#Keep in mind I haven't seen much
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Figured I'd share a little thing 😉
J'onn watched Batman as he sipped coffee, filling out paperwork from the latest mission with the Justice League. The silence other than Batman moving minutely or sipping his coffee was calming. But, that was something he wasn't used to anymore...Sharing companionable silence. The last person he'd done that with that had felt similar to this was M'yri'ah, which sent a shock through him. Did he really feel that close to Bruce? They had spent more time together, but it was for a mission...Yet he could not deny he'd learned about Bruce and the rest of his family. How they took their coffee for instance if they drank coffee even. What they did for fun, he'd been included and it had been amazing to feel so apart of a family again. Of course, they had completed the mission and arrests had been made. But going back to the way things had been would be harder than he'd expected. "You're thinking too hard over there J'onn." He blinked and Batman had a ghost of a smile on his face, something he'd learned to read from the other man. As much as his family likes to say he never smiled they all knew he did. "Too? I suppose." He sat at the table a few seats away from Batman as the other man had files scattered around him at his spot and J'onn didn't want to disrupt the organized chaos that was Batman's workspace. "You're welcome in my home any time J'onn." He blinked and wondered how Batman had even realized that was what he'd been thinking of. "Oh?" Batman nodded, fingers tapping away at the keyboard but still clearly invested in conversing with him. "The family was thankful for your presence." But it sounded like he-Batman was thankful...Because he distracted the younger ones or because Batman was able to be fully himself in front of someone who wasn't his family? "If anyone should be thankful it should be me, it has...Been a long time since I allowed myself to join in human activities." Or rather people he would spend time with, to do simple human activities like watching movies or hiking. Mind the Hiking had been more work than not, but Dick and Tim said it was fun even though they hadn't found any clues for the mission. Batman's frown told him that the man wasn't happy with that answer, but it had been truthful which J'onn knew was something Batman appreciated. "Everyone would be glad if you showed up then from time to time, I know Nightwing and Red Robin were planning more things to do with you in mind." That was rather thoughtful of the duo, and it pleased him to know that others thought of him. But something nagged at him, why would Batman mention any of this? He was usually much more reserved and would have waited for the boys to invite him rather than tell him, that they had thought about him while making plans. "I take it you?" Batman sighed and nodded. "It...Normally when someone comes to my home it's...An invasion, but I didn't feel that way with you there."
#Keep in mind I haven't seen much#justice league#martianbat#dc#fanfiction#creative writing#my writing#honestly what the fuck#my muses are a pain for sticking me with another ship lol#martian manhunter#batman#writblr#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#writeblr#writers
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what in the Yearning is this
#SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL#he knows mydei is more than capable of buying them some much needed time BUT HE CAN'T STOP HIMSELF FROM LOOKING BACK#phainon you are a grade A yearner#I hate these freaks (affectionate)#the golden retriever/black cat energy has me in a goddamn chokehold#haven't quite managed to gather my thoughts on this yet but they are odysseus and penelope#in the sense that one of them is completing an impossible task in order to buy the other time to complete an equally impossible task#don't mind me trying to keep this post away from the people avoiding spoilders#honkai star rail#hsr#hsr spoilers#honkai star rail spoilers#hsr 3.0#hsr 3.0 spoilers#mydei#phainon#have we decided on a ship name yet guys#bc I’ve seen both#phaidei#myphai
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Looong day of catching up on emails and work to set myself up to be (mostly) on vacation as of xmas 😩☕😵💫
#ore no kao#also finished up the biggest chunk of this editing project i was getting done the past week.5 given work and all 😌#(and may be feeling a thing or two with a little less on the mind)#(might add on a third one getting to the root of the situation maybe 🤔)#also thankfully fully remote from now until the end of January and even then in the office once a week which will be nice#maybe i can get my sleep cycle on track some#happy Monday 🥱#(...also the guy i've hung out with twice that i want to see again--after we had a text talk about expectations and were alright with#trying to be FWBs maybe yet we havent gotten around to and actually haven't texted much since though we keep tabs on IG stories and he's#liked mine--liked the jock photo on my close friends story yet... hasn't seen/replied to my IG text last week saying hope he's been well/#would still wanna hang if that still sounds fun [after i dm'd him open to music recs from a Wrapped thing he shared]...#liiiike... you could get another close-up view if you wanted??? what are we doing lol#wondering if i should check in via text outside of IG... just he didnt text back since my last phone text to him so i havent been sure if#he's still down... lol anywho)
