#LIKE YEAH THAT WHOLE MONOLOGUE WAS AN ACT. BUT THIS IS MORE TO DEMONSTRATE

[moe-broey]

I was maybe halfway into this when I realized this could have been an edit but. Can anyone hear me

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fragments - episodes 41-46 author notes

You can find similar breakdown posts on older episodes in my pinned!

Get comfy and reread with me the finale of the Il Mheg arc and the intro of a certain loser.

First off, I wanna emphasize how important this arc’s for Vivi. Had he not liked Il Mheg in general and Feo Ul in particular, the rest of the story would play out very differently, and not in favor of the sundered. His initial positive impression of the First is pretty much the only thing that saves it.

We've reached a high, physically and emotionally. You know what that means, as per the shb rollercoaster rule :>

Pan pride pixie blesses Thancred, ca. 2024, colorized. I accidentally gave them the pan colors but hey it works. ALSO! Stars in his eyes.

Re: distant nightmare, I’ll let you in on a secret, or a third party perspective if you will. Vivi's full of shit, he's too focused on the big picture. He’s narrating this whole story, but his perspective is, well, just that.

Initially this was Vivi's inner monologue, then I thought that I should just let them talk, and it wrote itself.

More under the cut~

Drawing a buncha vivi-lookalikes that act soooooorta but not really like him, just slightly off, was a surprisingly fun exercise.

Luckily for Thancred, though, he sniffs out the pixie magic, and knows better than indulging them.

...Still, what a shitty fucked up day. Sorry, Thancred :’>

This here’s an example of a moment where I’m uncertain if I’m being too subtle and if this flies over some readers’ heads. He refers to Alisaie’s “job” of dragging Vivi back to msq, which she recently started lowkey dreading (episodes 32-33)

...Though she goes back to her “duty” in episode 43.

She's pointedly SILENT throughout the episode, doing her best to hold back.

Thancred's a man who can say no to begging dogs.

Gridania mention! Vivi’s gridanian! He never speaks ill of the elementals, he's wary of them even a world apart.

This pixie's life is something Feo Ul's willing to sacrifice. Episodes 42-43 tell this story in reverse order, yes this’s the pixie that was supposed to agree with Thancred and go with the Scions to the Crystarium.

As to why there’s a dozen of vivis popping up as a backup: they needed just one fake Vivi to go with the Scions, but try organizing the pixies. Their plan’s already failed when this first pixie-Vivi refused to play their part.

“Yeah no, our guy’s special, but not as special as to explode in confetti”

I love his first ingame appearance in that Varis cutscene, this moment has similar energy: barely enters the stage, instantly gets impaled on a long object. This’s not foreshadowing, no, why would you think that-

The “camera” is perfectly still, there’s even some symmetry, demonstrating how calm and prepared Emet is. He didn’t expect much and he’s still disappointed.

This’s a super old comic. I spent the first half of 2022 testing and trying to find a style for Fragments, back then I had no plans, none, zero, absolutely no interest to give Emet a role bigger than a mention. The earliest version of the script had very few Emet scenes, which, looking back on it, was gonna be a disservice to his character. Well, that changed rapidly in late 2023 when I fell for him so hard that I broke my neck, and now I look back on a lot of what I did with Vivi with new eyes. THE EYEROLL. After spending two years developing a guy for a fun wolgraha chemistry (at the same time I was perfectly aware that Exarch and Emet are foils. I made a foil for Exarch, what on earth did I expect-), I’m going through a mindblow after mindblow as I realize HOW GOOD VIVI IS FOR EMET (and vice versa ofc) and how many things they have in common. This wasn’t always the case, Vivi just gradually got more cynical, tired, ✨grey✨ and everything else that makes a guy consider hitting it with The Other Old Man.

They’re off to a great start.

From Emet’s pov, this must really hurt, as in how many other shards of Azem might’ve snarled at him like this. Even though he must be numb to it by now, who says that there isn’t the tiniest flicker of hope when he approaches yet another not-Azem. He may deny and hate and try to snuff out that spark, but the fatal Soulmate Magnet keeps doing its thing.

Parallels to episode 2.

Apparently, Vivi’s first reaction to encountering his to-be-most-prominent boyfriends is to attack them somehow.

This’s really, REALLY dumb of him, and he even comments on it shortly after. But yes, his isekai tale in the First was rather pleasant just until now, and it lulled him into the false sense of security. OF COURSE there are ascians everywhere, not just on the Source. Vivi just forgor.

Emet tests Vivi's reactions to insults/being treated as a lesser, silliness, flirt.

I regret to inform you that both Vivi and Alisaie have been disarmed so easily. The tone quickly shifts, the weapon’s lowered.

Alisaie makes bad puns/jokes in canon, I thought it'd fit if she laughed at that kinda jokes too, and in the least fitting situations, to top it off. Alphinaud’s disappointed, even if he can hardly be called an expert in humor.

“It’s up to you”. Emet stops fooling around, assuming a more serious tone. He may not respect Vivi or his agency here, but he provides him with a choice that's guaranteed to give him some trust points, and uses "we" for an illusion of unity/equality, a not really subtle nudge towards cooperation, it's not me vs you anymore, it's "us".

Whether Vivi picks up on the manipulation or not remains to be seen, but Emet gets his way here.

Forgive me this lil tangent, but I’m so giddy and excited to write Emet. If Exarch’s decently emotionally intelligent but still obtuse at times, Vivi’s a tier or two above him, he’s not a stranger to manipulation, he registers it being used on him, and doesn’t hesitate to use it too when it suits his fancy. He's quite good at people-ing. Emet, though, Emet’s THE emotional intelligence personified. He’s had literal thousands of years to practice, he leaves everyone else in the dust in this regard. It’s daunting but so exciting to write him, I hope to do him justice.

Let’s just talk.

𝓛𝓮𝓽’𝓼 𝓳𝓾𝓼𝓽 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓴.

Mark this moment, remember this line for meme value. If these last words aren't famous yet, they WILL become that when we see what they talk their way into <w<

Yes I'm going all in on tragic irony of Emet's situation.

Accidental Emet rp, with the hunching over and all. Or maybe Vivi already unwittingly mirrors him. Or maybe he always did- *kicked and dumped in the trash bin*

Man. I'm guilty of enjoying drawing Vivi in genuine distress. He’s so fun when he’s agitated.

Hidden Angst Time! It's all hehe haha until you realize that this might be a product of the hectic wol lifestyle forcing him to speedrun his emotions like this. Either speedrun, or be left with no opportunity to process them at all.

Also, the sandwiches! The framing’s deliberate, they’re on the foreground all the time, and Vivi only notices them in the very last panel.

I! Love! This! Face!!!!!! A rare neutral, relaxed, thoughtful face, he isn't performing for anyone here.

Nevermind Ardbert getting brutally ignored here x’D

The fact that a guy that Vivi had briefly considered as partner material shut himself away in the Crystal Tower for what could be the rest of his life has stuck with Vivi for good. Or should I say for bad. He might not necessarily care about ARRRaha, still it upsets him that he kissed someone who practically killed himself some days later.

I recently talked a lil more about the Bitchless Liar. This’s how Vivi remembers him forever, take it or leave it. But hey, this cool Exarch guy has big balls probably <- in-universe hc \o/

This episode taught me to draw BREAD.

Even though Exarch’s been nothing but sweet so far, one thing’s to acknowledge a fact with your brain, another thing’s to wrestle with your trauma and paranoia that have all rights to exist and fester. Ever since HW Vivi doesn’t accept food and drinks from anyone except the few trusted sources. This isn’t really covered in this episode, but hopefully hinted at just enough.

He takes a leap of faith. Or maybe he’s simply sick and tired of living Like This. Maybe sandwiches kill him, and he doesn’t really mind. And, when they don’t, he goes through a visible shift in attitude towards Exarch, as we’re able to see in the following episodes.

This’s all I’ve got for now, thanks for reading till the end~

[tobiasdrake]

And Sea of Stars.

Time to tackle some trials.

These little lantern doo-dads are cutie-patooties, is what they are. I'm a little weirded out that they drop Berries though.

Do they eat the berries? Do they grow the berries? Are these plants or herbivores because it's freaky either way.

Alright man, we gathered your weird giant artifacts and now we understand Live Magic. Do we pass?

Honestly, I don't know why you made a token gesture of a fuss about letting Garl in here in the first place. He can use Live Magic too. I know it's because of Something Something Solstice Warriors So Attunement and all that but. Still.

If the presence of a Solstice Warrior nearby means everybody gets superpowers then this is one area where having normies along is a total benefit. The more Live Mana channelers, the merrier.

Anyway, you can give me my certificate or whatever and we can--

...okay, so apparently that was happening while I was talking.

Man, I have got to stop going off on monologues in the middle of dramatically tense conversations.

I just want it on record that I think it's unfair of you to make us build the robot body that you are going to crack my skull with. I think that demonstrates poor work ethic on your part. And that I would like to file a formal complaint with your manager.

That's fair.

Hold up, nobody said anything about prophecies. We were just told to learn "to use magic without using magic".

Fuck yeah, gift with purchase!

But we already began our journey!

Ten years after beginning our journey.

I'm so tired of beginning our journey.

Oh man, I am going to ruin so many people's sleep schedules doing this. This is the most catastrophic power yet.

It's not even a toggle. Like, a lot of games have the ability to SHLOOP straight to dawn or dusk, often with the implication that you aren't really changing the time of day so much as you're just skipping forward in time, either with or without your PC.

But no, this is whole-ass fucking time-of-day manipulation. I can crank the sun back and forth like a DJ at a turntable. WICKA-WICKA Your lunch hour is gone.

This might actually be a sound basis for one of those Superpower Registration Act storylines. I'm about to ruin the lives of every single person on the planet because this bridge is solar-powered and I don't wanna wait around for the right time of day.

It's nice to know that it's not just Moraine. We're all inconsiderate pricks. Imagine doing this instead of. Like. Any other possible locking mechanism ever.

We already have locks that you just zippy-zap with a bit of lunar magic and they open right up. But no. I'm going to crank the sun back to 8 AM every time I want to cross this bridge. Fuck you.

Hold up. We sealed ancient evils inside a prison whose locking mechanism is a specific time of day? I feel like there's a flaw in that plan.

Well. That's horrifying. Anyways, it's prophecy time.

HA! Told you lunar magic's superior. Even Sun Warrior Zale needs a little bit of night to become the best version of himself.

Zale's prophecy is that he needs to be more like me. My prophecy is that I'm next-gen Jesus. I WIN.

Does Garl get a prophecy?

That's. Not. A prophecy. That is whining about our decision to bring a normie disguised as a prophecy. Man, everyone's prophecy sucks but mine. Even time recognizes that I'm the best one in this group.

Oh, there's more. So he gets a prophecy and also some whining. Elder Mist wanted to clearly establish that he's only delivering this prophecy under duress.

Though the prophecy itself is pretty good, actually. High five, Garl. We're both better than Zale.

That's going to be our ticket to Wraith Island. We need to be there before the eclipse which is... uh... an amount of time away. Shouldn't be too far off. Depending on side quests, of course.

Of course, if we miss the eclipse, I could probably just timey-wime the days back until the day of the eclipse anyway.

Giants are our travel mechanism? Do they, like, shoot teleport lasers out of their eyes or something?

O_O CAN HE MISS!?

[ac-liveblogs]

deeper thoughts on the latest archon quest?

Whoo. Boi. Deeper thoughts? Yeah, I have 'em. I was just filled with a sort of… bone-aching exhaustion once I was done with Scara's quest. Kyogre and I whined at each other as we always do, but... I guess I never actually talked about it OR Act 5 here that much? My bad.

Leading up to the ScaraMess, I was majorly scratching my head over the way that Scaramouche and - by extension - his ~alleged~ future relationship with Kazuha were being written. Scaramouche barely showed up in Inazuma and Kazuha's appearances this year have mostly been discussing the fallout of what happened to the Raiden Gokaden, but HYV was pretty obviously drawing attention to the two of them.

In my mind, the extended focus on the Kaedehara clan and Scaramouche's role in their downfall was a deliberate, if clumsy, attempt to bring Kazuha closer to learning about who Scaramouche is and what he did/why, and him having to figure out how he wanted to address that. That the purpose of all this hype regarding the Raiden Gokaden and the Kaedehara Clan specifically was for the purpose of building up the meeting between these two characters.

I see now that I got that backwards.

The lore wasn't building up Kazuha and Scaramouche's meeting. Kazuha and Scaramouche were giving credence to the lore - because by tying it to two playable characters, it becomes a lot more relevant to the players that already care about those characters. The lore can then be used to demonstrate Irminsul's reality-altering powers. HYV needed to set up an Important Piece of History that wasn't like, actually important, that they could alter as a demonstration - thus the extended Raiden Gokaden/Tatarasuna Furnace Lore Dumps we were subjected to all year.

It was about. The Goddamn. Lore.

And obviously, something with the power to change the lore is going to be a big deal in Genshin Impact!

Scaramouche reads more like a utility character - grease in the wheel to get the plot moving - than someone HYV actually has any interest in for his own merit. To HYV, he's interesting for the function he can play in the plot and that's all. Utility characters that exist purely to facilitate plot points are fine and useful, but the way Scaramouche is written is... very telling of HYV's actual priorities in this game, you know?

Like, what has Scaramouche's role in all of this been?

We didn't learn anything beyond the fact he exists in Unreconciled Stars, but he delivers the sneak peek that The Sky Is Fake. We got scraps when Scaramouche was on-screen in Inazuma, but once he was gone Yae monologued his backstory to us and Ayato facilitated us learning about the Raiden Gokaden. The first time we hear about him in Sumeru, it's via a magic mushroom hallucination that shows us his past, and the next thing we know he's willing to throw all of that away to become a god!

There is a complete lack of interest in who Scaramouche is now, but a whole lot of interest in who he used to be. Do you get the sense Genshin cares about his arc beyond what they feel is the bare minimum to convey the information they want the players to know? I mean, what have they actually done with Scaramouche in this chapter?

He erased himself, gets found 2 minutes later, the Traveller for some reason decides to show him his past, Wanderer calmly accepts he used to be a bad person, we get some more lore hyping up Dottore, Wanderer accepts he used to be Scaramouche, Scaramouche comes back after a Cool Fight, and that's... it? You know what usually happens in plots where amnesiacs learn they used to be bad people? Drama, that's what!

There is never solid drama with Scaramouche.

Scaramouche has a complicated relationship with Ei - they never meet.

Scaramouche has shared history and seems to be a deliberate foil to Kazuha - they never meet.

Scaramouche fucked over the Raiden Gokaden, the children of whom are still suffering to this day - they never meet.

Scaramouche fucked over the people of Inazuma by instigating/taking advantage of the Vision Hunt to sell Delusions - he leaves Inazuma with 0 fallout for this.

Scaramouche is getting hunted by Childe for stealing the Gnosis - they never meet.

Scaramouche has an extremely tense and dark relationship with Dottore and - you'll never guess! - they never meet.

But you know what Genshin will spend time on with him? His past. They will drag him out at the last second as a villain in Sumeru, which then knocks him into a position where he can be used to demonstrate Irminsul's powers. They will show us the bare minimum amount of angst necessary to justify an entire chapter showing us what Irminsul can do.

They'll have us run around Inazuma trying to confirm what is or isn't canon anymore, but they will not spend any time pretending they care about making Wanderer's fucking amnesia subplot interesting.

And they will absolutely not engage with Scaramouche's more complicated relationships with other playable characters - presumably either because that's too hard for them, or they just don't care. I mean, neither the Kazuha, nor the Kamisato, or the Fatui even remember who he is - the window for capitalising on any of those relationships slammed shut after Inazuma, and was welded closed here. Anything they try to do from now on will read as watered-down lip-service. Doing the bare minimum.

It is shockingly lazy. It is showing up to a DnD session with 15 pages of lore written about your level 1 character, ignoring the rest of the party and using every opportunity to discuss your Dark and Angsty past instead of actually doing anything. It is writing a wiki page, not writing a character.

It is a complete waste of my time. Why bother dragging me through all this nonsense? For a character HYV doesn't even care to try to make interesting?

And didn't they do the same thing with Nahida? They focused more on her and Rukkhadevata and by extension Irminsul's powers (again) than, like. Her and any of the Sumeru characters trying to rescue her.

Like, we always knew where Genshin's priorities really were? But this is the most transparent it's ever been. I feel like these guys should be writing RP modules, not an RPG. And especially not a gacha, where, like. The characters are the product.

Put some effort in??? I’m not here for the lore!

You know, the bare minimum I would've expected would at least be to have Scaramouche meet that damn fruit seller again. Bring that around full circle.

I... don't actually have much to say about the Irminsul lore. I legitimately don't care. I guess the implication, via the urn Paimon broke, is that only the perception of history is changed via Irminsul? I'm not sure that lines up with what happened with the magic tree in Ei's quest though? And also don't care? I guess Dottore is going to be a sad woobie too, that's cool...

Can someone harass me into working on my rewrite? There's a lot of fun concepts in Genshin that HYV has no interest in using, apparently. Remember when Collei was possessed by dead god residue or whatever? HYV doesn't, apparently. Or maybe because that's been sealed away they can safely ignore it for the rest of the game. That sounds about right. If I were really lazy with my character writing, that's what I'd do.

[atanx]

Yeah sort of! Like I want to give them the benefit of the doubt for things like Josh dying because suffering in death is often impossible to avoid when using violence, even if or especially if the violence is righteous and unavoidable, but Josh straight up monologues to you about how violence is no good as he dies.

The public opinion is a nice mechanic imo and it makes sense to a degree that it factors in for the ending, but I feel like to have it be properly utilised they should have extended the game's time frame more. Because like a week gives the public no time to actually act on their supportive opinion via demonstrations and shit. Like we're just told that public opinion goes up or down and there's dudes interviewed on tv who go yeah looks like the cops shot down defenceless people who were doing no harm, but nothing actually happens?

