#LIKE NOW IM QUESTIONING OTHER YOUTUBERS WHO KIND OF DO THE SAME THING

[crunchycrystals]

continuing the new hbomberguy video im like 2.5 hours in and i feel like im losing it

[painfools]

okaaaay so i wanted to make more horror-y muses for spooky szn and then got a little carried away creating little plots / scenarios for them to find themselves in. if you would like to interact with one of the muses or write out the scenarios, give this a like and i'll slide in your ims.

ryan destiny is nala hudson. mid 20s. bisexual. vampire.

michael evans-behling is brandon bello. late 20s. pansexual. profession is verse dep.

aubrey plaza is christina ' chris ' acevedo. late 30s. pansexual. profession is verse dep.

oscar isaac is joaquin perez mid 40s. closeted bisexual. private / rogue detective.

zoe kravitz is alexis tyler. early 30s. bisexual. journalist.

tommy martinez is ernesto bolivar. early 30s. questioning. profession is verse dep.

adria arjona is demetria aguilar. early 30s. pansexual. profession is verse dep.

emilio sakraya is beni idrissi. late 20s. bisexual. profession is verse dep.

casey deidrick is vaughn moore. mid 30s. bisexual. gas station clerk.

grace van patten is marla armstrong. mid 20s. questioning. profession is verse dep.

if you want to do the plots but prefer to interact with any of my permanent / main muses, that's fine too!! ****

and now on to the plots / scenarios. i drew inspo from r/nosleep and horror movie tropes i love so not entirely original but:

priest has to perform a diy exorcism / priest being tempted by a demon.

wealthy business person invites closest friends to their estate ( a. classic who done it when business person ends up dead OR b. business person has built an intricate labyrinth / death chamber ala h.h holmes)

videographer / youtuber at a haunted location, terrifying forest, any kind of spooky environment.

i'm working the night shift completely alone. why did i just hear a clank from inside my place of employment?

a journalist is looking into the strange disappearance of a family member / friend. ALTERNATIVELY a journalist is trying to solve a string of murders, ends up falling for the killer.

babysitter being stalked / haunted / hunted.

cult member who wants out and tries to make their escape. OR cult member who will do anything to rise the ranks.

a small high school reunion at a lakeside cabin turns deadly.

a gas station worker encountering oddities during their late night shifts. (examples: briefly speaks to the passerby that looks eerily similar to the police sketch of a prison escapee, meets a person who ends up missing, murdered, etc.,)

girl is happy to start fresh in a new apartment until she begins noticing her items are disappearing / being misplaced.

my significant other went on a business trip and they haven't been the same since.

air bnb from hell: i rented out a place for the weekend but i think it might be haunted / surveilled.

i went camping for the weekend. i keep having strange dreams of a shadow standing over my tent. OR i went camping for the weekend and every night i keep hearing strange sounds. tonight i heard a scream.

everyone around me keeps dying. am i cursed or is someone trying to get me all alone?

i inherited a fancy home / cabin from an estranged family member. strange things begin to happen.

we're on a cruise ship and someone just got murdered. there's no escape.

i lost my significant other a year ago. today, i bumped into someone who looks exactly like them.

we made a devil sacrifice / used a ouija board / said a name in front of the mirror five times. strange things have been happening since.

my partner is pregnant. the crazy woman next door is convinced our baby is the anti-christ.

[in-restless-walks]

okay i don't know sorry if this is a weird ask but right now im high and watching a youtube video of simon and garfunkel singin the boxer in the concert in central park and idk i got like a vibe from them so my question is are you a simon and garfunkel historian? do you know the context of their relationship during that moment? i don't know you i just searched simon and garfunkel and ended up in your blog so forgive me if you are not that kind of fan or something idk. i know that simon and garfunkel is big on tumblr but idk sometimes is like in a yaoi kind of way sometimes is like an ironic meme i dont know what im saying tbh im sorry for this. anyway if you don't know could you give me some blogs recomendations so i can ask them? is this a weird thing to ask? do i sound crazy? again im really high and this is taking too much to write because i don't know if i make sense sometimes i forget what word i put before the word i'm writing. anyway. can you help me with my issue? thanks a lot! oh for context i don't really know simon and garfunkel lore so just in case i need context i just know their relationship was like weird like sometimes they got along and then they missed each other or something? okay thanks! <3

Wow, okay, thanks for sending this, and first of all, I hope you enjoyed getting high, LOL. I guess there's nothing like getting high and starting to wonder about the yaoi side of Simon & Garfunkel.

I am not a Simon & Garfunkel historian, so to speak, but I have been a fan for quite some time and I have read all the biographies there are to read, I have done my fair share of research into them, so I do think I know a bit about the S&G "lore". Ever since the first time I saw the Concert in Central Park and seeing the same "vibe" you did during The Boxer, I've also 'shipped' them. That is to say, while I do not think that they were ever in a romantic relationship and everything that that entails, I don't rule out at all that anything of a sexual nature happened between them. Other people seem to think that too, hence the 'yaoi' posts you see on tumblr.

Their relationship was/is a really complicated one and I'm not sure any of us know exactly what happened to make them where they are now - supposedly on no speaking terms. I mean, Paul said in his recent documentary that Art turned from someone who 'got it for him" into someone he hopes never to see again, which...ouch x 1000.

For you and for everyone else getting into Simon & Garfunkel, here's a little crash course.

TL;DR they're both idiots who got along reasonably well if it wasn't about their professional business. Their creative differences re: music (and personal grievances) were always so large (as were their egos) that they followed a pattern of getting together to try (again), fought, were on no speaking terms for a decade, thought to give it another try, and repeat, ad infinitum. In fanfic terms, they are the epitome of strangers to friends to lovers to enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to...

1950s

Paul and Art are childhood friends. They lived a few streets away from each other in Queens, NY, and they went to the same school. They're the same age, born three weeks apart. They formally met when they were eleven, at the school play for Alice in Wonderland (Paul was the White Rabbit, Art the Cheshire Cat). Soon after, they started recording songs in their basements, trying to copy their heroes, the Everly Brothers. They got signed by Big Records by someone called Sid Prosen, called themselves Tom (Art) and Jerry (Paul) and released a fairly successful single called 'Hey Schoolgirl' when they were 16, which even made them go on Dick Clark's American Bandstand show (footage sadly does not survive). Paul recorded a song by himself, without telling Art, while he called himself True Taylor, and Art found out, 'shattering' the friendship with Paul for the first time. (It seems to have never recovered to how it was before). I coin this the True Taylor Incident™️. Alledgedly they didn't speak to each other for a couple of years after graduating high school (1958-1962-ish). During that time, Art recorded a few songs as Artie Garr, and Paul did as well, as Jerry Landis.

1960s

Paul went to study in Queens College, NY, and Art went to Columbia University (there he met his blind roommate Sanford, which is a whole other interesting side story). Paul and Art got reacquainted with each other, performed as a duo again and managed to get signed to Columbia records to record an album in March 1964, which was to be released in October 1964.

Meanwhile, Paul often went to England and mainland Europe (France, Denmark, the Netherlands...) and there he met Kathy who became his girlfriend (Hence, Kathy's Song, and "Kathy I'm lost, I said" from America). He also recorded a solo album while in the UK, called The Paul Simon Songbook. Art went to visit him a few times.

Their first album, Wednesday Morning 3AM, flopped; Art stayed in school and Paul went back to the UK. The album did contain the song The Sound of Silence (acoustic version) and a really interesting thing happened in late 1965 when someone decided to put electric guitars to the track and suddenly it got airplay. Paul was in Denmark when the song was really starting to do well on the charts, and he had to rush home to NYC when the song became number one.

Then, Paul and Artie were suddenly famous! They quickly recorded another album with several songs that were on The Paul Simon Songbook, but now Art's harmonies were on there. They did a lot of tv performances in 1966 and 1967 and toured mainly in the college and university circuits. (I will link some tv peformances and so on later, in another post).