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Wrote a scene for PPAU in which Megatron convinces the DJD to accept a peace treaty with the Autobots (that doesn't constitute rebuilding and then stabbing them in the back). And when I was outlining/brainstorming I was like, "okay Megatron is probably going to have to make an example of some DJD member who lashes out and refuses to accept it. There's gonna be a little fucked up cult violence in here"
Except no, that smooth son of a bitch gave the DJD a speech that so effortlessly tied them up in his new peacetime plans that the most opposition he got was a muttered comment by one single member. My man used the brainwashing of nationalism and patriotism to counteract the cult brainwashing. He made a rhetorical appeal so sound that any member of the DJD who tried to argue against the peace treaty would sound like they were opposed to reclaiming Cybertron, their homeland, and ensuring the well-being of their own loyal soldiers. I was like "MEGATRON THERE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MORE CONFLICT IN THIS SCENE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CHOKE-LIFT A BITCH OR AT LEAST RIP OFF TARN'S MASK AS A DRAMATIC GESTURE OR SOMETHING" and the Megatron in my brain went "hahaha no" and charmed the DJD so thoroughly that there wasn't even a single raised voice. Charismatic son of a bitch
#wip stuff#i do think megatron's charismatic political side is like one of the coolest sides he has#i feel like with the majority of idw (and idw fanon) either focused on evil villain megatron#or mtmte sad and diminished megatron. ppl forget that this guy raised a whole army#not forgot exactly but like. i feel like i haven't seen much content emphasizing the CHARISMA specifically?#in the sense that this guy is a fucking wordsmith. an orator. he went from just a miner who wrote to a gladiator to a warlord#to like the full on leader of what was (briefly) a whole constellate or w/e of decepticon owned planets#that prowl quote about how his most dangerous weapon is his words was revealed to me akldjlksd#it sounds vain given that he's a fictional character and i'm the one writing him#but like gdi i had something different in mind for this scene i wanted it to be more tense and fraught#but then megatron was like. nah i'm going to defuse my mini group of cultists with a single dramatic speech#bc honestly when i look at my ideas vs how the scene turned out#it does make sense that rather than inviting dissent and having to beat the DJD into submission#megatron would instead spin a web of rhetoric to keep them under his hand and make them feel like this is their idea#or like that he completely changed decepticon ideology to work with the autobots but this isn't a betrayal at all it's just a new direction#w/ ppl that dangerous it fully makes sense that M would opt for a charming and disarming approach you know#anyways fuck this guy he's so fucking smart and charismatic and manipulative and he makes it look easy
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MADE EDITS i couldn't stop thinking about their outfits and like,, the aspects i liked and thought felt very winx and in line with the individual characters and the aspects i Hated and thought sucked dookie SO i made some edits :)
biggest changes are to musa, aisha, and stella! actually changed the clothes there. flora and tecna i just adjusted the colors (in flora's case to further unwhitewash her and saturate her clothing more and in tecna's case to bring back her pink hair and green and cyan).
explanations on changes below!
I'll start with the simpler edits!
For Tecna, I just wanted to play around with her og colors lol I actually LOVE her new look and I would love to see this be the final design!! It's SO tecna and fits in with the rest of the winx i love it soo much :') I do think they should bring back her pinker hair though! And again, would love to see the green and cyan make an appearance. I feel like neon green is just very classy techy character. And while it is cliche, I do love it akjgd plus I think it looks good on her and makes the other colors stand out more imo! (but maybe this new, pinker look will make people like her more idk :') justice for tecna my beloved :'))
For Flora, I darkened her skin more for obvious reasons. And then I added more saturation to the colors and added back the warmer tones they took out. Imo, the darker, desaturated, and cooler toned look for Flora only works in very specific circumstances. Color theory rainbow!! Bring back the brightness! The color!! The warmth!!