The whole revolution OR demonstration could have been written so much better, but I suppose that would have made for a longer game and that might have been outside of the budget or whatever.

So I've been playing a lot of DBH and I have stuff on my mind. For this post: why is the Revolution written Like That??

This has probably been rehashed a lot when DBH actually came out but I'm playing it now and want to add my mustard to this all.

What bothers me about the Revolution route is that it's portrayed pretty negatively. Characters like Rose say that they don't like what Markus (or North I guess) is doing and overall there's not a lot of acknowledgement of the fact that there kind of isn't another choice.

Like yeah, in game there is, but if you look at things from a realistic perspective the humans are putting androids into concentration camps and systematically genociding them. The peaceful demonstration is the naivest shit ever and they can count themselves lucky it succeeds in game. Like yeah, let me just march to our deaths and let countless androids in the concentration camps die while I get myself killed instead of trying to save as many lives as possible by launching an attack.

Like I am convinced that the only reason the demonstration (or revolution for that matter) wins is because Connor pulls up with a fucking army and the authorities go like oh shit. I guess it goes differently on machine!Connor runs, I haven't done one yet, but I can't really see how. Like at the end of the demonstration less than thirty androids remain standing. If Connor didn't bring the thousands of androids from the Cyberlife tower they would have been crushed.

Like, I did a playthrough of: steal truck without being detected. Stratford tower with no human casualties and "calm" message. Pacifist strong message during store raid, sparing the cops. Freedom march with running away. Like from Markus' POV he tried everything. He's been peaceful and the humans are still set on genocide. Doing the same thing over and over expexting a different result is the definition of insanity or whatever. Here, public opinion changes but public opinion is already pretty much useless in real life.

And the Revolution ending... maybe it's just because I failed to save Simon and also Kara was at border control and not in the camps, but it felt unfulfilling. Like it had the same result as the demonstration but also Josh is guaranteed dead because he's really bad at fighting but still comes with to launch a fucking attack.

Maybe it's also that the Revolution has a pretty different gameplay section. It's not just all QTEs you also have to look around and shit, and I don't think it's bad?? It was just so different that I felt overwhelmed and like I didn't really know what was going on. When I'll play it again I'll prob like it better. Like you have to look at a fucking grenade or some shit to save Simon what the hell.

North's revolution was more fulfilling, since it was just epic cutscenes, (and Josh died in Jericho for some reason Connor can't save him even though Markus can and Connor can save all the same people BEFORE-) but unfortunately not enough people were alive so North ended up dead and then Connor was alone and yeah suicide time because Amanda sucks.

Uh. Spoiler warning I guess.

Yeah idk I feel like you should be able to get a best ending with the Revolution. Because the demonstration is the most naive ass bullshit and if that can succeed so can fighting.

Also I know Connor is busy corralling thousands of newly awakened androids into walking in a perfect grid formation for dramatic effect and intimidation factor but I still feel like he deserves a piece of the action!!

[buzzykrueger]

When Gon’s anger becomes a protective mechanism for Killua

IMPORTANT: The text is long, plus, I do not support Gon hate. He’s a human being and a kid, so don’t worry, none of my analysis will put him as a monster.

You know the theory that one of the reasons Gon shuts Killua out from Pitou’s fight, besides proving himself and erasing his guilt, is also to keep Killua safe? I didn’t understand at first, but I kinda agree with that now.

Remember the “YES I AM AN IDIOT” iconic scene, Greed Island arc?

Let’s talk about that and link it all.

They’ve spent half of the chapter 158 arguing because Gon kept insisting on meeting this “Chrollo Lucilfer” person inside the game, while Killua was trying to be logical, saying that this person wouldn’t clarify their reasons only by asking them. Killua eventually gives in, and after Gon uses the card, they travel to met not Chrollo, but Hisoka, who asks if they went all that way just to ask him a question (implying how dumb it was).

Gon says that’s pretty much their reason and Killua kept teasing Gon on his dumb choice.

But after some ping-pong teasing between them, the reason Gon was being stubborn is, actually, a concern that lights up on his mind with memories of his journey to rescue Killua from Kukuroo Mountain. Even blushing, Gon says that he was reminded of Gotoh’s words and was worried that both of them were being deceived.

Gotoh’s words were, exactly:

Be careful. And protect Killua.

This also adds to the character analysis - one that is very on point - that Gon being outgoing doesn’t mean he puts depth to analyzing his feelings. He speaks his mind, the problem is not to talk per se - but to put effort into understand his intentions behind those actions. He could say he was worried about them, but he doesn’t, because he speaks first and doesn’t think through what he feels. He’s yes outgoing, but impulsive, and very immersive into acting first, think later - or even thinking only when questioned, because it didn’t even crossed his mind. That’s why we see him talking but yet... it’s hard to know what is happening inside him aside from Killua’s common inner monologues. But maybe protecting Killua it’s so natural that he doesn’t even bother to explain. To think that he keeps Gotoh’s words and even mentions it after all this time, such a nice and gentle touch of how much he respects his bond with Killua. 

Now, let’s get back to the CAA events. Specifically chapter 222.

A very shocked and distressed Gon was learning through Kite's attacks, but not to defend himself or parry. His painful attempts were all leading to dodge the punches and faints, so he could give puppet Kite a hug, and an apology.

Yes, he said terrible things to Killua - and of course wanting to protect him wasn’t the only reason. But he knew from the moment they first met Pitou, that they were dangerous. He wanted to deal with that alone, because it was “his mess”, so he shouldn’t endanger his most beloved one. 

We know that this is a turning point for Gon’s development in this arc, because it is the moment where his resolve becomes tainted with all the guilt he is facing. It’s when he starts to lose himself, and Killua knows that, probably, nothing he says or do will convince Gon otherwise.

But what contrasts with the well-known harsh words towards his best friend, is that he never meant to exclude Killua from the whole situation. That's why he says "OUR fault".

Then, right after, he addresses Killua directly. Visibly starting to lose himself, he takes the responsibility to prove he's strong to fix it, but I think that due to his communication pattern, he might also mean that he’s want to fix it without endangering who he wanted to fight by his side under normal circumstances.

It’s an act that can hold both guilt and protection. He addresses only that one person in the room because he needs Killua to know that this isn't a normal situation, and that's why he can't bring him to this fight. It isn’t normal because someone dear to him got hurt really bad. It isn’t normal because his best friend, someone who would not think before putting his life at risk for Gon, shouldn’t endanger himself to the point he could face the same destiny, specially because this is Gon’s way to show he cares. Again, Gon just speaks his mind without much thought, with his intentions between the lines. His effort to put his feelings into words mixed with the suffering he is handling are, on his mind, overwhelming enough - but still he cared to speak directly to Killua. Could this be, again, another demonstration of not-so-well-thought feelings spoken with the first words that come to his mouth?

Wouldn’t make sense, after all of those demonstrations of Gon’s behavior when someone is endangered and he desperately wants to take control of the situation because he thinks this is the best way to protect them and to be useful, and with that, deserving of their company? 

As Gon's communication is both simple (in words) and complex (behind the words), since he doesn't think through his feelings and he’s a stubborn child, it makes hard for others to catch his intentions, specially if they're already struggling to understand that they are not a burden. Because Killua’s mindset on making friends also includes the need to feel useful, just like Gon’s, but expressed through different means - and by being casted away fro Gon’s decision and later saving the boy in order to push him forward once again to his goal (alone this time), Killua thinks Gon has cut ties with him. as he couldn’t play a helpful role within Gon’s life anymore. So, this is how he reaches the rejective conclusion.

But the connection that I'm trying to make is that even thought Gon’s words were awful as the boy himself recognized, I truly believe Gon still wouldn't want Killua to fight even if he knew how his friend felt.  But not because he rejected Killua or meant to cut ties with his “no longer useful” best friend.

Because Gon has stated already: Killua doesn’t have to earn his friendship.

Those harsh words during the Palace Invasion were an attempt to regain control of the situation, prove his worth in the middle of a mental chaos that he wasn’t ready to face. But still, what if he kept reminding himself that he must protect his best friend in the entire world and just couldn’t find a better way to say it? Because he knows Killua is capable of self-sacrificing, Gon tried to stop him before, and Pitou is terribly strong. If it’s hard for him to translate his feelings when he is calm and collected, the extreme condition he found himself dragged in would’ve just made this communication face more obstacles. Fighting his own pain - another thing he couldn’t translate for the sake of his own mental health - led to the words to come out like they were: heartbreaking.

So, I’m not saying that it was solely to protect Killua, but I think that makes sense for Gon’s character. And again, I don’t think he would agree that Killua would fight what he thinks it’s his battle alone. But, with his mind cleared and the right questions, he would've given Killua an answer. He would say that this is not about taking Killua out of the special place Gon has put him, but about Gon taking the the responsibility based on what he thinks it’s best for everyone. His feelings, either protective or hurtful, are only explained when he’s asked, because action speaks volume for him and he needs this trigger question to make him translate his intentions.

Just like in the Hunter Exam, he only tells Kurapika about how he felt with Hisoka because he questioned. 

And in the Yorknew Arc, Gon didn’t let Killua hurt himself and was really trying to understand how the other boy felt. Gon doesn't communicate well but not because he rejects his feelings, and still, he cares about others’ feelings too. He was just literally out of his mind. So yeah, I think he cared for Killua safety, and if after all this time he made a connection between his stubborn acts and Gotoh’s words, it’s because - on his mind - these words and thoughts never leave his head. He’s constantly worrying about Killua, in his own way. But he couldn't explain something that he didn't put a second thought even for himself to understand. And it's not the first time, he acts very similar in these mentioned situations.

What all these stubborn oriented situations that I’ve mentioned, except for the one regarding Hisoka, have in common? He wanted to protect Killua.

He was undeniably wrong in saying those words to Killua, but it’s something acknowledged by himself already. He IS, by his nature, a protective kid, and under normal circumstances, Killua would be allowed to fight by his side because it has to be him. If it’s not going to be him, it won’t be anyone else. He can’t risk to lose him for something that he feels overly responsible. His words were rooted in pain, but the moment he addresses Killua that he would fight alone - a moment recollected by the latter in the hospital scene - shows respect for the one he has just lost, Kite, and the one he doesn’t want to lose. 

Killua is the one who never left him, never discredited him and is irreplaceable. Killua is the first thing that comes up to his mind when thinking about meeting Ging. Who would have thought that Gon’s mind would reach so far into memories and hold so deeply someone’s words like Gotoh’s?

He was selfish. But it’s a childish selfishness, built on such empty expectations about himself that he ends up forcing on others what he believes that is the right thing to do, in order to keep others safe, no matter how bad he hurts his body... because when it comes to protect those he care, he loses respect on his self-care due to this low self-esteem of his. So, he didn’t ask Killua to “please, let me fight alone”, because he’s decided to not drag Killua into a fight he knows he might lose, and then Killua couldn’t be protected.

And makes sense, again, that Killua couldn’t read between these lines, because he also blames himself for everything that happened, and thinks his feelings and desires would only keep in Gon’s way - that’s why those words hit him so deeply, but the thing that hurts him the most was the sole fact that Gon fought alone. He can’t help but compare to the dodgeball, and like Gon, Killua has his own unhealthy patterns: since he only knows love through pain, when he’s prevented from getting hurt against his will, he fails to understand it as an act of love.

The bond they’ve established while playing Greed Island was expressed through dozens of symbolisms already well discussed among the fandom (Killua’s badge, the rainbow diamond, the famous line during the dodgeball game). And I don’t doubt that their encounter with Pitou held traces of the same protective pattern, but messed up by Gon’s internal struggle.

For the times Gon showed concern before, we can mention more expressive moments like the whole Zoldyck arc, when they were escaping from the Troupe, when Tzeseguerra said he’d endangered Killua or even when Killua got caught by some spell, etc, or we can even analyze his body language. Like here:

Before the date, Gon is indirectly protecting Killua in here, through his body language (Killua entered the room first, but Gon puts himself between them):

And after the date, while being punished for hurting her feelings, Gon screams at Palm when she tried to stab Killua, probably implying that he was observing and only interveins when she tries to hurt anyone other than himself - because he is, again, being stubborn and taking all the blame and control in order to redeem his actions and prove his capacity to fix things. I think it’s possible that Gon talked to her about Killua off curtains, or at least made an agreement about not involving Killua in her madness, but it it’s open to interpretation.

So, yeah, I can’t help but link everything to his pattern. He responds to the fear of losing those he loves with the same impactful devotion that is given to him, but it is so impactful that fails vocabulary and second thoughts. He knows Killua will be the first to risk his life if something happens or to prevent Gon from getting hurt during his tasks. Killua tends to sacrifice a lot and never complains while doing it, so I think it’s pretty much plausible that even when he can’t express himself at all, he’s worrying about Killua in the corner of his mind. Sometimes, just before our eyes.

Anyways, I love re-reading Greed Island arc and linking to their development through CAA because pretty much anything they do, they’re doing together, and they were bonding so beautifully. Their relationship was never so well-detailed before, but mostly for us, when they didn’t get much time to put in the balance how rushed their training was, and how fast they got attached to the point they can’t even stop thinking about each other while distant.

They look at each other like this:

They inspire this kind of reaction from others:

And there’s this one... nothing big, I just love it hahahaha

They’re in love each others’ top priority. It’s not impossible that Gon took Killua’s safety into matter, but his mind and words failed him, as he himself acknowledges that the only explanation to say those things to Killua is that “he doesn’t know what he was thinking”. Because, under normal circumstances, just like about letting Killua fight by his side, he would NEVER hurt Killua’s feelings. He IS protective. He didn’t have to rescue Killua from his own home - since Killua left for himself - but he still does it, instead of sticking to his main journey. And did not budge until Killua was safe by his side.

It’s a badly worded protection, because he doesn’t even know self-protection and puts action before everything. To figure a better way out of this pattern, he will now have plenty of time to find new ways to protect Killua and himself from the flaws of their dynamic. Their emotional attachment didn’t grow as fast as their fighting skills, but it doesn’t mean Gon is a monster, was malicious towards Killua or wanted to break his heart. I don’t even think he would reject Killua, but would explain the reason behind his decision in a reassuring way.

And finally, it’s so symbolic how Gotoh died and got replaced by a Kiriko - the same creature that translates Gon’s perceptiveness and how the boys are close. This way, they are still linked by Gotoh’s words through someone that mimics Gotoh’s appearance and also understands their relationship like the long gone butler. His words will never die.

And not to mention... how shoujo and romantic it is that Gon remembers the promise he made to Gotoh before he takes Killua with him? It is almost like a marriage proposal. That he didn’t forget, not even after all this time. 

Do I think he would’ve change his mind on letting Killua fight? Not at all, and Killua couldn’t change his mind even if he begged, at least not without some patient mental work. This is Gon’s mindset on protecting someone. But like that time in Greed Island, under normal circumstances, Gon would’ve ease Killua’s worries directly or indirectly after some talking. And of course, it is not his job to guess Killua’s feelings, communication must be a two-way path. Killua waited for too long, and at that point, Gon was too lost in his grief and wasn’t able to measure his words. But I truly believe that, deep inside his mind, those words and that promise were still there, waiting to resonate if necessary.

And as @gallyl​ added so perfectly: Killua is alive and well, grieving on the hospital’s bench, trying to get a grip of everything he just experienced. Decided to give Gon a second chance, he’s now able to understand this message of love Gon has left for him: there’s so much he can do in life, that Gon simply doesn’t want him to die because Killua’s whole life was surrounded by death - and Killua’s greatest wish was to live like a normal kid. And this speaks louder to Gon than having Killua to himself in death. A love that is not selfish, and does not envy. Killua’s life is validated, and in return, he saves Gon and his sister, the ones he loves the most, and validate back their right to exist, to grow, to try again. Unconditional love. At first, he’s hurt and demands an apology. But it’s Alluka who reminds him of how love must be free to give and to receive - he should let his heart open for whenever Gon is ready to reach him again.

But now, the apology will matter. 

And this is absurdly romantic. Not every sacrifice ends up in dying together to prove a relationship. They’ve made promises similar to marital vows, and not everything happened like they wanted, but they made clear to us that they’re not done with each other - as they refuse to say goodbye, and keep grammatical constructions like “for a while”, indicating a break, an interlude. 

Their song is still playing, and their promises still exist as their split was never mentioned as something definitive, because preventing the other one to get physically hurt on your behalf and taking some time to think before you take the risk to accidentally emotionally hurt them too are both ways to show protection. Ways that they’re learning now, two boys who think they should get hurt to love and be loved. 

[teawaffles]

There’s No Business Like Show Business: Chapter 5, Part 1

T/N: This is one super-long chapter ( ; ω ; ) so it has been split into 2 parts.

One week later. This was the night Maya’s company had been invited to perform.

The West End of London, stretching from Soho to Covent Garden, was renowned for its large theatre district, crowded with historic names such as the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, Haymarket Theatre, and St James’s Theatre, in addition to newer entrants. [1]

Right in the centre of the district was Piccadilly Circus. At this time in history, the “Eros�� fountain had yet to be built [2]. Here was the intersection of numerous thoroughfares, with pedestrians and horse-drawn carriages coming and going, day and night — the busiest spot in London.

It was here that a certain elderly noblewoman drove past in a carriage. But the next moment, she saw a strange sight in the middle of the square, and ordered her coachman to stop the carriage.

“……My word, what could that be?”

The words fell from her lips.

In the centre of the square was a simple stage about ten metres wide, composed of wooden boxes placed together and covered with boards. Passers-by had stopped to look out of curiosity, and a small crowd began to form.

After a short while, a lone woman appeared on stage.

She wore a sky-blue dress and a long, blonde wig. The crowd stared blankly as she gave a reverent bow.

“——Ladies and gentlemen, good evening. We are a small theatre company hailing from the East End. I am Maya, its chairperson.”

She raised her head, and gazed upon the whole of Piccadilly Circus.