I'm skipping over some things now, but in my opinion, trouble for their relationship really began again when they started recording their album Bookends and Paul had been writing music for The Graduate (Mrs. Robinson) (1968). The director of The Graduate, Mike Nichols, had asked Art and Paul to act in his next movie, Catch-22, but Paul's scenes got cut, and Art went to Mexico on his own for the better part of the first half of 1969, just when they were supposed to record their next album, Bridge Over Troubled Water. Tensions ran super high at that time. Plus, Paul had written the song Bridge Over Troubled Water for Art to sing, but he later said that Art first refused to sing it (Art said that he wanted Paul to sing it in a lovely falsetto voice) and later, during concerts, Art took standing ovations while finishing the song, while Paul was jealous that he didn't get songwriting credits on stage. Paul also said that Art was leaving him to do movies...not long after Catch-22, Art got invited to play a role in Mike Nichols' next movie, Carnal Knowledge. (see also: Why Don't You Write Me...."if it's only to say that you're leaving me"). The whole Bridge Over Troubled Water album is one big breakup album.

Meanwhile, Paul had gotten married to Simon & Garfunkel's manager's ex-wife (I still can't fathom this) and Peggy also kind of encouraged him to go solo. Paul also claimed that his musical interests and Art's were drifting apart, so eventually, they split in 1970. Artie thought they were only taking a break, and allegedly he didn't realize they were really done.

1970s

Both starting solo careers, they reunited a few times as well, such as for the McGovern benefit concert in 1972, and most notably in the second Saturday Night Live episode in 1975 (tell me they're not flirting the whole time). Paul had even written a song, My Little Town, that the both of them performed for the reunion and was featured on both of their (solo) albums There was also a reunion for Paul's The Paul Simon Special (1977), the Brittania Awards (1977) and some other benefit concerts.

1980s

Paul was approached by a concert producer about playing in Central Park and maybe doing a few songs with Art, and Paul was like, I can't very well play support to Simon & Garfunkel, so it was decided that the whole concert was supposed to be the both of them. And time it was, what a time it was! Safe to say the concert was a success, even though they were fighting again (Art wanted to stay as close to the accoustic sets they used to do in the college performances, and Paul wanted a big band on stage). The interviews before the performance are awkward as usual, but it seems that for the performance itself they kind of set their differences aside, and they seem to be having a good time on stage, as good as it gets with these two. The back rub during The Boxer is...I can't explain it, but that was a lovely gesture by Art.

Because the concert in Central Park had been so successful, they were going to bank on that success and do a whole reunion tour AND a reunion album in 1982-1983, but that seems to have been a very miserable experience for them both. Their body language in interviews says it all. It culminated in Paul wiping Art's vocals from what was supposed to be their reunion album and releasing it as a solo album. Safe to say they were on no speaking terms again for a while, lmao, especially when their professional endeavours were concerned. They did hang out sometimes in private, because Paul had married Carrie Fisher and Art was seeing Carrie's friend Penny. Then Paul got famous with Graceland and Artie was once again, forgotten.

1990s

They got inducted in the Hall of Fame (another miserable experience), Paul did another concert in Central Park (without any sign of Art this time) and they did a few reunion concerts in NYC and so, but neither of them looked very happy about that, if you ask me. In fact, the less they had to look at each other, the better. There was apparently one instance where they were fighting and someone had to stand in between them, or they would have physically started attacking each other? Sounds like a lot of fun, huh? Start of another decade of not speaking to each other.

2000s

After getting a Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, they thought it was a good idea to get together again and do a reunion your, and that seemed to work, for a while. They toured the United States (2003-2004), Europe (2004), Australia/NZ and Japan (2009) and were about to embark on yet some more shows in the fall of 2010, but then Art Lost His Voice (you can see this happening right in front of your salad at the April 2010 Jazz Fest, but they were still very chummy then).

What happened in 2010...no idea, but it wasn't good. And then Art made things much, much worse when he did an interview in 2015, called Paul a Monster, and idiot and a jerk, and how could he leave a successful formula like Simon & Garfunkel behind and no amount of groveling that Art has done since (like begging Paul to call him in an interview) has helped. They are still on no speaking terms.

Now all we can do is wait and hope they come to their senses and kind of make up before they die. Under no circumstances do I still want them to sing together, but damn, if all of us don't want them to just both sit on the edge of a park bench, like bookends, I don't know anymore.

My take on the whole thing: they were good friends as kids, Art never got over the True Tailor Incident and that stayed with him forever; he always saw Paul as someone who could betray him in the blink of an eye. Paul was envious of Art's looks (and height); meanwhile Art wasn't a songwriter, so Paul had that advantage over him. It's not a good balance to be in such a close partnership. Perhaps at one point something did happen between them, complicating things even more, because can you really hate someone that much if you don't have strong feelings for them either? In later years, it seems to be mainly the "creative differences" about the music that was causing a rift, but maybe after all is said and done, perhaps Carrie Fisher said it best "not only do I not like you, but I don't like you personally." Paul 'cheated' on Art with True Taylor and, like any other one half of a (married) couple, he tried to get over it, but never could. (and maybe Paul is a jerk lmao. But Art was no angel either).

I've skipped over a lot of things, so if you have more questions, shoot. There are quite a few of us who are posting regularly about them, and who know about everything I've written above. In fact, there's a Tumblr community on S&G now (see my pinned post) but so far there haven't been many people interested in joining, lol, so if you want in, let me know. People could do a lot more theorizing there, haha.

[tonoiho]

howdy heres a decent post about how to find new music to listen to, from an autistic person who literally needs music to function most times 💪

spotify based since that is what i use

first off, Discover Weekly (updates Mondays) and Release Radar (updates Fridays) are pretty good if you arent looking for music quickly. i prefer Discover Weekly bc it usually is from artists ive never listened to.

BUT if you are anything like me and kind of need music daily, and/or feel like everything is getting stale to listen to and just is not stimulating enough, theres quite a few things you can do (:

i primarily use Chosic, since it kinda has a bunch of different shit to use n look at

if it feels too overwhelming, what you can do is stick with "Music Genre Finder" and "Similar Songs Finder"

even though it might sometimes ask on some pages, you do NOT have to sign into Spotify for this site if you dont want to (:

using this banger as my control song

Music Genre Finder

figuring out what genres and sub-genres you listen to the most is about to become your best friend ok

pretty much just toss in a bunch of songs you enjoy and take note of the genres and sub-genres. i recommend making playlists of songs with similar or same genres (and also bc its fun)

this one is the most basic, but is a good starting point to help you go down your rabbit hole

Similar Songs Finder

same concept; throw in songs you want more of. i do one song at a time but you can do multiple

theres also this (v), so have fun with that B)

i recommend taking a look at the advanced settings, but for the sake of keeping this post as comprehensive as possible, im going to stick to the basics.

clicking generate will pull up a list of songs similar to your input, available as both Spotify and YouTube playlists to save if you so choose

to make this easier, you can also analyze the playlist songs directly from here; just middle click the buttons to open a new tab so you dont lose this page

Moving on from Chosic to other methods lol

PANTHER. Panther is sooo good imo

this one is artist-based, and sometimes the song previews it gives do not load, but you can simply look them up to listen for yourself in that case.

i will use I Met a Yeti as an example

very simple; i recommend going into this website with lowered volume because sometimes the audio is loud and crunchy; it will sound better on Spotify though

Create Similar Playlist

this is a feature that is already in Spotify, and it is again, very basic.

right clicking on a playlist ofc pulls up a neat lil menu

this one isnt that great, but it works better with the more songs you have on it from different artists.

often times it will add songs you already have saved, but otherwise its kinda okay

Enchance

again, a built-in Spotify feature, however this one might not be for everyone as i believe this is an experimental feature that not everybody has at the moment. still, if you do have it, i absolutely recommend it

basically what it does is add ~100 songs to your Liked Playlist, spaced out every two songs (they are not permanently saved if that annoys you; they go away after turning off this feature)

update 11/11/23

Enhance is out now i think? however it's only for created playlists and not your liked playlist. it still works the same but adds less music. more music gets suggested though when you save them

the Panther site had some issues loading for a while, but it's working again (it may have just been me. idk)

this is all i have for now lol. if you have any questions lemme know (:

hope this helps!

