#Kind of a continuation of earlier
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Actually no I am so pressed like it is actually absurd the number of times I have had to say “well English is my first language” while up here these past few years. to a point it’s like kind of insulting like people seem to ignore all of my background and greater details about myself and focus in on half of my ethnicity.
#mylife#Kind of a continuation of earlier#Honestly it may be in part bc I look more Hispanic now?#Like my hair is darker than when I was younger and I have curly hair now (ty immunosuppressants 🤩)#Like my sister has always had a bit darker features and she had to tell one of her teachers in hs that English was her first language 🤷♀️#I think another reason may be the way I talk? I used to use far more formal vocabulary#So maybe now that verbiage is different I come across as “uneducated” (which is so stupid and problematic)#But honestly I think geography is the biggest thing back home I was white and here I’m “not”#One of my friends was soooooo shocked that my dad was white like he’s “so white” in comparison to like me and my mom and it’s like idk#Not me being pressed about something from like 12 hours ago 😋#But it’s like why is it I have spent almost all my life so normal and I come here and within the last 3 years I’ve had to#Literally point out that English is my first language bc of like stereotypical/insulting assumptions multiple times#Like I hate that it’s my friends that have done it. Like yes old white men at the hospital on 3 occasions have clocked me as not white#Which is whatever but like the whole ‘there’s gotta be something mixed in with you’ from elderly sick pol doesn’t feel nearly as bad as-#-my peers and friends with their directness and implications
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I think the fandom's hate for DA2 often forgets that the devs were forced into a like, 15 month development cycle by EA. It was pretty clear in how the game's levels were designed and reused, and it couldn't be polished into something more. But, what we got was a micro-level scale story with macro-scale consequences to the overall story of the series; it was a personal journey of an everyday person and all of their friends living in a shitty city, enduring the impossible stories of grief and change, all while dealing with the overarching consequences of the conflicts caused by a religious-political institution in real time.
Also, DA2 gave us Meredith, who is, by and large, not a god or supernatural entity, but just a woman, who was allowed far too much power that went entirely unchecked during her reign. It's a reflection of real world politicians and military leaders, which therefore makes her the most realistic type of villain in the series (and that's long before they gave her the red lyrium idol to turn her into a Boss Fight™).
Ultimately the other aspects of the games in this series - the level design, the combat, music, etc. - are all going to be subjective, especially when in comparison to the other games / your own personal preferences, but to say that it's just "objectively bad" when the story in and of itself is a departure from the other games where you get put into the role of Designated Hero™, whereas Hawke, for the most part, is Just Some Guy (gender neutral) (and this is also why I enjoy Rook in a similar-ish kind of way, where you accidentally become important at work), is really missing the point of what they were trying to do. I fully stand by the point that if Kirkwall got the DAV environment treatment today, it would be way more popular than it is.
#OOC.#[ yes i did post this earlier and realized the tone sounded like I was vague posting when I didn't intend to]#[ but I think that ppl look at the ugly exterior and miss the gold that's tucked away in the dusty corner ]#[ and I think Hawke is by far the most relatable protag in terms of age and experience ]#[ and how they DO have a bg to them whereas our Inkys and Rooks get a vague bg and we make them into our own ocs which is fine ]#[ but it's nice to have someone by default be put in a role far beyond their skill and go through the motions than not ]#[ and also again: Meredith is the best villain in terms of realism to the actual world which makes her more terrifying than a god ]#[ and i say that bc she represents every kind of person given too much power at their job that has real world consequences ]#[ like yeah a god or supernatural entity has powers we know this ]#[ but a regular woman with some magic quelling abilities has the means to oppress everyday people by the thousands ]#[ all bc of her title and personal beliefs ]#DASH COMMENTARY.#[ anyway that's my rant. we can all disagree w each other but i have felt this since that game came out ]#[ and since ive been on this hellsite ]#[ and it continues to this day ]
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PLEASE DO NOT TAG AS YOUR OWN OC.
