turned 30 it felt like a wake-up call- it's a new decade and something needs to change. The thought of my 30s slipping by just like a good chunk of my 20s really scared me.

So the second step for me was therapy. I don't know if you're in therapy now, or tried it and it didn't work, or if it's an option for you financially, but if you can give it a try, I really do think it will help. I can tell you're desperate to get all this off your chest and get answers and validation, and a good therapist will help with that way more than a tumblr ask box will! My therapist also connected me with a psychiatrist, because wow does medicine also help. It took some trial and error, but between the right meds and the right people to talk to, things really did improve.

It's hard, but I'm doing my best to try new things- new hobbies, social groups, clubs, anything- because I want to meet new people and have more meaning in my life. The disgusting cocktail of depression, anxiety, and executive dysfunction were keeping me from doing much of anything besides work and scrolling the internet, and that really intensified the feeling of being stuck in a waiting room, watching other people's lives move forward while i was sitting still. But being more active socially, trying new hobbies, even just being outside of my apartment more often, is giving me back some control. I even took an impromptu trip to Iceland, alone, and I could practically hear myself slamming the door of the waiting room behind me as I left!

I know none of the above rambling had anything to do with finding love, but personally, I kind of needed to take all of those steps before I could focus on anything else. And it wasn't that I "needed to stop looking for love and focus on other things, and love will come when you least expect it" - it was that if I didn't try to bring more meaning into my life, my depression was never going to get better.

And it wasn't that I "needed to love myself first or no one will ever love me" - it was that I had been spiraling for years and could hardly function if I didn't focus on my mental health. (So...maybe all that cliche advice isn't wrong. It's just usually not framed right.)

Because that's the thing- you're not unlovable or doomed to be alone or secretly fundamentally flawed or anything else your brain is telling you right now. What you are is a good person worthy of love and respect whose anxiety and depression are doing their best to get the better of her. They're in that waiting room with you, barring the door shut and telling you it's your fault, and you need to use any tools you can (therapy, medicine, guidance counseling, meditation, anything) to shut them up and kick the door down. Love isn't in that waiting room- it never was. It's beyond the door, in the real world, where you have agency and aren't powerless to change things.

Beyond dragging a waiting room metaphor way too far, I don't have much more advice, especially as far as romance goes. My own love life is nonexistent- I'm probably not the best person to get help from!

It sounds like you might be feeling too much anxiety to try dating apps, or you might not like the idea of them. And tbh I hate them too, but I bring them up because that was how I got my first real date at 24, as well as 99% of the other dates I've been on since. Even if the date sucks, it makes dating as a concept feel a bit less daunting- it's no longer this Big Significant Achievement, it's just a thing you've done before.

Anyway, I'm not sure if any of this very long response will help or not, but feel free to send me a message if you want to talk more. I'm wishing you all the best and am confident that things will get better!

[slowdripsunrise]

MORE READING UPDATES OMLLLLLLL i forgor about this blog again. it will happen again tbh but i still have to go through all of the books i finished in late 2023 up to now... i'm gonna try and get as many as i can done but probably wont get all of them lol. probably very long post/rant + spoilers for various books under the cut

keep in mind i have shit memory and all of these books were finished a while ago so be warned for bad analysis and summaries

-How High We Go in the Dark by Sequoia Nagamatsu: this book was a collection of short stories that are interconnected through characters and a central storyline - a plague. i thought the concept was super interesting and i had heard really good things about it from people i share a reading taste with so i went into this expecting to be blown away and i just. wasnt. i LOVED some of the short stories and there were a few that made me cry, mainly snortorious and the robot dog story where the mom died, but other than that it was kinda a let down. the ending fucking sucked ngl. like i thought we were leading up to some profound moment, especially calling back to the chapter where people are relieving their memories in the dark, because i thought that was really compelling and interesting, but it was just fucking aliens. like it reallly feels like a cop out to me. like a whole "and it was all just a dream" type ending. im not gonna rate it actually yes i am i'd give it like 2.5-3 stars. only because some of the chapters were super hard hitting but other than that. meh.

-The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater: WHOOOOO BOY. i ate this shit up. god if i had read this in middle school or high school i am 100% certain it would have become my entire personality. like i fucking get it. i totally fucking get it. i'm treating the whole series as one book rn bc they all kinda blend together in my mind and its been a while but just. the fucking vibes. good lord the vibes were so good. can't pick out any 100% certain things i particularly noticed but i will reblog every webweave about this series there is trust. rating the entire series as 5 stars mostly because i listened to the audiobook and they did SUCH A GOOD JOB ON TH E AUDIOBOOK OML like. at first i was kinda thrown off bc i wasn't expecting it to be so. southern? but once i finished the first one i knew there was no way i could just go back to reading it with a physical book like audiobook all the way the narrator was so awesome and i love the southernness of it.

-What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher: my first t. kingfisher book! i loved the vibes, the world, the whole new set of pronouns, that shit was so fun, overall a nice short and sweet creepy ass fucking book. like im a huge wimp so i was deffo nervous and freaked out at some points, especially with the rabbits lol idk why but those were unnerving. the author did a really good job of conveying the mc's anxiety and fear while also adding in some humor and soldier rationality and stoicism. lol. cute i liked it 3.5/4 stars.

-Fault Lines by Emily Itami: tbh mostly picked this one up for the cover and it was really just a standard cheating story where the mc gets back together with her original husband because of their kids. nothing i remember to be groundbreaking at all really. 2.5 stars

-Olga Dies Dreaming by Xochitl Gonzalez: I really wasn't expecting to like this book as much as I did. the pov changes i think were very well done and intentional and weren't confusing at all! the narrators for the audiobook were wonderful and really brought life to the story, a lovely book.

-She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan: honestly, looking back on it, i was never really captivated by this story. it took me a long time to get into it, and i really never connected with any of the characters. a lot of it was more confusing than not, and i'm honestly not sure if i feel the need to continue the series. may be a case of me not being in the right mood for it, but i don't see myself trying it again. kinda sad cuz i was excited to love this but oh well. win some lose some.

-Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr: hands down my fav book of 2023 and one of my fav books of all time. like i have a feeling this review is going to be either very long or very short because there is no way i will be able to write out all the ways i love this book. the owl motif. the environmental extremism from seymore that i can 100% relate to. the way that he fell down that path in a way that felt realistic to me, based on his circumstances, and it isn't implied in my opinion, that all autistic people are like this, that all autistic people can take things to the extreme like seymore did. the audiobook was wonderful. the interconnected stories over time i think is one of my new favorite tropes/plots/metas. if done well (cough how high we go in the dark) it gets me every single time. XENO and everything about him. i was listening to the audiobook at work and during his death i had to fight back tears lol. god. and the kids in the play and how they wanted to end the story.... fuck my life. and konstance and her curiosity and oh my god everything about this book messed me up. 5/5 i think thats all i'll be able to say before i combust.

-Chlorine by Jade Song: what a weird little book. really liked it. audiobook slayed. not much else to say. recommend for weird lesbians. 3.5/4 stars.

-A Dowry of Blood by S. T. Gibson: THE AUDIOBOOK NARRATOR IS SO FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB I COULD LISTEN TO HER TALK ALL DAY I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH HER. the story was really good love a good vampire story love a good creepy story. fun time. listened to the audiobook in like an hour hour and a half car ride it was a good time. 3.5 stars.

and that ends off all of the books i read in 2023 !!!!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!! i'll stop here and make a separate post for the books i've read so far in 2024 just for organizational purposes and also because i am hungry and need to stop lol. if you made it this far through the post i love you and also sorry for the long rant but also too bad because this is my blog and you clicked on it. happy reading :)

[cielomist]

This is very much not april fools related i genuinely want to hear your thoughts /srs but i am begging you can i Pls have a full ass rant abt all your vexen thoughts im backreading through propaganda and youre making me go OUGH - @fuckable-kh-men-battle

HOUGH

i want to preface this by saying i am not super articulate, i am very much a person that just rotates characters in my head at high speeds and doesn't form super coherent thoughts, but by god i know i have a lot of vexen thoughts its just gonna take some time to put them into like, understandable words

under a cut bc im sure its gonna get long. also im sorry that this is so incredibly disorganized.

OK SO

i have loved vexen. ever since i was a kid. i never even played com i just saw him in the kh2 journal and was like "THAT ONE"

(i was also deep in the like… 2009-era deviantart kh fandom, but… 😬)

but getting into the deeper stuff, vexen has this fun little dichotomy of somehow being incredibly cringefail but also EXTREMELY accomplished. he brags about how smart he is, he giggles to himself about it in the castle in days, and it comes across as this pathetic little man just being full of himself, but he also can like, legitimately back it up? he just MADE another riku. he MADE xion, and xion is absolutely extraordinary because she was not supposed to develop as her own person, but he was just so damn good at making just real ass PEOPLE that xion became her own person with her own thoughts and feelings and dreams

one of my favourite scenes is this one. first of all i live for all interactions between vexen/even and zexion/ienzo because GOD. i'm fucking obsessed with dad!even as a concept and i love thinking of the dynamics between ienzo and all his dads and i need to stop myself here or i'm gonna go off on a whole other tangent about ienzo specifically and how fucked his entire life was--

anyway that scene is one of my favs because i just love vexen running through the castle, yelling for his son, because his boss is actively avoiding him. i just assume this is how it always is with him.

also it's been pointed out that vexen, when talking with zexion, will often bend so he's eye level with him and i love that. i adore that.

also speaking of vexen/even and zexion/ienzo, THIS

god sorry i just read ienzo's character file and he mentioned even would scold atw for buying ienzo so much ice cream and i love that mental image. atw is literally king of radiant garden and even's bitching him out for spoiling his 8-year-old

and god VEXEN'S CHARACTER FILE... "I had lost sight of why I wanted to be clever in the first place. I wanted to be clever because I wanted to be helpful to someone." HHHHHHHH even became a scientist in the first place because he waanted to HELP PEOPLE and he got in this spiral of "i need to be smart to help people" and he worked HARD to become smarter and eventually dropped the "to help people" presumably because of xehanort and then when he was recompleted the first time he REMEMBERED WHY he wanted to do all the things he wanted to do in the first place, and in order to help people he gave up his heart, his humanity, what the original organization had been WORKING TOWARDS THE WHOLE TIME and i just. ough.

also in birth by sleep even talks to ven for like, two minutes maximum and from that is able to just deduce that ven's heart is not only completely devoid of darkness, but also that any darkness he DID have was forcibly removed. i don't know where to fit this tidbit in but i think about it a lot.

i mentioned in one of my propaganda asks a post that theorized about vexen's shield, and while i still can't find that post i did remember a fic i read based of of it

i somehow don't have coherent thoughts on his redemption arc in kh3. i get distracted by how pretty he looks when he says he wants to atone i think. but his little monologue when he's trying to convince demyx to help him out... ough. i am personally of the opinion that even was the apprentice with an actual like, medical phd. i think all of the apprentices specialized in different things, and i don't really have a solidified idea for anyone else (though dilan is shown to like flowers in his character file, though i think that gardening is a hobby for him rather than his professional field) but that's my Even's Professional Career headcanon. he absolutely has the entire ICD manual memorized. and rememorizes it every time it updates.

i also think post-kh3 when he was re-humaned he just straight up euthanized himself to be recompleted. he didn't want to wait to regrow a heart and it beat the hell out of immolation, axel

anyway i really wish people wouldn't reduce vexen/even to just being a creepy weirdo; he has SO MUCH to him, but ultimately i think people overlook him because he's not an anime prettyboy and i and the other vexenfuckers are stronger and smarter and sexier than everyone else

for now that's all i've got. if i think of more things i will rb with more vexen thoughts. thank u for your patience as i go insane writing this. <3

(fun fact! when i was in middle school (maybe high school?) i set his japanese laugh as my alarm and to this day i remember it bleeding into one of my dreams via a man in a parking lot laughing at me until i woke up and realized it was my alarm going off for school)

[aristhesorceress]

This became quite a long rant, so i put everything that isn't to do directly with ops post below the cut. It also became a rant about tv/movies of recent years at large, not just rop. Enjoy!