Which brings me to Stella ohmygod,,, please,,,, please stop desaturating her she looks so pale and sick and lifeless STOP please :') Anyway lol, obviously brought back the brighter orange! I also took away the random sleeve. It's cute but it just didn't feel very Stella at the time? The tube top look is Very Classic Stella (very much giving s3 casual but in orange). Tbh, I don't love the dress itself, but I do think it looks better once you add more of Stella's colors. I also tanned her skin more and made her hair more yellow + brighter! Just like with Flora, color theory is important for media!! This Stella design just does Not give sunny, optimistic character. It's giving the gap (aka BORING aljdhg)
Aisha's design stumped me for a bit, I won't lie. I couldn't figure out exactly what I didn't like. But I got it!! One, way too symmetrical imo. Yes, Aisha does have some very symmetrical looks, but like 80% of her looks are very asymmetrical. I also didn't love that it didn't incorporate more of Aisha's powers. It really just went for *vaguely sporty* and didn't try to bring anything else to the table. And some people might say that Aisha's og looks were like that too, but I disagree! They told a story! She's a brave adventurer, a dancer, a princess, etcetc!! This tells me "oh yeah this girl might like to do yoga. cool."
Anyway! So I made Aisha's pants baggier because let's be fucking real for a sec. Changed the design on the pants slightly to make it asymmetrical and incorporated a wave design. Took away that bottom shiny fabric of her shirt. I tried to keep it but it just wasn't looking great with the pants changes tbh. Added small waves to the bottom and made it one shoulder! Also added her classic little circle wave design 1. because it's cute and 2. so Musa wouldn't feel so out of place with a design. Tbh, I still don't love the pants... I think maybe that hem could be higher?
For Musa! I've spoken about this before but I do not like the bodysuit. I liked the concept and the vibe it brings, but it looks So uncomfortable and s1 Musa was alllll about being comfortable. It's why so many people think she hates wearing dresses (even though she doesn't). So I kept the vibe, but changed it to the same mesh that's on her right arm! Which like!! I didn't even see that until I started the edit!! It's so,,, unnoticeable which like,, isn't a bad thing? But also? I think the mesh being on her stomach too makes the design as a whole a little more balanced (and it's a nice callback to her og magic winx!). As for the color changes, really just wanted to go back to her reds and dark blues. I don't Hate the color scheme, but I also don't love it. And I think this feels a lot more like Musa yknow? Also darkened her hair cause fuck that dude
Anyway lol it's not the best edit so don't look too hard :') I just wanted to explore what I liked about the designs and what I didn't. We did get to see a little bit of Bloom's casual, but I want to wait until we get a closer look to speak on it/make edits. Also tbh, I don't really love Flora's outfit but I didn't want to completely redesign her and I concede that this is something she would wear (although it feels more like s4 cowgirl time/s5 casual and not s1 new student time but Fine). For now, I'm gonna pretend the trailer showed us my edit of Stella and not what it really showed. I can't get pale pinterest stella out of my head,,, aggghhhh
#tbh i don't love stella being monochrome that much but trust me the pink wasn't working#as a whole though the goal was to make it feel more like Them and make them feel more individual!!#as others have mentioned.. the constant baby pink is Sooo annoying and it makes them blend together way too much#its not a cohesive vibe its just 'here lets all wear pink for no fucking reason'#but anyway while i don't Love stella being all orange i feel like it doesnt stand out tooo badly thanks to tecna#also again i still really hate aisha's pants :') idk they look SO off to me#the wave was a big brain moment but i fear not even that could save her#i think im gonna do another edit for her later!#anyway. thoughts? comments? concerns?#tbh i am loving seeing all the positivity toward the new outfits#like yes ive seen my fair share of hate but i feel like fans are genuinely looking forward to this#and keeping an open mind even with the things they don't love!#i love that :') we haven't had that in the winx fandom since like.. world of winx maybe... and even that had a lot of hate#because of the whitewashing especially which valid but even smaller things that were just Different#so its really nice to see people so genuinely excited and looking forward to it!! its probably helping the morale at rainbow lol#winx club#mine.edits#mine.art#winx club spoilers#kind of i still dont know if these are Final designs but im going to treat them as such since we're getting closer to the release
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Mammon, my guy, I now know you meant asses but I did NOT interpret that properly at first
#what in hell is bad#whb mammon#for a sec i thought we were finally getting to some gay shit#and then i thought he meant pants aoizhfiuehfe#i'm still in chapter 2 so i haven't seen him yet#anyway i downloaded whb mistakenly thinking it was a BL with a proper MC like nukani#and i very much do not like xreader shit but the game itself is cute so i still kept playing#even though poor mc keeps getting misgendered#second person pov makes me want to commit acts of violence but i'll bear with it for minhyeok and minhyeok only#also if i had known it was a blank mc i woulda kept the og name or found a nice one instead of using the first blorbo that came to my mind#my biggest beef with it so far though is that it wants me to believe beelzebub is a top#with that selfie card? no ma'am
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ofmd s2 e8 spoilers!!