Vincent spends all his life searching for himself, searching for his spot in the world. He lives in the past and what will never be, longing for everything he has missed out on and everything he will never have. It is not until he learns he is dying that he comes to realize he has to live in the present, to enjoy life as it comes.; and despite his confusion, fear, and his regrets, he tries to live the rest of his life to the fullest, knowing very well he is living on borrowed time. OC WEB WEAVE SERIES: VINCENT "V" MAYER.
charles bukowski, pulp // by wiissa0 // loneliness for love; lovelytheband // louise glück, from 'unpainted door' // by biryuza // summer farah, i could die today and live again // tobia photographed by su yang // wake up; run river north // ruhlare // by julykings // lemonade; twin xl // ryan walker photographed by ryan pfluger // mary oliver, from 'marengo' // still not dead; dreamers // by lovelyopalite // by geloy concepcion // lemon drop; raynes // chris abani, ritual is journey // 'die milchstrasse', cover detail // louise glück, averno // i like cars; caroline kole // by cruellesummer // frances molina, o’death
#cp2077#edit:vincent#nuclearocs#nuclearedits#oc web weaves#this one is long sorry. i have a lot to say about vincent#lots of fun to make though i really wanted to add in colors that fit him and stay true to his whimsy while also like#correctly portraying the heartbreak in his story. like in the end he survives so it's all ok!! but he wasn't Supposed to survive#in earlier drafts of his canon i had him die after those six months like the game says because it felt fitting for his arc at the time#but also it made me sad because he deserves the world so i changed it and for the better too because that opened up#options for me to continue the story which is how we got king of fools and all that :]#anyway this weave kind of goes full circle in a way but rather than vincent ending up still searching for himself#he has found peace with the not knowing aspect and instead he just wants to find happiness in it all. he doesn't want to be alone#he wants to spend his life with the people he loves the most and he wants to get the most out of it as possible before it's too late!!!
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honestly maybe considering making oleander ven and niles just original fiction characters? or finding a mind closet to shove them into while i find different settings for them…
#like. what good does it do when i’m only petrified of posting about those characters in relation to those games#because i know most people in that very small fandom don’t like me very much.#and they have a right to feel that way i was especially insufferable in my bg3 focus era but i always kind of am.#and i am not mad with anyone for disliking me as a result#and again. i don’t want sympathy or ‘oh no that’s not true’ you don’t have to lie to me i know i was/am it’s a fact#i’m just trying to explain my thought process behind this but don’t want to like. victimise myself or anything#i fucked up i most likely will continue to fuck up in different and/or similar ways in social situations i am trying my best but sometimes#that’s just not enough. sometimes my best makes people uncomfortable and i just need to acknowledge and learn from that#while keeping my distance.#like. i think the pathfinder game spaces are small enough where that’s probably something i should do y’know#for bg3 i certainly like mentioned earlier fucked up plenty as well but that fandom is massive#so it feels. different. y’know#even if i did already decide to revamp that stuff/zeke purely into original work but just because i thought it fit the character/plot better#anyways. i think if i can’t write about those characters in that setting for whatever reason then maybe it’d be best if i did that#romeo’s wretched rambles
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Various images of things
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. PIBBINS.... cheering clapping hooting hollering glorious applause everytime I see a pigeon in public#2. Birthday card that I drew for someone. .. kittys...#3. 2023's annual haul of tiny white pumpkins.. i get at least one white pumpkin every year around fall when they have pumpkins in stores#because I just love the color and texture ... bright white and smooth and cold and round.. kind of like a volleyball or something#4. A brief adventure into watching big brother (only earlier seasons of course as I hate all reality shows post like 2013 or something when#they became overly focused on social media and overproduced memeable phrases more.. like even though ALL reality shows have always#been extremely fake and annoying and mindless it's like..... newer stuff seems A Different Kind Of Fake or something) since whenever#I'm sick sometimes I find weird mindless things like that to watch (that one time I had bronchitis I watched all of Flavor of Love in my#half awake illness stupor and now everytime I heat up canned minestrone soup (mostly all I ate that week) I think of flavor flav since#thats just a weird brain connection I have now lol) ANYWAY.. I was sick and watched like 2 seasons of this and then thought it was too#uninteresting and obnoxious to continue (more like 1 and a half since I skipped the rest of one once only boring people were left) BUT this#one guy had a very mischevious looking face and he also said a few things (like the above captioned speech) that sounded like dialogue#some fantasy character would say.. so I took a screencap of him and edited him into a mischevious wizard i guess.?? idk I was sick lol#~your little friend has a poisoned tongue~ is just a very unexpectedly serious sounding wording for some random normal#frat dude looking guy to say while casually chatting on a reality tv show in like 2008 or whenever that was filmed lol#5. FLUFFY CLOVERS!! I'd never seen them be furry and soft before?? inchresting..#6. Noodle sitting in bed with the cat figurines looming above him... the council of kittys...#7. McDonald's full breakfast platter + asparagus + strawberries & cream (also of course this is old and I am now boycotting mcdonalds etc)#i try to group the images somewhat consistently like.. winter stuff with winter stuff or summer stuff with summer stuff#but I have so many random pictrues floating around on my computer that I never post that sometimes some are not organized or just#thrown into a set because there's nowhere else for them. Like the pigeon picture is from like 3 years ago for example lol#8 & 9 - I think I've posted these before but I just find them very interesting looking flowers. whenever they happen to be blooming#I'll pick up a few when I'm out on walks or etc. ... poof ball looking things#photo diary
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just finished s2 of kaiji and it was good i really liked it but i hope i never see that fuckass pachinko machine again!!!