1. Costumes aren't weathered properly. Which is an issue in a lot of newer shows/movies. All of their costumes look like they came straight from the hanger instead of, you know, a medieval-esque setting where "i've been wearing this since i was 16 and fixed it 50 times" is the norm. Which takes away a LOT of worldbuilding.

Remember the story about Viggo Mortensen ripping and fixing his own costume for lotr? And remember how fitting and believable it looked?

2. Another part why the characters don't actually look like they are IN the setting is a combination of lighting, interaction, and, most importantly, frame.

In newer shows/movies, the actors are often lit from behind (see Mincraft movie trailer, for example). Which gives a weird halo effect and also sets them apart from the background, hence removing them from the setting. I think this is done for green screen reasons, but i'm not sure.

3. Actos don't interact with their environment. They often just stand there and talk (probably once again due to green screen reasons, though I honestly don't think there were that many green screen scenes in rop, correct me if i'm wrong). They don't walk around a lot, sit down, fidget with their hands, gesture (though that might be an american thing? apparently europeans use their hands more to underline their meaning?), or pick things up and do things. And honestly it is soooo of putting.

Because yes, for some characters and scenes this makes sense (soldiers reporting etc.) but in others...

4. Which leads me to my next point: framing. Characters are so often dead centre of the frame it's mind boggling. Please, dear directors, you have space to the left and right, use it. If people want to post the show to vertical screens let it be their problem. And if you really need your promotional vertical video for tiktok just use the magic of editing or make specific shots for that. Just not the whole show, please, i am begging you.

The other part of framing is the amount of close ups and the near complete non existence of long shots (possibly even medium shots). I mostly see long shots used as establishing shots (the original establishing shot, a extrem long shot, is used so rarely). In extension instead we see a lot of faces in close ups, over the shoulder, and reaction shots, which sadly tell me nothing of the environment, worldbuilding, or a lot of emotion (you know, gesturing, body posture, etc.).

This is once again done for small screens like phones. I am aware that a lot of people watch shows/movies on their phones now, but I don't think it should influence shot choice to that extent. Because quite frankly, those shows/movies look ass on cinema screen or a large tv.

I don't think this was that big of a problem with rop. I think the first season was just missing a few (extrem) long shots.

5. ✨️feelings✨️.

Ever noticed the ever on going of scynecism and utter lack of sincerity? Or if there ever is a sincere conversation, it immediately gets put down by jokes and "look at me, all emotional again". I hate it, hate it, hate it. It puts me of, it takes me out of the experience, it ridicules me when i get emotional from the movie, and ultimately people take away from it that their emotion is out of place.

Worst example i remember was Everything everywhere all at once. At the very ending of the film there is this emotional sincere conversation. I was crying. The hight of the movie. It felt satisfying. And boom. "god, i'm getting emotional" (or sth similar). All previously built emotion, including my own, gone and invalidated. (I am aware that in this case, it probably a choice and has meaning behind it, but i still hated it.)

Lord of the Rings is such an opposite to this. Sincere emotion and crying all round. It is perfect. And rop doesn't seem to be all that jokey either, but we (and the creators) probably aren't used to it anymore.

6. suspension of disbelief

All of the previous point leads to one thing: the viewers suspension of disbelief is not needed anymore. Shows/movies seem to be aware that they are not real. The fourth wall gets broken no issue.

Well, with rop it would be an issue, because fantasy needs a lot of suspension of disbelief but people don't do so properly anymore.

A movie where this surprisingly worked was Dungeons and Dragons: Honour Among Thieves. (yes, the first couple of minutes are a bit rough, but staying completly pays of) We have insincerity, jokes, fantasy. And still the movie allows for moments of emotion, and once you're ok with the fantasy aspect, it is amazing.

7. DnD actually brings me to my next point: pacing.

Because those two hours were so closely packed with plot points that still had room to breathe, it was amazing. And well, rop, besides many more, has god aweful pacing. There are multible story lines, jumping around, weirdly slow scenes (that Galadriel riding scene wtf), followed by fast-paced skipping 10 years without mentioning it. (Serioulsy if they keep having charaters travel between Khazad-dûm and Mithlond between shots one more time... And you might say: but Aris, what about suspension of disbelief? And i raise you one year of travelling for Bilbo and Frodo and several shots of travelling between Imladris and Moria.)

I'm kind of tempted to edit down the show to a single movie per season once it is fully released. In my opinion, most newer shows with 6-10 episodes could have been a movie with better pacing. Or a full show with 15-30 episodes (Star Trek: tos my beloved) if they dared for "filler episodes" (filler episodes are mostly worldbuilding, character building, and other amazing stuff, they are soooo important to a show). Sadly, most other problems on this list will persist.

8. Dialog

Technically, we grazed that problem before with the ✨️feelings✨️ section, but I just wanted to mention it again, because WHERE IS THE SUBTEXT?! I don't mean this in the "everyone is secretly gay" way (though that'd be awesome aswell) but, please, just give me stuff to read between the lines, i'm on my knees.

Anyway, this has become a way longer post than i intended it to be, and there are probably still more points to be made. (The second i post this, i'll probably come up with more.)

I also did not include any of the actual worldbuilding and diegeasis problems. Or any extented meta problems of fandom, fanon, and creators. Those would be each a whole nother rant. Am I intending to write my bachelor's thesis about stuff like this? Maybe, so this post might vanish in a couple of weeks for some months because i don't want to have to quote my own tumblr post in my thesis.

If there is anything unclear or if you have questions please please ask. Or if i made any mistakes or you disagree with me, please comment as well. (My dms and asks should also be open)

I'll go eat lunch now :)

Side note: i am aware that all of this can also be artistic expression. Lots of close up shots for a feeling of claustrophobia, etc. But if stuff like this is not done for artistic reasons but money saving, capitalistic corporte reasons, it will look ass and take value from the piece of art.

Look I just gotta get it off my chest here:

I simply can't understand the costume design in RoP. I just can't. For me, it looks awful, the outfits tell me nothing character- or worldbuilding-wise, there's no character cohesion (either in colour palette, silhouette, fabric or motifs), the fabrics often look cheap (even if they're not in reality, they still look that way), and the aesthetic they ty to implement oftentimes reminds me to much of the 2013 idea that a golden leaf circlet is the height of fanciness (it is not).

Like idk why they thought that this one fabric they keep using, looks good on any of the people when to me, it looks like that kinda wrinkly crafting paper you got to use in elementary school to make paper flowers out of.

I don't even watch to watch the show because the costume design choices just put me off that much. (I mean, it's also bc of many other reasons tbh, but the almost seemingly nonexistent worldbuilding in the costumes is not a good look)

[bi-bard]

Chick Flick Moments - Sam Winchester Imagine (Supernatural)

Title: Chick Flick Moments

Pairing: Sam Winchester X Reader

Requested: by an anonymous reader

Word Count: 2,363 words

Warning(s): violence, cussing, Sam embarrassing himself, spoilers for any movie/show listed in the author's note

Summary: (Season 11) Gabriel takes a break from hiding to teach (Y/n) and Sam to forgive each other.

Author's Note: I had so much fun putting this request together! Also, if I remember correctly, this reader wanted to remain anonymous.

Here are links to all the scenes that inspired parts of this imagine:

1 (Princess Bride), 2 (8x12 Criminal Minds; can't find just the scene to link), 3 (Moulin Rouge), 4 (The Notebook), 5 (The 10 Things I Hate About You), 6 (Gilmore Girls), 7 (La La Land)

Hey! I did a rewrite of the ending of Supernatural. It took a really long time to complete, so it would mean a lot to me if you check it out. Here’s a link! (it’s on my personal account)

-----------------------------------

I rolled my eyes as I walked through the bunker.

Sam was still ranting about the most recent hunt. I was just tired of listening to it. Dean had long since given up trying to control his brother, who had shown no sign of listening to anyone.

"You can't just throw yourself into every single enemy," Sam yelled. "Fun fact, you're not Superman!"

"Oh my god," I finally, turning around. I had been halfway through the library at this point. Dean continued through the bunker, ignoring us. "I ran up to one extra vamp because you were about to get your throat ripped out! Yes, I put myself in danger but it was to save you!"

"Why are you so desperate to be a hero," he asked.

"Why are you so pissy that I saved you," I shouted back.

I let out a yell before turning and leaving.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed," I shouted from down the hall. "Maybe you'll be nicer in the morning! You're welcome for saving your ass!"

I stormed into my room and slammed the door shut. I changed quickly, throwing my old clothes into the corner before curling up on my bed. My emotions got the better of me. I started crying into my pillow.

Imagine saving the man you secretly loved... and then he got mad at you about it.

I fell asleep crying that night.

--time skip--

I shot awake, cringing at how bright it was.

I looked around, letting my eyes adjust to the light.

I was on a hill. I was on a hill, lying in the grass with the sun shining on my face. This is not good.

I stood up and did a circle to look around the long stretches of grass. Nothing looked even slightly familiar.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered.

I decided that the best option would be to try to climb down and find a person... somewhere.

I was just about to start making my way down the hill when I felt a hand grab me.

Out of pure fear, I grabbed the person and pulled them from behind me. The person went flying down the hill.

"(Y/n)," I heard Sam's voice yell as he rolled down the hill.

I put my hand over my mouth. He soon stopped rolling and then he stood up, scrambling to pull the black mask off of his face. I sighed, dropping my hand when I saw he was alright.

"Sam," I called.

"Your instinct is to throw some down a hill," Sam asked.

"When a masked man tries to grab me, definitely," I replied. "Fun fact, Sam, I can actually defend myself."

He gave me a sarcastic smile. I shot it right back to him.

Sam looked down at his outfit before sighing and shrugging at me. He had just started to move back up the hill when my visions went dark.

I opened my eyes a few moments later.

What had been an open field was now a dark warehouse or factory. I saw Sam across from me, but also a group of people behind him. I recognized them. They were characters from Criminal Minds, a guilty pleasure I watched when we weren't hunting.

I tried to figure out what was happening.

Then, I became all too aware of the barrel of a gun pressing into my neck.

"No," Sam yelled.

It clicked.

Sam was supposed to be Spencer. I was Maeve. This was Zugzwang.

My heart dropped.

"Wait, please, don't," Sam yelled as the gun pressed harder on my neck.

"Sam, shut up," I snapped.

"Me for (Y/n)," he shouted.

"You would do that," Diane- the unsub of that episode- asked.

"Yes," Sam replied.

"No," I yelled. "Sam, shut up."

"You shut up," Diane growled at me.

"One difference between me and her...," I growled back.