“You may be feeling confused as to why a stage has suddenly occupied the Circus, but first, let me express our deepest gratitude that we, a theatre company of humble origins, have been able to meet you in this miraculous way.”

Her dignified voice resounded across the square, causing a stir among the onlookers. As more people noticed what was happening and gathered in droves, the crowd encircling the stage gradually expanded.

“Without further ado, let us bring you a little dream in a fantastic world.”

Maya ended her introduction with a graceful bow. Then, a man appeared on stage. Facing the crowd, he began to speak in a sonorous voice.

“It was a radiant afternoon filled with golden sunshine. A boat cruised leisurely down the river. Small, young hands gripped the oars. They seemed to lack strength: rising nimbly, then falling left and right as if to guide the oars’ movements.”

“……Hmm?”

The crowd listened intently as he narrated, with accompanying hand gestures.

“Oh, how terrible: what a cruel fate this is, to meet three girls! I’m all warm and sleepy. But still you wish to talk to me! You move my feathers, and do not breathe. But I’m all alone. I’m no match for the three of you.”

“This— Could it be……?” someone in the audience murmured.

With his monologue complete, the man took his leave. Then, another woman appeared at a corner of the stage. Holding a book in one hand, she began to read fluently from it.

“Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank——”

In tandem with the narrator’s words, the blonde-haired Maya gave a small yawn. It was as if she had swapped places with a young girl herself. Without realising it, the audience held their breath.

Then from the side of the stage, a person appeared wearing a vest and rabbit’s ears, with a pocket-watch in one hand.

By this time, the crowd encircling the stage had become fully spellbound.

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

“——All the world’s a stage. And the men and women merely players.” [3]

An actor delivered his lines from the stage of a gorgeous West End theatre, as its owner, a nobleman, looked on from the box seats.

The actor himself knew the height of his fame, and hence his actions were somewhat egotistical. Nevertheless, these were the acting skills of a true professional: his clear, bright voice resounded in every corner of the intricately decorated theatre, delving into the ears of his audience, and producing an indescribable feeling in their chests.

His salary was eye-wateringly high, but evidently, it had been an excellent decision to hire this actor. Still, despite his self-satisfaction, the nobleman had a pained expression.

The reason for it was clear. This was a renowned theatre company famous for its acting talent. Even though it was their opening night — a momentous occasion, the stalls were unusually empty.

He’d made sure to advertise the play well in advance, so this was unexpected. As he admired the actors, who were not bothered in the least by the empty seats in the audience, the nobleman stood up and headed to the entrance.

“Hey, you. Haven’t there been any more visitors?”

He directed his question to the young man behind the ticket window.

“About that— Just a while ago, it seems a show’s begun at Piccadilly Circus.”

“A show?”

“Yeah, though I heard about it from someone else. A stage suddenly appeared in the middle of the square, and it looks like there’s a play being held. It’s about…… that; the one where a girl chases a rabbit and falls down a hole, uh……”

Those keywords alone led the nobleman to the answer.

“——Do you mean, ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’?”

The young man clapped his hands in appreciation.

“Oh, that’s right. Yeah, that.” He sighed wistfully. “Ahh, it brings me back: I read it when I was a child. And as I recall…… was it ‘Maya’? It seems that’s the chairwoman’s name.”

“Wha……!”

Upon hearing that name, the nobleman recoiled in shock.

“That theatre company from the slums?”

A play held on a stage that appeared out of nowhere. The young man saw it as a mere street performance, but to the nobleman, this was something different. As soon as the image of the perpetrators surfaced in his mind, his face turned red with anger.

An extraordinary turn of events, happening right on the opening night of an important production — as if it had been carefully planned to do so. In other words, Maya and her company had intended to sabotage his production out of spite, by putting up a play out of the blue, and not even in a proper theatre. That was what the nobleman concluded.

To add insult to injury, they had chosen to perform “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland”. To stand up to a classic with a piece of children’s literature. To pit Lewis Carroll against Shakespeare.

Although it was a ridiculous idea worthy of scorn, the fact remained that they had stolen his precious audience.

He posed a question to the young ticket seller.

“Well if that’s the case, wouldn’t there be a huge commotion? The Yard should be on to them any moment now.”

“That’s the thing…… It seems they’re already gone.”

Hearing that, the nobleman threw his head back in laughter.

“I told you so. It’s all because they’re out of their depth. They can recite their lines in jail for all I care.”

However, the young man made a troubled expression.

“Uh…… Sorry. I didn’t make myself clear. Actually it seems that after finishing one scene, they specified a different location, packed up their sets quickly and left.”

“……What?”

✦ ✦ ✦ ✦

“You ought to be ashamed of yourself, Alice; a great girl like you, to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell you!”

Behind the church of St. Martin-in-the-Fields, in Trafalgar Square, Maya and her company acted out the scene in which Alice shrank and grew larger, panicking all the while. The front of the stage had been covered with a white cloth, and a light shone on it from the back, allowing them to show the changes in Alice’s size in the manner of shadow puppets. As Alice grew until her head struck the roof, the audience buzzed in excitement.

Watching from the wings of the stage, Bond could see that everything was proceeding smoothly.

His plan to demonstrate the true abilities of this company, was a moving theatre that roamed all around the city of London—— a “guerrilla theatre”.

They would perform in busy areas to attract people’s attention, then quickly cut off their act and leave before the authorities arrived to stop them. After which, they would continue the performance at another location. One could say this method was the exact opposite of performing in an officially-recognised theatre.

There was a reason why they had changed the contents of their play. As their original performance comprised three short stories, there was a concern that the audience would grow bored after watching just one scene. However, staging a full-length play across various locations would keep up their interest for the next scene.

In addition, “Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland” took place in a nonsensical, chaotic world, with no apparent connection between its acts. As a well-known story in itself, anyone joining in halfway would still be able to enjoy their performance — a perfect work to be presented in this manner.

The main issue was the acting, but that was helped by their practice in performing on a big stage.

As part of this plan, the play they would put up was not of the type that drew the audience’s attention to the stage right from the start, but rather one that was performed outdoors to people passing by. Hence they would have to project their voices and exaggerate their actions, but this was simply an extension of the two weeks’ practice they had done before.

Moreover, Maya and her company had extensive experience in performing children’s literature, with a focus on ease of understanding, so much so that they had almost learned the entire tale by heart. Memorising their lines had been no trouble at all.

Furthermore, the preparations at each of the locations they moved to — the very heart of the operation — were borne by the East End residents, who appreciated their performances.

The plan inevitably required manpower, but there would be no point in Bond providing it. However, with the trust of their fellow residents, Maya and her company had managed to recruit the stage crew by themselves. This achievement was their own.

As the company performed in one location, the stage crew would set up the temporary stages in the other locations across the city. They had accepted the company’s request with pleasure, and Bond couldn’t thank them enough for the depth of their kindness.

As he looked upon the crowd, all standing with eyes locked upon the stage, Bond chuckled.

——Even without a theatre, there would always be a place for acting.

It had been a wild idea to turn the city of London into their stage. But the East End residents lent them their support. And Maya and her company were putting up an excellent performance.

In a manner of speaking, this play was an all-out challenge from the people from the East End, to the gilded theatres of the West End.

Ten minutes till showtime. The players announced the location of their next act, then quickly descended from the stage.

“I’ll be leaving the cleanup to you then,” Bond addressed the remaining crew at the square. Then he directed the actors to board the carriages he had prepared. Taking the reins of one himself, he urged the horses forward in a gallop.

“Um, we owe it to you that our audience has enjoyed our play thus far, but…… I’m not sure if we can continue to do so,” Maya asked with a worried look.

Hearing that, the other actors in the carriage, who’d been going over their lines, turned solemn.

Although things had been going well so far, if their acts attracted too large a commotion, it stood to reason that Scotland Yard would put its full attention into stopping the play. Moreover, bad actors may also seek to take advantage of the hubbub. As far as possible, they wished to avoid their audience falling victim to crime.

Bond fully understood their apprehension. Because of that, he kept calm as he reassured them.

“Not to worry. I have some dependable colleagues.”

Saying that, he gazed in the direction the carriage was going, and smiled.

“It’s a popular saying, isn’t it? The show must go on.”

The curtains had been raised. Now all that was left, was to play their roles to the end.

Footnotes:

[1] This district is known as Theatreland (Wikipedia). The first two theatres listed are still standing, with St James’s Theatre having been demolished in 1957.

[2] If you were to go to Piccadilly Circus now, you would see a very prominent bronze fountain with a statue of a winged angel on top. Actually, the statue isn’t of the Greek god Eros at all. (Wikipedia)

[3] A line from Shakespeare’s As You Like It (Wikipedia).

Translator’s notes:

Quotes from Alice in Wonderland All dialogues from the East Enders’ production have been heavily referenced from the Project Gutenberg version of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, by Lewis Carroll.

Thinking about what year the series was set in In this chapter, we learn that the “Eros” fountain hasn’t been built yet — it was unveiled only in June 1893. But we know some events of the Phantom of Whitechapel arc, such as when the people of Whitechapel formed a militia, did take place in history — these were broadly in the autumn of 1888. So this actually works out, and gives us a sense of when the events of the manga unfolded.

Edit: The manga seems to be canonically taking place between 1879-1882 latest — you can read my analysis here!

Piccadilly Circus in 1868 This is entirely for fun — here’s a screenshot from the game Assassin’s Creed: Syndicate (set in London 1868), with Evie standing at Piccadilly Circus:

I couldn’t find any pictures of the Circus from before the “Eros” fountain was built, but in Yuumori’s time, it would’ve still had the circular shape shown here. When Shaftesbury Avenue was built in 1886, it transformed Piccadilly Circus from a circle into the sort-of trapezoid crossroads layout it has retained today (British History Online).

[chyrstis]

WIP Saturday!

Tagged by @shallow-gravy @chazz-anova @adelaidedrubman and @starsandskies thoughtout the week, and while I feel like I’m playing a bit of catch up right now, I didn’t want to miss out on this at all. Thank you all! <3

@writerofblocks @hunnybadgerv @painterofhorizons @cobb-vanthss @amistrio @ma-sulevin @tommymillers @jackiesarch @shellibisshe @redroci @unlikelynick @fadedjacket @faithchel @risenlucifer @tomexraider @weekend-writer @vasiktomis @consumedkings @scarlettkat86 @aceghosts  but no worries or obligations intended either!

I’ve been having fun dipping back into an earlier idea with Hana and Sharky, mostly because it was supposed to be a simple chat over a cigarette (and a silly exchange about tootsie roll pops), but it decided to get a little more serious than that, and I can’t be mad about that at all. 

---

“Now that’s impressive.”

“Huh? What is?”

“Hurk.” Sharky’s eyebrows rose, and she laughed. “I’ve had a few partners before that snored, but this? This would’ve had me on the couch in ten minutes flat. There’s no set of ear plugs strong enough to block that out, not that they’re selling anyway.”

“Huh.”

“You’re fine, though,” she added quickly.

Sharky had been scratching his goatee, lost in thought, but snapped back to attention. “Wait? For real?”

“Yeah, you’ve never-I never noticed. Not enough to smack the pillow or poke you at least.”

There might’ve been a time shortly after they’d started traveling together where he’d rolled over during the night, all but snoring in her ear, but she’d dealt with it. Maybe even let him repeat it once or twice, and wasn’t about to bring that up now. 

“Never thought much of it before.” He went back to mulling it over, and jabbed a thumb towards Hurk. “I mean, Hurk’s always been like that, rattling blinds and shit once he really gets going.”

“You don’t say?” Hana winced, and it didn’t take much to imagine the sound. 

“Yeah, but that’s after we have a real rager. The kind everyone talks about, and it’s been way too fucking long since we’ve pulled one off.”

“’Cause of the cult?”

“’Cause of the cult. A few of them got real bent out of shape even at Nick’s barbeque a couple years back - which was one kick-ass place to be - and that didn’t even have half of the shit they say they have problems with. Just good food, good company, and some pretty all right tunes, short of whatever the hell the Seeds were trying to pass off as food.” He sighed, and his whole body sagged with it. “Cults, man. Ruining shit for everyone since day one. Ain’t that right, cuz?”

Hurk snorted almost in perfect time to agree, but stayed exactly as he was. Sleeping better than anyone had a right to out in the woods like this. 

---

Also, another excerpt from the John the jerk bonanza, maybe? Sorry, Han :( and part of me’s tempted to add just a bit more to it so I can go ahead and post it on its own b/c it’s still pretty far down the fic timeline

---

“Which should be first? Greed? Envy? Pride? Lust? We have some fine candidates to consider, but to choose…oh, to choose. ”

He kept on going. Kept talking, monologuing, raising his hands to add emphasis to every word, and it was all drowned out. All through the blood rushing through her ears.

But it eventually died down. Eased off just enough for her to breathe and be able to think again, catching a few scattered words of his that filtered through, even as John gesticulated for no other reason than he wanted to, and she made a promise to herself then and there.

She’d make it through this. Push past it and find a way to Joey somehow, because that was all that mattered.

So if he wanted to do this - and the sinking feeling in her gut told her that this was only the tip of the mindscrew - she’d do it on her own terms, dammit. Diving in feet first if she had to.

“….John, just get it over with.”

“-thout sin, and you-” John paused, and raised one eyebrow then the other at her. “Hmm?”

Canting her head at him, Hana blew at the bangs that had fallen into her eyes, scattering a handful of the dark red strands without really moving them, and settled as hard a stare on him as possible.

“Sure we could have a field day with the others, but you’re already getting off on this, so why not start with the old L-word. You know the one. Lust,” she breathed, letting her head fall back as she arched into it, only to snap another sharp look off at him. “Just go straight for the shameful shit and run right down the laundry list of people I’ve fucked, since you’re going to want every last dirty detail anyway.”

John opened his mouth, but slowly closed it, narrowing his eyes at her. “Deputy, what do you think I’m going to ask? How many partners you’ve had? Specific acts? Preferred positions?”

Yes. She bit the inside of her lip to keep from saying it, and hated how her face burned in response. “You’ve got to have something to judge, might as well. Direct demonstrations are right the fuck out, however.”

---

And just a short bit that I’ve added to an earlier John and Faith idea where I was trying to feel a potential intro out, and I think I can totally work with this. 

---

She was late.

John checked his watch. Could almost hear the seconds tick by as he stood out on the balcony, drumming his fingers along the wooden railing.

While not uncommon, it always dug in just enough. Being forced to wait when he’d already put everything else on hold for her, even if she promised him it would be worth it.

His dear sister tried, but very few things were worth that loss of time, and that was one of their most precious resources nowadays. The only thing he couldn’t measure, weigh, or record, and not even Joseph could give him more than an indeterminate soon at best in terms of when it would finally run out.

So, with soon weighing over all of them, the Collapse reduced to nothing else but that, he was left to stand here.

To wait.

To welcome his sister’s visit with open arms - and he would still, even now - when he’d been left idle long enough for anyone, not just the Deputy to take advantage of it.

The tapping stopped, and John let his fingers lay flat. Let them start to dig the slightest into the surface of the wood.

And where was she now? That deputy...

He’d lost track over the past day, with nothing useful coming in through the cameras or his Chosen. She didn’t disappear. Couldn’t, not with how she dressed, how she looked, or the company she kept, but she’d somehow managed it, and hadn’t headed north or to the east.

[sir-phineas-lost]

Continued

I’m moving my discussion with @theredhairedmonkey​ so as to not bother other people with constant notes.

Well, you’re the one who wants this exchange so badly. And look at the result, the number of notes you got for this post is in the high-80s now! Is that a new record for you? 

Is that supposed to be an attempt at sass? Dude, it wasn’t even my post. All the notes went to the original OP.

And I don’t “want” this discussion. I just refuse to let cowards who won’t debate in good faith win just because they think they can force the burden of proof onto everyone else.

Anyway, your criticism seems to boil down to “they could have made it better” and “they should have made it more obvious.” That’s just moving the goalpost. The way they did Ezran’s scene (which was remorse, not sadness, of the fact that he enabled Viren to make others do horrible things) was sufficient to get the point across. If you’re really going to argue that you’re too dense to pick up on that, fine. But that’s not really all too convincing of an argument. 

Again, you really don’t seem to understand what “moving the goalpost” means. And remorse doesn’t look like that. We have seen what faces other people in this series makes when they are remorseful.

And it looks nothing like Ezran’s face during Soren’s speech, and it is always accompanied by vocal admission of guilt. That really is what it boils down to. I don’t buy that this was just supposed to be “subtle” because this series has never been subtle about these things before. You making a huge leap from “Ezran looks sad” to “Ezran regrets his choices as king” doesn’t make you smart unless you can actually prove that this interpretation is consistant with the storytelling until this point.

The whole point of storytelling isn’t lights and design, but character arcs. Do Viren’s motivations become corrupted over time? Yes. Does this make him a villain? Absolutely. And that’s not a comment on his moral complexity, any more than Runaan’s status as a villain suggests he’s pure evil. Anti-villains have a place in this story too, to contrast with the motivations of the heroes. 

And in a visual medium, those arcs are communicated through lights and design. And again, you keep harping on Viren’s “corruption” even though I have repeatedly made a case for why that isn’t the point of his arc without ever addressing any of my arguments. Why does Soren make the point about “who his dad really is” if it is supposed to be about him being “corrupted”? If you are so ignorant about the language of visual storytelling that you think this...

...or this...

...is communicating that the person in the middle is an “morally complex” and not pure evil, then that is your problem. Like, the second picture doesn’t even require interpreting the visuals. He is just straight up admitting that he has no problem with throwing his best friend’s kid in jail. You would think that would be hard for him if he is supposed to be morally complex.

And here we see Viren’s motivations are complex too. He still wants to create a bright future for humankind, eschewing conquest until he’s convinced it’s necessary. He willingly risks his life at Lux Auera to reduce potential casualties on his side. And even though his status as the main villain is over, his arc will still continue. 

