#LOL FEELINGS ABOUT ZOOS TODAY APPARENTLY

[hotmess-exe]

zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos shouldnt exist zoos should really just not fucking exist!!!!

[happy74827]

Chaos Theory

[Mike Schmidt x Female!Reader]

Synopsis: When Mike's crazy schedule finally aligns with one of the so-called "parental meetings" at Abby's school, he decides to see what it's all about. Little did he know he'd come to seriously regret that.

WC: 2,590

Category: Slight Fluff

I failed an exam today, so I wrote this to cheer myself up. I still feel pretty crappy, but this was really fun to write lol.

Also if you see any grammar mistakes, no you didn’t.

『••✎••』

When it came to Abby’s school, Mike was at a disadvantage. He couldn’t go to any of the parental meetings, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was constantly doing something work-related during the time those meetings were scheduled.

It didn’t mean he wasn’t keeping an eye on her grades and school attendance. It just meant he couldn't be there for the day-to-day things. Abby was a good kid, though; she never gave him trouble about the things he missed, and she did a pretty good job of keeping her grades up and attending all her classes.

Her teacher, you, was also very understanding of his schedule and position. He wasn’t sure how many teachers would have been as patient with him as you were. It was part of the reason he had grown fond of you, though it had been a gradual process that happened mostly unbeknownst to him.

At the beginning of the year, he had only been concerned about getting Abby acclimated to her new school. She was a quiet kid, stuck to her drawings, and it was even hard for him to get her to open up sometimes. Runs in the family, apparently. But, somehow, you were able to break down the wall that had been erected around her. Abby still didn't talk all that much, but she would always come back from school with a smile on her face. So, Mike was happy.

Then, like all good things, it came crashing down like a house of cards when his work schedule finally aligned with one of the “upcoming” meetings. This one was apparently a very big deal, and it was strongly implied to show up.

He hated these things despite never going to any before, but he just knew it would be filled with nosey people asking questions about his life. His sister. His “wife.”

God, he was already annoyed. The only saving grace was that it was the last meeting before the holiday break, so once it was over, he would be free for a while. Free to do what, exactly? Work, most likely, but a guy can dream.

The bell rang, signifying the end of the school day and the start of his personal nightmare. The door to the classroom was opened by one of the school's assistants, who held a clipboard in hand and waited for the “parents” to enter the room. He had arrived earlier than the scheduled time so he could speak to the assistant and find out what the meeting would entail, and already he knew it was a bad idea coming in here.

The woman was a nosy old biddy that was all too eager to learn the details of his and Abby's life.

He kept his answers short and clipped, but it did nothing to dissuade the woman. It got worse when he entered the classroom and saw the number of other parents who had shown up. He felt like an animal in a zoo; all the eyes followed his movements as he went to sit closest to the wall and away from the rest of the people.

The surrounding parents looked as though they lived in the next town over. They were clean-cut, hair styled perfectly, and clothes ironed. It was like they were trying to be a picture-perfect family.

He looked down at his own attire. His work boots were scuffed and dusty. His pants had a few grass stains from a recent job. His flannel shirt was buttoned wrong, and the sleeves were pushed up. Even his hair was a mess; he had tried to style it but didn't have much success, so he eventually gave up. The only thing going for him was that he had taken a shower before he left, so at least he didn't smell like sweat and grime.

As the meeting began, Mike had to try his best not to fall asleep. It was the typical teacher stuff. How the kids were doing. What the curriculum was for the following year. What their goals were. Blah, blah, blah.

Mike didn't care. He trusted you, and he knew his little sister was smart. She didn't need someone holding her hand and telling her what she was doing right or wrong. He knew this because he did that, and she didn't need it.

What did interest him, though, was the fact you kept looking his way. You didn't look at the others, and when you spoke, it was usually aimed toward them, but he saw the way you would look at him from the corner of your eye. He figured you were probably in shock that he actually showed up this time.

The meeting dragged on, and he was ready to leave. There were a few moments he had caught himself nodding off as he needed sleep, and this wasn't helping him. But then, like everything else in his life, the universe decided it was his time to suffer.

There was one woman who had sat at the front of the classroom. She wore her hair pulled back tight in a bun, her shirt was pressed, and her face was set in a permanent frown. He hated that lady; she reminded him of his good-for-nothing aunt who only wanted to criticize every choice he made.

The lady was also the mother of the most spoiled, brattiest child in the whole class. That damned kid had made it her life mission to torment Abby. He had come home more than once with her complaining about it, and when Mike had brought it up with you, you had told him that you had spoken with the parent.

That, of course, had done nothing. The child was an annoying pest, and he hated the way she treated Abby, but his sister had learned early on to deal with the bullying on her own. It didn't stop him from wanting to throttle the little shit, though.

The woman, the one who had started all his problems, took the opportunity to start a round of questioning. The first few were innocuous until they weren't.

"You seem to be a very patient woman." The woman had spoken to you, but her eyes were locked on him. "Is it a skill that was learned?"

The question itself was innocent enough, but the inflection and tone she used were meant to cut. He wasn't stupid. He knew she was alluding to something. It was always something, but he had to force himself not to say anything; the woman was a viper, and if he said something, she would attack without hesitation.

"I think anyone can be patient," You had responded diplomatically. "It's just a matter of the situation."

The woman didn't look happy with your answer, but she didn't pursue the line of questioning.

"Well, I couldn’t help but notice a certain someone who decided to finally drop in."

There it was. That was the opening.

Mike could tell you didn’t like the turn of conversation, and you were clearly trying to divert it elsewhere. It was no use, though. Mike could see the glint in the woman's eye as she prepared for the kill. She had a smile on her face, but her eyes were cold. "I was starting to think that Mr. Schmidt had abandoned his responsibilities. Wouldn’t be the first time someone in that family did such a thing."

He couldn’t help but have visions of his accidental mall incident from last year flash in his mind when he processed what the woman had said. He could easily hop over the desk and deck her right in the mouth. He had the muscle for it, and it was very tempting.

However, he would not.

If there was anything Mike had learned over the years, it was how to control his emotions, even if the situation was dire. The last time he had lost his cool, he ended up getting fired, but that was a long time ago… okay, not really, but the point was, he wouldn't make the same mistake again.

He wouldn't give the woman the satisfaction.

Mike leaned forward in his chair, arms crossed over his knees, and looked the woman straight in the eyes. "That's funny. I could say the same thing about your kid."

"Excuse me?!" She hissed, and she seemed offended. Good. He hoped she was offended.

"Okay, okay." You intervened, hands up as if to placate the two of them. "Let's keep this civil, okay? The last thing we want is to be kicked out of the school for brawling. That's not beneficial for any of us." You then looked back at the woman. "Let's not bring personal matters into this."

"Personal matters?" The woman was appalled at your statement, and her voice was so loud in the quiet room. He could tell many of the other parents were looking at them now, and he felt the weight of their gazes on him. It only made his anger spike. "That monkey of his tried to bully mine for three months now, and she's never done anything."

Monkey? Monkey?! Oh, he was going to kill her. It was one thing to talk shit about him; he was used to that, but Abby? No. Absolutely not. His little sister was the best damn thing to come into his life. He wouldn't have it.

But before he could say something, before he could even get out of the chair, you had done something he would never have thought you would. You got up and went to your desk, then you returned, holding a paper. You held it up for all the parents to see.

"This is a drawing my students did a few weeks ago," you started, and he was surprised at the level of calmness you were exuding. "The assignment was for them to draw the thing they loved the most."

Hearing those words, Mike had a feeling what was coming next, but he wasn't going to say anything. It would be like tempting fate. Still, he watched as you grabbed one of the papers, and then you turned it around so he could see it. Abby had done the drawing, and it was not only of him but of everyone else in her class as well. She had even drawn you standing near her with a kind smile. It was the picture she had brought home from that field trip months ago. It was a nice picture. Really nice. He liked it, and he knew Abby was proud of it.

"I made copies of every drawing so the parents could see them," You continued as you held out the picture for everyone to see. "So, tell me, would a bully do this?"

Your voice had a bite to it now, and he could finally see just how angry you were. He was surprised at how much control you were exerting. The other parents, however, were shocked at your sudden display of emotion. Even the woman, who had looked as though she was ready to take you on herself, looked like a deer caught in headlights. She didn't know what to say. No one said anything. Even he was shocked by your sudden outburst.

You were normally such a mellow person. Understanding, even. Always ready to listen, always ready to understand. You were the one who was there to help when something went wrong. You were the person who everyone turned to. You were… nice. You were a kind person. You were—you were just like Abby. That's all he saw in you now. You were just like his sister. You were just like her. You had that same determination and that same look of knowing something that others didn't, but there was also something else. You were a fighter, too. It was just something he hadn't noticed until this very moment.

You weren't the nice teacher everyone thought you were. No, you were more. You were the person he knew his sister was becoming.

"And to answer your question from before," you continued, ignoring the growing outrage from the other parent. "I'm a very patient woman because I understand that not everyone has the same opportunities. Some of us have a responsibility to provide the basic necessities for our family, which can often lead to not being able to attend these types of meetings.”

You looked directly at the woman when you spoke the last part, and you did not look happy. At all. In fact, he was pretty sure that was a little vein on the side of your head.

"Not everyone can be at their best every moment. Not everyone is at their best all the time. Not everyone has the privilege to complain about things not going their way. So, while I am a very patient woman, I will not have any of this derogatory about my students and their guardians." The calmness in your voice was gone, and your voice was rising, and you had started pacing back and forth behind your desk as you spoke. "Because if there is one thing that I cannot stand, it's someone who criticizes others just to make themselves feel better."

You went on to speak about your experience with the woman's daughter, explaining that a meeting needed to be called upon to address the issues with the child. You didn't stop there, though. No, you also spoke about how she should have addressed the situation when it was first brought up and how that, in turn, impacted the rest of your class. You had even pointed out some of the other parent's children who had done the same thing.

Suddenly, this meeting wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.

It took a while, but once you finished your little speech, everyone had finally gotten over their shock and embarrassment. The meeting, as such, continued without incident, and by the time it was all said and done, Mike was ready to go home.

As he stood from his seat and made his way to the door, however, you stopped him. You had your bag in your hand and your coat on as well.

"I just wanted to—"

"You don't need to apologize," Mike cut you off. He didn't want an apology. He knew you weren't at fault here. In fact, he was surprised you took the time even to defend him. That didn't happen often. "I was expecting something like that to happen, but I appreciate you speaking up for Abby. She's got a good teacher."

He thought you would be embarrassed or even annoyed, but instead, your face lit up, and your cheeks turned red. "Oh, uh, well, it's my job. It was what I needed to do."

"Maybe, but you did it anyway. So, I appreciate it." He looked around the room and noticed everyone else had left. Even the nosy assistant had disappeared. He didn't know what to say, so he settled with saying the first thing that came to mind. "And hey, maybe next time you can tell them this is why I don't go to these meetings."

Your laugh was light, and you had a smile on your face. He liked the sound of it. He liked seeing it, too. He also liked the way it lit up your eyes. They had a beautiful color. So bright, so shiny. It was almost hypnotic.

"I'll consider it."

Mike wasn't sure how, but somehow, he knew you were telling the truth.

[professorhayforbreath]

so episode 5. all my thoughts

we picked up where the last one left off, good start

annabeth saying she knows percy isn't dead... how. to annabeth and grover there should have been no way percy was alive and finding out he was should've been so emotional but instead she was like dw i know he's not dead lol. it's kind of... lazy writing? like how are you gonna write a scene as gut wrenching as percy trapping himself with a monster and telling his friends to complete the quest without him because he's actively dying and has no reason to believe he'll survive, and then make the fallout of that so... nonchalant? idk if it's a time limit thing but that was so underwhelming to me

annabeth being the one to see the fates... no

fugitive percy enjoyers at least we won!!!!

the trio peeking over the road barrier at ares was cute goofy silly i liked that :)

gabe on the news shit talking percy i'm hooting and hollering!! "i really-- WE really loved that car" and "i'm gonna kill him". excellent. now put percy on the news fake crying about his "loving" stepfather i believe in you

i did want them to acknowledge annabeth's lack of experience with the world outside camp but having her say "i've never seen any kind of movie" has gotta be one of the weirdest ways they could've done that

the turnstile scene was cool i guess but as we go on i'm more and more conscious of how many episodes are left and how much plot there is to get through and idk i feel like this scene could've hit the cutting room floor and we wouldn't have lost anything

i do love the ambience of the park though. maybe i'm easy to impress because the aesthetic of an abandoned amusement park is just fantastic on its own but the set was very cool. wish it wasn't so dark so i could've actually seen it ❤️

percy and annabeth having a serious conversation with 'what is love' blaring in the background is sending me

first ever seaweed brain dropped! i liked the way they did it, it felt natural

actually back to the "i've never seen a movie" thing. you're telling me that in this version of the story, in which frederick chase was apparently a great dad who treated annabeth like a gift, he never took her to the movies? or she never watched one on tv? she had a whole seven years of life in the real world before going to camp and she's never seen a movie

annabeth isn't allowed to have fears she's too smart for that apparently

i think the scene with the chair was overall well executed with some great lines and fantastic acting but... idk. they really scrapped the original scene just to do what they already did last episode. i miss the spiders i miss hephaestus tv. it felt redundant to have percy sacrifice himself again. percy this is the second time today you've been like "no dw i'll just die" do you need to talk to someone

annabeth disillusionment arc complete already? calm down guys this is season one

ZOO TRUCK ZOO TRUCK ZOO TR

so it's confirmed the reason they go into the lotus casino is BECAUSE hermes is there :/ they said these literal children cannot fall for tricks and traps it's too unrealistic

not much to say about the grover and ares scenes bc i don't know what to make of them. i didn't mind them. ares had some funny lines. i guess my only complaint is that the grover i know would not have been so calm talking to the god of war. i'm curious to see where that cliffhanger leads

is it just me or did the pacing improve a little bit this episode?

despite how negative i sound i enjoyed episode 5 a lot more than episode 4. there are still so many weird changes, additions, and omissions though. honestly i think a big part of the reason i enjoyed this one is because i'm not expecting anything anymore. i'm not getting my hopes up about them adapting the book normally i'm just intrigued by this thing like a scientist observing an experiment. like hmm what are they doing now? fascinating *takes notes*

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

man apparently these are still hard even when I'm not Literally Dying anymore :v

the sad sale went great, thank you for all the support everyone <3 I bought shelves and makeup and paper star papers and stickers and a new blanket, plus it's helping cover my allowance until my wife starts getting paid. I am already thinking I might do another sale in november just for fun lol

my wife has started orientation at her program and she's having a great time, our partner and I are gonna go down to visit her in a couple weeks :) I also finished rearranging all my furniture now that her furniture isn't here and it only made me terribly ill once!

I am really enjoying everyone singing along on [live and learm], I love enthusiasm <3

on [stars] @korattata said: HEY THATS WHAT I'VE BEEN DOING ALL DAY!!!!! i just started learning last night! its a nice break at work to stop looking at the computer screen. they all still look a bit wonky and i think one of the sheets of paper is too thick but i'm just using paper i got from the supply closet and cut with the paper cutter lol

aw that's so cool! the ones that are like actually packaged for making paper stars are usually a bit thinner than printer paper, like other origami paper, but that also means they tear a lot more easily in the first step if you're not careful, so it's always a tradeoff. what a fun coincidence :>

on [hallway] @thesilentpotato said: the first thing i thought of was the "da dee la da dee la da" krabby patty zoom in scene from spongebob

lol I hadn't thought of that until you said it but you're so right (she is referencing [this scene] from the krusty krab training video for anyone unfamiliar)

(side note thank you to folks who put pronouns in easily findable places so I can refer to you correctly even if I don't know you <3 )

on [birthday] @joekingv1 said: *asks baby what gifts they received and if they would like to read/watch Komi Can't Communicate*

I never really got into komi because one of the side characters really squicks me out, but I have a friend that really loves it, so maybe they've watched it with her! I think they probably got to go somewhere fun for their birthday like a theme park or a zoo, and get a souvenir plush while they were there -u-

on [sheep] @ceylonsilvergirl [added] a different line for kirby, which I still think about regularly lol

on [pills] @minty-spice said: op i hope your health improves and your empire of pills eventually shrinks

thank you <3 honestly I'd be happy with just the first one, I don't mind all the pills so much as long as they're actually helping.

on [crackers] @amatsuki said: made a bunch of cold noodles today with cucumber carrot chicken & sesame peanut soy sauce. the only actual cooking i had to do was boil water and steam chicken

oh hell yeah cold noodles are a fantastic example of a basic food to go feral over. now I want noodles too.........

on [thinking] @adrawrable said: hope you're cozy op

not right now as I type this because it is Computer Work Time, but in general I am So Cozy these days, I have a whole queen bed to myself so it's full of big stuffed animals and fluffy blankets :) (tbh even once my wife moves back here we may just all have individual beds we all seem very comfy this way lol)

on [slam] @jeaniechibi said: we'll be right back ➡️ shshgdtsudtdidh why is every bit of art with a blurr effect so damn funny 🤣

it truly is, I love a thoughtfully applied motion blur (or perspective blur can be funny too) (altho tbh I don't use the perspective blur tool for those I just use separate layers and gaussian blur) (for anyone unfamiliar this is a reference to the eric andre show meme)

on [beehive] @galacticnova3 said: me @ wasp nests minus the frowning, little fellas doing their little fella activities. sometimes they squabble. the thinking man’s reality tv drama

true, true, gotta love little fella activities. personally I feel better observing from a safe distance, but we had a lot of wasps around my childhood home and I didn't really know how to get friendlier than not actively making them mad lol

anonymous asked: That profile is amazing

for some reason I don't feel like I understand, but thank you!

on [sale] @milkymoon-ramblings said: gahh why do so many people have so many cool probducts, the queers are tempting me with their cool swag. however I need to save money for my own cool swag (digital art)

I just love the phrase "the queers are tempting me with their cool swag", so relatable lol (also no worries to anyone who couldn't or didn't want to buy anything, it's not like I needed it to pay bills I just wanted treats :v )

on [solstice] @jaune-chat said: Definitely, the sun can fuck right off. I break into a rash if I get too much sun, and I can't walk outside without full body coverage to some degree or be itching for WEEKS! In order of preference, is fall, winter, spring, summer.

oof yeah my mom gets a bad rash from sun exposure too! I'm fortunate to not have that specific symptom, but dang it seems so inconvenient, especially if you're also sensitive to heat so being covered up puts you at additional risk. personally I rate winter a little higher than fall but otherwise yeah total agreement lol

on [rollerskates] @nexus-nebulae said: @ prev tags i used to daydream constantly about being able to roller skate everywhere because i would constantly think 'rolling would be way easier than dragging my feet everywhere rn' and it took me two months of constantly thinking about that before i realised OH i need a ROLLATOR that would help (<- i am not smart) i haven't actually tried roller skating bc i don't own skates but i have used a skateboard briefly and that also feels better than walking. i wonder.... if the roller skating rink nearby would allow me to use a rollator in the rink with skates on........ probably not lmao

honestly it takes so much to actually realize like "oh a mobility aid might help with this" which is like, a bad thing, but we're just gonna focus on the funny part for now happy disability pride month :v and tbh I think maybe they might let you do it??? cuz like at ice skating rinks they usually have those little penguins or just straight up plastic lawn chairs for people to support themselves on, so I don't think it would be that crazy to go out on the rollarink with a rollator? but also that's just me and I do not run the place or get paid minimum wage to keep people from breaking the place sooo lol

[stepfordgoth]

Long story short, today I was in the building of a company that has been a huge part of my city for over a hundred years but has just been absorbed by another company recently and is in the process of moving out of the building. My husband used to work there and he's helping clear things out and I accompanied him today. As I wandered around I noticed a lot of art throughout the giant now-empty space that was just.... tacky. or boring or just, meh, typical soulless office art, you know? But then there was this statue in a sitting area outside the meeting rooms that my husband was sooo giddy to show me because it was so awful. Just..... Really fucking ugly. I think it was called "the beast" or something like that and sure enough that thing is a beast! I didn't like it and I didn't want to keep looking at it tbh so I moved along and kinda forgot about it.