a lot happened in s2 e8 but one scene i found interesting that i haven't really seen anyone talk about is when ed kills those british navy soldiers after he sails back there's a sharp ringing noise??
there, watching the smoke rise from the ships, he's not sure if stede is okay and a switch is flipped. he turns into the kraken and kills all those british navy soldiers without a second thought.
it's interesting that before this, ed has only ever killed his dad to protect himself and his mother and now he's killing people to get to stede.
i'm not great at analysis so feel free to add your own comments on this, i just find it very interesting that ed turns into this killing machine after thinking stede might be in danger the same way he did when he was protecting himself and his mum against his dad.
#it's been on my mind a lot#and it's understandable that i haven't really seen ppl talk about this#so much stuff happens in s2e8 it's hard to keep track lmao#ofmd#our flag means death#ofmd spoilers#our flag means death spoilers#ofmd s2 spoilers#our flag means death s2 spoilers#ofmd s2#our flag means death s2#ofmd season 2#our flag means death season 2#ofmd s2 e8#starrywangxian#you queue fine things well#ed teach#edward teach#blackbeard
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thinking about when russ kept speaking his own lyrics, like almost whole entire songs, and the interviewer/podcast guy was like "how the HELL do you remember all of these, it's not like you've only written 20 songs in your career" and then they were talking about the amount of songs he's written and russ just goes back to reciting his lyrics, goes through another whole entire song basically and then just continues to another song, almost gets up to grab his guitar and everything before realizing it wouldn't work like "[starts to get up]i wonder if i play the guitar-[changes his mind] no i can't and you couldn't hear it anyway[just continues with his lyrics]"
i swear if it was all set up he would have just gone through a whole setlist or whole albums right there in the interview
#me#and then that leads to his mind going deep into philosophical stuff almost immediately#i have never seen#anybody like him before#in my life#god i need to make more gifsets from that video#i keep saying it#but then i don't do it#but then every time i go back and watch a few minutes of different parts of it#i'm like I NEEEEEEEEEEED THIS AS GIFS#there's so much#that's probably why i haven't because there's so much#aaaaaaaadjhgdjfgdfh#he's so cute why is he so cute why is he this adorable why does he do this to me i hope he keeps doing this to me forever#i need to set whole entire days aside with nothing else in mind at all to just spend time on that video#and figure out what i wanna do#and then do that
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They really should have made show!Vigilante Alan. Because it would be GOOD FOR ME SPECIFICALLY. But also because it's more believable that Alan would be a gleeful murderer kicking his feet & grinning like a little guy.
#txt#the show version is STILL a stretch compared to Alan but it's a smaller stretch than trying to make it Adrian#I also just adore Alan and wouldn't mind the show version as much I think if he were Alan instead of Adrian.#I REALIZE I KEEP TALKING A LOT ABOUT A SHOW I TECHNICALLY HAVEN'T REALLY SEEN#BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT THE SHOW IS THE CONTENT THERE IS. AND MY MIND WANDERS.#it's this or listen to Juicy Lucy again (because it's stuck in my head)
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I can see why someone wouldn't feel like Aloth loves the Watcher, even if I don't necessarily agree. He doesn't show it in the most typical way, because well, Aloth himself isn't the most typical person. He's incredibly mentally ill and traumatized, him loving the Watcher (or anyone) in such a way is very foreign to him. He's afraid to love and be loved. We see him learning to open up over the course of the two games, and he's definitely not fully there even at the end of Deadfire, but he is trying and he genuinely cares. I've always thought they were a pairing that completely embodied the saying 'right person, wrong time'. If we do ever get another installation of the Watcher's story, I imagine we'll see them grow even more. Maybe then will be the right time for them both.