Yeah, except we have no reason to believe he really didn’t want to conquer Xadia from the beginning. He was raising an army long before he met Aaravos and Aaravos didn’t have to make any kind of argument for why conquest was “necessary”. He literally just went:

...and Viren relented. Again, no analysis of the “lights and design” necessary here. This is clearly portrayed as a man who wants power and conquest looking for any excuse he can find. And I remind you, this is explicitly confirmed by Soren to be Viren’s true character, not a corruption.

I have no doubt that Viren’s arc will continue. And it will continue to make him the only one responsible for everything that goes wrong in the world. Mark my words. When King Ahling is upset because Aanya murdered his son the solution will no doubt be to prove that Viren “killed him” first by turning him into a monster.

...yea, making Ezran’s arc simplistic and having enough time to flesh everything out are *totally* incompatible concerns! Seriously, all your edit of the exchange between Callum and Ezran demonstrates is that you’re angry the story shows rather than tells. That line you made up is campy, anvillicious, and unnecessary, because Ezran’s actions explain everything that line does. Maybe *you* didn’t pick up on that, but that’s a different problem. 

I wouldn’t say that they are incompatible, just that “simplicity” only seems to be concern for you in this specific case because you sure don’t seem to have a problem with Callum telling rather than showing his feelings.

And I really don’t see how the exchange I made up is in any way more campy than Soren’s monologue or Ezran’s pitch for peace to Kasef. Like I said, I just don’t buy that this show suddenly thought they could be “subtle” with Ezran making a complete heel-turn when they have always worn their intentions on their sleeve previously.

And no, this change needed more connective tissue to make Ezran’s choice of “no fighting” to his choice of “burn them all” to make any sense and not just come off as him always putting cute magical creatures over his own people, which is something of a pattern with him I might remind you.

This is part of what makes it difficult for me to see his “actions” as an indicator of anything but a preference for dragons.

Really? Corvus says Ezran is noble and wise? I seem to have missed that part. He doesn’t tell him he did the right thing, only that at the end of it, he’s shown great strength and courage. Ezran didn’t have to have made the right decision to be those things, and this was certainly the encouragement he needed to hear. If you paid attention to the rest of his arc as much as you do to this one line, maybe you would have picked up on that. 

Fair is fair, I kind of extrapolated the “wise” part but “noble” and “graceful” are synonyms (and isn’t it interesting that you did apparently miss that part?).

Ezran’s arc of not running from his problems came to a head at the end of last season when he went back to be king. This could have worked as a continuation of it if they hadn’t insisted on praising his every decision so darn much. Whatever you may think of Corvus little pep-talk it sure as fuck doesn’t express any indicatiion that Ezran just wanted to avoid the problem. And I think what Ezran (and his “arc) needed was something more along the lines of “you may not have thought everything through but you still have all the qualities of a great king”. You know, something to actually encourage him to work on these flaws.

When I look at Ezran’s entire arc, I see a kid who repeatedly claims to have empathy for everyone but abandons it when it is convenient for the people he cares about the most. It will always be “right” to help the dragon who burned his people alive before even checking to see who made it out of the blaze. It will always be “necessary” to fight a bloody battle and kill soldiers who have famillies at home when it is to defend his little dragon friend. And the story will helpfully make that even easier for him by dehumanizing the soldiers for him first. That is the pattern I see when I look at Ezran’s actions as a whole.

By long term consequences to Ezran’s actions, you mean “how people acted and reacted to his choices,” which...doesn’t change whether his choice was a good or bad one. Viren’s defeat was not a reasonably foreseeable outcome of Ezran’s abdication. I should not need to tell you.

Have you been listening to anything I have said? This is exactly why I have a problem with this whole thing and why I keep coming back to framing. Ezran couldn’t predict that this would save everyone so he shouldn’t have made that choice, but this is a story and by having the soldiers he saved come back to save the day again the narrative is telling us that this is something Ezran is responsible for and giving him credit for the victory. Combine that with the constant praise and the lack of any criticism and you have a story that says “Ezran always makes the right choice, even when all logic tells us that it shouldn’t work”.

How people act and react to his choices absolutely changes whether the choice was good or bad, because it is a story. This is how storytelling works. The way the characters react and the consequences of what happens is what tells us, the audience, how we are supposed to feel about it.

This dissonance between what we as real people can tell is bad leadership and what the story rewards as good behavior is literally the core issue I have been talking about since the beginning.

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, so its no secret that I detest fandom’s obsession with Dick’s temper and how its one of his biggest character flaws, and that I looooooooooathe how much people fixate on that fight with Donna in NTT, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen anyone post the FULL scene with Dick and Donna rather than just selectively pull the panels in which Dick makes Donna cry, so I’ve included them all here so people can decide for themselves.

And keep in mind, as the last page I’ve included shows (with it taking place a mere THREE issues after this Dick and Donna fight)....Dick was quite literally NOT IN HIS RIGHT MIND at the time. This was a PLOT point, NOT a CHARACTERIZATION. The entire ‘road’ to this storyline was Dick deliberately and consciously being written as being more and more OUT of character, to SHOW that something was literally wrong with him. 

This includes his reaction to Kory when she got married on Tamaran - literally the issue BEFORE this fight with Donna, his abrasive attitude to Alfred when he visits Bruce, Alfred and Jason at Wayne Manor briefly upon returning to Earth, and this fight itself.

And lol, all anyone around him wanted to do was talk about how he needed ‘tough love’ from them and to be lectured on everything he was doing wrong rather than a SINGLE ONE OF THEM bothering to ask themselves - let alone him - WHY he was behaving so erratically and again, LITERALLY out of character. Why, no matter what personal problems he was having, they were having him react THIS way, lashing out at everyone around him, when Dick has ALWAYS had a lot of personal shit going on and yet this is absolutely NOT his standard, in character way of USUALLY dealing with that.....

Despite people both deliberately and unknowingly calling back to stories whose entire POINT is showing this behavior as out of character....

And using it to describe THAT VERY BEHAVIOR as being IN character.

So, please read these pages with that context in mind, keeping a firm awareness of the fact that Dick is literally battling mental conditioning he’s unaware of through all of this, while Donna on the other hand is NOT. And has NO excuse for the things she says and DOES.....

And yet, this fight only EVER comes up in demonstration of DICK’S temper and how its this great character flaw of his, and NEVER to say, DONNA has a temper and this is one of her character flaws.

Please ask yourselves why the fuck a fandom has spent thirty years since this issue framing this fight as Dick’s fault, proof of how cruel and awful HE can be, instead of....how even his closest friends are TYPICALLY characterized as having no patience with him when he’s acting out of character....even when there might very well be - and usually IS - a REASON he’s acting out of character, beyond ‘he’s going through some shit.’

And ESPECIALLY ask yourselves why the hell this fight comes up so often with it being cited - and panels provided as proof - that Dick makes Donna cry with the things he says (again, while brainwashed).....

But with ZERO mention of the facts that:

a) Dick told Donna from the outset that he wasn’t in the mood to have this argument and asked her to leave HIS apartment

b) Donna refused and said they were going to talk about this now whether he liked it or not

c) Donna - a character with super strength - physically manhandled Dick into staying put when Dick still insisted he didn’t want to do this now

d) Dick AGAIN makes the effort to de-escalate or break off the argument because he knows or feels strongly its going to get even LESS civil than it already has been, given the mood he is (and not knowing that this mood is again, at least partly due to turmoil from constantly fighting against brainwashing he himself isn’t even aware of)

e) When Donna STILL refuses to do him the COURTESY of listening to his repeated efforts to NOT DO THIS RIGHT NOW, Dick tries to go past her and leave his OWN apartment just to get away from her

f) Donna STILL refuses to allow this, physically shoving him back again to keep him from going anywhere until SHE’S good and ready for him to

g) only THEN does Dick go on the offensive (but also kinda the defensive, if you consider the fact that he’s repeatedly expressed HE DOESN’T WANT TO BE HERE OR DO THIS WITH HER and has tried more than once to get her to go or remove HIMSELF from the situation)....and its only at THIS point that Dick says the admittedly cruel things that make Donna cry and are the source of the ONLY panels from this whooooooole scene that I’ve ever seen provided in posts about how this demonstrates Dick’s temper

h) Donna - far from being a helpless victim of Dick’s cruel temper, the way its usually framed - responds with her OWN offensive, not just in the form of words, but - and I can not express enough how fucking uncomfortable it makes me that Dick is so often framed as the aggressor here, the one with the temper, the one OUT OF LINE when this happens in the same scene - Donna responds to what Dick says by LITERALLY PUNCHING HIM THROUGH A WALL

i) Donna then REMAINS just as much on the offensive as Dick himself, but whereas Dick’s offensive is in the form of words he’s saying to Donna - after being pushed and provoked despite repeated attempts of his to de-escalate or disengage (and again, WHILE brainwashed) - Donna’s offensive remains in the form of PHYSICAL AGGRESSION, as she repeatedly tries to attack HER FRIEND with her super strength, clearly not holding back as we see her demolishing the parts of HIS apartment her attacks actually connect with

j) Despite Donna changing the nature of their conflict from being just about words to being one of outright physical aggression - well not really changing, if you keep in mind the fact that Donna used physicality to force Dick to remain in the apartment long before they reached this point to begin with - Dick STILL makes ZERO effort to respond with any physical aggression of his own, despite her having ALL the advantages in a straight up physical conflict between them, and the fact that even ONE of those hits from her is going to do FAR more damage to him if it connects than ANYTHING he could do to her ever would, and instead, Dick remains committed to simply EVADING her physical attacks while doing zero to reciprocate with anything other than words

k) the conflict only concludes when Dick FINALLY - and despite Donna’s repeated and continued efforts - manages to get out of his OWN apartment and leave just to get away from her - as he was trying to do ALL ALONG

l) in the aftermath of the conflict, we only see Donna sitting on the floor of his demolished apartment, clearly upset but with no indication if that has ANYTHING to do with anything SHE actually did throughout it or if she’s still only focused on what he said to HER, whereas we’re treated to a full internal monologue from Dick where he’s clearly confused and upset with his OWN behavior and trying to justify it and make sense of it even just to himself, which again, plays right into the fact that from here he sets out to find Raven, which leads him straight into the clutches of the Church of Blood as it turned out he wasn’t sneaking in but rather being lured back in via....

m) the mental conditioning its revealed Dick’s had implanted thanks to them all along, and the ultimate SOURCE of all his erratic, OUT OF CHARACTER, and volatile behavior over the past year, as he’s been battling against it internally with no idea that’s what he was doing or why he was having dramatic mood swings and shifts in priorities and decision-making

But again.....the only thing that EVER gets mentioned about this entire conflict, and the only pages which are ever posted from it....

Are the ones where Dick makes Donna cry.

So. Yeah. THAT, and the fact that this particular fight is FOUNDATIONAL to the whole “Dick has an awful temper and lashes out at even his closest loved ones at times” characterization that’s influenced not just fandom, but other later writers of canon itself....

All without ZERO mention or awareness of the larger overall framing or even the fact that there were TWO people involved in this fight, but only Dick has the excuse of “I was literally brainwashed at the time tho” for what he says and does and he STILL wasn’t the one who initiated, escalated, repeatedly refused to take what the other wanted into account, and oh yeah, physically attacked him....

Like. This would be why I 100% can not stand talk of Dick’s temper and how its one of his greatest flaws, while literally every single character can be shown to be written as an asshole at times or having a temper when lashing out or hurt - such as say, Donna in this very same scene....

And the much, MUCH more consistent and frequently appearing pattern in canon is NOT Dick being this volatile jerk who often makes his friends and family the victim of his temper....but rather Dick himself is the victim of THEIR tempers and physical aggression, with this repeatedly and consistently glossed over and DELIBERATELY EXCLUDED FROM THE NARRATIVE in order to just focus SOLELY on Dick’s part of a fight and whatever he did or said that was wrong.

Also also also, just to reiterate, like I coincidentally (or is it a coincidence) have to keep doing with the Ric Grayson arc to get people to remember to be sympathetic to how DICK is affected by all this rather than how he’s VICTIMIZING his loved ones through all this, ALMOST FORTY YEARS AFTER THIS SCENE (lol my how things have changed).....

OH YEAH. AND HE WAS BRAINWASHED THOUGH.

Anyway, the pages in FULL, below the cut:

Skipping ahead to a mere THREE ISSUES LATER and the brainwashing reveal:

[gunnerpalace]

It is Time to Kill The Common Understanding of the Dome of Las Noches Fight Once and for All

I’ve been thinking about @starrdustcrusader​‘s post making fun of BBS’s interpretation of Full Hollow Ichigo, and while it is very good and covers a lot, I felt that I had something further to add. Please go read that post first so you are on the same page.

I also invite you to go read chapter 350, The Lust 4, and the next few chapters as well.

Now, like I said, the post in question does a very good job of pointing out what’s happening here: Full Hollow Ichigo has less than zero concern for Uryuu or Orihime. He is not interested in protecting them whatsoever. Indeed, he directly attempts to kill Uryuu, with that attack being very likely to kill Orihime as well. It is only stopped by Ulquiorra’s intervention.

And why did Ichigo attack Uryuu? Because he was a threat.

When you are doing dispassionate threat analysis, whether that be tactical or strategic, when you are thinking with an essentially military mindset, motive stops really mattering, because it cannot be taken for granted. What matters is capability. What someone says their intentions are, or what their intentions seem to be, often matter less from this perspective than what they can do, or are doing.

What is Uryuu doing in this fight? He is interfering with Full Hollow Ichigo killing Ulquiorra. And that is Full Hollow Ichigo's only goal. Thus, Uryuu is an enemy and is also to be killed.

And so is Orihime (if “merely” as collateral damage).

It's that simple. This is again pointed out in the original post. In the same way that Ulquiorra earlier said to Ichigo that, "Killing you is synonymous with protecting Las Noches," killing Uryuu and Orihime at this point is synonymous with “protecting,” because they are in the way and are actively impeding the mission. (”Protecting” what? We’ll come back to that.)

I haven’t said anything new yet, now have I? So let’s get to that.

Here is Orihime demonstrating several flavors of hubris, and also completing failing to do anything to save Uryuu from his imminent demise. What do I mean? Well, let’s take apart her statements:

“Because I said that, Kurosaki-kun is trying to help me.” This is an assumption on her part, and it is wrong.

“I trained because I didn’t want to be a burden to him.” Mind you, she also says this in both the Xcution and TYBW arcs, and is a burden and fails in both as well (the infamous ”Why am I crying?” and “Her shield didn’t work” moments). This should have been a learning moment for her and it was not.

“I came here because I wanted to protect him.” There are other meta posts that detail the selfishness of Orihime’s actions in Hueco Mundo and in general. I would also like to point out that this was also her exact same logic in going to Soul Society. She didn’t learn anything from that experience either.

“So why? Why at the very end did I depend on him?” A great question. One that she never truthfully owns up to, given (2). But there was a reason Kisuke told her to stay out of the war. You may recall Rukia's statement to Orihime in chapter 228, Don't Look Back, that "In a battle, the ones who get in the way are not the ones that lack power, but the ones that lack resolve." She went on to say "Of all the battles in Soul Society, no one was a burden to anyone else. Not Ichigo, nor Sado, nor Ishida, and neither were you, Inoue. If any of you were less than who you are, I wouldn't be where I am today." This was very charitable of Rukia, because Orihime's contribution to her rescue was negligible and was, to reiterate, not why she was even there. Furthermore, Orihime didn't listen to her here either: she is once again demonstrating a lack of resolve, as she will continue to.

So Orihime doesn’t learn. Great. But maybe you’re thinking about (1). What do I mean she was wrong? I mean, doesn’t the manga confirm she’s right?

This is the crux of that argument. And this is also one of the cruxes of IchiHime as a whole. The thing is... it’s complete and utter bullshit.

This is the exact same scene in the original Japanese:

Now, I don’t speak or read Japanese very well at all. I’m still a novice at it. What I can do, however, is use optical character recognition and translation tools.

(よ)呼んでる - Yonderu - Calling

(よ)呼んでるんだ - Yonderunda - They’re calling

(き) 聞 こえる -  Kikoeru - I can hear

(た)立てよ - Tateyo - Stand up

(た)立 て - Tate - Stand

(おれ)俺が - Ore ga - I will

(おれ)俺が - Ore ga - I will

俺が護る - Ore ga mamoru - I will protect

(The parentheticals are furigana used as a pronunciation guide.)

Now do you see a single instance of “her” or “she” in this dialogue, particularly when it comes to the final line of “I will protect”? No, you don’t. Because it’s not there. It was never there until a biased translator inserted it into the dialogue. I’m not alone in this analysis, by the way.

Quite some time ago, @kodoku-no-maria​​ did a wonderful analysis about Ichigo’s instincts (”Mistranslations that Created the IH Fandom”) that also covered this (using anime quotes instead) and came to a similar conclusion. It’s a great post and you should read it. 

This isn’t the post she mentions in hers, but there is one done specifically of the manga by a deactivated account. You should read this post too. (This also notes other things, such as how Orihime says “Help, Kurosaki-kun!” and not “Help me, Kurosaki-kun!” so we can take it that the Mangastream / Mangareader English translation is just generally dodgy all around at this point. Which may well impact the points I made above about Orihime’s character; but I think given the events of the Xcution and TYBW arcs that it is evident she did not in fact learn anything, so I will stand by the basic thrust of them.)

Okay, so I’ve marshaled my evidence on the battle and provided corroborating analysis. (I have also reblogged all three of these posts because they’re good, although the links are to the original sources or as close to them as I could get.) 

Ichigo didn’t turn into Full Hollow Ichigo because of Orihime. She had nothing to really do with it. Great. So what?

Well, let’s now move on to my theory.

Now, you might be thinking that it is fairly obvious that all of those lines are Ichigo’s inner monologue. But I don’t think it’s so obvious. In fact, I would suggest to you that it is actually a dialogue.