But now for some reason I'm sitting here hours later thinking about it and the fact that "the beast" literally made me feel something. Almost disgust, you know? Not quite fear but a certain kind of uneasy anxiety. Dread, maybe. And thinking of that hours later, I realized that's, like, the point of art right? That's a piece of art that stood out to me among all the other art I saw in that building because it made me feel something, even if it was ugly and the feeling was gross and uncomfortable lol. I wish I would've paid more attention to it and taken note of the artist's name and maybe taken some photos of it.

So i went down a small rabbit hole looking for a photo of the statue online - the offices have been in my city for a long time, I thought maybe someone would have a photo of this fucking ugly thing somewhere, and I think i remember the artists first name was Judy. It was worth a shot to google it - and I did not find a photo of it but I did find that there was a sculptor named Judy Zemnick in my area who got mauled by a fucking polar bear at the Brookside Zoo in Cleveland, Ohio in 1938 when she was 21 years old, and lived! I haven't read anything that necessarily says that she continued to make art after the attack (other than her being quoted after the incident as saying "all I want is to get back to my artwork"*), but there's very little information about her online at all after 1940.

So here's what I think ...... I bet the ugly awful statue I saw today was poor Judy Zemnick's work and I bet that specific statue was DIRECTLY influenced by "the beast", as the local newspaper* referred to the polar bear who almost killed her. I have no way of proving it - and even if that is a Judy Zemnick statue it could be pure coincidence, maybe she even made "the beast" before the bear incident? Would that be fucked up or what - and it literally means nothing either way but I feel a weird emotional/spiritual connection or something here lol. I hope if no one takes the statue home (everyone in the office hates that thing apparently) it gets donated to the akron art museum or something. I hope it doesn't just get thrown in the trash! That being said I am not inviting that thang and it's aura into my house either lol

I'm gonna have my husband take pictures of the statue and plaque for me when he goes in on Monday. I'll update this post with photos. I wonder if it will be as weird in photo as in person. I also kinda wonder if I'm being crazy lol

*there is record of the original 1938 article from the local newspaper online but it's behind a paywall. This page is where I'm getting all my information, but heads up it's kind of an uncomfortable read (for me at least, when it started to describe the incident and her injuries I kinda felt sick). Which, tbh, really mirrors the uncomfortable feeling of that damn statue!

[maeglinthebold]

image template from here

My 2023 AO3 Wrapped

Quick Stats

Works published: 57 (21 RNM; 18 OFMD)

Words written: 447,106, up about 50k from last year (!) but still nothing beats those 2020 numbers

Hits: 43,668 (updated today)

Bookmarks: 641 (also updated today), probably mostly from people waiting for me to finish a damn thing XD. Incidentally…

Unfinished works: 3 that updated this year, 17 total

Most popular by kudos: Do you know you'll never fly alone? My D&D:HAT fic contributing to Edgin/Xenk. A bigger hit than expected! 

Most hits: Sinking in your Eyes, Chasing Golden Nights: OFMD, PWP. It’s technically continued from 2022. 

Longest fic: Also Sinking in Your Eyes, but that’s a bit of a cheat because it’s co-written with @lizzy-leo

Shortest fic: Looks like we always end up in a rut (Man From UNCLE OT3)

Most comments: From Roswell with Love, which is a continuation from 2021 and cowritten with @haloud. Of course, I also posted like seven fics in the last week of the year so it’s hardly fair to them…

[Fun answers below the cut]

Gifts:

I received 4 gifts (Three Player Morning, from @tasyfa’s NYE Drabble last year, and this year as well: Heading for Midnight; for RNM Secret Santa I got The Neon North Star by @ajna-eye-cogitations; and finally, I got a few podfics of my fics: [Podfic] Everything About You by 1lostone and [Podfic] The Foundation of Youth by TipsyKitty.

I gave 19 gift fics, mostly in Maeglin's Hobbit Birthday Gift Fics 2023 and a Secret Santa gift for @angrycowboy

Collaborations:

@haloud and I still wrote a ton this year, in a few new fandoms even, but have been slow to actually post things! Still we updated From Roswell with Love; wrote a silly little porno for Malexa Sorry that I got caught; and wrote chemical composition for Liz Week. For RNM After Dark we gave some true rarepairs some love with Get your soldiers, tell 'em that the break is over, Something Borrowed, and of course contributed some Malexa In the Bleak Midwinter. And Malexa finally won the Roswell Halloween costume contest for RIP Roswell in Not A King. Okay, maybe we didn’t slow down, after all! 

@lizzy-leo and I ping-ponged back and forth between Blackbonnet (Bell the Cat, Whale of a Tale, Fly By Night, Sinking in your Eyes, Chasing Golden Nights,) and Vianton (The Now Show Me Your Fangs series, now 9 works strong!), with plenty of smut for both. Lizzy even submitted (a SFW section) of some of our fic for Vico Ortiz to read through their Patreon, which was a hoot to listen to. 

Events taken part in: @rnmbingo, @rnmafterdark, @februaryficletchallenge, @lizortechoweek, @riproswell, @rnm-secret-santa, as well as my own Hobbit Birthday Ficlets Challenge, and Vianton Week on Twitter.

Which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? I actually maintained a pretty good variety this year (a nonzero number of like, 80s ballads featured, LOL), but Lady Gaga wins just because we’ve been using lyrics from Show Me Your Teeth for the Vianton series lol. 

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? Ed/Stede (15) ousted Malexa this year (10) but apparently variety is the winner, as that’s less than half of my total fics. Multishipping for the win!

Favorite fics not already mentioned? I picked three:

I would do anything for love (but I won't do that) (Legolas/Gimli ficlet that was funny),

It must be exhausting always rooting for the anti-hero (my mean Izzy-anti fic, which was also funny, and cathartic, before he died in canon and achieved that catharsis better lmao), and

Steve Bunnet (Blackbonnet at a petting zoo, also funny).

(questions from multiple lists, feel free to re use uncredited like I did lol)

[inkofamethyst]

December 10, 2022

Thinking about how I had the weirdest, most emotionally-draining weekend a year ago.  I had a mild anxiety attack over being asked out, I lost the solo I’d worked so hard on (they cut the song out of the repertoire (every time I go to an event where this one specific girl who was involved in that decision is also there, I learn a little bit more about that situation and I think she just feels really really bad about it but apparently most of the sections were struggling with it and it just wasn’t coming together)), and then there was a covid outbreak the following week that postponed the concerts altogether.  Hmph.  Memories.  And lots of journaling this week.

I finished Crooked Kingdom last night!!!  Loved it!!!  Thought the.. shocking event near the end was kind of glossed over to the point where I felt insulted for that character, but whatever.  GAH it’s got to be one of my favorite YA series.  Now I have to figure out what to read next...  OH!  That book about Jean Luc Picard, of course!

Also I’ve seen two spiders in my room in less than a week???  That is unacceptable!  The main downside to winter is that all the big buggos decide to stay inside more as well and I hate them for it!  If I could have one superpower it would be the ability to maintain a 20 foot radius of no bugs (secondarily, I’d like kinetic energy manipulation, like Quake :D).

Anyway, you know what time it is.  I’m overly ambitious and I’ve got six weeks of no school and I wanna use ‘em, so it’s time for... Winter!  Break!  Goals!!!  We all know the rules to this game, but for any newcomers, allow me to elucidate.  There’s a bunch of stuff that I plan to do whenever I’m home from school, and I consider a long break to be successful if I can finish three of them.  So let’s begin the list, shall we?

Input all the dna sequence data for my research and get back on that grind (and also just organize my data a bunch more)

Read up a bunch of archaeology and geology papers, also for research purposes

Teach my dancer-friend how to read music so she can audition for choir (if she still wants)

Maybe go to the zoo?  (this is less of a goal but there’s a lil zoo near my campus that I’ve never been to)

Stretch three times a week (to prepare for ballet in the spring)

Just do one alteration/mend, just one is all I ask

Maybe make that one dope jumpsuit from Mood Patterns

Make a mockup of that ulster coat for my dad (and also maybe find the fabric for it)

Make the cropped jacket from Charm Patterns, or at least a good draft of it

Make/find a petticoat or slip or something that will allow me to wear long circle skirts without them sliding between my legs

Maybe go ice skating

Make more of my off-brand jerk spice mix

Finish that Paradise arrangement

Find people for my One More Soul arrangement

Find a dress for the orchestra’s spring formal

This winter will be an interesting one because I have to fit in some of my goals while also being a TA for the first time which I’m really looking forward to.  It’s a subject that I could probably (and would love the opportunity to) talk about for sixty hours straight.

Today I’m thankful for the fact that my blackened salmon turned out really really well???  It’s my first time making salmon myself, and I was afraid of overcooking/drying it out but it went really well!!  I think next time, I might try marinading it beforehand to see if the spice flavors can seep deeper into the flesh, but it was absurdly quick to make and I’ll get four dinners out of it.  The only problem is that salmon ain’t cheap lol.

I’m really looking forward to the concerts tomorrow (even if the twelve-hour day drives me to madness! (though I’ll be able to test how much time I’ll actually need to get from my apartment to my “early” class next semester at the performing arts building in the mornings and what that’ll mean for my wake-up time))!  I’m also looking forward to them being over so I can focus on other things (like getting some sleep <3 (and also my apps and essays lol))!

[ask-hannah-blog]

met up with an ex-girlfriend today. turns out she got monkey girl'd by some radioactive bananas or something. we had a lot of fun, reminisced about old times, caught up on life, all that.

thing is, the reason we broke up before was because I couldn't really deal with how uptight she was all the time, she had huge aspirations and I, well, didn't. we could never get over that particular stump and things fell through.

now though i guess something about the monkey-brain just makes her a lot more fun-loving? she showed me around her apartment and it had a huge tire swing for her and a playpen kinda thing with monkey bars and stuff to grip and climb on. she finds it therapeutic apparently. i think it's pretty cute lol. i'd be lying if I didn't admit I also enjoy how much more grabby and physical she is now. pretty up in your face, the kinda person that's grabbing your hand to show you around places.

she works at the zoo now, monkey exhibit mainly but she takes care of a bunch of the other animals as well. says that ever since she became "one of them" so to speak she's got a natural talent for knowing what they want and sort their problems out. she also does weed now which is uh, a change for sure. also therapeutic and apparently something she had been doing to help with her "up-tight"-ness even before she grew a tail and handfeet, but it's a fun thing for her to just chill out with as well.

what i'm trying to say is, I think I'm in love with her again. hard. i still feel like kind of a jerk for the way we ended things off and I don't want to make it look like I'm only coming back because monkeys give me a boner or something. i want to make sure I do this right by her and she was gonna show me a bit of how her job at the zoo works in a few days. was hoping i could at least suggest the idea i'd like to get back together with her then.

Aww, she sounds cute.

Now I will say that things seemed to have worked out for you. Your ex suffered a change that very nicely addressed what your complaints with her were.

So even if monkey girls don’t give you boners, you are coming around because of the change that was made with her.

If you want to avoid this perception then I’d say looking at why things fell apart in the first place from her perspective. Have you done anything to be more responsible and ambitious?

She was changed for you, it’s only fair you make a change for her.

If you have, Godspeed. The fact that you’ve been making changes should speak for itself. If not, then I say hold off and think about things.

Victims of transformations often feel undesirable, and because of this will take the first sign of interest from a person they can get. Just because she says yes if you ask her, doesn’t mean the relationship will be healthy.

So I suggest you really be honest with yourself, and ask if the two of you are ready for this. Can it last, can we communicate, are we physically compatible? Ask yourself these things.

That’s my therapy brain answer. My heart’s answer is that you fell in love with this girl twice, regardless of her shape, and that’s very cute.

Ms. Hannah

[survey--s]

578.

Have you ever seen an emu in real life, whether in captivity or the wild? Yeah, both in a zoo and in the wild - they're evil fuckers lol.

When was the last time you visited your state’s biggest city? I've actually never been there.

Do you remember what colour the eyes were of the last person you spoke to? He has blue/grey eyes.

Have you eaten pasta in the past week? I've had ramen if that counts? I guess it does - it's noodles after all.

Did you pierce your ears yourself or have it done by a professional? All my piercings were done by professionals.

Are you wearing any shoes right now? Nope.

How many letters are in your surname? Six.

Do you enjoy Burger King? I actually don't dislike the food but it always gives me the shits lol.

Have you ever worn bell bottom jeans? Sure.

How far away from your house is the nearest ice cream place? About two minutes drive.

What colour is your kitchen counter? White.

When was the last time you washed the dishes? About ten minutes ago.

Do you own a lot of cookbooks? I don't think we own any actually - I find all my recipes online.

How many rooms are in your house? Five plus a hallway. Six if you include the attic but it's not really habitable.

Have you ever seen American Pie? No. I was just a bit young for it when I came out and my dad never approved of stuff like that anyway.

What do you think of Leonardo DiCaprio? I don't really have an opinion on him - he's a good actor though.

Do you stay in touch with many people from high school or college? Not really, just a handful of people here and there.

Are you feeling nervous about anything right now? No.

How many cars can your driveway and garage hold? Technically two, but the garage is full of stuff lol.

When was the last time you were late for something? Today - we were going to my parents' and Mike took the wrong turning so we had to turn around and do a really long detour.

Do you own an iPod, and if so, what type? No.

Did you ever play Stardoll when you were younger? I have no idea what you're talking about, lol.

Is there a university in your town or city? No.

What’s your father’s handwriting like? Actually really neat - he writes in like, really professional looking cursive.

Have you ever lived on a farm? No, but I love the idea of it. I know farms are a LOT of work though.

Are you hung up on anybody right now? Nope.

Do you eat fries one by one or in big bunches? It depends on how big they are and how hungry I am.

Did you wash your hair last time you showered? Yeah, I always wash my hair when I take a shower.

Has anyone ever ransacked your bedroom? No.

Do you have any weird sleeping habits that people have told you about? I mumble in my sleep apparently - lots of people have told me that.

Do you enjoy That 70s Show? Yeah, I really liked it. That 90s show was a disappointment though.

Are there any clouds in the sky, and what colour are they? I can't see the sky from here, but I'm going to go with yes, and probably mostly grey.

Do you think you’re fast at typing? I know I am.

What was the last type of pizza you ate? BBQ chicken with peppers, bacon and onions, plus a cheese stuffed crust.

How old are you? 34.

Do you know anyone with an unusual middle name? I'm sure I do, but nobody specific is coming to mind right now.

Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? In some ways.

Have you ever waxed your eyebrows? No.

What does your shampoo smell like? Coconut.

Have you ever passed gas in front of your significant other? Of course, all the time lol. I mean, we sleep together every night so it's not like I can control it.

Do you have any big regrets in your life? Nope.

What colour is the ground or floor where you are right now? Grey.

Do you live on a street, avenue, road etc.? Hill.

Can you taste anything right now? BBQ sauce. I just had some with my sweet potato fries.

What was the last board game you played? Monopoly, I think.

Are you renting the house you’re currently living in? Nope.

Do you listen to Guns n Roses? Not really.