Pretty much this^^
and just... y'know that line Aloth has in Forgotten Sanctum? When you talk to Bekarna? "We must take what hope we can, when we find it" which he says while grabbing the Watcher's hand and I am very normal about that moment I swear? Yeah, in some ways that feels like the thesis of their dynamic and yeah I'm rambling, thank you Anon
#replies and whatnot#anonymous#yeah tbh my surprise from that aforementioned take#which I still haven't seen mind you#mainly stems from feeling like that there is enough textual setup in the games to get the romance even if it's not a typical one#i do get that the kind of shyness Aloth exhibits and the distance he keeps might feel offputting or like he's not willing to try or commit#or idk what else#but the context really shows how hard he's trying and how much the watcher means to him#and like yeah I'm at a loss idk what else I could say
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Btw I do think that Billy was already Kas in everything but in series given name and imagery. Just... narratively. I don't really see a reason to do that again with Eddie tbh
#keep in mind I haven't really looked all into what kas is supposed to be but I feel like I've seen enough to put this much together#stranger things#eddie munson#billy hargrove#kas theory#fandsart
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the main thing that’s striking me rn abt shb in the writing is eulmore. It’s not necessarily a bad plot element, but it is a little strange bc the eulmoran army’s purpose is essentially just a motivator for the wol to kill lightwardens faster. Which is like fine, but killing the lightwardens was already a task that the wol was gonna do anyway bc plot.
they spend a lot of time setting up eulmore as this expac’s main evil faction right at the start so they can later throw them at you, and it is interesting how they interpret the sin eaters, but like…I’m not sure if killing the lightwardens was a tasking that needed another motivator behind it to get the player/wol moving? Like all the scions are already dedicated to this, and even if they weren’t the exarch won’t let you or your friends leave until you do as he asks anyway, and he specifically waits to tell you what your task entails until after you've already unwittingly started it, all while refusing to inform you abt any potential ramifications of it. like all the motivators are there already, and imo they're far more interesting than eulmoran army ever is
#long post#spoilers#major spoilers#I’m struggling to articulate my thoughts abt it but#it's like this. you start shb w/ the main motivator being the mystery behind the brain blastings.#you want to find your friends and figure out what the fuck is going on.#you end up on the first where the exarch sends you out to find them w/ your promise you'll save the first#but refuses to elaborate on what that actually entails (ie. killing lightwardens at your own risk) until holminster#where the wol is already locked into it bc a) the exarch won't let anyone leave & you promised b) the scions have developed personal ties#and c) by failing to tell you exactly what 'saving norv//randt' entails until you've already eaten philia there's this direct sense of#'well you've already eaten one (even though you don't know the consequences and he isn't telling). might as well keep going'#so while I don't exactly mind the Eulmore plot it feels kinda....tacked on? like they don't win much of anything#it's not like garle//mald where the stakes are really high and feel real even through the haze of MMO protag rights#except maybe the cryst//arium sin eater battle but from what I've seen that didn't even incite any doubt in the populace. it's just violenc#MMO rules dictate that you're never in any actual danger. they tried to fakeout w/ Ysh//tola but that lasted 2m.#there's just no stakes to it. Eulmore serves only as a motivator to kill lightwardens faster which you were.....already doing?#maybe it's bc I don't like Ran//jit's direction so far and I haven't gotten back to Kho//lusia plotwise but. it's just strange.#saint.txt
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Thinking about,,,, them,,,,,
Kel and Sunny,,,,
#not even romantically or platonically I am just... thinking about their vibes together#it's about keep knocking on your childhood friend's door even when you haven't seen him for 4 years bc he will move away#it's just get so excited surprise and happy that he actually openend that you're happy to drag him around the city to walk around#and do mundane things that are so much more interesting than when he is alone#it's to keep hanging out with him on the next day and the next#it's about the comfortable quietness when you're no afraid to speak your mind#and taking the knife away from his hands because you shouldn't fight w it DFGHJKJHGF#it's just..... aaaahhhhh idk I have *feelings* for those two#Kel helped Hero when he was at his lowest and he didn't even hesitated to be right there for Sunny as soon as he openned the door#does he see a bit of Hero in Sunny's sluggishness? on the tiredness in his eyes? does he sees his own sadness being reflected-#-right back at him?#does he think about the old days or he rather focus on the happiness of being together on the *present*?#Is it nostalgic? good? bittersweet? to realize he can still talk and have fun with Sunny without being too awkward as#as if they haven't grown apart?#Kel-show-us-more-than-just-your-good-feelings-challenge#For some reason I am extremely tired today and I have like a bunch of fics on the drafts to finish but now I can't stop rambling about them#anyway#kanene being kanene#I wonder if after knowing the truth sometimes Hero look at Sunny and wonder 'what if it was me and Kel?'#bc sometimes I THINK about it and ...... my heart.... ouch....#i need more fluff
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No because the way it baffles me when I see TERF Lesbians or Binary Trans people shitting on non-binary/gnc trans people, or gay people shitting on aspec people. That’s not even getting into ALL the discourse that happens around labels, and their meanings, who gets to use them, etc. Yes, these identities are their own separate things, but, there is so much overlap in between ALL the identities, and lgbtphobic people DON’T CARE. Even if they call you “one of the good ones” right now, they WILL turn their backs on you later. When other queer people attack different identities, they don’t see how they’ll hurt themselves in confusion down the line. Stop licking the boots of your own oppressor just because it provides the illusion of safety from them, because once they're done dealing with the people you blamed as “the ones that make us look bad,” they’ll turn their eyes RIGHT BACK TO YOU.