I grabbed the gun, pushing it forward, away from my neck. The bullet she tried to fire hit the brick wall. I turned, bringing an elbow down on her arm. Her hand dropped the gun into my grasp. I pointed it toward her.

"...I'm not scared of a simple gun."

The others walked over and arrested her. I looked at Sam.

"If you continued, she would've killed herself, which would've killed me," I explained. He furrowed his eyebrows. "I watch this show when we aren't hunting."

He walks over, going to hug me before the scene changes again.

"Holy...," I trailed off as I looked around.

Around us, we could see the tops of roofs and a beautiful night sky. It was almost a dreamy setting.

"Where are we now," Sam asked.

"Only the great Moulin Rouge," Sam and I both twirled around to face... Gabriel. "I know, I know... I'm not dead, anyway!"

I rolled my eyes.

"You two need to learn a lesson," he pointed at us.

"It's like back in 2010," I mumbled. "Play our roles to get out. Probably why we were pulled out of the last two."

"You'll fall into them naturally, I promise," Gabriel smirked. "And yes. Stop ignoring the plotline."

"Alright... sure, I was gonna get shot for your crappy game," I snapped sarcastically.

Then, he was gone. I rolled my eyes.

"So, what are the roles," Sam asked as I walked around the top of the elephant.

"Well, Christian and Satine," I pointed between us. "Maeve and Spencer. The Princess Bride and Westley. It's all romance."

"Why," Sam scrunched his face up.

"Because Gabe wants to get his rocks off," I said sarcastically, "I don't know, Sam!"

I walked down the stairs of the elephant. It was gorgeous here. It was just as vibrant as the movie made it look.

"Wow," I look back at Sam. "This is awesome."

I chuckled and nodded.

"What seen is it?"

"The Elephant Love Medley," I said. "Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman sing this mash-up of famous love songs as his character tries to convince her that there is nothing more important than love."

"I'm not gonna sing," Sam shook his head.

"I was not gonna ask you too," I chuckled. "I've heard you sing."

"Rude."

I just shrugged.

I looked around at the room, trying to figure out how to play these roles without the singing.

"Wait," I said. "Come on."

I grabbed his hand and pulled him back to the stairs.

"What is it," Sam asked as we made it to the top.

"At the end of the medley, Christian and Satine are dancing and they walk out onto this field of clouds and are held up in the sky."

"What-"

"This whole movie feels like a fever dream the first time you watch it."

"Come on," Sam held a hand out to me.

"Can you dance?"

"Not well," he chuckled. "The role didn't say I needed to be good."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him.

I tried to lead his steps and laughed as he stumbled into a pattern.

"Come on," I moved back so I could grab only one hand.

I led him a few steps forward and onto- what seemed to be- steps in the clouds. I let out an excited laugh when it worked. Sam looked at me and grinned at my excitement.

As soon as got to the top of the steps... it was gone.

We were in the middle of the street now.

"Aw, that was just mean," I mumbled. I glared at Sam when I heard him laughed.

He held his hands up jokingly before extending one toward me. I furrowed my eyebrows at him.

"I know what movie this is," he shrugged. I motioned for him to continue explaining. He walked over, hand still held out to me, "The Notebook. Noah and Allie dance in the street. So... will you dance with me? Even without the sequence where we dance in the clouds."

I bit my lip as I smiled.

I took his hand and let him pull me into the street. I laughed as I stumbled into his chest.

We fell into the scene naturally.

Sam held one of my hands in his and held my waist with the other. I placed my free hand on his shoulder. I looked up at him. It felt strange that we so casually fell into the scene but I was happy.

Sam jokingly twirled me around before pulling me back to his chest. I closed my eyes and chuckled.

"What," he asked.

"Nothing," I shook my head. "I just never saw you as such a romantic."

"Well, don't tell anyone, you'll ruin my reputation," he said sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes.

Sam spun the two of us in a circle before going to dip me. I didn't think I'd ever get to experience something like this. It always just felt like something I should forget about as a hunter. I was starting to forget why I was so angry with Sam in the first place.

I barely noticed that Sam was leaning in before the scene around me changed.

I was on a football field.

I looked around.

There was no sign of Sam.

"Crap," I mumbled, trying to figure out where to look first.

Then, there was a voice going over the field's speakers.

"You're just too good to be true... can't take my eyes off of you..."

I looked around toward the stands to see Sam walking with a mic. Can't sing, my ass.

"You'd be like heaven to touch... I wanna hold you so much"

"Oh my god," I muttered.

"At long last love has arrived... And I thank God I'm alive... You're just too good to be true... Can't take my eyes off of you."

I tried to bite back my laugh. He shrugged at me with an embarrassed smile and stepped into the actual stands.

We both jumped when the marching band started playing. I looked to see Gabriel smirking and leading their march.

Sam and I shrugged at each other. He continued on with the act.

Now, Sam Winchester pretending to be Patrick in "10 Things I Hate About You" was a treat... and was exactly what you imagined it would be.

He was almost stumbling down the steps as he continued on with the act. I was laughing hysterically by the time I saw the security guards starting to run in.

"Sam," I yelled, pointing behind him.

"Crap," I heard through the mic (which made me almost double-over in laughter) as he tried to take off running.

As soon as he was grabbed, the scene changed.

We both took a deep breath when we realized we were sitting together in a car.

"Thank god," Sam mumbled.

"That was a great performance, by the way," I said, still chuckling.

"Shut up," he muttered, laughing along with me. We fell silent after a minute. "So... what scene is this?"

"I have no idea," I replied.

"It's Gilmore Girls, dumbasses," we heard Gabriel's voice but saw no sign of him. "Season 1, Episode 16... absolute idiots."

"Didn't peg him for a Gilmore Girls fan," I said. Sam laughed.

"Me neither."

We fell silent again.

"I'm sorry," Sam said, looking over at me. "You were right. You can defend yourself and you were just trying to help me. I'm sorry for being such a dick about it."

I grinned, "Thanks... I forgive you. I know you were just worried about me."

Sam smiled back.

"I... umm...," Sam looked down for a moment, clearing his throat and collecting his thoughts. "I just... I love you."

My heart leaped up into my throat. I blinked at him a few times and forced a chuckle out. Which was the wrong response but I panicked. Hunters... we could face the devil but emotions were a no-no.

"(Y/n)," Sam's smile dropped slowly when he realized I wasn't responding.

I was just about to respond when the scene changed again.

Sam was gone again and I was on a city street.

"Dammit," I muttered.

I ran down the street, turning the corner. I looked at the wall of the building I was by. Was this a jazz club?

I walked through the door and was guided to a table so I could sit down and watch the performance.

"La La Land," I said.

Sam and I watched this together. Dean had gone to bed. We weren't tired and just turned this movie on because it looked like it was mostly happy.

Big dance numbers, beautiful effects... and the epilogue that made me hide tears from Sam.

I looked at the stage. Sam was sitting there, wearing a suit, looking at the audience nervously. He hesitantly reached toward the piano. It was like it was a prerecorded track. It sounded just like the movie.

I smiled.

I just wanted to talk to him.

Soon the performance ended.

I stood up and started walking over, seeing Sam starting to walk out.

I grinned at him, "Sam-"

He cut me off by cupping the sides of my face and kissing me softly. I touched his sides lightly, smiling against his lips. It was... magic. Absolute magic.

Then, I shot awake, back in my bed in the bunker.

The game was over. Thank God.

"(Y/n)," I heard yell through the bunker hall.

I ran into the hall and ran toward his room.

We stopped as soon as we saw each other.

"Please tell me that wasn't a dream," I said. He shook his head, smiling widely at me.

I ran over, pulling him down to kiss him again. It was softer than our last kiss and I loved it. His arms wrapped around me and pulled me closer. I buried my hands through his hair.

"Woah, what did I miss," we pulled away when we heard Dean.

I could basically feel Sam chuckle against my lips before he moved to look at his brother. I turned around in Sam's arm.

"A chick flick moment," Sam answered.

"Alright," Dean gave us a weird look before leaving without another word.

I looked back at Sam with a smile, "I love you."

"I love you too," he grinned and leaned in to kiss me softly again.

-----------------------------------

Masterlist

What I Write For

Request Guidelines

Musical Prompts

Small Moments With…

When Worlds Collide (Doctor Who Crossover Series) Masterlist

Some Original Characters

folklore/evermore Writing Challenge (and Masterlist)

[vgucciking]

JJ And Me

Chapter 1 “The Local Dead Kids”

(READ THIS!)

First off, JJ is from Outer Banks. Second of all, there won't be any parallel between the movie and show. Third of all, the only thing that includes outer banks is JJ being in this fanfic, and that there's a little background based at Outer Banks.

———————

Hey there, I guess this where I introduce myself and my crackhead of a friend JJ Maybanks, yeah?

Well first off, both our families go way back to when our parents grew up together. Which ultimately made us grow up together. He loved to surf, I mean that was our main stream thing down in outer banks.

Leaving behind our friends was rough. But I'm glad we both went together. We had John B who was passionate about finding out about his dad. Kie who decided to become a pogue, even though she was a kook, but her dads from our side, so meh. Pope who basically keeps the group together, and the most "go to friend" for advice. Sarah...uh. Well it was rough with her and Kie. But it got better for sure!

Ok that's enough of them.

When we moved away, both me and JJ were fuming. I mean, we are 14. And moving to a WHOLE new place, was gonna make, making friends more difficult for our age. Yeah we have each other, but we can't just rely on one another all the time.

And don't even get me started with the dramatic tantrums JJ threw-

"Y/n! Come help with moving the box's in!" My mom shouted, rolling my eyes, I ran down the stairs and out the door. JJ grinned and passed me a box "Gotcha a light one" he winked, going back to grab another.

"PLEASE! You make me sound very weak" he mentally face palmed "that's because you are" glaring at him I placed the box down inside and pointed to my biceps, flexing them in the process "These babies? Pshhh! They could take you down in seconds" I ranted.

"Oh yeah!? Wanna see about that?" He questioned, getting in a stance to tackle me. Copying his actions I nod my head "Only if you wanna turn out dead" I retorted, he ran full speed at me. His body collided with mine, and smashed me to the ground.

My breath flew straight out of me, as I was now being suffocated. I could her a groan and then laughter "So...w-what happened to t-those biceps!" He snorted, while I was currently dying on the floor.

"They left. J-j-just like y-your ex" Ok, maybe I shouldn't have said that, because now I could hear a tantrum arriving at full flash. "HEY! She doesn't count as a girlfriend!"

Of course she didn't, JJ didn't do relationships, not after HER anyways. Her name was Daisy, she was nice and all. She really made him happy *coughs* Not as much as me *coughs* so when she cheated on him at a party, he couldn't stand the thought of seeing her again. He still loved her, but he knew that she did that fully sobbed, meaning she WILLINGLY cheated on him.

After that he ignored her whenever she walked up to him. Walking right past her in the hallways, not sparing any glances at her. Not responding to her messages.

But he got better after a year when she finally dropped out of school. She had too, since her parents had become rich, so she became a kook.

"Really? You always say that when-" I was hit in the head with a plastic bottle. "Owww you ass!" I said annoyed, rubbing my forehead in the process. Just then both our parents came in, my mom looked mad while JJ's looked neutral. Both dads were just standing there.

"You two better stop fighting, or else you're gonna get this belt!" My mom shouted, while pointing at our figures.

To be honest, me and my mom argued a lot. I guess we just never really got to bond as much, since she was always busy with work. Where as my dad had lots of time for me.