How old were you when you had your first boyfriend or girlfriend? Fourteen.

Have you ever been a bridesmaid? No.

Has the sun already set for the day? I think sunset is in about an hour.

Do you know how to tie a tie? Yeah, I had to wear a tie for sixteen years at school.

What are the age gaps between you and your siblings? I don't have any siblings.

Does your birthday come before June 19th in a calendar year? Nope.

Do you pay attention to the FIFA World Cup? If so, what team do you go for? I do not.

Are you on any medications right now? Nope.

[gettatranslations]

Yoghurt Head Yumigeta Ako (23.07.04)

Good evening！

I'm Yumigeta Ako〜🛑

I read Haru-chan's blog yesterday and apparently she had hamburg steak for dinner last night！

I had hamburg steak too！！！We're the same〜✨

Everyone do you prefer hamburg stew？

Or hamburg steak？

I'm…… no〜t sure。

Hamburg steaks are juicy and delicious but ultimately I prefer hamburg stew〜！

It tastes delicious either way🍽´-

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈┈

Today I'll talk about food！

Everyone do you eat yoghurtー？

I really quite like yoghurt🍨、and I think it's the flavour that I particularly like about it！

I often freeze Aroe yogurt juice or other yogurt drinks to make yoghurt ice cream〜💕

My absolute favourite yoghurt is the one you get with school lunches‼️When frozen it's like shaved ice and stirring it up makes it crunchy and unspeakably delicious！

The aforementioned yoghurt that Yumigeta Ako is currently obsessed with is here〜👇👇👇👇

Caspian Sea yoghurt〜！！！

This is really delicious seriously delicious。

It's stretchier than normal yoghurt〜

Like…… Turkish ice cream？

I often eat it mixed with jam！

It's great for breakfast or as a snack〜

Everyone please try it too (ง ˙﹀· )ง

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈

Well then it's time for today's 【Gettaa Life】！

I came across this photo when looking for today's photo👇

C、C、C、C、Cute……

Too cute！！！！！

This is a photo I took exactly this time last year 🫶

At the time I asked the keeper and apparently she's just having an afternoon nap✨

It was really hot when I went to the zoo on this day and I felt like I would melt but just seeing this cute face refreshed and re-energised me！

Everyone did looking at this photo re-energise you？

It's been really hot recently so please feel refreshed from looking at this photo💪

It refreshes me anyway 笑lol

I Getted 「A way to survive the summer heat」！

Animals are just so cute♡

I can't cope with how cute they are〜❤️‍🔥

That's all！This has been 【Gettaa Life】！

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆⋆┈┈┈

An Announcement！

★Fan Club Member Limited Event★「Morning Musume。'23 New Member First FC Event～17ki Inoue Haruka・Yumigeta Ako～」 will be held！

During this event、we'll have a self introduction time where Haga Akane-san will help us to show our true selves and the 2 of us will do a mini live too！

17ki will do our best together、so please come and see us〜✨️✨️✨️

I saw cicadas today！！！

It's already summer〜 so soon！

🔆𓂃◌ 🫧♥🍧🌻🍉🍦🌈𓂃◌ 🫧♥🔆

This year is already 50% over！

A turning point！

Let's all Ganbatte Ikimashoーi

٩( ᐛ )( ᐖ )۶

Well then see you tomorrow！

I'm YumiGettaa Ako！Good night〜🐱🐱🐱

[korasonata]

I had someone last time ask me about time stamps, so all of these from this point out will have the time stamp at the top of each set of quotes. I am currently in the process of retrieving the time stamps for the previous 5 posts, and will link an updated version when I have retrieved them all.

Link to the video is here: https://m.twitch.tv/videos/1149389841

Favourite moments of Joe and Cleo model streams part 6!

(I am very sorry I tried very hard to make this not as long as it is. There will probably be another extended cut post because there was just SO much happening in this stream)

—

00:00:57

Cleo: Welcome to the stream. Mine and/or Joes. Or, both.

Joe: Yay!

Cleo: I suppose that’s what the “and” means. In that statement. That would make sense. Glue pot’s ready—

Joe: It makes sense to me.

Cleo: …that makes me even more nervous that it makes sense to you, Joe. Not gonna lie.

—

00:16:34

Joe: So, anyway, last night at dinner, uh, like I— I had put this interview on while I was cooking and I kinda left it on as my daughter sat down for dinner and I was like “hey, this is an interview with this very famous journalist from about 50 years ago. Uh, he’s got a really interesting voice and a really interesting cadence, and I wanna kind of listen to it so I can— maybe copy it as like a joke in one of my videos.” And my daughter listens to it for about a— a minute—

Cleo: And then says “now that’s— is that you?”

Joe: *laughing* She just turns to me and she’s like “my friend…her parents got her…did you know they make crayon applesauce now? It says crayola. It tastes. Like they’ve blended a brown crayon. And sprinkled it on top.”

Cleo: That sounds grim.

Joe (prideful laughing): And it just kind of matches the cadence while also talking about something terrible to ingest?*laughing* And I just start cracking up because like— *laughing continues* she gets it! And she’s just like “why are you laughing?” Because you just— you nailed it! You nailed the pauses, you— you nailed the subject matter, like this is— this is just great!! And she’s like “no! This is a real thing! This crayon applesauce is terrible!” And I’m just laughing and laughing and she’s like trying to explain why it’s not good, and I’m like “I understand why it’s not good, but—“

Cleo (reading chat): “Joe’s daughter is awesome.” I think you’re probably correct. Joe’s daughter is indeed awesome.

Joe: Yeah, I’m very very happy with my daughter. (Reading chat) What was for dinner? Well not crayola applesauce!

—

Cleo (in response to someone complimenting her 3rd Life videos): Awe! Thank you joytobake, that’s really nice! I am…always pleased when people like my personality. Because I’m never sure that people should, you know?

Joe: Yeah, that’s— that’s what we were talking about— I think before we started streaming, was like, Cleo really gets me, and that’s a huge red flag.

Cleo: That’s a— yeah. As a human being. Understanding Joe - massive red flag. Huge. This is a danger. To everybody. And particularly Joe.

Joe: It’s the terror of being truly known.

—

00:47:08

Joe: Up until this point I didn’t show the instructions, but now I feel like I have to.

Cleo: Because otherwise people are going to judge your competency?

Joe: Yeah! They’re gonna go “ok. Any idiot can figure out how these pieces go together” but if you look at these instructions, that’s not true. I’m a spectacular idiot, and I have no idea what I’m doing with these.

Cleo: I mean. I want— I want to confirm. Yes. Spectacular.

Joe: Yes. Thank you Cleo.

Cleo: *snicker* You’re welcome Joe. I always like to insult the people I care about the most.

Joe (quietly): I know…I appreciate it.

Cleo (Watching chat): I’m waiting for Cam to confirm that.

(Cam in chat: She insults me SO MUCH, she called me a gibbon last night…)

—

00:59:42

Joe: *reading tips*

Cleo (reading chat): “you can’t stop Joe when he’s on a role.” This is true.

Joe (not paying attention): *still reading tips*

Cleo: I mean you can, you just have to go: Joe. Joe. JOE. And then he stops sometimes.

Joe (quietly, but with emphasis): WHAAAAAAAAAAT??!?

Cleo: I’M DOING A THING!

—

01:00:46

Joe (reading tips): “This is an encouragement donation for more of you singing in the future.” Ooo, I think Cleo would like that because the future is not now.

—

01:02:23

Cleo (genuine singing): Ground control to major Tom…

Joe: *listening in awe*

Cleo: …That’s…pretty much all I know…

Joe: Oh, I was gonna let you keep going, I— I wanted to hear more.

Cleo: Oh no. That’s pretty much all I know.

Joe: But yeah. Hypothermic haddoc writes (singing) “tell my wife I love her very much!” …I was waiting for you to jump in with the (singing) “she knoooooows!”

Cleo: Again. Again, I don’t know the song very well.

Joe: Oh. And here I am sitting in my tin can—

—

01:47:54

Cleo: *leaves to get a drink*

Joe: While you’re getting your drink I guess I’ll provide some musical entertainment.

SILENCE

Joe: …I don’t have anything prepared. So, let’s see…do we have any birthdays? *laughing* if it’s anybody’s birthday I’ll sing to you while Cleo’s gone.

Cleo: I’m back.

Joe: Oh ok. Well, sorry birthday boys. And girls.

Cleo: feel free to sing to people. I’m sure people want that.

Joe: no���well, I was gonna do it while you were away cause I need to get up and get my drink as soon as you’re back.

Cleo: Oh, go and get a drink and I will sing happy birthday—

Joe: So I’m gonna go get my drink, I’ll be right back.

Cleo: —to people who have chosen to spend their birthday…here…I’m not judging, uh, but— (upbeat singing) Happy Birthday to you! You smell like a zoo! (Talking) …uh, etcetera etcetera… (Singing) I forgot how this song goes! Nevermind it sucks to be you! *blows a raspberry*

—

01:49:09

Cleo: I mean it’s Cams birthday on Saturday, and I will sing to Cam on his birthday. His birthday is not today. I mean he probably wants me to not sing to him on his birthday, to be fair—

[Cam: Please don’t sing to me]

Cleo: —but you know, I might do it anyway. Cause it’s obnoxious. And I will laugh. (Reading chat) “Happy Birthday! Here’s some genocide! Please don’t sing to me…” *laughing* I won’t sing to you if you don’t want me to, Honey.

[Cam: Not happy birthday at least lol]

Cleo: I might torture you in other ways though.

—

01:50:55

Cleo: Hiiiiii Jooooooe.

Joe: Hello! Joe Hiws hewe! I am back fwom my dwink bweak!

Cleo: …what is that voice?

Joe (in a Kermit the Frog/Swedish Chef/Yoda hybrid of an accent): I feewl wike it’s fwom home star wunner or something, I don’t know! It’s almost Kermit THe Fwog Hewe, but not quITe!

*Cleo laughing*

It’s a little— (Normal voice) I dunno. I still had some of my drink in my throat, so I was like— I didn’t wanna like accidentally cough it out on the microphone as soon as I started talking. So I was just like (weird voice continues) I’ll do thIS vOIce

*Squealing giggling from Cleo*

(Same iteration of previous accent now blended somehow with the voice of Goofy from Micky Mouse) It’ll keep my mOUth in a shape that if I start— me coughing up a dwink it’ll just go into the chEEks on EIther sIde. It’s a natuwal, uh bARRier against, uh, hydration escapism! Uh yuh!!

Cleo: *giggles* Ok Joe. Ok.

Joe: *high pitched laughing* I don’t know Cleo! I’m just gonna keep making noises until people give me money! It’s jus— it’s how I pay rent.

Cleo: *laughing* Making noises until people give you— ahhhh…..

Joe: Yeah

Cleo: — actually…..yeah. Yeah. Yeah…Um (reading chat) “it’s drunk Kermit” *wheezing*

Joe (drunk Kermit The Frog voice): It’s 5:00 somewhere!

Cleo: *laughing* thanks for this. I needed— I needed this moment of— of— whatever this was.

—

01:53:54

Joe: So my daughter said the most Wednesday Adams thing to me the other day—

Cleo: Oh no

Joe: Except she didn’t do the deadpan delivery. She was very upbeat about this. So apparently “UP” has, on Dinsey+ a series of shorts about the old man and the dog. Right? And they’re called something like “a Dougs Life” cause Doug is the name of the dog

Cleo: yeah.

Joe: and she goes “oh! And it’s short! Like a dogs lifespan!”

SILENCE

Cleo: …Your…kid is very much your kid, you know that right?

Joe (proud dad): I know right?!

—

01:58:20

Cleo: I mean…you’d kill it at the Met Galla. Not gonna lie.

Joe (excited): Oh my god— I wanna get one of those Manuel suits that has like all the rhinestones and the flowers on it? Um, but, you know, like, those are very expensive.

Cleo: We live with what we can afford. Maybe someone can make you a Diamond encrusted suit that you can wear on camera. And have all the sparkles as green.

Joe (very excited): Oh my gosh— actually— so—

02:20:45

Joe: Meanwhile in my Discord everyone’s posting what they describe as “eye searingly beautiful” lime green wedding dresses. For my next wedding. Um—

Cleo: *snicker* is that what you’re wearing for your next wedding?

Joe: you know, honestly at this point I don’t wanna make any assumptions about anything.

Cleo: *cackling*

—

02:31:07

(This is context for the next one)

Cleo (reading chat): “some people have too much time on their hands” I mean, I personally would not drive 8 hours to see— um…

Joe: …me?

Cleo: I dunno, I might drive 8 hours to see you.

Joe: I offered to drive 8 hours to see you when you were coming to Disney and you said no, so I’m gonna assume that you would not drive 8 hours to see me.

Cleo: I mean, I— li— the key word there was “might”. I wou— I would have to have my mini frea— well I was freaked out at that point. When you offered, and and I was just like “oh god no.” Because, you know, social anxiety is a thing.

Joe: Mhm. I’ve heard of that.

Cleo: Yeah. And I do not do well particularly meeting people for the first time, even people I’ve known for a while. I go very very quiet and umm…I think it’s worse actually with people that I’ve known for a while? Um, online, um…because— cause my brain goes “well you’re gonna make a s—your, your— your going to do something and say something stupid. You going— they’re gonna hate you in real life” um…so, yeah. My brain absolutely freaked out at that moment.

—

02:34:12

Cleo: But, you know, like I say, I get hate mail on the regular, it’s fine. I mean part of that is daring to be a woman on the Internet, but only part. The other part is the fact that I’m also an awful human being. So, you know.

SILENCE

Cleo: …the silence isn’t doing— the silence doesn’t do you— do me any favours Joe.

Joe: Well, you know, I didn’t wanna talk over you when you’re sharing your insecurities.

Cleo: yeah….

Joe: That seems rude.

Cleo: I mean—

Joe: So I wanted to make sure you were done.

Cleo: no no no no, that’s fine. I’m always done Joe.

Joe: And nOW I can actually tell you how I really feel.

Cleo: No, please don’t. Not onl— no. That will— that will make me even more uncomfortable.

Joe (upbeat singing): The praise train is on its way!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: Noooooooooooooooooo!! Nooo!!

Joe: For Cleo it’s her day!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: *noises of distress*

Joe: Cleo is really great!! Choo choo!! Choo choo!!

Cleo: *distressful crying*

Joe: She’s not merely ok!! She doesn’t have to be the best at talking to people for the first time!! Cause they’ll love her anyway!! And sometimes they’ll even rhyyyme!! Yay for Cleo!!

Cleo: *physically going through a full body cringe* noooo

Joe: See, it would have been rude if I did that in the middle of your thing.

Cleo: *sob laughing*

Joe: That would not have been socially acceptable.

Cleo (through tears): I’m not even sure it was socially acceptable now.

Joe: WHY NOT?!

Cleo: (sobbing and laughing simultaneously) I hate you so much.

—

02:38:05

Cleo (reading chat): “We all need a Joe in our life, who sings a theme song for us when we’re talking ourselves down” I’m not sure you do.

Joe: Yeah, that wasn’t really a theme song? Like, if I was gonna do a theme song for Cleo—

Cleo (with immense dread): Oh no…no…no…

—

02:43:07

Joe: I’d just like to point out (very obnoxiously high pitched voice) That this is Cleo’s average person voice, which means that 50% of people have an even higher pitched voice!

Cleo: …You know, I can’t actually stab Joe through the Internet. And I’ve always been upset about that.

—

02:53:36

Joe (with all the enthusiasm of a 16 year old girl gossiping at a slumber party): Ooo I wanna ask Cleo about giiiiiirls!!!

Cleo: Ask me about girls! I’m— I’m happy for you to ask me about girls.

Joe: Ok, so, do you— do you feel comfortable saying what your specific, uh, type of woman is? I’m— I’m curious about that.

Cleo: Um, it’s— it’s nerdy girls? Specifically. Umm…not too, um…you know, the kind of running, climbing, you know— sort of— person. You know, it’s— it’s the sort of— it’s the sort of— action girl kinda thing. I kinda like that type. That’s sort of my type.

Joe: Mhm. Yeah, like—

Cleo: Why, what’s your type of girl?

Joe: Well, uh, usually it’s somebody that is— very anti authority— un— un— dissatisfied with the status quo. So usually more punk, or that sort of thing.

Cleo: Yeah. That’s— that’s— that sort of plays into the action girl sort of thing as well. Yeah I get that. So yeah.

Joe: yeah, umm, you— yeah so I don’t know. Um— so not necessarily, uh, as focused on the athleticism element there, but I know like—

Cleo: Well it’s not really athleticism, it’s— it’s more— it’s more—

Joe: —in terms of like, um, hiking, cause like, uh, you know in college there’s like a climbing and camping club or whatever—

Cleo: Oh yeah, it’s not that sort of person. It’s— it’s more, um…getting out and having a go at things. Like, you know, not— not being afraid to—

Joe: Adventurous

Cleo: Yeah! Adventurous! That’s the word!

—

Cleo (whispering): I don’t know where this bit goes! *gasp* it goes over there!

Joe (whispering): You can do it!

Cleo: I can do it! I believe in me!

Joe: You’ll find a place to glue it! It doesn’t necessarily have to be the right place!

Cleo: I know!

Joe: You’re equally valid regardless!

Cleo: Thanks Joe!

Joe: You’re welcome!

Cleo: It’s appreciated!