[cg-saturn]

as someone with a hard time voluntarily regressing, do you have advice?

the last time i tried it took me three hours and five coloring pages and a whole season of bluey </3

all the websites i looked at were like "get your paci" a=but i don't have any gear to make me feel small

Hey kiddo!

I know it can be hard to regress sometimes for whatever reason- maybe you've been too stressed, too busy, or just having a little block the same way artists or writers sometimes have. But I promise, you are still a valid little even if you struggle with regression at times.

Regression can come in so many different ways for people that it can be hard to give a definitive answer of how to make regression easier for you specifically, but I do know for some people who don't have the ability to own gear for any reason (living or financial situations) it can be even harder. So Star and I decided to come up with a little list of activities that can help with both! If anyone has any ideas or questions, please reblog and we'll add/answer what we can!

For kiddos who don't have gear because of living situations-

Legos- these are a great toys that can be bought in "adult" type sets, and many people don't question having Legos as a hobby no matter what age you are! Make yourself a little castle, or your own creations!

Magnets- I've always loved playing with magnets! You can get packs of bead magnets for fidgits and sounds, or even just play with the invisible force between two refrigerator magnets!

Playdough/slime - you can buy it or look up some easy at home recipes! Make it your favorite color, and add some glitter or beads to it for a textured play!

Tangles/figdgit toys- I've always loved fidgit toys, but some of them can secretly act as chewies/pacis too depending on textures!

Childhood movies- now that streaming is more avalible, it's pretty easy to access some movies from our childhoods! Personally I love the old animation of Disney movies, but there's also Scooby-Doo and all sorts of other cartoon network shows on hbo and Netflix!

Stuffie party- gather all of your pals and make a big circle on your bed or the floor, and enjoy their company! Ask them about their days, what did they get up to while you were out?

Kids apps- im planning to make a larger post about these in the future, but there are tons of apps that can help the regression process, and it's easier to hide if you're scared of people finding out.

Agere blogs- this one is kind of silly, but I think sometimes it can help a lot to scroll through some blogs that post outfit boards and soft little things! It can help to know you're not alone in your regression too, and maybe you can meet some friends who will help you in the future!

For kiddos who don't have gear because of financials-

Baby Einstein YouTube- if you don't remember Baby Einstein, it used to be a DVD series on learning for kids! They've moved to YouTube, and you can listen to various songs and watch different shapes and colors, it's very relaxing! You can do the same with clips from shows like sesame street.

Tell a story / madlibs- making things up and being creative is a great way to open your little mind. Telling a story about the unicorn who lives in the woods, or making up a silly madlib about the purple horse who jumped the tree. Make up the silliest story you can, don't worry about it making any sense, that's the whole fun of it!

Kids music- you can find playlists on YouTube and spotify for kids music! You can go from instrumental to learning songs like "wheels on the bus"!

Play with textures- at work we have sensory buckets for the kids. Put sand or rice or glitter in a bowl, mix in some beads, bells, cotton balls, or whatever other fun textured things you have around. Just put your hands in it and explore! Take time to touch every texture, try to focus on objects like it was your very first time seeing it!

Blanket fort- take the pillows off the couch, move your kitchen chairs around, take off your sheet if you need to! Make yourself a little oasis, snuggle up, and enjoy the small feelings!

I spy / where's Waldo games- you can play with books, apps, or even just with a friend in real life! I love to play with Star, it puts them in little space almost immediately as they frantically search for "something orange"!

Wear mismatched clothes- I've always believed that matching socks are bad luck in general, but I also think there's something about not having high fashion can help regression tons! Don't worry about the stereotypes of pigtails and overalls, wear those silly leggings and the oversized t-shirt with holes in it! Wear a sock up to your knee and one down to your ankle if that's what feels right! Clothes deserve to be a comfortable reflection of how you feel!

Remember, Littlespace is just like any other mindset. It doesn't matter what you do or don't have, as long as you're enjoying some childlike wonder again. You're just a lil kiddo! That's all it comes down to. Remind yourself that you're valid for healing your inner child and letting yourself enjoy things, you deserve to be a little angel again. Do things just because you want to, just because you're curious, just because it looks good, soft, whatever. Being a kid is learning everything for what feels like the first time no matter how many times you've learned it before. You deserve to experience things for the first time again, to relax, and to heal.

Sending love and always wishing you the best!

Pippi Saturn 💕

[mockingbirdshymn]

rating camp camp pairings

because i ran out of ideas for posts and saw someone else do this a few years ago so swoop the idea is mine now

nerriston - 10000000/10

i love them. ok. i really do theyre super cool. it make sense like. they have a perfect dynamic. theyre cute. we have magician who has anxiety, cocky loud theatre kid who does not give a shit, and short dnd nerd who would beat your ass and probably carries in all the groceries at once. LIKE. its perfect. it literally is the best

im equally as loving of presner/harriston/nerrison but nerriston is my main otp

presnurf - fuck you/10

hacks gags dies

presmax - 1/10

personally i dont see this? and its not because they havent interacted, mostly because their personalities don't mesh well imo? not to say that opposites don't attract, thats the building ground for so many good ships, but with them its just. kind of just pure annoyance any time they interact. and unlike nerrison, it's not a continuing thing that makes it a rivalry and has layers to it (ex. background interactions, like at the lake lilac summer social), with max and preston its just general annoyance any time they bump into each other.

plus i hc preston to be 14 and max is canonically 10 and while my headcanons arent canon, that interpretation of mine makes it a very much no go for me

neil x harrison - 3/10

not for me, but i can 100% see it

again though, i hc harrison to be 14 and neil is canonically 11, so,,, another dealbreaker for my bc of this headcanon

nerikki - 3/10

definitely compatible, and if it werent for the fact i have a sturdy hc on cc campers' ages, i feel i could like it?

but 14yo x 10yo is a big nono for me

ered x nikki - 1/10

for me it feels like nikki has a crush on ered in the same way kids tend to have crushes and idolize people older than them. like how someone may like their friend's way older brother, even though hes like 6 years older, but it dies out once they mature and stop idolizing him.

ered is either 15 or 16 in my headcanons, and nikki is canonically 10, so,, nikki can have a crush on ered in the same way kids have crushes on celebrities, but for ered to act on that would be very very bad

ered x nerris - 6/10

can see it, not my favorite, but i can definitely enjoy content from it (like fanart or fics) if its not the main focus.

ered x dolph - 1/10

sir, dolph is like literally the youngest. ered is the oldest pls stop (ik the eggs benefits episode was what started a lot of ships but. but cmon)

honestly though i rlly like the idea of them as older sister younger brother type of dynamic, tho ive not seen many people hc that if any

space kid x dolph - 8/10

i like them as friends more but i can definitely see it and enjoy it!! either romantic or platonic, i really love their (imagined bc they never interact lmfao) dynamic, and theyd mesh together very well personality-wise. both are clueless (dolph because he doesnt pick up on things well/holds a very positive view on everything, and space kid because his brain is like a pinball machine), and both have no friends/are generally excluded from everyone else due to their differences.

