#CRACK CRACK CRACKITY CRACK
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Imagine you're the person who was working reception that day or something. You're having the typically lunch break with co-workers.
"So how goes it today?" Someone asks.
"Normal," you say. "I mean as far as hospital duties go. I meanā¦wellā¦there was this one thing that's is kind of seared into my brain. Not trauma related, not ER and not a medical emergency thing at all.."
"Okay, so what then?"
"Um, man in blue hoodie comes from the hospital rooms to entrance door and then a firefighter walks in and theyā¦" You smash your hands together.
"You're going to need to clarify."
"I witnessed a make out session and HEARD a make out session. Ultimately, I ducked down behind the desk, pretending I hadn't seen anything, but then it wouldn't get out of my head. The intensity and then the soundsā¦maybe it is a trauma."
"Ha, ha yeah okay, you're making this shit up."
"Um, no, I'm not. I'm not crazy because this legitimately happened like a "right in front my salad" scene."
"Okay, if you say so. It's time to get back to it and I think you need to quiet that imagination of yours."
"Yeah, whatever, because I saw what I saw. I heard what I heard and the man the in blue hoodie thinks the firefighter he kissed is a beast. So good luck to those men I will never see again."
You go back to work and get comfortable in the receptionist chair; realizing it is perfectly facing that damned spot. Like a movie, the kiss you feel like you intruded on replayed over and over again.
#this is total crack#crackity crack crack#but I mean...why not#bucktommy#kinley#that kiss was fire#also this might just be a representation of my brain
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"I don't think you have room to talk after what happened last year."
"...We already had a discussion about that."
"Okay so why bring it up."
"I didn't bring anything up."
"This doesn't concern you okay."
"I didn't say it did! Why are you attacking me?!"
#inspired by ims lmfao#;clara#;fe!verse#;the verse with maria and takumi#;crackity crack don't talk back#siegbert lives on gallant-gained btw
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Is Trent Crimm deeply disappointed that he missed the whole locker room scene where the team airs their āstop hogging Jamieā grievances or deeply relieved? On the one hand, reporter instincts for a good story, on the other hand his own morals would never let him put it I the book, massive (reporter/writer) blue balls.
re: Jamie Hogging Ask- some days ago on the Colin/Jamie post, you mentioned that you'd daydreamed out a bit of an AU where Jamie ended up dating a whole section of the team on some sort of rotation schedule. I assume that there was some dramatic locker room scene where they all hashed out that they felt it was unfair that only Colin on the team got to date him. I assume Trent was no longer hanging around the locker rooms at this point (but who knows, he may be a fixture now. also it could be mid season 3 when this all goes down, idk). But he still has the instinct to know when a really good/interesting story is around. On the one hand, he knows his conscience won't let him publish the level of ridiculousness that Richmond can sink to. On the other hand, it would be really really funny to write a whole chapter on the way that this was negotiated out, and also that a google calendar/groupchat was created specifically for coordinating who gets to monopolize Jamie and when.
Ooh, love the way you think, nonny!
If Trent werenāt around for all that heād be massively disappointed, I think. Yes, as a (former) journalist heās driven to share the truth, but I think heās even more driven to know the truth. He can keep quiet when he has to ā see: Colin kissing Michael ā but realizing heās missed out on Something Good? Ah, no, thatāll drive him nuts.
But now that youāve suggested it, I am convinced he was there. Admittedly, in my head this whole thing goes down quite some time after the S3 finale, but thatās not a problem! Even though the bookās both written and published, Iām sure Trent finds plenty of reasons to stop by Nelson Road for a visit. Heās a Diamon Dog now, right? Gotta drop in for the weekly barking session! (Ted Zooms in sometimes, which is always a treat.) Besides, Trent grew very fond of the whole team while he was there, and though he gets most of the gossip from Colin ā they obviously stay in touch, Trent knows all about the Jamie situation ā he still wants to hear the coachesā takes on everything that goes on, hang out with the rest of the lads for a bit. So, yeah, heās there.
I think he might write the chapter, actually ā knowing full well he canāt ever publish it, but needing to put it down even so. Get it out of his system, somehow. Also, it gives him a chance to indulge in all the (affectionate!) sarcastic and wry little comments he dutifully left out of the actual book!