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳the girl in the lilac dress ♠ ♡

in which y/n meets fred's ex-girlfriend, days after fred confessed his love for her. there's still some confusion on the status of their relationship. angst -> fluff. narrated by you, y/n l/n.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±5.4k

tw: angst (not too bad though), mean words, blood, mentions of auror missions, kidnapping, needles, st mungo's

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ft. hermione, lee and alicia

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

the girl in the lilac dress

i was in a good mood. on the way to work to receive my mission, i was humming a song that had just come out. it was catchy and worth the wait.

out of the corner of my eye, a lilac colour appeared suddenly. strange, i thought. it approached me, in the form of a beautiful woman. she had the lightest grey eyes and the smoothest milky-white skin, and the shiniest locks of dark brown hair. she walked in a flowy lilac gown, her slim model-like body walking in a model-like fashion.

i was pretty sure she wasn't headed towards me, but when her luxurious voice said "good morning" in the calmest tone possible to me, i looked at her confusedly.

"hi!" i replied brightly, smiling.

she smiled sinisterly, "my name is pretoria aphrodite, i'm fred's ex-girlfriend."

he hadn't ever mentioned an ex, but i knew he had dated quite a few people. she made me seem like a glass of water next to a glass of red wine, naive and ugly. i was those two things anyway.

"oh! i'm y/n l/n! nice to meet you, you do seem like a daughter of aphrodite," i said politely.

"darling, all women are daughters of aphrodite. i understand fred's interested in you?"

she observed me and i laughed.

"i don't think that's quite the word. he's my best friend."

"friends with benefits?"

"oh gosh no! i don't really know where we stand, honestly."

"bitter about it?"

i thought for a second, "nah, i couldn't be. love's a hard thing."

"it is, indeed, and you work for the ministry?"

i nodded, "head of the auror office. what about you?"

"i model for witch weekly."

i gasped, "you're the p. aphrodite? i should've known!"

"big fan?" she looked amusedly at me.

"my friends are, so naturally i am."

"you don't seem the type fred usually goes for."

"i wouldn't say he's even going for me," i said cautiously.

"you are much too cutesie for his type."

i glanced up at her. she was smiling kindly.

"pfft, but better cutesie than nothing, amirite?" i asked friendlily, "well it's been nice to talk with you, but i gotta hurry!"

"no worries, i'll come with you, i have some business at the ministry too. have you seen his past exes?"

"uhh, not really?"

"well they're all models for one magazine or another."

"oh, okay. and that's important because...?" i asked her carefully.

"i just thought you should know."

i laughed, "i'm not model material, am i? i don't mind at all."

she looks taken aback. "i would say, with longer hair," she plucked a hair out of my poor mess of locks, "and a shorter upper body, with perhaps lip fillers, you'd look model-like."

her tone was analysing and not at all attacking.

"only three things??" i asked, shocked.

"you are rather... pretty already," she mused, "not model-like, but cute."

we had reached the ministry.

"thanks, see you later!" she waved and disappeared.

all that was left was a buzzing fly which soon flew away.

i immediately dialled in my auror code in the red telephone box and was sent into hermione granger's office.

"'mione! how good to see you!" i hugged her.

"hello y/n!"

in the ministry and the auror department, the head of the auror office was probably more important than the minister for magic. i didn't know why. she had brought me a cup of hot chocolate.

"thanks, 'mione, you didn't need to. what's the mission today?"

"two babies are being held hostage in a coded location by a person who calls themselves the light lord. dark lord, light lord, y'know?" she handed me a coded piece of parchment.

i thoughtfully pondered, "the light lord. who do you need?"

"i was hoping you go on this mission, then you could give me some news on this light lord person."

"that's doable. we'll need to bring in hepole and a ministry official to negotiate passports and such. and a strong auror team."

"right on it. i'll get wally becker and charlotte-ann becker. they're a force to be reckoned with on the borders."

"how much experience?"

"they're twins, been doing this for about fifty years now."

"perfect. and hepole?"

"on the way."

"thanks, minister," i winked at her, getting out my telephone and dialling the disguise unit.

"hello, poplinn speaking."

"pop, we need a few disguises. light lord."

"miss l/n! o-of course!"

"and pop?"

"y-yeah?"

"call me y/n."

i hung up, dialling harry's office.

"harry, call draco and be in my office in ten minutes. i don't care what business he's doing with scorpius, we've got babysitters here. light lord, perhaps a second of voldemort."

"of course."

i picked up the ringing phone that was in the corner of hermione's office.

"y/n, me and scorpy are having a zoo day, we're at the muggle zoo you suggested."

"sorry dray, but it's important."

"there's no one else?"

"there are others, but we need your expertise."

there was a pause, "i won't need to show my dark mark?"

"it's fading anyway. no."

"i'll be paid?"

"in hundreds."

"how old are the children?"

"2 and 4," hermione said.

the silence told me he was sold.

"i'll be there."

i picked up the big microphone and said, "auror unit 156 to the brief room. no need to bring anything. see you there!"

"good luck," hermione grimly said, "be safe, head."

"mhm and cup o' coffee tomorrow? if i survive, that is," i grinned.

"'course."

i smiled, "c'ya!"

she was shaking her head.

"oi, no disappointment, 'mione! i was the one who got the ministry out of paperwork!"

"burning paper doesn't count, y/n."

"it wasn't burning paper, hermione granger, it was arson."

"no, it was the saddest form of arson i've ever seen."

"hey! that's rude."

"just go on your mission already."

i laughed, "on it, minister. kalle?"

kalle looked at me, "yes?"

"tell miss minister to take a break and play a game or something, will you?"

she smiled, "okay."

"give my thanks to your mother too, loved the cookies!"

"alright, good luck, head!"

"thanks, bye!"

i apparated to the brief room, where everyone was strapped into special camouflage clothes.

i handed hepole the parchment and immediately began briefing the unit, harry and draco, on the mission.

"please be safe out there. if you're injured, apparate or travel back here, okay?"

i looked at hepole.

he cleared his throat, "they're in albania. the forest there."

"okay. harry and draco will provide attacking forces," the two nodded.

"i want lopex, quentin blake, quentin grill and hilly to break into any establishment," i say to the team, "and eron, hawks, melv, argonas to hold the offender hostage. johnathan, team healer as always. i'll take the children. hepole, you come and accompany us till the forest, then you have my permission to stay back, and beckers, stay invisible with the cloak, write a report for the minister when you come back, understand? have faith, team! i believe in you. we travel by apparition with the machine in three minutes. call your family, chat, have a snack, drink some water, and relax."

i picked up my telephone and dialled my parents.

"hi mum, dad, i'm going on a mission!"

"alright, be safe sweetie," my mum called.

"yeah, don't die kiddo," my dad added.

"right right, i love you, bye!"

the mission was successful. we rescued the children and sent the kidnapper to trial for azkaban. i escaped with a gash on my forearm, but quickly fixed it up with a spell. it ended late in the evening, so the team healer had gone home. the wound kept opening again, but i wasn't sure if it needed stitches.

putting everything away and making sure the aurors were okay, i headed back to the apartment i shared with fred.

i felt emotionally and physically drained, ready to enjoy a good shower and a good late dinner.

when i fiddled with the key to the door and opened it, my heart absolutely stopped.

pretoria aphrodite was kissing fred passionately. i felt my heart fall ten thousand flights of stairs in disappointment. of course. i was all a rebound who was pathetically in love with him.

when they stopped and saw me, pretoria smirked and fred stood up, astounded.

"uhh, continue? sorry," i apologised awkwardly.

"wait, y/n, it's not what it looks like-" he said.

"i don't mind, be safe," i smiled, too tired and too weak to do anything, closing the door and feeling tears well up in my eyes as i took my bag and myself somewhere. anywhere away from this all. my wound burned. i cursed under my breath as i made my way to st mungo's.

"y/n, you should have come here earlier!" yvonne, my friend, says, as she slowly injects a needle into me, "it's infected! and it needs stitches."

i laughed, "everything needs stitches. this is why i didn't become a healer, yvonne."

she shook her head in dismay.

"lol."

i watched the needle go in.

then she stitched the bloody mess of a wound up, cleaning it gently.

"now i can't stay, y/n," i pouted, "no, don't give me that face, i have other patients."

i nodded, "thanks yvonne."

"no problems. take care. you're too reckless."

"am not!"

she laughed. "that's funny."

after the trip to st mungo's which was pretty short, i wondered what to do. my mind kept floating to the scene i had just witnessed.

i was just the stupid, stupid, girl he used as a rebound. he didn't even use me as a real rebound, just someone who was simply infatuated with him to help him forget his unforgettable ex.

looking at a shop window, i caught a glimpse of myself. i hated being insecure but it happened.

i looked ugly. eyes too small, nose too big, lips not full enough. my thighs touched and i didn't have abs. i had a long gash running down my forearm, surrounded by other cuts. my hair was messy and disgusting. compared to the angel on earth pretoria was, i was nothing. small and plain was nothing when luxurious and beautiful was present.

and it hurt. my heart hurt. my head hurt.

i shook my head gently of my thoughts, chuckling bitterly.

fred weasley was completely and utterly out of my league.

whatevs, i thought. hurting was fine.

deciding to get over him once and for all, i bought some groceries and apparated to the doorstep of lee and alicia's glamorous cottage.

i knocked twice on the door. "hellooo!" i called out.

"baby, can you get that?" lee asked alicia.

alicia opened the door, smiling as she saw me.

"hey ali!"

"hi! come in!"

at first glance i could tell she knew something wrong.

"can i sleep here tonight? and take a shower? and eat some of your food please guys? and maybe steal a shirt i left here for safekeep? and maybe use your telephone? i'm really sorry for troubling you, so i got you guys snacks."

i was the second cousin by marriage of lee. it was good overall, but he was super naughty.

"snacks?"

"your favourites."

"then i guess you can," he said cheekily and i laughed.

"alicia, i don't know how or why you ended up with this child, but i'm glad you did," i told her and she laughed heartily.

"he's cute, isn't he?"

"no," i quickly stepped into the guest bedroom and took a long shower, letting a few tears slip but not enough so that it looked like it. i was subtle.

i bundled up in heavy clothing and wrapped my hair in a towel.

gingerly, i bandaged the wound.

by the snores in the other room, lee was asleep. i crept out quietly, going to cook something.

alicia was sitting down, with my favourite comfort meal prepared. i felt tears of appreciation well up in my eyes.

"thank you, ali, i love you."

"you damn well do."

we both giggled.

"what happened?" she asked me.

"nothing. i just wanted a change."

"from fred? liar. i'll ask again. what happened, y/n?"

"just a long mission, that's all."

"after long missions you usually watch movies with fred."

"couldn't i visit my best friend and my cuz?"

"you visit us on weekends. it's a friday."

"well i wanted to visit you!"

"bullshit."

"is it that hard to believe?"

"what the fuck did fred do to you?"

"nothin'?"

"c'mon y/n, you have to tell me. there's a reason why you didn't go to angie and george's tonight."

"i went here because they're super kissy. you guys have space and act normally. i appreciate that."

"you're awesome at lying."

"i'm not lying!"

"does this happen to involve pretoria aphrodite?"

i nodded, sighing, "she's so nice and pretty." i played with my food.

"i bumped into her. she's pretty, but not nice."

"oh?"

"she called me fiercely ugly. she forgot i model for witch weekly too."

"what did you say back?"

"i told her to fuck off."

i laughed, "she was very nice to me. but next time i see her imma kill her."

"of course she was nice to you, you're a lil angel! anyway, she's an animagus, didya know?"

"whoa how did you know?"

"caught her in a jar. she's a fly. who do you think told hermione to catch rita skeeter in the jar?"

i laughed, "rita skeeter is a beetle! gosh, she's annoying."

"what did fred and pretoria do?"

"nothing."

"please tell me?"

"they-" i swallowed, "they were kissing, and so i came here because i didn't wanna watch anymore."

"hang on, he told you he loved you a few days ago?"

i nodded.

"that doesn't seem right."

i shrugged, "pretoria's better than me. i don't blame him."

"his mother would kill him!"

i shrugged again, "i don't think he was legit when he said that."

"molly weasley, y/n!"

"look, he can explain it to you, i don't even wanna hear it. the first stage of mourning is denial, they say."

"doesn't mean it's good."

"denial is awesome. it's ignorance, but you choose to be stupid. i'm already so stupid!" i groaned, covering my face with my hands, "so so so so so so so stupid, foolish, dumb, and i don't want you to tell me i'm not because i know i am. pathetic."

i gobbled down the rest of the meal, "ths 's delicous," i said, swallowing, "g'night!"

"don't be afraid to let it all out."

"yeah."

i shut the door softly, before brushing my teeth and collapsing exhaustedly on the bed, nodding off quickly.

the next day, i woke at 4am, and put on new clothes, apparating to the phone box and filling out paperwork for the missions yesterday.

i joined hermione quickly, handing her a cappucino and sipping my mocha.

"court sitting this early?" she asked me.

i nodded, "mistake of sirius black, now they do all court sittings within 24 hours of arrest."

"that's smart."

"yeah. it's good. he's obviously guilty right? just a dust of veritaserum to bring it all out?"

"i reckon he'll just confess."

"criminals don't go down easily."

"you guys did a spotting job. the children were unharmed."

"are they here today?"

"they're in st mungo's. being monitored."

"parents?"

"dead."

"oh gosh, those poor children. what's going to happen to them?"

"someone's adopting them, wally becker and his wife."

"that's awesome."

the court hushed as we entered the room. hermione and i shared amused glances and began the sitting.

he was found to be guilty and was chucked in azkaban.

"what an idiot, sending a message like that."

"yup," i chuckled, "what with hepole in our ministry, they never escape."

we laughed.

"how's everything with ron?" i asked her.

"i don't know if he's still into me?"

i almost laugh at her statement, "bro. of course he is."

"i never see him."

"then see him more!"

"how? i'm so busy!"

"busy enough for ron?" we both took sandwiches from the canteen lady with courteous smiles and words.

we sat down at the cafeteria.

"i guess not, but he's busy!"

"busy enough for you?"

"i guess not."

"'xactly."

"but he might not wanna go on a date."

"why? the boy's obsessed with you, 'mione!"

the aurors and ministry workers looked at us in fear as i rose up. i chuckled.

i immediately skipped over to the telephone, putting in the WWW's number.

"y/n! what on earth are you doing?" hermione said in a panicked tone.

"nothing to be worried 'bout."

"hello?" it was george. i thanked the heavens for that.

"yolo george, give the phone to your lil bro please."

"'kay."

hermione was gaping at me. i smirked at her.

"y/n?"

"hey ron, i want you to meet me in rosemary park at 5pm today."

"o-okay."

"could you also bring hermione's favourite snacks and wear an extra jumper?"

"what? why?"

"i'm curious, that's all," i said, "see you there!"

"is that y/n?" i heard fred's voice.

"nup, it isn't," i replied.

and with that, i hung up.

"hey 'mione?"

she was glaring at me, "what."

"meet me at rosemary park at 5pm?" i batted my eyelashes at her, before bursting out in laughter.

she laughed, "i love you."

"pfft, love ya too. you really are too careful. like he would reject you."

"what do you think i should wear?"

"let's go off work early today, at 3," i suggested, "we're both on top of our work anyway."

"okay! you wanna go now?"

"it's 11?"

"yeah!"

"alrighty! kalle!"

kalle turned to us, "yes?"

"hi! me and minister are going out to talk about the mission."

"alright, bye."

we apparate to hogsmeade.

"what theme do you wanna go for?"

"hmm," she thought for a second, "floral!"

"alrighty!" i fumbled for my cell phone and dialled the WWW's again.

"hello?" it was fred this time.

"heyo freddie," i said to him like nothing had ever happened, "tell ron to dress up at 5 pm in something cute but not too out there, preferably in florals or somethin', and he better bring me hermione's favourite flowers."

"wha? if he's going with you then- ohhhh."

"thanks, bye."

"wait!"

"mhm?"

"can we talk?"

"erm- about what exactly?"

"everything."

i sighed, "later, okay? i'm out with hermione and you've got work."

"okay. have a good time, lovely."

"you too."

i was utterly confused. here he was one day kissing pretoria, and now he was calling me lovely?

what the hell was going on?

"let's go, mione!"

we went and bought her a pretty pink dress with white lilies adorning it. it was cute and definitely casual, sort of like a sundress.

"what if he doesn't come?" hermione chewed on her lip.

"hermione jean granger, we both know that ron is absolutely definitely a thousand times head over heels in love with you. he wouldn't ditch you for the world! and look at you! anyone can see he's lucky to have you! you both are star-crossed. when has he ever ever ditched you?"

"with lav brown."

"lavender, she's, she's dead, hermione," i said carefully, "fenrir greyback bit her to death. it was a tragic, heroic, death. she was listed in the extended casualties sent to my office a few months after the battle. i think she's watching down on us from wherever she is up there."

"she's dead?"

"yeah," i replied sadly, "life is so short."

"yeah."

"what i'm tryna say, is that that might've happened, but it won't happen again now that he knows you love him and he loves you. understand?"

"yeah."

"and love him well, for the sake of lavender brown."

"for the sake of lavender brown," she said, smiling.

"yup, now, light lord. his name is actually pont knight."

"pont knight?"

"former assistant of me."

"pont knight?"

"yeah, i know right."

"how did he go again?"

"oh, i fired him," i laughed.

"why?"

"smart guy but terribly lazy and he kept asking for promotions! like please do something if you want money."

"interesting."

"he moved to eastern europe to chase after the trendiness of the islands. i think it was just an excuse. he's changed. he used to be clean-shaven and have the blondest hair."

"do you think he did anything else?"

"we did put him on veritaserum, right?"

"yeah, but it's illegal to put someone on it for more than 10 minutes now in court sittings."

"we could go visit him in azkaban later? i'll take gregir."