makki - 9/10

at first didnt like it at all, i like it now though!! dont have much of a reason for this, just think it's cute. angsty boy and feral girl. max would be moping and nikki would bring him a cool rock and he would not understand why but keep it anyway

maxneil - 10/10

"mandatory gay pairing for every main characters" is what someone from a random youtube video from like 4 years ago would say

though i rlly like it. guy who doesnt care at all and guy who overexplains absolutely everything/cares too much. max would ask a retoric question and neil would go into a ramble. max annoying the absolute shit out of neil and neil just. loudly sighing

neil x nikki - 1/10

i headcanon them as stepsiblings after parents day!! before i used to like it, but the fact their parents boned and nikki discussed being siblings killed that for me

nurf x a cactus - 10/10

he deserves to be prickled

neil x tabii - 1/10

i dont like fics where they're together as adults if im honest. as much as i adore tabii, her borderline obsession with neil makes him uncomfortble and i dont think it'd really be healthy at all. hes made it clear he doesnt like her

max x sasha - 7/10

can def see it! two bitchy assholes, though i dont like the idea all too much. would need someone else in the relationship to balance it out, or else its just kind of two dicks doing back and forth

pikeman x sasha - 8/10

it would not be healthy but by fucking christ it would be hilarious

sasha would be the gold digger and pikeman wouldnt know how to speak to a woman and it would be great

nikki x sasha - 5 to 8/10

nikki was bullied by sasha a lot, also sasha is kind of a dick, but they could be cute if sasha got over herself and started to be actually decent. with care put into it, it would be cute in a storyline of "girl forced to be perfect her entire life and externalizes this onto others, learns to embrace her true self through realizing that girl who is messy and doesnt care about how she looks is happy"

or maybe i just really like mabel x pacifica. its one or the other

tabii x erin - 8/10

very cute!! i liked how they acted at the end of the lake lilac summer social, but they work more as best friends in my opinion? badass besties who would wingman each other and tell each other everything in sleepovers. but at the same time, i do love gay people.

erin x neil - 7/10

SIGH if only erin got more character development. it could have been very cute. mostly because erin deserved someone who liked her for something other than her loks, which shed been pressured to prioritize just all of the time. also neil and erin could bounce ideas off each other?? and once more, pathetic bf x badass gf

erin x snake - 2/10

there wasnt much between them outside of "omg hes cute" without much emotion put into it, yk? which is funny because i like snake x tabii which wasnt too different but whatever

snake x tabii - 8/10

TABII WAS A DICK TO HIM BUT OH MY GOD IT WOULD BE SO CUTE

forever crying about that. they would go so well together????? tabii deserves someone who thinks shes pretty i really like tabii and she and snake would be badasses together and i and i and i

pikeman x snake - 3/10

do not like it personally. mostly because pikeman's an asshole but yk

camper x counselor - wtf/10

daniel x david - 4/10

definitely not for me!! can be cute i guess, especially in aus where daniel isnt a cultist, but i dont think david would ever fall for a child murderer

david x gwen - 20/10

i love them. i love them so much. goes into my favorite trope of badass wife x too scared to ask for katchup at a ristraunt husband

david x jasper - 10/10

pre-jasper death only. post-jasper death and thats creepy because jasper is literally still a child

pre-jasper death and in aus where jasper lives, i will gobble that shit up like a starving turkey. i literally love it so much. like??? i cant explain why. plus ive read so many good fics with it that i am unable to hate it.

gwen x jen - 3/10

jen has appeared a total of one time for exactly 5 seconds. but in aus where shes given a character and isnt a murderer then i think it could work

daniel x jen - 5/10

never interacted (as if im one to talk with my nerriston bullshit) but cultist x cultist can be made interesting

cameron x priss - 9/10

could either be 1 of 2 things

your grandparents that keep fighting all of the time but love each other

two irresponsible grandparents that teach the child how to make an explosive

they seemed to have a sort of romantic connection and it wasnt all sexual attraction, and cameron's fear of comitment was the only thing really stopping them from enjoying a presumably happy and healthy marriage

platypus x food - 10/10

a match made in heaven

[thisdreamplace]

Hey dream! just a heads up, this is gonna be a pretty long ask i hope you don’t mind 😭 but i sent you an ask earlier this year and your response helped but i still find myself struggling with quite a few things when it comes to the law 💀 i’ve been contemplating on sending another ask for some time now because honestly, i didn’t want to go asking people for advice because i felt like i had to figure this stuff out all by myself. but, i’ve finally decided that it’s okay to have some guidance and i think you’re the right person to come to for that 💃🏽 lately i’ve been feeling kind of lost? like i feel stuck. i started consistently listening to edward art’s videos on youtube and i feel like they helped a bit, then i got back on tumblr after a long time and i started reading your posts along with heavenlythea’s and some others. and i think my views on the law are starting to change?? like i’ve been reading posts about letting go and indifference, non duality and i’m like oh! okay that makes sense but then i’ve been so used to things not happening for me and “failing”, sometimes i still wonder “is any of this even real? am i really the I AM?” and i really don’t know how to get myself out of that. like i’m waking up everyday trying to figure this out and i’m still having the same old, boring ass experiences 💀💀 i feel like every time i think i’m close to figuring it all out i get stuck and then i’m like 🧍🏽‍♀️🤔 okay now what? but then…i’m not sure i actually know what i want fr lolll. so yea, i hope that wasn’t confusing 😭 but some advice would be very much appreciated 🤍 also, could i be 🤸🏽‍♀️ anon?

hiii 🤸🏽‍♀️ anon :3

yeah, there's totally no harm in coming back to someone/something time to time that helps guide you forward !! we don't have to constantly be alone and figure everything out for ourselves, this world is totally a guide.

hmm you wonder how to get yourself out of the questioning but don't. i think that... it's pretty normal to stay there, even for a long time. i think online you see a lot of people who are like, "it all clicked over night <3" which is great but i think for many of us it actually turns out to be a .... journey. and thats what i try to highlight and normalize a lot through what i share.

when you say how youre always trying to figure this out and youre waking up always having the same old experiences... it's because you continue to be the same old you. how could you expect anything different ? bc you understand the concepts on a thinking level ? that doesn't do much for us. the true change comes in changing in ourselves, in actually practicing what it is we read about. we put so much pressure on the ego to make sense of something it's not meant to make sense of. the god within already knows, so stop taking that on as your daily task. your daily task is actually surrender, acceptance, trust. to enjoy and experience these things you read about. not just think about it and try to understand it.

you mention how youre so used to "failure" and i get it, because i was too for so, so long. and tbh the way i got myself out of that was simple. i decided to dare to think for once i can experience smth new, for once i can experience a new outcome. and that's all i did. i didnt miraculously heal my anxiety or suddenly realize how im god and none of this is real. i just let myself be, and opened myself up to the possibility of something different than what i'm used to. and that was literally enough. it's not that hard, we just tend to be scared of letting it be simple.

i hope this makes sense, and i'm excited to hear about how you advance in your journey xo

[divinationrose]

The past few days - documenting everything (spirit guides) 🌿

So after what happened, which I wrote the other day, lots of other very confirming things happened in the same evening that I was indeed connecting to spirits.

I ended up just babbling all the happenings to my friend and my sister as I just kind of sat in my armchair dumbfounded, in shock and getting my head around everything that's actually been happening to me all my life and over the past few months and weeks.

I had never connected with my spirit guides before, heck. I didn't even really know anything about spirit guides whatsoever from what I did know I didn't really fully believe in them at all, and until the past month or so even when I've called upon them whilst doing tarot and 'seeing' 20% was still like am I actually riddiculas right now?

the other night (didn't write on here everything else that happened) but anyways the same evening it gets to 3am my sister having talked to her like a mad woman on the phone, told me to take a break from it all, so I laid on the sofa deep into YouTube videos about just meditation and happy stuff for the next hour or three. I was relaxed and then at 3am I heard a rapid flushing im like wtfff?! Turns out my toddlers old potty was going off and on rapidly in his room, it lights up and makes a loud flushing sound when you flush, it was so loud flushing over and over as soon as I got it down from the wardrobe it stopped.