Looking at JJ I stuck my tongue out, as he just stared disgustingly at me. "How bout you two go out and have a wee wonder around the town" JJ's dad suggested "Yeah! I heard there's a baseball game on today, at 3:50pm." My dad added on, mom looked at me and just sighed "go, go have fun"

She ushered us out of the house, and walked back in, leaving me and JJ just standing there. I turned around and started walking towards this supposedly cool baseball game they were talking about.

"Y/n," my dad called out. I responded with nodding my head "The game should be located around the school here! And don't leave JJ behind" staring at JJ I raised an eyebrow "you gonna just stand there or what?" Making his way over to me, he punched shoulder slightly.

To say me and JJ act like an old married couple, was an understatement. If you seen 5 minutes of our friendship, without knowing us. You'd think we were a couple. WRONG. 

"Y'know I'm glad we moved." He spoke suddenly. Peering over I seen him staring at the concrete. "Why? I thought you loved it there" laughing he shook his head "Moving away made me realise that, Outer Banks was a bad place," his blue eyes pierced your own E/C ones "people there put you on a scale from 1 to 10. And if you ain't rich, you're automatically looked down on." A frown scrolled upon your face.

You weren't mad, it just hit you now that it's true. Over here, it feels like no one knows you, and that they don't care who you really are. "I mean at least we aren't there anymore, yeah?" I said, not trying to show any signs of being down.

"Yeah" was all he said before it went completely silent...

———

Instagram ~ V_Guccciking

Tiktok ~ Im_okie

Chapter 2

[maxirueee]

AU Alberu's POV as the experimented Beru

Alberu: Cale?

Cale: ...nggh..yes?

Cale rubs his eyes as he tried to open them slowly only to see his lover looking right at him with a nervous expression.

Alberu: I suddenly had a bad dream.

Cale: It's literally 3am in the morning.

Alberu: mm..yea- well *fidgeting*

Cale: Spit it out. What was your bad dream about Beru?

Alberu: DON'T CALL ME THAT ANYMORE- PLEASE just please I'm begging you...

Cale was in deep shock that his lover raised his voice at him just because of what? He called him by his nickname?

Cale: Didn't you tell me multiple times that I should stop calling you 'hyung' when we finally got together?

Alberu: I-its not that.. I just-

Cale: Tell me what's wrong Beru.

Alberu: THAT'S the PROBLEM.

Cale: Which is??

Alberu: That nickname, in my dream I was suddenly trapped in a flat boxed screen, I couldn't move but all I could do was smile. Smiling while looking towards the horizon which seemed endless. White. Blank.

ALberu: After a few minutes I suddenly heard voices. At first, there were a lot of compliments about how radiant I loo-

Cale: Are you even sure that's a bad dream?

Alberu: Yeah it is a bad dream!

Cale: Aren't you just totally flaunting how good-looking you are? You're srsly waking me up in the middle of the night because of this? I'm going back to slee-

Alberu: I SWEAR THAT'S NOT IT!

Cale looks back at Alberu who had a look of desperation. Cale couldn't distinguish if what he's seen rolling down the face of his beloved was sweat or tears. Maybe both. Well, he might as well comfort his lover since that was his job. Alberu: I heard giggles, squeals, people were shrieking with how I finally appeared. They kept saying that I looked so dazzling, how I sparkled. They were even speaking the same annoying lines that you tell me every time with your glib tongue.

Cale: Whatever do you mean oh shining sun of the Roan Empi-

Alberu: My point exactly *glaring at Cale*

Cale: Alright go on.

Alberu: It went on for days, I couldn't tell how long I was trapped in that frame-like screen window, all of a sudden I reverted back to my dark elf form.

Cale continues to stare at him, already feeling bored as he watched Alberu continue ranting his struggle of a mere dream. Although he found it amusing as he heard him say the next lines.

Alberu: But it didn't stop there, my hair color suddenly changed to a blood-red color just like yours Cale. I was the spitting image of you. And the voices agreed on how we really are sworn brothers if we just switched hair colors.

Cale: Hoh...

'There must be something more to this if it actually made the emperor of the Roan Kingdom have buckets of sweat rolling down his pretty face.'

Alberu: It was until I heard somebody say, 'How about a Pink Haired Beru?'

Cale: Huh?

Alberu: My hair color immediately changed to pink, then sky blue, then green, then orange, then red again. I didn't know when it'd stop but I couldn't even budge. Even when I wanted to so bad.

Alberu looked dead straight in Cale's eyes, with both his hands firmly holding his partner's shoulders, but ironically he was shaking. Alberu Crossman was shaking in fear. For what reason? Is this another one of the Sun God's pranks to his lover? Perhaps it was the God of Death again? He continues to ponder at the annoying thought that maybe divine beings were messing around his precious people again but stopped as Alberu continued speaking his worries.

Alberu: I thought it was okay since it was just a hair color change..then a woman's voice asked with great anticipation, "HOW ABOUT A BALD AND A MOHAWKBERU?"

Alberu: I continued to smile, even when my luscious golden blonde hair was instantly gone and I was suddenly bald. BALD! I saw numerous hearts floating in front of me and I could hear the mockery and laughter of beings I could not even see. Yet I continued to smile.

Cale was speechless.

Alberu: For some reason, I could read the words floating in front of me. "EVERYBODY GIVE IT UP FOR THE ROAN KINGDOM'S FAVORITE SHINING SUN- BALDBERU" is what it said. More hearts appeared at a scary rate and I couldn't even shout or move. I was terrified.

Alberu glared at the person in front of him like a mad man. Cale just shut up and listened to whatever he said, Alberu really looked mental.

Alberu: The woman from a while ago spoke again, I swear her voice was scary beyond belief. She added "Okay everybody hold up- Now imagine DELINQUENT HAIRCUT AlBERU"

Alberu: My hair suddenly grew back twice as much and it was styled into this weird looking hairdo...

Cale continued to have his stoic face which made Alberu feel relieved. Little does he know Cale was on the verge of laughing his ass off-

ALberu: I suddenly heard "JOSUBERU I CAN'T WITH THIS FANDOM- YA'LL REALLY DID IT U PUNKS" again from that mortifying woman since earlier, apparently it was done by a group of people claiming to be my fans?! BUT THE MONSTROSITY THEY'VE- no that wasn't even half of it

Cale: 'There's actually more?! PFFFFFT' I see, continue then. The prince saw his darling sweetheart Cale shaking as if he was sympathizing with what he was going through. At that very moment, he felt touched by his lover's empathy towards himself.

Alberu: The horrors didn't end just there as I was still waiting for the whole nightmare to be over, they were begging for a 'Voldeberu' which I don't even understand, at that point, I SUDDENLY LOST MY NOSE!!

I WAS BALD AGAIN AND MY NOSE DISAPPEARED YET I WAS STILL SMILING. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO MUCH FEAR IN MY LIFE.

Alberu: Somebody then proposed a 'Clowberu' AND MY FACE SUDDENLY BECAME A CLOWN WEARING MAKEUP. The hardships I had to take while staying still like a fucking mannequin. BUT IT STILL DIDNT STOP THERE.

Cale almost broke into laughter as he wanted to continue listening to his lover's amusing dream! If he laughs now Alberu might as well punch him in the face.

Alberu: I wanted to cry, I pleaded with the Sun God in my head that I want this to stop but I didn't get what I wanted. Instead, a chatbox suddenly appeared, I almost pissed my pants reading at the schemes of those so-called 'fans' had for me.

Cale: Oho.. what did you s-see then? 'Pfft'

Alberu: "LET'S MAKE HIS SKIN GREEN WITH ONLY ONE EYE, MIKE WAZOWSKIEBERU" "We need a butt, BUTTBERU" "I still didn't get my mohawhkberu!" "TWIN TAILESBERU" "AFROBERU!" "MONKBERU!" "SANGWOOBERU" "COWBERU" "UCHIHABERU" "I SAY NUNBERU! NUNBERU SUPREMACY RISE!!!!!!"

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT MIKE WAZOWSKI BERU! BUT THEY WANT MY HEAD TO BE A COW?! HOW COULD THEY TO THE EMPEROR OF THE RO-

Cale couldn't handle it anymore he bursts out laughing, almost in tears.

Cale: BUHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!! If only I was there to see it all! I ca- I CANT! MIKE WAZOW- WAZOWSKI HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH AND AFRO?! HAHAHAHAHAHA

Alberu: How could you be laughing at my pain?!

Cale: Oh dear emperor of mine, isn't it fine that you have such 'entertaining fans' of yours?

Alberu: Entertaining can't even describe those lots... They all praised me for how I was the rising sun of the Roan Kingdom as they humiliated my every being. To the point where they even planned on turning me into 'LIGHTBULBERU'. A FUCKING LIGHTBULB BECAUSE THEY WANT ME TO SHINE LITERALLY. A WALKING FLASHLIGHT KING. ME. ALBERU CROSSMAN.

Cale: PFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Alberu: Haaaahh... You don't understand because you were never in my position. Those fans were a bunch of lunatics I say, LUNATICS!

What Alberu doesn't know is that we, the fandom won't just stop there...

Alberu felt shivers down his spine as he recalled the very vivid and realistic experience he had inside his dream.

Cale: I am so telling this to Tasha, my esteemed and very much adored Beru <3

Alberu: JUST CALL ME HYUNG PLEASE!!

The trauma seemed to have sunken deep into his mind that every time Cale calls him by that nickname, he subconsciously touches his hair and nose in order to reassure himself that it's still there.

I'm tagging these superb beings for making the thread LEGENDARY: @cale-alberu @chunnicalesimp @thescarletguard @trashduchesshenituse-reblogs @farmercale @just-a-sleepy-person @annerisk @pile-of-sticks @trash-duchess-henituse @icyteaa

[atsunflower]

Rated: SFW

Author notes: *sigh* for the third time the damned app ate up the tags. This one took me too long and I'm excited for write about my man suna again. This is also pretty different from what I'm used to write, but why not? Please enjoy your reading.

Warnings: cursing, substance usage/mentions, break-ups and me trynna be funny.

I – Cancel me.

Previous || Next

He looked at them with expectation as the beats smoothly faded, indicating the song's ending. 

If he were to be honest, the pair before him was a pain in the ass, but their opinion was that important because, when it came to music, they were the best at it. He felt no shame nor jealousy in admitting it.

"Dunno, the hook sounds like a Vice headline ta me." The bleach-haired male said, hearring the song's outro blaring through the studio speakers.

"Isn't it a Kid Milli reference, tho?" The other asked while munching a chip. He frowned at them, not understanding their point.

"Whatever. You two are no help anyways." Hearring their bullshit, the brunette already regretted this collab. He paused the queued song, turning to the other two with a blank stare.

The twins before him snickered, knowing they successfully hit a nerve. They couldn't help it, provoking Suna was one of their favorite hobbies.

"The song is good, but I gotta tell ya this butt hurt phase of yers is pretty lame." The faux-blond opened his mouth again, spinning around the studio with the desk chair. 

"Fuck you, Atsumu" He snapped, almost giving in to the desire of decking them both on the face.

"Tsumu's right, ya Lil Peep wannabe. Can't believe this break up ended up that bad." Osamu said in mockery, throwing the empty Lay's wrapper at him. He scoffed, disposing the wrapper on the bin before getting back at the screen to look at the FL studio interface.

