#LITERALLY I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING TODAY

[sahisan]

— curiousity killed the cat.

featuring . pm!dazai osamu.

tags . suggestive, so slight nsfw. civilian!gn!reader. dazai's a bit sick. just pmzai things yk (he's scary). weapons described (he has a gun). blood mentioned. gunplay mentioned (brief suggestive description). wc 1.8k.

author note . this is so random i don't even know if the paragraphs do well together bc i just poured my most random thoughts into it and i was sleepy and barely managed to proofread it. yep. i imagined mostly 20-22!pmzai here.

dazai hid many things. he hid them well; years of being on constant standby, awaiting, on guard about anything enemy or not related. he hid in the shadows no matter day or night, but the shadows didn't always necessarily mean him only scrambling around in narrow alleyways or in the safety of the headquarters—in reality, he spent little time in the latter, nor did he 'lurk in the shadows' often, unless on a mission.

he hid everything from everyone, including you; of course including you. and the thing that bothered him the most was you finding out about what he does. did. has done. keeps on doing every day. not only does he not want the port mafia's countless enemies to know about you, but dazai also dreads the thought of you getting even a little bit closer to the truth of what he does for a living. he thinks of how he might slip one day and just reveal his true nature, intentionally or not, and either let you be disgusted and scared or kill you immediately because you might report to the police; it bothers him in both ways.

dazai avoids the area of your home when out at work. he makes sure to put on some casual clothes before visiting your place. when things are bad, work routine and you colliding together closer to night, he makes sure to hold a small bottle of hydrogen peroxide in his inner pocket to quickly wash away the stains of blood from his clothes. he keeps a bit of cologne there as well, to hide the stench of blood he usually reeks of during the day—he doesn't even use cologne daily. if you need him right after work, he disposes of his weapons, giving them away to the underlings that follow his word.

everything is always under control.

like tonight. he'd had a "kill and dispose" assignment, after which he'd had to go to yours and spoil you with a movie night he promised you. ah, the long-awaited respite from everyday bloodshed.

yet he was still on guard; he always has been, but today was busy and rough and all he needed was your embrace and a movie as a background noise while he showered you with kisses and cuddled you with neverending hugs.

and dazai forgot.

already at your doorstep, already having ringed the bell by your front door when dazai looked down at himself and—

fuck.

there was a small but clear blood stain right next to his tie. ah. how great. he definitely won't have time to remove it, but he might try to win some time to divert your attention from it if you notice—and you will, if he doesn't do anything about it.

with the door opening, dazai threw himself at you, literally waltzing into your apartment, hip to hip, your left hand in his right and his left hand at your waist, he led you through the corridor in an almost hasty improvisation of a dance, causing his tie to sway just in the right direction and have you giving him a look that screamed "you and your antics again?". good.

"ah, you look especially divine tonight," he mused, nuzzling your neck and making you place your chin on his shoulder; very good, the stain was out of your sight at least for now, and he couldn't be happier about that. "i haven't had dinner yet but i already know what i want for dessert."

distract. distract and avert and keep away—best tactic of dazai's that rarely failed, and he was used to putting it to use everywhere he could, including you. you could be perceptive or gullible, didn't matter—it worked wonders on anyone and will continue working for as long as he wanted to.

dazai swayed you around a few more times, dancing his way into your living room while humming a nauseatingly sweet, random tune he made up in his head a second ago. hip against yours again, he let a content smirk wash over his lips.

a clank. soft, quiet sound of metal clanking once echoed through the room, and it was almost eerie silence aside from his barely audible humming just as his hipbone met yours.

that didn't sound good, considering the only thing on his hip was—

ah. dazai forgot two things tonight.

in reverie about cursing himself head to toe in his mind, he lost the sensation of your touch until it felt too suspicious and he was too late, you reaching for the side hem of his coat and tugging it away from his side to reveal it to the light. you were always so curious, and he couldn't tell whether it was bad or good for him in general.