#i started ep 15 assuming hey the climactic battle against the swamp of despair is probably gonna be like 6 episodes max right#bc the op has hyoudou and roulette so there's a third game on the way#and from about the fourth episode on i kept going man it's gotta end next episode right they can't have That much more they can do with it#TWELVE EPISODES OF ONE GAME OF PACHINKO. YOU'RE JOKING#and watching it animated is one thing but im surprised fans of the manga didnt string him up in the street for this#im not joking i sunk cost fallacied my way through the entire thing in one sitting it was so much fucking pachinko#and spoilers spoilers spoilers but the BUILDING??? the BUILDING. jumping the shark a Little there to be so fr with you all#head in my hands kaiji i love you your life is ridiculous. the last episode having him blow his meager winnings on pachinko like the day#after was insane to me HAVENT YOU HAD ENOUGH???? I CERTAINLY HAVE#augh and like. guhh hes so nice hes such a nice protagonist im. in love with him a little bit#i do wish he was a Little more tempted by the money bc i liked that component earlier on#ah actually i think the main object of the fights becoming Figuring Out How To Out-Cheat The Enemy was less cool#don't get me wrong it was fun but i Really liked the more raw nobody knows whats going on vibes of the first two#and the group dynamics of rrps and the human derby were so delicious to me. also i wish s2 had more torture implements#the cheating thing makes sense progression-wise it's just a preference thing. the human derby hit me insanely hard#so it's kind of hard for anything to compete after that y'know?#actually very happy kaiji is still addicted to gambling at the end. like it's a happy ending bc he's debt free but like. he's not gonna#stay that way. and maybe thats a weird thing to be happy about but i think it's a choice that makes sense#he's got no reason to give it up and has become emotionally dependent on it. the series' concern w gambling as inherently self-destructive#and its sympathy towards ppl who see it as their last hope is like. really cool and idk i think it keeps kaiji real to never let that go#ok i just looked it up and the manga does continue. my ass will be reading it for sure#so idk how faithful the anime ending is but yeah. anyway i really really liked it this was good for me like emotionally#fkmt#ive heard the next arc is mahjong which is sick bc i like 80% know how mahjong works from yakuza#maybe this will help me grasp the final 20% (<- should just look up the rules or something)#what else. right i think it's funny that there's like 2 women total. The most allergic to women series ive ever seen and thats Impressive#the 2nd op is comedically cheeks like just Bad. very fun recognizing the band from the shitass 1st h.xh ed#im like 95% sure hidenari ugaki plays a side character in an episode but it's not listed on his behind the VAs so. alas.#2nd ed is fun bc while i Hate the trope it's doing i love seeing kaiji being put in Situations (clearly)#anyway. it's really good you guys should watch kaiji
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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the way it's killing me to not come onto this blog and gush about all the AUAUs im writing, because then I'd be giving spoilers, but ahhhlksdhgfdkhgldfhl, you all, they're so fun!!!! I wanna gnaw on something!!!!! Like please, let me out of this hell of my own making so I can share all my shit!!!!!
#rrposts#like i completely acknowledge that i would not have this problem if i just posted everything right now#but then how would i torture anyone?#its not fun if i cant torture you all#so alas it must all be kept a secret for now#(omg am i buck in season one of this au? call that method writing lmao)#anyways yall are going to have a blast with these i think#i know i am#one of them is so fucking stupid and i love that#we need silly stories#but also why are some of these bitches getting angsty on me?#like colloquially known as AUAU 11 why did you do that to me?#im dying to go back and add more AUAUs to the earlier chapters#bc i kind of gained steam with these later on and i have gotten more ideas#like chapter 9 inviting them all the the birthday party or calling Eddie in the truck on the way back from the crash anyway#or chapter 13 with someone questioning his personal emergencies or chris getting dropped off#like those would all be so fun#rn im writing an oceans 9-1-1 AUAU which is very silly (hopefully)#then we'll see#might write those call back AUAUs before continuing on#bc they have been gnawing at my brainnnn
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OKAY, 1 IVE NEVER SEEN THOSE PICTURES THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICES AHWPASJQOIWS
(me bc I only blush at pictures of idols. no actually)
IVE NEVER SEEN MY MAN SO BEAUTIFUL BEFOREEE!! HE LOOKS SO MAJESTICC
(I'm so happy I just started a cat pin board on Pinterest. waiting for it to say yechan when I start on my cat saving spree)
im so sad about the watermarks:((( what are those even for???