"It's not that I have a broken heart. I just wanna know what's wrong with my life" He shrugged, blindly tacting over the desk in search of his Juul.

"Yeah Samu, he's just grieving over those fancy ass Dior Jordans. Sunarin is incapable of mundane things like a broken heart." His blond friend was partially right.

Suna Rintaro was many things: alt model, music producer, cloud artist and a decent volleyball player that almost went pro. But if there was something he could never be, it was a lucky man on love matters.

With his fair share of failed relationships, the artist could never pinpoint when things went wrong. It would always be the same: he would meet a girl, they would have a good time and then, the chick would turn out demanding as fuck.

In the end, every single one of them would slap him across the face and leave his life banging the front door shut like crazy — last week, it was Mika who broke things off, but not before setting his limited edition pair of jordans on fire. He would never get over those sneakers.

"Good for him, those kicks were kinda ugly." Osamu said in a bored manner. Suna felt his soul leaving his body.

"The hell, Osamu?" He was ready to fight, deeply offended by the attack at his taste in fashion.

"Yo, you two." Atsumu butted in, checking something on his phone "Y'all are drifting away from our problem."

"That is?" The other brother asked.

"Cheer up Sunarin before he fucks up with the Album." If Suna had the energy, he would kick both Miyas out of his studio "And I gotta the perfect thing. Let's hang out at Akagi's tonight, he just invited us." The already distressed musician felt the soul leaving his body for the second time that afternoon. He was sure both twins wished his death.

"Not a fucking chance. Last time I went there I almost died because of that weird stuff we smoked." 

"Aw, Sunarin, Kita'll be there too." The faux-blonde tried to persuade. The mention of their older, responsible and straight edge friend made Suna look at them with interest. But he needed more, though. Based on the last experience, he didn't have the will to risk his life going to Akagi's house once again. A shiver descended his spine as the male recalled how much he threw up that night.

"Suna, man, I gotta agree with Tsumu. Yer feelings are showing in your music." Osamu said as if he was some kind of genius.

"Isn't art about it, tho?" He deadpanned "Expressing feelings and shit?" He asked, staring them dead in the eye. The males before him shivered because of its intensity. Suna snickered.

"Man says art, but most of his songs are about the Nikes on his feet and the Tesla in his garage." Atsumu mocked "What the fuck?" The blonde barely dodged the moleskine thrown at him.

"Don't chew on me when you do the same, asshat. This is called character development." As unnerving the twins were, he felt a whole lot better in their company "Just lemme produce my sad stuff in peace."

"Cut us some slack, ya dumbfuck. We're just worried about ya." Osamu protested " 'Sides, no wonder no girl sticks by yer side. You know what the chicks find sexy? Seizing the means of production, not yer dumb car."

"You two are so la—" The musician was interrupted mid sentence, startled by the blond figure clutching his phone with enthusiasm.

"Oi Samu," Atsumu's loud voice startled the other two, as he excitedly fisted the air.

"What the fuck?" Suna asked, dropping the Juul on the floor.

"She'll be there tonight." The blond said, looking at his brother with a new wave of joy.

"The fuck? She who?" The brunette frowned.

"Ya gotta go and find out, man." The gray haired twin said with a knowing smile, matching his brother's excitement.

The night out felt somewhat draining. The booze, the music and the company were great, but his lack of energy was a mood killer.

Cheer me up my ass, Suna cursed internally as he observed everyone getting wasted all over the place. He grimaced at the sight, realizing the meeting with the twins was enough social interaction for the day.

He didn't know what's gotten into him. The male knew it wasn't necessarily caused by the break up, but he couldn't help the feeling down.

Right now, life just felt lowkey suffocating. 

Being a public figure meant being under the spotlights the most of time.

People talked.

People assumed.

Media was all over him, ready to catch a scandall.

And of fucking course his name was on gossip headlines. It even occupied a spot on twitter trending topics for a day or so.

"Fuck me." He said before the lukewarm beer went down his throat.

"Sunarin!" He heard Atsumu shouting from his right "I want you to meet someone!" And only now he noticed the blond had his left arm over a girl's shoulders.

Oh, that's the one they were talking about, maybe? the brunette realized. What's the hype, tho? He asked himself, eyeing your figure.

"[Name], this is Suna. Sunarin, this is [Name], best girl ever and the mastermind behind the visuals of mine and Samu's last album" The bleach-haired male said with a proud smirk, ruffling your hair. You were obviously shy.

How cute, the brunette thought.

"Dumbass, don't embarrass me in front of others!" You nudged the Miya with your elbow "Nice to meet you, I saw your name on TMZ last week—" You said beaming and he grunted.

I take it back. Not cute at all, the man internally screamed, not ready to talk about the recent events. He didn't even want to listen to the rest of your speech, your cheery voice went through his ears in a white noise.

"And this makes me really excited for your album. The interview about the collab with dumb and dumber was lit." You continued, the words were genuine and you seemed really interested "And I also relate on a spiritual level because I know working with them is hell."

Oh, she's talking about the album. He realized in relief.

"Yo, I heard good things about you too. The design of their album was hella sick, even though they two suck ass." Suna snickered when he heard Atsumu protesting. You only left out a giggle, joining him on the teasing.

The blond kept ranting about how bad of friends the two of you were.

"I didn't introduce y'all ta gang up on me. Bye, I'm finding another company. Ya two suck." The blonde Miya said, leaving only you and Suna in the sofa area.

"Uh, so…" He drifted off, trying to start some small talk

"Yeah..." You both giggled at the awkwardness "Not enjoying the night?"

"Too much happening right now. Lots of people talking shit 'bout me." He sipped the beer, grimacing at the stale taste of the drink "Hope they cancel me already. So all this shit dies down." Suna looked away, suddenly shy for opening up to a stranger.

"You're a famous guy and the break-up wasn't that scandalous. It'll be over eventually, just beware the sneaker cult." Your amusement was comfort enough. You didn't make intrusive questions about the events and merely joked it off. He felt so worn out by the situation but, at least, your presence wasn't overbearring.

"How is it everyone knows about the jordans?" You shrugged it off, laughing at the distressed face he mocked. Sighing in relief, Suna couldn't deny how refreshing your presence was. Not to be a jerk, but usually, the girls either were all over him or judged every single move he made. You were just that easygoing.

"Well, I don't think you came here to sulk on the sofa all night long. Why don't we join them by the pool and down some shots?" You hopped off of your seat, pointing to the glass doors. All the boys were waving at you two and suddenly, Suna felt a wave of joy run down his body.

Atsumu was right. Best girl ever.

At some point of the night, everything became about you.

All he could hear was the sound of your voice and all the time, his eyes were drawn to your figure. He couldn't figure out a reason for it, but the rapper wasn't complaining either.

A sharp pang at the side of Suna's head broke the trance he was in. Osamu had a shit eating grin on his face, eyeing the ravenette with amusement.

"We told ya so." The younger twin mused whilst he handed a long neck of vodka to the other.

"Stop. This is dumb."

"Yer dumb. But you ain't that dumb ta dare ta mess with her." The gray-haired Miya squinted at him, menacingly pointing the bottle in his hand at the brunette. The latter shrugged it off, opening his drink.

"Nah, I'm good." And he meant it.

But how could he explain the situation he was in?

Lips and hands wandered over the expanse of his skin. Everything was too hot and too good at the same time. Overwhelming, even.

He wanted more, more and more. There wasn't enough of you.

And if it wasn't unfair enough, his body felt lethargic. He was desperate, but couldn't keep up with the rhythm you imposed. Be it the alcohol or the stress, his body gave up and blacked out, even before you could undress each other.

In the morning after, a pounding headache woke him up. Suna didn't dare to open his eyes, but the morning breath fanning over his face was unbearable.

"I can't believe a cutie like you have a stinky breath like this." The complaint came out in a raspy voice, accompanied by an annoyed grunt.

Someone snickered on the other side of the room.

"Man, I didn't know you had the hots fer Samu." Atsumu was somewhere across the room, laughing at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hearing the other, Suna's body jolted, dizziness made his head spin in the process. He felt sick in the stomach and the morning light made his eyes sting. "When did I get back here?" The male looked around, realizing he was sprawled over Akagi's floor, right beside Osamu, who didn't even squirm at the loud voices in the room.

"What do ya mean? We never left" Atsumu frowned, uncaping a water bottle he was holding "Ya puked on Kita and passed out. The boys were too wasted ta drag yer sorry ass back home so we all crashed here." The blonde was dumbfounded, trying to figure out how wasted Suna got last night.

Suna wanted to know too. After all, there was no way the events envolving you were a product of his drunk mind.

facts:

• Suna's artist name is yosemite.

• He has a Tesla Model S because of Frank Ocean.

• He takes his Nikes very seriously.

• No, not all of his songs are about the car and the kicks.

• He and the Miya twins got a sports scholarship because of volleyball, but they dropped out of school to make music.

• The three of them created Inarizaki, the label they're making music under. Kita and Aran manage it.

• Both Miya twins are beatmakers and music producers. They recently debuted as artists and now are making a collab EP with Suna, thus Atsumu's concern about the album.

[haikyuu-appreciation-club]

•Looking Out for You•

Akaashi x Reader

warnings: one or two curse words

genre: fluff + a pinch of angst if you squint

word count: 2.8k

hey lovelies, just wanted to let you know that this is another personal oneshot i wrote for a friend that was modified to be enjoyed by everyone sooo if there are some things that don’t resonate to you specifically i apologize!!

also, just as i finished this i realized the second half has a similar vibe to “Closer to You” sooo let’s just ignore that lol

oh and i’m sorry if he’s a little ooc, i don’t know his character very well, but i tried my best >_<

anywhoooo i hope all of you akaashi simps enjoy :p

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You had always attended your boyfriends volleyball games, cheering him on from the stands and being the first one to wrap your arms around his neck in congratulations when his team won. You had supported him and his sport even before the two of you had started dating, loving nothing more than being his personal cheerleader with anything he did. Even being pretty quiet and shy by nature, being able to support your significant other with one of the things he was most passionate about brought out your energetic side. It’s not as if you cheered very loud or yelled out his name when they got a point but none the less, your presence was always known to him.

Akaashi was beyond greatful that you were always there. He felt a sense of comfort being able to look at his alluring significant other whenever things on the court became too stressful. He always felt your love and support spread throughout the whole gym like a wildfire as soon as you walked in and he couldn’t ask for anything more. 

During this particular game, he found his gaze landing on you more than usual.  He couldn’t disappoint you, not when you were looking so nice in his spare jersey. You were representing him up in those stands and he would never be able to forgive himself if that expression of awe morphed into an expression of disappointment. However, he was slowly losing his faith in the ability to pull off this win.

The team was on their fifth set of the game. Their stamina had begun to leave their bodies the set before this and now they were just trudging along with whatever they had left. Physical and mental exhaustion plagued them but you knew no matter how drained they were, they would give their all until the very end. The score had gone over a few points on both ends and was now sitting in the low twenties. The apposing team was on match point with Fukurōdani not far behind. However, if the other side got this point, everything was over.

You knew how hard Akaashi and the team had worked. They came to practice early in the morning and left late at night in preparation for this specific match. They polished and perfected every trick in the book, making sure that they were able to put 100% of themselves into this game. You had witnessed their hard work first hand, usually stopping by the gym after school to wait to walk home with Akaashi. You watched the way everyone put their blood, sweat, and tears into improving, constantly putting everything they had into the things they did. You were so beyond proud of the boys, especially Akaashi. You knew how hard he worked and you would still be over the moon with his performance, win or lose.