Say Trentās showed up one morning before practise while everyoneās getting changed and letās say Roy shows up with Jamie and sort of hand him over to Colin and Colin and Jamie start enthusiastically making plans for the evening and maybe itās Jan Maas who notes that āItās not actually fair Roy and Colin both get to date Jamie when no one else does.ā
As Roy stares at him incredulously and Dani pipes up. āI agree with Jan. It makes me happy to see you together, but it also makes me sadā, Trentās spidersense is not only tingling but absolutely exploding and he discreetly pulls out his notebook and start jotting things down as fas as he can while the room unravels before his very eyes:
JT says heās willing to date anyone who wants to date him, if OK with RK, KJ & CH. They are.
Explicitly wants in: Jan Maas, Dani Rojas, Jeff Goodman, Paul Reynolds, Bhargava, Sasha KukoÄ.
Suspect might want in but didnāt say: Potentially everybody but Sam, but especially Arlo Dixon and Martin de Maat. Ā
Bumbercatch volunteers to sort out a calender & group chat bc better if itās someone who doesnāt want to date Jamie, make sure itās fair.
CH pleased MB doesnāt want to date JT?
McAdoo claims first date even though he doesnāt actually want to date Jamie, bc his right & duty as captain to make sure itās ok for everyone else. JT: āWhat? The fuck do you mean, why wouldnāt it be ok?ā IM: āIām the captain, and I say this is happening.ā JT: āFine, but youāre taking me somewhere fancy and youāre paying.ā IM: āJust to be clear, weāre not having sex.ā JT: āThis is the worst date Iāve ever been on and we havenāt even been yet.ā
JT questions why Sam doesnāt want in on the schedule and seems offended on principal when SO explains that JT is his best friend and not some one he wants to date. JT pouts until SO offers to take him out on friend dates.
Cockburn also wants to go on friend dates with JT.
Brief but heated discussion if friend dates & boyfriend dates should be different schedueles and if itās OK to sign up for both. CHās attempts to question how friend dates is different from just being friend and hanging out from time to time is shut down.
Tom OāBrien wants to know if he can sign up for a date with Jamie, Keeley and Roy. RK stares at him for 1 good minute before saying āNo.ā
Discussion about the etiquette of not wearing Jamie out if heās scheduled to have another date soon after your date with him.
JG: But we donāt have to check in with everyone else if we want to sleep with him, right? RK: You better fucking check in with him. B: I donāt think I want to know what anyone else is doing. JM: Yeah, thatād be weird. JT: I donāt think anyone else should get to decide if I have sex with someone or not. RK: *clears his throat meaningfully* JT: I mean, as long as Roy and Keeley and Colin donāt mind.
Thatās just the first page of Trentās notes, btw, they go on for like four more, practice is delayed by at least an hour. Keeley follows the whole thing on video call (obvs they had to run it by her before handing Jamie out to everyone who wants a piece). Rebecca stops by, blinks once and then nopes the hell out of this madness. Nate wonder if he ought to sign up for a date with Jamie, if everyone else is doing it, but he doesnāt think Jade would approve.
Colin canāt quite let go of the notion that maybe this means he could date Bumbercatch, Roy questions his sanity every other second, and Jamie is living his best life (and is delighting in the fact that the next time he sees Roy and Keeley, they are going to make very sure Jamie knows where he ultimately belongs).
#i would love to read this chapter#but realistically speaking iām not going to be the one to write it#as iām a terribly slow writer and it would take me forever#and if I keep getting distracted iāll never finish the little fic iām actually working on#ahahahah who am i kidding i will absolutely keep getting distracted#but i do what i can#anyone else want to play with this idea you go right ahead#asks#crack crack crackity-cracking#jamie tartt#a team of himbos#jamie/everyone#jamie/colin#roy/keeley/jamie
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"Hey! If you're gonna pick on Break, make sure you're doing it right."
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"Sir, I think he's bleeding out"
Gambleās down. Repeat, Gambleās down.