luv ya!! <333
GLAD TO BE OF SERVICE i had to share with someone and you gave me the perfect opportunity
yechan is very cat coded the venn diagram is a circle on that one ("little guy syndrom™" i whisper)
a lot of fansites do that for credit purposes! unless you mean the boxes in which case thats usually there before they get cleaned up and posted (take this with a grain of salt im using context clues idk how fansites work)
#roadyblr blorb#nah fr caught myself smiling at a beomgyu video earlier#touched grass#im also hoping this fansite is like a good one#and i mean that in a moral sense because a few of them have been going behind security at airports and im like ick thats wrong#if i ever got side eyed by an idol the earth would swallow me up idk how some can do that kind of stuff and continue on like nothing happen#rambling mb thats how i be today
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genius archer's streaming is actually a much more fun read than i was expecting and handles the disability aspect better than i thought it would
#i wasn't expecting to like it much since it's a Genius concept where he's just like. super good at whatever he does#and usually those kinds of plots are boring at best and annoying/obnoxious at worst#but they still manage to keep it Entertaining without being Annoying so it's doing a good job imo#its not a very deep series but it also doesn't feel entirely shallow and it's fun to read#i think they could be doing a bit more with the disability thing but thats coming up more in this new season so we'll see!#if they keep approaching it as they have been it think it'll be handled well. fingers crossed haha#some people may feel differently about how the disability is being handled since his game character is perfectly abled but like#its not like he's magically cured he's just found a different path to aim towards (pun intended) that is accommodating to his disability#we do still see how it affects his day to day life#and how its impacted (and continues to impact. both negatively and positively) his relationships with other people#(and its becoming more of a focus again in this new season as i mentioned earlier. ive got some hopes for how it gets handled)#plus. keeping in mind that he's someone who has an Acquired disability and not one he was born with#AND who's long term goals were sports oriented#it's just like. super common and realistic to feel the way he does. no two disabled people are the same u feel#and the way it's portrayed is like. so#regardless of how the character is feeling about their disability. it's really obvious when the author themselves looks down on disabled pp#it is very clear when the writer themselves does not think a life with disability is worth living. lol. lmao.#this does not feel like that At All despite the mc having negative feelings about his own disability#this simply feels like a character written navigating his own experiences with Becoming Disabled in what was a genuinely traumatizing way#and finding a New Goal/Dream and something he still wants to do while living with his disability#its not Perfect ofc but nothing ever is and i can tell it's trying to be genuine and respectful about it so thats a thumbs up from me#beso babbles
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Y'all get ur paper tissues and keep em W you at all times. I don't think ıts gonna end good for us,,
:]
Though it depends if some of y'all don't take certain confrontations very well, and a whole "you messed me up" type of admissions that have a pathetic/shity excuse given. As well as just uncomfortable situations in general.
Oh! And crying, but not like- the sobbing kind. The kind of crying that makes you feels stupid for crying in the first place. That kind of stuff! :D
#talking daydreams#i'm very excited to continue to write part 3 and see how that goes#kind of like i said in one of the earlier asks-#it's kind of heart wrenching but that depends on who you are
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Try + John André?
SEND TRY + A CHARACTER YOU’D LIKE TO SEE ME ( ATTEMPT ) TO WRITE ! / @meerawrites + anonymous + @pagetreader
He could still remember the very first time he saw her: shiny, coquettish eyes, a revoltingly expensive gown, and hair piled high with jewels and strings of pearls -- pearls that now tightened around his heart akin to a vice of his own folly, reminding him of what a damned fool he'd been.
While André sought affirmation and prestige, he learned too little too late that the titles, the accolades, and even the respect were all nothing without Peggy. He was nothing. Such a revelation would have once bothered him, but what were all the trappings in the world, should the true jewel of his heart no longer have a place?