On the second page, with the third panel, it suddenly zooms in to the wound in Ichigo’s torso. This notably later becomes Full Hollow Ichigo’s Hollow hole. You notice here the dialogue changes, from commands (e.g., “Stand”) to personal pronouns (e.g., “I”).

I would submit to you that the first three lines are Ichigo’s. But I don’t think the last five are. I think they belong to two other entities. Especially the last three. First, let me steal two of Maria’s highlighted panels to make a point:

So who is talking? It’s simple:

Do you really think it’s a coincidence that Zangetsu (Hollow Zangetsu) shows up wearing the exact same outfit as ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ after Tensa Zangetsu gives a speech about how:

I don’t think so. Ichigo "fell into despair and halted [his] progress" and Zangetsu, as 'Full Hollow Ichigo' is "the "source of [his] despair." (This is the same despair that Rukia noticed when Ichigo came down from the top of the dome to confront Yammy.) As has been previously pointed out in the linked posts, we see this despair on the dome after Ulquiorra’s defeat in Ichigo’s attitude. Starrdust covered these, but let’s go over them again:

He’s doesn’t seem all that shocked or concerned here, to be honest.

He’s a lot more shocked at what he did to Uryuu.

But the thing that really gets him is that he’s gone and killed Ulquiorra. That’s his despair.

This is the first time he’s out and out killed somebody. (And yeah, Ulquiorra is dead because he had his bits vaporized with a cero, not purified.)

He finally has to learn this isn’t all fun and games, that you can’t turn everyone to your side and redeem them and be friends with them afterward, as he did with Ikkaku, Renji, Kenpachi, Byakuya, and even to an extent Dordoni and Grimmjow. This is exactly what Dordoni was warning him about. This is the lesson he will be forced to learn again after weakening Aizen long enough for Kisuke’s kidou to work on him.

And it is why later, his determination to “save everyone” in the Xcution arc by cutting Ginjou down and killing him (even if he turns into a Plus as revealed in TYBW, undermining the whole symbolic importance of the act) is a big deal for his character development, and one of the few redeeming aspects of that arc: it shows that Ichigo learned a lesson from this fight: sometimes to protect you have to kill.

And who taught him that lesson? Zangetsu.

Who was speaking in the 4th and 5th lines in that transformation sequence? My bet is “Zangetsu” (Quincy Zangetsu) or Tensa Zangetsu. And who was speaking in the 6th, 7th, and 8th lines? Zangetsu.

What was Zangetsu protecting? Ichigo. That’s his instinct. That’s all he cares about protecting, just like Tensa Zangetsu. He sure the fuck wasn’t protecting Orihime or Uryuu. And the mask of ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ is there to protect those instincts. And the mindless rage of ‘Full Hollow Ichigo’ is Zangetsu’s rage at Ulquiorra for trying to kill Ichigo.

We of course know from much later, in TYBW, that zanpakutou spirits aren’t some separate entity from the wielder, but are the wielder (hence why we go from “The Blade and Me” to “The Blade IS Me”) which Ichigo will affirm in the reforging of his into the “two Zangetsus.” So this can ultimately be read as self-preservation instinct. These are the aspects of Ichigo that were willing to do what he himself consciously wouldn’t in order to stay alive.

(Also, Uryuu was an idiot and wrong to stop Zangetsu as Ulquiorra still clearly constituted a threat, so he frankly got what he deserved, if a bit harshly.)

In summary, not only did the fight above the dome in Las Noches not have anything to do with protecting Orihime, but it was entirely about Ichigo’s character development and relations with the personifications of his powers, and everyone has been reading it completely fucking wrong for years and years.

If you don’t know, now you know.

[kpop-zone]

Losing Our Minds | Solar

Warnings: consumption of alcohol

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 5,682

Request: r gets jealous over moonsun, they have a huge fight about it and r goes to rosé(bp) for comfort and to vent out. Solar finds out and accuses r of cheating. mainly angst but fluff ending pls

Y/N: This story has literally no plot at all, so I’m sorry to the anon who requested it and also to anyone who’s reading it...

Nervously you took a glance at your watch.

10:30 pm

Yongsun still wasn’t home from work and slowly you began panicking. What if something happened? You had already called her countless times and she didn’t respond to your text messages either. You didn’t want to be the kind of partner that didn’t let their significant other breathe, but you were seriously worried by now. Therefore, you searched for Moonbyul’s contact and called her. Maybe she could tell you where your girlfriend was.

It didn’t take long until she picked up and the first thing that you heard was loud laughter in the background. Laughter that sounded awfully similar to your girlfriend’s.

“Moonbyul? Hi, this is Y/N. Do you know where Yongsun is?”

You asked sheepishly, because you felt a little awkward to call your girlfriend’s group member in order to find her.

“Yeah, she’s here with me!”

Moonbyul answered nonchalantly and you started to feel irritation crawling up inside of you.

“Is everything ok?”

You probed, hoping that maybe there was an explanation for all of this. Maybe they had some trouble in the company and the whole group had a meetup at Moonbyul’s to find a solution.

“Of course! Yongsun and I just wanted to let loose a bit after the practice.”

You could hear your girlfriend giggling in the background and by now you had to fight hard to choke down your anger.

“Only the two of you?”

You asked as calmly as possible while jealousy joined the mixture of feelings that wanted to take control of your body right now.

All the members of Mamamoo were close, you knew that. And you had never had a problem with it. You were glad that Yongsun had found a family for life, but nevertheless, you couldn’t help but to be jealous sometimes. Especially when she was flirting with Moonbyul. A lot of fans shipped them and while you tried to not let your jealousy get the best of you, you couldn’t completely ignore their chemistry. What if they truly had feelings for each other and just didn’t want to disrupt the group’s dynamics?

Your thoughts were interrupted when Moonbyul answered your question.

“Yup. Do you want to talk with her?”

She offered but you couldn’t stand to hear her voice right now. Otherwise, the mixture of feelings that was currently seething inside of you would probably erupt.

“No, it’s fine. Thanks.”

You answered shortly before hanging up the phone without losing another word.

You couldn’t believe it. Wanting to relax with a friend after work was one thing, but not even having the decency to inform you about it, was unacceptable.

With your anger still boiling inside of you, you got ready for bed and tried to unwind. Which wasn’t easy, because the spot next to you was still empty. You didn’t have to wait long though until you heard the front door opening. At least, your girlfriend still had enough empathy to know when she had messed up.

You closed your eyes when Yongsun entered the bedroom with the intention to avoid talking to her. Your plan seemed to work, because she silently tiptoed into the bathroom so as not to wake you. When she came back though, she crawled into the bed and instantly scooted closer to you. Reflexively you tried to distance yourself again from her, because you were still mad at her.

“Jagi?”

Yongsun whispered but you remained silent.

Gently, she laid her hand on your hip to catch your attention, but you wiggled yourself out of her grasp and huffed demonstratively. Apparently, she got your cue, because she slowly returned to her side of the bed where she sighed loudly. This was a fight between the two most stubborn people on earth and you were determined to win it. It took you a while till you fell asleep, because you couldn’t stop your brain from working, but eventually your heavy eyelids won the fight.

When you woke up the next morning, Yongsun was already gone. Most days she left earlier than you and you were lowkey grateful for it today. There was a huge argument waiting for you and you definitely weren’t in the mood to endure it in the early morning.

Nevertheless, you dreaded it the whole day. On the one hand, you were still angry and finally wanted to give your anger some room, but on the other hand, you were also really not looking forward to one of your seemingly endless fights with Yongsun. They always lasted several days and none of you ever stepped down from their point of view. But this fight was inevitable. You didn’t want any more frustration to pile up and lead to an even bigger argument.

Therefore, you went home after work without any detours. As soon as you opened the door you could hear Yongsun humming along to a song and you mentally prepared yourself for what was about to come. When you entered the living room, you saw that your girlfriend was laying on the couch, looking at her phone. When she noticed your arrival, she quickly put it down.

“What did I do to deserve your presence today?”

You asked cynically and Yongsun rolled her eyes.

“You can be so annoying sometimes. Do I need your allowance for everything now?”

She bickered back, causing your bottled-up emotions to boil again.

“I’m sorry for worrying about you. But I guess if I’m so annoying, you won’t have to search long for a replacement.”

Your accusation was subtle, but Yongsun instantly noticed it.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She asked with narrowed eyes and a defensive tone.

“Don’t act dumb, Yongsun. Is there something going on between you and Moonbyul?”

You questioned straightforward. You were tired of beating around the bush and finally wanted to know the truth.

Your girlfriend stared at you with her mouth half-open and her forehead scrunched up in confusion. Then, however, her anger returned all at once.

“That’s ridiculous, Y/N! Your jealousy and possessiveness are pathetic.”

She laughed and your heart ached because she discarded your worries like that.

Your feelings jumbled up all the words in your brain and you were left speechless. You gulped thickly to choke down the tears that threatened to fall. Your feelings weren’t important to your girlfriend. That was for sure; instead she called you pathetic. Her insult echoed in your head and you couldn’t find any fitting comeback. This battle was lost, but you weren’t willing to let Yongsun win the war. Therefore, you needed time to recover.

“Well I think, I’m doing you a favor then if I leave.”

You spat out before turning on your heel and storming out of the apartment.

You couldn’t believe Yongsun’s stubbornness. How could she ridicule your question like that? You weren’t the only one that was seeing a spark between Moonbyul and her. There were several fans that would back you up on your theory. Of course, they didn’t know either of them privately like you did. But honestly, sometimes you felt like you were third wheeling Moonbyul and Yongsun when you were together with them, instead of the other way around.

Therefore, you didn’t stop as you ran downstairs to escape another verbal jab by your girlfriend. You definitely needed some time to get a clear head again. As soon as you had left the building tears streamed down your face and you stood on the sidewalk like a lost puppy. You couldn’t go back to your apartment anymore, but where else were you supposed to go now? Therefore, you dialed the first number that came to your mind.

“Chae? Yongsun and I had a fight, can I crash at your place?”

Your best friend was the only person that you wanted to see right now. And as reliable as she was, it was no wonder that she immediately ordered you to come over.

As soon as you had knocked on her door, it swung open and she wrapped her arms tightly around you.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

She mumbled against your head, while slowly pulling you inside the apartment.

Together you sat down in the living room where you started to tell her everything. Chaeyoung listened attentively and gave you several tissues throughout your monologue, because your tears only stopped rolling down your cheeks at the very end. You looked at her desperate for any advice, so she patted your shoulder lightly.

“Hm I think there is only one solution for that.”

She said once you were done talking, causing you to look at her expectantly.

You expected her to say a some encouraging empty phrase, but instead Chaeyoung leaped to her feet and held out her hand for you.

“We have to get your mind off things.”

She announced with a big grin and you looked at her in confusion.

“I wanted to go partying tonight anyways, so I’m just going to take you with me. What better way to forget things than to drown your worries in alcohol?”

Chaeyoung continued and you defensively held up your hands. You definitely weren’t in the mood to celebrate or to dance right now.

“Forget it. I’m not leaving the house looking like this. Besides, I don’t even have the right clothes with me.”

You tried to save yourself, but when you saw Chaeyoung’s smirk, you knew that you had lost the debate.

“Let me worry about that!”

She winked at you before pulling you off the couch and into her bedroom.

You didn’t even have time to protest before you looked at yourself in the mirror with some tighter clothes on and some makeup to conceal your puffy eyes.

“Ready to rumble?”

Chaeyoung asked cheekily and you sighed in desperation, because you truly didn’t want to go to a club. But your best friend didn’t want to see you sad like this any longer. Therefore, she took your hand in hers and dragged you out of the apartment.

The two of you made your first stop at a bar where Chaeyoung put you up to drinking almost a whole bottle of Soju by yourself in only a short amount of time to loosen you up. She reached her goal rather quickly, because you were a lightweight and suddenly, you couldn’t even wait to go to the club. Therefore, you quickly pulled your friend out of the bar and into the place that you hoped could numb your misery.

It didn’t take you long till you got accommodated to the buzzing chaos in the club. People were bumping into your body from left and right and the music was so loud that your eardrum felt like it was close to bursting. You didn’t mind one bit though and instantly jumped right into the crowd.

Chaeyoung, on the other hand, had decided to babysit you tonight, because she knew about your drunken vices. Whenever you went past your limit, you were extremely hyper and could seemingly teleport yourself to places where you shouldn’t be. One second you were on the dancefloor, the next one you were getting yourself another drink at the bar, the next second you were stumbling out of the club, because you needed some fresh air. And to worsen everything, you were extremely clingy too.

“Come on, Chaeyoung. Dance with me!”

You slurred over the loud music while throwing your arms around your best friend’s neck and dragging her to the dance floor. Chaeyoung chuckled because of your behavior and let you clumsily move your body to the beat while she only moved from one foot to the other to be able to block any gross drunks from getting too close to you. As long as you had fun and didn’t think about Yongsun, Chaeyoung was happy to be your babysitter.

“I love that song!”

You suddenly yelled before pulling out your phone and starting to film yourself.

“Rosé!!”

You slurred before almost crashing into her body and starting to dance with her.

Chaeyoung giggled because she was already used to your drunken antics. Nevertheless, she slowly took away your phone, because she didn’t want this video to convey a wrong impression. While she knew that this was nothing more than drunken affection for a friend, others might think that you could be more than that. You pouted shortly when you realized that you weren’t holding anything in your hands anymore, but then the next song came on and you forgot about your phone.

Your drunken behavior held on for the next two hours but then your batteries slowly died down and you started to weave like you were halfdead. Eventually calling it a night, Chaeyoung ordered the two of you a ride and decided that it was best if you stayed over at her place. The way to her apartment turned out to be a bigger challenge than thought, but eventually you were laying in her bed dead asleep.

For you, this night had been the best in a while. You had forgotten about your fight with Yongsun and actually enjoyed every minute to the fullest. On the other side of town, however, a new crisis started to form.

----

Yongsun tossed and turned in her bed. She hated to sleep without you, but at the same time, she was still mad at your accusation. Moonbyul and her? That was ridiculous. All the members were like family to her and she thought that she had made it clear that she only loved you.

Nevertheless, she couldn’t unwind. The fight was still replaying in her head and she couldn’t even think about sleeping. Therefore, she grumpily picked up her phone from her nightstand and opened Instagram to distract herself. But her plan failed when she saw that you had posted something in your story.

She was laying here, pondering about your fight and you were out there, having fun?

Yongsun scoffed, but immediately opened your story.

When she saw the content, she abruptly sat up in her bed.

“What the...”

She mumbled before replaying your story.

You were dancing closely with Chaeyoung and were throwing yourself at her. Yongsun couldn’t believe her eyes. You were accusing her of cheating and now you did the same to get revenge? Although her heart ached, she couldn’t stop replying the short clip over and over again. Every time you slid your arms around Chaeyoung’s neck, it felt like someone was ramming a dagger into her heart. Yongsun closed her eyes to avoid seeing the pictures on her screen, but then her imagination started to run wild. She didn’t want to know, what the two of you were doing right in this moment.

Suddenly tears sprung to Yongsun’s eyes. This couldn’t be. You drove her insane, but she had never actually considered losing you.

“Y/N... Please don’t.”

She whispered as if you could hear her.

She could forgive you for your ridiculous jealousy, but she couldn’t forgive you if you ever cheated on her. Her tears fell at a rapid pace when she thought about you moving on from her and she hugged her own body in need for comfort. Her tears streamed down her cheeks until she eventually passed out in exhaustion. In her dreams, she was haunted by the pictures of you storming out the apartment and dancing with Chaeyoung. Yongsun wanted to escape her nightmares, but her body was too exhausted to stay awake, so she kept being trapped in all the torturing scenarios that her mind could make up. Eventually, it was the sun that freed her from her misery and forced her to jolt awake.

It needed Yongsun a while to open her eyes, but after almost falling back into the same dream, she quickly sat up in her bed. Her gaze automatically wandered to her side and although she had known that you wouldn’t be laying next to her, her heart broke a little when she saw the empty space. Not being able to stand the loneliness any longer, she quickly got out of bed and rushed into the bathroom to move on with her day, in hopes that she could forget about you.

When Yongsun looked into the bathroom mirror, she almost jumped in shock. The traces that your fight had left were clearly visible. Her whole face was puffy and dark circles were decorating her eyes. Even a blind person could see that she had cried all night. Quickly she averted her gaze and pulled out all the makeup in her possession to fix her appearance.

After almost two hours, she looked like herself again and someone who didn’t know her, would never guess that she had experienced the worst night of her life. Satisfied with the results, she left the bathroom. But as soon as she stood in front of the bed and saw your side untouched, the pain in her chest grew again while her anger flared up. Makeup could maybe fix her appearance but not the hole in her heart.

“What you can do, I can do as well.”

Yongsun mumbled to herself while staring at the empty bed.

If you avoided her by running away, she wouldn’t just be waiting here for your return. Especially not after what you had done last night. Therefore, she packed a bag with her essential things and decided to move to Hyejin for a while. The maknae had just gotten a new and big apartment that was good enough to house her until she had figured out what to do with you.

After Yongsun had packed, she checked her appearance one last time in the mirror before leaving the apartment with the intention of not coming back today. Big sunglasses were covering her dark circles and the coffee to go in her hand was supposed to make her feel a little more alive. With her head held high in hopes to fake a good mood, she walked into the practice room of RBW Entertainment, but her members immediately realized that something was wrong.

“You look tired.”

“Haven’t you slept well?”

“What’s bugging you?”

Yongsun was bombarded with questions after not even five minutes. However, she wasn’t ready to talk about the events of the day before yet, but she knew that her members wouldn’t let loose. Therefore, she had to promise them that she would tell them everything after their schedule of the day had ended. One meeting followed the other and the hours dragged on endlessly because Yongsun neither had the energy nor the concentration to do anything at all, making even the staff notice that something was off.

“Ya Yongsun. What’s wrong with you?”