"yeah, maybe tomorrow or the day after?"

i nodded, "'course. today is a rest day for the aurors right?"

she nodded, "yeah, half of the agency is at home or working out in the gym."

"good. sometimes this work is so tolling, 'mione."

"yeah, i heard from st mungo's you got hurt?" her eyes were concerned.

i rolled up my sleeve, "that's it."

"that's it? what do you mean, that's terrible! you need to take better care of yourself."

"well sometimes it's hard to. it was worth it."

we continued chatting until it was 4:30.

"oop!" she checked her watch, "i have to go!"

"good luck! tell me how it goes, minister! i'll head back to check if anyone's called for you or me and dust it all up."

"thanks. i owe you."

"nah. i owe my job to you. if minister for magic didn't exist, i wouldn't either. i love you 'mione, be safe!"

"love you too!"

i apparated to the phone box and typed my letters in.

with a whoosh, i immediately spotted two letters and a beeping phone. i answered the phone, solving the problem of the woman on the other end of the line and scribbled a reply to both of the letters.

i finished the paperwork and sent it off, then visited my office. it was piling with letters. i answered all of them, redirecting some of them to different departments, before calling everyone back.

i spotted some of the aurors from yesterday's mission sitting in the cafeteria and talking.

i sat down next to them, "how are you guys doing? any injuries?"

they shook their heads, "we've been spending time in the healer's office and just exercising lightly by the orders of johnny," argonas explained and i nodded.

"take it lightly, and go home if you want to. seeing family always helps the process, hopefully not too many nightmares?"

they laughed, "nightmares all the time, miss," hawk said lightly, "get used to it in this job."

i frowned, "have you tried speaking to doctor yvonne? she might have ways to solve nightmares."

"ahh, miss, sleeping draughts can only do so much," hawk replied cordially.

i laughed, "alright, hawkeye, but just make sure you're not getting traumatised okay? what about you, lopex, quentins?"

they shrugged.

"it's okay? the door was very hard to bust into," lopex said quietly, "we had to try several bombarding charms."

"now, lop, it was easy work!" draco said, sitting down, "hello, head auror, hello unit."

it brought on a cacophony of greetings.

"how are you doing, dray?" harry sat down next to him, "hi everyone!"

we all replied with more greetings and a steady conversation started and flowed for a couple of hours.

i felt my cell phone go off and i excused myself, noting it was 9pm already.

i apparated to the apartment doorstep, knocking on the door just in case anything was happening. i checked the caller id, it was hermione.

fred opened the door, hair messy, still good looking. i smiled at him, patting his shoulder as i ran to the ringing telephone and picked it up.

"y/n!" i could just hear the beam in hermione's voice.

"'mione! how did it go?"

"absolutely wonderful, head auror, ahhh, he's so cute!"

"what happened?" i asked, smiling already.

"well it was really cold when i saw the picnic blanket, which was matching my dress for some weird reason, and ron was there in the cutest button up and he looked so handsoME and he gave me a flower, he's always handsome but i just can't! ahhhh!" she squealed and i clapped my hands in excitement.

"and then i was shivering and he gave me hiS JUMPER and it smelled like him and oh my gosh i think i might just be in love, y/n!"

i giggled, "my cooling charm did work!"

"whaT y/n????"

cackling, i said, "continue, i wanna hear more this is so adorable!!!"

i ignored the dirty glance fred gave me, quietening my voice.

"and then we had food and he said he had cooked it himself and was being such a dear and i told him that i loved him over and over again!!!"

i squealed silently again.

"and, and, gosh my english has gone out of the window!"

"english is nothing compared to the language of love!!" i giggled.

"we watched the sunset whilst cuddling, and i fell asleep and then when i woke up i was in his bed and he was looking at me intently and i just, i'm the luckiest girl alive!"

"you are but you deserve it! that's so sweet! i'm happy for you goshhh, you are the cutest couple. you're both such darlings!"

"and then we watched a muggle movie and he got scared of the spiders and it was so adorable ahhhhHHHH!!!"

"that's the cutesttttt," i gushed.

another dirty look from fred. i gave him a frown back.

"and then he walked me home and it started raining and we kissed in the rain and another check off of my bucketlist and oh my gosh he's so perfect."

"oh gosh that's beautiful," i was smiling uncontrollably.

"anyway," her tone changed into one of mischief, "wanna meet up tomorrow to talk about it?"

"sure thing! when and where? i'll be there!"

"erm, lemme chec- think," i heard the suspicious rustling of papers.

"you're sus. let's just talk about it over the phone. i don't want anything weird."

"how about 10 am in the morning at the field of fireflies?"

"that's a highly romantic place, miss minister. isn't it for couples or something?"

"no? you must be talking about fiona farm."

oh. "yeah, probs, well okay, it better have good coffee. i'm dying of boredom too, does it have a playground??" i asked, hopefully crossing my fingers.

"nope."

"awww, shucks, i don't think i'll go then. you wanna come over though?"

"no please come! there's a surprise!"

i was sold, "lovely. i'll be there at 9:30!"

"no, no, don't do that."

"what the hell, hermione, you're being so suspicious!"

"i'm not, okay? just come on time, you won't regret it."

"if there's any funny business i'm not committing arson ever again."

"oh crap."

i sighed.

"just come anyway!!! good night cheerio!!!"

"what the-"

the line ended.

i frowned, noticing the glare fred gave me yet again.

"is everything okay??" i asked him.

"no," he said rudely.

"well, do you need any help?"

"no."

"how was your day?"

"fine."

i sighed, "okay."

"you called ron cute."

i laughed lightly, "that's it?? and so what's kissing a girl huh, nothing? i called him cute because he treats 'mione like a goddess, because she is a goddess, for goodness sake. and he is cute, in a completely objective way," i added absentmindedly, "all you weasleys are."

he frowned.

"she kissed me!"

"oh i don't mind, i couldn't. my two braincells can't handle it. you kiss whoever you wanna, okay? live, laugh, love, and all that." i smiled.

he was silent.

"and we can talk after i meet up with hermione, okay?"

"okay."

"we don't needa if you don't wanna, of course. g'night."

"have a nice sleep."

the next morning, i got up and went to the field of fireflies or whatever.

it was a beautiful place. it was a full on field. meadows stretched across the near english countryside. the sky was clear and light, and the world around me was stunning.

winds blew from all directions, and i soon found myself accio!ing a jumper.

"hermioneeee???" i called, "you're leaving me hanging."

had hermione stood me up? i chuckled at the very thought, soon rolling in the field of flowers as i laughed.

"hermione you devil you stood me up! you left your poor little work wife hanging!" i shouted dramatically.

i suddenly spotted a little house? by the side of the meadow.

i ran towards it.

"whoa."

it was absolutely magnificent. beige little bricks were stacked on top of each other, grey bricks dotted in. the shillings were dark green, and plants hung out everywhere in the cracks of the house.

large windows which reflected the blue light in the sky spanned across the whole house, and a single wooden door stood ajar.

i just wish i had brought a camera. i sat on the grass, playing with the hem of my jumper sadly. even hermione didn't have time for me. i wondered what a sad person i must seem like.

"contemplating life there?" i heard a far off voice. i swung my head around, seeing fred standing and grinning.

yeah well duh i was, no thanks to you, i thought.

i immediately got up.

"we can talk here, right?" fred asked, as he brought me into the house.

"wow," inside, it was cluttered and messy, with plants sprouting everywhere and bookcases and things everywhere. i loved it.

"you like it?" he asked.

"love it."

"good, because i bought it," he laughed at my flabbergasted expression, "i'm rich, darlin'. let's sit, i cooked lunch."

"was this your plan? to have hermione stand me up?" i asked.

"love, i wouldn't call this a plan. simply just a boy trying to explain himself."

"look i don't need an explanation. i told you, you can love whoever you wanna, i don't mind, i don't care, i support."

"but i'm gonna have to explain because i wanna kiss you."

"then go ahead," i sighed, "if you're lying i will stab you."

"jeesh okay."

i looked at him.

"oh yeah, i forgot the food, here," he said casually, handing me a plate filled with yummy looking delicacies. i was willing to put up with his rubbish story telling for the food, i guess.

"alright, i'm all ears."

"okay. so she talked with you right?"

i nodded.

"did she take a piece of hair from you?”

i nodded again.

"so you came home just right about when the night lights flicker on in london. or so i thought it was you. it was actually, aphrodite, yeah? in polyjuice potion. and she knocked on the door, which i thought was strange. i opened it and she immediately kissed me, as you. and it was weird but it was you and i would give the world to kiss you like that," he said bluntly and i could feel my face heating up, "and then it went like that for a few seconds and she turned into pretoria, and by then the woman had her claws on me. then the door opened and i knew i had made a mistake and then you left and apologised so sweetly. i'm so so sorry, my love, please, i never meant to hurt you, i never meant to do anything. i broke up with her last year. i haven't wanted to be with her since. i want to be with you."

i looked at him. i knew he was genuine.

"okay. i'm sorry too, for not trusting you. i guess i was just really unsure of our relationship. it's still kinda blurry."

"what do you wanna be?"

"could we be official, please?"

he grinned, "of course."

then smiling sheepishly, he added, "can i kiss you now?"

"only if i'm the only girl you kiss from now on," i teased, smiling.

he blushed, placing my hands over his heart. it was beating very very fast.

"feel that, beautiful?"

i nodded.

"only you."

he gave me a cheesy grin and laughed at my blushing face, before tilting my head upwards and going in for a kiss but kissing my cheek.

"that's not fair!"

and that's how his head ended up falling into my lap, as i ran my fingers through his ginger strands.

he had fallen asleep just as the sunset began.

it was breathtaking. hues of orange and red danced across the sky.

"i can think of something a lot more beautiful than that," fred said, smiling.

"oh?"

"yeah. yeah."

"i don't believe you."

"that's because you can't see yourself right now."

[writing-gifts]

A/N: totally not canon interaction but i wanted to practice some before i try to write anything serious for nimh... also i misremembered how they originally met when i started writing this so i double downed lol

reader is gender neutral

----

The weather was nice today so you had been out and about to prevent yourself from hiding in your home for the rest of the week.

Ever since yesterday, you were stressed for multiple reasons and you were hoping this walk would help take your mind off things. You were currently spending your lunch outside at a restaurant. Unfortunately, you doubt you could eat at a time like this with one of your stressors in plain sight.

You stare at another table a distance away, hiding partly behind a menu to avoid bringing attention to yourself.

What had you on such high alert was the occupant at said table: A rabbit, trying to hold a fork between their paws. But without thumbs it looked to be a very difficult task. The fork falls from their grip once again and they sigh. It looks as if they've given up.

That had to be one of the boys you accidentally cursed at the zoo! You're sure that's the blonde bunny who asked for a refund too. Before you could give it to him though, one of the predators among all the scattering animals got a little too close and he hightailed it. You sigh a bit to yourself. It still seems unreal but that's what really occurred.

So much happened that day including you getting fired. Damn your boss--like it was your fault that you got distracted and passed out the wrong water to the visitors! What type of zoo even needs a magically-cursed water supply anyways!?

You shake your head and put down the menu. This wasn't the time to get even more worked up so you take a deep breath. You hadn't really rehearsed what to say when you found the guys--animals… manimals. How do you even bring up that you accidentally cursed someone, but you could change them back with the power of love?

You get up. You'll just have to tear it off like a bandage. Even if this felt more like a wax strip situation...

Making your way over to the rabbit who was now eating his salad with his paws--which was very cute by the way--you steel yourself.

You give your friendliest smile when you're close enough to show that you don't mean harm. He still tenses up like....well, a rabbit and looks like he wants to bolt. Poor thing, he probably can't control it. Fortunately for you, he doesn't actually run.

"Uh hello, I'm sorry to interrupt your meal. I don't mean to be rude or anything, but I noticed that you're an...animal."

"O-Oh that's quite okay." A kind sounding voice comes from the rabbit, which was pretty well fitting actually. "You don't usually see rabbits trying to use utensils so I can see why you'd find this strange. You don't ever see them doing that actually, as far as I know."

You wave off the idea. "Trust me, I don't find it strange at all."

"Really? I'm still trying to get used to it myself. You see I'm not usually like--" he motions to his furry body "--this."

"Actually, that's why I'm here. I think I can help you with your predicament! Do you remember the day you changed at the zoo? I was the worker there passing out water at the entrance. You asked me for a refund."

He tilts his head and his nose twitches. Again, cute but this wasn't the time for that. You hold your hands behind your back so you don't accidentally try to reach out and pet him.

"Right! I remember you just before the...panther."

You grimace. That must have been extremely frightening for him so you can't help feeling guilty. You would definitely make sure to fix this and you had words for that panther. Once you found him.

"Well you see…I might have been the cause. The water I gave was apparently magically-cursed water and-and now all these guys are animals! Somehow, I have to change them back with the power of friendship--wait no--love! I'm not even sure how that works though, but this little creature told me to...so yeah."

You stop yourself from rambling any further.

The rabbit stares at you wide eyed and his little laugh sounds very unsure. "...Umm I don't know what to say to that, but I suppose that's not so far fetched considering that magic is apparently real."

"Wait, so you believe me?"

"I guess I don't not believe you. Er sorry for the double negative. I'm not exactly jumping for joy at being a rabbit. And better hearing is definitely not worth the trade-off of opposable thumbs. So I would like to try out your plan at least."

"Oh wow...Okay, cool!"

With that out of the way you calm down a considerable amount. You hadn't expected him to accept the idea so quickly. Maybe this whole magical animal quest would be a piece of cake!

"Let's go on a date then. That would be a good way to start to get you to fall for me!"

You need to find a new job stat.

He looks kind of bashful but nods. "That sounds like a good first step."

"Oh wait, I totally forgot about names. I'm ____. What's yours?"

"Nimh."

"Well nice to meet you Nimh. I'm sorry I turned you into an animal. And even though this has definitely caused you much trouble, you do make a very cute bunny."

You'd never seen a rabbit blush but here you were. And it was absolutely adorable.

Oh powers that be, give me strength.

"Well gosh. Thank you ____...I think?"

"You're very welcome." You sit down at his table. "This can be our pre-date."

Nimh chuckles a bit at your lame attempt at a joke and you think you already like him.

"By the way..."

You immediately put all your attention on the rabbit. Scratch the 'think'. You definitely like him (if your urgency to please him said anything).

"Why would a zoo have magically-cursed water for?" he asks.

"Oh my god, that's what I've been wondering!"

[1zashreena1]

Quarantine- New Ranch Flavor! -5

18+, m/f, technically OCxDiego Jimenez [Power]

Summary: Princess is stranded in NYC with her Murder Panther for the duration of the quarantine. As a high risk patient she has no choice but to isolate as much as possible. Simulated domesticity ensues. Princess texts a running commentary to her bff Lisa.

WARNINGS: Ridiculous descriptions and ‘the code is more like guidelines’ outlook on grammar. Is it OOC if the character was given essentially zero development in canon???

No actual smut, nasty ass snack foods, plus size insecurity, unprotected sex, feels are icky, plus size woman+fit man, bad boys with too much money and not enough impulse control, secondary OCs, excessive swearing (???), illegal business dealings… I mean, its DIEGO

A/N: Princess took on a life of her own and has essentially become an OC. There are infrequent mentions of her description (specifically as plus size) and her actual name in later pieces (its Bicki). She started as self-insert so she looks like me (plus size, white, short, blue eyes, curly hair). If that is not your thing, I totally understand. And do not feel obligated to read this, I will not be offended!

I’m not a fan of “plot” so be aware that most of this series is just meandering through their relationship, angst-fluff-smut whiplash style. But with dick jokes.

TAGLIST: @chelsfic​ @symbiont13​ @nicke0115​ @bunnykjm​ @rosee-sensuelle​ @girlpornparadise​ @mandoplease​ @heresathreebee​ @xxsteph-enrixx​ @jetiikad​ @joalsglasses​ @mutantcookiesecrets​ @demoncatstone​ @squidlywiddly87​

Please let me know if you would like to be tagged.

~~~

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Thursday 11:22am

From Princess

Day 1 and I literally have an ice pack on my pussy and

Hold on he’s not wearing pants again gtg

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Friday 9:49am

From Princess

Video chatting with sister when Diego walks past in the background… shirtless.

She put her phone down (my entire screen was just ceiling) and I could hear her crying. Hung up after 10 min

~~~

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Friday 10:14pm

From Princess

He sucks ass at Jenga and its adorable

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Saturday 11:49am

From Princess

I was provided a to-do list for the day.

It's just his name

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Sunday 1:32pm

From Princess

We have sorted every liquid in the penthouse into 2 categories:

Potential Lube

Definitely Not Lube

Except we’re arguing about ranch dressing

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Sunday 2:17pm

From Princess

Update: Ranch went into the Not Lube category because it “smells nasty when it gets warm” This fact was previously unknown to me and I was afraid to ask for more details

~~~

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Monday 8:40am

From Princess

Morning announcements include the fact that 8:37 is the earliest he has ever gotten up

I’m worried about losing my job. Diego advises me to apply to Dyson because I “never lose suction”

Am I offended or proud of myself?  It’s not even 9am

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Tuesday 1:12am

From Princess

This is the most weed I have ever consumed in my life (I know, not a high bar) Why is he hanging upside down off the couch making motorboat noises??

~~~

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Tuesday 1:14am

From Princess

Ahh. He was composing a poem about my tits

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Tuesday 2:49am

From Princess

The railing up the stairs to the bedroom does not in fact support my weight. Pole dance competition is OFF

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Tuesday 2:57am

From Princess

You know that thing you do with my bras? Where you put it on like a headband and it makes mickey mouse ears?