Sullen, he clasped a glass of sherry between his fingertips, holding it loosely while his guest stood behind him with impatience.
"Sir?"
"Yes, I heard you," he grumbled. "Were my earlier instructions not clear? By the good Lord above, it truly is remarkable that some of you can even lace your own damnable boots." Slamming his drink onto the table at his side, he turned and straightened, his eyes flashing like two fiery coals. "You've already had contact from Rogers, have you not? Finish the job. Or need I go out and perform that task for you, as well?"
When the man bowed his head, stiff and reproachful, André turned back towards the roaring fireplace, scowling down into the dancing flames with visible scorn. Nearly all of his problems began and ended with that infernal man, so with any small scrap of mercy, the issue would soon be over and done with...
#meerawrites#pagetreader#Anonymous#try a character meme#//wow everyone was thirsty for some andre lmao#this was kind of hard since i'm getting tired/worn out#but i basically decided to make it the guy who rogers k.illed in my earlier ask#so dun dun dunnn continuity! lol
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i cant promise more hanahaki today (unlikely until like sunday tbh) but i can say i'll try my best to start writing when i get back from the store
#i am an insecure lil fool but so far everyone has been so nice and saying such kind things despite all the niches and such ;;#its really doing what i was hoping it would with me posting it earlier than intended and that is to motivate me to continue with it#so. to anyone thats read and said something nice about the hanahaki so far. thank you. seriously 💜#it makes such a huge difference to a smol writer to hear someone likes what they do and take the time to say it 💜💜#night is an absolute mess on main
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I THINK I DID OK ON MY FRENCH EXAM???????? HOURRA!!!!
#LIKE THERE IS NO WAY IM GETTING A 1 KIND OF OK. 3 IS FEASIBLE 4 IS POSSIBLE 2 IS ALSO POSSIBLE. ALRIGHT!!!!!#the multiple choice had me stabbing and clawing at my legs the whole time it was AWFUL i couldnt tell what they were saying at ALL#but i think i was able to fake it decently well we'll see#the email response was alright (though i didnt close elegantly oops)#and the essay was surprisingly good??? i fully didnt do half the essays we were assigned (sorry madame </3) but i finished before time was#up. and it was pretty ok too as far as little french essays go#i fully didnt respond to like 3/5 prompts in the conversations task lol. that's a 1 for sure and i knew that going in#not my best but pretty comparable to most of my performances on the task prior. me when audio processing#AND THE CULTURAL COMP WAS ON ONE OF THE ONLY TOPICS I COULD CONFIDENTLY SPEAK ABOUT LET'S GOOOOOOOO#i was SO excited when i saw that lol. yes thats MY topic of choice hehehe#waaaaaaahhh im so happy it's over!!! i was so scared!!!!! plus it was like 4 hours long which is fucking bonkers to mr#i thought the mcqs would be like 60 mins but no. ig bc of the audio prompts#sheeshhhh i can barely even feel scared about The Problem from earlier today bc im sooo happy (<- this will have consequences later)#anyway the writing tasks in particular made me feel like i knew a lot more french than i thought. makes me wanna continue it even though#my incentive's gone :))#and i mean. we'll see ig. but I'd love to get better at it. the hope is that im gonna sunk cost fallacy my way into fluency basically#anyway hellll yeahhhhh#mwah mwah#etc
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Shout out to the eight folks who left kudos on A Lighter Shade of Red.
#I'm rereading it to refresh my memory and to get motivated to continue it#i like the idea of it but it's honestly one of those fics slow to update because i doubt anyone really is waiting on it#i did ask for questions earlier for it but I'm not waiting around for those#honestly going into 2025 i kind of stop anticipating for asks#i get them but not often... when it comes to ask games or about my fics? i really haven't gotten any for a long time#so I'm kind of like 🤷🏿♀️#anyways!! time to write
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Please believe me when I lie
Please believe me when I say
I love, I love, I love you
I’ve never tasted the words when they were true
Let me drag around this mangled corpse of sincerity
And pretend with me it’s still alive
Theres blood staining my teeth
I’ll never wash my hands clean
No one told me how to love
Will you teach me how to grieve?
I’d believe you if you’d lie
I’d believe you if you’d say
I loved, I loved, I loved you
I never got the hear the words if they were true
I’d kill honesty to hear you lie
To claim you will stay by my side
#poetry#original poem#art#poem#continuation of an earlier poem(first section) sort of#kind of funny how a lot of my poems mention love when im aroace#different type of love I suppose#enjoy?
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