Their producer scolded her after she had sung the wrong line three times in a row.

Her members came to her defense as often as possible, but eventually the producer decided that this session was a waste of time and let them go early.

“Don’t beat yourself up about it. We all have our bad days. We’re just going to eat our worries away later.”

Wheein tried to cheer her up with a wink while patting her shoulder encouragingly.

But Yongsun still felt like a failure. Her relationship was a mess and now she had managed to ruin her reputation at work as well. She wished that she could just rewind the past 24 hours. Maybe talking about her problems would make everything better. Therefore, she dragged her feet out of the company and drove to Hyejin’s apartment where all the members ordered some food and immediately sat down in the living room to be able to hear about the reason for their leader’s bad mood.

Confidently Yongsun started to tell them about the fight. Only thinking about your accusation made her chuckle bitterly and she searched for her member’s support. They would surely agree with her on how ridiculous this whole scenario was. Her confidence slowly faded, however, as her members stayed dead silent throughout her narration and looked at each other insecurely.

Yongsun expected some kind of reaction after she was done talking, but all of them kept avoiding her gaze.

“Is nobody going to say anything? You agree with me that Y/N was wrong, right?”

She asked nervously, but when her members remained quiet, an unsettling feeling started to rise in Yongsun’s stomach.

Eventually the youngest member ended her torture and finally voiced her opinion.

“Honestly, I don’t. I would have left you ages ago.”

Hyejin chuckled while munching on her food, not realizing that Yongsun’s stern gaze had fixed on her.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

She asked annoyed and the youngest member finally realized that she might have said the wrong thing.

With wide eyes, she glanced at the other members, searching for help.

“Come on Yongsun. Can you really blame Y/N? It’s hard enough to date an idol as a non-idol. But then you have to flirt with Moonbyul all the time to the point that our fans actually think the two of you are married?”

Wheein came to her defense and Yongsun looked at them perplexed.

“But that’s ridiculous. We’re basically family.”

She responded, but all her members shook their head.

“Maybe for you. But how is Y/N supposed to know that?”

Moonbyul stated, causing Yongsun to be at a loss for words.

“So are you on Y/N’s side now?”

She asked in disbelief, but her members instantly denied her accusation.

“We’re not on Y/N’s side. But maybe your initial fight hasn’t been completely unjustified. I mean, I would have kicked my ass a long while ago if I was in Y/N’s shoes...”

Moonbyul explained causing Yongsun to become pensive.

Had she been too harsh with you?

If you truly had been right to voice your concerns, then her reaction must have been hurtful, and you had had a good reason to storm out the apartment.

Slowly realization began to sink in.

“Guys, I think I have messed up.”

Yongsun said in shock and her members instantly hugged her from all sides.

But despite the comfort of her members, Yongsun knew that this night would be another one that she spent tossing and turning.

----

“Good morning sunshine!”

When Chaeyoung entered the room while yelling loudly and opening the blinds, you groaned in annoyance and tried to hide your face under your pillow. But your best friend immediately took away your shield.

“It’s time to wake up. It’s already 2pm.”

When you heard the time, you quickly jolted awake in shock, regretting your action soon after though, because a stinging pain shot through your head.

“2 pm?”

You asked in disbelief while clutching your head in hopes to lessen the pain.

“Yes, I wasn’t even sure whether you’re alive anymore.”

Chaeyoung chuckled, but you weren’t in the mood for jokes.

Slowly the events of the day before started flooding your head, causing regret to grow like a bad gathering. You regretted drinking so much that you felt like a truck had run you over. You regretted fighting with Yongsun. And you regretted running away from her.

“I think, I need to puke.”

You suddenly choked out before sprinting to the bathroom.

As you were hanging over the toilet while Chaeyoung stroked your back to make you feel better, you thought about everything that had happened yesterday. You were finally able to think clearly again as your anger had ceased.

Did you really think that Yongsun would ever cheat on you? Or did your jealousy get the better of you?

Maybe Yongsun hadn’t reacted correctly to your accusation, but nevertheless, you trusted her with your life. You shouldn’t have snapped at her like that. If you had only talked calmly with her about your worries, instead of accusing her, this whole catastrophe might have been avoidable.

Hopefully it wasn’t too late to fix things.

“I think, I have to go home now.”

You mumbled after you had emptied your stomach and Chaeyoung looked at you pitiful.

“Are you sure that you can face Yongsun again?”

She asked worried, but you instantly nodded in response.

“This isn’t the first fight we have had. And maybe we were both wrong and it’s time to be the bigger person.”

You tried mustering a smile to express your positivity. Your head, however, quickly started hammering as you lifted it and so you decided to start your day slowly.

After having a rather cold shower and drinking some coffee, you were starting to feel like a normal again and were ready to behave like an adult in front of your girlfriend. It was already late afternoon, when you drove back to your apartment, but you knew that Yongsun was still at work anyways.

Therefore, you started preparing some dinner after you had arrived, hoping that you could appease your girlfriend with good food. But the hands of the clock took their steady turn without you hearing your girlfriend ever entering the apartment. Flashbacks of that disastrous night came back to you as it was almost 10:30 pm again.

Was this relationship just not meant to be fixed?

You came with the intention of doing your bit for the reconciliation, but it seemed like Yongsun wasn’t ready yet. Desperation and loneliness brought tears to your eyes and you crawled into your bed in hopes that the arms of your girlfriend would wrap around you from behind like always when she came home late. But not that night. The bed was still empty the next morning and tears started pooling in your eyes. Where was Yongsun? Had she already moved on from you and was out there enjoying her single life again? Or had she been seeking comfort at a friend’s house like you did? You were hoping for the latter case and so you dialed Moonbyul’s number once again.

Your heart beat faster with every ringing of the phone until you were greeted with the person’s voice that had taken a crucial part in all this chaos.

“Y/N?”

Moonbyul’s voice sounded a lot less relaxed this time and you guessed that Yongsun had talked with her about your fight.

“Hey, Moonbyul.”

Your shaky voice was giving away that you had cried, and you gulped thickly in hopes to conceal your miserable state.

“Is Yongsun with you?”

You asked, not knowing whether you’d rather be sure about your girlfriend’s whereabouts or if everything would become more complicated if she’d with the person that you had accused her of cheating with.

“No... she’s not here.”

Moonbyul answered hesitantly, indicating that she probably knew more than she was telling you.

“Do you know where she is?”

You probed, causing your girlfriend’s best friend to sigh on the other end.

“Just that we are clear: I’m not on your side, but I feel bad for causing your fight and I don’t want you guys to break up. Plus I don’t want to believe that you have actually cheated. So I’m telling you this in good faith. Yongsun is at Hyejin’s.”

Moonbyul revealed, but you were taken aback by her statement before that.

“Cheated?”

You asked perplexed.

“Yeah, Yongsun saw your Insta story.”

She responded reproachfully and you ended up being even more confused.

Quickly you thanked her for her information before hanging up the call to be able to check your Instagram.

You opened your old stories and realized in shock that you truly had uploaded one the night before yesterday. There wasn’t a lot that you remembered from back then. Therefore, you were assuming that you hadn’t done a lot of rational things. Hesitantly you clicked on your story and ended up watching it with wide eyes. You were closely dancing with Chaeyoung and were practically throwing yourself at her.

For you, it was clear that you would never start something with your best friend, but you weren’t so sure about Yongsun.

The irony of the situation was truly unbelievable.

You had been accusing your girlfriend of cheating on you with her best friend because they were awfully close and now, she was probably pulling the reverse card. But you couldn’t let your relationship come to an end because of some misunderstandings.

Determined you leaped to your feet and rushed to the door after grabbing your keys. This hide and seek had to end now. Without thinking about a plan, you rushed to Hyejin’s apartment to finally clear things up. Only when you stood in front of the door, your nervousness had caught up to you. What were you supposed to say? Would your girlfriend even open the door? Anxiously you rang the doorbell and waited for the door to open, while taking glances at the camera that was installed above the door. You couldn’t know for sure, but you assumed that Hyejin and Yongsun were discussing whether to let you in or not right in this moment.

After what felt like an eternity, the door eventually swung open and revealed your girlfriend that was looking at you sternly.

“What do you want?”

Yongsun said annoyed and your heart clenched because of her harsh tone.

“I-I think we need to talk.”

You stuttered insecurely while looking at your girlfriend with pleading eyes.

Yongsun barely met your eyes and shifted her gaze nervously from one point to the other. You hated to see her this anxious. Her eyes were puffy just like yours and she didn’t seem like she had gotten much sleep either. All you wanted to do was to step forward and wrap your arms around her. But you knew that you weren’t on hugging terms yet. Therefore, you kept awkwardly standing in front of her, waiting for her sentence.

Eventually she stepped to the side, barely noticeable and you sighted in relief. Sheepishly you followed her into the apartment where Hyejin was standing in the kitchen, looking at Yongsun and asking her silently whether she wanted her to stay or not.

“It’s ok.”

Yongsun whispered and Hyejin nodded before looking at you warningly and leaving the room.

A cold shudder ran down your spine and you made a mental note to never hurt Yongsun again because you were sure that her members wouldn’t shy back from slashing your tires or throwing eggs at your house.

“What do you have to say?”

Yongsun asked once you sat down on the couch and you gulped thickly.

Your words would significantly decide how the rest of your life would look like, but you had no idea how to start. What if she wouldn’t believe you?

“Um... I don’t really know how to start.”

You admitted while tugging at your sleeves nervously. Yongsun seemed to be equally on edge as you as she was shifting in her seat and avoiding your gaze. Silence thickened the air around you, and you felt like suffocating. Someone needed to make the first step.

“Did you cheat?”

Yongsun suddenly blurted out and although you were already prepared for her accusation, you felt your heart skip a beat.

“Of course not! I would never cheat on you, Yongsun. I know this stupid video looks bad, but Chaeyoung and I are just friends.”

You tried to justify yourself, but Yongsun’s eyes slowly filled with tears and your heart broke.

“So I’m supposed to just believe you, but you’re allowed to doubt my loyalty, because of Moonbyul?”

Yongsun asked agitatedly causing you to lunge forward and grab her hands reflexively.

“Please believe me, jagi.”

Her pet name left your mouth effortlessly, causing Yongsun to snap her eyes up to look at you.

“I’m sorry. I hadn’t meant to snap at you two days ago. But your constant flirting with Moonbyul had really gotten to me and I was so insecure. I don’t know why I accused you of cheating, I never even believed my own words.”

Tears suddenly started streaming down your cheeks while you poured your heart out and Yongsun tightened her grasp on your hand. When you felt her touch, all your dams broke, and you started crying uncontrollably. You would do anything to keep Yongsun in your life.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you.”

You sobbed and suddenly, you could feel arms wrapping around your body.

“It’s ok Y/N. I was wrong too. I should have never discarded your worries like that. But I have never even thought about cheating on you, especially not with Moonbyul, so your accusation really caught me off guard.”

Yongsun explained and you clung to her arms, because for a moment you had doubted that you would ever be able to feel her embrace again.

Relief washed over you as Yongsun kept kissing the top of your head and although you knew that it was unlikely, you hoped that the two of you would never fight again.

“Can we please never fight like that again?”

You begged and your girlfriend vehemently nodded.

“I guess we’ll always fight, but please don’t ever run away again.”

She responded, making you realize that you hadn’t been the only one that had suffered from the separation.

“Can we call the others now and watch TV?”

Hyejin’s voice suddenly cut through the silence and Yongsun and you both jumped in surprise.

“Have you been standing there the whole time?”

Yongsun asked perplexed when she realized that the maknae was lurking behind the half open door.

“What? This was better than every Kdrama.”

Hyejin answered nonchalantly while shuffling into the living room and plopping down beside the two of you.

Yongsun looked at her scandalized and immediately leaped to her feet to scold her. You definitely had enough drama for the day though, so you quickly pulled your girlfriend back into your arms and pressed a kiss on the crown of her head.

“You can call yourself lucky because Y/N is here.”

She grumbled under her breath in defeat, causing Hyejin and you to laugh loudly.

“I’m glad the old Yongsun is back again.”

The maknae chuckled and you pulled your girlfriend even closer.

Maybe you made each other lose your minds when you were together. But you’d rather go crazy with her than to ever live without her.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 248: Internships II: THE MENTORING

Previously on BnHA: Endeavor asked Deku and Kacchan to give him the rundown on their character arcs, and Izuku said that he was trying to master his new definitely-not-a-second-quirk quirk, while Katsuki explained that he was trying to find “what he lacks” because he is going for 100% completion in his redemption arc and will accept nothing less! Gotta finish all those sidequests! Anyway so Endeavor was surprisingly into the whole mentoring thing for both of them, but then his own son was all “dad I’ve got something to say too” and Endeavor was like “oh shit” and Shouto was like “I still don’t like you as a person or a father and I only came here to learn flashfire from you!” and fandom was like “HOLY SHIT RIP THAT MAN HAD A FAMILY” and Shouto was like “YEAH I KNOW THAT’S THE WHOLE PROBLEM.” Anyways then they went on a walk, and Endeavor told the boys to try and take down a villain faster than him before the end of the winter break.

Today on BnHA: Endeavor and the Rowdyruff Boys take to the streets and fight some crime. Endeavor spends a lot of time giving the youths advice about how not to be so fucking slow, and even though he’s a bit of an ass about it, he makes some strong points about how a split second can mean the difference between life and death in a hero’s line of work. Anyway so he tells Shouto and Kacchan to work on storing up their power and releasing it all at once, and he tells Deku to work on making his Air Force as automatic as his Full Cowl is. They all sit around and munch on some bread, Deku does a bit of monologuing, and then we cut to ONE WEEK LATER and FUYUMI WANTS TO INVITE ALL THREE OF THE BOYS TO A FAMILY DINNER!? Motherfucker why does the last fucking panel have more exciting content than the rest of the chapter combined. Well anyways, at least we’ve got that to look forward to.

(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.)

YESSSS IT’S MY GIRLS

is this a new dragon form for Ryuukyuu? it seems like something in between her big ol’ Smaug form and her human form? or maybe this is just forced perspective making her seem smaller than she actually is here. anyways she kicks ass as always and still want to see her breathe some fire

I just realized everyone on this team can fly? except maybe Hadou? but I seem to recall her hovering over some bad guys when using her powers a while back though. I really don’t remember much about her quirk; I’m glad the anime will be getting up to that soon, because actually seeing it in motion will probably help it to stick more in my memory

(ETA: she can release her shockwaves from her feet to levitate! everyone on this team can fly confirmed! well Tsuyu can’t, but her quirk is basically an offshoot Spider-Man brand so it’s close enough.)

moving on! looks like we’re getting some DEKU INNER MONOLOGUE

okay, several things that I like about this before we continue:

look how fucking comic-booky this is. the main character parkouring through the city streets, thinking Deep Thoughts in square boxes? pretty sure this is the first page of every single comic book ever made and I LOVE IT

that metaphor about learning to walk when everyone else was already focused on where they were going to run. god I love me a good metaphor. though Deku, you were technically 15 when All Might actually gave you the quirk. that’s not on you though, that’s on Horikoshi who I’m sure has already realized the error by this point and is probably kicking himself and will write a 10,000 word apology in the volume omake

the fact that SIXQUIRKS!! IS FINALLY BEING ACKNOWLEDGED AS A THING AGAIN OMG. I’ve only waited like 5 million years for more of this, so pardon me if I lose my fucking shit depending on where this is all headed. omg. this stupid manga

anyway!

they seem to have stumbled upon a game of Mario Kart in progress. at least I’m pretty sure this is a Mario Kart character. actually it might be Knuckles from Sonic the Hedgehog

so now Endeavor is MERCILESSLY CUTTING OFF HIS PATH WITH A WALL OF FLAME forcing him to abandon his bike if he doesn’t want to die a fiery death!

Endeavor truly does not give a fuck! not that All Might was any better, punching huge dents in the hoods of cars and shit. the moral of this story is, don’t be a villain. just don’t. because the number one heroes will fuck you uuuuuuup

now Endeavor is yawning and looking over his shoulder at Kacchan and Deku all, “oh you guys were there too?” but not really but basically though

(ETA: oh my god I just noticed the “hit-and-runner” part. have the people in this town never heard of brakes? do they know that red means stop?? also does Endeavor really spend the majority of his day just flying around dealing with traffic violations. I guess technically it’s still New Year’s, so it’s probably a slow day and also everyone is probably drunk.)

god you kids are so slow. it’s because you’re on that social media all the time! and watching all that MTV. kids these days don’t play outside in the fresh air anymore! back in my day!! anyways tough luck you young whippersnappers

Kacchan is grumping that he’s at a disadvantage because of the temperature. I forgot all about that

hey Kacchan I think your best friend has something he wants to tell you there

loool

OF COURSE HE REALIZED but uh, go ahead and spill it anyway if you want. but he definitely did realize. whatever it is that you’re about to tell him

so Shouto says that Endeavor is propelling himself by shooting flames from his feet, and that it’s probably a compressed version of the “jet burn” technique he used in Kyushu. you know, the one he used to fly, and Hawks was all “Endeavor you can fly!?” and Endeavor was all “this isn’t flying, this is falling with style” and we all rolled our eyes

anyway guys. if this is the beginning of Shouto finally learning to fly as well, I will get up and do some kind of happy dance, I don’t even know. do you even know how long I’ve wanted this. PLEASE

lol so Kacchan is all “okay I actually did know that, are you telling me you only just figured that out now” aaaaand yeah. I wasn’t gonna say it, but. Shouto how many times did you sit there and watch Endeavor blast off before you finally said “oh my GOD he’s BLASTING OFF!” sob. IT’S ALL THAT MTV AND AVOCADO TOAST! that noise isn’t even real music! get off your phone and have an actual conversation!

