#LIKE THIS IS STRAIGHT UP DEPRESSING
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did anyone else notice how all the time today, q!tubbo was doing dangerous stuff with no proper safety or armor? he fell off the side of the hole TWICE to the point of being knocked and he had to be saved by sunny, when tallulah dropped the picture, he jumped STRAIGHT DOWN without using the glider. he kept doing dangerous stuff without any real protection....
like it is clear now: he is NOT okay, he is barely hanging on since the funeral, even though he said he needs to close that chapter of his life for his daughter's sake. i wouldn't be surprised if he just grows more and more reckless, making sure everyone around him is safe while he keeps throwing himself into more and more dangerous situations without proper safety. that downward spiral has been happening slowly.
but i think its about to accelerate.
#qtubbo lore today was the worst (best) thing to ever happen to me#like i am not the same person i was before 6pm gmt#mans came in saying āi wanted to mess around with storytelling againā and pulled out THE MOST HEARTBREAKING SHIT EVER#LIKE THIS IS STRAIGHT UP DEPRESSING#he knows that fred was the only one to ever take him seriously. to care about what he wanted. and now he's gone#and he's going to close this chapter of his life and push all the grief and rage and pain down because he has a daughter to take care of no#he has to be there for her. not for himself but for her#q!tubbo the character you are#qsmp#qsmp tubbo
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like a lithograph | intensive outpatient program
#sends law to iop for exposition#I showed this page to the clinician at my iop because I straight stole her spiel and she was pretty amused#I said out loud today āmaybe Iām here to draw yaoiā#and the one other trans person in group lost their goddamn mind it was incredible#anyway tags cuz lawās my beat up princess#wow I havenāt talked in the tags in a minute#okay for real#my art#one piece#trafalgar law#heart pirates#one piece law#one piece makino#donquixote rocinante#donquixote rosinante#donquixote corazon#donquixote pirates#donquixote doflamingo#donquixote family#cw depression#cw drugs#cw childhood trauma#like a lithograph
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depression and anxiety are definitely the most tolerated mental illnesses but let's be real they're not tolerated that much either lol
#what do you mean the person with the sadness illness is sad AGAIN.#extremely low bar regarding sympathy when considering how other illnesses are treated#depression and anxiety will isolate you from people but stuff like ocd and schizophrenia will have people straight up dehumanize you
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dyou reckon qFit is doing a small scale celebration somewhere in the wasteland right now, planting a rose and making a toast, to celebrate the anniversary? or do you think time passes him by too much these days and he hasn't even noticed what day it is at all
#really depends on how depressing you interpret his post canon to be#i like to imagine qFit could never forget because he dedicated himself to being a living and persisting monument to his loved ones#but in reality fit is so forgetful it seems straight up out of character for him to remember his own anniversary š#qsmp#fitmc#fitpac#hideduo
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u ever sometimes think about how amphibia has the saddest ending in the big three
#not straight up depressing and im not even sayin sad in a bad way. its just. sad.#like letting go and not knowing if youll ever see somthing again#type of sad
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For anyone who followed me for things unrelated to Ben 10 and may know nothing of the show: I deeply need you to be made aware of the existence of this joke
#Ben 10#Crazy to think the episode with the funniest joke in the series ended up leading into the most depressing arc#Why canāt they leave my son Kevin alone#Even in the reboot (the one made for much younger audiences) he straight up had an alcoholic and negligent parent#Like wtf#if that pg-13/m rated show ends up being a thing weāre all so emotionally screwed#Ben ten#kevin levin#gwen Tennyson#Ben Tennyson#Alien force#ultimate alien#uaf
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Well, at least Fukuzawa got his wish granted, I guess.... he's finally inside Fukuchi <3
#bungou stray dogs#bsd spoilers#bsd 120.5#please laugh i know i made myself laugh.... if only to keep from crying lol#the oocification of Fukuzawa will be studied in the history books for years to come#that's not my fukuzawa...... that's his discount twin fucksack#because his dick is so far up the ass of his dead pathetic dumbass crusty ex boyfriend it's not even funny#he is dickriding that fucker HARD#and here i thought the FANDOM woobified fukuchi out the wazoo. but oh my god no fukuzawa himself has them all beat this chapter#man is coco for cocopuffs and babying that grown-ass man like he's 5#it's truly pathetic and depressing to see i'm just beyond words#'you deceived him by keeping quiet the issues that would plague a union of mankind' NO??? LITERALLY ANYONE WITH A BRAIN WOULD KNOW#THAT THAT WOULD NEVER FUCKING WORK???? THAT IT'S THE STUPIDEST MOST NAIVE PLAN AND VIEW OF THE WORLD IMAGINABLE????#WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS IS A TODDLER INSTEAD OF A GROWN-ASS SOLDIER WITH YEARS OF MILITARY EXPERIENCE#Fyodor feels like the only one at this point that hasn't truly lost the plot in all this...... the only one with a goddamn brain#I HATE THAT I HAVE TO AGREE WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT IT FELT SO CATHARTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!