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Wednesday 11:17am

From Princess

Julio required to give 10 min warning prior to arrival so Diego can take off his pants

Yes you read that right

Freak

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Wednesday 11:19am

From Princess

Yes you do so know who Julio is. Big, round, only wears ivory/eggshell/off white/ThisIsMy 2ndWedding  colored blazers. Jeez Lisa you're not old enough for dementia yet girl

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Wednesday 12:52pm

From Princess

I have played myself. Just ate an entire cheesesteak while being a cockwarmer

Turns out I’m the freak

Julio present and accounted for

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Thursday 9:37am

From Princess

He’s crunching  a bowl of something via spoon. I ask what it is. Crushed cheez-its and mayonnaise. What in the actual fuck this man is a literal monster

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Thursday 12:10pm

From Princess

Edible body paint works on windows. Had to sit on his shoulders but this is the largest ‘FUCK’ I have ever written. Very proud

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Thursday 12:22pm

From Princess

Bottom half of the ‘C’ has transferred onto my ass. But 7 orgasms. Pick your battles

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Thursday 11:47pm

From Princess

Tried a pickled habanero. He’s still face down in the rug crying with laughter. It’s been 10 min dude come on

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Friday 10:12am

From Princess

Me: Why are you so heavy?

Diego: I keep eating you

Me: High five

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Friday 3:17pm

From Princess

He’s trying to “conduct business” via 3 cellphones. Would offer my tablet but I’m too pretty for prison. Gonna take a nap

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Friday 4:41pm

From Princess

Pants are forbidden in the bedroom. We’re just making the rules up as we go I see

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Saturday 9:59am

From Princess

He’s sitting in the corner of the window walls staring dejectedly outside. I hear the tiniest forlorn whisper “THOSE people are outside”

Too cute--must blow---BRB

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Saturday 1:32pm

From Princess

Angry texting. Muttering “No I can’t go outside and no you can’t come in here. Bitch…. No no, delete delete delete”

Me:  Where is your sister anyway? LA?

Him: Very Squinty Eyes

~~~

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Saturday 9:22pm

From Princess

My ass is stuck in the kitchen sink. While he was very helpful getting me in here he is of no assistance getting me out.

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Saturday 11:46pm

From Princess

Apparently ‘douchecanoe twatwaffle jerkface’ is the most hilarious insult he has ever heard. My brilliance is unparalleled

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Sunday 5:51am

From Princess

Me: Hey what’s the worst thing you’ve ever put in your mouth?

Him outrageously offended: I’m not answering that!

Him:  ... you first

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Sunday 7:12pm

From Princess

Is it a legit massage if he has to pause in the middle to jack off?

~~~

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Monday 11:06am

From Princess

Ordered groceries via Amazon Prime drone delivery. Sitting on the rooftop patio wrapped up together in a ginormous blankie waiting.

Does this count as a date?

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Monday 1:13pm

From Princess

Drone arrived. I lost my shit. Coolest thing ever. He’s frantically ordering more stuff because I haven’t looked this ecstatic since the time he rubbed my feet then went down on me for 2 hrs

Hold up change of plans

~~~

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Monday 2:28pm

From Princess

stubble burn on bottom of feet :-/

~~~

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Monday 6:44pm

From Princess

We can both fit in the jacuzzi tub. Almost drowned when his phone rang and we both spazzed out

~~~

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Tuesday 10:10am

From Princess

Today’s formal edict: He will only be referring to himself in the 3rd person. I am required to do as told. Should not be this turned on

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Tuesday 11:58am

From Princess

Watching him try to answer calls like this is a level of hilarity I could not have predicted

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Tuesday 1:53pm

From Princess

He gave me a crash course in chem. Still don’t know anything but it was hot as hell

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Tuesday 2:57pm

From Princess

Despite all evidence to the contrary I’m a Good Girl. Did as I was told. Got rewarded. 13 times

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Tuesday 5:33pm

From Princess

Unlocked a tiny piece of tragic backstory*™: He’s never been to a zoo   :-(

~~~

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Wednesday 11:24am

From Princess

Julio and Bastian brought 4 pizzas. Currently eating them individually sitting in a giant square in the living room SOCIAL DISTANCING

Like he wasn’t inside me 10 min ago wtf

~~~

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Wednesday 11:25am

From Princess

Yes cute driver Bastian. Btw you are barking up the wrong tree girl. His favorite animal is bears lol

~~~

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Wednesday 12:39pm

From Princess

Garlic butter: lube or no? Round table discussion happening.

~~~

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Wednesday 1:19pm

From Princess

I won in favor of No

Me: slams hands down on table

Me: HAVE YOU EVER HAD A YEAST INFECTION???

All men present:   :-[

                             :-[

                             :-[

~~~

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Wednesday 1:32pm

From Princess

Diego: puts garlic butter cup in the empty box and slides the whole mess off table to the floor without breaking eye contact. My sugar daddy is truly a murder panther

~~~

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Wednesday 3:49pm

From Princess

Flipping channels (he only has 5000) when he comes downstairs from the bedroom wearing Ginormous Blankie as cape.

Him: Can we do the thing again?

Me: Gotta be way more specific babe

Him: Flaps blankie like wings and gives me puppy dog eyes

Him: You know. Thing. On the roof. ...please?

Did

Did he just ask me to cuddle???

~~~

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Wednesday 5:58pm

From Princess

Can confirm roof cuddles.  He fell asleep with his face mashed into my neck-shoulder after watching sunset. Every time I move he whimpers and squeezes tighter. I don't know what is happening but it kinda hurts in my chest

~~~

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Wednesday 9:12pm

From Princess

Me: You know those girls you send away when I come up? There's one that sorta begrudgingly likes me?

Him, stuffing a 2nd Oreo into his mouth(there's already a whole 1 in there)

Him: Frahnthessga?

Me: Yeah! Can I fuck her?

….I should worry about my job again pretty sure Murder Panther Sugar Daddy is dead

~~~

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Wednesday 10:48pm

From Princess

We splintered the plexiglass-divider-shower-wall thingy. His solution was to just hold all 215lbs of me up in the air and finish. I have no words

~~~

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Thursday 4:12am

From Princess

I can hear him on the phone downstairs listing names. I don't know these people. I'm going in the bathroom to run water so I can't hear anything else

~~~

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Thursday 9:02am

From Princess

I slept thru a breakfast meeting. There's a laptop  and a box of 1 doz Boston cream donuts labeled PRINCESS on the bar counter. He's watching news with Julio + Bastian on the couch. Odd but ok I got fave donuts so whatevs

~~~

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Thursday 9:17am

From Princess

On 3rd donut when I catch him staring. Can only see from eyes up bc he's peering at me over back of the couch. Have inadvertently activated Horny Murder Panther mode via accidental slutty licking of cream filling. 

~~~

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Thursday 11:40am

From Princess

Me: I don't like avocado

Diego: bitch what the fuck 

~~~

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Thursday 12:10pm

From Princess

He asked what the deal was with white people and meatloaf. I requested clarification on food or music. He's confused it's fucking adorable

BUT NOW I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THE ENTIRE GENRE OF CLASSIC ROCK

~~~

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Thursday 2:14pm

From Princess

I'm making a meatloaf for dinner. Also brownies. TV is still on???

~~~

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Thursday 4:24pm

From Princess

Found a big round can of guava paste in the back of the fridge. He's spoon feeding it to me while watching me make meatloaf

Diego: I did not realize you were so… domesticated

Me, no brain to mouth filter: Yeah well gettin dicked down 3x a day will do that to a girl

Please send hitman asap 

~~~

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Thursday 5:10pm

From Princess

He just turned TV off. Local news was listing all major crimes in NYC today. Last story was 6 bodies found inside meat plant freezer, execution style kills with "on-site" equipment. When I whisper Dafuq??  he distractedly mutters 'captive bolt pistol'  

He's texting again

~~~

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Thursday 5:39pm

From Princess

I kinda wanna come home now

~~~

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Thursday 7:48pm

From Princess

I have converted another person to meatloaf lover (food not music)

On 3rd brownie when he declares: I am never letting you leave again. Mine now

Look up from rolling my eyes to receive Super Intense I Can See Into Your Soul Diego Stare

~~~

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Thursday 9:50pm

From Princess

He's looking for a scary movie via voice command on remote. Other hand is on my foot. I can't even see my foot. What is the actual purpose of hands that big?? What is the evolutionary goal to this endgame? ?? Why am I wet just thinking about a    h a n d    ?????

~~~

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Friday 12:34am

From Princess

Con: This asshole is delighted to learn that I don't like scary movies

Pro: Hiding my face in his chest means I fucking feel the rumble when he laughs at me. I think I'm developing a heart condition. Hurts again.

~~~

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Friday 1:40am

From Princess

He's rubbing his face all over my stomach. I don't like this. Sir why. Please it's literally the least attractive part of me

~~~

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Friday 2:11am

From Princess

He likes it…? I don't see. How does. But it's.

No

~~~

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Friday 3:47am

From Princess

He's asleep on my stomach after spending 40 min declaring his love for belly

I'm crying and I can't stop. My whole chest hurts. What is this. Is this the most long game prank ever. There's no way he's for real. I'm afraid. Do you think I should try to escape?? Please you know I'm not easily frightened but I just. Please text back I need my BFF

~~~

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Friday 7:18am

From Princess

Woke up in bed alone and naked. Gonna grab a shirt and handle this. I can't just ignore it. This is probably a bad idea but I can't just let it go. If you don't hear back from me by noon call my parents. I love you

~~~

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Friday 11:38am

From Princess

Halfway down the stairs 3 dudes I don't know come out of the office, Diego and Julio follow. They take 1 look at me and launch into laughter and some rude fucking spanish. I'm rusty but I know fucking "fat bitch" tyvm. Diego picks this mf up by the throat and throws him into the elevator. Drags the other 2 in and... no one has come back since

Been locked in the bathroom. I'm afraid to hear anything

~~~

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Friday 1:48pm

From Princess

Relocated to closet earlier. Reading. I'm 2 chapters in and I don't even remember the title. Gonna take an ativan. Hands are shaking

~~~

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Friday 2:27pm

From Princess

You know what? I don't even care. Like as long as it's never directed at me I just don't care.

It's too late I'm in too deep. I don't know if I can even come home after this. I'm not who everyone thinks I am. I don't know who I am. I'm turning the phone off now I'm sorry but I just need everything to stop for a while

~~~

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Friday 7:48pm

From Princess

I'm ok, sorry for the dramatics. Woke up still in the closet corner but under Ginormous Blankie and can hear shower running. Decide it's time to put my big girl panties on and march in there. No I did not learn from the last time. Standby

~~~

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Friday 9:22pm

From Princess

We're good.

~~~

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Friday 11:49pm

From Princess

Ok. Marched into bathroom, launched into speech: I'm sorry but I did not know anyone was here. You have to leave me a note or something. Please tell me I did not ruin anything

Him, still in shower: Get your ass in here.

It was a literal growl

~~~

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Friday 11:50pm

From Princess

Apparently that guy had been fucking up small time and Diego was waiting for him to fuck up big time. I will never see all 3 of them again (No do not ask)Yes it was frustrating but not mad at me. Ok a little because his sister hired that guy and now he has to explain the dude's ...disappearance. Without mentioning me. No one can know about me I am a "liability"

Um ouch..? I think?? Chest pain again

~~~

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Friday 11:51pm

From Princess

He's been asleep, I'm just staring at the ceiling. Demanded I let him prove that he would never put hands on me that I don't want. I thought he was gonna cry. I did start crying but said yes. Not gentle per se, but definitely ...emotional? Like soft sex. Slow soft sex but with emotions?? I'm lost

~~~

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Friday 11:54pm

From Princess

Please tell me no. Talk me out of this. Tell me I'm fucknuts and I need to just come home and be reasonable and sensible. You know when you stand at a ledge and a little voice tells you Just jump. Do it. Go

Do I want all in? Can I do this? I should not do this. I should not care about him. Especially like this. I just. When I'm not here this is all I think about. No one else makes me feel this way

~~~

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Friday 11:56pm

From Princess

I'm hysterical right? This will go away if I just sleep. I can't stop looking at him. Touching his face, hair. Ever since the Kitchen Blowup (after the first fight??is it a fight if you're not technically in a relationship?) he's been different. Careful?? Like he really listened to me and heard. I can see him trying. Like reining in his knee jerk reactions and stopping to think before he says stuff to me. What am I supposed to do?

~~~

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Friday 11:59pm

From Princess

I want to trust him. I want to be spoiled and fucked senseless and all the giggles and private planes and shopping sprees and sleeping in til noon. But what about the other side? Constantly looking over my shoulder? Worrying that he might not come home from whatever the fuck he's out doing? The other actual supermodel hot women??? I'm not naive.

~~~

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Saturday 12:10am

From Princess

I just need to turn this off. Shut it down. Cut off emotions and just fuck. I can't do this and I can't have him for keeps. So it's time to be realistic. After this shitty quarantine ends I'll take whatever cash he wants to give me and go home. I can move if I have to. It's not hard to change your name these days. This whole nightmare will be the hilarious rumors in my future nursing home

~~~

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Saturday 4:44am

From Princess

Got up at like 350 for the bathroom. When I crawled back into bed he yanked me backwards to be smashed into/under him. Buried face into my hair and ordered:

Stop

Leaving

~~~

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Saturday 9:10am

From Princess

Woke up alone. Gathered shirt. Did surveillance from top of stairs. Music blasting. Bastian and Diego are working out. I had to sit down for a while

~~~

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Saturday 9:40am

From Princess

Finally made it down the stairs. Eating donuts while watching live action porn

~~~

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Saturday 10:27am

From Princess

Show's over. Diego announces he is going to shower with a wink. I am staying on this barstool with my donuts. I am determined

~~~

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Saturday 10:38am

From Princess

Sharing donuts with Bastian. He is staring at me

Me: ...wut?

Bastian: You know I haven't driven Franchesca anywhere in 4 months

I don't know how long I've been sitting here staring at this half eaten donut but Bastian is gone

Shower still running

~~~

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Saturday 1:36pm

From Princess

Slut level 7: Shower blowjob

Realized I have to wash my hair now. He demands to do it??

Diego: How much fucking conditioner is this going to take?

Me drooling blissfully: Uhhh... please not that word right now

...I literally heard Horny Murder Panther transition happen.

He did not touch anything but my head. Came via voice command. How the fuck

~~~

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Saturday 1:39pm

From Princess

Then it was Round 2 still dripping wet in the bed. No idea how he recovered that fast not looking gift horse in the mouth.  Haha   Horse

Also slow soft again? Does this mean something?? I feel like I'm missing some key piece of info. Never had a dude like kiss all over my face and stroke my hair. What is this gentle?? Don't like the whole looking into my eyes thing

~~~

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Saturday 3:02pm

From Princess

Received an assignment. Was trying to budget for next month (on my new laptop! Whole Microsoft office package!! SPREADSHEETS!!!)

Instructed to help fix what I fucked up…?

It's resumes. He wants me to look at resumes.   Um

~~~

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Saturday 4:12pm

From Princess

We traded laptops. I picked 3 resumes for 'warehouse labor'  This is fucking surreal

Got my laptop back and… all the internet tabs were closed?? I was paying all my bills dude wtf. His phone rings but before he walks off tells me the title will be mailed to me. ?????

~~~

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Saturday 4:47pm

From Princess

He's still in the office on the phone. I'm in the closet in shock. He paid my loans. He paid my Loans. He Paid My Fucking Loans OFF

CAR

STUDENT LOANS

$$$$$   30,000  $$$$$

THIRTY GRAND

~~~

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Saturday 4:52pm

From Princess

No you can't have him if I don't want him!! Fuck you

~~~

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Saturday 5:32pm

From Princess

Bastian came back, left a big box on the counter, said "This is for you honey" and left again. Diego still in the office.

...should I open it or wait for him to come out??

~~~

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Saturday 5:36pm

From Princess

Fuck it. I'm opening this shit

~~~

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Saturday 5:42pm

From Princess

It's a very large Brahmin bag.

Holy fuck its gorgeous 

~~~

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Saturday 5:47pm

From Princess

You know what? You Know What?

IT'S KITCHEN BLOWUP 2.0 TIME

~~

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Sunday 8:42am

From Princess

I think we're ok? I actually uh, accidentally recorded um… everything-ish. And I might send it to you later. But right now things are kinda wobbly and I just wanna enjoy everything while I can. I'll check back in later. We're going to bed now

~~

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Sunday 1:58pm

From Princess

Woke up to 1 gigantic hand stroking down my back. 2nd hand stuffed up my pussy to the knuckle. Villain voice directly into left ear. Memory hazy after that

~~

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Sunday 3:01pm

From Princess

Do Oreos in bed at 3pm count as breakfast? My hips hurt

~~

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Sunday 6:40pm

From Princess

Ok we all know I'm very much A Freak. Trysexual if you will. Only way to know you don't like it is to try it right? So anal. Never really worked. Great in theory really unpleasant in practice.

Turns out others were trying to insert the wrong appendage. Related: I fucking love beards

e v e r y w h e r e

~~

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Sunday 10:40pm

From Princess

Yes I know you wanna know about KITCHEN BLOWUP 2.0, someday I'll tell you about v.1. It's complicated. There are feels. I can't take the vague, wishy washy, up in the air status. So it went kinda like this

Me: You want to "keep" me? Wtf does that even mean?? And how, via purchasing me??? Don't get me wrong, I like being spoiled. I'm not an idiot. But you don't even know me

He looked like I stabbed him. It was horrible

~~

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Sunday 10:42pm

From Princess

So I laid it all out: I lived in my car for a while in my 20s. Escaped an abusive ex after 8 yrs. Survived cancer at 26. Did 2 rounds of trade school just to be scraping by at like $15 an hour. That you just paid off like it was nothing. You try to protect me from you and your life. But you have no idea what I've already survived.

So here's the deal: You wanna keep me?? Then I get to keep you.

But it's everything. If I can't have everything then I don't want anything. And if it can't be ONLY me then I gotta go. I'm not a back up plan or a convenience.

~~

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Sunday 10:50pm

From Princess

At this point I'm scream-crying, gesticulating like I'm hysterical. He's collapsed on the floor at my feet looking like I just killed his dog. Only makes me worse. I'm demanding an answer right fucking now. This is a disaster.

~~

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Sunday 10:54pm

From Princess

He starts yelling about how he can't keep me if I'm dead. This isn't a fucking game and I'm just like Do I look like I'm playing right now?!?

Lisa, he was crying. Just kept repeating "She's right. She's fucking right. That bitch is right."

Head in his hands sobbing.

I couldn't. 

~~

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Sunday 10:59pm

From Princess

So I got down on my knees in front of him and reached for his hands. Just like the first blowup. I was terrified because he's obviously not in control and like I don't know the things he does but I Know. And the PTSD from ex… but I finally got him to look at me and asked him to just Tell Me.

And he did.