Shouto is so handsome and so good at accepting criticism. what an all-star. please start flying around soon my little Canadian flag

so now Endeavor is blasting off again and sassily hinting at which direction he’s flying off to next. “there’s a major street in that direction”

so now they’re taking off after him

that’s an interesting way of saying that he’s setting the whole town on fire. how do the people in Endeavor’s territory all manage with their daily commute? “almost there boss be there in five... oh hold up... Main Street’s blocked off by a raging inferno, I’ll call you back”

Endeavor says that heroes must be able to do “anything and everything” on their own, which is a curious thing to say in this manga which has time and time again made a point of demonstrating how teamwork gets the job done! I’m not sure I agree with this, Endeavor!

though I guess he just means they need to be able to handle it all if necessary. but I mean, sometimes that’s just not possible. using his own example of Kyushu, there’s no way he would have been able to handle the Hijinks Noumu while protecting all the citizens and fighting off all the other cannon fodder noumus all at the same time. I’m not even sure All Might would have been able to do that. maybe this is an example of how Endeavor still doesn’t have all of this hero stuff figured out yet

lol oh my god

Endeavor that was like four chapters ago, why are you only now bringing this up. act your age

OH SNAP GUYS HE’S MENTORING BAKUGOU. AND BY MENTORING I MEAN PICKING A FIGHT OH MY GOD

DON’T MIND ME I’M JUST WATCHING THIS OLD GRUMP TEACH THIS NEW YOUNG UPSTART JUST LIKE TOMMY LEE JONES IN MEN IN BLACK OMGGGG

so Kacchan is again saying that he needs more time in the winter, but like. Kacchan that’s not like you to make excuses. are you just going to hibernate for three months out of every year and only save people when it’s warm out?? or what

and Endeavor’s saying the same thing

oh shit y’all he’s getting real with them now

oh shit

by the way how fucking dangerous is this town, jesus. supposing that Endeavor wasn’t out here on patrol, what would be the daily casualty rate? first we had that glass guy rampaging downtown earlier, then that motorcyle guy who probably hit a dozen people, and now Tommy and Gina here nearly get run over by a speeding truck. what is this, Gotham City

anyway now Endeavor is saying TodoBaku rights so I’ll shut up

BECAUSE SOMEBODY UP THERE LIKES ME KACCHAN THAT’S WHY! now hush!!

Shouto’s asking if this is related to him learning flashfire, because lest we forget, he’s here for ONE REASON and ONE REASON ONLY lol

so Endeavor says the two of them have to learn how to store up their energy and release it, and how to “condense” their power

you guys I am super hyped about this. not only because BEST FRIENDS PART TWO: THE FRIENDENING!!, but also because this will be the first time Kacchan has gotten a physical power-up in like, ever. (well, AP Shot I guess, but shh.) if he and Shouto are not both flying by the end of this arc then what even is the point!

anyway so Endeavor’s telling them all this technical shit about what to do, blah blah blah, but the short version is they need to be able to go from zero to sixty instantaneously, and release all the stored-up firepower focused into one single point, and to practice doing that until it’s second nature to them

omfg Deku’s so excited

BECAUSE HE HEARTS YOU KACCHAN lol this isn’t anything new, don’t be so shocked. ACCEPT HIS LOVE

though come to think, that really is impressive even for Deku that he knows about that particular technique, because Kacchan created AP Shot back when Deku was supposed to be developing his own ENTIRELY NEW FIGHTING STYLE, which you would think wouldn’t have left him with much time to spare to also keep tabs on his rival and write down his every move. so is his Big Hero Brain just that good, or is this chapter also promoting BakuDeku rights in addition to TodoBaku rights? you decide! but you already know which one I think it is lol

so now Endeavor is giving some bonus mentoring to Shouto

(ETA: why is Kacchan the only one who actually eats his lunch sitting down. these weirdos.)

you guys I love Shouto so much but does he really need it broken down for him to this degree? “son, you know all the things you do to control your right side? try doing those things to control your left.” Shouto: “!!!!” all those video games and participation trophies have fried his brain! too much Instagram! this new generation is going to the dogs

now Endeavor is turning his attention to Deku! but I’m more focused on the fact that they’re eating lunch, because my priorities are just like that

like lol, check out this panel of Deku talking with his mouth full

whole chapter was worth it just for this. boy you’re gonna get crumbs all over your super suit

Endeavor’s asking if Deku can raise his power level subconsciously, and he says he can for Full Cowl, but not for Air Force

so he says the first thing Deku should do is learn to control Air Force subconsciously, and forget about the Bloop for now

and Deku is all “what about parallel thinking” but more importantly, LOOK AT THIS

CAN I JUST GET A WHOLE CHAPTER OF EVERYONE EATING BREAD. LOOK AT THOSE CHUBBY CHEEKS. THIS IS AMAZING

Endeavor says a big part of parallel thinking is being able to do it without consciously thinking about it, and damn he’s right

IT’S ALL ABOUT THAT INSTINCT! also how does he know the man is yawning? you can see him from up there?? DOES HE JUST KNOW EVERYTHING

and he says that once Deku can do two things at once subconsciously, he just needs to add one more thing. damn, he really managed to break it down so that even this chronic overanalyzer can understand the concept

practice, practice, practice until it’s second nature. solid fucking advice

hey everyone Kacchan is still eating. just a PSA

that’s one for the family album. my handsome boy

okay like. it’s a nice speech, but we get it already dude. you can stop talking now and we can move on to something new

so then there’s some more Deku monologuing, pretty much the same stuff he was saying at the start of the chapter, and then Endeavor hits us with this little bait and switch gem

like, the first part sounded almost comforting, and then PSYCH!!!! but I guess he’s just trying to get them all fired up

(ETA: and like, just a few chapters ago we established how the success of these three kids is actually CRITICAL TO THE FATE OF THE ENTIRE WORLD, APPARENTLY. so yeah this is a total bluff. deep down he’s actually sweating and thinking “holy shit they better not fail.”)

and Deku’s finishing up his monologue by saying his maximum speed is doing things one by one. well that’s fine. so now will there finally be a segue?

YAYYYY

OH SHIT YOU GUYS!!!

are we gonna finally get into that TODODRAMA I have my popcorn ready to go!

lmao “and he’s even got friends with him, right?!” ah Fuyu you are the best. she’s so happy Shouto has finally found himself some good pals

OH MY GODDDDDD

HEY WHAT THE FUCK!!!

YOU SON OF A BITCH!! TWO THIRTEEN PAGE CHAPTERS IN A ROW, AND YOU FUCKING END WITH “NEXT TIME, IT’S A TODOBAKUDEKU DINNER AT THE HOUSE OF DRAMA!” AND THEN YOU HIT US WITH THIS. NEXT TIME I’LL JUST HAND YOU A KNIFE AND YOU CAN JUST STAB ME DIRECTLY IN THE CHEST TO MAKE IT EASIER FOR YOU, YOU BASTARD. WHAT AM I GONNA DO FOR THESE NEXT TWO WEEKS WHILE I WAIT FOR THIS CHAPTER OF EVERYONE SITTING AROUND AND EATING BREAD WHILE FUYU PRESUMABLY TELLS THEM THE STORY OF “THERE ACTUALLY USED TO BE A FOURTH KID BUT WE DON’T TALK ABOUT HIM ANYMORE BUT WE WILL NOW!” BECAUSE THEY GODDAMN BETTER

sob. this chapter was basically just a thirteen page trailer for the real meat of this arc. some nice mentoring did occur, I’ll give them that, and I very much enjoyed it. but I’m tired of feeling like we’re just treading water waiting to get to the next big thing! surely all of the set-up is finally done now, right? everyone has their goals established now, we’ve had a mini-time-jump and school is about to start again, and we’ve done our preliminary testing of all of the TodoBakuDeku dynamics and confirmed that all components are firing on all cylinders. basically what I’m saying is we are good to go! ready to get off of this bench! GO AHEAD AND PUT US IN, COACH

anyway guys so here’s a list of what I want to happen at this dinner:

Shouto being all “this is my sister Fuyumi” and Kacchan and Deku being all “COME AGAIN?” because they legitimately thought he was an only child

Fuyu chuckling about how Kacchan reminds her of her dad, and both Kacchan and Endeavor being grossly offended by this

Deku and Kacchan spotting a family photo on the mantel, and Shouto explaining “yeah, that’s my mom, and my brother Natsuo... AND... MY OTHER BROTHER, TOUYA” and then the camera rapid-fire pans to Fuyu and Endeavor and Shouto’s SUPER AWKWARD EXPRESSIONS, before ZOOMING IN ON THE PHOTO OF TOUYA, AND BOY DOES HE LOOK FAMILIAR OH MY GOODNESS

Deku and Kacchan eyeing each other all “holy shit wtf did we get ourselves into” as it begins to dawn on them that they wouldn’t have enough time to unpack all of this even if they had an entire crew of movers on the job. not even Marie Kondo could clean all this shit up. GOOD FUCKING LUCK BOYS

so yeah! lots to look forward to! so I’ll try and be patient. at least we’ve got the anime to keep us all occupied. who’d’ve thought the Basement arc would one day be our salvation. life sure is funny

[debbiewilder]

Who is more in love Debbie or Ruth 😍

Oh, I’d say they both love each other equally!

When Debbie broke Ruth’s ankle (and Ruth didn’t know about the drugs, thought it was on purpose), still the first thing Ruth says is “where’s Debbie?” So….yeah I’d say Ruth loves Debbie quite a bit. And, Ruth forgave Debbie in about zero seconds for that leg break. She stuck around for Debbie’s hostility and hatred in season 1 and 2 and just kept hoping for forgiveness, taking any little crumb Debbie offered with so much gratitude like it was her whole world. Which is huge because Ruth is used to being this relentless person, think of what we saw in the pilot, that person who breaks rules at an audition and goes after what she wants no matter what, and with Debbie she just has to wait for forgiveness for seasons and stand still and she does that, for Debbie, she never pushes, even though it’s not in Ruth, she does it anyway. And, every time Debbie grows and finds happiness and empowerment, (well, when it’s not tearing Ruth down) it’s as if Debbie’s happiness is Ruth’s own. And when it relates to Ruth in any way, that is next level happiness for Ruth. Ruth is in tears when Debbie talks about what wrestling means to Debbie in 1x09 like…yeah her love for Debbie goes deep.

Ruth pays attention and listens to Debbie (Debbie: “I want to fly” (1x07) -> Ruth: “You flew.” (1x10) Debbie: “I feel like a goddamn superhero.” (1x09) -> Ruth: “You’re like a superhero, flyin’ back and forth.” (3x06)” etc etc) I don’t think this repetition in words is coincidental. Ruth wants Debbie to know she listens and wants Debbie to feel supported. Just like Ruth listened and read between the lines and knew Debbie wasn’t happy with Mark even when Debbie lied to herself. Ruth can see through Debbie’s facade and Debbie hates and loves and needs Ruth for that. Both Ruth and Debbie lie to themselves quite a bit and the only people to see through those lies is really each other. So, yeah they need each other quite a bit.

Not only does Ruth listen but Ruth looks. Longingly. A lot. At Debbie. Even when she’s standing next to her boyfriend saying goodbye to him ffs. She’s always looking at Debbie. And Ruth admires Debbie’s body. A lot. I mean that monologue about Debbie’s ass…we get it, Ruth. And Debbie totally does the same for Ruth. They stare at each other so much I feel like it takes up a solid five minutes of each episode…And, neither can handle the other dating which says a lot. Like that part where Ruth says Debbie made out with a costar on Paradise Cove? Lmaoo Ruth was jealous and bitter still years later talking about it in 2x07. They can’t handle the other flirting with or dating anyone else. It’s always so tense and weird when they talk about or are on the verge of dating other people.

More than anything in the world, I think Ruth wants to be able to communicate with Debbie. Ruth has difficulty actually saying how she really feels with Debbie most of the time or expressing what she really wants around Debbie. So, she wants to wrestle with her, to act in scenes with her. Ruth expresses this desire for fictional communication again and again. Through fiction she’s free to tell the truth, to be herself around Debbie. To say how she feels. To feel like an equal. To truly communicate with Debbie. Plus, to connect over something meaningful to Ruth since acting means so much to her. She just needs to find a way to be her powerful, badass, honest self around Debbie without that artifice of fiction. And figure out what she needs so they can meet as equals more.

Off the top of my head, I’d say Ruth is more complete on her own meanwhile we’ve seen that Debbie legit needs Ruth to function. Debbie would say she hates Ruth and then die for her without blinking an eye. (yeah I think Ruth would die for Debbie too but I just mean…for Debbie, it’s like oxygen she can hate Ruth she can try to walk away and say she doesn’t need Ruth but she can’t seem to live without Ruth. Seriously, Ruth is like Debbie’s life.). She loves her in a way that is still not totally healthy but is getting to a wayyy better place and I think Season 4, having a bit of distance, could get them both to a really great place. But next season is going to be insane for Debbie, at least if they base it on what we’ve seen from them the past few seasons. Ruth is the only person Debbie can be honest with about who she is underneath it all. She can show Ruth anger and envy and greed and power and just her whole fucking palette of emotions and self. Around men, she becomes paralyzed and small. Around most people, she becomes paralyzed and small. She’s getting better at showing others more sides to her but still. I also think it says so much that Debbie never told her mother that Ruth was the one Mark cheated with. Because she knows she’s going to forgive Ruth right off the bat, and so she does. In a way, she resents Ruth in Season 1 because she resents that she can’t walk away and resents how deeply she needs Ruth.

GLOW shows again and again that Ruth’s line in 3x10 is accurate, they understand each other better than anyone. They talk in unison all the time first of all. They have a lot in common underneath it all the more you think about both characters. The show makes a point of having Debbie say to Tex in 3x10, “You have no control as an actor. You can drive 300 miles to an audition for people you know and still not get the part. Or any part, ever. Which, you know, I can never say to Ruth, because I know she won’t be able to hear it.” The show has Debbie demonstrate how deeply she knows Ruth, that she knows Ruth will say no to her proposal, in the same episode she proposes to her…I find that so fascinating? Then they underline their connection with actual text about Debbie understanding Ruth better than anyone…yeahh.

Debbie does whatever she can to spend time with Ruth. She chooses Ruth again and again, even when she knows she shouldn’t, even when it makes no sense. She can’t help but choose Ruth. I mean I could point to examples but seriously they show up twelve times per episode. Well here’s a couple anyway– Debbie has no one to talk to and doesn’t know whether to go back to Mark? She speaks about it to Ruth of all people in 1x09. She speaks to her about what wrestling means to her then too. I just…Debbie wants to build a life and network in 3x10? Well it needs to include Ruth or it’s no life at all. Debbie is supposed to wait until Christmas to tell Ruth this? She runs after her in an airport anyway, just because she wants to. Also just the fact that Debbie chooses to work with Ruth in 1x06 and chooses to work at GLOW with Ruth right there at all…that’s insane, she’s always been in love with Ruth, there’s no other explanation for her behavior.

Ruth hasn’t had the same consistent opportunity to choose Debbie. Debbie been the one with that power. So, now end of season 3 flips the script. If they do season 4 justice which I actually think they might, Ruth is going to be the one dictating their pace. Ruth gets to sort out what she feels and what she wants from her career and life in general and how deeply she needs Debbie and gets to come back to Debbie as a more complete individual who can be Debbie’s equal. Which is a huge and necessary step for her as a person and for their relationship. And Debbie has to sort out who she is beyond Ruth’s wife (it’s my post I can call her that if I want sfdjlk) so she can approach Ruth with a healthier, more complete sense of self too. Anyway, lots left to do in 10 episodes but lots of depth to both sides of their love already shown over like 30 episodes…so uhh yeah but point is my final answer is equal on both sides.

[bthump]

Thx 4 your compelling answer! You made me curious about what do you think Guts and Griffith would be like as a couple, how do you imagine their dynamic would develop and grow. Not super chill I agree lmao but it's very interesting given their respective baggages. And kind of unrelated but I was soo mad that Casca insisted Guts to leave the 2nd time even when Guts was like: HEY I WANNA STAY FOR REAL. But Griffith never knew that. Hurts but that's the kind of element that makes for a great tragedy

ikr! Man that scene where Griffith overhears them is so painful. Like it makes sense that Casca would tell Guts to leave imo for a few reasons (mainly because Guts successfully convinced her after they had sex that it was what he ~really truly wanted~ lol, and also I think there’s some interesting selfishness on her part there too) but man, it’s tragic.

Anyway back at you, thanks for the interesting questions. lol idk where to start with this one really because like, there’s so much to potentially say, and so many potential ways for their relationship to go, like I don’t really have One True Concept of their relationship, there are so many possibilities and options.

Holy shit this got ridiculously long lol, sorry. I just used the opportunity to throw out like as many of my griffguts opinions as I could reasonably fit lmao.

I guess there are a few things that I tend to stick to when I’m imagining them together in like a Golden Age AU where everything worked out, tho ofc none of this is set in stone.

Like, if this is an AU without the whole overheard Promrose Hall speech that changes everything, I tend to think Guts is more likely to make the first move. Like say Guts didn’t hear the speech but still fell off the cliff with Casca and got her monologue, and without his feelings of inadequacy clouding his understanding he actually starts to get it, like, I pretty much think Guts would’ve kissed him during Tombstone of Flame 2. Griffith being openly afraid of Guts’ judgement -> Guts impulsively demonstrating exactly how he really feels about him.

But also just in general I think Guts is more likely to act on his feelings without thinking about potential consequences or how it could’ve gone wrong until afterwards, so I can imagine a lot of scenarios where he’d make the first move. Whereas even if Griffith did figure out how he feels and what he wants, it’s harder for me to see him going for it. On the one hand yeah he does have that “I must obtain what I desire” attitude, on the other hand what he wants is for Guts to love and want him, and he’d know that, and he’d know that kissing Guts is not necessarily going to get him that, and might end up ruining everything he does have.

Like, dude has a major fear of rejection.