#and i hate even more that the series clearly doesn't want us to agree with him and instead believe that fukuzawa is still right#even though he was spouting the most naive braindead bullshit imaginable that early series Fukuzawa would NEVER SAY#WHAT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN BRO??? WHY DO YOU CARE MORE ABOUT DEFENDING THE HONOR OF THAT CRUSTY MF THAN#THE SAFETY OF YOUR KIDS????#WHERE DID ALL YOUR INTELLIGENCE GO#i fucking hated the writing ever since fukuchi's plan/motives were first revealed and it was played completely straight (and gay lol)#but to hear fukuzawa actually come out and defend that ridiculous bs is just.......... again i have no words#it's insane. what happened. what happened to you fukuzawa. all i can do is laugh it's so sad it's so stupid. I WAS CRINGING SO BAD.#and was so glad when he finally died so he finally SHUT THE FUCK UP. i hate it here. i miss when BSD was good so bad man ššš#it would be one thing if it felt like he's so deep in grief that he's completely deluded himself that fukuchi was right and had pure motive#and wasn't an idiotic piece of shit himself just like fyodor#but nah again it just feels like we're supposed to side with him lmao even though fyodor was exactly right in everything he said#when your villain sounds more intelligent/correct than your hero and that's not an intentional writing choice..... that's not good bros!!!#anyway may your stupidity be purified in the soul of your dead bf fukuzawa š and we get the true you back
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gentle reminder that human health does not fit into a binary system and nothing is ever really fully a mental or physical disability
stress can have significant effects on physical health, more than you'd think
and the basis of any mental disability is still physical, that's why it's possible to develop medications for it
#salt baby talks#ignoring the fact that exclusionism is counterproductive to advancing any kind of disability agenda#the biology just straight up doesnt support it#neuroinflammation and things like increased cortisol levels are a big deal#they can affect any of my 'physical' disabilities#sometimes more than any other factor#and theres evidence of changes in the brain and the rest of the body with basically every 'mental' disorder#thats why we have things like SSRIs or antipsychotics#epilepsy is limited to the brain but this one is always physical#parkinsons is at its core a loss of dopamine in the brain#alzheimers has predominantly mental symptoms#yet we dont call that a mental disorder#and they are equally as disabling as physical conditions!#i would know#i have 'both'#and if you disagree#make your case and ill happily discuss this further#i do have to wonder if maybe undercutting this#is that same negative societal bias that occurs with things like depression and anxiety and PTSD#where people think you should just 'get over' it#that the logic is that 'physical' disabilities are MORE disabling because 'you can just get over mental disabilities'#which isnt true ftr most mental disorders are lifelong and chronic#people are deemed treated for a mental health condition when theyre subclinical or in remission or in control of their condition#not when theyve returned to 'normal' because its not going to happen#disability#chronic illness#ableism#mental health#and yes i am cognizant of the fact that when people say this they mostly mean mental health disorders like mood disorders#i phrased this the way i did because a) its mental health conditions that are usually the target of this and b) we can have meds for both
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Pretty fucked up that timmy forgets the only positive influences in his life after his 18 birthday when you think about it
#like he losses the only family that loves him and friends and allies that respect him#outside of aj and chester he doesn't have a lot of good influences in his life#trixie could probably be his friend after she gets over the whole popularity thing but still#losing that muc of your memories is going to affect yoyr personality#if they were replaced he's probably going to think he was alone for most of his life with occasionally seeing some friends#and some good moments (him making frinds with chip and maybe might remember mark depends)#umm does Shirley count? doubt he would remember him unless he goes to his shop often#i doubt his relationship with his parents would improve hed probably move out not to long after he turns 18#i think the memory wipe would affect certain aspects of his personality too#like his interest in the arts would probably lesson due to the feeling of something being missing or just#straight up depression#i feel like he wouldn't persue a creative field due to multiple of reasons and settle for something more practical but will always have tha#what if oh timmy forgetting and losing himself is something so tragic#especially if he still miserable or in a bad place#imagine the angst#timmy turner
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I've begun to call my doujin reading time my "happy fun time"

Left Right (the right has a brief r18 scene in ch 3)
#whenever I get disturbed I say in my head āyou're interrupting my happy fun time!ā#btw the one on the right has a brief r18 scene in ch 3#I didn't know there were AsaKiku doujins this good#like dang that like in the left one is so#w all the djs I'm reading I feel like straight up making this a review page lol#they're both depressing but they still make up my happy fun time#hetalia#asakiku#aph japan#aph england
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My issue with Thor not ārealizingā why Loki was acting off in Avengers 1 isnāt that Thor didnāt recognise Loki was acting unlike himselfāThor did note thatāor that Thor didnāt figure out what was wrongāhe did try askingāitās more along the lines of Thor giving up, and that he accepted Loki was bad now within two days while knowing something was off when Thor himself behaved just as bad for much longer before without any specific compromising event.