The message carried into various earpieces, rough with static. It sent Jim moving, out from where he sheltered behind a tree, across the danger zone. Rust colored leaves crunched beneath heavy boots. He stayed low. Cautious, until he saw his partner.
T.J. had gotten there first. His hand covered Brianās chest, red seeping between splayed fingers. When Jim crouched beside the pair, T.J. looked to him with sorrow-laden eyes. āSir, I think heās bleeding out.ā
Ā āHe was a good soldier.ā Hand to forehead, Jim saluted.
Ā With a grunt, Brian shoved T.J. away. āYouāre both assholes.ā Slapping his own palm into the red paint smeared across his clothes, Brian wiped it over T.J.ās cheek.
Ā āHey, hey, hey.ā T.J. retreated quickly to a safe distance. āDead men canāt fight back. Thatās the rule of paintball.ā
Ā Another annoyed huff and Brian was on his feet, tiny twigs and other forest debris drifting loose from various limbs. āYou want to know the other rule of paintball?ā His head nodded northwards. āDonāt come gloating before youāve won.ā
Ā The other two men turned just in time to see Tabby scale her teamās tower and wave the captured flag in triumph.
Ā āDamn it.ā While Jim never enjoyed losing, he could take it with a certain amount of grace. āI thought she was already out.ā
āShe played dead. Where do you think I got the idea to smoke you guys out?ā Brian propped his paintball gun over one shoulder. āAnd next time, double tap, T.J., instead of coming to feel me up.ā
Ā T.J.ās noises of protest was the last thing the rest of the team heard before the connection cut off, replaced by the laughter of the victors ringing through the site.
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@tactful-kind-daedraā
Playing the trumpet as sound effects as she walks around and goes about her business.
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āMiyu loves me calling me a dear friend! That means well get married one day!ā Violet happily cheers out, tail wagging innocently.
#Violet thats not how it works#who wants to break it to her about friendzone#crackity crackity crack
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My bones creak
So I can't sneak
#Why is it double spaced#I am aware that it's probably my joints#its really just my toes#how can I be a ninja assassin when you can hear me from a mile away#like imagine being a guard and you just hear#crack#Crack#Crackity#CRACK#!!!!!!
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Its pretty bad when your pet detective has more game than you do
"Little boys need game, men have class."
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Totally see this.
21 Jump Street: Incorrect Quotes
Judy Hoffs: and what should be our primary rule in the Chapel?
Hanson and Ioki: donāt dare Penhall to do stupid stuff
Hoffs: and why is that?
Penhall *with his head stuck in between stair railings*: i have no regard for my personal wellbeing
#Judy Hoffs#incorrect quotes#Tom Hanson#HT Ioki#Doug Penhall#crackity crack#johnny depp#holly robinson peete#holly robinson#dustin nguyen#peter deluise#reblog#repost
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Changes Takumi's name to Big Booty Judy in her phone.
#;crackity crack don't talk back#;the verse with maria and takumi#they have a modern verse and it is time to use it
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"I think what they need is some edibles or something. I know a guy! or two. dudes who gets high together sticks together."
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"Au naturale. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots."
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"A lofty claim. Well, then, I hope you don't mind that I give you a little test~"
"I want you to cook a nutritious meal for us. It must consist of only whole, unprocessed foods with no additives, whole grains, be rich in Vitamin D, iron, and zinc, and cost less than $50 per person."
@theothervonkarmagirl said: "Well, any maid of mine may need to spend time with my daughter, so he will need to be skilled in nutrition and first aid and hand-to-hand combat."
ā All things I can do, Paisano! Besides maid work, Iām also a licensed doctor, and a five time winner of the Super Smash Bros. Tournaments! Trust me, I can handle any task you ask of me. ā
Heās not joking, either. Truly, there are many benefits to being an Everyman .
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āMiyu is my waifu!ā
#CRACK#CRACKITY CRACKITY CRACK#she doesnt know what waifu means#she saw the word while watching hololive
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how did wallter get the crackity crack on his hea d
i need 2 know
Wallter's a pretty tall guy, sitting at a whopping 10 ft! I like to think that thanks to his height he has a hard time getting around sometimes, the world just isn't built for giants. He's bumped his head a lot over the years and that damage takes a toll...
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