Akaashi did not have the same mindset. He knew that volleyball wasn’t life or death but that didn’t mean that he didn’t care about the outcome of this game. He had worked his ass off as did the rest of the team and he wanted to make you proud. Now more then ever did he want to be able to walk off that court and feel the warmth of your body pressed against his as you whispered words of congratulations into his ear.

However, the powerful serve that materialize on the other side of the net washed away any chance of that scenario unfolding this game.

Every piece of your heart shattered as you watched the boys of Fukurodani desperately trying to get the ball back up and in play. They were clawing at any opportunity to be able to send it over again and get back their lost points. But in the end, it was no use.

As the gym fell silent, the only sound that met your ears was the soft bounce of the volleyball as it came to a stop. The opposing team and their supporters broke out into cheers but it reached your ears in a muffled manor. The only thing you were focused on was the dejected state of the defeated party. Everyone looked as if they were in a state of shock. Everything they worked so hard for these past weeks had been thrown away in a matter of minutes. You already knew they were all playing each and every mistake over and over again and going over every what-if imaginable.

Your gaze apprehensively wandered to Akaashi. He looked as if he was in a daze. The same nonchalant expression was painted on his face but as you looked into those beautiful blue eyes you could decipher every emotion he was feeling in that moment. He had never been one to show or voice much of his emotions so you had grown to learn how to read him like a book over the years. You could tell how crushed he was at the outcome of this game. He had always put way too much pressure on himself when it came to volleyball. Sometimes forgetting that a sport was a team oriented situation and that he couldn’t place the blame all on himself. That didn’t stop him though.

You wasted no time in standing up and making your way to the court. You mumbled words of apologies as you pushed past people, wanting to pull your boyfriend into your embrace as soon as possible. As much as you felt as if you were being too much with the small action, you knew he would not use his words right away and he needed to be reassured in a matching silence.

Once you reached the court, the team had just concluded shaking hands with the other team and thanking the people who showed up for supporting them. Making their way towards the doors you could see everyone’s tear streaked faces more clearly then you could before. Akaashi was an exception but you knew if he was one to cry, he would be sobbing right now.

You ran up to him and engulfed him in a hug. In that moment you didn’t care who was staring, you just knew that he needed someone. He slowly wrapped his arms around your waist and let his head rest in the crook of your neck. You ignored the sweat that was clinging to his figure, caring only about showing your boyfriend how incredibly proud you were of him. This lasted for a few moments until you pulled away, cupping his face in your hands and placing a chaste kiss to his forehead. You reached down to grab his wrist and pulled him away from the noisy gym and out into the fresh air.

A cool breeze surrounded you two as you sat down against the back wall of the gym. Akaashi slowly followed suit, sinking down next to you. You two sat quietly for a moment, the only sound filling your ears was the rustling of leaves on nearby trees and the soft breaths escaping your bodies. You honestly didn’t know how to break the silence. Usually you and Akaashi were pretty good when it came to communicating with each other, but in this specific situation you were at a loss for words. So, until you could find the right thing to say, you opted for a more physical aspect.

You scooted away from him, creating a gap between you two. He looked over at you, confused as to why you gravitated away from him. That was until he felt your hand snake behind his head and find a place on his cheek, pulling him down into your lap. You ran your fingers through his soft, black locks as he started to shake lightly in your hold. You knew he had finally reached his breaking point. You leaned down and whispered softly into his ear,

“It’s okay Keiji, you can let it out. It’s just you and me.”

In that moment, every emotion he had been suppressing had come crashing down. He turned his face into your inner thigh and quietly sobbed. 

To anyone else, this would be a sight to gawk at. The Keiji Akaashi crying? A man who was always so calm and collected? Who never let his emotions phase him, Crying? However, you knew him better than that. Akaashi was a human being after all. No matter how much strength he had or how composed he was, he too had a breaking point and he trusted you to see that. He always waited until he was with you to rant or yell or cry. He didn’t do it to burden you and never did he take his emotions out on you directly, but you were his home. He knew with you, you would never judge or view him differently. He was comfortable sharing a side of himself that no one got to see.

You felt your own share of tears escape your eyes as you sat there, rubbing his back. Akaashi didn’t breakdown often, but when he did it always pushed you to your own breaking point. You carefully swiped at your face before finally speaking up,

“I know you don’t want to hear it right now, but you did a really great job today. I can already tell you’ve replayed all of the mistakes in your head but you can’t overlook everything you did good Keiji. Sure, you lost, and I can’t begin to imagine how upset you are over that but volleyball is a team sport. You win and lose as a team so you can’t put all the blame on yourself,” Akaashi maneuvered himself so that he was now face up, staring into your comforting eyes as you continued your speech. “You can sulk, and I'll be right here through it all but take this as an opportunity to improve and make yourself the best you can be. You’re an incredible player and I'm so proud to be in those stands watching you, win or lose.”

You took a deep breath and looked down at Akaashi. You couldn’t exactly decipher his emotions in that moment. His lips were slightly parted as he stared up at you, puffy eyes unreadable. Had you said something wrong? The last thing you wanted to do right now was make things worse for him. You lifted your head and averted your gaze, starting to regret opening your mouth at all. 

You felt Akaashi sit up and your eyes traveled back to his figure. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he cupped your cheeks, taking a moment to admire you. You always knew what to say in every situation, good or bad. That was one of the things he had always loved about you. One of many reasons he was so deeply in love with you. He brushed his thumb over your soft skin before pulling you close and connecting your lips. His kisses were always so soft and gentle, love reverberating throughout your body with each one. You wished they could last forever but eventually you two had to break apart for air. He leaned his forehead against yours and mumbled against your lips,

“Thank you Y/N”

You pulled back and nodded, giving him a smile as you brushed away the hairs that clung to his face,

“Let’s go home Keiji”

He stood up and offered you his hand. You laughed at his typical gentleman antics and accepted his outstretched hand, intertwining your fingers with his. 

You two walked back to Akaashi’s house just as the sun began to set. The silence that fell around you two was comfortable, just enjoying being in each others company. You could tell he was still upset over the outcome of the game but there’s no way he wanted to discuss it any further at the moment. He probably would open up about it over breakfast tomorrow morning once he had gotten all his thoughts collected, so you weren’t too worried about it. Right now, you just wanted to give him the opportunity to get his mind off of everything for a moment.

Once you two got through the door, you were greeted with an empty home. Akaashi’s parents usually took business trips on the weekend so you two had the house to yourselves. You ushered your sweaty boyfriend upstairs and instructed him to go take a shower. He gladly agreed, already feeling the warm water soothing his sore muscles. As he walked upstairs, you walked to the kitchen and pulled the menu for your favorite ramen shop off of the refrigerator.

Ramen was always a mutual pick me up dinner for the two of you.  If one of you got a bad grade on an assignment or your club activities weren’t going to well or you just had a bad day in general, you would always go eat ramen together. Today was definitely one of those days. You ordered the ramen to be delivered to Akaashi’s house, not really thinking he would want to eat out tonight. Walking back into the living room you brought some blankets with you to the couch and scrolled through the purchased movies on the television.

Akaashi walked back downstairs and into the living room to see your figure on the couch, sitting with your knees tucked into your chest to leave room for him to sit beside you. He smiled at your considerate actions and took a seat beside you. He grabbed your ankles and pulled your feet so that you slid onto your back, legs draped over his lap. You smiled up at him, admiring how handsome he looked post shower. You turned your attention back to the T.V. and continued to scroll through the movies as you asked,

“Harry Potter type of night?”

He chuckled lightly as he rubbed the top of your lower leg subconsciously,

“Only if it’s the fourth one, the others will have to wait.”

You scrolled to the fourth movie out of the series and clicked on it. As it begun to load you set the remote down and grinned,

“Of course, besides Draco looks the best in the fourth one.”

Akaashi looked at you, trying to suppress a grin as he shoved your legs off of his and stood up. He begun to walk out of the room as you scrambled to your feet and walked after him,

“Keiji, i’m sorry, i was joking i swear, you’re the best looking guy i’ve ever seen,”

You continued to ramble about how attractive your boyfriend was and how much you loved him but were cut off by Akaashi turning around and grabbing you by your waist. He spun you around a few times as you let out laughs that were like music to his ears. Just being with you made him forget about the distress he was feeling earlier. Volleyball wasn’t the most important thing in his life, but you were. As long as he had you, he would be okay in the end. He set you down and placed soft kisses all over your face, earning a few more laughs from you,

“I know you were joking baby, i was too.”

He smiled at you as he began to walk back to the living room. You followed suit until you heard a knock at the door. Akaashi looked over his shoulder a quirked an eyebrow at you. You shrugged, not wanting to give the surprise away, and went to go answer the door.

You walked back to the living room and set the ramen on the table. Akaashi’s eyes visibly lite up at the sight of the logo on the bag. You undid the knot at the top and pulled out akaashi’s bowl of ramen,

“Tada! Pick me up Ramen!”

Akaashi smiled as he took the warm container from your hands. He placed a kiss on your cheek before moving down to sit at the table in front of the couch. You grabbed your ramen and did the same.

You two watched the movie as you ate, quietly commenting at certain parts and snuggling closely once the containers were empty. You loved nights like this, just being in Akaashi’s company and spending time with him without having to worry about anything. He was your safe place, and you were his. It was you guys against the world and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

As the movie came to a close you noticed Akaashi nodding off, and felt yourself doing the same. You pulled him into your lap once more as you leaned back against the couch, letting your eyes flutter shut. Before you drifted off to sleep, you heard sweet words meet your ear,

“I love you Y/N, more then you know”

You smiled softly to yourself as you lightly rubbed his shoulder,

“I love you too Keiji.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

[addictofsupernatural]

Emotions (pt. 12)

Billy Hargrove x reader

Summary: Billy does his best to win you back, but a certain person keeps getting in the way.

Word Count: 2485

Chapter 1 • Chp. Masterlist

Billy was not giving up. He was set on winning you back, and started by waiting at your house to take you to school. At first you tried to ignore him and just walk, but he kept driving next to you and you felt too guilty. You'd end up getting inside and seeing his relieving smile. Hopper did always say that your conscious would screw you over some day.

During biology he was constantly trying to make you laugh. His charming jokes and quick wit would eventually get to you, and you would end up cracking a smile. You couldn't help it; you just thought it was funny how much of a child he could be, even with his beautiful grin.

During lunch you went with Steve Harrington. It pissed him off, but he needed to learn that you're entitled to hang out with anyone you want. He just didn't understand why it had to be him. When Billy passed by you in the halls or anywhere at lunch, he would always smile and wink at you. He'd see you blush, which was all he needed.

Billy had learned to have patience. He needed to be patient with you when you felt insecure about yourself, or when you didn't understand something simple. Looking back at it now, he could see why you had trouble adjusting to normalcy. He would now need to be his most patient self, because right now you were doing something you thought would be best for Billy, and he saw that you were trying your hardest to be better for him by trying to have him move on. He just needed enough patience for you to realize that he wasn't going to move on from the love of his life.

When Steve caught on that Billy's dumb ass face was actually working on you, he knew that he had to do something as your self proclaimed best friend. He invited Jonathan over to see what to do about it, pacing the floor and acting like he was planning a war strategy.