~~~

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Monday 12:04am

From Princess

If you had told me that night in the club that any of this would happen. That this man was capable of everything these past 10 months have brought. I would've taken you to the hospital myself.

He collapsed on me and was just begging me "Don't go don't go. Please stay. Stay just for now. Please. No one else no one."  I have a lot to consider. Probably gonna be quiet for a few days. I'll text you when things calm down. He's asleep on my chest right now

~~~

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Monday 12:10am

From Princess

I mean 10 months...how many weekends have I been up here? 12? 16? And only twice did I reach out first and ask. I have stuff here. You saw the closet section. Every time I arrive there's coke and ketchup in the fridge. My face wash and toothbrush and a huge bottle of gel in the bathroom. Last time here he gave me the safe combo???

~~~

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Monday 12:14am

From Princess

YES THE SODA JFC

I mean, I've never seen ...other… in the fridge. I don't think it needs to be refrigerated???

I Don't Know Okay

~~~

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Monday 6:40am

From Princess

Woke up around 5 and he was just staring at me from like 2 inches away. He left once he realized I was awake. I didn't follow. He still hasn't come back to bed yet. Should I go find him?

~~~

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Monday 11:38am

From Princess

Found him on the couch. Coffee table covered in vast array of firearms. Did not realize there were so many in this penthouse. Little uncomfortable. But I'm a fast learner with good mechanical skills so now I can do gun stuff. Please don't ask me about it

~~~

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Monday 11:41am

From Princess

Ok yesss. We had the stupid movie cliche moment of big tough guy stands behind damsel to teach some physical skill. Gawd.

...yeah doing it feels better than watching. You happy now???

~~~

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Monday 2:28pm

From Princess

Mood swing. He declared vengeance on behalf of his closet. I have worn too many shirts. This cannot continue. ????? Stay tuned

~~~

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Monday 2:59pm

From Princess

This man runs the largest distribution enterprise in the western hemisphere.

Currently stuck in one of my $6 tank tops from Target. 

~~~

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Monday 4:17pm

From Princess

I'm out a tank top. And a thong. Go ahead and just think about that

...But I'm still wearing one of his shirts :-D

~~~

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Monday 5:48pm

From Princess

Instead of admitting defeat he decided to forcibly remove the shirt from me. Since I have to be difficult, I ran. If this place wasn't soundproof there would be so many police here.

What level of fucked up is it to enjoy screaming No!, while struggling, not less than 3 sec prior to orgasm??

~~~

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Monday 5:52pm

From Princess

The scale only goes to 10. You don't gotta be a bitch. Damn

~~~

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Monday 8:17pm

From Princess

14 days will be up this Thursday. But they're talking about extending it, really bad here. I'm scared. Gonna try a drink, maybe ativan because I'm starting to freak out.

~~~

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Monday 9:57pm

From Princess

Watching the news and I just sorta came unglued.  Diego not really a soft/gentle guy (obvs) but once I got thru a blubber-cry explanation of immuno-compromised and cancer treatment I got full lap cuddles. I want this every time I'm upset. Warm and solid and big hands and soft nuzzles and scratchy velvet cheek kisses. Feel so tiny and safe

~~~

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Monday 11:40pm

From Princess

Think I'm fukced up. Everything feels good. Petting all the things

~~~

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Monday 11:44pm

From Princess

I'm fiiiiine. One drink. Once ativan. Thats it

~~~

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Monday 11:49pm

From Princess

Omgod ill be fine it's good donot call me

~~~

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Monday 11:55pm

From Princess

What are fiddlesticks? Like the worrd not a instrument accessory?why do we say that

~~~

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Tuesday 7:42am

From Princess

Holy shit I slept so good. I looked back thru the texts. Wtf was I doing?? I don't remember any of this

~~~

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Tuesday 8:32am

From Princess

He's giving me that all teeth smile. I'm very suspicious. And surprisingly not horny?? Am I dying?

~~~

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Tuesday 9:46am

From Princess

Have been informed that I was very adorable last night. I'm afraid to learn his definition of adorable

~~~

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Tuesday 10:12am

From Princess

Omg he has 3 hours of video

~~~

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Tuesday 11:17am

From Princess

I spent 45 min yelling about Pluto planet status being revoked and the kilogram definition being forever altered. He was very invested in the 2nd part. Legit academic discussion

~~~

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Tuesday 11:49am

From Princess

Next part: I decided to make a fried egg sandwich. He started recording like a cooking show. I almost lit my hair on fire.

~~~

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Tuesday 11:57am

From Princess

Oh I see where everything went wrong. I had 1 drink and 1 ativan. Then I finished his drink. Then I drank his replacement. Why tf did he let me do that??

"You were so cute! How could I say no to this face, bonita?"

...I will remember that

~~~

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Tuesday 12:13pm

From Princess

Apparently we exchanged playlists. This is not good

~~~

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Tuesday 12:28pm

From Princess

Omg I revealed the Murder Panther Sugar Daddy title. Oh fuck. Shit shit shit

~~~

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Tuesday 12:42pm

From Princess

I spent 40 min petting him all over while listing everything I liked and why. He is going to be insufferable for forever after this

~~~

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Tuesday 1:22pm

From Princess

Lisa. Lisa. Holy shit. He said we made a porno. I laughed. He fucking narrated an opening to it. I am dying  I am going to die   I am dead

Him, offscreen: Diego and Bicki make a Porno!

Me, onscreen, twerking on the bed in lace bra

Me: eeeeeeeeeeeeeee ASS AND TITTIES!!!

Diego pops into shot, giggling: Pretty Princess Pussy!!

The whole thing just dissolved into shaky blur and us laughing hysterically

~~~

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Tuesday 1:24pm

From Princess

No I'm not sharing it. What is wrONG WITH YOU??????

~~~

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Tuesday 3:44pm

From Princess

It… did not go the way I thought it would. And apparently he had not watched it either because we were both surprised.

That. Was not sex. Seeing the soft slow with emotions from the outside was pretty damning.

That was lovemaking

~~~

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Tuesday 6:32pm

From Princess

I'm locked in the bathroom. Everything is fucked.

I just… I just hid my face and said "I want to go home." Like a fucking coward hiding behind my hair, I took off upstairs and now I'm here. It's been a long time. I'm still alone

~~~

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Tuesday 6:39pm

From Princess

No shit Sherlock, I know I have intimacy issues.

Men don't love me. Sure I'm fun to fuck for a while. But they don't take a poor fat girl home. Come on, you've seen it firsthand. Clearly, since here I still am by myself

~~~

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Tuesday 6:42pm

From Princess

I don't know what I was thinking. I don't belong here. Guess I'll just ride out the last 2 days then come home

~~~

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Tuesday 6:45pm

From Princess

I think Julio is here. I can hear their voices but can't make out the words

Oh no his sister is here. They're yelling in Spanish, I can't catch any of it

~~~

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Tuesday 10:14pm

From Princess

They screamed for a while, then she finally left. Been silent ever since. I don't know if he's still here

~~~

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Tuesday 10:40pm

From Princess

He's definitely still here. There's a tantrum going on

~~~

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Wednesday 12:32am

From Princess

Fell asleep in the closet corner again. Except when I woke up he was wedged in there with me

Me: … um

Diego: I think I see why you do this

Then he went to sleep on me

~~~

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Wednesday 5:48am

From Princess

Have been talking since 3. Still in the closet.

~~~

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Wednesday 7:10am

From Princess

I'm coming home when this is over. I need some time and space to think. 

~~~

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Wednesday 7:12am

From Princess

Is that even the right term? Do you 'break up' with a sugar daddy???? 

~~~

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Wednesday 7:13am

From Princess

NO I WANT TO KEEP HIM

BITCH I WILL STAB YOU

~~~

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Wednesday 7:16am

From Princess

Gonna shower and go to bed. You mention that last text and I literally will stab you. BFF or not

~~~

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Wednesday 4:40pm

From Princess

Just listened to an hour of descriptions of Mexico.

I am… tempted

~~~

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Wednesday 6:54pm

From Princess

I'm flying home Friday, they just lifted the travel ban here.

~~~

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Wednesday 6:59pm

From Princess

No, no one is happy here. We're both clingy disasters today

~~~

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Wednesday 7:17pm

From Princess

Went downstairs. It's a war zone. We came back upstairs 

~~~

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Thursday 6:19am

From Princess

Couldn't sleep so I'm packing. Diego is watching me from the bed with the biggest, saddest puppy dog eyes in existence.

Effect kinda ruined because I can see his bare ass

~~~

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Thursday 6:22am

From Princess

Why would you ask me that? You know he's an exhibitionist 

~~~

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Thursday 6:23am

From Princess

I can't decide if you're the Best or the Worst BFF ever. Gawd

~~~

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Thursday 6:25am

From Princess

...IMAGE LOADING…

~~~

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Thursday 6:27am

From Princess

Yeah. You see my dilemma now???

~~~

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Thursday 6:28am

From Princess

Yes I bite it! What is wrong with you today???

~~~

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Thursday 6:43pm

From Princess

He spent entire day attached to me. I..??? What do I do with a clingy cartel boss drug lord?? Its too much

~~~

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Friday 8:52am

From Princess

I'm on the plane. He rode here with me. Looked so… broken. Feel like a monster. But I'm scared

~~~

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Friday 1:45pm

From Princess

Lisa. LISA. LISA.