the soft clink echoed once more as your fingers grazed the object, and his eyes narrowed. the gun. shit. in his distracted state, he'd forgotten to dispose of it along with wiping away the blood.

dazai's hand shot out from beneath the coat, and he knew he wasn't doing himself a favor by raising his hand to grab yours, only revealing the holster further, but he didn't necessarily give a shit right now. he ought to do more than care about the gun right now, like a proper boyfriend, first being calming you down and assuring you it's not loaded and isn't as scary as it looks and that you shouldn't be afraid and the second being change of course of the conversation so seamlessly that you forget about the weapon for the rest of the night at least (unfortunately, the last sentence never crossed his mind).

but when did dazai ever go according to an adequate plan?

his hand held yours in the air, palm gliding up and down your inner forearm, trying to, first, soothe every negative emotion that might come up on the surface of your face, as well as keeping your curious hand away.

"ah-ah-ah, how naughty," dazai purred, voice dripping with false sweetness even as his eyes glinted with dangerous amusement; what he was supposed to be doing absolutely slipped from his thoughts the second he sensed the quickening of your heartbeat and breath and the cautious halting and tensing of your body against his, and he was already getting hard just from this. sick. "what did i tell you about wandering hands, hmm?"

he ground his hips against yours once after that, letting you feel the growing hardness in his pants. distraction. that was the key. keep you focused on his body, on the pleasure he could give you, and you'd forget all about that pesky gun in no time.

“careful there, baby. wouldn’t want you to accidentally shoot yourself,” he said with a twisted, growing grin. his other hand, previously holding your left one, slid away from it to cup your cheek, thumb brushing along your jawline in a mockery of tenderness, visible eye looking down at your mouth.

"i'd hate to see those pretty lips marred by blood."

and yet, once he'd lifted his eyes up to yours, dazai could feel you tense under his touch, heart racing beneath your skin. he knew that look in your eyes, that widening of your pupils; he was all too familiar with it. fear. he had been so focused on the thrilling, twisted satisfaction the situation brought him momentarily, that he hadn't noticed how his actions were affecting you. his grip on your wrist loosened, his thumb tracing soothing circles on your inner wrist.

dazai sighed, deciding it was time to stop scaring you with both his demeanor and the weapon, even if it wasn't what he wanted right now at all; he had a switch to pull off, an appearance to keep up in front of you. ah, but how he'd love to prolong that moment for just a little longer: your fear palpable in the air, that scared glance you cast at him once, the trembling of your hands, hitch in your breathing and increase of your heartbeat.

maybe later.

"easy, easy," he murmured, voice low and soothing even as his mind raced. he tapped the holster twice. "it's not loaded, see?" a lie. "just a little souvenir," a lie. the gun was always loaded, ready to be drawn at a moment's notice, but you surely didn't need to know that. he'd already subjected you to more horror than a civilian would need to witness.

dazai leaned in closer, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he spoke. "you know i'd never be involved with these types of things and would never hurt you, right?" honey-sweet, dripping with false sincerity words. what he was absolutely best at was lying and manipulating, and he couldn't even control it anymore; if he needed you to believe, he will make you believe, one way or another.

"but you also shouldn't go poking around where you don't belong," he purred lowly with an audible dangerous lilt to his tone, lips now moving lower and ghosting over the sensitive skin of your neck. "who knows what kind of trouble you might find yourself in. curiosity killed the cat, you know. you never know when you'll be the cat. and I'm not sure i'd be able to live with myself if something happened to you."

dazai could try to keep you away from his sicko tendencies and mind and thoughts that were all over the place and mingled together; the thoughts of protecting you from all of this meeting the ones of putting that gun to better use that just shooting people. and right now, he was barely holding it all in.

think of it this way: the thoughts of keeping his precious favourite civilian away from the corrupted knowledge and pain and feeling you tremble in fear underneath him, with the barrel of his gun tracing over your bare skin and getting dangerously close to where you'd need him most? oh, did the latter make dazai's stomach contort with desire and hips buckle up into yours. he would have to think more clearly about this later when his head wasn't a wreck of everything at once, but now...