I brought it downstairs it was working normally baring in mind this potty hadn't made a noise by itself ever, and has remained ontop of the wardrobe for the past year. This happened a few hours after of me trying to connect to my spirit guides and getting intense cold going through me a few times and precise answers with the tarot deck during these hours. My dog also started acting very alert and began staring and following things around the room eyes and nose twitching, and ears going up and down, it was very weird, she definitely sensed something there was no doubt, she doesnt normally act that way and she's done this a few times now throughout the past week or two.

Me texting and calling my toddlers father at literally 3 in the flaming morning just incase something had happened with Ethan because it happened in his room with him away (he's absolutely fine sat here rn eating a yoghurt haha) I was worried something had happened and needed to check.

I see now I think it was their way of being like hello, we are here! You aren't turning into a crazy lady, stop doubting what you've literally just experienced!! (because despite all this I'm still like going back and fourth in my head over everything, just not making sense of it all)

Anyways,

I decided to properly connect the next day because there is no doubt in my mind now there are spirit guides 100% I'm asking questions and asking them to shoot out specific cards if the answer is yes, every single question the specific card eirher flung itself out of the deck with force or shot straight up. One after another, after another, after another to a point I was like right I'm definitely connecting with them it was undeniable. The specific card so I would ask for a cup card, wand card, pentacle card, sword card, moon card etcetera and each question I made it a different card. Each time every card shot up or flipped out with so much force it was undeniable, during this I got that intense cold energy feeling through me again, not a little shiver I'm talking intense cold that I've never experienced in my life, kind of like energy passing through me it's an undeniable feeling I can't possibly explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. As I'm doing this im asking different questions. I will write up these answers at some point on here, but some of the answers really surprised me though.

When it was undeniable to me of their existence I asked, have you been here all my life and I've just not realised it? And to shoot a sword card up if that's a yes. The ace of swords flipped up with force (the card has a massive giant swor) This happened over and over and over, every single card I asked for shot up or flung out I also on some questions asked for confirmation and they confirmed each and every one. I ended up bursting out crying at that answer, because I think all this just shocked me to my literal core quite honestly.

I got quite a few answers that I didn't expect and honestly this all really heckin shook me up the past day or so!

I actually felt really super shaky yesterday with everything that had happened processing it all, and met my sister for coffee, but honestly I felt so shaken up and weird I can't even explain, because to me really, this flips everything that I've thought about this kind of stuff from my religious upbringing (jehovas witness, im not anymore) my own beliefs, scepticism, view on the world and people completely upside down. The most important thing though? They told me that they only have my best intentions, and come from a place of love, multiple times. At one point they said I couldn't ask anymore questions right now, and that was fine as honestly it was just an overload of information that I needed to get to grips with tbh.

But yes I honestly don't care whatsoever if people don't believe it. It happened. I experienced it. There isn't a single part of me that doubts it anymore and tbh as open as I am, and despite having I suppose extra senses from being young, I'm still sceptical by nature, and stubborn. Like I was saying to my friend things need to smash me in my face to believe something fully, and later on after that conversation that's when the potty started turning itself on and on over and over again at 3am lmao.

So there we go, I am 100% fully intending to keep developing my abilities and do not have a single doubt anymore whatsoever that there are spirits, we have spirit guides (multiple) like nothing is ever going to sway that again.

[aectpen]

STRAWBERRY ✯ 𝙕𝙃𝘼𝙉𝙂 𝙃𝘼𝙊!

m.list

synopsis: 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐚 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐮𝐧𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐲𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐮𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐥

pairing: Zhang Hao of ZB1 and fem!oc

status: ongoing

chapter 11: deal

the next day, rina woke up to a slew of good morning messages to hao. 

haohao 🐼:

good morninggg nanabear

10:15am

good morning?

i rlly pulled out that cringey nickname for u

and this is how you repay me ?

11:00am

even he was weirded tf out..

12:15pm

you better be dreaming abt me

12:45pm

riri 🐼

i was dreaming abt juyeon actually 😘

good morning haohaobear 

that doesn’t sound as cute as nanabear

haohao 🐼

yeah you're sick

and it’s afternoon now idk if you know this yet

riri 🐼

wrdgaf

what are you doing today?

haohao 🐼

im literally about to die of boredom

i kept scrolling youtube and got to the point where i’m watching a honey

badger fight off a bunch of lions

riri 🐼

you know what would make your day better?

haohao 🐼

hmm idk humor me

riri 🐼

buying breakfast and bringing it to meeeee

haohao 🐼

you're gonna give me a house tour?

riri 🐼

house is a strong word

it would take one 360 spin and you're done!

haohao 🐼

send me the address and i’ll be there asap 

riri 🐼

this is why you’re my favorite person on the planet kinda

rina sprang up from her bed, eager to get ready to see hao. she may or may not have hastily stuffed everything in sight into her closet to create the illusion of cleanliness. when he said "asap," he meant it. in the midst of fixing her hair in front of the mirror, the doorbell buzzed.

"who is it?" she teased.

through the peephole, she could see his amused expression. "vogue 73 questions."

the moment she opened the door she yanked him in roughly.

“are you trying to dislocate my shoulder?” he pouted.

“my neighbor is on the balcony.” she closed the door behind him.

“you’re acting like i’m beyonce. i promise you the grandma living next to you has not a clue who i am.” he plopped on her couch, laying out the breakfast on the coffee table. 

the two shared a meal while binge watching dramas. "watching" might not be the most accurate term; they chatted incessantly, offering commentary on every single scene. they were the kind of people you should never go to the movies with—they'd talk your ears off, sounding more like characters themselves than the ones on screen.

as they progressed through the episodes, they found themselves gradually edging closer on the couch. each thought they were slyly shifting a millimeter every ten seconds. eventually, they both scooted over at the same time, resulting in them turning to each other and bursting into laughter at their synchronized stupidity.

“you thought you were slick,” rina laughed at hao’s shocked face.

“me? you were doing the same thing!” he poked her side.

he gave in to his wants and snaked his arm around her, snuggling into the crook of her neck. even peppering faint, feathery kisses on her collarbone.

“hao, are you trying to put me into cardiac arrest?” rina whined.

as his kisses ventured lower, rina’s doorbell buzzed unexpectedly. they looked at each other confused as she wasn’t expecting anyone.

peering through the peephole, she was met with haemin and hyemi waving at her. she quickly turned to how and signaled him to go hide in her room. she opened the door just enough for her to stick her head out, “can i help you?”

haemin pushed the door open, “i thought we could all hang out.” she looked like she was looking for something, more specifically someone.

rina watched them make their way to the couch and tried to sneakily kick hao’s shoes out of sight.

“big breakfast?” hyemi snarked.

“can you guys come another time? i’m planning to go out right now.” rina knew she shouldn’t piss them off given what they know about her.

“where? can we tag along?” 

haemin was almost a whole new person—someone that was one the sweetest best friend rina could ask for turned into somewhat of a mean girl. it was totally out of her character. it truly doesn’t take much for a friendship to turn sour.

“okay, i’m not going anywhere. what is this about?” 

“is there a reason you don’t want us here?” haemin tilted her head with a mocking tone evident in her voice.

“what do you want from me. we all know what this is about; let’s not play dumb.”

“i have a deal for you,” hyemi walked closer to rina “get me jebewon’s phone numbers and address, and i won’t spill the beans about your little relationship.”

rina looked at the girls incredulously. she knew they had bad intentions but this crossed so many lines. haemin was always a big fan of idols, but never displayed sasaeng behaviors. this revelation was a punch to the gut for rina. it always hurts when someone you know so well proves that you didn’t know their true nature

“you don’t even have proof of anything.” she forced out a nervous chuckle.

“you think we don’t know about your park dates? could you be any sloppier?” an insulting tone laced in haemin’s words. “i know he’s in your room, you are so predictable, rina.”

“what would you even do with the phone numbers and address? they could easily change their numbers, and they have security.”

“we could sell information on them,” hyemi chimed in “it’s your choice, you wouldn’t want to see your baby boy get hate, would you?”