I'm home but but he. Omg

~~~

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Friday 2:38pm

From Princess

There's a tiny stuffed panther in my bag with a note:  I just want to be with you

My very own Tiny Murder Panther 

[generic-blog-name-69]

Could you do a Race Higgins x reader where the reader is Spots younger sister and he’s super protective (along with the rest of the Brooklyn boys)? I know it’s kind of a cliche one lol but I love the big brother trope for him :)

A/n: Sure! This got a lot later than I originally thought it was going to be. I also combined this with another idea that I had, I hope that’s okay! I hope you enjoy! Also, this is unedited so read at your own risk.

Words: 3,298 ----------------

“Zebra escapes the zoo! Get the story right here!” you called out in a desperate attempt to sell more papes. The headline was garbage today, as usual, and you were trying everything you could to sell even ten. After all, you were saving up for dance lessons. Well, you, your brother, Spot Conlon, and the other Brooklyn newsies. 

Eventually, you managed to sell your last pape, and you started to head back to the Brooklyn Newsboy Lodging House. Normally, girls weren’t allowed to be newsies, but since your big brother was the King of Brooklyn, they made an exception.

“Hey, (y/n),” some of the newsies called out in greeting.

“Hey.”

You walked up and put what money you weren’t going to need for dinner or breakfast in the “dance jar”, which was just a normal jar, but it was where the newsies put whatever money they could spare to help pay for your dance lessons. After a couple of months of doing this, the jar was almost to the top. You loved your newsie family. 

You went over to your bed to read for a bit before dinner. A shadow fell across you, and you looked up to see your older brother staring down at you, grinning. 

“Hey, Spot. What’s up?” you asked, slightly confused. He didn’t grin much, so you wondered what was going on. 

“Hey, (y/n).” He sat down on the bed, still smiling. You went back to reading, thinking that if he wanted to tell you something, he would tell you. 

Several minutes later, however, he still hadn’t told you anything, and you could feel him staring at you. 

You sighed and put down your book. “If there’s something you want to tell me, just say it.”

When Spot continued to just grin at you, you added, “Is there something you want to tell me?

He scooted closer to you and showed you a handful of coins. “Guess what we have enough money for,” he prompted.

You felt your eyes widen as you squeaked out: “Dance lessons?” He nodded. You squealed with delight, getting off your bed and jumping up and down. The other newsies were laughing at you, but you didn’t care. You were going to have dance lessons!

“The first lesson is tomorrow, right after dinner.” Spot had also stood up.

“Can you wait that long?” Hotshot teased gently. Everyone laughed, including you, but you could see Spot getting a little defensive. You put your hand on his arm and softly said, “Hey.” He looked at you, and apparently could see that you weren’t mad. He calmed down a little bit and took a breath. You smiled at him and went back to reading, although your mind was focused on the dance lessons. What would your teacher be like? Would the class like you? 

Stop it, you told yourself. I’m going, and who cares if they don’t like me? My brother’s the King of Brooklyn. 

You eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep, full of excitement for the next day. 

You practically bounced into the dance studio. You were so excited! You glanced around at your new classmates. Many of them were girls, but there were a few boys there. One in particular caught your eye. He had curly, dirty-blond hair, and piercing bright blue eyes. He looked your way, and you immediately dropped your gaze to the floor. In his dance bag, there was a packet of cigars. You didn’t smoke yourself, but you knew of a few newsies who did. 

Of course, you didn’t know if this guy was a newsie. He looked about your age, maybe a year or two older. You decided to risk looking up again, only to see that he was still looking at you. He grinned and started walking towards you. 

“Hey,” he said, grinning. 

“Hey.”

“So, you’se is takin’ dance classes?” He talked like the Brooklyn newsies did, but he had a slight accent that you had heard somewhere before. If only you could remember where…

“Huh? Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, I am.” You mentally scolded yourself about how stupid that sounded. The boy didn’t seem bothered, though. He grinned again and stuck out his hand. 

“The name’s Racetrack. Racetrack Higgins. Well, my real name is Anthony, but you’se can call me Race.” He winked at you, sending a swarm of butterflies into your stomach. It was all you could do to shake his hand.

“I’m- Manhattan!” You suddenly remembered where you had heard Racetrack’s accent before. It was the accent of a Manhattan newsie, who were pretty much the Brooklyn newsies sworn enemies. 

“You’re Manhattan?” Race asked teasingly. 

You blushed. “No, I- My name is (y/n). I was trying to figure out where I had heard your accent before.”

“Sure, Manhattan. Whatever you say.” He winked at you again. 

Before you could think of a witty reply, the music started, indicating that it was time to start the class. You and Race drifted over to the ballet bar. 

An hour later, you were a sweaty mess, but you knew that you had finally found your passion. You were grinning from ear to ear, eager to get home to tell Spot all the amazing things that had happened. 

“Hey, Manhattan,” said a voice from behind you, making you jump.

“Oh, Race. It’s you,” you said, calming down when you saw his bright blue eyes. I could very easily get lost in those eyes, you thought. 

“So, where do you live? I’ll walk you home,” he offered. 

“Oh, I- I don’t think that would be a good idea.” You immediately regretted your words when you saw the hurt look on Race’s face.

“Why not?”

“Well, I- uh, I…” You didn’t want to tell him that you lived in Brooklyn; that was sure to make him hate you. However, you didn’t have any choice but to tell him when he turned away from you. 

“I’m a Brooklyn newsie. I don’t think the others would take kindly to a Manhattan newsie on their turf,” you blurted out. Race turned back to you, looking confused, but now intrigued. 

“I never knew no girl newsie before.” He took a step towards you again. “Why’d they let you be one?”

You swallowed. “My brother’s Spot Conlon.”

Race looked shocked, then took a step away from you. 

“I- I’ll see you next week, (y/n).” Then he took off running. 

You trudged back to the Brooklyn Lodging House, your good spirits somewhat crushed. Why did he have to leave like that? You sighed. If only you weren’t from Brooklyn. If only your brother wasn’t the most feared newsie in New York. If only…

Stop it, you scolded yourself. I could “if only” all day, but that isn’t going to change the fact that Racetrack Higgins, is scared of my big brother. 

The door creaked as you opened it. You walked into the room, letting your heavy footfalls ring out. As soon as you entered the bunk room, you were greeted with a dozen voices all calling out greetings. 

“(y/n)!”

“Hey!”

“Look, (y/n)’s back!”

And there was your big brother, standing there, waiting for you. As mad as you were at him earlier, all the feelings of how amazing it felt to be dancing rushed back to you and you ran to hug him. 

“So it was good, then?” he laughed. 

“Oh, Spot, it was absolutely amazing!” You described what dancing was like, and you were so enthusiastic that some of the newsies asked you to teach you a few steps. You went to bed ecstatic, but you had no idea how much better your life would get in the morning. 

The next morning you got up to sell papers as usual. There was nothing off about your morning, except you having a bit of a spring in your step. The newsies all smiled at how happy you were. It was rare that any newsie had much to smile about, so when someone did, everyone was practically over the moon. 

By lunch you were longing to dance again. You couldn’t wait to get back into that studio, with the soft piano music floating in the air…

Before you knew it, you were dancing on the sidewalk. A small crowd had gathered to watch you, and when you were finished, everyone applauded. You blushed and picked up your pile of papers. A lot of the crowd, upon seeing that you were a newsie, bought a pape from you, sometimes paying extra. By the end of the day you were in an even better mood then you were that morning. 

You walked into the lodge in a better mood than you were normally in. It was the kind of happiness that is impossible to not be happy around, and soon all the other newsies were smiling too. 

Spot suddenly walked in smiling, and kissed you on the cheek. You smiled back at him, a little confused. He moved his hand slightly, drawing attention to the fact that he was holding something.

“What’s that?” You asked, intrigued.

“Oh, this?” He teased, holding up an envelope. “I don’t know, what is it?”

“Come on, Spot, give it to me!” You stood up, making a grab for the envelope. He tried to hold it out of your reach, but, him being so short, it was not hard for you to grab it.

You opened it and found a large pile of coins inside. You looked at your older brother disbelievingly. 

“Is this-”

“Enough money for the next month of dance lessons. I thought you’d like it.”

You squealed and hugged him. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Everyone else was smiling, too. For newsies who didn’t have much to be happy about, you seemed to have an abundant amount of happiness over the past few days. 

The month flew by. Ballet lessons ended, and the next month was about to begin. 

You walked into the now familiar studio, no longer worried about what the others would think of you. You didn’t have much of a chance to talk anyway, only before and after class. Race had avoided talking to you after the first week, and you couldn’t help but be discouraged about what it meant for his feelings for you. He had shown some interest in you, right? Whatever might have been there once clearly wasn’t there now, however.  

 You sighed. You could spend all day thinking about this, and it would get you nowhere. You pulled yourself out of your thoughts in time for your instructor to announce the next type of dance you would be learning: ballroom dance.

“I will give each of you a partner, and they will be your partner for the rest of the month. You will do all your ballroom dancing with them. Now, here are your partners.” She proceeded to read off the names of the people who would be partnering with each other.

You couldn’t help but glance at Race. How awesome would it be if he was your partner? You would be dancing together for a whole month! 

“(y/n) and Racetrack.” The instructor continued on with the list of names, but to you it didn’t matter. It was all you could do to keep from squealing. This was what you had imagined! 

You glanced at him again. He had started walking over to you! Your mind suddenly took you back to the first day that you met him.

“So, you’se is takin’ dance classes?”

“Huh? Oh, oh yeah. Yeah, I am.”

“The name’s Racetrack. Racetrack Higgins. Well, my real name is Anthony, but you’se can call me Race.” He winked.

You pulled out of your flashback just in time for him to slide up next to you.

“So, we’s partners.”

“Yeah, yeah we are.”

The instructor demonstrated what you were going to do, and the music started. 

“May I have this dance?” he asked with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, taking a slight bow.  You could feel yourself blush as you started the dance. 

Race was a really good ballet dancer. But he was an amazing ballroom dancer. He glided across the floor, taking you with him. His movements were like liquid, but at the same time he was solid and sturdy to hold on to. You found yourself wishing that this moment would never end. 

You came back to the lodging house with your head in the clouds, replaying the class over and over in your head. 

The two weeks that followed were a sort of magical blur, with each class being better than the last. You and Race grew closer everyday, to the point where you thought that you might be slightly more than friends. At least, you hoped to be. 

This class was no different from the rest: Race danced with his usual unearthly beauty, taking you along with him. 

After the class ended, Race walked up to you, which was normal. After the first month, he had started talking to you again after class. You had no idea why he had stopped talking to you, but you thought that it probably had something to do with the fact that you had Spot as your brother. The only thing out of the ordinary today was that Race seemed a bit nervous about something.

“Hey, ah, (y/n).” He ran a finger through his hair and breathed out. You raised a single, questioning eyebrow; he never called you by your real name. 

“Hey.” 

“Um… I was wondering… if, ah….” He ran another finger in his hair. This was a shock. Race normally couldn’t shut up. 

He suddenly sat down dejectedly. “Ne’ermind, it’s stupid anyway.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you said, perking up. “What is it?”

He turned to look you in the eyes, and you were struck again by how blue his eyes were.  He looked back at the floor, leaving you breathless. 

“Doyouwannagooutwithme?” He looked at you again and you saw fear in his eyes. He was afraid of what would happen between you two. And honestly, you were too.

You swallowed, considering everything. What would Spot say? What would happen to your friendship if you said no? If you said yes? This is what you wanted, wasn’t it?

Slowly, you nodded. You looked up and saw the shock in Race’s eyes, and you nodded more vigorously. Before you knew it, you were practically jumping. 

“Yes!” you said. Race was laughing, with relief or delight, you weren’t sure. He grabbed your hand and together you walked out of the studio. 

Two hours later you walked back to the lodge, the happiest you had felt yet. You were singing softly to yourself as you entered the lodge. Your elation evaporated when you saw your older brother. He was standing in the doorway, arms crossed, all five feet four inches absolutely terrifying. 

“Where were you?” he demanded. You swallowed. You decided to ignore his question for the time being by setting down your stuff and crossing to your bed. There were no other newsies in the room; it was just you and Spot. 

“I asked you a question.” he stepped closer to the bed. 

You sighed and laid back on your bed. “I was on a date.”

You knew that that was the wrong thing to say. You could feel him practically explode next to you. 

“You. Were. WHAT?!” 

You started to answer again, but he waved you off. He started pacing the room, asking more questions. 

“Where did you go? Who was it with?”

Since you just going on a date made him practically explode, you decided that you couldn’t tell him that it had been with a Manhattan newsie, in Manhattan. 

“It was with a guy I met in my dance class.” There. That wasn’t the whole truth, but it wasn’t a lie either. 

Spot was breathing really heavily, and you thought that he might actually explode. You felt your emotions rising, too.

“What does it matter to you, though, Spot? It’s not your place to be in control of my life.”

“Yes, yes it is!” he practically screamed. “As your older brother, I have every say of how your life should go! And you know what, I was going to pay for the next month of dance lessons, too. But now I am definitely not!”

You felt your cheeks reddening. “Well you know what? Maybe I- I didn’t want to go next month anyway!” It was a lie. Those dance lessons were everything to you. But you didn’t need Spot to know that. 

However, he could tell it was a lie and called you out on it.

“Ha! You couldn’t live without those lessons.”

“Maybe I couldn’t, but I definitely can live without living here.”

You turned and stormed out of the lodging house. 

---------------------

“That was a bit harsh, Spot.” The rest of the newsies had come back in, after hearing the whole argument from the other room. 

Spot sighed and ran a finger through his hair. 

“I know,” he said slightly shakily. He turned and looked at the newsie who had spoken. “But she’s the only family I have left, and I can’t bear to lose her.”

---------------------

You didn’t know where you were going until you got there. Half an hour later,  you knocked on the door of the Manhattan Newsboy Lodging House. You smoothed your hair and bit your lip, both things you did when you were nervous. 

A newsboy you didn’t know answered the door and looked at you questioningly. 

“Can I help you?” he asked.

“Is… is Race here?”

The newsie nodded and gestured for you to follow him. The Manhattan Lodge looked a lot like the Brooklyn Lodge. You wound your way through a sea of newsies, all of who gave you questioning looks. Eventually you saw him. Racetrack Higgins. You couldn’t help yourself. You ran and threw yourself into his arms. He was surprised at first, but as soon as he recognized you he hugged you back. It was too much for you. You started to cry.

“Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” he asked, gently patting you on the back. 

“I… I ran away.”

He pulled away to look at you, with tears streaming down your face, your eyes red and your nose running. You knew you must look like a mess, but at the moment, you didn’t care. 

“Why?” he asked, wiping away your tears with his thumb. 

“Spot got real mad at me ‘cause he found out we…” you hesitated, not sure that he wanted the others to hear. He took the hint and asked for a bit of privacy.

“So Spot got mad at you?” he asked once they were all in different rooms. You nodded. 

“You… you wanna stay here for tonight?”

You looked up at him. “You mean it?”

He wiped away more of your tears. “Of course! I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t.”

You tackle-hugged him again, so thankful that he was here.  

Twenty minutes later, and after much debate, you were in Race’s bed. He had insisted on sleeping on the floor. You tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep. Sometime, around midnight you guessed, it got really cold. You started shivering in your blankets, so you couldn’t imagine how Race was. You decided to check. You rolled over again and looked down to see him staring at the ceiling. 

“Race,” you whispered. He looked at you. You pat the bed next to you. He didn’t hesitate; he climbed right in next to you. The poor boy was freezing! You moved closer to him to share your body heat, and he wrapped his arm around you. 

Spot or no Spot, you thought to yourself, there’s nothing that could take this boy away from you. 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #343

“i slither like a viper and get you by the neck  /  i know a thousand ways to help you forget about her”

What's your favorite kind of bear? I don't really know. I just like bears. Have you ever sent a FWD because you were afraid? Ha, yup, as a little kid. Would you ever date more than one person at a time? Nooooo sir. Have you ever rebounded... or been someone's rebound? No. What’s the biggest argument you’ve ever had with a family member? Did things ever go back to how they were beforehand? My grandmother cursed me the fuuuuck out one night as a kid because I was in a mood and didn't tell my mother goodnight. I still remember being called an ungrateful bitch with her like an inch from my face, and admittedly, I was being rude because I wanted to go home, but it kinda scarred me for life. For the remainder of her life, I was always sort of on edge around her and was convinced she didn't like me. Have you ever experienced some kind of natural disaster? I've been through lots of hurricanes. None that massively affected my life, though. If you have pets, do you feed them human food or do they just get regular pet food? If they do get human food, what’s their favorite thing to have? Venus is a snake, so she obviously doesn't get food meant for humans. Roman is very well-trained to not beg or make a move for people's food; he tried once as a kitten, and giving him a pop taught him right away. Have you ever been in a physical fight? Who won? No. What’s the mode of transport that you take or use the most? The car. Mom's, specifically. Have you ever had a zoo keeper experience or anything where you’ve been able to go behind the scenes and look after/feed the animals? No, but I wish. :( Would you ever want the responsibility of being a politician or a similar position of power? NOOOOOOO. What’s something your parents do that really annoys you? Mom is *always* right, pretty much indisputably. And she WILL have the last word. Dad, meanwhile, can be pretty rude to people. I don't think he realizes it half the time, but still. It's not an excuse. What is your main source of anxiety? Social interactions. What’s your favorite 90s cartoon? Pokemon. Describe the moment you realized you were falling in love with someone. I'd rather not. What’s your favorite sparkling water brand/flavor? I've never tried sparkling water. What’s your favorite makeup brand/brands? I don't have a favorite, considering I don't wear it nearly enough and have never even bought my own. I just use whatever Mom buys. What are some female names you would name a baby? Alessandra is my favorite for sure. I also love Anneliese, Justine, Evelyn, Chloe, Evangeline, Quinn... There's a lot. What about male? Severin is my favorite, and I also like Damien, Vincent, Victor, and Luther. Do you have any subscription boxes? No. What fictional creature would you like as a pet? I want a dragon, goddammit. Idc if it can breathe fire ok I want a dragon. Ewoks are also the one and only thing I enjoy from Star Wars. What kind of dwelling do you live in? Just a one-story house. Is there anyone you work with that you don't get along with? Why? N/A Do you have an opinion on adopting/purchasing a pet? PLEASE adopt, especially with cats and dogs, given the number of strays. Purebreds tend to have so many underlying issues, and besides, it's just a LOT of money for an animal that probably wouldn't outlive a mutt. Don't feed the machine if you can. What's your favorite chain restaurant? The Cheesecake Factory or Olive Garden. Why were you last pulled over? I’ve never been pulled over before. What was the last thing you've done on the water? Just kinda swam around a bit in the ocean. It was so warm, totally like a bath. I do NOT miss that sun poisoning, though. Are you cool with swimming in a lake? I think I'd do it if someone invited me to, and the lake didn't look filthy, of course. Do you have a drone? No. What's your favorite hole-in-the-wall restaurant? We have this tiny, local Mexican place that's really good. I don't know the name of it, and I wouldn't share it for obvious reasons. What do you order from there? Chips and salsa of course, along with a shrimp and cheese quesadilla, and finally their cheesy rice. What's your favorite ice-cream flavor? Depending on my mood, it bounces between vanilla with chocolate syrup or just plain chocolate. Do you have any t-shirts from any local businesses? No. Do you listen to any talk shows or podcasts? I used to listen to Mark, Bob, and Wade's podcast, but I'm like... ten months behind, haha. What's something someone calls you that you find endearing? I like "love" a lot. What's your favorite children's book? I loved books like The Rainbow Fish, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Stellaluna, 10 Minutes 'til Midnight, What Makes a Rainbow?, Chrysanthemum, etc. Is there a new season for a series you're excited to come out? Meerkat Manor comes back this summer, and I am fucking HYPED. How old are you? I'm 25. What is something unique you enjoy about the one you like/love? I tease her about it all the time, but it's really cute that she keeps all of her snakes' good sheds in her room. Proud reptile mom. Are you more liberal or conservative? I'm close to the middle, but I lean towards being more liberal, and I seem to go more that way with time. Do you watch American Horror Story? I used to. I saw the entire first season and really liked it, and then I almost finished the second, but I lost interest. The story got a bit stupid imo. I'd be willing to watch other seasons, though. Does your hometown have any urban legends/scary stories? None that I’m aware of. The people there are scary enough. What's the scariest nightmare you remember having? Let's not talk about it. Are you medicated? Uh very. Are there any apps you're addicted to? Nah. Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? It was initially a bunny holding a polka-dotted blanket, then it become a moose I got from Cabela's when in Ohio. Do you still collect stuffed animals? Only meerkat ones. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? Haha I've worn Jason's pj pants before and they just kinda... became mine, lol. What's the last movie you watched at home? The Shining, I believe. What's the last movie you watched in theaters? The CGI remake of The Lion King. I still don't get why it was received so badly. Have you ever had eggs cooked over a campfire? I don't think so, no. If you do drink, what's your favorite alcoholic beverage? Margaritas, generally. However, Sara's dad made me this absofuckinglutely incredible chocolate drink before that tasted like a milkshake. It had like, no alcohol flavor, which worked out well for me considering I very much dislike that taste. Are there any songs you've been listening to repetitively lately? There's a new one every day lately, haha. Today it's Halocene's cover of "Love Bites (So Do I)." Cereal, granola, or oatmeal? Cereal. What TV shows did you grow up watching? You gotta gimme an age group... but I'd say the typical stuff for kids of that time. What does your phone case look like? It's just a boring purple that came with it. What were your favorite toys to play with as a child? I looooved playing with my "family" of a father crocodile, a mother deer, their two "children" (a fawn and smaller croc), and "friends" that were little Pokemon figurines. Then there was an evil t-rex with two stupid sidekicks, haha. I can't remember what dinosaurs they were. What's the most embarrassing thing you can ever remember doing? Hold on, lemme find my book. Do you remember what you dreamt about last night? I only very faintly recall dreaming about my cat Roman. Have you ever done anything embarrassing in a dream? Thank FUCK they're just dreams. Do you vape? Nah. What was a song you loved as a child? So uh. Apparently. I loved "Dookie" by Green Day. It's an undying story from Mom about how it came on once at a putt-putt place and I apparently started yelling "dookie!" and dancing. Do you enjoy the Arctic Monkeys? Yeah, I love some of their songs. Are you going to see Finding Dory? You bet your sweet ass I saw it. I've cried everytime I've watched it. Have you ever been horseback-riding? I have not, but I would love to. When was your last piercing? Whenever I got my tragus done, which I can't remember. What did your first crush look like? I don't remember my puppydog love first crush, but I can talk about my first REAL crush, Sebastian. He's a skinny dude with short, brown hair and a lip piercing... I can't remember which kind. He dressed in an emo style, and Facebook pictures at least suggest he still kind of does, I think. Is your body more curvy or flat? Well, I'm not at all skinny, so... What's your least favorite holiday? Probably Christopher Colombus Day, honestly. You didn't discover shit. Don't pretend to me it's worth celebrating in a clean conscience. if you’re having a boring day what do you usually do? If I'm rock-bottom bored, quite honestly, I normally nap, even though I know I shouldn't. Do you turn to food when you're upset? Ugh, I'm admittedly an emotional eater. I got way better about it, and then I started up again. Is your bf/gf good with your parents? I don't have an s/o. Do you think soda should be served at school? Vending machines are fine I suppose, as I don't believe they should be free seeing as they're nothing but sugar content, and I feel schools shouldn't just hand that out to kids at lunch or something. Do dogs have feelings? They sure do. Are you afraid of snakes? Oh no! I adore them. I respect snakes and am going to give wild ones their space for sure considering I don't recognize every native venomous one, but nevertheless, I'm not afraid of them. They are so vital to the ecosystem and are incredibly fascinating animals that deserve our protection. On that note, PLEASE do not kill any snake you come across in your shed or whatever. Call someone to relocate the terrified thing. Favorite snack? It depends on what I'm in the mood for, really. Ever seen The Notebook? Read the book, seen the movie plenty of times. Do you think cussing is trashy? No. Who is the most famous person you’ve met, if any? Nobody. Do you own any animals that aren’t domestic? No. Have you ever feared that you would lose a body part? No. Do you like gore? Yeah, generally. Do you like to drink water? Ugh, I really don't. I wish I did. Have you ever had a wax? I used to get my eyebrows waxed. Do you have any sets of matching bras and underwear? No. Are you any good at improv? Not at ALL.