"you want to play with something hard, baby?" dazai murmured in the end, all sultry and beaming with desire. "i'll give you something much better than a piece of metal to wrap your pretty fingers around."

dazai was sick and his mind twisted and he didn't get how he could ever keep someone like you by his side, but he supposed it was fate; and for as long as fate was merciful to him, he would make good use of it.

"but behave, hmm?"

[natequarter]

🎉 yourbutchboyfriend Follow

considering changing my url but like what even to. yourbutchboyfriend?

💣 commiedyke Follow

DO ITTT

🎉 yourbutchboyfriend Follow

alright :3 here goes nothing

#anything for you

3 notes

🎉 yourbutchboyfriend Follow

man why does the doctor always act like i don't know what sex is? i'm 17 not 7 lol

🖋️ edwardianadvcnturess  Follow

He does the same with me! It's so utterly infuriating, why does he think just because I'm young I don't know what an orgy is?

🔫 thebrigadier Follow

I do believe he views all humans as deeply immature. I am nearing fifty now and he still patronises me whenever we meet.

❄️ icemaiden Follow

You're FIFTY??? No wonder the Doctor refuses to talk to you about such matters, that's practically cradle snatching. Or grooming.

⚰️ themaster Follow

hey didn't you lie about your age the first time you met the doctor? also you are literally 120. TIME TOT ☝️

❄️ icemaiden Follow

And you are literally a mass murderer. Go away.

⚰️ themaster Follow

you are like a little baby. watch this

*dies in his arms and he cries because he loves me unlike you who he could never love*

🎉 yourbutchboyfriend Follow

are you guys done yet or

#man what the fuck #is this like. time lord flirting

617 notes

🐧 coordinatorsupreme Follow

Tell me why the Rassilon character study I was just reading has an author's note that says "Sorry I haven't updated in decades, I got kidnapped and tortured by Daleks for twenty years!" Are all Mo3 users like this or is it just r*negades

🧶 elizabethtudor-blog Follow

Isn't this what happened to the president of Gallifrey?

🐧 coordinatorsupreme Follow

First of all, get off my post, I specifically have it in my DNI that humans are blocked on sight. Second of all,

WHAT?

👑 fred Follow

well what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament dare i ask

🐧 coordinatorsupreme Follow

None of those words are in the Matrix.

#What in Rassilon's name is a sacrament

132 notes

🗡️ worsthumanongallifrey Follow

it's always the little things in life. for example today i discovered that the writer behind all those doctor/romana fics on mo3 is none other than romana herself

#but does she write anything about me #nooo #no she does not

550 notes

📑 anordinaryjournalist Follow

Having a lovely coffee date with Harry to celebrate twenty years of the Doctor abandoning me! For some reason Harry hates it when I phrase things this way

📑 anordinaryjournalist Follow

Only 3 people died this time, it sounds terrible but I was hoping for something more interesting in all honesty

#the cafe didn't even explode or anything this time round #last time we had to pick up the dismembered bits of several corpses. much more fun #on the other hand Harry had to take his shirt off today (long story) #so that was fun #I mean it wasn't even really necessary but shhh he doesn't need to know that #eternally glad someone else is willing to put up with my nonsense (exploding fish-puma alien hybrids)

12 notes

🚬 fitz-crier Follow

nneed himmto fied merinto a pjper shrrder thrgn eastthe paper until wahts ke and whsts him is indenifinsble

📺 compassion Follow

I think he should not do that. Get help.

1 note

🏏 the--adventurer5 Follow

Repeat after me: your psychosexual obsession with an alien threat that wants to kill you is valid. Cosplaying as intergalactic mass murderers does not make you a bad person.

👑 fred Follow

if you make ONE MORE post glorifying cricket like this i may actually have to report you to the high council

🏏 the--adventurer5 Follow

Wait Romana I didn't mean it I'm sorry. I'll do anything. I'll unexplode Adric please don't report me to the High Council

👑 fred Follow

i'm not angry, i'm just disappointed.