you have to understand that there is an overlap between drag queens and trans women and between trans women and cis lesbians and between lesbians and drag kings and between drag kings and trans men and between trans men and cis gay men and between gay men and drag queens and between lesbians and bisexual women and between gay men and bisexual men and between lesbians and asexual women and between gay men and asexual men and between all sexualities and nonbinary people and between butches and transmascs and between binary trans people and genserqueer people.
basically what I'm saying is that we're all family. there aren't clear divides or walls that separate us. and that's the point. being easily separated into perfect neat little boxes is exactly what queerphobic people want. don't let your oppressers trick you into thinking your family is your enemy.
#queer#lgbt#homophobia#transphobia#sol talks#Didn't find space to mention it in he main post but I feel like most of the petty discourse I see online is DRASTICALLY less seen irl#Like yes people do tend to be more exculsionary around anything that is in the plus or be biphobic and what not but generally speaking#I think it's just online environments REALLY perpetrates alot of discourse that while it is kinda important it's not as important online#as it is irl#I do know that many people DON'T have safe accesses to LGBT+ spaces irl or simply don't know/have very few queer people were they live#so the main place they have community IS ONLINE#But do keep in mind that IRL alot of the fighting over whose allowed to call themselves queer or the flags and what not isn't something#I've encounter that much as compared to online#Not to say that I haven't encountered irl people say shit about bi aspec trans enby microlables etc#granted I'll say that most of the queer people in my life I've met at school/college cuz I'm in the arts#I don't really hang out in largly irl queer spaces I don't know what those are like#Also I'm still SO young and this is mostly from one young queer person to the mostly young queer people who engage in ALOT of the discourse#that aims to separate us instead of unite us#BTW we should still be discussing bigotry win our community(Be it intersectionality or transphobia/enbyphobia hate at other lables)#It's just that there's also alot of unproductive infighting online#but yah this pride month remember when in this shit together and so we must fight together and care for EVERYONE that's here
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?
#should i get a letterboxd account#i haven't yet bc it's not like I know much about movies really?#but I'm learning<3 and also mostly yo keep track of things I've seen#whenever someone's like oh you like horror movies right? any rec? my mind goes blank lmao#like actually. i have never seen a movie before in my life#and letterboxd seems fun for that#z
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Seen the request, so I shall deliver. Could you pls write a drabble or hcs of a yandere sunday with an isekaied reader?
Good timing because I'm actually planning a non yan isekai fic for him, I wonder if you saw that post. Here it is in case you haven't.
Sincerest apologies if this isn't the best, this fic is 100% emotionally charged by my obsession with him and frankly with a little bit of a high for passing a tricky exam. This is a treat for myself.
EDIT: Please check out this wonderful comic that @danijaci made me based off this fic!! 😭🫶
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Picking up the cup from the fine oak table, you gazed towards the eerie galaxy before you, hundreds upon thousands of stars giving you a constant reminder of just how far from home you truly were. Taking a sip from the little porcelain cup you could not help but to hum in delight, the soft notes of the tea soothing your nerves ever so lightly as you pretended to ignore the heavy gaze which lingered at the back of your head.
Even from this distance, it was easy to tell that Sunday was eager to approach you. Still, he kept his distance and made a silent offering in the form of the very tea you drank at the moment.
Anything is better than Himeko's coffee but you were never going privy her to that.