"We have to do something about this!" He said to Jonathan in the living room, with you easily listening from your bedroom easily listening. Hearing the two of them was like having a devil and angel on your shoulder. "Okay, what's our plan?"

"I don't know man. I think Billy's okay now, if I'm being honest. He's actually sorry, and he's okay now with y/n's powers. Maybe we should give him a chance?"

"Are you kidding me? And let my friend get hurt again? No, she's not going to fall for that dickhead again. Someone has to protect her; she's too innocent."

"Hey, dumbasses," You said from your door frame. "If you don't want me to listen in then maybe you shouldn't be talking about this crap in my house."

"See what I mean?! He taught her how to curse!" He then pointed to you. "And shut up. Your house is comfy, okay?"

"He's actually not wrong about that." Jonathan mumbled.

You scoffed. "I told you guys, we're not getting back together. And shouldn't I be able to make my own decisions anyways?"

"No, you need the guidance of a loyal friend." You rolled your eyes at his serious face, which then lit up with an idea. "I know exactly how to get him to back off! We need to get him jealous, and he'll get so pissed that he'll give up."

"You sure you don't just wanna see him get pissed?" Jonathan asked, scoffing as well.

Steve gave him a pat on the back. "That, my friend, is an added perk." He then gave the two of you a teasing smile.

The next morning when Billy went to your house to pick you up for school, he saw that Steve's car was parked there. He watched in disgust as the two of you came out, with your head down as you went into his car. Steve looked back, smiling and nodding at Billy. "You ever tried her pancakes?" He called out. "Delicious!"

He then got into the car too. You didn't look at Steve when saying, "You don't have to be an ass about it."

"You want him to move on or not?" Steve asked as you silently nodded.

Billy gripped his steering wheel as his breaths became deeper. You used to make him pancakes. You used to sit on his lap and feed it to him. Sometimes you'd lick the syrup off his lips. You'd never do that with that jerk off Steve, but the thought of you making something for Steve instead of him got Billy so fucking pissed.

At school, Billy thought about his options. He could still try to keep it up with strong flirting, but that dick off Steve would probably also start flirting. You hate conflict, and you'd hate that situation. Fucking Steve Harrington. How the hell was he supposed to win you back now?

It was time for him to really look back and think. When you two first got together, how did it happen? Back then, it happened slowly as you saw that his attention was focused on you. This was when you were just friends. Bingo.

When he saw you enter fourth period, he gently smiled and nodded his head. "Hey." You put your head down. "So, I was thinking. I'm sorry for going against what you want, and I think we should start over. As friends?"

This was painful for you, and you knew that you should just reject him so he can move on and be happy with someone else in the future. But you were dying to talk to him again; the conversations you missed so much. "Okay." You squeaked.

Unlike when you first met, this time he was the talker in the conversation and you were the listener. He rambled on and made jokes, and you responded with a smile or a nod, occasionally making a comment.

Once class ended the two of you were still talking when Steve walked into the classroom and smacked your shared desk, startling the both of you. "We should head over to lunch now. Let's go y/n."

Billy stood tall. "Sure thing. Let's all go."

"Let's not fight guys. Please." You quietly said.

Steve glanced at you before nodding. "Whatever you say. C'mon." He then put his hand on the small of your back to lead you out. Billy trailed behind, his nostrils flared and his teeth gritted.

You walked over to the basketball bleachers, with the two boys both ending up linking to each of your arms. Instead of sitting at you and Billy's usual spot, you sat on the other end. Billy took this as a sign that your memories together were still sacred to you. In actuality you knew it would fuel his anger if Steve sat at your 'special spot' that he loved so much.

"So, you two are, like, what? Friends now?" Steve asked, attitude in his voice.

"We never stopped being friends." Billy gave a shit eating grin.

"Well y'know, with kicking her out of your house and not accepting her for who she is I figured you guys were having a little trouble in paradise." He gave a shrug.

"Steve." You hissed.

"No, he's right." You whipped your head to Billy. "I did act like a jerk, but y'know what? Our bond is so fucking strong that I realized I don't care about any of it. She does that to me, I guess. Always reeling me back in, huh sweetheart?"

"As her best friend, I don't feel comfortable with you calling her that."

Billy gave a tch. "I'm her best friend."

You stood up out of anger and started walking away. "Where you going?" They said in unison.

"To Jonathan and Nancy." You turned to look back at them.

"You hate being around Nancy." Billy said.

"And you know Jonathan won't stand up to her."

"Yeah. Well, that should tell you how crappy I feel around you two right now." And with that you left.

"Very nice, ass wipe." Billy said as he shoved Steve.

"Really? This is my fault?" Billy only glared back at him. "Why can't you just leave her alone?"

"Why the fuck can't you just leave me alone?"

The two of them quickly got up and stomped away from each other, with Billy going over to an ecstatic Tommy and Steve trailing shamefully behind you as Nancy lectured you about not listening to her.

After school you slipped away from both boys and used a payphone to call Hopper. When he pulled up, you began walking over to his car before you heard Billy and Steve call out your name in unison. You started to speed walk before breaking out into a run when you saw them running over to you. You got into the car and slammed it shut. "Drive! Drive!"

Hopper, being flustered by your hurried tone, quickly drove off. "You wanna tell me why the hell we just Marty McFlyed the crap out of there?"

You let out a loud groan, ready to rant. "Ughhh! It's Billy and Steve! They keep fighting with each other, and it's about me. I hate that. They know I hate that, and yet they still have this alpha male bs going on. It's so stupid! I just want Billy to calm down, and Steve to tone it down! This whole thing is so dumb." You then quickly turned your head to Hopper, who had been listening helplessly, and caused him to jerk his head a bit in surprise. "What do you think?"

He was caught off guard by the question. "Uh, well... take a break from both of them. They sound like they're doing idiot things for good reasons, but they're jackasses if they're making you like this. Maybe you could try to be by yourself for a while."

You let out a breath and grinned. No matter what El or Mike said, you knew Hopper listened and you knew he was a smart person. In actuality, Hopper just wanted to say that these two were jackasses and that he should just arrest them for a day or two, but he knew you would get mad at him too, with your emotions all over the place.

You gave him a hug as he pulled up to your house. "Hopper you're a genius."

You happily got out of the car and went inside to your room, where Hopper smiled. He hoped you knew that he was there for you. That he could be your dad.

As you did your homework that night you got a call from your phone. When you answered, your face fell. "What do you want Steve?"

"Um, so you got home safe then?" He attempted to lighten the mood.

You sighed. "Goodbye Steve."

"No no no, wait! I'm sorry, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. We just really need to get him off of your ass, y'know?"

"I mean, he said he just wanted to be friends. Maybe we could go back to being just acquaintances?"

"God five, you'd think all things considered with you that you wouldn't be so stupid about this." Steve said this out of rage, but after hearing your soft gasp over the phone, he knew he just fucked up.

"Are you kidding me right now? You know what Steve, you'd think all things considered with you that you'd understand how hard it is for me to let him go, and how badly I want him back even though I know it's best to let him be."

"Five-"

"Don't ever call me that again!" You then hung up.

You breathed hard, trying to calm yourself down. You're not a crybaby. People who cry all the time are stupid, and you're not stupid. The damn telephone rang again, and you picked it up. "Damnit Steve, leave me alone!"

"Whoa there sweetheart, wrong guy."

You let out an involuntary breath of relief when you heard Billy's voice. It felt good to hear from him, but it just pained you in a worse way. He's trying his best to be perfect when you feel like you're too fucked up to even be allowed to have a boyfriend.

"Hi Billy." You said quietly, tears forming and your nose beginning to sting.

"What's wrong sweetheart?"

You sucked it a hard breath. "People keep telling me things that hurt."

You were really struggling to hold back the tears. "Y/n–"

"I have to go!" You slammed the phone back. You rolled up into a ball, and cried. Maybe you are stupid.

Once you exhausted yourself and stopped crying, you saw headlights flashing outside. You confusedly and sluggishly got up, since everyone was asleep by now, and saw Billy's car. He got out and said nothing, swiftly bringing you in for a hug. You hugged back. "C'mon, let's get you inside."

You only nodded and let him guide you. You knew that this wasn't right, but you were too damn exhausted with everything to do anything about it. He kicked off his shoes where he normally did, and took you to your room. He laid you down on your bed, and got in with you.

"You shouldn't be here." You quietly said as he tugged you into his chest. You didn't do anything to stop him, and instead embraced the smell you missed so much.

"Course I should." He took a deep breath, before continuing. "I'm sorry for adding all this stress to you. I know you've always been my little rule follower."

You felt the tears begin to sting in your eyes again. "Y'know, Hopper's always told us to follow the rules. That people who don't follow the rules are stupid, and we're not stupid. We can't be, and we won't be." You looked up at him. "I can't even follow my own rules. Why am I so stupid? How do I even do better?"

"You're not stupid. Don't ever say that about yourself again. Okay?" He spoke sternly, and you nodded your head while he wiped away a tear with his thumb. "You're just confused. It's okay to be confused about your feelings. Just as long as you don't have any for cock sucker Steve." You could practically hear his smile.

"Mm. You don't really think I'd have feelings for him, do you?"

"Nah, he's too vanilla."

You snuggled into his chest. "So are you, but only in private."

"Only with you baby." He grabbed your chin, and kissed your lips for a second before you pulled back. "Too soon, got it. Do you want me to leave?"

You sighed, knowing it's better if he did. But you felt so safe with him there. "After I fall asleep? Please."

"Course doll." And the two of you stayed like that until you fell asleep, when Billy gently kissed your unconscious lips and silently slipped out of the house and off to his. He went to sleep, content that he could still make you feel safe.

---

Tag List:

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[skzluvs]

Piece of cake 🎂; Yang Jeongin

Genre: Fluff! Friends to lovers au!

Warnings: mild swearing

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: Happy Birthday to our cute maknae Innie, he has grown so much. I’m beyond proud of him, he’s such a beautiful soul I wish nothing but happiness for him. I’m so soft for this boy I’m legit crying.

You were all gathered in the living room.

The four boys standing in front of you staring at each other with confused looks. There was a moment of silence before you snapped at them in annoyance. There was no way they could be any more stupid.

"Do I really have to explained it to you again you doofuses" You raised an eyebrow in disbelief at the sight of the obvious lack of understanding your friends had. Seungmin just moved his hands encouraging you to repeat the plan one more time. You took a deep breath, before continuing, "For the last time, Hyunjin is in charge of distracting jeongin, until we finish decorating" The boy nodded in agreement, he understood his role was probably the most important one, " Felix I need your lungs to blow those balloons" You pointed at the table covered with bags with deflated balloons. "Seungmin and I are in charge of baking the cake" He smiled in excitement. " And I think that's it, simple right, it's a piece of cake"

Someone cleared his throat behind you, clearly irritated at the fact that you didn't assigned him an important task like the others.

" What about me Y/N, what am I supposed to do" He said pouting.

" Jisung you have the most important part" You said reassuring.

" Which is?" He asked euphoric. Clapping his hands.

" Stay here and make sure to not open your huge ass mouth, I promise your contribution is the most helpful one" You said smiling sarcastically. " If anyone dares to ruin this surprise I swear for my life I'll haunt every single one of you in your sleep for the rest of your miserable lives, and you would see what's to live a nightmare with your eyes open, understood" A few scared whispers and some sighs at the end they all came to agreement. Working together as a team to give the youngest, undeniably the best surprise party, needless to say this was carefully planned by you over the course of the last few weeks.