✈️ donewiththisshit573 Follow

I'm angry! Stop fucking bringing up Adric when clearly none of you care about him!

⚰️ themaster Follow

what she said. be psychosexually obsessed with ME please please pretty please. i'll treat you right i won't report you to the high council i won't even kill you a little bit this time

🏏 the--adventurer5 Follow

You are pathetic.

#if you died right now I wouldn't even be sad I would be overjoyed

467,343 notes

[vivwritesfics]

The Pony Sleepover

Rhett isn't ready for his daughter to grow up

You looked at your husband, leaning into the back of the car. Sherlock had already been loaded into the trailer, ready to go. As soon as Rhett got out of the way, they would be off.

"Is he okay?" Asked Jack.

You shrugged your shoulders and leaned against the porch railing. "It's a big day for him," you answered and Jack gave a nod.

"Well," he began, checking the time on his watch. "I'll take good care of them and I have your number just in case."

You gave Jack a smile. He was a man you known for years, ten years your senior and the father of your daughter's best friend. This pony sleepover had been his idea. Molly and your daughter were in the back of the car, their ponies loaded into the trailer. Sherlock would be getting bored soon, you knew.

"I'll get him," you said to Jack and headed towards the car.

You knew Rhett meant well. He was the sweetest man in the world and he just wanted to do well by his little girl. "Call me any time and I'll come get you," Rhett was saying to her. "I'll bring the trailer for Sherlock. Or you can ride him back and we'll go and get your stuff later."

You saw your little girl roll her eyes at her father. "Rhett, honey," you said, your hand on his arm. "C'mon."

He released a sigh. "I love you, Winnie," he muttered as he stood up straight.

"Love you too, dad."

He stepped back from the car and pushed the door shut. His arm wrapped around you, arm raising in a wave as Jack drove them away. His eyes were fixed on the car until it was down the drive, away from your farmhouse, and disappearing into the distance.

Standing on your tiptoes, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Proud of you, papa," you whispered and Rhett tightened his grip on you.

Rhett had been the overprotective dad ever since you gave birth to Winnie. But she was his everything, his girl. His mini me, ever since she could walk. Even before she could talk, she was running across the ranch, following her dad into the barn to see the horses.

Every time Winnie had asked about going on a sleepover before, Rhett said 'No'. No, she was too young for her first sleepover.

But now she was thirteen. She had asked you first, knowing it would be up to you to convince him otherwise.

It took some convincing. Convincing with his favourite meal and sweet words whispered into his ear. Eventually, Rhett released a grumbled 'okay'.

But today was the day.

You took his hand and led him towards the house. You sat him down at the kitchen table and made him some lunch. "I really am proud of you for letting her go, Rhett," you said as you put his sandwich down in front of him. His phone was out in front of him, almost as if he was waiting for it to go off.

Waiting for Winnie to call to be picked up.

Your hands settled on his shoulders. Your fingers dug in, attempting a massage. He groaned as he threw his head back, eyes falling shut. "She's probably having a good time," you assured him as he opened his blue eyes to look at you. "Plus, she's literally next door."

Next door, of course, wasn't close. There were thousands of acres between you and next door.

Rhett grabbed you hand and pressed a kiss to your palm. "I know," he said quietly and pushed his chair back. He grabbed you and pulled you into his lap, his hands settling on your hips. "But you know I worry."

"'s what makes you such a good dad," you mumbled and moved your fingers through his hair. A groan left his lips, his eyes falling shut again. "The best dad."

Rhett released a sigh. "Our baby is getting older," he said, voice breaking slightly. "Not our baby anymore."

You shook your head and kissed him quickly, stopping him from saying anything more. "Honey, I love you, but shut up," you muttered against his lips. "Winnie is always gonna be our baby." You looked at him, trying to guess his reaction to what you were about to say next. "Besides, we could always have another."

You didn't mean to say it in that way. But you were so young when you had Winnie, neither of you ready to be parents. You adapted, though, overcame and became the best damn parents around. Rhett was born to be a dad.