In a not so distant past, all of this was nothing but fiction. The Express, the story, the characters - it was all nothing more but fiction, something to pass the time as your days went on and on, the same monotony repeating each and every day.
It was hard to not think about your friends and family, what sane person would not? Lord knows how they must be feeling right now, worried sick out of their minds with indescribable sorrow. In their eyes you had merely vanished, not a single trace to be found. For all they knew you could have been left for dead in a ditch somewhere, beaten, bloodied and broken, never to see the light again or if they were even more inclined to be morbid, you had succumbed to a fate worse than death. Death at the very least grants you finality, that all is over regardless of what happened moments prior.
But that was simply not the case for you.
Here you were, lounging about in a comfortable chair as you pondered on your old life while enjoying tiny little luxuries, far away where none of your loved ones could reach you. However, life was funny sometimes because it had some fun games in store.
Sunday was very kind upon arrival. He made sure to always be there for you, always checking up on you, always there to keep you company. You were already smitten with him but now to actually witness him in the flesh was just... Indescribable. You got along like a house on fire, so much so that the crew liked to tease that you ought to just get a room. Sunday, ever the gentleman, would just brush their words aside and assure you to not take their playful little jabs to heart.
You wouldn't say anything, resorting to merely giving him a smile but not because of what he said but rather of what he did not - never once did he actually shut down those perverse accusations. Never, not even once did he deny them.
He became an emotional crutch, someone to whom you would come running to when things got tough and he would always welcome you with open arms. Sunday would hold you tenderly, his serene voice dripping with honey along with a tender drop of ecstasy, for his excitement with holding you would just show itself sometimes. His grip would be too tight at certain moments, never quite ready to let you leave. His hugs were warm and comforting, he always smelled so good too. He smelled like kindness and sweet wildflowers, always lulling you back to him no matter the time. In dark corners and perhaps even under the watchful eyes of the crew, Sunday would wrap his scarf around your head, securing the soft fabric in order to provide you with a sense of comfort.
It was humiliating just how much you would try to inhale his scent as much as possible. You wanted it etched deep inside your memory, you wished for it to linger on your very soul and for it to follow you everywhere you went, sticking to your being like tar. The fabric of the scarf would muffle your ears a little but someone was always chatting in the background. Be it March bickering with Dan Heng, Mr Yang scolding someone for doing something they were not supposed to, or just Conductor Pom Pom trying to give a speech, all of it was irrelevant.
You were ready to kill whoever would try to pry you away from sweet Sunday. That thought came often which had left you worried - just what kind of person had you become? Regardless, you kept your mouth shut and had no plans of sharing such violent sentiments with anyone, particularly not to the one you held so dear.
When it was time to part for the evening you would bid the crew farewell and wished them a good night. You always made sure to take a few extra seconds with Sunday, just to ease your aching soul. He would tell you to sleep well and would see you in the morning, ready to take on any endeavor that crossed your paths.
As everyone parted ways, Sunday would wander off somewhere dark and distant, somewhere no one could see nor hear him. He would fall to his knees and clutch his chest in agony, fat tears streaming down his face as he did everything he possibly could to steady his raging heart. In a rush he would reach for the scarf which clung around his neck, his grip tighter than iron as he would bring it close to his nose. Taking a large, deep breath, Sunday was greeted by your familiar scent which would promptly calm his poor heart.
He sometimes wondered if his heart would start bleeding from the pain due to the sheer intensity of his emotions.
This was wrong, everything about this was not right and it hurt. Sunday was obviously ill but he had no clue on how to fight this... This emotion, this white hot feeling of need whenever you stood by his side. He started to choke on the air around him and fell into an abrupt coughing fit but even then, he could bring himself to remove the scarf from the lower part of his face.
Sunday wept and sobbed, filthy snot coming out from his nose but he could not handle that now. He needed you, Oh Heavenly Aeons, how he needed you. However was he going to tell you how he felt? How, oh how was he going to express the sheer magnitude of his true thoughts? He would scare you off, he was sure of it.
Even with this pain, even with these clipped wings and bleeding heart, Sunday had never felt so alive, so harrowingly present in the moment whenever he was with you.
Perhaps, he was doing himself a kindness by just letting you be. Drink your tea, be at peace.
He can always just make you another cup if you so desired.
Without knowing, you both haunted each other in the most agonizing way known to mankind and neither was strong enough to face the reality of the situation.
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