“text me your decision, or we’ll do what we have to do.” haemin said before the two finally left.

rina walked over to her room to see hao fast asleep on her bed, she could’ve sworn they only talked for five minutes. she sat next to him and smiled at his cute expression—eyebrows furrowed his lips slightly parted. however, her smile faded once she realized the choice she had to make. how could she possibly win in that situation? she knew the difficulties that would come with dating an idol, but she didn’t know those difficulties would arise from her supposed best friend.

she looked out her windows and doors to see if haemin and hyemi were watching her. she wouldn’t put it past them to do a stakeout for blackmail.

should we just stop seeing each other? she thought to herself. she didn’t want it to come to this, but she felt a great sense of guilt. dating scandals can very well ruin images. she didn’t want to be a source of stress and trouble for him and his group. all these thoughts caused tears to well up in her eyes and soon stream down her face. she didn’t want to lose him, but she didn’t want to hurt his livelihood. i can’t tell him about this.

[deathclassic]

Okay i was tagged in 2 things and they’re kinda similar so i just combined them so thank you evie @energievie and zo @grabmyboner for tagging me in these!

BLAST FROM THE PAST

MUSIC TAG GAME

Name: Molly

Nation of Birth: Australia

Teen Decade: 2010s

Share a song that you once would have included on every playlist/mix cd/mix tape you made, but which hasn’t traveled with you into 2023

probably this one, i used to be super into sleeping with sirens but it was like a stepping stone into slightly heavier bands. still good just don’t listen to them much anymore.

Where did you first hear this song?

Youtube deep dive, started with black veil brides and ended up just clicking on whatever was recommended next.

How old were you when you first heard it?

13

Being who you are now, how do you feel about the song?

Oh it’s amazing, i heard it live last year and it made me realise how much i love it

What’s a song you love now that fills the same kind of vibe as this, but more fitting your current self?

You know, i have no idea? Maybe a pierce the veil song bc ive been binging them to get ready for their concert on Wednesday and you know, sws and ptv go hand in hand

- - - -

Last song: sweet talk 101 by cute is what we aim for

Last show: criminal minds

Last movie: BARBIE!!! Saw it last night and it was amazing

Currently watching: criminal minds

Reading: no physical books but fanfic wise im slowly making my way through etherised against the sky again in my spare time

Obsession: fictional characters who are morally grey and do questionable things but also have a traumatic childhood

You can do one or the other if you’ve already done it but

@creepkinginc @surviving-maybe @jademickian @mikhailoisbaby @iero @vintagelacerosette

[childe-of-saulot]

*flips into your ask box*

Your bog mate is here to chase off the boredom!

fir: which tropes/archetypes do you find the most and the least compelling?

bonsai: what is something you could spend hours, even days doing?

lily: what is your love language?

waterlily: how do you feel about change?

sunflower: what never fails to brighten your day?

*flips back into the bog*

i can always trust you to ask me questions Lix <3 Fir: i really dislike things like love triangles and stupid misunderstandings leading to drama when it can easily be explained if the people just acted like adults and talked. But things that will really make me dislike a show are things like. -having an overpowered Main character or someone who is overly liked. -I also really dislike stories that pretend to have high stakes but no one of any importance to the story ever gets injured or killed. on the other hand i really like things like. -self sacrifice, especially if its unknown to everyone else in the story and the characters tragic death is otherwise not acknowledged. -Characters who are hopelessly devoted and die for someone who never acknowledge them -Bittersweet endings or tragic endings are also some of my favorite. Bonsai: most easy answer would be watching youtube essays on fucking anything, especially if the person doing them seems really into the subject, even if i know nothing about it. Reading, i read a lot, often i read the same books over and over again. Making a larp character if im going to some bigger event im excited about, a lot of things goes into writing one and coming up with the costume(or straight up making the costume/prosthetics depending on the game) Lily: i dont really "believe" int he original love language stuff since the guy who wrote the book its based off is kind of garbage, and i think its a bit too reductive of a concept. but of the five i would say gifts are mine. not that i like people spending money on me, but i like physical artifacts of appreciation or love. a nice rock, something they made, something interesting that made them think of me. Waterlily: im a creature of habit when it comes to things around me, i dont like being surprised, or having my routine messed up. when it comes to things that dont directly effect me i dont mind it. part of living is to change and thats how its supposed to be there is no choice but to accept it. Sunflower: Nature. especially now during the summer, i love being outdoors, i love seeing everything so green.

[nyastyaraspurrtina]

Question for youuuuu

Hi! I have never actually listened to the mechanisms, but I’m a big tma fan and really like the very slight aus where it’s like the mechanisms were the archivists college band things, so I’ve read a lot of fanfic that basically references them with not a lot of context yk?

Also. Because I have watched some rusty quill stream vods on YouTube, I’m now getting like 9 second mechanisms clips recommended to me.

And. Last little thing. I am a big alt folk person, and last night I remembered this band I love that I basically totally forgot about and hadn’t been listening to for a bit, and went and just shuffled their songs and it was great. (Robert hallow and the holy men! If you were curious)

But. I was like scrolling through the similar artists, and the mechanisms showed up again.

So now partly because I just keep seeing them come up and partly because of curiosity. I’m tempted to actually check them out.

But I’m really bad with new music, just kind of in general I like my comfortable and familiar songs. And I know really nothing about them besides like. Some of their names and the whole like immortal space pirate thing. But like musically? I have like no info.

So basically uh.

What should I expect? What like. Kind of music would I be getting into? Is it worth it?

I’m asking mostly because I’m looking for someone to be enthusiastic so I have a reason to push my hesitancy against new things aside btw.

Sorry this is so long lmao, and thank you :)

OH MY GOD????? IM FUCKING HONORED THANK YOU

Okay so to start out with, they have 4 main albums. Once Upon A Time In Space, The Bifrost Incident, High Noon Over Camelot, and Ulysses Dies At Dawn. They tend to vary in terms of what their music sounds like, but they always have the same instruments, more or less. (Glockenspiel, flute, drums, sometimes Jonny on the harmonica, bass, guitar that I honestly cannot tell if it's electric or acoustic, viola, violin, Jessica Law's amazing vocals, and I think that's it but I'm probably forgetting something else). High Noon Over Camelot has a lot of Western influence, and is very folk-leaning-country, is the best way I can describe it?

You said you listen to TMA, so here's a couple people to know - Frank Voss and Jessica Law. Frank Voss plays Ashes O'Reilly, an arsonist who burned down their home planet and joined up with the Mechs. Here's the song with their backstory. It's very much like jazz, I think. In TMA, Frank Voss plays Basira Hussain. Jessica Law plays the Toy Soldier, a sentient wooden man (or, according to a tweet she made, a metal man that just looks wooden?) It essentially pretends to be alive, and will obey any order given to it. It pretended to be a rich lady's husband for a while, and then fell in love with an Angel - when it wasn't reciprocated, it ripped out the Angel's voice box. Not sure if it uses it as its own voice box, I forgot. No backstory song for TS sadly :(((. In TMA, Jessica Law plays Nikola Orsinov! And then there's Jonny Dville, first mate, killed his dad for money, killed the guy who paid him to kill his dad, burnt down the guy's casino, and joined up with the Mechs. Here's the song with his backstory. Not quite sure what genre that song falls under, sorry! Jonny D'ville is played by Jonny Sims, who is Jonathan Sims. Don't worry, it's really easy to remember /j.

Anyways, I'm gonna assume you're not very familiar with their whole shtick from what you said - basically, each of their albums tells a story, except for Tales To Be Told Vol 1 and 2. In those, all of the individual songs tell individual stories. There is Death To The Mechanisms, but I'd listen to that last. You can listen to the other albums in any order, though! There are some songs that are entirely narration, no singing. If that's not your thing, TheVoidSings on YouTube, who is an absolute SAINT, has a playlist of all the tracks that do NOT have that narration.