He stared into you. If you didn't know him as well as you did, his stare would have been intimidating, terrifying. But this man loved you more than anything. "You wanna have another baby?" He asked, voice breaking ever so slightly.

You swallowed and nodded. Rhett tightened his grip on your hips. "Okay," he said. "Let's have another baby."

(for @nurse-floyd )

[starmage-constellar]

ok im not putting this in tags because this is too important to me but basically i got into vocal synths and stuff like. 2018-2019 ish. and the first non-miku synth i found out about was xingchen/stardust and i didn't even know anything about like, the chinese language or anything like that but i just really liked space aesthetics. and i also thought she was just so gorgeous and stuff but anyways xingchen basically became my #1 fave synth for a while

but then i had this phase in like 2020 where i was OBSESSED with korean media and so i found out about UNI and seeu and naturally iwas like "tch... seeu's overrated UNI'S MY GIRL. SEND POST!!" and i scraped youtube for as much uni content as i could (in english because i was lazy) and so UNI became one of my faves too

now you might be sensing a pattern here where im insane about the more obscure vocal synth voices. and so of course. at some point. i find xin hua. and her design was like. It Spoke To Me. and then i listened to some popular songs with her and i fell in love. and just- everything about her? i love her so much? and now she's literally my number one all time favorite vocaloid no questions asked no competition no nothing she beats out your faves inmy brain. Xin Hua is my Girl.

that being said. this fanart. as simple as it is. incited a very emotional reaction out of me and ive never felt this way towards any sort of vocaloid fanart in the world. and i feel like maybe this piece was crafted for me to find In This Moment. thank you asker thank you op thank you universe for aligning the stars. this fanart is going on the fridge in my brain. do you SEE THEM. DO YOU SEE MY GIRLS HANGING OUT TOGETHER RIGHT THERE??? THOSE ARE MY GIRLS THEY MADE ME WHO I AM TODAY. AND XIN HUA MY DAUGHTER MY LOVE MY BELOVED SHES IN THE CENTER OF IT ALL.

could you draw uni or xin hua or xingchen please? :)

All three are friends, dont @ me

[rinbylin]

"what is the image of the ideal person..."

[fox-guardian]

top ten reasons people should be allowed to give retail workers tips:

they already want to

[magentagalaxies]

.

[fragglerockopinions]

.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

[sn0wbat]

had a slow day at work today, so i kept doodling my vampire ocs on my phone while waiting for work to do lmao

[archduke-enver-gortash]

ahaha remember that fucking appointment for the mental hospital. so apparently they got it wrong and i'm actually supposed to be admitted today when i was clearly told that it was just an evaluation interview but of course nobody fucking believes me. treating me like i'm a crazy idiot. it was not a misunderstanding i may be crazy but i have functioning ears. well! extremely stressful i will never return here

[salsflore]

everyday i wake up and have to start a new boss challenge called dealing with my mother

[the-casbah-way]

i suppose i owe it to myself to not die but also to stop talking myself out of things that might make me happier because i would be a much better person for everyone around me if i were able to navigate the world in the way i want to because insecurity and bitterness and constant suicidalness do just make you not as kind sometimes i think. i would like to be confident enough in myself to speak and be seen and therefore be as kind as i feel i am on the inside. i hold back so many things because i am scared of being perceived so maybe if i let myself do the things that will help me be ok with being perceived then i will put more good out into the world. i always get hung up on the fact that i so badly want to be good and kind and i care so so much about other people but as it stands currently most people would not really bother too much if i wasn't here anymore because i'm so cut off from everything emotionally and physically. someone send me c.300 quid so i can pay for therapy and you can stop being subjected to posts such as these, by the way.

[fangsandmysparetime]

hope ur doing okay 🫂🫂🫂 have this to help u

G I love you thank you so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[guinevereslancelot]

oughhhh new boss hasn't even fully taken over yet but she seems so incompetent 😬

[koka-mi]

I both love and hate how I resort to sleeping every time I'm stressed and/or things just aren't going very good </3