But I guess I could see him also impulsively going for it in a more extreme moment - like the way his mind shuts off and he runs to save Guts from Zodd, I could imagine a thank god you’re alive type kiss, eg. But imo he’d need more of a push than Guts would.

And yeah I think both of their respective traumas would affect things, but I’d prefer to delay that a bit? I want them to have a good positive sexual encounter before they start sorting through all their issues together, basically so they have proof that it’s worth persisting lol, and I think that’s pretty easy to manage. Like, they start making out and end up jerking each other off and no one has any flashbacks, easy peasy.

I could see them getting past a bad first time, but it wouldn’t be easy lol. Like first off they’re both overly likely to take it as a personal condemnation, even if logically that’s not how trauma works, because they both hate themselves, and they both canonically have a fear of being monstrous/predatory. Griffith asking if Guts thinks he’s cruel and tbqh most of his speech to the King in the dungeon is indicative of this imo, and Guts seeing himself as a monster after killing Adonis and also in canon flashbacking from his rapist’s perspective.

And yk, if they do start having sex without immediate issues, I imagine the first problem that would come up sooner rather than later would be Guts flashbacking. I tend to assume he would be upfront about not wanting to get fucked without saying why, and Griffith would be fine with that, and then Guts would still eventually have a flashback while topping and it would take him by surprise like in canon. I could see Guts reacting basically the exact same way he did with Casca, rambly confessional and all, and I think Griffith would be supportive and comforting and understanding in the immediate aftermath. Hopefully Guts would make it very clear that it had nothing to do with anything Griffith did or anything about him and he still wants to get laid on the regular, because otherwise I could see something stupid happening afterwards like Griffith withdrawing out of fear of his potential to Guts and Guts blaming himself for making things weird and neither of them talking about it until something gives.

Anyway if they do successfully navigate that, the next problem would be more insidious, and it would be Griffith, and the way he views sex as transactional. Like when I say Griffith would be fine with never topping, I think that holds true entirely regardless of what Griffith might actually want personally from a sexual encounter. He’d let Guts fuck him even if he hated it, because what he wants is the emotional closeness and Guts needing him and wanting him. I think he actually would want sex with Guts for its own sake and enjoy it, like he’s attracted to Guts and he wants him and I def don’t think he would hate it in any way. Buuut I see him as very detached from his own physical desires, yk? Dude has never had sex because he wanted to have sex, even the evil personification of his inner darkness didn’t lol.

And along with that you could have the additional problem of enjoying sex with a man being another potential source of self-loathing for him. I’m thinking because of ‘am I dirty?” in the river, and again the scene in the dungeon w/ the King lends itself to this really well too. Like it’s so easy to read internalized homophobia into his narrative imo, even the entire structure of it, with Charlotte and the dream on one side and Guts on the other.

And basically I think those issues would combine to make him see sex as something he gives in return for Guts’ love/loyalty/presence, and avoid seeing it as something he personally wants. So like basically I think in a way he’d use that transactional framework as a justification for doing something he really really wants to do (sex with Guts) but that he doesn’t want to acknowledge he wants because it makes him hate himself because a) internalized homophobia and also b) deep down he knows he wants Guts more than the dream which also makes him feel guilty.

Also like, when it comes to Griffith and his issues I don’t think any of this is required, like canonically we know Guts’ csa trauma affects him but we don’t really know how Griffith’s csa trauma affects him. I wouldn’t see it as out of character if he was ultimately fine with his desire for Guts and doesn’t contribute any issues to the griffguts sex life. But it’s really really easy to see how he could have a metric ton of issues with sex to work through, and I think those would be really interesting to explore, basically.

Plus I don’t necessarily think this would actually… matter? Like I could easily see Griffith never giving Guts any cause for concern, they never talk about this, Griffith himself barely notices that he’s got a messed up attitude towards sex, and eventually he just internally works through it himself as his relationship with Guts progresses and he gets more comfortable with wanting Guts and wanting sex for its own sake and he achieves his dream regardless of his emotional priorities, etc. Like this could all easily work itself out in Griffith’s subconscious without any external drama lol. (Tho if Guts ever picked up on this it would def fuck him up and the fallout would be big.)

ANYWAY so that’s all the trauma stuff I could see influencing their relationship.

Overall I think there’d be way more good than bad. They’re perfect for each other. Griffith wants Guts to know him and see all the stuff he hates about himself and want him anyway, and Guts would absolutely do that, and demonstrate it thoroughly, and it would do wonders for Griffith’s self-acceptance. Guts wants Griffith to pay attention to him, to love him and respect him and look at him, and being in a relationship with him would give him everything he wants. The way Griffith looks at him after they kiss or while they’re fucking or whatever, like he’s the only thing in the world, would be the highlight of Guts’ life. Guts fucking Griffith like he needs him, or making love to him with reverence, or demonstrating casual closeness and affection, would be the highlight of Griffith’s.

I think Charlotte and the dream would be a bit of an issue for Guts, like I could see him being jealous, but I could also see him being totally able to see Charlotte as business and himself as the person Griffith wants. The fact that they’re fucking behind Charlotte’s back would itself be probably enough proof of how much Griffith wants him and is willing to risk for him to make Guts feel secure. Like basically I could see jealous insecure Guts telling Griffith they should break it off because the risk to his dream is too much and Griffith refusing out of hand, and that being a big moment for Guts and his feelings of security in their relationship.

Eventually I think the most satisfying direction their relationship could go would be Griffith decisively choosing Guts over the dream and having grown enough in their years together that he’s able to live with that choice and be happy with Guts instead of a big exaggerated dream lol. As far as I’m concerned that’s the secret Berserk happy ending that they never got a chance to get to, but is wholly telegraphed by the story as something that could’ve happened if everything hadn’t gone wrong.

Hmm what else. Random details I guess: I think they’d start out with Guts exclusively topping when they have penetrative sex but Guts would absolutely eventually want Griffith to fuck him imo, and their first time switching it up would be pretty emotionally intense but extremely good and positive. They’d be really close and trusting and more effectively communicative by then, and it would work great and Guts would bask in the attention as Griffith v thoroughly makes love to him.

Also when Griffith achieves his dream and runs Midland they would both be extremely into Guts getting a little possessive and staking his claim on him, like by fucking him hard enough that he can feel it throughout the next day, or scratches/bruises under clothes, etc. Nothing super kinky, I think they’re both pretty vanilla lol, but Guts would love knowing Griffith is being constantly reminded of him while he’s at meetings with nobles or w/e and Griffith would love that lingering reminder.

I think at some point early on they’d have to have a talk in which Guts asserts that he wants to stay with Griffith and the Hawks and doesn’t feel obligated because he lost a fight when they were 15. I could see that thought eating away at Griffith for a while if they don’t. Also because the question of whether they’re equals or not is kind of hammered in in canon I think they’d have to navigate around Griffith technically being Guts’ commander. I don’t think Guts would think twice about it (again assuming he hasn’t heard the Promrose Hall speech) but Griffith would worry, especially given exchanges like “that’s why I’m asking you to do this” “just order me to do it” lol. So they’d have to at least talk about that.

Or conversely they could not talk about Guts potentially feeling obligated and it could blow up in their faces and lead to miscommunication drama. I mean there are so many potential ways they could fuck things up by not talking and assuming the worst at the first sign of an issue lmao, it’s like, you want relationship drama just take your pick.

Also relatedly, I think this is a little bit of an unpopular opinion, at least judging by most of the griffguts fic I’ve read lol, but I really don’t see Griffith as likely to behave possessively at all, unless he thinks Guts is about to leave him and is like next to having a breakdown about it, and even then… idk. I think the second duel was extremely atypical - Griffith defaulted to trying to fight Guts for his loyalty because that’s how he won his loyalty the first time and it was the only way Griffith saw to keep his loyalty, he was extremely out of his depth emotionally lol, and I think there’s some big indications that he hated himself for it afterwards.

He wants Guts to want him, to choose to be with him of his own desire, he wants Guts to love him. I think he would abhor the thought that Guts was obligated to stay with him in any way, and any indications of that would freak him out and add to his self loathing. So he wouldn’t tell Guts “you’re mine” as part of sexy foreplay or whatever, and he wouldn’t order him to do shit lol (along with this like I don’t think Griff is dominant at all, and trying to be with someone he loves would fuck him up).

I think the biggest problem for both of them would be a tendency to assume the worst and just blame themselves for whatever instead of talking. But I also think the longer they’re in a relationship the better they’ll get at not doing that and at constructive positive communication lol.

Like at the end of the day again I think there’d be way more positives than negatives. We’re shown how perfectly they fulfill each others’ needs. Guts wants attention, Griffith wants acceptance, they both want to be loved, and before the misunderstandings get in the way and fuck it all up their relationship benefits both and starts helping both heal emotionally. If they stayed together and added romance and sex to the mix I think overall they’d be pretty ideal partners.

Ooookay I think I’ve talked more than enough about this lmao. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to just ramble for ages about a bunch of griffguts stuff. Honestly if anyone reads through this to the end I’ll be slightly surprised lol.

[fanfeline]

The Danton Case - Complete Notes

More like disjointed amusing moments, but whatever.

Here is a complete post of my notes through all 5 acts of Pryzybyszewska’s Danton Case! I really enjoyed doing this, and I hope you all did as well. Let me know if I should do Thermidor as well....

Act I

Robespierre: Well, this is too much. I look like a gigantic withered cauliflower.

Note: this is his first line in the play.

We’re not going to talk about Eléonore trying to give Maxime a blowjob we’re just not

please don’t make me

please

Eléonore and Robespierre have a really weird relationship in this; he barely tolerates her existence, but keeps being very physical with her and it’s very uncomfortable to read.

“Child, I do not love you anymore - I am literally indifferent to you!”

I don’t even know what to say about Saint-Just in this he’s barely human

Saint-Just [glumly]: Are you delirious? Robespierre: [bursts out laughing, which does not necessarily reassure his friend]

Robespierre has strange names for people

Eléonore is “lioness,” “viper” etc.

Camille is “calf” “wonder child” “talented baby” and a bunch of just…random stuff

Danton and Co. have really weird code names that are never explained

Danton himself is C Three. No idea why.

Louise absolutely despises Danton with her whole heart

[Camille Desmoulins rushes in, very excited]

Again, this is how he enters the play

Danton: Stay. Well, Camille? Have a drink. Well, what have you done now?

Everyone wants to be a dictator and tyrant!! cause that’s how it went.

Act II

Collot: let’s kill Camille!! Robespierre: ...no.

Paraphrased, but barely

Camille: Danton, I will not allow even you to make such jokes. Danton [grips and squeezes him]: What, you won’t allow it?! [squeezes him stronger] You still won’t? Camille [swooning]: Mm-n-mm…oh!

Camille [more softly, clasping his hands nervously] Georges: send me to die. I want to die for you. Danton [gives a friendly laugh] Better write, instead of dying...what use is your corpse to me?

yeah no one actually has any respect for Camille in this play

Vadier [a veritable mimosa as far as his self-love is concerned]

[sparks fly from Danton’s eyes]

he has laser eyes, who knew?

Danton: And you still won’t take your mask off, thought I see through it to every line on your face?! English blood, no doubt….[Robespierre reacts with an Irish look, knowing that it is not worth correcting such remarks]

Robespierre: Oh, yes: I’ve made a fatal mistake. Danton is a source of the plague.

[Camille rushes in, ill-tempered, throws off his cloak and hat, falls on the sofa and assumes a depressed pose.] Lucile: Well…? [when her husband makes a demonstrative gesture] Oh, my spouse! We’ve done something foolish again?!

Robespierre: He [Camille] simply must have his melodrama!

Camille’s sitting in front of him. They’re the only ones in the room.

Robespierre and Camille fight brutally, and to be honest it really hurts to read.

Act III

Actually, both Robespierre and Danton want to be king. Who knew?

Collot [starts to his feet]: Who asked you to interfere, you...underling?! Lindet: Thank you for that honorable title, hangdog. [Collot throws himself at Lindet, restrained by those near him.]

Lindet seems to spend the rest of the CPS meeting ringing a bell and begging people to shut up.

Robespierre: Which of us will go drown out that miracle-making thunderous bass (Danton)? My drawing-room contralto, perhaps? Or Saint-Just’s low-pitched tenor?

Robespierre is very musical in this play, whistling “the entire chromatic scale” in Act I for no reason and then doing this in Act III

[Lindet vehemently rings the bell]

Saint-Just (looking for paper): Nothing doing without the secretary…. [attacks the cabinet, breaks fingernails]

smooth, dumbass. lmao

[Delacroix has the familiar Satanic expression of a fellow conspirator]

Camille [shakes]: Don’t dare mention him (Robespierre)! [leans towards him (Danton) across the table] I’ve spent my life on my knees before the two of you. I’ve worn myself out in your service. And you both knew slyly how to exploit my blindness. From now on I am a free man. I don’t care what happens to me… but I’ve broken with both of you, rotten idols, forever. [turns away]

His newly-declared independence lasts approximately 1 page before he collapses sobbing and pledges his allegiance to Danton again

Again, Danton is uncomfortably physical and abusive with Louise.

She hates him so much… there is no healthy relationship in this play.

ahhhh shit it’s time for the “trial”

Robespierre: I request - the right - to speak!

Most characteristic line yet, if you ask me

Why is Courtois defending Danton? Or does he just hate Robespierre that much?

Act IV

[Camille is standing by the window, crying]

This is roughly the third time this has happened in this play

Philippeaux is just yelling at a very depressed Camille it’s not fun to read Camille: Have pity...and help me, or I shall perish!!! [throws himself on the bed] Philippeaux: You will die in five days, Desmoulins. [Camille goes numb. His crying stops like a switched-off radio]

ngl this made me...very upset

Figure II [stretches out his hand]: Camille, no irony is intended: we thank you in the name of France. [Camille, consoled, returns the embrace and smiles] Philippeaux: Camille - that’s the Comte and Vicomte d’Estaing (royalists). [Camille withdraws, horrified.]

Everyone’s sitting on each other’s beds and it just reads like a massive sleepover for these few lines (ignoring the fact that they’re imprisoned and will be dead in 5 days)

Lucile tries bribing the judges, and is rather disappointed when they don’t take her bribes.

And then Legendre walks in and Lucile is like “you know what? New plan. Hey Legendre you’re a butcher right? Go murder Robespierre!”

Lucile?!?!?!?

[But the essentially gay tone does not change]

That’s a decent summary of Pryzybyszewska

[It is likely that Desmoulins will provoke deadly French laughter deriding both him and his party]

Fouquier-Tinville is already so done with everyone

Robespierre (to Eléonore) [extends one hand to her; he leaves the other on his forehead]: I am sorry. I’m going insane.

Robespierre forgot to eat for like 36 hours and honestly? same

also he’s an authoritarian dictator now i guess

[Robespierre breaks into sonorous, pleasant laughter and disappears]

Act V

[Desmoulins is standing on the table, at which Philippeaux is reading]

This is the stage setup at the beginning of the act. Camille is still Camille.

Danton: Ah, that is exactly the point! Ha, ha! Maxime has done me a very good turn by having systematically concentrated power in his own hands for years: all I need to do now is to take from him… a ready-made dictatorship!

...What?

Camille’s trying desperately to convince Danton to spare Robespierre’s life after all of this he’s still trying to save his friend whyyyyyyyyyyy

[Danton stretches his hand towards the candle] Camille [nervously]: No!!! Georges, please don’t put it out!... Danton [with outstretched hand]: But why? Camille: It’s so horrible here… please leave it, I implore you!

Look, I hate Camille’s infantilization in media as much as the next person, but ahhhh my heart

Camille [after a while, shyly]: Georges….

Danton starts to like...feel himself up and monologue dramatically while everyone else is asleep it’s a real weird page and a half

also he calls Robespierre a “red Irish monkey”

Camille starts screaming and talking in his sleep, begging someone (Robespierre, I wonder?) for forgiveness

Philippeaux: But what did you have against saving that boy - whom, without any reason, you have driven to suicide?... Danton [gives Camille a contemptuous look]: Should I have gratified Robespierre, do you think? For that matter, it will be better for Desmoulins himself to die than to prostitute himself again.

[Depressed silence again. Robespierre slowly places his elbows on the table, and his forehead on his joined hands.]

same

This is roughly the part where Robespierre begins to collapse mentally - continuing well into the next play, “Thermidor”

Fouquier: [bangs the table with a file because Danton is opening his mouth again]

Danton actually manages to turn the whole crowd against the Committee - the mob starts calling for immediate acquittal and protesting the mockery of a trial

Fabre: Thank God it’s the end. I’m barely alive anyway.

Pryzybyszewska makes very clear that the whole trial is corrupted and rigged against the Indulgents

aaaaaand cut their hair, exit stage, we never see them again

Saint-Just and Robespierre have a long conversation about oppression and dictatorship that takes several rapid and interesting turns

Robespierre: Maybe it is madness.

Saint-Just [over his shoulder]: It is not madness, it’s despair. [He turns round. Speaks nonchalantly, but clearly] Shoot yourself. [He stops by the window, aimlessly looking at the yard. Robespierre slowly falls onto the bed, lies down.]

I….what?!?

Antoine, what?????

Robespierre: *lies down for the first time in god knows how long* [He (Barère) rushes into the room. Robespierre, brutally wakened, lifts himself on his shoulder with a slight hiss of fright. In a second he gives the intruder a deadly look which totally puts Barère out of countenance.] Barère: Oh… I’m sorry. May I?… Robespierre [motionless, sits on the bed]: You’re asking that question somewhat late….

[Saint-Just comes in with a helpless shrug of his shoulders]

[Saint-Just watches him with glowing eyes]

[Both gens de la haute main (Robespierre and Saint-Just) look at each other as if mutually hypnotized by their appearance. A long pause of perfect immobility.]

Robespierre [tense all of a sudden. Dead silence in the room.] Do you hear?... Saint-Just [sulking]: What? Robespierre: The crowd is coming back. Saint-Just: Requiescant in pace.