Everyone left, not before settling that Hyunjin would come back exactly at 6 with Jeongin, therefore everything had to be ready before that.

You got into Seungmin's car, he turned on the radio, letting you choose the next song, you both sang along to Taeyon's spark, on the way to the supermarket.

" Get a shopping cart we need to pick up a few things" You said to him, as you entered the local market. Pulling up a list from your bag with all the items needed.

He got the cart and followed you behind like a puppy, through the aisles, helping you pick now and then when you were torn between certain brands.

"So should we make it a chocolate cake or a vanilla cake?" You asked him staring at the two boxes in each one of your hands.

" That's such a simple question Y/N, Chocolate superior" He said looking at you obvious.

"Alright, alright Chef Seungmin let's do chocolate" You said throwing the box into the cart. " Ohhh" you exclaimed fascinated. "We have to get this" You pointed, jumping in the excitement at the cute cake toppers. "Jeongin is going to love the tiny fox sprinkles" You smiled at the resemblance between your best friend and the furry animal.

" You are so whipped Y/N" Seungmin said teasingly.

"Shut up, he's like a little brother to me" You stared at your shoes trying to hide the blush creeping into your soft cheeks.

"Not so little, remember he literally just became an adult today" Seungmin was right. Jeongin was just a year younger than the rest of you, that's why your group tended to baby him the most, and he hated it so much. Now that he was all grown up you wondered if his attitude would change towards your antics.

Once you finished shopping. Seungmin and you went back to the house. You got the groceries from the trunk carrying all the bags, with your hands full, you struggled finding the key to open the door.

"Call Jisung and tell him to move his lazy ass from the couch so he can come and help us" 

You heard him comply through the phone but in less than a second the door opened revealing your friend who still looked half asleep.

" Don't stare just stare at me, help me carry these" You said handing him the heavy bags that were already leaving bruises on your wrists.

"Did you guys went to buy cake ingredients or the whole grocery store" He said complaining at the amount of things you got.

" I got a little carried away okay" You confessed taking your shoes off at the door and walking straight to the kitchen.

Seungmin got ingredients from the bags and laid them on top of the kitchen table. You got the molds and the mixer from one of the cabinets, and tied your apron from your waist.

"Crack two eggs" You signaled Seungmin, as you poured the batter into the mixing bowl.

You were spraying the molds with butter so Seungmin could pour the batter and it wouldn't stick to the bottom once the cake was completely cooked. When your phone in your back pocket began to vibrate. You decided to ignore it, since you were extremely focused on your task. But after a couple of more rings you couldn't bear with the annoying sound any longer.

You picked up right away. Not before telling Seungmin to put the molds inside the oven.

"Hyunjin why are you fucking calling me right now " you leaned over the counter trying to wipe off your apron that was covered on white flour and sugar.

"He's been sulking all day Y/N, I even took him to the amusement park but he seems so down is actually depressing, He literally just said to me "This would actually be fun if Y/N would've come with me and not you" I'm deeply hurt, never imagined he thought of me as your replacement" He sighed dramatically.

" Just deal with it, you can have another of your existential crisis later" You rolled your eyes at your dramatic friend.

"Can you at least call him? he's just acting so weird, he just told me he wants to come home I don't know what to do" He whispered nervously.

"I'm trying to bake a cake hyunjin I can't give him a call right now" You said clearly. " But you are talking to me right now and the cake doesn't seem to be stopping you from doing it" He backfired.

" Ugh you are so annoying, maybe I can't call him because I'm busy and my hands and covered in flour and, Seungmin Lower down the temperature I can smell something burning!!!" You yelled. "I don't know hyunjin, keep him occupied, after all is your job, you better not come any earlier than we accorded. I’m warning you, I got to go" you said ending the call abruptly. Rushing rapidly to the oven where smoke was starting to escape from the sides of it.

" Fuck Y/N I think we burned the cake" Seungmin said panicking.

"Oh you think so" You responded sarcastically. Trying to extinguish the smoke before the alarm went on.

You opened the oven only to see your chocolate cake, all spilled, dark carbon colored batter dripping from the mold.

" Why you said we would bake the cake, if you had never done it before, don't just blame it on me!" He yelled back at you.

"Maybe I just wanted to do something nice for my fucking best friend, Seungmin"  You replied infuriated at the boy's words.

You walked away trying to not lose your calm "everything it's okay Y/N just take a deep breath" you whispered to yourself.

Your three friends standing in front of you not wanting to say anything, terrified to even move an inch knowing you could break down at any moment.

" Felix those balloons are not going to blow themselves!" You exclaimed.

" You ate the snacks I left on the table, didn't you, I told you earlier those were for later" You pointed at Jisung who only raised his hands innocently.

You were frustrated to say the least, overwhelmed,

Tired, you wanted to cry, the perfect party for your best friend was a complete utter disaster. You looked at the clock half an hour until Hyunjin brings jeongin back. You stepped out of to house because you began to feel suffocated. You needed some air. In desperation you remembered the person who was always one call away.

You dialed the number hoping he would pick up the phone, he was always busy working on his studio, so you didn't actually expected for him to pick up after the first tone, you were surprised when he did.

"Hey Baby girl"

"Chan" You whined at him.

" What's wrong?" He asked concerned.

" I need your help" You said.

" I'm all ears" He laughed softly. Chan was your supportive friend. He took care of you since he was older, he was always there when you needed him.

You ranted the catastrophe of your failing attempt of birthday party.

" Can you please bring me a cute cake? Jeongin might be on his way and I can't let him have a burned piece of uncooked batter for his birthday" You asked, hoping not to disturb him too much, knowing how busy he was most of the time working on his new tracks.

" Sure thing baby girl, I was heading out either way, I can't come empty handed" He said and you sighed in relief feeling like that heavy weight was lifted from your shoulders.

" You are the best Channie, I'll see you in a bit" You said your goodbyes and ended the call, you were extremely grateful towards him.

You opened the door entering the house. Your friends gathered looking at you with concerned expressions. The three of them instantly running towards you, the minute you crossed the doorstep, wrapping you in a group hug.

" We are sorry Y/N" They said unison.

"We know you've been under so much stress trying to make everything perfect" Seungmin said apologetic.

"And your stupid friends have ruined it all" Felix added teary eyed.

" We'll make it up to you, Let's get to work we have to give Innie the best birthday party ever" Jisung encouraged all of you to stop being so emotional and get on top of your game.

With you basically running out of time. You all began to work at a unquestionably high speed. Felix blowing balloons like crazy. Seungmin cleaning the mess in the kitchen. Jisung restocking the snacks and the drinks. And you dusting off the living the room. Everyone was so focused that no one even listened when the bell rang. Until you stopped the vacuum.

You opened the door, Chan was standing there smiling so bright, showing his dimples, you almost jumped on top of him if it wasn't because the cake he was holding with both of his hands was in the way.

"Channie, I've missed you so much" You said clinging yourself to his back.

" It's been a long time baby girl"

The boys immediately stopped what they were doing to come greet their brother.

" Chan mate you finally came to visit us" Felix said hugging the other Aussie.

" I wish I could come more often but this college life man, it ain't easy plus I've been working on some songs with Changbin" He said looking for Jisung, turning to talk to him directly. " We can't wait for you to graduate, without you we can't be 3racha"

" Just a couple more months, It's going to be awesome man, the trio reunited again" Jisung said with the eyes filled with excitement.

Chan helped you decorate with a couple of party decoration supplies he brought. You looked around one last time. Unable to contain the tears at the sight of how everything came together at the end. Proud of yourself and you also had to credit the hard work your dumb but amazing friends.

An upcoming text brightened the screen of your phone. It was hyunjin announcing that they were 5 minutes away from arriving. That was your cute, You all went to hide in different spots, after turning off all the lights. You headed directly to the kitchen and grabbed the cake, crouching behind the counter.

The house was dead silent until you heard the sound of the key clashing into the lock. The door opening slowly.

“Why is it so dark in here?” Hyunjin said playing along while pretending to looking for the light switch.

“ Wait I thought you said Y/N was not home, why are her shoes here?” Jeongin asked confused, with certain affliction in his voice.

“ Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday dear Innie, Happy birthday to you” You sang as you made your way towards him. The cake lighted up by the incandescent light from the single candle placed in the center.

The rest of your friends joined you while screaming

“SURPRISE”

Jeongin was loss for words, his cheeks stained by the beautiful tears that were sliding carefully. Like an open faucet, unable to control them. He smiled through them. Flashing his indistinguishable pearly white teeth. Alluring dimples. Stars that flashed on those sparkly eye pools as he stared directly at you. Like you were the only thing he was able to see in that dim room.

He closed his eyes and blew the candle wishing for something his heart desired for so long.

Everyone clapped and congratulate the boy who was no longer a baby but now a man. Hyunjin turned on the lights and you all gathered at the table to eat.

As you were walking to the dinning room, someone softly pulled from your sleeve.

Your eyes instantly meeting with his.

lost in his angelic aura.

You had been crushing on the boy for long enough

That you truly wanted to impress him with this whole surprise party idea. It seemed like your planned worked at perfection when he wrapped you in his arms.

“No one had ever done something like this for me, thank you so much Y/N” He whispered into the crook of your neck. The proximity making your limbs froze and your skin tingled due to the warmth he provided.

“ It’s nothing, Im glad you liked it Jeonginnie” You replied with a loving smile.

“ You know I was mad at you all day” He laughed bittersweet.

“Sorry for missing on riding the Ferris wheel with you” You said making fun of him.

“ I actually wanted to ride it with you instead of being stuck there with Mr. Dramatic for 45 minutes” a sigh escaping from his pink soft lips.

“ Is it because he becomes all clingy as it goes up, he’s such a scary cat” Laughing at the memory of hyunjin clinging into your arm like his life depended on it, the last time you all went to the amusement park.

“ That and because I hoped to hold your hand” He said staring into your eyes, trying to tell you something, but you were unable to read through the lines.

“ You do that all of the time Innie” It was not a novelty the amount of skin ship you and your best friend had.

“ You can’t possible be any more dense Y/N” He spoke a little irritated at your ignorance.

Your friend was rather shy, this sudden confidence had you all bewildered.

“ I like you, you idiot” He said obvious, tired of hinting something that was crystal clear.

“ You what...?” You were puzzled, your jaw almost hitting the floor in disbelief.

“ I know we’ve been friends for such a long time but I be always seen you in another light, will you let me be the one who holds your hand forever?” He asked extending his hand to grab yours softly, sliding his palm on top of yours and intertwining fingers.

“ Yes” You whispered hiding your face in his chest “I’ve liked you since the first time I saw you”

He untangled your hands to grab your jaw softly, so you would look at him, Bodies shaking, an adrenaline rush, and fireworks exploding the moment he laid his lips on top of your, delicate and with such sincerity, a kiss that revealed the profound innocent love they had one for the other.

“ Best birthday ever” He said stealing one more peck at your lips. He became addicted to the taste.

“ It was a piece of cake” You winked at him. “ For your information Seungmin burned your original cake, The one I baked with so much love”

“ Oh that’s why it smells like barbecue” He said. Both of you exploding into laughter. “ At least you didn’t burned down the house, I need to keep you as far away from the kitchen as possible sweetheart”