#Thor was happy go kill for so long and Loki waited for Thor to get better and then Thor KNOWS something is up#and he still accepts Loki is evil now and never questions or visits Loki in prison again#he moped around about it because of duty and depression but that he had such little faith in Loki#like either his little brother really did go mad out of jealousy and rage AND is permanently like that with no resolution between them#itās ridiculous#I like the Thor in my head who never believed Loki had actually gone mad and went after the infinity stones bc he suspected#the one that would not only trust Loki to get them off Asgard in TDW but knew Loki had the throne after and let it be that way#bc he knows his brother and wouldnāt stop believing Loki can āget betterā even if heād truly gone mad#like I get that Thor in Avengers 1 would have been conflicted and couldāve taken everything at face value#Loki was DEAD and now heās not of course Thor isnāt going to be thinking straight#itās easy to look at Loki and assume he spent a year plotting revenge after faking his death#but Thor had time after to cool down and only gave Loki a chance in TDW when there was no other option#like did he genuinely think Loki will try to kill him#is Thor scared of Loki now or what#Thorās spending so much time thinking of what heās lost that he develops depression but doesnāt ever voice or support the idea that maybe#Loki was forced to do the invasion#AFTER he asks āwho controls the would-be kingā like come on Thor just ask a follow-up question#Thor autistic king distracted by āYOUR fatherā discourse fr#T-T#I simply donāt think Thor would have given up on Loki even if Loki stabbed him sorry#it wouldnāt even be bc heās naive itād be because he knows and loves his brother#and heād keep hoping for a change of heart#he wouldnāt ditch the issue unless it was to go under the radar and thatās never explicitly implied#unfortunately#:(
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I know Foggy Nelson is kinda doomed by the narrative in every universe but like damn they didn't even give it a minute to breathe. Like if you're gonna kill him drag it out a little and let it hurt properly at least ykwim. The just kinda shot him then flashed forward a year and some other stuff is happening now idk. like how'd you manage to make such a major character death boring
#I forgot he died.#I was just like man why is there no charm or dynamic between any of the characters#oh right they killed off Matt's oldest bestest friend and sent Karen away and replaced them with npcs#when they said the new series was gonna be darker I didn't think they meant just straight up depressing because it's devoid of heart#I keep thinking of more and more things I don't like about this show man I really hope it kicks its ass into gear...#daredevil spoilers#born again spoilers
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Also sorry to everyone because I haven't been reaching out or engaging
The darkness consumed me but hopefully it fucks off
#pre-period depression is#something else#couple that with a constant state of anxiety and :))))))#also iron deficiency whooohoooo#only consolation is I've been watching Abbott Elementary#but now i want to write twc fanfic sitcome style#but all i have is jokes that don't land#someone tale my screens away from me and force me to spend a day surrounded by just people#im also playing good coffee great coffee like some addicted ipad kid#we're REALLY in the trenches this time#not to mention uni's straight up making me wanna set myself on fire#listen i clock out of the world when it's Ramadan nothing else exists
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wish that I wasnāt the one caring about everyoneās creations while no one cares about mine.
#ryan.txt#too depressing for my writing account lol#but Iām so fucking tired of it.#I have this one āfriendā#heavy quotes bc one sided#and this fucker straight up.#I listen to every song they make#I read every fic#I look at every art piece#and they donāt even talk to me about my writing.#Iāve known them since like? late august I think?#they havenāt read my writing. once.#meanwhile Iāve lost count of how many of their works Iāve engaged in#they never ask how I am#whenever I try to make things about me the topic gets changed fast#today they even say the reason they were texting me so much was just to keep themselves awake#am I this fucking worthless dude am I
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