Now, the music type. WARNING FOR GUNSHOT NOISES IN ALMOST ALL THE ALBUMS. Not sure if that bothers you, but they do often have gunshot sound effects. If you like, I can compile a list of songs that have the gunshot effect so you can avoid it, if it would make it a no go for you. High Noon Over Camelot - Western. Heavy folk & country. Once Upon A Time In Space....not sure what to class it as. It's a mixture of things. It can be very loud and fast-paced, but sometimes slow? There's some songs that are like a waltz. Some are very fast and loud. The Bifrost Incident - the best thing I can class it as is "train". Very loud, fast-paced, but melodic in a way. Ulysses Dies At Dawn is heavy blues influence, kinda jazz? idk I don't really listen to jazz sorry :(. And while I am biased, it is ABSOLUTELY worth getting into. Like I said, if a whole album at once seems too intimidating, Tales To Be Told vols 1 and 2 have individual songs that each tell a story. Their music as a whole is always pretty loud and fast paced, so don't go into it expecting waltz, classical, slow and soft stuff.

I'm sorry this took me so long to answer 😭😭😭 I hope this is OK please let me know if you have any more questions!!!!!!

[rin-and-jade]

This question touches upon the notion of “traumagenic” and “endogenic”; as well as The Theory of Structural Dissociation. The Theory of Structural Dissociation seemingly supports endogenics as it states that there are “natural born” systems. They would be “endogenic” because they're not born from trauma, (as those who are “traumagenic” are).

I recently had a discussion with someone in a yt comment section about those two terms and they pointed me to you, so I just want to see what you think.

I believe in endogenic systems; because why would a book (the DSM) made by those who don't even experience plurality determine whether something exists or not? And as systems, those who are heavily categorized and misunderstood or looked down upon because they don't fit the singlet category, I feel as though we should embrace different forms of neurodiversity.

My questions are: what is the real line between "traumagenic" and "endogenic"? Are systems who were born as a system and weren't exasperated by trauma (like an endo) any less valid or real than those who were exasperated by trauma (traumagenic)? Or because of that theory, if that's how all systems work, aren't all systems "endogenic"?

Before reading: Long post. This purpose is to discuss and look at things in another pov, not intended to debate current beliefs/opinions. TLDR Provided. Last notes at bottom.

To clarify first, im in a neutral stance between the endo and traumagenic community as i focus more on the better of living for any kinds of plural people. Your question did seemed interesting and i had ever discussed this by myself on free time, so i do got some answers for you!

The line between these two are its origin and functionality, to put it in my opinion. The unique thing about plurality is that, i can totally see it being possible that it can exist outside of trauma.

Well, let me explain it to you like this:

An intact personality is where multiple facets are cohesive, and these facets that gives you that said personality is your identity. It's how you see yourself, and act like who you know. Basically, it's how you can act differently in different situations be it at school, at home, at somewhere else etc.

The thing about where personality is located in our brain has been a complex topic for scientists, if i remember correctly, there wasn't a specific spot for it as our brain has multiple areas with different functionality, and these regions cooperating creates a tangible output like how you react, or your typical behaviors.

I kept finding singlets discussing things that looks like really mild system things, and especially from this one youtube video (im so sorry i couldn't provide the link, it has been months ago i had watched but it discussing this too by a doctor or something. lmk if i have to find it again) quotes that the brain fools us into thinking theres only one 'kind' of us, not by it's exact words but close. These people can have different levels in terms of sense of personality unity btw, so not all singlets are the same either.

Now the origin and functionality for a traumagenic is different, because these states are being separated, and compartmentalized due to trauma. The presence of amnesia blocks the other side's of selves sometimes to severe degrees, now acting independently. There is also proof that the grey matter and the communication between regions are different, compared to a healthy brain (i can find the links for this too if needed). Well, you could read more about DID if needed.

So no, neither are less valid, but that doesn't mean both works the same or have the same processes either. Which means, not all systems are endogenic by origins.

Lastly, this is from what i had learnt and connect the dots over many sources i had read to ensure a wide perspective, nuanced understandings in topics. I am fully aware if some of you seem to disagree or see my views as wrong,, we have our own pov's ofcourse. i don't want to fight about validating my pov alright? Im also open to feedback/extra questions, im as well aware of the existence of fake/bad endos and do not support them.

TLDR: There are real life experiences and proof that supports the idea of being plural in mild/different ways, or ways that are different to traumagenics due to the complexity of the brain. Neither are the same in terms of how it functions and where it came from. Neither are also less valid.

- j

[kinblogging]

I've never talked to anyone whos otherkin or any kintype so sorry if my wording isn't very good or accurate or if this comes off as rude or something (that isn't my intention)

I wanted to ask what it was like before the release of the lightfury

I'm curious about how it must've felt before the hidden world and when you first saw a lightfury

Your question isn't rude at all, no worries! I've talked about this a while back but growing up I repressed basically every part of me that I deemed "cringe" including the fact that Im very much an alterhuman/kin/therian whatever word is more accurate. So it took a while for me to even click that Ah. I am this.

When I did, it was thankfully after the Light Fury had been released but beforehand, even as a wee child around the same year the first HTTYD came out (I was 8? I believe) I knew I was a Night Fury... but not quite. When playing with friends or imagining myself as a dragon I would always be a Night Fury but different. I'd be a golden Night Fury, a paler Night Fury I'd be smaller or bigger I could never agree with myself what I was supposed to look like, especially since I identified with a lot of different dragons later on (only two ever stuck, aha.)

When I first saw the Light Fury though, I was very much in the "if everyone online agrees its bad then it must be" mentality, as this was the 2019-2020 era where everything minor was cancellable and everyone was chronically online. I hated the Light Fury, genuinely. I even refused to watch the new movie.

Then I caught a clip on Youtube, I think it might have been the scene where Toothless finds her for the first time. Something just kind of clicked in my brain at that moment, and I was like, this is it!!! Her movements, her vocalization, everything about this creature was just right. Something with a Night Fury shape but not quite! It felt a little bit like oh! Of course. Especially after I watched the movie entirely (well, lets be honest, mostly the Light Fury scenes) it felt. Idk how to explain it exactly! Like smth was just unlocked to me.

Now, I really do not think this would have happened if the Light Fury had never been made public or if we had gotten some of the other... designs. But I also don't believe things like that just happen for no reason, so I guess maybe the stars aligned on this one... now if only they could align to make me a dragon instead of a human :/

[urmoonstone]

a fresh start~!

welcome yall!

im so excited to see so many people already showing up! i consider anyone who found me through twitter to be what i call:

~ the real ones ~

you've stuck through thick and thin and i truly appreciate you giving a shit about me that much to follow a little link to a whole ass other place to keep in touch! that really means a ton to me.

seriously, i have been so disenchanted with twitter and general public spaces for.. a while now! for a couple reasons - mostly personal. i don't think i've talked about this much publicly and since we're.. looks left looks right ~ the real ones ~ here... i figure i'll talk about it a bit

a couple things on why i've been so quiet in places lately. i plan to talk a LOT on tumblr so.. get ready LOL

another me & frozen time

thousands of people found me through videos that i don't want to be associated with anymore. i had my twitter account for years but it never surpassed a couple hundred. it was mostly just friends and people i knew from early abridged series days. that all changed when my twitter handle was blasted on videos that literally a million eyeballs have seen. at that time i was coming off of the actual lowest point of my life. i really wasn't ready to be in front of so many people publicly like that, but situations played out a certain way and i took a leap and went for it.

because i was still so mentally rattled, i put on this performer face that was full of energy and ready to be interactive and reactionary so that, well, the hundreds of thousands of new eyeballs on me would like me. i didn't want to let them down. this was a huge opportunity after all and i did have a natural performer presence already. i just kinda, dialed it up a ton because a camera was on. and what do you know, it worked! people liked my stupid shit. they liked my banter with others, and it all worked out. for a while. keeping on that mask takes a lot of energy. i'm not naturally that extroverted. i think so few people are. but, the impression was already set in people's minds. i was "salty" and "annoying" at my worst but a chaotic spaz who injected fun at my best.

people captured this image of me in time that they can constantly replay and it's a version of myself that i despise. a fake hyperbole that's farthest from genuine imaginable. so when people followed through to the thing in those videos, my twitter, they expected that same person, that same version of myself and.. well they would rarely get it. keeping up that "bit" forever wasn't feasible for someone like me. and i frankly can't keep up at something like that. it made me more depressed trying to meet up to certain expectations, and the volume of critical and downright hateful messages really took a toll on me.

not to say that all of them are bad! i've met so many amazing and wonderful people through those videos. i don't regret doing them. but after they're published, what the world does with them is out of my control. and they kind of exploded in a way that i really didn't expect. and so people look for this thing from me, they don't get it, and they move on. but some of them still followed me on twitter, and it kind of inflated that number to a point that stressed me out constantly. i can handle eyes on me, but.. how many of those eyes were on the real me? not a ton. most of them were looking for another me. the one frozen in time in youtube uploads, always making the same jokes. a caricature on display.

and so i tried to be more human.

public venting & the timeskip

on some videos i let slip that yknow, i had depression and anxiety. people heard about this and asked questions. as the numbers grew i started to feel like my voice was more and more legitimate, that i had something to say that people should be listening to. and at the end of the day i wanted to be a voice that could lift people up and encourage others. i wanted to be a teacher, dammit! but really the motivation was always helping people. so i tried to a bit of that on twitter, in, well, maybe not the best way.

i treated twitter like a journal. i was extremely open about my struggles throughout the days. at 2 am i would post about how miserable i was, but how grateful i was to have people in my corner. and sure enough a ton of people would send in a bunch of kind messages my way. they were genuine and encouraging. i had open DMs and broadcast to people: "hey! if you need someone to talk to at 3 in the morning cuz you're goin thru it, i'm here to listen"

and i was!! there were hundreds of people that messaged me and i did my best to listen and to offer advice if i had any. some just sent in their own kind words and that was always sweet. some of them we had a longer back and forth talking through situations and they thanked me afterward. i got a DM the other day from someone who messaged me years ago to say thank you for hearing them out back in 2016. that really made my day.

but it was really difficult keeping up with all of that, and throughout all of this i wasn't in therapy myself. my messages became growingly personal on twitter to where a couple of my friends would approach me and say "you probably shouldn't be so open about this on twitter." and i ignored them!! looking back on it they were right. there were people who thanked me for being so open about it and said that my openness showed them that they weren't alone in what they were dealing with. which is its own comfort. i'm really glad for that. but finding that next step to improving on things is where the action is. and i couldn't be that. i'm not a therapist or a counselor. (honestly i would like to be but... maybe that'll be later in life!)

for a time this would go on though. i would vent on twitter, being way more open than i probably should've been, people would reply in kind, and it would repeat. i knew things couldn't keep going this way, and so i sought the help of a therapist. this was at the start of 2020.

do you know who else needed therapy at the start of 2020?

my mom everyone!!

everyone was stuck inside. so many people realized they had the same problems i did. and now they were online more than ever to post openly about their struggles, to vent on twitter, to add to the chorus of complaints. sometimes it's good to complain. sometimes it's good to vent! but there needs to be something in place to help you figure out where to go from there, and so many people would just circle the drain of depression, never moving forward, commiserating forever.

this, my friends, is ~the timeskip~. a lot of people are upset. the world seems scarier than ever. i won't pretend a lot of it isn't scary! and that venting isn't okay! but it was just.. too much for me. after pursuing therapy and making fundamental changes in myself, i decided that i wouldn't broadcast all my negativity on twitter. i saw what was happening and wanted to be a happy, positive, genuine voice to lift people up. i was already working on my game development project and so i tried to encourage others to pursue their creative endeavors, doing literally anything other than festering on the negatives. because that will only make everything worse!

sometimes depression and anxiety doesn't give you a choice on how to feel, but you have a choice to get on twitter & contribute to the cacophony. i choose not to! and even now i feel like saying something like this is BAD because...

public enemy

i'm not about to say my depression is "cured," but therapy has helped more than ever to get my depression in a manageable spot. i don't feel helpless. i know that i can figure things out. i've made it through worse! but what still creeps its ugly head from time to time is...

anxiety

i'm a perfectionist and always have been. i didn't understand until the past couple of years that anxiety and perfectionism are basically the same thing! scared of failure, imagining the worst possible outcome and becoming paralyzed by indecision. what if you do the wrong thing? what if you say the wrong thing..??

and this fear has kept me from saying.. basically anything online!

i see my almost 30,000 twitter followers and would think "all it takes is to say something wrong for that ONE person and i'm done." Even now i'm sitting here like, "why even bother saying this?" but i'd rather get this out there for ~ the real ones ~ (and i need the writing practice!).

i'm not about to complain about ~ cancel culture ~ but i can't pretend that being someone with that many eyes on me hasn't made me clam up more than ever.

i see other creators with hundreds of thousands of eyes on them who keep their head buried in their creation and their public presence to a minimum. and i envy that. i want to do that more and more. i would rather that my creative works speak for themselves and people can enjoy and interpret the art i make. i know i only have the smallest percentage of publicity as someone like toby fox, but i get why you'd want to stay more anonymous with how mean some people can be online. even typing these words i think "i'm sure someone's gonna be mad about this" and you know what?

fuck em~!

i know that i'm not a bad person. i want to help people. i have only ever wanted to raise people up and encourage them to do their best. and to be the best they can be!

i think a lot of people are scared to be honest about things, and i can see why. but i want to be authentic.

i want to be myself.

i am cringe.

but i am free.

and all of ~ the real ones ~ will be getting nothing less than that! i hope you will be your cringe ass as well.

in conclusion

i'm grateful for the opportunities i've had and things i've been able to do, but i'm ready to make a solid foot forward establishing my identity as who i really am, not as some caricature. i'll still be doing goofy gameplay videos with Grant here and there because we've known each other forever and he's my best friend and i love him! but my main focus is definitely making this card game and video game and other creative things!

thank you so much for stopping by and sticking with me. i know i may not be exactly what you expected when you first followed, or however you found me. maybe i'm exactly what you expected! in which case... oh no... i have to dial the cringometer at least another 10 notches...

i really enjoy writing like this and haven't had an outlet for it in some time. expect to see more like this as well as some gamedev / game design posts from meeeee. i'm excited to see all the artists on here and to post my own cringe ass art stuff soon too!

have a good one. much love to yall.

おやすみ～

[dervampireprince]

Hello Prince!! I have enjoyed your videos for a good couple months now!! Im glad to have stumbled across you in the wild planes of the YouTube recommended /gen

I have a not exactly a serious question more of a slightly silly one that occurs to me whenever werewolves appear, not necessarily requiring a solid answer more of my brain continues to project this literally any time I'm thinking about Arden

Would hair washing carry over do you think? Because he has, two forms, with different hair kind of, and my eternal question with werewolves is, does washing their hair in human form also wash wolf fur or do they have to schedule a day and spend a fortune on dog shampoo? This has tormented me since I watched wolfblood when I was like, 9, more with werewolves who can turn other days as well as full moons because otherwise itd be hard to schedule i think

(not at all sure how to end an ask, I always end up overly formal and a bit weird I think, so I'll say goodbye in brackets I guess?? Feels less like I'm writing a letter this way)

i uhh i've never thought that much about it i always just assumed with any werewolves it's the human hair that's just getting thicker and becoming fur and then vice versa. like it's still the same body so it's the same hair. idk if that's the answer you wanted. i think i've only ever watched one thing show that had werewolves in so i don't know what other werewolf lore does. i'm not an expert on werewolf fiction or werewolf lore of anything. so i mean that's how i always thought of it so that's how i think of it for arden i guess. it's not a thought i've ever had or one that's bothered me so i don't really know what to say. /gen /confused